#Encouraging quotes don't help me

[my-fcked-up-mental-health]

Useless encouragement posts

Not meant to send anyone hate!!!

Have you ever noticed how fucking useless most online encouraging posts are? They don't actually help you, they don't actually encourage you, all they do is make you feel worse, and you hate trying to find stuff online that helps. Have you seen that kind of thing? Well I'm going to talk about my experience with it.

I know some people actually find them helpful. And that's great. I'm glad you're helped by those kinds of posts. I know from experience, though, that most of them are entirely useless for many people who are mentally ill. I, personally, can't stand the majority of them. Many of them actually make me feel worse.

I mean look at these examples, okay.

You know, most days when I'm having a hard time, I feel like shit. I can't run my day. I have to force myself to get out of bed as everything in me wants to give up and let me sleep for the rest of my life. I don't want to be alive, I don't have enough energy to think, even. I don't have enough motivation to do basic self-care. How does this quote help me when I'm at my lowest?

Oh, yeah. It doesn't help. I just feel shittier. Why? Because I'm letting my day run me. I can't even run my own fucking day. I can't make myself do a thing. This just causes me to go into a thought spiral.

I'm supposed to do stuff. I'm supposed to be able to run my own day.

I'm giving in. I'm letting myself give in. I'm letting my day run me.

I'm weak.

So weak.

So fucking weak.

And you know what happens when I feel like that? When my thoughts and emotions spiral out of control? I cvt. I hit myself. I punch myself almost until I bruise. I hurt myself.

I want to die.

That's how useful that quote is to a person with depression.

Great. Another really damn helpful quote /sar

This quote tells me, "Hey, person with anxiety and depression and trauma and a whole lot of other mental health problems, just see the world in a positive light! You'll be fine!" No, I won't be fine. You know why?

Well, before I was eleven and I experienced trauma, I saw the world in a more positive light. I thought life was good. It isn't. Bad things happen to positive people too. I'm not saying being negative is better. I'm not saying to avoid happiness. But. The quoted person isn't even correct.

Besides, I can't just change my perspective like, magic: just like ✨ that ✨. Depressive thoughts don't just go away, alright? Suicidal thoughts don't just go away, you know? Self-harm doesn't just magically stop; don't you understand? Apparently this person who was posting didn't understand that.

Depressed people don't just magically undepress.

Traumatized people don't just magically become not traumatized.

That's not how mental health works.

I have to be positive though, according to this poster, because then good things happen to me. And that just starts the bad spiral again.

I'm failing.

I just have to be positive, but I can't.

I'm just being dramatic. It can't be that bad.

Something's wrong with me.

What's wrong with me?

I can't even be happy.

I can't even be positive.

I should be dead; I'm a useless failure.

No good things should happen to me.

I'm just a fucking mess.

Why am I not dead?

So, once again, I'm a failure. And once again, so is the inspirational quote that supposed to support and empower me throughout my day. Great job.

You know what I say to this person, the author John Green? Fuck. You. There isn't hope. I'm not hopeful. I want to be dead and you're over here telling me that "there's hope"? What the hell?

This quote is useless for a number of reasons. For one, I don't have any reason to trust you. Why should I believe you when you are directly contradicting what my brain has been telling me for the past several years? I have no reason to believe you if you're telling me that there's hope. I don't believe you. The quote is pointless.

And for two, you know, this actually makes me feel bad. This quote makes me feel bad. Why? Because I don't believe you and I'm angry that you're telling me something I don't believe is true. And I feel bad about that because you're just trying to help. It's just the fact that you aren't helping one bit.

So. Fuck you, John Green quote. This is useless. Don't bother saying such a silly and pointless thing to me.

This is about as useful as the hope one. As useful as the positivity one. In other words this quote is shit. "You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down." Oh, so I can just look up in this? I can be happy, no problem? I can just decide out of nowhere to start looking at the good things instead of the bad? And how is that supposed to work, exactly? I'm depressed and anxious. What the hell am I supposed to do about it? I can't do anything about it. I have clinical depression. I can't just choose happiness and rainbows and "looking up". Sorry.

I guess I'm just a fucking failure like that. I guess it's not going to have a magical cure without any work by you or I. Or are you putting it all on me? Am I supposed to magically fix myself? What if I don't have the motivation to magically cure myself! What if I'm not a witch! What if that not how depression works! What if I'm a normal depressed person, for god's sake!

Thanks a lot, Charlie Chaplin. Really helpful. I feel even shittier than I did before reading this quote.

What?! I can! I haven't ever heard that before! /sar /neg

Now I understand that I can! You cured the depression, Miss Moore! Congratulations! I thought I couldn't, but now that you've told me I can, I feel so much better! I feel absolutely heavenly and confident now. Because of your quote.

Oh, wait, what are those words I hear? Self doubt? But no, I've been cured. How could this be?

What? I have depression? I can't be fixed by this Miss Moore magic ✨?

This person at least says "sometimes." Not always. That's a step in the right direction. But I don't think perfectionism, suicidal thoughts, mental illness, self harm, and other people's hatred are just fucking gifts meant to push me in another direction. Nope. I don't think so. I don't know what or whom you're thinking of, but it sure as hell isn't me. Goddamn. I have no more to say.

I just want to say: This is not meant to send hate to any of the people who posted/post these things. This doesn't send hate to anyone who says these kinds of things. Just know that they aren't cures for or helpful for depression.

I'm so damn frustrated with this shitty "inspiration".

[reasonsforhope]

Literally begging anyone who can vote in US elections to vote, and to vote against Trump. Which means voting for Harris, not abstaining or voting third party.

My family actually did move here from an authoritarian country, where voting literally didn't matter, they literally did throw out your vote, and they literally did assassinate citizens who spoke out against them.

We would all very much like to keep living in a country where those things are not the case!

You know, the same things that Trump and his stooges have openly said they want to do. And two of the main propaganda lines for why people in the US shouldn't vote, which is a lie.

Voting matters. The parties are not the same.

And make sure to vote in down-ballot races!!!

And like. The fact that voting matters in the US is a very real reason for hope. It is something you should genuinely appreciate. We can make a difference.

And a lot of people risked their lives or even died to earn that right, and it's a right not everyone has.

[skitskatdacat63]

"Non paeniteo potitus."

+ details & process

And, process !!

The jump btwn the second to last and last always surprise me whenever I make one of these because I always forget to take snapshots after I start painting. It's always like: oh yeah heres the lineart with some colors- BOOM fully finished✨️

What he's holding are the Austrian imperial scepter and orb, seen below:

I was going to draw the crown too but decided I don't hate myself that much(maybe some other day), and gave him a golden laurel crown, bcs I'm obsessed with that as a motif, and also its very remincient of the boy king statue that started this whole thing!

There's some symbolism of this, both intentionally but also just historically. I love that the orb represents that the monarch is holding the world in their hand, basically every old monarchy has one of those, and I think it's very cool for symbolism. But also bcs of that, I was forced to basically draw catholic fanart so, you win some you lose some. The star halo above him head is both to reference those religious statues with star crowns(I saw them a lot in Europe and they imprinted onto my brain), as well as: his four championships of course!

[red-akara]

what in the actual heck is happening to my job...

(long post in tags)

[redsray]

i do love the idea of the wayne kids giving bernard shovel talks about taking care of tim and all that but also give me batfam who are just as protective of bernard as they are of each other.

give me bernard, attending his first wayne gala as tim's significant other. having a suit custom tailored and funded by bruce even if bernard insists it's not necessary because he already has one. arriving at the gala anxious because of course he is, it's a goddamn socialite event, but being protected from every side by the wayne kids even when tim is dragged away.

Socialite: Oh, and who might you be?

Bernard: Oh, um, hi. I'm Bernard Dowd, nice to meet you.

Socialite: Dowd? I've never heard of your family before. Who...?

Bernard: I'm not here with my family, miss, I'm here with my boyfriend.

Socialite: ... Boyfriend?

Bernard: Yeah, I'm here with Tim.

Socialite, frowning: Tim... as in Drake-Wayne? He has a boyfriend?

Dick, coming up next to Bernard: He sure does! Bernard here is practically one of ours now, aren't you? He matters to Timmy, so he matters to us.

Bernard: Dick—

Dick: C'mon, let's get you back to Timmy. Farewell, Mrs!

Bernard: I could've handled that.

Dick: All the rules that apply to my siblings during galas apply to you too. I'm sure you could've, but you shouldn't have to. I've got your back too, now, yeah?

Bernard: ... Yeah. Thanks, Dick.

Jason, coming up to Bernard at the bar: Not to freak you out, kid, but there's a guy starin' at ya from the other side of the bar. Y'know him or should I encourage him to look away?

Bernard, startled: Huh? (looks around) Oh. No, I don't know him. Why... is he looking at me like that, actually?

Jason, scowling: 'S just how the slimy fuckers at these events are. Can't keep their eyes off anything that's small, young or pretty. Disgusting. I'll deal with him— where's your annoying other half gone, inferior blondie?

Bernard: Tim? He got pulled away for quote; 'something important' by some lady. He said he'll meet me here after he's done, so I've been waiting.

Jason: Huh. If I see him I'll point him yer way. Hey, don't be 'fraid to ask any of us questions or for help if ya need it. We know the best how daunting this shit can be.

Bernard, genuinely touched: ... Thanks, Jason.

Jason: Yeah, yeah. Don't tell Timmers I said that, though, he'll call me a loser.

Bernard, laughing: I won't.

Bernard, being talked to by several people at once and a bit overwhelmed by the attention: Uh— I'm—

Damian, stepping between him and the socialites: Dowd. I require your assistance.

Bernard: Um— hi, Damian— with what?

Damian: You will see when we get there. Follow me, Drake's more tolerable half.

Bernard: Okay... so what do you need from me?

Damian: Nothing. You seemed to dislike the attention from all of the nosy adults over there. It was the most efficient way of extracting you from the situation.

Bernard: Oh. Thanks, Damian.

Damian: Tt, don't thank me yet, Dowd. I am still criticising your choice in romantic partners.

Bernard: Didn't you threaten me with a katana to not dampen Tim's mood in any way shape or form?

Damian: Slander. I said quote 'if you make Drake more annoying by breaking his heart I'm going to maim you.' I don't see how you got the message you did from that.

Bernard, grinning: Sure, Damian. Sure.

[nnight-dances]

BEAUTIFUL MONSTER

PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x afab!reader

GENRE: angst, smut, fluff in that order of significance

TROPES: workplace romance, boss!jeonghan x associate!you, casual fwb situation but they're not friends they're coworkers, intense banter, nakamoto yuta makes a cameo, toxic relationship at some point but it gets better trust me.

"beautiful monster" because in private, jeonghan is nothing short of an angel to you – charming and devious, teasing but all in good faith, in faith that he was interested in you. but in public, he's monstrous with his cold shoulder, his indifference to you like you weren't in his bed every night, humming him to sleep.

PS: what are you doing with your life if you haven't listened to beautiful monster yet???? go listen to the gift from god called this man from jeonghan x wonwoo okay bye ily

"what makes you think you can prance into my office all prettied up and not even say a hi to me?" 

you look up from the stack of paper you're holding, and innocently tilt your head. "sorry, boss," you accentuate the last syllable with a smile, "just trying to be as resourceful as i can be." 

"oh, come on," jeonghan swivels dangerously in his hefty desk chair, all just to show you the little ridiculous hint of a smirk on his lips. "you're not really mad about that?"

"about what, sir? i'm just doing justice to my position in my short time here, after all."

"you know, quoting things i said back at me isn't as effective of an attack as you think it is, y/n," he tells you, but you can tell he's a little worked up because he shifts a little in his seat. "cut the fucking attitude, princess, what's wrong?" 

you narrow your eyes at him, more so at his audacity to pull out the private nickname in your shared place of work in broad daylight. and on a wednesday no less. "nothing's wrong, mr. yoon. i'm just reflecting on your incredibly insightful speech at the meeting earlier. seems like i don't know you all that well."

"well, you do know me all that well, which is why deep down, you know that whatever i said it wasn't addressed to you." jeonghan stands up and you have to swallow the smug look that threatens to spill out. 

yoon jeonghan, the star employee at his company, didn't get out of his chair, not even to greet the most valuable client. yet here he was, walking to you, hand on your elbow, dangerously unprofessional. 

"must be really deep down because i don't think the man i know would be that cruel to our newest hire," you bite back, shaking his hold over you, "and perhaps it would've helped me interpret you better if you didn't address your grand speech to every low-level associate in the room."

"low-level–? y/n, you know that–"

you don't let him finish, sure he'd find a way to spin his words and get out of being held accountable for the shit he spewed two hours ago. well, you weren't gonna let him get his way, not this time. you bow politely, "good day, mr. yoon. let me know if i can assist you with any work-related matters." 

god, you could be vexing when you wanted to, jeonghan thought to himself watching you stride off in your unbelievably well-fitting pants. he does wonder how you manage to never show up to work covered in creases, what with all the running around you do, from his place to yours every morning. okay maybe every other morning, but it was impressive, the way your white shirts were always crisper than the morning coffee you handed him on your way to your desk, and the way he'd never managed to see your lipstick a smudge out of place in all the time he'd worked with you.

"where'd jenna go again?" you question out loud when you return to find the new hire out of her desk yet again. she'd been the reason jeonghan had burst into his impormptu but condescending talk and though he had some fair reason to speak the way he did, you didn't appreciate the hierarchical intimidation it encouraged. 

"um, i think she just took her fifth bathroom break of the day," muttered seulgi with a grimace. "every time she does that the number of files on my desk goes up."

"send 'em over, seulgi."

"what? no, you have more than enough on your plate–"

"my research and writing skills are what got me hired, so i might as well revisit my roots once in a while. plus, it's gonna take a while to replace jenna, if we're trying to find someone this late."

"all right then, i guess i'll bring these over to you then," seulgi says in an apologegtic tone as she plops a fresh set of files on your desk, which has managed to stay clear of any such physical copies of documents since last year when you convinced joshua to make the firm go paper-free.

well, mostly. except for monkey jobs like this one which usually went to inexperienced hires. but given the unfortunate situation you find yourself in, you have no choice but to ignore your strcitly digital policy to pull out your wooden pencil for the first time in a while.

it takes you long enough to get through half of the stack that jeonghan's done for the day and you haven't moved an inch. he pauses in front of your desk, taken aback at the sight of you reading through a physical file. and then he notices the empty desk down the line, one that should've held the redhead called jenna. 

"and since when did you start doing unpaid labor?"

you look up with a start and sigh when it's jeonghan. "good night, mr. yoon." 

"wow, that's cold. can't a superior worry about his precious protege's wellbeing? y/n, you're overqualified for this work so why don't you put it down and go home?"

your mouth twitches with a bitter comment you barely hold in. "i'm the best person for this job till we find someone else to do it. i'm also the only one with the balls to sit down and finish it on top of my own workload. so i'm sorry but i won't be putting this down just yet. did you want me to call driver choi for you?"

jeonghan blinks silently at you, realizing you weren't gonna listen to a word he said, not even if he was the only voice of reason in your vicinity right now. he shrugs, "i can see myself out. just be here on time tomorrow, we have an important case to discuss."

"as you wish," you nod cordially and return to your work. 

– 

jeonghan's up till four that night, which is when he hears you shuffle into his condo. he silently thanks his past self who decided to drop a spare key to his place when your visits had become a regular thing. 

you're pulling your hair out of the tight ponytail you'd kept it in all day and throw the tie on the nightstand, almost screaming out of your skin when you see jeonghan looking at you, propped up on his shoulder. 

"what the fuck– why are you still awake?"

"why are you mad at me?"

you ignore his question and start untuck your shirt from your pants, unbuttoning them. 

"oh my god, is this the day you finally have mad sex with me–?"

you give jeonghan an unimpressed smile as you let the pants drop and throw yourself into the empty space beside him, closing your eyes with a weary sigh. "wake me up at 6."

jeonghan being the devious idiot he is, only worsens with every second you don't address his words directly. he rolls closer to you, hand finding his place under your shirt, on your hot stomach. "babydoll, i'm sorry you had to work so late," he whispers as he presses a kiss to your skin. "but if you don't talk to me, i can't make things right."

"you can't make things right, period, jeonghan," you tell him, eyes still closed. the man wouldn't get any more of your energy than you could help. "i'll be back to normal if you just let me sleep."

"you're being mean, baby, just let me make it up to you, okay?"

"jeonghan, unless you can change who you are as a very human being, i don't think there's anything you can do," you strain, shoving him away, "i'm not about to throw a tantrum so don't worry. let me sleep if you want to have your best associate working for you tomorrow."

that seems to get the message across because he doesn't say another word. or maybe he does but you're too busy slipping into the sleep you desperately need after a crazy work day. jeonghan wakes you up with a solemn look on his face and you sit up in a panic, thinking something's gone wrong at work.

but then he says, "sorry, i overslept. it's 7. you'll have to wear the spare pair of clothes you keep here to work."

"i hate you," you shriek as you jump out of bed, rushing to freshen up in his bathroom as he nods and starts getting ready himself. he does seem like he's keeping to himself because usually, jeonghan would've made a few too many comments about how cozy and domestic it is for the two of you to be using the same mirror to get ready as if his place didn't have any other mirrors to use. he even lets you fix his tie without a snarky comment, just a little kiss on your cheek that you barely tolerate without a shake of your head. 

he watches you put on the makeup you keep in your purse for emergencies like this, but can't help muse over how much he must hate to the idea of losing you at work to be acting this obedient. you smile a little to yourself, pleased at least at his respect for you, if not his love. 

truth be told, you often regretted being in this strange more than coworkers but less than lovers situation you had with yoon jeonghan, your direct superior at work. but you were too deep in it to back out, too down bad for the man's charms to turn your back to him. 

it had started almost as soon as jeonghan had laid eyes on you, his private conversations with you always consisted of one too many suggestive comments and he somehow always managed to flirt with you without you truly registering it. by the time you recognized the unprofessional nature of your relationship with him, you were five kisses too late. late nights at the office turned into late nights at his place, because it was conveniently much closer to the office than yours. 

somewhere along the way, though, you had to face the harsh reality that no matter how sweet jeonghan could be when he was flirting with you, he was always going to be something of a beautiful monster. because in private, jeonghan is nothing short of an angel to you – charming and devious, teasing but all in good faith, in faith that he was helplessly into you. but in public, he's monstrous with his cold shoulder, his indifference to you like you weren't in his bed every night, humming him to sleep.  

the harsh reality you face that very morning when he calls you into his office. 

"morning how can i–," you start and then make eye-contact with the man seated on the sofa across from jeonghan. "oh, morning, mr. nakamoto! i didn't realize you were in town!"

nakamoto yuta laughs loudly at your hurried greeting, crossing his legs as he shamelessly checks you out. "oh, come now, call me yuta like the good old days, y/n! and where were you this morning when i was all over the place trying to find the famous yoon jeonghan's office."

"ah, i'm sorry i was a little late this morning–" you spare a glance at jeonghan smiling in his chair, "my cheap excuse of an alarm didn't go off on time. i really should get a new one."

"if you'd come to work for me like i asked, you wouldn't have to work at the ass crack of dawn y'know?" yuta raises a brow at you with a small grin and you tuck some hair behind your ear bashfully, not forgetting to observe how jeonghan is stiff in his seat. as stiff as a slick bastard like him could get anyway because you could've missed the glare he shot you when he stands up and crosses the room to yuta. 

he pauses next to you, cold hand coming to rest on your arm, a possessive gesture explicit enough for yuta to muse over. "i didn't realize you came in here to declare war over my best associate, yuta, or i would've prepared harder."

the japanese businessman laughs wholeheartedly, "sorry, han, you know i can't help myself these days. it's getting harder to find familar faces in the industry these days, what with all the incompetence that's cropping up." he sighs then with a glance in your direction, "still mad you came to work for this asshole over me."

you chuckle, letting down your guard a little at the man's sincere comment. "what would've been the point of working at your company when you'd always be across the globe, vacationing in some fancy hotel every other week?" you question with a smile, "anyway, don't lose hope, maybe i'll change career paths mid-life, so don't delete my resume from your system just yet."

"all right, i'll take that as a promise," yuta winks at you as you take your leave from the office. 

an hour or so later, you're summoned to jeonghan's office again, with a brief, "y/n, please." you suppress the urge to roll your eyes, knowing there wasn't any real need for you to be in the room with them except for yoon jeonghan's egoistic need to fuck with your head. 

"how can i help you?" you ask with your sweetest business smile and jeonghan stands up from the sofa next to yuta. he gestures to the other man with a glint in his eye, "y/n, mr. nakamoto says he has the rest of the day to himself before he heads out. i thought it'd be a waste to just let him roam on his own, why don't you accompany him?"

you blink blankly at jeonghan, taken aback at his thoughtless request. treating you like just another associate who worked under him was one thing, but treating you like his personal assistant who'd entertain his friends' whims was entirely another. 

and you know he realizes this because of how closely he's watching you, lips set in a lilt because he loves seeing his stupid little scenarios play out. yuta stands up when he senses the tension, "ah, don't bother y/n, han. i'm sure she has a lot of work to do. i'll just–"

"no, no, i insist," jeonghan pushes, only glancing at the man he was so earnestly trying to please. "you don't mind, do you, y/n?"

you inhale, sensing the challenge behind his words. the way he said it, it was almost inappropriate for work, the smirk and the way his eyes were all over you. but honestly, you hated his guts for trying to get you down like this. so if a challenge was what he wanted, then that'd be exactly what he was going to get. 

"not at all!" you start, a cheerful beam on your face that catches both men off their guards and you continue, "please, i was hoping for some time to catch up with mr. nakamoto– sorry, with yuta, anyway, so honestly, thank you, mr. yoon. i'll just go grab my stuff and meet you in the lobby?"

"oh– okay, sure thing," yuta mutters, glancing between you and jeonghan uneasily. you don't spare your boss another look as you leave his office and furiously pack your things into your purse, slinging it over your arm. "i won't be back today, seulgi, so don't text me unless everyone starts dropping dead while i'm gone."

–

"so you don't show up at work all day and then you ignore all my calls? i am your boss, y/n, you can't just blow me off whenever you please," jeonghan's voice is muffled on the other side, and you're guessing he's in his car, on the way back to his place. 

you, on the other hand, had been home for nearly three hours now after your little date with yuta, the man who'd walked around the city with your for a few hours before taking you out to a late lunch slash early dinner at the nicest place you'd been to in a while. so yes, you were in a good mood and honestly, hearing how mad jeonghan is on the line only makes you smile more. 

"oh, sorry, i didn't realize you were bipolar like that," you say in a pleased voice, "because last i remember you basically begged me to babysit your client for you."

"client?" jeonghan scoffs,  "you make it sound like you weren't sleeping with that guy for almost five years before i came along."

"well, i'm sleeping with you now and you don't hear me calling you anything but my boss to anyone."

"you're a real piece of work sometimes, aren't you?" the man snaps and then after a solemn pause, "what did you do with him all day, anyway?"

you chuckle softly, "can't disclose private matters like that i'm afraid. besides, i'm having real trouble understanding why you sound pissed at me when all i was doing was following your instructions."

"huh, that's funny, you want to get rewarded for running around with another man while i was banging my head at the wall all day today? don't ever try to pull shit like this again or–"

"or what, jeonghan? you're gonna fire me?" you ask, "how about you stop treating me like i'm the dirt on your shoe as soon as you're done using me for sex? i'm not your personal assistant that you can just order around to wet your friends' cocks whenever you fucking want, okay? or i'll be the one considering yuta's offer seriously." 

before jeonghan can have a chance to respond, you hang up on him, breathing deeply to calm yourself down. you take in your apartment, somewhat of an abandoned mess with all the nights you'd spend at jeonghan's. you felt guilty for own behavior, ignoring your own needs for so long that you'd forgotten what being respected really felt like. maybe what you needed was a real relationship.

–

"that's always been your problem, y/n," rina groans, "you always forget that there's men other than the ones you work with."

"ouch! you make it sound like i've only ever fucked my coworkers–"

"worse, your bosses–"

"okay, so it happened like twice! you're forgetting all the wholesome moments i had in high school," you warn her across the table with a fork. 

"you mean how you rejected any decent guy with genuine feelings for you in favor of chasing older men who didn't know your name?"

"i'll have you know i chased those old men because they were the ones who could get me the job i have today, so i won't apologize for doing what i had to do to have the career i wanted."

rina sighs, "that's not the problem. you could've networked with the people working in the industry and had a healthy relationship with someone your age. but you always got so emotionally attached to anyone who offered you advice that you didn't have time for anything else."

you stare at your coffee dejectedly, swallowing the hard truths your oldest friend was hurling at you. cruel as she was, you knew she wasn't going to sugarcoat things for you, not when you dragged her all the way across town on a saturday to have lunch with you when she had a million other things lined up with her upcoming wedding.

"i don't know how you do it, rina," you mumble, "you've a stable job, a beautiful home, and a doting fiance. god, that's like three worlds apart from the dump of a reality i live in."

"okay, now that's just untrue, y/n," rina scolds you softly, shaking her head, "plus, you have the first two things on that list."

"i have a job, but my place is far from home. i don't even sleep in it most days, plus, i think the last factor on the list kinda trumps everything else by a lot."

"well, who is that on anyway? it's not like you're undesirable or fucked up, you know?"

you groan, "what should i do, rina?"

"find someone who doesn't work the same 100 hour work week as you might be a start? maybe then you can stop treating your boss like a god."

"rina, you don't understand," you complain, "i know i make it sound too good to believe, but he's the smoothest talker you'll ever see and god, don't even get me started on how good he is in bed–"

"y/n, it's not the man's dick that matters, it's his heart," rina interrupts and when she doesn't burst out laughing like you do, you stop with a questioning look. "i'm serious, dude, you're not gonna be in it for the sex like 10 years down the line when everything hurts, inside and out. trust me, the minute you meet even a remotely normal man with reasonable expectations from life, you'll know what i mean–"

"that's the problem–" you start to explain your own beliefs when a head in your periphery catches your eye. "fuck me," you groan immediately when you realize who's sitting about two tables away from you.

"come on, y/n, i just talked to you about this, you can't be thinking about–"

"no, no, listen, don't look right now, but…" you trail off in disbelief and then force yourself to finish, "but my fucking boss is sitting to our left."

"you mean the fucking boss… you're… fucking?"

"yeah, that one…"

a few beats pass as rina slowly takes a look at the man across from you, hair down from the low ponytail it usually found itself in. at the perfect timing, jeonghan laughs at something the lady across from him says, hair bouncing to reveal his flawless features. 

"wow, he looks like nothing like you've described him as–"

"what, i've been going on for hours about–"

"about his charm, not how drop-dead gorgeous he is! i've been imagining some greasy old douche, not this tall glass of water…"

"first of all, your lack of trust in my taste in men is truly offensive… and–"

rina interrupts you, for the nth time in every conversation that you've ever had with her. "–it's worth mentioning that your taste in men is walking toward us as we speak–" 

"what…" you look up all too suddenly to find the man a few steps away, sly smirk in place as he approached you. 

"hello there, ladies," he starts in a low amused smile and god, if you could strangle him or yourself into silence just there you would've but instead you match his smile. 

"oh– hi, mr. yoon, i didn't expect to run into you here," you laugh it off with a pointed look at him, hoping he'd have the common decency to fuck off when you were clearly with a friend on one of your only days off. 

but you should know better because jeonghan will never give up a chance to open his mouth, especially in front of a stranger he hasn't had the chance to charm yet. 

"and neither did i! but here i am, with my lovely coworker and her…" his eyes dance over to rina who flushes under his gaze by the slightest, "gorgeous friend?"

you roll your eyes at the question and don't think it worth mentioning, especially when you're too busy choking yourself over his description of you as a 'coworker'. yeah, right. 

"right, we were just–"

"talking about the guy who's interested in y/n!" rina chimes in, her grin saying she thinks she's helping you but you kick her under the table, warning her to cut it off. 

"what–"

"huh, what's that again?" jeonghan asks, smile momentarily faltering at rina's comment. 

"ah, you know, y/n's just been so popular with guys since i've known her but she's never had time to settle down. but this guy's just been dying to meet her and when she called me to lunch today, i thought she'd finally be ready to meet the man of her dreams."

"the man of my dreams?" you choke yet again over a strangled laugh, "rina, you're really funny. you know i have nothing of that sort–"

"oh, come on," rina brushes you off with a scrunch of her nose and turning to jeonghan who seemed immersed in the bullshit your best friend was spewing. "she's just too shy to talk about it but– she told me, too drunk off her ass to remember, she'd only want to marry a man who was desperately head over heels for her, gives up everything to be with her, just to see her smile–"

"rina, i think–"

"and oh, what was it that you said? he needs to be able to think what i think before i've thought it? i'm not even looking at him if he doesn't worship the ground i walk on?? wow, y/n, you were full of it back then, weren't you?"

you redden, out of words at this point, half-mad she was yapping and half-mad at yourself for actually having said all the shit she was yapping. yes, god knows you did say everything she was saying, and there was a blurry video on your phone proving it somewhere. rina'd known you wouldn't believe a word without proof, so she'd recorded it without you realizing.

jeonghan's looking at you when you look up from your lap and rina cuts in again, "but you can't be to blame, now, can you? your parents always treated you like a princess, and your brother basically acted like your bodyguard until you moved out… i'd be full of myself too if i grew up like that."

you inhale deeply as you glare at rina, slowly standing up, "um, i think we should go soon or we'll miss the movie. right, rina?" you force your words out so rina can recognize you're not kidding. 

"y/n, can i talk–"

"sorry," you cut jeonghan off, too, head reeling too hard to respond to anything that man's got to say to you, "i really have to rush but if it's something urgent, why don't you just leave a voicemail? i'll get to it on monday."

"ooooh, that was hot," rina whispers into your shoulder as the two of you pay the bill and head out. "god, did i love torturing the two of you in there. and honestly, serves him good–"

"what the fuck was that?"

"what the fuck was what? i was just showing that bastard what you actually deserve," rina snaps, eyes wide, "you might not remember what you're made of, y/n, but i do and i'm not gonna watch as you let that asshole use you. he can realize what your standards are or he can find someone else to fuck with. not my best friend."

"...rina," you stop in your tracks, rina's words finally starting to make sense in retrospect, "you're—"

"okay, please don't get emotional on me, i have a movie to catch and you know i can't focus if i'm tired."

– 

that very night, you come out of the shower to your phone blowing up, stifling a smile when you see jeonghan's name plastered over your notifications. after a thought to it, you pick up.

"what?" you take on your most indifferent tone.

"wow, that's cold," jeonghan's voice is clear this time. he's at home. "you can really be a stranger sometimes, baby."

"it's not hard, i just pretend i'm you at work," you tell him with a petty smile he can't see but most definitely hears because he immediately scoffs.

"listen, i didn't call to fight you, okay? i just want to talk. i–" he stops abruptly as if out of breath and then, softly, "i'm sorry."

that's a first. 

"i didn't quite catch that, mind repeating what exactly you're sorry for?"

you hear his sigh loud and clear, "y/n, let me make it up to you. i'm sorry i've been an asshole to you, especially at work. won't you come over?"

"no, i won't. i have some beauty sleep to catch up on."

"then, i'll come over. but please, let me in. and i don't mean into your place, i mean into your mind. i know you want a grandiose dream man but i can't read your mind just yet, so just let me… let me understand you better." after a beat of silence, he punctuates his words with a "please?"

"...you know where i live?"

"wasn't born yesterday, princess. give me 10 and i'll be there. make sure you're wearing clothes."

he hangs up on you and you barely have a moment to yourself to calm your intense hearbeat and equally chaotic thoughts after what jeonghan just said. i can't read your mind just yet. just yet? did he intend to??? intend to what, become to man of your dreams???? 

as much as you internally cringe at the thought, your cheeks are flushed when you let jeonghan that night, watching carefully as he took his shoes off, wearing a strangely casual grey hoodie and sweatpants. somehow you'd only ever seen him in his suit. or without it. 

he looks at you for a moment too long, and then his hand comes to carress your hair gently, "hmm, never seen you with your wet hair down."

"what do you want, jeonghan?" you cross your arms.

"you know sometimes i think i prefer you call me mr. yoon over jeonghan. you sound like you're going to kill me in my sleep when you say jeonghan."

"or i could just kick you out of my apartment. my landlord takes break-ins very seriously."

"alright, alright," jeonghan backs off, keeping his hands to himself, "can i at least have some water first? nervous to be all alone in your place with you."

you narrow your eyes at him and when he just shrugs, you gestures to the kitchen. "you can figure out how to pour yourself, can't you?"

"y/n, i–" he takes a gulp of the water, and then sighs, "i want to take you out. like a proper boyfriend."

"that's crazy because unfortunately, i don't have any time to be going out with anyone right now."

"if you're going to lie about your work committments, maybe don't do it to my face? our schedules are basically married so i know exactly when you're free."

"oh, i see what's happening," you throw yourself on your couch with a mirthless laugh, "you're blackmailing me into dating you, aren't you? don't worry i won't go around spilling the tea about your kinks in bed if you just leave me alone, mr. yoon."

"okay i lied, it's infinitely worse when you call me that. how about just calling your sweet angel, han, huh? no, okay? listen, y/n, i'm serious. i want to be more than your toxic boss who you have mindblowing sex with."

"you are–"

"i'm not saying this for any of the ulterior motives you're trying so hard to think of. believe it or not, i'm into you, y/n, and when you left me hanging for like three days straight, i couldn't stop thinking of you. and well, i did miss the sex, but what i missed more than anything was hanging out with you. spending time with you." 

"...what if i'm not into you like that?" you ask with a quirked brow, not quite satisfied with the case he was presenting. he stood still across from you at your kitchen counter, breathing shallow though you weren't certain why.

"that would be fair but i'm asking you to give us a chance because i know i've never had a connection with someone like i do with you. our stupid banter, your witty ways to save my life at work and outside before i can anticipate them, and of course, our amazing chemistry in bed– y/n, i never will find something like this again. and you can say i'm full of myself, but neither will you."

if you were slowly starting to doubt that it really was yoon jeonghan in front of you confessing his love to you, you don't anymore when he adds that last arrogant part in. "you're awfully confident for someone who was blowing my phone up an hour ago," you tell him, looking away, "but honestly, jeonghan, i'm getting old, okay? i don't think i have time to play your games anymore. i'm gonna find myself a decent man and settle—"

"you hearing yourself? you're gonna settle?" jeonghan's crosses over to you, sitting on your coffee table and before you can tell him off, he takes both of your hands in his with the tenderness of a man that you've never seen him capable of being. "i know i'm not the most promising prospect of a boyfriend, let alone a husband, but i'm willing to change. not even change, i'm just going to stop pretending to be a little bitch to you at work because honestly it was killing but i was doing it to protect myself from getting too attached to you. but it's too late. i'm down bad for you, y/n."

"and i may not be the decent man you're looking for, but i can assure i love you more than anyone on the market. because i know you like nobody else can, and i'm going to stick by you no matter what."

you take a breath and hold it just to test if you're dreaming but then jeonghan drops his head into your hand, letting your fingers into his soft hair. "just give me a chance, y/n. i'm… nothing without you." his voice is small now, his charming self who showed up to rooms full of busy people to give them a pitch of their life long gone. he was just a man right now, pleading you to let him in so you could both have a real shot at loving each other. 

you pull your hands out of jeonghan's clutch, watching his expression turn into one of panic but you silence him by bringing them to his face, gingerly guiding his eyes to yours. he blinks back, pure and solemn. "where was this guy when i was begging to be held for the past week?" you wonder, half to yourself, "and before you apologize, it's okay. i… haven't been a saint myself. it was unfair to not give you the short end of the stick when i'd given you the impression it was all good and fine until now."

"but you have to know how little i feel when you treat me without respect at work– not just because you're my boss, but because i care about what you think of me… as a person. i want to be with you, to love you. so if you can be real with me like this, i think we can make it work."

jeonghan kisses your hand softly, "i'm sorry. i– i will do better. and just to be sure, that was a yes?"

"yes."

"yes, you'll be my girlfriend, my one and only lover, the apple of my eye, the prettiest sight since the moon was revealed?"

"...yes. and flattery is not one the list of real qualties," you tell him despite the blush that colors you. 

"really? it's a good thing that i meant every single thing i just said then, isn't it?" he leans closer, breath hot against your already hot face. "can i kiss you then, love?"

the new nickname only makes you more dazed and you nod with a mewl, meeting jeonghan's lips halfway. he kisses you like he's never before — without a hint of urgency, like he could kiss you for the rest of his life and not regret a moment. he's slow and intentful, eyes fluttering and breath heavy, almost like his heart was wreaking as much of a havoc as yours was in your chest. 

you press a hand to his chest, reassured by the heat of beat that meets you, and he pulls away in surprise at your motion. jeonghan's flushed and speechless like he's never been, just watching you through his lashes, out of breath. 

you look down at his body, taking in his tall figure cramped in the little space between the two of you. his legs cage yours on either side, knees meeting your thighs, and his arms resting gently on your waist. it's like his body's swallowing you whole, and thought heats you up in a way that has you tearing up. 

when you hide your face in your hands out of the blue, jeonghan's large hands find yours, cooing them away. "what's wrong?"

"overwhelmed…" you tell him in a tiny voice, "i've– you never… you've never been so gentle with me. i feel like i'm going to break."

"that's ironic, isn't it," he asks softly but not mockingly. "you're so precious, i can't believe i haven't done this sooner. i guess i was always in such a hurry to feel your skin before time ran out… before it was too late… or something? either way, i'm here to stay now so let's take it slow."

"so you'll kiss me like that again?" you ask, looking at your intertwined hands. he squeezes back. 

"you liked that? let me see your lips again, i'm never not doing that again."

you giggle at his enthusiastic reaction, his lips already a breath away from yours, feeling your sounds in his whole being like he'd been starved. he kisses you again, not letting go till you pull away with a gasp. "god, i need air, han, you'll kill me at this rate."

jeonghan's too busy peppering your skin with more kisses, "good, you're back to calling me han. and as for needing air, we'll just have to do that a lot so you can build up a stamina."

—

"love it when you do that, god–" jeonghan's all over his own words, trying to get them out as soon fast as possible, "can you say it again? i'm gonna record it–" 

"han," you warn him in a stiff voice, "tell me you didn't just walk out of a meeting to come ask me to say– i'm not saying it, okay? so let go of my hand before seulgi comes back and you'll still have a reputation around here."

"no, you can't do this to me, babe," he's whining now and it'd be great for your ego if you couldn't see the room full of people waiting for him to get back so he could continue the meeting. "just tell me what you told rina about the dates i take you on and then i'll be out of your hair."

"first of all, you were never supposed to hear any of that," you push jeonghan away when he protests dangerously close to your face, "and second, if you want to have a girlfriend at the end of the day, you're gonna walk away from my desk and go back to your doing your job. okay, han? i can't do this now, let's talk at night."

"...fine. if you agree to sleep over at mine."

"done. now go."

"and you'll hold hands when we walk–"

"go."

he turns around obediently not before throwing a flying kiss in your direction and you truly have to wonder how he ever managed to act so uptight with you at work when he can be hopeless like this. 

"i'll have you know," he whines that night when you're coddling him in his bed, "that i'm that hopeless only because i'm head over heels for you. i love you, love, and i can't stop loving you, even if a bunch of suited assholes want to find ways to keep me apart from you."

"a bunch of suited assholes is your job description, angel," you laugh into his chest, "and god, you need to stop doing that at work. at least find a room if you want to be all up in my personal space, okay?"

"reserve a room just so we can make out? hmm, not a bad idea—"

"that is the exact opposite of what i was suggesting–"

"and yet here i am, with the great idea in my brain. noted, princess likes risky sex at work. thrill of getting caught? or is–"

"when did making out turn into risky sex?"

"you know i can never stop at just that once i've started," he says, kissing your forehead and you hit his face softly. "liar. big words from someone who refused to do anything but kiss me all night last night, and the night before that, and what about the time we went to dinner that time? oh, right, you didn't even kiss me."

"are you mad i'm being mindful of my pace?" jeonghan asks with a half smile, seriously concerned when you bring it up.

"no, i'm just shocked at the change up from when all you could think about was where and how we were gonna fuck."

"well, be assured that i still think about fucking you anywhere and everywhere at all times, but i'm more than that man now. i've got boyfriend worries now, 'kay? i want to savor every single thing we do, every date i take you on, and every small adorable thing you do. i'm not doing it the casual way. it's either all or nothing."

"you're scary when you're in love," you marvel with a sweet smile, "but full disclosure on my part, han, but i kind of need you to fuck my mind out because i'm literally dying here."

jeonghan goes still, pulling away to look at your face, amazed at the filth you could spawn with the purest smile on your lips. when he catches the glint of desperation in your eye though, he's switching control immediately, over to the jeonghan he'd managed to suppress so expertly to focus on treating you right. 

"damn it, you're gonna be the death of me, looking at me like that–" he's on top of you in a split second, his hair brushing the nape of your neck where he dives into your skin. "wasn't gonna ruin you again till i really had to, but fucking hell, woman, you know how to work a guy up."

"i can tell," you murmur, hands roaming all over his body, finding the hard bulge in his boxers all to familiar. "had to provoke you, y'know my fingers aren't enough."

jeonghan lets out an ungodly sound at your words, and you revel in the way he's coming undone, the way you've managed to push all the wrong buttons. to be fair, was it really wrong if it drove jeonghan to give you the best head he'd ever given you? 

when he rises from between your legs, you kiss him hard, tasting yourself on his tongue, and stealing his breath when you push him over so you could straddle him. "let me return the favor?" you lick your lips to really seal the deal.

"you–" he groans when you don't wait to pull his boner out of its restraints, smiling ever so demurely like he'd presented you with new clothes or a ticket to your favorite show. when you take a lick at his tip, he twitches, hands in your hair forcing you away from his dick. 

"--can't–" he's hardly comprehensible but he manages to get his request out, "can't take it for much longer. need to be inside you."

"thought you'd never ask, hannie," you gasp innocently and jeonghan swears he's already seeing stars from the nickname you only pull out on the verge of your orgasms. he's spewing all sorts of obscenities when you sheath him in your warm pussy, and you make sure you take in the sight before you. 

jeonghan's glittering with sweat, lips wonderfully swollen and eyes rolled back in his head with the height of pleasure he was feeling. he looked like an angel, even when he was so fucked out, chest deliciously hard against your touch and his voice contrastingly in its sweet chorus of your name. he was doing much of the work even though you were riding him, long fingers trailing from your boobs to clasp your waist so he could have perfect control of your body.

when he's close, he swallows a whine and you clench around him just to rip the sound out of his throat, the moan halfway between a scream and a song to your ears. that alone brings you close with jeonghan's thumb at your clit really bringing you to the edge. 

"come for me, hannie," you elicit another heavenly sound from him, "please, let me feel you inside me." 

"i'm coming, y/n, fuck!" he bites his own tongue and then gives up when you keep going, "fuck, fuck, fuck, i'm going to– fuckk–"

you both fall over with the wave of pleasure that hits your bodies, elevated ever more when each of you feels the others heat. it takes a minute of panting for you to feel your heartbeat in your chest and see jeonghan's limp body under yours. you roll over so your back can hit the cold sheets. 

you genuinely black out a little from the exhaustion because when you come to, jeonghan's between your legs with a warm towel cleaning you up. he looks up when you sit up with an unspeakable look in his eyes. he crawls over, voice hoarse as his lips meets yours. "i think you just changed my life, y/n, that was amazing."

"it was, i think i was on another planet for a hot minute there…" you say, oddly nervous with jeonghan's body touching yours as if you hadn't been all over each other a second ago. 

"you were… unbelievable. i've never been that gone before, y'know? you might've broken me… all that after i promised to be nothing but a gentleman to you." jeonghan sighs a little with a shake of his head.

"sorry, angel," you run a hand through his hair, feeling him relax under your touch, "i was pent up, what from fighting with you and then suddenly becoming all lovey dovey. for what it's worth, i think we just upped fucking game. and it's probably because we aren't lying to each other anymore."

"probably because you're all mine now," he says victoriosly, kissing your hand like he did the night he'd come to your place to beg you to take a shot at a life with him. you're so glad you did because you couldn't imagine another place where you'd feel this way, completely like yourself and nothing like yourself. 

"always have been," you assure him as you press a kiss to the back of his neck, throwing your hands around his shoulders. you liked to hug him to sleep, like you'd always yearned to every time you unwittingly fell asleep next to him. he shifts closer so your legs touch and you feel his lips graze your wrist lovingly, pressing kisses to the warm skin till you'd drifted into a deep sleep.

NOTE:

still not sane about that instagram update from jeonghan because those images of him have me feeling like this: 🤭🧍‍♀️😧🌀🥵😇🖐️🫦🙁 if you know what i mean. i will be crying about it for the next few days till i can think straight so that's that!

honest to god, somebody restrain me from writing and thinking about this man because i’m genuinely unwell about him. genuinely this is a cry for help. i told myself i wasn't going to write another jeonghan fic (see: the 50 wips i have waiting that involve not jeonghan) but here i am. speedwrote this in less than 2 days and took 2 hours to select the header icons and they still suck. self-indulgent content as always but anyway, i think i will die thinking about yoon jeonghan so here's my small contribution to anyone else who feels anything similar to me. i hope you enjoy and please i love hearing your thoughts so any reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

[ayeforscotland]

I'm just...feeling so fucking dejected. "We'll make it through another 4 years, just like the last time!" No, we won't. And a lot of us didn't survive the last time. The US is enthusiastically goose-stepping towards fascism, while the rest of us are treated like we're the crazy ones. My mind keeps going to moving abroad but the march of fascism is on the rise everywhere. I don't know. Maybe I'll start the process for Ireland, as that's one country I have a strong pull for. I don't know.

I know this is a lot to put onto a stranger on tumblr. And I understand if you don't answer or can't offer any words of encouragement. It's fucking bleak here. I guess I'm just looking for some sort of solidarity, and that led me to a familiar face on my dash that I know would empathize

I think it's perfectly normal to feel dejected in situations like this. It's tough, and there's no point in pretending that it isn't tough.

However, I'd also stress that there will be lots of people online today, tomorrow, and the coming weeks, months and years - that will get a kick...and clicks...out of catastrophising every single story.

Being a good friend and ally to people is knowing when to share articles to inform them, but also knowing when to pump the breaks - particularly when sharing horrible shit that fascists are doing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - it's up to you whether you want to fixate on all the stories, close off from the news completely, or strike a balance between the two. No one can make you feel guilty about any of them.

And while it's easy to dismiss quotes as cheesy, I don't care!

"Look for the helpers, you will always find people who are helping."

[rye-bread-soda-iceberg]

I saw some light discourse going around hsrtwt about Ratio being bad/good/morally ambiguous

I'm not gonna comment on that too much cause I wanna talk about smth else but clearly he's a good person, probably one of the nicest people we meet compared to the war criminals and murderers. his major crime is that he's blunt, mean and makes his students cry (which is something about him I don't particularly enjoy for personal reasons, but still)

what I like, something that i feel like people tend to forget, is that he's very openly kind and caring

of course there's the basic stuff, like the fact that he pours his whole heart into making the universe a better place, has eradicated a whole illness called 'the king of illnesses' (so, supposedly, very deadly) and the entire not getting into the genius society because he cares about humanity too much. but also, you know

first of all, he has canonically made various statues depicting himself making a heart with his hands while smiling warmly. I've always found it endearing how he mildly prides himself on 'keeping the world at bay' and just being generally mean while also doing this so casually. I mean, it's a clear message: 'I love you' that's what he's saying, and he's saying it in a silly way

something a bit more hidden is these quotes from hoyolab's post. we all know the 'ignorance is an ailment' quote is directly taken from his character stories, making it canon. that subsequently makes the other two just as canon. obviously it's an official post, but I sometimes see people doubting the validity of these silly little snippets into the hsr universe

I don't particularly know if he is saying those last two quotes in general or to someone/a group of people in particular, but it's like... one of the sweetest (and corniest) things ever, and it makes me giggle a little bit. it almost felt out of character to me the first time I've seen these, but if you think about it, it's always been there

this one is from the valentines day ""event"" on twitter from earlier this year. I like his reaction to the gift for he still has some of his usual, you know, 'I cannot bear to hear such foolish questions'. he's being nice in his own way here, his demeanor is just barely reserved but the sentiment behind his words remains a positive one

another quick thing, though I don't have more examples for this one. he's always going on about how you should always consider whether the question you're about to ask already has an answer (so encouraging you to think for yourself) but he's still Always offering to help. in this and, if I remember correctly, in the mail description you get when you used to receive him for free he's making it clear that he's willing to help you discuss things for you to understand them better and will answer any question as long as it's not a 'stupid' one. he is a teacher, after all. the biggest thing about him is that he wants people to do better. other than this, despite his slight reluctance to help others himself, he does say in his character trailer that sometimes a little encouragement is required

and he does encourage people openly when they do good! no 'I suppose this is acceptable' nor 'I guess you did good'. when someone or something impresses him, he genuinely expresses it. I like to point this out because I see so many people say he's self absorbed or puts himself above others, when that is simply not true. which, I mean, can also be seen in his small little interactions with Herta, Ruan Mei and Screwllum (he literally praises them)

then he also says this a couple times. I don't exactly know what he considers courtesy or discourtesy, but it's clear that at least not all his blunt or mean words are meant to offend. this is something I'd love to look further into, but for now simply want to put here with the rest cause it's an interesting thing about him. he is already described as elegant, which implies a certain level of basic courtesy and politeness when interacting with others, though this just slightly crashes with his 'rude' demeanor

supposedly, you could make the argument that while he canonically realizes how non-endearing he can be (knows his own shortcomings, one of the exact traits he praises) perhaps he actively struggles with coming off as nice. and seeing all I've pointed out so far, maybe all those instances of him being nice are how he'd prefer to come off as (some times). that is unless I missed some bits of canon dialogue where it's implied otherwise

this isn't that detailed or well made of a post, nor the first time someone has pointed out this stuff. in fact I reblogged an incredibly good, lengthy post some time ago that talks more in depth about how nice/kind of a person Veritas Ratio really is

I simply cannot stand when he is described as cold, uncaring, selfish, self-centered or someone incapable of being gentle and loving. and it's not nearly as subtle as people seem to think it is

[emeraldsfanfics]

The Dark Knight

♤Rise!Turtles with a Batmanlike!Girlfriend!Reader!♤ ♤Headcannons♤

♡REQUESTS OPEN♡ Request rules here

《Leo》

》He thinks you are the most badass person ever and prouder he even pulled you

》At first you scared him while he was on patrol with his brothers. And out of nowhere a bat girl swooped in from the shadows and beating up the foot clan...solo and not dying

》Thought you were a mutant at first

》Then you just started interrogating one if them by your deep voice and lift them over a skyscraper, they folded immediately

》He was terried because you were so imitating and dressed in black. Like the boogeyman, scarier because you were a women

》On another patrol, he seen you again, followed you, until you appeared out of nowhere and asked him why he was following you

》Shocked you weren't weirded out by him, you simply told him you knew what he was. And you had been doing research about mutants

》When he is dating you, he is constantly bragging about it...especially to Donnie because of your technology, intelligence and company

"Yeah? I pulled her, oh! You don't have a rich cool superhero girlfriend? Well that's too bad." *checks his nails*

》Brings you to patrol as a secret weapon/interrogator

"Where is HE?!"

"I ain't talking, this height wouldn't even kill me"

"That's what I'm counting on." *drops the guy and breaks his legs.

*leo is swooning and thinks it's hot (not in a sexual way) "I love that woman."

》INSECURE! And gets even more petty when he is jealous. He'll start doing stupid stuff to impress you. To the point you'll have to reassure him you only have eyes for him

》doesn't help your the attractive introvert type

》jokingly calls you emo and slightly concerned about how much eyeliner you use

》You spoil him so much he is constantly bragging about it 😭

"JUPITER JIM DIMOND COVERED KEYCHAIN, HOW'D YOU GET THIS BABE?!"

"Money."

》finds your moral code weird, what do you mean you wouldn't kill but you'll beat them until they need medical attention?! But encourages it

》Has your merchandise and NOT ashamed of leaving them all over the lair and his room

》Gets you anything that has to do with bats, expect bat jokes. Lots of them

》You can train with him with ease, yes, you are better at combat. And you two spar with your gadgets/weapons (you always win in 20 minutes)

》When you revealed your secret identity to him, he is more in love.

'SHES SO BEAUTIFUL?! Stay cool Leo...'

》You'll even invite them over to your mansion, and they'll find any excuse to go. Because well...you have expensive stuff and cars...

》Leo annoys the HELL out of your butler, Alfred. You know Alfred is a BADASS and close to attacking Leo

》Sometimes youll get trumamtic flashbacks of the night your parents were murdered or other sadistic things you've seen. When Leo is there, he'll try shifting your focus on him, by watching a movie and snuggling with you.

》He secretly would've loved to meet your parents, they seemed like amazing people to you and Alfred

》Sometimes he thinks your planning gets over the top but he knows you have MAJOR trust issues

》When you are talking about detective stuff, he tries to listen but he just doesn't get it. So he's there staring at you like, "place name backstory stuff" so he loves it when you, and I quote, "talk smart"

》Steals your gadgets when you are away, you know but you let him get away with it. Even your mask at times and makes impressions of your raspy voice when in costume

"I AM VENGEANCE-"

*appearing from the shadows*"Leo what are you doing?"

"AHHH-"

》Now he has a mountain of batarangs in his room

》You have a tracker on him he doesn't know about

》Almost killed his brothers with your batmoblie

》You grounded him from kisses for a week, my boy was tweaking from just the first day

"Itsy bitsy BaTsy" *him in a corner with wide eyes going mental*

"Y/N YOU BROKE LEO AGAIN!"

》Genuinely worries when you don't sleep for days, even though you look attractive with tired eyes, he still tried to take care of you

》By getting Alfred having him help him with getting you to bed

》He always indicates any physical contact, kisses, hand holding, hugs ect.

》Loves when you suddenly save him during a battle? My boi in loveeee

》His life practically revolves around you

》Leo loves you and everything that comes with you <3

■Raph■

■Lowkey extremely terrified of you at first. You have a dark and cold demeanor AGH-stuff of nightmares

■Then, he seen you with children, you always had a soft spot for them. He probably fell in love right then and there

■He approached you like the gentlemen he is, that's when you two became friends, you admired his morals and overprotective nature. He just thought you were more cool the more he got to know you

■He confessed his feelings during a fight when you almost died this was your response:

"Please don't die on me! I-i love you"

"I knew..."

■Sometimes can't get over your deep voice when in battle, it catches him off guard

■Find your strength and workout routine intense but he would commit and do it with you. Also loves when YOU pick HIM up

■When dating he is a absolute sweetheart, a bigger one than before

■Has a batdoll merchandise plusbie he bought of you and sleeps with it every night

■And you spoil him with whatever he wants just because

"Where'd you get these rare accident ninja weapons?!"

"Money."

■Overprotective of you, yes he knows you can protect yourself AND others, but he can't help but worry about you and gives you medical attention

*you got back from a mission and take your mask off*

"Hey Babe, how was it?"

"Eh, nothing, just simply got thrown off a skyscraper, but I should be okay in an hour."

"That's nice-YOU GOT WHAT?! Let Raph take care of ya"

■Alfred absolutely adore Raph and Alfred sees Raph a son, which you find adorable

"Lady L/n, when will Raphael be arriving to the mansion once more?"

"OOH! Is Alfred gonna be there?!"

■Him and Alfred have a "Night Bat" code name for forcing you to sleep when you are up for days

■When you revealed your secret identity to him he's flabbergasted

"You're so pretty" like he's in a trance

■You two LOVE going in your gamroom and go agaist each other, yall get so competitive 😭

■We all know he is a perfect big boi, so of course he gives the best hugs and cuddles. Which you'll never admit to anyone...

■Yes, you have a tracker on him he doesn't know about, for safety

■NEVER admits it, but he finds it attractive when you suddenly save him, he gets SO RED

■Gets nervous to touch your expensive stuff, he just doesn't want to break anything :( and you assure him it's not a problem if he does, I mean, your filthy rich after all

■When you are talking about detective stuff, he gets...some of it. He's consitrating so much when you are talking about it with him but ends up tweaking

■When you wake up in a cold sweat, he has boyfriend senses and he'll comfort you for HOURS! No girlfriend of his will ever be lonely at times like this

*going through a trumamtic flashback*

*runs through your wall* "RAPH IS HERE BABY! DONT PANIC!" *has pillows and tea*

"How'd you even get past security-"

■You had to upgrade security and your walls

■Sometimes he wishes he could meet your parents, you also would like that. Kind of confirmed your parents would've loved Raph

■He loves the suit on you, yes, it looks intimating and scary, but knowing it's you in it makes it cool

■Insecure! He sees a lot of people admiring you, understandable, but still! He's just thankful your dating him and doesn't really get jealous

■Any that has to do with bats he'll get it for you this includes any eyeliner because of how much you use

■Admires your moral code, since he isn't big in killing either. But cool with torturing >:)

■THIS TURTLE LOVES PHYSICAL CONTACT GIVE IT TO HIM PLZ 🙏 because he is too shy to ask, even when dating

■He has a "I can fix her" mindset with you

■This boi will do anything for you and loves the feeling and YOU. Just you <3

◇Donnie◇

◇This boi thought you were a mutant because of your speed, agility, voice and strength. Also the bat thing I guess

◇Also the most intimidating thing he's ever cake across

◇In the most Donnie way possible, he approached you, that only resulted him getting pinned onto the wall by your surprising strength

◇he probably fell in love right then and there. AND by the fact you were human and able to take any mutant down

◇but, of course, he didn't want to show that, so you two somehow became friends after running into each other in patrols

◇also shocked when you don't freak out about...him. but you informed him you are doing a case about mutants

◇overthinked about confessing his feelings, I mean, you are hard to read when it comes to emotions, so he just went for it

◇he literally researched everything about being romantic, but like, what do you get for the girl who has everything...AN EXPERIENCE and he confessed his emotions

◇That's when you told him you knew and kissed him

◇I mean...your a detective...

◇when dating, you trusted him enough to reveal your secret identity

"By Newton, you are so stunning."

"What?"

"What?"

◇fanboying like a school girl on the inside that he is even dating you. Gets to the point when he'll forget he's dating you, then gets giddy when he remembers your his GIRLFRIEND

◇Like Leo, he BRAGS to his brothers or anyone

"That's awfully impressive, but my girlfriend does that for a warm up, not to brag."

◇doesn't admit but but WAS jealous of your intelligence and cool gadgets you invented

◇Has a batdoll of you he sleeps with every night and will never admit it

◇when you invited him to your mansion, he's shocked about how rich you are, like "ho, is you rich?"

◇should have known by the expensive clothes you wear 💀

◇YOU SPOIL HIM ROTTEN MY BOY HOOKED UP

"How'd you get this Atomic Lass limited edition golden 24k gold and Dimond figurine from 1982?!"

"Money."

◇absolutely encourages the amount of eye liner you use, he thinks it brings a little ✨️dazzle✨️ to your look

◇unintentionally ANNOYS THE HELL out of Alfred, my bristish man done

◇You are his secret weapon for mutants or interrogating anyone

"I'M going to get a cup of coffee" *leaves*

"Good luck with that" *cocky chuckle*

*appears from the shadows and throws a mutant 5x their size across the room* "WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!"

*SCREEECH*

"Oh she is so remarkable" *bro in love*

◇Always has to call a mystic medic when you fight a mutant

"I'm calling a mystic medic" *sees you beat their ass* "that's my girlfriend."

◇Embraces the violence you bring to the table

◇LOVES and HATES your moral code, he loves that you unintentionally beat criminals senseless. Hates that you won't end their lives, Lame.

◇Thinks you are the most badass person he's ever met

◇loves when you are telling him about detective stuff, he is genuinely interested in learning this field about science

◇Sometimes he is worried about you when you come here extremely injured, there was a time when you came back with a bullet in your arms. So, he insisted he nurse you back to health

◇there are times when you wake up from a traumatic flashbacks about missions or your parents, he gave S.H.E.L.D.O.N a "cry cry" protocol. It's just him giving you a plushie of himself saying, "please don't cry beautiful" until Donnie actually gets there

◇You are S.H.E.L.D.O.N's mother

◇makes any excuse to come over, totally not for your cool technology and gadgets...no

◇Donnie is extremely insecure when it comes to you. You're attractive, smart, rich and talented. Doesn't help your the attractive introvert type. And there are a lot of human guys out there he sees trying to get close to you

"Scoff! He's not even as smart as me! He's not even as buff as me!"

◇hates he can't do anything about it, he would love to torture them >:)

◇Please reassure him and compliment him 😭

◇There was a time he was kidnapped, you came and defeated 100 mutants easily, you just came home carrying him bridal style, he was so ashamed you had to save him but thankful, more than thankful

*looks at you with puppy eyes* "I love you."

◇Would sometimes steal your gadgets to give them the "Don upgrade" that would typically mean he would make them more lethal

◇Has stolen your batmobile more than ten times, you'll hear his manic laugh in the streets

◇You both don't sleep for days, so either Alfred or Raph would force you two to sleep

◇Donnie thinks your workouts/even warms ups are too intense

◇You both spar a lot, which results in an hour long battle

◇Donnie would give you and invent you anything that has to do with bats or can help you with gadgets

◇Donnie initiates physical contact believe it or not. Sometimes he'll get touch starved with you. Preferring hand kisses and forehead kisses.

◇This boi cherishes and very proud of you, he just loves you so much <3

☆Mikey☆

☆When he saw you, he immediately thought you were so cool! Mutant or human, he wanted to know you

☆He decided to approach you, not seeing him as much of a threat, you replied, that was the start of a beautiful relationship

☆Mikey is very emotionally intelligent, so he immediately recognize his feelings for you

☆Not panicking, he simply was upfront with you while being his adorable self

☆He was kind of flabbergasted when you told him you knew...

"H-how did you know...?"

"I'm a detective." *kisses him*

☆When dating you only seen that Mikey is an adorable agent of chaos, but hey, you are too

☆Absolutely loves the amount of eyeliner you put on! He'll even ask for you to put some on him

☆CRAFT DATES! You two cherish those dates, you do it in your art room in the mansion, which is Mikey's favorite room in the mansion

☆When you revealed your secret identity, he immediately fanboyed

"AW! You're so cute!" *grabs your face and has cuteness aggression*

☆You two are the definition of black cat and golden retriever

☆Never gets jealous! He knows you are a catch but he knows you won't let anything go between you two

☆Conflicted by your moral code, he is not for violence. But glad to do so >:)

☆You spoil him rotten and he is always so touched 🥲

"I can't accept this."

"Why?"

"Because it's just-too Beautiful"

"So?"

"This was 1.2 million dollars Beautiful."

"I got it for cheap I know"

*confused Mikey*

☆Him and Alfred get along so well, even helps in the kitchen. At this point Alfred looks foward to seeing Mikey over you

☆This turtle is VERY CLINGLY! He'll attack you with hugs and kisses randomly, like you, he'll hide in the shadows

☆doesn't mind PDA

☆He will be in cloud 9 when you save him from the foot clan or anything! Just hundreds of knocked out mutants on the floor and he's admiring you like a lovesick puppy

☆Very much like Leo, whenever you are talking about detective stuff, he'll be like, "place name, backstory stuff"

☆Love's your gadgets! He'll mess around with them and loves your flamethrower for some reason...

☆Anything that has to do with bats will make him giddy just thinking about you

☆Whenever you get trumamtic flashbacks of the night your parents were murdered or any missions you were apart of, he'll cook you something amazing or bake, whatever you want!

☆Dr.Delicate Touch comes out whenever you're in danger

☆He bites you....that's it

☆Hates when you don't sleep, he won't drag you out to bed..BUT he'll snuggle onto your lap until you sleep

☆Love's you with tired eyes or not, you are perfection to him

☆However, he has "I can fix her" mindset, with you

☆You two LOVE sparing, sure, he hates even potentially hurting you, but you always remind him you will be perfectly fine

☆He has cuteness aggression towards you, you really don't know why

☆He has stolen your batmoblie with his brothers, happens once a week

☆You will randomly surprise him when he thinks he's alone

*dancing* "YoU MuST bE wHoO HeRmes MenTIONeD-"

*appears from the darkness*"Hello Michelangelo."

*EEEEEH*

☆Forget bad cop good cop, try the psychotic cops

"TELL ME WHERE IT IS!"

"BREAK HIS KNEECAPS-"

"YEAH!"

☆He has a think for breaking people's kneecaps?

☆This adorable psychotic turtle loves you and knows your perfect <3

[zais-zafu]

°•★ how to make your vision board much more effective

success story: manifesting is really instant, I created a vision board last week for this quarter and stuff on it already manifested !

so don't ever get too attached to time or any other manmade metrics, it is already done x

anywho, this instant success got me thinking of some tips I got for how to make vision boards much more effective (ps u don't have to use all or any of them, this is your vision board & YOU get to decide, back to the tips):

⊹ choose pictures that feel 'real' ⊹

it is important to choose pics that feel as tho you are experiencing them, not just the most aesthetically ones. to do that

use 1st POV pictures so u can visualise through ur own eyes experiencing your manifestations, not someone else's

choose people who look like you or environments that resemble what u wanna manifest

crop yourself or your face into pictures & really.. don't worry too much about ur vision board looking 'ugly' or 'less aesthetic'

⊹ add writing ⊹

it could be cos I love scripting, but I do find that adding writing to my vision boards helps in guiding my thinking when I am not actively visualising, so I recommend you

add affirmations, words of encouragement, or inspiring quotes

add phrases, text massages, etc. that you will receive once you manifest your desire in the 3d

add visual subs: just like audio subs, visual subs bypass ur conscious mind & you can add them by adding text and making it harder to read through making smaller/lower opacity

⊹ include past stuff too ⊹

adding good things that happened in the past makes your board seem more believable to your mind cos if some of it happened, all of it will, to do that

add any past manifestations to remind yourself that you're a master manifestor (technically u alr have it all but yk what I mean 😋)

include moments that you are really grateful for cos gratitude and manifestation go hand in hand + it helps u feel more abundant & happier (who doesn't want that?)

hope this was helpful & good luck with your vision boards 🫶🏽

[olderthannetfic]

Quote from a post: "the things created within fandom aren’t real - an individual fic can’t cause actual, material harm to a reader, even if it contains tropes that would be harmful or distressing if they happened in that reader’s real life; an author’s use of certain tropes or interest in certain characters is not indicative of their actual morals and values in real life; thought crimes are not real crimes - but fanfiction is produced by human beings who are themselves products of the societies and communities in which we all live, and these societies and communities all have flaws and failings.

which is to say, those of us who prefer to read male friendships as romantic do need to be aware that, no matter how enlightened on gender and its foibles we think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless influenced as modern humans by a modern tendency to discourage platonic physical and emotional closeness between men - especially straight men - on the grounds that two men having this sort of relationship is inherently queer and, in being queer, implicitly sexual [an understanding of queerness which is another powerful societal influence on our thought, even if we know we don’t agree with it.]"

Okay this is from a big post from a big fandom account here please don't speculate who it is this is not about them specifically and has nothing to do with them i genuinely respect this poster and they are nothing but a supportive space and don't have any anti-nonsense. But I wanna talk about this point that they are making "the society is queering straight friendships" which is something also the anti-fujoshi crowd is saying and honestly I can't agree with that point.

I don't think its us the people who make fandom are queering the relationships between two straight men but the patriarchal system we live under and straight men themselves are doing it to themselves. They can't show love and affection to each other lest other dudes will call them gay not because there are secret fujoshis around that sexualize them. They can be vulnerable period lest everyone calls them whiney like women. I feel like (and most of the things I say here are vibes, not facts) men having close friendships with other men are green flags, and most women are excited to see men who have exact the strong relationship that are portrayed in media.

I'm confused by this talking point to be honest. I also understand that by saying everything I said above I sort of said the same thing as the original poster. In a sense that society is the problem here and we live in a society as we know, but... idk I feel like what they say is "we live in a society where everyone by default is sexualizing male friendships" which sounds like the standard anti-fujoshi talking point to me.

And regarding the point of romantic relationships being prioritized over platonic— I feel like is a complete bullshit to be honest.

Romantic relationships are prioritized over platonic ones across the board. Straight couples leave their straight friends behind when they get further into relationship too! I don't understand this impulse to constantly talk about romantic vs platonic thing when its about queer ships, and maybe there is somewhere straight ship discourse about romantic vs plantonic but its not as big as with mlm or wlw ships.

And honestly even with this take I feel like romantic relationships are also not prioritized but rather are more encouraged. And there is difference between encouraging and actually prioritizing I think.

(I want to add here that I'm not aroace so maybe its a blindspot and from that identitys point of view the dynamics might be different)

In reality I think both are equally hard to obtain and maintain. I always felt like the fandom being so shipping focused was not about people being hellbent on romance but just the fact that good love stories are few and far between both in fiction and IRL and we can't help but try to make something at least remotely good, or interesting or satisfying.

Again, my main problems is: 1) I don't agree that romantic relationships are prioritized to that high degree over the friendships like everyone claims. 2) I don't think that every single person is actually a secret fujoshi waiting to make any straight male friendship gay. 3) Fandoms are romantic ship centric because people just want more narratively satisfying romantic stories that are underrepresented in media (or they don't get to experience it IRL) rather than they are vehemently against platonic ships.

I don't know this hopefully came out coherent.

--

The person who wrote that sounds like a pretentious twatwaffle, and I am so sick of seeing otherwise reasonable people spout that crap. That's been true since the 90s and probably before.

The reality is that Western culture enshrines male friendship as the highest form of affection possible. This goes back to the Classical world. And, yes, they were probably fucking too back then, but the thing that all of the media is about is friendship.

The entire backbone of Western culture is built on the idea that men are spiritually, biologically, inherently more capable than women of this highest form of relationship. Romance is the big thing for women because we're not eligible for The Pure And Holy Friendship Between Two Men.

The epidemic of male loneliness is real, but we haven't gotten any less "Bros before hos". Fandom and m/m shipping behavior are irrelevant to this.

--

Furthermore, fandom has plenty of people who don't focus on shipping.

AO3 was built by slashers, so ship type is a top-level category, and the site obviously signals that it's about shipping and particularly non heterosexual shipping since you can filter out het.

Past sites often had more metadata that wasn't around ships (e.g. FFN's genres that work like bookstore genres) and almost never let you get rid of het. You might have been able to filter in The Gay, but straight stuff was literally unmarked.

~We do need to be aware of~

Bite me.

This naggy phrase is everywhere, and nothing good comes of it.

The only thing we need to be aware of is that Blorbo is great and s/he should be mashed together with Other Blorbo. If that's in gen adventures, you do you.

[luxthestrange]

DunMeshi Incorrect quotes#7 So proud-

Y/n*comes after helping Senshi cook food for everyone seeing Laios all bruised up*Laios, what happened?!-

Laios: I got in a fight with Shuro, He told me he...always hated me and special interests then he pushed me-

Y/n*Worriedly parental touch on his cheek* Oh, my God! Are you all right? You have blood on you-

Laios: That's Shuro's...

Y/n*Blinks and proud shocked smile looking at the others then back at Laios* Really?

Laios: Yeah, I punched him in the nose...

Y/n*Proud shout and claps hands* Damn! My boy's a scrapper! Whoo!

Chilchulk*Heard and outbursts and came to see you cleaning an injured Laios*Hey, what's going on?

Y/n: Laios and Shuro got in a fight, Chil

Chilchulk*Seeing some blood on his armour*-Whoa. Look, you got blood on you

Laios: It's Shuro's...

Chilchulk: Damn! My Boy's a Scrapper!?

Y/n*Noticed the disapproving glares of Shuro's retainers and The curious stare of Kabru*- Chilchuck, we don't encourage violence in this party!

You and Chilchuck give each other a low-five

[anendtopursuit]

ok. so. viktor is my favourite character in arcane. i am also physically disabled and hate the Magical Miracle Eugenics Disability Cure trope with a fiery passion. naturally i have a lot of opinions about where his character is going, but for now, here's a relatively simple one:

internalised ableism has always been part of viktor's character. he describes himself as "a poor cripple from the undercity" (yes, quoting how other people speak about him, but still); he shies away from the spotlight even when jayce encourages him; as a child, he directly acknowledges his disability as the reason other children don't associate with him.

i watched a video essay recently ("how arcane writes men" by schnee) that identified viktor's tendency to just suck it up and push through his problems rather than dwelling on them as a stereotypically masculine trait, which he is written to both subvert and lean into. whilst i agree with that to some extent, i think for viktor specifically it's more of an insight into a very common mindset for disabled people to have; a lot of us do not want to be pitied, and understand that acknowledging our hardships will often unfortunately lead to being treated as attention seeking. he doesn't dwell on things because he can't, unless he wants to be looked down on more than he already is; he's already had to fight to even be acknowledged as more than somebody's assistant, or respected as a zaunite living and working in piltover. i can't imagine he's keen to show any further "weakness"; he only ever cries when he's alone. it makes sense that he'd want to save himself rather than relying on anybody else.

the dangerous thought process of "fixing" people with the hexcore begins with that desire to save himself. at first he's just trying to stop his illness from killing him, but then he progresses to carving runes into his leg, seemingly in the interest of fixing his limp - which works, albeit temporarily. he seems aware enough of the implications of what he's doing to be somewhat ashamed of it (or, at the very least, enough to hide it from jayce). i've seen a lot of (mostly able bodied) people interpret the scene of him running down the pier as victorious, but it always felt bittersweet and scary to me; the dark, painful fantasy of "fixing" the thing the world has always looked down on you for, and the unsettling knowledge that you were never supposed to exist that way. a man experiencing a moment of joy only when he has detached himself from a core aspect of his being; self hatred disguised as progress. he only seems to register the horror of what he's doing when it kills sky.

it's not a leap to say that, with the hexcore dulling his emotions and blurring the lines of his ethical code, he would turn this externally. self loathing so insidious that he mistakes it for kindness and mercy and points the blade of it at the people he swore he'd help. before merging with the hexcore, he was desperate to destroy it and rid himself of its influence, hindered only by his physical inability to do so; under its control, he's seemingly lost all those inhibitions, wiped clean of his understanding of its danger. no longer "clouded by emotion", no longer human enough to know better, no longer suspicious of the arcane.

what viktor becomes in season 2 is, i believe, a hellish mix of his own internalised ableism and the hexcore's desperation to spread and survive. his genuine desire to help people has been warped into stripping people of their individualism, forcing them into some predetermined ideal in the name of healing (very "the empty child" from doctor who). it's his own character flaws mixed with the inhuman apathy of the hexcore. the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and also dressed up so nicely that you don't even realise you're headed downwards.

this is not what viktor stood for, but rather a perversion of his own insecurities, with a fresh coat of hexcore paint to stop him (or his followers) from scrutinising it too closely. they took the guy who dedicated his life to bettering humanity, and warped him into something doomed to destroy it.

(or something like that. idk. i haven't slept.)

[minziemoon]

Life Series Rare Pairs I Wanna See More Of

Inspired by everyone else on my tl posting their dream team lineups for a life series season, I decided to do my own by thinking of the most random combinations I can imagine that would be entertaining to witness. Some of these are gonna be more detailed, some are just for vibes, and some for shits and giggles. Also I haven't watched every single pov of every single series, and I have the memory of a goldfish sometimes, so forgive me if these aren't all THAT rare. 🙏

1. Cleo + Jimmy

- This duo materialized itself in my brain after a random wild life episode from Jimmy's pov where he had a near death experience and ran to Cleo for comfort. It's occupied a lil corner of my brain ever since.

- I think Jimmy would really benefit from someone like Cleo on his side. Someone who you know you can rely on and come back to whenever you're in need of help. Unless you betray them, Cleo is such a good teammate and has a mom/older sibling feeling to her.

- I can imagine she'd spend half the season convincing Jimmy not to go poking fun at ppl and making enemies, only for her to snap once someone kills her unjustly and goes on to commit arson apon half the server. Then the roles would switch.

2. Gem + BigB

- The difference between Cleo and Jimmy's paragraphs to these two... I told yall some of them are just fueled by the potential of vibes.

- I have no clue how these two would function together. They barely even interact. But that's exactly why I want them together!!!

- I feel like they'd be really wholesome. Knowing Gem she'd bring out the best in him... but I also feel like B would once again betray or back stab her in some way. Either way I've become too curious and invested now.

3. Grian + Pearl

- The fact that the skyblings themselves are a rare pair nowadays is concerning. They don't interact NEARLY enough. The amount of wasted potential is to cry about.

- I feel like they'd be all up in other ppl's business. If Pearl were to turn red before Grian, I think he'd have the same dynamic with her like with red lifer Scar in 3rd life, supporting and encouraging her crimes from afar, really birthing another menace on the server.

- They'd have the time of their lives while red together and I'd be SEATED.

4. Mumbo + Tango

- One episode they're the most miserable wet cats on the map, the next their trap kills half the server. Their fate as a duo would be a gamble.

- Idk if their combined brain power would cancel each other out or multiple. Most likely cancel out. Because putting an uncontrolable nervous wreck with the ticking timebomb of unhingness CAN NOT turn out positive.

- Still, it would be SO entertaining and probably make for funny quotes.

5. Lizzie + Bdubs

- It felt like my brain glitched a lil when remembering these two.

- I feel like they'd be weirdly wholesome?? Like they wouldn't stress each other out. Maybe Bdubs' vocal coards could finally catch a break from yelling every episode. Also lowkey feel like he'd try his best to protect her.

- Pls Watchers, let them build some cute cotteges in the woods somewhere in peace 🙏

6. Ren + Scar

- Ik they aren't THAT rare to see together, but the fact that they've never been close to teaming before is astonishing to me.

- If Scar doesn't turn Ren's thing with Martyn into a love triangle by the end of the season, no one else ever will. The Red Winter would rise once again, but with two kings this time.

- I just wanna see theater kids have fun, okay? Sue me if you must. Martyn can join in too I would not mind in the slightest.

[the-microphone-explodes]

So recently this Tweet went viral on Twitter, which is generally stating something that is rather common that I have also noticed on the app. (I will say that I do believe antisemitism and anti-black racism to also be extremely normalized as well, perhaps to an even greater extent).

That being said this was the general response (found in the quote retweet and the comments) to the above tweet:

I wanted to put this together and show it to others on here because it seems that it is strongly indicative of how hated Indian people are in progressive spaces. And before someone comes after me to say this is largely online, I will state that this rhetoric is eerily similar to the discrimination I faced growing up as Indian and that I continue to face. Additionally, people online are people in real life, they carry this rhetoric in the real world too and Indian people exist online too, we see how people dislike us.

To dissect and debunk all the sentiments in the tweets above would take an immense amount of time and energy that I do not have. Even archiving and collecting these tweets caused me to fall into a spiral of stress and tension. You don't have to go through all of it, much of what is expressed is vile, but I am trying to point out something. And it's that racism against Indians has become normalized, perhaps even encouraged, obviously in right-wing spaces but in progressive and liberal-left wing spaces as well. If you click on the accounts of many of these people, you can see them advocating against other forms of racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-Palestinianism etc. These are progressives, not your run-of-the-mill conservative bigots. Hostility is growing against Indians, out in the open, and it seems that not many are willing to combat or acknowledge it.

The tactics are the same of course, to take a vocal minority of a group of people and paint the vast majority as the same, effectively portraying the group as if it has monolithic ideas. This is obviously a ridiculous thing to do, but even more so when one realizes that India is home to 1.4 billion people, not counting Indians living in other countries. These are all individuals who hold their own complex ideologies and beliefs, it is not possible to condense them down to one stereotype.

Am I denying that Indian people have our own issues and bigotry (to say the least) surrounding anti-Black racism, misogyny, islamophobia, casteism etc. Absolutely not! I have spent much of my life trying to unpack these sentiments drilled into me from a young age, and I have tried to help my peers do too. I have also spent time in real world activism combating such issues, because it is the only way forward to a more equal society.

But just because our society has prejudice does not mean we should be subjected to such bigotry from other progressives or have the discrimination we face not be taken seriously. Even the worst among us does not deserve to have racist sentiments spewed against them because bigotry is wrong, point blank. We don't deserve to be called rapists, to be accused of all being racists, and say that racism against us is "self-inflicted". Indians do not deserve that, we just don't.

[spockandawe]

Double edit: actually, that's enough of that.

Edit: I was expecting maybe thirty notes tops. This is a surprise, and one that doesn't delight me. If I hear about any harassment stemming from this post, I'll be more pissed at the harasser than the person this is about.

God. Dammit.

I hate this, let's just out that out there! I'm unhappy that I'm talking about any of this, I'm unhappy there's an issue that's come up at the intersection of media preservation, respecting authors, and one of my favorite book series. And I'm unhappy that I've censored the names in the screenshots I'm about ti post! I'm not happy that I'm helping to slide consequences away from someone who thought this was an acceptable thing to do to a modern working author. But I'm even less happy this is something that happened in the first place, and I'm VERY unhappy the original post has been deleted without a whisper of accountability or apology.

And here's a partial screenshot of the IA page, which has since been removed. I get the excitement to share something you love with a new audience. This isn't the right way to go about it.

First, if Martha Wells' patreon is still in place, I encourage everyone in the strongest possible terms to go sign up for it. It'll charge you one dollar. I've been a member since probably 2018, and I mistakenly believed it was locked to new members (it's labeled 'Currently Closed To New Patrons') until I had reason to look it up last night, when I tripped across this reddit post from earlier this year.

Now. I was looking it up because of this sudden patreon message:

Even if the patreon goes away, I still recommend that people sign up. Explore the stories! They're very fun! Even though the patreon has been dormant for years, I've loved having that repository in place.

In fact, in the interest of full disclosure, what kept me from immediately reblogging last night is that I've felt the same archival urges! I bound a hard copy of these stories earlier this year, and let me quote my own words from that post:

I live in a state of perpetual low key stress over the impermanence of digital media and that goes extra for sites that aren’t designed to work well as archives. I hope, desperately, that someday Martha Wells publishes more raksura, maybe even including these stories! I will buy it immediately. No thoughts, wallet empty. I own all her other raksura books in literally three formats, fingers crossed that by printing this, I can actualize a formal official printing of these stories by the author 😂

So. Archiving, yes. But especially with a living, working author, I would never DREAM of posting a public free-for-all with IA and mediafire links. My most charitable interpretation is that OP thought it was fine since the stories were "free," even though the writeups acknowledge that access costs a dollar. Ao3 is also free. Reposting someone else's fic is still understood to be a dick move.

Last night i was left kind of stunned, and I was hoping to see some kind of response from op this morning taking responsibility, and was... disappointed to see that the post was just deleted. The IA listing was deleted too, and I hadn't actually looked up the mediafire post yet but I'm guessing it's also been nuked. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there was anything more in the comments, so I found a surviving reblog. And there was!

So I'm writing this post because I'm... frustrated. Taking down the files is a good step. Posting them publicly was a worse step, but hey. I still more than understand if Martha Wells still deletes her patreon. I don't understand what sending her files of her own stories is meant to accomplish, but whatever. Ascribing a profit-driven motive is driving me up a wall, though. She's financially stable. I read her email, and what i see is frustration that even though it only cost a dollar to access 62k of her work through her own chosen location, control of her writing is being forcibly removed from her. I'm sure that seeing copies sold by third parties wouldn't help, but I don't think that's the root issue.

This is a fandom-heavy website, I'm sure most of us have seen posts about not reposting art when you can share directly from the artist's blog. I've seen posts about stop copying your ao3 faves over to wattpad just because you like reading there better. At a fundamental level, I read the message from Martha Wells as a deep frustration at having no way to share her creative work without someone removing control of it from her hands. And I don't know if there's any way to really take back that damage.