#Drastic changes coming from pure hatred

[immediatebreakfast]

It's so tragic to read how Jonathan's writing changed so much to the point that it feels as if another person took his hands, and erased his literary identity. In an epistolary novel where all of the characters have such distinct writing styles, and quirks this writing change is the only reflection of the amount of trauma Jonathan has gone through.

From early may:

Before us lay a green sloping land full of forests and woods, with here and there steep hills, crowned with clumps of trees or with farmhouses, the blank gable end to the road. There was everywhere a bewildering mass of fruit blossom—apple, plum, pear, cherry; and as we drove by I could see the green grass under the trees spangled with the fallen petals. In and out amongst these green hills of what they call here the “Mittel Land” ran the road, losing itself as it swept round the grassy curve, or was shut out by the straggling ends of pine woods, which here and there ran down the hillsides like tongues of flame.

With the heart, and soul of a curious poet trying to capture the beauty of their surroundings.

To today in october:

We left Charing Cross on the morning of the 12th, got to Paris the same night, and took the places secured for us in the Orient Express. We travelled night and day, arriving here at about five o'clock. Lord Godalming went to the Consulate to see if any telegram had arrived for him, whilst the rest of us came on to this hotel—"the Odessus." The journey may have had incidents; I was, however, too eager to get on, to care for them. Until the Czarina Catherine comes into port there will be no interest for me in anything in the wide world.

It's simple, technical, to the point, and nothing at all like the Jonathan we knew. There are no more heavy descriptions of the landscapes, no more curious details to study later, nor recording the kind of people to meet, all is left is the focused hatred that Jonathan has for Dracula, and his eagerness to either kill him with his hands or see him dead with his two eyes.

It's a reflection of the kind of mental state Jonathan is in right now, and the kind of expression that Mina must have noticed by now.

[determinate-negation]

How does one argue against science denialism without falling back on what basically amounts to positivism?

when i criticize positivism im mostly coming from the critical theory position on positivism as a tendency in the sciences that, under capitalism, erases the dynamic, dialectical, mediated nature of things to just pure facts or data, essentially “reduces the world to be its own measure” as they say in dialectic of enlightenment. basically a type of vulgar focus on empiricism that claims to be completely objective and merely reflect the facts of reality, ignoring how our scientific knowledge is itself mediated by social relations, norms, historical conditions and ideology. so its not a rejection of science, and not a rejection of reason or the ethos of enlightenment outright, but a criticism of a negative development in the dialectic of scientific knowledge. and particularly a development that is frequently used by people to justify the status quo, naturalize social hierarchy, and claim all of this on a purely scientific factual basis. sorry to quote adorno but i think this sums up the tendency im mostly criticizing when i talk about positivism:

its resignation to what is so and not otherwise, in its elimination of the category of potentiality, and in its hatred of all thought that takes the possible seriously in its opposition to the actual.

so anyways since this is kind of the basis of my critique, i think its totally possibly to oppose science denialism and other irrationalist reactionary ideologies. like we can still say that the scientific knowledge many people have acquired and applied throughout the years (on climate change, vaccines, infrastructure, whatever) is legitimate and objectively proven while still recognizing that what we we refer to as the sciences is still much more ambiguous and socially mediated, especially in certain fields, than its most adamant supporters imagine. i think, at least, when ive read scientific literature, particular on neuroscience and stuff like that, scientists are generally very aware that scientific inquiry is a difficult thing and like different factors can change the results of studies drastically, issues with data collection, etc just that many things like this complicate acquiring scientific knowledge. whereas laypeople often seem to often see the truncated results of studies and polls as god given information. im sure we’ve all seen this happen on tumblr lol. i think the disconnect between how science is understood popularly vs how scientific research actually is contributes to an irrational distrust of science. if more people were actually aware of maybe the real processes of scientific research maybe there would be less skepticism when reality doesnt match up with vulgar positivist conception of science

[thewriterg]

𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐮𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰

pairing(s): kento nanami x fem!reader, sub!nanami x dom!reader

summary: you were here for a mission but, that didn’t mean you couldn’t have a little fun in your wake? It was nothing personal, honest.

word count: 800+

warning(s): reader is mean like sinister six mean, blackmailing, sub nanaminnn, restraints?, cheating, oral f receiving, slapping, orgasm denial, cock stepping, nanami licks your boot?, choking, pet names, sorcerer reader, and language

A/n:—GIFs; @pseudowho & — this is more of a thirst/ jumble of words then a fic

“Hello? Oh yes, good afternoon. How may I help you? Mr Nanami can’t come to the phone right now, im afraid. May I take a message?” The curl of your lips is short of ominous as you stare down at the blonde business man. Your foot bobs up and down with a board expression on your face listening to person over the line. When the sorcerer tries to speak —which comes out as nothing but muffled gibberish due to his dotted tie that was usually in perfect place around his collar was now being used as a gag— you glare at him harshly, applying pressure against the upside of his cock to be smashed onto the floor. It stares at you angrily flashing deep shades of reds and pinks.

“Perfect, goodbye now.” You place the corded phone onto its hook, sighing deeply at the continued protest coming from plush drooling lips. You lean torwards his kneeling figure and for a moment Nanami thinks you’re going to remove the cloth from his mouth. However, in response your closed palm makes contact with his pale cheek. The Impact leaves a biting sting that almost made him gasp at the unexpectedness of it.

“Can’t even follow simple instructions. God, this look is truly pathetic on you” You chuckle lowly, chocolate brown eyes staring back at you with a pure dose of hatred. You rub the bottom of your black pump against the skin of his length —the tip leaking pre onto the floor— and watch the slight shudder of his shoulders.

“You scream and I swear everything you have will be taken.” You wait for a quick moment before snatching the tie from around the blonde’s mouth, he makes quick work of bad mouthing you.

“You insufferable wom-”

“Now Kento, that’s no way to speak to someone making you feel like this.” The stiletto heel of your shoe is pressed to the slit of his sensitive cock and your palm makes a home at the base of his neck, squeezing with a steady pressure. Against his will, Nanami lets out a shaky breath, his body betrays him but he shakes his head all the same.

“No.” He insists

“No?” You muse

“No.”

“That’s rich seeing as you could’ve gotten out of the restraints anytime you wanted. Those ropes were made by a grade four and you’re what? A grade two at least, yeah? No matter how much your mouth says no, your body continues to say something differently. Poor Mrs. Nanami, sitting up in that six figure house waiting for you to come home… yet here you are being a manwhore” Your chuckle rings in his ears, you scent overwhelms his senses. You had him pinned literally and figuratively. God did you always smell this good?

“I mean, all you have to do is tell me to stop. Tell me to stop touching your dick and I’ll walk out that door right now.” You hum fingers wrapped around the base pumping up and down the length slowly. Shaky breaths along with slight grunts plague the air, yet there is no protest. You scoff at the action and drastically change the pace of your wrist making sure to drag it up his length at a rate painful to try and keep from coming to.

“Cmon’ Nanamin, I know you want to come. That’s it pretty boy, just blow your load.” Your thumb swipes over his swollen tip beads of pre spurting out at your every touch. Just as the feeling strengthens and he can feel him self beginning to peak you rip your hand away. The blonde grunts that sounds like a borderline whine, glaring at your figure.

“I know you didn’t think it’d be that easy. You’re a big boy Nanami, you know better than anyone you have to work for what you want.” You lean back in his desk chair placing your heeled boot on his chest, it shocks you how quick he is to comply; hesitantly darting out his tongue to swipe across the leather. You’d snap a picture if you didn’t have the desire to feel his tongue elsewhere.

“That’s adorable. How about you put that tongue to good use” You hum setting both of your legs across his shoulders. The look he has for you is to be described as nothing less other than drunk. The blonde peaks inside your skirt, you thighs bare of any undergarment and he doesn’t try to contain the groan that escapes him inching towards your center.

The office phone rings again.

“Hello? Oh- oh I’m sorry Mr. Nanami has his hands tied…” You grab on hold to the locks of platinum buried from under your tight pencil skirt, struggling to keep your voice steady.

“Can I take a message?”

©2024 thewriterg spooktober do not copy, translate, or modify.

[mgopinoon]

I think this whole "you're bodyshaming K" thing is a way for them to make us stop talking about her in a negative way. I understand we don't know what's going on with her, but we've had to deal with her presence for over 2 years, where she constantly made it known she exists whenever Austin had something going on in his career. Now that the attention she's getting is not positive we should just shut up? Istg this girl is being babied by everyone, by people around her and people online. She made a drastic change to her looks (besides her weight loss), that doesn't do her any favors, ofc people are going to talk about her looks. When Austin had that weight loss around awards season last year, everyone pointed it out as well, how is this different? People, who are not in the fandom have been questioning her looks since July, why would we, who actually have to sort of follow her sometimes, not talk about it? Oh btw shippers gladly bodyshamed V after her pregnancy and still to this day call her names, and they don't comment on her looks with concern like we do with K, but just with pure hatred. And above all that, it's your blog, so if you want to point out she looks off, then you're free to do that. They can go on their blogs and kiss her ass all they want. From what I've seen, you don't tag your asks, so people actually have to search for your blog to see the posts.

thanks for explaining ❤️. Kaia is unfortunately part of Austin's life and has done many things that we cannot ignore. They themselves relate everything that has to do with Austin to Kaia and vice versa, so why can't we talk about her now when it comes to Austin? why is it negative now? . they must stop the double standard.

[ohtobeleah]

Roll Of The Dice // Jake Seresin

Chapter Four: “What’s Even Real”

Summary: Jake Seresin has never been a believer in life after death, but when he’s caught in a comatose realm stuck between reality and fantasy—what else is there to do but dream?

Warnings: Jake Seresin x F!reader Jake Seresin Angst. Hospitalisation. Grief of a loved one. Slow decline into grief induced madness. Bradley Bradshaw x platonic!reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Author Note: Well. A phatt 85% of you voted for me to flip the story and here you go. I actually LOVE how this series is taking a drastic turn. But just so we’re all on the same page. There is NO HAPPY ENDING. (Also shut the fuck up I’m still on a break)

Series Masterlist

(Naval Hospital– Jacksonville, Florida. – Present Day)

Bradley Bradshaw had never been good with hospitals. His therapist had told him once that his ever growing hatred towards the far too sterile environment was due to the fact both his mother and father had passed away in hospital beds surrounded by doctors and nurses who he couldn't really give a shit about enough to remember there names.

But here he was, walking down the hall towards room one hundred and nine of the intensive care unit at the Naval hospital in Jacksonville, Florida. Bradley carried two takeaway coffees, one in each hand as nurses who had become all too familiar with the mustache-clad aviator smiled politely and sent him solemn looks of hopefulness that today might very well be the day. But he knows it's just something they’re taught in medical school. Compassion. Empathy for the friends and family members of the loved ones laying near dead, dying or recovering. Bradley didn't know what category to put Jake Seresin in at the moment, they hadnt really been all that chummy prior to the accident. Not friends nor foes. Just long-term acquaintances who loved you both dearly.

Bradley Bradshaw had known you for his entire life, uncle Sliders kid. The military brat with the heart of gold, thousand watt smile and even bigger attitude. It's probably what drew you and Jake Seresin together. That all too similar attitude and love for a good taunt. Rooster always did catch himself wondering what you saw in him, but then again, beauty was forever in the eye of the beholder. 

“Hey, sorry–the line was crazy today.” Bradley cooed as he knocked with one knuckle on the door that had been slightly ajar. Stepping in, the steady beeping of Jake's heart rate monitor filled the room. “How's he been?” 

“No change–” Was all you mumbled as you looked up from watching Jake breath with assistance to reach out for your coffee order Bradley had had the chance to remember off by heart. “You just missed the Doc.” Bradley could tell just how tired you were just by the way your eyes looked sunken, he knew you weren't sleeping, weren’t eating. He knew that you hadn’t left Jake's side since he was brought into his room. “She said that there's definitely brain activity going on–said he must be dreaming.” You smiled at the thought, you hoped whatever Jake was dreaming of was a hell of alot better than what he would wake up to. “The swellings gone down quite a bit, but it’s just up to him if he wants to fight to come back.”

Bradley moved across the room, grabbing the chair that sat empty in the corner of the room to drag it over to where you sat at your fiance's beside. Like every time he came to visit, he sat with a sigh, leaned into where you sat and kissed your cheek softly, a reassurance he was here for you. 

“Sounds promising.” Bradley pressed his lips together before he took a sip of his coffee, watching as you did the same. “Dice, you look like crap.” 

“I'm gonna let you get away with that one purely because I feel like crap.” You chuckled softly, but it had been just enough to coax the corner of your mouth into a curve. Oh how Bradley missed the sound of your laugh, you were one of his closest friends. Seeing you hurt and struggling through such a crisis made his heart ache worse than he ever imagined it could. From what Rooster could remember of his parents love, they set such a high standard Bradley didn’t know if he’d ever have a chance of replicating—he thought if anything he’d get to live long enough to live vicariously through your love for Jake and watch you thrive in some fairytale life with Hangman that he’d be happy enough with that. But that all seemed so up in the air now.

But here you both sat, watching Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin breathe assisted with tubes of all kinds shoved down his throat. Barely recognisable from the swelling, the cuts, stitches and bruises that littered his face. You could tell he was still your Jake though. 

“If you wanna go home, get some rest? I can stay here with him for as long as you need.” Bradley knew what the answer was going to be before you even shook your head. Letting your gaze linger back on the gentle rise and fall of Jake's chest. 

“No thanks, I wouldn’t want to miss anything—“ It was hard not to cry, but as you tried to coax your fiancé to come back to you? The tears just fell so effortlessly. “He knows I’m here.” 

You carried far too much guilt on your own shoulders for what happened. Jake, although an amazing partner—was an even better wingman. He’d come after you when things got a little too out of control during a recent detachment. He’d saved your life and sacrificed his own. When you’d both been brought back to Florida of all places—You’d asked one of the nurses to contact Bradley for you, he’d been on some carrier somewhere in the middle of the ocean—but he pulled whatever strings he could to get back to you. 

“Jake would want you to take care of yourself if anything Dice, he loves you so much.” Bradley placed a hand on your knee, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the soft grey material of your sweatpants. “You aren’t gonna be any good to him when he finally wakes up if you can’t even keep your eyes open.” 

“He’s such an idiot.” You scoffed, your moods had been vile the last few weeks. You were sleep deprived, hungry, running of steam fueled by Starbucks caffeine and sugar free red bulls from the vending machine. “He shouldn’t have come after me, gives me a goddamn headache just thinking about it, it should have—“ A sob ripped through your chest and you were gone in seconds. Your bottom lip quivered as you fell into a heap against Jake's side, your hand reaching for his as Bradley rubbed a comforting circle against your arched back. “So so so dumb Rooster—he should have just let it be me.” It was supposed to be you. 

“If there’s one person on this planet Hangman would want to die saving Dice, it would be you.” It was hard to hear but Bradley knew you had to hear it. “He would do anything to keep you out of harm's way.” 

“Yeah well, what am I supposed to do if he doesn’t wake up, Rooster?” Rising from the side of Jakes hospital bed, you crossed your legs up into the chair you were perched on. “What if he just doesn’t wake up? And he gets trapped in the dreamscape world his mind is creating while I'm out here, all alone?” Bradley knew the breakdown was coming, he had seen it racing towards him at a million miles an hour over the last few days. Not taking care of yourself while giving your all to someone else was a tiring effort that broke the strongest of souls on their best days. You were only human, a much loved one at that. You didn't deserve this, Jake didn't deserve this. 

“Hey.” Rooster cooed, cupping your cheeks as he gently pressed the pads of his thumbs against your swollen cheeks to wipe away the tears. “Hey, Dice, look at me yeah?” You did hesitantly, not ready to take your eyes away from Jake, your Jake, your darling Hangman, your soon to be husband. “Dice, hell will freeze over before Jake Seresin gives up fighting, it’s Jake we’re talking about right?” 

“I just really really miss him Roo–” You could barely hold your head up with how tired you were, falling into Roosters chest as you sobbed your heart out. It broke his heart to know you were in such anguish. “Every fucking breath that I take since he left feels like a waste on me.” 

“He's here Y/n.” Bradley didn't know what else to do except hold you tight, hold you close as you cried in his arms. Over your shoulder, Bradley took in the sight of Jake Seresin, laying there in his hospital bed, with machines surrounding him helping him do the most mundane task of all. Breathe. Jake had always been the better of them, he didn't ever think, he would just always do. He was the Hangman, the top of his class, the cockiest fighter pilot Rooster had ever had the displeasure of knowing. 

But now? well–Rooster kind of wished that he’d given Jake more of a chance, perhaps there was some perplexing rhythm and reason why Jake was the way he was and did the things and did and said the stupid things he said. 

“He’s here, Doc said that, didn't she? He’s here, just needs some time to find his way back.” 

“I'm losing my goddamn mind Bradshaw.” Stifling a laugh, you sat back up, you wiped your tears and fixed yourself up. Taking a sip of the coffee Bradley had brought you to keep you alert. You had had your moment, now it was time to be brave, be there for Jake when he woke up. “I don't know how much more of this I can take before I lose my mind.” 

“How about I go grab you some food?” Rooster simply asked, standing as he kissed the top of your head. “You like that sushi place down the road, yeah?” 

“M’not that hungry–” 

“I don't care, you need to eat, you can't just–” Before Rooster could finish saying that you couldn't just not eat, you were snapping at him. It wasn't the first time but it was still rather jarring. 

“I said im not hungry, Rooster, you want food fine, go get yourself something, but im not fucking hungry.” It wasn't entirely your fault, Bradley knew it was coming from a place of despair and heartbreak. You couldn't control anything happening around you so you clung to something you could. He’d remembered that from therapy. 

“Okay, well, I'm gonna go grab something to eat and I'll be back okay?” Bradley wasn't expecting an answer, he didn't get one either. All that met him in response was the monotone beeping of Jake Seresins heart rate monitor and the overbearing shattering sound of your own. Pressing his lips together as he shoved his fist into his pocket to fish out his phone. Bradley turned on his heels as he left the room. Leaving you to sit in your own existential crisis.

“Hey kid, how's she doing?” Slider greeted Bradley from the otherside of the phone as he left the same way he came in, passing by the same nurses that now didn't even pay him any attention. Their minds on new patients, new charts to read, new turns of events. 

“I'm really worried about her, she's not eating, not sleeping, she's not doing well at all and I don't know how to help her.” It was the honest truth, Bradley didn't. He didn't know how to help pick up the pieces. Slider, your dad, although a million miles away–felt closer than ever when he brought up Bradley's own mum. 

“You were the same when Carole died kid, wouldn't let a single person help you until you hit rock bottom.” Slider sighed as Braldey pressed the button on the elevator. “She's gonna hit it eventually and when she does it's gonna be brutal but you’ll be there, just don't smother her, treat her like you normally would, watch over her but dont force her to do anything she doesn't want to do.” It was the advice Rooster had been seeking. He knew your dad would know what to say, how to keep him on the straight and narrow. “When she hits that wall you’ll know, because instead of pushing you away she’s gonna grip on, hold tight and not let go for love nor money, Goose.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

(North Island —Hard Deck Bar, October 16th 2014) 

“I’m here–” It came out more reluctantly than you really meant it to. But the way Jake Seresin jumped as you came up behind him and made your presence known had you breaking out into a fit of giggles on the front deck of the Hard Deck. 

“Fuck–” Jake groaned as he turned around and held his hand to his tan covered heart. “Why are you so quiet? You move like a goddamn prius?” You didn't know you could roll your eyes as hard as you did. 

“Can we just get this over and done with already?” You sighed dramatically, pushing past Jake as you made your way inside. He was hot on your tail, opening the door for you like the true southern gentleman that his mother had raised him to be. “Oh, thanks.” You hadn’t expected it, no one had ever opened a door for you like Jake had just done. Sure men held doors open in coffee shops in passing before, but this had been an intentional act. Jake had a pep in his step to reach the door before you could. “Why would you do that?” 

“We’re on a date.” It was the cheesy grin you received in return that had you rolling your eyes twice as hard as you;d just done, surprising yourself once more at the diameter they could actually roll. Jake stood there holding the door for you—gesturing for you to step inside. “And my mother would slap me across the face full force if she saw my date opening doors all by herself.” 

“Hangman I really don’t think this classifies as a date.” You tried to shut down the idea before it could bloom into something bigger inside Jake's head. But you were already too late. “I asked if you wanted to grab something to eat and have a couple of beers after work—to get to know my wingman.”

“Oh Lieutenant Dixon, if I can help it? You and I aren't just gonna be just wingman and wingwoman.” Jake shook his head. “So humour me a little, entertain the idea for a single night?” You stood in silence for a mere minute before finally admitting defeat. “One date—“ Stepping inside as Jake led you over to the nearest open bar table with a hand pressed to the small of your back, guiding you through. 

“One date is all you’re gonna get, Headache.” You groaned as Jake pulled the bar chair out from underneath the small round table. He watched as you sat down with a reluctant gruff. Laughing to himself at how easy it was to get under your skin. 

“One date is all I need to make you fall in love with me.” Jake replied as he walked around to find his own chair, handing you the menu as he waved over at Bill, the barkeep. “And just so we’re on the same page here sweetheart—“ Jake leaned in closer to you over the table, watching with hooded eyes and a wicked grin as you did the same. Mimicking him. “You’re a terrible wingwoman, so don’t think falling in love with me will affect your already atrocious aviation skills.” 

“Careful there Hangman.” It wasn’t that you couldn’t already feel yourself gravitating towards Jake, it was that you were scared of just how far the two of you were willing to let this go before pumping the breaks. “Anyone with eyes glued onto their head would think you’re a little obsessed with me.” For some reason, there were a few gold coated pens sitting on the table, possibly but also probably for the keno games that Bull liked to scatter around the joint. Picking one up—Jake clicked the top before placing it in his top pocket absentmindedly. You could never have enough pens. Everytime he needed one he never had one. Everytime he had one he never needed it. 

“Why don’t you roll the Dice and find out?” Jake grinned ear to ear, watching as you raised a brow in response. “Tell me a little about yourself? Perhaps I'll walk away all the more obsessed than I supposedly already am.” 

“Okay–” You simply sighed, dropping your chin as you frowned. Pulling your elbows off the table as you sat back into a slight slump. “This has been fun, really, this whole act–” it was Jake's turn to frown as he listened, noticing how you wore an expression he didn't like one bit. Something laced with self-doubt. “But you can cut it out now.” 

“What are you on about?” Jake asked as he handed you a menu. 

“The whole, you wanna be more than friends shtick you’re really playing up.” Yep, Jake really made you say it out loud. “I'm not the type of girl whos gonna fall in love with you Seresin, I'm not here for that shit, im here–” 

“Because your daddy is Ron Slider Kerner and he's chummy with Admiral Agony?” Jake didn't mean to say it like that's what he believed, he meant to say it in a way that he thought that's what you were going to say. Maybe the look he’d seen plastered across your face before wasn't self loathing after all, because when you straighten your shoulders and let out a scoff. Jake knew he fucked it. “I didn't mean it to sound like that, I just thought that's what you were going to say.” 

“Sure, because you and everyone else here surely don't think I'm the class Nepotism baby.” 

“That's Bradshaws title, get your own Dice.'' Jake was quick on the draw, it forced a laugh to bubble up from deep inside you as you took in the sight of his smile. So bright and all consuming. 

“No Bradleys the gold star kid, but don't tell him I said that!” You sat up a little straighter, knocking your knuckle against the top of the table. “He’s practically family, which means he’ll plant me in the ground if he ever heard me say that.” 

“Well, for the record, I don't think you’re a nepo baby.” Jake cooed, smirking wildly at you from across the table. The Hard Deck had started to get busier around you as you sat with the sandy blonde. The pair of you didn't seem to notice as you got lost in the conversation you were having. Something about Jake just drew you into him, you couldn't figure out what exactly it was that had your heart skipping a beat at the sound of his laugh or the glint in his eye. But there was something there. “I do think you’re gonna have a hard time following me, but I'll do my best to lead us to the top of that ladder, Dice Dixon.” 

You couldn't let Jake get away with thinking he was better than you, if you were going to be the best dynamic duo Mirimar had ever seen you needed it known who was the brains of this operation. And who exactly is what that was going to led you to the top of that leaderboard, to the top of the class and beyond. 

“Seresin, I have known you for the better half of one entire afternoon and I already know the most important thing about you.” You let your back rest against the plush back of the booth chair. Eyeing off the handsome aviator before you, Jake fucking Seresin was about to be the death of you and you knew it. 

“Pray do tell—“ Jake replied as he mimicked your actions. Letting his back rest and the plush of the booth, waiting for you to say something witty. Something he knew he’d never forget. 

“That the only place you’ll lead anymore is an early grave.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @potato-girl99981 @averyhotchner @dempy @abaker74 @a-serene-place-to-be @starkleila @some-lovely-day @phoenix1388 @auroraboreallisfine @avaleineandafryingpan @kikaninchen-2 @xoxabs88xox

[notoneopinion]

The Newsletter #1: The Demon {social anxiety}

Social anxiety is a demon.

I don't mean to come on here and announce the obvious, but there is no point in making it more complicated than it needs to be. Social anxiety is the pesky demon that latches itself to everyone at some point; depending on a number of factors, that demon can be a daily torment.

My experience with The Demon dates back to early childhood. I remember being as young as six, hiding under my bed so my parents wouldn't make me go to the shops with them. And God forbid I actually did go to the shops, because I just spent the entire time trying to breathe, which must have looked alarming to those poor shoppers. As I grew older, this demon on my shoulder was no longer saying I couldn't go out for my own good; suddenly, I couldn't go out because my hair wasn't sitting right, or my weight wasn't low enough, or my face just simply could not be showcased to the public, because people would surely make fun of me for it. Suddenly the public wasn't the problem - I was. Only I didn't realise that until I started therapy.

I'm not going to tell you that therapy was my cure-all for social anxiety, because it wasn't. I will never talk someone out of going to therapy, as I'm actually a great advocate for it, and the proof of its benefits are right there for anyone to look at. Saying that, my relationship with therapy was a weird one; I was being forced to talk to a person about my crushing fear of people. I found myself dreading those sessions, yet despite this, I was able to gain some pretty decent in-sight into why my brain functioned the way it did. The way it does. The thing about therapy is that it forces you to go right back, because nine times out of ten, that's where the problems stem from. My therapist trailed me through a field of reasons why I was so terrified of leaving the house, going from high school bullies all the way to something like coming from a big family. Stuff a person wouldn't even begin to think, because - well, I always just put it down to me being messed up in the head. I didn't bother going beyond that line of thought, but that's the beauty of professional help! It made me feel better knowing it wasn't just pure self-sabotage making me this way - there are actually so many factors out of your control that play massive {The Biggest} parts in your mental health.

After getting to the root cause of the problem, I made it my mission to focus on myself. There comes a point where you just get sick and tired of being your own worst enemy, and that was the point I was at. Drastic changes had to be made, or I knew I was going to fall under and never crawl back out. It started with me dropping out of public school and moving to homeschooling, which might not seem like the best way to get over anxiety, but it was the start of something incredible for me. Escaping the environment that made me feel stuck and surrounded me with some of the most toxic people - it changed my life. It allowed me to have a clear head for the first time in years, which in turn let me focus on myself. I was able to establish a routine, got myself through GCSE's and A-Levels, grew closer to a family I was too run down to pay any attention to before. All this self-improvement came together, and suddenly I wasn't wearing the baggy clothes. Suddenly I wanted to go to the movies with my friends, because my head was no longer cluttered by these thoughts of self hatred. Of course crowds still scare me, and I'm always more comfortable going out if my fiance is with me - but I have a fiance! I'm going out! I'm making friends, because taking care of myself, putting myself first, made me realise that I am worthy of showing my face to the world, even if it is just in short bursts.

[skelebellie]

ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE: DENIAL, GREIF, ACCEPTANCE, AND CHANGE

TLDR: My thoughts about Across the Spiderverse and the story its trying to tell.

[spoilers for across the spiderverse!!!]

So, I saw ATSV a second time, which gave me more time to get a more analytical look on it rather than having my jaw on the floor the whole time. Nonetheless, here are some ramblings from me as I try to write down some thoughts.

CHARACTERS REPRESENTING IDEALS

I think one of the biggest ‘lessons’ we see through the movie is the portraryl of Miguel O’Hara and Miles Morales. Ignoring the theory that Miguel might not even be a ‘spiderman’, I think they both represent very clear mindsets that we see in both the second and first Spiderverse movies.

Miguel O’Hara represents grief. Pure grief which, rather than move on from, has taken ahold of himself. His grief, about his reality, his daughter, his past life, follows him in every action. From creating spider-society to how he continues to (in Miles words), ride Gwens ass. As someone from the latino community, I see his mannerisms in a lot of the other members of my family, that your actions have consequences. And most of the time, you are forced to face those consequences in order to learn from them. Whether this be your own choice, or forced by elders around you.

What I find peculiar about Miguel, is that he continues to relive this grief every day. He continues to force himself to watch videos of his daughter, of a happier time, and when it cuts back to his face its not one of reminiscence, its that of someone hollow. As if he’s dangling a carrot in front of himself saying ‘this is what you gave up’. And because of this, he is stuck in a loop, his daughters glitching body dissipating in front of him with every step he takes. It causes him to manifest such an intense anger, a self-hatred which he applies to every spider person.

But Miles, while maybe not destroying his whole reality, has gone through grief. He watched his Peter die in front of him, and even worse, lost a loved one because of his own actions. But where I think these characters differentiate is how they process their grief. Miles enacts this beautiful mural of his uncle, ‘Rest In Power’ displayed across his portrait. Not only because it comes from a primarily black community based background, but because of the message it displayed. ‘Rest in Power’ means to celebrate a persons life and what they achieved, rather than mourn their disappearance. With each step Miles takes, he remembers Uncle Aarons words. Not as some form of warning, but rather as a powerful message that despite how hard it gets, there is always a future lying ahead.

Miles takes grief with pride, acceptance, and change. His life not moving forward because he forgets, but because he walks with it. Grief never goes away, it always remains, but its up to you to decide whether it is an old friend or a grim reminder.

Miguel, however, takes grief like a dry pill. He tries to swallow it, to better the lives of those around him, but he has yet to confront that life continues to move and change no matter the event. People change, life continues, and yet he forces himself into this metaphorical loop. Constantly terrified that one day he will wake up within the same nightmare he lived.

They are meant to be foils to each other. You are meant to see one as good or bad because of their drastic opposites. But I think this is what Part 2 will explore. The inbetween.

Miles seems so afraid of something horrible happening- that he can and always will be able to protect everyone. But that’s not reality, and unfortunatley Miguel is right in that manner. Now Miles is given an opportunity to change this because he knows what is going to happen, but that is not always the case. Tragic events can hit anyone like a freight train, spider person or not.

This isn’t to say Miguel is entirely right. He is so-so wrong. He is stuck in this self-deprecating headspace that causes him to be unable to move past the idea that some people can never be saved, that their is some predetermined ‘cannon’ awaiting everyone. But we know this isn’t the case, because if it was, Miles reality would have crashed a looooonnnggg time ago.

Miguel can be defined as a ‘never’, while Miles is an ‘always’. And as much as id like their to be a happy ending, that’s not how life is. It’s a world filled with ‘sometimes’.

[lokiskitten]

hello i love ur works omg idk if ur still accepting reqs or suggestions regarding ur stepdad! tom imagines but what abt an imagine in which tom attempts to end the secret affair between him and the reader and then the reader is heartbroken so she gets herself a boyfriend which makes tom jealous then smut ?? idk HAHAHA tyyy

Tom Hiddleston | forbidden behavior

Stepdad!Tom Hiddleston x fem!reader

plot : around a week after your stepfather called it off regarding the bond you two had developed, you are caught hanging out with a couple of friends in a café. Noticing his presence outside of the building, you decide to join him only to receive the most peculiar lecture of your life.

warnings : stepdad!trope, stepdad x stepdaughter intercourse, jealousy, slight physical abuse, kissing, crotch groping, handjob.

A week had passed since your stepfather had decided to end the relationship the two of you had progressively developed behind your mother’s back. You obviously took this as betrayal, an unnecessary decision which easily led you to develop hatred for the older man- especially after he had managed to convince you that the moments you spent together filled him with as much bliss as it did for you. But these times were now over, and your first mission easily became to avoid him as soon as you penetrated inside of your own home. Before your mother, both you and Tom were obviously forced to make an effort in order to keep your secret on the low- scared that any suspicious behavior would lead your past to come flashing under the lights of the projectors.

On a warm Friday evening, you had decided to stop by a café with a couple of your friends in order to celebrate the end of the week. Within this group stood Trystan, a boy you had finally agreed on offering a chance after breaking up with Thomas. He was nice and well educated, a mass of long black hair covering the top of his head as well as his neck. The young man also brought home plenty of nice grades, which could only be a green flag to your high expectations holding self- adding up to how he had offered to help with your mathematics homework after school. Now this was a proposition you jumped on immediately, but which you knew wouldn’t be able to take place within the walls of your house- and that due to your dragon of a stepfather.

Being too busy laughing with your classmate, you hadn’t noticed Tom’s presence outside of the café, his body leant against his car as he watched you fall for someone else. In fact, he had been following you on your way back home from college nearly every day of the week- satisfying the weird obsession he held for your younger self and easing his crippling anxiety and possessive behaviors. Seeing you with another man couldn’t have driven him more upset, his fists clenching out of pure anger within the pockets of the suit he wore for work. Minutes passed by, and the older man remained leant against his car whilst growing more and more impatient regarding the sweet words and touches you appeared to offer the black haired boy. These touches he knew so well were meant to be his, and this overall sight easily led the adult to regret ever breaking it off with you.

When your head finally looked up in order to divert through the open doors of the café, your heart tightened upon witnessing the stern silhouette of your stepfather waiting against his car. Embrassement and fear progressively started to fill your organism, face decomposing whilst your friends continued to laugh with one another. Thankfully, it didn’t take long until Trystan noticed the way your mood had unexpectedly yet drastically changed. “Hey, Y/n?? You’re okay?” He asked on a concerned tone, his empathy leading your stomach to grow a couple of more knots at the thought of your stepdad witnessing such a scene. “Yeah..I’m fine. I think I’ll be going home now.” you responded politely, catching all of your mates off guard though none of them did a thing to hold you back. They could tell you appeared sick and pale.

“Take care.” Lizzie purred out as you swung your bag over your shoulder, the group’s curious eyes following your silhouette which exited through the door of the café only to end up joining an older man who stood nowhere far from here. Swallowing your saliva, you attempted your best to keep a rather proud expression on your face in order to push Tom a bit closer to the edge. You were aware that he absolutely despised it whenever you held an attitude. “Hi.” Your briefly said, not fighting the situation as your feet immediately started to lead you towards the other side of the car. “Who’s that guy you were with?” Tom immediately asked as he got into the driver’s seat, slamming the door shut behind him. You mimicked his gestures, and the two of you were now sat in the front of his vehicle.

“Just a friend. Why is it important anyway?” You answered harshly, leading your stepdad’s anger to rise above the edge. “Right.” He responded coldly, both of his hands firmly holding onto the steering wheel as he began to drive away from the café. Silently, you watched the way his veins popped out of his skin due to the pressure applied onto his palm- the way his jaw clenched easily matching with his overall tensed and aggressive behavior. Without showing any form of weakness, you simply decided to behave as if you were indifferent face to this situation. You couldn’t exactly tell where Tom was taking the two of you, but even after your breakup you still trusted him well enough not to bring any harm to your fragile mind and body.

You felt surprised and confused to watch him park his car in a nearly empty parking lot, the upset male obviously seeking intimacy for the peculiar lecture he was about to give you. But again, he remained unexpectedly silent, his jaw and chest being the only parts of his body which remained in action. He couldn’t appear to find proper words, though was he truly seeking any? Gathering your courage to take the first step, your lips parted shyly, a single word barely getting enough time to come out of your mouth before you were violently cut off by your stepfather. “Tom-“ you began, body jumping due to the man’s unexpected and quite violent reaction. His palm had collided with the steering wheel, as if the only sound of your voice made him remember about what he had seen back at the café. It was the first time you ever saw him behave in such a way. Usually, he was always calm, friendly. Anger wasn’t an emotion he often felt the need to summon.

“What were you thinking?!” He blamed, the accusations penetrating your ears and leaving your poor mind clueless regarding what he was referring to. All you could tell was that his tone carried hatred, and that therefore his overall body was probably full of this exact same wrath. “Tell me, what were you thinking?” He repeated, this time on a slightly softer tone though this unwelcome touch of dominance remained. Pressing his head back against the seat as air escaped his lips, you finally found the strength to step forward and explain yourself. “He’s just a friend from college. He doesn’t stand up next to you.” You promised, the words escaping your lips as if you two had never put an end to your inappropriate relationship in the first place. “I think about you every day. I think of us.” You added, growing hopeful face to how your words appeared to progressively calm him down.

Tom’s head turned towards yours, ocean blue eyes locking with your unique orbs as the empty parking lot made it feel as if the world around you had stopped. The way his chest moved up and down as he breathed led something to rise within your soul- a sensation you hadn’t felt for over a week... ever since he had decided to put an end to your affair. His veiny hand moved up to your cheek, fingers brushing against your cheekbone before he took the initiative to delicately push a bit of your hair behind your ear. “I don’t want you to see this boy again... ever. You’re mine. My property.” He spoke gently though asserted dominance, allowing you to loose yourself in his soothing tone. However, his head was soon to tilt to the left, his upper body moving closer to yours in order to steal a kiss.

You understood the signals and moved forward as well, his hand still on your cheek as your lips collided against one another’s. His jaw roamed air as Tom took the initiative to intensify the kiss, enjoying this moment after he had been craving the taste of your flesh ever since he took the stupid decision that was ending it all between the two of you. Within a matter of weeks, you had managed to make your own stepfather crazy about you and your aura, your body, flaws and qualities. And whilst Tom continued to enjoy the taste of your lips, your nostrils were filled with bliss as they were finally allowed to breath in his cologne again, a smell you had terribly missed. No scent could’ve potentially replaced the infamous perfume that was your stepfather’s and which you had grown used and attached to through your multiple intercourses.

Growing more and more heated, you took the initiative to slide your hand down until his crotch, fingers tightening against the thick material of his suit which allowed you to feel his prominent bulge through his pants. Tom groaned out of satisfaction as you began to massage his flaccid length which had yet to harden through his trousers, hips buckling upwards just so slightly as if his crotch desired to remain stuck to your palm forever- and that through the help of a denser contact. The warmth which emitted from his groin felt delightful under your bare fingers, a sensation which could only make you crave for more. And so did he. Keeping his lips against yours, your stepfather proceeded to slide both his hands down between his thick thighs, digits unbuttoning and unzipping his pants in a rush which finally allowed you to penetrate within his intimacy.

Sliding past the elastic of his briefs, your hand was soon to come in contact with the slightly hardened member which resided down Tom’s pants. This once he moaned, the vibrations penetrating inside of your moist cavity before his tongue slid inside of your mouth. You were soon to hold up a rather satisfying pace, rubbing up and down his shaft and stopping only when you felt the need to offer him some extra pleasure by giving attention to his testicles. The male broke the buccal contact to collide against his seat, eyelids shutting close as you carried on leading his cock towards orgasm. His member had now hardened properly, revealing his true and generous length which had recently been pulled out of his pants. Just like before, Tom found pleasure in thrusting his hips upwards and participating to the intercourse a bit more than he already was.

“That little boy of yours.. is his cock this big?” Your stepdad asked through seethed teeth, having trouble finding his words due to his clenched abdomen and twitching nutsack. “No...” you responded, being slightly out of breath due to the heated kiss you shared earlier. Hearing these satisfying words coming out of your mouth, the older man couldn’t help but raise his shirt in a hurry before white semen began to sprint out of his overly sensitive urethra, his shaft twitching and contracting in order to propel the sperm out of his crotch. You bit down onto your lower lip face to such a delightful sight, hand moving down to his testicles in order to praise them one last time. This move made your stepfather shiver. You two had finally found yourselves, and it wasn’t any time soon that the older man would ever agree to let go of you again.

“And as you can see... I’m not dead”- all jokes but yes, I am alive and giving the people what it wants😭 I’m sorry if it isn’t very good tho🥺 I hope y’all are taking care!

taglist : @theaudacitytowrite @devilsuga @bucky-soldat @winteralpine @fa-me @ineffablefanic @delightfulheartdream @rosie-posie08 @marygut1407 @wildxwidow @tabea3 @lokistoriesreblog @arzennn

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

When you think about the individual statistics of the bnha / mha characters, no other person has lost as much as Shigaraki Tomura has.

Let's see a list of the people he has lost so far:

Nana Shimura, his grandma from his father side (dead).

His grandma from his mother side (dead).

His grandpa from his mother side (dead).

Nao Shimura, his mother (dead).

Kotaro Shimura, his father (dead).

Hana Shimura, his sister (dead).

Mon-chan, his dog (dead).

Kurogiri, his parental figure (captured).

AFO, another terrible parental figure (that man never loved him I mean).

Magne, a friend (dead).

Twice, a friend (dead).

Mr. Compress, a friend (captured).

Giran, a friend (captured).

Toga, a friend (unknown location).

And now he doesn't even have his own body. This boy has lost like no one on this manga. And the people who hasn't died, they have several consequences like losing fingers, losing arms, etc.

The deaths surrounding Shigaraki are also more explicit and terrible than the rest. He has witnessed himself a good number of those deaths, at least half of them. All of them have been directly related to him, which means Shigaraki can freely blame himself for what happened, even if those were accidents and even if the people actively choose to participate on the actions that lead them to their deaths.

Shigaraki has the greatest killing rate, thanks to the big waves of his quirk he used both on the MVA arc and the War arc.

He has all the reasons to believe he's a monster. The problem comes when you realize he is a created monster, he wasn't born like that, contrary to what AFO has suggested before. What happened on the MVA and the War arc are twin situations to what happened with Tenko the night his quirk awoken. He lost his mind and the control over his quirk, leading to great catastrophes. We have evidence that he was not thinking clearly on those moments of great kill, but he was rather in great pain and very very scared, tortured by his mind. That pain and fear was caused by a great abuse that generated the feeling of pure hatred. In his three big killings, there's a pattern of him remembering his past and what happened with the Shimuras.

Now, almost half of the people on the list above choose to sacrifice themselves. Three of those people do it in order to save Tomura: Nao Shimura, Kurogiri and Mr. Compress. They have in common that they acted as Shigaraki's parental figures. We could include AFO, but only if we see what happen on Kamino from Shigaraki's perspective. We could include Twice but he was not exactly sacrificing himself consciously, he wanted to scape alive.

Two people on that list tried to kill Shigaraki: Kotaro and AFO. Both tried to shape his mind into what they wanted it to be and that lead to Tomura being unstable and sometimes unpredictable. We can see the symbolism of this in the fact that Kotaro's hand was always over Tomura's face, almost wanting to erase his identity, and when AFO possessed Tomura one of the first things we saw was him tearing apart Tomura's face. Other moment related to this is Tomura's confession to Doctor Ujiko in the beginning of My Villain Academia, were he states that he couldn't remember clearly his life before AFO. With limited information, including the years of manipulation from AFO, Tomura came to the conclusion he would never be satisfied and he would rather destroy it all– except what his colleagues wanted to save.

However, the majority of the people on that list loved Tomura and wanted to see him safe. What does this boy has that people keeps sacrificing themselves in order to try and save him? What makes them want to save Tomura?

Not matter how hard AFO tried to make a monster out of Tomura, we see how people keep reaching for him seeking comfort or even seeking a better future. For some reason, Tomura generates love in the hearts of those closer to him. Magne, Twice, Giran, Kurogiri, Mr. Compress, all of them gave beautiful speechs of love and acceptance, of protecting the people they like, of working towards a better future. Nao ran towards her son, Hana apologized for leaving him while being scared.

Or if you like, let me give you the maximum example: Deku changed drastically his hero path after witnessing himself who exactly was the real Tomura Shigaraki.

The reason why Deku looks like a villain on the last chapters is because there's a war inside of him– and also because it's the closes he has ever been to understanding the villains, by being on their shoes. While peeking through Tomura's mind Deku finally realized the reality of the hero society condition, and Deku is currently on a painful progress of growing, along with going through a phase of being an outcast and a rejected kid himself. Like a child exposed to war, or like a child getting more mature after a big trauma, Deku is reshaping himself in the light of what he knows now but didn't know before. Living on the streets, not eating enough, having people wanting to put you aside so you wouldn't alter their safety or peace, being painted as a problem or an object or a weapon rather than being seen as a human being in need of help...

While AFO's plan was to make Tomura suffer to increase his hate, he couldn't predict that Tomura would be the one to inspire Deku to love in a way he has never love before. Tomura's breaking point was also the breaking point for Deku, but while Tomura dives into the darkness, Deku fights his way over the stormy clouds to reach for the light.

Ultimately, everything surrounding Tomura is exactly what allows MHA / BNHA to be the story of how Deku became the greatest hero out there. The fact that Tomura refused to give up, refused to be who everyone wanted to be... even if he fails again and again, what counts here is that he is unbreakable. Even in the deep of his conscious, he awaits for another chance. Deku and Tomura are the ones who surpassed any limits, any expectations, in order to produce a real change in the roots of society itself.

So you can say that in parallel with Deku, (and there are some interesting implications in this one), Tomura hasn't been defeated by the rain either. Like two sides of the same coin, either they drown together or rise together.

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary (system in progress) + burnt badger secondary (really loud bird model)

Howdy! I’m still trying to figure out my own houses and was wondering if you could provide some insight. I haven’t exactly mastered the system so I don’t know how accurate/inaccurate my claims are, so bear with me.

The “why”/Primary: I am extremely motivated by knowledge. I want to know things, not just out of intrinsic curiosity (though that does play a role), but because knowing why things work helps me protect myself more effectively.

One of the trickiest things about this system is separating motivation from method. Because yeah, they are related, but they're also really different. Like this example: "I protect myself by learning things." That's a how, that's secondary stuff. (Bird secondary of course.)

A recent example is this— a group of my former friends all ditched me because I discussed a heavily stigmatized mental disorder that I show symptoms of. And my first response (other than bawling) was to ask them why. And when I got the answer, I was hurt, but I understood. I don’t say this for you to show me pity, but rather because it illustrates this model in action.

This is a really interesting example. Your friends acted in a way that emotionally hurt you. First you processed your feelings (which you talk about in a dismissive, lighthearted, jokey way) then you asked them for more information... which hurt you, but also made you more secure. This is very Bird primary. You feel feelings, but they're whatever. What actually bothers you is not having the data.

(I suspect you're going to end up being a Double Bird. And Double Birds are unique in that their morality and problem-solving are SO interconnected, that they think I'm crazy for saying that for most people, they are in fact two very different things.)

When I got the why and processed my emotions, I cut off ties and realized that their severe judgy-ness had hindered my life for 2 years. And now that I know the “why”, I won’t bring up said disorder again until I know it’s safe. It might never be, but I still have hope.

You updated your system, and you cut away the parts that aren't serving you anymore. Bird primary.

Morally-speaking, I am very sensitive to the views of others around me.

External primary.

I’m not proud of this. In fact, it’s a detriment.

A lot of Birds feel this way. It's a big part of why they tend to like Lion primaries. Lions are much more able to dismiss things with "sounds like that's a them problem."

I won’t go into details, but my parents are… bad. Not wholly, but they are bad. I’ve tried for years, and still do, to escape their opinions because I know it’ll influence mine.

Parents are sticky. They do that. I've been a happily UnBurnt Lion primary for a while now... but I still sometimes hear that voice in my head that sounds like my mother.

And, much like them, I tend to get over-passionate in what I stand for. Unlike them, I’m willing to change if evidence supports this change. I always, however, carry the burden of my former hatred. I always feel guilt over my old beliefs. Even if I’ve changed, the pain I’ve done can never be reversed. And this guilt eats me alive, this shame of being fundamentally wrong.

Okay. You got really emotional on me really quickly here. This could mean a couple things. Your parents sound like fairly toxic Idealists, either Exploded Lions or Exploded Birds (I'm sort of leaning Lion due to the more emotion-heavy words like "passion" and "hatred.") Birds can feel bad, feel guilt, feel shame when looking back at an older version of themselves that they now consider morally repugnant. (Birds are human.) Idealists struggle with the angst of worrying that they are fundamentally wrong about the world. So you could be a guilty Bird, especially if your emotions feel wrong or unhelpful somehow. But you could also be a very Burnt Lion modeling Bird - because Bird seems safer, and you don't want to be a Lion the way your parents are.

When the friend-event happened, I thought that I was in the wrong, and that I had once again fucked myself over because of my passion and sureness in what I have.

"I thought I was wrong because I was acting like an Exploded Lion primary." Yeah, I'm thinking there's some sort of outside influence here that needs to be unpacked.

It took a lot of convincing and evidence for me to see that they were the assholes (albeit I wasn’t pure either— I was their friend, after all).

I'm definitely leaning Bird for you. A bird surrounded by Lions maybe, who sometimes uses Lion terminology. But Bird.

I am a planner and system-lover at heart. I’m not proud of it, but it’s just part of me.

What's with all this negative language? Being a planner and a system-lover is a wonderful thing to be. There's some Burning here.

The caveat— I have autism, so I’m not sure if it’s due to that or not. Hence the shortness of this section. Take it as you will, regardless of if it’s evidence or not.

I have autism and I'm a Lion Badger. People are different. The only real pattern I've observed is the way nerodivergent people disproportionately build Bird secondaries as coping strategies.

Honesty is maybe not the best policy, it’s still an admirable one. I wish, frankly, that my moral system was more honest. I feel like I have no set morals. That it all comes from elsewhere. Lion primaries have this set, intrinsic morality that I envy. My friend is a lion primary, and while my views have radically changed, hers haven’t inched. She’s always been honest about herself and what she holds true.

I'm doubling down on Bird primary for you. This is the perspective of a Bird looking in on a Lion. Lion morality isn't set or intrinsic - it's built, and it changes, but it builds and changes differently than a Bird's does (more slowly, usually). But there really is a pattern of Birds seeing it as more moral/easier/better.

And I’m still trying to figure out what “truth” means to me. I mean, yes, I’m a dry and blunt asshole, but that’s not really the same as gut morality. Internal honesty is what I want, and external honesty is what I have to some extent.

It sounds that you are going though a lot of very intense shifts in your life right now. You've got a diagnosis that has you questioning your place in the world. You've followed your parent's system all you life, and are now deciding that you don't want that. But now comes deciding what you do want, and that's a lot harder (especially for a Bird, who has to build it from the ground up.) You like the way Lions do things, but Lion primaries do not feel accessible.

I’m very clear with who I like. I can admit their faults, and even get annoyed or angry at them, but not even betrayal can stop me from loving them. I’d compare myself to the Twelfth Doctor from “Doctor Who” and Ponyboy Curtis from The Outsiders in that regard.

So maybe you are building a system with very Snake values.

Loyalty is one of my weaknesses. I get overly-attached to people, and so if/when they leave me, it shatters my world. But my brand of loyalty is mostly to people, not philosophical ideas.

... but you're not *really* comfortable with Snake either, if you consider it to be a "weakness."

I would consider myself somewhat philosophical (well, as much as a fucking teenager can be)

Teenagers are *extremely* philosophical, stop being so down on yourself.

but I can be somewhat vague in my beliefs.

Because you're still building them, give yourself a *second.*

If I were to rate the likelihood of what primary I think I am, it’s something like this:

Bird: 9/10 probability (maybe burned)

Snake: 7/10 probability

Badger: 6/10 probability (maybe burned)

Lion: 2/10 probability

What is it with Birds and numbered lists?

The “how”: I feel like I change in order to fit in. I mean, to some extent, we all do, but it’s far more drastic for me. With the lion primary friend, I act as a “Jason Todd” to their Batman. I challenge them, egg them on, crack jokes and become violently passionate and act like a nerd, and she simply watches, usually adding her own comments but mostly sitting on the sidelines by choice. We also joke that I’m the Ferris Bueller to their Cameron Frye. But, with another friend, I’m a parent figure. I listen most of the time, and sometimes jump in with creative ideas and we talk for hours about it.

I'm guessing Actor Bird, both because you can specifically list out the qualities that you "act" out. And because you're invoking and basing your performance off specific [fictional] characters. Which is a HUGE Actor Bird thing.

I go with the flow of a given situation as best as I can (with the added caveat of being autistic, because that does affect how well I can read a room). However, that’s where the adaptation ends.

Huh. I'm hearing Burnt secondary language here. "I'd like to go with the flow and read the room - but I can't, because I'm autistic." You can definitely *learn* how to read a room. Why do you think I'm so interested in (and good at :) personality systems? This is how I learned to use my Courtier Badger. I used to model Bird secondary like crazy, and I kind of don't bother anymore. I don't need the training wheels.

Planning: like I stated before, I’m a planner. I try to learn the most about a situation before jumping in. Sometimes, however, I stall the inevitable and miss my chance, so I jump in and wind up nearly drowning. And this dichotomy repeats. I overcompensate for a lack of knowledge in a situation by micromanaging, or I wind up sitting bored when I’ve already done everything I need to do. And yes, stress and boredom are equally as destructive for me. I try so hard to plan to avoid both of these outcomes, but it only works half the time. So, I guess I’m a bit of a “planster” overall.

I want to learn about a situation... but sometimes I "stall" or "drown" (Burnt language.) But planning also leads to "micromanaging" and "getting bored" (model language.) I think you've got a really loud Bird secondary model... but there might be something else underneath.

Collecting things is fun. Postcards, candles, lighters, crystals, rocks, 1940s hats, knowledge, stories, music, (original) characters, the list goes on. I’m a collector of whatever I can get my hands on. Hell, by this point, I can’t tell what’s my special interest and what I just enjoy (again, autism).

Oh my goodness gracious 'my special interest' and 'what I enjoy' are not two different categories!

But my systems and collections are my coping.

Figured.

I can’t say, though, that they hold any weight outside of emotional release. There’s nothing practical about knowing how they shot The Outsiders movie, or how crows have a flat tail and ravens have two main sections on theirs. All of this knowledge almost feels useless to me. I mean, sure, I’m great at school, but what else? Nothing, it seems like. And being good at school and nothing else makes a person go crazy when they can’t achieve their academic goals. But that’s a bit besides the point— I’m a collector, but I’m unsure how well this really fits into a secondary beyond a model.

Bird secondary model.

I invest in others more than I care to admit.

Oh man, are you a Badger secondary like me?

I genuinely believe in the goodness in humans, no matter how impossible it becomes. Even those who I don’t see any good in aren’t wholly evil. My perception isn’t law.

^ That's primary stuff. Maybe a more Badger-flavored system is going to work better for you than a Snake-flavored one.

But some people trust me: with their secrets, with homework, with relationship issues, with their religious struggles. And I try to help. I might not be good with it, but I do try to help as best I can.

Kinda sounds like a Badger secondary.

I use my planning and my categorizing skills and my knowledge to benefit others. I show up, I do what I need to do, and I don’t usually expect much to come of it. It’s nice when something does, but it’s not expected. And sometimes, these investments into others' lives and grades and relationships do pay off. I make friends. Those friends stick by me, and I trust them. I continue to invest in others, because I am a lover even though I’m cynical.

I think you're a Badger secondary.

And when that trust is broken, like the example in the beginning, I go to people who won’t abandon me to get a second opinion. When I say that I love someone, I mean it. So it hurts when they leave. It always does.

Oh that's your friends leaving hit you so hard. It's not an abstract morality thing at all, it's practical. You're a Badger secondary, and they were your base of support.

I’ll be frank on this— I’m almost entirely sure that I’m not a lion secondary. I’m fiercely efficient and some people see me as a good leader, but that’s it.

Lion and Badger are the two Inspirational secondaries. They're the one who sort of manage to collect armies or families as a side effect of existing.

Even with the leader example, I prefer interpersonal relations or to be alone. I’m not a big fan of group settings.

That's fair. I am also a Badger who really, really likes my own company. Or small groups of interesting people.

If I were to rate the likelihood of what secondary I am, it’s like this:

Bird: 7/10 probability

Badger: 6/10 probability

Snake: 5/10 probability

Lion: 0/10 probability

Other systems for comparison: I’m aware that MBTI and enneagram are, at worst, pseudo-science, but I still enjoy them regardless. At best, they’re fun self-help tools, and that’s how I try to use them.

MBTI: INTJ (Ni-Te-Fi-Se)

Enneagram: 5w4, tritype 514

Sagittarius sun libra moon cancer rising in astrology

FLEV or LFEV in attitudinal psyche

sx/sp (sexual and self-preservation) in instinctual variants

MBTI, Enneagram, and astrology are all fun in their own ways. (I don't actually know the last two!) And I can talk about them on their own terms. But this system was the best, and the most useful, when I went looking for words to describe myself.

I hope this is enough information, and thank you again if you do happen to do this! If you don’t, that’s totally okay. Have a good day!

Thank you for writing in. That was a journey! Thanks @thesketchykid for the submission.

[pantakichi]

Ophelias closed viva piñata species (can ask to make one)

Art made by @foofyarts species and overall concept is mine

Dream Ophelia come in a variety of colours and shapes and are very floofy

Females are slightly larger than the males normally with shorter ears

Males always have more black on them wherever the females have more white

When nightmare the females appear more red

Baby Ophelia are born with paws instead of wings but outgrow then eventually

While it is incredibly rare Dreams can be born into a family of Nightmares and vice versa

Dream Ophelia feed on the nightmares of humans and piñata and in return give sweet dreams

Dream Ophelia are very wary of humans and will hide from them unless the human has gained their trust

Dream Ophelia when entering their juvenile stage can get elemental abilities based on the eye colour they were born with (eg blue eyes the Ophelia could gain water magic)

Full list

Blue water or ice yellow thunder pink telekinesis pale green or brown nature red fire tealish grey air/wind Purple read minds and for tell futures

Rarely some can be born with pure white or pure black they can use all of them

The dream Ophelia have a kingdom but it isn't reserved for just Ophelia's

( the current queen is Queen Nebula)

Dream ophelia are neutral to their nightmare counterpart

Dream ophelia blood is said to contain healing properties and is a light teal in colour but it gets darker with age

Dream Ophelia feathers are said to give luck and good fortune to who ever holds them

There are less dreams every year as they are being hunted to extinction

Dream Ophelia disguise themselves as humans but unlike nightmares can't hide their distinguishing features very well

They normally are disguised as young children or fortune tellers

Ophelias are named by the mother, Dreams are named after stars, space, sky and or positive influences but their are always anomalies

Ophelia can speak the language of any creature or human on pinata island

Ophelia mothers are very protective of their offspring even dreams can turn violent of they feel their young are in danger

Dream ophelia If killed by humans become Nightmare Ophelia and will live for vengeance and a hatred towards humans

The glowing orb that Ophelia's tail curl around is their soul if destroyed will transform into their Nightmare counterpart

Dream Ophelia can shapeshift into anything but can only do it once and must recharge by sleeping

Ophelia average size is about the size of the largest dog but can be drastically taller or drastically shorter

Dream Ophelia live amongst humans and even live in human villages and take human jobs

Ophelia can light up their patterns to see in the dark

It is fairly easy to get a Dream Ophelia resident

💜 have one Galactica fountain

💜 has eaten 2 mousemallows

💜 has eaten 5 chocorats

💜 2 moon globes in the garden

💜 At least 3 different nocturnal species of Pinata resident

Nightmare Ophelia come in the traditional sour piñata colours and markings red green and black but still keep some of the features of they were dreams eg fluff on their ears

Nightmares feed on the life force of humans and sometimes pinata, do also hunt any pinata smaller than themselves

Nightmares have sharper beaks, talons and fangs

Nightmare Ophelia swap their fluffy tails for a scorpion like tail with 2 ends

Nightmares aren't wary of humans and will most likely kill on sight

Nightmares have a kingdom just for Nightmare Ophelia and their main goal is to eliminate all humans

Their current queen is Queen Chaos

Nightmare Ophelia are fairly neutral to any inhabitant that isn't human or prey

Nightmares blood is a line green colour which changes to a darker blue with age

Nightmares are named after Negative influences, When they receive the Crown rank their name changes to a type of poison

The scorpion tails nightmares possess can either drain life, mind control,or transform humans into nightmares

Nightmare souls are normally broken, unlike dreams can hide it

Nightmare Ophelia can only shapeshift into sours but can do it whenever without recharging

Nightmare Ophelia's live in the kingdom under a hierarchy of ranks nestling, fledgling, juvenile and Crown, Crown being the highest

There are currently only four Crown rankers, Cyanide, Deciet, Arsenic and Mercury

The Crown rankers work as generals for the different unions

Mafia Union - Cyanide (above)

Transmutation Union - Deciet

Trepidation Union - Arsenic

Hysteria Union - Mercury

The Crown Rankers have extra abilities that are gifted by the queen with her third tail

Cyanide - manipulation of cells, repair, destroy, create etc

Deciet - Manipulation of threads and various puppets in his arsenal, can trap souls inside or just transform the victim completely

Arsenic - Can read fears and summon them into reality, can also watch nightmares

Mercury - Causes Insanity in a victim causing them to lose full control of their bodies

Ophelias can be reincarnated into a newborn baby or pinata

Ophelias like shiny objects and collect them for their nests

Once a year the Nightmares hold trials for the Crown's and Queen to spectate so they can choose more recruits for their unions and even successors for when the crown retires or dies

Cyanides - Cynical

Deciet - Uncertainty

Arsenic - Mistrust (below)

Mercury - Madness (below)

[deepflourishrosesstories]

Crawling at Night: Valentine’s Day Edition

Male! Demon x GN! Reader

Warning: Valentine’s Day, Fluff

Word Count: 1.5k

Part 1 and Part 2 for those who would like to read it!

With your neighbourhood decorated in red and pink hearts, taking a walk outside your home in the morning was quite pleasant. Chocolates, sweets, and other special foods were displayed in every shop possible and you took your time viewing and choosing to pick the most memory-engraving one to eat for the day.

This was your routine when a special event rolled in; the only thing missing was a particular demon. Since you’ve met Fateh, everything you think about seemed to revolve around him. And when Valentine’s Day came, all you could think about was imagining your day with him, with his warm hands clasped with yours and his brilliant smile dazzling upon you.

Yet you had no idea if demons—particularly the ones that aren’t in the title of Christianity—celebrates Valentine’s Day. So you kept your mouth shut and didn’t bring the topic up when talking to him.

You peeked through the transparent glass window that showed the various sweets and foods. Glancing at the window area just above the display, you were met by five midnight-black eyes that sparkled with mysterious mischief.

Gasping quietly, you turned behind and smiled up at the person.

“Hi,” the demon said. Fateh had a shy smile on his face and he shuffled on his feet nervously. Occasionally, his eyes looked up to yours before flickering away and a deep colour of red appeared on his face.

“Fateh,” you said softly.

He was wearing a simple combination of white fitting T-shirt and black jeans, yet he looked so gorgeous and flawless he was almost too bright to look at.

Fateh wasted no time in scooping you up in a bone-crushing hug, placing kisses on your entire face. His rich laughter filled your ears when he saw your eyes shut tightly, and pressed his lips in a final kiss on your forehead.

Tentatively letting your vision return, Fateh’s grinning face instantly appeared. The sunlight scorched from behind him and reflected on his tanned skin graciously. You’ve only seen him out in the sunlight two times in the past, and his inhumanity seemed to grow the more as he stood in the bright day.

You stared at him with wide eyes. “What… What are you doing here?”

He slightly looked away bashfully, but didn’t lose his hold on you. “I-I, um…” He cleared his throat. “My boss usually gives us a day off on Valentine’s Day.”

Your brows furrowed. “And why’s that?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Demons don’t exactly like Valentine’s Day. We believe that we shouldn’t avoid evil and hatred just because of a celebration.”

“Then you must not like it here,” you said. “We can go back to my house, if you want.”

Fateh shook his head in alarm. He took a step back and released his hands around you. “N-No, no. I don’t want to ruin your time here just because of me. And besides, I didn’t say we hate Valentine’s Day—we just don’t get the point of it.”

You tilted your head to the side and looked at him unsurely. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He flashed you a reassuring smile and laid a chaste peck on your lips.

“Okay.” You interlocked your hands with his and returned a kiss on his cheek. “I’m really happy you’re here.”

He smiled softly. “Me too.”

———

Turns out, Fateh has a sweet tooth—like, a lot. Every shop you went to, he would take at least two kinds of sweets from that place and eat almost everything by himself. Your routine of contemplating buying was soon broken as the demon lays his hand on various boxes of sweets and the contents vanish in a blink of an eye. It took every part of your will to stop him from making googly-eyes at all the chocolates on display and buying everything at once.

“B-But…”

His lips turned into an adorable pout that almost melted your heart and loosened your grip on his toned arm. Almost.

“This is your fifth box of chocolates, Fateh! Fifth! How many more are you planning on eating?!”

He blushed fiercely and the red on his cheeks started to glow the same way it usually did in his demon form. “U-Um, I’m sorry…” He stared down at his feet, almost like a guilty child. “B-But can I please get this one last box?” he said quietly. His voice was like a whispering prayer to the gods—so desperate and hopeful that it was ironic to think that an almighty demon was practically begging you for permission.

Your mind desperately wanted to say no, yet looking at his innocent eyes and his endearing pout, you found your mouth saying the exact opposite of what you were thinking.

“Okay,” you said slowly. “But this is your last one, all right?”

Fateh started to sparkle with excitement and eagerly nodded. He swiftly pulled you along to the shop with his feet carrying across the floor with a skip in his heels. As quick as you two entered, the demon bought the box of chocolates at an alarming pace and started to bite down on the sweet.

You watched him silently without a word nor sound. Sauntering, you led him to a park and sat on a shadowed bench.

His eyes slowly took away from the box and looked at you with wide, lustrous eyes. “Do you… do you want some?”

You raised a brow. “Would you slap my hand away if I did?”

A horrified expression fell on his handsome face, all the colour in his face draining drastically. “No! Of course not. I would never—”

Chuckling, you placed a hand on his arm. “I’m just joking, Fateh.”

His body relaxed ever so slightly, and he sighed softly. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize,” you said gently. Taking his hand, you rubbed circles on his smooth and warm skin.

A shiver rippled through him as he watched you with a gaze full of wonders and admiration. He brought your hand to his lips and pressed them feather-lightly on your knuckles. Giggles erupted from his chest bashfully, the sound fanning over your ears pleasantly like a faint wind on a spring day.

“Do you—do you think of me…” Fateh trailed off with an uncertain quiver in his last word.

You saw him swallow thickly and your brows furrowed at his frenzied self. You squeezed his hand in comfort. “Do I think of you as what?”

He looked away and said quietly under his breath, “Do you think that I-I would hurt you?”

Shock took over you. Fateh—someone so endearing and gentle—hurting you? Why would he think such a ridiculous thing? It was so unbelievable that you almost wanted to laugh at his question.

But you kept your calm and looked at him with cool eyes. Touching his cheek tenderly, you guided him so he faced you. “Why would you think that?”

Tears started to brim in the corner of his eyes and you instantly placed your other hand to wipe them away with your thumbs. As you did, his eyes turned pure black and his skin started to turn deep red, heating up warmer like sand under sunlight.

“Be-Because I’m a demon, a-and we’re feared b-by everyone—especially humans. Y-You even thought I was going to hurt you.”

An inaudible breath left your lips, you pulled your hands and looked down at your lap in shame. “I didn’t know it affected you like that. I’m so sorry, Fateh.”

“No, no, please don’t apologize,” he begged. “It’s my fault.”

When you looked up, you were surprised to see his appearance changed; his skin red as roses, his dark horns shining devilishly on either side of his head, the scales on his wings beautifully arranged, and his five black eyes gleamed wickedly and bore through your soul. He seemed to absorb all the light around him and he illuminated with a red mellow glow.

You couldn’t look away from him—his mysterious form brought you comfort unlike anything else and it brought you a shiver down your spine. Even in his demon body, he possessed a gentleness only he had and you melted when he held your hands tightly.

“I shouldn’t have doubted you,” he said. “You’ve been nothing but kind and caring towards me, and I shouldn’t have let these th-thoughts come over me.”

“It’s all right.”

You leaned towards him and kissed him sweetly. He responded slowly, his lips were soft, warm, and tasted like chocolates that sent sparkles to your body. With your bodies close together, you could feel him warming up and you hooked your fingers through his silky-black locks, bringing his face closer to you.

When you two pulled away reluctantly, Fateh rested his flushed forehead on yours and pecked your nose playfully. His five eyes blinked lazily at you, each of them staring at you with such love that your heart dissolved and turned into fuzzy mist.

“I love you so much,” he whispered.

You laughed softly. “Me too.”

“I kind of get why you humans like Valentine’s Day,” he said sheepishly.

“Really?”

He nodded once and caressed your cheeks with his thumb—it felt like soft feathers brushing against you. “It’s good to feel to be so loved by someone.”

Laughing once more, you pressed a chaste kiss on his lips and smiled widely. “Especially from you,” you said fondly.

A strong glow emerged from his cheeks. “Especially from you,” he repeated. He wrapped his arms around your torso in a tight hug and placed a smiling kiss on your temple.

I was only planning on writing this for Student From Afar but guess who wrote a Valentine’s Day edition for our shy demon? You guessed it.

Anyways, I hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day!

[nsj-inamood]

Delenas so called happy ending?

So I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while and I’ve been thinking about it. This is highly anti Delena so if you are part of that fandom, you might want to skip this one. If you watch tvd for pure entertainment and don’t delve into the characters then that is fineee. But tvd really caught me and I overanalyze too much on this show. Okay, so delena having a happy life being human baffles me. It boggles my mind the level of audacity the writers have to give Damon and Elena have a believable happy ending is absolute bullshit. I’m going go through a few reasons why I believe this. 

The first is Damons’ obsession with vampirism. From the literal first episode all we’ve seen is Damons vampirism being part of his whole essence. He relishes in it and uses it in absolutely every aspect of his life. He uses it for the simplest of tasks. And this is nothing against his use of vampirism in his everyday life. I think anyone would use it to their advantage, just not to the drastic extent Damon does. Fair warning, I’m trying to keep an open mind about Damon and who his character is as a whole, instead of my personal bias, which is... that I hate him with every ounce of me. Anyway... Damons’ whole appeal is bad boy vampire brother who uses his advantages to “take care” of the woman he loves. His knowledge and usefulness was solely based on his vampirism. That is the whole basis of the show. Throughout the entire show we see Damon entice others to revel in their vampirism. In season 1 we saw Damon constantly try to get Stefan to submit to his ripper side. Obviously we see Damon try to make Elena be a “true” vampire and feed on human blood, fresh from the vein under the influence of the sire bond. He loves his vampirism, and wants others to have it. Even Elena asked- practically begged- him to take the cure with her and be human together when they were looking for it. What I don’t get is how he changed his mind about that. He loves it and he constantly tells people that he isn't going to change, that this is who he is. I feel like that was the allure of Damon Salvatore for many of the viewers. Take that away, what do we have? 

That brings me to Elena. Elena is supposed to love Damon. Damon has clearly expressed his diastase for a lack of vampirism. He has always talked about how he wants to live forever and be more powerful than others. He loves the magnitude of power he gets from being a vampire. Elena knows this. This is where Damon and Elena differ. Obviously Damon and Elena have different views on life and I think this can be interesting for a relationship and it’s something that can be worked on, when it comes to the serious things. Personally I feel like their differences kind of meld into whatever Damon wants as their relationship progressed because - “oh, I love you!” It’s said in their infamous declaration of love. She has to “bend her morals” and all that to be with Damon. I don’t get how being human didn't adapt to this. With a relationship like Damon and Elena comes compromise. They should have figured something out to work with what they both wanted. This didn’t happen though. Elena has clearly expressed her love of humanity and wanting to live a human life. She showed it in 2x20. But then in the season 4 finale she says she didn't? But in season 7 she does? I'm not blaming Elena for her indecisiveness.  Her confusion is something I get. It’s something I've struggled it myself, but how she got to the conclusion fo living a human life with Damon that resulted in kids is so out of field it makes no sense. 

Back to Damon. How and I mean how in the world was Damon able to have have kids and be happy. Despite hating DE I would’ve understood- barely- but would’ve understood if Damon and Elena spent the rest of their mortal lives together. Probably fucking their way through the years but with the two of them nonetheless. Kids into the addition is so left field that I just cannot fathom how their “happy” lives could’ve gone. Damon doesn’t do well with people in general let alone children. How in the fucking world would Damon be a good father. We’ve seen him kill a pregnant woman and the way he handles Jeremy is evidently not great. He murders people because he and I quote “likes it”. Every little thing that doesn’t go his way is not great. With and without the aspects of vampirism, Damon Salvatore is an abuser. On all accounts, this is what he should be defined as. I will go into this another time, but Elena didn’t make him a better person. Elenas’ golden vagina and Katherine looking doppelgänger face really just made sure he was getting laid, as a character nothing changed. I cannot stress this enough but KIDS ARE NOT A REDEMPTION ARC FOR SHITTY PEOPLE. Kids don’t magically change people. Damon would still be an ass to everyone else except Elena. Even then- barely.  I wonder how he dealt with crying babies, intolerable children, negligent teenagers and allow them to live normal lives. I can assure you that therapy took a lot of their childs’ pocket.  

I just don't get how this dysfunctional relationship could work out and live a picture perfect life that was believable. 

So that was my rant, or deep dive into the DE happy ending. If you have read this far and you are a DE fan then I may have offended you and I’m sorry-ish. Don’t take it to heart. I am one of seven billion and my opinion won’t ever matter to you again. If you are in fact not a DE fan, I hope that helped you relate to my hatred and confusion. ;)

yay. catch you later. signing off

                         - nsj

[asclepyus]

Was going to ask after seeing your post about Asclepius differences in lb4 and in chaldea would you want to share more of your thoughts ? Or something similiar to a character analyzes if you'd be up for it!

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I definitely have many thoughts on this I’ve just been exhausted but here we go

When looking at LB4’s Asclepius it’s really important to remember the fundamentals of the Lostbelt. Every single enemy servant in LB4 is an extremely unique case compared to most other story chapters up to this point due to Arjuna’s interference with the world and the servants’ spirit origins; each one of the Lōkapāla has had their spirit origins altered due to the implantation of divinities which resulted in them all seeing drastic changes in their personalities and thought processes, some more than others. This is really important to keep in mind when comparing Asclepius’ personality and actions in LB4 to how he normally conducts himself, especially considering how out of all the Lōkapāla he has the absolute worst relationship with gods to the point where it has already affected his base spirit origin as a servant even without outside interference. Asclepius’ hatred towards the gods is literally the cornerstone of who he is as a heroic spirit and every other aspect of him revolves around that, and if you don’t remember that when looking at him as a whole you’re never going to understand him as a character.

Now, in LB4 the first divinity he was given was Yama who in the simplest terms possible is the closest divinity India has to Hades. And already even at this point in time this has caused huge instability because not only was he summoned by a god (regardless whether he has direct negative feelings about God Arjuna or not he’s still a god), the Indian divinity implanted in him is also the god most directly linked to death. And Asclepius doesn’t realize how much this has actually damaged his state of being because he’s the kind of person that will always focus on others around him before ever considering himself, as shown by his spirit origin literally breaking down on itself before he even realizes what’s happening. He himself also doesn’t realize his actions in LB4 are contradictory and at conflict with who he truly is even when it’s pointed out to him. The same person who willingly let a plague run rampant in a town for the purpose of studying it also stopped in the middle of a battle to treat a child’s wound, the latter of which he did without hesitation or a second thought because it was his true nature finally shining through the muddled mess that his spirit origin has become. He also naturally deflects any questions about his motivations or who he is in LB4 because he does not know. Before we defeat him quite literally the only things fueling him are his determination to progress his knowledge of medicine and his absolute blind rage towards the gods. Those are the only two things he had been clinging to since Arjuna had summoned him in order to keep himself going and that in itself caused a huge loss of sense of self and identity in him. He never answers a single question directly about himself and the only time he talks about anything personal is when his death by Zeus’ hands is brought up and then it’s just blind rage. His profile in the FGO materials even mentioned that all of these factors combined “caused him to go berserk” in the context of LB4 because he had long since lost his grasp on who he is and who he’s supposed to be. During his last conversation with Tell as well, Tell makes a comment about “his posture being strange” which insinuates that after the second divinity was implanted into Asclepius he became so departed from his true nature that it actually caused a physical change in him. Once we defeat Asclepius and he starts to realize who he has become in this Lostbelt he even asks if he looks strange to us because he’s finally come to understand that this isn’t who he’s supposed to be, and he doesn’t recognize the person he’s been confronted with.

(And this isn’t even to mention the consequences of continually dying and resurrecting through the Yuga cycles under Arjuna’s hand, which even Pepe had mentioned at some point that no matter how many times he went through it it still unnerved him to the core. I could honestly write an entire other essay on the parallels of Asclepius resurrecting the dead and him dying/resurrecting through the Yuga cycles)

NOW at the very end of LB4 Asclepius manages to be re-summoned and at this point the divinities that were placed in him are long gone and he even mentioned outright that his head was clearer than it had been, which further proves that the divinities had in essence destroyed his mental state and everything that comes with that. Now obviously he isn’t completely back to normal because he’s still the same version of himself that we had been met with previously so he’s still not at his best and he’s still dealing with the consequences of the Lostbelt, but he’s finally thinking clear enough to grasp at his true nature and self again and in fact all things considered we might not have been able to make it out of this Lostbelt alive without him delaying and injuring Ashiya. And now everything after this point in LB4 is a much clearer picture of who he really is at his core; even heavily injured and on the brink of disappearing himself he still finds it in him to help a child heal his mother, despite it not being a unique or “interesting” case of sickness because despite everything no matter how much he mutters and groans he exists to heal and to help others. And at the end of the day quite literally everything he’s ever done for humanity boils down to his sadness over the mother he never met who was cruelly murdered by the gods, and the fact that he’s never truly figured out how to process his grief over that and the wish he holds that someday she’ll know how he feels whether it comes directly from him or not.

AND NOW the Asclepius that exists in Chaldea is who he truly is as a heroic spirit now that he’s free from the confines of the Lostbelt. At surface level he really might not seem all that different, but taking everything above into consideration he very much is a different person. He still hates gods above all else but he’s not out of his mind with rage and he’s regained most of his sense of identity, as much as he can anyways with his spirit origin unstable as it is.

SPOILERS FOR HIS INTERLUDE AHEAD !!

In his interlude you get a lot better of an insight into how his thought process works, and how he treats his relationships with others. He genuinely respects and is in awe of everything Roman did to prepare for his inevitable departure from Chaldea, and there’s so much to be said even from the very few lines of dialogue he has about Roman towards the end of his interlude. I really like to think that learning just how utterly human Roman was through everything was Asclepius’ starting line as a servant for remembering his undying love for humanity since it’s stated in his materials that he’s not even particularly aware it exists anymore. In the long run the pure humanity that Asclepius sees every single day in Chaldea’s staff and in Guda particularly are going to help more and more to bring him closer to forgetting his sheer rage for the gods and overshadowing that with the sheer love he has for humans. He’s always going to be cynical and introverted but I do hope someday we’ll get to see the softer parts of him that were burned away by Zeus’ lightning at his death, and that maybe, just maybe his wish to simply let his mother know how he feels for her will be fulfilled one day.

[zirkkun]

Underlust Reimagine Chara Bio (Arrow)

🖤 Was the first human to fall into the Underground after the Barrier was put up.

🖤 Mostly just known by monsters as a sadistic killer who murdered dozens of people before Asgore killed them himself.

🖤 Their SOUL, with the trait of Lust, was used by Dr. Gaster to develop the Lust serum for monsterkind.

🖤 Yet, mysteriously, even after their SOUL was taken away, their body disappeared without a trace…

Other Information

🖤 Birthday: November 15th

🖤 Age: 17 (at death / physical) 27 (actual age)

🖤 Gender: masc agender

🖤 Pronouns: they/them

🖤 Height: 5′5″ / 165 cm

🖤 Orientation: aromantic, pansexual

🖤 Likes: ???

🖤 Dislikes: ???

Design Notes

🖤 Their shirt is a direct reference to the design of the aromantic flag, which is also where their namesake comes from.

🖤 Arrow is designed as a direct foil to Tomo, ULR!Frisk. Their design is probably one of the most drastic changes from the original UL!Chara.

🖤 Their nickname of “Arrow” is probably used the least. It’s not often that they leave the AU of ULR. They typically aren’t seen by many anyhow, due to their semi-presence as a spirit- or ghost-like creature.

Canonical Relationships

🖤 Papyrus (Duo) - They don’t talk much, but Duo is one of the only people able to see Arrow in their current ghost-like form, which infuriates Arrow to an extent, but they secretly don’t mind the company.

🖤 Sans (Ace) - They’ve never talked, but Arrow does find him to be weird and has probably seen more about him than they’d like to admit. 

🖤 Frisk (Tomo) - Arrow doesn’t like them. But they might have some use for the future...

🖤 Asgore (Myriad) - Pure hatred and a drive for revenge. They want him dead, but he’s not the only one they have an unhinged desire to kill.

🖤–✨–❤️

Undertale © Toby Fox Underlust by @/nsfwshamecave Underlust Reimagine by myself

Thank you for your support, but do remember to support and read Underlust (18+) if you can!

ulr masterpost || ulr main tag || ulr comic beginning || kofi? || patreon?

[crystal-moon-101]

People seem to be liking what I've done with Circe and Van Kleiss, and very much seem to like Cassandra, his wife I made for him. So here are some random doodles about how this happy little family when downhill over time. Because I can not contain the angst within me.

1) "I'm not short, you're just tall." "Darling, why not both?" "Oh, shush." Cassandra is quite a short, plump woman, especially compared to her husband, and he loved it. He finds her height adorable, and often teased her about it, much to her mild annoyance, but it was all good fun between the two. She was one of the few people in the world to bring out this side to him, so it was a big sign just how comfortable he was around her, and how much he loved her. 2) Cassandra was very much a loving and patient mother, especially with little Circe who, during her prime toddler youth, was quite the energy ball who loved playing in the mud. Cassandra use to call her daughter "Ladybug", and had a habit of buying clothes for Circe that matched the nickname. But once Circe wasted enough energy, she was quick to fall into a deep nap. She loves to be carried by her parents, especially when she's resting, though had a preference for her mother due to her fluffy soft hair Circe would cuddle into. 3) But, as mentioned before, life took a sudden turn when Cassandra fell ill, and could not recover. She was sick for a few months, having enough time to say her goodbyes to her husband and daughter, but the pain of death was still gut wrenching when the time finally came, no one ready to say goodbye. Van Kleiss took it the worst, pushing away any form of the grieving processes because he thought he had to be strong for his daughter...and for himself. Circe was young when it all happened, and while she understood enough to know the basics of what was going on, it was still a lot for a young child to take in. No more hugs from mum, no more being picked up by her from school, no more story books with her before bed, no more of Cassandra being around ever again...Fearing death since then, and how easily it could take something away, Circe became very clinging to her father, for fear of losing him too.. 4) "Can you for once actually look around and see what you are doing?!" Circe screamed, her body tense, creating sharp movements with her hands as she reacted to her emotions. Van Kleiss stopped in his tracks, taking a sharp breath as he prepared himself. He had a feeling this day would come, as much as he dreaded it, as Circe was one of the few people that could get away with such a tone with him. But he straighten himself, and turned, a light flick to his cloak. He took in the anger in her posture, in her eyes locked on him, that desperate gaze for answers, as if unsure how to think or feel about the man in front of her, her own father. Sighing, Van Kleiss finally replied back. "Stop with the shouting, Circe." Circe growled under her breath, was that the only response he could give? "Well it seems to be the only way to get your attention lately!" She stated back, gesturing to him aggressively. Van Kleiss glanced away for a moment, before looking back with sharp eyes, he clearly wasn't assumed, but was holding his tongue. This was his daughter, he couldn't command her like the others, couldn't threaten her to back off, because both of them knew he wouldn't lay a hand on her. Seeing that she had his attention, Circe took a few deep breathes, doing her best to not lose it and do something drastic. She breifly thought back to the start of this, the nanite event. At first, Van Kleiss hadn't really changed much, even when he started taking in EVOs. He truly seemed passionate with the idea of making a paradise for EVOs, and doing his best to protect them all under his watch. But then things changed when Providence and Rex got involved. Either since running into her childhood friend, something had been changing in Van Kleiss over time. The more he lost, the more he pushed back, a tunnel vision focus on goals that even he didn't seem to understand. Maybe it's because Providence proved to be an issue to him, maybe it's because the idea of finding the Omega and Alpha is changing his focus, maybe...seeing Rex again, someone who was a friend, calls him an enemy now, and was the last failed relationship of any kind that pushed Van Kleiss too the edge. Because now he wasn't just pushing away most people, he was pushing away all of them, including the pack, including Circe. "What are we even doing anymore, dad? You say we're here to save EVOs, to build a future for them, for us, but now you're starting wars with Providence, and treating everyone like tools, weapons!" She placed a hand on her chest, as if making vague hints to how he was treating her. Circe had to admit, she too was changing since running into Rex. That boy, that damn boy, has been making her have the face the fact that her father is a bad person, the man she looks up to, the man she loves and cares about, who loves and cares about her, was becoming something even she couldn't excuse. But she kept denying it, denying everything Rex said, telling her she had to leave her father or else he might do something she could get caught in. But after what happened with Breach, she couldn't deny it anymore. Van Kleiss had pushed the damaged EVO girl, tried to get full control over her and put her on a lead, for fear of her, of his weapon, escaping his grip. Thankfully, Rex saved her, but it's only pushed Van Kleiss further, and Circe knew she had to say something. Taking a deep breath, Circe crossed her arms and looked away, disappointment in her voice. "No wonder Breach lift with Rex, at least he could offer the life and love you said you would give her." Van Kleiss narrowed his eyes, and quickly spoke back. "Don't speak of her, or him for that matter. They're both traitors of our kind." He hissed under his breath. Circe shook her head, glaring at her father. "I can't blame them for rejecting this when it's nothing but a lie." She spat back. Her father gave her a frustrated look, as if she was the idiot here. He placed his none mutated hand on his chest, and used his branch like arm to gesture out. "I offer protection, salvation, a goal, a place we can hide from a world that didn't want us!" He scowled, as if unable to see the flaws and faults weighing behind him. Snapping back, Circe took a step forward, something in her unable to be held back anymore. "Then why are you pushing everyone away, why are you pushing me away!?" She chided him, hurt behind her anger as she couldn't understand what had happened to her father. Deep down she wanted to believe he knew, he knew that he was wrong, what he was doing was bad, but he didn't know how to stop. At least then that might mean he does love her still. But with the way he was acting lately, how he's been changing, becoming this monster, she was scared that he was pushing her away because he didn't love her anymore, didn't see her as his daughter anymore. She had been putting up with so much, because she didn't want to lose another parent, to be alone. They only had each other for so long, especially during the times where it felt like the world was against them. And by god did it hurt that this is how he was turning out, that this is how he was treating her. But deep down, she knows when this all truly started, what planted the seeds to make him this. "You know, if mum were here-" She tried to say, but he cut her off in an instance. "Do not bring her into this." Van Kleiss growled at her, a dark gutter of emotion that made her step back. Circe looked at her father in mild surprise, having never heard that tone before, but she didn't back down, shooting back. "You aren't the only one who lost her." Having had enough, Van Kleiss suddenly stormed "What does it matter, you barely knew her!" His voice echoed in the castle walls for a moment, as if everything else went silent just to let his words seep in. And those words made both of them take pause, shock in their eyes. Van Kleiss never said anything like that before, in fact he had done a lot to make sure Circe knew her mother well, even after she passed on. He shared stories, gave her things that once belonged to her mother, and often reminded her just how much Circe looked like her. But right now, he hadn't wanted to talk about her, and when Circe kept pushing...he pushed back like always. But deep down, he knew a line had finally been crossed. It only hurt more when looking at Circe, staring into her eyes that was filled with so much shock and pain, flickers of disgust at how her father dare speak to her. And when there were light traces of tears in her eyes, Van Kleiss tried to step forward, tried to say something, but Circe stepped back, anger coming back to her as she was quick to wipe her eyes. "I may not remember much about her..." Circe mutter, her voice shaky as she managed to keep her composer. "But I do know she would have never approved of this..." She snapped her eyes back up at him, and finally spoke with the pure hatred she had been building up since all of this started. "Maybe it should have been you in that grave..." And before Van Kleiss could do or say anything, Circe turned and ran off, leaving her father the castle hall, with their words to echo in his head....