#Detective baby

[misakiisstupid]

Alright, listen. I know the official story of how Tim Drake became Robin is all well and good—smart kid, figures out Batman’s identity, convinces Bruce he needs a Robin, blah blah blah. But let’s be real. That’s not how it should have happened.

Tim Drake is terrifyingly smart. He’s a strategist, a detective, and, above all, a little menace when he wants to be. You’re telling me this kid, who pieced together Bruce Wayne’s identity from sheer observation at nine years old, just politely asked to be Robin? No, no, no.

Tim absolutely should have blackmailed Bruce into adopting him. Hardcore blackmail. The kind that would make even Lex Luthor step back and say, “Whoa, kid, chill.”

This is my vision of what should have been: a Tim Drake who saw an opening, took it, and left Bruce absolutely shookethin the process. Because let’s be honest—Tim isn’t just some sidekick. He’s a future evil mastermind who just so happens to be on the side of good. (For now.)

So here it is: the real first meeting of Bruce and Tim. Or, as I like to call it, The Time Tim Drake Made Bruce Wayne Regret Ever Underestimating a Nerdy 13-Year-Old.

Headcanon: Tim Blackmails Bruce into Adopting Him

The Official First Meeting Between Tim and Bruce

It was supposed to be a simple meeting. Just a brief introduction. Bruce had been informed by Alfred that a "young man" had managed to infiltrate the Batcave, and though it wasn’t entirely unheard of for new vigilantes to show up looking for guidance, there was something off about this one.

When Bruce descended into the Batcave, he expected to see a nervous kid, maybe someone who would try to look tough in front of him but would still have that wide-eyed naivety. What he didn’t expect was a boy who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, a laptop open in front of him, and a smile that could only be described as unsettlingly smug.

Tim Drake—who had hacked into Wayne Enterprises' database and had pieced together a detailed, uncanny amount of information on Bruce Wayne, Batman, and the Batfamily in a matter of days—was casually drinking what looked like a cup of tea, like he had every right to be there.

Bruce stood still for a moment, his gaze flicking from the laptop to the kid’s face. He immediately knew two things: One, this kid was dangerously intelligent. Two, Bruce Wayne was absolutely screwed.

Bruce: [Slightly unnerved but trying to keep his cool] "How did you get in here?"

Tim: [Not even looking up from his laptop] "Through the security system you definitely didn’t upgrade for the last two years, Mr. Wayne." [A pause as Tim sips his tea.] "And I gotta say, your firewall is incredibly… quaint."

Bruce's mind raced. His mind immediately cataloged the security flaws. How had he missed them? He had top-tier cybersecurity on every level of Wayne Enterprises and the Batcave, but this kid, this Tim Drake, had bypassed all of it in mere hours.

Bruce: [Trying to sound calm but with a slight edge to his voice] "You're saying you just… hacked your way in here?"

Tim: [Finally looking up at Bruce, eyes glinting with an almost mischievous joy] "Yeah. It was a fun challenge, honestly. But the real fun part was piecing together the puzzle." [He taps the laptop, showing a file of meticulously gathered data.] "You’re Batman, Bruce Wayne. And it wasn’t all that hard to figure out, really. Once you see the pattern, everything falls into place."

Bruce’s stomach drops. No one had ever pieced it together so fast, at least not without getting caught before they had the chance. Tim wasn’t just smart—he was terrifyingly good at this. Bruce had underestimated him. And now… now, he had a serious problem.

Bruce: "I assume you’re not here to join the team."

Tim: [Flashing a smile that made Bruce’s skin crawl, like he had all the power in the world] "Well, that depends. I’m here for a couple of things, actually." [He leans forward, his voice lowering with almost unnatural seriousness.] "First, I need a favor. Second, I’m giving you no choice."

Bruce's mind worked quickly, trying to assess how to handle this. Tim was not the kind of kid to be easily intimidated. His confidence was almost unnerving, and Bruce found himself instinctively on guard.

Bruce: [Skeptical] "And what favor would that be?"

Tim: [Pauses dramatically, looking at Bruce like a cat about to catch a mouse] "Well, Bruce, you see, I did a little digging. You did try to keep a certain little fact from the public, didn’t you? Something about your family history and some… interesting personal choices. Now, I’m no fan of blackmail, but I think we can come to an agreement here." [He leans back, crossing his arms and smiling widely.] "If you don't want this little gem to reach the press, you’ll have to do something for me."

Bruce’s heart races. He had no idea what Tim was talking about, but something told him that whatever this kid had uncovered, it was bad. Tim was way too casual about it, like it was a well-played card in his hand.

Bruce: "What do you want?" [His voice low and flat, trying to mask the slight tremor of unease.]

Tim: [In a tone that was disturbingly calm] "It’s simple. You’re going to adopt me. You’re going to make me an official part of your family. And in return, I won’t go public with your little secrets. I know what you’re thinking. You’re a very private man, Bruce. You won’t want your secrets getting out." [He smirks, clearly enjoying this.] "But I figure you’re willing to do a little more than just turn the other cheek when it comes to your reputation."

Bruce is stunned. This wasn’t a simple negotiation. This was full-blown blackmail. Tim was demanding adoption—a child’s ultimate leverage—as a means of keeping Bruce from being exposed. And yet, Bruce could see something in his eyes—this wasn’t just manipulation. This was calculated. This was Tim playing a long game, and Bruce had somehow walked right into it.

Bruce: "You can't be serious. I don't… I can't—"

Tim: [Cutting him off, voice soft but firm] "I am serious, Bruce. And you don’t really have a choice. So, what's it gonna be?" [Tim leans forward again, a glint of something sinister and clever in his eyes.]

Bruce takes a long, deep breath. There’s no denying the kid’s intelligence. Tim had backed him into a corner with no way out. He’d probably outsmarted Bruce in the process, and Bruce had never felt more vulnerable. He realizes, with a sickening certainty, that if he didn’t go along with this, the consequences could be far worse than a simple adoption.

Bruce: [Reluctantly] "Alright. I’ll adopt you."

Tim beams, like he’s just won the lottery.

Tim: [Happily] "Great! Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?" [He practically bounces in his seat, completely unfazed.] "We’ll need to update the paperwork, of course. I’m going to need a new ID, you know. Oh, and don't worry, Bruce. You’re going to be a great father. I’ll even let you choose my new name. How generous of me, right?"

Bruce stares at Tim, who’s practically glowing with excitement. For a moment, Bruce wonders if he’s dealing with a child prodigy or a villain in the making. Maybe both.

Bruce Wayne, for the first time in years, feels completely out of control.

Bruce: [Sighing, rubbing his temples] "I can’t believe this is happening."

Tim: [Smirking, completely satisfied with himself] "Oh, Bruce, you’ll thank me one day. Trust me."

And just like that, Tim Drake—who had blackmailed Bruce into adopting him—becomes the newest (and possibly the most unpredictable) member of the Wayne family.

End of Headcanon

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

What I do find low key funny is that in most shows/movies, when a character goes through their Traumatic Incident™️, they're almost always very tight lipped and secretive about what happened to them.

However if you speak to Edwin Payne for more than 20 minutes, not only will he tell you that he was in Hell, he'll give you a time scale and recommendations for restaurants there. He's leaving catty reviews on TripAdvisor. He's the Edwardian equivalent of a vlogger who had a bad time at a starbucks and has to make a 40+ minute call out video. Conceptually he should be Broody and Mysterious but he's fundamentally too much of a gay little bitch to keep shit to himself.

[many-gay-magpies]

my favorite cricket bat-wielding bisexual ♥️

+ some other background variants

[infinityinakiss]

maybe crystal keeps her promise after niko dies. she texts niko everyday, updates about her life, that time that charles somehow managed to trip and absolutely eat it despite the fact that he can phase through walls, the fact that edwin watches scooby doo when they're not working on a case, and that she's trying to right every wrong she made in the past and she knows that niko would be proud of her.

niko can see all of the messages, but the shitty reception in her igloo won't let her send any hearts back, and it makes her so mad.

[potato-lord-but-not]

MALTOBER BATCH 2 💥💥💥💥 really really love day 12, 13, 18 n 20 fr fr

[lorastyrels]

Ghost Detective Naps 💤🔎

[melonlthawne]

This one won the poll so here is adoring big bro Dick smothering his baby brother in kisses. Damian is disinterested at best

[downbaddetective]

Fanart suggestion - Payneland where Charles cups Edwins cheeks and/or kisses him on the nose

Thank you for your request!! 💙❤️

(Requests are open until December 15th!)

[pandadrake]

Dr. Crane yelling at the Arkham Asylum staff for removing the images from his presentation slides due to "triggering content," as though that was not The Entire God Damn Point.

I was wondering what Dr. Crane would do with the results of his fear gas research then I remembered that Arkham Asylum contains 90% of Gotham's scientific community.

Follow-up to my last Batman comic doodle.

[allthehumanflaws]

Edwin- If Charles thinks he can just call me baby and get whatever he wants- Charles - baby... Edwin, out of breath - ......he's absolutely right

[championari]

So I’m constantly thinking about Charles and how he could eventually meet Edwin with his feelings.

Here’s something I realized: Charles, despite constantly talking about things he miss, things he wants, he actually has a complicated relationship with desire as a concept.

How I would put it is by taking Supernatural as an example. There’s an episode in Season 5 where the boys meet Famine, a horseman of the apocalypse. However, Dean is not at all affected by him. It’s because due to being the older brother, and a Hunter, Dean was never allowed to consider acting on or even having desire for anything.

You can see where I’m going with this. Charles, like Dean, doesn’t actually believe he should want anything, due to “not being good enough”.

This is something actually touched on subtly in the show through the acting. When Niko says, “I know what it’s like to want something you can’t have.” Edwin directly looks at The Cat King’s bracelet, while Charles stares off into space. When Tragic Mick describes Angie’s light as enforcing a sense of yearning, Edwin looks at Charles, while again, Charles looks off blankly (can’t access screenshots right now). Edwin knows what he wants but is scared of it, while Charles doesn’t know what he wants because he can’t allow himself to consider it. This gives an entirely new meaning to Charles’ hatred of the Cat King. A supernatural entity who describes his kingdom as being about “want and pleasure”. Thomas is the encapsulation of everything Charles was never allowed to have. Charles chases after things that he knows he can’t have, romancing a living girl despite knowing she will eventually leave. Charles can’t consider returning Edwin’s feelings because that would mean he’s been running away from what’s been in front of him the whole time. That what he wanted was always there, at his lowest point, when he thought he deserved it least.

Returning Edwin’s feelings means he was already enough. And Charles can’t imagine that yet.

While I would obviously adore an interaction between Charles and Desire of The Endless, ultimately I don’t think it would do anything. Like Dean, Charles might be completely unaffected by them because he’s spent most of his existence building walls around his desires. Edwin was completely blindsided by Thomas because he never even considered having to think about Desire due to having no attraction to women and that being the dominant narrative of his time. Charles pursues Crystal because he still wants to feel like he has a chance at “normal life” (which as I said is self-punishment by throwing himself at something he knows he can’t have). To accept that he’s in love with Edwin would mean no longer pursuing a living person. Edwin would be it for him, which he kind of already gets but it hasn’t fully sunk in yet. Just like his death

There's also this exchange that drives me nuts:

"You gave up tranquil eternity…for your friend?" "Does that sound like someone who belongs in Hell?"

THIS. MAKES. ME. INSANE. Because Charles, like he always does when confronted with his own wants, completely avoids it. He doesn't respond to The Night Nurse's obvious confusion as to why he ran from Death, and instead turns the conversation back to Edwin. He makes it all about what Edwin deserves, not what Charles saw in Edwin that led him to make that choice. You could say this is practical as time is of the essence, but I think that's the point. Charles throws away the chance to explain his viewpoint on their first meeting, the consequences of his choice to run from Death with a boy he just met and knew for a few hours, and instead remains single-minded on Edwin's safety. Like when Edwin reasonably questioned, "Why are you getting angry?" when he began freaking out over Thomas getting close to Edwin, he says nothing.

There's just so much happening in that head that I can't stop thinking about.

[technically-human]

Well, I'm seeing a trend...

If you can, how about tv show Payneland but with the ages of the comic? So basically kids Paynland together.

Kids...

[clefdesoll]

fun episode :3 also more conans bc he has no business being this fun to draw

[medusaesque]

enough about 'he'll keep calling you officer when he's angry and detective when he isn't'. Kim calls you lieutenant-yefreitor when he wants to say I love you

[stormagedoom]

He tiny

Quick redraw cuz I NEED fanart of Sonic/Nicky as Conan/Shinichi

Of course Amy had to be Ran

[thepearlyalbatross]

Don't think about kid Edwin who's only company is his books. Don't think about kid Edwin up alone in his room when he realises that his parents do not love him. Don't think about kid Edwin when he realises they hate him infact.

Don't think about kid Edwin so hopeful that when he gets to school he finally find someone who likes him, he'll finally have a friend. And don't think about kid Edwin realising by the time he's 10 that no one likes him and it's not everyone else's problem it's his.

Don't think about Edwin getting all excited about Christmas because it's the time for family and at least he gets to spend time with them! And don't think about him making sure he Acts Correctly. Just so maybe they might like him.

Don't think about Edwin curled up in his room alone crying as silent as possible when he realises that his family or anyone else will never like him and that he is completely alone.

And really don't think about kid Edwin thinking that maybe it would have been better if he'd never been born. His parents might be happier if he was gone.

(But then he meets Charles. And Charles loves and likes him. Charles wants to be around him, doesn't try to get out of it, or put Edwin down. And he doesn't leave Edwin. Charles chooses to stay right by Edwin's side. He listens to Edwin's excited rants about detective novels. He doesn't make any snide remark when Edwin stares at a neon sign, and they stand there in a comfortable silence while Edwin just looks at the sign in awe. He picks up trinkets thar he thinks Edwin might like. He puts a kind hand on his shoulder and squeezes when Edwin's a bit far away.)