#Complicating Diagnoses
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Why self-diagnosed autistics are valid
medical diagnosis can be expensive
humans are the experts on their own minds
family may prevent assessment
diagnosis criteria is a poor checklist of stereotypes
diagnosis criteria ignores gender, race, sexuality, culture & more
medical diagnosis confirms autism, but doesn't create it
discrimination within the medical profession may prevent diagnosis.
Assessment waiting lists often long
medical trauma may make assessment unfeasible
Neurodiverse Journeys
#self diagnosis#why it’s valid#I find it perfectly acceptable with doing the correct research#the diagnosis process can be complicated and sometimes not a very pleasant experience#i honestly think I had ADHD too but I have no idea if I am#actually autistic#self diagnosed adhd#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#feel free to share/reblog#Neurodiverse Journeys (Facebook)#autism awareness month#autism acceptence month
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Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?
It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)
Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...
Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)
Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).
Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.
So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...
But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.
Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.
Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.
Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.
Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.
And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.
Anyway...
Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.
So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...
(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)
Yeah...
I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:
youtube
#btw the status of Floyd's and Les's relationship is forever set on 'complicated'#but they are as obsessed with each other as i am obsessed with them#the song is too soft and vulnerable to be something les would sing out loud but inside he does feel it#papa roach is nu metal btw. tho idk where this song stands exactly#trolls#dreamworks trolls#ex bandmates#trolls floyd#trolls oc#les#answered#my art#btw I am only self educated on the bipolar disorder from what i've read and watched on the internet so have that in mind#my intention is to be respectful but i might not understand all of it. especially not the personal experience of those who have it#i'm just some random nerd#so in a way you could say floyd was diagnosed by a nonprofessional lol#i stayed up until 3am last night writing this#today i made the sketch that is no longer a sketch#should i put this post under a cut? it is pretty long#long post
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while everyone is here if you believe in "narcissistic abuse", general "cluster b abuse" or refer to people as narcissists you can unfollow me because literally those people can go fuck themselves 😭
#seeing the most annoying comments today#'narc abuse' you just mean emotional/mental abuse#shut the fuck up and stop stigmatizing personality disorders#and stop armchair diagnosing people#stop trying to invent a class of people who are 'the bad/abusive ones' you're just making a group of people YOU think it's ok to abuse!#god any fucking time a mental illness gets slightly more complicated than depression or anxiety you bitches lose your mind#mentally ill people (including cluster b!) are more likely to be VICTIMS of abuse and violence than abusers themselves.#npd#narcissistic abuse#narc abuse
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okay, speaking on house. theres a running joke that ‘its not lupus. its never lupus’ i think someone might actually even say it in the show. i think house mightve even said lupus is a bad diagnosis. not only medically speaking (this show aired in the early 00s and we didnt know as much about lupus then. i think back then it was considered a terminal illness.), there isnt anything you can do to cure lupus. you can “manage” the symptoms. but i think most chronically ill people will tell you ‘managing’ is bullshit. which also makes it a bad diagnosis from a storytelling point. the heros cant save the day. they cant cure the illness and send the patient back home healthy and happy.
#rot.txt#house md#iirc there is actually one episode where someone gets diagnosed with lupus#and its incredibly saf#my neighbor who gave us both her dogs as she got sicker died of complications from lupus :(
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i don’t really like omegaverse that much (absolute lie) but i DO think that house md would fuck *that* much harder if it was set in the omegaverse
#and i dont even necessarily mean this in a hilson-pilled way!!!#bc yes i do think house and wilson should have hot gay sex and hold each other until wilson’s knot deflates#but also i just think that the entire show could do a lot with omegaverse tropes#like heat suppressants as medical complications.#cuddy is a beta and it affects why her being dean of medicine is so impressive. it deepens her desire to hire house#an omega and an asshole#because she sees some of herself in him and recognizes that struggle#house post-infarction having to pay for sex bc he believes he’s ‘broken’ in the sense that he isn’t biologically attractive anymore#wilson is just. the best alpha. always taking care of his flock#kutner is an omega too and it hits that much harder for house when he kills himself#pheromones ‘smelling off’ being a diagnosable symptom#sex complications SO MANY sex complications#‘dr my knot wont deflate’#like… theres so MUCH there to play with!!! its so fun!!! so much potential!!!!#i need to finish the show so badly so i can try to bang out a/b/o abt this show my godd#house md#hate crimes md
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I’m so tired of having cis women tell me that because I am trans masculine I somehow don’t know how misogyny works and I somehow didn’t and don’t spend my life doing the emotional and physical labor that they are also doing while being misgendered as though I don’t also face the same medical misogyny but I’m also being misgendered at doctor’s appointments and when I try to access tools and help about disability or feminism or mental health I’m told that trans masculine people are already being centered in the work and don’t need any more space while you guessed it BEING MISGENDERED and then I get told that I could pass if I tried and therefore it doesn’t matter. what the hell
#good post good post#personal#transgender#I boil down my gender to be less complicated to cis people bc my presentation is confusing#and even the kindest most radical people still misgender me#in the same appointment that diagnosed me with gender dysphoria the psychiatrist misgendered me#in a class about gendered oppression as the only trans person in BOTH of my programs (history and gender studies) I am. misgendered.#and told quiet explicitly that my dysphoria at being told that women’s experiences are NOT mine needs to be decentered#like what the fuck guys
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What I hate about humans is that you can't just go and be like "Hey, I think I have this thing" cause their immediate response will be "Um...I don't think you do, I don't think you know what you're talking about". Even if they don't say it out loud, they'll think it. Even if you're diagnosed with that thing, but ESPECIALLY if you're not.
However if you pretend you don't know you might have that thing and just slowly display your symptoms through time, then, THEN they'll suddenly be like "Oh hey I think you have this thing" CAUSE WE ALL THINK WE ARE SO INCREDIBLY FUCKING SMART AND KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE. I'M NOT BETTER, I DO THIS SHIT TOO INTERNALLY I HATE HUMANS
#rant#this is partly why i so badly want to study psychology#not to make diagnoses but bc of shit like this#bc of how the human brain works#we are so complicated and so stupid#it's fascinating i wanna know why we work this way#why is that so many people's reaction?#i just wanna KNOW
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how much i wish i wasn't paranoid about every human interaction i have. even online. even just through posting art. i can't shake off the feeling that everyone is annoyed and done with me. like there's one huge mistake i've made that everyone except me knows of. i feel like i even disappoint my own followers with every post i make. it's intense and irrational and it pisses me off sm.
#oh to be mentally stable#my doctor is considering on diagnosing me with schizotypal personality disorder. idk if i agree with them on that though#i mean getting a proper diagnosis would solve some problems but it might complicate getting a job in the future#and stuff#idk what to do with my life#textpost#vent
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self-dx npd culture is being like "yeah maybe i thought a lot about it and ruled out other options and looked into this and it has affected every aspect of my life for years now & maybe i settled on this but also consider i'm not narcissistic i'm actually just THAT good and THAT deserving of doing the stuff i do and thinking the things i think and THAT entitled to everything i say i'm entitled to. i'm not professionally diagnosed so consider there is nothing wrong with me. i just Am better."
#is it related to my delusions or is it related to npd often being ego syntonic. i have no idea.'#actually.#so weird. sometimes i want to seek potential diagnosis even though that could only spell bad things bcs it'd tooootally fuel my ego#but on the other side of the coin i'm like This sometimes and i get an ego boost from Not being diagnosed bcs#there's genuinely nothing wrong with me and i'm actually JUST better than everyone else ehe<2 its not that complicated or deep<2#npd#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissistic#narc germs#sometimes i feel like i have two very different thought processes in me. mr trying to be reasonable and well informed#and then sometimes a little creature of pure elation pushes him to the ground and focuses the camera on them#“a little less of him a little more of me!”
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Things About the Autism Assessment Process Which Don't Make Sense...
neurodivergent_lou
#autism#actually autistic#autism assessment#things that don’t make sense#why does it have to be so long and complicated#I was diagnosed at 12#so I’m not sure how long or how the process works#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#feel free to share/reblog#neurodivergent lou (facebook)
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Having complicated emotions about my possible neurodivergency again
I just wish I could at least get tested to see if I have ADHD because I just want to know if my years of research and analyzing my brain means anything. Because I don’t want to self diagnose. But I just know something is up with my brain and I don’t know what it is
If I don’t get a diagnosis, then I’ll never know and I’ll never get the resources I need or the community of other neurodivergent individuals (in the case that I do have ADHD or something else) but if I do get a diagnosis and end up being neurodivergent, I’ll be shamed by my family and end up alone in that way. So I don’t win in either situations
And I know I can use resources if they help make my life easier, but I feel like such a fraud like, “Oh look at this loser, she’s using resources for people with ADHD and Autism even though she’s undiagnosed, I bet she’s just faking it.”
I don’t want to be unfair to those who do actually need help but I also feel like I need help with nobody to help me and I’m lost and scared and frustrated and confused and hghhghhjgfhhnn
#it’s so complicated and I don’t know what to do#I’d really be getting the diagnosis for me#because as I’ve mentioned before#medication scares me#but even that makes me feel bad#idk I’m just thinking out loud#I’m just tired of being confused#and I’m tired of being stuck in the middle of something#did anyone else feel like this before they got diagnosed?#I need some insight#because I don’t want to be that person who takes away from people who know for sure that they are neurodivergent#because I would feel terrible if I did that#sfw interaction only#sfw agere#sfw age regression#age regressor#age regression#agere blog#agere positivity#quizzyrambles#Quizzyrants#quizzyvents
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I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm thinking thoughts and this is all it has culminated as:
POV you're me trying to logic/reason away what are probably actual symptoms of a mental health...thing BUT IT ARGUABLY IS ONLY PROVING IT MORE??
#vagueposting again about mental health stuff#idk#i just have a lot overwhelming guilt#and as far as connecting dots#i can see it#it makes sense#but i dont want it to?#its not like a ' i dont wanna have another mental health thing'#its a ' i feel weird about self diagnosing and am hesitant to do so'#SAME THING HAPPENED SITH AUTISM#TOOK ALMOST A YEAR FOR ME TO FINALLY BE LIKE#OKAY YEAH AUTISM LIVES HERE#Its different tho#its so complicated#and i#i cant get help for it rn#i hate hate hate relying on a self diagnosis without someone else to corroborate#i feel bad#i feel guilty#not like im taking resources but like a frahd#fraud#i can spell#tags are so great#no one is gonna read em ;)#if you do im so sorry lmap#im really just#idk like i can connect dots all i want but im always gonna feel guilty and like a fraud#until someone tells me that my fears were right#or worse
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aegon and aemond on their wedding night in my fic
#hotd#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#aegond#aegon x aemond#hotd fanart#hotd fic#drawing aemond’s hair in this took me sooo long#sorry for the shameless self-promo but i’m very proud of this fic#lots of character study#aemond should have some old burn scars on his shoulder#but getting aegon’s scars right was hard enough#anyway have two emotionally complicated idiots#this is right before aegon bites him fkljlf#i diagnose them both with a biting kink
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Happy dead dad day!
#my dad died 3 years ago today#I have a lot of complicated thoughts about my dad and have spent the past year very angry at him#but i miss him so much and not a day goes by that i don't wish he was still here#part of grief is allowing yourself to feel everything you feel about the person you've lost#my dad did a lot of shitty things and let me believe horrible things about my mother for 11 years#until after he died my mom finally defended herself because she didn't want me to hate my dad while he was alive#and i don't hate him. ive never hated him#but i think back on my childhood and the trauma his untreated mental illness inflicted on all of us#that no one outside of our house knew about#he was bipolar and had DID and was probably also autistic#i was terrified of my father until i was about 16. but i love him and loved him then#the amount of shit he put us all through and especially my mother. who stayed with him because he was her soulmate and also#would likely have killed himself if she left. he threatened to kill her on multiple occasions#we weren't allowed to walk home after school even though it's only about a mile to the school from my house#i realized after he died that its because my mother did not trust him to be home alone with us for our safety#all the adults in our life thought we were just lazy fat kids who couldn't walk a mile#and i think thats the hardest#people thought so negatively about is because they didn't know what we went through on a daily basis#his own family has his memory on a pedestal when they didn't even live with him during childhood#he lived with his grandma and they all lived with their mom#and they get mad if we say ANYTHING negative about him#YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE HE SUFFERED FROM D.I.D. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DIAGNOSED!#anyways rest in peace to my chevy impala that the transmission died while driving from the hospital to see him#because he was in a coma. for the 3rd time that year#dead dad club#parental loss#grief
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GERD gang GERD gang!
Let's rise up and collectively put guns to the heads of those who go "nooo you can't depict GI issues in media because that's disgustiiiing and not prettyyy"
I need to be able to point at characters and say oh fuck yeah that bitch can't eat shit without dying, just like me!!
HSKJGHEJGHKJEHGKJEHG THAT'S LITERALLY HIMAWARI THO fuck it i will stand and die for making a character who actually has gerd and fucking died from it because it was untreated and it evolved into esophageal cancer
#asks#it seriously feels so stupid i don't get why no one depicts this stuff in media#nor talks about it much like. i haveNEVER heard about gerd until i got diagnosed with it#i was like. now whatthe fuck is this complicated ass name
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