#oh to be mentally stable

[marrzyy]

how much i wish i wasn't paranoid about every human interaction i have. even online. even just through posting art. i can't shake off the feeling that everyone is annoyed and done with me. like there's one huge mistake i've made that everyone except me knows of. i feel like i even disappoint my own followers with every post i make. it's intense and irrational and it pisses me off sm.

[malware-program]

This is a vent post

I’m so tempted to drop out of college, like I failed my first semester, my mental health has taken a huge fucking hit, and everyone just expects me to do perfectly. I don’t know how to create my own routine, how to stay on track, it feels like I don’t know how to be human. I see all these people doing it and I just don’t know how they do. I can’t afford therapy, I can’t get medications, I’m just gonna keep getting worse until I either drop out or end up in crisis again. I just can’t deal with people being disappointed in me again.

[acecroft]

DINA MEYER as Detective Allison Kerry in Saw III (2006)

[rocketbirdie]

i told you. i'm fine

[kittylittersmoothie]

me debating whether or not to admit i desperately need comfort instead of hoping someone telepathically realizes i need assistance and offers it on their own volition

[yikes-ajax]

I dont have a clever and witty sarcastic comment tonight, I just think she's cute

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Howdy's rainbow suspenders.

thank you for coming to my Ted Talk-

[joshbruh10x]

Barely surviving high school

Anyways unhinged Fazcule bc YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT I DRAW TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

[butchlifeguard]

ok i see a lot of people misinterpreting these kinds of posts so im making one differently

[taroddori]

alright bro what the flip

[nico00235]

Red ending up getting a collar for himself since he's Edge MK's good boy. Just a very weird way he shows affection to MK.

I hate (not really) knowing how to draw because I have the power to fulfill people headcanons with so much enthusiasm

AYO, RED SON WITH A MUZZLE IS SOMETHING ELSE

[limonjarritos]

no im still so unwell over this??? vince scribbled out the criticism of rody in the review of the bistro. help

Nooooo but literally. How he immediately discredits any bad word against Rody! It defo made me more convinced that the reason the party ended was because Rody's ex classmate made fun of Rody (and it is mentioned by one of the guests that Vincent can hear Rody very clearly from over there, there's no way he didn't notice that whole scene). I do wonder exactly what was said, since he's not afraid to be brutal to anyone that's not Rody.

If a customer ever treated Rody like shit in the typical way customers act towards service workers I don't think Vince would be too happy lmao. POV: you treated your waiter like shit and now some white french man who smells like an ash tray starts glaring daggers at you.

Come look at my smiling deranged blorbo!

[im-so-normal-for-jax]

I did use a base because I’m a loser 🥰✨💅

but I still ate jajsjzjdkakkdcammdm

[fangirleaconmigo]

oh boy, I reaaaally hurt my own feelings with that last fic.

I think I'm gonna have to finish it and actually write that happy ending out for my own mood and good health

[kitmoss]

literally so unwell about Joel in s10 what if him and Etho builds near each other. what if we get a consistent stream of boat boys crumbs. i'm going to be sick

[telesodalite]

Another rambling thought, sort of stemming from the last thing, but what if Misfire gets so upset about Krok believing he's contacting his old squad, and pretending or implying that they're still alive, because he's harboring some sort of repressed grief over Thundersaur?

Thundersaur's dying request being to free Flyhigh before he ends up in jail for a dozen counts of "accidental" murder implies a certain kind of closeness or something felt towards Misfire. Yet, we don't really see anything returned from Misfire's side? Outside of the "-You're just jealous because you've never had someone look out for you." comment he makes in response to Spinister's disbelief towards him being the type to end up on someone's "dying wish list".

So, there's that. What can be gleaned from just that? Not much ig, at least nothing concrete. But taking into account Misfire's relationship with Grimlock, and Grimlock's later view of Connie, perhaps something can be assumed about his relationship with Thundersaur.

Whether I'm reading into it too much or not, there is a theme of a sometimes rough but well intended trickle down kindness when it comes to the Scavengers and their story.

A favor or act of kindness is shown to one, and they return it back or onto another, sometimes unintentionally. There's emphasized acts of selflessness with them, even though we know them to be quite selfish, which, really only emphasizes those moments more. If they were written as less of a joking break between the drama of the Lost Light cast, perhaps this theme would've played a deeper more defined role. But anyways, my subjective character favoritism aside.

The point here is Misfire cared for Grimlock, and in turn, Grimlock chooses to care for Connie because it's "his turn" to look after someone. One act of empathy leads to another. There's a time to decide when it's your turn.

So it's possible it goes further back because of that. Thundersaur cared for Misfire, then it was Misfire's "turn" and he cared for Grimlock, and Grimlock cared for Connie.

So why doesn't Misfire say or mention anything about Thundersaur? Grimlock cares a lot for Misfire, wouldn't Misfire have cared a lot for Thundersaur?

Well, in a way, there's a possible answer for that. Misfire is shown to be uncomfortable when faced with admitting he cares for people, or needs people. He's uncomfortable with vulnerability. He gets defensive and snappy when pressed about it, or he deflects it away from himself, which is somewhat of a stark change to his more casual dramatics and honest friendliness. So he doesn't like talking about how he feels, how he really feels.

But he also admits to Grimlock he understands missing the people you cared about. He admits this in connection to Grimlock recalling the last time he was with his "Dino-Buddies", just before Grimlock was taken to Garrus 9. Misfire "gets it", even though it's hard, he gets it.

With all that possibly pointless evidence, we can guess that yeah, Misfire did care for Thundersaur. It's just that he, like the rest of the Scavengers, has his own repressed and poorly managed issues relating to his past and his own negative emotions.

Also, the death thing. He's real casual about dead stuff. He exsanguinates and cannibalizes corpses as a job/hobby, and enjoys it. There's an implied acceptance that he's okay with the fact that the Scavs will eat each other as soon as someone happens to keel over, which includes him also being dead and eaten. He's cool with that, ig. Or at least, he's cool with eating the others if the situation presents itself.

So he's got a weird relationship with life and death. When you're alive, you're a friend. When you're dead? Well, it's not really you anymore, is it? It's not someone you care about anymore, it's just a corpse, not a person, it's just resources in an empty vessel, not a friend. Nothing worth getting emotional or upset about. Perfect for being comfortably detached.

Because this is getting way too long tho, here's the point I'm trying to get to.

Why does Misfire lose his shit a little when Krok starts panicking and trying to call for his squad? Here's my theory, I guess.

Thundersaur is dead. He died, and he's gone, and Misfire knows this. He wasn't there. He didn't get to say goodbye. He didn't get to return the favor or repay the debt. He didn't get to show Thundersaur that he cared for others too, that he passed that on.

But while he accepts it, he doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to dwell on it, doesn't want to acknowledge that he misses Thundersaur. He's dead, he's gone. So it doesn't matter. Misfire can't need him anymore, and he doesn't want to admit he needs anyone anymore, because someone he relied on is dead, and he wasn't there for them to rely on in turn.

So he doesn't think about it. But Krok does. Krok thinks about it, and talks about it, and still admits to needing his dead. Even if he won't acknowledge the fact that they're dead, and gone, and never coming back, no matter how much he wants or needs them anymore.

And it feels unfair, and Krok keeps unintentionally poking at that repressed grief Misfire won't touch. A reminder with every click of that dismembered finger, that you can't always just will away the grief of loss, of death. There's going to be reminders everywhere. Even close to you. And so, faced with reminder after reminder, the repression breaks, and Misfire snaps because-

They're all dead.

Krok's squad is dead. Thundersaur is dead. Why can't they accept that and just move on to never talking about it, never mentioning it, never thinking about it again?

Because, in their own ways, neither of them have ever truly moved on.