#CDD

[plurapony]

can we shed some light on the amnesia in DID that literally doesn't matter? the amnesia that isn't about anything important or anything it's just really fucking annoying to forget! examples:

"oh that reminds me of my favorite movie! ...which now, i conveniently cannot remember the name to"

[introducing yourself to someone] "oh shit what are my hobbies? what do i like to do?? fuck i can't remember!!"

"oh my god im literally obsessed with this thing!! its always on my mind... AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IT'S CALLED RN!!!!"

like it's the type of amnesia that doesn't necessarily negatively impact every daily life but you know it's really fucking bothersome to not be able to remember! i literally forgot that i liked movies, or the fact that i liked movies so much i went to film school I FORGOT I WENT TO FILM SCHOOL???

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD + DID culture is feeling better than other systems you know cause you've been aware of the system longer and know more of the community drama, but since you've stopped engaging with the community you are obviously superior

-⭐️🐾

.

[riotingrogue-syscourse]

Maybe not exactly relevant but this is part of why I will sometimes seek out the advice of specifically willogenic or created systems? Systems that were formed consciously, with intent, sometimes have the best advice for doing system things consciously and intentionally.

I think the "my mind is stuck unconsciously functioning this way" probably plays a lot into the prevalence of traumalympics within syscourse. I see a lot of systems who feel they have no control over their disorder holding grudges over systems who do have control over their system and/or plurality. I see a lot of posts that are like, "why would you want to be a system, it's so hard and distressing in day-to-day life," and it feels like there's an unspoken, "and you can stop whenever you want whereas I am stuck this way."

I think this mindset greatly undermines any individual OSSDID/CDD system's ability to heal. Saying, "I'm stuck with this disorder" also says, "what happened to me isn't manageable and isn't worth trying to manage."

This isn't to say it's easy or something you should be able to "just do." I guess, part of how dissociative systems are mystified is that healing is made out to be this secret, detailed process that is based out of a finite amount of resources. When you don't ascribe any expectations to your system, it is much closer to healing from PTSD/c-PTSD than you realize.

I said something that proved controversial, so I wanted to elaborate on my point here, without being confrontational, and to allow anyone and everyone to give their own perspectives and thoughts. This post is particularly pertaining to CDDs/DID/OSDD, however you want to label your traumagenic system, I'm not your boss.

Anyway, I said in response to another system's fragment saying they would be "sucked back into the void" that it was truly up to them whether or not they wanted to remain an alter or allow themselves to be sucked back into said void, because I recently spoke to my own specialist about my front-stuckness, and he empowered me to realise that it's my brain, and it's up to me (big Me, big I here) to choose what's best for my system. I think there's a lot of really intense mystification around dissociative systems and how they work, and a lot of systems feel that they're stuck functioning a certain way because that's how their mind unconsciously copes. I want to bring the perspective of empowerment and inner strength and discipline.

Would love to hear other syscourser's thoughts on this.

[botanical-garden-system]

Hey, it’s not your fault. You were just a kid. You may still BE a kid. But I know a few things for certain:

You didn’t ask to be born into this world.

You didn’t ask to be treated the way that you were treated—whether it was by bullies, parents, or other family members.

You didn’t ask to “be a burden” to your caregivers, you deserved that space to be loved and safe

You didn’t ask for your consent to be broken.

You didn’t ask for the shame and guilt someone put you through.

You aren’t bad for something happening to you. You aren’t your trauma.

I’m sorry if you were ever made to feel that way, and I know that may never mean much coming from a stranger, but I know it’s something I wish I heard more.

[candyrain-collective]

a comic about my experience with other people's perception of my DID/OSDD. might do more pages in the future? we'll see.

[thefluxsystem]

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

[reimeichan]

"I'm okay with you having DID, I just don't want to talk to or meet any of your alters."

I'm an alter too, you know. Every single time you've interacted with me, I'm an alter. Even before you knew I had DID, even before I knew I had DID, we've been speaking to each other as various different alters. To ask to only interface with one singular version of me because you find the other versions of me uncomfortable to be around is hurtful.

We have little to no control over who's fronting at any particular time. We switch a lot, that's the nature of my system. Even we don't know who's fronting all the time, not least because we're discovering new parts still all these years later.

And, ultimately, they're all me. If you've only met one version of me and like that one version of me, do you truly like me? If you've only ever gotten to know me in that particular mode, how well do you actually know me? How can you say you love me when there's all these other me's that you cast aside and ignore?

You can't say you're okay with my DID but then ask to never get to know my alters. Because, ultimately, that means you never get to know me. And that means you're not okay with my DID- or with me.

[blooming-foliage]

apparently theres 5 threat responses documented now!

from a trauma & dissociation workbook page our therapist shared

[thehealingsystem]

if you ever wonder why I don't interact with the traumagenic community as a traumagenic system this is why

[chxrrie-bxmb]

something i wanna clear up in the sys community

some of the people on this site need to realize that not all alters/parts/headmates in a system split only due to trauma. "traumaendo" isnt a thing.

we have a collection of splits that arent due to trauma. usually these splits are from general stress, anxiety, etc. there are even times where we arent going through a noticeably stressful event, but we split a new headmate because our identity issues are constantly affecting us even when we arent going through anything traumatic or stressful.

even though we have headmates that split from things other than trauma, we are still a traumagenic system because the system itself formed from trauma. one alters reason for splitting does not (and will never) change that. while an alter can split from things outside of trauma, systems can only exist because of trauma. there is a fine line between the two.

[sysboxes]

[Text: This user wants more people to send them asks.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[plurapony]

As a system who pretty much only ever uses a collective name publicly-

Individual names for parts are so incredibly important to us! You see when you have heavy amnesia keeping track of 126 parts? It's really fucking hard and you have to find shortcuts to jog your memory.

For instance Nacht is German for night, Nacht is our night gatekeeper and fronts at night to help us sleep. The name creates a path in our mind so we are able to remember what moon's purpose is. For introjects it's important they keep a name somewhat similar to their source as if we remember what their source is we can remember what their core personality traits are and therefore their purpose in the system. Pretty much every single part in our system has a name that somewhat relates to what their purpose and role is (somewhat enough for us to figure it out)

I wonder if any other systems do this in an attempt to battle the amnesia!!! It's pretty much crucial for us, we'd be completely lost without it!

[rainbow-glittery-gutz]

Still loving your headmates while still not wanting DID can absolutely co-exist btw

Someone had the nerves to accuse our co-host of romanticizing DID all bc he vented about not wanting DID while still mentioning he still loves us despite it bc he didn't want us to see it and feel like we were hated

[positivitycombopack]

Shout out to systems whose abusers tried their best, but failed.

It can be so, so hard to have the good with the bad. You’ll remember the good times — the things they did right, the stuff you remember fondly — and think “it couldn’t have been that bad, if I still have these good memories.”

It can be. Two things can be true at the same time. Your abusers could have loved you so, so much, and done so much right — and still fucked up.

Shout out to all those with a complicated relationship with their abusers. Shout out to those whose abusers did their best to love you, but never could the way you needed. Shout out to those who weren’t purposefully abused, but still suffered.

Your suffering is seen here, and it is just as valid as anyone else’s.

[botanical-garden-system]

Someone drowning in 6 feet of water is as equally dead as a person drowning in 20 feet of water.

Please stop comparing trauma and making it a challenge. It’s trauma. Not a competition or medal.

[hiiragi7]

The plural community has a major problem with how it treats final fusion and systems who are fully fused.

If you ever wonder why you don't meet many fully fused systems in the community, part of it is because we are actively pushed out of the community.

People have been really shitty towards me ever since I hit final fusion in January. My friends who are fully fused have also experienced similar.

I feel like I can't talk about my experiences at all in a lot of spaces. When I do, I feel like I have to put in extra effort to word myself carefully, and even then it doesn't really help. It doesn't matter how much I say "everyone's experiences are different" or "this is how it is for me personally", people act weird towards me just because I am fully fused. I can't just talk about my experiences with my system like everyone else and it's really draining and frustrating.

People assume that because I am fully fused I will be pushy about fusion or even force fusion onto other systems. People say they are intimidated by me and don't want to talk to me because I am fully fused. People tell me about how horrible they think fusion is and how it's murder. People say they feel bad for fused systems because they think all fused systems are tricked into fusion and about how parts language is dehumanizing and abuse. People say I must hate myself or hate being a system because I chose final fusion. People say they don't believe in final fusion existing at all and that it's unhealthy to believe in it, that fused systems are just systems pretending to be singlets, and that we just need to deal with our internalized ableism and accept we're plural.

People even assume I'm "sysmed" because I am fully fused and use parts language. I have been vocally pro-endo the entire time I've been in system spaces. Hell, I myself am endogenic.

My very belonging in the plural community is constantly in question. I have witnessed numerous debates over the years about whether fully fused systems should be allowed in the community at all, or be allowed to talk about system experiences... because we "chose to be singlets". I've even seen people suggest that we are "appropriating" systemhood by talking about it because we are "no longer systems and have no right to talk about what being a system is like".

"No singlets should be allowed to talk about system experiences or be allowed in system communities, and that includes fully fused individuals" was and still is a major stance here on tumblr, as well as several discord servers I've been in.

I'm constantly expected to censor or completely not talk about my experiences at all because I am fully fused. Final fusion is on the blacklist for a lot of plural servers, and on tumblr a lot of folks get asked to trigger warn anything mentioning final fusion. This isn't something that really happens for any other form of DID recovery. This is specifically targeted at final fusion.

Yes, I understand that there are systems who are pressured to fuse and that it may be a triggering topic for these systems; at the same time, the plural community fosters a lot of fear and shame around final fusion by barring any talk of it and framing it as a negative thing, and it is rarely taken into consideration how triggering it is for many fully fused systems like myself to not be allowed to speak about our experiences and be treated like our existence needs to be hidden and censored, especially when we constantly see others talking very poorly of us and our experiences on top of that.

I get told I'm wrong about my own experiences as a fully fused system or about my thoughts on functional multiplicity and final fusion by systems who are neither fully fused nor functionally multiple, many of whom have never even spoken to a system who is or read about our experiences at all. People in the community are extremely black-and-white about it, and when I talk about how from my experience functional multiplicity and final fusion aren't actually a strict binary, people are very quick to tell me about how they're completely different experiences when they haven't even experienced it or even really know anything about it.

There's so much misinformation in the community about final fusion and it really fucking sucks.

It's so painful hearing my fully fused friends talk about how many of them have been chased out of the community or know folks who have been.

Plural community, be better for fused systems.