#cdd tag

[lichfucker]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Black Sails Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Madi/John Silver (Black Sails) Characters: John Silver (Treasure Island), Captain Flint | James McGraw, Madi (Black Sails) Additional Tags: Angst, Whump, pain and suffering. all hurt and no comfort, this is a feel-bad fic, Episode: s04e07 XXXV., Missing Scene, Grief/Mourning, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Compliant, Masturbation, Explicit Sexual Content, silver has sex with both flint and madi but the specific acts are not worth tagging, they're more discussed than they are depicted, cannot stress enough that this fic is a well of despair, I felt evil writing it Summary:

"Trust Flint. It sounds so easy. Flint offers here to take his weight, to swaddle and rebuild him. Was it truly so bad, letting Flint build him the first time? He’d not have had Madi at all, if Flint hadn’t built him into something concrete, something tactile. She’d have reached out to touch him, and the ephemeral wisp he’d been would have simply passed through. It was Flint who tied the anchors to him, bound him within himself. He had Madi because he trusted Flint.

He lost Madi because he trusted Flint, too."

—

A lot of other people have written incredible, beautiful works about Flint supporting Silver in the wake of Madi's supposed death, and how that support finally brings them together. This is the opposite of that.

here it is! ten thousand words of pure evil!

[lichfucker]

[image description: text that says, "I wanted to kill what loved me because I couldn't stand being loved. If infuriated and outraged me, someone having the temerity to love me—nobody does that... and I'll show you why." end id]

Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run

[fairygodsystem]

Do you have any system names for just the grouping that aren't system or collective?

We are really wanting a one worded collective name

♡ Alternatives to "system" or "collective" Master-list ♡

Association　　Assembly　　Aggregation　　Assemblage　　Assortment　　Array　　Alliance

Band　　Body　　Batch　　Battery　　Bunch　　Bundle　　Battalion　　Bracket　　Brigade

Class　　Club　　Chain　　Circle　　Crew　　Collection　　Cluster　　Clutch　　Clique　　Clump　　Clot　　Combine　　Conglomerate　　Congregation　　Crew　　Crowd　　Company　　Collaborative　　Communal　　Cooperative　　Common　　Corporation　　Compilation　　Collation　　Caboodle　　Convocation　　Cumulation　　Constellation　　Clan　　Consort　　Crop　　Coalition　　Classification　　Conspiracy　　Cabal　　Coven　　Corps

Division

Establishment　　Enterprise

Faction　　Function　　Formation　　Foundation　　Fellows　　Fellowship　　Family　　Force

Group　　Gathering　　Grade���　Gaggle　　Grouping　　Gild　　Guild　　Genus　　Generation

Herd　　Horde　　Hoard　　Heap　　Huddle　　Hodgepodge

Institute　　Institution

Lot　　League　　Legion　　Layout　　Lads

Mass　　Medley　　Mess　　Miscellany　　Mobilization　　Muster　　Mess　　Melt　　Mutual　　Mob

Number　　Network

Operation　　Outfit　　Order

Platoon　　Party　　Parcel　　Posse　　Phalanx　　Pack　　Personnel　　Pile

Round　　Ring

School　　Squad　　Squadron　　Set　　Species　　Syndicate　　Staff　　Stack　　Stock　　Suite

Team　　Troop　　Trust

Union

Variety

[possessed-pack]

Anti-endos commenting on my post about loving systemmates with "oh of course youre endo safe makes sense"--when will these people stop perpetuating the ableist idea that people with disorders have to live in misery 24/7? When will these people stop acting like a system is the absolute worst thing you can be and only results in eternal suffering? How do their headmates feel knowing these opinions? How do they use their unwillingness to treat any aspect of their disorder as positive to the point where it's a weapon they use to call anyone who has any positive experience about it a faker? How do they not see that this is the same sentiments that ableists use against all disabled people to devalue them or say we should be put out of our misery? How is this healing? How does this help?

Like yeah, you expect a hate group to act with hate but I genuinely worry for some of these people because it just seems like they're not even led to believe they have the ability to heal in any capacity. The way anti-endos are structured leads anyone who sides with them to go down this path of "systems are never fun or happy and life is suffering and pain and will be forever". It really isn't. There can be suffering, there can be pain, but joy and safety are just as real and just as achieveable. We're a DID system, shit sucks sometimes but we're healing--everyone can heal. Everyone can find silver linings. You need to know that you're not doomed. It can take time, but loving your system, the people in it, or the fact that it might have helped you to survive the worst days of your life, is NOT a sign that you are fake. Healing is not a sign of faking.

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[lichfucker]

[image description: two gifs from the Black Sails finale. Silver and Madi stand on a grassy hill by the sea, with a long stretch of sand between them. the camera spins around them at an extremely wide angle, like the world keeps turning while the two of them are frozen in place. end id]

Steinberg: Flint was right. Whatever happens between Silver and Madi is not enough. He comes back looking for something he feels he left behind that he didn’t think he wanted.

So his ending with Madi isn’t a happy one?

Levine: The way you see them at the end, they’re in the same frame but they’re yards away from each other. Emotionally, that’s as close as they’ll ever get again.

[moonpool-system]

Saw an anon somewhere else make a great point and we wanted to elaborate on it:

There should NOT be the hard lines between concepts of traumagenesis and endogenesis that currently exist in the plural community. There's a ton of overlap between the two in reality, and it's a little disconcerting that while "endogenic" is very explicitly an umbrella term, "traumagenic" is constantly considered a singular origin with no leeway, and anything not labeled specifically with that word (EVEN when the definition explains trauma is involved) is thrown under "endo" by medicalists & anti-endos.

Have people not come around to the understanding that "traumagenic" is also an umbrella term? That there are many, many ways for a system to be traumagenic, and sometimes those ways entangle inseparably from other origins? Has no thought gone to the autigenic-identifying system whose plurality came from masking trauma? To the soulbonder that connected with their companion out of desperate isolation and pain? If it were not for the manufactured divide claiming "traumagenic" as singular and separate, there would be a wide range of terminology and conceptions to describe the various ways one can be traumagenic, and it'd be a dramatic boon to the traumagenic plural & CDD communities.

Instead, we're severely lacking in a significant point of plural understanding because of the lateral aggression around here, and it's extremely damaging to our progress as a marginalized group attempting to make our voices heard and understood. How can we articulate the way traumagenesis and endogenesis intertwine and contrast if we're too afraid to even look?

The origin binary in the plural community needs to end. If "endogenic" can have many specific origins fall under it then so can "traumagenic".

[syschronize]

Can pro-endos stop comparing systemhood and CDDs to being queer and other labels as such, or like stop putting those two in the same sentence whilst trying to prove their (dumb) points?

[5-pp-man]

my new favourite genre of guys is when they're cute but only in deeply neurodivergent ways.

[lichfucker]

[image description: four stills from Black Sails. Flint and Silver sit together in a hut on Maroon Island, after Madi's supposed death. Flint says, "When I was drowning over Miranda... you helped me find my way out. Look at me. I will do the same for you." end id]

oh GOD

[lichfucker]

for all that I wholeheartedly believe silver's "wife" is max and not madi, I am going to continue to write fic with madi in that role because I love tragedy. and I want everyone to be miserable forever

[a-place-to-exist]

[akintohumorism]

for the love of god, endos, endo-adjacent, non-disordered, non-traumagen, so on... please just don't use this. this is not for you. this is for people with a CDD, which are inherently trauma disorders.

since CDD systems don't exactly have a symbol to represent ourselves that's by us, for us; at least that we know of (as i believe ‘&’ was created/popularized by endos as a symbol for ‘plurality’, and just feel personally uncomfortable with it; not to mention how they have a couple other symbols they use for themselves). so, we've decided to make one!

we've based it off of diagrams of the planetary orbit; we'd say there's two different ways of which to interpret the symbols details, but the big picture of it is simply: our solar system is the reason planet earth even has the capability of developing life forms like our flora and fauna, without everything in the placement it's in, we would not be alive today. much like how, without our systems, we would not be alive today. now, as for the interpretation of the details:

on a smaller scale, the spaces between each ring (orbital path) can be seen as the dissociative barriers between alters, with the alters being the circles (planets) on each respective ring. the inner circle (sun) representing survival and healing, as we formed as a means of survival but are now working to heal from our traumas.

on a larger scale, you could see the the spaces between each ring (orbital path) as the dissociative barriers between layers, the circles (planets) on each respective ring representing subsystems within those layers. the inner circle (sun) is always to be interpreted the same.

essentially, it's just capable of being interpreted in both ‘classic’ and complex system structure. the ring of circles (asteroid belt) is either meant to represent more alters, fragments, or the general feeling we have of a fragmented sense of self oftentimes.

this took us a little bit of brainstorming and adjusting to create until we ended up with something we like, so we hope the community likes it as well!

[lichfucker]

[image description: four gifs from Black Sails. Flint has just returned from the Spanish raid that burned Miranda's house and killed Eleanor and (supposedly) Madi. Silver asks, "Where's Madi?" Flint just looks at him, breathing heavily, with a conflicted, pained expression. Silver turns away, reeling from the shock. Flint continues to stand there, unable to speak, heavy with emotion. end id]

BLACK SAILS, XXXIV

[0809sysblings]

An Office Mental Status Examination for Complex Chronic Dissociative Symptoms and Multiple Personality Disorder - Richard J. Loewenstein

[sysciety]

Open ended question for other systems: how does it feel for you when you're not the one fronting?