#But that face holding bit made up for it
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laststandx3 · 1 year ago
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I'm so SO normal about that face cupping now
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kizzer55555 · 7 months ago
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DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game
Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter. 
Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.
The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge. 
And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).
And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game. 
Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.
(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).
After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely). 
Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.
#DPxDC#Kizzer55555 ideas#Danny makes a card game to save the world.#Technically he worded the ritual so that they had to ‘beat’ him as those are the most powerful barriers and most reliable.#keys can just get lost or stolen (like the one to Pariah’s Coffin)#A riddle would be useless once someone figured out the answer. Like how no one takes the sphynx seriously anymore.#(Sorry Tuck. But it’s true).#And there is NO WAY Danny is just leaving a hole open for anyone to pass through. No thank you!#So…beating him. But it’s not like Danny wanted to fight so…he edited the ritual a TINY bit. Card games are good. Much less painful too.#Danny Tucker and Sam made the most complicated card game they could imagine.#It’s based on their strategies for fighting ghosts. Capturing them in thermoses. And MUCH based on a on field battle strategy.#It often requires spontaneous thinking on the spot. So Danny? In his ELEMNT. It doubles as practice for his actual ghost battles too.#They had SO much fun making this.#Sam added an entire series of plant cards that act as traps and healing ointments and duds that just take up the field.#Tucker added legitimate hyroglyphics combined with Latin as well as English and ghost speak.#Yes. You actually have to speak that language to play. With proper pronunciation. (Amity Parker’s think the three are talking gibberish.)#I headcanon Sam and Tucker are fluent in Ghost.#Constantine WILL figure this game out SO HELP HIM!#Some of the cards also have combinations related to constellations either in name or placement on the board.#By the way the board is based on a Hexagonal summoning circle with Rhunes along the edges#And the placement of the cards on the board and on what rhune MATTERS.#Also the cards move disintegrate and have certain abilities. Think of Harry Potter Wizard Chess.#But they are normal when Danny plays at school. This is just for ✨effect✨ Against invaders.#Danny faces multiple opponents. He also halts alien invasions.#While Danny COULD stop crime on earth he’s not sure how to fight a normal human and hold back so he sticks to ghosts.#The Justice league are going crazy trying to figure out who this entity is and after deep research are convinced this is some sort of#Ancient being who has protected earth for millenia. They have paintings on ruins and everything.#Danny is not aware they think this.#Raven starts praying to Danny as if he is a god and wrangles the other Teen Titans into doing so as well. Danny is still unaware of this.#Danny is not a King or an ancient. Just a very VERY strong ghost.
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theotherbuckley · 5 months ago
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Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.
There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.
Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.
And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.
But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.
Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.
#years later he flies a helicopter into a hurricane for the same people who stopped him from going too deep#into something he didn’t even believe in#and there’s this guy with a birthmark above his left eye and the widest smile there is#and he’s saying absolute nonsense and Tommy can’t help but smile#and there’s this other man too also gorgeous but not his type#who has all the same interests as him and he thinks if anything he’s made a new friend#and then the cute dorky guy calls the next day stumbling over his words saying his name is evan - from the rescue mission#and he asks for a tour of the 217 and Tommy agrees because how could he say no#and then he’s asking to go out but he already has plans but rain check? because there’s something about this guy that maybe…#and Tommy thinks that’s it but then evan turns up everywhere#and then things get a bit funny and Tommy feels like it’s his fault and he has to apologise#so he goes to Evan’s house not expecting anything just to say sorry#and Evans there looking absolutely amazing as always and he’s saying things that Tommy can’t help but read into#and he’s getting closer and closer and Tommy can’t help it#he kisses him and keeps his eyes shut just a moment longer just in case#he doesn’t want to open his eyes and see a disgusted look across Evan’s face so he stays closed just a little longer#but evan just looks like his brain has restarted and he’s nodding and joking when Tommy asks if that was okay#and they’re going on a date#and it hurts when evan says those worlds because tommy has spent long enough in a closet being someone he’s not and hurting people#and he can’t go back there he just can’t and he doesn’t want to be the one to force evan into anything so he leaves#and then he gets a call a stuttered invitation to meet at a cafe and of course Tommy says yes#he doesn’t know what he expects but it’s not this#Evans beaming at him with the brightest smile asking him to be his date to his sisters wedding#how can he say no when he looks like that (as long as he never buys coffee again)#and evan holds his hand even though everyone is around and ok that’s good#he’s late to the wedding and practically dead on his feet but he said he’d be there so he comes and the moment evan sees him#hes kissing him and he’s ok that’s great he could get used to this#bucktommy#911 abc#tommy kinard
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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2011 Italian Grand Prix
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lusalemaart · 4 months ago
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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sysig · 5 months ago
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Sweet dreams, for a time (Patreon)
#Doodles#Parapluesch#Mama Oz#So I mentioned that Mama Oz's grief doesn't come from Literally losing a child in how we understand the phrase#However - the dream sequences usually conflate Feeling and Experience#Thus - this#The fact that her actual function is as a magazine rack is so - well it's a lot haha it's a real statement piece#A stuffed animal made with the hide of a different animal made specifically to hold magazines in her belly pouch rather than a Joey#That's........a concept lol#I just can't see her as a piece of furniture! I know that's her function but no! She's a stuffed animal!#It's so easy to imagine her backstory - a child growing up in that home and having her be mama to all the other plushies#Not used as a magazine rack at all - constantly pulled out of her Utility to a more emotional and playful side#Until the child grows up and she's forced back into what she was made for - her ''purpose'' yes but to have to give up what she became#It's like this piece of furniture was doomed to sadness from conception! Personifying an object to that degree - I mean you gave it a face!!#Hard to believe I'm so emotionally invested in this item I'd never seen before and now#I guess that's good memorable design for you haha#She's also still quite fun to draw :D She's very cute!#I wasn't sure about giving her a mouth since I'm pretty sure the actual version doesn't have one - and some of the plushies don't#But I like the idea of her having a little Moomin-like mouth up under her snoot hehe#She kinda reminds me of Sniff even huh#She was fun to draw lying down haha I can very easily see her in my mind's eye standing herself back up in the Parapluesch animation style#I'm still thinking over how her story would conclude - I want her to be able to stand on her own as an individual#But I want her to retain her desire to nurture! She's still a plush even if she started a bit unconventional#Healthy balance to be found somewhere hmm
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cheemken · 1 year ago
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Made myself sad over the thought of what if the champions ever met their younger selves
Like imagine Lance ruffling his younger self's hair, young Lance is there w his shoulders raised, an arm over his eyes, hiding his tears, Dratini on his shoulders trying to comfort him, and Lance, voice ever so soft, like he was afraid anyone would hear him, afraid of anyone to hear his voice crack, "you're enough."
Imagine Steven sitting with his younger self, young Steven holding Beldum close as he cries, and Steven's there pulling him to a side hug, he looks away, almost fighting back his own tears, he clutched his mother's emerald pendant tight in his fist, "I miss her too."
Imagine Wallace kneeling in front of his younger self, young Wallace was wearing a tattered dress, tears in his eyes as he held his cheek, hiding a bruise, and Wallace is there wiping the stray tears away. He smiles softly, his own heart aching, "there's nothing wrong with you."
Imagine Cynthia hugging her younger self, young Cynthia was holding her hand over her recently scarred left eye, her other hand was clutching Cynthia's shirt tight, sobbing her heart out. Cynthia pulls her impossibly closer, stroking her hair as she tries to hide her own tears, "it wasn't your fault."
Imagine Iris sitting with her younger self at the roof of Opelucid's Gym, watching over the city, watching everyone minding their business, and Iris just smiles at her younger self, giving her a pat on her shoulder, trying to mask the waver in her voice, "soon they'll see how strong you'll be."
Imagine Diantha with her younger self, young Dia was carrying her Carbink, happy to show her beloved partner pokemon off, and Diantha smiles at her with a sadness she thought she had buried along with her pokemon. She gently pats the head of her Carbink, something she never thought she could ever feel again, "take care of them, okay?"
Imagine Hau comforting his younger self, imagine him telling young Hau that everything will be fine, that soon he'll prove he's more than just a terrified little kid hiding behind his grandfather, prove he's more than that, that he too will be strong like the others, "just be brave. Be the bravest ever."
Imagine Leon placing his cap on his younger self's head, laughing as he did, and he watched in amusement as younger Leon looked at him with his best angry look, then his smile turned somber, and he turned to look at the view from his tower, how isolating it was for a ten year old, how they left a child to bear the responsibilities of the region, "it's quite lonely here, don't you think?"
Imagine Geeta sitting w her younger self at the end of the stairway to the Academy, both sitting in silence as they watch Pawniard run around catching a stray Marill. Geeta then turned to her, her younger self, so lonely and quiet and friendless, then she placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, even though her own hands were trembling, "don't worry, someone out there would want to be your friend."
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leslieseveride · 1 year ago
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tim faking a back injury while play wrestling with lucy all so he can pop up and pin her back down to the ground and tickle her senseless, can you please imagine how cute that would be????
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cordycepsbian · 2 years ago
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two vessel ocs we actually conceptualized a while ago and just never posted about
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lordsardine · 8 months ago
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sludgeguzzler · 2 years ago
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im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great
#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college#but. idk im living through it#gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words#its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh#but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so#so light i guess#it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk#so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else#and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache#but idk. i felt. really good#you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues#where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed#and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out#and like. man#its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool#they just odnt hold up anymore#i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment#i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live#and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no#what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill#but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me#idk at this point im just rambling#dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray#schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life#im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that#i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare]#at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had.#if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy#sg.txt
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 years ago
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wait you got me so invested in the stammer & heddy tailor au....
this is my standard disclaimer that i have never posted a fic on ao3* and for however much i say “au” i truly mean that it’s a universe that lives in my head & i am absolutely delighted to tell you all about, all the time <3 if it helps i ALSO got me so invested in the heddy & stammer tailor au
ok now that the author’s note is out of the way here’s some notes about the not!fic heddy & stammer tailor au:
stammer as the tailor from gent’s playbook, very reserved, quiet, with an excellent eye for details (honestly the evidence i have for his style sense is just that he’s best friends with pk subban so it has to be there somewhere if only by proxy irl) is hired by victor hedman, star of the tampa bay lightning who is every other tailor’s nightmare to dress (huge, opinionated, fashionable)
heddy is decently well-known throughout the league for being very well-dressed & becomes quietly well known for also being one of his new tailor’s favorite loyal customers [heddy has the nicest fabrics. he has his suits the first day a new collection drops & e v e r y o n e is jealous]
stammer’s business booms after heddy takes a chance on him as his first big client & promotes him, heddy sees him grow in popularity & get more clients
heddy also moonlights as a model for stammer’s suits on instagram, initially to help him grow his business because then he won’t have to pay for a model and then because he’s over there all the time anyway because they’re dating (that’s why the model’s face is never in the pictures)
there’s not really a plot to this besides the vague idea of a plot where stammer makes heddy his lucky suit that he wins the cup in & sews a special little tag into the lining of his jacket that says i love you
because love sometimes is picking out the perfect right color pocket square to match your husband’s beautiful suit that you fitted like a kiss to the curves of his huge body
& also sometimes love is making your beautiful husband who makes you beautiful clothing enjoy nice things for himself once in a while, like the fancy watch you bought him or the nice suit you custom-ordered for him (from him) just so you could take it off of him
#*i did very much post a zine on ao3 that was part of a really fun exchange that i loved doing (thank you leah for organizing!!!)#& had a fantastic time with however i have not strictly speaking posted a fic. one day i will. eventually. hopefully. pray for me :)#also one time my horoscope told me i was a ‘neutral projector’ & i’ve never felt more called out (‘loves making up things’/‘will not#actually write or plot but will explain every intricate detail of their world & character relationships’/‘hype up every member of the#writing chat & give good advice but never follow it’) like HI CAN U NOT DO THIS TO ME HOROSCOPE THANKS i was read to FILTH#liv in the replies#i do LOOOOOVE me a good one of them plays hockey the other one does not au sometimes they’re so fun to explore dynamics outside/inside sport#at the time i came up with this stammer was out on IR & heddy kept showing up to the playoffs in ridiculously nice suits what was i to do??#the gent’s playbook tailor will sometimes model his own suits w/o showing his own face which made it look like he had a secret model come in#heddy canonically says his suits make him feel better when he plays esp during playoffs & if he wins in a suit he’ll keep wearing it#oh also the truth of the love is in the pocket square bit? angela price i will never forget. anyway that blue suit i posted in the last ask#with the perfect pink pocket square? that pocket square is a pair of stammer’s boxers heddy took To Me. in my brain#me about the beautiful clothing: this is like daisy crying in gatsby’s silk shirts except it’s baby alpaca fur & also it’s not sad#it’s simply decadent & the inherent intimacy of a fitting mapping the body yada yada yada knowing the ways to flatter someone is a form#of loving them etc etc. love is art love is food love is given love is stored in the custom three-piece suit and tie#is this an enemies to lovers? workplace drama? is the secret plot i only just now invented & added that heddy is ‘difficult to work with’#but it’s just because he wants to look good & in the words of his own (real) tailor the hardest guy to fit because he’s so big? OHHH HOLD IT#I GOT THE PLOT IN THE TAGS Y’ALL AND IT’S STAMMER TEACHING HEDDY TO LOVE HIS BODY heddy who’s been told what to/not wear & you know.#the commodification of the body in hockey (but we’re not getting that deep) but stammer with a mouth full of pins tightening heddy’s pant#leg down even further as he listens to what heddy wants for once & lets him pick fabrics (this is the daisy shirt moment but it’s heddy#looking at fabric swatches dozens of books of them stammer helps him pick out matching linings &outsides &squares) & stammer compliments him#& they’re in love & idk NEARLY enough abt fashion but there r like codes? messages? to wearing suits i think w/the etiquette so that too#should this have also gone under a readmore? yeah probably. whoops#victor hedman#steven stamkos#tampa bay lightning
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me-myself-and-my-fos · 2 years ago
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Oh god the Dean feels
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cherry-shipping · 2 years ago
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also. i love my cool awesome little sibling frisk so much they are so great. also im at a constant war with myself inside my head because i headcanon them to be 8 during the events of undertale (chara died at 10, asriel died at 11 so theyre the youngest), but toddler frisk has my heart in a vice grip in their chubby little baby hands. toddler frisk is so great
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inbabylontheywept · 3 months ago
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
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goqmir · 4 months ago
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if you're scrolling tumblr right now because you're struggling to complete a project or assignment, take a moment to do the following:
get up and grab a resealable plastic (ziploc) bag
fill it with warm water from the sink
it will probably be somewhat difficult to fill it with warm water from the sink. youre taking a break. don't worry about it. trying to fill up the plastic bag full of warm water even though it's silly and slippery and soaks your hands is part of the fun
when it's full, go show someone. tell them you filled a bag with water. when they touch it, they won't expect it to be warm, and they'll tell you "ooh, it's warm!" you know this though. it's a little surprise for them
enjoy the warm water bag with them. it's fun. it probably won't spill if you sealed it well. hold it with your hands. press it against your face-- it's relaxing. jiggle it around a little bit. feel the nice, plasticky-warm texture. it's the warm water bag. it's the bag filled with water and it's fun
when you're done, take a pin or other sharp object (a pen works, but pins are best!) and bring the bag back to the sink. poke a hole in the bag with the pin. the water probably won't come out very fast. poke more if you'd like. maybe try dragging the pin across the bag and see if you can make a cut. poke many holes in it. it's fun!
throw the bag away when you're done. youve just relaxed with the bag of warm water
congratulations! try to go do your project again and you might find it easier. and if not, you've made a few water-bag based memories, or at least had a laugh or two :)
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