#But I still always end up making no progress | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sungiescheotluv · 1 day ago

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mirror muscles ⭑.ᐟ na jaemin

pairing: na jaemin x gender neutral reader

word count: 2.7k

tags/warnings: fluff, established relationship, suggestive, gym talk(?)

summary: doing your new resolutions with jaemin has always worked in your favor, most goals ticked off your lists. however, when you mention going to gym, jaemin's enthusiasm reaches new heights.

notes: hiyaaaa! it feels like forever since i last posted (two days omg 🙄) but i do hope you pretty stars enjoy this very indulgent fic! as an aspiring gym girlie, i'd do anything for this kind of princess treatment (particularly from jaemin 😋) also, the title of this is based on the soft play song with the same name (emo jisung, lemme give u some music recs). ok, i think i'm done here. wishing u all the best, much loveeee! <3

Note to self: never, under any circumstances, tell Jaemin your New Year’s resolution. Because one peek at your ambitious list and Jaemin will pry you from your warm bed, at the ass crack of dawn (might you add) to go to the gym because ‘nothing beats a morning pump.’

If you weren’t stupidly in love with him, you would’ve dropped a dumbbell on his toe.

How you get to this point is a lot more wholesome. Since the start of your relationship, once snow trickles down for Christmas, you two sit at your dining table with your laptops opened on Pinterest and pin-point what goals you'd like to achieve the following year. This way, you’re not shouldering your ambitions alone, having each other every step of the year as you tick off box after box. So far, you’ve managed to complete most of your goals. Go traveling, learn a new language, cook more home-cooked meals, limit screen time (still working on that) and many more. Jaemin was also progressing well: dedicating more time in his photography, reducing his coffee intake, going to bed earlier and visiting his mother more.

For this year’s moodboard, while collecting pictures of your next set of goals, fitness content shows up in your recommendations. People in pilates studios in their pastel pink gym-sets. The aesthetic draws you in, how content people feel moving their body besides getting their 10k steps a day in. More photos start showing up, people sculpting their pride in the gym, sharing personal stories of their fitness journey and how the gym has taught them so much about themselves. What they’re capable of, what they never thought they could do and what opportunities lie await now that they’re happier in themselves. It all seems promising, even more so when you reconsider how bright your best friend’s life’s become since making the choice. She’d rarely accompany you to a game of badminton and now she’s pioneering her own run-club, amassing a social media following the size of an army.

You’d have to ask her how to get started once she’s back from her influencer trip (maybe content creating is something you needed to hop on). Then again, peering over your laptop screen to Jaemin’s glowing face, you could simply ask him. He’s been consistently going to the gym for a while now, to the point where you fake-pleaded for SM to close their gym because your boyfriend's become too buff for you to function. He’s always been gorgeous, with a face that could charm a snake, but now that he’s carved like a Renaissance sculpture, you couldn’t form a coherent sentence around him. Of course, aesthetic reasons are what lured him into the space, but he relays it’s become a lot more than that for him.

“I want to be strong, not only to build my confidence but to also protect my loved ones,” he looks directly at you, a serious hue to his eyes that has you breathless. “It’s another form of self-love, is my thinking. Showing up for myself, proving I can do hard things, even when I don’t want to. That I can step out of my comfort zone, trying new things and ultimately, living a longer life. Because at the end of the day, as much as I do this for me, I also do it so I can help you carry groceries. So that I can move furniture around when we move in together, be the one that my family calls if they need something physically demanding done,”

Fondness curves his lips, a flicker of timidity dart his eyes down to the desk before they flicker back up at you, astoundingly earnest as he says, “I’d also want to keep up with our kids. Carry them when they’re tired or run after them in a park. Those are my reasons.”

Something stutters in your chest. Then, leaps. Over the course of your three year relationship, it’s only natural that topics like this are mentioned, like marriage and children. Heck, you two shared a Pinterest board of decor ideas for the shared apartment you’d been on the lookout for. So, it shouldn't phase you but it does. How far into the future he sees with you. How he shares a bit of himself so effortlessly, in a way that lacks pressure and possesses good faith. Love and promise. All prominent themes throughout your relationship, one you thank your lucky stars for.

As a consequence, you flush. Folding like the early days of your relationships. “You’re getting bold these days. We haven’t even moved in together.”

“All in good time, angel,” he grins, looking a bit lovesick. “In any case, if this is something you wanna do, I’d be more than happy to help. Go to the gym with you so you don’t feel anxious, show you how to use the machines, get you workout clothes - whatever you want.”

You could marry this man.

You extend your arm across the wooden table, hand finding his as your fingers interlace, the same song and dance you’d hope you’d spend your life doing. “Thanks, baby.”

And now? Now, divorce weighs heavily on your mind.

In an effort to avoid the New Year’s crowd, Jaemin wakes you up early in the slum of days after Christmas where time doesn’t exist, cuddling into your half-sleeping figure with a gentle voice. Coaxes you to get up, slip on the new gym clothes you’d spent on his card (his treat, he said) and somehow, here you are, stinging eyes squinting under fluorescent lights with some EDM track playing faintly in the background.

“Oh, baby. Don’t look so down, you’re in good hands,” Jaemin coos, hand squishing your cheeks under your chin before pulling you into his chest, warm and comforting. “I’ll take care of you.”

“Couldn’t this wait until,” you glance at your fitness tracker, your own treat to yourself. “Midday? No one needs to be here at 9 am.”

“Maybe, but it’s a good way to start your day. Or get it out of the way,” he chuckles, spinning you out his arms before he wiggles his eyebrows. “Plus, who doesn’t want to see my muscles first thing in the morning?”

He drives home his point by kissing his bicep, something that should make you cringe out your skin or disappear without a trace, but no. Perhaps you’re still sleepy, shielding a snicker with your hand because of how lame (said adoringly) he is.

“You said you’d usually start off with thirty minutes on the treadmill, right?” You nod your head. “Okay, I’ll go with you. I’ll run for fifteen and row until you're done. So you don’t constantly have me in your ear.”

You laugh, because as grumpy as you’d been on the way here, you could never grow tired of him. All his carefree and mischief nature, his sweet and generous manner - you couldn’t even if you tried.

Few people populate the modern gym, near to none in the cardio section as Jaemin refreshes your memory on all the buttons before you begin. Beside you, he does sporadic sprints, no heavy breaths clouding his chatter with you. You, on the other hand, keep it relatively reserved for your first time, upping the speed when you want to challenge yourself, surprising yourself with the distance and time that flies by. Soon enough, Jaemin’s squeezing your hand and moving a few rows back where the rowing machines are, leaving you with your walking playlist.

Again, in a flash, time passes by, upbeat songs blaring in your headphones that make you dance through the next fifteen minutes, a simmer of sadness coming when you’ve reached time with a whole host of songs still in the queue.

“You can listen to them next time,” Jaemin winks before leading you into a dark, LED room dotted with mirrors and yoga mats. This is one of the rooms booked for classes, but for now, it’s your stretching area where you cycle through some stretches and Jaemin jokes about folding you like a pretzel.

The one other person in the room - a woman in her thirties - coughs, before smirking your way, the heat of your embarrassment migrating to your cheeks as you swat at Jaemin. He simply laughs, stretching to reveal his happy trail and suddenly, you forget why you’re even mad.

When you’re finished, he shows you different sections - an assortment of cable machines, the weights area and then to an area with more machines. There’s a few people occupying the machines, immersed in their own world with flushed cheeks and sweat seeping into their clothes. It fills you with relief, that no one’s focused on you and your sweating figure as if you had ‘gym newbie’ written across your forehead. Jaemin shows you some of the machines he uses, depending on what he wants to work out but for the most part, lets you decide what machines you’d want to use - if any.

“Why do I need to put on muscle? You putting me in a headlock is good enough.” You fake-complain, feeding off the gentle approach Jaemin’s taken in trying to convert you to a gym rat.

“And you say I’m the dirty one,” he tsks with a matching grin. “You don’t need to do anything. All I’m doing is showing you the options you have. The more things you try, the more likely you’ll find something you lik-”

“Is that the slut machine?”

Jaemin’s head jerks back, eyebrows pinching together in confusion. “What are you talking about?’

“This one,” you approach the machine closeby, pointing to the photo attached along with its actual name - hip adduction. “Isn’t this the one where people like, open their legs like crazy?”

Jaemin shakes his head, amusement in the smile he swipes with his hand. “Yes, it is. Wanna give it a go?”

“Hell yeah,” you climb into the machine in a rush, finding the experience more exciting than scary as Jaemin makes sure everything is in order. “This is gonna be hilarious.”

“I’m setting it to a low weight. If it’s too easy, we’ll move it upwards and try and find your range,” he comments, looking at you through his silver hair. “You ready?”

“Ready,” and you go, the weight moving like nothing, so much so that when it sets back to its original position, you’re more caught off guard by how far apart your legs are spread. “This is so raunchy, ohmygod.”

“Good thing it’s facing the wall,” Jaemin laughs at you shielding in between your legs. He ups the weight, the number looking a lot scarier than anticipated. “Let’s try this then. You should be able to rep 10 of these.”

You shuffle, a bit unconvinced. Taking a breath, you engage the machine, exerting more effort than before but managing to do one rep. Then two, then three all the way up to ten. Enough to challenge you, but not strain you.

Jaemin howls, pinching your cheek as he says, “Look at you go! That was great.”

“Thank you,” you huff, the tingle in your thighs somehow the source of the happiness in your chest. “That was really fun, actually.”

“Isn’t it?” Jaemin smiles, using some paper towel to wipe after the machine for you. “Usually people do about three sets of those. Reps depend on what you want to do - build endurance, muscle strength, all that. But that was really great, I’m so proud of you.”

And you feel proud of yourself too. Having tried something new, feeling unsure but leaning into the feeling. Letting yourself see how far you can extend yourself, pleasantly surprised with the distance.

So, this was what Jaemin was on about.

You continue your morning like this, getting a personalised tutoring session in how certain machines works and what areas they work out. Jaemin runs through his leg day, since you two were on the hip adduction machine, enjoying more exercises like leg press and goblet squats. By the time you get to the hip thrust machine to try, someone’s occupying it. Jaemin suggests using the squat rack, the scary thing with a long barbell and weights attached to it. Sensing your apprehension, Jaemin lets you know he’s got you, coaching you through the exercise and any queries you may have about movement or positioning. Eventually, it’s your turn to lean against the incline bench and despite your fear, you work your way through 8 hip thrusts. You don’t nearly enjoy it as much as people online talk about it, which Jaemin says,

“That’s perfectly fine. There’s so many exercises that work the same areas. You’ll find one you prefer.”

Finished for your session, Jaemin asks for you to hold tight while he does some deadlifts. It’s maddening watching him pick up such heavy weights, concentration knitting his eyebrows together with his exposed arms flexing under the tension. Wearing a sleeveless top for the gym in theory is great, but for your mental health? Bad, so bad.

Because even if your body rings with exhaustion, the kind that’s refreshing and ensures a peaceful slumber, you’re about ready to jump his bone.

Ill with lust, as you’d joke.

Jaemin snickers, snapping his waist belt off with one hand, which shouldn’t be sexy but is. Your eyes then trail to the barbell, the memory of Jaemin’s set vivid in your mind.

“Did you wanna try it?” Jaemin asks, reading your mind. “We can start off with no weights. Just the barbell. There’s also different variations of a deadlift, let’s see which one you prefer.”

Out of the three, you pick the most conventional one to start with, teeth sinking into your bottom lip at what you’ve gotten yourself into. Particularly after Jaemin loads weights on each end when you've rehearsed with the barbell.

“Think of the barbell cutting your feet in half - not standing too close so that your shins are touching it and not too far away that you have to lean to grab it,” Jaemin coaches, your feet shuffling into the right position. “Nice. Let’s move onto the hinge movement,”

From behind you, his hands settle onto your hips, pulling them back with him. He pats them, a chuckle left in his wake as he steps to your side to demonstrate without overly being horny.

Bastard.

“Like you just did, you’ve gotta hinge your hips backwards until you can’t hinge anymore. Then, you’ll move a little into your knees, like a squat almost so you can grab the barbell,” you follow along, the barbell cold against your hands as you blow a breath.

“Great. Keep your body tense, engage your core and glutes. No arch,” his hand hovers over the arch of your back, something teasing in his smile. “Show your chest, keep your head up straight and lift the barbell up. Remember to keep it close to your body before you lower it down with the same hinge movement and movement into your knees.”

You puff out another breath, the same fear you’ve conquered throughout the session whirring in your chest.

“Don’t worry, angel,” Jaemin smiles, moving behind you again with hovered hands around your figure. “I’ve got you. You’ve got you.”

Again, his words dawn on you. All the power in your hands, a feeling your heart wants nothing more than to run towards as you lift up the barbell, strength personified as you wait at the top of your stance, smiling at the “Let’s fucking go, you’re doing it! You’re doing it, angel!” in your ear. You hinge backwards, the weight knocked down to the floor with no tension on your back as expected.

Once you’re upright again, Jaemin engulfs you in a backhug, lifting your figure off the floor and kissing your neck, drawing giggles out of you. Joy moves through your body like warm light at his excitement that exceeds your own, belief not setting in quite yet.

“I can’t believe you,” he coos, the mirror ahead of you capturing the embrace he holds you in, the elation in his eyes as he does nothing but adore you. Like he’s always done. “Actually, I can. You’ve got a laundry list of things you’re good at. Can you believe it?”

“Not originally,” you admit, the confession somewhat bittersweet. “But after this, I think I’d better have more faith in myself.”

Fondness finds itself in his lips again, a kiss against your cheek as he gently guides you out the way, lifting the barbell onto the rack with his gaze in the mirror directed to yours.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

And you fall into laughter, helping him slid off the weights before flexing in the mirror like you wanted, finding a different strength in yourself with Jaemin by your side.

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the-witty-pen-name · 1 day ago

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The Aftermath

Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Word Count: 7k

Synopsis: In the aftermath of Eddie’s death, you visit Wayne and you grieve Eddie together. You admit to him you never got to tell Eddie how you feel, but unbeknownst to you, Eddie hears your confession and is trying to make his way back home to you from the Upside Down.

Warnings: heavy angst; grief; depression; mention of character death; smut (18+ minors dni); oral (m receiving); piv/unprotected sex; dirty talk; sub/sort of switch!eddie; smoking

A/N: I wanna shout out @punkrockmlchael @keeryhours @losingmygrasponreality and @munsonsmixtapes y'all are great- thank you for letting me talk to y'all about this fic <3

Comments and reblogs are always appreciated! And requests are currently open :)

Everything still didn’t feel real. As the dust settles and Hawkins begins to pick up the pieces, you still feel like you’re stuck underwater. He’s gone- and everyone around you celebrates like they're better off for it. People rise from the ashes, content to keep the world turning- so much progress yet you are completely paralyzed. And it feels like no one else cares.

They do care. They’re just happy. Relieved to be rid of the devil worshiping, fork tongued, serial killer that they fabricated and made the villain of this nightmare. They celebrate, and embrace, treating the aftermath like an uplifting time. You’re stuck- paralyzed by the immense pain that sits deep in your chest. It weighs you down, and you wished for anything but this.

You wished for Eddie, because he’s the one person who’d pull you out of this when you’d spiral. You can’t feel grounded because your rock is gone. Your heart hangs so heavy with regret as you mourn your best friend and the love of your life. And you never got to tell him.

As Jason and his friends created a witch hunt, everyone’s priority was to keep Eddie safe- there \were so many times you felt like you should’ve said something. Your inner voice yelling at you to do anything- something before it was too late. You chickened out every time, petrified of rejection and worried you’d ruin what you had more than it had already been threatened.

Now you don’t know how to feel anything at all. He’s just gone. And the rest of the town moves on. And you can hardly breathe, covered with dust as you stay exactly where you were. You weren’t there at the end, and you wish you’d had. To be with him, comfort him, make him know just how much he means. You’re angry you didn’t stick up for yourself when the group suggested you didn’t follow them. You’re angry you let Eddie convince you to stay behind when they traveled into the Upside Down. You should have been there.

So now, like a body possessed, you go through the motions to get by with hardly living. You’re a shell, floating aimlessly from one thing to the next but you aren’t there. Because Eddie isn’t there. You miss him so much your brain can’t handle the amount of grief that’s overtaking you. You feel consumed by such an immense sadness just all the time.

Dustin was the first person you saw, and you both held each other as you both wailed. He didn’t have to say anything, you instinctively knew. Both of you, tangled up in pain, holding on to the last bit of him you both had in that moment- each other. You both crumbled , and you cried so hard until your bodies exhausted themselves.

Compelled to just make yourself feel anything, sick of the numbness- just wanting to expel the dark cloud sitting inside you, you find the strength to make your way to the Munson trailer, just hoping Wayne would be there. You knew Wayne needed you, and you needed him. You needed Wayne in your life- the father figure that stepped up for Eddie, but also for you.

When Wayne opens the door, you notice he looks completely destroyed. His eyes, like yours, are bloodshot from tears and a man who you once thought was the tallest man in the world, looks so very small. The same small cloud that has dwelled in you since he died, also festered and plagued Wayne.

The second he opens the door, you need a hug. Suddenly, you feel like a little kid again, safer now that Wayne is around. In his embrace, you feel heard, without needing to speak. You know he’s feeling the same pain, the same loss, and he’s the only person in the whole world that you need to be near right now. You just pray that he lets you in.

“He didn’t do it,” you sob, clinging to Wayne’s flannel shirt. He rubs your back comfortingly.

“I know he didn’t,” he soothes you, but you can still hear that he’s crying as well.

Wayne holds you and it gives him some solace for the first time in weeks. He’s relieved that you’ve come back to visit. You're the first of Eddie’s friends to make the journey over. But, of course you were.

Once you manage to pull yourself somewhat together, you pull away from the hug. “I wanted to know if I could still come visit,” you ask meekly, desperate to encase yourself back into Eddie’s world. Wayne nods, hugging you again, stroking your head to comfort you as the tears begin to fall again.

“I loved him, I love him,” you confess pathetically and Wayne shushes you like a child needing to be comforted. It’s a sound you’re familiar with. There have been many moments in your life where Wayne was the one there to pick up the pieces. Bullies would be mean to both you at school, Eddie and you would run home with tear stained cheeks, and he’d hold you both like how he’s holding you now.

“I know, kiddo,” he soothed. “I know.”

“Can- can I go to his room? Just for a minute,” you plead.

“You can stay as long as you want,” Wayne promises, stepping aside to let you in.

The trailer hasn’t changed- it’s got that look about it, always. It’s comforting to look around it and just feel him. It sounds so crazy but you swear you can feel Eddie- your senses are just overwhelmed with so much of him after weeks of an extreme emptiness.

His room is untouched, you can tell Wayne hasn’t been ready to go in. His unmade bed, his dirty laundry, his tapes- everything is exactly as he left it. The bed he won’t crawl back into, the tshirts he won’t wear, the new tape that he’ll never hear- it’s all paused. A room that was once as lively as the boy who lived in it now felt like a time capsule that is the only proof that he was there.

You sit on his bed, trying to commit it all to your memory. You feel so dizzy, and all you can do is fixate on every detail. Petrified you’ll forget something, which will turn into something else, and then before you know it you’ve lost all of the pieces that make Eddie.

Laying on his bed, you stare up at the ceiling, you just let yourself sink into your sadness. You feel engulfed by him, his essence. It’s the closest you know you’ll ever get to the real thing again. You burrow into his pillow and blankets and just let yourself become fully cased in, you close your eyes and you can almost pretend he’ll be there when you open your eyes. He’ll be there, sitting on the floor strumming his guitar like he had done a million times before. You swear you can feel him there.

He’s screaming for you, begging you to hear him. He’s scared and alone and can’t get out. He’s stuck in this limbo. He can see you, he can see everyone- no one knows he’s alive. He’s trying to reach out to you as he stands in his room, only in the Upside Down. His face is messy with grime and tears, his whole body aches. He can’t muster up the strength to run anymore. Seeing you like this though? Worse than anything else he feels like he’s been through. He needed to get back home, but he couldn’t figure out how.

He hears a gentle knock on the door, and it feels like a million miles away. Even if it doesn’t matter, he steps aside still trying to talk to you when he watches Wayne walk in. For the first time, Eddie’s speechless. He gives up on his talking for just a moment, he scrambles around his room, looking for any way to send the two of you a sign.

Wayne takes a seat on the edge of the bed. He rubs your back gently over Eddie’s comforter. He doesn’t want you to think he wants you to leave. Eddie’s looking through the wreckage of his bedroom in the Upside Down, he needs to find his radio. He can see it on top of his dresser in the real world, and he’s trying to find the one there. If he can play something, anything, maybe he has a shot that the two of you will hear it.

“I called your house, they know you’re with me,” Wayne says soothingly. He can see the blanket move so he knows you nodded. “I was hoping you’d take me up on having dinner here,” he adds. “I’m so used to cooking for two..,” he trails off, not wanting to make you any sadder. He sees the comforter nod again, and he pats your shoulder to make his exit.

“Did you know?” you ask suddenly, Wayne turning around in the doorway. “Do you think he knew?” You ask, sitting up a little and wiping your eyes. Eddie stops his search and his eyes are just focused on you.

“Did I know what, sweetheart?” Wayne asks softly. You take a few shaky breaths.

“Was it obvious..,” you are embarrassed, “Was it obvious that I liked him? I never told him…”

“We didn’t really talk about stuff like that,” he responds. “But, you and Eddie had such a special bond… You meant so much to him, don’t let that be the thing you focus on.”

“I waited and then it was too late,” you sniffle.

“Eddie loved you more than anything,” Wayne reiterates, and you know it’s true. You just didn’t know in what way.

Eddie thinks he might be sick. He jumps over a pile of his dirty clothes to kneel on the bed in front of you. He knows you can’t see him, it doesn’t matter. He stares into your eyes even though he knows you aren’t seeing him back.

“The whole time?” he laughs, tears welling up again, he hits his fist to the mattress. “Of course I liked you, oh my god. I couldn’t have been more obvious! On what planet would I not be completely head over heels in love with you?” He exclaims. His laughter sounds almost delirious- he feels like he’s losing his goddamn mind. “Oh my god, baby, I- Fuck this,” he grumbles. “This is bullshit,” he says, looking around the room again for something to use. “I’m getting back there,” he announces to the void, “I’m getting back there and I swear to god, the first thing after I kiss you- I’m making fun of you for being so stupid to think I wouldn’t like you. Christ, where the fuck is my stereo?”

His foot kicks something and he curses, but then he laughs triumphantly because he hears static. He uncovers the stereo from under one of his shirts and thankfully it looks salvageable. He sits down, pulling it onto his lap, and messes with the frequency. “Please, please, please,” he mutters over and over again, hoping to get some sort of signal out. Nothing. He tosses it aside, racking his brain trying to remember anything the group told him. “Lights, lights!” he says, scurrying over to the switch on the wall, frantically flicking it on and off.

The lights in the room suddenly flicker, and your head tilts, looking up at the ceiling light. Your first instinct is to brush it off, the bulb probably just needs to be replaced. The annoyance of the flickering switch is enough to get you out of bed to turn off the light. You walk over to flip the switch to off, and you realize the overhead light is already switched to off. Puzzled, you look over, and see the lamp on Eddie’s bedside table is flickering now too. Then, the hall light flickers, like some electric current is running the length of the house messing with the lights. The lights over the kitchenette start to flicker next, and it makes Wayne jump.

You follow the light trail, trying to figure out what’s going on. You look to Wayne and he looks just as mystified as you. Eddie, in the meantime, is banging the walls, flipping the switches, trying anything to get your attention. He’s yelling incoherent nonsense, jumping around, hitting things- fuck the monsters, he’s not afraid anymore. He’s not letting an opportunity to let you know that he’s there slip by.

“Might be the generator acting up,” Wayne muses, explaining the odd sight away. You aren’t convinced, but you don’t know any better. So many parts of the journey, you were left out- you didn’t know about the electromagnetic elements of the Upside Down. You were left out of the loop, Eddie insisting you stay back for your own safety more times than not. You were mad at him still for that, honestly. Eddie knew Jason could’ve used you in some way to get to him. The less you knew, the better he felt. You resented it, knowing you could’ve handled Jason and his goons. It doesn’t matter anymore.

“You think so?” You mumble, unconvinced. You observe as there seems to be an obvious pattern to the flickering of the lights. It was like someone was running up and down the length of the trailer, messing with the switches. The generator is the easiest answer, and the rational side of you tells you to just let it be. The other side of you, maybe the delusional side- looking for any sort of sign, thinks it’s something.

“Can I use the phone?” You ask, and Wayne nods. You grab the receiver off of the base and start dialing Dustin’s home phone number. Wayne continues to work on dinner, turning on his portable radio to offer you some privacy as you make a call.

“Hi Mrs. Henderson,” you say when Dustin’s mother answers. “I understand that it’s dinner time, I’m sorry. I was just hoping Dustin could talk for just a few minutes? I understand, ma’am. Please, just this once? Thank you, ma’am.”

Dustin sounds confused when he says your name on the other end of the phone. “What’s going on?” He asks, understandably confused.

“The lights in Eddie’s trailer are going haywire,” you explain, not sure how to explain it to him. “It’s so weird, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s random- but it doesn’t feel that way. It’s just Wayne and I here, but it’s like someone is flipping the switches over and over again.”

Eddie says a little prayer that Henderson will pick up on the fact that he’s trying to let you guys know he’s there. He watches you intently as you listen to Dustin, and answer his follow-up questions. He watched as you try to hold back a smile, the first one in weeks to Grace your pretty face.

“Are you sure?” You ask again in disbelief, listening to Dustin’s theory. You’re skeptical, you can’t let yourself believe Eddie might be alive. You couldn’t bear the disappointment.

“We’ve seen it before,” Dustin says, and you can tell he’s rushing off the phone. “Trust me, let me figure something out. Do you know Morse code?”

“No,” you answer dejectedly. You also don’t know if Eddie would know any Morse code, but maybe Dustin knew more than you.

“That’s okay,” Dustin says, you hear him scribbling something down. “See if there’s something you can figure out. A pattern, anything- I got to go. My mom is gonna flip out if I’m not back like now. I can call you back after dinner- use Eddie’s walkie.”

Dustin hangs up abruptly and you place the receiver down, dejectedly. You smile towards Wayne and the lights finally settle down. You offer to help and Wayne happily takes you up on the offer. It’s a small space, but the two of you make it work. It’s a nice silence, but it also weighs heavy among you. It shouldn’t be like this. It should be chaotic and messy and loud and he should be here.

“Remember that one Halloween you took Eddie and I trick or treating, and we both wanted to be Casper,” you reminisce. Wayne offers a deep, throaty chuckle.

“You both tricked me, I dropped Eddie off at your house and it wasn’t until I was halfway back home that I realized I had the wrong kid,” Wayne huffs, and you break into a fit of giggles. “Just like that,” he points at you, “you laughed just like that under the sheet and you gave yourself away.”

Wayne hands you a plate and you both sit down at the tiny kitchen table. You’re happy to see him like this. He’s not okay, and you’re not okay. But for now, he’s letting you in- and he’s letting you in so he can heal, even if never fully. He knows Eddie would want you here.

You settle back into a comfortable silence again as you both eat. Both of you just happy to not be alone. You know your other friends feel this loss- everyone is just pained with losing Eddie. Everyone’s spirits are broken. Wayne and you knew Eddie best, the longest. Everyone is mourning their friend. Wayne and you are mourning Eddie in every phase of his life.

Grief is a fickle thing. It comes down in waves. Unpredictable and always messy. And always uniquely different. It’s an anchor that sits on your chest and the seams that hold you together in the moments where you miss them the most. It also makes you emboldened. Too sad to care about anything- it lowers inhibitions and makes you realize how life is too short to be embarrassed. And it hits you all at once, and you don’t even know when you started crying into your food.

It’s an ugly cry- the kind where you struggle to breathe, your nose runs uncontrollably and it sounds inhuman. Wayne comforts you the best he can, resting a hand on your shoulder. You can hardly speak as you manage to talk between heavy sobs.

Eddie’s devastated. It hurts him so much to see you like this. He’s never seen this and he hopes soon he won’t have to again. Because he’ll figure out how to get home to you. As Wayne pulls you into a hug, Eddie makes a vow that no matter what he’s getting back. He racks his brain, trying to remember what his friends told him about the Upside Down. He wishes he could contact Dustin- he’s in no condition to even try to head over to his house. He needs to stay here- hoping you will continue to pick up on the clues.

You ask Wayne if you can stay in Eddie’s room a little longer after dinner. He of course says yes. You help him with the dishes, and then head back to Eddie’s room. On his desk, you’re shifting through the clutter to try to find paper. So you can make notes of any weird occurrences. Eddie watched intently as you carefully move the amps, and find a composition book he had stashed away. It’s just a junk notebook, he’d use it to scribble or write down song ideas or brainstorm campaigns.

You flip to a blank page as you take a seat at his desk chair. Eddie’s thankful he remembers a little Morse code- at least he learned something for the very brief time he was a scout (before he was kicked out). He walks over to the switch on the wall.

One short flash, one long flash

One short flash, one king flash, two short flashes

Two short flashes

Three short flashes, one long flash

One short flash

He repeats this over and over again, not sure what else he can do or what else he can relay. He knows you don’t know Morse code, and it needs to be simple enough that you can pick up the sequence and tell it to Dustin. He watches over your shoulder as you write down what you’ve seen.

He watches as you look around until you locate his walkie. You press the button to speak.

“Dustin?” You ask hesitantly, feeling a little foolish.

“Dustin, over,” you hear him say, and you roll your eyes.

“Yeah- there’s definitely a pattern here,” you say.

“Say over when your done talking, over.”

“That’s stupid, over,” you quip.

“Do you want my help or not? Over,” Dustin replies, obviously getting frustrated.

You read off your notes to Dustin and it takes a few minutes for him to respond. The waiting is what’s killing you. Eddie tries to think of something else he can relay with the lights. Hopefully what he's done is enough, he thinks.

“It spells alive, over,” Dustin says at last. You can hear the excitement in his voice, and it makes you feel like you’ve been able to take a full deep breath for the first time in weeks.

“Are you sure?” You ask, trying to hold back. You can’t let yourself spiral. You can’t let yourself get your hopes up. It would break you. “Oh shit, the lights are doing something else now!”

One short flash

One long flash, two short flashes

Two short flashes

One short flash

“What’s it say?” You ask impatiently.

“It spells out Eddie,” Dustin responds, and Eddie can hear the happiness in his voice.

“Oh fuck,” you exclaim, excitedly. You get up and pace anxiously. “How do we get him back, Dustin?” You ask, panicked, “How do I get him home?”

“Shit,” Dustin replied, “We need to open the gate.”

“How do we do that?” You insist.

“Standby,” Dustin states matter of factly. “Can you stay at Eddie’s tonight?”

“Sure, of course- whatever I need to do,” you say with certainty.

“See if you can get anything else. Maybe he’ll send us something,” Dustin instructs. “We need to rope everyone else in on this. So we can do anything until tomorrow.”

“We just found out that Eddie’s alive, stranded in hell and you’re saying we aren’t waking everyone else up and dealing with this immediately?” You’re angry.

“We need to strategize, we can’t just half ass this,” Dustin rationalizes. “We need to figure out what to do, we can’t exactly just call Eleven and just have her open a gate. Everyone is still looking for her. Besides, we don’t know if it’s actually Eddie yet either.”

“Of course it’s Eddie!” You interject.

“We also can’t hurt him,” Dustin explains. “If we open the gate, it might send creatures his way that he isn’t strong enough to deal with. We need to do this right.”

You can’t explain how it happened. It was really Dustin who headed the whole operation. You did your best to help, remembering some things from before. You watched your friends in awe, everyone banded together- no one stopping round the clock. It was incredible to witness. Your heart swelled. Everyone just loved Eddie, and no one was stopping until he was home safe. It was a group effort. Even Susie was phoned in from out of state to help out. It was sweet, watching Dustin get flustered as the two of them talked over walk-in talkie. You’d been waiting in the back of Nancy’s car, Robin anxiously playing with the walkie- the three of you on stand-by as Steve, Jonathan and the others disappeared into the woods, hoping to bring Eddie out. You all wait, silently begging for any sort of update. And then you see them, huddled together- a group effort to carry Eddie.

Eddie.

He feels like he can finally breathe. The clean air fills his lungs and he feels like part of his old self again. Slung around Steve for support, he’s limping still from his injuries but he might as well have been running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Real life doesn’t feel real, it suddenly feels better. Especially, when he lifts his head and sees you right there, waiting for him.

He smiles, that dopey perfect smile of his, like nothing happened. All he can do is just see you, it’s all he’s thought about and he’s just taking it all in- just you. In the flesh, standing right in front of him, waiting for him and loving him. He made it back to you, his girl, just like he promised himself he would.

You can’t bear it any longer, you rush to his side, taking the weight of him from Steve- pulling Eddie in to a panicked embrace, like you might lose him again. He’s here, he’s actually really here. You realize you can’t squander this- not taking time for granted again. Not when he’s made it back to you like this. You sob, overwhelmed. The feeling of him after all this time has left you stunned. Everything else just fades- nothing matters now except him and the feeling of him against you like this.

“Hi to you too, sweetheart,” he coughs, happily throwing his arms around you. Steve steps back to give you both space. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbles against your hair, kissing your forehead. Although it makes him wince to move his arm, he tilts your chin up to look at him. “And I’m so sorry I never did this sooner.”

He presses his lips to yours, and you gasp softly in surprise at first. His hand cups your jaw and you feel his smile when you begin to kiss him back. His lips are so soft, except for the small cut that’s starting to heal. You’re too wrapped up in him to even notice. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him in close.

“I love you,” you rush, pulling away from the kiss- desperate to finally tell him. “I love you so much-“ he cuts you off with another kiss, not able to get enough of you. He knows! Oh God, he knows and he wants to sing it from the rooftops when his body doesn’t ache like this. But, fuck- he knows. And that is the best feeling.

Wayne waits patiently, watching the two of you. He always knew you’d end up like this. He wasn’t one to interfere- but he knew before either of you. He considers himself so lucky to have watched your story together unfold. Shit, tears well in his eyes. His Eddie is home and safe. That’s all he cares about. His boy is alive and well and loved. Everything is going to be alright again. You all can move through this, together.

“Love you so much,” Eddie says, pulling back. He wraps his arm around your shoulder. “I gotta see Wayne,” he whispers and you nod, helping him walk the rest of the way up the small dirt road to the trailer where Wayne waits in the doorway. You pass Eddie off to him, and it makes your heart swell watching Wayne pull him into a big hug as Eddie buried his face in Wayne’s shoulder like he would when he was little.

Wayne helps Eddie into the trailer, and you follow closely behind after everyone says their goodbyes for now. You and Wayne help ease Eddie onto his bed, and all of the muscles in his body relax. He sighs, relieved, resting his head against his squished, unkempt pillows. Wayne pulls the blanket over him, and you head to the kitchenette to get Eddie water. A few seconds later, Wayne emerges from the room, slowly to avoid making noise.

“He passed out,” Wayne chuckles and you smile. He looks back to the closed bedroom door and then back to you. “I can’t believe I have to leave him already and go back to work,” he sighs. He looks to the clock on the wall, he’ll be due for his shift tonight. “I hate to have to go, but he’ll probably sleep the whole time.. right?”

“I think so,” you reassure Wayne. “Can I stay?” You ask hopefully.

“Honey, you’re family. You stay as long as you want- you don’t need to ask me that.”

“I know, I just- I always just want to make sure I’m not overstaying my welcome.”

“You’re a good kid.”

With that, Wayne’s gone for now. Somehow miraculously back to the same Wayne you always knew. Everything has begun to settle. All of the parts that fragmented and tore him up are all falling back into place. He can do what he’s always done. His life revolved around Eddie- and he’s so relieved it can continue to do so. So for Eddie’s sake, he forgoes missing work again, and heads to his next shift.

You look to the door of Eddie’s bedroom, suddenly a place that filled you was such an immense pain sparks butterflies and giddiness in your stomach. The space feels alive again even though he’s sleeping so soundly when you slip back inside. Your sweet, beautiful Eddie- taking up all the space in the room again and captivating your attention. He looks so exhausted but you still think he looks so angelic, as always.

You don’t want to hurt him, so you keep your distance the best you can when you slide into the bed to lay next to him. Settling in on your side, you watch his gentle inhales and exhales and study all of the little details on his face like you have before- just so happy that you can do it again. Eddie wakes up shortly after, his brown eyes, that always make you seem to melt, are looking at you- taking in all of you again, just like you to him. How could ever not know he loved you when he looked at you like that?

“C’mere,” he mumbles, his good arm reaching out to pull you in closer to his side. Hesitantly, you scoot closer, not wanting to hurt him. He picks up on that, always so good at reading you, and pulls you flush against his side. “So much better,” he sighs, kissing the tip of your nose. “There’s my girl.” His lazy smile makes you feel so warm. Your eyes linger on his lips, wanting desperately to kiss him again, just all the time- so you do, because you finally can.

He helped save the world and he got the girl. This was not the way Eddie thought life would turn out for him. He’s not the main character, he’s not the hero- not like this, never like this. These were the stories he’d write about- a story like this is something he would just live through vicariously. But after everything, after all the heartache and the loss and the tragedy, he feels like he’s finally lived. But most of all, he feels like that because of you- he’s unapologetically yours. After years of silent, hopeless pining- secret yearning that he keeps hidden deep in himself- he feels so indescribably happy. It’s all due to you, and the way you’re looking at him at this moment.

You offer Eddie nothing but sweet, soft kisses- scared to take it further because of his injuries. You don’t know how he’s feeling, so you feel yourself holding back. It’s still just as perfect as you always imagined kissing him would be. Tangled up in his sheets, your leg rests over his and your hands delicately rest on his chest. You fill his senses, and he swears despite how he must look, he’s never felt better. He wants to deepen the kiss- hell, there’s so many things he wants to do right now. His fingertips graze under the hem of your shirt, touching your soft skin.

“Is this too much?” you ask, biting your lip. You’ve shifted so you’re hovering over him. Your hands rest on his shoulders. You’re worried about taking things too far, you don’t want to hurt him, but god, you don’t think you can keep holding back much longer.

“Fuck no,” he exhales, his hands find your hips and pulls you down so you’re resting your weight on him so your stradling him. You can feel how hard he is, and it makes you surge with a little bit of pride, just knowing how you have this effect on him. Experimentally, you grind against him as you kiss him again. He moans against your lips and it sounds so strangled and desperate- it goes right to your core. He wishes he could reciprocate more- god, he really did. As soon as he’s better, he promises.

You smirk, against his lips, pleased with yourself that you can make him sound like that. It’s addicting. You need more, you want to experience everything. Testing the waters, you kiss his neck as you reach down to unzip his jeans. His head falls back against the pillows and he sighs, contently as you free his hard cock from the confines of his jeans and his boxers. Fuck, he’s gorgeous like this. You can tell he’s insecure- the scars on his body from what he went through, and you’re going to show him that you think he’s stunning.

“You’re so pretty, Eds,” you reassure him, trailing your fingertips down his torso and then pulling up his Hellfire t-shirt. You bat your lashes at him and he feels his knees grow weak. You pull your own shirt over your head and toss it haphazardly aside. His mouth suddenly feels dry, and his eyes widen. The sight is almost too much for him to take. There’d been so many nights where he’d imagined you like this- but nothing, absolutely nothing in his head measured up to this. It’s all you- his best friend, the love of his love, perched on his lap oh so prettily looking at him with a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. His heart pounds rapidly in his chest and he’s speechless.

You move so you can bend down and press your lips to his leaking tip. You kiss and lick the precum away before slowly taking his cock in your mouth. The noises he’s making are filthy, breathy moans and it only fuels your desire to unravel him. You’re only getting started.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he wines, and you bob your head up and down the length of his shaft teasingly slow. It’s almost methodical, you pulling him apart like this. Slow and purposeful- long drawn out fucking teasing thats making his entire body shake with need. You hum content, pleased with how he’s responding to you. You look at him, from behind your eyelashes, wide doe eyes connecting with his before you pull away, a string of your saliva stretching between your swollen lips and his head. He thinks he might pass out and your hand wraps around his cock.

“Is this okay?” you ask, smirk forming on your lips as you feign innocence. You watch as his mind stutters, unable to form a coherent response. He nods, his eyes closing tight from the sensation. It’s all too much. You press your lips to his neck, trailing kisses across his jaw. “Use your words, baby,” you purr, your breath warm on his face. “Don’t want to hurt you,” you whisper, and then suck gently leaving a little mark on his neck.

“Please,” he whimpers, not even sure what he’s asking for. He pants, it’s all too much.

“Please what, love?” you smile, kissing down his chest and your fingertips trace his scars lovingly as you admire his exposed skin. You move his bangs out of his eyes delicately as you gaze down at him.

“Need you,” he pleads, leaning up as much as he can to reconnect his lips to yours. “Fuck, need you so bad, baby.”

You pull off your jeans and toss them to the floor near your shirt. Now, you’re just left in your bra and panties. You’re a little nervous- but you shouldn’t be. There’d been so many instances over past summers where you and Eddie have gone swimming together. This isn’t showing any more than that, but this is different. This is so different. Because you wouldn’t see him staring at you, gawking at how you’d look in your two pieces. He’d keep his desire hidden away, so you never knew how crazy you made him. Now, there’s no stolen glances. It’s all laid out in the open, and he’s staring at you with such an intensity that you can’t focus on anything else.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he sighs, reaching out to feel you. His hand trails across your side, running down your curves. He rests his hand on your hip, feeling the soft fabric of your panties. “I like these,” he winks, releasing the band and watching it snap back into place against your hip. “So pretty.”

You reach behind you as he smiles up at you, and unhook your bra letting it fall. You watch his Adam's apple bob as you pull the material away. His eyes darken as he gulps, god you were so fucking perfect. “Fuck, you have perfect fucking tits,” he groans, reaching down to stroke his cock, needing to relieve himself if only just a bit, as he takes in all of you. You shimmy out of your panties quickly, wanting to be close to him again as soon as possible. You press your lips against his, and you straddle his lap again.

You can feel the coolness of his rings against you as he lines himself up with your entrance. You slide down onto his cock and the stretch feels so goddamn good. You moan, holding onto his shoulders to stabilize you. “Mmm Eddie,” you gasp, surprised when he thrusts up and his hands rest on your hips. He guides you, letting your hips do most of the work then- guiding you to fuck yourself on his cock. Your brain is fogged with lust- it feels so fucking good. He feels so good. It’s all so incredible, you can’t think straight as you lose yourself in the movement, working up to a steady rhythm.

“That’s it baby,” he praises. “You’re doing so good, fuck. Use me, sweetheart. Want you to get yourself off with my cock.” He smirks when you whimper, loving the way he’s speaking a little too much. Your whines are his favorite sound, he decides. It’s all too much, he doesn’t know how long he can hold out. Your blissed out expression, your tits bouncing in his face, your hips moving against him, your pussy taking his cock so well… it’s so much better than he could’ve dreamed. You’re like an angel, and he’s mesmerized taking it all in.

“Fuck, your so big, Eds,” you whine, moving your hips and grinding against him. Without losing your pace, you lean and kiss him hungrily, and you feel the all too familiar knot start to form in your stomach. “‘M so close,” you mumble, cock drunk and chasing your own orgasm. “Wanna cum together,” you plead against his lips. You straighten your back, and you decide to give him a show. You bring your hands up, massaging your tits and tug at your hardened nipples as you continue to bounce on his cock.

“Fuck, baby, I-“ he strains, reaching around you and grabbing your ass, squeezing as he matches your pace and thrusts up into you. His fingernails dig into your flesh and the sensation makes you dizzy. It’s all too much, it all feels too good. You feel like everything is heightened, your senses are all too overwhelmed in him. He sits up fully, pressing fevered kisses on your torso, mumbling how much he fucking loves you, and it’s enough to send you over the edge.

The feeling of your walls clenching around his cock, is enough to make Eddie orgasm shortly after you. Whimpered sighs of relief escape his pretty lips as he finishes inside you, you moving your hips until he’s pulling out, all of his energy spent. He collapses back into his pillows, his chest rising and falling heavily to catch his breath. His hair strewn about on his pillow messily as his eyes fall heavy as he basks in the feeling of this total bliss.

You lay down next to him, both of your bodies glistening with sweat. You take a moment to also catch your breath and you catch his eye. “Shit,” you exhale, and giggle. He smiles softly, reaching across to tuck your hair back out of your face. “That was..” you begin, not able to finish your thought and you stare at his ceiling.

“Yeah,” he sighs in agreement. He turns his head to look at you, smirking. “You had a crush on me,” he teases.

“Shut the fuck up,” you grumble, hiding your face in your hands. “You’re such a dork,” you mumble, tossing a pillow at him playfully.

“You really didn’t know I was in love with you?” He asks with a chuckle, leaning over carefully to grab his box of cigarettes from his dresser. “You can’t be serious.”

“Well you didn’t know either,” you say defensively, getting up to go to the restroom. You grab your shirt and pull your panties back on- just to have something on when you go to the bathroom. When you return, Eddie’s taking a drag and he beckons you back to lay down beside him. He lifts his arm so you can take your place snuggled up to his side. He lets out a long exhale and the smoke wafts up and out of the vent in the ceiling. He kisses your forehead, and Eddie just watches as you slowly drift off.

He’s fighting against sleep so he can finish his cigarette. He eventually realizes he can’t force himself awake much longer. He taps it out and drops it in the ashtray, the temptation of dozing off with you overtaking everything else. He wraps his arm around you and pulls the blankets up, resting his chin on the top of your head. Wrapped up in each other, the two of you sleep better than you have in months.

TAGLIST: @sunshinepeachx @downbear @fanlifeaamt @exploding-bonbon @losingmygrasponreality @skiddypiddy @andvys @djodirt @moonlightsolo @kyga01 @sheisjoeschateau @melaninjhs @v3lv3tf0x @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @sunshine-mrk @danymunsonharrington @mrsjellymunson @fanficfantik @the-unforgivenn @punkrockmlchael @keeryhours

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bmbidoll · 1 day ago

Text

𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐑

baekhyun x f!reader

synopsis: you never really let yourself get too close to the friend of your friends, baekhyun, while he got progressively tired of your vanishings everytime you two hooked up. it's only in a pivotal moment in his audi where you two lay your feelings bare. in more ways than one.

content: 6k words one shot with small angst plot, but mostly smut with both rough and fluff undertones ♡

author's notes: hiiiii!!! I'm so so so happy with the incredible response that savor (check it out if you haven't!) received that I've decided to share this one, too! please enjoy it for a while as I'll take some time to try and do something more elaborate with my next work with military!baekhyun

once again, my current and future works will always be created, centered, and catered to adults! so if you're a minor pleeeease don't interact. and to my dear readers, thank you for your tremendous support, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did envisioning it.

warnings: cursing, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, semi but almost public car sex (i'm not sorry), hair pulling, dirty talking, dry humping, fingering, oral sex f!receiving, cumplay, oral fixation, marking, p in v, unprotected sex, spanking, creampie (get used to it), cock warming, overall pure filth! you have been warned!

every adventure with baekhyun was something sort of too good. ever since you became 'acquainted', those shared glances were undeniably wanton. everytime he saw you coming into your mutual friends' parties with your girls, he'd have to put his teeth on something, either his bottom lip or his finger just to not walk into you and take you right in the center of the room.

you had noticed his stares. one would have to be blind not to, since he didn't really keep it discreet. as if sending a message not just to you, but to everyone to assert some type of 'ownership'. you found it ridiculous just as much as you found it hot, because out of the bedroom, you didn’t really know him, always picking someone else to the dance floor knowing he'd see it.

you gave him some sort of a show, grabbing random dudes that would always end up stunned when you left them hanging, even if you were the one who initiated. it was light fun in your mind since you don't ever actually look towards hooking up with any of them.

everyone knew you'd mostly care for your girls, not having eyes for just any guys. of course, you knew how to have fun. you liked it that one time you made out with junmyeon when you met the group before baekhyun came into the picture. junmyeon wanted more, but you kept him at that, mild fun, even if sometimes you pictured letting loose with him or jongin.

you'd dance teasingly, not caring that much for your partner since you know they'd be hypnotized by the way you knew how to work your hips close against their crotch, barely touching it. that was enough to make baekhyun clench his jaw and stand up, leaving his drink behind and walking towards the exit, not giving you a second glance. that's how the game usually starts.

but he swore to himself he'd make it different tonight.

you turn to your dance partner with a sweet grin, interrupting their stunned attempts to get your number with your hand caressing their cheek. excusing yourself from the dance floor, you took your time to kiss your girls goodbye with knowing looks from them.

your steps are quiet against the fading music from inside the house as you walked into the porch, feeling the hot summer night. you were glad you chose a crop top and a skirt combo, as usual. you spotted a certain sillhoutte by the corner, smoking a cigarette as he leaned on the railing.

"you still smoke that shitty stuff?" you asked, not receiving any surprise from him since this type of conversation is normal between you two. when you actually talk, that is.

"you still entertain those shitty guys?" he retorted sharply, making you amused as you walked closer to him, standing on his side as your stare found his sharp profile.

baekhyun gave you the grace of his gaze, even though he was frowning with a certain scowl.

"I don't understand you." you muster with a seductive grin, analyzing how could he get so bothered with things that seemed so simple to you.

"you do. you just pretend you don't so you don't feel guilty of stringing me along." he murmured, dropping the cigarette and stepping on it.

"excuse me? stringing you along to what? exclusive sex?" you quipped, your grin fading quickly. if anything bothered you the most, was his audacity. byun baekhyun's audacity always made you want to give him a real reason to get mad.

he only chuckled, dryly. shaking his head as he turned away from you to walk across the street towards his audi, making you grumble with guilty conscience while you watched him.

you knew through your girlfriends that baekhyun had some sort of 'hard crush' on you. you always found it ridiculous because you'd never even gave him the grace of knowing anything from you from your own mouth, besides sex talk. you were sure everything he knew about your life was piece of info delivered through others like the things you knew about his.

that he was somewhat of a reformed player. that he now didn't mess with just any girl for the fun of it anymore.

you found it hard to believe, considering how he looked, how he talked, and how he danced. how he caught to you before you caught to him.

it started with make out sessions after drinks, then messing around in bathrooms, to spending the night on his penthouse. it scared you, not only for the fact that it happened a lot, but also that you could never refuse him. you wanted him too much.

but for different reasons.

"wait!" you said, trying to follow his large steps. he opened the driver door, but you quickly pushed it closed before he could enter, "fucking wait, goddammit!" you shouted earning a furious glare from how roughly you treated his car. not that you gave a damn.

"if you ever touch my car like that again I swear to god—" you interrupted him.

"I don't mean to string you along!" you snapped, "I just... I'm not good at that part." lowering your voice as your confidence dimmed.

you were never good with honesty, always telling that you're as good as fucked if you ever were the first to fall in every past fling you've had. and that applied to just any type of relationship, especially to yours where you were both... kind of strangers. strangers that loved each other's bodies too much.

"what part are we talking about? the part where you just tease me with some random fuckboy just to get angry sex, or the part where you disappear in the morning without ever giving me the grace of a fucking word?" baekhyun spoke calmly, but you knew he was anything but, narrowing his eyes at your progressively curved stance.

"the latter... the 'figuring out where do we go' part." you murmured, feeling immature under his sharp gaze.

"oh my god. what else do I have to do to get to your fucking head that this," he pointed towards the both of you, "is not just some mediocre hooking up thing? I've been trying to get to know you for almost a year! god, even your girls know how fucking in love I am with you." baekhyun ranted, making you feel slightly embarrassed for being so unable of handling this, handling him, with maturity.

it wasn't that you didn't like him... you just couldn't. couldn't fathom getting involved someone that seemed so perfect without even trying.

"get in." he said, simplistic, walking around the car to the passenger seat and opening the door.

"what?" you asked, confused.

"just get in before I change my mind and leave you alone, for good." his voice said, cold, but you could hear the tiredness. you certainly didn't not want to defy him now, knowing he's good with his word.

you cursed inwards and walked around the sports car with your head down, smiling awkward when he held the door to you as you entered, and got in the driver seat afterwards. his audi was more spacious than his porsche, which made you more comfortable as he drove into the night, both of you too tense to muster up words. your eyes stared pathetically at the car's tinted windows, seeing the droplets of summer rain start, fucking great.

your apartment complex was built in the past century, which meant any light wind could mess up your building's energy, much less with the rain, to which wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. baekhyun knew that, but you never actually invite him over.

you looked at him as he stared at you, seemingly knowing your thoughts. "I'm not taking you to my penthouse again." he said casually.

"baekhyun, please? I'm not even gonna do anything, I just don't wanna stay in the damn dark by myself. plus the air conditioner won't work, so it'll be a humid oven in there." you sighed, but he didn't seem very interested in your lame excuse.

both of you stood quietly as he stopped on a red light, checking his phone in disinterest before stepping on the pedal again, expertly driving through the streets. you'd find him to be a vision in other circumstances.

"I'm sorry."

baekhyun clenched his jaw at your words, but didn't say anything, so you continued. "fuck, baekhyun— i really am. it's just... I'm bad at... everything revolving people. I know it doesn't seem like it since I'm outgoing and 'extroverted', but when it comes to problems like this, I really have no idea about what the fuck I'm doing." you felt the car stop in the middle of the way to your home and his eyes turning to face you, but you continued, "the truth is that I didn't actually believe that I was hurting you. didn't but that you actually, honestly wanted something to do with me that wasn't just stress relieving sex... even though you never actually gave me a concrete reason to disregard your feelings. so I just cowered everytime there was an opportunity to face that, face you. I know none of that shit is your problem and you expected me to at least be honest and own up before it got to this point, but I failed at that. since that's all I've known in past relationships." you finished, ready to just leave the car and walk home on your own. fuck the rain, you just didn't want to face his coldness after all that.

your escape plan was fumbled as quick as it was formed, baekhyun locking the doors from the digital panel and grabbing your hand. he stared at you with conflict, but didn't have the same coldness and reservations from before your speech. he sighed and pushed one strand of your long hair behind your ear.

"why do you push me away, angel...?" baekhyun murmured with a voice sure to make you drop down your defensiveness, frowning as the answer was just as unclear to you as it was to him. you felt so small, and he hated it as much as you did.

"I guess I just..." you started, looking at him waringly only to find soft pupils focused on you so intensely that it made you look down again. "I tend to leave first because I never want to be the one left. I don't ever want to give anyone the ability to leave me again... so it doesn't have anything to do with something you've done or not." you looked at him again, baekhyun finally grasping understanding amidst his hurt from your actions, now sure they were consequences of protecting yourself.

"I had no idea, angel." he squeezed your hand, his thumb caressing it gently, his grasp pulling you into his arms for a soothing hug that you didn’t know you needed right now, the way his cool hand found your lower bare waist beneath your crop top made you shudder softly, resting your head against his spacious shoulder.

the way baekhyun looked at you when you leaned back made you gulp from the closeness. "now we can go to my penthouse, if you want to." he asked, protective of you, which made you nod softly, but when he turned away from you to grab the steering wheel, you impulsively grabbed his arm, making him stare at you in confusion.

"what is it? I figured we could also order something when we get there since there wasn't any food at the..." he trailed off as you stared at him with those eyes. "...party."

you slowly made your way over the panel, thankful he chose his audi today, since it gave you space to cross towards his seat. "what are you—" baekhyun started, but gasped as you straddled him, you legs feeling his jeans.

"angel, I won't do anything before I'm sure you're not leaving me afterwards." he spoke with his jaw clenched, strained, but serious.

"not even kiss me?" your voice murmured, close to him, watching him struggle to control himself.

it's not like you didn't want to take this seriously. not like you didn't mean any of your earlier words.

it was just hard not to want byun baekhyun when he looked into your pupils with such protective eyes. and even harder when he kissed you with such wanton lips. his hand went carefully behind your head as his mouth claimed yours gently in a way that made you pathethically weak, something that you felt was unfair. you pressed the button on the side of the driver seat that made it slowly descend, giving you more space to grind your hips against his, making him growl, parting the kiss with a rough tug on your hair.

"take this seriously if you don't want me to fuck you like you're worthless in the backseat." he hissed in a whisper, making you grin at the delicious tingles his proposition gave you.

but as much as you liked it when he was angry, you didn't want to make him mad anymore. not tonight.

your hand found his cheek, caressing him gently. "if I didn't take you seriously, I wouldn't tell you those things. I may be a coward, but not a liar." that made him release your hair and caress your scalp, "besides... is it truly wrong to want you this much...? to want to be yours right here in the center of the street?" you murmured, resuming your soft moves in his crotch, making him throw his head back in a curse, clearly unable to totally deny you

"you're lucky I'm in love with you." baekhyun grunted, meeting your center with his, the friction of his jeans and your pleated skirt making your breaths shorten. "I know," you purred with a wide smile, "but did I ever make you not love fucking me?"

that made his hands find your rear roughly, squeezing it in a way that made you whimper.

"you fucking minx..." he pulled your hips to his forcefully, making you grin lazily. "making me taint another one of my cars..." you gasped as one of his hands quickly found your heat under your skirt, rubbing up and down as you seeped through it while he spoke. "look at you. you're so damn shameless." he murmured on your ear as you curved from his touch, your hands finding his shoulders as an anchor when he tugged your panties aside and slowly inserted his middle finger, making you curse.

"could you go any slower?" you grunted with frustated sarcasm, but regretted instantly when you saw his annoyingly handsome, deviant grin, feeling his curling digit take his time as he hovered his thumb on your increasingly swollen clit.

"you know, darling? I actually wanted to wait a bit. I was hoping..." baekhyun trailed off, watching his finger pumping in and out of your wetness. "we could have just went to my house and... talked, actually met each other like..." he added his ring finger, making your brows raise in a gasp, "normal people who can actually hold a conversation."

you were practically getting yourself off on his fingers, throwing your head back in uncomposed breaths, before whining when he pulled them out of you.

"but you just had to act like your needy self, hadn't you? firstly... you entered the party with this..." he raked your skimpy outfit, his other hand kneading your ass, "pathetic plea for my attention. now you're in my car, acting like you need me as much as you need air. the rain already stopped, and you're not even ashamed of your weak excuse to get into my bed."

you only smiled recklessly, grinding on him as a counter attack, stealing him a curse. "you're talking like you're so much better, hm? even if I wore something casual in this hot summer night you'd be drooling over my ass, which if I'm not mistaken, you have. the entire night." you caught his eyes on your exposed midriff so you leaned closer, contracting your abdomen in anticipation of his touch on your waist, "I bet even if it wasn't raining, you'd take any reason I gave you just to bring me over and..." you trailed off, biting your lower lip as your stared at him, playful.

you knew those eyes of his, and what you didn't know from spoken words, you recognized from his deep stare, that unlike other guys you met, gazed you with devotion. in less than a second, your lips crash desperately, his hand that was carefully caressing your hips now rushed under your skirt to bruise your pale skin. the way his blunt nails grazed your skin in urgency made you part your lips to moan on his kiss, to which he took advantage and pushed his tongue inside, making you rake up his hair, messing the stylish curls. you honestly thought it looked better that way, especially when you tugged them to make him moan a sound that, in all honesty, made you wetter. a selfish part of you wanted to be the only one to hear it, regardless of the implications. to drink on the deliciousness of his pleasured stares, ever switching from confident playfulness to longing pleas.

your bite on his lip made him puff and thrust upwards in delicious friction of your dry humping, something that you two usually spent long minutes doing. he stopped your attempts of undoing his belt to murmur in your ear. "go to the backseat, let me eat you out." and if you weren't so turned on, you'd laugh at his addiction to your taste.

you only smiled softly, slowly crawling your way to the backseat in a exaggerated raise of your ass that exposed your damp, black lace under your pleated skirt. you eventually sat there with a full blown smile when you turned to face him, his fucked out expression focusing on the way you grabbed the headrest, pulling down your panties with one hand and throwing them carelessly to the front of the car, something that'd normally make him mad. not this time, though. no. in fact, he caught them and stored on his pocket, making you roll your eyes.

"you really know how to act like a teenager when you want too, hm? baekhyunie?" you teased, sliding sideways as he made him way beside you, already separating your thighs and pushing your skirt up on your waist.

"does a teenager know how to eat you out like I do, angel?" baekhyun asked, looking up with a growing grin. and before you could even retort, you had to grab his hair with a curse at the slow lap of his velvet tongue between your folds. he'd start slow with circling movements on your clit before pushing inside in a curling manner that made you moan. the way he made out with your pussy was something you were obsessed with, the intricate manner he took turns with nibbling and sucking made your thighs quiver, and you were sure he loved when you suffocated him between them, rubbing his nose to slobber on your taste in a filthy manner.

your mind was so high that you almost didn't notice the sound of the car window going down behind you, your eyes widened as you saw his hand pressing the button with purpose, his own watched your gasping reaction in determined lust.

"what the fuck! baekhyun, someone's gonna—!" your hand that tried to press the button over his own was caught in a tight grip, your plea interrupted from the absolute need to let out a gasp from the added fingers of his right hand that were paired with his tongue.

"let people hear how pretty you sound when it's me who's eating you out. fuck it, let them see it." the way his voice sounded low and raspy triggered goosebumps from within your cunt, and you were thankful no one was around at this hour. your head was thrown back another time when he started a rapid, skillful assault that would surely make you come within seconds. the thrill of it all was raising your senses even higher, your gasps echoing recklessly into the night with the promise of someone hearing it made you want to scream in ecstasy, the orgasm shattering your reality for a moment. you swore the strength of your grip on his hair hurt baekhyun, but you weren't bothered to let it go when he was determined on drinking your every remnant, only stopping with a push from your hand.

he exhaled with a grunt, panting as he desperately unbuckled his belt and tugged everything off in one go. "turn around." he stated, helping you when your moves were consequently sluggish.

you could already feel his chest on your back when he steadied his cock on your entrance, his lips kissing your neck as he caressed your curves, your hands clutching the — still open – window.

"do you want this? right here?" baekhyun said on your ear, unconsciously making you rub yourself onto him.

it could be considered embarrassing how your mind didn't give a fuck for the spot you were put. how your only desire was to be his in every place you could get, since you knew he'd care for your comfort and needs perfectly.

"yes." was the single word you muttered before slowly moaning from the way he stretched you from behind. you could even smile from how you felt him throb inside of you, elated from the way he cursed on your ear.

the small sting from the already quick pace he settled did nothing to snuff out your lust, only raising it to the max as the both of you moaned on the open car window.

"fuck— I love how your pussy throbs around my cock after you come...!" baekhyun strained his voice behind you, snapping his hips ferociously onto you in a way that made your eyes roll from how deep he hit.

you couldn't even properly speak, only taking what he gave you with grateful noises. when his fingers found your lips and his hand gripped your chin, you instantly opened your mouth to receive his digits lewdly, humming at the way he sucked onto your pulse point.

"such a fucking good girl, right, angel...?" he hissed, thrusting viciously. "do you like this? me fucking your pussy on open air? hm?"

you could barely stop your choked moans as he removed his fingers from your mouth to hear your answer. when he didn't, his open hand hit your ass in a harsh hit, making you yelp loudly.

"y-yes! fuck yes!" you shouted, shaken, whimpering as he caressed the sting he caused amidst his thrusts. baekhyun only chuckled breathlessly, enjoying how you clenched everytime he spanked you. "just look at how good you take me... it's like you're swallowing me whole. such a perfect pussy." he kept changing it from slow to rapid moves, almost making your eyes well up with your inability to respond.

"god— I think I really fucking love you...!" he grunted, raising his pace as he smacked your flesh again. "gonna show you how much I love you by cumming inside, hm?"

you could barely nod, his fingers pressing down your tongue again before baekhyun rammed into you one final time, filling you up with a groan. he kissed your neck amidst love bites and pulled you onto his lap further in the backseat as he closed the window. his hand lovingly went up under your top, caressing your chest through your bra as he muttered multiple praises and turned you to face him, asking if you were okay with everything and if he didn't hurt you in any way. it was so good you almost thought you were already his, even without the two of you putting it into words.

he cleaned you with tissues from the car's glove box before both of you climbed back onto the front seats in a comfortable silence as he drove you to his penthouse confidently. he held your hand even though you said you were fine, walking you to the elevator before you were finally on his couch, facing each other with a water glass on your hand. you gulped silently before setting the glass on his coffee table, hugging yourself as you prepared yourself for the inevitable talk you been delaying for months.

"how are you?" baekhyun's voice muttered as his eyes watched you curled on the edge of the couch, your stockinged feet on it, yet his question made you raise your brows in confusion. that was certainly not the first question you expected.

"I mean— how are you feeling? right now?" he rephrased, making you look down in thought.

"I... feel okay, I suppose." you murmured, unsure.

"do you wanna talk about us...?" baekhyun spoke softly, his hand finding your knee in an attempt to coax a proper response, something that made you feel guilty.

you stayed silent, contemplating everything before you slowly pulled your knee closer to your chest.

"I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to face such thoughts right now." you sighed, closing your eyes while you pushed your face between your knees, frustrated by your inability to express your worries properly.

you heard him standing up from the couch to hover over your figure, pushing your hair back gently without a word. that made you look up with a worried look, but it soon softened as you saw his face, the intentions of making you comfortable clear within his expression.

"you're really serious about this, aren't you?" you spoke, shy as you sat properly to let him sit close to you. "about me and you... getting to know each other?"

"I'm serious about it because I wanna be serious about what I feel for you. for what I want to feel as I get to know you, if you'll let me..." baekhyun hummed, laying his head on your shoulder, which made you grin softly.

"and what would it imply?" you spoke softly, turning your face to his lowered one, watching his lashes flutter as he looked at before starting to visualize.

"oh, you know, the usual. dates, adventures.... lots of cuddles, plenty of kisses..." he paused, grinning at you as you rolled your eyes with a soft smile.

"you're ridiculous, you know that?"

"if being ridiculous makes you smile like that, then I'll take it." he said, making you groan and throw your head onto the cushion in a cringed expression. you heard him laugh, and unconsciously smiled when you faced him again, settling on a comfortable shared gaze.

baekhyun leaned closer, softening his expression as he spoke again "but more than that... supporting each other, trusting each other," you felt him lower his tone as he reached your lips, "being there for each other, through the good times and the bad."

"yeah...?" you whispered at him as you stared at his handsome face.

"yeah." he whispered back.

something about his tone and look made you kiss him, unhurried. it felt even better since he promptly responded by bringing you onto his lap to make out with patience.

"you're crazy" you said between pecks, inhaling his soft, woody, warm fragrance that brought you just as much comfort as it brought you desire.

"you're more." his said, breathy, sending newfound tingles in your lower stomach, and you remembered he still didn't give you back your panties, meaning you'd soon seep onto him if you kept this up.

so you figured, why not make it difficult for him?

you slowly inserted your tongue on his mouth, feeling his own eagerly swirling against yours in a lazy kiss, gently sucking onto him. that, paired with a couple of nibbles on his lower lip got him groaning, so you innocently moved your hand lower between your bodies and introduced your index within your walls, making you gasp. baekhyun only furrowed his brows, confused, but soon widened his eyes when you raised your hand between your faces, exposing the glistening of your juices coating your finger, before you licked the digit clean.

such action made him clench his jaw, exhaling through his nose as he stared at you sucking onto it.

"you wanna know what you'd get in a relationship with me, darling?" baekhyun spoke in a unnervingly calm low voice while his eyes were fixed on yours.

but before you could ask, he lifted you off the couch into his arms with ease, making you yelp as he walked with you further into the apartment, before reaching his master bedroom and tossing you on the bed. you yelped as your back reached his mattress, focusing your eyes on the one who stood before you, taking off his clothes in a hurried manner.

"you get all of me. every part. anytime you want." he stated as he got his shirt off in a manner you could only watch in a surprised awe.

"you get my mind," baekhyun unbucked his belt again, "you get my heart," his jeans and briefs dropped to the ground as he crawled onto the bed, on top of you. "and you get my body. all for you." he finished, pressing the tip of his already leaking cock against your folds. his tongue tracing the shell of your ear.

you cursed, shutting your eyes in overwhelm, just to hear him speak again. "and I get all of you. every part, every sound, every breath. all mine."

you opened them up only to find his face, completely whipped in anticipation for your response. both your breaths were shaken, your hand found his cheek with gentle caressing before your made your decision.

a relationship with baekhyun sounded far fetched from the start, you could already see that. but maybe a part of you longed to get to know him on the day after this. on the morning after, where your bodies are so spent you don't want to move away from each other. and maybe...

maybe you could turn this into something you won't be scared to face in the future.

looking at his eyes, you could see that beyond all the lustful desire, he only does this because that's the only thing you ever allowed him to do. so you breathed in, leaned your face closer to his in a way that lovingly made your noses touch, watching him close his eyes for a second.

"okay." you murmured.

it was another shockwave to feel him enter your walls again, and baekhyun took his time, gently pushing every inch in a painfully slow manner.

"you're still so damn tight, doll." he strained, hissing when he finally settled within in a torturous pace.

"s-so what, hm?" you stuttered, still adjusting to his thickness, making him chuckle at your attitude.

"so I think about it everytime I'm not thinking about dating you." baekhyun hummed, deliberately patient with his thrusts as he watched your facial expressions. "I love picturing us together for real, even when all I've seen is you like this... like..." he trailed off, closing his eyes to keep composure.

"like...?" you coaxed, meeting his hips halfway in a lazy manner.

"like a goddess." he murmured lowly, his dark eyes completely fixated on the way your face reacted to pleasure.

you only pushed your hand to his chest to stop his shallow thrusts and sat back with unhurried movements. you stared at him with intent to make sure he knew what you felt in the moment, finally taking off your skirt and crop top, then sprawling yourself on his bed, naked under his eyes for the first time tonight.

"then why don't you love me like one...?" your voice murmured in honest desire, your legs high as you exposed your center to him, bewitching baekhyun.

the suddenness of his next thrust caught both of you off guard, with a deep moan being ripped from his throat as he was, once again, completely enveloped by you. your legs wrapped around his waist as his body shuddered uncontrollably, the intensity of the sensation as big as ever.

"you little minx..." baekhyun grunted as he steadied his breath, pounding you against his bed in a way that made you cry out numerous curses, fighting for composure.

"I love that I can make you speechless." he whispered, rolling his hips repeatedly. and if you thought it was hard to keep your head clear amidst everything, it was ever harder for him. feeling your grip around him in a continuous pulse.

"not my fault your cock fits so perfectly." you choked, making him grin in a surge of satisfaction.

"and it's all yours." he murmured, his teeth finding your pulse point once again as he slowed his thrusts in a manner that accentuated the depth of his movements. "do you like it like this, doll? can you feel me like this, hm?"

you'd swear you'll kill him for this, for teasing you like this, but the only thing you could ever do right now is respond in a way that could appease both of your fires. even if it sounded pathetic. "th—there... right there...!"

baekhyun smiled against your neck, his body responding to your words.

"here...?" he asked, repeating the motion, his hips circling against yours in a deep, deliberate motion, his body rubbing against yours in all the right places.

when he picked up the pace again, your hands went behind you in an attempt to achor yourself, trying to grab his headboard, but failing. baekhyun noticed and hummed, leaning back to watch your face with a small sheen against his temples, "hold onto me," his voice rough and ragged while his body continued in a fast, hard movement. "hold onto me, angel. I got you..."

even in your light minded state, you still replied, worried, "I'll scratch you..." with a breathy voice amidst pants.

"I don't care. scratch me, bite me. do whatever you need, but hold onto me." he rumbled roughly.

at a certain rough thrust, you cried out, digging your long nails on his broad back in a way that surely marked him. baekhyun hissed, the counterpoint of the pain making him go delirious as he kept whispering praises on your ear.

"I can't— can't take it much longer...!" you whimpered, feeling your tight coil extremely close to snap for the third time that night. he wasn't very far, either.

"I can feel it, angel. let—" he moaned, "let it go for me, I'm right there with you."

baekhyun grabbed you thighs securely, looking up at your face as you asked "together...?", making him nod his head.

"together," he panted, "let yourself go and come with me. I got you."

with guttural sounds from him, you silently screamed while tugging his hair and back, feeling both of your releases hit intensely. baekhyun cursed loudly, drawing out both your orgasms as he filled you up again, shaking with aftershocks on top of you.

there was a moment of mutual comfort in the silence that follow, both of you uncaring for how long you actually spent with him inside of you, since he settled beside your body, holding you close.

"you know I'll do anything..." baekhyun hummed in your hair, nuzzling your neck as you stared at the ceiling, finding his face in a soft, confused hum.

he knew it could sound repetitive to you, but he just had to say it again. and a part of you likes it. a lot.

"for you to be mine." the way he spoke your name afterwards felt good, sending shivers from inside of your body.

he raised his head to look at you, locking your gazes in a silent understanding with serious, but pleading eyes.

"say yes." he told you, fixed on the way you raked his sculpted face. the way his moles adorned his features.

"you'll never let this go, hm?" you grinned, looking down in more comfort than you'd expect.

"no." baekhyun said, with a clear tone that made you look back at him with shy eyes as he continued.

"I'm never letting you go."

#baekhyun #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun imagine #exo #exo smut #exo imagines #exo fanfic #exo scenarios #writings #baekhyun car #divider by miuji #my second fic!!

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kivino · 10 hours ago

Text

PROMISE KEPT || ZOMBIE AU || PLATONIC!SIMON ‘GHOST’ RILEY X KID!READER

sum. Among blood and whispering ghosts of the past, you would never dream your caretaker Simon to keep a spur-of-the-moment promise to forever stay with you. Yet he did.

tags. hurt/comfort, parental struggles once again, teenager reader yay, arguments, fluff in the end, obviously this is platonic

w. c. 2.9k

a. n. I’m so glad I got the request to continue this Ghost fic, because that was one of the hardest and rewarding works of mine. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

jjk masterlist || cod masterlist || ao3 link to this fic || ko-fi

Sun scorched your eyelids, insistently urging you to wake up. But you didn’t move, half-expecting a gruff, deep voice to accompany the sunshine in waking you up. Something certainly felt missing when you didn’t hear it. A wave of panic rose within you, which you forcefully suppressed, almost like pushing down on the trash in an overflowing garbage can.

Everything’s fine. He’s around somewhere. You should stop worrying so much.

He wouldn’t abandon you.

A soft, uneven sigh escaped you, and finally, you get up from the bottom of a bunk bed that was so generously left by the previous owners of the cabins. Whatever was the case with the family of four that would stay here on so many holidays and vacations, it was safe to assume that they were not coming back. That’s what Simon said, anyway. You didn’t want to think much about what the people who lived here were like. Always made you sad. Who were the siblings whose stuff you were now using, strangers connected to you beyond the time and space, through a blanket littered with bees and flowers, or a ski jacket that was a tad too loose on you. Simon said you’ll grow into that jacket. You’ve been waiting for it to happen for months. Didn’t make much progress, though.

You shuffle out of the room, eyes still darting from one corner to another, looking for Simon, but all in vain. The man wasn’t in the cramped living room, either. Still, your eyes find his sleeping spot – right there, on the couch, a dent from his heavy body pressing the old, dusty couch pillows down, right under a messily thrown checkered blanket with some stains on it. You weren’t sure why he was still sleeping on a couch – it certainly wasn’t made to accommodate his giant form, but you didn’t question his quirks. A bedroom right across from yours was waiting for him, untouched, yet he chose to spend his nights beside the stove, on a couch too uncomfortable to get some actual sleep. You could never stop being amazed at his logic.

By the looks of it, it was already late afternoon and Simon was nowhere to be found in this cabin, a little too cold for your liking. Your eyes quickly dart towards the furnace in the middle of the room. You wrap a longer sleeve of your top around the palm of your hand, reaching out towards the handle you expected to be quite hot. Instead, you’re greeted with lukewarm metal, and underneath it, the sight of dull embers, with their blooming scarlet light generously pouring out onto the floor. Yeah, you definitely needed to add some more firewood to the pile. Or, if luck has it and the day was going to be warm, you could leave it as is. It was still winter, you had to keep that in mind, but even here in the mountains, it was much warmer than where you and Simon started your journey.

It wasn’t easy getting to the cabin, either. After that horrible day at the infested hospital, your sickness worsened, you were feverish, but thankfully, the stuff Simon grabbed from there was enough to keep your temperature down, and keep you on your feet. It also took you quite some time to let Simon out of your sight for more than a couple of minutes without breaking out into a silent crying fit, irrational fear taking over your mind completely. You…didn’t talk about it anymore, but before you found this house, it was quite tough. It still was, but not as much. Here you at least had a roof over your head, and you were warm, gifted with the spoils of the forest.

“Morning. You sure slept in today.” The door suddenly slides open, and a low, painfully familiar voice greets you, flowing through the room. You watch Simon shaking off the snow from his boots, the bag over his shoulder heavy with game, and roll on your heels, keeping yourself from running over to hug the man in greeting. How weird would that be. Simon, however, seemed to have noticed that, be it your downturned eyes, or fiddling with your fingers. So, he propped his rifle on the wall beside the door and approached you instead, affection in the form of a firm, reassuring side hug is given to you. A gloved hand rubs your shoulder and your worries melt away, even if your receiving of the gesture is quite stiff and awkward, you appreciate it nonetheless.

“Well, you know me. I’d rather be asleep than do something useful once in a while.” You say with a crooked smile, reminding him of his recent remark, which only causes the man to avert his eyes from you in an indiscernible manner. Shameful? Guilty? No, that’s ridiculous. Why would he feel something of sorts? Simon promptly let go of you, stomping towards the kitchen, silent and broody, as usual.

Your eyes follow his hands, putting the game bag on the counter, taking out his beloved knife, sharpening, methodical and slow. His motions almost hypnotize you, working at the blade with precision and care, silent in his concentration and focus. In those moments, you realized how you admired this big nuisance of a parent. You’d be gone for sure if he wasn’t there for you. He would’ve lived just the same if you weren’t there. A tear suddenly burns your eye and you rub it off in a hurried, rough motion.

“What’s for dinner?” You plop down on the counter, eyeing his back, feet dangling in the air. Not really thinking, just…enjoying the moment. Who knows, maybe in a few months you’ll have to be on the road again. It wouldn’t make sense, though. Simon told you that you’ve reached this mysterious “South” already, even if it was in mountains. So that’s well.

“Rabbit.” You nod and linger behind him, waiting for some instructions, words, a request… Anything. It went without saying that you were to help Simon around the house, he always had stuff for you to do (you weren’t quite sure how he managed to come up with all the tasks that seemed to never have an end to them), but now he was silent. Which only reinforced the uncertainty within you. Something must’ve happened. He won’t tell you, though. No way.

“I’ve been thinking…”

“What is it?” Simon’s voice cuts you off a little too rough, but you didn’t mind. He was just like that.

“Take me hunting with you, please?” You turn on your best pleading eyes, which is probably unnecessary, since the man is standing with his back turned to you. Simon is silent, giving you no response, while his knife expertly carves away at the small animal under his hands. Of course, you were used to him not talking, but for some reason, him not giving you an answer and choosing to play silent treatment scared and infuriated you all at the same time. “Da… Simon?” You call out to him, correcting yourself mid-word, poorly masking your mishap with a cough.

“This again, kid?” Simon mumbles, after letting out a heavy, weighed sigh. You didn’t know if you should feel offended or discouraged.

“What do you mean?” You gave him an incredulous expression, as if not getting what he was talking about. It was not your first time asking, and it definitely wasn’t his first time refusing to grant your request. Simon’s head turns towards you slightly, and he answers with “the look”, one he gives you when you’re being bratty or just too much. You wanted to hunt your own food. And you wanted to help him. It couldn’t have been easy, being up at five in the morning, pulling on heavy boots and dragging behind a rifle to hunt something down, but he insisted on doing it by himself.

“You damn well know what I mean. We’ve been over this over ten times.” It’s true, you asked him to take you with quite a lot, especially in the past month. Just because he said “no”, didn’t mean you couldn’t ask again. “It’s dangerous. You stay here, like I told you. Both of us have our own responsibilities. Yours just happen to be involving more of the housework, but they’re just as important as mine.” You open your mouth to respond, refute his statement and finally convince him, but he puts his finger up, already anticipating your antagonistic position. “It’s final, the discussion is over. For good.”

“But…” You’re effectively cut off by Simon’s booming voice once again.

“What’s the first rule?” He demands of you, daring you to defy him further. Your breathing is suddenly labored, heartbeat drumming in your ears. You could tell him all your opinions about him forbidding you things, all about his dismissal and overbearing behavior, but you’re silent. A minute passes, but Simon doesn’t turn around, patiently waiting for an answer from you, knife steadily carving away at a rabbit. You realize you’ve been biting back your lip so hard it started bleeding.

“Whatever you say goes.” You choke out from the depths of your chest, feeling a wild tremble within from how unfair it felt. To escape this overwhelming, strong feeling you jump down from the counter, free of your momentary paralysis, and retreat back to your room, not calm and collected in your defeat, but seething and shaky.

Deep down, you knew it was true. Up where you were living, the undead weren’t much of a problem, instead, there were quite many animals. In your time hiking the mountain you’ve heard the occasional variety of howls, yips and whatnot, saw an array of footprints left in the snow or mud, and some of them were of terrifying size. But there was no chance you’d just stumble into animals that dangerous. But more so, Simon was going on about it again. Danger. Your safety. Like you couldn’t take care of yourself. Like you were still that scared child, cowering in the corner with your cheeks stained by the tears.

You know he’s right. And you don’t want to fight. But damn you, if it didn’t feel shitty to be dismissed like that. Not even given a chance. You couldn’t help the bitterness that welled up within you at the mere notion of your lack of usefulness. You were tired of being taken care of. Not only that, but you wanted to do something for once, to help Simon. But he was stubborn as a bull, so fighting against him was like fighting against the tide of a river – fruitless and tiring.

The next reminder you get of him is a knock on your door, unsure and very quiet, unlike the man himself. Well, you’ve noticed he could be very quiet when he wanted to. More than on one occasion, he made you almost jump out of your own skin, sneaking around the cabin at night. The knock pulls you out of the state of uncertainty, almost a trance, staring at the wall with thoughts swarming inside your mind, much like a restless hive. With this uncertain knock comes an invitation to eat – you were supposed to be making dinner together today, but you…obviously skipped out on your cooking duty. Nonetheless, you accept it with some underlying reluctance lurking deep within.

“Listen, kid, I understand that you want to help out.” Simon finally drops, fed up with the silence that didn’t help the tension from the argument in the slightest. His face is uncovered, which still feels unusual, an occasion that became more frequent since the two of you managed to settle down for a while. For some reason, without that rancid balaclava, he looks vulnerable. Simon always seemed so untouchable, impervious, almost inhuman in his strength. But now, exposed like that in front of you, he looked…tired, more than anything. “I’m just…worried. I don’t want you getting hurt. One time was enough of a scare for the both of us, don’t you think?” His eyes find yours, but you don’t return his stare, eyes drilling holes in the plate of the stew on your lap.

“I know, I just…” You pause, thinking carefully about your next words. Not daring to look up from the spoon, submerged in the food. For some reason, looking at Simon right now felt like some violation of his privacy. “I don’t want to have to rely on you all the time.” You finally settle on something simple. Truthful. To the point. If he has something to say, he better be just as forward with you.

“Alright. I’ll think about bringing you with. How does that sound? Good?” Simon gives you a final verdict after a short pause, and that’s enough. Just considering an idea of you hunting together. You’re not asking for more. Simon is given a small nod from you, eyes still staring at the plate, like it was going to solve all your problems for you.

“Simon…can you be honest with me?” You finally blurt out before you can stop yourself, but it feels…right. Vulnerable and weak, and desperate for his love, his attention, his protection, but right nonetheless. How could it not be?

“I don’t know, can I?” Simon’s head tips slightly to the left, and the smile you see on his face warms you up better than any fire in the world could, even if made by his calloused, big hands, hardened by labor. You won’t ever tell him that, though. How weird would that be.

“Wow, you’re so funny, haha. Anyway.” Accompanied by your flat tone, the remarks cause the corners of his mouth to tug upright even further, but he stays silent. “You’re not really a mechanic, are you?” The look he gives you, especially with his face bare for you to see, would probably be accurate to call “deer in the headlights”. You heard him say it a long time ago, but these eyes, as big as saucers, were definitely it.

“Of course not.” Simon finally answers, shaking off the aftershock of being caught on telling a lie. It was a white lie, though. To keep you safe. Trusting. Not scared of what he was.

“Thought so.” You shrug, and Simon can’t help yet another smile. He didn’t care how you concluded that he was lying, what mattered is you saw right through him. Did him proud. He knows you were always a smart one.

“So, just for curiosity’s sake… How long has it been since you figure that out?” Simon finally asks, brown eyes finding yours once again.

“A long time. Not long after you told me, that’s for sure.”

“Nothing gets past you, does it?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“I used to be in the military.” Simon says with a sense of finality after a couple of minutes filled with silence. This chapter in his life will remain forever closed. There is no military anymore, no government, nothing at all that composed his life a long time ago. Only him and you, his little one that he…wants to take care of, protect. For as long as his body would allow him.

“It…makes a lot of sense, actually.” You nod along with a teasing glint in your eye. You notice Simon arch his brow at you, a silent ask to elaborate on what you mean. “You have this “sunshine and rainbows” thing going about you, that just screams “military”.”

“Yeah-yeah, laugh away at me, that’s what I’m here for.” The man waves off your ridicule with a kind-hearted, toothy grin. In the dull, orange light of the furnace, you could count each scar marring the skin of his face. Putting together a map of a life that didn’t exist anymore, one that had nothing to do with you.

“I will, thank you very much.” A comfortable silence falls over you in warm, flowing cascades, enveloping you in a pleasant feeling that would get lost on you in days of desperate hunger and cold. This, what you had here, allowed you to be…well, you. And you’d guess the Simon you had now was probably closest to what he was back when the world was not in pieces. You wondered what that Simon saw in you that day to take you in. What made him think it was a good idea, to grab a kid he didn’t know and run farther than the eye could see. At times, it was hard to crawl inside his head and try on his thoughts like that. “Hey, Simon… Why’d you save me?”

The question hit him like a damn fucking bus. Even the fact that you were questioning the reason behind it somehow made him want to ask only one question: “How could I not?”.

“Honest.” You warn the man in front of you, spoon pointing towards his chest in a bold demand.

“Honest?” Simon repeats with a heavy sigh tearing out of him. “I don’t have an answer you seek.” Simon watches your face fall, defeated. He didn’t really understand what you were trying to gouge from his psyche, yet continued, recalling his feelings when those eyes, soaked with tears, fell on him, fear and hope intertwined. “I don’t know. It was never in my plans, it just seemed right at the moment. I saw you, and right then I knew I had to protect you.” Simon answers, as honest as he could. You deserved that much.

Simon waits for an answer, an acknowledgment, anything from you, but no sound escapes your lips. You just stay silent. However, anticipating what your next question could be, he mutters, averting his eyes while making the simplest of confessions:

“I never regretted it. Not for a single moment.”

“Honest?” It is the only thing Simon hears you croak, barely audible and weak, after moments of silence that stretch for so long he’s almost sure the time stopped.

“Honest, kid. Honest.”

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#cod mw2 #call of duty #call of duty x reader #call of duty mwii #cod mwii #modern warfare ii #ghost x reader #mw2022 #call of duty fanfic #call of duty fic #ghost call of duty #cod #ghost cod #cod modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #simon ghost riley #mw2 ghost #ghost mw2

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wolfsrahne28 · 5 months ago

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The autistic burnout is real. I follow too many blogs, and have to go through all of them one by one to see who to unfollow. I’m literally just scrolling through Tumblr, which I do anyway. But cleaning and sorting through my drafts I never post, looking at my inbox that I’ll never answer, and going through blogs I can’t part with despite them not posting for years… It makes me so tired…

#Rahney Rambles #Autism #Autistic #ActuallyAutistic #Actually Autistic #Autistic burnout #Or maybe it’s depression?#I also have to routinely clean my photos app #And try to close tabs on my computer #But I still always end up making no progress #Sisyphus

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thewanderingmask · 7 months ago

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obligatory scott and scar posting

#smajor #goodtimeswithscar #last life smp #“wait have you only seen the very beginning and very end of secret life”#yes #listen i get STRESSED #hc and the life series are slowly helping me make some progress about that though actually #see i've always had trouble with getting stressed over conflict in fiction #like it hits me way too hard #and that makes it hard to get into a lot of media let me tell you #then i started playing ttrpgs with some REALLY good folks #and that became my first practice area to work through some fears and have time to address some personal stuff #and it became easier to be okay irl over time #and now i'm watching these minecraft folks blow each other up and do death games and when theyre done theyre all still GOOD #not just fine irl but they still LIKE each other (or at least seem to be alright playing together again)#and that's just helping my brain a lot!#OOPS UNRELATED PERSONAL ESSAY IN THE TAGS I GUESS

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anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year ago

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My Personal Shadow Magic Headcanons - "Shadow Sickness"

I'm so autistic and lazy so here's another weirdly-worded headcanons post from me at 4 AM (lmk if I need to tag this as anything specific btw

What I'm personally calling "Shadow Sickness" is the official, prolonged version of Backlash - adverse effects that target the practitioner even outside of the duel circle and in their everyday lives. While "Backlash" refers to the immediate and spontaneous barrage of attacks that takes place after a Shadow spell, "Shadow Sickness" is the gradual deterioration of the practitioner's mind, body, and soul. True to the name, this effect likens more to an illness, a virus; something that's alive and slowly takes over until there is nothing healthy left behind. The symptoms are emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual.

While regular Magic has life force within it, Shadow Magic is the only type of magic that can be considered "sentient". Not a thinking being with goals and plans, but something living and breathing with the most basic instincts. It's what's considered "Chaotic" and dangerous about it - the Wizard bends and controls regular Magic, but Shadow Magic can bend and control the Wizard. It is the only type of magic that can "fight back" in its own way.

This sentience is what allows for Shadow Sickness and Backlash to happen - these are purely just the results of it "fighting back". The Shadow Magic is reacting to the practitioner. It's acting by its nature by rearing its head back and snapping the hand that controls it. If the practitioner is NOT sound and secure in their mental, physical, and spiritual health, then Backlash and Shadow Sickness can cause even more adverse effects within the Wizard and as a result can suffer more severely.

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness can vary between physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The "virus" affects every single aspect of the being, down to their very life. The severity of these symptoms can also vary depending on certain variables. Unlike a true virus, Shadow Sickness has no "incubation period" and can flare up at any time during which the Wizard is practicing Shadow Magic. These symptoms include:

Physical scarring (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) - one of the only symptoms that comprise of all four categories. Scars may appear on the Wizard's body that take various shapes and forms: most commonly taken after that individual's unsolved trauma. This includes old grudges, previous serious injuries that have not healed correctly, repressed memories, obsessions and delusions, etc. No two scars look the same (i.e. two different wizards who have a fear of spiders will have scars that look entirely different from the other). Depending on the severity these scars can cause physical discomfort (tingling, numbness, pain, leathery skin, decay/cellular deterioration) and can greatly impact how the Wizard looks to others to how the Wizard can move around.

Involuntary movements (physical, mental, spiritual) - the Wizard may begin suffering from accidental and spontaneous gestures and movement that is either randomized or triggered. This can include loss of coordination, disorientation, mini seizures, jerks and spasms, etc. Other than being physically affected, the Wizard is not suffering from any medical emergencies. The individual is fully conscious and aware when this happens and depending on the severity, can recover seconds after. This is one of the only symptoms where others could be harmed due to a wayward hand that comes flying out by accident. There is also a magical version of this, where involuntary spells or bursts of magic can be cast spontaneously (hence the 'spiritual' aspects of this symptom as mana comes from the soul). Usually these magical bursts are Shadow Magic and not the Wizard's primary or secondary Magic abilities. (Another involuntary trait recorded is the Wizard suddenly switching to an ancient "Shadow Language" in mid-speech.)

Hallucinations (physical, mental) - the Wizard may begin to experience things that cannot be detected by any other individual. Usually these hallucinations start out as smells or taste first, but there are reports of the Wizard hearing, sensing, and even seeing things to start out with. Contrary to popular belief not all hallucinations are violent or even turn out to be that way, some reports even describe them as pleasant. Hallucinations vary from each Wizard even with those who share the same traumas or fears. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, the Wizard can either be fully aware or completely immersed within them. Since these are only hallucinations they cannot harm the Wizard but can cause further deterioration to the mind.

Depleted energy/"Mana Loss" (physical, spiritual) - as the Shadow Sickness takes hold, eventually the Wizard will be slowly sapped of strength and magical energy. THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM IF THE WIZARD IS SKILLED IN SHADOW MAGIC. A Wizard can practice Shadow Magic and still NOT be affected by this. Since Shadow Magic "takes", Shadow Sickness does the same and gradually depletes the Wizard's energy. Like how Backlash takes health in a duel, Shadow Sickness takes your life. This is the only symptom that is constant in all cases of Shadow Sickness. Not only will the ability to cast spells be taken away, but overall physical health will suffer as well and the individual is more susceptible to regular diseases due to a compromised immune system. This symptom only appears in the very last stages of Shadow Sickness and is the last symptom of the individual experiences in their lifetime.

Tulpas (emotional, mental, spiritual) - contrasting hallucinations, Tulpas are the Wizard's visions made real. A Tulpa (from Shadow Sickness) is a physical and magical manifestation of the Wizard suffering from the Shadow "virus". Although it is born from the subconscious of another being, it is a separate entity all its own and has the ability to make decisions and have feelings and desires. However, these feelings and desires are not really of their own and reflect the Wizard's subconscious fears and threat responses. (i.e. our Azteca Tulpa in Khrysalis that formed due to unresolved survivor's guilt. Its "goal" was to destroy us and fully consume us within itself, similar to how guilt behaves in reality). Tulpas can either be created from visions, nightmares, intense and obsessive thoughts, or even previous hallucinations.

Can Shadow Sickness be reversed, or cured?

Shadow Sickness can be reversed, yes, or more commonly halted. Unless the Wizard is fully submersed in their mental and spiritual anguish ((Malistaire even though he wasn't using shadow magic; Morganthe even though that wasn't what killed her)) Shadow Sickness can be stopped. The road to recovery varies wildly from each person so there is no set "recovery time" in which you are expected to be fully healed. It is your own journey and it is ultimately your say whether or not you are better. Clinically, recovery can be sorted between these categories

HALTED: In which the Shadow Sickness is no longer infecting the individual but the symptoms may still persist. These symptoms do not get worse or better, but the Wizard's mind is clear and their soul is at peace. Wizards may either learn to live comfortably and adapt with their Halted condition or could continue to strive for partial or full recovery.

PARTIAL RECOVERY: In which the Shadow Sickness is reversed slightly or moderately. The effects are not all the way gone but are measured to be better than when the Wizard was still infected. In this state any severe symptoms the Wizard is experiencing are now moderate or slight, or less frequent. Just like in the Halted category, the Wizard is sound of mind, body, and soul.

FULL RECOVERY: In which Shadow Sickness is totally reversed and there are no more symptoms that persist. Full, 100% recovery is actually quite rare in the Spiral and a lot of scholars consider the Full Recovery to count as "70% or more reduced" - meaning the symptoms are very slight and few and far in between. Technically this is still a Partial Recovery but due to the above fact and how difficult it is to reverse Shadow Sickness, 'Full Recovery' is an umbrella term. Some individuals even claim Full Recovery even if their symptoms are moderate, because their mind and soul are no longer diseased.

ONE LAST FACT TO LEAVE OFF WITH: Not every Wizard who practices Shadow Magic suffers from Shadow Sickness, and alternatively even the most skilled Shadowmage can develop Shadow Sickness.

okay this took days. bye hope you liked this

#btw tagging some of these symptoms jic theyre triggering to some #tw seizures #tw hallucinations #lmk if i need to tag anything else #BUT YEAH THIS IS IT #i got lazy at the end but i def wanna expand on this #a few things i wanna talk about more in depth: the 'shadow language' thing and the 'mana comes from the soul' thing #BUT THIS WAS SUPER FUN TO MAKE #giving holly even MORE trauma #due to canon reasons and because i love suffering holly isnt even in the “halted” category #theyre still suffering from ongoing shadow sickness. its progressing a hell of a lot slower than others but shes def feeling it #due to ambrose's thinky veiled threat of always being watched and everyone else unintentionally-#-brushing aside holly's health the shadow sickness remains undetected #except for velma. she sees that shit #but since holly is the master of bottling things up theyre like “ahaha what virus” (throws up black blood)#holly has the scarring as the worst symptom and has a few specific scars i wanna talk about in another post #but they also suffer from hallucinations and the shadow language thing #since holly is unintentionally holding off the worst of the Sickness she doesnt have the mana depletion yet #i think i forgot like maybe one or two symptoms but im so tired ugh. this is all yall are getting for now LMAO #idk if this is even a good post. im proud of it #one symptom i forgot to mention is madness. or i think thats the end result same as depletion #its what morganthe suffered dueing the end of her life as a giant apider creature she just fully succumbed to the madness #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts

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