#But I really got side tracked there
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Protecting MK with a costlmk
#I will take my SWK and Mei parallel crumbs thank you#Like. Getting attacked by the curse and throwing yourself in front of MK (to which there are consequences) and then getting separated#Using your power to protect the people you care about indeed#So they both do it for MK but MK does it for Wukong in 4x13#And then what's the consequence? Going into Monkey Form#AND THEN. And then#If EAMK proves true and MK had a fucked up past life#We can then apply Azure's speech to MK: ''After all MK has put you through...''#Let me have this.#My ''MK killed the pilgrims'' agenda continues#Damn originally I was going to go on a ''protecting MK at a cost'' rant for why the exchange theme will ruin our lives#But I really got side tracked there#Anyways: MK's one life against the world#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk SWK#lmk Mei#lmk theme: exchange#opening my third eye tonight#to protect the ones I care about
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A little comic I've been working on while I dont have anything to do at work
#my art#one piece#roronoa zoro#monkey d luffy#doodle#zolu#i had an idea and started this last Thursday(?) but then i got side tracked and im not really sure where im going anymore#i have more of this written on my tablet but idk
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What Mahito did: Manipulate Junpei into being his friend and then killed him in front of Yuji, laughed about Yuji's desperation to save him, killed Nanami, got Nobara into a coma, destroyed one of Todo's hands
Yuji with Mahito at the end:
What Sukuna did: Threaten to kill Yuji's friend multiple times, ripped Yuji's heart out of his chest and then tricked him into making a Binding Vow that he would have to forget in order to bring him back to life, laughed at Yuji when he desperately begged him to try and save Junpei, told him over and over again that his mere existence would bring destruction simply by being his vessel, destroyed Shibuya and killed countless of innocent people, ditched Yuji to make Megumi his new vessel, then sinked Megumi's soul as deep as he could in darkness in order to keep control of his body, killed Tsumiki, killed Gojo, killed Kashimo, killed Higuruma, killed Choso, almost killed Yuta and pushed him into using Kenjaku's CT to get into Gojo's body, kept praising literally everyone else but Yuji (while still trying to kill them), who he kept talking shit about instead, got pissed when Yuji showed pity and told him that he would kill every single person still left alive that Yuji cared about before finally killing him
Yuji with Sukuna at the end:
#personal#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#sukuita#like whaaaaaat#Sukuna: did much more evil things to Yuji#Yuji: don't worry pookie I love you anyway#Mahito: looks at Yuji the wrong way#Yuji: I will rip you apart piece by piece and watch as the light vanishes from your eyes and-#-I will track down every future reincarnated version of you to do the same over and over until the end of time#like#I don't even like Mahito but my boy Yuji was WILD#he's down BAD for Sukuna I just can't see it any other way bro#also I might have forgotten some thing but tbh Sukuna has done so much shit to poor Yuji I can't remember it all#the point still stands lmao Mahito did a FRACTION of what Sukuna did and got no pity I love my absolutely whipped son#Yuji and Kenjaku both absolutely obsessed with their respective Ryomen twin the apple truly does not fall far from the tree lmaooo#Yuji really said he'd keep living with Sukuna no matter what anyone else might say or think and that he'd stay by his side till the very end#they make me absolutely and completely feral#these bitches gay#(good for them)
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it's not going to let me rest until i write about it, so tonight I want to talk about the TSP2 Expo in Ultra Deluxe, and why it's a thing at all, and what it means about the Narrator, and how deeply self-conscious he is.
The Expo is, and I say this without exaggeration, the Narrator's deep, desperate need to respond to the audience and the reviews from the Skip button ending. They say he's not funny; he makes "a whole lot of gags". He's still reactionary, he makes all of this in response to (and in my mind, in the downtime during) the Skip button, and it's the first thing you can find right after the game resets from the Skip button.
He's not over it.
TSPUD in general is in a big way about the relationship between an artist and their audience. (i swear on my life i've written those words before...) it's about how a creator can and does create for themself but does, on a real level, yearn for an audience to understand and appreciate, while also being scared that people wont get it, and also being scared about "needing" a reaction to begin with.
Create for oneself, sure, but you still want people to like the thing you made. You want them to experience it, this thing you put so much time into. You want them to laugh at the jokes, that's why the jokes are there, and you hope they hit right.
Elements of that have always been in TSP but they're at the forefront of TSPUD and especially all the Expo stuff. Even while the Narrator, in Skip button rants, berates the audience for wanting jokes and gags and bits to distract them, he immediately wants to please. He's yearning to be understood, and he thinks if he can just give the people what they want, then surely they'll find the meaning in his work.
And then there's that darn Bucket. And while the Bucket feels like, at times, a stand-in for the Narrator or a way for him to project, it's easier for me to see him trying to frame Stanley's bond to the Bucket as a parallel to his bond to Stanley, instead of the other way around.
Stanley is the thing that is here in this world and story to comfort the Narrator. But Stanley is also the thing that can crush the Narrator's spirit.
In the Press Conference Ending, Stanley's bold new approach to story-telling gets him lauded, gets him praise. In the Bucket version, he tries to make the Bucket understand him through other people understanding him, and it fails. It scans as the Narrator desperately trying to reach out to Stanley, even as he tries to get adoration from an audience. Stanley only has eyes for the Bucket in the Apartment ending; in the end, the Narrator only has Stanley for company, and he on some level wants Stanley to appreciate him. He asks for feedback in the Games ending. And while nothing will ever really make him happy, there, he still asks.
In the end, Stanley's the only audience that really matters. He wants Stanley to like the things he makes.
"Why did I create Stanley? Was I lonely?"
He was. And the audience he's looking for isn't one he can interact with.
TSPUD is about a creator's relationship with an audience, hoping they will play the game, and like the game, and understand the game, so that they'll keep playing. And the game "ends" when the creator says "okay. I think I'm ready to try something new. for real this time!"
And then he gets pulled right back, because the audience response is just so uproarious. How can you move on from a thing that did, on some level, garner you success? Shouldn't you just stick with the thing that made you successful? But how do you make it better, when it felt like a complete work?
When do you get to move on? When do you make that choice? Will the audience understand? Will they follow you? Or do they just want more of the same?
The answer isn't simple.
#the stanley parable#tspud#the sparrow parable#this was supposed to be more focused on the expo and the bucket but i got a little side tracked.#really i just wanted to talk about that theme of Creator and Audience interaction
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I think it’s interesting how as time goes on Zoro kind of becomes more and more like mihawk in some ways whether that’s just because if you spend time with someone for 2 years you’re bound to pick up their habits or a deliberate attempt to emulate him is a conversation for another time. And Mihawk and Zoro where already pretty similar at the start so it’s a little hard to notice now.
But yeah whether unconsciously or consciously Zoro is becoming a bit more like Mihawk and it’s interesting to think that while this means maturing in some ways (he’s swordsmanship for one but he’s also just quieter much more assured of himself) it also means deaging in some others.
Despite their significant age gap and general dispositions, when it comes down to it Zoro is just a lot more emotionally mature and developed than Mihawk is. And a big part of why is because he found something larger than himself to devote his life too, hell Mihawk himself even kind of acknowledges this when he agrees to take Zoro on as a student when Zoro begs for the sake of his captain and crew. He acknowledges that putting aside his own ego and dreams for the sake of someone else isn’t something he can do and sees it as a fault in himself and a strength in Zoro.
Mihawk may be outwardly mature and his skills defiently did not stagnant but I’d wager that Mentally Mihawk is still stuck at the same age he was when he took over the title of world’s strongest swordsman. Honestly maybe even younger. And it isn’t until training Zoro, letting Perona stay with him, for probably the first time in his life taking charge of lives outside his own did he finally unarrest his development.
If Zoro is purposely trying to emulate Hawkeyes, which it wouldn’t be a surprise if he was that’s who he’s trying to be Afterall, then it would honestly set him back emotionally because fundamentally as he is now Mihawk’s attitude doesn’t work in a crew. It’s too singular, too abrasive. And while that abrasiveness can be useful in Zoro’s role as Luffy’s first mate sometimes it makes him a little too callous a little too apathetic, like with his disregard for Luffy’s sadness over vegapunk.
But Zoro has his crew to temper that, they are honestly just too ridiculous to ever stay serious around. And try as he might to hide it Zoro is also just a silly dude who likes to be horrifically petty with his opponents. And zoro still has so much fire in him, so much he has too prove and so much he wants to protect to ever really fall into Mihawk’s apathy. Zoro has Luffy who even after they reach their dreams will probably still continue to turn the world upside down forever keeping Zoro in some kind of trouble and his life interesting.
Zoro can’t be Mihawk because even Mihawk can’t be Mihawk anymore. Being with crossguild and crossing with the Red hair pirates and the strawhats is going to change him, it has too. if Mihawk is going to live after losing his title he’s probably gonna have to become a little bit more like Zoro.
#can you tell how much I like the phrase arrested development#mihawk is essentially mentally still a teenager and honestly that tracks#in psychology terms he never developed his super ego#everytime I write a long post I’m so scared that I didn’t make any point at all and it’s just a bunch of jumbled nonsense and half points#so I hope this made sense 😭#zoro and Mihawk are great they are so alike yet the little differences matter so much#don’t you just hate when people say Zoro has no character arc?#they aren’t even two sides of the same coin they are literally just Son learning from the mistakes of his father#I can’t lie before I really got into timeskip I also thought the changes in zoro was just Oda choosing to rewrite him diffenrtky more badas#I also missed the loud smiling and laughing zoro but the truth is that he’s still there#and maybe it is just Oda deciding to make Zoro cooler but it’s honestly so in line with who he already was and makes so much sense given#who he was training with that it still works as character development#zoro can still be loud and silly and maybe his digs are not said instead of screamed and maybe his smiles are a little meaner instead of#genuine and maybe he doesn’t laugh out loud anymore but honestly sometimes thats part of growing up#Zoro is the way he is so Luffy can be who he is that’s why they work. somebody’s got to take it seriously#somebody’s got to feel the weight of being an emperor’s crew. might as well be Zoro#one piece#throwing thoughts to the void#zoro appreciation post#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#roronoa zoro#zoro#character analysis#one piece meta#goth fam#goth family#one piece goth family#the strawhats#strawhat pirates
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I say this in the best way, but your characters feel like they're from an obscure but really good piece of media, and you feel like the artist who always draws the two main characters as ghay lovers
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#that's actually a really flattering thing to hear!#and I get what you mean#every now and then someone mistakes my art as fanart of some piece of media#that they don't recognize but like the art anyway#I wish I had the product to give to you#a graphic novel or a webtoon or a written narrative#I fear there's a hole the shape of the main story in my work#and even though I allude to it and talk about it in the safety of the tags#it's kind of frustrating that you have to piece it together from the scattered bits of lore#instead of reading ~the thing~ digesting it and knowing you have consumed the story in it's intended form#this got a little off track#I think it's so motivating and rewarding that you're interested in my characters to begin with#even in the absence of a proper finalized work of fiction that ties all the art together#answered#anonymous#imagine a reality where they aren't lovers in the canon work but I just ship them really hard#even better if they aren't even the protagonists but some inconsequential side characters#that get two minutes of screen time every other episode and barely ever in the same scene
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just read Logan’s statement
#my sweet baby angel too pure too precious for this world#I will avenge you baby boy#a side note but man does Logan sergeant really creep up on a girl#like he got me girlies with about 6 races to go last year all of a sudden I was team logie#he is the definition of deserving the world and it never goes his way and I hate that for him#like I totally get the decision Williams made and they had to think about their points#but what about me and my sanity and my son Logan#he’s two years younger than me but he is my son#anyways#currently going through it#currently working out how I can get from the UK to Australia to go give an American dude that drives fast cars round a track the biggest hug#logan sargeant#williams racing#williams f1#f1#formula 1#aus gp 2024#australian gp 2024
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and if adam hazbin hotel dies for real and doesnt return as a sinner in s2 and the fandom forgets about him, then what am i gonna fucking do
#ive grown way too attached to him and adamsapple this is no longer funny#i think adam not returning might be disastrous for my enjoyment of s2?? idk i got too into it#like you know? i only started reading fanfic in my 20s bc i was like#i dont want my view of the og stuff to be side tracked by fandom interpretation#young me knew better!!!#(but old me has more fun lmao)#and now idk like i love them all fr. expecially my boy angel ❤️#but adamsapple seems like something that has a lot of POTENTIAL for angst and such#i just. would really like to see that developed idk man… i think that would be neat#im not gonna stop watching or smth if adam doesn’t come back or if adamsapple is never explored#but i just think it would be interesting and i would see that as wasted potential and it would make me sad?#adamsapple#hazbin hotel#adam hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel adam#text pots#*
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i really like guardener.
#silverware's art#undertale yellow#undertale yellow guardener#uty#uty guardener#i know the background is a bit iffy. but i started this like. 12 hours ago. then got side tracked about 7 times. so. i don't really care tb#i just really like her. if you couldn't tell
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one moment i was struggling to draw medic for my "meet the tf2 artist" thing, next thing you know i stumbled across a color palette and these happened:
was gonna draw more of the mercs, but my drawing tablet started acting up... sooo now i gotta troubleshoot that...yippee..
heres the color palette that started this detour:
#tf2 spy#tf2#tf2 medic#god i pray my tablets not fucked#once my tablet stops bugging my “meet the artist” thing should quickly follow#i was almost done with the lineart when i got side tracked#i really like these colors <3#so gonna use them more#tf2 art#tf2 fanart#fanart#my art#art#hah medic keeps changing#now i have a cartoony version i like just gotta perfect the simi reall one#hope youre all doing well#oldbird&co#blue
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Thr thing abt me is that I want to know exactly how psychiatric medications work. I don't want the simplified version. Dont give me the "I'm talking to the public" answers. I want the specific mechanisms and how exactly it causes its side effects.
#but i dont wanna read the papers lol. i just find it fascinating#g protein coupled receptors my beloved#i got like 5hrs sleep which provided ample time to talk my self into and out of stopping medication bc its been giving me internal#restlessness. muscle weakness. and heart palpations. which the heart thing was freaking me out but i also get them linked with my#cycle and doctors dont seem concerned. i think i figured out why. the abilify is blocking the dopamine receptors that inhibit prolactin#production. which is making my estrogen levels drop which is y i get heart palpitations sometimes. science. ans it makes me feel better#abt staying on the meds. but i got side tracked#trying to understand how abilify is proscribed for major depression#i assume it must hold dopamine at a certain level but idk#part of thr problem is that its really complicated and no one entriely understands how it works#but i took thr meds this morning ;-]#unrelated
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IMPORTANT UPDATE FOR BATMAN AND ROBIN (2023) FANS!!!...he eat a burger [ID in alt]
(taken from Nicola Cizmesija's insta, who's on art for B&R issues #5 and #6)
#ramblings of a lunatic#batman and robin#damian wayne#dc comics#''ladel are you gonna get obsessive about the character again and hunt down any and all official art of them-'' no what makes u say that#nikola cizmesija was the artist on the recent red hood gotham wars tie-ins btw! same colourist as those issues too#...idk how much dc tumblr is actually in to the production side of comics. i know i am but i have a feeling that's not universal#anyway i actually really like to know the individual artists colourists and inkers on stuff if i can it's fun!#anyway i quite liked the art in those red hood issues so i am :] excited for issues 5 and 6!#there was also a cover(?) defs done by cizmesija that has damian and bruce in like underwater batsuits? like they're wet suits#and they're fighting orca on it! and cizmesija mentioned getting to design new suits so! it seems like we're getting an underwater adventure#for that arc at least! the writer joshua williamson said that he's trying to focus the structure more around shorter arcs this time#so it seems like in the shorter breather arcs we might get little artist changes to break it up?? neat imo#i like a book w consistent art if I'm really vibing w the art but i get that a lot of ppl have mixed feelings on di meos art for b&r#so I'm interested to see what the reception will be to cizmesijas when it comes out in...i think January? same month as the annual#i saw a solicit that said the art for the annual was by Howard Porter but i could be wrong#god this got way off track. ANYWAY! he eat a burger#(also williamson has said before that damians a vegetarian so I'm assuming it's a veggie burger)
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is there a 30 minute to 4 hour long video essay that can explain to me the intricacies of every single language ever. they should make that
#text#sorry im having an english speaker moment im trying to make a poll and i got so side tracked Thinking about alphabets#like not every language has an alphabet the way im thinking of probably. but like do other languages With alphabets have an Order for them#*the way english does?? or like french i know does. Does the order of the alphabet really even matter???#it's like those guys of indeterminate height said. who put the alphabet in alphabetical order
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ok now I'm p sure no one remembers me drawing for this game bc I think everyone who I talked to about it left the tumbles but. hello, have some Lost Dimension fanart in 2023.
#lost dimension#agito yuuki#super friendly funny little man whom i love.........#agito is such a good boy and uh haha wanna funny fact about me n this game?#i was really close to getting a plat trophy for it and then side tracked with another game#and got really close to a plat trophy in the OTHER vita game and realized#i had never gotten a plat trophy before and was like damn cant let it be the other game i cant do that to myself#so i returned to lost dimension to make it my first plat trophy honor and then went back to the other game#and like thirty minutes of gameplay later i plat'd the other game and i was like WOW I REALLY DODGED THE BULLET#bc i didnt think i had been that close lmao but i cant say the name of the other game out of shame#whereas i will gladly say yo i played lost dimension and love everyone#like you could ask me what game it was that im ashamed of but im so ashamed i wont answer you#it is indeed that bad
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Posting about it like 18 hours late after waking up, but I also had such a strange dream tonight?
In it two of my enemies that worked together against me in reality actually became enemies to one another, and for what reason they did..... One of them crafted some very intricate plan to trick me into thinking I'd get full help for my countless mental troubles, including financial, if I only signed certain papers I got, and the other one disrupted her plan by simply telling me to "trust no one" over a balcony of their.... "house"? Dreams that turn the online into "reality" make little sense but I feel like most people here have them sometimes so you get it probably?
Ironically, I trusted them, and seeing how I clearly was welcomed all of a sudden, went to their place wanting elaboration. (Their house looked exactly like if their blog became a house and it was hysterical) Turned out the other one's plan was to actually not only take all money meant to support my sorry existence away from me forever, but also keep me unemployable since legally I was "helped" or mad shit like that (basically slow, hungry death). And this person turned against their long term "ally" in MY favor because, I quote, "genocide of disabled people is not a joke" gfhtjgugjj We even continued talking a lot about world and people and all other things the other one tried, all while avoiding to as much as address our own grudge.
I really don't know why I'd have a dream like this, it felt so random? It doesn't feel like wishful thinking either. 😕 But it better not be a sign that I've misdiagnosed which one of those two became more malicious in the end, or so help me
#personal#dreams#I didn't really intend to even share this dream at first but with my track record of prophetic dreams?#I might as well put down everything just in case#kind of like throwing a bottle with a message into the sea not knowing if it finds any reader#I did consider that despite everything they've done to me and my friends they-#-were less malicious and more genuinely caught in worse mental health situation than me#what I did NOT consider is that the other one might not stop at anything#it doesn't help that she is actually lucid minus some degree of college brainwashing#nobody can do more evil than people who absolutely understand what they're doing#there is a difference between genuine deluded conviction that I am a beast to be hunted for-#-the sake of everyone's safety and definitely knowing I am just a fuel for-#-harmful hateful propaganda that provides more influence#one lives in their own world and refused to look into reality and another is so-#-reliant on being on the 'winning' side that she straight up has no preferences or opinions#she will assume whatever opinion or position makes her a saint in the eyes of the public#again I should not really think of it#in reality the two were faaaaaar more similar than I speculate#though I don't know what became of them because I dread to look or wonder.#and it's been this way for over a year.#I hope that they've both fandom shifted but people who are in for community and not for-#-source material tend to never leave#guess we are here forever but I got used to it.
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I should really get back to the Leo and Usagi comics that I was making
I made so much Saki and Shen things I haven't posted yet, it's gonna have to be multiple posts
#I got side tracked a lot I really like them#I have so much to tell about them#but now I need to get all my Usagi backstory out there#tmnt fan iteration#the people need to know#the chaos crew
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