#Batchildren

[mylifeingotham]

The Batkids being annoying to their elders

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

guys if you think about it we can sum everything batman does to being the mom friend

Like-

Utility belt-Having everything in their bag for every situation

contingency plans- making plans cause she knows her child we do shit

beats criminals up- have you ever done some stupid shit and get your ass beat by your mom? Only my asain/Hispanics know what I'm talking about I thought my life was OVER

"ugh you never help around the house". *kid tries to help*. "why are you doing that, you're doing that wrong,give it to me, leave" *does it on their own*

Do I need to mention the scolding?

The stare

no sleep

Aggressively Passive-agressive comments

knows literally everything about you

"Uh I can't find my paperwork".

"did you check under the table"

"yeah it's not there"

"You mean this paperwork.which.was.under.the.table?" *papers materializes in hand*

"BUT HOW-"

Tells you not to overwork but overworks herself

"Tie your hair up it looks like a bird's nest" "clean up your room" "did you finish you Homework?"

(more need to be added)

Like seriously, hes just a mom, that's what being batman is, batman is the mom and the JL/ Gotham/rouges/batfam are just his stupid children who want to jump off the top of the slide in the park

[graznot]

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Disclaimer -- I haven't read the comics. There's too much. It's been rebooted and different timelines so I haven't.

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Yes the batchildren totally do this, but if they didn't they would also barey get to see Daddy.

I’m gonna be honest, people pretending Bruce has an adoption addiction Is funny and all, but it’s starting to trick people into thinking he goes out searching for and wanting to put all these actual children in the line of danger when in reality they just sorta latch onto his leg while he stands there trying shake them off screaming “NO, I’M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN” ‘till he caves and teaches them jujitsu

[queerdisabledmess]

“Damian should be Batman” “Cass should be Batman” “Dick should be Batman” you fools. All of the bat children should share the mantel between them so that they never have to suffer through the burden alone like Bruce did.

Even better is if they adjust the costume to be more like Cass’s where you can’t see whose underneath. Imagine being in Gotham or the Justice League and not knowing which version of “The Bat” you’ll get (or if there will be more than one)

[violent138]

Jason Todd is one hundred percent one of those people who have license plates that read: DOA, KIA, et cetera and enjoys saying things in the vein of: "Take a left. Okay in three hundred metres you're gonna reach the final destination."

[gender-premium-tm]

started reading dc (well. mostly batfam. i know what i like) fics and now this guy won’t stop following me everywhere. he’s in my emails. i have a headcanon design for him (he’s in the meme!! yippee!!). i made a playlist. i don’t even GO HERE. it’s so over 😔

[graznot]

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If there's a series of Batman comics that is just Bruce/Batman and the batchildren doing parent/kid things I would spend $ on that.

Screw violence crime fighting. Bat family chore wheel negotiation. Figuring out what to get Albert of his birthday or if to get him something for mother's day. Sneaking into Bruce's bed because someone's had a nightmare.

GIMME!

You know what this makes me think about? A guy as paranoid and highly trained as Batman would absolutely flip out if someone he didn’t know tried to touch him. He’s probably on alert at virtually all times for possible hits or hands reaching toward him.

But here? He’s on his comm and he doesn’t even blink when Dick reaches into his belt pockets. His belt pockets with explosives and highly dangerous materials that shouldn’t be accessible to anyone who doesn’t know how to disarm them.

Dick reaches into his belt for a sucker and Bruce just lets him. It’s such a casual display of touch that I overlooked the first time I came across this panel.

How many small touches and invasions of his space does Bruce allow from family? How big of a gift is it for him to allow those? What other ways does the Batfamily climb all over him with casual touch and affection? Did he have to learn to accept it after being relatively devoid of it for so long?

Just some morning thoughts as I wake up on cold medicine.

[serpentinegraphite]

Since Gotham City is often set in Jersey, and NJ is one of those states where you can't pump your own gas, like. Before Batman gets an electrical car do you think he has to let some random gas station attendant top off the batmobile?

I'm imagining like Battinson brooding in the front seat of the batmobile, sad noir monologue in his head about crime, waiting for the gas station attendant to finish filling up the batmobile

Alternatively, campy early era Batman explaining to the viewer, "we have to allow someone else to pump the gas, Robin. That's the Law!" While they're illegal vigilantes

Like 1 in 3 gas station attendants are like "no dude, you're doing crimes (vigilantism) I'm not getting bagged as an accessory. Pump your own gas." And Bruce 100% does not know how the first few times bc he's Gotham born and bred and, crucially, the kind of rich boy who has a chauffeur most of the time anyway before his vengeance quest really gets underway.

[dchuntress]

one hill i will die and kill on is that helena wayne is NOT damian's baby little sister to me... she should be the older sibling between them

[abeautifulnerdbouquet]

Does he? Or did Dick use some sleight of hand to make it seem like it so he would be less intimidating to Jon?

Screw the fact that Nightwing gave Jonathan a lollipop, but let's talk about the fact that Batman keeps unwrapped lollipops in his belt.

[that-one-weird-cloud0]

Bruce and Danny eating at the dinner table:

Batchildren walk in:

Tim: Dang Bruce, only gone for seven hours and you adopted another one?

Jason: yea old man, what the hell?

Bruce: he’s not adopted

Damian: good

Bruce: he’s my biological son :>

Damian: wot

Dick: god fucking—who did you stick your dick in now? He’s fifteen for crying out loud!!!

Danny: *chokes on the best fucking food he’s ever had in his entire life*

[thedevilundercover]

There’s such an easy way to wrangle all of the Batchildren. Bruce, take some notes: stickers

Especially the golden star stickers. If you pull one of those out? All of them are going fucking feral

Maybe he learnt it from some other single mom of too many kids™️ at some PTA meeting or whatever

*clears throat* here’s a demonstration of what I think would happen.

Batman: I have acquired some new knowledge and have decided to implement them into our training

Batchildren: yeah; ok; whatever; no one cares

Batman, pulls out some stickers from his bat pouches™️:

All of the fucking Batchildren: *going feral, ballistic over the stickers, actually listen for once*

[living-with-ghost]

*Miss Wayne shopping around Gotham.

Platonic yandere Bruce as Batman making sure that his little sis is safe.

Platonic yandere batchildren stalking their lovely aunty.*

Damian: tt... Who let somebody as noble as aunty to dirty her heels walking around streets like that?

Dick: Dami stop. Aunty wanted to get to know her birth city.

Jason: I agree with the brat. We shouldn't let her do something so dangerous. She is not ready to meet the streets.

*Meanwhile Miss Wayne incapacitating to the ground a guy who wanted to grab her bag*

Miss Wayne: Art. 279. § 1. Whoever steals from burglary shall be subject to the penalty of deprivation of liberty for a term of between 1 and 10 years

Batfam: 😶🫥

Tim: It seems that the Gotham is not ready for her.

[satoshy12]

Furry Bruce Wayne? 

Jasmine Fenton was the babysitter that Bruce had found and liked, and she worked for him. She was pretty good at taking care of the Batchildren, and the payment was good for Jazz university loan.

It was just bad luck that Jazz found the Batcave. 

Jazz saw the Batcave, and the costume did meet with Bruce Wayne.  Who first thought he would try to talk with her about all of this and the secret?  Only for her to scream at him about being furry and how he can let his children that young join his hobby! It's bad for them as they grow up!! Well, on one side, she doesn't believe he is Batman, and his family  otherwise She thinks we are all furries and wants to make sure the kids grow up healthy and do not see things that way at their age!

Bruce did plan C. He grounded all his kids at home as Jazz made a 4-hour lecture ready for their lives and how they should be careful, and no, they aren't birds, so they can't fly.  Damian really wants to leave... at least Tim, Jason, Drake, Steph, Cass and even Dick have to listen to this too.

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

i really like battinson version of batman, but then make him a dilf, and give him multiple angry sunshine children(dick, pre-death Jason,steph) then give him weirdly preppy murder children( cass, tim, jason )and give him this one kid who everyone thinks is the sane one but he's actually just as crazy and really just gets more sleep that the others(Duke)and then give him a small version of him and his Assassin kinda-wife cause he realised that when they kinda got married they didn't really divorce eachother,who is also emo/Goth( Damian) (like omg)(they're literally the only one who share a sense of style) (I'm dying cause what is the duo of preppy goth father and son I love you both so much)

Also make him kinda lankey but also shredded cause of "I'm Batman" but give him REALLY broad shoulders and he has this little extension thingy on the shoulder pads so they get even more BROADER to make him look more bigger and shadowy when he moves around but really it's just because I want his cape to hang around him with a lot of space between his cape and body so that his batchildren can hide under there no matter what size they come in , and another reason why batman never misses doing leg along with his other routines is so that his angry batchildren can hug his leg so he can carry them around like one of them jueachy drop leg bags

[themaidenofwords]

As much as I love seeing Bruce represented as a good father to all the batchildren (especially Tim), there is a certain haunting tragedy to the fact that Bruce can never actually be Tim's dad or even mentor outside of vigilante training.

Tim came to Bruce when Bruce was at his lowest point. Contrary to some belief (cough --Jason--cough) Bruce didn't throw up his hands and happily welcome the new black-haired blue-eyed child.

Bruce saw Tim as a threat. A spit in the face of his dead son's legacy.

Tim looked at Bruce and saw a man who used to be his hero. A man who was broken to the point that he didn't eat unless forced, didn't deviate from mindless violence unless dragged away from the body he was punching, and didn't sleep until he physically could no longer remain awake.

In short, Tim (at the grand age of thirteen) looked at a grown man and decided that it was his job to be the adult and take care of Bruce. And no-one stopped him. Bruce tried-- he did everything he could to tell Tim to go back to his own fucking mansion and leave him to his grief-- but Tim was always the more stubborn of the two.

The worst part? It actually worked. Tim dragged Bruce out of his grief and back into some semblance of a functioning human. He even got Bruce and Dick talking again. When Jason returned, Tim was also a driving factor in convincing Jason to make amends with his family.

Bruce had his children back, and he was steadily collecting even more kids. Suddenly, he looked at Tim and saw an actual teenager and not a caretaker. He realized that Tim should have someone to care for him as well.

But Bruce can never take that role.

Tim watched Bruce scream at him and sob at him and beg him to just let him follow his son to the grave. Tim was a child seeing the worst versions of Bruce, and yet Tim behaved as the adult. The roles were reversed for too long and in such an extreme that Tim can never look at Bruce and not see fragility. Batman is an idea-- a looming spectre of shadow and fear-- but Bruce is a man that is prone to breaking.

Tim glued Bruce back together when he broke, and he can never stop preparing to do so again.