#BUT. HE THINKS ABOUT IT FUCKIN. OFTEN.
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reds-skull · 17 days ago
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Messy Cyberknights sketches because I am tired of everything+the English and Scottish banners of the respective knighthoods
I can't choose a favorite I love them all <3
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the-force-awakens · 10 months ago
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Still not used to this life or death situation stuff. That's good, 'cause I'm not either. You never get used to it.
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dykedvonte · 2 months ago
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Why do you think did Curly let Jimmy go before the crash? I've seen the theory Curly briefly thought about crashing too but didn't expect Jimmy to go through with it
I generally believe it was shock and a bit of denial.
It’s the sort of thing where Curly knew Jimmy enough to know he blows up at things but he never would’ve expected him to go through with something so crazy. He gives Jimmy way too much benefit. It’s just his nature and the dynamics he has with Jimmy. They have a stable relationship as friends but it’s stabilized by the unhealthy toxic aspects that keep him in it. He’s like this with Anya, taking the gun is something he really shouldn’t have kept off the record, so is Swansea’s feigned hostility toward Daisuke. He doesn’t want to get people in trouble and doesn’t want to believe anyone would cause trouble other than to themselves. He’s a very lenient man.
I think the words were hollow in his head. Said but not really meant like all the times Jimmy lashes out and says something cruel to him or others. He never means it, if he did why would he still be Curly’s friend? Curly’s head wasn’t in the right space in that moment, he just got through panicking with Anya and if the sound design is anything to go by, was panicked and preoccupied going to confront Jimmy. I mean, the flash of the warning signs before he runs back are identical to the dissociative episode of sort he has when going to talk to Jimmy to do his Psyc eval.
There is this sort of assumption in fanon that Curly was the idealic person for the job and simply failed. None of them were the idealic people to be there, it’s Curly’s entire concern with the ladder he chose. I see more interpretations of him being purposefully ignorant where I see him as just always looking the wrong way or not in a place where he can see it. There’s something different about seeing something than being told about it in the human mind. It may just be the psych student in me but Curly def has some sort of cognitive dissonance just like Jimmy but when it comes to his role as a Captain vs who he is.
They blur in his head to where if you ask him if he was acting as a Captain or a friend or himself to his crew he couldn’t answer. Not with confidence even if he did. There are many times we see that Curly himself is not in the right headspace to lead the Tulpar and that’s outside of anything with Jimmy. He’s spacey, he’s not sleeping, he’s deeply unhappy with himself and life. It’s why there’s believability he crashed the ship. Maybe the others saw it, or maybe Jimmy heard enough of it to spin it in a way that made Curly seem suicidally depressed.
So the tdlr is I think it wasn’t so much letting Jimmy go, more so not seeing the severity of what he was allowing to transpire. In his mind it’s just another one of Jimmy’s bluffs, cruel words, off words but just words. Jimmy rarely ever acts, why would he now? Maybe he’s never seen it because Jimmy hides those actions? Either way, he just never thought he’d really do it.
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worshipfulmercy · 7 months ago
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i have so many thoughts about his gender and how he's kind of textually a woman and/or abinary (read tags if interested)
#i dont stand for cis rust cohle. that's not real. come on...#like... super dissociated from his body and his desires. and he has to keep a tenuous hold on his identity via various forms of self control#('contemplating the idea of allowing his own crucifixion'#being sexless#being able to compartmentalize his identity to fit a need)#says himself that relationships between men and women don't work and are only fit to procreate#says his daughter's death spared him from the sin of being a father#the act of being a man or being a woman are two extremes that are too harshly defined for him#edges drawn too sharply and not allowing for any flexibility which he needs#to be a man is to be the executioner and to be a woman is to be predestined to be the martyr that is what he believes#these are choices too difficult for him to make so he leaves them unmade vague up in the air for other people to stare sneer and interrogate#and it's worse yet when his body is equal parts weapon and a stress relief mechanism to others#gets his bodily autonomy stripped so often it's second nature to him. uses barbiturates like a 50's housewife#he cleans up real fuckin' pretty— hisself and the messes he's roughly shoved into#he's tired of talking to other people like a human being— he speaks another language entirely. one more visceral and raw#one that says the truth and nothing but.#if i think about the scene in episode six with maggie and what it means—#if the two of them are women#or if one of them is something that isn't exactly a man—#i think i will lose it#rust's looser swagger (or lack thereof) in contrast to marty's prevalent machismo btw... fascinating#his kind of deer-like charm. he Looks vulnerable only he's protected by an impermeable barrier#like don't fucking touch him. you can't#rambled so MUCH. sorry. but if you understand you understand#rust cohle#true detective#disasterpiece.png
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beastking-golion · 11 days ago
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Did christian linke actually do anything wrong beyond saying he didn’t see jayvik as romantic or are you guys just losing your shit over a difference of opinion?
#dex rants#genuinely I can’t tell cause you guys are acting like he shot someone’s dog#seriously yall are saying his name like a curse or smthing#unless he actually did something wrong you gotta fuckin calm down#people are gonna disagree with you especially on something like this so what#unless he’s harassing people I don’t see the issue#however it seems like a lot of you guys are starting to harass people instead#I must ask is it really appropriate to turn someone into the enemy over something so harmless?#people view character relationships different all the time due in part to opinion and personal experience#personally I’m jayvik crazy I think of them as painfully annoyingly and frustratingly gay for each other however my friend sees them as an-#extension of his close friendships and how he’d go that far without any romance holding him to it#this doesn’t hurt me nor does it hurt him for feeling that way#but it does hurt to harass someone incessantly and twist words into daggers#you need to learn to move on#take a nice deep breath and say ‘we disagree’ and instead focus on enjoying yourself with the people who agree#christian linke#arcane#arcane spoilers#every year that passes I realize people are so quick to anger#often times they make themselves the most upset with their own feelings#it’s kinda frustrating liking popular mlm ships because so often people resort to arguing over actually enjoying themselves#jayvik I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you#and before you say ‘well what if you held this opinion on [serious matter]???’ we’re not talking about anything else we’re just talking-#about shipping okay?#different situations have different nuance#anyways I’m gonna go make a jayvik playlist and kick n my feet and giggle looking at these fuckin 30 year old men /gen
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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 4 months ago
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ford: hi lee
stan: hey for- what the fuck, did someone hit you??
ford: …maybe
stan: wh- why?!
ford: they saw me sketching in my journal and asked me to draw them
stan: …and? c’mon, i know there’s more to it than that
ford: well, i…i said- and i didn’t mean to, it just slipped out- but i said ‘why the hell would i want to put you in my journal’
stan: oh-
ford: yeah :[
stan: and they punched you for that?
ford: yeah :[
stan: well, there’s your answer
ford: i…true, i suppose
stan: …anyway, i don’t suppose you got their name?
ford: no, why?
stan, quietly slipping his brass knuckles back into his pocket: oh, no reason
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trans-leek-cookie · 3 months ago
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In my mind yhe reason Satoru Shoko and Suguru work so well together but also are doomed is because they're three different variants of depression. Satoru reads to me as "I'm not suicidal I just don't really want to exist" and "I'm not depressed bc I'm not sad. I just don't really feel things" y'know where it's teetering between denial and just being straight up oblivious. Shoko is well aware of her depression and kinda doing stuff about it (substance abuse which is. Uhh y'know complicated) but also is clearly intensely fatigued (in my mind it's a mix of her shitty job her depression and also some form of chronic illness) so like. She doesn't have many great opportunities to do things about that. And Suguru is a danger to himself and others.
So basically how I see it is they understand each other on something of an instinctual level and know that they Aren't Completely Alone, but also they're all Really Bad at actually communicating (I think there's multiple reasons but mainly Because Jujutsu Society Is A Nightmare And Also They Are Pretty Much Eachother's Only Friends) so they can't meaningfully help eachother when they start getting worse so that's part of why everything went to shit (most of it is Suguru but alos he clearly doesnt have like. Any actual models for Maturity and Dealing With Problems Without Violence. So most of the jujutsu adults were just kinda letting that fucking Ticking Timebomb tick away y'know)
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fullmetall · 5 months ago
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thinking abt hohenheim 2day
#actually i started thinking abt him (and ed's abandonment issues) Yesterday#but that was After i accidentally smoked too much and couldnt actually put together a real thought other than 'wah' about it HDHSSHFHDF#hohenheim shows back up after Years and ed is fuckin Pissed#hates his guts wants Nothing to do with him#but there's still that. small part of him even amidst the Everything that is like. //well Maybe Maybe Maybe//#//maybe things could work out. somehow. some day. even though he's immortal. and things are complicated. maybe they could be Okay//#and by the time ed even starts to maybe come around to the thought of Trying to maybe hash it out. hohenheim fuckin Dies like For Real#i think abt like. how often ed play the What If game with himself yknow#like in the manga he's straight up like //i dont have any memories of That Man ever being parental towards us// and ed will tell Anyone-#-that he doesnt need - never Has needed - hohenheim#but he still thinks about like. what couldve happened maybe if hohenheim had stayed. if he had been there for them when trisha died#if he had been able to teach them the true cost of attempting human transmutation.#he wonders if hohenheim being there couldve prevented this whole mess#sure that fantasy crumbles when he remembers Father and the other homunculi and the fate of the country that's been set in stone (hah)-#-since its conception#everything is complicated and messy and logically never would have worked out no matter what#but ed's still a kid. he doesnt want to Understand he just wants his dad. or literally fucking Anything (as much as he'll deny it)#welcome back to another patented tag essay btw. my bad-#one day ill make proper meta posts. one day
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chiyoso · 1 year ago
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ugghhhngnnghb im spiiiralllinnggg agaaainnn im so damn sorry for the inactivity everyone :(((
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then
But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic
So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ive got a pretty solid grasp on wolfwood I Think but also#i think i wanna do some more research into him before i write hin#im gonna need to read more of the manga Anyways.#i need to study his mannerisms and speech patterns and the ways he interacts with the world#because i have a good idea of it already but a lot of my concept of him does exist in fanon#because it's been A Bit since ive actually read the manga.#and i never want to base my writing off of fanon. never ever ever. that's fatal writing error number One.#i pride myself on my rock solid characterizations. for side characters it doesnt matter as much#but the 2nd person in the main pairing? ostensibly the 2nd most important character to the fic?#yeah im not gonna fuckin base him off of what i have in my mind from however much fanfiction.#it's like the difference between accuracy and precision. by following fanon characterizations#someone might be able to be Precise about his characterization. in that they write him consistently and according to common perception.#but fanon very often exists Just to the left of what canon actually is. so it may be precise but not accurate#at least with regard to canon characterizations.#i want my characterization to be both precise And accurate. i want people to read my fic and go 'yeah thats trimax wolfwood'#with vash i do sprinkle in a few of my favorite things from the other versions too. same with the girls.#and maybe i'll do that a bit with wolfwood. but also hes so very different between the 3 iterations#that he might as well be different characters in all of them.#this is first and foremost a trimax fic. so i WILL have trimax wolfwood in it.#i may look up general guides for writing him if theyre around. but tbh i will rely more on my own research probably.#i have my own system for writing anyways. the sliding scales of different qualities that guides my general word choices for dialog#ive explained it before. dont really wanna get into it again.#i need to solidify in my mind where ww exists on the axes of intelligence politeness kindness and formality#among others. while also paying attention for any kind of repeat words or phrases that he likes to use#that i can pepper in to make it Sound Like Him.#thats the key to how i do general dialog lol. it's of course guided by who they are as a person#but word choice is done through the general perception of them along a set of axes. this is how it goes for All my writing.#im. rambling. whoops. anyways im excited for wolfwood. Soon...
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starscelly · 2 years ago
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anyone want an essay on how i think/interpret Miro as just a Guy rather than miro the player, wrote on 23hrs of no sleep and having not read it over once since? bon appetite.
so. if you know/follow me you know i am a Big miro heiskanen guy. occasionally to a deranged level. and as much as i feel the need to scream about him every .5 seconds i do in fact have to confess. i have no fucking idea what his personality is. like he’s so insanely quiet and/or professional in everything he does that im like ok, but who the hell is miro the Guy.
and initially i put all of this on language barrier stuff - typically, guys who have super strong accents or not the best english tend to be more comfortable in interviews with their first language. and miro for sure is! but it’s not stuff you couldn’t pick up on from his english interviews or even watching him on the ice. whether its in finnish, english, or the universal body language, at first look miro is a pretty standard hockey player: he’s pretty quiet, has no problem chirping the guys in his circle, and is nauseatingly humble. he stumbles through the same interview clichés, he doesn’t go out of his way to pick fights or get physical - will typically avoid it, even - and he doesn’t tend to get super yappy towards other players or refs. if a little scrum doesn’t directly involve him, he’ll skate in to get his guy or break it up, but he almost never even Looks at what’s happening (i’ve noticed he just looks down at the ice a lot if he has to step into commotion near the net or anything). like he is the most normal, boring man in the world seemingly. minus a few more yappy angry moments this season. he just seems happy to be here and ruin the lives of the opposing team all the while being like :| :\ !!!
but like. obviously i would not be making this post if thats all i had to say lol. when i’ve heard the term “quiet confidence” used to describe guys its… well its quiet in the way every hockey player HAS to be quiet. like they’re quietly confident because they know if they go in front of the media and say they know how amazing they are, someone online will immediately call them full of themselves and talk shit and scrutinize. the sport is team-first occasionally to a fault, we all know this. but if the behavior of a lot of guys in this league can be described as quiet confidence? miro’s confidence is silent. everyone on this team will talk about how they’ll lay down their lives for him. kill for him, probably. but you will almost definitely not directly hear the words “i am the best defenseman” coming from his mouth, no matter the context.
but you do, you do hear hints of it if you really listen. you hear it in the “i know when i play well” line he gave razor. you hear it in the not hesitating or being nervous to say “i was happy with my defense. it was defensively my best season”. you hear it in that one postgame where he says he had robo swap places with him because miro knew he was a stronger skater and would do better going backwards. you see it in the way he saw the panic from losing one of their highest scoring defensemen, their “top dog” dman, and can tell in the change in his play that he just knew he had to take up the mantle, he was gonna be The Guy with nobody else to fall back on, there couldn’t possibly be another option. and he’s succeeded TREMENDOUSLY at this, for the record. i’m sure there are others for it, but i feel like one of the reasons he never gets big with cellying is because he thinks he just did what was expected of him, why would he go crazy over something he knew he could do. in an nhlwam he talked about scoring more this season (outright saying he needed to be better about getting points for the norris btw) not as if it was a goal to work towards, but as if it was something set in stone, definitely going to happen. hell, even when hes getting chirped (by calling him attractive. a very hockey chirping) for looking like leonardo dicaprio, he doesn’t default to “ahhh nooo…” or “yeah right”, he says “no, nobody made fun of it. i guess they liked the pictures”. it’s never loud, he’s never boasting, he’s just very sure in his own abilities and doesn’t feel the need to brag about things he thinks should be expected for him anyways, or things he already knows he’s good at. like its a given. silent confidence.
i think it’s very very easy when guys are as quiet as miro is to write them off as. i dont want to talk specifically abt fic characterization so know that that’s not the context of how im talking abt this lol i just cant think of a better word. but its easy to act like he’s “submissive” almost. like i feel like there’s this underlying narrative of allowing himself to get pushed around by older defensemen and whatever. but i dont see that? not in that like. i think there’s fights in the fuckin locker room or something. but i get the vibe if he wanted to say something, he would. we’ve seen him yap at refs when absolutely necessary (hell. we saw him hit one and get away with it somehow lmfao), i personally can’t stop thinking of the lack of hesitation from him to call out / make fun of suter in an interview with kivi (in a lighthearted way, on a non-hockey related matter but still an embarrassing one tbh).
i feel like we all get this idea in our heads when people are placed in positions like his - initially as second priority to klinger, and then constantly being stuck with a liability on his d pairing - that they probably just get like. "oh this sucks, but i cant pick a fight about it, for team dynamics/coach respect/whatever". but i do think miro just. genuinely is not worried with it. he knows his own ability and cannot be bothered by whatever else is around him. which im not saying as a defense of the some of the…. defensive coaching decisions. but i do seriously think he doesn’t even care. not in an apathetic way, but in a complete confidence that he’ll be able to handle whatever it is way.
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eileensdress · 2 years ago
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Ahaha no wait youre so sexy come back from prison :( haha wait what do you mean ‘I put you there’
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abyssalpriest · 1 year ago
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I think whatever I end up doing the lesson is at its core "you need to stop seeing all attempts at saying you experience something as you taking up too much space and being dangerous, and you also need to understand everyone always makes mistakes sometimes (nothing anyone thinks is fully right) and you're not lesser and amateur at channelling because you aren't fully right, and also some third thing he says there is but idk what it is"
#Bc I don't want to be an authority anyway I just want to have fun embodying my role as a channeller of his like....#And IDK I think at some point I need to understand that cycles of abuse happen when people think they're owed something and that others#deserve to go through what they went through. But I.... Am so against continuing the cult cycle that I sit here making light of#my life's work and not respecting is at all on the off chance it might negatively impact anyone in any way bc negative impact on my mind is#just immediately equalled to Cult Activity in my head. But like. Bruh. I don't even like interacting w people that much and I have the#Schizotypal Thing of not having an impulse to make new friends let alone a fuckin cult#Anyway. I need to stop catastrophising ''it would be nice to make this whole channelling Leviathan into an official thing#and test the limits of channelling and divination and whatnot'' into ''oh my god that's making myself an authority like he said not to do#and also that's just borderline making a cult that's continuing cycles of abuse'' bruh. Me occasionally doing a reading about his opinions#on something for someone else while making sure that someone understands my disclaimers that it's being translated through me/etc#Or something like that. Is not..... Declaring myself an authority on anything nor roping them in to rely on me ESPECIALLY when I always#explain how you SHOULDN'T rely on me as fact bc it's never fact like that's....#Anyway. I should've expected this now that I think about it bc he often works with spiritual consultants for human groups and shit like#And he is endlessly humbling lbfr he always tells people who are worth working with when they're being dumb/etc and I want to be#Worth working with. Anyway. God hello I Need More by Misanthrop. ''I need more I need nothing I need more I need nothing'' yeah exactly#That's already a leviathan song this context is absolutely a mood. There is a MIDDLE GROUND.#Anyway again this is years away but#I'm way too socially anxious to do anything close to the thing like this blog just Existing is already testing all my social buttons but hey#~abyssal murmurs#Diary //
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yuribalisms · 2 years ago
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Lesbian or trans guy…. Lesbian or trans guy… lesbian or trans guy…. That is The question
#like !!!!!! I would like this To Be Over#rn Im Kinda doing a thing where I ‘came out’ as a trans guy to a bunch of ppl#(my friends and dad’s side of the family ya know ppl it’s not a big deal for)#and trying to present more masculine more often#mostly to see if I like it better#it’s basically an experimentation thing despite me still not being sure#because I thought it would help because hey!!! if I really like it then great! I’m a dude!#if I hate it or it makes me uncomfortable then great!!!! not a dude!!!!#unfortunately it is not working out that way and I am still mostly confused#like…. I just don’t understand 😭😭😭 I want to understand and I don’t#I got jealous when my friend started hormones and then I was talking about gender issues with my therapist and she asked if I wanted her to#write me a letter for hormones or any surgeries and the idea of changing my body like that made me viscerally uncomfortable#like what!!!!! the fuck!!!!!! what is wrong with me!!!!!#why can I not just know exactly what I want and how I want ppl to refer to me and how I want to be seen#my friends call me ‘he’ and their pets ‘uncle’ and my dad called me his son and like okay awesome#I think I kinda like it but it’s also a goddamn jumpscare every fuckin time#sometimes I think I like being a guy but also I wanna be a lesbian#and like sometimes I wanna be a dude but the idea of having a dick? absolutely fucking not I KNOW I don’t want that#but I want a deeper voice and more body hair#and just ugh UGH I DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAND#like yeah I know I’m almost certainly on the non-binary spectrum like there’s no denying that#but :( I just wanna know how I want to look and be seen so I could actually take steps towards being more comfortable#because no matter what I’ve tried I’ve never been completely comfortable#guy or girl even sometimes androgynous it just isn’t working#I just want to be Me and I feel fine but literally the second I get referred to as anything from an outside party#it sparks intense euphoria or dysphoria but it’s not consistent so I can’t figure it out#anyways I wanna melt into the floor of this Costco one of my dude coworkers called me ‘man’ and I cringed but then another coworker called#me ‘she’ and I also cringed#like what the fuck what in fresh hell I’m so frustrated I just want it all to stop#like it’s all fun and games ‘haha I’m a boy lesbian’ and sometimes yeah that does feel right but also both are wrong and just
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achilleslyre · 2 years ago
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the wayyyyy ppl treat my tics can be sooooo annoying way too often all the time…… they’ll comment on it in the dumbest of ways too like “i know u have no choice of saying that but why are u saying that” BABYGIRLLL u literally just said it! i have no choice! mfer do u truly madly deeply think if i don’t have any control over when i say or do things that i have control over what i’m saying and doing?!?! be fuckin for real right nowwwwwww
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cosmik-homo · 8 days ago
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The world if at least htey handled the unnecessary Hugh resurrection arc Correctly w alfred and actually resolved that conflict and made alfred face literally any consequence...
#specifically if it was used to push back on the idea of Equivalent Death Exchange.#i will ALWAYS be a 'its basically a sartan superstition' truther. and it could ADD MEANINGFUL COMPLEXITY#What Alfred did was well meaning but ended up harmful. and now a) you CANNOT just avoid him every time he's in the room and dodge about it.#how is that any better than the other sartan @ the labyrinth or mensch. b) the reason its bad Isn't that it's Against nature#but that the person involved is NOT HAVING A GOOD FUCKIN TIME. so Unpack why alfred is relying#on that belief that there's Limited Life To Go Around (to cope and give meaning to the death on abarrach pryan and ARIANUS.#to not resurrecting his family even) And what are the bad sociopolitical implications of that logic.#VS not being interested to help hugh die now cuz#that feels like assisted suicide and alfred has struggled w suicidal ideation b4. And we know the patryn stance on that one leans towards#- ok i am not going to get my laptop but i distinctly remember it being talked about how 'labyrinth mad' patryn often seek self isolation#and death to not burden the tribe. and whatnot. both alfred And haplo compare the Repeated Death W Out Release to their Inner Struggles#on page. iirc. i def remember haplo cuz i recently reread that and i think hugh compares it to alfred. but maybe its in the realm of#having grown Useless by not being able to kill. which is ANOTHER great angle to tackle this from.#and. yknow. Death/ True End Is A Part Of What Makes Life Whole And Meaningful.#and maybe less paternalism means helping people when you dont get it.#im not v coherent but. please. anything like closure and good resolution to an already bungled arc . pleaseeee#attacking the Morality Wizard w Conundrums
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