#hates his guts wants Nothing to do with him
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whosmariaaa ¡ 2 days ago
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part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 !
college! sukuna was indeed head over heels. he couldn’t stop thinking about you. you and your attitude, the way you didn’t take his shit. and maybe the fact that you were playing hard to get.
you were actually not, because you did not want him at all, and you hated his guts more than anything. especially right now.
“are you actually being for real? sukuna, the project is due in a week! and you haven’t done shit! you told me you would!” you told him in irritation. though you were growing more stressed than irritated. this project was a really big part of your grade, and if this wasn’t done right, you were screwed.
he was looking at your face with a lazy grin, though you doubted he was paying attention to anything you were saying.
“uh huh, just chill out, y/n,” sukuna shrugged, unbothered.
“chill out? i’ve been working my ass off for my part of the project, and you haven’t done a single thing!” you rejoined.
he raised an eyebrow. “are you sure? cause i’ve seen your part of the project, and it’s fucking shit—“
SMACK!
heads turned at the loud noise, but you couldn’t possibly care less. “i’m so fucking done with you! get your shit together! you finish your part of the project in two days, or i’m kicking your ass out!” you snapped before storming out of the library.
sukuna held a hand on the cheek that was starting to go a little red from the hit he just took. he wasn’t angry, or irritated. he just watched you go with a slight smirk.
no one ever dared to hurt sukuna and get away with it. that man was menacing, and could get people begging on their knees quickly.
but you? he let you. honestly, you were the most entertainment he was getting since forever. every single little thing you did out of anger, only made his infatuation for you grow. sukuna loved the thrill he got out of you.
two days later, he told you he finished his part of the project. which took a whole lot of weight of your shoulders, because you were starting to grow grey hairs at this rate.
and honestly, something in you told you to trust him. he had phenomenal grades, after all. so, not until a few hours before the deadline did you decide to check his part of the project.
you regretted it. spelling mistakes, grammar errors, nothing on the paper made sense. it was genuinely terrible. and suddenly, you felt as if you were growing grey hairs again. you called sukuna for nth time that hour, but when it send you to voicemail once more, you took it on yourself to fix this crap.
you spend your entire evening and night in complete stress, trying to fix what you could. and you eventually had to send it in, due to the dead line nearing. anxiety was surging through you. but maybe, the professor took mercy on grading projects.
the next few days, you avoided him altogether. no matter what he did or said, you ignored him and kept walking. you were too anxious about the project’s results to even start a fight with him.
and when your grade finally came in, you wanted to die. a 49%. all that hard work, and for what? and on top of that, now you were failing this class too.
after class you confronted him, angrily. but you struggled to conceal how you really felt about all this. you felt like crying, but you kept it in.
“you look pissed. what’s up, baby?” sukuna asked, leaning down condescendingly.
“what the fuck do you think? maybe the 49% on our project? you said you did your part of the project!” you retorted furiously.
he scoffed, “so? i never said i was going to try. i told you to not expect me to give a shit, didn’t i?” he taunted.
sukuna wasn’t taking you seriously at all. he just looked down at you with his stupid, stupid smirk.
you felt your legs go a little wobbly. you felt like shit, actually. and right now, you couldn’t stop the tears either as they welled up in your eyes.
“you’re a piece of fucking shit, sukuna! i hate you so fucking much! fuck you!” you snapped, your voice breaking slightly.
sukuna went silent for a moment at the sight of the tears pooling in your eyes, “shit, baby. i didn’t think you’d care this much,” he replied, though his tone was slightly less mocking.
you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiped your tears and got out of there. you couldn’t deal with all this anymore. and definitely not with him right now.
sukuna just stood there, with a weird feeling bubbling in his stomach at seeing you cry. he was quiet, with his eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“damn. what’cha do? cheat on her?” gojo chimed in, placing his hand on sukuna’s shoulder. but before gojo could react, he slammed him against the wall, and grabbed his collar.
“gojo, i told you to shut the fuck up about her. when the fuck are you going to get a hint? or should i beat the shit out of you first?” he threatened.
he felt himself get pushed off. “calm your ass down,” toji huffed. gojo just scratched his head. he was used to sukuna’s aggression, but not this kind of anger over a girl.
“whatever. watch what the fuck you say, gojo,” he warned firmly. gojo just shot his hands up in defence, “okay, okay. my bad. i won’t start talking about your girl again.”
sukuna’s eye twitched, but he sighed and just let it rest. he still felt like crap about you crying. he didn’t even know why, he made plenty girl cry before. but seeing you cry, made his heart feel heavy.
“fuck is wrong with you?” toji asked, though his tone was calm. sukuna stayed silent for a few moments.
“i fucked up,” he grumbled after a while. toji and gojo exchanged glances, not really sure what to do about all this. sukuna didn’t know either, and that made him feel even more shitty.
──★˙🍓̟!! hi babes!!!! thank you so so so much gor all the love, may God bless u all💞💞 and i’m so sorry i’m very busy with school rn i have a test week so pls forgive me if im a little slow w updates! ill also attempt to do a taglist in part 6, tysm for the patience!
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rumpelree ¡ 2 days ago
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💕Ennard Michael (before he rots) design for my FNAF AU!! As always I’m late to post these from YT. Copy and pasting the massive lore dump for these below!! X3
Michael would absolutely HATE his look here bro does NOT wanna look like his dad whatsoever, and here Liz is dressing him up like him- so, like many other things in my AU, I’m going very canon divergent here. Liz doesn’t think Michael was William, so that’s not why she scooped him. She loves her dad, had a great relationship with him! What happened with Circus Baby? She SHOULD be blaming him but, she blames herself. Like a “I didn’t listen to my dad and look what happened” situation, because he tried to keep her from Circus Baby while she was alone. (Had preventative measures built in too like recognition, so that CB specifically WOULDNT scoop his daughter but. Yk. That failed bc his animatronics are JANK)
Anyways, the Funtimes were coded to be more friendly with her, not kill-y like CB when she malfunctioned and did what she was supposed to do to other kids. Liz blames herself, even if she shouldn’t, her dad shouldn’t have been building child/teen/whatever human would fit murder bots. And even though William kinda like, eventually just straightup left her in there because he couldn’t stand to face what he’d done- she’s stuck, physically AND mentally. Blaming her father is a huge ask, for her. She can’t see her dad being that cruel, because she never knew that side of him. She feels upset about scooping Michael but it was a mix of desperation to get out…and also having never witnessed him growing as a person, only remembering him as her okay/often jerk older brother who got Evan killed. So, she and her band of misfits steal his body,
And when they get out there into the world, obviously, everything’s different. Her immediate family is gone. Initially, Scooped Michael ends up dressed like William as a weird coping mechanism thing. She misses her dad, a lot. And what’s really important for me to portray is that, she’s not evil, nor is any other who kid died and stuffed in an animatronic suit. Imagine going through that, as a kid. She’s not like, 5 years old or something but she’s young, twelve years old when she dies, and I know when I was that age, there was times I’d break down and want nothing other than the comfort of my parents(still do!!), and I wanted the little comic doodles to show some of that! There’s no excuse for the things she does, or the person she becomes(murder-y too), but there IS reasonings, which is very different. (Clarifying since sometimes ppl think I’m excusing what these characters do ack)
💕Additional notes: The gray hairs were a very new addition and a suggestion from my friend, so future drawings will also have it! I was very minimal with the shading on this guy cuz I just needed a design ref for an animatic I’m working on! Though the way I shaded his skin here makes him look a little plastic-y, which is fitting I think! Cuz he’s dead.
I did try to make him vaguely a little blue in the face with purplish/blue lips because Elizabeth at least gives him the mercy of strangulation to death, so he won’t have to. Yknow. Get gutted AS consciously, he was still a bit conscious tho. (Also the tooth gap is from pliers eek)
Also- I wanted to make sure it’s also clear she missed her mom, but her dad was her main source of comfort. So, just wanted to take a peek into that psyche; just a kid, who ended up doing some really horrible things, wants her parent back and cannot- rather, refuses to- fathom the type of person said parent really was.
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mocchiixxx ¡ 3 days ago
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Love or Legacy Series| #6 : The Words I Couldn't Say
(Jeon Wonwoo x Reader)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, Idol AU
⚠️ WARNING: This is story is purely work of fiction. It does not reflect real-life events or SEVENTEEN in any way. This episode contains heavy angst, emotional distress, and themes of heartbreak and sacrifice. Reader discretion is advised. Please take care of yourself while reading.
Summary: Wonwoo had always loved in quiet ways, never needing words to express how much you meant to him. But when their relationship is exposed, he is forced to make an impossible choice; his career or the love he never wanted to lose. Trapped in a cruel reality where love isn’t enough, he says the only thing that will make you walk away. But when the cheers of thousands replace your voice, he realizes too late... some words should never be left unsaid.
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Wonwoo was never good with words.
But he never needed them... not with you around.
You always understood him in ways no one else did. You knew what he meant even when he said nothing at all. When he pulled you into his arms instead of telling you he missed you. When he traced shapes on your skin late at night instead of whispering sweet nothings.
When he looked at you. Just looked at you. And made you feel like you were the only thing in his world.
But now, words were the only thing that could tear you apart.
And he had to be the one to say them.
It started with a single picture.
One careless moment, his hand resting on your back as you walked beside him, a quiet night meant to be yours alone, shattered by a camera flash. Within hours, your name was everywhere. Headlines swarmed with speculation. Social media exploded.
'Jeon Wonwoo caught on a secret date!' 'Who is she? Fans react to Wonwoo's alleged girlfriend!' 'Betrayal? Fans express their disappointment over Wonwoo’s hidden relationship!'
At first, he thought it would die down. The company would handle it, a statement would be made, and things would settle.
He underestimated the cruelty of the world he lived in.
The hate was relentless.
People you had never met picked you apart like vultures, dissecting every part of you; your appearance, your past, your worth.
They called you names, accused you of using him for fame, blamed you for deceiving them. The threats came next, flooding your messages, your social media, even your workplace.
And then, the worst part came...
'If you love him, let him go.' —Unkown Number
You never said anything to him. Never told him just how much it was hurting you.
But he saw it.
He saw it in the way your hands trembled when you held your phone, the way your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore, the way your laughter... the sound that once made his world brighter, slowly faded.
Then came the meeting.
The words they threw at him felt like a punch to the gut.
'You know how this works.' 'This is bigger than just you.' 'You have a responsibility to the group.' 'Do you want to be the reason everything falls apart?'
And finally, the biggest punch in the guts had been thrown at him,
"End it while it's not too late, or prepare to lose everything."
Wonwoo had always thought he was strong.
But at that moment, he had never felt weaker.
That night, he sat in the dark, waiting for you to come home. He had memorized the sound of your footsteps, the way you always hesitated before opening the door as if you were afraid to wake him, even though you never did.
But this time, when you walked in and saw him sitting there, the exhaustion on your face was something deeper than just a long day.
You already knew.
You set your bag down, exhaling shakily. “They talked to you already, didn’t they?”
He swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
Silence. Heavy. Suffocating.
Then, softly, you asked, “What did they say?”
He couldn’t look at you when he answered. “I have to end it.”
A small, broken laugh left your lips. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
You crossed your arms over your chest, as if trying to hold yourself together. “And what do you want?”
Everything inside him screamed to tell you the truth.
That he didn’t want this. That he would burn the world down before he let it take you away from him. That he didn’t care about the consequences, as long as he still had you.
But then he thought about you, about the pain, the hate, the threats.
About the life you could have if you weren’t tied to him.
So he said the one thing he knew would make you leave.
“This was a mistake.”
It was the first time he had ever lied to you.
The silence stretched between you, unbearable. He saw it.
How your breath hitched, how your fingers curled into fists, how your entire body went rigid.
He had never wanted to hurt you. But now, he had to be the one to break you.
You inhaled sharply. “Say it again.”
His throat burned. “It was a mistake.”
Your eyes met his, searching for something... anything. But he had already forced himself to shut down, to be cold, to be cruel.
Finally, you nodded. “Okay.”
Throb throb
You didn’t fight. Didn’t beg. Didn’t cry.
That was what hurt the most.
You just… turned around, grabbed your things, and walked past him.
His heart screamed at him to stop you. To pull you in his embraced, reassure you, kiss you and ease your pain in any way he can.
But he didn’t move. His body didn't let him. His heart hurts, his body numb and his mind is conflicted.
The door closed behind you with a finality that shattered something deep inside him.
And just like that, you were gone.
The statement was released the next morning.
'Jeon Wonwoo and the individual involved have mutually decided to part ways. We ask for fans’ understanding and support.'
The backlash disappeared. The fans cheered for him again. His world returned to normal.
But Wonwoo didn’t.
He went to rehearsals, sang the same songs, danced the same routines, smiled in the same way. But it was different now.
The stage felt colder. The cheers felt emptier.
And at night, when he was finally alone, he would stare at his phone, at your contact name specifically, at the unread messages that would never come, before setting it aside with shaking hands.
Because Wonwoo was never good with words.
And now, he would never get the chance to tell you the ones that mattered most.
Author's Note: This fic is purely fictional, y'all. Please don't take it to heart. Thanks!🫶
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makeitworse ¡ 14 hours ago
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4ÆM
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step-father sangwoo who’s more than just family.
nsfw dc. minors dni. c/w: fem!reader / dark!sangwoo. pseudo-incest. age gap, power imbalance. grooming. jealousy. obsession. slowburn smut. a/n: taking my time writing a ji-yong fic rn & this was supposed to just be a small post in the meantime but i got carried away w the concept. for my father fuckers. also where’s the mother? don’t ask me
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step-father sangwoo who pulled you into a hug the first time he introduced himself. his hands snaked down to your waist, touch lingering for longer than what could be considered appropriate.
step-father sangwoo who’s so generous to offer you rides everywhere. to your work, to your hangouts with friends. he just wants to make sure you’re getting there safe. it’s his job to take care of you after all, he’s your dad.
step-father sangwoo who’s intrusive with his questions. what coworkers are on with you today? any of them males? what about your friends then? do you think any of them have a crush on you? have you ever had a crush on any of them?
step-father sangwoo who encourages openness and honesty with him. he doesn’t want there to be an awkward barrier about these things; you can talk to him about boys and sex, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. he just wants to know you’re safe. so, have you done it yet?
step-father sangwoo who hovers too close for comfort when he’s around you in the house. his palms ghost over your curves. he brushes against you in inappropriate places far too often for it to be mistakes. and when someone else enters the room, he’s gone.
step-father sangwoo who spends time with you alone in your room, early in the morning and late into the night. it’s almost like he doesn’t want you leaving to see anyone other than him. you don’t mind all that much, you two get on very well. he knows you like a book (your diary: that he most definitely read) front to back.
step-father sangwoo who doesn’t believe in privacy. he’s very strict on keeping doors unlocked. what if there’s an emergency? but there usually isn’t, when he barges into your room while you’re still clad in a towel after a shower.
step-father sangwoo who’s bitterly cold, after he peered over your shoulder to catch you dirty-talking with a boy over text. his disapproval is palpable, so you fess up to him.
step-father sangwoo who believes that boys your age think with nothing but their dicks. they wouldn’t treat you any good. what do you need them for? you have your dad.
step-father sangwoo who’s behaving with a newfound strictness. i’m picking you up no later than 7pm. i’ll need to meet your friend’s parents. if boys are going, you’re staying home. he’s protective like you’re a kid, like you’re not grown enough to know what’s good for you.
step-father sangwoo who’s touchier than before. this time, he doesn’t hide his intent. he grabs your wrist when you try walking away while he’s scolding you for not calling him back quick enough. he pinches your chin and makes you look him in the eye when he’s warning you about staying out too late. he slides his hand onto your thigh while you’re riding passenger in his car on the way to a hang-out with your friends, telling you he’ll miss you while you’re gone.
step-father sangwoo who finds out you betrayed his trust and snuck around with a boy. he caved to a gut feeling and searched through your phone. it didn’t occur to you that he’d know your passcode. don’t you remember how much he hates locks? he made it clear you could tell him anything.
step-father sangwoo who corners you in your room. his voice is still as he confronts you, but his eyes are clouded over. there’s something dark flickering in them.
“was it worth it? did he get you off?”
step-father sangwoo who holds you by both sides of your face, making you stare him in the eye as you meekly admit you didn’t cum in your little secret encounter.
step-father sangwoo who balls your hair in a fist, cranes your head back, and kisses you with a bruising force. he parts your lips with his tongue as it roughly delves into your mouth. he’s kissing you like a starved man. he’s kissing you like he’s not your dad.
step-father sangwoo who shows you how a real man fucks. he goes down on you and you cum on his mouth. he curls his fingers in you and you cum again. and by the time he pulls his own pants down, you’re a blabbering mess, tears clumped in your lashes as he slams his hips into yours and fucks you right into another orgasm.
step-father sangwoo, who’s really not just your step-father anymore. he still drives you everywhere, but he slides one hand under your panties while the other sits on the steering wheel. you still hang-out with your friends, but he keeps you thinking of him by messaging you how lonely he is without you, how he can’t wait to fuck you once you’re back home.
step-father sangwoo who makes sweet promises to marry you once you’re older. how you’ll have your own place together, how he’d spoil you as his beautiful wife. but truthfully, he’ll never stop looking after you as his little girl.
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kiesdolly ¡ 2 days ago
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challengers!au : two
༄ rafe cameron x reader (hinted jj maybank x reader)
The room is thick with tension, almost suffocating you.
JJ’s eyes flick between you and Rafe, jaw clenched so tightly you can see the muscle twitch. His hands curl into fists at his sides, and for the first time in a long time, you see it—the barely contained rage beneath his usually cool, composed surface.
"So this is what we're doing now?" he finally says, voice dangerously calm. "Sleeping with the competition?"
Your stomach twists. "JJ, I—"
"Careful, man," Rafe interrupts, a smirk tugging at his lips. He leans back against the dresser like he doesn’t have a care in the world, arms crossing over his bare chest. He looks every bit the arrogant bastard he is. "Wouldn’t want to sound like a sore loser before the match even starts."
JJ takes a step forward, eyes darkening. "You think this is funny?"
"A little." Rafe shrugs, unbothered. "I mean, it’s not my fault your girl came to me."
The words hit like a gut punch. You start to feel sick.
JJ turns to you, waiting, needing, an explanation, something to counter Rafe’s claim. But what can you say? That it was a mistake? That it didn’t mean anything? That would be a lie.
Because the worst part of all this?
It did mean something. Rafe meant something to you. Even if the relationship had ended a year ago, it meant something.
"JJ..." you start, but you don’t even know what comes after that.
His face hardens. "Unbelievable." He exhales sharply, shaking his head. "You know, I should’ve seen this coming. You always did have a thing for self-destruction."
Rafe laughs, slow and taunting. "Jealousy’s not a good look on you, bro."
That’s all it takes.
Your boyfriend lunges.
You barely have time to react before his fist collides with Rafe’s jaw, sending him stumbling back against the dresser. A sharp gasp catches in your throat as Rafe recovers instantly, tongue running over his split lip, eyes glinting with something dangerous.
"Big mistake."
Then he swings.
The next few seconds are chaos. You shove between them, trying to stop the fight before it gets worse, but they’re already locked in a battle that has nothing to do with tennis. It’s about you. It’s about pride. It’s about a rivalry that’s been simmering for months.
"Stop it—fuck, STOP!" you yell, shoving at Rafe’s chest.
JJ is breathing hard, glaring daggers at Rafe, whose mouth is curled into a bloodied, satisfied smirk.
"Hope you got that out of your system," Rafe says, swiping a thumb over his lip. "Would hate for you to show up to the match all tired and worn out."
JJ doesn’t take the bait this time. He just exhales, shakes his head, and gives you one last, unreadable look before storming out.
You stand there, chest heaving, hands still shaking as you turn to Rafe.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
He just grins, licking the blood from his lip. "You tell me, baby. You’re the one who couldn’t stay away."
You don’t think. You just move.
Rafe is still smirking, watching you like he already knows what you’ll do. But for once, you don’t let him get under your skin. You push past him, storming out of the hotel room and into the dimly lit hallway, heart hammering in your chest.
JJ is already halfway down the corridor, shoulders tense, hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"Jay, wait!" you call after him, desperate.
"What?" he snaps. "What could you possibly have to say right now?"
You hesitate. The words are stuck in your throat because you don’t know what to say. That it was a mistake? That you didn’t mean to let Rafe pull you back in? That it didn’t mean anything?
JJ exhales sharply, shaking his head. "You know, I really fucking believed in you." His voice is quieter now, but somehow, that makes it worse.
Your chest tightens. "JJ, it’s not—"
"Not what? Not what it looked like?" he lets out a bitter laugh. "Because I know exactly what it looked like. I felt it the second I walked in that room."
You swallow hard. "It’s complicated."
"No, it’s really not." he looks you over like he’s trying to understand, like he’s trying to find the version of you he thought he knew. "It’s him. It’s always been him, hasn’t it?"
Your stomach twists. "JJ—"
"See you on the court, Coach."
The way he says it? Cold. Detached. Like whatever was between you is gone.
Then he turns and walks away, and this time, you don’t chase him.
Because maybe you did make your choice.
Maybe it was always going to end like this.
And maybe, just maybe, you already know exactly whose door you’ll be knocking on next.
Your heart is still racing as you retrace your steps, heading straight back to Rafe’s hotel room. The moment you reach his door, you hesitate—just for a second. Because you already know how this is going to go.
Then you knock.
The door swings open almost instantly, like he was waiting for you.
Rafe leans against the frame, still shirtless, his bruised jaw highlighted by the soft glow of the hallway light. His smirk is lazy, cocky, knowing.
"That was fast." His voice is warm, teasing. "What, he already kick you to the curb?"
You don’t dignify that with a response. Instead, you push past him into the room, arms crossed over your chest.
Rafe shuts the door behind you, watching you with amusement. "So, what is it, baby? Couldn’t stop thinking about me?"
You swallow hard, ignoring the way his voice curls around you like a vice, ignoring the way your body still remembers exactly how it felt to be pressed against his.
"I need you to do something for me."
Rafe raises an eyebrow, stepping closer, his presence swallowing the room. "Now this should be good."
You take a steadying breath. "I need you to throw the match tomorrow."
Silence.
For a second, Rafe just stares at you like he misheard you. Then he laughs. A full, genuine, amused laugh.
"Oh, you’re serious?" He tilts his head, blue eyes narrowing with interest. "You came all the way back here to ask me to lose?"
You hold your ground. "JJ needs this more than you do."
His smirk fades. His jaw ticks.
"The fuck does that mean?"
"It means this is his shot. His future. His everything." Your voice is firm, steady. "You don’t need this win, Rafe. You’ll always be fine. But if he loses this, it could break him."
Rafe scoffs, running a hand through his hair. "You really think I give a shit about JJ?"
"I think you give a shit about me," you fire back.
That shuts him up.
His tongue swipes over his split lip, eyes darkening. He steps in closer, forcing you to tilt your chin up to keep his gaze.
"You don’t get to do this," he murmurs. "You don’t get to try to fuck me, run after him, and then come back here asking for favors."
Your stomach twists, but you don’t back down. "I’m asking because I know you can afford to lose. And I know that deep down, you don’t need to take this from him just to prove a point."
Rafe stares at you for a long moment, unreadable. Then, slowly, his lips curl into something dangerous.
"You wanna make a deal, baby?" he murmurs, fingers trailing down your arm. "Fine. But you already know my price."
Your breath catches.
"Rafe—"
"You want me to lose?" His voice is a whisper now, hot against your skin as he leans in. "Then stay. Stay with me tonight. No running. No guilt. No pretending like you don’t still belong to me."
You came here to ask for a favor. Not to fall back into this. Not to let him pull you under again. But the way he’s looking at you? Like he already knows what you’re going to do.
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fullmetall ¡ 7 months ago
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thinking abt hohenheim 2day
#actually i started thinking abt him (and ed's abandonment issues) Yesterday#but that was After i accidentally smoked too much and couldnt actually put together a real thought other than 'wah' about it HDHSSHFHDF#hohenheim shows back up after Years and ed is fuckin Pissed#hates his guts wants Nothing to do with him#but there's still that. small part of him even amidst the Everything that is like. //well Maybe Maybe Maybe//#//maybe things could work out. somehow. some day. even though he's immortal. and things are complicated. maybe they could be Okay//#and by the time ed even starts to maybe come around to the thought of Trying to maybe hash it out. hohenheim fuckin Dies like For Real#i think abt like. how often ed play the What If game with himself yknow#like in the manga he's straight up like //i dont have any memories of That Man ever being parental towards us// and ed will tell Anyone-#-that he doesnt need - never Has needed - hohenheim#but he still thinks about like. what couldve happened maybe if hohenheim had stayed. if he had been there for them when trisha died#if he had been able to teach them the true cost of attempting human transmutation.#he wonders if hohenheim being there couldve prevented this whole mess#sure that fantasy crumbles when he remembers Father and the other homunculi and the fate of the country that's been set in stone (hah)-#-since its conception#everything is complicated and messy and logically never would have worked out no matter what#but ed's still a kid. he doesnt want to Understand he just wants his dad. or literally fucking Anything (as much as he'll deny it)#welcome back to another patented tag essay btw. my bad-#one day ill make proper meta posts. one day
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lesbiansanemi ¡ 9 months ago
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I successfully made banana bread last night! It’s very yummy, and I actually made TWO loaves so I could bring one for my coworker that’s been having a hard time recently. I hope she likes it
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illithilit ¡ 1 year ago
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That moment when you realize that Mourndax is so flippant about everything bc ofc he is. Man's barely had any agency in his life under his parents' control, and he's less than five years removed from that. He hasn't exactly had time to learn how to make decisions of his own, and acting like you don't give a shit what the outcome is, or that you've simply changed your mind about it for no particular reason is a lot easier than admitting to still remembering how much the leash hurt when pulled on.
#the moral of the story is I will gut you if I need to; I will carve my way out with only my teeth // Mourndax headcanon.#all the world will be your enemy and if they catch you they will kill you -- but first they must catch you // Vhaeraun headcanon.#also probably why Vhaeraun feels like so much of a crutch to him#he's a control figure even if Vhae doesn't actively control him#but the idea of letting someone else make his choices feels safer#meanwhile I'm so sure Vhae's perspective is knowing that feeling full well and wanting to help dig Daxie out of it#bc while yes there are plenty of things you can say about Vhaeraun#he does actually care a LOT about his followers#he's canonically one of the most responsive of any deity#ALSO I think the fact that Vhae ISN'T controlling Daxie and being more of a guard rail to grip onto#while he figures out his shit and or at most gives nudges in certain directions#is legit why Daxie's as attached to him as he is#sort of like the whole father figure I never got to experience / son I never wanted type deal#also ALSO as a little thought on Vhaeraun???#while I haven't actually decided how I'm going to view what happened between Lolth and Corellon#there's something SO intrinsically hurtful about helping your mother escape from her husband#and then she goes and forges a society built upon hating and diminishing a piece of what you are#like before the point he turned on her Vhae was nothing but a loyal son to her#even if I'm so sure her choices were more reactionary towards Corellon than anything to do with him I just......#idk how you wouldn't take that extremely personally. that shit's devastating fr
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windupaidoneus ¡ 1 year ago
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ok ive finished the dlc so now i can properly say my least favourite thing about dragon age awakening is that the women feel like an afterthought & don't fit in the group at all. & i want to care about them & their banter so much. but i really don't because the game is giving me fucking nothing
#dragonageposting#IM SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT THIS. i was thinking abt it so hard last night.#(crying) please join my polycule why wont you fit in my polycule videogame why didnt you let the women fit in my polycule#it doesnt help that anders & oghren's banter w them is insufferable. especially oghren#sigrun is SUCH a sweetheart & i adore her i really do but her & velanna are just so... lacking compared to everyone else#& it's by design! & i fucking hate that it is!#did i fuck up something? did i miss quests that would've made them better? even then i don't know if it would fix the issue#with oghren you already know him beforehand hes got a whole plotline & everything in origins so its like. it fits within the plot#anders shows up at the centre of the main plotline. at the start too. he integrates himself as part of the group very easily bc of that#nathaniel also has very good reason to be there! you killed his father! he hates your guts but hes not a bad person! he has depth!#he is given the opportunity to fit in a group whose leader he comes in loathing#justice would be part of the 'you're making it hard for me to care abt this character' group if i didnt know abt him showing up in da2 prob#but even then his quest just. felt longer. he was given more to do than both velanna & sigrun#not only that but hes a spirit possessing a corpse which makes his deal very unique#i was elated to meet sigrun bc i love the legion of the dead but they just. didn't give her much.#& the whole thing w velanna wrt seranni is like;.. barely touched on. i was so disappointed the quest was so short#the women are just given nothing compared to the men & i fucking hate it i wanna care about them so bad. i want to care. so bad.#they didnt even allow me to have either of them do their joining like??? what?? it mightve been a glitched thing or w/e but??#i was just forced into the climax of the game without either of them doing their joining. and it fucking sucked#idk the later parts of awakening feel rushed. like they didnt plan to actually wrap it up & had to do it hastily.#the beginning was so interesting & i was genuinely having such a good time but by the end of it i was just tired#we barely got anything on the architect i was also hyped for him but then it was kind of nothing.
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mocchiixxx ¡ 1 day ago
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Love or Legacy Series | #10 : The Sound of Goodbye
(Lee Seokmin (DK) x Reader)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, Idol AU
⚠️ WARNING: This is story is purely work of fiction. It does not reflect real-life events or SEVENTEEN in any way. This episode contains heavy angst, emotional distress, and themes of heartbreak and sacrifice. Reader discretion is advised. Please take care of yourself while reading.
Summary: When Seokmin’s relationship is exposed, the public backlash is ruthless. Given an ultimatum, he is forced to choose between the love he swore to protect and the career he worked his whole life for. He makes the choice the world expects him to—but in doing so, he loses more than just you. He loses the part of himself that once believed love could conquer all.
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Seokmin had always been warmth.
A voice that felt like home, a laugh that could lift even the heaviest hearts. He was the type of person who loved fully, fearlessly, without hesitation, without regret.
And he had loved you the same way.
But love, no matter how genuine, had never been enough to shield someone from the weight of the world.
No matter how pure love is, It had never been kind to people like him.
Not when the world was always watching
The news exploded overnight.
Photos of you and Seokmin, walking side by side, a fleeting moment of happiness captured in unforgiving pixels. You weren’t even touching, yet the world had already decided your fate.
'DK dating scandal—SEVENTEEN’s sunshine isn’t so innocent after all.' 'Fans express disappointment: ‘He lied to us.' 'Who is she? Netizens uncover personal details about DK’s alleged girlfriend.'
Seokmin had seen it happen before. He had seen the way rumors destroyed careers, how idols were forced to beg for forgiveness for something as simple as falling in love.
But this time, it was different.
Because this time, it was his name in the headlines.
And this time, you were the one being torn apart.
He should have expected it. The anger, the betrayal, the way the internet dug through every part of your life just to pick you apart.
But nothing could have prepared him for the things people were saying about you.
'She’s ugly. Why would he even date her?' 'She’s ruining his career. I hope she disappears.' 'What a desperate attention-seeker. No wonder she went after an idol.'
Seokmin’s hands trembled as he scrolled through the comments. His vision blurred, his heart pounding against his ribs.
He had never felt so helpless.
Then, his phone rang.
He didn’t want to answer. He already knew what they were going to say.
But he had no choice.
The company’s voice was cold. Businesslike.
"We need to contain this before it gets worse. The best course of action is to deny everything."
Seokmin clenched his jaw. “And if I don’t?”
A pause.
"Then be prepared to lose everything."
It was a choice that wasn’t a choice at all.
And the worst part?
He wasn’t the only one who would suffer. And he knew that from the very start, it's just a matter of time that it came running back to punch him in the guts and wake him up to reality.
He was an idol, admire by millions of people. Dating has been a blessing in disguise that either will make you gain more support or worst, would be the reason of your downfall.
Your apartment was dark when he arrived.
You hadn’t turned on the lights. You hadn’t answered his calls. The weight of the situation pressed against him as he stepped inside, his heart hammering against his chest.
When he saw you, curled up on the couch, your phone abandoned on the table beside you...
He knew...
You had seen everything.
“…Seokmin.”
Your voice was quiet, tired. Like you had already cried too much to shed another tear.
He hated that he was the reason why.
“They want us to deny it,” he said, the words like poison on his tongue. “They want me to say that we were never together.”
You inhaled sharply, but you didn’t look surprised.
Because you already knew.
That hurt more than anything.
“…And what do you want?”
Seokmin’s throat tightened.
He wanted to tell you the truth. That he loved you, that he would choose you over and over again if the world would just let him.
But love had never been enough.
Not in this industry. Not when millions of people thought they owned him.
And if he chose you, he wouldn’t be the only one paying the price.
You would keep suffering. You would keep receiving hate. The world would never stop punishing you for the crime of loving him.
He clenched his fists, forcing himself to meet your eyes.
“I think… this is what’s best.”
It was the biggest lie he had ever told.
The silence between you was suffocating.
Then, finally, you nodded.
Just once.
Just enough to break him completely.
“Okay.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “If that’s what you want.”
He wanted to scream that it wasn’t.
That he had no choice.
That this was killing him just as much as it was killing you.
But instead, he just stood there.
Because no matter how much he wanted to fight.
There was nothing left to fight for.
The company released a statement the next morning.
'The rumors regarding Lee Seokmin’s personal life are completely false. The individual in question is a long-time acquaintance, and any speculation beyond that is entirely unfounded. We apologize for any misunderstanding and appreciate the continued support.'
Polished. Perfect. Completely detached from reality.
Just like that, the world moved on.
The fans forgave him. The scandal faded.
And Seokmin?
Seokmin stood on stage that night, singing a love song he had once dedicated to you.
The lyrics felt empty now.
His voice, the one that had always been so full of warmth, felt colder than ever.
Because now, every note, every word, every melody...
Was just the sound of a love that no longer existed.
The sound of goodbye.
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crayonverse ¡ 10 months ago
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i need to mkae. m y own gacha react video so i cant stop being so sick and evil abut ein because noone gets him right . ramble in tags ok ay byteee
#like he has the worlds worst inferiority superiority complex a man can have#everyone in his life hates him to the point of death. the only positive connection he ever really had was with michael The Actual Devil#he craves violence and power but hes not strong physically enough to get it naturally#he manipulates his way into every relationship and situation he can. he needs to be the center of attention. he needs to have control#the only person's opinion hes ever valued was michael who gave nothing in return. michael openly told other people ein meant nothing to him#and in s6 he tells ein 2 kill aaron when he needs aaron alive all because he needs aarons wolf form and that ein will fail in killing him#in the s6 trailer michael literally says to eins face “the fact that hes alive is the only reason i havent killed you”#and ein's response?? “I can still be useful” thats his first fucking thought#his father believed him to be a monster because he committed the sin of being a bastard child. zack projected his own insecurities onto ein#- which in turn made those fears come true. it gave michael the perfect opportunity to twist the knife in zacks gut. turn his worst fear -#- into reality.#like even though jessica tried to say that “theres nothing deeper with ein” because she cant conceptualize the horrors she unleashed#she cant deny the dynamic ein and michael had. one of a mentor and student#with the student doing everything he can to get that gold star. the prize he wanted. michael's validation. but michael would never -#- give that up to ein. he would rather ein die than ever praise him. even in death michael only glances towards eins corpse.#he doesnt say a word because why would he? ein was his little solider. an obedient dog who followed his orders.#a son whose only want was his father's attention.#as you can see my autism is strong with ein.
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itneverendshere ¡ 5 months ago
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LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - THREE
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pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x Sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy, of abortion, health risks & death. chapter one ┆chapter two ┆ chapter four
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Two lines.
Two bold, definitive lines.
You blinked. Once, twice, but it didn’t change. It wasn’t going away. 
Two lines, clear as fucking day, staring back at you like they were taunting you.
The universe was laughing right in your face. You felt everything plummet to the very bottom of the earth—the room, the floor, your stomach—it all just plummeted, like you’d been pushed off a cliff with no warning.
The test fell from your grip, clattering onto the marble countertop, but you didn’t care. You backed away from it like it was something radioactive, something dangerous that could destroy you if you got too close. But it already had, hadn’t it?
You were pregnant.How could this happen? How the fuck could this happen?
You knew how, obviously. You weren’t that dumb. All you could see in your head was Rafe’s stupid fucking face. His name alone made you want to punch something, preferably his balls. 
You were pregnant? With his kid? You were so careful with your life, with your image. 
You could feel the resentment rise in your throat again, the taste of acid making you want to scream. He didn’t get to do this to you. He couldn’t ruin your life twice, fuck you up this bad and then just leave. You wanted to hate him. You did hate him. You hated it. And worse, you hated yourself.
There you were, stuck with this. Alone with a baby you didn’t even want to think about. The thought of it growing inside you—of carrying some piece of him, some reminder of everything he put you through these past two months—it was loathsome. He wasn’t part of this, not anymore. And you weren’t that girl—you didn’t want to be. You weren’t the one who begged for him to care, who waited around for him to come to his senses, who made excuses.
You weren't going to cry. You couldn’t. Not because you didn’t want to, but because you physically couldn’t. Not with your makeup done so carefully. Your eyes were lined so meticulously, your foundation blended like a dream, your lips painted in that bold red everyone said you pulled off effortlessly. You couldn’t afford to let your mascara run. He wasn’t worth it.
You weren’t going to ruin all that hard work over him again. No way.
You pressed a tissue to your eyes—not to cry, but to catch the stray moisture that threatened to ruin your eyeliner—and took a deep breath. You smoothed your dress, and made sure everything was in place. 
You didn’t have time to figure it out, or wallow, or throw shit around. You straightened your back, lifted your chin, and forced yourself to feel nothing. 
Not the panic, not the nausea, not the rage. Nothing. 
You could push it all down, shove it into that deep hellish place in your guts where you put everything else. Later, maybe you’d have to let it out.  
Just as you were spiraling deeper into the pit, there was a knock on the door. Loud. It made you jump, pulling you out of your head for just a second.
“Hey!” It was Lily, her voice bright, oblivious. “It’s time. We need you out there. You’ve got like three minutes.”
Right. You wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this was.
You stepped out of the room, every movement rehearsed, the smile expertly placed on your lips. You were a master at this—faking it, pretending like nothing in the world could touch you.  Not after seeing those two fucking lines.
Your heels clicked on the floor as you walked through the hallway, down the steps, and into the ballroom. It was filled with kooks being kooks. Fake smiles, fake compliments, fake friendships. You weren’t even listening to a word anyone said to you.
“Hi, darling, you look stunning as always,” someone said, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek. You smiled, said thank you, maybe even added a you too, but you couldn’t hear yourself. Your body knew exactly what to do at these things. 
Pretend like you gave a shit.
“Your dad would be so proud,” another woman gushed, and you wanted to throw up. You laughed. 
If he knew what was happening. Pregnant? By a man who didn’t put a ring on your finger?
And there they were, of course—Topper, Kelce and Ruthie, standing in the middle of it all, grinning like idiots. Well, Topper grinning like an idiot.
Ruthie? That girl was giving everyone her signature snake sneer. Of course she was. The bitch had this superpower of sensing everyone's business before they even knew it themselves.
A waiter passed by with a tray of champagne flutes, and you reached out instinctively, but the waiter, somehow, just missed you. The tray floated right past, and before you could even realize the fact that you didn’t have a drink in your hand, her eyes were on you.
“Oh, you're not drinking?” she asked, voice dripping with fake concern. Her eyes flickered, like she knew something, and you swear to god, your eyelid twitched.
“Not yet,” you replied with the same faux smile.
Ruthie just kept watching you with those too-knowing eyes, like she was looking for a crack, some little tell. Because she always did.
You had to be so careful around her.
One wrong move, one second, and she’d be all over it, spreading it around the entire town before you even had a chance to breathe.
Your cousin, completely oblivious, was babbling with Kelce about something—probably golf, or the new boat his dad bought, or some other thing you couldn’t care less about. You nodded along, pretending to listen, but you were mentally still in the bathroom, staring at those two lines.
“So, you invited Rafe?” Kelce said it like it was nothing, like bringing up your ex-boyfriend was the most casual thing in the world.
“What the actual fuck did you just say?” You all but growled out, enough to make him choke on his champagne.
He looked genuinely confused, as if he didn’t just mention the one person you’d rather hurl off a bridge at the moment. “Yeah, Rafe. He’s on the list, right?”
Your whole body went rigid. You blinked, trying to keep your face from giving anything away, but inside? You were dying. Ruthie’s eyebrows shot up—oh great, now you had her attention too.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Kelce, of course, had the nerve to chuckle. 
If Rafe had spoken to them about being taken off the guest list, you’d lose it. The insolence of him mentioning your name—like he still had any right to talk about you? He should’ve buried the memory of you right along with whatever feelings he claimed to have had.
But then, if he hadn’t said a word about it to his best friends—that meant something worse. That meant he didn’t care. He was over it. Over you. 
He hadn’t even bothered to tell them that he wasn’t coming to the gala because he wasn’t thinking about it. Or about you. 
You hated either possibility. 
Kelce like the asshole he was, "I thought you two were—"
"Don't." You cut him off so fast, so hard, he had to take a step back. 
You wanted to grab Top by his clueless shoulders and demand answers. Did Rafe care? Was he coming tonight? You didn’t like any option—every scenario made you want to get on a plane to the other side of the world.  If he was planning to show up despite being cut from the list…Shit, what would you even do? You could feel the headache starting already. 
That would be so him, though.
The arrogance. The entitlement, ignoring boundaries because he never thought the rules applied to him.
Ruthie, of course, was still watching you like a hawk. Her eyes darted between you and Topper, and you could practically feel her mind working, trying to piece together whatever she thought she was seeing. She loved this. She lived for other people’s drama, and you knew she’d sniff out anything that didn’t look flawless.
You did out without even thinking, grabbing Topper’s ear between two manicured fingers like you were his mom dragging him out of Sunday school, pulling him away.
"Ow, Jesus—what the hell?!" he yelped, stumbling to keep up with you in his shiny loafers as you all but hauled him into the nearest corner of the ballroom, out of sight, but still within earshot of the crowd. 
You didn’t care. Let someone see. Let them all see.
You turned to him, barely letting go of his ear, your nails tapping impatiently against your crossed arms. He looked at you like you’d lost your mind, and maybe you had.
“Spill it.”
He was still rubbing his ear. “What are you talking about?”
“Rafe,” you snapped, eyes narrowing. “Is he coming tonight? And don’t you dare lie to me, Top.”
He gulped. Actually gulped. You swore you could see the gears turning in that pretty, empty head of his, trying to figure out if he could weasel his way out of this.
“I— I don’t know, okay?” Topper stammered, running a hand through his hair. “I haven’t talked to him today, but I figured… I mean, he always comes to these things, so I assumed—"
That meant Rafe didn’t tell him. That your little stunt hadn’t phased him in the slightest. 
“You assumed?” You leaned in closer, eyes burning holes into his skull. “After everything, you thought it was a good idea to just assume he’d show up and not even bother telling me?”
“I can’t put him on a leash!” His voice rose defensively, eyes wide like he was the one under attack. And yeah, maybe he was. Maybe you’d gone full psycho mode. Rafe always turned you into this—this furious, spiraling, out-of-control version of yourself.
Your cousin was just collateral damage.
“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe someone should.”  You said it slowly like you were explaining something to a child. “Do you even know what it’s like?” you hissed, leaning in closer, your voice dropping , “To sit here, wondering if he’s gonna show up like some ticking time bomb?”
Topper’s mouth opened, but nothing came out.
He didn’t know shit about what you were going through. How could he? He wasn’t the one with a whole life-changing secret burning a hole in his brain, wondering if the father of the child growing inside him was going to ruin everything—again.
“I—I didn’t think it was that serious,” Topper stammered, hands flying up in surrender. “I mean, he’s always been a dick, but—”
You remember the first thing he texted you after weeks of radio silence.
“No,” you interrupted, “He’s more than just a dick. He’s—” You stopped yourself before you said too much. God, you were on the edge, and you needed to rein it in. 
Topper, still looking like a kicked puppy, shifted on his feet. 
“Look, I’ll text him. I’ll ask if he’s coming or not, okay?” He pulled out his phone, typing something quickly. You watched him, arms crossed, tapping your foot against the marble floor like your life depended on it.  If you saw his face—his stupid, beautiful, infuriating face—you didn’t know what you’d do. 
Punch him? Scream? Run? The thought of him being here, so close, when you hadn’t even processed what was happening to you…
“Okay, he says—” He paused, squinting at his screen, “he’s not coming.”
The relief. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, shoulders sagging for just a second before you caught yourself. He’s not coming.
But why did it hurt? Perhaps a small part of you wanted him to show up—just to see you, just to care. The other part, however, didn’t. You didn’t want him anywhere near you, or this... this thing inside you.
“See?” Topper said, holding up his phone like it was some peace offering. “He’s not coming. Crisis averted.” He gave you this awkward, nervous smile, like he thought you might hit him again.
You forced a laugh, even though nothing about this was funny.
“Great. Awesome. Perfect,” you said through gritted teeth simultaneously smoothing your dress, and pushing your hair back over your shoulder, “Thanks, Top. Really. You’re a real lifesaver.”
He looked at you like he wasn’t sure if you were being sarcastic or not, but you didn’t care. The moment was over. You’d survived. 
You rolled your eyes as you turned away heading back toward your original group. Of course, Ruthie was still standing there her arms crossed, that smug little smirk on her face. She’d been watching the whole thing, no doubt about it. 
You could feel her nosy ass dissecting every single move you made. 
“He’s not here yet,” she hummed, her eyes narrowing just enough to piss you off. “Weird, right? Maybe he’s busy with Sofia.”
Of course, she brought up that fucking name. 
She was sniffing out blood in the water, as if she wasn’t just another Sarah Cameron knock-off. You could already picture it—the headlines, the whispers spreading through the audience, everyone talking about you. The legacy who ruined her own gala.
Kelce snorted, not even bothering to hide his amusement, because of course he thought this was all a joke. He never got it. None of them did.
You wished, for just a second, that you weren’t born into this pristine, high-society life. You felt so smothered by these expectations. If you were anyone else, if you weren’t some debutante raised on champagne and etiquette, you’d have punched her right there. You’d have knocked her straight to the floor and wiped that pretentious smile off her face with blood in front of every stuck-up rich asshole in the room. 
“I didn’t realize we were talking about her,” you said, voice like sugar, even though you knew Ruthie could sense the underlying warning in it,“But thanks, Ruthie, for always keeping me updated on things that don’t concern you.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t back down yet.
“Just making conversation. I mean, it is weird that he hasn’t shown up yet, right? Considering how close you two used to be. I’m sure it’s nothing, though.”
Kelce, that asshole, leaned in, "Come on, don't act like you’re over it." His eyes glanced down to your hand. "You’re shaking."
You were. You hadn’t even noticed.
But instead of acknowledging it, you shot him a look that could've killed. "Fuck off, Kelce."
They were trying to get you to admit you didn’t invite him. Well, they’d have to try harder. You’d been swimming around sharks since you were born, no one was going to fuck you over so easily.
“Uh-huh,” Ruthie said, not buying a word of it. Her eyes flicked between you and Topper, and you knew what she was doing. She was fishing. “You sure about that? You were giving him a look.”
You glanced at your cousin, who was still rubbing his ear like a toddler. “Just sorting out some... logistics for the gala,” you said, voice saccharine, but it felt like chewing on glass. “It’s nothing. Really.”
She arched a brow, her lips curling up in a knowing grin. She knew something was off. She always did. “Right,” she said slowly, drawing the word out like she was savoring it. “Because for a second there, it looked like you were about to explode.”
She was monitoring you so closely, you could feel it crawling up your skin.
“You know,” she sighed, like she cared. “If something’s going on you can tell me. I won’t say a word.”
That was rich. Ruthie, keeping a secret? You’d sooner trust a thief with your jewelry.  “I’m sure you wouldn’t,” you said, not keeping the sarcasm out of your voice. “But trust me, there’s nothing to tell.”
Ruthie’s pursed her lips, annoyed that she hadn’t managed to dig anything up, “Are you—”
You were two seconds away from shoving her into the nearest fountain. But instead, you took a deep breath, “You should worry less about me,” you advised her, “and more about that atrocious dress you’re wearing.”
The smile fell off her face so fast, it was glorious.
You didn’t wait for her to recover. You turned on your heel, and grabbed Topper by the arm.
As soon as you were far enough away, he let out a breath he’d been holding. “Jesus, I thought you were gonna deck her.”
You grinned, but there was no warmth in it. “I still might.”
He sighed, “She’s still my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, downgrading seems like a thing for you boys.”
Like a guardian angel sent from above, Lily appeared, stepping between you two with a concerned expression.
“Hey, hey,” she interrupted, glancing between you, “What was that about?”
You could see the caution in her eyes. She wasn’t stupid—Lily knew things between you and Rafe had been rocky, and she’d probably been sensing the tension the entire night. But right now, she was doing her best to defuse the earlier situation before it got any worse.
“Nothin’, just Ruthie being herself,” You dismissed, as you grabbed onto her forearm, “Let’s go.”
Lily blinked, startled by your urgency, but she didn’t argue. “Yeah, we should head backstage, the speech is coming up.”
“Bye Top. Stay the fuck away from the chocolate fountain.”
You could hear him whine in the back, “I did that shit once!”
Lily pulled you along through the ballroom, her arm linked with yours, quickening her pace to keep up with you as you nearly bolted toward the back of the venue. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” you bit out, though your voice didn’t even convince you. “I’m fine. I just need to get this speech over with.”
“Uh-huh,” She replied, clearly not convinced, but smart enough to drop it for now. “You got it, don’t worry.”
Finally, you made it to the side entrance that led backstage. The thick drapes and low lighting created a shield, giving you a small moment of privacy before the world demanded your attention again. 
Lily stood next to you, gently touching your arm, “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We can stall, or—”
“I have to,” you stopped her, rubbing a hand over your face, “I can’t—” You didn’t finish your sentence because you didn’t know how to say it. You had no choice.
Lily’s fingers squeezed your arm a little tighter. “Okay,” she said quietly, nodding. “But I’m here if you need me.”
You forced a smile, one that didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks,” you whispered, even though the words felt hollow in your mouth.
You appreciated her being here, really, but she was blissfully unaware of the pregnancy test in the trash can. 
Taking a deep breath, you adjusted your posture, straightened your dress, and ran a hand through your hair, reminding yourself that you’d been here before. You’d stood on that stage so many times.
This wasn’t new. You just had to get through it. 
One more speech. One more night. You glanced at Lily, gave her a quick nod, and stepped through the final curtain. Back into the spotlight. Back into the role you’d perfected so well—put together, poised, untouchable.
The low murmur of the gathering hummed in your ears, growing louder with every second. You weren’t ready. You were never going to be ready.
You just needed to remember how to breathe.
The speech was printed and sitting in your hands, it felt like dead weight. You hadn’t even read through it since you’d finished it hours ago, and now, the thought of standing in front of all those people, pretending to have it together—it felt impossible.
Then, in the corner of your eye, you saw him.
Rafe. 
He said he wasn’t coming. Topper said he wasn’t coming. But there he was, standing there, watching you just like he always had. 
You hadn’t even meant to look. You didn’t do it on purpose, perhaps it was muscle memory, always searching for him. He was standing in the same spot he usually took. Like nothing had changed.
As if he hadn’t ripped you apart.
You tried to focus, but your heart was racing, thundering in your ears. 
How dare he? How fucking dare he? Instantly you were back there, that messy, intoxicating space you swore you’d never return to. The one where he controlled the air you breathed. He looked so good. Too good, really. He was wearing a crisp navy suit that hugged his frame perfectly, hair buzzed again. 
You should’ve guessed he’d find a way back here, even after everything. 
“Are you ready?” Lily whispered beside you, her voice pulling you back from the brink of a breakdown. 
“Yeah.”
Your heart raced as you forced yourself to look back at Rafe.
He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t even pretending to look interested. He just stood there, his eyes locked on you, unreadable, unfathomable.
He was still watching you. It felt like could see through your polished exterior. He probably did. He knew you better than anyone else. You wondered what he saw—the confident girl who had always pulled off these events with ease or the terrified woman who was about to pass out from the pressure.
Then, he’s lips lifted slightly. That infuriating, devil-may-care almost there smirk that had made your heart stutter long before everything went to hell. It reminded you of nights spent tangled in sheets, whispers pressed against your skin under the cover of darkness, moments that felt like they belonged in a dream.
You wanted to throw the speech away and storm off the stage, leaving this whole night behind.
Instead, you cleared your throat and gripped the edges of the podium, the cool wood bringing you back to the world. 
The words were on the paper in front of you, but you didn’t need to look at them. You knew the speech by heart every year.  You’d written it yourself, after all—crafted it with care, knowing exactly what people needed to hear to make their checks bigger, to keep your father’s legacy alive.
It was just a matter of saying it without breaking.
A deep breath, and then you began.
“Good evening, everyone. Thank you so much for being here tonight.”
Your voice sounded better than what you felt, and you leaned into that, letting it carry you through the first few lines.
“We gather here every year for the same reason—to celebrate the incredible work this foundation does, and to honor the legacy of those who came before us. This foundation isn’t just a charity; it’s a tribute. A way to remember those we’ve lost and to carry their dreams forward. It’s about giving back to a community that gave so much to us.”
You paused, just for a moment, glancing down at the speech in your hands, feeling the overwhelming crush of what you’re about to say next.
“For me, this has always been personal.” Your voice softened as you continued, “Most of you are aware I lost my family a few years ago. My father started this foundation. His vision was always to make sure that no one was left behind, that we take care of our own. My mother helped build it. And my sister…” You hesitated, remembering how faultless she’d been, “She was always the heart of it.”
The room was utterly still now, everyone listening intently. 
“Tonight, as I stand here, I can’t help but think about how proud they would be of what we’ve accomplished. At least, I hope they’d be proud.”
You allowed yourself a small, bittersweet smile.
“My dad would’ve been in his element, making sure everything was spotless. And my mom, well, she’d probably tell me that the curtains were horrid and needed to be replaced immediately.”
The crowd gave a light laugh, the tension in the room dissipating just a little. You smiled, a real one this time, for the first time in weeks, picturing your mother in her no-nonsense way, criticizing every decoration like it was the most important thing in the world.
“I miss them every day,” you added, “And I’m certain I’m not the only one in this room who’s experienced that kind of loss. It changes you. But it also reminds you to live in a way that makes them proud. And that’s what tonight is about, continuing their work, continuing their legacy, and making sure we do right by them.”
Your grip on the podium loosened, and you looked up, making eye contact with the audience. 
“So, to everyone here tonight—thank you. Thank you for believing in this cause. Thank you for your generosity, your support, and your kindness. And thank you for helping me keep their memory alive.”
With that, you stepped back from the podium, the applause swelling around you, but all you could hear was the sound of your heart breaking.
It was over. You did it.
Automatically, your eyes flickered up toward the back corner, the spot where Rafe was standing. You never needed to look before; you’d always just known he’d be there. It was his silent promise to you since you were sixteen. Every gala, every speech—no matter what happened between the two of you—he was there.
But he wasn’t there anymore. The space was empty.  
This was what you wanted, you didn’t need him anymore. You were going to get through this on your own. It was the first time he wasn’t there to catch you like he’d always been.
You stood taller, and forced a smile, but as you started to step down from the stage, you felt it.
That stupid fucking warmth. 
His hand found your elbow as you and every nerve in your body screamed bloody murder. The applause was still buzzing in your ears, cameras flashing—none of it registered.
All you saw was him.
Three seconds. That was how close you were to snapping. Who the fuck let him in?
You yanked your arm away, the touch burning your skin like it was staining you. You didn’t say a word—just turned and headed straight for the back exit.
Behind you, you heard his footsteps.
Of course, he never knew when to stop, when to let you breathe.
“Can we just—” he was practically jogging after you, his voice strained. “Can we talk like fucking adults?”
You were already halfway down the hall, pulling off your earrings as you stormed toward your suite.
The fucking sheer audacity of this man. You couldn’t even process it—how he could stand there, with his fake-ass calm tone, chasing after you like you were the one being unreasonable.
You threw open the door to the suite you got ready in, the one that was supposed to be your sanctuary for the night and stepped inside, not bothering to close it behind you; you knew he was going to follow you in any way.
He was relentless like that.
You tossed the earrings onto the vanity and glanced up to see he was right behind you now, lingering in the doorway, as if unsure of how much further he could push before you exploded.
He looked at you like he was the victim in all this.
“Can you at least listen to me for a second?” It sounded like he was forcing himself to stay calm.
But that bite was so Rafe.
You spun around, your breath coming out harsh.
“Listen to you? Listen to you? You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but you were already pulling off your heels, the sharp tug at the straps doing nothing to calm your frustration.
He stood there, his eyes on you, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him for more than a second without feeling the betrayal flooding your chest.
Rafe was rubbing the back of his neck in that agitated way he did when he was frustrated.  “I came here because I didn’t want to leave things like that. I thought we could be civil—”
“Civil?” You nearly laughed, “You seriously think you can walk in here and be civil after everything?”
His eyes narrowed just a fraction. He moved on his feet, stepping further into the room, and you saw it—the way he rolled his shoulders like he was already preparing himself for a fight.  “I came to apologize.”
He ran a hand through his buzzed hair, the same agitated motion you’d seen a thousand times as if he was trying to smooth out the mess in his head.
Your hands stopped mid-motion, your necklace halfway off. You looked at him like he’d lost his mind. "Apologize for what, exactly?" 
“For calling you dramatic.” He exhaled like he was doing something noble by saying it. As if he was doing you a favor. “For that text. I was drunk, didn’t mean it.”
He wasn’t apologizing for ghosting you. He wasn’t apologizing for her. 
You stared at him, completely floored. He was serious, he thought this was some kind of peace offering. The fact that he thought an apology for that would fix anything? Insane.
“You think this is about that?” You cackled, chucking one shoe to the side, not caring where it landed, and the other followed right after. “Oh my god, Rafe, you are so fucking clueless.”
His expression changed then, brows furrowed, “I’m trying to make things right,” he mutters. “I don’t want you out of my life, okay?”
You threw the necklace somewhere on the ground, your patience gone. “You were the one who pushed me away. You don’t get to waltz in here and act like we can just fix things because you finally feel bad about it.”
He stepped closer, looming over you now, his lips curling into that sneer. “I’m trying to give you a chance to be friends—”
Give you? Like you were some charity case to him? As if you should be thankful.
“I don’t want to be your friend!” You growled in his face, stepping forward and jabbing your finger into his chest,  “I’d rather set myself on fire than be your friend, so you can take that chance and shove it up your ass.”
His hand came up to run along his head again, and you saw the way his fingers curled into his scalp like he was trying not to give in to his impulsive thoughts. His breathing was heavier now, too, chest rising and falling quickly.  
“Why are you being so difficult?” he snapped, and there it was—the familiar, accusatory edge in his voice. “After what you said about my dad—”
The reason.
The thing that broke you two this time, the thing he’d been holding over your head. You saw the hurt in his eyes, the one thing he hadn’t let go of.
You told him the truth and now it had become the scar he wouldn’t stop picking at. He was hurt. And he was angry, because you’d finally told him the truth about his dad, and it shattered that fake picture he had in his head. 
“You’re gonna bring that up right now?” Your voice was so quiet it nearly scared you. “After all the shit you’ve put me through, that’s what you’re mad about?”
“You don’t get to talk about him like that,” he growled, stepping forward. “That’s why we broke up. Because you don’t fucking get it.”
But Sofia did, right? 
That was fucking hilarious. She didn’t grow up listening to Ward’s bullshit. Didn’t see the kind of things he’d say or did to his oldest child. 
Of course, she would take his side. She didn’t know better. 
You shook your head, “No, we broke up because you didn’t like me telling the truth. Your dad was a piece of shit, and you know it.”
For a moment, the air went deadly still between you. You could sense his hurt, the way it sneaked between every bitter word.
Then, he did it—the thing you knew he would, that thing that made your blood boil. 
Rafe pulled at the back of his neck again, looking like he might’ve ground his teeth to dust. “Oh, I get it now,” he says, his voice thick with condescension. “You’re jealous.”
Your whole body went borderline rigid, like a door, locked in place.
He was standing there, offering you friendship like a pity prize, calling you jealous when you were standing there broken, trying not to fall apart because of him.
“Jealous?” you repeated, in disbelief. “Of your little pogue girlfriend? Please, fucking spare me. You want me to throw a penny at her?”
He stepped closer, his breath quickening. "She’s real, okay? She’s not some polished barbie pretending in front of everyone, just to fall apart behind closed doors."
Ouch. But you could do worse. 
"Real huh?" You scoffed, the bitterness in your chest taking over. "Is that what you call it? Someone who doesn’t know the difference between caviar and fucking canned tuna? That’s the 'real' you’ve been slumming it with?"
"At least she doesn’t care about any of this," he snapped, gesturing to the glittering gala that surrounded you both. "She’s not obsessed with keeping up appearances.”
A cold laugh escaped your lips. He must’ve forgotten to look in the mirror today.
"God, you’re so delusional. Do you think I wanted any of this?” You shot him a look that could cut through steel. "I’m not the one faking it. You are. You are still so desperate for Daddy’s approval that you can’t even see what a fucking mess you are."
Rafe's hands flexed at his sides, his fingers twitching. His nostrils flared, and he tilted his head to the side, running his tongue over his teeth like he always did when he was trying to stay calm.”
"I’m not afraid of who I am," His lips barely moved as he spoke, rolling his shoulders back again, standing to his full height. "You spend so much time trying to be perfect, you don’t even know who you are anymore."
He leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin, like a predator sizing you up, his eyes locked on yours. You could see his jaw clench, his chest rising and falling with every shallow breath as he tried to keep his composure.
You took a step closer, your chest brushing against his, your heart pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears. His gaze flicked downward, scanning your face.
"Is that a joke? You spend so much time trying to be your father, you’ve lost yourself. Do you think I don’t see it? You’re so fucking empty without his approval,” Your voice dipped lower, “You’re so pathetic it’s almost sad."
He clenched his jaw again, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. He took a sharp breath through his nose, staring you down with a look that was all Rafe—volatile, unreadable, on the edge of breaking.
Right then and there, Lily burst into the room, her wide eyes taking in the scene like a bomb had just gone off.
"Okay! What is going on in here?" she demanded, her voice sharp but layered with concern. “I could hear you two in the hallway. If something happened, this is not the place to deal with it.”
 “You wanna know what happened, Lily?” you started, almost laughing with disbelief. “This motherfucker started seeing someone behind my back. Two months—two fucking months—with no real closure, no answers. And he’s off fucking some pogue.”
“It’s not like that,” He scoffed, pointing a finger in your direction as he took a few steps back, "Don't drag Sofia into this.”
His posture screamed defensiveness, and all you could think was how much you hated the way he said her name. It made you want to throw up, it felt like someone was taking a rusty nail and dragging it down your spine. 
He said it so casually, so carelessly, as if it hadn’t ripped you apart. It was the way he said it, with that hint of affection, like she was this delicate, shiny little thing he was protecting, and you—you—were just a threat he had to deal with.
"I'll drag the fucking Pope into this if I have to.”
You were the one who had been there through all his bullshit, you were the one who held him together when everything in his life was falling apart. Now, suddenly, she was the one he spoke about softly. Like she mattered.
It was insulting. 
“Guys!”
Lily stepped between you both, throwing her hands up as if she were separating two wild animals about to rip each other apart.
“Please, please calm down. Rafe, I think you should leave. Now."
He looked like he wanted to say more, you knew he had a million things screaming at him beneath the surface, but for once, he stayed silent. Maybe it was the fact that Lily was there, or maybe he finally realized you weren’t going to bite into his bullshit excuses and provocations.
Whatever it was, he took a step back, shaking his head. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, storming past Lily and out of the room.
You could hear the distant sound of the door slamming as he left.
The moment he was gone, you felt your breath coming out in shallow gasps. Your heart dropped to your stomach, your pulse racing.
Lily turned to you; her face full of concern. She reached out and grabbed your shoulders gently.
“Hey,” she whispered, her voice soothing, “Breathe. Just breathe.”
You pressed a hand to your chest, your breath hitching. Pregnant. You were pregnant with his kid, and this was what you got in return.
No peace. No calm. 
Your chest tightened, your vision blurring.  
“Hey, hey,” She cooed again, her hands on your arms, grounding you. “You’re okay. We’re going to figure this out. Just breathe, okay?”
You couldn’t believe you’d let it get this far—couldn’t believe you were even in this situation.
There was no way you were having his kid.
Absolutely not.
You didn’t even have to think about it. The decision had been made the second he’d defended her and insulted you like you were sidewalk littering.
Tomorrow, you’d take care of it. You’d book the appointment and that would be that. Clean break, no more ties to Rafe Cameron, no more staying in that fucked up twisted cycle with him.
“I really think you need to sit down and breathe for a second. You’re scaring me sweetheart, and honestly, this isn’t good for you.”
Once again, you pondered telling her everything—about breaking down and spilling every ugly detail. But that would make it real.
Your designer dress clung to you in all the wrong ways, as if even the fabric could understand the order going changes in your body. 
“Whoever let him in, I want them fired.”
You spat suddenly gaining momentary strength to ruin lives. It wasn’t just a demand; it was an execution order. 
The quiet threat of it was more terrifying than your screaming would have been. 
Tomorrow, you’d make sure this nightmare ended before it could begin. 
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dante-mightdie ¡ 1 month ago
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long awaited part three of lowselfesteem!reader and simon
part two
invisible clothes
that’s what you called them, the rags you don when you have to integrate with the general population but you would much rather not be noticed. clothing that is so bland that it isn’t nice enough catch an eye but not hideous enough to catch any negative attention
you had told simon about them once, when he called you out on wearing them every time you stepped out in public, including your dates with him. especially since he knew you had a very elaborate wardrobe with a tailored sense of style
clearly they aren’t invisible enough to hide you from johnny’s guilty eyes from across the store aisle. you sigh when he comes up to you, tapping your shoulder to get your attention. he shifts uncomfortably on his feet
“I know ye probably hate ma guts, lass but ye should ken that simon shut down all of that bet talk after your first date. Ah just bring et up to annoy ‘im.” johnny says, with a nervous chuckles at the end. you don’t laugh alongside him
“okay, fair enough. look, he’s miserable without ye! he comes to the pub just to get pished and mope about how he fucked it all up with ye.” johnny continues, a pleading look in his eyes, “he’s supposed to he coming by to drop off some things of yours tomorrow. just hear him out, please, lass.”
you roll your eyes at him, continuing to grab what you need from the shelves in front of you. not even bothering to look him in the eyes when you finally begin to speak
"why should I? why am I always expected to think of other people even when they hurt me? you and simon didn't think about me or my feelings when you made your stupid bet. neither of you stopped to consider that I was just a person who simply wanted to be left alone." you say with a scoff, "he'll be lucky if I don't slam the door in his face."
johnny shifts on his feet, looking down at the floor since he feels too uncomfortable to look directly at you, "fair enough. take care've yerself, hen."
you bite back tears as you watch him skulk off in the corner of your eye. you stand there for a few more minutes, staring at the stacked shelves in front of you to distract you from the war raging inside of your head
-
it's late at night, nearly midnight, when there's a knock at your door. you let out a sigh, already knowing who was disturbing your doomscrolling at this hour. and when you open the door, you see him. you’re brooding prick of an ex-boyfriend. he at least has the decency to look guilty, like a dog caught ripping up the couch cushions
except he wasn’t a dog, he was the love of your life. and your heart isn’t so easily replaced like a cushion. though he definitely treated it like somewhere to rest his head
“hey.”
you scoff, you’re not sure why. there isn’t anything inherently wrong with what he said but it still annoyed you. he annoyed you. with his stupid stormy eyes and his stupid jokes and freckled shoulders that you used to connect like dots late at night
“just give me my stuff and go, simon. don’t have time for this bullshit.”
he doesn’t flinch. he saw that hit coming, and sometimes you gotta let them swing at you especially when you know that you deserve much worse
the exchange is quick, a box with small memories passed over to you. a couple items of clothing, a book and some toiletries. before you can slam the door in his face, he jams his heavy boot into it
“wait… love, I… there’s somethin’ else. I never gave it to you but it’s yours. got it for you and I’ll never give it to anyone else.”
the glare you give him only falters when he places a small velvet box in your hand, he pauses the speech you can definitely feel coming on. looking at you expectantly to open it. you do, waiting for him to laugh at you when you find nothing in there. ridicule you for even thinking he would consider making you his wife
but all he does it look on solemn, the beautiful ring twinkling as a devastating reminder of what could have been
“I kno’ I ‘ave no right to ask. I wouldn’t insult you like tha’ lovie. you can hate me, I deserve it. but you don’t deserve it. I won’t let you hurt yourself over what I did. you deserve to know the real extent of how bad I fucked up. maybe it’ll help to look at tha’ ring and know that I’ll spend the rest of my life having to know I lost the woman who should be my wife.”
there’s no chance to respond, not like you’d know what to say anyway,
“I’m sorry.”
and then he’s gone.
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snowballseal ¡ 7 months ago
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Pretty Bird
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Sylus X Reader
Summary: Sylus is jealous of you giving Mephisto attention. That's it. You tease him when you find out.
Word Count: 2123
Note: Nothing really, hope I did him justice! His dialogue is a little harder for me to nail down.
---
The first time it happens is when you cross to the N109 Zone to accompany Sylus on an “errand”.
The first thing you do when you reach the ornate, empty house - of course - is say hello to your favorite bird.
“Hey there pretty bird.”
Mephisto squawks, bobbing excitedly on his perch as you bound up to him. You grin and give the crow a gentle scratch on his head. He preens under your touch, mechanical feathers fluffing with another quiet, scruffy caw. Adorable.
Despite his unnerving gaze, which you find to be eerily similar to a certain Onychinus leader, you can’t help but love the little bird. For some reason, it always comforts you a little bit to see him perched outside your apartment, or following you around Linkon. He always tries to act like he’s not spying on you, but you know he is, and you know he’s going to report right back to Sylus. Maybe that’s why it’s comforting.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to sway his loyalties.”
Speak of the devil.
“As if,” you snicker, giving the bird one final scratch before spinning on your heels to face Sylus. He sits across the room in one of his big armchairs, eyes glued to the gun he’s loading, face carefully blank. As always. You saunter over and pop yourself onto the arm of the chair, bumping his shoulder. “You know Mephisto doesn’t listen to anyone but you. I’m just like the fun mom who gives him things.”
His lips twitch ever so slightly, “Mmm, does that make me your husband in this situation?”
Heat creeps up your cheeks.
You are no stranger to Sylus’ flirty nature. That’s how things have always been between you, though it only really gets to you now. Before, when you kind of hated his guts, it was just annoying. Well, maybe even then-
“You wish,” you retort, but there’s no hiding the blush painting your cheeks.
“Hm, I thought you knew me better than that, sweetie.” In an instant, his hand curls around your wrist, giving it a sharp tug that knocks you off balance. You let out an undignified squeak, tumbling right into his lap. And before you can squirm away, Sylus locks an arm over your legs, keeping you trapped against him. Those red eyes freeze you in place, dark and warm with mischief. “Why would I wish for something I could so easily take?”
You stare at him, eyes blown wide, face completely red now. You can’t even form any words in response, which seems to amuse him even more. A smirk curls his lips, and he gives your hip a playful pinch.
“What? Crow got your tongue, sweetie?”
You sputter, finally finding your voice, “Sylus!”
“Good. Now that you’re focused, we can go handle business.” Sylus sets you on the ground, making sure you’re steady before he stands nonchalantly and tucks his gun in its holster. Like nothing just happened! “We don’t want to be late now, do we?”
Before you can even say anything more, he’s heading for the door. It takes a few seconds to shake yourself from your  state of shock, and then you’re quickly following after him.
“Sylus-!”
He cuts you off, that stupid, attractive smirk still on his lips, “And by the way, try not to spoil Mephisto too much, sweetie. He’s grown rather petulant when you’re not around.”
You’re pretty sure your blush sticks around for the entire car ride after.
---
The second time is when you visit on one of your off days. 
When you get there, Sylus is still asleep. You take a moment to crouch by his bed, a fond smile adorning your lips as you take in his peaceful face. You remember when he used to sleep sitting up, so he was ready for anything, but now he looks relaxed. Though you still spot the gun tucked under his bed.
Deciding not to bother him, you quietly make your way back out to the living room and grab a book. It’s about the only way to pass time in the N109 Zone, at least, without getting yourself into anything dangerous. As soon as you sit down, Mephisto flaps across the room and lands on your arm, plopping himself down into your lap like a cat.
A giggle escapes you when the crow throws his head back, looking up at the most awkward angle you can imagine. You give his beak a little rub, and he makes a soft clicking sound, beady red eyes falling shut.
“I swear, it’s almost like you’re a crow with cat programming,” you hum, mostly to yourself. Mephisto ruffles his feathers, though, at the word ‘cat’, eyes flashing back open. You snort, easing a hand over his wings, “No worries, pretty bird, no cats. I’m just kidding.”
He settles back down, seemingly embarrassed by his reaction, which only makes you want to coddle him more. So cute. If only Sylus would be this cute with you. Heat tinges your cheeks at the thought of the tall man resting against your lap, looking up at you with softly narrowed eyes, humming in content as you pet his ha-
Snapping your book open, you throw yourself into the story in hopes of banishing such rogue thoughts. If Sylus knew what you were imagining, he would tease you for years. You really don’t want to feed his ego even more. Mephisto wedges himself between your arm and your side, happy to just fall asleep as you read, oblivious to your inner turmoil.
It doesn’t take you long to actually get immersed in the storyline, though. So much so that you don’t hear the steps coming up behind you.
“It seems you come here more often to spend time with Mephisto than with me.”
You practically jump out of your skin when a strong arm circles your shoulders. Sylus’ voice is a low rumble in your ear, thick with sleep. He leans over the back of your chair, and you narrowly miss the way he eyes the bird in your lap with distaste. He looks far too content curled up on your lap.
“I didn’t want to bother you while you were sleeping,” you hum, closing the book.
He grumbles, sleepy eyes shifting to bore into you. The smallest pout pulls at his lips, and you have to stifle a giggle as you reach up to smooth down his messy hair. Sylus leans into your touch, much like Mephisto did, his eyes flickering shut. Okay, maybe he is just as cute.
“Are you mad I didn’t come cuddle with you?” You tease. Sleepy Sylus is definitely your favorite Sylus. “I didn’t know the big, bad Onychinus leader likes to snuggle.”
“It’s simply to ensure you don’t cause trouble in the N109 Zone,” he murmurs, still just as quick-witted though he’s half-asleep, “I can’t have my kitten wandering around all by herself, now can I?”
“I was just reading, Sylus. No trouble here.”
“Hmm, then you might as well come read in bed.”
You hesitate, fingers tracing along his jaw lightly, “You sure I won’t disturb your sleep?”
Those dark eyes blink back open lazily, a rare, genuine smile dancing in their depths, “Trust me, kitten, my sleep will be much better with you at my side.”
God, you’re weak for this man. Mephisto squawks his complaints as you lift him from your lap, but takes off to his perch without much fight. Sylus feels a flash of victory as you intertwine your fingers. The sensation of your small hand in his eases the strange tightness in his chest whenever you’re apart. He curls his other arm around you possessively, sending the bird a smug smirk.
You catch it this time, lifting a brow as you glance between him and Mephisto. Your brain stalls. Was he…jealous? No way. There’s no way Sylus would be jealous of you spending time with his bird. He’s more mature than that…or maybe not, you realize as he drags you back to his bed, only to lay himself over you like a large cat, using your lap as his pillow. Exactly as you imagined.
Your heart flutters a little, which you’re sure he hears somehow, because he squeezes your waist teasingly. You pinch his cheek lightly before running your fingers through his snowy hair. It’s always softer than you expect.
“Go to sleep, Sylus,” you murmur, voice far too fond, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He hums, and you can feel the sound vibrate through his body. Almost like a purr.
God, you don’t even have a chance, do you?
---
The final time is when you visit the N109 Zone to attend another auction with Sylus. And this time, you catch him in it.
“Where’s Mephisto?”
Sylus’ face sours at your question. You bite back a smile.
Ever since the day you spent napping in his room, you haven’t been able to escape that thought swirling in the back of your mind. So you decided to test your theory. Sylus is always messing with you, afterall. It’s only fair you get a bit of revenge.
“I sent him out to gather intel,” Sylus huffs eventually. Why do you always look for that d***  bird first? “That is his purpose, afterall.”
“Oh.” You feign sadness, letting out a long sigh. “That’s too bad! I brought him some treats.”
“Well, you can leave them here. I’m sure he’ll eat them later,” he says, voice dismissive as he fixes the cuffs of his coat.
“Hmm-” You slowly make your way over to him. Those perceptive eyes narrow on you, watching you carefully while you straighten his collar. “Will he be here later? Maybe I can give them to him after the auction. I miss my pretty bird.” 
Amusement curls in your chest when you see the man’s brows twitch ever so slightly. He’s really annoyed. Now you understand why he loves pushing your buttons so much.
“No, I’m afraid he’ll be busy all night.” You can practically hear him gritting his teeth. Almost there. You keep your eyes focused on his coat, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. He’s trying to figure you out and you’re scared that if you look up, the laughter you're holding back will break loose. Instead, you put on an exaggerated pout.
“That’s unfortunate. I was really hoping to see him tonight.”
Sylus growls. Actually growls in annoyance.
“Would you prefer to have Mephisto on your arm tonight instead of me?” His words come out biting and harsh, tinged with unmistakable jealousy.
The air goes silent.
Before you burst into a fit of giggles. Sylus’ eyes widen when you collapse against his chest, your entire body shaking with laughter. He freezes, though his confusion quickly gives way to realization. 
You were playing with him.
“I suppose this is some form of revenge,” he hums, shaking his head. It’s surprising it took him so long to catch on. With anyone else, he’d be beyond angry, but your laughter is so bright, so infectious, that he can’t stop the small smile that pulls at his lips. When you finally look up at him, tears glint in the corners of your eyes. Who thought this would amuse you so much?
“You’re jealous! The Sylus is jealous of a little bird. His bird.” You bite down on your lip in an attempt to muffle the giggles that keep coming, but it doesn’t do much to help. It’s just too much for you. You never ever thought you’d see Sylus actually jealous of someone, let alone an animal.
Sylus narrows his eyes, though they glow with a certain fondness. “Such a sadist, sweetie, messing with a man’s heart so lightly.”
“Oh, but your reaction was so adorable,” you sing, reaching up to poke his cheek. He playfully bites at your finger, making you draw it back quickly with another laugh. “Just the fact that you could even think I like Mephisto more than you is so silly. I couldn’t help myself.”
“Hmm, then I’m afraid you’ll just have to prove my silly conclusion wrong, won’t you?” His hands settle on your waist, drawing you closer to the warmth of his body. You oblige him, stretching your arms up and around his neck to draw him down.
“Of course. I can’t have my pretty bird walking around thinking he’s second best,” you tease, fingers curling through his hair. “Even if he has a jealousy prob-”
“Quiet.”
Anything else you say is muffled as Sylus finally kisses you.
Safe to say, after that, you make sure to give Sylus extra attention, especially when Mephisto is around. (Though you do still sneak him treats when Sylus isn’t looking.)
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lokissweater ¡ 7 months ago
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“i would never lie to you.”
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{toge inumaki x f!reader}
summary: inumaki’s always coming home to you from missions coughing up mass amounts of blood and completely overdoing it while fighting curses with his cursed speech technique. and no matter how many times you tell him to be careful, he just doesn’t, arguing with him, giving him the cold shoulder, and completely unaware of the reason behind why he fights so hard when he’s out there— that reason being of course… because of you.
warnings: angst, fluff, cursing, toge and reader have a lil argument but it’s more the aftermath, slight sexual mention but it’s literally once and nothing LOL, no smut!, toge thinks he’s not doing enough SNIFFF, angst with comfort, toge is DEVOTED to you, aged up characters, pet names, afab!reader.
word count: 2.3k
authors note: short n sweet one!! wanted to give you guys a break from my MLA format essays i always make y’all read LMFAOOO!! this one is SHO SOFT AHHHH :] i hope this keeps you guys fed in the meantime while i write the next one! i love you and i love you all ALWAYS MWAAHH <33
————————————————————————
toge inumaki hates it when you don’t talk to him.
as if he doesn’t do that enough already, toge absolutely despises when you both get into arguments or heated discussions and you turn a cold shoulder to him— needing space to unwind and prevent yourself from lashing out even more, to let the situation simmer down.
he understands it. believe him he does— you’re upset and angry and you need time to cool off… but toge is stubborn and needy and just doesn’t care, needing you and only you, him going absolutely crazy at the silence in your shared apartment that he was starting to hear random ringing in his ear drums.
so as he sat on the couch, eyes unblinking as they stared off into the darkness of the living room as the sun had already began to set, you upstairs locked away— he wanted nothing more than to open his mouth and let his cursed speech force you to come downstairs and talk to him.
but he didn’t, though the thought was definitely tempting, as toge vowed the day that he laid eyes on you to never ever use his cursed technique on you, even if it was harmless, an oath he wanted to carry with him until his very death bed and until he was six feet under.
his ears perked up then at the quiet sounds of the upstairs room door knob twisting and clicking open, soft padded footsteps making their way down the hall and closer to where he was, feet sticking against the cold tiles of the kitchen floor.
at the sight of you with your hair a little disheveled, your eyes so red and puffy, and an arm wrapped around yourself as you rummaged through the fridge looking for fuck knows what and not sparing a single glance at him— toge felt like a fifty pound gutting weight was resting on his chest and crushing his heart.
you had both argued about something you always seemed to circle back to almost every week. but this time, you were sick and tired and fed up, seeing as toge was never going to try and understand the situation at hand through your worried eyes.
every time toge was out for a mission, you would spend your days anxiously throwing yourself over the couch or trying to keep yourself busy with random activities like baking or scrapbooking (which you deemed later meaningless), all within the sole purpose of trying to get your mind off of your boyfriend and the recklessness he always seemed to pull while on missions, regardless of how much you begged and pleaded with him to be more careful and aware of his health.
toge inumaki had such a powerful and lethal cursed technique that frightened and astonished you all at the same time, a conflicting feeling to have when he had to leave you in the middle of the night or during the early hours of the morning to run around and fight curses… but always coming home to you warm and loving and safe.
but not right now.
not when toge had literally come home this morning with not even two steps in the door and he was already on his knees, coughing up strings and loads of crimson blood, it pooling on the floor as he had used his cursed speech to the highest degree today and had you a crying mess thinking he was dying.
and he always did that. always. today was just the worst of them all, him without a fault coming home with excruciating pain in his bruised and clawed up throat, the cough syrup medicine he usually downed like water having absolutely no effect anymore as you scrambled around every time trying to find a solution, toge brushing off your distressed and frightened rambling as if his health wasn’t a big deal, and as if how much it affected you wasn’t a big deal either.
upon you closing the fridge, toge slowly stood from the couch and carefully walked over to you, his throat still in pieces but his mind lurching and guilty over how upset you were at him.
he slowly raised a gentle hand and placed it on your shoulder, you shaking your head somberly in response— your back to him.
“i don’t wanna talk right now toge i’m sorry…” you mumbled, rubbing over your tired sore eyes.
he squeezed your shoulder, insisting.
but you only shook your head again.
toge huffed and placed both hands on your shoulders this time, physically turning you around to face him— his eyes soft and his eyebrows pinched together in pure concern for you.
you peeked up reluctantly, but the sight of his face and the events from earlier flashing through your mind only made your bottom lip wobble and the bottom of your palms shoot up to dig into your eyes, more stinging tears flooding in and slipping through the corners of your closed lids.
his heart fucking broke.
“why don’t you care toge?” you hiccuped. “i worry myself sick every time you leave for a mission and— and that’s fine because it’s what you do but you never take care of yourself!”
he gently pried your shaking hands away from your eyes and wiped your tears softly with his thumbs, caressing your cheeks after— wishing so badly, more than anything in this fucking world, to just be able to speak to you like a normal human being instead of resorting to words scrambled on a piece of paper or text messages on a screen.
he gently placed a little timid peck to your nose before releasing your face and fumbling around in his pockets for his phone, tapping it awake once he retrieved it and opening his notes app to write out a sentence.
he flipped and faced the screen towards you, the brightness making you squint a bit.
“i do care i swear. i just always forget when i’m in the middle of it and i’m sorry baby.”
“so you keep forgetting after what feels like the fifteenth time i’ve told you?” you wiped more tears from your cheeks. “how— how do you think it makes me feel when you come home and you’re coughing up blood all over your clothes and the furniture huh? all over me?”
he sighed softly through his nose and went to type again, but you continued.
“i get scared toge that one day you’ll push yourself way too far and then you just won’t come home. you scare me when you cough up so much blood like that!—”
toge tugged you in then with his unoccupied hand and wrapped his arms around you, pushing your head in and stuffing your face against his chest— the scent of his freshly washed t-shirt filling your nose as you cried softly.
fuck he felt like such a douche.
he typed for a moment behind your head, a pit in his stomach that only grew in size the longer he heard your little sniffles.
toge pulled back a bit, his arms still keeping you in place but just enough so that he could lower his phone and show you his message.
“please please don’t cry. i’m really sorry okay i really am and honest to god this won’t happen again.”
you nodded meekly and he flipped his phone back, quickly typing again and showing you once he finished.
“i feel like you think i don’t care but that’s not true at all. part of the reason why i try so hard when i work is because the more curses i fuck up the safer you’ll be when you’re out there without me.”
you laughed a bit at his wording, and he beamed at that, typing.
“i love you pretty girl. and im sorry i always get blood everywhere.”
“oh i don’t care about the mess baby, i care about youu,” you whined lightly and wrapped your arms around his torso, pulling him in tight.
“and i love you too, a lot… like an embarrassing amount that strips away my dignity.”
he chuckled boyishly and pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head, his body stuttering slightly as a single thought grazed his mind— the same thought that’s been in the crevices of his brain since he asked you to be his.
you felt his tension and pulled back.
“what?”
toge bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you, his weight shifting as he contemplated telling you something he didn’t want to burden or upset you with, the pad of his thumb softly rubbing over your chubby cheek.
you quirked an eyebrow. “what? are you cheating on me?”
he burst out laughing and shook his head, kissing your forehead before dropping his hand from your cheek and pulling out his phone again.
he typed for a minute then showed you.
“me not being able to speak to you like a normal boyfriend should or respond to you whenever makes me freaking useless. so i push myself out there to keep you safe because that’s literally the least i can do for you, since i can’t even do the bare minimum.”
you gasped softly. “toge huh? this is—”
he shook his head once more and you stopped as he typed again.
“i always try to make you laugh with the things that i do or whenever i text you because i’m afraid that one day you’ll get tired of me not being able to talk to you and you’ll leave. which is also something i would never blame you for and understand.”
your heart squeezed in the worst excruciatingly way possible, completely baffled and mortified to the fact that toge was thinking about things like this and wholeheartedly believing it without you noticing or him saying anything to you about it.
he typed again.
“that’s why i cosplay as gojo when i leave for missions and come back a dumbass with blood in my mouth. that’s why i forget when you tell me to be careful because the need to be something for you is way fucking greater.”
“togeee!” you sobbed, bursting out crying like a little baby as you were moved and haunted by his words simultaneously, your arms engulfing him as he desperately shot his hands out and quickly wiped your tears again, shaking his head frantically as if pleading with you not to cry.
“how could you ever believe that?” you nudged him away and hiccuped, your eyes serious. “why haven’t you told me about this? everything you just said is literally propaganda.”
he chuckled, but you could tell he wasn’t convinced.
“toge, why do you think i’ve been with you for so long? do you think i’m just dicking around?”
“dicking around on my dick?”
you swatted his phone away. “no! not right now.”
you both shared a small giggle, twinkling eyes looking at each other.
“if i felt like you weren’t doing even the bare minimum, i would’ve been gone before you had the chance to put this ring on—”
his gaze drifted down to the black shiny heart promise ring on your ring finger that you held up for him, and he smiled softly.
“baby what you do for me everyday is above and beyond the bare minimum. i’m happy. i’m so happy to be with you that you not doing enough has never crossed my mind and it never will.”
you slid your arms around his neck and pulled him down a little, gently. “i’ve never cared about your ability to speak. i fell in love with you, who you are, and the fact that i did without you having to iterate words to me? olympic sport.”
toge rolled his eyes playfully at your comment, and you stood on your tippy toes and kissed the tip of his pretty nose then. “all men do when they talk is lie anyways…” you tilted your head. “but i know you’ll never lie to me.”
“never.” he mouthed silently.
he bundled you up in his arms and lifted you like you were nothing, him carefully leaning in and pressing his lips to yours as if you were a fragile little thing— kissing you so devotedly, warmly, his forehead resting against yours once he pulled apart after greedily getting his daily fix of you.
“i know your job as a jujutsu sorcerer pays the bills and comes with you putting yourself in difficult situations… and my job doesn’t even compare, but please don’t overdo it for my sake. i want you to come home, okay?”
you know it’s selfish… he should be saving lives no matter the cost.
but he was your man. was it so bad to just want to keep him for the rest of your days? to get the chance to grow old with him, and buy a little quiet house on the country side like you always joked about in the late hours of the night with him? drinking cool glasses of lemonade on the porch?
“please don’t always be the hero.” you whispered guiltily. “but if you must… just keep me in mind while you do it.”
you’re always on his mind. he hopes you know that.
toge breathed softly through his nose and smoothly set you back down, the pads of your feet making contact with the icy tile flooring as his hands dragged up from around your waist to the sides of your head, him pushing a hard kiss to your cheek as if to seal your request.
“do you promise?” you mumbled.
he pulled back and held his little pinky out for you, and you giggled, linking yours with his firmly.
“you can’t go back on it okay? you used your pinky it’s legally binding!” you warned, a silly smile on your face. “don’t lie to me and break it.”
toge grinned and leaned towards you as he bent down a bit— your gaze locking with his as he looked at you at eye level with his hands on his knees, him mouthing his next words, slowly.
words that made your cheeks buzz a cutesy pink, words that he took seriously, and words that tied you to him and the little house by the countryside he wanted so badly with you, as those words solidified how much he truly truly loved you— him hoping you always knew.
“i would never lie to you.” he mouthed.
taglist!! <33: @saebaey
4K notes ¡ View notes
caramelkoo ¡ 2 months ago
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no questions asked— jjk
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Jeon jungkook wants nothing more than to get settled with his girlfriend, but what if her fear of commitment makes him take a step back? Will he do it, or will he be able to changer her mind for good?
pairing : Jungkook X reader
genre : established relationship, smut, fluff
word count : 6.6k (im begging for forgiveness)
Based on this ask <33
warnings : nsfw, strong language, mature, oc is an anxious girly (same), mentions of emotionally unavailable parents, jungkook is a man of dreams, simp boyfriend jungkook, car sex, unprotected sex (be safe), begging, reference of titanic if you squint, yeah that's pretty much it.
a/n : this took million business days lmao but finally it's here. the sweetest anon requested a drabble but i couldn't do it and as much as i tried to make it shorter, it got stretched to 6k words 😭 so im deeply sorry anon. the rest of you who enjoy longer fics, dig in. I love you guys so much, you might not know this but yall are my besties for resties. kisses. 💌
˚୨୧⋆。˚
Your boyfriend is going to propose to you.
Oh god
Oh. my. God.
Anxiety is not a foreign feeling for you. Although this time, it’s an indescribable sort. Something which is lingering in the deepest pit of your stomach for a lack of better word. Besides, there’s a mayhem inside your head, the voices are loud and intimidating, causing you to bite your lip to a point where they bleed while also staring at nothing. 
Jungkook has been nothing but secretive— the poor boy has no idea that you have already seen the navy blue box sitting inside his side of the drawer. You can swear it was totally unintentional.
In your defense, you had been searching for your glasses and that was the only place left to fish around. Nobody could have prepared you for the utter shock when your eyes fell on that box and so for a minute or two you just stood there, horrifyingly still and stunned. However, you recovered quickly, because to be quite honest it was about time one of you mustered up enough courage to ask the question.
It’s supposed to make you thrilled right? So why does something feel… off? 
“Penny for your thoughts?”, as soon as Cherry’s voice reaches your ears, you snap out of it and flash her a forced smile. 
“Yeah-” you begin, “Yeah uh- I’m just thinking about nothing in particular.” 
“_____ you’re an amazing girl but you gotta work on those lying skills.”
A chuckle leaves your mouth. You shouldn’t even have bothered in the first place, the girl can read you like a book. 
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours huh?” 
She picks up the book before scanning it with the barcode scanner all the while you marvel if you should tell her or just let it go, but then you also know how she would become a pain in the ass if you don’t spill the beans to her. Anyway, she can;t make you overthink it any more than you already have. 
You bite your lower lip before saying, “I feel like Jungkook is going to propose.” 
If looks alone could kill, you would have been buried deep by now with the way the man wearing an olive green cardigan, probably in his 50s, gives you side eye when Cherry drops the book with a loud thud on the counter. 
You wince.
“I’m sorry what?” 
When you subtly signal her to pick what she’s dropped, she takes a hold of the book, apologizes to the man who— you’re hundred percent sure hates your guts now, and resumes her work. 
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Ha! Girl you better start telling me more or none of us are going home today.”
She’s talking to you but her hands keep shuffling between scanning the books and expeditiously typing on the keyboard.
A spark of hesitation finds a way inside your heart. The thing is, you’re not sure. Do you want to marry the love of your life? Absolutely. Do you think you can keep the marriage going and stable? No. 
There you said it.
And that kills you because jeopardising your bond and connection with Jungkook is the last thing you want to do.
Maybe, it’s because nobody in your family has been able to keep their inner spark alive after they had gotten married or you might as well blame it on the relationship your own parents have had before your eyes. 
For everyone who couldn’t see past the walls of your house, your parents were an ideal couple. A pair who were equally efficient and successful in their respective areas of life. With your father being a renowned businessman and your mother holding the title of a world famous fashion designer, they couldn’t have been a better partner for each other, right?
Wrong. Too bad you had the honor of being an onlooker of their facade slipping away before getting replaced by their real impudent selves. 
But that’s all you could do though. You were merely just an audience. Someone who could see everything shatter before her eyes and not do a single thing to put an end to it. 
Constant fights, fuming with jealousy over one of them achieving more than the other, sabotaging each other.
All hell broke loose when they began making you take sides. 
You think mommy is better don’t you, honey?
You should be proud of your dad, ____. You’re living such a luxurious life thanks to me. 
For the love of god you were five. What does a five year old know about luxury or human ego? What could you have possibly known about who is better? In your eyes, they were your mom and dad and not some squish mellows placed side by side from which you had to take your pick. Let’s not even start with the emotional unavailability they provided you with.
A knot lodges in your throat and you struggle to get the words out. “I happen to see the box inside his drawer”
“You’re sure it had a ring inside- Wait, don't answer that”, she shakes her head as if she just asked the most ridiculous question ever.
No shit.
“But that’s a good thing right? I mean you guys have been seeing each other for a while now and marriage is the final stop.” she continues and you can’t help but feel terrible, because she is making sense. 
A sigh leaves you, “Yeah no- I mean yeah it is but I didn’t expect him to take the initiative so suddenly. No hints were dropped at all. Marriage is, gosh, I can’t believe I’m saying this but it seems intimidating to me.” 
The queue has finally dissipated at this point so she faces you fully showcasing her engrossment in your dilemma. The girl feeds off drama but refuses to get involved in one.
Her expression morphs into something between horrified and sympathetic. “_____, is that because of your parents?” 
Your heart skips a beat. This whole time you and only you had authority over this thought that your fear of marriage is deeply rooted in your own parents’ fucked up relationship. A belief that lay sly and unseen.
Only after those words left Cherry’s mouth did you realise how venomous they sound. It makes you aware that the fear was not as concealed as you intended to keep it. What are you supposed to do when you find out that somebody else knows about your deepest terrors? Run? Hide? Or simply not say anything? 
Your mouth feels suddenly dry. “What?” 
Cherry takes a hold of your palm and rubs it gently, “If it is, I want you to know that it’s not the case for everyone. Marriage is a beautiful concept, a lovely commitment. Are there some pitfalls to it? Yes. But that’s the beauty of it. The way two people come together and resolve them-”
Your phone buzzes inside your pocket causing you to flinch. Releasing your hands from her hold, you take it out and see your grandmother’s number stare up at you. 
“I’ll just be back.” you excuse yourself just as a woman places a stack of books on the counter.
˚୨୧⋆。˚
“Hey, beautiful” you greet her, a smile lighting up your entire face.
“My baby, did I catch you at the wrong time?” her voice is like a balm to your heart. So warm and comforting. It reminds you of your movie nights with her where you didn’t have to be anything or pretend. You just had to exist and she made it worth it. Always. 
“Now you know even the devil himself can’t stop me from talking to you.” 
A loud chortle reaches your ears and you imagine her throwing her head back, laughing. 
“I was calling to ask if you and your eye candy of a boyfriend are visiting home this year for thanksgiving, dear?” 
Dear lord, you can’t believe you forgot about that.
Your eyes widen, and just when you think you could bubble up some other lie, she speaks up, “You forgot, didn’t you?” 
Yeah, bold of you to assume you can do that and get away. You actually need to work on your lying skills. For whatever reason. You want to pluck your eyelashes out one by one because of how gloomy she sounds.
“I’m genuinely sorry, grams.” pinching the bridge of your nose you continue, “I’ve just been busy with work and barely making ends meet. I promise this is the first and last time I let it slip my mind.” 
With the job you have, there’s only so much cash you can count and while you would love to make a career out of writing, the thought of publishing your own book sends shivers down your spine.
Every time you open the draft a new mistake pops up, taking a percentage of your self confidence down the drain. You’re only human. A microscopic slip catches your attention and you start questioning your life choices. 
“Honey, come home and give yourself some time off, what do you youngsters like to call it? Oh yes, grind. Yeah?” 
It’s your turn to laugh. “Wow someone has been too into love island lately.”
Cherry raises her eyebrows from across the room and you mouth her the word ‘grandma’. She nods with a smile on her face, going back to work. 
A long stretch of silence hangs in the air before you hear her ask, “_____, what else is wrong?” 
The smile which has been adorning your face this whole time instantly drops. You blink.
Once
Twice
Thrice 
“I don’t understand.” Liar.
“You know what I mean, baby. I want you to tell me more, because I know something has been bothering you. What is it?”
Humans are so funny sometimes. They can be as close to you as your own soul and not have a hint of your torment. Meanwhile, there is your grandmother, who despite being so far away from you just….. knew. But again, it has always been like this hasn’t it? 
Whenever you got tired of your parents throwing stuff around the house, making each other lick the floors, trying to make their own and your life a living hell, she knew. 
She was the one who allowed you to cry, and assured you that she would not call you dramatic if she happened to hear your sobs.
You were allowed to cry,
You were allowed to ask for help,
You were allowed to not hold back.
Sucking in a deep breath, you release it, “Everything else is perfect, grams.”
Mr William is always the first person to greet you everyday when you reach the apartment. He’s been working as a guard for years now and you’ve grown quite familiar with him. While being the sweetest man you’ve ever come across, he also brings his wife’s yummiest tarts for you whenever she makes them. Arguably, they deserve more hype than they get.
“She knows how much you love her tarts” he says, making you feel immense gratitude towards his kindness. 
This particular night, he seems…. restless. He’s shifting from one foot to another as you shut the cab’s door behind you. Striding over to him, you mentally try your best to figure out his uneasiness. 
Clearing your throat, your throat as you ask, “Is everything alright, Mr William?” 
Only after he hears your voice, he gains his composure. Or so he tries. 
He hands you a piece of paper which feels a bit wet and you wonder what could have been so intense that the man began having clammy palms.
It’s nearly concerning, not to mention it doesn’t help with your own anxiety at all. If not, shoot it up. 
“Your boyfriend dropped by around lunch time, miss. He handed me this and asked me to give it to you as soon as you come back from work.”
He couldn’t have given it to you yesterday when he was with you in the first place? Weird.
“I see, but why are you so tense? Has something happened?” 
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “My wife has been sick and I was supposed to leave early but I figured it would be better if I gave it to you safely before going home to her.” 
Fuck
“You could have given this to me later. Your wife comes first, sir.” you gulp, “Please, I appreciate your gesture but she needs you more. Thank you so much and please let me know if I can be of help.”
He releases an empty chuckle. “Thank you, Miss” 
With one last nod you walk inside the building while also hoping he doesn’t call you for help. Not because you won’t do anything it takes to help him, but because you hope it wouldn’t come to it. The moment you shut the apartment door behind and turn on the light, the piece of paper steals your attention. Without waiting any further, you unfold it, coming across Jungkook’s writing. 
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The note alone feels like he whispered it into your ear before placing the softest kiss on your skin. Your lips stretch into a serene smile as you stride over to the bedroom, turning the doorknob as your gaze catches a purple bodycon resting on top of your bed. It is accompanied with a bouquet of pink tulips as well as a bar of Dubai chocolate. 
Your head that has been nothing short of a commotion is now finally at peace. Not entirely but at peace nonetheless.
˚୨୧⋆。˚
Jungkook was 12 when he went on his first roller coaster ride. He was, like every other child, afraid. Afraid that he might fall and hurt himself so bad, he wouldn’t ever be able to get up. The roller coaster had a massive drop followed by a corkscrew which took him upside down. Until the moment Jungkook saw a woman in yellow dress buying a bunch of tulips from the flower shop he very often visited, he had never felt his stomach bottom out as strongly as it did during that drop back then.
There she was, chatting with the florist as if they’re best friends. He could see her behind the glass picking out the pink tulips before sniffing them. Meanwhile, Jungkook stood across the road, soaked and enchanted as he wondered if he should ask for her number or chicken out. Eventually, the latter won. 
But here’s the thing, Jungkook is not one for losing. He hates losing, even the term makes him want to peel his own skin off. 
He saw her hair first, becoming curly locks reaching down to her waist and just above her hips. Granted that his line of sight only allowed him to see her side profile, he assumed she was gorgeous. It was not unlikely for him to see beautiful women on a daily basis, but something about her just sucked him in. His eyes could not leave her face and he believed even if they tried, he would pluck them out just to punish them. Was it weird that his hands itched to hold a woman he doesn’t even know? 
What’s her name?
Where does she live?
What’s her favorite color?
How does she like her coffee?
There’s a japanese phrase called koi no yokan which means that you eventually will fall in love with a person you meet. You’re going to grow so fond of that person that you would want to see no one by your side but them. She was that person for him. 
He rubs his hands for the nth time in a futile attempt to warm them up, waiting outside ____’s building. How is this evening going so slow? He has been here for perhaps half an hour now, so why does it feel like it’s been a decade? 
And funnily enough, the only person who can put him out of his misery is _____. At this point, the guy fears he wouldn’t be able to so much as look her in the eye, but not doing that will be the end of him too.
He looks down and lets his hands run over his black button down shirt, wondering if she would like it. She loved seeing him in black on the first date. A loud click clack of heels grab his attention, perking his ears up. He looked up and there she was in all her glory. 
Jungkook releases a breath and rubs his chest as if his heart hurts. As if it’s telling him how unworthy he is of this woman who is walking up to him, who may be as nervous as him but still chose him as her man. 
The woman who could have anyone she wanted wrapped around her pinky finger gave her days, nights and evenings to him. She smiled at him, for him and if he was lucky, because of him.
_____ stops before him while he’s still adjusting to the sight of her. “How do I look?” 
Unreal, exquisite and way out of his league.
He shakes his head from side to side, thinking of a single word that would suffice the answer to that. He fails and so instead he runs his fingers down her forearm until he reaches her soft hands and takes it into his own cold ones. 
Placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles, he begins. “My imagination of you in this dress has got nothing on this vision.” 
Her face morphs into the softest expression of love, “And exactly how many times have you imagined me in this dress, Jeon Jungkook?” 
He takes a step forward, his chest almost touching hers. “I can’t answer that. You want to know why?” 
“Why?” Her voice is emotionless. His thumb grazes her lower lip as he tries not to smudge her nude lipstick. “Because if I do, we’ll have to go back into your apartment and try not to wake your neighbours up.” She swats his chest and softly pushes him back, dissolving into a giggle. 
“You’re looking quite handsome yourself.” she says as her eyes shamelessly check him out. His sleeves are halfway folded stopping just below his elbow, beautifying his tattooed forearms.
He’s also wearing his favorite blue baggy jeans with his usual black chunky boots. The same ones he goes for when he knows _____ might not be able to bear the pain caused by her heels, so he ends up swapping them with the boots.
He would argue carrying her all the way to her apartment instead, but settles elseways. 
Jungkook opens the car door for her and only after she’s well seated, he runs to his side and takes off. 
The ride to the restaurant is quiet despite the obvious tension that doesn't go unnoticed by either him or her. As much as he would like to spend the rest of the night snuggled into bed with her, he knows there is something more significant than that. So instead he indulges in caressing her thigh. 
“After you, angel.” He places a hand on the small of her back. 
˚୨୧⋆。˚
The ambience looks straight out of the movies. Like a paradise. Violinists are playing a chorus of Fuck her gently by Tenacious D far across the room. 
Jungkook catches an unknown look on her face. “Something’s wrong?” 
She shakes her head, flashing him a smile. “I love this song.”
He places a tiny kiss on her temple. “I know, baby. C’mon.” 
You know how women have this killer instinct of knowing if and when somebody’s watching them? It’s like they have a separate pair of googly eyes on the back of their head to protect them from creeps. 
From the moment you have entered the place, the man in the wine shirt has been making a hole in your face with the way he’s been staring at you. 
Is your dress too revealing? Are you showing too much skin?
“Oh I forgot to tell you. Your grandmother called earlier today.” Jungkook disrupts your thoughts. 
You gulp down the last piece of steak before answering. “Let me guess she asked you to join her for thanksgiving?” He nods, a bright smile on his face. “I told her I would love to.” 
A cheeky smile unfurls slowly on your face. Jungkook loves your grandmother. Maybe a little bit more than you do. Just a tiny bit though. Last year when you and he visited her, he was the first person apart from you to get a hug out of her.
Your grandma is not much of a hugger by the way. Her hugs are totally exclusive. 
“I’m sure she loves having my ‘eye candy of a boyfriend’ there.” 
Jungkook snorts, placing his fork down. “She called me an eye candy?” 
He dissolves into a fit of laughter when you answer his question with a nod. 
“See now that’s the biggest achievement I have had in a while. I mean what are the odds your wife’s grandma calls your an eye candy-”
Something sours in your stomach. The steak here tastes awful or maybe it’s just you feeling pathetic that as soon as he says ‘wife’ your expression morphs into something so dreadful that it causes him to stop. What are the odds that you just gave him a reality check and dragged him out of a fool’s paradise?
“Angel, what’s-” 
You stand abruptly, cutting him off yet again. His eyes bob all over you, and then a sad frown puckers between his brows. 
“I’ll just be back. I need to use the washroom.” You say as you grab your handbag as quickly as you can before leaving him there. Confused and wondering what the fuck just happened?
Few minutes later, just as you’re walking outside the washroom and making a way towards your table someone’s voice causes you to stop midway. 
“Excuse me.” 
Turning to face the person, you come face to face with the same man from earlier. The one wearing a wine colored shirt along with a nasty expression. You believe he’s trying to look cocky but is failing miserably.
“Can I help you?” 
A slow smile spreads over his mouth. “I couldn’t help but notice that the man you’re here with seems to upset you in some way.”
An awkward chuckle leaves you. “The man is my boyfriend and I don’t think it concerns you if he’s upsetting me or not.” 
He walks a little closer. Oh no, this is bad. 
“Fair enough,” he shrugs, “But clearly he’s not being a good boyfriend, is he?” 
The audacity of this man.
You huff out a frustrated breath, “Listen, you need to shut up and stay within your limits. It’s not healthy going around poking your nose into everyone’s business.” 
His sly smile grows even more as he steps closer than before. 
The hair on your body stands up, and not in a good way, but in a very uncomfortable way. You suddenly regret the idea of leaving Jungkook’s side. Bad, bad decision. 
Currently, you have two options. You can either just walk off and act like nothing happened, which by the way, is a safe option or you can kick the man in the balls and then act like nothing happened.
Since you're much more accustomed to the former option, you decide to do just that but when his hands grip your wrist with an iron grip, you settle on the latter. 
You knee him between the legs with an intention to hurt him as he grunts in pain, his hands gripping where you just kicked him. 
“You fucking bitch.” 
Before he can say anything further, you storm off. Your phone buzzes inside your handbag and you automatically assume it to be Jungkook’s call. As soon as you spot him across the room, you feel the clouds parting, there’s a feeling threatening to arise. It’s something between protected and anguished. 
Anguished because you let your mind speak so deafeningly that it silenced the oh so loud love Jungkook has for you. And protected because you know for a fact that if he had any idea about what that man just did to you, he would not think twice before dragging him by the hair before bringing him to his knees in front of you to apologize. 
He stands once he sees you and you waste no time running towards him. Your arms go around him as you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck. His arms immediately embracing you in return, securing you against his chest.
It feels warm.
Concern laces his voice as he says, “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. Breathe” 
You don’t even realise you’re panting unless he says that. You’re aware that at this point the way you flung yourself at him must have got everyone’s attention. But you genuinely don’t care. It might as well be an auditorium full of people watching you hug your boyfriend like an anchor, you just don’t care. 
You realise that’s exactly what Jungkook is. Your anchor. Someone who didn’t even ask as to what happened before he straight away began consoling you. 
His hand envelops the back of your head in a protective way while the other soothes your back. 
“Do you want to leave? We can leave right now if you want to.”
“Yes, please.”
His body shakes as though he just nodded. “All right, let me pay real quick and we’ll leave yeah?”
Your voice is muffled against his chest. “Yeah.”
You suck in a sharp breath as he lets you go. The small folder on the table grabs your attention. He opens it only to find a note inside of it saying— “It’s on me, gorgeous”. 
You can see the wheels in his mind turning, but before he starts asking you any questions which may or may not cause a breakdown of yours, you say, “I’ll explain it to you outside. Can we please go?” 
“Let me see wh-”
“Please?” He lets out a defeated sigh and nods. “Yeah- Yeah let’s go.” 
˚୨୧⋆。˚
At first when Jungkook saw that note, the first emotion that he felt was rage and a very serious one at that. But it was soon replaced by realization. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that something nasty went down after _____ left to use the washroom. Something he can’t wait to get to the bottom of. Nevertheless, he didn’t want her to be pressured to answer the more obvious question. 
Jungkook’s girl is attractive. She’s kind and empathetic and fucking stunning which makes her worthy of all the attention she gets. Of course men are going to want to be with her. 
Initially, it bothered him. A lot. 
Now, though? He’s grown rather used to it. However, it has never come to having someone pay for her in a restaurant. Even the thought of someone so much as speaking to her in an inhumanely manner makes him want to punch a hole through a wall. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” 
The silence is too loud inside the car. He can hear ____’s heart beating loudly or is it his own?
She’s leaning back with her head against the headrest. When she doesn’t respond, Jungkook speaks again, “_____ baby, will you please at least look at me?” 
Her eyes connect with his and he flashes her the softest of smiles.
Taking her hand, he kisses the inside of her wrist where he can feel her pulse. 
Thump thump thump. 
“I want you to give me something, angel. Anything.” 
He can see her gulp before admitting, “There was um… there was a guy outside the washroom and he kind of tried to force himself on me,” she closes her eyes for a brief moment, “Maybe I’m just being dramatic, but I handled him.” 
Jungkook’s stomach drops. He was right. His hands fly out to open the car door before _____ holds him back. “Don’t. I said I handled it.”
He turns back, his voice leaking with anger along with something more barbaric. “And I’m proud that you did, but if I don’t go in and beat that asshole into a new one I won’t be able to call myself a man worthy of you anymore. I need him to know that he can’t fuck with my girl and go about his goddamn day.” “Jungkook, please. I can’t take it anymore. Please stop.” 
And he does. For now. 
He leans back, running his hands over his face with frustration. For a few minutes he and ____ just stare outside the front glass of the car. The parking lot slowly gets empty as people leave for their homes one by one. 
Just when he thinks  _____ has dozed off, her voice reaches him. “Can I get one more hug?” 
“Come here.” 
He takes her into a warm embrace before kissing the top of her head, settling his lips there. His anger has yet not fully dissipated, but having her so close calms his heart. It calms his whole being. Her touch, her breath against his skin, her presence heals something in him.
Therefore, he made up his mind about spending his whole life with her. The little slip of words, which by the way was totally unintentional, soured _____'s expression and that didn’t go unnoticed by him. 
She’s scared but he fully intends to let her know that she doesn’t have to.
______ unwraps herself from his arms and pushes back. Just enough for their noses to touch.
She shakes her head, “Don’t give me those eyes.” 
Jungkook holds back a smile. “What eyes, angel?” 
“The same ones you give me when you want something dirty to happen. Those big brown eyes of yours.”
He lets a chuckle slip out. “I’m down if you are.” 
When she offers him her own laugh, gosh it’s as though he comes alive. If he could bottle up the sound, he would. Something passes in _____’s eyes. Lust? Desire? He can’t pinpoint. 
He wants to kiss the hell out of her though and he wants to do it desperately. Her eyes drop to his mouth and he takes it as a sign to lean forward and press his mouth against hers. 
Her lips part ever so slightly followed by her gripping Jungkook’s collar to bring him even closer. So close as if she wants their souls to intertwine. 
The feeling is very much mutual. 
She gets up from the passenger’s seat without breaking the kiss and straddles his lap. Her legs on either side of his thigh as their core’s touch. Jungkook is not sure how long he can endure this sweet pain of waiting. 
In all sincerity, he’s been holding himself back from the very moment he saw her walking up to him in that dress. Do with that information what you will. 
Now, he just wants to say fuck it and get inside her— only that he can’t, because he wants her to take her time and ask for it. Then and then only he will fuck her. If it’s inside this car then so be it. 
The kiss is electric and filled with passion, tingling his skin in all the right places as she matches his enthusiasm with her own.
______ pulls back with a deep breath, leaving Jungkook panting heavily. 
“Please.” she begs. 
A strand of hair falls on her face. He tucks it behind her ear. “Please what baby?” 
“Please fuck me, Jungkook. I want you so bad and I want you right now.” she whines.
He grins. “At your service, ma’am.” 
He hears _____’s light chuckle as he gets out of the car, carrying her with him while also making sure she doesn’t hit her head on the hood. She detaches herself from him once they’re out and settles in the back seat. Only after ensuring she’s comfortable enough, Jungkook follows her. 
His body lays on top of her and he wastes no time as their mouths collide. Her finger grip the hair on his nape and he groans with pleasure, his cock going thick. He rubs it on her lower stomach to show her how much he wants her, gaining a moan out of her. 
Jungkook’s head goes fuzzy with every passing second. He almost comes when she lifts her hips up and rubs a slow circle against his cock. 
“Fuck.” He groans, pulling back from the kiss. _____’s cheeks are heated and lips are swollen. He did that. Her man did that. 
Suddenly, he’s grateful for the tinted glass and his big car. 
_____ lifts her head up and kisses his sweaty cheek, swiping his forehead with her palm. “You’re sweating, honey.” 
“Yeah, I tend to do that in your presence. Do you know how hard it was for me to stay sane after seeing you look so unbelievably gorgeous?” 
She passes him a lazy smile, “You’ve always been so good at controlling yourself, haven’t you?” 
“Not anymore.” He sits up, knees on either side of her body and starts unbuckling his belt all the while panting with excitement. His pants slide halfway down letting his cock spring free. Thick, angry and leaking with precum. His shirt goes next.
______’s eyes flash with lust as she bites her lower lip. The straps of her dress have slipped down, leaving her tits bare and open for Jungkook.
“I’m gonna fuck you so good, baby.” he leans forward as she runs a hand up his bare spine, hooking her legs over his hip.
“Please.” she whispers. 
A loud thunder outside the car grabs Jungkook’s attention. Nice, he’s so horny he didn’t even realise that it’s raining. Another rumble of thunder drowns their panting breath but he still only focuses on the woman beneath him. The goddess of a woman who trusts him with her body. How lucky he is to call her his own. 
She brushes his hair out of his face, her thumb dusting over the mole on the bridge of his nose before her hand follows the path of his tattooed arm, his rib, his ass, until she wraps a fist around his dick. 
He pushes into her hand. “I need to grab the condoms from the console, angel.”
There’s a brief moment of silence, the car filling with the pants and whimpers before she says, “I want you bare. I’m on the pill.” 
Jungkook has never gone without condom nor has he considered going without one, but this woman right here just asked him to get inside her bare and fuck if it doesn’t tempt him.
And so he gives in, but not before asking, “Are you sure?” 
“As sure as one can be.” 
He nods, bringing his lips back to hers. His hand finds her thong under the dress as he slides it down her legs. Then he strokes a single line up and down her slit, wetting his finger with her cum. When he brings the same finger to his mouth and sucks on it, _____ all but whimpers. 
His cock follows next and he does the same with it, rubbing himself up and down her slit as he coats himself in her before he presses his thumb down on the head of his cock, curls his hips forward, and pushes into her. 
Tortuously slowly, inch by fucking inch. 
She’s so warm and tight for him. He’s not sure how long he can take before he shoots his load inside of her. 
“More.” she pleads, her face morphing into the most beautiful expression of pleasure. 
Jungkook pulls back and pushes again, watching more of a length disappear inside of her. He’s not even halfway in and she’s already crying out his name. 
Leaning in, he bites her neck in an attempt to give her his all. All his love, all his nights and all his life. The question is at the tip of his tongue but considering what happened inside, he quickly holds himself back. 
“You’re doing so good for me, my angel. Taking me so well,” He thrusts again. “You’re made for me, aren’t you?” 
She cries out. 
“What was that?” She throws her head back. “Yes. Oh my god” 
Thrust. “Yes, what baby? I’m gonna need you to say it.” 
Jungkook takes her nipple in his mouth, sucking on it until she cries out again, “I’m made for you. Fuck.”
He releases the nipple with a loud pop. “That’s right you are.” His pelvic bone is flush with hers, ____’s legs as wide as possible to accommodate him. She dusts her fingertips up and down his spine while he slowly kisses along her jaw.
When she pushes her heels into his ass, urging him to move, he pulls out part way before pushing back in again. 
She lets out a moan quickly followed by his own. _____’s hands run over Jungkook’s abs, nipples, and wrap around his shoulders. 
He’s fucking her slowly, taking his time, feeling her body and letting her feel his too. Every brush, every graze, every breath is precious to him.
Soft and intimate. 
So when the next words leave Jungkook’s mouth, he blames it on the moment. “Marry me.”
_____’s eyes which were closed earlier, savoring the very moment, pop open and his movement halts. 
“What?” 
“Fuck. Okay, I know this is not a position or place a woman wants to be proposed in, but I have to say this before I go insane. _____, I know you’re scared and I also know the reason behind it. Of course, I won’t ask you why you kept that part a secret from me, because I respect you and want you to take your time. But baby,” he brushes his thumb over her cheekbone, “I need you to know that I will die before I let anything like that go down between us. I love you so much you don’t even realise. Sometimes I even shock myself with how much I cherish you. You’re a gift to me, a gift which brings out the best not just in me but in everyone she meets.”
He places a small kiss on her forehead before continuing, “I can go anywhere, see everything but it still wouldn’t match the level of affection I hold for you in my heart. Still wouldn’t match the beauty of your smile, you amazing woman. You’re all I have ever wanted. So please, make me the happiest motherfucker in the world by saying ye-”
“Yes” 
‘What?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you. Now will you please shut up fuck me like you promised, husband?” 
He bites her jaw, “Oh, I’ll fuck you so nice you’ll be begging for more, wife.”
Soon enough, _____’s lower lip trembles as her orgasm takes over, and he has the privilege to watch it all. The fluttering of her lashes, the marks of her nail down his arm and the way she calls him her husband again when she’s able to find her words. 
He’s so gone.
About half an hour later when he asks her again as to what changed her mind about marriage, she says something so deep yet in such a casual way, he wants to cry. 
“When I hugged you inside, you didn’t ask questions. You just let me be and that may seem like a miniscule thing for someone else, but for me it was enough. Enough to stay with you until I turn all wrinkly and grey haired.” 
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