#BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MATTERS THE MOST??? the fact they did the zombies so fucking well i want to dissect them

[general-kalani]

I do love how I try to keep shit realistic. I really, really do.

Because then I look at Dead Island and go "REALISM???? LET MY ZOMBIES DIE TO EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN FUCK IT-"

[blackbirdsblackberries]

What about reader x yandere bat family (platonic) but reader gave up on the family super fast like damian joined the family attacked the reader with the sword reader got hurt next time damian tried it he got throwen into a wall by reader with reader saying that is it I am leaving this shit family and sure jason might be bat mans greatest failure am I (reader) bruce waynes greatest failure!!!

Ahhh! I love this, I would honestly do the same as well! Like you neglect me then don't discipline your newest addition when he attacks me??

It has been six months since you left the manor, what did they expect? Honestly you were only waiting until you turned legal age to move out. Though you wouldn't lie and say you were still clinging onto the hope that they'll love you.

You've left your angst behind, what good is hating someone who doesn't remember you exist? You've made peace with it, you know you're loved by friends and the people who truly matter.

Saying that, it is befuddling when you hear a knock on the door at two in the morning and it's Red Hood there with take-out from Batburger. You aren't surprised or concerned they found your address, they're world's greatest detectives for a reason after all. If anything you're confused as to why one of them pays a visit.

Red Hood had taken your silence upon opening the door as a welcome and limps slightly into your apartment and collapses on the worn down couch. All while you stand at the open door, flabbergasted. Whether it's at the nerve of him to invite himself in or at the fact he's hear, injured, in costume and has take-away like it's an average night you can't decide.

You settle with both.

You hear him grunt and you quickly close the door and walk over to him, eyes narrowed. He looks at you, judgmentally. His helmet thrown into a corner of the room and a burger in his hands. Some of the sauce drips onto the couch and he swipes it up with his hand.

"You look like shit." Is all he says and you have to refrain yourself from punching him. If anything he looks like shit! You just woke up!

"What are you doing here." You ask, you weren't going to get into a petty argument over a comment from a stranger you once knew.

"Takin' ya back to the manor, duh." He says as if it was obvious and he takes another bite of his burger. You blank, what does he mean by that? Is he serious? Does he actually believe you want to go? Maybe he has amnesia and thought you two got along and you didn't blow up at the family and slap Tim? Either way you can't let him continue thinking like that.

"No. The fuck is wrong with you? Why would I go to a stranger's place?" The last part causes Jason to snap his head to you, his eyes narrowing.

"Strangers? We're you're family." You scoff at that, how much head trauma does he have? "Absolutely not. Do you not remember the whole blow up I had a couple months ago?"

"Mistakes happen."

... What? Mistakes happen? It wasn't a mistake! It doesn't matter how he meant it. Neglecting someone for most of their life isn't a mistake. That person then blowing up and leaving because they were mistreated isn't a mistake.

"Excuse me? Mistakes happen? Fucking get out of my apartment!" Okay, you lied earlier, you're still in your teenage angst phase - though it's definitely justified.

Jason sighs as if he's talking to a toddler who wanted a toy they couldn't have.

"Don't be so emotional. Your blow up earned our respect and we want you back. We let you play pretend for a couple months and now you need to get out of fantasy land and return home to your family."

Your jaw drops, what else could it do? You just heard the most insane thing come out of a stoic man's mouth. He was completely serious. Delusional. Utterly delusional.

"You prick! I don't think you understand. You guys fucked up and I don't want anything to do with your family- hey! Listen to me you zombie!" Jason was back to eating his burger, ignoring you. He throws a wrapped burger at you and you fumble with it.

You bite the inside of your cheek, he's more of a child then anyone you know! You throw the burger back down onto the table and glare at Jason.

"You don't get it. Of course you don't. Batman failed you, someone who you had a "co-workers" type relationship. You are Batman's biggest failure. But Bruce, he failed me. I am his biggest failure. I was forgotten about, looked down upon, left out, I suffered. And you know what's amazing? You were able to get revenge and end up loved but me, I couldn't get revenge, I'm not a villain of any kind! You say you and the family respect me so act like it and leave me be. I want nothing to do with any of you guys. Get out of my apartment and never return-"

Before you could finish Jason stands up and heads to the bathroom and takes a medkit out. You narrow your eyes, your fists clenched into balls and frustrated tears start to build in your eyes.

"Heard ya loud and clear so don't throw a tantrum! Just found it dumb how you think that." He states as he walks back to the couch and opens the medkit. "Now, care to tend to your older brother's wounds?"

You want to scream, cry, curse and stab this man in the face a million times. Instead you walk over and grab out disinfectant, you hate that you're doing this but you won't let him get an infection from his wounds.

You start to tend to his wounds and he speaks up again. "I get it. I do. We fucked up and it affected your childhood, we all had it rough and you didn't deserve that. But, give us a chance, you're a Wayne by blood, you won't be able to stay away from Gotham so why not live nicely in the manor? You could finally have what you wanted, you could finally have a family."

"Three big brothers, two younger brothers, an older sister, a dad! Don't you want to be loved by us? Don't you want our protection? We went through your diaries, we read every word. How you wished you could go to one of our rooms when you have a nightmare, how you wish for movie nights, how you want to be able to call us your family. Let us show you we had a change of heart, that we do want that with you now - that we always did but couldn't see it. Let us be your closest group-"

You slap him. What else was there to do? Tears pour down your cheeks.

"I thought I told Alfred to get rid of them..." You mutter. You never planned for them to read your diaries, to know your wants.

You hear Jason sigh before the sound of him pressing a button on his communicator, it's the last thing before your vision fades to black. He wishes he didn't have to resort to using the sticky device he stuck to your shirt when he threw the burger but it was clear you weren't listening.

Waking up with a pounding headache and no memories of last night is usually something that happens when people get wasted but you don't drink - you're underaged.

You groan as you open your eyes and take in your surroundings. It's a fancy bedroom - too fancy, too big. There's a picture hung up of the Wayne family with a picture of you taped to it to make it seem like you were in the picture.

You immediately panic and sit up, the bed is too big, the lights are too bright, the whole room is too much. You stand up and make your way to the door and put your ear against it for noise. You hear footsteps approaching and run back to bed and pretend to still be asleep.

The door opens and you hear a deep chuckle - Bruce's chuckle. He stalks over to the bed and gently runs a hand through your hair.

"Honey, I know you're awake. Don't be afraid, Dad's here now..." He coos. You open your eyes and move away from him, he frowns and sighs slightly. "I'm sorry, I know we should have gotten you back home sooner you just looked like you were having so much fun..."

He was acting like you living on your own was just a play-pretend? That you genuinely did it for fun? What is his problem?!

"Let me go! I swear to god Bruce, if you don't let me go I'll claw your eyes out!" You yell, Bruce tuts and shakes his head. "It's Dad to you. Now stop throwing a tantrum and come along, brunch is ready - you slept through breakfast."

With that he pulls you up from the bed and gently rests his hand between your shoulder blades and leads you downstairs to the dining room where everyone is; The head of the table reserved from Bruce, on the left it goes Dick, Tim, Cass and on the right it goes Jason, Duke, Damian, other end of the table.

You're led by Bruce and sit at the end of the table next to Damian who doesn't look at you and Cass who stares at you intently.

The stares from the others makes you want to vomit. Dick looks at you with pure adoration like he's looking at a defenseless puppy, Jason looks at you like how you'd look at a cute video of an animal, Tim looks at you calculatingly and Duke looks at you with a faint smile, his eyes a mix of emotions you don't want to decipher.

When Damian finally looks up it isn't with an irritated look, it's one of protectiveness, possessiveness and something akin to anger and guilt mixed together.

Clearly you've somehow imbedded yourself into their hearts, or atleast a version of you they created in their heads imbedded itself into their hearts and they weren't going to let you go any time soon.

[crobones]

[kicks open the door I just closed] AND ANOTHER THING

when a ghoul is turning feral, they say their name. they repeat it, over and over. "Roger. My name is Roger." like a chant. to remind themselves who they are. to hold onto the last bit of humanity they have left, because maybe if they hold tight enough, they can beat it. or maybe they can just hold on until help comes.

Cooper wasn't just distracting Roger so he could get a clean shot. He was reminding Roger of something good. BlamCo Mac & Cheese. His mom's apple pie.

When someone can't be saved, you don't want them to just focus on the fact that it's over. It's done. Waiting in that anxious fear for their every breath, because they don't know if it will be their last. Or, in Roger's case - and the case for any Ghouls out there still surviving - their last moments of control.

The sad fact of the matter is that, feral ghouls are still alive. They're not zombies. They hunger, they drool, they eat, but they can hide, too. They can gather. Being feral isn't dying, it's worse. They've not even just gone to base instincts - they've lost any and all sense of self preservation. They can sprint and throw themselves at prey because the body has simply become a vehicle for that hunger.

They don't hide or gather to stay safe. They do it because it's easier to take down someone if they're surprised and outnumbered. So yes, a feral ghoul can think. But only insofar that they can find a way to feed that hunger.

But even animals have some sense of self-preservation. (Unless, of course, they're rabid.)

To be feral is to experience such complete ego death that a person has no sense of identity outside of hunger and fear. So they try to hold onto control by reminding themselves who they are. "I am Roger." And so, it's not too far of a stretch to say that a person's humanity lies within their memories.

Cooper asked Roger if he remembered what food tasted like, back when he could taste. Before the radiation and necrosis. As most people know, certain senses like taste and smell can trigger a stronger memory than any words or chants.

What Cooper did to Roger was a mercy. It was simple. It wasn't a countdown or closing his eyes, just so that the last thing Roger could feel is fear. He reminded Roger of something good, like the taste of apple pie. Of his mom. Of being a kid again. Ghouls are people, but for those last few seconds, Roger was the most human he'd probably been in twenty-eight years.

And so what's going to happen when the Ghoul runs out of vials? Not Cooper, but the Ghoul. The character. The facade Cooper Howard has been wearing like a second skin. It's wrinkled, irradiated, and necrotic, but it's tight. It's safe. It's kept him alive. To survive, he willfully distanced himself from his humanity and became a monster. Cooper Howard didn't die. He's been buried alive in a coffin for centuries, feeding off of scraps. But he put himself in there.

So when the Ghoul runs out of vials, he'll do what they all do when they're trying to hold on. They'll hold on to their humanity by tooth and nail. "I am Cooper."

It'll be the first time anyone who didn't know him before the bombs ever hears his name. The first time Lucy connects who the Ghoul is to who Cooper Howard was, back when he was human.

It clicks in her head, subtler than a light switch. She should be happy. She should be ecstatic! She's meeting her favourite hero from her childhood! But all she can feel is sadness. She saw what her mother became, and she quickly proved to the Ghoul that she can put him down when the time comes. If she can do that for her mother, she can do that for him.

But how will she give Cooper those last seconds of humanity? Does she think he deserves it? Fuck deserving it, she'll decide to do it just because it's the kindest thing to do. But she didn't know him before. Didn't know his favourite tastes and smells. But she can probably guess.

Maybe it's the scent of his wife's perfume. Maybe it's the taste of hot coco. Or maybe it's Janey. Just Janey. In any form, any memory. So Lucy does that for him. And after two centuries, Cooper Howard finally remembers how it felt to be human. If only for a few moments.

[record scratch]

I don't want to end it on that. It's too much, even for me. Cooper Howard remembers his humanity and holds on long enough. He's saved. (Hey, Maximus carries RadAway, maybe he can carry other drugs.)

Now Cooper has to sit and deal with the tidal wave that is his humanity fully resurfacing so strongly after several lifetimes. The Ghoul has done a lot of things Cooper would disapprove of. More bad things than any good things he ever did when he was human. But they were all choices he made. Cooper's always been there. Just below the surface. He buried himself in that coffin. And what's more monstrous - to kill and be cruel to survive, or to hide from the responsibility and act like it was someone else all those times? Who is the monster, the Ghoul or Cooper Howard?

Inner turmoil. GIVE ME INNER TURMOIL.

meanwhile, Lucy can lose sleep over the idea that you should never meet your heroes. That maybe she likes the monster, better - but she doesn't know which is which either. They find themselves. They find each other. They find themselves inside of each other. Cannibalism, vore, allegory, etc, etc. they find his dick inside her. Happy ending. fuck you. fuck me!

[polyklok]

Omg omg i love your writing!!! No words can describe how much I love it!

Imagine muderface with a s/o or crush that says the weirdest stuff, like some stuff that they have been through. It is so random! Like those tik toks that say "the Egyptians believed the most significant thing you could do is die" in the most randomest of situations.

Like imagine just chilling out doing nothing and y/n looks over at muderface and says "would a zombie apocalypse be a formal event? Like your buried in your best clothes?"

It woukd very so cool if you could write something for this but if you don't want to that's cool!

Just wanted to share my thoughts. No one I know watches Metalocalypse.

Thank you!!!

Have a wonderful day or night!!

(I didn't really check my grammar or spelling that well, I am sorry)

Murderface with an S/O that says ~random~ things!

“The color is actually named after the fruit.”

You baffle him daily. He never asked to be spoonfed random trivia, shower thoughts, or absurd hypothetical questions. And yet, here he was, eating it all up.

When William was first met with your verbal hijinks, he was just so, so confused. Why did you know this? Why were you telling him this?

“What?”

“Orange. Like, people just described the color as yellow-red or something before the orange fruit was spread around Europe and they got a new word for it. The color is named after the fruit.”

“…Okay???”

For a while, he thought you were trying to give him clues about something. He was just extremely suspicious of you. Like, surely there had to be a reason behind it, right? Well, no, and he soon just found it was a quirk of yours.

He was always told to shut up whenever he tried to pipe in or had an interesting fact to share, so you defying one of the fundamental rules of his life is a bit jarring.

As he grows closer and more comfortable to you, he gets used to your pondering and even begins to consider them. Maybe you have a point?

“What’s the minimum amount of ducks do you think it would take to fully kill an adult rhino?”

“I don’t fuchkin’ know. Probably a schit ton.”

“I bet, like, five. They’d just swarm him.”

“You are scho wrong. He’d schtomp them all to a pashte.”

Well now he’s gonna stay awake all night thinking about it. He can’t decide if you’re the stupidest person he’s ever met or the smartest. Either way, he gets a little flustered when facing the seemingly infinite expanse of your mind.

After a while, he begins to pick up your habit. In his own Murderface-way, of course. He had a pretty obvious interest in things like car mechanics and war history, but now he’s more willing to share all of what he knows with you. He’s really excited that someone finally seems interested in what he has to say, no matter how meaningless it is.

And once that door is open, he becomes more willing to open up on a deeper level. Even though he’s a dumbass, he does have a depth of intelligence, even if he isn’t great at articulating it. Be patient and you’ll get some fascinating conversation from him.

“Even if there isch a God…like, what the fuck, man?! You juscht gonna leave us all down here to suffer and schit? I might as well ignore you juscht to schpite you! What a dick move.”

William never realized how valuable it was to him just to be listened to. Simply talking to you slowly becomes one of the better parts of his day, everyday.

It takes a lot for Murderface to love and it takes even more to love him back. But the effort is well worth it with these types of riveting discussions;

“You have to fight a bug that’s 100 times its original size and you get one weapon from the medieval era. What is your bug and what’s your weapon?”

“Easchy. Butterfly, Croschbow. One arrow for each wing. Instant win.”

[rainbowolfe]

Hazbin Hotel seems to be doing something interesting, in that Heaven and Hell are just places. Being good doesn't get you into heaven, there's no set of rules that leads to someone going to Hell.

Lucifer being down in hell is most likely less of a punishment and more the consequences of his own actions. He fucked the humans up, and so it's his job to fix them—to remove the evil he introduced into the equation. But he's an angel. An angel with big ideas, sure, but he wouldn't know how to redeem a human.

Hell was most likely a means of quarantine. The fact that there's a heaven embassy at all means that at some point, there was a transfer of souls between Heaven and Hell. Just not since Charlie's birth.

What the punishment actually is, is that Lucifer doesn't get to see the fruit of his labor. He gets to toil to redeem sinners, and never see them as their best selves in Heaven. But. He never reached that point for some reason. So the punishment became worse than what it was intended to be. He clearly still holds a lot of respect and power in Heaven if he was able to get Charlie a meeting with the Seraphim the next day. He's shamed, but not disowned.

And frankly, they probably don't let him back in because he failed to "redeem" (i.e. fix) any humans. He hasn't actually done his community service, so to say.

Sera says something very important when trying to justify Angel being in hell despite clearly demonstrating he's not a bad person. They look at their soul and that's it. And the appearance of their "soul" is reflected by their eyes.

It seems that the angels that were former humans all have the standard, yellow/golden halo. They come in all different shapes and sizes, some human, some anthropomorphic animals; just like the sinners. Some have tiny wings, others have full size wings.

But look at their eyes. White sclera, all of them. A variety of iris colors, but white sclera isn't something that occurs in any sinner in Hell. It's actually the heaven-born that have the funky sclera colors, with light blue being the most common. Most likely referring to the seven virtues, they same way the colors in Hell refer to the seven sins.

This also means that Lute and Vaggie and the other exorcists were never human. They're heaven-born creatures either given to or made for Adam. This may be why they have little to no empathy or faith in human souls. We see that Vaggie bleeds yellow, and even the demon-turned-sinners still bleed red.

All of the sins are represented by a color on the "ring", but there's one color that's been popping up a lot that isn't represented on the tower: black.

Lust, Wrath, Gluttony, Pride, Sloth, Envy, Greed... these are all things most humans are going to engage in at some point. And these are all things that are tolerable to Heaven, clearly. The only thing that can't be tolerated is Evil. "Evil" is the side effect of what Lucifer did, and it manifests as black. It's corruption.

What Lucifer accidentally put on the table was cannibalism. That's what some can choose to do with their free will. The destruction and consumption of God's pride and joy would be the worst sin in Heaven's eyes. That's probably why Exorcists look the way they do. And why no one in Heaven actually oversees this extermination. It's a "necessary evil" they can't bear to watch.

Rosie and all the other cannibals don't just have blacked out eyes, the inside of their mouths are as well. As Sinners, they act like feral animals—tearing apart whatever flesh they can get their hands on like zombies. Something about their humanity was lost, and it shows. It probably can't be regained.

But it seems like "Evil" can just. Manifest randomly in a human soul. So it doesn't matter if they're a decent or even good person deep down. It doesn't matter if they can learn and grow and change if this sort of corruption lives inside them like a parasite. That's why, even though Angel and his sister lived similar lives, only one of them got into heaven. It's literally a roll of the dice.

That is why Hell is forever. Because Lucifer never figured out how to remove the corruption from human souls. And it could be that just redeeming them isn't enough. If they can't get darkness out a human soul, what would happen to the heaven-born creatures made of light?

Angel and Husk show it in their eyes, but we see many demons only gain the blackened sclera if they're angry. Alastor is one of note. This may even come into play in the finale, or maybe next season, when we get to see someone fully redeemed.

Angel would be the most damning test case. Cause if I'm on the right track, it means he can never be let into heaven even if he's absolved of all sins and becomes his best self. Because of something completely out of his control. Because he has shit luck.

Sad as that is, it would make Charlie's point all the more powerful if he doesn't give up on being a good person just because he can't get into heaven. Cause that's not... the point of redemption. Being good just to be rewarded means you're not actually good. You just want the reward. And once you get the reward.... well, you get Adam.

Hell may be forever, but it doesn't have to suck. I think that's the note the show might end on. What makes the Pride ring particularly unpleasant for everyone involved is the actual worst-of-the-worst being granted vast power for being the worst, and using it to prey on the weak. There's nowhere for victims to get away from their abusers, just new ways to encounter new people who will take advantage of them.

....until the Hazbin Hotel :3

[thewertsearch]

AG: You can do it, John. 8e the hero! AG: Just like in one of your movies a8out sweaty, rugged adult human males. EB: ah HA! EB: so you did watch that video I sent.

Lest we forget, John's a little responsible for Vriska's development, too. What goes around comes around!

AG: 8y the way, John, have you ever considered growing your hair out? AG: I 8et it would look fa8ulous. EB: no, it would look so stupid!

I'm not so sure. I mean, I couldn't see John with Cameron Poe hair, but I do think he could rock a ponytail.

EB: before i fell asleep, i was about to prototype something really ridiculous to make jack weaker. EB: i am pretty sure that it would have made jack lose both eyes, both arms, and give him silly blue hair, and possibly also make him be a girl?

Could I take a dip in the kernel, actually? HRT is slow as fuck.

EB: but instead, it was prototyped by jade's first guardian dog lusus. EB: and now he is unstoppable! [...] AG: Of course I realized that would happen. AG: It was pretty much the whole point, you goof!

Oh, boy.

AG: No matter what you or I or any of us did, Jack's here now. That's the reality! AG: And if I didn't stop you, it wouldn't have changed the reality for us here. We'd still 8e hiding on this rock, and he'd still 8e out there, sniffing around for us. [...] AG: All that REALLY would have happened is I would have allowed you to do something you weren't supposed to do! [...] AG: And then you and all your friends would exist in a splintered timeline. And you wouldn't even 8e a8le to talk to me anymore! ::::(

...alright. If I take my brain, and turn it Vriska-wards, I can kind of see how she'd be able to rationalize this to herself. Jack's ascension is already baked into the Alpha Timeline, so it can't really be 'her fault', even if she consciously, deliberately caused it to feed her own ego.

There is, however, one major problem with her line of reasoning.

Vriska didn't know that she was responsible for Jack - not until just now.

Before that, she'd have been able to see him falling asleep at the critical moment - but Vriska isn't the only source of Player narcolepsy in the Medium. For all she knew, her powers could have interfered with the actual reason John fell asleep - for example, some event involving his dream self, which she can't see.

She couldn't know for sure if she was fucking something up, by doing this - but she did it anyway.

AG: I did it 8ecause I wanted to 8e the one responsi8le for cre8ting him.

And she did it because she wanted to.

This is, I think, the most important point to drill in on. Everything else - all that equivocation about doomed timelines - it all adds up to nothing but justification after the fact. She wanted to do this, it was fully in line with her established attitude towards John, and she did it for selfish, but entirely genuine, reasons.

Vriska isn't a Paradox Space P-Zombie. She's fully in control of her actions, and the existence of the Alpha Timeline doesn't absolve her of their consequences.

.... and no, I don't care what Doc Scratch says. That's just a rhetorical trick he uses to get people - Vriska, usually - to do what he wants.

I'm half convinced that Vriska is only fated to do all this bad shit because she'd want to do it anyway. Maybe if she grows as a person, the Alpha Timeline won't be able to encode any more Vriska Incidents, since it could no longer maneuver her into a position where she wants to perpetrate them.

And if that's true, people like Doc Scratch have a vested interest in keeping her the way she is. Food for thought.

[wxnheart]

𝐅*𝐜𝐤 𝐀𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐮𝐭, 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐲 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

note: *Horny Heresy inTENSIFIES*; take this seriously. or don't. your choice. just keep fucking around and finding out.

Lion El'Jonson - You always wondered what a visibly frustrated Lion would look like but you didn't have the self-awareness to fucking STOP until it was too late. And so here you are, hands bound in shackles, suspended bare before the First himself. For a while, he said and did nothing save for his eyes roving along the contours of your body. That was soon replaced with a curious hand and the moan you let out was heretical, indeed.

Fulgrim - It's a... miracle you can walk. And talk. And still breathe. Mmm... you weren't expecting that out of Fulgrim were you? You look like you've fought a battle and lost while nary a hair is out of place on his head.

Perturabo - Turns out he's not an ass with a martyr complex where it counts. He's still an ass, though... who ironically has a nice ass. Who knew that armor hid so much. Bastard. He may or may not like when you smack it.

Jaghatai Khan - Simply put, you found out on his bike. You were stumbling for a bit afterward.

Leman Russ - Well you didn't have to fuck around for long. In fact, Leman was practically waiting for the moment to pounce, and pounce he did. There's a reason why he's The Wolf King because Leman had you howling all throughout the night, dear.

Rogal Dorn - Perhaps the most surprising encounter of the Primarch. Dorn has some freak bitch tendencies, let me tell ya. All the signs were there what with his fondness for the Pain Glove.

Konrad Curze - *stares in judgemental Sevatar.*

Sanguinius - Watching him succumb to his lust was so beautiful. He had you right where he wanted you, enveloped tightly in his arms, embraced fully with his wings. The Brightest One's eyes are so clouded with a feral desire. He leaned down, pressed a tentative kiss on the pulse of your neck, and you were putty in his arms.

Ferrus Manus - Yeah, Ferrus is many things but when it comes to the matter of the flesh, um... yeah, you had to make the first move. He's got the spirit, though.

Angron - Whew. You fucked around and found out, alright. You riled Angron up so much, all you remember is him growling, muttering something in his native Nucerian tongue, and the next thing you know, your clothes were in tatters around you and he looked feral as he eyed your naked body. Oh.

Roboute Guilliman - Turns out he's a fan of office sex; you fucked around so much that Guilliman had your ass finding out on his desk. With his head buried between your legs. Please be quiet, my dear. There are people beyond those four walls. And yes, please run your fingers through his hair some more. Tug on it a little, too.

Mortarion - *stares in seventy times seven whilst surrounded by seven of the Death Guard.*

Magnus the Red - You thought Guilliman was the only one who liked it when you pulled his hair? Comes with a side of... pleasurable Warp shenanigans.

Horus Lupercal - The hoochiest of the hoochie daddies. The Primarch meets your bullshit with the most blissfully arrogant smile ever and proceeds to keep you up the entire night, reminding you why the Emperor named him Warmaster. Those tactics in the bedroom are devastating, babe. You're practically a zombie the next day.

Lorgar Aurelian - D'aww, look at Lorgar's inner dom coming out. All that resentment came out in one of the best hatefucks of your life. Kudos to you, darling.

Vulkan - You fuck around and find out and it turns into an all-night bear hug bonanza. But naked.

Corvus Corax - He puts his abilities to... good use. "Nevermore", quoth the Raven as he pulled you into the comfortable embrace of the darkness and made you his wonderful Lenore.

Alpharius Omegon - GOTTA FUCK 'EM ALL! ALPHA LEGION!

[novamariestark]

Safe & Sound - Tallahassee [Part 2]

Summary: Love had always seemed worlds away when it came to you. So when the world went to shit, the last thing you expected was to fall in love.

Warnings: SMUT, oral sex (m+f), piv (protected), 18+ 🔞

Word count: 2796

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: Tallahassee x Reader

Romance in the apocalypse? Who would have thought? You didn’t. You certainly didn’t think that you'd get the best, most earth-shattering sex of your life. Like, there’s probably a handful of humans left on this planet and one of them is him… the master of sex. And he’s all yours.

Well, at first he was. At some point your son had adopted him and Tallahassee spent a lot of time with him. Not that you minded. Bear hadn’t had a father figure in his life and to see him so happy and comfortable with Tallahassee makes your heart do a thousand cartwheels in your chest. Of course, Tallahassee was happy too. Whilst no one could ever replace his own baby boy, he had taken to Bear.

Belle had also started to settle, her and Little Rock bonded quite well despite the 4 year gap, but that didn’t matter anymore, they were still in the same boat. You and Wichita got along well, like sisters but as sisters often do, you fought. You still hadn’t gotten used to the nerdy kid. You had no idea why. Kids like him were the reason your brain didn’t turn to mush whilst grading homework. But still. He got on your nerves.

Maybe it was the constant lists, the fact that he kept jumping at every little thing, or interrupting you and Tallahassee in the middle of your sessions. Yes, plural.

But of course, that nature of his where he doesn’t knock and lets himself wander in, is how he found out. There were a million other people you wanted to know before him, and nearly all of them were zombies.

“Are you crazy?! P-pregnant?”

“Will you keep you fucking voice down?!” you snapped, yes you were about 90% sure you were pregnant. But you didn’t want anyone to know until you were certain. As certain as you can be without actual confirmation from a doctor. You were unpacking your bag with the tests in when he barged in, “You know I could’ve been naked?” but then again, he’d already seen most of you when he walked in the previous times, “Haven’t you seen enough?”

“You didn’t use protection?”

“Yes mom, we did!” you snapped back through gritted teeth, “Now will you shut the fuck up before I shoot you,”

You didn’t need this. You were terrified enough. The world wasn’t the place for an adult, much less a newborn baby. You already had your son, your niece, how the hell were you going to protect them whilst also protecting your unborn child?

How the fuck were you gonna tell Tallahassee? How the fuck is he going to react? Badly. At least that’s what you’ve been telling yourself, over and over.

“How did happen?”

You rolled your eyes at his question, “How do you think, dipshit,”

You had an idea of when your baby was most likely conceived, and it happened to be the time where you were really going at it. After months of fucking each other, somehow you were both so incredibly horny that the normal pace just didn’t cut it and you practically both turned into animals.

You were on a supply run and you had just taken out a bunch of zombies and got a lot of supplies, including a few packs *cough* 14, of condoms, which you decided to test out in the car before heading back to your temporary home.

You couldn’t remember who made the first move… that’s a lie. It was you. You had been the one to initiate the kiss and everything else that snowballed after that. You had climbed over the column that separated the two of you and made yourself comfortable attaching your lips to his. Your tongues battling for dominance. Usually, you roll over within seconds but now, you wanted to be in control.

“Where the hell did that come from?” he asked as you pull away for air. His hands comb through your hair, his nails grazing slightly against your scalp, pulling a moan from you.

 “I love how your arms flex when you take down a zombie,” you reply with a smile, your bottom lip sucked between your teeth, “Reminded me how much I love having them around me,” you lean in, your teeth grazing his neck, “you’re so sexy,” you press a light kiss to his neck, your tongue darting out to lick a line to his ear.

You felt his throat vibrate against your tongue as a little groan escapes his lips. You smile to yourself as you pull away from him, your hips grinding against his, denim on denim rubbing together. There’s way too much clothing for your liking, so you climb back over to your seat, only to start undoing your belt and pulling the zip down in such a frenzy that you almost broke it.

Tallahassee followed, unbuckling his belt and sliding his jeans and boxers down just enough so that they were out of the way. You licked your lips as you saw his cock slowly stand to attention. You smirk up at Tallahassee, who is waiting for you to come and take your place back on his lap, but first, you wanted to feel him in your mouth. You dip your head, coming face to face with his cock, you stick your tongue out to give a teasing lick to the slit that had Tallahassee sucking in a breath.

You smirk, looking up at him through your lashes, the fakest innocence on your face as you give him a sweet smile. You looked back, taking him fully in your mouth, gagging slightly as he brushes up against the back of your throat. You hollow your cheeks and begin to bob up and down at the slowest, most torturous pace.

“Don’t tease, baby girl,”

You smirk as much as you could with him buried between your lips. You continued swirling your tongue around and around. Tallahassee took the back of your head with his right hand, his hand tangled slightly in your hair.

As you continued to caress his penis with your tongue and and your lips, Tallahassee’s hand left your hair and began to slowly move down your body. He ran his hand you’re your shoulders, your ass that was sticking up high in the air, then back. On his way back up your body, his hand slipped under the hem of your shirt and caressed your bare back, and he wonders how he didn’t notice that you weren’t wearing a bra. He tried to reach around your body, but he couldn't reach your breasts. He trembled as your tongue brushed over the tip sending a delicious shiver up his spine.

Tallahassee ran his hand back down your body and underneath the back of your jean shorts and your thin panties. His hand rubs your bare ass for a few strokes before his fingertips venture further. He was able to reach far enough to begin to slowly stroke your clit. This time, it was your turn to shudder. He groaned at the immediate wetness that met him. It always amazed him how turned on you get by just pleasuring him. He continued to play with the soft flesh, his rough fingers against your clit almost enough to make you cum on the spot. Slowly, he inserted his middle finger and began to gently fingerfuck you. Your bobbing became more intense as you got more and more turned on.

Tallahassee plunged two of his fingers into your pussy that was begging for him and you groaned with approval. Tallahassee nearly came as you suddenly trembled and moaned around him. Trying your hardest to continue to pleasure him through your own haze of pleasure. When you started to feel that intense sensation you burst off of his cock, with a pop and screamed out as your first orgasm crashed through you.

As your intense pleasure subsided, you sat up and stared at him. Tallahassee stared back at you. you reached down, the hem of your shirt threaded through your fingers as you begin to move it up slowly, revealing more inches of skin every second. you pulled it over your head and revealed your breasts which he had told you were the best pair he'd ever seen. He reached over his right hand and placed it on your breast, gently squeezing it and you grinned.

You leaned back, your bare back resting against the passenger door and you slid off your shorts and panties, raising your ass slightly to easily glide them off and you spread your legs. Tallahassee stared at you for a moment like you were a full course meal, before turning his head to look and see if there were any zombies. It was very unlikely that a person would catch you. He turned back to look at you and saw that you had slid one of your hands down against your sex. You slowly inserted your middle finger, bit your lip, and closed your eyes. You moaned. Tallahassee’s cock twitched. He was slightly jealous of your middle finger at that moment.

You had one hand massaging your breasts while the other was giving you pleasure. As much as you could, but as soon as Tallahassee’s fingers had touched you, yours didn’t quite do the job as well as they had before.

Tallahassee started to strip while never taking his eyes off you. With all his clothes off, Tallahassee moved towards you. His hard on was raging, he struggled to contain himself. He wasn't touching himself, nor was he touching you yet, but he still could have cum just by looking at you pleasuring yourself.

He moved your hand as he lowered his head. You were slightly annoyed at the loss of contact, but he quickly made it up to you when his tongue made contact with your wet lips.

His tongue softly nestled between your folds felt so good; his mouth moved up, his tongue licking your clit, his nose hit your little button of nerves. You raised your ass slightly off seat trying to get him closer, deeper and begging for him to suck your swollen clit harder.

He inserted his middle finger into you, adding to the pleasure his tongue was already giving you. At your reaction, he added another finger, the speed slowly increasing, both his fingers and tongue moving in sync. You lift your ass again to try and get his fingers deeper, writhing against the leather seat as you chased your second orgasm.

You grind your hips against his tongue, still chasing and begging, “Don’t worry, darlin’” he spoke against your pussy, wet from your juices and his saliva, “I’m gonna give you what you need,” he promised. And he did just that. He inserted another finger, ramming the into you with such force that had you seeing stars. He curled them at just the right angle that pulls loads of sexy moans from your lips.

“fuck” and there it was, that feeling fast approaching once again. Your eyes scrunched closed and your mouth fell open, your moans getting increasingly louder. Your legs begin to shake violently as your orgasm tore through you. Tallahassee held your thighs open and continued to feast on you, the relentless lapping at your now sensitive pussy was getting painful but the best kind of pain.

But soon if became too much and you tried to wriggle away from him, “Tal please,” you begged and you were finally able to break his mouth away from you.

“I wasn’t finished,” he growled, licking the juices from his lips, and letting out a satisfied groaned, “The fuck was I looking for Twinkies for?” he asks, sitting up straight in his seat.

you giggle as you push him further back into his seat, throwing your right leg over his thighs and setting yourself on his lap again. your hand reaches between you to wrap around his cock. Your warm hand pumps it a few times before you lower yourself down on him, moans escaping both of your lips. His hands immediately clasp around your cheeks as you raise yourself slowly, far enough so that only his head was inside you, you clench around him slightly as you lower yourself back down, taking him fully inside. Your hands move to rest on the seat behind him as you start to pick up the pace.

Tallahassee grips your ass guiding you up and down his cock, slamming you down harder each time and you swear you can feel him get deeper each time.

You gasped, your eyes rolling back into your head at the feeling of him stretching you out and filling you completely. Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving little half-moons in his skin. You threw your head back, your long hair sticking to your sweaty neck.

Your pussy clenched around him as you felt your third orgasm building, “Yes, yes, yes!”

His teeth sank into the flesh of your shoulder, not enough to break the skin but enough to leave a mark. The pain couple with the pleasure of his cock hitting the right spot, pushed you closer to the edge.

Tallahassee held you closer to his body, his arms wrapping around your waist as he begins to drill into you so hard, you thought your eyes might pop out. The leather seat creaked under the weight of your bodies as he chased his own release, the smell of sex and sweat mixing with the faint scent of alcohol that he always had in the car. Your moans grew louder, combined with the grunts and groans of Tallahassee.

He knew you were close. Your body begins to shake once more, your mouth falling open as you made all kinds of sounds. You tried to let him know you were close but your mind was mush and you were suddenly not capable of forming a word let alone a sentence.

“Come for me, baby,” he groaned, his voice deep and gravelly, and completely filled with sex, “Let me feel you come all over my cock,”

You felt yourself hurtling towards that brink. The tension in your core grew tighter and tighter until it was like a coiled spring about to snap. Your muscles tensed around him and your nails dug deeper into his shoulders. Your head fell back as you let out a scream, your orgasm crashing through you. Your pussy clenched and convulsed around him, milking him for everything he had to give you.

Yeah

You were pretty sure that’s where it happened. You ran a hand through your hair as you decide on what to tell Tallahassee… if you were going to tell him that is.

But still Colombus couldn’t keep his nose out and continuously kept asking you if you had told Tallahassee or when you were going to tell him. And you had had enough.

You either had to tell Tallahassee or shoot Colombus, and unfortunately, you didn’t think the latter would go down very well. But then again, you doubted the former would either.

So you went to your shared room and sat and waited for Tallahassee to finish his shower. Usually you’d join him. And when he asked you before he went in and you said no, it confused him. You had never declined before.

Finally, after what felt like a millennium, the sound of water stopped, and Tallahassee soon emerged from the bathroom in nothing but a towel hanging loosely around his hips. You took a moment to admire the view. You sexy ass cowboy standing almost naked in front of you, water droplets that you were suddenly jealous of that clung to his skin. You shake your head before you could dive into all the nasty things you want to do to him right now, and what you want him to do to you.

But now you had to be serious. Which was kinda concerning Tallahassee. Just a little.

“You okay, Darlin’?” he asked, you shrugged and motioned for him to sit down. He did, taking a seat beside you on the edge of the bed, “You’re worrying me, Darlin’”

“I kinda have something to tell you- but I don’t know how you’re gonna react,” you said and his eyes widened. He grabbed your arms and started inspecting them.

“You’re not bit are you?” he asked, still looking you over.

You shake your head, only nodding when he asks if you are sure, “I’m sure,”

“Then… what?”

You stood up and went over to the desk in the corner of the room. Tallahassee’s eyes followed your every move. Hidden under your notebook was the tests, you grabbed them and walked back over to Tallahassee. You held them up to show him.

“I’m pregnant,”

[nebulaedaniel]

slutty nun and modest devil

word count: 1.4k

warnings: dnp are at a club (unrealistic), alcohol, jokes about sinning, they kiss a bit :)

a/n: i just need you all to know i started writing this during my break at work, the baking video broke me

not proofread! lowercase intended

---

the club was dark, cobwebs and neon lights clouding phil’s vision. his plain devil costume felt out of place, especially after seeing the bartender with sfx makeup, making it look like their face was melting off. it’s a gay club after all, he should’ve realized people would go all out. even the most basic costume ideas, a ghost or a zombie, had been amplified with fishnet tights or bondage gear. phil even saw a sexy peter griffin while in line to the bathroom. he’s be lying to himself if he said it wasn’t passingly attractive.

two women dressed as marceline and princess bubblegum pushed their way next to him at the bar, giggling while ordering their tequila shots. they pushed up against phil, uncomfortably close considering that they decided to shove their tongues down each other’s throats while waiting.

phil struggled away, awkwardly nudging their bodies so they’d be leaning against the bar instead of him. he scanned the club, the dance floor was packed with moving bodies, if he took off his glasses it would look like a solid form moving. his eyes drifted away from the dancing bodies, seeing an empty space at a wall. he could lean against that until the alcohol set in, he decided.

navigating through the sweaty bodies, phil questioned as to why he decided that going to the club alone on halloween would be a good idea. in the end it didn’t matter, he was there and it felt more embarrassing to leave than to stay there alone. the wall felt cool against his back, he let out a tired breath and took another sip from his overpriced cocktail.

“vampire venom?” a voice piped up next to phil, making him jump. looking to his left, a man in a slutty nun outfit was looking at him. phil found himself starting to blush, the man had curly brown hair under the veil, fishnet tights and about the same height as himself, a rare sight.

“sorry?” phil asked, snapped out of his daze.

the man gestured at the drink in phil’s hand. “vampire venom? you should try to witches brew, it’s got chocolate liqueur instead of that fake fucking ‘lime’.” he actually did air quotes, rolling his eyes with a smile.

“oh i-“ phil found himself at a loss, a stranger making comments about his cocktail preferences left him stunned, “i thought the lime would be more refreshing”

phil winced at his own words, defending his choice was worse than saying nothing. to his surprise, the man gave a soft laugh, his brown eyes meeting phil’s. the man glanced around, also noticing the multi-bodied organism that had formed in the club.

“tell you what, let me buy you one and you’ll see that it’s the better choice” his eyes returned to phil, flicking down to shamelessly check him out.

“um, yeah, sure!” phil gave a smile, fully blushing at the fact that this hot nun wanted to but him a drink.

“i’m dan, by the way” the man said, grabbing phil’s hand and pulling him towards the bar.

one cocktail ordered later, phil found himself sat on a couch next to the man. next to dan. dan. dan in the slutty nun outfit. dan, whose legs were fully exposed, the skirt of the dress riding up as they sat.

“give it a try then, the anticipation is killing me!” dan grinned, urging phil to take a sip.

playfully rolling his eyes, phil took a sip.

“oh my god! that’s so good” phil found himself saying, eagerly going in for another sip before tilting the glass towards dan, “have some!”

a smirk crept it’s way across dan’s lips. he leaned forward, eyes steadily locked on phil’s as his tongue found the straw, lewdly licking and wrapping his lips around the straw.

burning heat shot through phil, face going as red as his costume. who was this man? there was an aura of confidence and flirtation around him, the first seemingly fueled by alcohol. regardless, it had phil wanting to inch closer, throw out some lie about the volume in the building and ‘not being able to hear him’.

phil opened his mouth to make a half true lie, but dan was quicker.

“it’s good… i just think it would taste better on your lips.” dan’s eyes stared into phil’s, the bold line sitting between them, the air becoming thick with the apparent attraction.

“i- yes” phil said, stumbling over his words in an awkward fashion. dan is bold, phil can’t remember the last time someone asked for a kiss instead of just leaning in.

a small smile formed on dan’s lips as he scooted closer, placing his hand on phil’s jaw, eyes flicking down to his lips. he was close, so close that phil could smell his cologne, musky and warm. his nose brushed phil’s cheek, their lips meeting.

“i was right,” dan breathed, “it's better this way.” phil had no time to reply before their lips collided again.

-

getting kicked out of a club on halloween wasn't on phil's list of goals, but there was something.. satisfying about a bouncer telling them to leave after dan has been straddling his lap and kissing him until his head was spinning. apparently groping someone whose ass is on display to the bar isn't appropriate, not that it's their fault that dan wore a tight dress that bunched around his hips when he straddled phil.

once outside in the cold air, phil found himself face to face with dan again. he really expected him to have run off. but he was there. flushed pink cheeks, swollen lips and with a thick coat on, dan was still there.

"oh, wait-" dan stopped phil from zipping up his coat, stepping closer and reaching out. "your cape isn't tied on properly. guess i tugged at it a bit, huh?"

they both laughed lightly while dan gently retied phil's bow.

"there we go" dan smiled, meeting phil's eyes again.

the music from the club was still audible from outside, the deep base thumping and making phil's bones rattle. he looked down, scuffing his shoes against the pavement. what now?

"so... that was fun" phil said, painfully aware that dan was looking at him. "sorry, i don't usually do this"

"which part, makeout with a stranger or ask them out afterwards?" dan sounded amused. phil couldn't help but smile, surprised at how relaxed he felt with dan. it shouldn't make sense, people makeout and hook up with strangers all the time without feeling fate wrapping around them. but there's something about dan that makes him crave his closeness.

"both," phil looks up again, smiling sheepishly, "it's not like i expected to kiss a nun at a gay club"

dan threw his head back in a laugh, it was near a cackle in sound.

"can't say i blame you, us nuns aren't usually in gay clubs" dan does a dramatic flick with his veil, bringing a laugh out of phil.

"a nun kissing the devil, isn't that like, the epitome of sin?"

"well i guess the only thing that would be worse, other than it happening at a gay club, is if the nun asked the devil to meet up again"

dan almost looked shy. the cold air must've sobered him up, phil thought.

"well, the devil can't deny sinners, it's kinda his whole thing" phil plucked his phone from his pocket, "put your number in? and i'll text you"

dan took the phone and phil looked around. there were some people smoking by the entrance, clearly looking at the pair. they must be an odd sight, a slutty nun and a modest devil.

"there," dan handed back the phone, phil noted the name he put in for himself. 'Dan (slutty nun)'. "i was gonna do emojis but 'slutty nun' didn't really reflect well in emoji"

phil grinned, quickly sending a text to dan and looking back up. the warm brown eyes sent a thrill down his spine.

"now you've got my number too," phil tucked his phone away again and finally zipped up his coat. "text me?"

"oh absolutely" dan grinned, "i'll text you"

dan turned around, glancing back at phil while walking away, smiling. phil turned around as well, a stupid smile on his face.

phil got 200 meters away from where they said goodbye, when a text notification comes through.

from dan.

"unless i can come over now?"

[accirax]

Disventure Camp All Stars Power Ranking (Round 12)

Well, I can already tell that this is going to be a SUPER episode! (Also, @venus-is-thinking is finally caught up and is joining me this week, so make sure to check her rankings out too if you enjoy mine!)

In case you haven't seen my previous power rankings ( 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11), the Power Ranking Format is essentially a way of ranking how well each player is doing in the game. So, in essence, this is a long form way of predicting who I think will be eliminated from the competition in the next episode. There will be spoilers for last week's episode (obviously) and its power ranking, so make sure to read that first if you don't want to be spoiled on how I ranked our last boot. If you want more clarification on the rules, that first post will help you out as well. Furthermore, I'm going to be spoiling the preview for next episode, so if you want to go in TOTALLY blind, save this for later. Let's go!

Recap - Tom's Elimination

Current Score: 49 acquired/73 total

HOW THE FUCK DID YUL NOT GO HOME?????

Anyways.

The fans have been rooting for a Tom/Jake/Aiden elimination for a while now, and I think it will be beneficial for the show moving forward to not have all three of them in the heroes' cast. I'd still probably call myself a Tom fan overall, but... goddamn did this guy make it hard to like him sometimes. Between the three of them, I think I baseline like Aiden the most, and I think Jake has the most potential, so I'm glad it was Tom of the three of them. I also got a whopping 8 points from him, so haha >:D

(I was SO worried about my score if Gabby had gone home... I still don't really understand why they targeted her in the first place, but, no matter.)

It's really weird to finally have more S2 characters than S1 characters given how the season started, though. I guess these guys are finally getting their time in the spotlight.

Trailer Analysis

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER THEMED EPISODE!!!

Therapy from Nina? This will be interesting...

Alec will get #whitegirlwasted at his reward. I know he's neither white nor a girl, but it's the vibes that count.

THE INTERVIEW ROOM??? Is Emily back?! :D

Quirk analysis time! I very much assume that this will be in the same simulation program that presented the zombie apocalypse challenge in S1, although this time, it seems participants will be aware of it ahead of time. Yul appears to have lightning powers, and possibly the ability to teleport, although that's very likely just him spawning into the program for the first time.

Riya's repping the fire nation.

Aiden has super speed and a great expression. The fact that this is his power is part of what makes me thinks Yul won't be able to teleport.

We "don't see any scenes of Connor using his powers"* (I'll come back to this later), but we do have a suit design for him. The gray color and geometric shapes make me think he could have some sort of earthbending-like ability?

Grett appears to be the water to Riya's fire. Do all of the former Yellow team members have elemental abilities? That could fit if Connor is earth, and Alec is air.

Gabby can turn into an eagle at least, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was just animal shapeshifting in general. Very fitting ability for her.

Another fitting power, because Jake is really fruity--

(I really hope he can only manipulate bananas instead of having telekinesis in general.)

Ally has stretchy powers, representing how she's carrying all of the other characters on her back. (/j) I would say that this scene is an argument against Connor being able to move rocks, though, because then it seems like he would have made a bridge.

These could be random creatures on the island, but I wouldn't be surprised if one or both were actually Gabby.

Beyond being hilarious, this is where we come back to that asterisk from earlier! I think this scene could be evidence of Connor having super strength as his power. That seems fitting with his character.

"And you never will...!"

Riya's definitely showing off her fire abilities here. My guess is that this could be in response to Connor trying to "get under her skin" (AKA genuinely help her) again. Riya would see that as a threat to her game, or possibly just to her winning immunity this episode.

Another really weird thing to note is that we don't see Alec's superpower in this trailer at all? The team seems pretty cavalier about showing off what everyone's abilities were, so I doubt they're concealing it for spoilers' sake. Here are a couple of my theories on that:

Alec gets so intoxicated before the challenge that he can't compete/gets eliminated instantly.

Alec is actually the dinosaur/kaiju that I mentioned earlier could be Gabby. However, I don't know if they would really want to make two different competitors' abilities "going beast mode."

Alec's power is invisibility. He could even be whatever Riya hears in the bushes and starts to throw a fireball at in that one scene. I think I like this theory the most, because invisibility matches Alec's cunning well.

Power Ranking

#1: Grett

I don't think I need to repeat my same argument again. Who is targeting Grett? There are far more problematic villains to target, from both the heroes' perspective and the villains'. We also know from last episode that, when Ally, Aiden, Connor, and Jake (and Tom) had the choice to vote for Gabby, Grett, or Yul, they chose to vote for Gabby. That makes me think that Grett is in less danger than Gabby at least.

Then there's all the stuff about Grett's character arc and how it would feel weird to eliminate her before Yul at this point... But, hey, didn't I say that I wasn't going to waste my time repeating myself? I would be incredibly surprised if Grett were ousted this episode.

#2: Ally

I have to admit, Ally's placement here is mostly a meta read as opposed to actual character dynamic analysis. Simply put, she's (currently) the only female hero left in the game. If Ally were eliminated now, it would leave Aiden, Connor, and Jake as the only heroes, which would just feel... weird. She also hasn't done a lot in the last couple of episodes, which would make the villains targeting her feel pretty random.

There's also that fake alliance that Riya attempted to set up with Ally last episode. Despite me arguing that Riya should actually be trying to set up Alec-less endgame options, it seems that Riya isn't actually intending on working with Ally at all at this point. Still, if Riya at least intends on keeping up the illusion of forming a women's alliance with Ally, she probably wouldn't be the one pitching Ally's name to an otherwise seemingly disinterested group.

There is still the argument that Ally doesn't seem to have a lot going on right now, so you could say that having her unfruitfully taking up space as an actual competitor would be worse than suffering one episode of a mediocre elimination. However, it seems like Ally and Connor will be spending a lot of time together in this episode, so I'm hopeful that the writers will capitalize off of the brief bond that Ally and Connor formed in S2 to create a new relationship for her to bounce off of in upcoming episodes. Well... assuming that both of them make it through this elimination, anyways.

#3: Jake

I can't really tell if Tom getting axed makes it more or less likely that Jake would be going home soon. On one hand, now that the TomJake plot is "over," Jake theoretically has fewer plotlines to justify his continued inclusion in the story. He made enough progress in his character arc of becoming a better, less paranoid person that he could exit the competition on a good note at this point. The writers may also want Tom and Jake to both be eliminated at the time of the fabled Loser's Motel episode so that we can wrap up their story with a heart-to-heart conversation.

However, with Tom gone, Jake also gains more opportunities to explore plotlines on his own, like his growing friendship(?) with Aiden. He has made progress in his character arc, but there's still a ways to go if his former backpedaling foreshadows anything. And, well... even if that Loser's Motel thing is true, they might want to eliminate Jake closer to when it would actually happen, so that they don't have to explain why Tom and Jake wouldn't have talked to each other for the entire time period before the episode takes place. (Venus theorized that the Motel episode will take place pretty close to the end of the season so that they can have as many characters in it as possible. That made sense to me, so I'm sticking with it.)

At the end of the day, Jake winds up pretty high because I overall think it's more likely that a villain will go home than a hero, and I think that the villains have two heroes that they're more likely to target than Jake. The votes simply don't seem to be there, in my opinion. Also, he still gives me some winner vibes, no matter how bananas that may sound to some.

#4: Aiden

Yeah, I know. I talk some big talk about there being two heroes that the villains are more likely to target than Jake, and then I put one of them directly below him. But, look, one point in ranking differences is a huge gulf at this point! And I do think that the villains are more likely to target Aiden than Jake, I'm just not convinced that it would actually go through.

Aiden still has a lot of enemies in the villains alliance. Even if Gabby confirmed last episode that she doesn't really have it out for Tom or Aiden anymore, Riya and Yul still dislike him. If there's some reason why they aren't allowed to target Connor this episode-- such as, if Connor wins immunity-- I imagine Aiden would be their most likely backup plan. And, if the heroes can't manage to do anything to split the villains up at this point, they have the majority, and Aiden is gone.

That possibility relies on a lot of contingents, though, and is overall pretty unlikely. Still, it's not like I would be stunned if it happened. I don't really think that Aiden is going to be a finalist again, so, if that's true, he's gotta go home at some point or another. It could be now! However, there are more compelling reasons for me to think that others might be eliminated, so I'm sticking Aiden here.

#5: Gabby

Trust me, I want to put Gabby higher. But, after last week's scare, I'm afraid that I have the wrong read on the group's dynamics. Clearly, the heroes thought there was something to worry about with Gabby, and she got a whopping five votes last episode. Being that close to elimination can't bode well for her odds in this round.

However, now that the heroes are down in numbers, it seems like it'd be a lot more difficult for them to actually manage to eliminate Gabby. This is because, now, they'd have to convince one of the villains to vote for Gabby with them. I can't imagine that Alec or Riya would be down for that for strategy reasons, and, despite Grett's complaints, I do think that she would struggle to vote Gabby out after all Gabby has tried to do to help her.

Really, their only option is Yul, but I do think that's possible. If Yul hears wind from Riya that Gabby wanted to flip on the alliance and vote him out, he could panic and decide to work with the heroes to vote out the biggest threat to his game. If that did happen, it could be the final nail in the coffin for Grett, who could work with the (still) four remaining heroes to eliminate Yul next time. You know. Because Yul's elimination seems to be a next time issue.

However, that fringe scenario would require the heroes to actually choose to work with Yul to vote out Gabby instead of working with Gabby to vote out Yul. Even if Gabby wouldn't have heard of that plan on her own, the heroes could always pitch that vote back to her, and she would presumably agree. That would be good for their games, because a vote would further cement Gabby with their alliance moving forward.

Wait, I'm not supposed to be writing about why Yul would go home! This is about Gabby being eliminated! I do definitely think it's possible. But, there are flaws with the premise as well. Thus, she winds up in the middle. That's what happens when half of me wants to put her higher, and half lower.

#6: Connor

I mean, what am I supposed to do in the face of the villains alliance directly saying last episode that Connor would be in trouble as soon as he didn't have immunity? Assuming that he doesn't win immunity again this episode, I find it incredibly likely that the villains' plan will be to throw all five of their votes on Connor. And, if everything goes according to plan, he would be eliminated. But... will it go to plan?

Yes, Connor has had one episode back in the game at this point to do things. And, do things he did! His motivational speech got all of the heroes to finally put their personal agendas aside and work as a team. Even if they lost the tiebreaker competition, that was a big step. Connor had an impact. He could be voted out.

Except, having your returning competitor be back for two episodes, only surviving the one because the host gave him immunity, is still pretty lame. It feels like we're on the precipice of a villains loss, which would be the perfect excuse timing for keeping Connor in the game for a little bit longer, even without immunity.

My internal feelings say that Connor wouldn't be voted out so soon, but, I've certainly been wrong before, so I'm trying not to rely too hard on gut instinct. Unless he has immunity, there probably will be votes headed his way. It's just a question of whether there'll be enough of them to knock Connor down.

#7: Alec

Alec... I really don't know. He's such a threat. He has too much power! People have to be coming for him at some point. He wouldn't win immunity again now... could he? What is this man doing?!

I can't help but feel like we're reaching the point where Alec's game takes a turn for the worse. The fact that he seemingly gets drunk at the reward bodes poorly for him, in my opinion. He's in control, and he's getting sloppy. He could even make a mistake directly as a result of him being drunk/hungover, like accidentally revealing too much of his true opinions. Opinions about what? Not liking Yul? Actually liking Riya? I can't say, but it could stir up trouble with the villains for the future.

Still, even if Alec will be in trouble soon, would it really result in his elimination now? Well, maybe. I maintain that if the heroes could eliminate anyone of their choosing, they should pick Alec. The issue is, he does seem pretty well insulated within the villains alliance, so getting Grett, Gabby, Yul, or Riya to flip on him could be tricky. Honestly, despite all my praise for their friendship, I feel like Riya could be the best choice. After all, she would be the most likely to realize the true threat that he poses.

Here's a classic Accirax Crack Theory: Maybe Alec does have the power of invisibility in this episode, but, not being able to see him, the other competitors assume that he was too hungover to compete, or that someone else eliminated him without their noticing. At the end of the challenge, someone will believe that they've won, only for Alec to sneak attack them and steal immunity from right under their nose. While he celebrates his third straight victory, Riya will have a sobering moment realizing Alec's ability to sneak, deceive, and win challenges. It plants the seed in her mind that she needs to get Alec out sooner rather than later, especially because the friendship she's been building with him (showcased in this episode with the reward) has been keeping her from seeing him as a threat. That's dangerous. He needs to go.

Now, you may have noticed that that Accirax Crack Theory does not actually support Alec going home in this episode, because he would have immunity again. Yet, I still have him at #7. Oops. Well, it's because, even if that theory isn't exactly right, parts of its logic could still be used to justify an Alec boot. Maybe that exact thing is about to happen, except Alec's sneak attack doesn't succeed. Maybe it's just that sloppy gameplay that causes Riya to panic and seek out that "fake" alliance she built with Ally.

I don't, like... really think that Alec is going home this episode, but there's still enough going against him that I feel okay putting him down here. There are still obvious reasons why Alec would go home, even if the votes aren't necessarily there. Although, hell, if the villains are split between voting Gabby and Yul (like Yul/Riya/Alec on Gabby and Grett/Gabby on Yul) or whatever, it would be really funny if the heroes could use their four votes on Alec in the exact same way that the villains did on Ashley. Weird things can happen, and I do feel like Alec's timer could be running out. It could just be pessimism, though. Can't forget the pessimism.

#8: Riya

Much like how Riya feels about Connor, I'm sure that, now that Riya (theoretically) no longer has immunity, Connor will want to vote her out if he has the chance. Aiden and Connor both want her gone, so I wouldn't be surprised if the heroes wind up throwing their votes on her if they don't have a better plan. The main point against that plan is that throwing four votes on Riya won't do a whole lot unless you can get a fifth vote or if the villains split their votes. Could that possibly happen?

Well, the "splitting the votes" option is basically the same thing I described for Alec, just with the heroes' votes landing on Riya instead of Alec. It could be a result of Alec having immunity again, or of them just having more of a personal vendetta against Riya. But, how could a fifth vote happen?

One option is definitely Yul. Despite working together for so long in DCAS, Riya and Yul definitely don't like each other, so Yul could flip to take her out. Remember that vote that Riya cast on Yul for funsies back at the Miriam vote? Now that Connor is back in the game, he could once again try to prove to Yul that it was Riya who cast that vote. If he could come up with some convincing proof, it could set Yul off. Wouldn't it be fitting for Riya to be eliminated as a result of her former pettiness?

This would also work in terms of Connor being the one to get Riya eliminated. I assume that, much like they were going for with Ashley and Fiore, the writers will want Connor to get his revenge on Riya at some point in this season. It could be now.

The dialogue scene shown in the trailer also gives me reason to worry for Riya. She seems to be having a dramatic and emotional moment, possibly losing control of the That Bitch(tm) persona she's tried to cultivate and reestablish in Connor's absence. If she freaks out in a way that winds up losing the challenge for the villains, it could remind the former Yellows of the way she lost them the musical challenge. It could be additional fuel to the fire of Yul's flipping, or even convince Alec that she's too much of a liability...?

I don't know. I definitely feel like there's something there to support a Riya elimination, but I sorta worry about putting her this low, because I might be calling it too early. But, it's gotta be #9's time to go, right?!

#9: Yul

I'm NOT making my Ellie mistake again. I'm not going to let the fact that I feel like Yul should have been an obvious boot an episode or two ago cause me to gaslight myself into moving him away at the eleventh hour...!

I already talked about one way that Yul could be eliminated back in Gabby's section, and that's not even the most obvious way he could get axed. Gabby and Grett just straight up turning on him seems far more likely. I'm sure that the skin tight superhero suits will only invite more negative commentary from Yul to Grett, which could further motivate Gabby.

This point isn't necessarily directed at solely Yul, but, the superhero imagery certainly seems to bring a heroes' victory in this episode to mind, doesn't it...?

Yeah, I don't have much else to add about Yul. I think that I've already said everything I have to say about him in prior power rankings. Other than that the tiebreaker loss thing probably isn't happening anymore, just because I doubt they'd want two tiebreakers in one season. Ah well. You can't win 'em all... but hopefully I'll finally win by putting Yul at the bottom this week.

Well, that's it! I'll once again plug @venus-is-thinking's own power ranking if you want something else to read now that you're done with this. See you all on... Saturday? Woah, what a twist! We're really picking up the pace heading into the Disvengers: Endgame. I'm sure the superhero timing was purely intentional. Until then!

[peachymilkandcream]

What if Levi accidently Evelyn to the point she was like a doll, and can't do anything herself?

My Little Doll | Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: Interesting idea! I'm listening to some oldies while writing this so it kind of fits the mood! This one’s a little short because I am just swamped this weekend. Hope you enjoy and thank you for the request!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

===============================================

Levi stared at Evelyn as they sat across from each other. The music over the record player scratched out while the two sat in silence. Levi peered over his newspaper to look at his wife silently sitting and watching the record spin around and around.

Something was off about her. Since his last beating she had seemed different. She didn't take the time or energy to fight him or to do the things she ought as a wife. It was starting to creep him out.

"Hey."

Evelyn turned to look at him.

"Go make me some tea."

She nods and slowly rises, not noticing or caring that her husband stared. It was as if her behavior was normal to her.

"Wait. Come give me a kiss."

Again she obeys, bending dutifully to let Levi press a peck on her lips before retreating to the kitchen.

He shakes the uneasy feeling out of his brain, trying to focus on the words in front of him. It was important in their current day and age to be caught up on the state of the world, as a Captain in one of the most important and powerful stations of their little world he had to be aware.

Suddenly a crash startles him out of his thoughts. Quickly he rushes to the scene of the noise, finding Evelyn standing absentmindedly at the shatter cup on the ground.

“The fuck are you doing? Wasting a perfectly good cup- what happened?”

“I don’t know. It just slipped and- yeah-“

“What has gotten into you lately? You’re like a fucking zombie- must I do everything?”

“Would you?”

He stares in disbelief a moment. “You’re serious aren’t you. You want me to treat you like some doll, you can’t do shit for yourself. Is that it?”

Her silence is answer enough. With a sigh he picks up the pieces, making the tea himself. “Go sit down. I’ll handle this.”

==================================

Having a wife who acted more or less like a child wasn’t a curse like he initially thought. It was useful in the end. She didn’t escape, or try. She didn’t fight him and did whatever he wished without question or complaint. As a matter of fact, he enjoyed her dependence. She required him for everything in life. He was all she needed to survive.

Her everything.

A glare silenced the looks of question that came from any nosy observers. They didn’t ask why the once fierce Lieutenant Glass was now a hollow Mrs. Ackerman. It almost as if they knew that those who pried often disappeared.

Levi made every decision, when and what she ate, her clothes, hair. Everything. She was his to command and parade around as he so chose.

His little doll.

[agentkaz]

kloktober day 11: horror movie crossover

this one was hard and is silly but i'm still going. man most of the horror movies i've paid attention to enough to remember specifics are like. zombie ones. and i already have undethklok. so uhhhh then my brain went undethklok/psychomania crossover??? i don't fuckin know. i saw this movie once on a vhs tape when i was a teenager and the concept of asshole immortal bikers fucking shit up has been vaguely hanging around in my brain ever since. maybe i should watch it again. anyway this is extra extra stupid. look out for wanton destruction, vehicular manslaughter, and unsafe practices on the murdercycle.

"Okay, guys, get in," Nathan said. He sat on the murdercycle, gesturing towards the sidecars. "We're dead now. So we can't really fuckin' die anymore."

"What if we gets shots in the head?" Toki asked.

"We're not gonna get shot in the head," Nathan said.

"What if we get set on fucking fire?" Murderface asked.

"We're not gonna get set on fucking fire," Nathan said.

"What if we gets our heads cuts off?" Skwisgaar asked.

"We're not gonna get our heads cut off."

"What if we get shot in the head, then they set us on fuckin' fire, then they cut our heads off?" Pickles asked.

Nathan growled. "Everybody shut the fuck up. None of that fucking matters. We're dead, so we can fuck shit up whenever we want. Let's go fuck shit up."

And fuck shit up they did. They rode together towards the nearest town, and the four sidecars jutting out from the bike made it easy to run over anybody who got in their way, which was basically everybody. Leaving no part of the road untouched, they wrecked into cars, knocked over anything and everything they could, terrorized little old ladies, and made a huge nuisance of themselves.

Soon enough, they'd left a giant mess of broken objects and people and plenty of property damage. Satisfied only by the fact that they had nothing left to do here, they surveyed their work.

"Okay, good job everybody. Let's go back. Toki, what the fuck are you doing?"

Toki had left his sidecar and he glanced up from the body he was picking up like he'd been caught. "Takin's some snacks for the road," he said.

Nathan considered this for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

[rise-my-angel]

All of sudden joel hate coming up in YouTube how he had it coming

So dose that mean every characters in zombie movies tv show had it coming

I'm sick and tired of people pretending abby didn't didn't pull knife wouldn't hesitate to kill joel didn't he also murder immune people ??? Whole firefly killed immune people

But sociopath psycho joel had it coming because he killed innocent people

" I'm tired of people using joel voice actor to valid it argument joel had it coming he litreally compared joel to David the cannibalistic man and other rapists and murders in tlou "

Hot Take: If what you got out of the first game was Joel had it coming, then you have a very cynical and unemotional approach to morally grey characters.

Joel Miller is a prime example of a morally grey charecter, a good man who does the right thing when it matters most, but does a lot of harm along the journey to get there. We as the players do not need to agree with everything he does, we do not need to defend or support it. But the point of the story was an emotional study of him as a charecter, and why in the end, you understand why he does what he does in the Hospital.

I also think people tend to look at the Fireflies with a bit of an uncritical lens. They see oppressive governing power in Fedra, and a group of rebels and previous media tells us to root for them. But they are just as morally grey. And looking at the good they do versus the harm, the Fireflies loose massively against Joel beacause the good they have done does not outweigh the bad. The fireflies are terrorists to the point multiple people in universe call them as such, and they are not shown to be reliable or to be trusted.

I think it's fine if someone decides they don't like Joel personally, but the reason why people got so mad at the second game wasn't just that Joel didn't have it coming. It was that no one should have that coming for them. We were mad beceause it was cruelty for the sake of cruelty. When the cruelty of the first game always had a narrative or charecter driven purpose. Wheras here, they have to spend an entire third of the game AFTER the fact to justify why they did it, and most of us found that conclusion to be entierly unsatsifying.

Painting Joel as a violent, bad man who deserved what happened to him, is to approach the heart of the first story with a very unsympathetic and vengeful viewpoint. Joel wasn't getting revenge for Sarah in the Hospital, he was doing the right thing. Abby on the other hand, only did it for revenge because her world was a worse place after Joel was dead.

It's just not a good follow up to the first game beacuse you need us to believe a character assasination of Joel to be true, just to get us on board with the basic plot. Which we don't.

They can't lie about a character I already know, and an organization i already watched do more harm then good.

Joel hate is very much a product of the second game and did not grow organically within the community as a stance. Most anti Joel content soley relies on you buying into the story of the sequel to make it work. Because no evidence from the first game supports their narrative of Joel being a bad enough person to deserve such an end.

Also, I do not care what people like Troy or Neil have to say. I've seen enough of their discussions to know that they are trying to push the narrative that justifies the second games existence. They aren't saying it in good faith, they're saying it to convince people that Joel was a bad man all along, only as long as you listen to them make strawman arguments of their own game.

Anyways, long way of saying, I'll never feel bad for the Fireflies.

Fuck 'em.

[zalrb]

“Klaus wouldn’t come to town without seeing me first,” said Caroline.  

“He might if he was coming for Stefan,” said Damon. He shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

LMFAO facts!!! if klefan was a gif:

Caroline glared at her. “Seriously? Why would you do this?”

Rosetta smiled. "It's like live action Sims."

LMFAO not you referencing my favorite game of all time

Rosetta walked slowly toward him, smiling cruelly as she did. “You’re jealous,” she said. “I don’t have to Read you to see that, anybody can see that. And it’s not just the pedestrian sexual jealousy that’s driving you mad.” Her eyes were searching his. “It’s him. You have sired two vampires in your lifetime and still no one has been obsessed with claiming you like women have for Stefan.”

Rosetta shrugged. “Maybe I’m off-base,” she said. “Maybe it’s really because you were the one who brought out her darkness or that’s what everyone said. And Stefan is beating you at that too.”

LMFAO

me everytime damon gets dragged

She threw her hands up in playful exasperation. "I can admit when I'm wrong. When you suggested hide and seek, I didn’t think of the possibilities.”

She glanced around, seeing bodies, some decapitated, some simply mutilated, scattered on the floor, the words “READY OR NOT, HERE I COME” painted in blood across the wall. Her eyes widened in horror.

ive got a card for elena:

Nicole did throw up. Stefan compelled her. “Relax,” he said. “Don’t be scared.”

"Why did you do that?" said Elena, annoyed. "I want her scared."

Stefan grinned. "OK." He looked back at Nicole. "Forget what I just said, feel whatever you were feeling before, be scared."

me watching stefan cater to elena

hes living my dream

"Oh my God, everyone's dead..."

"Not everyone," said Stefan. "Who do you think is playing the music?"

They walked into the ballroom where the tables around the dance floor still had dinner on them, the food beginning to rot. Some tables had dead patrons slumped over onto the linen. On stage, a piano quartet was playing their instruments. They would look almost like zombies with their drawn faces and pallid skin save for the fact that they were crying silently.

They'd been playing for two days straight -- Elena had compelled them never to stop, never to falter, even if they were scared or angry, even if they had to use the bathroom, to just keep the music never-ending. It had originally been a quintet until the day before when Stefan compelled the two violists to a musical duel, seeing who could play the fastest and the longest without breaking a string. When one inevitably did, Elena giggled."

LMFAO. zal. this is both the most horrifying AND hottest thing ive ever read. im disturbed by my reaction to this

they are so fucking ruthless and im LIVING FOR IT

“Please,” she whispered. “What are you going to do to me?”

“That’s not for me to decide. This is all about her.” He motioned toward Elena who was twirling on the dance floor, her arms wide. "I love live music!"

His eyes misted over as he watched spin. “I mean, how could I not do anything for her?”

He tilted his head and kissed her forehead. “You know, it meant nothing,” he said. “She didn’t matter.”                        

“Your emotions are off,” said Elena dismissively. “Nothing matters.”        

Except, it seemed, for this."

not me getting emotional over the fact that even without his humanity stefan wants to make elena happy. he even tries to comfort her despite the fact that her humanity is turned off as well. theyre fucking soulmates i love them so much

"No matter what, keep playing,” she said. “Think of it like the Titanic."

"Yes," said Stefan. "Except instead of playing as a ship goes down, you'll keep playing until your truly horrific, painful death. Don’t forget to play well, you know? It’s your last show."

AGAIN

"The quartet played with renewed vigour and Stefan and Elena held onto each other, swaying to the music, as the flames devoured everything around them."

LMFAO rosetta is right, it really is like live action sims 🤣🤣🤣

THIS WAS AMAZING. looking forward to the next chapter!!!

LMFAO. zal. this is both the most horrifying AND hottest thing ive ever read.

LMAO SIMS is SO FUCKING weird. every time i see a gif of the game i'm just like ????

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette Rates Love, Death & Robots, Vol.3

THREE ROBOTS: EXIT STRATEGIES - Look, I want to love these little fuckers, I really do. They have appealing designs and distinct personalities, so if you're going to work with the premise of "robots commenting on the now-extinct humanity", having these three as your protagonists is a great idea! It's just that the material they gave them this time around just plain wasn't very funny. Also, the dumbshit cats geta cameo, which instantly makes me take away a whole ass point from my rating. 6/10

BAD TRAVELLING - This is one of those that I have nothing to add, because it's just so damn good. Absolute banger of a story where every piece of the puzzle falls in its place perfectly. If there is any kind of minor complaint I'd have towards it, it's that while the horror and gore are S-tier, overall the short isn't very interesting visually, and the monster is basically a giant crab, which is pretty lame, even though the atmosphere is good enough to mostly make you forget that. 9/10

THE VERY PULSE OF THE MACHINE - I have even less to say about this, because like. It's absolutely fucking perfect. Everything in it works so well: the story, the characters, the visual, oh my God the visuals... This, my friends, is what high art looks like. 10/10

NIGHT OF THE MINI DEAD - I can only assume this is what people mean by sociological storytelling. Seriously, maybe it's because I was a bit sleep deprived when I watched this, but while the presentation of this mostly fairly standard zombie apocalypse thingie was indeed novel, I am not sure what the point of it was. My best guess is that it was meant to be funny, which... I guess I did chuckle a bit? But not a lot. Honestly, the whole thing just felt gimmicky, although the animation was admittedly impressive. In the end, it's mostly just pure spectacle, but also so good in this regard that I can't hate it too much. 8/10

KILL TEAM KILL - This one was basically just Sucker of Souls with a slightly more dynamic story (in that they didn't spend the whole time in one place just shooting at the monster) and more attempts at jokes. And I say attempts, because while some of them did land very well, those that didn't were pretty painful. Like the honey badger thing was repeated so many times, and I am just thinking, what do these dickbags think honey badger even is?! Then there's also the little fact that these attempts at humor completely undermined any story tension, and the characters didn't make for this, because the characters were another bunch of wisecracking military dudebros, which is a character archetype that fucked up a whole lot of my investment in Vol.1. 3,5/10 for the few good jokes, and because it was ever-so-slightly less terrible than Sucker of Souls.

SWARM - A mostly good episode with a fascinating premise and philosophical conflict at its heart, it's just that I was pretty confused about the ending. Like is the asshole who wanted to clone the Swarm going to die or not, is all I want to know. Still, I am very happy to be assured that the Benign Tyranids will be fine no matter what, since Benign Tyranids are more likeable than most of the military men that star in some of these. This despite the fact that Benign Tyranids sorta killed and assimilated a woman that was actually on their side. 8/10

MASON'S RATS - Maybe I am taking this one too seriously, but did this old fucker just attempt to commit a genocide on an obviously sentient race?! And then had a change of heart, after which said sentient race forgave him immediately??? What I mean is, not bad, but it needed a longer runtime and some more scenes showing the perspective of the rats. 7/10

IN VAULTED HALLS ENTOMBED - Okay, the Horrors weren't bad, but they weren't that amazing either, and certainly not enough to make up for the fact that the protagonist were ANOTHER GROUP OF AMERICAN SOLDIERS IN THE MIDDLE EAST, FUCK ME. And not particularly interesting ones either! I mean I guess making the protagonist so unlikeable that you do actually want them to die is one way to do horror. 3/10 just for the semi-decent eldrich beings.

JIBARO - This one was just plain WTF. Some things, like the gold basically being the Siren's skin and river filling with blood after she's hurt made sense in a sort of fairytale logic way, but others, like the dickish knight randomly regaining his hearing, were just plain confusing. Also what was that editing. What was that pink filter. And most importantly, why the hell did Siren apparently want to fuck this dude?! Still, I guess the story made some sense as an anti-greed parable running on pure dream logic, and the design of the Siren is just as instantly iconic as her constant presence in promos for the show would suggest, so. 8/10

[yasminsqueendom]

3. Family Drama

WC:3798

TW/CW: Brief Physical Violence (at end), Emotional Manipulation by family

Micky groaned when her alarm started blaring. She needed more rest. Yesterday had worn her out in more ways than just physical. She debated calling out, but the thought of sitting in the house another day nearly made her gag. Just go in, girl. She kicked her blanket off and stumbled over to her bathroom. After a quick wipe down in the bathroom she brushed her teeth. What should I wear? She was shuffling through her storage bin when she heard her phone buzz.

Good morning. How did you sleep? Erik was checking in on her.

I slept ok. Getting ready for work now. How was your night? 

Long. My sleep schedule is all out of whack. I just got in the office tho. Have a good day, bbygirl. ;*

She sent back a short you, too and continued dressing.

Hours later she was dozing at her station in Minxie's Clothing. She was supposed to be clearing out the dressing rooms, but her exhaustion wouldn't let her keep moving. She'd almost begun to snore when she heard her name.

"Mikaela? Are you back here?" Fuck.

She snapped up with a handful of clothes to greet her supervisor, Stacy, before the older woman started opening all the stalls. "Yes Stace. I'm just grabbing some.." Micky inspected her handful "...crop tops." She popped out of the stall, an awkward smile on her face. "One of them was kinda stuck under the bench so it took me a second."

"Okay. What's going on?" Clearly, Stacy was not convinced. "You've been walking around like a zombie all day. And now you're napping on the job."

"Nothing. I just slept bad last night. Lot of tossing and turning, you know? I'm sorry." I really gotta stop lying like this. "It won't happen again."

"I know it won't. That's what PTO is for. You don't get paid to sleep." Micky swallowed the urge to mention that using PTO meant that she would, in fact, be paid to sleep. Stacy wandered off after Micky apologized a few more times. Stress was spilling into all aspects of her life and it was causing big problems. What am I supposed to do now?

Erik felt himself dozing off in his chair. He’d told the secretary that he didn’t want visitors today. It was too difficult for him to focus on work. He forced his eyes to stay open as he looked around his office space. Floor to ceiling windows, name placard made of heavy wood and polished steel, wide open decor, expensive rug just inside the door. He worked for one of the most prestigious security firms in the nation, making damn good money. None of it did anything for him like his other job did. 

He thought back on his life, and how he ended up here. In an effort to get him legitimate, his cousin had pulled strings to get him a day job. T’Challa was righteous like that. Erik, on the other hand, had grown up with a different perspective of the world. A few years after his father was killed, his uncle, dressed in a catsuit with a tattoo on his lip came and scooped him up. That was his first visit to Wakanda. He’d been 15 years old, and angry as hell. He ran away several times, getting into trouble. They’d had to sit a Dora Milaje outside his rooms to keep him in check, but even that didn’t work sometimes. Once King T’Chaka realized that he couldn’t keep a leash on his nephew, he let young Erik roam under the condition that he spent at least two weeks of every month in Wakanda. Erik was 18 by that time. 

The sound of his phone buzzing drew him out of his memories. “Stevens.” He answered.

“Cousin! How are you doing? How is work? You said you would call when you got back to the States. Why didn’t you?” Shuri’s excited voice momentarily overwhelmed his senses. She had a way of doing that. Still, he adored her. 

“Hey Shuri-cakes. Wassup?” She hated that nickname. Using it had the desired effect, she went silent. “I didn’t have time to call. I needed to sleep off the jetlag, and I got caught up in a private matter. Work is work. How’s things over there?” 

“First of all, don’t call me ‘Shuri-cakes’. I hate it! You know that. What private matter?”

“That’s none of your business, lil Cuz. That’s why it’s private.”

“Erik, you promised my mother you would not do mercenary work anymore.”

“It wasn’t that big. A friend of mine was harassed by a creep while she was taking a walk. I was just helping her out, that’s it.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he’d fucked up.

“SHE?! Who is she? You have a lady friend? And you didn’t tell me. I am offended. How can you be my favorite cousin if you keep such secrets from me?”

“I’m your only first cousin, I just ought to be your favorite.”

“You cannot distract me, Erik. Tell me more about this lady friend. Quickly, please.”

“You sound like your mother when you make demands like that.”

“Don’t ever say that to me again. Tell me what I want to know.”

“I have to get back to work, Shuri-cakes. Talk to you later.” He hung up before she could respond.

His computer screen lit up with Shuri’s face glaring at him from the other side of the world. Why do I have a little cousin who can hack into anything from anywhere in the world?

“You do not get to hang up on me! Tell me who she is? I want to know.”

“Shuri! I work for a SECURITY firm. You cannot just hack into my computer like that. Didn’t y’all want me to go legit? I could lose my job, little girl.”

“T’Challa may have brought you to the door, but MY software is what sealed the deal. You should be saying ‘thank you’ cousin.” The smug look on her face made him wish he could whoop her ass. She was too damn cute. Erik felt the corner of his mouth twitch at the sight of his little cousin trying to be tough. 

“Listen up, little girl. I can have friends without you in my business.”

“Well, your phone’s GPS says you spent quite a bit of time at a park yesterday, and then at an apartment building 15 minutes from your condo.” Erik pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Shuri, I’m gonna count. And by the time I finish, you better be off my damn computer. 10...9...8…”

“But, Erik.”

“5...4...3...2…” She disconnected the line before he finished. Pain in the ass. 

Shuri hadn’t been entirely wrong to suspect him. He was busy the night before. Oh, Clarence. Erik didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about the bitch nigga’s fate. He was thankful that he’d left his phone in his condo. His little cousin didn’t need to know everything about him. She didn’t need to know that Clarence would be running out of air in the next few hours. Didn’t need to know that he would spend all of eternity buried under the park he liked to prowl so much. Didn’t need to know that all the ‘legit’ shit was just one side of him. Killmonger was very much alive. Sorry to disappoint you, Unc. You prolly in the ancestral plane side eyeing the fuck outta me right now. Erik would always have that other side. People like him were necessary to balance out the bullshit. Heroes can’t be everywhere.

Bzzz Bzzz. He gripped his phone up, thinking it would be Shuri. “What did I say, Shuri-cakes?” There was a pause on the line. He finally looked at the name on the screen. Oh fuck.

“Who is Shuri-cakes?” Micky’s voice sounded cold in his ear.

“My little cousin.” He wasn’t lying, but he knew Micky would find it suspicious just the same.

“Your little cousin.” She said it slowly, like she was trying to convince herself it was the truth.

“Yeah. I was supposed to call home to let them know I made it to the States. She was chewing me out about it. What’s going on, ma?” He wasn’t about to argue with two crazy ass women in one day. Micky would either accept his words, or get the hell over it. “You aiight?”

She responded after a pause. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tryna see if you wanted lunch. I still feel like I owe you for helping me yesterday.”

“You don’t owe me for being a decent person. I would do the same if I didn’t know you.”

Another pause. “Oh. So I’m just like a stranger to you?”

Erik pinched the bridge of his nose again. “No Micky. You’re like….” Like what? A sister? Nah. A friend? Maybe. More than that? Probably.

“You really hesitating right now?” She was getting pissed. He had to get ahead of this.

“You’re my friend, Micks. I got love for you, more than most. Like family.” 

“Like your cousin?” She couldn’t get past that part. 

“Listen, I’m behind in work. I gotta get through these last few meetings. How about a rain check? We can do dinner.” 

“Ummm. I have to go over my mom’s place later. I won’t be back until like 10.” She still sounded irritated, but something told Erik it wasn’t just him that was pissing her off. 

“That’s cool. Let me know when you get home. I’ll be there with takeout from your favorite place.” 

“Okay, I will. See ya.” 

“Bye.” He hung up, taking a deep breath to center himself. Two of his favorite women annoyed him more than anyone else in the world. Only I would be so lucky.

Micky sat in her car for a while after work, thinking back on the conversation she’d had with Erik before she was supposed to go to lunch. She knew it wasn’t really her business, but she wanted to know who ‘Shuri-cakes” was. It would be annoying for her to keep asking about it. Erik had never raised his voice at her, but she knew he had a temper. It would be better for her to just let it go. Take the free food. If only she could keep things simple like that. Her curiosity wouldn’t let her let it go.

She’d powered through the rest of her shift, avoiding the comforting privacy of the fitting rooms. Stacy wouldn’t stop hovering so she never had a down moment. She skipped her lunch, having lost her appetite after her conversation with Erik. Now, she had to go see her mother. Apparently, there was some important update about Mark that couldn’t be stated over the phone. It sounded like an excuse to get her over there. Micky didn’t want to be involved.

She started her car and pulled out of the parking lot. Her mom called again while she was driving. “Hey, Mom. I’m on my way.”

“Okay, baby. Your grandma is here, too.” Fuck. 

“Oh alright. I just left work, so I’ll be there in 25 minutes.” It was 7:30pm. This was the last thing Micky wanted to do after working an 11 hour shift. “See you soon.” She hung up as her mother was saying goodbye. 

Almost a half hour later, Micky turned into her mother’s driveway. She sighed as she unlocked the door, announcing herself. “Mommy, I’m here.”

“We’re in the kitchen!” Micky walked through the house like she was going to be executed. Her eyes wandered as her feet carried her forward. Almost nothing had changed since she moved out a year ago. The polished hardwood floors shone so bright. The old school floral wallpaper that lined the living room brought back memories of happier times. Even the layered glass on the wall that reflected the rest of the room reminded her of her childhood. The huge China cabinet looked like it was cleaned recently. Everything spotless as usual.

“There you are!” Her mother had come to the kitchen doorway, most likely wondering what was taking so long. “Hurry up, now. We got a lot to talk about.” She disappeared back into the kitchen. Micky heard silverware clinking, and the smell of good cooking finally hit her nose. Damn. They weren’t going to let her leave without filling her up. This was gonna ruin her dinner. 

“Hey Grandma.” Micky bent to kiss her grandmother on the cheek. Looking at the older woman was almost comical. She loved wearing dark brown wigs despite her wrinkles and slightly hunched back. Mrs. Edna had quite the reputation for being sharp no matter the occasion. This time was no exception. “Looking good as always.”

“And you look worn out.” Micky suppressed a sigh. Sharp clothes. Sharper tongue. It was perhaps the most annoying characteristic of all the hags. They could never just be positive. They had to let you know your failings, too. Ms. Edna yanked Micky’s arm toward herself. "Still got that bumblebee tattoo, I see." Micky resisted the urge to pull her arm out of the older woman’s grasp.

"It don't come off, Grandma Edna." Micky looked toward her mother. "Y'all wanted to talk about something?"

The two older women looked at each other before Grandma Edna spoke up. "Well, why don't you sit and eat some food first. You look like one of them crackheads."

"Grandma!" Micky felt humiliated. She knew she was on the chunky side, so her grandma was being smart.

"Now don't you raise your voice at me! If you came around more, you'd be eating good. You got one of them disorders?"

Micky looked to her mother for some assistance. "Now, mom. Don't get her all upset,” she said.

"I'm just saying, Vicky. The child ain't been around here. God knows what she's been getting into. Especially since she don't have time for her own family." 

Micky wanted to scream. "Is that what you wanted to talk about? Is that why I'm here? To solve family problems that started looooong before I was even a thought." Something inside Micky snapped. Her voice was nearly a whisper, but the intensity in her eyes spoke volumes. "That's it? You wanna be mad at me for telling you grown folks to solve your own problems?"

"Now, Mikaela. Don't speak to your grandmother like that!" Vicky warned.

"Oh mom, please. I didn't want to come here. If this has anything to do with Mark, please say so now. So, I can walk away now and not waste my time."

Both of the older women stared at her for a painfully long moment. Both of their gazes locked on her like they had prey in their sights. Micky felt like she was under attack even though neither of them spoke.

“Well, that’s how you really feel?” Micky watched her mother’s face carefully. Had she gone too far this time? “You feel just because it’s not you directly that you don’t have to get involved.”

“Not exactly.” It was so much more complicated than that. “I just feel like, if he is so angry about the way he was brought up, and he is not handling it right. What am I supposed to do about it? Y’all raised him.” 

“Now you listen here.” Grandma Edna was clearly not about to take that kind of talk from her granddaughter. Even if it was as respectful as Micky could manage. “Sit ya back-talking self down before I put you down.” Micky sat. “Now, if this was you begging for attention, you would want us to give it to you. How dare you ignore your brother when he is in need.”

“I’m not ignoring my brother. He texts me almost everyday. He calls me on occasion, too. Never once have I felt unsafe, or like he was about to do something crazy.” 

Grandma Edna held her hand up, forcing Micky to stop talking. “I know you two talk to each other. That’s why I’m asking you to help. Don’t you think it’s the least you could do?”

“I listen to him. I let him say his piece, and he always seems calmer afterwards. I am helping.” Micky wasn’t about to let one of the hags make her feel guilty about a grown ass man with anger issues. 

“But you don’t know the things he’s said to me. You don’t know the things I’ve heard, or the messages he sends.” Grandma Edna started gesturing at Vicky. Micky looked between the two of them. “Get that computer out my bag.” Oh great. Now we’re breaking his confidence to gossip about his pain. 

“You got a laptop?” That seemed unlikely to Micky. She almost laughed when she saw the brand new android phone her mom pulled out. She calls it a computer, haha. “Oh. Grandma, that’s a phone!”

“They can do everything a computer can. Keep laughing, wench.”

Micky couldn’t stop herself from giggling at the absurdity of this conversation. It took a moment to get control of herself. “I’m sorry about that. It’s still not a computer.”

Micky watched as her grandma slowly unlocked her phone, and proceeded to search for Mark’s messages. “Vicky!” Clearly, finding the messaging app was too complicated for the older woman. “Ask your millennial grandchild!” Micky wished she could put up two fingers and fade like her favorite gif. 

“Alright, let me see it. What are you looking for exactly?” Micky started scrolling through the apps menu on the phone. After a confusing back-and-forth with her grandma, she finally found exactly what the old woman wanted. Grandma Edna snatched the phone out of her hand, started to read out loud the parts she wanted Micky to hear. 

“I hate everything. I am filled with hate. You taught me that. I must end this. Your religion is the real devil. You worship Say-Tan.” The messages were all short sentences. There were about twelve of them, all about the same thing. Hate, religion, Satan. It was the same thing over and over.

“He’s said all the same things to me. But, he was pissed. You don’t get it. He’s throwing a big ass tantrum.” Micky was momentarily blinded after something collided with the back of her head. “What?” She blinked to clear her vision.

“Cuss in front of me again, and see what I do to you.” Vicky’s voice was icy and full of rage. Her wig was vibrating. Micky felt instantly bad, but she meant every word she said.

“Mommy, I’m not trying to be rude. It’s like y’all aren’t hearing me. The kind of help he needs is beyond me. Y’all keep asking me to talk to him. I already am. You keep asking me to figure out what’s wrong. I’m telling you. I don’t know what else you want.” Micky wanted to cry again, but she wouldn’t break this time. They needed to understand what she had to say. “My whole spirit has been messed up over this. I keep having anxiety attacks and I’m not sleeping. I can’t sacrifice my sanity for this. You need to put the work in.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you are abandoning your family?” Grandma Edna wouldn’t back off, and it was starting to really piss Micky off. 

“No, I am doing what I can. I listen to him. I hear him out. Anytime I suggest getting help for his anger, he snaps on me.”

“That doesn’t bother you?” Grandma Edna was trying to find a hole in what Micky was saying. She wanted Micky to feel responsible so that she didn’t have to deal with the fact that she had a hand in damaging a little boy who grew up to lash out.

“It bothers me every day. It bothers me just as much that neither of you seem to want to handle it yourselves.” Micky saw the hand coming this time, but she didn’t bother stopping it. It would just make her mother angrier. She let the sting of it wash over her, grounding her. Somehow, the pain brought her clarity. “If you hit me again, I will walk out that door, and you will never see me again.” She looked directly in her mother’s eyes as she spoke.

“If I hit you again, won’t nobody see you again. You’re being so disrespectful. Let your grandmother say what she has to say. Stop acting like that!” Micky wanted to leave. It occurred to her that nothing was stopping her from doing just that. Nothing stood between her and the door.

“Mikaela.” Her grandma spoke quietly. “You wanna give up on your brother, that’s something you have to deal with.”

“I speak to him at least once a week-”

“Aht aht. Don’t you dare open that yap of yours again.” That hot ball of frustration was growing in Micky’s chest. She felt herself shutting down. Her vision was blurring from unshed tears. Some parts of her felt hot, and other parts felt cold. This was the exact reason she didn’t want to be here. It would be worth being disowned to not have to deal with the bullshit anymore. 

“Listen to me! I’m only asking you to do something easy. Just see if you can text Karina and see if she will watch him for me.”

“You want me to help you spy on him for you?” Micky saw her mom’s hand twitch in the corner of her eye. Please do it. “No. I’m not asking his baby mama to spy for you.”

The look of absolute disdain on her grandmother’s face almost made Micky laugh. This lady had the audacity to be mad after a ridiculous request like that. The situation was a fucking comedy.

“Yeah, no. I’m not doing that.” Micky checked her phone. It was almost 9pm. “I have a date.”

“So that’s what it is. You got a man, and he’s telling you to act like this.” Vicky was grasping at straws with a reach like that.

“No. I’m single. We just ran into each other yesterday. I want to see him tonight.”

“It’s a little late for a respectable date, don’t you think?” The judgment in her mother’s voice didn’t touch Micky. She was already cold inside from the slaps to her head.

“It’s not gonna be respectable. It’s gonna be nasty, and hot, and wet. I’ll probably call him ‘Daddy’ a lot. I may even get on my knees and-” Micky was interrupted by the sound of glass breaking. Her mother had dropped a glass of wine on the floor.

“Get out of my house.” She said it so quietly that Micky barely heard the words. 

“Fine.” She scooped up her phone and purse, and walked away.