#i think the last time i wrote phanfic was in 2018 im not kidding

[nebulaedaniel]

slutty nun and modest devil

word count: 1.4k

warnings: dnp are at a club (unrealistic), alcohol, jokes about sinning, they kiss a bit :)

a/n: i just need you all to know i started writing this during my break at work, the baking video broke me

not proofread! lowercase intended

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the club was dark, cobwebs and neon lights clouding phil’s vision. his plain devil costume felt out of place, especially after seeing the bartender with sfx makeup, making it look like their face was melting off. it’s a gay club after all, he should’ve realized people would go all out. even the most basic costume ideas, a ghost or a zombie, had been amplified with fishnet tights or bondage gear. phil even saw a sexy peter griffin while in line to the bathroom. he’s be lying to himself if he said it wasn’t passingly attractive.

two women dressed as marceline and princess bubblegum pushed their way next to him at the bar, giggling while ordering their tequila shots. they pushed up against phil, uncomfortably close considering that they decided to shove their tongues down each other’s throats while waiting.

phil struggled away, awkwardly nudging their bodies so they’d be leaning against the bar instead of him. he scanned the club, the dance floor was packed with moving bodies, if he took off his glasses it would look like a solid form moving. his eyes drifted away from the dancing bodies, seeing an empty space at a wall. he could lean against that until the alcohol set in, he decided.

navigating through the sweaty bodies, phil questioned as to why he decided that going to the club alone on halloween would be a good idea. in the end it didn’t matter, he was there and it felt more embarrassing to leave than to stay there alone. the wall felt cool against his back, he let out a tired breath and took another sip from his overpriced cocktail.

“vampire venom?” a voice piped up next to phil, making him jump. looking to his left, a man in a slutty nun outfit was looking at him. phil found himself starting to blush, the man had curly brown hair under the veil, fishnet tights and about the same height as himself, a rare sight.

“sorry?” phil asked, snapped out of his daze.

the man gestured at the drink in phil’s hand. “vampire venom? you should try to witches brew, it’s got chocolate liqueur instead of that fake fucking ‘lime’.” he actually did air quotes, rolling his eyes with a smile.

“oh i-“ phil found himself at a loss, a stranger making comments about his cocktail preferences left him stunned, “i thought the lime would be more refreshing”

phil winced at his own words, defending his choice was worse than saying nothing. to his surprise, the man gave a soft laugh, his brown eyes meeting phil’s. the man glanced around, also noticing the multi-bodied organism that had formed in the club.

“tell you what, let me buy you one and you’ll see that it’s the better choice” his eyes returned to phil, flicking down to shamelessly check him out.

“um, yeah, sure!” phil gave a smile, fully blushing at the fact that this hot nun wanted to but him a drink.

“i’m dan, by the way” the man said, grabbing phil’s hand and pulling him towards the bar.

one cocktail ordered later, phil found himself sat on a couch next to the man. next to dan. dan. dan in the slutty nun outfit. dan, whose legs were fully exposed, the skirt of the dress riding up as they sat.

“give it a try then, the anticipation is killing me!” dan grinned, urging phil to take a sip.

playfully rolling his eyes, phil took a sip.

“oh my god! that’s so good” phil found himself saying, eagerly going in for another sip before tilting the glass towards dan, “have some!”

a smirk crept it’s way across dan’s lips. he leaned forward, eyes steadily locked on phil’s as his tongue found the straw, lewdly licking and wrapping his lips around the straw.

burning heat shot through phil, face going as red as his costume. who was this man? there was an aura of confidence and flirtation around him, the first seemingly fueled by alcohol. regardless, it had phil wanting to inch closer, throw out some lie about the volume in the building and ‘not being able to hear him’.

phil opened his mouth to make a half true lie, but dan was quicker.

“it’s good… i just think it would taste better on your lips.” dan’s eyes stared into phil’s, the bold line sitting between them, the air becoming thick with the apparent attraction.

“i- yes” phil said, stumbling over his words in an awkward fashion. dan is bold, phil can’t remember the last time someone asked for a kiss instead of just leaning in.

a small smile formed on dan’s lips as he scooted closer, placing his hand on phil’s jaw, eyes flicking down to his lips. he was close, so close that phil could smell his cologne, musky and warm. his nose brushed phil’s cheek, their lips meeting.

“i was right,” dan breathed, “it's better this way.” phil had no time to reply before their lips collided again.

-

getting kicked out of a club on halloween wasn't on phil's list of goals, but there was something.. satisfying about a bouncer telling them to leave after dan has been straddling his lap and kissing him until his head was spinning. apparently groping someone whose ass is on display to the bar isn't appropriate, not that it's their fault that dan wore a tight dress that bunched around his hips when he straddled phil.

once outside in the cold air, phil found himself face to face with dan again. he really expected him to have run off. but he was there. flushed pink cheeks, swollen lips and with a thick coat on, dan was still there.

"oh, wait-" dan stopped phil from zipping up his coat, stepping closer and reaching out. "your cape isn't tied on properly. guess i tugged at it a bit, huh?"

they both laughed lightly while dan gently retied phil's bow.

"there we go" dan smiled, meeting phil's eyes again.

the music from the club was still audible from outside, the deep base thumping and making phil's bones rattle. he looked down, scuffing his shoes against the pavement. what now?

"so... that was fun" phil said, painfully aware that dan was looking at him. "sorry, i don't usually do this"

"which part, makeout with a stranger or ask them out afterwards?" dan sounded amused. phil couldn't help but smile, surprised at how relaxed he felt with dan. it shouldn't make sense, people makeout and hook up with strangers all the time without feeling fate wrapping around them. but there's something about dan that makes him crave his closeness.

"both," phil looks up again, smiling sheepishly, "it's not like i expected to kiss a nun at a gay club"

dan threw his head back in a laugh, it was near a cackle in sound.

"can't say i blame you, us nuns aren't usually in gay clubs" dan does a dramatic flick with his veil, bringing a laugh out of phil.

"a nun kissing the devil, isn't that like, the epitome of sin?"

"well i guess the only thing that would be worse, other than it happening at a gay club, is if the nun asked the devil to meet up again"

dan almost looked shy. the cold air must've sobered him up, phil thought.

"well, the devil can't deny sinners, it's kinda his whole thing" phil plucked his phone from his pocket, "put your number in? and i'll text you"

dan took the phone and phil looked around. there were some people smoking by the entrance, clearly looking at the pair. they must be an odd sight, a slutty nun and a modest devil.

"there," dan handed back the phone, phil noted the name he put in for himself. 'Dan (slutty nun)'. "i was gonna do emojis but 'slutty nun' didn't really reflect well in emoji"

phil grinned, quickly sending a text to dan and looking back up. the warm brown eyes sent a thrill down his spine.

"now you've got my number too," phil tucked his phone away again and finally zipped up his coat. "text me?"

"oh absolutely" dan grinned, "i'll text you"

dan turned around, glancing back at phil while walking away, smiling. phil turned around as well, a stupid smile on his face.

phil got 200 meters away from where they said goodbye, when a text notification comes through.

from dan.

"unless i can come over now?"