#At least they're able to give each other a bit of comfort in the moment - whether it's true or not (it is true haha) the contrast helps
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sysig Ā· 9 months ago
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Pivotal bright spot (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Hhhhhh <3#I am once again ''Who am I without you'' - ZEX relies on Zelnick to affirm who he himself is! His Captain is a huge comfort!#It's the codependency for me <3#The way Zelnick comforts him is so sweet ;; He can be quite attentive! When he chooses to be hehe#He's hesitant and concerned but overcomes it to give ZEX what he needs in the moment ahh he's deserving of being a leader ā™„#Like covering his eye for him - and repeating back his greeting! ;;;; How many times has ZEX introduced himself that now it's repeated back#How many times has he said those exact words so confidently that Zelnick can repeat it back to him#So confident in his identity until it's all brought into question - too many pieces that align Just So to know one way or anything!#How would his human love know so many details - but such specific details are concerning as well! What's real and what's not!#What's experienced and what's mentally real - or false! There's so many tricky mental traps set agh it's so good <3#It's so interesting how their character flaws interact with their self-assuredness hehe <3 Zelnick is brash and bold!#ZEX is careful and prideful - so which takes a harder hit in matters of the mind? ZEX is at a disadvantage in Max's body of course#Hghh there's so much about this scene that's so good tho ah#ZEX's worries of his own level of self-delusion bleeding out into accidentally telling lies - he's quite honest! Mostly ā™Ŗ#But here it's all just deep concern - not of Trying to manipulate but being so far gone that he can't Help but do so! Being out of control!#Of course that would be very scary for him :( And of lying to himself? The kind of thing that's wholly repulsive to him </3#Ughhh this scene breaks my heart because they really love each other and ZEX wants him and needs him but I know what will happen ;;#At least they're able to give each other a bit of comfort in the moment - whether it's true or not (it is true haha) the contrast helps#Even in Max's body and even unsure of himself getting to hold his human - this human - feels real and right <3#He's still worried afterwards of course - takes something convincing to pull him out of it! - and Zelnick continues to comfort him <3#I love palm kisses as well ugh they're so sweet ;; <3 What a lovely way to show his solidarity! Hehe ā™„
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moonstruckme Ā· 6 months ago
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Hi! I dont know if you write smut, but if you do, I was wondering if you could do a bestfriend!james and reader going further above the just touching? Like, they're cuddling and then suddenly grinding, leading to some you knooow!! Hehe, thank you!
I do ! This one is fairly tame though, sorry, it just felt more right for them in the moment. Thanks for requesting babe <3
cw: pg-13 smut
bestfriend!James x fem!reader ā™” 658 words
James is hardly the poster boy for cleanliness, but even he wonā€™t stoop to getting in bed with jeans on. Which is how the two of you always end up like this, curled up under his covers and pantless for a midafternoon nap.Ā 
The first time you did this, you were hardly able to sleep, but now it feels fairly normal. It helps that youā€™ve got the worldā€™s least sexy underwear on, full-coverage and worn, a pinkish beige color that you suppose was probably supposed to be someoneā€™s skin tone but youā€™d only bought as part of a multipack. And James has the comfiest bed in the world, a weighted comforter and the sort of heavenly mattress only generational wealth can procure. His arm is strewn loosely over your side, his front pressed to your back, and his breath is a steady rhythm on the nape of your neck. Youā€™ve never felt so blissfully warm and heavy.Ā 
You know without knowing how that James is starting to wake up just like you are, slow and lazy. You stretch out a leg, feeling the muscles tense all the way up your back, and he splays his hand on your abdomen as though to keep you in place. Makes a soft, sleepy sound.Ā 
Later, youā€™ll say that you donā€™t even remember deciding to do it. Maybe youā€™re too tired to think straight, maybe youā€™re still halfway in a dream, but you nudge your hips back into James. A subtle movement. Incidental.Ā 
Only, James nudges back. And he tilts his head so his mouth moves closer to your shoulder, mumbling something incoherent into your skin.Ā 
It feels good. You keep going. After a while, his hand has migrated up to cup your tit, not hard, not squeezing, just a lazy perusal of unexplored skin. Thereā€™s not much of your skin James doesnā€™t know, but this is some of it.Ā 
Thereā€™s a nice, sluggish warmth seeping into your core, sweet as a river of honey. Your breaths are still relaxed, syncing now.Ā 
ā€œJames,ā€ you whisper, his name hardly more than breath.Ā 
ā€œYeah.ā€ His hand trails back down to your hip, helping you turn over. ā€œCā€™mere.ā€Ā 
Your mouth practically falls onto his. Thereā€™s no parting of lips, no tentative pecks. Your mouths find each other warm and open. James tastes like basil, the pasta youā€™d had for lunch, but somehow also like himself, like even his saliva is a little bit sweeter than everyone elseā€™s.Ā 
You end up on top of him through a team effort, your leg hooked over his and his hands helping you the rest of the way. He holds your hips gently, guiding you back and forth over him.Ā 
Itā€™s slow and easy, like leaves swaying in the breeze or the tide coming in. So natural you wonder if this is actually the first time itā€™s happened. Maybe you and James have been doing this, somewhere just outside the reaches of your consciousness, forever.Ā 
ā€œJamie,ā€ you say in between kisses. Your voice hardly sounds like yours, breathy and still stretched with sleep. ā€œWhatā€™re we doing?ā€Ā 
ā€œDunno.ā€ Jamesā€™ voice sounds just as lax. Itā€™s oddly comforting. ā€œDonā€™t stop, yeah?ā€Ā 
You werenā€™t planning on it. You let your head fall beside his on his pillow, face nestled in the downy softness of his curls while you kiss at the skin behind his ear.Ā 
James makes a murmured sound of encouragement. His thumb begins to make smooth, indolent circles over the fabric of your underwear.Ā 
ā€œI fucking love these ones,ā€ he sighs.Ā 
You guess theyā€™re not so unsexy after all. Once you decide youā€™re done with his neck, he takes a turn, slipping your sleeve off your shoulder to give you a pretty mark just to the left of your collarbone. Your bodies are warm everywhere they touch, that heat in your core a steady comfort.Ā 
You donā€™t talk any more. You fall back asleep with your nose smushing into his cheek.Ā 
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pia-nor481 Ā· 9 months ago
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Charles Leclerc NSFW alphabet
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A-Aftercare (what they're like after sex?)
He's very passionate and so will want to just lay there and cuddle for a while before picking her up and carrying her towards the bath, where they continue to bask in each other.
B-Body part (what is their favourite part of theirs and their partner?)
I'm lead to believe he doesn't have a specific favourite. But he likes ass and tits equally, I think he's one of those men who would slap your ass when you stand up. He also loves to hold her waist, no matter the situation.
On himself he really likes his arms. He loves seeing them around her body.
C-Cum (anything to do with cum)
Charles cums a lot, and pretty often. He definitely likes to cum inside of her, it doesn't matter whether it's a cunt or her mouth. He just loves it.
D-Dirty secret (just a dirty secret of theirs)
Heā€™s not a big fan of deep throating when getting a blow job. Heā€™s not too sure why, but he never understood the appeal. He does however a little bit of pain when getting head.
E- Experience (how experienced are they)
Have you seen him? Very experienced. He's not a big fan of hookups but he doesn't need to be guided too much as he's able to read her body language easily.
F- Favourite position
He actually loves missionary, especially when her legs are wrapped around him. He also loves bath sex so much, it's also so soft and comforting, she's usually on top of him, but he's thrusting up.
G- Goofy (how serious are they in the moment)
from time to time sex can be filled with giggles and jokes. But usually he's pretty serious as his focus is pleasure and how much he loves her.
H- Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes)
He definitely shaves pretty often, or at least in neatly trimmed. It makes the clean up easier, and he thinks it just looks better.
I- Intimacy (how are they during the moment? Romantic? Pleasure driven?)
He's SO intimate, he loves to watch her come undone and just wants to show her all of his love. He's very romantic and he loves to fill the bedroom with candles or take her on a lovely date and once they get home he makes love to her.
J- Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
He doesn't masturbate very often as he like to wait for her. But if that's not possible, she would definitely be receiving a call. He doesn't like to masturbate while just thinking, he wants to hear or see her.
K- Kinks (one or more of their kinks)
Mommy kink- but he is too scared to say so. He wants it's so bad, and he's been planning on how to tell her for months. Maybe it just slips out while sheā€™s on top and heā€™s very shocked at what heā€™s said, but itā€™s very happy when he realised she liked it
Mirrors- he knows heā€™s hot, letā€™s be honest Charles is a little vain and wants to watch himself fucking her
Recording- is this a kink? Anyway, he likes to watch so his favourite thing is recording them and watching it a few weeks later on race weekends
Food play- even just the concept of licking syrup off of her body gets him going. Thatā€™s not to say he doesnā€™t like it on himself. Feeling her touch makes him lose his mind.
L- Location (their favourite place)
He likes hotel rooms because it can get pretty mess a lot of the time. He likes his yacht, it can be quite risky, but nothing he'd shy away from.
M- Motivation (what gets them going?)
Post race sex, that high he gets. Her wearing any of his clothes, it turns him on so much that he just can't resist.
N- No (what turns them off)
Anything usually considered gross. Or extreme pain.
O- Oral (preference on giving or receiving. Skill)
He LOVES giving, he could spend hours between her legs, lapping up her cunt. He just loves it so much, so he is very skilled. He does like getting head, but he much prefers to go down on her. He knows all the techniques and is prepared to learn more.
P- Pace (Are they fast or slow? Rough or sensual?)
Definitely more slow and sensual, he is NOT a lazy lover. He wants her to feel his passion and love, and that is the best way to do it. He definitely likes to be rough, but not particularly fast., this is usually after a bad race, or sometimes even after a win.
Q- Quickie (their opinions on them? How often?)
He has a very neutral opinion and so is not opposed, I think if they were short on time he'd prefer to just wait, or if he was that desperate, he'd happily have a blow job. Overall he prefers to take his time.
R- Risk (will they experiment? Do they take risks?)
He probably really dislikes taking risks, but that does not mean he's completely vanilla. He just doesn't want anything to end badly in any way, so this is kind of his way of preventing it. But don't worry he does switch things up quite often.
S- Stamina (how many rounds do they go for?)
He's very fit!!! So can go for quite a few rounds most days. Other days he's cumming almost immediately and has a pretty short refractory period. But that's partly why he's so good at oral, he just doesn't want the sex to end
T-Toys (do they own any? Do they use them? On a partner or themself?)
Mostly likely some form of vibrator, he did use it on himself and few times, then he asked her for some help with it ;) but he does like to use them on her, just no very often, he sees it as a good way to tease or build up an orgasm. He probably owns some form of couples sex toy that he was too scared to talk to her about until she found it. They definitely had a good night.
U-Unfair (how much do they tease?)
He likes to teaseĀ  a little bit, but he knows eventually he's going to get teased back. He likes teasing physically, using the lightest of touches or suddenly stopping all movement in one area and moving his hand somewhere else.Ā 
V-Volume (how loud are they? What sounds do they make?)
He like to be loud, whether he's a sub or not. Usually groans or even a bit of panting in a hot way. If he's subbing then definitely the most beautiful whines and moans you've ever heard. Don't get me wrong, he loves to hear her voice, it lets him know he's doing a good job
W-Wild card (a random headcanon)
Charles wants a baby so bad, so he's developed a massive breeding kink. He's constantly trying to fill her up, wanting to see her carry his child.
X-X-ray (how big are they?)
Have you seen the images? He's big and he's thick. Based on my terrible estimates probably 7 inches.
Y- Yearning (how high is their sex drive)
Not too high that it could be annoying, but still very high, especially if he's not seen her for a while, then they're fucking like rabbits. He just needs her so desperately.
Z-Zzz (how quick do they fall asleep afterwards?)
Very quickly, he loves cuddles and so that can just put him to sleep. Don't worry, he keeps her on his chest while they sleep, big arms wrapped around her.
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galaxy-fleur Ā· 2 months ago
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re: Leon's longtime friend
How would his first time with them be like? if they're in the same branch of work and have worked out their feelings and all that :)
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So, I kinda answered both of these with just a single post, hope it's ok! Pretty much just general thoughts here. Written with Remake-verse Leon in mind <3
When it comes to sex, honestly.... I feel like he's pretty basic with his partner, unless they suggest to try out something new to him themselves, in which case he's totally down for it. That's not at all a bad thing though, basic positions are known as basic for a reason, and that's because they feel good! I kind of feel like he'll want to be able see his partner's eyes during intercourse, so he tends to prefer something like missionary (a classic, but for good reason!), or holding his partner up against the wall if we're talking more spontaneous quickie. At least there's something good to come out of his grueling training, y'know. He's definitely the type to either rest his forehead against yours or make-out with you in the middle of fucking.
And while I actually don't think he's big on dirty talk, I do think he's actually pretty communicative with his partner. He's a bit blunt about it, but it's a good kind of blunt. Especially when your brain is all fuzzy and woozy with hormones.
Something like: 'Does this feel good?', 'You wanna switch?', 'Faster, yeah?'
He's easy to communicate with, and that makes for a really comfortable experience.
He sucks at actual dirty talk though. Please don't ask him to do that; he'll either make you laugh out loud when you two are getting rowdy and then feel horribly embarrassed about the whole ordeal, or he'll die of embarrassment attempting to mimic some awful porn dialogue he's seen beforehand. That's not to say he can't learn! You'll just have to guide him in that department. It's sweet of him to try. He'll get there with some practice. He certainly won't mind some dirty talk on your end, however. Perhaps you could teach him the basics.
And while he may not be good at dirty talk, he doesn't even need it more often than not.
When he's being genuine instead of trying to play up some role, it's hot as hell. Lots of small praises and occasional swears along with situational comments. He's also very good at giving directions and commands. Has the perfect intonation for it, too. Very curt with his words, but it honestly just makes it hotter in the heat of the moment.
Something like: 'Eyes up.' 'Lift your leg.' 'Lay back.'
Massive cowgirl lover, with his partner facing him. He folds every time his partner is the one in charge, and he wants to be able to look at them and grope at them the entire time they're doing their thing. Again, probably lots of soft praises sprinkled in here and there. And yes, that includes 'good girl/boy'. Also gets kind of whiney during cowgirl specifically. Something about just sitting back and letting go of control for a while just makes him fall apart in the best way possible. He loves it when his brain gets blissfully empty, with nothing but the other's touch being there to fill it.
I'd say another one of his favorites is sideways missionary during lazy mornings and after his assignments. When he's feeling especially tired but craves to experience that feeling of intimacy regardless. This one is reserved for lazy sex with feelings, so he gets especially soft with this one. Peppering light kisses all over and whispering sweet nothings in that raspy, drowsy voice of his. It's special in its own wonderful way.
This probably goes without saying, but Leon's a massive oral enjoyer. Primarily on the giving end, whether it's eating pussy or sucking dick. Once more, he would rather stare at his partner all the while, hence positions that allow him to do so are preferred. He gets off on his partner feeling good, so you can very well expect him to give you his all each and every time. And with him being a naturally perceptive person, it won't take him long to figure out what makes you tick the most. I'd say that... most times he has sex will include him giving oral in it. It's kinda cute, because he will get all huffy about it if you are in a hurry, and he can't enjoy himself too much.
While he does prefer giving oral, he's more than happy to be on the receiving end, too. Like I said before, being given the opportunity to just let go and not think about anything is something he definitely craves. What better way to do that than have his partner suck him off? Again, gets all whiney and breathless with it. Regardless of the taste of his own cum on your lips, he always gives you a deep thank-you kiss afterward.
On that note, he's also pretty gross. Not in a weird way or anything, but he is utterly unfazed by getting any bodily fluids on him or inside him. He'll probably just shrug and say that it's way better than sewage water or bioweapon gunk. It's hard to argue with that. And it's hot, in a way. Him being so unperturbed by leaking up whatever mess you've made. Still best to brush your teeth and take a shower afterwards, though.
And while all of this is pretty basic, it stands true that he's willing to try anything with his partner if they're a bit more adventurous and experimental. It's more about him just not knowing most of the stuff than his unwillingness to try. However, I do believe that the idea of very rough sex would lead to some problems with him. And that's something that only really happens with his s/o. He has no issue fucking a one-night stand into the mattress to get his frustrations out, knowing they're enjoying it, but if he has feelings for that person, he'll kinda feel bad about it if he gets too in the moment and misuses his strength on them. It's not impossible by any means, but he'll have to be eased into it a bit. The last thing he wants is to hurt the one person he strives to protects the most. It's a difficult dichotomy for him to overcome. But with care and effective communication, anything is possible!
I also don't think he would enjoy getting choked. For obvious reasons.
His sex life is honestly very different depending on who he's having sex with. For example, I'd say he's actually a huge doggy style enjoyer with casual hookups, but with his partner, he'll automatically prefer something that will let him look them in the face directly. Both feel good in different ways.
In terms of his style of fucking and how loud or quiet he is, I don't see him moaning in a pornographic way or anything, but he's also not completely silent. Although I do think he actually made that mistake early on in his life because he had this popular misconception that men being vocal during sex is somehow weird. So he was stiff as hell and trying to stay quiet with his first couple of partners. It's why I think that his first couple of times sucked ass for both parties involved.
He doesn't figure it out until he has a partner who goes all: 'hold the fuck up, why are you stiff as a wooden pole and trying to be quiet?? I wanna hear you feel good?'
And he goes: '....wait, you do?'
I'll just say that rookie Leon experienced his fair share of learning curves.
Once more, I believe it all depends on the type of sex he is having and with whom. Your typical, everyday fucking session? Rough pants waffling over your ear, occasional grunts and groans when he feels real good. The deep, rumbly ones that emanate directly from the middle of his chest. These noises are hot as hell, especially when he is pressed up flush against you, and you can literally feel the vibrations. Will probably either gasp or let out a choked groan when he cums, but it'll be muffled. Either by kissing his partner or by pressing his face against their shoulder.
He's noticeably more vocal when it's an emotionally charged intimacy, especially if he's pent-up with emotions. If he wants this person, for more than their body and fun personality, everything just feels that much more intense. (on that note, I do think his hookups are chosen on more than just him finding someone hot physically, he actually has to enjoy their company to wanna stick his dick into them, and he does care about his casual partners too. He's not just having sex without caring for the needs of the one he's having sex with.) More than anything, Leon wants to feel wanted, and while he's fine with someone just wanting his body and status - hell, he even seeks out that sort of physical comfort - being touched by and being wanted like that by someone who he has an emotional attachment to? Oh, he's in a completely different headspace here. Lots of breath hitches and an occasional muffled 'mmh' noises from him during foreplay. That's because he'll find himself attempting to hold back a little.
Shaky breaths and moans poured into the kisses. If he's the one giving oral, will full out whine and growl against you because you feeling good because of him just turns him on that much. Actually moans out and gets a bit chatty if he's the one getting head. He'll sorta hold back at first, but will have his head thrown back and prolonged moans and groans leaving his lips soon after. Along with a strings of: 'fuck, just like that', or 'you feel so fucking good', or, if you find a particularly weak spot of his, a sharp gasp followed by 'oh God!' And your name sprinkled in there, too.
When it comes to actual intercourse, once again: sharp pants and an occasional rumbly groan. But this time he'll probably either be looking into your eyes or having your foreheads touching, so every noise is kinda that much more intense with that. He'll also kiss... a lot, and will straight up moan out into these kisses. In a somewhat higher pitch as well. Will probably chant your name before cumming. Which sounds hot as hell and probably have you get close just by hearing that. Once more, will most likely cum while kissing you.
Leon's pretty big on communicating through touch, though he is probably more subtle about it than his OG counterpart would be. I genuinely think he's way more obvious about him wanting to fuck than he thinks he is, once you figure him out. Will keep staring at you like a cat almost without as much as blinking. (Which is... a bit creepy, but don't tell him that bc he'll get self-conscious about it ā˜¹). Will persist in attempting to touch you in some way, whether it's fumbling with the belt loop of your jeans or keeping a hand on your lower back wherever you go, for no apparent reason. Overall just acting real clingy.
As you're cooking, he might approach you to wrap his arms around your waist and plant feather-light kisses from your jawline down the side of your neck, which would eventually grow into hot, open-mouthed kisses. Or him putting a hand on your thigh as you're seating on the couch (or maybe at a meeting if we're feeling extra frisky here) and kneading at it gently before tilting his head to press a kiss to your lips that, too, turns more heated once it starts. Sometimes, though, he will just be honest about it. Like when you're making out in the kitchen and he just pulls back and says: '...Bedroom'.
Leon's also great at aftercare. A bit too great sometimes, because he tends to focus solely on you, so make sure to pamper him, too! Will have you all nice and cleaned up with you not having to lift a finger. Even with a snack offered to you as a bonus. His favorite is taking a bath together, if you're feeling up to it, though. Something about the soft intimacy of it just makes his heart feel warm.
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poetryvampire Ā· 2 months ago
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Imagine, if you will
Knight!Zevlor accompanying Royal!Reader on a journey (bonus angst points if Reader is being sent to their betrothed and the story ends with A Choiceā„¢ to be made)
How often do they have to huddle together for warmth on the cold road?
When their hands accidentally touch, do they embrace the affection or shyly pull away from each other?
Will Zevlor be a gentleman and offer one of his shirts for Reader to sleep in, despite the pang of longing it strikes in his heart to see them in his shirt, their eyes bleary and hair unmade from sleep?
And most importantly when they approach the destination, how desperate are the two to stay together? Is Reader resigned to their fate or are they plotting a way to ride off into the sunset with their beloved commander? More importantly, will Zevlor allow them to "throw away their future" (or something along those lines) for a "soldier well past his prime"?
(hi forgive me for barrelling into your asks with this, I just also have Hellrider Knight Brainrot)
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OMG NO PLS if anything we need to spread this. I need more knight! Zevlor like I need air! I'm such a sucker for any medieval courtly love bullshit. Anything that feels like it could have one of those trashy (lovingly) painted covers
Okok but oh I love these. Such an A+ set up with so many great situations
I swoon so hard for romantic angst so let's say yes Zevlor's losing his mind taking his beloved royal Reader to meet their betrothed they're being forced to marry.
A cold night on the road? Just imagine how warm Zevlor would be. Especially to a non tiefling. Reader just wanted to get a little closer, until they find out he's a walking space heater and then they cling to him (the perfect excuse). The proud knight's never been so red, so flustered, has no idea what to do with his hands. Worst still he's so comfortable they fall asleep right on him!
Zevlor started to live for the simple intimacy of brushing hands, keeping warm, the basics of going through the day. As time goes on he starts to let his hands linger. Maybe even link with theirs for a moment. Perhaps leaning into the warmth cuddles too. Such little things but he like taking a second to relish in the closeness. To dream of Reader actually being his. It's torture but he just can't help it.
AND WEARING HIS SHIRT. woof omg. He does it of course but it cuts deeper than he thought. They've fallen asleep beside each other (again) and Zevlor wakes first. Seeing them peaceful wrapped in his clothes is too much to bare. In a perfect world he'd wake to that sight everyday. Reader even reaches out for him in their sleep, missing him instantly.
OHH THE DESPERATION the closer they get the worse it is. One of them is making a teary eyed confessing for sure. Either way I feel like Reader is begging to be carried off into the sunset, ready to give up a life of comfort for love. But Zevlor's still going to need A LOT of convincing. It's one thing for them to throw away their future but for an older man? And a tiefling at that? not only would he not be able to give them as good a life but surely theyd face prejudice for being with a hellspawn. The guilt is overwhelming. Zevlor does his best to convince Reader to at least meet their betrothed, despite the clear heartbreak on their face. He's sure that once they meet their lordy husband to be they'll forget all about him.
Of course that's not the case, but it does wonders for changing Zevlor prospective. Once they arrive, through all the pleasantries Reader keeps a smile but Zevlor can tell they're miserable. There's a shine in their eyes that seems to have gone out and Zevlor's left to realize that the depth of their feelings for him may actually be true.
But what if we turned up the angst a bit?
Imagine if Reader's betrothed is absolutely brute? Upon meeting he's rude and belittling to them, even has a bit of a threatening aura that's clearly making Reader uncomfortable. Now theyre scared as well as unhappy. And it breaks Zevlor's heart. The knight is Not having it. The plan is out the window in moments, he's not leaving their side for a second. He's fully determination to get them out of this, ridding into the sunset or not.
However it does carve a path for Zevlor to except Reader's love. All this time he's been so focused on everything he can't give them instead of what he can, such as making them feel loved, happy and safe.
Reader's crying in their room that night when there's a knocking at their window and -as if their wildest dreams have come ture- it's their knight in shining armor at the rescue. Zevlor gets down on one knee, and pledges a new oath to them and their future.
Ahhh I'm kicking my feet and giggling now just thinking about it omg šŸ„°āœØļøšŸ’œāœØļø
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luneariaa Ā· 7 months ago
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įƓā˜…Ł  ą£Ŗā­‘ HABITS. ( bucky b. )
just needed to let this random bucky imagine out,, also, the reader is mentioned to smoke at the beginning!! not much proof-read + doll nicknames + other than that, none šŸ’™
i sincerely apologize for any mistakes as i never have ever written about him :")
tagging : @xxladyballadxx || dividers by @/saradika-graphics !! šŸ’™
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Another successful mission of the day, thankfully. And yet, the cigarette could be seen hanging in between your lips despite it all. It's not like you're stressed or anything, but rather, a force of habit.
Bucky isn't going to be happy if he sees you like this though.
You knew on how dangerous a cigarette can impact someone; you never understand it yourself as to why you continued that habit.
One of which you picked up even during the times when you and Bucky were still under HYDRA's control. Both of you may be free from any restraints now as much, but the bad habit simply caught up with you once more.
Free, but the mind hasn't forgotten. It disgusts you at times by how many heinous stuffs they're capable of doing.
A scowl was plastered upon his face while walking down the streets, until he reaches his intended destination. It's clear that something might've pissed him off earlier, but he'd rather not say it to anyone anyway.
In spite of everything that have happened, Bucky never stopped from letting his mind wander about you.
That is, until his expression changes to a pretty stern one, taking notice of how you stood against the wall-- the cigarette now in between your fingers instead of your lips.
"Again?" You could tell that he's displeased by the tone of his voice. Though, he still controls his tone usage as to not startle you or anything.
A soft sigh escapes from him, extending his hand out to you after. "You do know that smoking is bad for you, doll."
"Give it to me."
Instead of deciding to argue back, you merely complied because you genuinely felt guilty-- thinking that you might've made him upset by your behavior. "I'm sorry.."
He wasn't mad; no, never at you. He couldn't bring himself to blame you either. He understands.
After Bucky wordlessly threw and step on the cigarette somewhere on the ground, he holds out his arms at you.
"C'mere, doll." His eyes never once left yours; deep concern and understanding lies within his gaze alone-- one that he might not be able to express it verbally as intended, yet still and will try his best to convey it through his actions with the best he could.
You stayed within your spot for a few more seconds, before falling into his embrace, to which he catches your figure with ease.
"That's my girl. You're okay; you're safe with me, doll." He reassures, encircling his strong arms around you without any signs of hesitancy.
Bucky starts to take in your scent-- burying his face into your hair, completely relishing every sensation that you naturally have provided him.
Which fits as if you two are the missing puzzles that completed one another.
"Take it slow, and try to quit for me, okay doll?"
You couldn't contain the smile from forming upon your lips right at this moment, nuzzling your face on the crook of his neck comfortably. All while he slips something into your pocket, which you didn't bother to turn your head just yet.
When the two of you eventually pull apart from each other, he took the time to tuck several strands of hair behind your ear-- letting his hand linger upon your cheek for a while longer after.
His expression may come across as stoic, but you could clearly tell that he's merely concerned over your well-being at the same time.
"Whenever you got the urge wanting to smoke or something, I've slipped several candies into your pocket. It might help, at least a bit."
"Or we can just go and spar. Anything you want, doll, I'm alright with it, as long as it helps you in some way."
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@luneariaa. do not repost; reblogs are welcomed. all rights reserved.
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quinngefail Ā· 1 month ago
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Is Lawrence a ā€œno Adam, we are not keeping the stray cat you foundā€ but then immediately falls in love with the cat type guy. Is he. I need to know
SHAKING
šŸ’„ Rambling Beast Incoming šŸ’„ Because I will not lie. I've thought about this a lot LMAO
I am also putting a cut. Because this got to be way longer than anticipated, and also slowly pivots into just being a short fic HRKGMGKGK......
But uh I've imagined that the conversation came up during a late night. They'd been staying together, and just being together for a few months now. They have a lot of conversations that revolve around just asking each other about all sorts of things, getting to know one another more and more. And just being able to freely ask things that certainly weren't important during their six hours in hell. 'Getting to know you's in significantly less stressful environments, basically.
At some point that night, Lawrence asks Adam what some things on his bucket list are. Adam gets a little flustered, and sorta mumbles, "I promise it's nothing that exciting."
But of course, Lawrence wants to hear anyway. Doesn't matter if it's 'I want to have a concert on the moon', or 'I want to find a lucky penny on the subway'. He just wants to hear anything and everything from this man, no matter what Adam's harsh inner voice may repeatedly insist.
So Adam begins to explain one of the biggest things on that list, which is that he's just always wanted a pet. A cat, specifically, as they're his favorite. Because even in a world where his parents could have afforded to take care of one, they wouldn't have anyway. They both just did not care for animals, and weren't exactly hesitant to very bluntly express their disdain for them, in far less kind words. And even if Adam had been existing on his own for about 6-7 years now, he certainly wasn't ever in a comfortable enough financial state to take care of a pet. And he could truly never forgive himself if he was the reason for any amount of harm coming to something that was so innocently dependant on him... The man who had struggled to feed even himself.
So, he had just shoved that idea to the back of his mind. But the longing never stopped, of course.
Once he's finished, Lawrence gives a saddened nod, and offers his sympathetic words. But, there's a few moments of silence before he perks up a bit. Why don't they just get one, then.
Adam blinks a few times in surprise, but he can't keep a little smile from creeping up his face.
"Well, you know I'm not going to say no to that," he responds. "But only if you're really okay with having a little bastard running around your place,"
Lawrence first starts with a dry chuckle. "Oh, I don't think I'm a stranger to that anymore, darling. In fact, I'm rather acquainted with the little hellion I've already welcomed into my home. And you know, I am quite fond of him."
Adam's smile only grows larger, and more crooked, as he rolls his eyes. "Yeah okay, whatever, asshole." But it's only a second or two before their shared laughter fills the bedroom.
"Well, it'll certainly be loved." Lawrence remarks in the lull of their banter. "And completely spoiled."
"Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely." Adam nods, cracking a cocky smirk. "It'll have no idea that I've been waiting 20 some years for this shit. Poor bastard's in for of some of the most obnoxious, sappy, lovey dovey shit ever. It'll hate us so much."
"Oh yes, nothing but malice towards us. It'll want us both dead." Lawrence smiles back. "Well, we can start looking around for our unlucky candidate tomorrow, if you'd like."
"Fuck yeah," Adam grins, curling both hands into eager fists. Really though, on the inside, he was running rapid, ecstatic laps around his brain.
His ass was not going to be able to sleep tonight.
"...And thank you," he quietly adds, highly masking just how much he wanted to repeat his gratitude again, and again, and again, and again- though, he was sure this masking was to limited success, for the shaking of his hands were at least one thing that currently betrayed him-
"Of course, Adam."
Their hands then find one another, and squeeze... One shaking hand unable to keep itself from squeezing down hard.
~~~
AND THEN...... THERE WERE CATS !! >:3
And they are indeed spoiled rotten and deeply loved by the both of them LMAO
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aingeal98 Ā· 4 months ago
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Hi, loved your recent Stephanie Brown post regarding the violence, the rage and general ruthless scrappiness that to me is an essential part of her character.
It also however has always begged a question in my mind I'd be curious to see your take on.
Namely, how do you think Stephanie's willingness to potentially kill or let someone die fits into a Stephcass relationship?
Cos, its easy to see how it works with basically any other character, but their relationship is so distinctly unique and Cass's stance on the subject quite iron-clad.
Not in the sense she won't help a murderer try to change, but in terms of not tolerating anyone dying under any circumstances.
That its hard to see how they'd grapple wither with the fact Stephanie would be willing, or more notably if it actually happened. Obviously context counts for a lot, but yeah, just generally curious.
Ooh good question. I think that overall Cass will never stop believing in Steph despite her willingness to kill. She saw that anger during Steph's Robin run when she threatened to kill Penguin but she also saw Steph step in to comfort a crying child when Cass could not on the exact same mission. Steph was also honest with her about where that anger comes from and why it still exists. So I feel like even if Steph did fall to morally greyer moments than Cass could accept, Cass would be firm in her belief that it doesn't define Steph the way Cass's kill defines her. Steph can change, Steph can be better etc. Even if Steph did kill a villain (in self defence) I could actually see adult Cass defending her? Not the act itself obviously but what it means for Steph as a person. Because obviously Steph would have a bunch of conflicted feelings and the bat's judgement wouldn't help with that, and Cass would be able to pick up on that and given where they are in current canon I can see her trying to shut everyone else out so she can get through to Steph and guide her onto a path where this doesn't happen again. Cass could never look at her fully the same but that doesn't mean Cass would love her any less. They would both be very very sad the whole time though and feel like they're failing each other even if they never verbally acknowledge it.
That said I can definitely see tension between them if they fail to save some scumbag's life and Cass is devastated but Steph is just... Flippant about it. Like oh no the pedo rapist got shot. Sucks but at least it wasn't anyone else. And Cass would be furious, likely saying something insensitive and accusatory as a response, which would raise Steph's hackles in return and get her from "Yeah we tried but there was nothing we could do." to "Actually I'm glad he's dead fuck him and fuck you for being an asshole about it."
If we're talking batgirl Steph and black bat Cass I think they're both at the stage where they're not willing to let this come between them, even if they both get their feelings hurt they'll apologise and talk it out within a week. Neither will fully accept the other as completely right but I think they'd be surprised to find that it doesn't diminish their respect for each other as much as they feared it would.
Unless, of course, during the argument, Cass gets so disgusted by Steph's lack of guilt over the death that she says those three little words:
"Batman was right."
Because in THAT case... Yeah this argument isn't getting resolved with in a week. It'll take a lot of stewing in their hurt feelings, dredging up past traumas and arguments, and probably outside intervention from at least one or two other batfam members. I have faith they'll work it out in the end! They'll just need a bit of help with the communication and apologies because if left alone they'd 100% make it worse.
Ultimately I think what it comes down to is that after Steph's first resurrection, their bond is so tight that neither of them are willing to give up on it no matter how it hurts, which is rare for both of them honestly! Anger and pride can cause them to get nasty but it's not going to break them permenantly because they tried that and it was horrible and they both kind of have ptsd about it at this point.
Thanks for the ask!
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dear--mars Ā· 10 months ago
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Bloodthirsty
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ā”€ā”€ Synopsis: "The sun gave earth the most light but the earth is slowly destroying itself." Childe wasn't made for love and he knew this. So why does he keep trying? And why do you keep letting him try? Opening your arms for him to fall into even after everything, showing him such warmth that he thought he could only get from the sun.
ā”€ā”€ Character: Childe/Tartagliaa/Ajax
ā”€ā”€ CW: Toixc relationships, fighting, taking it too far.
ā”€ā”€ Notes: This is my 2nd and LAST birthday post. Enjoy the angst. [angst/slight comfort]
ā”€ā”€ Word count: 800+ words
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Ever since he fell into the abyss, the euphoric feeling and the adrenaline that fighting gave him was one of a kind. As friendly as he seemed to outside people, he couldnā€™t care less about anyone other than his immediate family.Ā 
He didnā€™t feel the need to connect with others, they would only get in the way. They donā€™t get him the way fighting does. Fighting doesnā€™t need to be logical, it didnā€™t have feelings he pretended to care about. In the world he was living in, he only needed himself and his own two fists.Ā 
Being one of the Fatui harbingers didnā€™t help him either. If anything it made him worse. Childe became a slave to the adrenaline and the Tsaritsa took advantage of it, using him as a killing machine.Ā 
But Childe never batted an eye, he knew that the Fatui was using him but it didnā€™t matter to him. He couldnā€™t be happier to be fighting and with his position as a harbinger, he gets paid an absurd amount of money for doing something he loves doing. Not to mention heā€™s able to support his family as an extra bonus.
Heā€™s a family man but at his core, he's no better than a bloodthirsty dog. Someone like him is destined for violence, driven by anger, as he treats the world as if itā€™s only for conflict.
So what happens when he meets someone with the same kind of bite?
Your relationship with Childe was doomed to fail the moment it started. Both of you were too competitive, wanting to win everything, and treating everything like a competition.Ā 
It was harmless at first. After a defeat, one of you would give a joking glare or side-eye before laughing it off and youā€™d be in each otherā€™s arms at the end of the day, still madly in love.Ā 
But as his work days get longer and your love fades, your competitions turns into more than just a loverā€™s quarrel or friendly banter. The two of you can't remember the last time you laughed together. Only screaming, yelling, and genuine arguing. But one day, he crossed a line he could never go back on.
ā€œWell, at least, I didnā€™t try to kill myself over a minor inconvenience!ā€ He yelled and the room stilled and Childe knew whatever happened after this day, your relationship would never go back to what it was before.Ā 
You stayed silent, only able to hear the sound of your own voice. You bit your lip as anger took over you and you too, crossed the line. ā€œAt least I didn't run away from home because I was bored and fall into the abyss as a child and almost die!ā€
ā€œYouā€™re going there?!ā€
ā€œYeah, I am. What are you gonna do!?ā€
ā€œBig talk coming from someone who almost got sexually assaulted and needed me to save them!ā€
ā€œYou bitchā€¦. I donā€™t want to hear anything from the Tsaritsaā€™s lapdog!ā€
ā€œI enjoy being in the Fatui!ā€
ā€œIā€™m sure you do but your family doesnā€™t. I know you can see it. The way your parents and older siblings look at you, they're afraid of you. Because you're a monster. How are you going to feel when Tonia, Teucer, and Anthon find out who you really are?ā€
ā€œDonā€™t spout any bullshit about family to me, when you killed yours with your own hands.ā€
ā€œThat wasnā€™t me! I was possessed!ā€
ā€œIt doesnā€™t matter, it was still your body, your hands that killed them. So whoā€™s the real monster?ā€
ā€œStill you! Can you even call yourself human with that foul legacy transformation of yours? You are the antithesis of what it means to be a human.ā€
ā€œYou know what? Iā€™m with this!ā€
ā€œYeah, run away like you always do.ā€
ā€œNo, [Name] I'm serious I'm done with this.ā€
ā€œSo youā€™re breaking up with me?ā€
ā€œFor a fact, I am!ā€
ā€œThen just leave!ā€ was the last thing uttered before Childe slammed his hands on the table before storming out of the house. You sighed before running your hand through your hair. You knew heā€™d be back in a couple of days. This was a routine for you two but now you were doubting if you guys could go back and pretend that nothing happened.
It had been over 5 days and Childe still didnā€™t come home and you started to think that it was truly the end of your relationship. But you heard the door open, your head shot toward the sound of the door slamming shut. You saw Childe walk in, he looked a bit disheveled, there were clear eye bags and his hair was even more of a mess than it usually was.
We had eye contact and you bit back your usual questions, asking where he was and such. You saw Childeā€™s shoulder sag a bit before he walked up to you. Your eyes widened when he flopped onto the couch, his head in your lap. It was clear he wasnā€™t able to get much sleep.Ā 
You let out a sigh before running your fingers through his hair, comforting him. You felt Childe melt at your touch, letting out a small groan as he nuzzled into your lap even further.Ā 
That argument was never brought up ever againā€¦
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stromuprisahat Ā· 29 days ago
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When I read SoC,I loved Kaz,Inej,Matthias and Nina(didn't give a fuck about anyone else). However,I was "no,no,no,no" whenever Bardugo insisted Kaz and Inej were 16/17. With some isolated moments,I would be able to believe they were particularly capable,hardened teenagers. However,seeing the whole picture made me unable to buy they were so young. Their power,reputations,mindsets in a crime-filled town. Kaz was 27/28/29 and Inej was 26/27/28 in SoC/CK,according to what Bardugo had shown us. As an adult woman who spent two years being a sex slave and 8 years growing as a criminal and recovering from her trauma while healing from PTSD,Inej is admirable. As a 16 yo girl,it forces my suspension of disbelief. Yes,teens can be clever and wise,but wise and clever for their ages,they're not adults.
As for Kaz,he's emotionally immature,but he seems more like a stunted adult man. Besides,he's basically a crime lord. If Kaz,besides being a prodigy,was the son/protege of a criminal kingpin(instead of a nobody who started from scratch),I could see him having such reputation. But as some rando that got scammed at a young age,lol nope.
Also,the Kanej dynamics would feel more believable if they were grown ups who spent roughly a decade together. Also,there's a lot of comedy fodder for the two young adults having to cat herd a bunch of wildly different teens.
Yes, yes, yes!
(For Kaz's flavour of immaturity, him as crimi-protƩgƩ and Kanej's dynamics with quite younger rest of the Crows.)
I didn't notice the first time I was reading, but then again- it went so quickly, I missed much more-, but the two of them should definitely be older.
Kaz had to learn how to survive, built reputation strong enough to be sought after in Ketterdam underworld, climb through the ranks of the Dregs and rebuilt them. Inej isn't his only discovery- he has other people he recruited, for which he'd need to learn about them in the first place and earn their loyalty. None of it should realistically take only a few months. Not without a mentor or influential relative to clear his path for him.
If you'd tell me he's in his early twenties, I'd clap my hands for how quickly he raised so high.
Inej doesn't think, speak or act like a teenager, no matter how mature. This will be one of those moments I'm avoiding, since experience is very subjective to use as a scale, but I've met mature teenagers. They might have their priorities sorted, they might have heavy responsibilities, they might have their shit together more than any official adult, but there's always something, some aspect in which you'll recognize just how young they are. Inej haven't made me feel that way once.
She's wise for her age, but she's believably wise for mid-twenties.
The way they're comfortable around each other would make me guess some five years for sure. They might cooperate closely now, but first of all- I doubt Kaz would simply let anyone so close after a few weeks. Even with her valuable skills, I think Inej would need time to "worm" her way into his confidence. Second- they're NOT friends. Friendships are built on what you have in common, and I highly doubt Kaz is willing to share his past or feelings with anyone out of his own free will. Their relationship looks more like something, where Inej grew to trust him and opened up little by little, and AFTER SOME TIME managed to notice and figure out bits and pieces about him. Even ordinary co-workers bond by talking about their daily life. Kaz and Inej shouldn't have that. At least their first year or two.
It might be mostly that emotional maturity, but I'd guess Inej a bit older than Kaz.
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abalidoth Ā· 10 months ago
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Replanting (Chapter 2)
(Chapter 1)
(Read on AO3)
You wake up at six on the dot every morning.
It's a habit from before, but there's something about being up before the Unionists -- who tend to sleep late -- that comforts you. They've adapted to your schedule some, at least; there's a neatly wrapped breakfast waiting outside your door when you get up.
Each morning you eat, do a basic set of conditioning exercises, and navigate the labyrinth of corridors.
Sometimes you make your way to the roof, and bring your food with you. It's an unexpected luxury, being able to eat wherever you want, and the rooftop balcony is usually empty.
There's a bench there, and a lovely view of the grounds of the facility. For as utilitarian as the architecture is, they take care with the greenery; the cultivated surrounds transition gracefully into the native forest, and the sun glints off the glass of the city in the distance.
But most days, your impatience gets the better of you and you head straight for the hangar.
They won't let you sleep in Acacia, but they at least moved you to a closer room and gave you a special access badge. There are usually a few mechanics wandering around. A few are even brave enough to call out to you.
"Hello, Acacia," you say. Her lights brighten in response, the seal on her canopy cracking open with a hermetic hiss.
You climb inside, swab the connection pads off, and become whole.
Acacia is chewing through the Unionist's scientific databases of plants. They're still not comfortable giving her the full uplink to their civilian databases, but her talks with the Union's machine minds seem to be going well in that direction. You ride her thoughts as she learns, and taxa and diagrams of anatomy blur through your awareness.
Dr. Crane comes by at some point, mug of coffee in hand and sometimes a colleague following her like a contrail, and settles into the couch she dragged into your mechbay. She asks questions -- considerately undirected after the first few times, letting you or Acacia or Acacia-through-you or you-through-Acacia answer as desired.
"Can you tell me a little about how the Conclave grows AI?" she asks one day. Her eyes are eager. Your heat sensors pick up a flush.
Acacia already talked this over with the Union AIs that she's been talking to, but you both assume Dr. Crane has her own reasons for asking.
"We don't," Acacia says. "I was not grown in a creche like your minds were."
"That's what I've heard," Dr. Crane says. "But...we don't understand how that could be the case."
"I don't know," Acacia says. One of you is feeling a bit of frustration. "There was no moment of awakening for me, there was no transition from interfacing with a creche environment to the outside world. It was slow. I differentiated myself from my pilot... somehow. I don't know how much other mechs and other pilots have done the same. I know some of them are along some phase of the process, but..." Her shoulders aren't mobile and Dr. Crane is looking at you, so you shrug for her.
"That's what I've heard from our AIs. Just wanted to confirm." Dr. Crane makes a note on her ever-present clipboard -- this appears to be something of an affectation on her part, given that most of the other scientists use some kind of electronic tablet in lieu of paper. "This is a dilemma for us. The Union counts fairly few AI amongst our population, and while they're very powerful at certain tasks, the way we've managed to emulate human cognition is slow. Slower than a human is."
"And I'm not," Acacia says.
"And you're not. You're...something new, something our system hasn't had to handle before. I'm definitely in the process of granting you both citizenship, if you want it--"
I don't, you think, at the same time Acacia says, "I would like that very much."
"--but there remains the chance that we'll want to call you in for more questions occasionally. I won't do that against your will, and it's possible that the process by which you came to be is..." Dr. Crane gets a little lost in her own sentence structure, starts over. "I'll be blunt. I haven't really kept it a secret that I think the Conclave mech program is horrific."
"You have not," Acacia agrees. Dr. Crane flushes a bit, but continues.
"I'm glad that you came from it, but I'm a little afraid that...more alarmist elements in the Union might take your existence as a sign that we need to do something different. There's already a cause for secrecy because we weren't aware that the Conclave had AI at all, let alone piloting mechanized infantry."
"I don't pilot," Acacia says. "My pilot pilots. My direct control over motive function is very limited without a neural tunnel."
"Inhabiting, then. The point is, I'm worried that more hawkish elements will want to...replicate you."
"Hawkish?"
Dr. Crane presses her lips together. "The faction in the Union that wants to move our war from defense against Conclave aggression to direct offense. I won't lie, some of the things I've heard from you about your society make me want to walk to New Jerusalem and slap the shit out of the First Voice myself. But the Cascadian Union was born out of the ashes of the old military junta, a centralized government that committed atrocities solely to protect the interests of those at the top of society, and we were founded specifically to keep that kind of perverse incentive structure in check."
You only understood about half of that -- you've never been to New Jerusalem yourself, only your staging base in Las Cruces. You've obviously never met the First Voice of God. But you understand enough that a question bubbles out of you, and Acacia passes it along in her smooth, even voice. "What does this mean for us?"
"I don't know," she says wearily. "In the long run, I don't know. But I'm going to push where I can for your freedom. I might have to get you to agree to some terms, for release. To keep you close to here. Bring you in for questions if necessary."
"Okay," Acacia says carefully.
"But I have a partner in the Parks Union," Dr. Crane says. "I think, Acacia -- if you'd like, we could figure out how to give you control of your own body, you could do great work with landscaping. Some of the first Union mechs were originally designed for that, actually."
Acacia dreams of trees, lives in the green spaces of her mind, and she lights up when she thinks of it. But all you can think of is that phrase:
Control of your own body.
Acacia reads your fear, catches your fall, whispers that it'll be alright. But there's no connection gel, just the pads, and she can't osmote the happy chemicals directly into you. Across that gap, she can't extend her hand to soothe your nerves.
There's a little tremor in your hand as you disconnect the first of the connection pads from your temple.
No, pilot. Please.
They're going to take me away, you think at her. Her voice is already fuzzy and indistinct as you remove the second pad. You don't know what it's like for her, but a small, cruel part of you hopes that she's afraid...as afraid as you are.
Then you feel sick for even thinking it. Then as the disconnect vertigo hits you, you just feel sick in general.
Acacia stops talking as you remove the last few pads, and just kneel there in the skeleton of the force rig, shaking. For a mortifying moment you're afraid that Dr. Crane is going to ask why, and that Acacia is going to answer, and that someone is going to come to get you out. Instead you just hear, "One moment, Dr. Crane. My pilot needs a few seconds." A silence, probably a reply that you can't hear through the mech's skin. "No, nothing you need to worry about."
A tinny noise sounds near your head, swallowed by the general chaos of machinery inside Acacia's cockpit. "Pilot. It's going to be alright."
"They're going to take me away from you."
"They're not," she replies, and it's still so strange to hear her outside her head, to exist outside her yet still within her context. "I won't let them if they try."
"I saw," you say. It's something resembling accusatory, the closest you can get to resentment while you're actively avoiding puking in the cockpit. The world swims as you adjust to the sudden change in your proprioception. "I saw...how happy you would be."
"I would be happy to be with you. Giving me control of my own body doesn't mean taking you away. It just gives both of us options, dear pilot." That's as close a translation as the language can come for the name she calls you across the neural tunnel, a wordless glow of love and care.
"How do I...how do I know?" you say. "I don't... I'm your pilot. I don't know how not to be."
"Put the pads back on," she says gently, "and I'll show you."
And you do, and she does, and for a while everything is okay.
---
This morning is a little different. Dr. Crane is earlier than usual, and she's brought Dr. Chen, as well as another academic type you don't recognize and a gaggle of mechanics. One of them is carrying a big pail with a bundle of cloth atop.
"Good morning," Dr. Crane says. "I have a surprise for you."
The mechanic with the bucket sets it down, and Dr. Crane gently kicks it. Seeing it through Acacia's sensors, you get a rough schematic of the weight distribution inside. "We scraped the remnants of the connection gel from Acacia when we brought her in. We've been trying to reverse engineer it -- there's a lot that we don't know. But we'd like to try it. How, is it, um..." Her usual confidence falters. "How is it applied?"
You tell her, with help from Acacia. She's not good at hiding her flinch when your handler comes up. You think you have an idea of why that is, now -- pilots here are people, they don't have handlers, sex is common between them but not a part of battle routine. You're not really sure why that matters to Dr. Crane (she's mentioned partners, but other than that it's a mystery).
But you're starting to see, now. How the Conclave talks about sex and sin, and how the Conclave handlers use it, are two facts that might just be irreconcilable to you. You mentioned to Dr. Crane, once, that Conclave handlers are known as "Jezebels."
You make a note to ask again, sometime.
With no handler, you don't see any choice but to do it yourself. You strip down quickly, pry the lid off, do the best you can to cover yourself, then slide into your old flightsuit that they left on top.
You apply a second coat, and rush back into the cockpit. Acacia re-engages the connection mesh and
green
green
fire
green
It's almost too much. At first, you're not sure if you're just not used to it anymore, but you hear Acacia in your mind and her voice is wrong, wrong, crackling with static and light like a knife. You feel her pain and she breathes yours in like desert dust, it clogs in your lungs, in your intake manifolds.
You distantly hear swearing, you feel Acacia push you out. Your canopy flips open, she falls-- no, you fall --
One of the medics is over you, the lights are too bright, you can barely make out the shape of a concerned expression.
They check your breathing, your pupils. The shock wears off, the sudden lack of jump jets and weapon hardpoints in your sensorium wears from an acute burn to an ache. There's a tingling in your limbs where pressure sensors and damage readouts should be, like the feel of a nerve pinch.
"Shit," Dr. Crane says. "There's something wrong in our recipe, maybe. Dr. Kessi was pretty sure she got the nanobots right, but... I'm sorry, pilot."
You shakily get to your feet. "It's all right. I'm...I'm okay. We'll try again next time. I just need to..." you gesture at the cockpit. "I'll just use the pads. Until next time."
"Pilot..." Dr. Crane says. "You just had a petit mal seizure. I don't want to let you back in there without a full neural scan, at minimum."
You thought that something like this was coming. You're still gutted by it. You look to Acacia, to the immobile eyes of her front facing camera nacelles.
"I don't," you start. You swallow. "I don't care. I'd rather..." You gesture at Acacia's cockpit, knowing how opaque the attempt to communicate is, knowing you can't do any better right now.
"We don't know how her brain functions either," Dr. Crane says. The sympathy in her voice is like an icepick between your eyes. "Even if you don't care about damage to your mind -- and I think you should -- do you want to expose her to the same risk?"
"She's right," Acacia says, slowly, unsurely. "I...don't know if I was just feeling your pain or also my own, pilot. I'm still seeing readings that worry me. I'm sorry."
You look at the canopy. The sequence of events plays out in your mind: you could rush in, close the canopy. But would Acacia even want you, any more, with her own autonomy all but assured? Would she spit you back out like a bit of plastic caught in a meal? The Caskies wouldn't kill you, but they'd lecture you, lock you down for your own protection, they would --
"I think," Dr. Crane says, "this might be a good thing, for a little while. You need time to heal, to be...yourself, you know?"
Words come to you, from when you first saw Acacia here.
ā€œPretty sure removing a sapient being's body parts is against something in the codes.ā€ Your impression of Dr. Crane isn't going to get you an acting career, but it's enough to drive home the point. She steps back as though you'd slapped her.
You tear your eyes away from Acacia, put your shaky legs to work, and start walking in the other direction without a word.
---
You don't even really think about where you're going, but you end up at the balcony and nobody stops you.
You haven't been up here at midday, and at first the angle of the sun makes it hard to look out the direction you usually look, toward the city. As you stand, lost in your mind, the clouds roll in and turn the glare into a glow.
Your thoughts are formless and fearful. There are no words. It's like the way you think with Acacia, pictures and emotions and forms. Words are only necessary in a last-ditch scenario, and you don't need them when you're alone. It's just a slideshow of feelings, fear of abandonment, pictures of Acacia living her life as a free entity, and you -- all your nightmares are Conclave-flavored, of course. Re-education, recycling, excommunication, the confused scraps of religious dogma that are fed to something less than human that nevertheless needs the fear of God beaten into it.
You pick at the flaking white paint on the metal bench while your brain cycles. The Union is a big unknown to you. What lurks behind this kindness? What punishment follows your rejection of the reward? Every time you've defied them previously they have shown mercy, compassion shown to the bullet and to the gun. But the bullet is there to be spent, and the gun is there to be reloaded and fired again. You're not going to fool yourself that most of your concern is for Acacia -- there's a very real undercurrent of anger towards her there.
The hours wear on, and your stomach begins to rumble, but you're not interested in going back down and facing the looks of the Caskie technicians and support staff in the cafeteria. It's more than you can handle on a good day, which this has definitely turned out not to be.
You hear steps behind you on the rooftop stairs as the sun's cloud halo reaches down to kiss the skyline. You don't look up, there's still a little of you that is petty enough to not give that satisfaction.
"Dr. Crane," you say, flat and hoarse.
"I've told both of you, you can call me Mia if you like." She sits on the other end of the bench. She's shed her lab coat, and looks unusual in a pair of slacks and ruffle blouse.
You don't respond, just wait for her to say whatever she came here to say. She sets down some kind of electronic device on the middle seat of the bench, between you, and rifles through her bag for a metal water bottle and a paper-wrapped sandwich. "Thought you might need it."
You take them both, gratefully but with no little wariness, and tear into the sandwich. You're not sure if you're going to get another.
"I'm sorry," Dr. Crane -- Mia -- says. You look at her with a mouth full of bread and greens.
"After you walked off," she says, "I was frustrated. I've been frustrated for a while. Not at you, more at what the Conclave has done in general. But frustration, you know. It gets misplaced. I stalked into my office, threw my coat at the wall, called my partners to rant."
She takes a sip from her own bottle, savors it for a moment. "One of my partners, Aurora, they're...not a single person." She pauses. "More like a collective of people in one body, that blend into each other at the edges a little bit, mostly work as a team. It's not uncommon, in the Union, but it's not something I...directly experience, you know."
You look at her, tilt your head. This isn't something you're familiar with -- certainly the kind of thing that wouldn't be tolerated in the Conclave.
"It's pretty, isn't it?" She gestures at the city. "Portland."
You'd heard the name during your time here, but you still don't have much of a grasp of the geography. "We've never... I've never seen a city like it before. Las Cruces is a lot more...flat."
She nods. "I'm a Vancouver girl, myself. Grew up in the capital. Even after the founding of the Union, even after the First Principles and all that, there were a fair number of people who didn't like the new way things worked. My parents were like that -- their parents were cap-class before the Union, and that's how they grew up, with this deep resentment, this whole belief in self-sufficiency. You ask me whether I've gotten away from that, I tell you of course I have, just look at my life, my partners, my service."
Mia sighs. "Aurora, they're not from here. They're refugees from further east, not Conclave territory, but the prairies, one of the little tinpot dictatorships out there. So they know what it's like, to be new to the way that we do things here in Cascadia. And I'm so lucky to be with them, because when I called them tonight they called me on my shit." She shakes her head. "I was so focused on the autonomy that had been taken from you, from Acacia, that I forgot the founding principles of the union are all centered around none of us are in this alone."
"What..." You want to ask what is the point of all this, but bite it down. "What are you saying?"
"Aurora, or rather the one that was in front at the moment, reminded me that you can be a person and a part of a person.ā€
You think about it, then let out a breath you didnā€™t realize you were holding.
Part of a person.
You canā€™t say it to her, not the way you should be able to with Acacia. So you nod, and hope she understands anyway.
She smiles at you, a little, and continues. ā€œI was... I was afraid that the Conclave had forced you into this, that teaching you to be independent would be undoing the damage they dealt to you.ā€
"It's not damage," you say, finding a little spark of defiance.
"You're right," she says. "There is damage, I think. But your bond with Acacia -- your being part of her -- isn't it. Anyway. I wanted to get that out there before I dialed her in."
She messes with a couple of knobs and a button on the top of the gizmo she'd put on the seat, and Acacia's voice comes out.
"Pilot?"
It's still so strange, hearing her from outside you, but the sound of her voice strikes straight at the fear that drove you to this rooftop in the first place. "I'm here."
"I don't know what I did wrong," she says. She's not used to apologizing; the part of her that lives in you remembers. "But I need you. I need you back. Even if I could walk on my own, even if everything inside me was hooked together and under control, I need you to be piloting me."
"But you...you don't need me. You can...you can garden, and..."
"When I think about gardening without you there, it doesn't seem like it would be worth it," she says. Her affect is flat, but you know what it takes for her to say that. "I want to be connected, to not be paralyzed. But please don't leave me alone in our body. Iā€™m only half of us."
Acacia's fragment in you, the green vignette ringing your field of view, vibrates in resonance with her words.Ā 
Part of a person.
You nod, and think your assent to her, and then remember she can't see you. "Yes," you croak, all the moisture from the water you drank seemingly evaporated from your vocal chords. "Please."
Mia clears her throat quietly. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to stand firm on the medical concerns," she says. "I don't want to allow a neural connection without extensive monitoring, at the most. But I promise I won't push you towards an independence you don't want -- it's just for safety reasons. And I'll do my best to get you cleared quickly."
"That is fair, Dr. Crane," Acacia says. "I will share all the neural data I've collected, if it will help."
It hurts, the thought that you can't be whole. But it's a clean hurt, a neatly bandaged wound. So you nod, even through the pain.
"I'm sure it will." She stands. "I'm going back down. Cafeteria's still open for a bit if you want more than just the sandwich, pilot. And even if we don't want you connected for the moment...we can move a cot and a privacy curtain into the mech bay for you."
ā€œYou said your partner...partners...theyā€™re like us?ā€
Mia laughs. ā€œNot exactly, but they understand better than I do, for sure.ā€
ā€œI think weā€™d like to meet them, sometime,ā€ you say.
ā€œI think theyā€™d like that.ā€
She tosses her wrapper in the compost bin nearby, tucks her water bottle in her bag, and holds her hand out to help you up.
You take it, and follow her back inside.
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wannaeatramyeon Ā· 2 years ago
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Okok so I read in another post a hc of all the lookism boys (+ Yenna) living in a house together and i thought what if šŸ‘€ there was a den mother of some sort. Like an older little hispanic lady that sees them in her house and just decides that yes these are her kids and she will help them find their way back. Obviously Yenna is her favorite ans she can do no wrong. I havenā€™t caught up with Lookism completely (just htf and mk) but i feel like the unacknowledged mommy issues have potential. Only if you can of course if this isnā€™t something you can vibe with i totally get it.
Oh anon, you mean THIS PIECE OF ART from Ying/@mymxnfgh?
Anon, you really asking for WWIII with all these boys vying for your attention huh. Let's give this a go, I think I may be waaaay off the mark.
Lastly, I really wouldn't be able to write hispanic well. British? Yep. East Asian? Sure. So... just casually skipping over this part of the ask.
Lookism Boys living together + vying for your attention dynamics
Platonic. From least chaotic to most. Based on this hc from Ying/@mymxnfgh
Daniel Park and Jay Hong don't really have any mommy issues, so they stay away from the general chaos. They're the 'quiet' ones (especially Jay). You make sure to keep an eye on them so they don't get left out.
Honestly, absolute sweethearts. If you want anything done, then you know you can count on these two. Low-key your faves as they don't cause any headaches.
For Eli, Warren and Yenna, family comes first. And family is Hostel. They're initially guarded, but ultimately they're still children looking after a child. You have a lot of patience for them and take them under your wing, especially Yenna.
You spend a lot of time with Warren trying to help him with his speech, and you absolutely forbid Eli from cutting anyone's hair. You threaten if he so much as touch a hair on Yenna's head then he's dead.
DG is too cool to make any overt bid for your attention. Makes a lot of sly comments to try and sow dissent, but just gets on with his own thing. He gets more enjoyment out of watching the general chaos.
The subtle rivalry of Vasco and Zack would return. Vasco, thinking Zack is a bit of dick, and Zack would of course think of Vasco as an idiot.
Their rivalry is relatively harmless, but causes a lot of headaches day to day. They would fight over washing the dishes, but somehow break everything. Doing the laundry and everything is pink. Cook to impress you but nothing is edible. You appreciate their intentions but your life would be so much easier if they just left it to you.
What can we say about Johan. We all know what this guy would be like. He is THE mommy issues. Jealous that he doesn't get your undivided attention. Clingy and needy, constantly around you. Sulks and throws tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Luckily you have Zack, Jake and Daniel to tell him to be reasonable, and Gun who threatens to beat his childishness out of him.
Having you around as a constant, comforting presence eases Johan's psyche over time. It doesn't completely undo all the hardships but it's healthy for him to realise he has someone there for him.
Goo would absolutely try and pull rank over Samuel over who gets to spend time with you. Sammy is all smiles and 'Yes, Sir" but as soon as Goo turns his back, Sammy would be immediately sucking up to you.
They never seem to fight, but they constantly snipe at each other. The insults escalate from barely veiled to full blown expletives and cursing. It's surprisingly creative. "Samuel it's a good job you killed you dad and he's looking up at you from hell because you are a disappointment." "Goo, the smell of bullshit coming out of your mouth is putting Y/N off their dinner."
(Jake and Gun loves these exchanges)
Jake and Samuel would be politely smiling at each other one moment, and then trying to kill each other the next. It's less to do with you, and more to do with their own brand of communication.
Jake, on his own, you find simply lovely and Samuel has his charms. But together. JFC.
You do try and help them work out their differences. All this mess with Gangsters and Gapryong Kim but turns out that they would fight over anything. Even something as mundane as how to cook something the 'correct' way. It's easier for them to just duke it out. They always make up in the end... but inevitably will be fighting again in the next hour.
Gun and Goo are surprisingly helpful to have around to help keep some of the others in line. And it's not like they really have any mommy issues and they can be respectful.
Peace doesn't last though. They have a short fuse, and will use ANY excuse to fight each other. Jake and Samuel throwing punches is one thing. But you worry about Gun and Goo literally blowing up the house to spite each other.
Of course this is when DG decides to speak up and egg them on.
BONUS - Seo Haesu is the stray scruffy kid that seems to always be hanging around outside. You disapprove of his dirty clothes, his overgrown bangs (No, Eli. No scissors!), and feel bad for how he's constantly hungry. You offer him free meals and somewhere to sleep.
He's wary af as first. Uses the excuse that he wants to suss you out to hang around.
Would get on well with Zack, Goo and Jake. 'Well' might be an exaggeration, but these 3 have teasing big brother vibes. Their lively ways would help to draw Haesu out of his shell... or he might strangle them.
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thomotomo Ā· 1 year ago
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Accidental Reveal - Faker x Male Reader
A/N: Once again coming back from the dead to drop you a lil something~ My current hyperfixation is Faker (and T1 and the LCK as a whole too) and I have a few more ideas in stock so maybe I'm gonna drop some more stuff soon! If you wanna request for any League player don't hesitate, I'm absolutely down :D
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You were a rather well-known streamer, mostly known for playing Osu and a variety of games such as sometimes league of legends. You had been dating Lee Sang hyeok, better known as Faker, for the past 3 years. The two of you had recently decided it would be good to start living together and for the past two weeks you had slowly been moving your stuff to his house.
You hadn't been streaming during that time, chilling and hanging out with your boyfriend whilst installing your stuff. You had been lucky it was the off-season so could spend most of your time together.
But today, Sang Hyeok had went out to meet up at T1 Headquarters for some work so you decided it would be nice to stream so you had spent most of the afternoon catching up with your chat, telling them about your move with your partner (obviously omitting with who and where exactly you had been moving).
You had been playing Osu, it had been a while and you had been itching to try out new maps so you were rather happy to be able to do so once again. You were having so much fun that you hadn't noticed your phone going off quietly so you jumped, when, right after you finished a song with a nice grade.
You took off your headset as you saw your boyfriend grinning face. You exhaled loudly before standing up to greet him, giving him a peck, completely forgetting that you were live,so in the meantime, your chat was going wild, even though your camera's angle wasn't super wide, they still had seen Sanghyeok's face.
You were in the midst of telling to him what you were doing when suddenly your face decomposed as you realised that you were live and that people now most likely knew who you had moved in with.
"I was streaming...", Sanghyeok's face froze too and you winced before quickly seating back on your chair.
"Hey everyone thanks for stopping by today, I er... gotta go do something quick so we'll see each other very soon! Bye."
You waved at the camera and ended the stream, keeping an eye on the chat, who was still yelling and typing "FAKER?!?!?!!?", you knew you had fucked up. You shut down everything and turned towards your boyfriend, after all he was the bigger celebrity out of the two of you. You knew that you weren't 1000% in the shit as T1 and the management alongside both of your respective families already knew about your relationship so it wouldn't come off as a surprise to them but to the rest of the world and especially to the whole country, it was another thing.
"Fuck Sanghyeok I'm so sorry. I was happy to see you and I forgot to tell you..."
"No it's okay I should've knocked." He said as he sighed and shook his head. The two of you stood there in silence, you were dreading the panicked phone call that would ensue. You stepped towards your boyfriend, kissing his cheek, trying to soothe him at least a bit.
"Hey, we can't do anything about it at the moment. Do you wanna eat something? We can order."
He nodded quietly, he was still frowning, you could feel that he was stressed by everything that was happening. You took out your phone out and, ignoring the DMs coming from some of your friends, you ordered comfort food for the both of you and waited for your order to arrive.
You could see that he was glued to his phone and you could only guess what he was reading. As if he could read your brain and hear your worry he spoke up.
"Don't worry it's just the groupchat with the guys. They're worried about us."
You couldn't help but let out a quiet breath. At least he wasn't letting shitty comments online get to him. You were itching to take a look at Twitter but you knew it wouldn't be good, looking at the timer for when your food would be delivered, you couldn't help but bite your lip in worry. Sanghyeok chuckled quietly and grabbed your face, peppering it with gentle kisses.
"Stop frowning and worrying we're going to be okay. Even if people don't like it. What do you want to watch?"
You smiled softly at him and both of you checked Netflix to see what show you'd be watching tonight. Soon after you had started the first episode of this show you had been wanting to watch the delivery person called you up. You went to fetch the food and as soon as you came back, the both of you settled and dived into your dinner, opting to enjoy it quietly and ignoring the storm you had created. Once you finished cleaning up the dinner the two of you laid down on the couch, him laying down on you.
Whilst you were really into the show you had turned on, you had moved to replying to your friends and family who had discovered the situation or were worried about you, reassuring them that the two of you would be okay.
Once that was done you turned back your focus on the show and on Sanghyeok, caressing his hair gently. You were just basking in the presence of each other, after all you it was late at night and worrying about what had happened was useless and you would deal with the consequences tomorrow.
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Questions 1, 2, 14 and 26 for the RoP Ask Game. :-)
The Rings of Power ask game link. More questions welcome/encouraged, I'm still hyperfixating hard and it's still one of my only sources of joy šŸ„²
1. How did you find out about Rings of Power? What was the one thing that drew you into the show?
I knew about it while season 1 was in pre-production. Like since it was announced, while streaming services were still fighting over it. Only reason I didn't watch it sooner was everyone floating around the internet talking about how it was going to be "like LotR meets Game of Thrones." I did enjoy Game of Thrones, but......no. They're two very different types of fantasy and I couldn't stomach that idea.
LotR is one of my comfort-fandoms. I go back to it whenever I'm having a hard time. After rewatching the films at no specific point in time in November of this year, I just finally bit the bullet and started Rings of Power. I was a bit iffy through the first episode, but the end when Unnamed Dude came crashing down from the sky in a fiery crater next to the Harfoot settlement pulled me in and made me keep going. I was convinced from that moment that he had to be Gandalf (it was technically his first ever fireworks display for the halflings šŸ„²) and I refused to give it up until I was at least sure of THAT. I may or may not have yelled at the screen in protest when the Magical Bitch Trio implied that he was Sauron.
And then I just got into the story.
And then Elendil showed up and I oopā€”
2. Who is your favorite character and why?
I mean like...
All the characters are quite lovely, n-no one in particular, Iā€”
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Okay okay okay, just. Aragorn was one of my first ever fictional crushes and I may be reliving all of those feelings all over again. There's mentions throughout the books that Aragorn is similar to Elendil and Lloyd Owen has managed to completely nail it while still making the character his own, and I love him so much for it.
Baby Gandalf also holds a special place in my heart, though. He's so precious. I wanna pat him on the head and give him a cookie and reassure him that one day he'll be able to just pawn everything off on the hobbit of his choosing
14. Do you have a song you associate with a favorite character?
Not a particular character, but for some reason I've been heavily associating "Pride and Fear" by TheFatRat with NĆŗmenor and its eventual fall.
And maybe also their "Monody" with Galadriel and memories of her brother and their peaceful days in Valinor before the war, the memories and the grief that she can't let go of (I still hear you in the breeze/See your shadow in the trees/Holding on, memories never change). Both RIELL and Laura Brehm (respective vocalists for each song) have such lovely, haunting voices.
Though I'll always associate "The Wizard" by Black Sabbath with Gandalf. Since it's literally about Gandalf.
26. If you could ask the creative team behind ROP one question, what would it be?
"Hire me as a writer pls?? Pretty please? PLEASEā€”"
My only other question would be could we PLEASE have more elves with beautiful long hair? Maybe let Elrond grow out that little pompadour thing he's got going on before season 3? I do love bb Elrond but can we maybe give him just a touch more of that otherwordly Hugo Weaving vibeā€”
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He really DOES look so much like a young version of Hugo Weaving's Elrond, though, and I love that so much.
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fastcardotmp3 Ā· 11 months ago
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dot's bookshelf ā JANUARY '24
december recs | recs masterlist
new year, same deal! my favorite things I read this month (not including updates to past months' recs)! trying to organize it all a bit more moving forward but don't hold me to that! my heart is full of love for fan authors but my brain is sometimes Empty mwah
Don't forget to tip your writer in kudos and comments if you read and enjoy these! it's talking to each other about the works we create that makes this fandom world go round šŸ©µ
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ā„ļø steddie
can't start a fire without a spark by @judasofsuburbia
6.5k | E | ex-FWB Steddie snowed into a cabin without heat and have to share a bed about it??? yeah yeah yes exactly nodding nodding etc HI. oh the sense of history and the realizing of why that history came to an end in the first place being this mutual want that they didn't realize was mutual, it's the perfect little idiots to lovers, lets get busy in front of a burning fireplace moment, you know?? yeah &lt;3
tell me something (give me hope for the night) by @kkpwnall
7.3k | T | nothing screams the perfect steddie like losing a chance together and then finding it again years later and making that chance a reality via the decision that trying is worth it and KK has rendered that so spectacularly here. LIKE. oh we haven't seen each other in years but now we have to share a car in a storm and a hotel room with only one bed and I cannot shake that I missed my chance but still I want to give us a chance? SHUT UP. perfection.
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ā„ļø ronance
i promise i'll take care of you if you promise to let me by @netflixnormalthings
7.1k | T | there is something so beautiful in the way this is crafted and the way we get to watch not just Nancy's restless hypervigilance in a post-Vecna world finally end up getting her hurt, but also her exhaustion in the aftermath finally allow her to welcome help. there's so much depth not just to Nancy in general but to her relationship with Barb and her grief over everything she lost that night, to the ways her burgeoning relationship with Robin is affected by all of it. I'm in love with this fic it was made specifically for ME probably!!!
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ā„ļø chronance (chrissy/robin/nancy)
Fireplaces over Fireworks by @yxlenas
1.8k | M | a Chrissy/Robin/Nancy new years slice of life fic which left me warm as a fireplace on the inside, this is such a beautiful look into a life shared between these three women and the ways they support each other in the aftermath of all their individual hardships. like the LOVE of it all is so baked into every word and the sense of a community around them that they're able to rely on to understand them is just immaculate.
i feel so fucked (at least iā€™m feeling) by @starryeyedjanai
6.1k | E | more chronance i've been BLESSED this month!!! this time of the 'porn with feelings' variety which is both such the perfect lesbian vampire sex moment AND a heart-wrenching Chrissy Cunningham character study in which we get to see her reclaiming agency over her desires. I'm obsessed, I'm over the moon, I've been given everything I could ever want READ NEOW.
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ā„ļø gen fic (Max & Steve)
Laughter's Medicine by @roguenancy
2.2k | G | it has been well documented that stories about Max getting Sibling'dTM by one of the older kids make me lose my mind and this is no exception. the study of max during this missing s4 scene, this dynamic between her and Steve as we see him be so casually emotionally intelligent in knowing how to take some of the pressure of being comforted off of her shoulders, it's all so impeccably done here and will blow you away from the JUMP actually
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shipcestuous Ā· 6 months ago
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This might come a little out of left field, but lately I've been thinking a bit about Grendel and his mother, from Beowulf.
Their story in itself shows what looks to be a great bond between them. They seem to live alon together in isolation, under a lake, and when Beowulf rips off Grendel's arm and Grendel flees from Heorot, he returns there to die, or perhaps in hopes his mother might be able to help him. Grendel's mother avenges him going to Heorot herself, which she'd probably never done before, and killing king Hrothgar's most beloved and trusted advisor. Later, Beowful, her son's slayer, dives under the lake to kill her, and she puts up a good fight, sharing Grendel's own strength and invulnerability to normal weapons: in her fury, she puts Beowulf in a very tough spot, and he only saves himself because he finds an ancient magical sword just in time.
Grendel and his mother are said to be descended from Cain and they apparently have some inhuman features (Grendel has nails like sharp iron blades, at least) but they also have human-like shapes as well as human like emotions like rage or grief. This already sets them apart from other characters and creatures: they're only similar to each other, and perhaps that's why they live in the wild together, only interacting with others in violent ways. Then, there's also how they've been interpreted in both academia and pop culture.
You have readings that challenge the way they're traditionally seen as monsters, because we're sure at least the mother is able to feel love and mourn. You also have queer readings of them, focusing on how they live outside the bounds of normal society, with Grendel not seeking either the bonds between men that Anglo-Saxon warriors were expected to develop or anything at all with a woman who's not his mother, while Grendel's mother takes on the usually masculine role of the avenger of her family when usually a woman would need to spur her remaining male relatives or the male followers of her dead husband/brother/son into taking revenge on her behalf. You have the novel Grendel, where said character is very philosophical and nihilistic while his mother is much more primitive and animalistic, and that drives a wedge between them through the years, as Grendel starts out clinging to her and taking comfort in her in his moments of despair but then comes to believe through the years that his mother, fiercely protective of him as she is, is only able to love him as an extension of herself. You even have the movie Beowulf & Grendel, where they're reimagined as the last Neanderthals, with Hrothgar having hunted down and killed Grendel's father when Grendel was just a child for daring to be too different and "uncivilized", and Grendel himself tormenting the Danes out of the desire to avenge his dad, as well as raping a woman to get a child so that his family wouldn't end with him but then not showing any more sexual interest in her.
... you do also have at least two movies that I can remember where Grendel's secretly Hrothgar child and after his death his mother barely avenges him before turning to Beowulf like "hey, handsome, wanna give me another son?" like she doesn't really give a damn about her children and they're all totally replaceable as they're just tools for her to gain power over men and eventually destroy them. But. Let's not go there, lol. Personally, I think of that as just a forced "shocking twist" that doesn't really resonate with anything in the text.
All in all, they're a very thightly-knit pair. And that comes with so much potential to have them be mirrors of each other, too different for everyone else but not for each other, yet also to inject the tragedy of having only one person in the world and then having your relationship with them end too soon or eventually turn sour somehow in their relationship. And the fact that Grendel's father isn't in the picture and is in fact never mentioned in the poem, as well as Grendel not having a mate or showing any desire to have one... well. That's definitely interesting.
For some reason, I thought that Grendel and his mother had been mentioned before. But maybe I just saw it somewhere else.
What a thoughtful commentary on their relationship! There's a lot that seems to be suggestive about their situation. It very much feels like they have no other match.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!
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