#As life and energy allows
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thehoardofthegreatdragon · 3 months ago
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do we have any updates on the progression of "do you have any thoughts about beckman" now that it's been a bit since last time
(<- trying to inflict u with terminal beck disease)
ngl my dear buddy the brainrot has not increased since last time due to painful terminal Mishanks brainrot, HOWEVER. It has not decreased. Steady state of beck brainrot achieved So I invite u to hit me with ur best shot, guns blazing shotgun at the ready to use as a club, infect away
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bacchuschucklefuck · 2 months ago
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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dyrpyn · 18 days ago
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This election isn't looking great now.
BUT.
There is one thing you must ALWAYS. ALWAYS REMEMBER.
Your two greatest, most powerful weapons against evil, against bigotry and fascism, against hate, against even hate that comes from inside the self...
are Hope, and Spite.
If nothing else can fuel you, let these. Embrace these. Let these consume you, let them become all that you are.
Let Hope help you find light in the little details, silver linings to cling onto with bleeding hands and pockets of joy to admire in every day. Let it inject you with good faith, motivation to spread kindness where it is needed most, and deepening trust that this won't last forever.
Let Spite charge you with fury that carries you to make moves and take actions. Let it lead you to little victories right in the face of evil. Let it fuel you to do the strongest, most meaningful thing you can possibly do in this potential age: Thrive.
With enough reframing of perspectives and looking in the right places, even the most oppressed can find little ways to thrive in their personal communities, to find joy in every day. To forget how bad things are for even a second. To believe and see proof that they can change it all. To cling onto their Hope and Spite.
And THAT is the most powerful message you can send to those who wish to eradicate you.
We are the cockroaches who survive the radiation. We are the banged-up sewer rats who get in countless scuffles and still come crawling out of the tunnels covered in wounds to see the sunrise. For it rises every day no matter what may be brewing underneath its shine.
And we will watch every sunrise together. We will hold hands and sing in our defiance. We will always remain connected through our shared suffering and yet especially our shared Strength.
And with our weapons kept at our sides, we will all make it.
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feminineenergylife · 7 months ago
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Feminine Tip:
Accept Help
- Women nowadays are taught to be independent, strong & never look to others for help. But this is the opposite of femininity
- The feminine woman receives help & assistance.
- The feminine woman is okay with getting help from others instead of trying to be strong and prove that she can do it all herself
- She knows she's not weak just for receiving help.
- We are only one person. We can try to do it all but usually end up tired and struggling.
- If you need help, ask.
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ssaalexblake · 11 months ago
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the absolute disgust that Yaz (from Sheffield) and Dan (from Liverpool) feel about unexpectedly finding themselves in Manchester is filling me with such joy like their Faces
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vaguely-concerned · 3 days ago
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this screen, this companion combination, with davrin having this shield equipped, cracks me up so hard every time I see it. davrin really is stepping up and keeping hard eye contact with rye like 'hey. hey loverboy. we need your attention elsewhere right now. eyes off the insufferable killer for hire abomination for five minutes please we're on the clock chop chop'
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a-fast-rebloger · 1 year ago
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RIP to Elphaba and her water allergy I know she would've loved to walk barefoot around a creek
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larapaulussen · 1 year ago
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rosenotactuallyquartz · 3 months ago
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my last order to you as a diamond
“no one can ever find out we did this. i never want to look back. so, for my last order to you as a diamond, please, let’s never speak of this again. no one can know.” — pink diamond, a single pale rose
“pink diamond is so sure that she's powerless, but she's actually profoundly powerful, so much so that she devastates people's lives without understanding it because she thinks she has no real power or sway.” —rebecca sugar, end of an era
even if you understand rose, pink can still be difficult to understand. she faces unimaginable punishments if she doesn’t follow the twisted rules of homeworld. but there’s hidden details that reveal her genuine self. the pebbles, the gems who are considered the most inferior, know her as the one gem who would thank them. she’s so excited when she can play with other gems like equals and she’s not getting “that dumb salute.” white gives pink a colony just to prove that she will fail, but the moment pink discovers the harm that her colony is doing to life on earth, she immediately wants to stop her colony and fight to protect them.
much like steven in gem glow when he finds out he has a shield, pink can’t be aware of her powers, she can’t understand them, until she sees them in action.
and rose… never sees the power behind her orders as a diamond in action.
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pink’s intentions when she gave the order
—> context: pink is escaping to begin a life with the person she’s falling in love with, so they can be their true selves, be free of homeworld’s rules (one of the main ones is giving orders & following them), & continue their rebellion.
—> “no one can ever find out we did this”: i see this as reassurance-seeking, as she would be incredibly scared in this situation. the other diamonds make her feel as if they wouldn’t care if she’s shattered. however, if she’s caught faking it, the punishment is unimaginable. white threatened to “take her pearl away” whenever pink disappointed her, so she was always scared for pearl, too. while pearl is the first person who has made rose feel completely loved & safe, reassurance is needed regardless. pausing to remind pearl not to tell anyone is actually expected given pink’s trauma & the situation.
—> “i never want to look back”: they love everything about each other as individuals & they particularly love all the things they weren’t allowed to be on homeworld. rose fell for pearl’s boldness, how fiercely opinionated she is; pearl fell in love with rose’s softness, the way that she thinks all life is precious. rose is expressing that she wants to truly move on from this old world so that they can embrace being who they truly are—and having the dynamic that they want, one that reflects how they feel about each other.
—> “my last order”: we know that she has a tendency to speak very passionately with symbolism during emotional moments (i.e., tape in lion 3). pink states that it’s officially her last order, symbolizing the end of their old lives that they both despised. she hated giving orders as much as she hated the salute. it’s also an official promise that she will never give orders ever again. partially because she sympathizes with pearl’s particular homeworld trauma, partially because of her tendency to blame herself for things. and really, it’s simply a relief for both of them.
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rose’s guilt
after giving pearl the order, pink looks at pearl with so much care, respect, and admiration in her eyes. she’s so grateful… and so oblivious. she simply feels reassured after the person she trusts the most promises to keep the secret. besides, it doesn’t feel like too much to ask because she knows that pearl doesn’t want to tell anyone. that would put them both in danger.
at the same time, her eyes look sad. even without knowing the impact of her order, she feels guilty that pearl is keeping so many of her secrets. it’s related to lots of other issues that they have, such as pearl being self sacrificing during the war. pearl’s the only one who truly knows exactly what she needs protection from and how much danger she would be in if she poofed. rose also feels lots of self hatred & pain & she can never hide this from pearl the way she hides it from others, because pearl knows so much, including traumas. she knew her when she was very naive, belittled, vulnerable, facing ongoing abuse. rose fears that she is causing pearl distress due to the mere fact that she is the only one who knows all these distressing things about her.
with that sort of guilt, it would just be out of character for pink to give this order if she knew of the power behind it.
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steven
pearl never tried to tell anyone the secret until the diamonds put steven in danger. she never needed to tell anyone. the diamonds were never a threat for the thousands of years that she was with rose. this also says a lot about the reasons behind rose’s death. people who hate rose often say that she died to “leave steven with her problems,” but the topic of the diamonds never even needed to come up for thousands of years.
pearl seems surprised when she realizes she physically can’t say anything. still, she seems to find a way rather quickly when she knows for sure that she needs to tell him. pearl is an intelligent & strong-willed character; these traits get overlooked because she’s emotional and passionate about her sincere, intense love. even the day of, she tries to verbally tell him, proving just how unknown this power was.
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things changed throughout the years
pearl grows in many ways while rose is alive, and this growth starts as early as the now we’re only falling apart timeline. early on in the relationship, pearl fought with rose when she didn’t agree with her.
around the same timeframe as the final order, pearl stands her ground when rose tells her that she doesn’t have to stay and fight with her. she argues, “but i want to!” and rose refers to her as my pearl. as individuals and as a relationship they attract gems who also want to rebel against homeworld’s society. this reenactment of one of their biggest arguments ever shows pearl disagreeing with her, expressing why she feels differently, and she even shouts at one point.
also, notice how most of the issues in their relationship happen when they’re fresh out of homeworld. they make progress then, and in we need to talk pearl is very sure of herself and loves showing off how much rose feels for her. rose notices this growth and it’s reassuring for her. issues come up before rose dies & losing rose definitely brought up old wounds. but they seemed to have little to no issues in the thousands of years between the war and the 90s. pearl hated being bossed around, this was comforting for rose… and it made it hard for her to ever imagine the impact that order had on her.
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the end + a note about pearl
“her impulse control is pretty poor. she doesn't really think about when another person, you know, when she's putting another person in danger.” —rebecca sugar, the art of steven universe
“rose wanted to give everybody the kind of environment she didn’t have, but everything about her is about who she didn’t want to be.” —rebecca sugar says goodbye to steven universe
besides everything that the creators mentioned, johnston stated that the power behind her orders only apply to her assigned pearl on homeworld. also, stating something without being pink diamond & saying it’s an order will not have this effect (so, on a positive note, it’s important to remember that pearl’s love for rose and everything she does on earth are not orders she’s following. this is the only time they’ve had this issue). in now we’re only falling apart, pearl was portrayed as being very good at her job, working diligently and doing everything she was expected to do up until the rebellion when she had the opportunity to be who she wanted to be. and rose was herself too. given how complicated this is, it was difficult for rose to figure out the power behind these orders.
anyway, considering the intentions she has when she starts her life on earth, rose’s flaws as she gives this order would never be: wanting power over pearl, manipulation, and quite literally using their original and forced homeworld dynamic to get what she wants.
(i also don’t think pearl would love her so much if this was the case. she fell in love with rose for opposite traits such as her soft heart & how she felt about all life + the world.)
instead, the flaws are: obliviousness, naivety, & maybe even impulsiveness because that’s an ongoing flaw that rose has throughout the series. she often says and does things quickly and without too much thought, especially in difficult situations and when she feels strongly about something. due to that constant fight-or-flight she’s used to being in, she doesn’t think things through and has trouble moving at a slower pace, thinking before speaking & acting, reflecting.
but even then, she wouldn’t say this, even impulsively, if she knew the truth. it’s ironic and unfair to both of them, as the order silencing pearl symbolizes everything that pearl + rose were rebelling against. but it’s clear that rose didn’t know the effect of it. this is a negative aspect of their relationship, yes, but the intentions behind it definitely change how the relationship looks as a whole. it’s sad, but it’s not malicious.
i think pearl is the strongest character in the show. time and time again, she shows that she is her own person with unique strengths, makes progress even following setbacks due to trauma, and she proves everyone on homeworld (who think pearls are things, with irrelevant feelings who can’t fight and are made to serve) wrong. she is outspoken, courageous, smart. she hated serving but she has a selfless & caring personality, so instead she becomes this incredible (and sometimes intimidating) sword fighter who protects the one she loves—so strongly that many misunderstand it. and here’s the thing: as much as rose would feel terrible if she knew about all of this, pearl's ability to defy an order that contained powers she had no idea existed is one of the many reasons rose would be proud of her if she could see her.
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toxooz · 3 months ago
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Feel free to not answer this if its too invasive but what do you do for work? how do you manage your time to still create such awesome things while working? sorry if this comes off as weird I just want to find a way to work while still having time for my art
hoo boi ok i went into the job field hellbent on getting a more heavy duty job like welding and just do art as i please and preserve my passion for it so i dont get burnt out from an art job, but bröther ive realized the hard way my body just don't have the energy to balance working my ever sweatin ass off all day and Also have the energy to draw. I used to have a factory job building coolers but the management went to pure shit, all my good coworkers got fired or quit, and i was beginning to not trust myself holding a framing gun sOOO as of rn i '''technically''' don't have a job, my patreons payin the bills (and then some praise the lorTTTT) rn plus i got that mural gig that came at the most perfect time but im currently perfecting my craft at tattooing so i can get into that field eventually 🤙 i worked my ass off and drew my ass off for a while but my lack of energy made me crash and burn so i may not be the person to give advice on that AHHAAaa
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maximura · 1 year ago
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Chasing That Feeling: Inkigayo 231015
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teiasviago · 4 months ago
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also, i finished frannie’s book the other day and wouldn’t you know but twice over she thinks about how her love for michael is different than her love for john but the fact that it’s different doesn’t mean she loved john less.
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fleshdyk3 · 3 months ago
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god i fucking hate my dad
#he came home today from a bike trip he went on and he's been arguing with me about honeybee the whole fucking day#he keeps saying just let her out let her run around! every time i put her in her pen to nap#and he refuses to stop her from biting him#and he got mad at her for playing with his socks when she'd just been playing with mine and he threw them on the floor of the living room#which first of all stop being such a fucking slob#and second of all what the fuck did you expect to happen? it's a soft new toy on the floor where she spends most of her time. where all her#toys are. very similar to the two soft items she's allowed to play with (my socks)#she's fucking 3 months old she doesn't understand the difference between my socks and his socks#and i keep telling him i know what im doing i was doing all the research while he went to buttfuck nowhere on his midlife crisis motorcycle#but he just wont fucking listen to me#and hes like oh youre at that age where you think youre right about everything and are so stubborn like fuck you actually#first of all im stubborn about this because its a living breathing puppy and his actions will affect her behaviour as an adult#and bc i know what im fucking doing. ive been an animal person my entire life. i did all the research. i did this exact same thing with#parrots for five years.#and hes like you cant just put her in her pen every time shes being a dog like no i fucking dont. i only put her in her pen when it's time#for a nap and she's getting overtired. you can't just let her run around until she collapses bc for one she never fucking will#second that's only going to make her energy threshold higher and then she'll be absolutely impossible to handle#and i told him that and that i read that on like every professional dog training source i read#and he said that might be true or might not be#like it fucking is bitch omfg#and then he tried to one up me like um i actually raised you guys for a long time i know what im doing#like a child is not a fucking dog. also my mom raised us lets be fucking serious. and look how well adjusted i turned out#and he told me to relax and calm down like i wasnt even arguing with him but i sure as hell will now#like dont tell me to fucking relax. when has telling anyone to relax ever made anything better. especially a teenager. especially a (for#simplicity's sake) woman.#and i told him dont tell me to relax and he got all pissy and stormed off#like literally fuck you#im my fathers daughter. im just as stubborn as he is.#rambles
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autisticlee · 5 months ago
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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verved · 3 months ago
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Ok u know what today is a mental health burger day
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thats-sir-dyke-to-you · 2 months ago
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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