#Anhedonia

[daughtersofcain666]

I tried to pull you out

But you built this bed to rot

[schizopositivity]

Here's a reminder to fight the internalized sanism/ableism in your head.

If you have executive dysfunction, don't compare your productivity to people who don't.

If you have anhedonia, don't compare your struggling to keep up with hobbies to someone who doesn't.

If you have paranoia, don't think of your fears as any less valid than the fears of someone who doesn't.

If your meds make you tired constantly, don't compare your energy levels to someone who doesn't take those meds.

If you have issues with concentration, then you won't be able to pay attention as well as someone who doesn't.

If you're in the deep end of a pool, then you can't compare how well you keep your head above water to someone who is standing in a kiddie pool.

Please try to think of these things when you feel "lazy" or "childish" or "a failure" compared to other people that don't struggle with the same symptoms as you. If you have a mental illness that will affect how you act in everyday situations, then it will in fact affect you in everyday situations. It's not an excuse, it's just a reality. We need to try to be kinder to ourselves.

[mournfulroses]

Chelsea Wolfe, from a song duet with Emma Ruth Rundle titled "Anhedonia," released in 2021

[bentribs]

Aboulia

[detkauwu]

𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙, 𝖒𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖑𝖆𝖒𝖇 // 𝖎𝖙’𝖘 𝖆𝖑𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖞 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖉𝖔𝖓𝖊

[neuroticboyfriend]

To people struggling with anhedonia (partial or complete lack of interest or pleasure in things):

Your life still matters. No matter what's causing you to experience anhedonia, whether it's schizophrenia, depression, trauma, addiction, a personality disorder, etc... I'm grateful you're here, and I'm in this with you. Anhedonia sucks. It makes it hard to want to do anything at all - even live - since things that should ellicit joy don't anymore... or they do, but not nearly as much as it should.

The good news is there's so much more to the world than our experiences in this present moment. We never know what good things are waiting for us. We never know if something good we experience now, in this empty state, will be something future us can look back on and feel something good about it. We also may not know the positive impact we're having on the world around us, allowing others to feel positively.

The only way we get to find all that out though is by keeping on trying and staying here to see it happen. That's not easy, but I hope it'll be worth it for both of us. Neither of us have to go through this alone ♡ Have hope - even the smallest amount of hope can get you far.

[autopsyfreak]

the question is do i fill my chronic boredom with destructive decisions or with sex

[neurodivergenttales]

Nobody talks about how exhausting it is to be numb to everything

To drag yourself through every day knowing that you’re not going to get any pleasure or enjoyment from anything you do

To feel blank towards everyone and everything

It’s a never-ending cycle of looking to everyone else like you’re alive but feeling completely rotted down inside

I just want to feel like a person again

[schizoidvision]

4 Reasons Schizoids With Anhedonia Can Still Have a Strong Survival Instinct

Schizoid personality disorder is a complex and multifaceted condition that contains many paradoxes. This is primarily related to the internal fragmentation of the self and inner splits between different aspects of their being. One seemingly contradictory aspect is related to why schizoid individuals who experience anhedonia can still possess such a strong survival instinct. This can be partially explained by their heightened sensitivity to safety. This article aims to explore the relationship between anhedonia, the survival instinct, and the schizoid's underlying safety sensitivity.

1. Understanding Anhedonia in Schizoids

Anhedonia, in essence, is the inability or diminished capacity to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. For the schizoid individual, this might manifest in a lack of interest in social interactions, hobbies, or even basic human experiences. With such a significant reduction in the pleasure derived from life's experiences, one might assume that the will to live or survive would be diminished. However, the schizoid dynamic is far more nuanced.

2. Schizoid Inner Pleasures

Anhedonia is related to the lack of pleasure from engaging in activities. However, because schizoids live primarily in their heads, their main source of pleasure tends to come from thinking, rather than taking action. Schizoids tend to be creative and have a rich inner world, from which they may derive a lot of pleasure. For some schizoids, pleasure is derived from being a passive observer of the world. This means that even with anhedonia, there is potential for gaining worthwhile pleasure from being in existence.

3. The Strong Survival Instinct

Despite their emotional detachment and diminished drive due to anhedonia, many schizoids exhibit a strong survival instinct. This means that survival doesn't necessarily stem from a passion for life, as experienced by many neurotypical individuals. Instead, it may be rooted in a fundamental desire for self preservation and safety. The world, as perceived through the lens of a schizoid, can often seem threatening or overwhelming. This perspective, combined with their inherent desire to avoid harm, means that survival is not just about living for external rewards, but about preserving a state of safety and true self survival. It's not merely a biological impulse, but a deeply ingrained psychological need.

4. Schizoid Safety Sensitivity and Defenses

Central to understanding the schizoid survival instinct is the concept of their underlying safety sensitivity, which may be conscious or unconscious. This sensitivity to safety isn't just about physical harm but extends to emotional and psychological well-being. Therefore, schizoids often feel a pressing need to protect their true self from the outer world. The external world, with its demands, judgments, and potential threats, is navigated with caution. Any threat to their well-guarded inner sanctuary is met with a strong defense mechanism, whether that's through withdrawal, avoidance, distancing, or masking. By avoiding negative attention, they safeguard their inner world from external threats.

Summary…

The schizoid personality with its complex thought processes, behaviors, and feelings, defies simplistic explanations. Their strong survival instinct, despite experiencing anhedonia, is a testament to the human psyche's resilience and adaptability. For the schizoid, the world is a complex puzzle of potential threats and safe havens, with survival not just being about life but about the preservation of their true self. As we seek to understand those with schizoid dynamics, it's of value to approach their experiences with empathy and open-mindedness, recognizing the depth and richness of their internal worlds and the strength it takes to navigate a world that often feels overwhelming.

Video From My YouTube Channel: The Schizoid Defense

[schizoid-hikikomori]

There was more discussion of the schizoid personality in mid 20th century works with the collective fascination with existentialism.

The post-war world inspired art and conversation about what it meant to be alive and be human, whether there is any meaning at all.

Books like No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and The Stranger by Albert Camus strongly carry the tone of the period of which they were published in. There is no meaning, life is absurd, there is no happy ending.

A book on the schizophrenic personality was published in 1960, titled The Divided Self by R.D. Laing. The schizoid personality at this time and into the 80s when it was added to the DSM was seen as an extension of schizophrenia. Before it was added to the DSM, szpd was considered a broader diagnosis that included conditions described as "nonpsychotic schizophrenia-type illness", consistent with the detachment from the world around you and a flat affect, paired with little emotional expression.

Perhaps most famously, schizoid personality disorder was referenced in a song by King Crimson, released in 1969, titled "21st Century Schizoid Man". The song is about the growing desensitization with violence and war and the idea that people in the future will be schizoid. Not literally, of course, but the overall idea that soon we won't at all be fazed by suffering. Again, another product of the post war world. I also think it's a good song.

The discussion around the schizoid personality both in psychology and in the world has noticeably diminished since then, but it has remained a diagnosis in both the ICD and the DSM.

Because of the lack of discussion it has led to people misunderstanding the disorder, making false equivalences to other disorders, and looking at it only on the surface list of diagnostic criteria.

The DSM diagnostic criteria is primarily based on external observations. This is why individuals with other disorders think they have something when they don't—they either misdiagnose themselves or their professional misdiagnoses them.

There are studies and books that differentiate between these shallow lists, but most people do not spend the time to inform themselves.

Just another reminder of self reflection, and to look at older writing that better resonates with the schizoid experience. I find that more classical and gothic literature speaks to this experience better than most modern writing ever does.

[schizopositivity]

could you share any more under-talked about symptoms of schizophrenia, like executive dysfunction?

I've actually been meaning to make a post like this but keep forgetting (lol that's a symptom). As a disclaimer, not everyone with schizophrenia has every one of these symptoms, and people can have a lot of these symptoms and not have schizophrenia (if they don't have the psychotic symptoms). Not all of these symptoms are seen as diagnostic criteria, some have just been observed to be very common in people with schizophrenia. (I'm excluding hallucinations and delusions because they are more well known)

• Paranoia: a pattern of behavior where a person feels distrustful and suspicious of other people and acts accordingly. This can go hand in hand with hallucinations and delusions.

• Disorganized thoughts: this can mean a lot of things. It can be not having a linear train of thought, having incoherent thoughts, thought blocking, general disorganized thoughts. (It can be hard to define because it is often hard to describe for the person experiencing it).

• Disorganized speech: this is often a result of the disorganized thoughts. This can include loose associations like rapidly shifting between topics with no connections between the topics. Perseveration, which is repeating the same things over and over again. Made up words that only have meaning to the speaker. Use of rhyming words without meaning. Word salad, which is when cognitive disorganization is severe, it can be nearly impossible to understand what the person is saying, but the person speaking doesn't know they aren't making sense.

• Trouble concentrating: lack of concentration, switching from topic to topic, not being able to focus on one thing. (This is pretty self explanatory).

• Movement disorders: catatonia can be repetitive non goal directed movements. It can also be complete or partial immobility, mutism, vacant staring, and rigidity. Although not a symptom, tardive dyskinesia can occur in schizophrenia as a result of antipsychotics medication.

• Anhedonia: a loss of pleasure in activities that the person once enjoyed. Or the inability to feel pleasure at all.

• Atypical or non-existent emotional expression: Flat or blunted affect is an inability to show emotions characterized by a lack of facial expression, a monotone voice, and no hand gestures. On the other hand people can also have inappropriate affect, where the emotional expression doesn't align with typical reactions or even the person's own feelings.

• Alogia: when someone speaks less, says fewer words or only speaks in response to others. This can be a result of disorganized thoughts.

• Social withdrawal: avoiding people and activities that someone once enjoyed. Not actively being present during social situations. Can progress to total isolation.

• Avolition: a severe lack of initiative to accomplish purposeful tasks. This is a big reason some people with schizophrenia can't work/go to school, can't do chores, and can't keep up with their basic hygiene. Even if the person wants to do these tasks, it may be extremely difficult or impossible for them to get themselves to start or complete the task due to the lack of motivation.

• Executive dysfunction: a behavioral symptom that disrupts a person's ability to manage their own thoughts, emotions and actions. This can include focussing too much on one thing, being easily distracted, spacing out, struggling to switch between tasks, problems with impulse control and trouble starting difficult or boring tasks. Several schizophrenia symptoms fit into the umbrella of executive dysfunction, so when researching you will either see the specific ones listed out, or just simply described as executive dysfunction.

• Alexithymia: significant challenges in recognizing, expressing, and describing one's own emotions.

• Poor memory: this can include working memory deficits like trouble planning, organizing, and carrying out daily chores such as running errands, because it requires mentally formulating a “to do” list organized by time and location. Many people with schizophrenia also report trouble with their episodic memory, which means they have trouble recollecting things in the context of their place and time. (A lot of sources say "trouble with memory" is a symptom but they don't specify).

• Trouble with decision making: people with schizophrenia have been shown to have trouble with decision making due to a decline in the understanding and reasoning aspects of it.

• Sensory processing deficits: this has been widely reported in schizophrenia, and include impairments in visual processing, auditory processing, olfactory and sensorimotor systems. This can lead to having strong positive or negative reactions to sensory information.

• Sleep troubles: though disturbed sleep isn't included in the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, it is still a significant problem that up to 80% of people with the condition experience. People with schizophrenia may have various sleep problems, including insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness, and trouble with consistent sleep routines.

• Anosognosia: also called "lack of insight," is a symptom that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive their illness. This is a big reason people with schizophrenia may refuse to get, or stay with treatment.

[doomedfromthewombfr]

It’s like I’m stuck in a world where everything is muted, and I forgot how to turn the volume back up

[carnalconcinnity]

Feeling empty and losing the ability to mask means I lose any sort of will to put things in a nicer way. I go from well-spoken and able to blend in to uninterested in anything outside of maybe a few interests. I'm even less able to empathise with others and my social relationships suffer, I don't care to tell my friends what it is because the attention that follows just irritates me. Feels better to drop off the radar and come back.

[heartscaffold]

trying to parse my thoughts through art again

[the-mechanisms-system]

getting that itch under my skin again where everything feels flat and I wanna do destructive shit just for some actual excitement. everything feels like a painted backdrop

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Random question, but what do you think Killer likes to do in his free time? I personally think he likes to watch birds like a cat lol:D

According to killer, when in Stage 2, he studies human blood, souls, and monster dust in his free time. 💀

At least when under Nightmare, he’d probably just wander around once a mission is complete and sight see. There’s cats. People watching like a creep, and lurking around in the castle too—learning, watching, listening.

Probably spends a lot his free time just dissociating and staring off into space or sleeping whenever he can catch a few safe minutes—probably doing rounds around the castle, checking up on anyone and attending to tasks and chores.

I’m sure he doom scrolls on his phone, maybe he has video games on it or like a console if Nightmare allows. He probably just spends a lot of his time daydreaming whenever he isn’t bothering any of the others or attending to something—which probably isn’t actually often. I can’t see him being idle for long—even if just mindlessly going through established routines.

Likely attends to any gear and weapons in his free time, making sure everything is sharp and ready for use—just in standby, like himself. Waiting for the next inevitable mission, or task, or chore, or fight, or brief moment of potential short lived gratification drifting by him.

Killer, when in Stage 2, can’t really be allowed to remain idle and or bored for too long—he gets dangerous and I suppose you can say unstable. I’m sure Nightmare always finds him something to do and is never idle besides any potential brief moments of sleep—and if there’s nothing to do, Nightmare will find a hobby or activity for him to do or learn.

Read a book, try to learn to sew, let Cross train you and learn from him, wood carve, play a round of chess with Nightmare, go play games with the others, go hunt, a supply run. Whatever keeps him moving and not alone with potential to slip into his own thoughts that could trigger emotions and feelings and memories, and lose touch with the present in favor of the past.

I wouldn’t be suprised if Stage 2’s the type to have and try a lot of hobbies, but has a hard time sticking to any or seeing them through unless there’s some purpose he’s Determined to gain from it because he gets quickly bored.

It’s especially hard when he struggles to find any enjoyment or pleasure from these things besides the stimulation of something new—learning something new, using his hands in new ways, engaging in intellectual conversation, etc—and thus doesn’t see the point in doing it if he doesn’t have to, or if there’s not some form of benefit or reward.

Which is probably one reason why it’s hard to connect with bro. He changes hobbies so quick it’s hard to tell if he’s genuinely interested in anything.