#And there’s 12 year olds doing better than me

[mangled-by-disuse]

One of the things I have struggled with since I first got sick (ME/CFS followed by a shittonne of other joint, neurological, hormonal, and musculoskeletal problems, if you don't know) is that, like... I had Done The Things? I did exercise, I ate kale (perhaps excessively I love fresh kale), I had tried mediation (...I mean, I sucked at it, but whatever) and yoga and so on, I tried to have a positive attitude, I generally had a pretty good diet... I wasn't a health freak or anything but I DID do all The Things.

And I still got sick in a way that absolutely destroyed the life I had at the time, and it wasn't even an infection or something else obviously external. I did the Things and my body still gave up on me.

That was around 15-16 years ago, and, like, health-wise I am so much better, but I'm thinking about it again because a similar thing is happening in my career progression. I did the Things for that, too: I pushed through my health issues to get good grades, I studied a STEM field at a well-regarded university, I've been continuously in work since I was 12 years old, I do all my work conscientiously, I humble myself and don't refuse work because I'm "too good for it", and I have always been one of the hardest workers in any job I'm at.

And I'm still unemployed at 31, having been unhappy in a series of jobs where I don't think management particularly liked me either, and with no real career direction? I've never had a performance raise or a promotion, and I've never managed to stay in a job more than the 3.5 years in my last one. And it feels so unfair, because, like. I Did The Things!

POINT BEING

the Things are a lie. There isn't a checklist of Things You Should Do that will ensure that you are happy, or healthy, or make a good career, or attract the person you want to attract. It's important to try, obviously, and some of the Things will make you feel better regardless - but there's not a roadmap to health or to success.

And I don't think people tell you there is, or convince themselves there is, out of malice or stupidity or anything like that. I think it's just really scary to face how much of life is luck and chance and the way existing systems interact with them, and how much we simply have no control over.

We want to believe life is fair, that success or failure are the result (if only in part) of one's own actions and choices. One of the first concepts that toddlers learn is "it's not FAIR!" - because even then, they know it should be.

But it's not fair, maybe especially when it comes to disability and illness. There's no secret trick to get you out of it, or to stop you falling in. There are no Things.

It doesn't mean stop trying, because there will be things you can do to make yourself feel better. But they might not be the things you expect, or the Things you expect. Those are only ever a suggestion, not a roadmap.

"here's what you have to do to stay healthy!" no it's not. and there is no guarantee that anyone will stay healthy for any length of time. it must be so scary believing that you are in control of this and then being proven wrong. I can't remember ever believing this, I can only remember having it used as a bludgeon to punish me for not being healthy. lol

[siri-ike]

Danny's phanclub

Chapter 2

First

On december 13th. 15 year old Angie Sage invited 12* year old Dani Masters to her bedroom at *redacted*

Angie: So you know how Phantom can scream loud enough to shatter buildings?

Dani: I thought you lived in the suburbs.

Dani wonders how her friend gets through the cluttered hallway without being intangible.

A: I'm with dad this weekend. It's better this way. He lets me do what I want as long as I have protection.

This catches Dani of guard, and she looks at Angie puzzled.

Angie, however, just lifts her hoodie to reveal an empty holster.

A: There's no need at home. I think the scream has to do with how he died, too.

There was a strange feeling swirling around in Dani's stomach. One she didn't quite recognize. One that got louder and louder with every box labeled evidence and the 6 whole conspiracy boards they passed.

A: If he died screaming, presumably for help, it makes sense that it would have stuck with him.

When they reached Angie's room, Dani realized what that feeling was. The window was boarded up, every wall looked like a morbid scrapbook, and a single light bulb hung from a chain.

D: Tell me the truth, are you a serial killer?

Angie chuckled a bit. But notably didn't answer.

A: This wall is only facts, no theories. This one here is the same evidence and what each one can elude to. The third one is evidence that has not yet been fact checked. The theories go here.

Angie points to a double-sided corkboard on wheels, similar to the one she had before. Except that this one is much more worn out. They must have an even bigger corkboard, twine, and newspaper budget than Vlad. Not sure who wins for most obsessive, though.

A: There's this myth that if you scream loud enough on a snowy mountain, it'll cause an avalanche. It's impossible for a human to scream that loud, but if he was in an avalanche or some other mountain related danger, the natural reaction is to try to scream for help.

D: And what's this one for?

Dani gestures to the 4th wall. Like the others, it's covered in newspapers, printed out pictures, and has been markered all over. But this one also has other things like ribbons, stickers, and a few stuffed animals pined up. And a big chest on the floor in front of it.

A: That one's not related. Mom says my room has to have stuff to "prove I exist," so I agreed to have one wall for personal things. And, uhm, oh yeah. Snow is a really effective insulator. So if you're buried under a bunch of snow and try to scream, it won't help.

D: And the chest?

A: Sleeping bag, clothes, shoes. There are certain things that increase the risk of hypothermia. Such as homelessness, high blood alcohol level, low blood sugar, anorexia, old age, injuries, and blood loss. We can exclude old age. There's nothing to suggest whether or not he'd been drinking, but the other things.

Dani has known plenty of strange people. It's for the best. Oddballs are less likely to notice her own oddness. But this feels different.

A: He's extremely thin. He's always talking about how his parents can't catch him, and he's constantly getting into fights. It's not like you would just suddenly start getting into fights after you die... that is, unless you died violently.

@vannahime

[mysoftboybensolo]

Things I Don't Understand of Audiences Reaction of Nosferatu 2024

Complaints of how this is a ripoff of Dracula, and I am like, of course it is! The original 1922 film is the most famous ripoff in the history of cinema, but it is also one of the best ripoffs ever. Maybe know your history just a bit.

Why are people saying that Ellen dying was stupid or unnecessary? Firstly, that has been the ending in the 1922 and the 1979 film, this wasn't just anything Eggers pulled from nowhere. Secondly, people don't seem to understand that the Gothic genre never not one that allows it's characters to walk away unscathed, whether it is physical damage or mental damage. Blood is demanded, and hardly a truly happy ending is found, at best a bittersweet ending or at worst an ending where everyone is unhappy. I think not only is it true to the films this one is based on, but also the only satisfying ending. Ellen wouldn't have been truly happy if she had survived, because she still will be a seer, she will still have darkness looming inside, and Thomas is either incapable or unwilling to accept it. He's belief that killing Orlok will bring a reset to everything, even bringing Ellen back to how she was before, but the Ellen she was before was still suffered. He brushes aside her nightmares without comfort, he doesn't take into account how she views their marriage (when she insists that she doesn't need material things but he acts as if he knows better), and when she tries to express her suffering, he would prefer her to suppress it. She would never be truly free, but to die doing a good thing, to have control over her death the way she didn't in life, it's an empowering end, if bittersweet.

People complaining about the pace of the film, saying it starts off fine but then drags in the middle? I think the film flowed wonderfully, there was never a moment when I was thinking how much longer to the end or felt it rushed in the story. I personally cannot wait until we get the extended version, but I am happy with how it came out.

Where are people getting "Orlok groomed Ellen" from? Grooming is when someone goes after a minor and gets them to be emotionally attached to them for a long period of time in order to achieve some sort of goal (often times sex). People have been saying Ellen was a "literal child", but we don't know that for certain. Yes, Ellen described herself as a child, but it seems that the term child is used more as a synonym of "inexperienced" or "young". Also, we are not sure how old any of these characters are. If we were to go by actors ages as guidelines, Lily-Rose Depp was 24 when filming this, and all we get in between the first scene to the present day is merely "years later". That can mean two years or ten, we cannot be sure. And while Lil-Rose Depp can look younger than her age, no one better try and say she was playing a 12 year old or whatever in that first scene, because there is no way you can convince me she is as young as that. Also, Ellen hadn't been emotionally attached to Orlok between the years to make it grooming. I can make a better argument of grooming in another famous Gothic movie the 2004 "Phantom of the Opera" then I could with "Nosferatu".

Listen, this movie won't be for everyone, that is fine, but what I have an issue with is saying people are dumb or evil for thinking Ellen x Orlok is interesting/has romantic elements to it. One person commented on another's post about saying that the cast are dumb for seeing this as a love triangle, especially Lily-Rose Depp for not seeing Ellen as a victim. The director, who also wrote it, wanted this version to play up the Death and the Maiden themes, that was their vision, and I don't think it's right or fair to say they are dumb because the original movie wasn't a love triangle. If we were to be really anal about it, so many pieces of media we have we wouldn't be able to enjoy because it's origins are not the same. Sorry Disney's Hunchback fans, you can't enjoy the happy ending because the original was a downer. Sorry Wicked fans, it's nothing like "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz", so it shouldn't be enjoyed. See how ridiculous it sounds? You can debate if whether or not they managed to achieve their goal, but you can't deny that was the intention and say people are dumb for picking up what they had intended.

I also feel that it's quite hypocritical of people to say that the relationship between Orlok and Ellen is evil and creepy, but then go off and say that the scenes where Friedrich has sex with Anna's corpse as "romantic" and Thomas' couch scene as "hot", when both deal with dubious/no consent at all. Just admit it, you are fine with dubious stuff so long as it's a hot guy doing it. The couch scene was quite uncomfortable for me, Ellen is clearly not in her right mind, even if not by some kind of possession, but emotionally, and it didn't sit right what Thomas did. I am not saying he raped her, but she wasn't in the right mind space to have this be a passionate moment. And he wasn't doing because of love or passion, he was doing it because he didn't like hearing Ellen say how he couldn't please her like the Count could. We had seen what they are like when they are in a good head space and the feeling mutual, as we saw in the den of the Harding's home. I feel like this scene wasn't meant to be a hot and sexy moment, but a incredibly distressing moment when two individuals are acting at their worst.

I don't understand how people feel that this film isn't a feminist film. I've seen people claim that the movie shames Ellen and that her not finding out how to stop Orlok is robbing her of her agency. Here's the thing, yes, many characters shame her for what she feels, but the narrative doesn't. As the audience, we feel sorry for her, feel bad for everything she is going through, and given the time period, of course there would be many people (mainly men) who will shame her passions or deny her darkness in favor for a more "womanly behavior". We are meant to see how the human world would never understand Ellen the way Orlok would understand her, why she would have called out a force that is inhuman, because humanity has turned her away. What's fascinating is that Ellen has control of Orlok, being able to call him, speak to him as an equal, and get him, a powerful centuries old being, to admit that she is his affliction, his weakness, and in the end, it's proven right. This mortal woman is able to defeat a supernatural being, all the while him loving her, how is that not awesome and feminist?

In regards to her finding the cure; true, in both the '22 and '79 film, Ellen figure out on her own what needs to be done to stop Orlok, but that doesn't mean '24 Ellen isn't smart or in charge of her own actions. We've seen Ellen say what the future holds multiple times, so it isn't crazy to believe that she would have seen what her fate would have been as it drew closer, and her need to talk to Von Franz read to me as her knowing the cure. When Ellen walks Von Franz to his home, she says that she knows what must be done, and they work together to make this happen, with him promising to keep Thomas away. Out of all the men, Von Franz had been the only one to take her feelings and thoughts seriously, and he does so here, including her in the plan (where Thomas had refused her to help), even giving her the chance to be stop Orlok without interruption. He isn't denying her agency, he's keeping others at bay so she can be the hero.

I like the moustache, just like a Romanian nobleman would have had, exactly what the director wanted. After leaving the theatre, my friend and I were discussing the film, and of course the design of Orlok was brought up, and she said "I liked it, especially the moustache, very Vlad the Impaler". She isn't a massive Dracula fan but she understood what was the inspiration behind it. Y'all are just uncultured swine.

In the end, I love this film, and wanted to just share my two cents.

[theraddestfemalive]

im not even a trans woman and i look so fucking horrendous and ugly. im neurodivergent as fuck so i don’t know how to take care of my body properly without forgetting or my interests getting in the way. At the age i was supposed to be my prettiest, my shitty dominican dna cursed me with an ugly mustache, slow metabolism, facial acne, and like the ugliest boobs I’ve ever seen. I fucking despise my dad for putting me through so much for that alone, and he doesn’t even come around to help. He avoids paying my mom child support (which i need btw because im ND and I want to get lessons and actual good clothing)

In all due seriousness, all of the other girls my age are literally in normal schools and passing their shit with flying colors while developing a few talents. I can’t even complete regular tasks and im in a school full of weirdos and a boy that i used to like but stopped after finding out how fucking ugly he looked and how much he objectified me (he had a p0rn addiction, had a b3lly fetish, and is basically the corniest dude on earth, even my mom doesn’t like him)

I hate my heritage for giving me such a disadvantage, not only genetic wise, but also economically. (my dad was an immigrant, and my mom’s parents were too.)

It’s just every time i try to be better i look r3t4rd3d as fuck and i feel as if god as a whole entity is trying to hold me back from achieving my goals because I’m destined to be inferior to everyone

I don’t know how people (ESPECIALLY WHITE PRIVILEGED REGULAR PEOPLE) always argue that they’re a certain complicated form of a “gender” trying to find reasons to be mad when there’s an obvious fact that im literally the ugliest girl in the world.

If there’s a god, why did they give me this ugly body as a teenage girl? Eh? Did my stupid personality completely align with how im supposed to look? Why do all of the radfems and non radfems have pretty bodies but im just a slab of fucking cells? I literally got made fun of in a discord server for the way my boobs look and every other girl gets to be pretty with perfectly round and perky ones.

anyways, sorry for the vent. I’m just so frustrated with how I look and how normal every kid around me is. If I wasn’t so ugly, I wouldn’t be attracting the weirdest fucking creeps ever.

[firstroseofspring]

b’elanna vs her mother at similar ages, plus some sketches!

[kairithemang0]

I'll forever be that horny 12 year old boy I never got to be <3

[jrueships]

Kawhi+paul georp

PAUL GEORP

[doctormastertardis]

Another personal take on today's Neo-liberalism-- how IT is the OTHER SIDE OF THE SAME COIN AS ALT-RIGHT WINGERS (ya know how "new age spirituality" is now becoming synonymous with CULTURAL APPROPRIATION and ABUSE APOLOGISM and NO ONE IS BATTING AN EYE ABOUT IT)....

Just saw a post from a "trans person" about how it's "ableism" to call out an abusive person who is IN THE HIGHER SPECTRUM OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER because "being a narcissist is a mental disorder"... are you fucking kidding me???

(fyi, mirroring is a form of MALEVOLENT manipulation - mirroring is something that a lot of ABUSIVE people in the HIGHER SPECTRUM OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER DO TO HARM OTHERS).

And I just smdh.... reactive liberalism will excuse anything these days.

...reminds me of American/"Western" kids who are groomed to think being "trans" is about ASSIMILATING to the hetero-normative PERSPECTIVE AND EXPECTATIONS of GENDER EXPRESSION.

it's the same type of oppressive heteronormativity???? (this is why I don't vibe with folks who say shit like "the youth today are kinder" -- NO THEY ARE NOT. they've become more SKILLED at mimicking societal conventions).

OPPRESSION TODAY HAS BECOME MORE INSIDIOUS.

Y'all really need to stop thinking in BINARY.

Just because someone's gay, doesn't mean they can't be racist, or classist, or oppressive??? Just like, just because someone adheres to the identity politics of "latinidad" or any other "non-white" identity doesn't mean they're "progressive"????

(I used to run decolonizeyourself.tumblr.com and decolonizeyourselfarchive.tumblr.com)

....Just because some "westerner" identifies as "trans" doesn't mean they know shit-all about "ableism"!

Please stop throwing around the word "ableism" whenever folks talk about ABUSE that are coming from a person with NPD.

[swagging-back-to]

people who look down on GEDs are repulsive filth actually <3

[rebellum]

intrigued by people who feel like psychiatric medication made them feel like they were losing their personality or who they were

like.. what does that feel like? what does that severity of mental illness feel like?

because for me it felt like there WASNT really a me

like I was just a bundle of nerves and trauma and hallucinations bundled up into a whirlwind shepherd's scale of insanity

and it was when I got meds that I could be like. oh yeah. I have emotions that arent sadness, boredom, and fear. sunshine can feel good on my skin? i can wake up and NOT immediately despair that I'm still alive? I can go throughout my day without managing the baby spiders crawling on me and the monster in the closet and how I'm one sock choice away from my family being killed by demons?

so I suppose it's like, a difference in experience of mental illness, that causes 'I am ME when off my meds, and i feel different but not like me when im on meds' vs

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

[mzcain27]

Finished the live action avatar

It’s not a perfect adaptation, I think the biggest thing is they have taken a lot of the fun out of it, Aang doesn’t wanna go do kid stuff, Iroh is way more serious, BUT I don’t necessarily blame like the series itself as much as I blame the current state of tv being in constraints of like 8 episodes and wanting people to binge it in the first few days and everything.

I hope they let Azula be as scary as possible next season, I think they just wanted her introduced a bit earlier since everyone was gonna be waiting for it, I hope they let Iroh chill out a bit more, but in general from my point of view if you see people bashing this series with as much vitriol as the movie then they’re being super dramatic. There are parts that could absolutely be better but like I said those issues go hand in hand with issues with all of tv right now. I think it’s decent at least, I know it’s a beloved series but some people are being HARSH

[clowningaroundmars]

going thru my vocaloid phaassssee ✌🏼 AGAIN

12 yo me would be lowkey proud rn

[posallys]

the desire to transfer is SO strong. literally if only it would've been like this in january....i would've submitted applications for the fall but now i have to wait until fall 24 and honestly at that point it's not even worth it im going to jump off a bridge 🧍‍♀️

[halfricanloveyou]

i actually hate the unedited version of this song because it sucks shit. this version is better because it is funny and it reminds me of this post. and it’s more fun to sing.