#when my mom was working at a fried chicken place at AGE 60 a bunch of 12 year old Latina kids came in twice to make fun of her accent
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doctormastertardis · 7 months ago
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Another personal take on today's Neo-liberalism-- how IT is the OTHER SIDE OF THE SAME COIN AS ALT-RIGHT WINGERS (ya know how "new age spirituality" is now becoming synonymous with CULTURAL APPROPRIATION and ABUSE APOLOGISM and NO ONE IS BATTING AN EYE ABOUT IT)....
Just saw a post from a "trans person" about how it's "ableism" to call out an abusive person who is IN THE HIGHER SPECTRUM OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER because "being a narcissist is a mental disorder"... are you fucking kidding me???
(fyi, mirroring is a form of MALEVOLENT manipulation - mirroring is something that a lot of ABUSIVE people in the HIGHER SPECTRUM OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER DO TO HARM OTHERS).
And I just smdh.... reactive liberalism will excuse anything these days.
...reminds me of American/"Western" kids who are groomed to think being "trans" is about ASSIMILATING to the hetero-normative PERSPECTIVE AND EXPECTATIONS of GENDER EXPRESSION.
it's the same type of oppressive heteronormativity???? (this is why I don't vibe with folks who say shit like "the youth today are kinder" -- NO THEY ARE NOT. they've become more SKILLED at mimicking societal conventions).
OPPRESSION TODAY HAS BECOME MORE INSIDIOUS.
Y'all really need to stop thinking in BINARY.
Just because someone's gay, doesn't mean they can't be racist, or classist, or oppressive??? Just like, just because someone adheres to the identity politics of "latinidad" or any other "non-white" identity doesn't mean they're "progressive"????
(I used to run decolonizeyourself.tumblr.com and decolonizeyourselfarchive.tumblr.com)
....Just because some "westerner" identifies as "trans" doesn't mean they know shit-all about "ableism"!
Please stop throwing around the word "ableism" whenever folks talk about ABUSE that are coming from a person with NPD.
#ya know how autism is a spectrum#NPD is also a spectrum#except there have been over 50+ years of studies on NPD also as a CULTURAL PHENOMENA#it is a direct PSYCHOLOGICAL “result” of coloniality#and when people think it's “ableist” to IDENTIFY an abusive person's behavior as “narcissistic�� - YALL essentially are DEFENDING ABUSE!#systemic abuse!!!!#I was a behavior technician before#the difference between those who need ASSISTANCE in the BASIC function of societal interactions VS. those in the “higher function” spectrum#NOT the same as NPD where those in the “higher spectrum” are more likely to be MALEVOLENT#it is NOT ableism to call out an abusive person for being NARCISSISTIC#reminds me of a friend who used to say “kids today are BETTER PEOPLE than KIDS in the past”#and I was like MY MOM WAS BORN IN 1944 AND MY DAD in 1933 AND THEY never adhered to heteronormativity#ive met YOUNG KIDS TODAY in their early 20s who are all about ~lgbt~ but would perpetuate HETERONORMATIVITY#when my mom was working at a fried chicken place at AGE 60 a bunch of 12 year old Latina kids came in twice to make fun of her accent#and how “dirty” she was.... so are any of you understanding that AGE AND GENERATION DO NOT DICTATE SOMEONE'S “bigotry”????#my mom and dad were actual “progressives” at age 60-90 than most American kids who CLAIM TO BE LIBERAL at age 20????#like even as a 30+ adult I have had LATINAS in their 20s w/ gay and trans friends who would be RACIST AND CLASSIST AND MISOGYNISTIC TO ME?
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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago
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6/12/23
Starting to feel a bit run-down now at the end of the day, but today wasn't half bad. A big change from the big waves of physical anxiety shit I've been dealing with the past few days.
I slept through an entire sleep cycle (I think). I improvised yoga again since I just... hopped right back into RP streams again. I did a workout that I was kinda dreading because I was worried it was going to be the one that kicked my ass. 3 sets with 2 minutes rest in between - 10 sit-ups, 20 punches at the peak of a sit up, 10 flutter kicks (x2 per set) So, that was a total of 60 sit ups in one workout today, plus all the other shit. And I'm not even that sore, like... just a little on my sides. I'm actually surprised. I did get that thing where my muscles just wouldn't pull me up, so I'd have to kick my legs a tiny bit, but only towards the last few sit ups. I remember doing this exact routine before and really struggling with the ab stuff, to the point of actually just quitting the exercise early. So, I guess lately I've been putting on weight a little, but I've also been getting stronger. I'm okay with that.
I spent some time looking at diet stuff. It's still weird, but I'm trying to see the good in it, specifically by trying to get myself excited about cooking again. It was actually the first thing I did today, still in bed. I came to the conclusion that fiber = good and animal fat = bad. And I'm kinda piggybacking off this dietary thing to just... go ahead and trim meat out of my diet. I might as well, I barely consume it anyway. That's the long-term plan, anyway. Wouldn't be the first time, I was vegetarian for 3 years in the past. For right now, I'm re-introducing more homemade chinese food to the menu. I actually stopped making my fried rice when I stopped getting chinese takeout from the place next to my building. It was just too goddamn expensive. I can't be shelling out $50 for takeout for one fucking person. And I was making my fried rice from the rice they gave me, so... that went on hold for a bit. Hoping to make a comeback here.
The new additions to the diet? Cold Sesame Noodles, Chicken and Broccoli, and Rice + Bean Burritos. Should be good additions, I don't think there's really anything bad in there besides cheese and maybe sour cream. I guess the big no-no's are... cream-based stuff and animal fats, that's what I'm kinda gathering. So like... fatty meat cuts, butter, sour cream, whole milk, stuff like that. 3 of those things are in my fridge right now... XD So, gonna fix the milk thing soon enough, which is not really the end of the world honestly. Cheese is my fucking vice though, that's the one I really do NOT like the idea of parting with. I will part ways with ice cream way before I get rid of cheese.
On that note, I made 3 baked potatoes with pepper jack, about 1/3 the butter I normally use, a tiny dab of sour cream and a bunch of scallions. Really good. Probably not a regular meal from here forward though, we'll see. Quantity is relevant.
I should probably talk about this. I am trying to balance out... taking these test results seriously... and freaking out and becoming a paranoid health nut. Because I have a very clear genetic and habitual predisposition that leans me towards that specific obsession. My dad has been obsessed with his fitness and nutrition as far back as I can remember. I think my mom told me that it started around when they had kids, around when he was my age. Maybe he even got a test like this, and he just went full-tilt obsessed with it. That and work, of course. And... because he spent all of his time and brainpower fixated on work 24/7 and his own fitness and nutrition... my brothers and I grew up without a father. So... despite not having kids myself, I know the toll that can be taken from having good intentions that are rooted in obsessive fear. And one of the first things I did was let my therapist know that stuff about my dad, so that if I start rabbit-holing and freaking out... he'll know why. It's so relieving to have someone understanding on deck who I can just give a heads up like that, even if it's not necessary. Very glad I took giant swan dives of faith with my vulnerabilities and shameful stuff in the past so that now... it's pretty damn easy to just go - "hey, just letting you know that I have a really deep-rooted insecurity around that thing we talked about today, and it's because of _____. Just for the record, in case it becomes relevant in the future. Have a nice weekend!" Shallow "friends" and emotionally detached people hate it when I do that, they even see it as aggressive (somehow?), but being able to share openly and honestly is an invaluable social asset, I think.
I am pretty proud to say that I didn't work today. I took the day off. I started up a new Rimworld colony because... fuck it... and just kinda chilled and watched streams and played Rimworld. I was so fucking locked in on work yesterday and I got so much more done than I expected that I thought it would be a good idea. I really do think it was, I feel a lot more calm and recharged. Even tired at 4 AM.
Honestly, that's pretty much been the day. Chill Sunday, throwing together recipes, playing Rimworld, throwing together a grocery list that I'll hopefully get delivered tomorrow. Lots of exercise, and now... I'm a bit run down. My stomach's upset, which doesn't happen often for me, so my body is just like... "what the fuck is happening, PANIC!"
Luckily it's right at the end of the night, so I can just finish up here and just go curl up and pass out and all should be well. I'll wrap up with some tarot, of course.
Past - Eight of Swords (Feeling trapped and powerless. Being conditioned and complacent, not being able to see objectively.  But if you can, this is an opportunity to remove yourself from that trap.) Present - Four of Swords (Rest.  Taking time to recover and seek respite.) Future - Three of Pentacles, inverted (Teamwork, accomplishing more together.)
Alright, these are all new cards tonight, so that's a big accomplishment in itself. Some surprisingly simple and easy to interpret ones, as well.
The thread starts with the Eight of Swords. The symbol immediately struck me powerfully, because the card is an image of a bound woman surrounded by swords. In the image, she is bound by ribbons. This struck me because... I used to have a recurring image that stuck with me - in dreams, in intuitive sketches, in inspiration - of a bound woman... but the binding was sorta... coming undone. In my... I never really evolved the language to communicate what these... flashes of images that just come to me and then I turn them into art, what to call them... I often just call that inspiration. So, in that... the woman is bound with black ribbon or electrical tape, something like that. And she is bound usually in a manner that aesthetically resembles clothing, so around her breasts and hips. And the ends of the binding material sorta flap in the wind. And she was often being pulled up towards the moon by her heart, and levitating with outstretched arms. I ended up adapting this character into a tattoo that takes up the entirety of the outside of my calf - she has long hair and a fire tattoo on the side of her torso, and is armed with a handgun. A lot of... let's just generously use the term "sex-positive people"... have looked at this image and superimposed sexuality onto it... which has upset me a lot over the years, but... you know how people are. The binding is very directly symbolic of being trapped and constrained, and yet that constraint being something that keeps you safe from vulnerability to the world, being symbolically naked. Most of that symbolism I speculate to be emotional vulnerability. And due to that trap, she developed the need for self-protection. But her gun is lowered, and her face is calm. She was always a sorta... guardian angel figure to me. I don't really know how to describe that fully, but that's always been my attachment to her and that tattoo; she's a protector, a guardian. Maybe she remains bound... so that I no longer have to be.
Huge backstory to say... this image in Eight of Swords is a very similar and familiar figure. But the gist of Eight of Swords is... from my understanding... that this is something that appears to be a trap or constraint... but from other perspectives actually is not. An illusion, of sorts. And perspective can set you free.
This image is connected to the Four of Swords. This is, quite simply... rest and recovery. Plain and simple.
And this is connected to... inverted Three of Pentacles, which is a representation of teamwork. Many hands making light work that benefits everyone. But... that's in disorder.
So... in short... a shift of perspective that breaks a trap or illusion that I am (or was) stuck in... leads to a state where I can finally recover... but that creates the snag where I'm disconnected from others, and won't have helping hands. Something to prepare for. And this definitely seems to be a cycle I fall in a lot. I finally realize I'm stuck in this Chinese Finger Trap situation where I realize "oh, I can just walk away from this toxicity"... and then I finally get the balls to do it... and I revel in the bliss of peace and rest and recovery, and take care of myself alone... and then the second I realize I can't survive in this world alone and look around for a helping hand? No one to be found. Yeah. So... this is a good reminder of that.
Birds are chirpin, time for bed. Imma take a short relaxing bath first. Have a good one!
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doctormastertardis · 7 months ago
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Re: Abuse and the lack of self-awareness from "liberals" who usurp "social identities" as a way to CLOAK THEIR BIGOTRY
#ya know how autism is a spectrum#NPD is also a spectrum#except there have been over 50+ years of studies on NPD also as a CULTURAL PHENOMENA#it is a direct PSYCHOLOGICAL “result” of coloniality#and when people think it's “ableist” to IDENTIFY an abusive person's behavior as “narcissistic” - YALL essentially are DEFENDING ABUSE!#systemic abuse!!!!#I was a behavior technician before#the difference between those who need ASSISTANCE in the BASIC function of societal interactions VS. those in the “higher function” spectrum#NOT the same as NPD where those in the “higher spectrum” are more likely to be MALEVOLENT#it is NOT ableism to call out an abusive person for being NARCISSISTIC#reminds me of a friend who used to say “kids today are BETTER PEOPLE than KIDS in the past”#and I was like MY MOM WAS BORN IN 1944 AND MY DAD in 1933 AND THEY never adhered to heteronormativity#ive met YOUNG KIDS TODAY in their early 20s who are all about ~lgbt~ but would perpetuate HETERONORMATIVITY#when my mom was working at a fried chicken place at AGE 60 a bunch of 12 year old Latina kids came in twice to make fun of her accent#and how “dirty” she was.... so are any of you understanding that AGE AND GENERATION DO NOT DICTATE SOMEONE'S “bigotry”????#my mom and dad were actual “progressives” at age 60-90 than most American kids who CLAIM TO BE LIBERAL at age 20???? #like even as a 30+ adult I have had LATINAS in their 20s w/ gay and trans friends who would be RACIST AND CLASSIST AND MISOGYNISTIC TO ME?
#I started reading up on NPD and abuse over 20 years ago. I am now 38 years old#yall need to stop with your binary ways and Neo-liberal asses#NPD is a result of colonization#especially amongst COLONIZED peoples like “latinidad”#hell there are recent studies on Black AMERICANS also being in that spectrum#just because it's a MENTAL DISORDER doesn't mean it is ableism to point out the tendency of ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR from people with NPD#fuck off with yalls WHACK and REACTIVE definition of “trans” and “ableism”
ALSO SEE THESE POSTS:
1) https://www.tumblr.com/doctormastertardis/754296361264021504
2) https://www.tumblr.com/doctormastertardis/753782004300054528
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