#all because of one stupid mistake
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Just remembered I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I'm this close to actually fucking losing it
#ever since I fucked up my college application it feels like everything is just getting worse and worse#we're two months into the school year and I'm already so fucking done#I have no strength nor desire to out any actual effort in#everyone expects it of me. dad will actually fucking kill me if I don't deliver#but I can't#I've been doing this for 12 goddamn years#I was supposed to be done. by all accounts I'm meant to be done#I WAS done!! I have my diploma and everything!!!#I said that I'd never be a high schooler again#and look at me now#all because of one stupid mistake#I have no proof that life would be all sunshine and rainbows if I did get into college#probably wouldn't be#but it would be better than this#anything would be better than this#and even if I make it through this year. I still wouldn't be done. I have to go to university still#and that's another four years at least#and then work until I physically can't anymore...#what's the point? what's the point of anything?? this can't be all there is to life#it can't all be an uphill climb like this. when does it stop? when does it get easier? does it get easier at all?#right now it certainly seems that way#I don't think I'd be able to handle it if is. but I also don't think I have it in me to hang around until I'm proven wrong#what a sad existence huh. 18 years old and already wanting to die. having been wanting that for many years#I'm quite literally only still here because of my dog. I know everyone else will be alright eventually#but I have no idea what will happen to her. no one in my family would be able to take her. I can't just do that to her#she deserves better. even now. I'm an awful pet owner and she would have been better off with someone else#but she's my responsibility now. and as long as she's still breathing.. so will I#it's the least I can do for her. even if staying is unbearable. even if the mere thought of going to school makes me break down#I'm not even pushing on at this point. life is doing all the pushing. I have no idea where I'm headed but idc enough to fight against it#I'm not strong enough to convince myself I actually want to do something with my life. not again. not after last summer
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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The worst trope in the universe is when someone accuses character A, who is part of a real or fantasy or coded minority, of doing something bad and everyone's like "That's just your prejudice against [real or fantasy minority]!" and it turns out character A actually did do that bad thing and everyone else was stupid for not believing they did that bad thing.
#skimmed a fanfic with B'Elanna in it (Skimmed bc I knew this might happen)....BIG MISTAKE#Ex: 'You just think I stole something because I'm a ferengi!' and they did steal something. Because they're a ferengi.#And you were stupid to think they didn't because of COURSE they did because they're a Ferengi#People seriously write B'Elanna as just hysterically violent and mad all the time 'because she's a klingon' and I haaaate it#you haveto think about the implications you HAVE to you HAVE to#male characters and white characters are given so much interiority and reasoning behind their actions in fanon pleeeaaaseee#it's so obvious to see (not talking about a specific fic) that people even when writing female characters and/or characters of color don't#actually see them as full or interesting people and it's sad dude it's sad to see a little paper cut out caricature of a character you love#B'Elanna in any fic: I'm mad. / Tuvok in any fic: I'm Vulcan. / Harry in any fic: I'm nice. / Chakotay in any fic: I love Janeway.#honestly if Seven wasn't in voyager people wouldn't even pretend to care about the show bc it's SO obvious they only REALLY care about the#white characters#'I watch Voyager for Seven! I skip the early seasons bc Seven's not there! My favorite characters on Voyager are Seven and Tom and Janeway'#HEY~! You and the writers both buddy!!!#'All of these characters of color don't interest me and are so annoying and one dimensional' Hey~!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#aaagh that turned into such a rant sorryyy
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#posting this again because i want attention#and I fixed a mistake#and look oooo illustration#go read my cringe! go on#you know you want to#why is it so much more embarrassing posting fic than posting art. riddle me that one#bnha#villain!mic#loudspeaker au#hizashi yamada#present mic#mha#midmic#bnha fanfiction#horrible feeling when you realise Family of Me by Ben Folds is the perfect Loudspeaker song#but nobody's going to take you seriously about it because it's from Over the Hedge#sobbing crying#like every line fits#'Looks grim right now. But pretty soon we'll be laughing about it'#'It's all right. Yeah it is I swear you'll see (it's not really)'#like hello? that's Loudspeaker right there#im going so silly. I'm going so stupid.#anyway yeah read Mind Electric. Or whatever.
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Ngl gumball is the type to not fuck around when someone says anything about his gf he's very obsessed with
the tags aren't letting me tell you how gumball literally brought an entire PERSON, probably a dead one of unconscious as a SACRIFICE to a fake cult made by his own teachers and classmates (they didn't take it well)
#this guy had the idea to rip in pieces his classmate uncle to fill a box for a BIRTHDAY GIFT#killed his classmate multiple times just to prove a point#tried to decapitate Leslie and in the most creepy way ever#burned his own gf house down to impress her#did give his own gf an allergic reaction multiple times#tried to choke his own bother because of a dream that didn't even happen#panicked multiple times about his gf nit loving him anymore and resulted in destroying the town more than once#almost killed rob with no hesitation#made his own brother feel guilty about eating potatoes in front of a potato while HE HIMSELF ate potatoes and didn't give a single fuck#sold somebody's parents to prove a point#framed people multiple times#did commit manslaughter before#created toxic and radioactive chemicals just because he didn't wanna admit he was wrong#his plan as a president us to literally bomb the entire country without a care#“we all know how things will go so let's just skip to the end” [bomb dropped]#he was dully prepared and committed to kill whoever was trying to fancy his mother#DID jumped into literal fire just for a stupid ass lucky hat#there's more but this guy.#this guy is not okay#tawog#the amazing world of gumball#tawog gumball#gumball watterson#also he proposed like 2 times in a row to penny#he mentioned to Darwin he was creepily obsessed with his own gf#is a narcissist but like#very slightly#he does have a HUGE ego though#his brother isn't safe either Darwin literally kidnapped someone's mom to get a videogame back and did chop somebody's head off#the last one was a mistake though
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biggest assholes on Earth C, only after their parents of course!
I imagine davekat tried to keep them away from the public eye as much as they could to protect their privacy, so most glances of them are as toddler or little kids. They're mostly afraid that their boys won't be able to make real friends in the future due to their whole demigods title and don't want others to approach the twins only for the status. Of course they get recognized over time and proudly acknowledge themselves as such(because theyre also snobby spoiled rich kids) but they're also smart enough to catch on to these kind of people. Tough luck kids!
#been struggling with motivation recently hope you guys can forgive a few days of dkfam dumping..#same thing with the rest of their kids#nightmare for dave and karkat because the last thing they wanted is all the eyes on them#they rather have their whole lives under wraps but because of this one stupid little mistake eeeeeveryones interested in them....#homestuck#davekat#dkfam#ruroekaki#gonna elaborate further later just wanted to post this doot since its been a while
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The thing about Trafalgar is that he is determined to be the angsty emo in a series which is, unfortunately, a found family comedy
#legit this series is a different genre frim gis perspective#he shows up at arpegelo howeber its spelt- one of the more serious one piece arcs! hes introduced as a cool badass!#he then shows up again during paramount war! the MOST serious one puece arc! hes dramatic#he saves luffy because 'enemy relationships are still relationahips and it would be stupid for him to die here'#he wants to get to the end of his journey havig fought his big rivals! he wants the big dramatic win! he is the enigmatic saviour!#he then kills 100 PIRATES to secure his spot as one of the 7 most influential pirates#all so he can carry out a revenge plot on the man who killed his best friend/only family#he then makes a critical mistake in allying with the straw hats- not for any tactical reason#but becaise luffy is the protagonist in a comedy#trafalgar is now a side character . in a comedy .#worse- its a found family comedy#there is no escaping or returning to enignatic saviour or hardened rival- you are now in a comedy! fatal mistake#anyway i fucking love trafalgar#trafalgar law#one piece
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"finally, mine. heh, and it looks better than both of yours."
"uhhh, mine and dust's are both in the same style, same everything. like, there's not even that much different about yours, horror."
"yeah, but it's me."
"i hope an alternate version of you gets severely mischaracterized irreparably."
"... damn."
💜/💙/❤️
#killer got sick of horror's shit through all of this series#this is me also me getting sick of horror because it took me 3 fucking hours to find a pose for this one#go look at killer's one in this stupid series i made too because i fucked up the posting time for that one#i actually think that out of all of these killer's was my favorite#like she just looks so fucking cunty how can i NOT like it#but like composition wise i like dust's. i make use of all the space in that one#except the issue with killer's is that i made a bunch of mistakes in it#i always do this the first one always looks best and then i can't replicate that amazingnes in the other two#ESPECIALLY horror's figuring out a pose and composition and gimmick with this was like pulling my teeth out#horror's watching chibi killer struggle in amusement while she tries not to fall onto the axe below#its a bit sadistic but horror'll catch chibi killer if she falls. she's just a bit evil like that#i gotta admit horror's outfit out of all the jk trio is my least favorite because it's lowkey kinda boring#idk. so i did the cool cardigan off the shoulder thing to add interest to the design#im just goofing about the severe mischaracterizations i dont care all that much#everyone is allowed to have their own fandom interpretations and varients of sans aus!!!! everything is an AU this is the AU fandom#as long as you know its not canon then make horror into an uwu catboy for all i care!!! as long as youre having fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love subjective fanon interpretations FAR too much to ever shit on them. everyone has their own ideas and i love it#tricule art#jk fashion au#horror sans#killer sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#undertale au#undertale multiverse
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huey newton really nailed it when he said (in regard to marx) "in every discipline you find people who have distorted visions and are at a low state of consciousness who nonetheless have flashes of insight and produce ideas worth considering"; it's such an obvious and basic tenet when it comes to ways of approaching critical thought but it's a good reminder when it comes to considering the impact(s) of both theory and praxis and the ways we can critically discuss orgs and individuals without either offering uncritical total praise or flattening accomplishments for the sake of over the top criticism
#i've been really thinking about this in regard to the weathermen/weather underground because i think that they had actually quite a lot of#good theory (prairie fire is required reading in my book) but they made a lot of stupid mistakes with their actions and one of the more#egregious things they actually didn't follow through on was any type of tangible support for the panther 21 (weather was totally silent and#did not do any type of organizing around them despite their initial aim to coalition build with the panthers)#but so much of the theory that came out of their organizing absolutely is on the money—i do think their whiteness ultimately got in their#own way and fucked up their initial aims which like. circling all the way back around to newton's quote there is so much of that in the new#left groups of the mid sixties who kinda lost the plot in the early seventies when people had to go underground#also let alone the messiness of many of the panther leaders etc. etc.
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All of Revenge of the Sith, summarized:
Obi-Wan: I love and trust you, Anakin.
Anakin: No <3
Mace: Obi-Wan trusts you, Anakin.
Anakin: Opinion discared because Ive classified you as against me. Please forward my previous email to Yoda and get back to me about that council seat at your earliest possible convenience.
Yoda: mmm be a master, you will never be mmmm. melt steal beams, jet fuel cannot. mmmm. ignore that second thing I said, obi-wan cares very deeply abt you and are you still available tuesday at 6 for your next therapy session?
Anakin: Read✓ at 19:01
Padme: Obi-Wan loves and trusts you, Anakin. Just like I do.
Anakin: Not very gamer of you to not inherently validate my internal belief system :/
Palpatine: Obi-Wan hates ur loser ass lol. not like me tho I'm cool and always validate your internal beliefs (normal)
Anakin: I always knew he hated me, you're the only one willing to tell me the truth. thank God I never have to reevaluate my beliefs with you and don't have take any uncomfortable looks at my wants and desires. phew almost had to do some personal growth and acknowledge some things about myself thank God i avoided that
#:v#star wars#revenge of the sith#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#I make this stupid stupid post only because I always see people say communicate is their issue#WHEN ITS NOT!!!#Anakin as a lot of self worth issues and Obi-Wan spent a decade and change trying to break through to him#literally everyone around Anakin is telling him ''obi wan cares about you''#but Anakin has a set belief about Obi-Wan that often shifts slightly depending on persecuted he believes he is#obi-wan often becomes a stand in for Anakin's frustration at the Jedi as a whole#and Anakin often doesn't acknowledge obi-wan as an individual with confliction or his own wants and desires#like. Theyre all painfully human.#and anakin expects rightfully that the people around him will give him grace when he's human and less than perfect#but then does not extend that grace to obi-wan when he's less than perfect#a lot of mistakes were made when it comes to Anakin's training and a lot lead to his ultimate fall from grace#but communication wasn't one of them#because Obi-Wan constantly and consistently tries to communicate with him#but anakin was never going to hear what he didn't want to hear
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you might not think it’s hard to be a soc fan artist on tumblr, but let me tell you about the time I called someone out for drawing inej with light skin, so they blocked me and then wrote a long post about me that I couldn’t see, along with colour samples taken from my art as examples of how inej is “too dark” in them, and then they end the post with “I’m disappointed in you” 💀
#girl 😭#inej ghafa#book accurate crows#mine#post contains g slur#the g word is a racial slur for romani people and a word used against them during the 500 years of chattel slavery they endured#which wasn’t even that long ago#english isn’t this person’s first language and so it was google translate who automatically used that word#but they have decided to stand by it#for a lot of my family their first language is greek#that isn't an excuse for them or me to say racially charged english slurs and if I did so by mistake I would correct myself.#you sound like someone who took an ancestry test discovered they had a#minimal percentage of a particular ethnic group in their genetic makeup#and then assumed they could speak on and represent that group without understanding its history or culture.#my racist right-wing aunt has a non white grandparent but that doesn’t give her the right to talk on matters from that ethnic group#we are all very mixed if we examined our genetics very closely#but that doesn't mean you can decide whether or not that word is a slur if you haven't lived openly as a romani person#and been called that while you were denied jobs education and even being allowed to go into stores.#you are undermining the lived experiences of individuals within the roma community.#my friend's ancestors have been saying that is a slur call us roma since the 1930s. that was only one or two#generations after the abolition of slavery.#and like any ethnic group of people they have varying skin tones?#it's actually stupid to say they all have light skin when they were in fact ostracized#dehumanized and forced into racially segregated ghettos on the outskirts of society#because of the very dark colour of their skin.#inej ghafa is romani coded#she happens to have dark skin#tw racism#tw colourism#tw g word
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here are my delirious saltburn notes if anyone actually wants to see them. mostly im just laying out scene order for my own reference, but theres definitely some incoherent observation & analysis in here if any of you are crazy enough to look thru it
#saltburn posting#massively underestimated how dark it is in a movie theater#was writing blindly the entire time and tbh i thought i was doing a good job but uhhhh i wasn’t!#honestly just surprised that none of my lines ran together#also laughing very hard at all of the stupid mistakes my hand made while my brain was still watching saltburn#like writing board instead of bored at the bottom of page one#and on page 12 where i put two Ts in get because i couldnt remember if i’d written a t already or not#ALSO ALSO vapid conts is making me laugh rly hard#so true michael
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hi fellow neurodivergent people
i hate to jump on the "i think i might have adhd" bandwagon, but if i think i might have adhd, how do i bring it up to my care team as a 28-year-old cis woman who was a massive overachiever until i couldn't keep up the ruse anymore?
#idk what happened when i got laid off it seriously is like my brain BROKE i cannot do anything#i have not done much of anything in a year. and i think it's bc my coping mechanisms were 1. self-medicate but ESPECIALLY do that while#2. overcommitting. because it kept me busy and distracted. i excelled in school because i could focus on it without it giving me anxiety#school was honestly almost the only thing that didn't give me anxiety as a kid. and i never felt quite Right like i didn't feel like i fit#in with my peers. i've always felt like a human being that isn't a person. like something's not quite right. i excel but i feel like i'm#doing it wrong because it's SO hard for me. i graduated my BA and BS programs with a 4.0#but it came with the cost of alienating all of my friends and family and becoming really reclusive and weird and distant and anxious#but i really just wanted to do well at the one thing i felt i was good at. which doesn't seem like something i should take note of#idk. my life feels like a claustrophobic box. i feel like i'm buried alive and i can't get myself out because i can't work#because i can't focus. but maybe i'm just stupid and lazy and want everyone to take care of me forever so i can continue laying around doin#fuck all. which i do a lot because i'm chronically ill. idk. like is there ground to stand on here. i literally have zero friends rn#and i feel so so so sos so anxious any time i am working because i worry i'm going to do something wrong or forget to do something or make#lots of mistakes that get me in trouble. i'm so scared of making mistakes it keeps me from doing anything at all. but i get so anxious bc#i'm not doing anything! i'm wasting time! and i can't focus on anything when i AM working because i have to get up and pace#like i HAVE to move around or i start to feel like i need to peel my skin off like i'm an orange#like. is it anything at all. or is this just me being someone who has Other Stuff going on
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i need to go pound joey drew into a pulp RIGHT NOW
#diction dump#joey drew#batim#HIS SPEECH AT TBE END OF BATDR MAKES ME JDLABRLELWL#SCREAMINF AT TVE SCREEN#JUST SHUT!! UPP!!!#okay i’m normal now. i hate him so much#he praises audrey about being his first creation of life when the ink demon is literally RIGHT THERE.#like. do you want to be good or not?? of course bendy kills you! you’re being an asshole! you suck!!#oh my godd i need to fling him around a room ragdoll style. crush him into smithereens. rrrgrghh#he comes across so disingenuous.. like. i don’t care if audrey’s your precious shining moonlight. she’s also The One Who Came Out Right.#meanwhile The One Who Came Out Wrong is SEETHING with hatred for you! do you not see the consequences of your words?!#“i know you’re in there” like the ink demon isn’t sentient?? like audrey’s just stuck someWHERE not with someONE?#and bendy’s so so angry. of course he is! his creator (well. a copy of him) is saying TO HIS FACE that he’s just a monster. a mistake.#that he’s NOTHING. and most infuriatingly that this stupid OTHER who had the privilege of coming out right is EVERYTHING!#why does she get that? why did she get so lucky? where was all this compassion when it was him? why did he never feel this love?#and so he lashes out. obviously. all he’s ever been is a monster because all he’s ever been TAUGHT is how to be a monster#and who taught him that? who forced him into that? that’s right. the biggest monster around.#so i’m sorry if i don’t find your little speech to be heartfelt joey. you’re a long way away from saying anything truly GOOD.#phew. okay. needed to get that off my chest.
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i can't believe it.. . . i actually officially just handed in my thesis... .
#ofc everything that could go wrong went wrong#i've been on the verge of tears for like two hours straight now lol i've just been that stressed :'^)#i had to call the student service office like literally 5 mins before the due time because nothing was fucking working#luckily they allowed me to just send all my documents over email for them to upload manually but still#im not really happy with the results and i even forgot to include some of my own fucking work in it like Holy Fuck HOW#AND i didn't finish all the schematics i needed 😭😭😭 and the ones i DID finish are really really bare bones.. .. .#there are also a TON of stupid little writing mistakes everywhere and the formatting could have been So Much Better#BUT !! ! ! IT IS DONE!! ! IT IS DELIVERED!! !!!!! !!#now i just have to see if it pass muster and then defend it in front of the examiners and supervisors aND THEN DONE FINITO#anyways i'm gonna go eat something and then lay down a bit ✌#does fish make noise??
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A.J Pollard’s biography on Edward IV was so cringe lol (generic; minor but frustrating inaccuracies; intensely judgmental at times and oddly dismissive at others while never considering the broader context; entirely diminished and trivialized Elizabeth Woodville as both queen and wife of his main subject in the name of "defending" her; created a false dichotomy between Edward and Henry VII’s styles of ruling and lauded the latter at the former’s expense even though Henry literally followed Edward’s example for the very things Pollard was criticizing Edward for; had a downright nonsensical and thoroughly misleading conclusion about Edward’s legacy & Richard’s usurpation that was based entirely on hindsight, Pollard's own assumptions, and the complete downplaying Richard’s agency and actions to emphasize what Pollard wrongly and misleadingly claimed were Edward's so-called 'failings', etc, etc)
I wanted to buy his book on Henry V but after reading this shitshow and the synopsis of that book, im guessing it's going to be 10x worse, so...no thanks
#history media#this was written months ago im posting it to get it out of my drafts#it wasn't necessarily BAD. it was generic and readable. but it was very disappointing and misleading and its conclusion was just nonsense#listen I have no patience for the dumbfuck idea that edward somehow had the ultimate responsibility for his own son's deposition because#of his 'policies' during his reign. like I said it's based fully on hindsight and entirely devoid of actual context. it's bafflingly stupid#literally everyone expected Edward V to succeed his father and 'both hoped for and expected' (Croyland's own words) a successful reign#Edward V's deposition was richard and solely Richard's fault lol this should not be difficult to understand#the reason Richard's usurpation was possible in the first place was bcause everyone expected E5 to succeed and didn't expect Richard#do to what he did. nothing would have happened without his initiative and decisions. it had nothing to do with Edward's 'policies'#Edward's policies were fine. henry vii - who pollard vaunts to no end - literally *followed* them#and claiming that he failed to unite England under the Yorkist dynasty is just plain stupid#buddy if he truly failed at that then neither Richard III nor Henry VII would have thrones lol. both emphasized continuity with#him when aiming for the throne. like the whole point of 1483-85 was that it was a conflict WITHIN the 'Yorkist' dynasty#it was not an external threat against it.#'his legacy failed' his legacy didn't fail his brother destroyed it (while also presenting himself as his heir because logic what's logic?)#henry's victory was very much the triumph of his legacy (a claimant chosen by his supporters as the husband of his daughter)#like this is really not my interpretation it is literally what happened#i'm not trying to glorify e4 but his son did inherit the throne in a more advantageous circumstances than any other minor king of england#and frankly than most other adult kings. dumping blame on Edward's literal corpse rather than acknowledge Richard's agency is so tasteless#the problem isn't that edward made a mistake in trusting his brother. many other kings including Henry V also trusted theirs.#the problem is that his brother was willing to break that trust in a way that was unprecedented and broke all political norms of that age#ie: Richard's usurpation occurred because of Richard who re-ignited conflict to make himself king. please drill this into your head#also btw this illogical 'interpretation' is based entirely on Charles Ross' hatred and derision towards Elizabeth Woodville and her family#if you agree with this inteterpretation you agree with his vilification of them 🤷🏻♀️#anyway if you want a better interpretation that's actually analytical and looks a relevant rather than a flawed retrospective perspective#i would recommend rosemary horrox's 'richard iii: a study of service' and david horspool's 'richard iii: a ruler and his reputation'#anyway one last time: STOP downplaying Richard's agency and actions. historians who do this are stupid and embarrassing. bye.#(i should really post horspool's glorious takedown of ross and Pollard huh? it was very entertaining to read)
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