#all because of one stupid mistake
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Just remembered I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I'm this close to actually fucking losing it
#ever since I fucked up my college application it feels like everything is just getting worse and worse#we're two months into the school year and I'm already so fucking done#I have no strength nor desire to out any actual effort in#everyone expects it of me. dad will actually fucking kill me if I don't deliver#but I can't#I've been doing this for 12 goddamn years#I was supposed to be done. by all accounts I'm meant to be done#I WAS done!! I have my diploma and everything!!!#I said that I'd never be a high schooler again#and look at me now#all because of one stupid mistake#I have no proof that life would be all sunshine and rainbows if I did get into college#probably wouldn't be#but it would be better than this#anything would be better than this#and even if I make it through this year. I still wouldn't be done. I have to go to university still#and that's another four years at least#and then work until I physically can't anymore...#what's the point? what's the point of anything?? this can't be all there is to life#it can't all be an uphill climb like this. when does it stop? when does it get easier? does it get easier at all?#right now it certainly seems that way#I don't think I'd be able to handle it if is. but I also don't think I have it in me to hang around until I'm proven wrong#what a sad existence huh. 18 years old and already wanting to die. having been wanting that for many years#I'm quite literally only still here because of my dog. I know everyone else will be alright eventually#but I have no idea what will happen to her. no one in my family would be able to take her. I can't just do that to her#she deserves better. even now. I'm an awful pet owner and she would have been better off with someone else#but she's my responsibility now. and as long as she's still breathing.. so will I#it's the least I can do for her. even if staying is unbearable. even if the mere thought of going to school makes me break down#I'm not even pushing on at this point. life is doing all the pushing. I have no idea where I'm headed but idc enough to fight against it#I'm not strong enough to convince myself I actually want to do something with my life. not again. not after last summer
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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The worst trope in the universe is when someone accuses character A, who is part of a real or fantasy or coded minority, of doing something bad and everyone's like "That's just your prejudice against [real or fantasy minority]!" and it turns out character A actually did do that bad thing and everyone else was stupid for not believing they did that bad thing.
#skimmed a fanfic with B'Elanna in it (Skimmed bc I knew this might happen)....BIG MISTAKE#Ex: 'You just think I stole something because I'm a ferengi!' and they did steal something. Because they're a ferengi.#And you were stupid to think they didn't because of COURSE they did because they're a Ferengi#People seriously write B'Elanna as just hysterically violent and mad all the time 'because she's a klingon' and I haaaate it#you haveto think about the implications you HAVE to you HAVE to#male characters and white characters are given so much interiority and reasoning behind their actions in fanon pleeeaaaseee#it's so obvious to see (not talking about a specific fic) that people even when writing female characters and/or characters of color don't#actually see them as full or interesting people and it's sad dude it's sad to see a little paper cut out caricature of a character you love#B'Elanna in any fic: I'm mad. / Tuvok in any fic: I'm Vulcan. / Harry in any fic: I'm nice. / Chakotay in any fic: I love Janeway.#honestly if Seven wasn't in voyager people wouldn't even pretend to care about the show bc it's SO obvious they only REALLY care about the#white characters#'I watch Voyager for Seven! I skip the early seasons bc Seven's not there! My favorite characters on Voyager are Seven and Tom and Janeway'#HEY~! You and the writers both buddy!!!#'All of these characters of color don't interest me and are so annoying and one dimensional' Hey~!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#aaagh that turned into such a rant sorryyy
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Thinking about how Leo always flips his shit and searches recklessly for his brothers when they go missing/are separated but probably genuinely didnât expect to be saved at all when he locked himself in the prison dimension
#sorry but the idea of him desperately loving them so completely#only to not usually receive the same treatment (outside of life or death obviously)#like bug busters#he wouldâve given up the bugs for Raph immediately I think#and portal jacked#they didnât really seem to miss him at all as much as he missed them#(tbf they were chilling and probably thought he was also chilling#but the lack of energy matching still stands)#also heâs always one to step in to take the fall or stand up for his bros#but they throw him under the bus#(again#usually because heâs being a massive shit so itâs not unwarranted)#anyways I think he was flabbergasted that he was saved#because when he messes up/self-sabotages he always manages to take the fall#heâs the face man#they shoved him under the bus for the laberinto de muerte stunt#so why would they save him when heâs finally making up for his biggest mistake yet??#he doesnât think theyâre stupid enough to open the portal again just for him#so he mustâve been so honored and surprised when Mikey pulled the impossible#(also Raph and Donnie were highkey ready to quit?? like so quickly)#regardless I love him#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo
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#posting this again because i want attention#and I fixed a mistake#and look oooo illustration#go read my cringe! go on#you know you want to#why is it so much more embarrassing posting fic than posting art. riddle me that one#bnha#villain!mic#loudspeaker au#hizashi yamada#present mic#mha#midmic#bnha fanfiction#horrible feeling when you realise Family of Me by Ben Folds is the perfect Loudspeaker song#but nobody's going to take you seriously about it because it's from Over the Hedge#sobbing crying#like every line fits#'Looks grim right now. But pretty soon we'll be laughing about it'#'It's all right. Yeah it is I swear you'll see (it's not really)'#like hello? that's Loudspeaker right there#im going so silly. I'm going so stupid.#anyway yeah read Mind Electric. Or whatever.
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Ngl gumball is the type to not fuck around when someone says anything about his gf he's very obsessed with
the tags aren't letting me tell you how gumball literally brought an entire PERSON, probably a dead one of unconscious as a SACRIFICE to a fake cult made by his own teachers and classmates (they didn't take it well)
#this guy had the idea to rip in pieces his classmate uncle to fill a box for a BIRTHDAY GIFT#killed his classmate multiple times just to prove a point#tried to decapitate Leslie and in the most creepy way ever#burned his own gf house down to impress her#did give his own gf an allergic reaction multiple times#tried to choke his own bother because of a dream that didn't even happen#panicked multiple times about his gf nit loving him anymore and resulted in destroying the town more than once#almost killed rob with no hesitation#made his own brother feel guilty about eating potatoes in front of a potato while HE HIMSELF ate potatoes and didn't give a single fuck#sold somebody's parents to prove a point#framed people multiple times#did commit manslaughter before#created toxic and radioactive chemicals just because he didn't wanna admit he was wrong#his plan as a president us to literally bomb the entire country without a care#âwe all know how things will go so let's just skip to the endâ [bomb dropped]#he was dully prepared and committed to kill whoever was trying to fancy his mother#DID jumped into literal fire just for a stupid ass lucky hat#there's more but this guy.#this guy is not okay#tawog#the amazing world of gumball#tawog gumball#gumball watterson#also he proposed like 2 times in a row to penny#he mentioned to Darwin he was creepily obsessed with his own gf#is a narcissist but like#very slightly#he does have a HUGE ego though#his brother isn't safe either Darwin literally kidnapped someone's mom to get a videogame back and did chop somebody's head off#the last one was a mistake though
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also while weâre here when Fanny is leaving some social event (canât remember what) and Henry gets her shawl for her and heâs prompt and quick and dexterous and romantic and sheâs just like âsigh. wish it was Edmund.â
#the thing about mansfield is just that Fanny doesnât like Henry#she just doesnât#she both doesnât trust him (correct) (he is untrustworthy) but also#sheâs not interested#Edmund has her heart and has had it from day one#Edmund is clumsy and stupid and makes mistakes but she feels safe with him. she likes him.#and thereâs a point in the novel where everything bends all this external pressure on Fanny to choose Henry#sir Thomas obviously Henry himself playing his little games and even her beloved Edmund#because he thinks itâs right.#and sheâs just like âwell noâ#and it is the THINNEST of threads#and she is correct and is proved correct and I love that#mansfield park#itâs interesting because Henry genuinely falls for Fanny but in an even realer way he doesnât#sheâs just an answer to his boredom. heâs got âmoral taste enough to appreciateâ but the love isnât true#and Fanny KNOWS it. and tbh even if it was it wasnât what she wanted
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biggest assholes on Earth C, only after their parents of course!
I imagine davekat tried to keep them away from the public eye as much as they could to protect their privacy, so most glances of them are as toddler or little kids. They're mostly afraid that their boys won't be able to make real friends in the future due to their whole demigods title and don't want others to approach the twins only for the status. Of course they get recognized over time and proudly acknowledge themselves as such(because theyre also snobby spoiled rich kids) but they're also smart enough to catch on to these kind of people. Tough luck kids!
#been struggling with motivation recently hope you guys can forgive a few days of dkfam dumping..#same thing with the rest of their kids#nightmare for dave and karkat because the last thing they wanted is all the eyes on them#they rather have their whole lives under wraps but because of this one stupid little mistake eeeeeveryones interested in them....#homestuck#davekat#dkfam#ruroekaki#gonna elaborate further later just wanted to post this doot since its been a while
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All of Revenge of the Sith, summarized:
Obi-Wan: I love and trust you, Anakin.
Anakin: No <3
Mace: Obi-Wan trusts you, Anakin.
Anakin: Opinion discared because Ive classified you as against me. Please forward my previous email to Yoda and get back to me about that council seat at your earliest possible convenience.
Yoda: mmm be a master, you will never be mmmm. melt steal beams, jet fuel cannot. mmmm. ignore that second thing I said, obi-wan cares very deeply abt you and are you still available tuesday at 6 for your next therapy session?
Anakin: Readâ at 19:01
Padme: Obi-Wan loves and trusts you, Anakin. Just like I do.
Anakin: Not very gamer of you to not inherently validate my internal belief system :/
Palpatine: Obi-Wan hates ur loser ass lol. not like me tho I'm cool and always validate your internal beliefs (normal)
Anakin: I always knew he hated me, you're the only one willing to tell me the truth. thank God I never have to reevaluate my beliefs with you and don't have take any uncomfortable looks at my wants and desires. phew almost had to do some personal growth and acknowledge some things about myself thank God i avoided that
#:v#star wars#revenge of the sith#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#I make this stupid stupid post only because I always see people say communicate is their issue#WHEN ITS NOT!!!#Anakin as a lot of self worth issues and Obi-Wan spent a decade and change trying to break through to him#literally everyone around Anakin is telling him ''obi wan cares about you''#but Anakin has a set belief about Obi-Wan that often shifts slightly depending on persecuted he believes he is#obi-wan often becomes a stand in for Anakin's frustration at the Jedi as a whole#and Anakin often doesn't acknowledge obi-wan as an individual with confliction or his own wants and desires#like. Theyre all painfully human.#and anakin expects rightfully that the people around him will give him grace when he's human and less than perfect#but then does not extend that grace to obi-wan when he's less than perfect#a lot of mistakes were made when it comes to Anakin's training and a lot lead to his ultimate fall from grace#but communication wasn't one of them#because Obi-Wan constantly and consistently tries to communicate with him#but anakin was never going to hear what he didn't want to hear
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Y'know, I know they never would've done it but god damn the redemption ending should've failed. That should've been the bad ending, it would've been so good as a bad ending.
#HE LITERALLY NEVER LISTENS#HE HAS ACTIVELY REFUSED TO LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE CONVINCING HIM NOW#ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE TOLD HIM NOT TO DO THIS IN THE PAST AND HE IGNORED THEM#imagine if rook and quiz and mythal tried to talk him down one last time and IT DIDN'T WORK because solas was never going to listen#it would've been so powerful#you staked the whole world on the idea that someone who's never once done the right thing if it meant admitting he was wrong#would do it this time and now you have to face the consequences for that#that would've been much better than 'uhhhhhhhhhh okay yeah he listened this time don't worry about it'#ESPECIALLY given the theme of learning from your mistakes in rook's story#trusting solas has been a mistake EVERY time and now it suddenly isn't because they gotta give him a good ending#it cheapens the whole theme and the other endings for the game to go NO HE'S GOOD NOW SEE#SEE MYTHAL FORGAVE HIM AND NOW HE'S GONNA DO THE RIGHT THING#sure he killed her for refusing to help him before but THIS TIME it's all good. no that's not a cop-out shut up#(it's also just a really stupid move on rook's part to not even have a clear backup plan)#(like rook babe he's stabbed you in the back at every opportunity. please have A Plan for if he does it again)
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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i'm gonna share a bit of wisdom with you, because this is how i approach writing both my hyper intelligent characters who also happen to be idiots:
you can be super competent in what you do, and still walk into a light pole.
#( ooc )#( tbd )#// thinking about this again today#// mostly because missing the whimsy in emmrich is a mistake#// if he's too serious he stops being who he is#// but seriously#// no one is immune to tripping over their own feet#// and i can't be serious to save my life like...ever#// and if you're not occasionally taking the piss out of your characters#// for being disasters#// are you even living?#// i got one cosplaying a fucking lich the first time you meet him#// who forgets he's got his lich mask on#// and one who has to have the cheez-its hidden from him#// because he'll eat them all#// does that make them any less top of their fields no#// but they are stupid#// and that's where we live#// eta: it ties into i think me hating pissing matches#// and writing characters who know they don't know everything#// and will seek out the people that know what they don't#// instead of being dicks about it ig
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the MW fandom so bad on Twitter that fuckin. jimcurly shippers say their ship is ok cause âthey deserve each otherâ but then think youre a terrible person for suggesting that anya and curly like. cared about each other deeply and fucked up. i hope this fandom dies soon dear lord.
Jesus Christtttt I hope the yaoiheads die forever. Like. What the hell is it with people wanting to ignore everything there is to be said about Curly and Anya's complicated ass relationship in favor of painting Curly as a cartoonishly bad person and Anya as someone who didn't volunteer to take care of him in fucking terrible condition Despite Everything. There's so fucking much to say about Anya and Curly as people who were hurt by the same person and watched the other be hurt by the same person and ended up stuck together at rock fucking bottom in that nurse's room but nobody wants to talk about that because there's "good" abuse victims and "bad" abuse victims and they can't have any attachment to each other even if they do in text despite ultimately failing the other because uhhhh no they didn't. I fucking guess.
#asks#anon#like the recurring pattern of people ignoring Anya's stated feelings about shit in text presumably for âher own goodâ or whatever makes me#fucking lividddddd like why can't you fucking let her have complicated feelings about things why do you boil her down to an angry girlboss#to live out your own fantasies through like you're killing her fucking agency even outside of the game Jesusssss. and the way people are#about shipping Jimmy and Curly is like. insane. âthey deserve each otherâ even before the crash that was textbook emotional abuse. doesn't#excuse shit but it's fucking important context I think. also the fucking feast scene has always read as like. a parallel to sa to me.#forcing something down his throat when he can't do anything about it plus the whole âsomeday he'll thank meâ shit like that was cannibalism#as an act of violation. before it blew up in his face Curly was blind to Jimmy's shit but it was all Anya could see. like there's so much to#say about Anya and Curly in terms of narrative as well as how they actually were about each other but those conversations get immediately#shut down with just âCurly was an enablerâ because nobody likes to entertain the idea that there's an actual person behind the mistakes.#and that's the fucking thing about mouthwashing! at the end of the day they're all just people! but nobody wants to accept that! they just#want them to be the victim the guy we dont talk about the innocent one the dad and the stupid fuck who let it happen. & it makes me violent.#anyway.
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I hate that people on a whole don't understand a narrative. Like...your English/literature teacher should've flunked people over this.
Probably the people who understand it best are the ones marginalized in life, because hey, we see ourselves in those characters. Other people have the luxury of just going "eh" and moving on.
But when hugely popular shows and movies and even books keep killing off their marginalized and suffering characters as the "only way this could've ended" I want to reach through a screen and choke them out because stop telling me the world is better without me in it., Or I will take you with me, and we'll see who's mourned.
It's not even just Bury Your Gays. In Outer Banks, they kill of the kid who is told from season 1 that you'll never make anything of yourself. You will always be poor, homeless, unloved, and alone. And then spend three and a half seasons showing you that this character absolutely will beat his own narrative - he finds friends that are his family, he finds a life he loves with the people he loves and they love him back, and then - they kill him. BUT THE RICH BITCH FUCKING PSYCHOPATH GETS A REDEMPTION ARC? I don't care how good the actors are, the narrative has now wildly swung from 'you can make it if you don't give up' to 'don't even bother - life will find a way to beat you down to where you belong' and airing two days after the catastrophic American elections - where the billionaires and greed and hate win?
The Umbrella Academy had three seasons of fun, quirky, broken people who tried so hard to fix their mistakes, to fix what they broke, and canonically, are representing marginalized groups that never get the happy endings. But dammit, this family tried. They didn't always get along, they were dysfunctional, but they still came together in the end, and loved one another despite the bad they have done. And then - the narrative again spins a wild one eighty and the story ends with "the world is better without you in it - die". Which is a very real narrative a lot of us live with.
The MCU - kills off Iron Man/Tony Stark, one of the very first popular characters who suffers from extreme CPTSD along with an alphabet of mental disorders; Loki, who is the adopted child and queer across the board, loses absolutely everyone and everything; Steve, who while he isn't dead, his character most certainly is because he goes from the one who does sacrifice everything to making a selfish, personal decision that winds up fucking over everyone; Bucky, who again isn't dead but he is openly blamed for the things he did while he was a prisoner and a mind-controlled assassin for the bad guys against his will by his mental health professional. And the narrative is "no, you should sacrifice yourself so the rest of us who treated you like shit can live a better life."
The stupidity of wanting to punish your audience who is punished enough in the real world often enough we don't need it or want it in fiction is just...mind boggling. And when those are the real words used by writers to justify their shit decisions?
I hope your death serves a narrative purpose, since you seem to think that is the noblist way to go.
#I am all for grim dark fanfiction#I am okay with pretty much everything in fanfiction because we are a niche audience and is a million different ways to write something#but to have the CANON storylines always tell you you're broken beyond repair#that you don't deserve a life at all never mind a happy one#That's some straight up bullshit#If at the end of your story the story itself didn't matter then it's a shit story#if nothing would've changed if the story didn't happen that's some lazy fucking writing#I hate that death is the noble sacrifice#and I can only think of 3 shows right now where they actively go no that's stupid#one is stargate where Jack is repeatedly asking if they can possibly make a plan that doesn't involve dying#second is discovery where the writers realized their mistake in killing off one half of the gay couple#and bring him back with the explanation of the power of love or willed back alive by his husband#Third is surreal estate where the characters have multiple opportunities to change their 'weirdness' for normal lives and they refuse#but seriously#where the fuck is my narrative of I will live to spite you#I will love to spite you#My very existence is an open rebellion against what you want me to believe
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you might not think itâs hard to be a soc fan artist on tumblr, but let me tell you about the time I called someone out for drawing inej with light skin, so they blocked me and then wrote a long post about me that I couldnât see, along with colour samples taken from my art as examples of how inej is âtoo darkâ in them, and then they end the post with âIâm disappointed in youâ đ
#girl đ#inej ghafa#book accurate crows#mine#post contains g slur#the g word is a racial slur for romani people and a word used against them during the 500 years of chattel slavery they endured#which wasnât even that long ago#english isnât this personâs first language and so it was google translate who automatically used that word#but they have decided to stand by it#for a lot of my family their first language is greek#that isn't an excuse for them or me to say racially charged english slurs and if I did so by mistake I would correct myself.#you sound like someone who took an ancestry test discovered they had a#minimal percentage of a particular ethnic group in their genetic makeup#and then assumed they could speak on and represent that group without understanding its history or culture.#my racist right-wing aunt has a non white grandparent but that doesnât give her the right to talk on matters from that ethnic group#we are all very mixed if we examined our genetics very closely#but that doesn't mean you can decide whether or not that word is a slur if you haven't lived openly as a romani person#and been called that while you were denied jobs education and even being allowed to go into stores.#you are undermining the lived experiences of individuals within the roma community.#my friend's ancestors have been saying that is a slur call us roma since the 1930s. that was only one or two#generations after the abolition of slavery.#and like any ethnic group of people they have varying skin tones?#it's actually stupid to say they all have light skin when they were in fact ostracized#dehumanized and forced into racially segregated ghettos on the outskirts of society#because of the very dark colour of their skin.#inej ghafa is romani coded#she happens to have dark skin#tw racism#tw colourism#tw g word
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.
#cat creech#cat creech is my vent tag i think. block it if you donât want my venting#venting in these tags pls ignore this post if you donât want to read vent#I feel like I donât care about stories enough. I donât read books watch movies or shows#the games I play Iâve already played before or have no story at all. I feel childish and trapped in familiarity#if I could slightly different versions of the same story over and over again Iâd be happy. I donât need stories at all it seems.#I even avoid it often. would opt for comedy or something baseless over a story.#and I wouldnât be upset over this if I didnât major in animation#I donât want to be a director I donât want to be a writer I donât want to be in charge of story#but this stupid fucking school makes you do every part of the pipeline. I donât read or watch anything so unsurprisingly my story is boring#my story for my thesis I mean. itâs uninspiring Iâm not proud of it. and itâs changed so much from where it was in the beginning#it doesnât even feel like mine anymore. I donât like it and itâs not mine. I donât want anything to do with it#and I think I realized that being a storyteller means having lessons to tell people or experiences to share#I donât have either of those things. my life is uninteresting and I donât learn from my mistakes. my mistakes themselves are boring#all my issues are boring and privileged. no one needs a story or lesson from me. what the fuck can I say that hasnât been said#and even if I did have a story to tell I donât want to? I donât care to teach people or share my experience. thatâs never been what art-#-was about for me. art is a selfish escape for me. nothing more. nothing artsy feely or intellectual. âwhy do you drawâ idk itâs fun#I remember old classes where people answered why theyre artists. everyone had interesting answers and here i was-#- I said because itâs fun. like a fucking childish moron. never should have pursued art as a job. you have to want to be an artist to make-#a living from it. I donât want to be an artist. I just am one as a byproduct of drawing. not the same thing.#I donât even want to fucking animate anymore. I donât know what the fuck happened to me but I hate it I hate it so much#I miss when making art wasnât a task or a job or homework. I really fucking do#Iâm tearing up#anyway#weasel speaks#vent
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