#And incorporate those learning experiences

[website-enjoyer]

okay im typing out my current understanding to try to improve it. please send hate mail so i can take the 10% of it that is useful and self-criticize. here goes: all leninists agree that the proletariat did legitimately seize power in the october revolution. beyond that, positions differ.

orthodox MLs, for lack of a better term, argue the proletariat retained state power until the dissolution of the USSR. this leads to a position of primarily defending the USSR and pointing mainly to the attacks of international capitalism and fascism, as well as a lack of previous experience, as the reasons for soviet excesses and failures.

trotskyists argue that under stalin, a bureaucracy took state power from the working class. this leads to a position of arguing for a new proletarian vanguard to overthrow bureaucratic states, and pointing mainly to the lack of successful proletarian revolutions in more advanced capitalist countries as the reasons for soviet excesses and failures.

maoists argue that throughout the history of the USSR, class struggle persisted within the ruling communist party. this leads to a position of arguing for the practice of mass line, two line struggle, and cultural revolutions by communist parties, and pointing to an incomplete theory of class struggle within socialist society and a resulting over-reliance on control mechanisms within the party as the main reasons for excesses and failures.

there are countless blends and gradations between these three main understandings that are regularly encountered in party-building activity today. they all exist in forms that are more and less developed, more and less historically informed, more and less ideologically dogmatic across the hugely splintered contemporary communist terrain. there are orthodox MLs who uphold mao zedong thought in such a way that they share some of the positions i’ve attributed to maoists here, but they differ in their analysis of the cultural revolution and its aftermath as well as the character of the later soviet union. relatedly, there are hoxhaists and other anti-revisionist tendencies who uphold the stalin era but differ after that. there are those who subscribe to a trotskyist view of the soviet union, but take a basically orthodox ML stand in defending it nonetheless. i have yet to seriously encounter a trotskyism-maoism blend but maoists love to call each other trotskyists so i’m sure it’s out there, especially if i learn more about more unsuccessful communist movements in southeast asia. there are gradations of economism, nationalism, etc related to historical developments. but these are the main trends.

these trends have led to different results throughout history. the orthodox ML line claims many world-historic victories, but in its ideological form struggles to account for some failures of communist leadership: the popular front, conservative shifts in soviet policy on gender and sexuality, deteriorating international relations between socialist states, china’s stance towards israel, etc. the trotskyist line is better at identifying flaws and has arguably maintained more internationalist continuity, but struggles to organize a capable party free of vaguely defined bureaucracy/stalinism (other than as an organization of activists) and, notoriously, it can be used to carry water for counter-revolution. the maoist line incorporates lessons from a wider experience of militant class struggle, has led to a number of ongoing or collapsed people’s wars during a period where globally no other trend had approached that level, and can only claim success in nepal, where it immediately fell to the exact bourgeois influences that it is supposed to guard against. it is also great material for starting cults, and probably some supporters of socialism with chinese characteristics would argue it has a counter-revolutionary potential as well. no trend has yet succeeded in making a communist revolution in an advanced imperialist country. most young communists in these countries experience the range of communist trends first as a choice of consumption, identity, and status.

the task of proving which trend is the best theoretical basis for a new generation of communist revolutions can only be accomplished in practice, in demonstrating results that win the confidence of ever larger sections of the working and oppressed masses to the cause of revolution. individually polemicizing over abstract or historical matters does not advance one’s tendency, organized vanguard work does.

[bijoumikhawal]

reading my Magdalene book and having read the Kohenet intro book I think part of my feelings about the ideas being brought up (given the overlap with the particular pilgrims being looked at with Goddess worship movements) is "okay, you've acknowledged the divine feminine. Now what are you going to do about it?"

This is because like. Both books are pinging my gender essentialism and heteronormativity radars like crazy, and I don't think some of the things going on are as radical as people think. The Magdalene book goes "Judeo Christians got rid of divine women because of patriarchy"- okay, what's Mary then if not basically Christianity's goddess? (Intentionally being a bit reductive). Also I know those pilgrims actually don't know much about Judaism, but similarly, the Shekhinah exists and is casually accepted by many Jews even if lay people dont necessarily know about her in depth. Similarly, I find a significant amount of anti-Kohenet backlash silly because they're basing so much of their ideas on Kabbalah, but that's also why it fails to draw me in because- and I'm not saying this to denigrate Kabbalists- Kabbalah is a mystic system based on the needs and perspective of heterosexual married men. It's great that women find aspects of it affirming, but I don't as a gay man. I've said it before- I have no interest in sacralizing specifically heterosexuality. I also have little interest, as someone who doesn't experience much sexual desire, struggles with dysfunction, and probably wont have kids, in denigrating people who naturally arent very sexual and people who aren't going to have kids.

Additionally because of my mild familiarity with some Indic religions, I'm skeptical that maintaining goddess(es) is all that antithetical to patriarchy. It IS valuable, dgmw, but it's not the magic bullet. A patriarchal society is very happy to deifiy one kind of woman and demonize all others.

[deathbind]

Serot's own arsenal of spells and generally how he applies necrotic magic differs from modern day Anactaci. You can clearly see the foundation he laid, but it has been over a thousand years. The order has evolved considerably in that time. There's also the fact that he was reborn at level one and has structured his skills to suit his present needs, but [hand waves]

There are different sects and roles within the Anactaci who call on the Plane of Death in different ways, but certain generalities can be relied upon. Their magic is largely geared toward what would be considered divination. They are the bridge between this life and the next, the messengers of eternity. They commune both with the souls of the dead and with spirits — chiefly spirits / entities on the Plane of Death but spirits of all types, including those like Refhremmit. Indeed, every City of Eternity has one Anactaci dedicated to communing with their patron. It is a sacred office.

Beyond that, their magic is deeply focused on the soul and the threshold between life and death. They are adept at identifying and countering curses or maladies of the soul. They are adept at identifying and addressing possessions or spiritual attachments. The skilled can manipulate the ravages of time on a body or object (a skill shared with the Manthu). The most skilled of all can leave their bodies behind to inhabit ritually prepared objects; these become the teachers of the Anactaci and keepers of the deepest mysteries.

Yes of course, they animate and preserve corpses, either directly or by calling a spirit to inhabit it. This is part of Meketi funerary rites. But, simply making dead things move is only part of their skillset. Indeed, it's the most basic part.

Anactaci are bound by sacred oaths to turn their magic to holy purpose and with a thought for balance always. However, a truly irate or unscrupulous Anactaci could do serious damage. Particularly if they are skilled. Insidious curses and nigh-undetectable possessions (i.e. slowly driving a person to madness with ill luck or nightmares; far worse curses are possible). Yanking a person's soul directly from their body, either holding it captive or causing it to become lost. Learning secrets from spirits or from souls that can utterly destroy a person. Causing them to rapidly age, turning to sun-bleached bone before their eyes, one limb at a time. Or causing them to wither, then return to their correct age, then wither, then return to their correct age — over and over until they don't know whether they're alive or dead. If capable of severing their soul from their body, they can possess others directly, influencing or totally overriding their will. They might not touch a person at all; they might sap all life from their home instead.

Fortunately, such corrupt Anactaci are rare — and swiftly dealt with.

[lilliangst]

biblically accurate, semi-realistic candace or kandake, who was a nubian queen

image renders:

Incoming yap about the current genshin problem:

As a Chinese person swarmed by western media, Liyue means so, so much to me. Seeing the culture that I've been taught to be ashamed of all my life being represented so accurately and positively makes me incredibly happy. It was the first time I saw the famous landscapes that I've visited in person and recreated a fantasy game. Seeing characters wear clothes with similar designs to what I’ve worn and eating similar foods to what I’ve eaten, is indescribable. The euphoria I felt when I first climbed atop of Qingyun Peak and heard the music is something I wish I could experience again.

That being said, Sumeru was a mess, and Natlan is just depressing. What I would give to have people from SEA/SWANA, Latin America, Africa, and Indigenous groups etc. to feel the same way I did when strolling through Liyue.

HYV’s colorism isn’t just stifling their character designs; by whitewashing real-life people, real cultures and even their deities, they are inadvertently whitewashing history. They are taking from actual ethnic groups: learning their history and struggles, then retelling these narratives after replacing their people with bleached protagonists in orientalist clothing.

All this because of what? Out of touch beauty standards? The possibility of lower sales? Dehya is extremely loved in China and her fans donated thousands to a children’s charity in her name. Other Chinese companies like Lilith Games and Bluepoch don’t have this problem. Dislyte is able to consistently pump out gorgeous character designs with varying skin tones and Reverse:1999 makes accurate designs and does in-depth research into the cultures of their characters.

It’s a basic lack of respect.

I've heard that Iranian players were extremely happy and touched by their representation, and that's amazing. And most European, Chinese, and Japanese players are fine with theirs. I just wish this extended to the representation of people with skin tones that are darker.

HYV has shown that they are capable of making characters with darker skin tones and interesting designs, but they will only do that for npcs and enemies. Orientalism, culture mash-ups and inaccuracies across regions is unfortunately common in the game, but the problem with the unchanging pale color of playable characters reflects an obvious and sinister bigotry. I do personally believe that a lot of this has to do with the meddling of higher-ups; many playable characters look like they’ve been white-washed at the end of the process, and just from an art/design standpoint, they fit darker skin-tones much, much better.

It is impossible for Genshin to be a fully “fictional fantasy game” because they chose to bear the responsibility of incorporating real life cultures into their world-building. The criticisms about Sumeru and Natlan are what they brought upon themselves. If you don’t want to represent properly, don’t do it at all. You cannot take everything from a culture and leave their people out of it. They deserve the same respect and research as the region representing your own nation.

For the people who have seen themselves represented in media over and over again, or for those who do not care about being represented at all: even if YOU don't care, others do, and they have a damn good reason for it. This is a big deal, it isn’t too much to ask for, and I will be blocking racists. Peace.

[astrologydray]

……Ceres in the Houses……

Representing nurturing, food, care, and cycles of loss and renewal. Its house placement shows where and how you express caretaking energy and what makes you feel emotionally and physically nourished.

………………………………………

Ceres in the 1st 🏡: Ceres in the 1st house suggests nurturing, caregiving, and providing support to others are integral to your identity. You naturally exude a warm, caring energy, and people may see you as someone who offers comfort, protection, and nourishment—both emotionally and physically. You may have a strong connection to nature, health, or self-care, and your presence can be very healing to those around you. You likely take pride in taking care of yourself and others, and your sense of self-worth may be tied to your ability to provide for those you love. Depending on the sign, you may express this nurturing energy through practical acts of service, emotional support, or even creative or intellectual guidance. Ceres in the 1st house is ensuring that you don’t overextend yourself or neglect your own needs in favor of caring for others. You may feel responsible for everyone’s well-being, which can lead to burnout. Learning to nurture yourself as much as you nurture others, allowing your caregiving nature to be a source of strength rather than depletion.

Ceres in the 2nd 🏡: Ceres in the 2nd house ties nurturing and care to material security, self-worth, and physical comfort. You express love and support through tangible means—providing food, financial stability, gifts, or creating a comfortable and safe environment for yourself and others. Acts of service and physical affection may be your primary love languages. You may feel most nurtured when you have financial stability, access to quality resources, and a sense of security in your life. Providing for yourself and your loved ones gives you a deep sense of fulfillment, and you likely take great pride in your ability to create abundance. with Ceres in the 2nd house is attaching your self-worth too much to material possessions or financial status. You may also overgive, trying to express love through material means while neglecting emotional or spiritual nourishment. Recognizing that true security comes from within and that nurturing extends beyond material support to emotional and psychological care as well.

Ceres in the 3rd 🏡: Ceres in the 3rd house expresses nurturing through communication, learning, and intellectual connection. You care for others by offering advice, engaging in meaningful conversations, and being a source of mental and emotional support. Words of affirmation and thoughtful gestures, such as writing messages or sharing knowledge, may be your primary ways of showing love. You likely feel nurtured when you have stimulating discussions, exchange ideas, or feel heard and understood by those around you. Sibling relationships, early education, and your local environment may have played a significant role in shaping your understanding of care and nourishment. Ceres in the 3rd house people have a tendency to intellectualize emotions rather than fully feeling them. You might also spread yourself too thin, constantly giving advice or emotional support without taking time to recharge. Your nurturing extends beyond words and ideas, incorporating emotional presence and deeper personal connections.

Ceres in the 4th 🏡 : Ceres in the 4th house makes nurturing, home, and family central to your sense of security and well-being. You feel most fulfilled when you can create a warm, safe, and comforting environment for yourself and your loved ones. Your way of caring is deeply emotional, and you may take on the role of a protector or provider within your family. You likely have a strong connection to your roots, traditions, and childhood experiences, which can shape how you give and receive love. Home-cooked meals, cozy spaces, and emotional support are key ways you express care. Family bonds, whether biological or chosen, are essential to your sense of stability. Ceres in the 4th house has the potential for emotional overattachment or taking on too much responsibility for others’ well-being. You may struggle with setting boundaries, feeling like you must always be the caregiver. Nurturing yourself just as much as you nurture others, ensuring that your home life supports your own emotional needs as well.

Ceres in the 5th 🏡: Ceres in the 5th house expresses nurturing through creativity, joy, and self-expression. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that encourages their individuality and personal growth. Your love is warm, playful, and often shown through acts of encouragement, affection, and shared creative or recreational activities. You may find joy in nurturing children, artistic projects, or even romantic partners, as you naturally enjoy bringing happiness to others. Creativity and self-expression could be essential to your well-being, and you might use art, music, or performance as a way to nourish both yourself and those around you. With Ceres in the 5th house there’s a potential to seek validation through your ability to nurture, or to overextend yourself in relationships by always trying to bring joy to others. You may also struggle with balancing fun and responsibility. The key to a fulfilling expression of this placement is embracing your own creativity and joy while allowing others the space to develop their own individuality without dependence on your care.

Ceres in the 6th 🏡: Ceres in the 6th house expresses nurturing through acts of service, health, and daily routines. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in practical, tangible ways—whether through providing support in their daily lives, helping with work, or encouraging healthy habits. Your way of showing love often involves cooking nutritious meals, assisting with tasks, or offering advice on wellness and self-improvement. You may be drawn to careers in caregiving, healing, or service-oriented professions. Taking care of pets, maintaining a structured lifestyle, or engaging in activities that promote well-being can also be deeply nurturing for you. Your own sense of security often comes from having a stable routine and feeling useful to those around you. Ceres in the 6th house has the tendency to overwork yourself or place too much of your self-worth on how much you do for others. You may struggle with perfectionism or neglect your own needs in favor of helping those around you. Ensuring that your caregiving doesn’t turn into self-sacrifice and that you also prioritize your own health and well-being.

Ceres in the 7th 🏡: Ceres in the 7th house expresses nurturing through relationships, partnerships, and one-on-one connections. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that fosters harmony, balance, and mutual support. Your way of showing love involves emotional presence, fairness, and being a reliable, supportive partner in both romantic and platonic relationships. You may be drawn to partners who are nurturing themselves or who appreciate your caring and attentive nature. Commitment and partnership are deeply tied to your sense of security, and you likely feel most comfortable when you have strong, supportive relationships in your life. You may also enjoy mediating conflicts or offering emotional guidance to those you love. Ceres in the 7th house can give too much in relationships or to depend on others for validation. You may prioritize taking care of your partner’s needs while neglecting your own. The key to balance is ensuring that your relationships are reciprocal, where you receive just as much care and nourishment as you give.

Ceres in the 8th 🏡: Ceres in the 8th house expresses nurturing through deep emotional bonds, transformation, and shared intimacy. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others on a profound, soul-level, offering them support through life’s darkest moments. Your way of nurturing is intense and deeply personal, often revolving around themes of trust, emotional healing, and shared resources. You may be drawn to relationships where you can play a protective or transformative role, helping others through crises, personal growth, or even financial support. You might also have a strong interest in psychology, healing, or spiritual regeneration. Your own sense of security often comes from deep emotional connections, and you may feel a need to merge with others in meaningful ways. There is a potential for control issues, emotional dependency, or fear of loss. You may struggle with letting go or experience power dynamics in your relationships. The key to balance is learning to nurture without attachment, allowing love to be a source of empowerment rather than control. Healing yourself emotionally is just as important as helping others heal.

Ceres in the 9th 🏡: Ceres in the 9th house expresses nurturing through knowledge, adventure, and personal growth. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others by expanding their horizons—whether through education, travel, philosophy, or spiritual guidance. Your way of nurturing often involves encouraging others to explore new ideas, embrace different cultures, or seek out experiences that broaden their perspectives. You may be drawn to teaching, mentoring, or sharing wisdom as a way of providing emotional support. Your nurturing style is often inspirational, helping others find meaning and purpose in life. You might also feel most cared for when you have the freedom to explore, learn, and experience life without limitations. Ceres in the 9th house can overlook emotional needs in favor of intellectual or philosophical ideals. You may also struggle with restlessness, always seeking the next adventure rather than being fully present. Integrating emotional depth with your love for exploration, ensuring that both you and those you nurture feel secure while embracing growth and new experiences.

Ceres in the 10th 🏡: Ceres in the 10th house expresses nurturing through career, responsibility, and public influence. You feel most fulfilled when you can provide care and support on a larger scale, whether through your profession, leadership roles, or by setting an example for others. Your way of nurturing is often structured, goal-oriented, and tied to achievement—you may see success as a way to provide stability and security for yourself and those you care about. You might be drawn to careers in caregiving, counseling, social work, or any field that allows you to support others in a tangible way. Alternatively, you may have experienced a childhood where responsibility was placed on you early, shaping your view that love and care are connected to duty and ambition. Your sense of security comes from feeling respected and accomplished. Prioritizing work and public image over personal emotional needs. You may also take on too much responsibility for others, feeling like you must always be the provider or protector. Recognizing that nurturing isn’t just about external success—it also involves emotional connection and self-care.

Ceres in the 11th 🏡: Ceres in the 11th house expresses nurturing through friendship, community, and shared ideals. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that supports their individuality and contributes to the collective good. Your way of nurturing is often expressed through acts of kindness, encouraging others to pursue their dreams, and being a source of emotional support within social circles or groups. You may be drawn to humanitarian efforts, activism, or group-oriented work that allows you to help others on a broader scale. Friendships and social connections play a significant role in your sense of security, and you likely thrive in environments where collaboration and mutual support are valued. You may also be someone who nurtures through innovation and progressive ideas, helping others see new possibilities for their lives. With Ceres in the 11th house there’s a potential to prioritize the collective over personal, one-on-one relationships. You may struggle with emotional intimacy, focusing more on helping groups than forming deep, personal connections. Ensuring that while you nurture the world around you, you also allow yourself to receive personal care and emotional support from close relationships.

Ceres in the 12th 🏡: Ceres in the 12th house expresses nurturing in a deeply spiritual, intuitive, and often self-sacrificing way. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others through unconditional love, emotional healing, and acts of quiet support. Your way of nurturing is often subtle, working behind the scenes to provide comfort and care, sometimes without others even realizing it. You may be drawn to helping those who are vulnerable, such as the sick, the lost, or those in need of emotional or spiritual guidance. You might also find solace in artistic, mystical, or meditative practices that allow you to connect with something greater than yourself. Your nurturing style often involves deep empathy, and you may feel the emotions of others as if they were your own. Ceres in the 12th house have the tendency to neglect your own needs, over-sacrifice, or take on the burdens of others without boundaries. You may also struggle with feeling unseen or unappreciated for the care you give. Learning to nurture yourself just as much as you nurture others, recognizing that true compassion includes self-care and emotional boundaries.

[kleopatra45]

Venus in the Houses [Solar Return]

1st House

This year, you exude a magnetic charm and beauty that draws people towards you. Your confidence and sense of self-worth increase, and you find it easier to attract love and admiration. This is a wonderful time to focus on self-care, perhaps through a new wardrobe, hairstyle, or health routine. Personal relationships are likely to improve, and you may start new romantic connections. Your appearance and the way you present yourself to the world take on greater significance.

2nd House

Financial prosperity and a deep appreciation for luxury and comfort characterize this year. You may discover new ways to enhance your income, possibly through creative endeavors or partnerships. There is a strong desire to surround yourself with beautiful and valuable items, and you might find yourself indulging more in material pleasures. Relationships with those who share your values or can provide financial stability are highlighted, and there is a focus on building a solid foundation for your future.

3rd House

Communication and intellectual connections flourish this year. You are more charming and persuasive in your interactions, making it easier to form and maintain harmonious relationships with siblings, neighbors, and in your community. Short trips and learning experiences bring joy, and you may develop a love for writing, speaking, or other forms of expression. This is a good year to strengthen your social network and engage in activities that stimulate your mind and heart.

4th House

Home and family life become sources of great joy and comfort this year. You may feel a stronger desire to beautify your living space, perhaps through redecorating or making it more comfortable. Family relationships are harmonious, and you may find yourself spending more quality time with loved ones. This placement also indicates a deep emotional connection to your roots and heritage. You may feel a greater sense of inner peace and security, making your home a true sanctuary.

5th House

Creativity, romance, and fun take center stage this year. You are more playful and expressive, finding joy in artistic pursuits and leisure activities. This is an excellent year for starting new romantic relationships or rekindling the spark in existing ones. If you have children, your bond with them strengthens, and you may enjoy shared activities. This placement also encourages you to take risks and follow your heart, leading to a more fulfilling and joyful life.

6th House

Health and work are highlighted, with a focus on creating a balanced and harmonious daily routine. You may find more enjoyment in your job or work environment, perhaps through improved relationships with colleagues or a more pleasant work setting. Health-wise, you are motivated to adopt a healthier lifestyle, incorporating beauty and wellness into your routine. Acts of service and helping others bring satisfaction, and you may feel a greater sense of fulfillment in your daily tasks.

7th House

Partnerships and close relationships are the focus this year. You are more likely to attract harmonious and loving connections, whether in romantic, business, or platonic relationships. Existing partnerships may deepen, and conflicts can be resolved more easily. There is a strong desire for companionship and mutual support, making this an ideal time for marriage or committed relationships. Collaboration and cooperation with others lead to greater success and satisfaction.

8th House

Deep emotional connections and transformative experiences define this year. You may experience profound changes in your relationships, leading to greater intimacy and trust. There is a strong focus on shared resources and financial matters, and you may benefit from joint ventures or inheritances. This placement also indicates a heightened interest in the mysteries of life, including spirituality and the occult. You are drawn to intense, passionate relationships that challenge and transform you.

9th House

Exploration and adventure bring joy and fulfillment this year. You may develop a love for travel, higher learning, and cultural experiences. Relationships with people from different backgrounds or those who expand your worldview are favored. This is a great year for pursuing education, publishing, or spiritual growth. Your sense of aesthetics and appreciation for beauty may be influenced by different cultures and philosophies, leading to a broader perspective on life.

10th House

Career and public image are emphasized, with a focus on achieving success and recognition. You are more likely to attract opportunities for advancement and may find yourself in the public eye. Your professional relationships are harmonious, and you may receive support from those in authority. This is a good year for setting and achieving career goals, as well as enhancing your reputation. Your sense of style and charm can play a significant role in your professional success.

11th House

Friendships and social connections bring happiness and support this year. You are more likely to meet new friends and join groups or organizations that align with your interests. Your social life is active, and you may find yourself surrounded by like-minded individuals who inspire and uplift you. This placement also highlights your hopes and dreams, encouraging you to pursue your aspirations with the support of your social network. Collaborative efforts and teamwork lead to success.

12th House

This year, you may experience a desire for solitude and introspection, finding beauty in moments of quiet reflection. There is a focus on healing and letting go of past relationships or emotional baggage. You may develop a deeper connection to your spirituality and find comfort in creative or artistic pursuits done in private. Secret or hidden relationships are possible, and you may feel drawn to helping others through compassionate acts. This placement encourages you to explore the depths of your inner world and find peace within.

©️kleopatra45

[wisdom-devotee]

31 Days of Hellenic Polytheism

Anyone can participate regardless of how long you’ve been a Hellenic polytheist! My hope is to use these questions to reflect on the year, and repeat next year to see what has changed, and hopefully to continue doing that every year!

Answer in as much or as little detail as you see fit. You are allowed to skip any questions that you are uncomfortable answering. These questions can also apply to heroes, not just deities. You can pick specific deities to answer each one, or answer the questions with all the deities you worship. This might apply to other Pantheons and I’m happy for it to be used as such. Feel free to tweak some of the questions to fit those pantheons if you’d like!

Please link this list on your posts with your answers so that it is easy for others to find if they want to participate too after seeing your answers.

THIS IS TO BE DONE DURING DECEMBER, I’M JUST POSTING THE LIST NOW SO PEOPLE CAN FIND IT!

Have fun!

DAY ONE: Who was the first deity you began worshipping? Do you still worship them now? If this has been answered before: how has your worship changed since last year?

DAY TWO: Which deity did you most recently start worshipping? Were you called to them or did you reach out first? Do you think there were specific reasons behind why you were drawn to them?

DAY THREE: How long ago did you start Hellenic Polytheism?

DAY FOUR: Are there any deities you don’t currently worship but want to learn about?

DAY FIVE: How much have you bonded with your deities?

DAY SIX: What’s one way you incorporate Hellenic Polytheism into your routine (daily, weekly, monthly, etc?)

DAY SEVEN: Are you openly a Hellenic Polytheist offline? How does being open/not being open effect your worship?

DAY EIGHT: Do you have altar(s)? If you do, how do you use it? If you don’t have one, do you want one? Why/why not?

DAY NINE: Is there a practice that’s common among other Hellenic Polytheists that you’re skeptical about?

DAY TEN: What’s something you’ve learned about Hellenic Polytheism that you wish you knew sooner?

DAY ELEVEN: What is the clearest sign you’ve received from a deity?

DAY TWELVE: Do you do food offerings or libations? What do you do with the food/drink after you’ve offered it?

DAY THIRTEEN: Do you write your own prayers?

DAY FOURTEEN: Do you have any hobbies that fit any of your deities’ domains?

DAY FIFTEEN: How has your worship changed you?

DAY SIXTEEN: If you could give one piece of advice to someone who’s just starting in Helpol, what would it be?

DAY SEVENTEEN: Send out some love! Are there any Helpol blogs here on tumblr that you follow and really like?

DAY EIGHTEEN: How can you best describe your relationship with each of your deities?

DAY NINETEEN: If you had to assign one song to each of the deities you worship, what songs would you choose?

DAY TWENTY: Do you have a favourite aspect of Hellenic Polytheism?

DAY TWENTY-ONE: Are there any retellings/adaptations of greek mythology that you LIKE? Why/why not?

DAY TWENTY-TWO: Is there an aspect of Hellenic polytheism you haven’t yet gotten to try but hope to in the future? Do you have any other Helpol-related goals for next year?

DAY TWENTY-THREE: What’s a bit of UPG you have with your deities?

DAY TWENTY-FOUR: What’s an offering you’ve made that you’re really proud of?

DAY TWENTY-FIVE: What was the most surprising thing you’ve learnt about Hellenic Polytheism or your deities?

DAY TWENTY-SIX: Do you celebrate any festivals? Which ones or why not?

DAY TWENTY-SEVEN: Share a fun fact about one or more of your deities which you think is underrated or not well-known

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT: What is your favourite myth?

DAY TWENTY-NINE: What is an aspect of your deities you really appreciate?

DAY THIRTY: Do you have a visual interpretation of your deities? Is this different from usual depictions you see of them?

DAY THIRTY-ONE: Share a positive experience you’ve had this month/year with one or more of your deities

[punkitt-is-here]

How did you learn to draw fat bodies but still keep it cartoony? I love how you draw different types of bodies and make them all seem normal instead of certain body types sticking out like a sore thumb next to others. I struggle to draw fat bodies without it looking weird with the rest of my art. Do you have a specific tutorial you followed or something?

This is a really good question! I'm glad you like my depictions of different body types, i worked really hard to get better at that so im happy folks enjoy em!! I didn't actually learn from a book or tutorial, it was mostly looking at fat bodies IRL and learning to incorporate those features onto what I already drew. As it turns out, we're all human, so if you understand the anatomy enough to draw a skinny person, you have the tools to understand the anatomy of a fat person.

So, like, here, this is my sketch of someone with a very average build. If I were to draw a fat body, I would still use all the basic principles I use here. One mistake I think folks run into is "isolating" parts, which can lead to things like this

which isn't necessarily bad, but if its not what you're going for, the issue is pretty apparent. Weight affects ALL of the body, not just the stomach or the face or the limbs. If you think about how that weight affects everything in tandem then you can start drawing fat bodies that work more in your style.

for this, this is the same quick sketch using the same pose and principles as the first one. but! I allowed the weight to be distributed across the body. Notice how the legs, belly, arms, etc all got thicker? The key to drawing fat bodies and making them look like they fit is allowing that weight to affect everything. without it, it just looks like you're adding on features to someone rather than considering everything at once.

my other tip is: don't be scared! things like fat arms or chins or bellies or stretch lines are not something that's bad to depict. if you want to draw fat bodies, you gotta not be scared to draw things the way they are. someone having a fat body is not bad, and you drawing that fat body is not bad either. Experiment! To me, art is about representing ideas, and the only way to get better is to experiment with how you represent those ideas. I'm by no means an expert, and I think you can also get a ton done by looking for resources aside from me, but I hope this helps, and have fun!!

[fairestwriting]

hihi! i love ur writing soso much!! could i request jamil, idia and jade with an s/o who has a flashy fashion sense? specifically alternative, if thats alright :3

IT’S MORE THAN ALRIGHT this was fun to do… maybe just a tiny bit self indulgent . i miss my emo phase dearly

𐙚 Jade Leech

Jade likes interesting people in general, having an unusual fashion style is just one out of many possible ways to catch his attention. NRC does have a lot of students with some pretty out there looks, but… if you stare for long enough, it’s too easy to recognize all the patterns.

One of his favorite things is seeing the different ways to incorporate whatever your style of choice is into your school uniform. The dress code isn’t *that* strict, sure, but it still doesn’t enable any particularly flashy looks all that easily— He does genuinely admire the creativity and effort you put into details like accessories, or how you do your hair and makeup. He’ll want to hear about the work that goes into it, even though it’s not anything he plans on personally getting into.

Likes how funny you two look like next to each other, especially when you’re off campus and you get to really dress up the way you like. He’ll happily stand next to you in whatever obscure shop or thrift store you like to shop at, in his crisp dress shirt and classy loafers. He’ll carry all your bags and just absolutely bask in the amusement from the weird looks others throw your way.

If you’re not really into DIY yet, Jade might be the reason you end up getting into it. Sooner or later, he’ll come across it online when researching the things you like — Which of course he’s going to do, he needs ideas for the gifts he wants to buy you — and his mind immediately starts to wander to what sorts of things you could do with it. He’s your number one business casual supporter.

𐙚 Jamil Viper

Honestly a little on the fence about it at first — Not because he’s judging you for how you look or anything! — but just on an instinctual response level. You’re so clearly going against Jamil’s own personal rules of blending into the crowd. It just kind of makes him feel a little uneasy, even though he does feel it’s sort of stupid to feel like that. He’s just imagining how it must be to get all that unprompted, unpredictable attention…

But when he gets past that feeling, he honestly likes it. It makes him feel more comfortable to stand out around you, he’ll still hold back when he actually has to for whatever reason, but he’s less guarded than he would be with others. Besides, it’s fun to hear you talk about how you style things, and if you’re into a music-based subculture he’ll definitely want to check out the stuff you listen to.

He can relate to the experience of sometimes taking a significant amount of time to get ready, even though his reason and outcome are both vastly different from yours. And he does use magic for things like styling his hair now, but he still had to learn how to do it manually before that! Jamil finds that he does like to get ready with you when you’re going out together.

When doing that, he finds out you two have more to talk about in the topic of fashion than he imagined. He definitely knows a thing or two about makeup, and while he’s a bit clueless on alternative hair styles, he can definitely teach you some of the magic he uses for doing his own— He’s curious about what sorts of looks you’ll come up with, if you’re able to speed up your routine.

𐙚 Idia Shroud

Honestly. He’s definitely that kind of guy who at least once posted some kind of meme about wanting a goth girlfriend. And you might not be exactly goth, or not exactly a girl, or even neither of those things— But the sentiment still applies. It’s not necessarily about that specific of a type of person, but rather about having a partner who radiates that sort of... confidence maybe? Just that energy of being so comfortable with standing out.

You probably will have one conversation about his “makeup” that ends a little disappointingly for you. Idia doesn’t really wear any, his face just looks like that, he tells you. No product recommendations from him, sadly… The look in your eyes after you hear that makes him want to get into it, though. He doesn’t want to stand out like you do, but, well. He already stands out even without trying, doesn’t he?

He doesn’t believe he’s doing it when he’s asking you about the places you shop. Even if your personal style isn’t really the “darker and edgier” sort of alternative (Like most gyaru substyles for example) that he ends up getting interested in, you’ll probably still know a thing or two about how to get that look, right? Idia stresses over and over that he doesn’t want anything too flashy or elaborate, just maybe some accessories or new shoes…

Idia will be really nervous to go shopping with you, if you two decide on doing that. He’s always a little anxious to go out, but there’s an extra serving of it because he knows he’s going to be trying something new— But he’d definitely end up feeling pretty at home in whatever the Twisted Wonderland equivalent of Hot Topic is. Fully committing to any subculture is a bit too much for him, at least right now, but if you want to get matching bracelets or something, he’ll be happy to do it.

if you like my work you can support me by commissioning me or tipping me on ko-fi ── ᵎᵎ ✦

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing a "Self-Conscious" Character

Self-consciousness - a sense of self-awareness heightened to an extreme and problematic degree.

It manifests through a fixation on how other people perceive your looks, personality, and behaviors.

Since you believe everyone has negative thoughts about you, you develop those same thoughts about yourself.

These feelings can easily become overwhelming, leading to a detrimental effect on your quality of life.

Signs of Self-Consciousness

If you feel like everyone dislikes you and mocks your every move, there’s a good chance you’re a self-conscious person. These three signs might help you better determine whether or not you’re self-conscious:

Excessive embarrassment: Perhaps the signature feeling of self-consciousness is embarrassment. In social situations, self-conscious people are prone to think everyone around them views them in a negative light. The embarrassment this causes leads people to experience crushing levels of self-doubt and withdraw from others.

Low self-esteem: If you think you have nothing positive to offer the world, you’re probably very self-conscious. While not all self-conscious thoughts and insecurities are so dire, they all tend in this negative direction. It might take some work, but you can overcome these feelings, build self-confidence, and achieve real happiness.

Social anxiety: Self-conscious patterns of thought often lead people to experience a great deal of social anxiety. They might have an especially hard time being around strangers, coworkers, and acquaintances. In extreme cases, their fear of rejection might even lead them to withdraw from their closest friends and loved ones.

How to Stop Being Self-Conscious

Even if you’re self-conscious now, you can take steps to build your confidence and become more comfortable in social situations. Here are a few tips you can incorporate into your life:

Be kind to yourself. To overcome self-consciousness, turn your feelings of self-loathing into self-love. Rather than engage in self-criticism, work on reciting positive affirmations to yourself. Focus on your strengths and what you have to offer the world. Realize that even perceived weaknesses can become strengths when you utilize them well. It might feel unnatural at first, but self-acceptance can prove to be just as much of a learned behavior as self-consciousness.

Get outside your comfort zone. In the course of your daily life, try to put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable. Start small and work your way up from there as you begin to step out of your comfort zone. Remind yourself there’s a first time for everything. As you experience self-conscious emotions in these scenarios, you’ll slowly begin to realize they aren’t as bad as you worried they’d be.

Meet with a therapist. Reach out to a licensed therapist to work through how your feelings of self-consciousness developed in the first place. These trained professionals can help you unpack why you feel anxiety in social situations or why your own thoughts can often work against you. They’ll also help you build up your sense of self-worth, leading to an improved state of well-being.

Practice mindfulness. If self-consciousness is a fixation on negative thoughts, mindfulness is the process of letting these thoughts go. When you practice mindfulness meditation in your everyday life, you start to realize your self-conscious thoughts are like storm clouds passing through the sky. The same goes for your emotions. If you let these thoughts and feelings pass through you rather than latch on to them, you’ll begin to view yourself with more objectivity, equanimity, and compassion.

Reframe your thoughts. Your inner critic will make you believe everyone thinks you’re awful and knows every bad thing you’ve ever done. This is an example of the spotlight effect—the belief everyone in a room focuses on you. In reality, many people are probably just as self-conscious as you and are worrying over what you think about them. As you reframe your negative thoughts in a positive way, you’ll bolster your sense of self-worth.

Causes of Self-Consciousness

Self-consciousness arises in people for all sorts of different reasons.

Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or OCD might put you at higher risk for developing these feelings about yourself.

Childhood experiences of abandonment, bullying, and rejection can also have a major impact on a person’s self-image or propensity for negative self-talk.

Even into adulthood, negative experiences with others can lead you to develop a poor self-image and an increased sense of self-consciousness.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[chubsonthemoon]

Another jayvik book!!! This is the incredible divine alchemy of the self, by r0sie_p0sies.

This fic was recommended to me by dear friend @ilgaksu and holyyyyy shit. It was written pre-s2 and yet somehow ends up in the exact same emotional place as the finale; the similarities range from larger scene beats all the way down to certain dialogue choices. Rosie just gets these characters, through and through!

As usual, process chatter under the cut!

It's fitting for a jayvik book that this first attempt was chock-full of experiments and new techniques! This is my first hardcover quarto Legal size, which I really loved doing. I also finally have a proper finishing press, so I was able to properly round and back a book for the first time! The shoulders are a little weak, so I'm hoping to improve when I make Rosie's author copy. I also used my foil pen for the first time and handwrote the little blurb on the back.

Most exciting, this was the first time I tried an inset! I used some of my favorite blue Momi marbled paper; rectangle placement is heavily inspired by one of @pleasantboatpress's gorgeous binds. Loveee me a good rectangle, heh. I thought an inset was fitting for this story; as you can probably tell from the title, the fic is all about transforming oneself--through grief, through illness, through love. I wanted this to be a book of contrasts--stark white for a kind of blank canvas (also a nod to Viktor's hexcorized dolls in s2), blue and gold for magic/hextech. Here's an abridged version of what I sent Rosie while chatting about design (please picture me as that It's Always Sunny conspiracy meme, but in DMs):

The framework of the fic being alchemy, creation, a literal step-by-step guide for how to create something divine, is something I really want to explore! I really like the idea of this kind of blank canvas casing + swirling paper inset. All the love and life and messy tendrils of illness surrounded by this...blank divinity. That divinity as a medium, a container, for the complicated human experience. But also the inverse--the blankness of the canvas drawing attention to the brilliant blue/gold of the inset. The bright light shining through the windows of their living room in the ending scene juxtaposed with the moment of their (possible? wonderfully ambiguous?) deaths; those two moments being, in many ways, the same. A window into their lives loving each other, seen from both the outside and within. *insert lots of keyboard smashing*

Interiority and vulnerability were also two themes I wanted to convey. So with that theme in mind, I tried something very, very new to me, and thought, fuck it, let's try to use paper vellum for the endpapers:

You're not really supposed to use paper vellum for endpapers because 1) it wrinkles and curls like all hell and 2) since it's translucent, it means you can see the inside of the boards and the tapes. But for this bind, I decided to lean into that effect--I scribbled the four stages of the alchemical process (the framework of the fic's chapters) onto the boards so you could see them when you opened the book (I wanted to evoke jayvik's "mad scientists" vibe lol); I cut the supporting linen tapes into points (a nod to the rune Viktor carves into his leg brace) and painted them gold so they'd stand out more (they reminded me of Vik's spine brace; I mean hell, they're literally sewn into the spine of the book for extra support. It felt criminal to not incorporate them in some way!); I tried to be more intentional with the glue brushstrokes while casing in to give the paste-down a more painted effect; and finally, probably the thing that was hardest to let go (and which I'm still a little unsure about, to be honest), I let the damn endpapers wrinkle, for more ~texture.~

The overall effect is something I'm still mulling over, even as I write this--it kind of goes against everything I've learned as a bookbinder, and almost makes me feel (or rather, the book feel lol) naked. These are the parts of the book you aren't normally supposed to see, put on display the moment you open it. But! I think that even if it's not the strongest from a design perspective, I think thematically, it works. Reading this fic made me feel like I was being carved open, so I wanted the experience of reading the book to be a little vulnerable, too. Also: beauty in imperfections, right? :3

Aaand that's all for today! A million thanks again to Rosie for letting me bind her wonderful work <3

And once more for the road: you can read divine alchemy of the self on ao3!

[utopianparadoxist]

June Egbert, The Tao of Pranksterism, and Maid Roleplay

So we've got our first glimpse of June Egbert, shining like a star on the horizon, as of the latest upd8!

With the Warhammer of Zillyhoo at her side and the general harlequin energy of her silhouette, many are drawing comparisons to Trickster Mode, or to Nannasprite. Both of these, notably, are heavily linked to Jane.

And I'm interested in June's relationship to Jane's legacy as her ancestor, because this feels similar to ideas of classpect roleplay I've described for years. so I want to talk about it here and speculate a bit about what kind of worldview change a roleplay reading suggests might accompany June's gender transformation.

A quick bit of background for those who don't know what Class roleplay is-- It's basically the idea that a player of any class might end up roleplaying as a different class, to various degrees of success or failure, and that in Homestuck characters do so in particular when they are actively striving to live up to the legacy left by their Ancestors.

Vriska is the clearest example to argue. Early in her arc with Tavros she is actively trying to fit both him and herself into narrative roles left behind in Mindfang's journal, and in the process strives to make Tavros stronger much as Kanaya does for Eridan by giving him the wand, or Aranea herself later does to Jake.

The way she conceptualizes the endeavor emphasizes the verb "MAKE", a close synonym to the most commonly accepted Maid/Sylph verb, "Create". She kisses Tavros while wearing a fairy dress-the word Sylph originally referring to a kind of fairy. And of course she gets the dress from Kanaya, a Sylph herself.

And of course, her attempt to woo Tavros in this way is a disastrous failure. Later, when she tries to make Tavros kill her instead of kiss her--again evoking Mindfang and the Summoner's relationships--she again fails soundly, Tavros rejecting her mind suggestions and leaving her to bleed slowly to death by herself.

The reason Vriska is failing in these situations is at least partly that she is obsessively trying to be Mindfang instead of honestly coming to grip with who she really is as her own person. The way the narratives you build up in your head about who you WANT to be like distort your own self of self and lead to self-sabotage and toxic relationships is a running theme in Homestuck, and Roleplay mechanics helpfully signpost this on a mechanical Sburb Class level.

Later Aranea makes the exact same mistake as Vriska in emulating Mindfang, but fails at least partly because, as Vriska lays out, she just doesn't have enough experience doing "ruthless pirate shit"--in other words, behaving like a Thief.

But the Marquise herself poses an interesting possibility, because she seems to succeed at performing both the roles of the Thief and the Sylph. And Vriska attributes this to the fact that the Marquise is an adult, who learned to perform a role that didn't initially come naturally to her through a slow accumulation of experience.

In this way, Vriska suggests a way out of hard Classpect determinism. It *is* possible to act outside of your native Class, even to successfully incorporate the strengths and abilities of a different class entirely, but this is part of a nuanced and complicated process of personal growth and a gaining of increased complexity of perspective, experience and ability as you grow through life.

Now lets bring this focus to John. John and Jane's mutual ancestorism is explicitly tied to their shared interest in jokes and pranks. Dirk likens this to Zen, or the Tao, meaning it reflects something about their fundamental relationship to the world and approach to dealing with it and its challenges.

John invokes this connection again as he carries out the retcon, the absolute height of his impact on the plot and narrative in og Homestuck, with the retcon being literally just being a series of pranks. They're also a series of pranks he has a lot of fun with!

Even while everyone is dead and everything is completely cosmically screwed, John is able to enjoy himself as he carries on and keeps striving to Make a better future. He indulges the Zen of pranksterism in this moment, using it as a way to cope with and transcend the horrors of Paradox Space.

He's also, on a mechanical level, roleplaying a Maid.

The Maid class, like the Sylph, is associated with healing and improbable ressurection. Aradia is able to transcend her own death and act in the world as a ghost even before she God Tiers through the use of her Time-coded ghost powers. Kanaya is lethally shot and revives inexplicably as an immortal Rainbow Drinker, the only character to be immortal without even being God Tier.

This is more true of Jane than anyone, who's Maid of Life powers allow her to Make Life for herself in such a way that even after being beheaded in what should inarguably be a Just death, Jane can overpower the conditional immortality of God Tiers completely and just walk and talk around as a decapitated body and her severed head. She is Making Life for her own benefit, and quite definitely no one elses.

Jane's other major power is to offer people free resurrections, like she does in Collide. And what does John's retcon accomplish? Give Vriska a free resurrection, effectively taking a more circuitous path to achieving the same end result that comes to a Maid naturally. It's for Vriska's benefit for sure though. John is still natively a passive Heir class, and this moment represents a blurring of the lines between the roles of Heir and Maid, a moment where John's impact is not narrowly defined by just one Sburb assigned Class but is shaped complexly by his unique context and nature as John Egbert.

That said, after the Retcon, something really interesting happens.

John stops pranking.

For the rest of Homestuck and through the Epilogues, we basically never see John indulging pranksterism again. At the same time, he eschews using his Retcon powers almost entirely, seeming almost scared of the responsibility and level of power they represent unless he's directly told to use them, like Rose does in Meat. This coincides with his prolonged period of aimless, directionless depression.

Who does this parallel?

Jane, who has similarly given up "frivolous" or "childish" concerns like pranksterism and jokes in favor of deeply serious matters like Pursuing The Presidency and Representing The Gods As Respectable People To Earth C. And like John, Jane is all the more miserable for it. What that might mean for either of her iteration's arcs is a topic for another day though, this ain't about her.

While his desire to kill Dirk is honestly misguided and ridiculous, this update's shift in John's psychology does point to a kind of positive progress in his psychology that takes him closer to the ideal of June he's glimpsed in his own future. He's Making Breath--direction, purpose, momentum-- for his own benefit, nobody else's.

Which is important to do, because right now all the work John needs to do is internal. The thing about John sometimes evoking his Maid heritage is that so far he hasn't been doing it consciously or consistently. He barely knows anything about who he is or what he wants, and so he's not in a position to be good to or try to help anybody.

It's a step closer to embracing Maid as an alternate/complementary identity, along with the gendered implications that the female-specific (so far) class implies.

A fully formed June Egbert will likely take this even further, realizing the potential of and fully embracing the possibility of Making Breath herself, for her own benefit, Breath in this case being simple fun. Frivolity. Jokes. Pranks! Detachment from the pain and suffering from the world by enjoying the fun that comes with existing, even in the midst of the chaos.

She will likely be a June who fully recognizes the reality that Life is a Game to be played and enjoyed--which is why the Game of Life board from Problem Sleuth shows up in the vision of June that John experiences while witnessing the Light of Vriska's ascension.

Hence the association with Nannasprite and the design's evocation of Harlequins. Harlequins and clowns are performers on the stage, and a June who recognizes that all of life is a stage would be in a position to be a playful and self-aware performer herself--even moreso if she becomes June by going through Helltier or ascending to Ultimate herself, thereby gaining the same metatextual knowledge Dirk, Al and Vriska possess.

And if such an ascension brings her back in touch with the power of Retcon, an Ultimate/Helltier June Egbert unafraid to use her power for whatever she wants would be the ultimate wildcard. She could issue free revives to all the dead trolls. She could bring back her Dad and Rose's Mom and Dirk's Alpha Bro.

Those are just random Maidy examples tied to resurrection I'm coming up with off the top of my head that could make her happy and/or severely emotionally fuck with Rosebot and Dirk, but really, she could and likely will do way more imaginative and interesting shit than that. She'd certainly prove a lethal danger to Dirk, which could likely put her in conflict with Rosebot, Vriska, Davebot, Jake and Roxy, none of whom seem likely to want to see Dirk dead.

She's a complete chaos element! And she's already here.

I can't wait to see what pranks she's gonna play.

[alexiswritingstuff]

Everyone can heal.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Gn!reader

Summary: Logan falls asleep in the day room at Xavier's school, you accidently startle him awake and end up getting hurt.

Genre: hurt/comfort.

Warnings: mentions of blood, and descriptions of wounds, mentions of nightmares.

This is the first time that I am writing in a while, so I hope this isn't just straight up terrible.

A/n: this if my first fic for Logan, so like I usually say when writing for a new character, I may not have portrayed him in an accurate way. There might be parts that seem out of character and such, so please keep that in mind while reading!

Anyway, I've watched the X-men movies since I was a kid. And after watching the new Deadpool and Wolverine movie I was put right back at square one. So, here you go!

I hope you enjoy!!

Logan masterlist.

It had been a long few days.

It was one of the first weeks that you had actually tried to be a professor. Of some sort.

Now, generally, you weren't exactly the kind of person that worked well with kids. It was a lack of experience on your end, as you hadn't gotten the chance to grow up with much others.

But you wanted to learn. Or... did.

The main fault was that you had forgotten to weigh your personal life, more so the things you needed, alongside being a professor in a school.

See, there were a few things that you didn't know about your abilities beforehand. Charles managed to bring some to light, and in turn, you had to figure out how to use them: Incorporate them into your training, into your fighting skills.

It was a lot to relearn. And you misjudged just how much it was going take it out of you.

Though, you didn't seem to be the only one.

Logan was practically in the same boat. Maybe even a little worse. I mean, he was good with kids, but working with them was different, especially when it's a whole group of them at a time. He even bailed on his own classes once. Or twice... could’ve been more.

But you couldn't exactly blame him.

This was the man that barely stayed a week anyway. He was always leaving, whether it was for a bar or something else, you didn't know unless you went with him.

He wasn't used to it yet. The change of being alone, pretty much all the time, to suddenly being surrounded by a boat load of people 24/7. It was understandable. Especially to you, which is probably why you had got to know him so well.

It was the end of the day. The sun was tucked far beneath the horizon, blanketing your part of the earth in a complete darkness. Minus the slight light pollution.

The hallways of the schools were empty at this time, each kid, hopefully, getting a good night's sleep for the next day of learning. But you could never be sure when it came to the teenagers.

It meant that there were less things in the surrounding area for the sound of your footsteps to bounce off. And that, combined with the size of the archways themselves, allowed the echoes to ring a lot longer than needed. 

You were on your way back to the day room, having made a quick stop by the kitchen to get more sodas in order to soothe the joint annoyance of having a lack of beer. 

It was where the two of you usually set up for quiet moments like these. There wasn't really anywhere else to go, unless you wanted to be stuck in an empty classroom, or have to sit on a freezing bench. And neither of you had an interest in being near a bed.

The most important factor about the day room, however, was that it had a TV. Which just so happened to be the first thing you heard after passing through the final corridor.

It was distant, set at a cautious volume. It must've been one of those talk shows, or maybe some kind of sitcom, as a chorus of laughter would erupt after almost every sentence said.

Either way, it didn't really matter. It had only been put on for background noise. A sound that would carry the silence whenever the two of you had stopped talking, unsure of what to bring up next.

Though, it seemed it had worked a little too well.

The last time you got a look at Logan, he had resumed his usual position. He was upright, back pressed firmly into the sofa as if he were trying to meld with it, and leant against the palm of his hand that had his elbow digging into the armrest.

Your feet halted in a matter of seconds of turning into that doorway. Your tongue was curled in your mouth, lips parted and remaining so, as your eyes had landed back on the man.

He was lying in the opposite direction. His body was sprawled across the length of the couch, though his feet were cursed to hang loosely over the edge. His muscles looked tense, regardless of the usual relief that sort of position was supposed to give a person. But that wasn't the interesting part.

His eyes were closed.

At this point the condensation on the bottles had begun to grow into little drops of water, joining together, one by one, before leaking onto your skin.

Your steps were slow, testing each of the floorboards beneath your shoes to avoid the ones that creaked like an old door.

Logan wasn't a person who got tired easily. It was part of his mutation, that of which you had learned very quickly, but apparently it had manifested into thinking that he couldn't even feel it at all. I guess you were wrong.

Though, in his defence, he may not have even meant to fall asleep when he closed his eyes.

Eventually, you had made it to the edge of the couch. There was a side table on each end of it, the safest and the closest option regardless of the fact his shoed feet were almost right above it.

You took one of the bottles in your free hand, making sure that your grip was just right, before beginning the descent to the table.

You held your breath, narrowed gaze flickering consistently from the eventual destination to the sleeping man. The concentration had even caused your tongue to poke through your teeth as you took about a step closer--

And then bam.

Right as the bottom of the bottle had touched down on the wood, this sudden guttural sound rippled through the air. It had you stumbling backwards, gaping in the direction of the continued noise that sounded like fear itself.

In front of you, now, was not the same sleeping man. In fact, this man was sat up, though almost hunched over most of his body. His arms were raised, aimed straight ahead, and that happened to be right at you.

“Whoa-- hey!”

He was heaving. Each breath taken almost shook his entire body. And the noises... They were almost like growls.

They were so deep and harsh as they pushed out of his throat one after the other, but his inhales were somehow even worse. It was like all the air in the room had suddenly dissipated.

It wasn't until you heard the seams of the couch starting to rip that you realised his claws were even out, the ends just about digging into the pillows beside him.

“Logan, hey, it's me, okay? Look,” you attempted to call, trying to lower your head so that he could properly meet your eyes, “Look, it's me!” And then he did. He saw you, even if It took a moment for it to actually kick in. 

He was still heaving, his gaze was fierce and his eyebrows never eased. He had even slightly choked on a breath on its way out.

But you saw the way he had slightly leaned back. There was a relief within the swirl of other emotions.

Until his gaze lowered.

Now, at some point in the past few minutes, the other bottle in your hand had been discarded. It most likely hit the edge of your shoe, sending it to roll off into some corner of the room where it would be forgotten about until morning... But it hadn't smashed.

So, why did something sound like it was dripping?

“Y/n.”

By the time your eyebrows had furrowed in confusion, Logan had hurriedly shoved himself up from the couch, his claws shrinking back between his knuckles within seconds. “Shit.”

You were lost. The sudden switch in atmosphere had you just standing there, fixated on the man that was moving towards you with this look on his face. Similar to one of guilt.

“Logan?” You had barely gotten the name out before you suddenly felt a hand on your arm. Your head snapped in its direction, lips parting so that you could ask what the hell was going on. And then he slightly tilted your arm.

There was your answer. “Oh.”

Three marks. There were three lines etched diagonally into your arm, one deep enough that it led the pooling blood to trickle down your skin. How did you not feel that?

“Fuck,” Logan's hand was careful. His fingers were light and gentle as they grazed the side of your arm. Hesitant. His breaths were getting louder again. “I'm…”

“I'm sorry,” he attempted, his voice barely escaping as a whisper, “I'm so sorry.”

His eyebrows were more furrowed than they were before. The rest of his face was sort of scrunched up too, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Or he was disgusted by it.

“Logan,” You tried placing your hand on his closest wrist, but he immediately retracted. He let go of your arm, “Hey, look, I'm fine, okay?” you started louder, more insistent, “It doesn't hurt.”

Logan shook his head for a moment. He took a slight step backwards, his stance heavy. His eyes never moved. “I'm sorry.”

He grunted, the frown taking over his lips deepening for just a moment before his torso twisted. He grabbed the neck of the successfully placed soda, and then just walked around you.

“No, wait,” You tried to reach out, wanting to grasp his arm or even the fabric of his top, but he swerved, completely avoiding you, “Logan?”

You couldn't even make another attempt as if your other hand was away for longer, more blood would end up dripping on the floor. So, your body turned, desperate eyes following the man in a way that was more of a plea than anything else.

But he never looked back. He continued walking through the doorway, rubbing hard against his temples with a final grunt before disappearing behind the wall.

~~~

The time, at this point, was unclear. The clocks in this school were usually around the learning areas, mostly in the classrooms, which created a sort of guessing game anywhere else.

It was apparent, however, that the sun had just begun to rise. Peeking over the horizon enough so that a bright mist seeped into most of the corridors.

You found yourself back in the hallways. There wasn't a very clear reason as to why than this inability to sit. A failure to be still for seconds at a time, regardless of the tiredness that had started to cling to your skin.

But that was the last thing on your mind.

You kept thinking about it; the previous encounter. It was sort of plaguing your mind, more so how you handled it.

Granted, it was in fact your first time having to deal with a situation like that, and usually you were on the other side. Though this seemed different, like something had just been exposed.

You were aware of the fact that Logan had nightmares. I mean, it was one of the most believable things about him, considering the things he'd gone through. The extent, however, was undetermined.

Until today.

A huff of air sifted through your lips as you attempted to straighten your spine, stretch the accompanying muscles that had grown tense over the past few hours.

The aimless walking was almost nice. The surroundings were mostly quiet, excluding the wind that whistled against the glass of the windows, having picked up some time earlier.

It was that time of year again. The group of months where the weather grew cold and the plants began to change. It almost made the school feel cosy even if there was no heating in the hallways.

In fact, where you were now was the coldest, and it wasn't until you looked up properly that you realised you were about to walk into a dead-end.

Slowly, your feet came to a stop, your lazy eyes blinking hastily in the blaring yellow light, which was starting to mix into this sort of orange.

Your shoulders lowered, a sense of relief filtering through your system as the decision had been final. You were going to go to your room, maybe even get to lay down for a few hours until it was time to teach.

So, you turned on your heel, taking about a step in the other direction as your blurry eyes attempted to focus on the closest doorway, until you could note the surroundings. It was the kitchen.

Now, that door was always open, usually swung all the way back and held by a stopper. But a light was on. Allowing you to properly get a view of the room and what was in it.

More so who.

Your movements had halted right as you were about to take another step.

Logan.

He was sitting at the narrow table at the back, set between the array of windows. His elbows were against the surface of it, one of his hands clasped around a bottle he had just set down. He swallowed, and so did you.

There was an initial pause, seconds taken to calculate the right decision, before you went in. Your lips parted, ready to release the script you had gone over in your head for the last hour--

“I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Instead, you were frozen. The volume of his voice, and the angle he sat at, almost made it seem like the words didn't even come from him. He probably heard you before you had even come down the hall.

Your eyebrows furrowed, “Logan–” you tried, but his mouth opened before you could even finish, “Just let me talk,” He hadn't moved. He was in the same position, still holding the bottle, and staring straight forward like there was someone there across from him. “Okay?”

You brought your lips together, placing a hand on the kitchen island to distribute your weight. Logan took the silence as acceptance and he cleared his throat. “I'm sure you already know,” he had begun, sparing the slightest glance your way for confirmation that didn't even need, “about the... nightmares.”

It was as if something in his mouth went sour when he said it, like the words itself tasted bad.

“Some are about the past, you know-- bits and pieces of it, anyway, but…” Logan paused for a moment, both verbally and physically. It only held for a few seconds. And then he sighed. “There are other ones too- Ones... ones where people get hurt, and, I'm…”

“I'm the one doing it.” It was a slow movement, an action that looked like it had to be forced, as Logan suddenly began turning in his seat. He met your eyes with a look that had your eyebrows furrowing all over again, “I'm the one hurting people.”

“Y/n, I'm sorry.”

“Logan,” you started, shaking your head in disagreement with the apology, but he only repeated it. “I'm so sorry.”

You made your way to the edge of the island, pace slowing once round the corner, “Hey,” Logan's gaze had shifted as you moved. It was lower, directed at a specific point. He was looking at your arm.

It had been engulfed by a layer of, hopefully, the appropriate bandaging. An attempt at following the tips Jean had given you from previous injuries.

But it being covered somehow made it seem worse than it was.

“Hey, look at me,” you called, stopping at a good place where you were actually in front of him, yet still a good distance away so he wouldn’t want to back off. “Look at me.” 

The next words only left your lips when he had finally decided to comply. “I'm fine.” you assured, the tone of your voice much lighter than before. But that made the look on Logan's face shift, “I hurt you.”

“It was an accident,” Your response was quick, your voice making it sound so simple. Like the sentence said should’ve been accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders. Logan didn't like that, “Accident or not, I still hurt you, Y/n.” His tone was riddled with this disbelief, as if he couldn't believe that he had to tell you that in the first place.

“And, I'm still here, Logan.”

You didn't understand it. The two of you had trained together many times, each round ending with either one receiving a new injury until your skills developed. Hell, you had been in battle together.

A little scratch was nothing. “It was a mistake-- my mistake. I'm the one who startled you, shit like this happens.” you tried to assure. Logan scoffed immediately, “What-- Does that make it magically okay for me to hurt people?”

“No!” you huffed out, the ability to contain your annoyance dwindling the more he challenged your statements. “No, okay? But-- You know, what-- Look.”

You took a few more steps, the care for all of the previous caution going completely out the window as you grasped an end of the bandaging, and unwinded the material before pulling back the padding beneath.

“See?”

Logan almost looked like he had buffered for a few seconds. He blinked, and then again, and then twice really fast, as if it would change what was in front of him. His hand had even flexed, like he wanted to reach it out, though it remained on the table.

They were gone. Each mark, each line that was carved into the skin had completely gone. Disappeared without a trace. There wasn't even a scar.

“You…” He spoke slowly, his eyes trailing up the length of your arm to your shoulders. And then your face. “You can regenerate?”

“Granted, a little... Well, a lot slower than you-- But, yeah.” you confirmed, wrapping the bandage up in your hands before placing it on the kitchen aisle behind you.

Logan leaned back slightly in a way that straightened his up spine. He brought his legs from under the table and set them in the direction the rest of his body was facing. He had turned right towards you.

“Are you serious?” The complete deadpan had you staring right back at him. You couldn't read the expression, nor the stance. You didn't even know what to call it. “Yep.” You blinked. Logan didn't move a muscle, “You can heal.” 

Now, you could hear it in his voice. It wasn't just a statement, a form of repetition to clarify the new information. He was getting mad.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “I... I don't really know what else you want me to say.” Which was the truth, the whole healing thing was one of the things you had discovered with Charles. 

It's an entirely different process than it is for most anyway, let alone when it comes to Logan. At the moment you actually had to activate the process for anything to heal. But you were working on it.

I guess it just slipped your mind.

“So, you were just willingly acting like a damn damsel?” The lines around his eyebrows deepened the way they usually did when he was getting angry. And they weren't stopping.

“A damsel?” you repeated, even tilting your head as a wordless question, and he just nodded. “You stood there. You just stood there until I came to you-- You didn't even try to stop the bleeding. Hell, did you even notice?”

That look on his face never changed. You hated it. The way it darkened his eyes, or tensed the surrounding muscles. The most bothersome thing, however, was the fact that it was aimed at you. “No,” you started, this time with a deeper voice. “No, I didn't-- You know, why?”

“Why?” Logan commanded, the veins around his neck becoming apparent. It was as if he was trying to win an argument, get the upper hand and serve some kind of justice, like you had done something wrong.

He was supposed to be relieved.

“Maybe, it's because that was the last thing I cared about, Logan!”

The two of you were just staring at each other. At this point, both of you were almost heaving, the past few minutes taking the air out of both pair of lungs.

The expression on Logan's face twitched for a moment, a crack in the anger that usually wasn't breakable. His posture had become more of a slouch as he suddenly decided to lean back a little, like before.

You watched with curious eyes when he then sighed, breaking the held gaze to grab his bottle of soda and bring it to his lips.

It all resembled a puzzle. A constant attempt to find the right piece, the right thought, that would fit it all together. But there was a lack of progress. You were at a loss. 

Was he mad that you didn't tell him? Was he actually mad that you didn't do anything about the scratches? Were you reacting the wrong way? Did he want you to hate him? Were you supposed to?

Or did he think that you couldn't grasp the situation? The severity. The big 'What if?' Maybe he was in fact tired. 

Just a different kind.

You started to move after another few seconds, the sound of your shoes against the tiles piercing through the layer of created silence. It was apparent that Logan was watching, albeit discreetly, following what he could as he took another swig.

Your movements concluded by the length of the table he was sitting at. You leaned onto it, releasing that weight that had started aching both your knees and your feet from standing for so long.

By the time your eyes were back on Logan, his own had snapped away.

You took in a deep breath of the cold air, feeling it hit the back of your throat, your shoulders deflating, “I get them too, you know... Nightmares.”

There was a beat of silence again. A lack of movement, or reaction. And then he met your eyes again. Slower this time, almost hesitant. He set his drink down ,listening. So, you continued, “I wouldn't go about comparing them,” 

“But, I understand enough to know what it's like.”

Logan sort of huffed a laugh after that. Not a malicious one, or in disbelief of the sentiment. He was acknowledging it. “You shouldn't have to.” 

He was back to that whisper of a voice again. It was still deep, and a tad gravely, almost forceful. But it conveyed enough. “Neither should you.. yet,” you paused, shrugging your shoulders, “Here we are.”

This time, the huffed laugh was louder. More pronounced in a way. It left a mark on his lips, leaving them curling at the corners. It fit right in. You wanted it to stay. Maybe a little too much, “At least, now, I get to say that I was attacked by The Wolverine and survived.” 

The comment was a little dangerous, especially if taken the wrong way. In all honesty, your eagerness allowed it to be blurted right through your lips before you could catch it. 

But Logan practically snorted. “Shut up.” he breathed, bringing the soda back to his lips. You pretended that you didn’t hear him, even crossing your arms over your chest, though a grin had slightly appeared, “I could even say that I defeated him.” 

In about a second his eyes had snapped to yours, a singular brow rising as the bottle smacked onto the surface of the table, “Okay,” He swallowed, “you did not defeat me, bub.”

“Oh, really?” you challenged, attempting to mimic his expression. “You were done after one move.”

Logan pushed the chair with his back in a way that had the legs screeching against the tiles. He stood from it, moving about a step to the side before continuing towards you.

“I was distracted.” he pointed out, gaze narrow as his eyebrows decided to furrow in an attempt to support his justification. “Excuses, excuses,” was all you said, accompanying it with a light shrug.

Logan was right in front of you now. He was close, about a step away. Though, the longer he looked at you, his eyes scanning across the skin of your face, that amusement once held had begun to fade.

He became sort of serious, the tension making the lines of his face more prominent all over again as his lips curved into more of a frown.

“I don't want it to happen again.” He was avoiding your eyes now, his own gaze cast downward. They were following his hand as he had brought it to your arm, the fingers of which ghosting across where the marks had been like he could still see them.

“Logan,” you started, your voice quiet yet loud enough that his attention was recovered. The two of you were looking at each other again, this time properly. Your features eased, all of the concern and the previous anger completely melting away.

You brought the hand of your previously injured arm upward, and he watched it until it went out of his vision.

You gently placed your hand on the side of his cheek, your palm pressing into the hair of his mutton chops which brought his gaze back to yours. And then you smiled lightly, just enough that he could see it, “Even if it did, I am not going anywhere.”

There was this quick twitch in Logan's expression. A split second of movement that had almost gone unnoticed until it happened again. His eyebrows pinched together.

Before you could say a word, he had suddenly pulled you forward, away from the table you were once against.

By the time you were up straight, his arms had wrapped around your body one after the other, entrapping you in this warmth that the kitchen could never achieve. It had you copying him as fast as you could, letting your hands land across the skin of his back and the fabric of the tank top.

Logan's head was planted on your shoulder, his hair sort of tickling the side of your face as he tucked himself in further. 

His body slightly deflated after a moment, a sort of gravelly hum of content rumbling from his throat. He obviously wasn’t putting his entire weight on you, the two of you would've tipped over within seconds. But you could feel it.

An extra weight that you were glad to carry.

[n1pp]

SHAPING YOUR ALTER EGO:EMBRACING YOUR HIDDEN STRENGTHS

Why an Alter Ego?

Adopting an alter ego offers you a creative pathway for personal growth, allowing you to explore and embody qualities you admire but have not yet dared to live out, effectively overcoming fears and expanding your sense of self. it serves as both a mental strategy for confronting your personal limitations and a practical tool for enhancing resilience, fostering a deeper connection with your potential, and encouraging the realization of an empowered identity.

Discovering Your Alter Ego

Reflect on Your Aspirations: Begin by deeply contemplating the qualities you find admirable in others-those traits you see and think, "I wish that were me." Ask yourself which of these qualities, if adopted, could significantly propel you toward your goals. Imagine the kind of person you would become if you embodied these traits.

Identify Your Challenges: Consider the obstacles that often stand in your way.An alter ego can be designed to navigate these with ease and confidence.

Crafting Her Identity

Name Her: Choose a name that resonates with the energy and essence of this new persona.

Define Her Traits: Is she bold? Creative? Unapologetically ambitious? Outline the characteristics that define her.

Visualize Her Style: How does she dress? How does she carry herself?Visualizing her can help solidify her presence in your mind.

Bringing Her to Life

Choose Her Moments: Identify specific situations where invoking your alter ego could be beneficial. Start small if it feels overwhelming

Act 'As If': Step into her shoes in these moments. Act 'as if you already possess her confidence and capabilities.

Reflect on Your Experiences: Afterward, take time to journal about the experience.What did you learn? How did it feel to see the world through her eyes?

Integrating Her Qualities into Your Life

Gradual Integration: The aim is not to constantly embody your alter ego, but to seamlessly incorporate its strengths into your daily life. It's about slowly blending the qualities of your alter ego with your own, enhancing your personality and capabilities over time.

Celebrate Growth: Recognize and celebrate each instance when you exhibit qualities of your alter ego. These moments mark significant progress in your journey, showing you're moving beyond your comfort zone and embracing personal development.

Your alter ego is more than a figment of your imagination; she's a testament to the unexplored depths of your potential. By inviting her into your life, you're not just pretending to be someone else; you're discovering the powerful, fearless you that's been there all along. Ready to meet her?

[thatonebabybat]

Being Masc & Goth

This blog usually isn't fashion-focused, but I was thinking about alt fashion and how it's sometimes a struggle to figure out how to style things in a masc way if you're interested in darkalt fashion, but you don't want to go too casual or basic with it. So I thought I'd throw together some tips, link some DIYs, and maybe throw in a few moodboards. I want to preface this with one thing: You do NOT have to adhere to traditional gender roles. Fuck anyone who tells you that you do. If you're a guy and you want to get into alt fashion don't let anyone tell you that you can't pull off a skirt or a dress or a strappy top. Literally the whole point of being alt is Doing Whatever The Hell You Want Forever. However, not everyone feels comfortable in that (I made this post because I'm transmasc and sometimes the long gothic dresses make me dysphoric), and not everyone is safe to do that ( as much as it sucks ass, if you live in a conservative area sometimes it can be genuinely dangerous for guys to wear makeup and dresses in public, and your safety should always come first), so I thought I'd lay out some tips on how to dress alt and masc from my own experience. I'm still learning so feel free to leave your own advice in the replies or reblogs! General Styling Tips: - Jackets. Jackets, jackets, jackets. Something about a big jacket always seems to give an outfit a more masc energy, and adding a cool jacket to an outfit can be a great way to elevate it and add some extra visual interest. I like black blazers, leather jackets, and black denim jackets in particular, but vests (formal menswear ones or more casual denim or leather ones) can work well too, especially in hot weather. - Any basic black pair of jeans will look 100x more alt if you loosely attach some chains to the pockets or belt loops. Also, pants with wider legs tend to look more masc than tighter fits. not sure why. Slacks can also be a really good and underrated option. - If you want to find good headwear, cool sunglasses have never failed me. You may be able to take some inspiration from Ouji fashion as well, but that's just my personal taste. - If you have a basic piece around, you can add pins, patches, safety pins, etc for a more casual look, or if you're going for something more formal, trims and lace details and embroidery can really add interest and elegance to it. (if you can't sew, you can order iron-on embroidered patches online or find them in craft stores that'll do the trick just fine.) This can take your pair of slacks or plain black blazer and turn it into a piece of formal gothic menswear you can make a staple of your wardrobe. - Find inspiration in your favorite goth artists. There's a lot of really cool goth music out there and a lot of those bands get really innovative with their looks! Figure out what you like about their style and try incorporating a few things in, it's fun! - If you have an alt wardrobe already but it just seems like something's missing or it could use some interest, try switching up the silhouettes or adding an extra layer! Seriously, don't be scared of playing with textures and sleeve shapes! I see a lot of dudes who just wear a band tee and a pair of jeans all the time, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, that can be a great look! But I think a lot of dudes just genuinely think that that's their only option and that everything else just "wasn't made for them" and that makes me a little sad. shred up some shirts and layer them, wear some bell sleeves, throw some extra safety pins or studs on, have fun! No one said masc fashion couldn't be fun. Unisex/Masc DIY Videos I Found:

... And Some Inspiration!

[These are all goth music artists, I wrote the band/artist names in small text on the images that were not already watermarked for those who are curious]

[screamofdespair]

池田理代子 Riyoko Ikeda Interview About Oniisama E... (2016)

池田理代子 Riyoko Ikeda

Mangaka and Vocal artist, she began drawing mangas during her university studies, and her work The Rose of Versailles, serialized in 1972, became a huge success, even turning into a social phenomenon. She became highly appreciated internationally. She received the Excellence Award from the Japanese Cartoonists Association for Orpheus no Mado in 1980. The French government decorated her with the Légion d’Honneur for her contributions to spreading French history and culture in Japan.

What led to the creation of Oniisama E... ?

When the serialization of The Rose of Versailles ended, I had already decided that my next work would be a historical epic : Orpheus no Mado. But since it would take time to prepare for the historical research and start drawing it, I thought I could write something in the meantime (laughs). I feel a bit apologetic calling it just a filler, though, but actually, "Oniisama E..." was born from my own personal experiences. It’s a very important and cherished memory for me, and it just came rushing out all at once.

So, was your correspondence with the "Oniisama" also based on your own experience ?

When I was in my third year of middle school, just like Nanako, there was a preparatory course offered by university students from the University of Tokyo. I asked the graduate student who was in charge of social studies (the model for Takehiko Henmi) the same thing Nanako did: "Could you be my 'Oniisama'?" (laughs). I was deeply fascinated by the concept of an 'Oniisama" It's different from the idea of love, though. Through our letters, I learned a lot about history, religion, and various things. When I mentioned my interest in Christianity, he wrote me, "Christianity, as it is called, not only « participated » in the WW2 but was also one of its central protagonists : This is a historical truth.." I learned so much from those letters and grew a lot. I even went to the University of Tokyo’s May Festival. Actually, the "Oniisama" always had someone with him, like the omiki sake bottle. That person was the model for Takashi Ichinomiya. He was a person with a thin and delicate appearance, giving the impression of a young master from a wealthy family.

What were you like back then (during your school years) ?

I was really bad at sports, but for some reason, I was quite popular with the girls during my middle and high school years. In middle school, which was co-ed, I had good grades, had a very tanned skin, was tall, and completely lacked femininity, maybe that’s why (laughs). Even in high school, younger students would write me letters. After graduating, I found out that knowing someone like 'Ikeda-san' was really a source of pride for them.

Did you have the storyline planned out from the beginning of the serialization to the ending ?

It was more like ideas came to me as I was drawing. I don’t clearly remember if I had planned everything out until the end, but let’s say I had set certain elements in advance. For example, the idea that Kaoru and Henmi would be a couple came to me along the way (laughs). Even for The Rose of Versailles, I hadn’t decided from the start that Oscar and André would end up together. Of course, there are aspects I plan carefully, but in the end, the characters started acting on their own. And when that happens, I feel like the story is "successful."

Nanako is a very emotional girl, but also extremely determined. As for Mariko, she seems to embody the 'tsundere' archetype to some extent.

Nanako is very similar to Rosalie, isn’t she? Devoted, but in the end, she’s the strongest (laughs). For Mariko, there was a real-life model: a friend whose father wrote erotic novels. I gradually incorporated various elements from the people around me. I think many aspects are direct projections. Even the way Kaoru speaks, that’s really how we used to talk back then. We would say things like “Omae-san” (laughs). Oniisama E... reflects a lot of memories and episodes from my student life.

Oniisama E... is a short story, so its general recognition is low, but it has quite a passionate fanbase.

There are many men who tell me, "I'm a fan!". Recently, it's no longer embarrassing for men to enjoy shoujo manga. During autograph sessions, quite a few people enthusiastically tell me, "I love this work!" Some even say, "Oniisama E... is really my favorite!" When I hear that, I can't help but think, "Well, here's a true connoisseur!" (laughs). Of course, there are also many women among the fans. In that regard, I think Oniisama E... has nothing to envy from The Rose of Versailles.

And then, in 1991, it was adapted into an anime.

Actually, I was very busy at the time, so I wasn’t able to watch it properly… What left a strong impression on me, though, was how they carefully portrayed Fukiko’s feelings for Takehiko, which I hadn’t depicted in the original. I thought, "Oh, that’s so wonderful." It really fit perfectly, and there was no sense of discomfort at all.

It's a remarkable aspect of the anime adaptation. I wish I could have read it in your manga as well.

If I had a little more time, I would have liked to draw it myself. Originally, due to the planning period for Orpheus no Mado, I was rushed. Even though I still had many ideas in mind, it felt like I was forced to wrap it up (laughs).

Given what you’ve just mentioned, have you ever thought about remaking or creating a sequel to your own works?

Right now, I’m drawing a chapter for The Rose of Versailles, but... the art from that time was really bad, and I even hate re-reading it. I realize there were things I could only draw back then. When the serialization of The Rose of Versailles ended, I realized that in order to depict Europe, I would have needed much more knowledge of Christianity. That’s why, before starting Orpheus no Mado, I spent a lot of time studying Christianity. I don’t think I could have drawn the story without that knowledge. A work is the product of its time, of its era, the sensitivities, and the knowledge of the author, so remaking something seems difficult to me.

In 2017, you'll be celebrating your 50th anniversary as a writer.

I can't believe it's already been so long, and at the same time, I realize that some parts of my body are starting to hurt, which reminds me of my age (laughs). I've also been very active in music, but lately, progress has been slower. However, I truly want to cherish each passing year. For me, true happiness is living in a way that I would never regret anything, even if I were to die tomorrow. There's no reason to look back on the past. After all, it’s impossible to rewrite it. I don’t reread my works much either (laughs). I’ve lived my way, sometimes causing trouble to others, but doing what I wanted (laughs).

For this Blu-ray release, new illustrations were specially drawn.

I wasn’t satisfied with the drawings of The Rose of Versailles because I think they were awkwardly executed. Personally, I think Oniisama E... is the work where I drew the best. At that time, I was able to draw very precisely, even the lines were very clean. Over time, some works become hard to rediscover, but Oniisama E... is the one I drew almost effortlessly, simply letting the ideas flow. That’s why, even today, I can dive back into it without effort (laughs).

To those who have brought this product.

Oniisama E... is a work that originates from my own experiences, and it’s the work that I’ve let mature the longest, so I have a strong emotional connection to it. The idea for The Rose of Versailles came to me when I was in my second year of high school, which is quite early, but Oniisama E... came even before that. I would like as many people as possible to see and read it.

About Osamu Tezuka :

He wasn’t my lover, nor a relative, and calling him a friend would be too presumptuous. When I heard the news of his death, I really hit the desk and cried uncontrollably. That feeling was something I’d never experienced before, and it was the first time I felt that way about Tezuka-sensei. I truly respected him. Recently, it’s been the same with Muhammad Ali. Tezuka-sensei's Wellspring of the Crane was the first work that deeply moved me when I read it. It really squeezed my heart. I read it at a friend's house, and after returning home, I couldn’t eat, and my mother wondered if I had picked up some food off the ground. Ah, no one could understand! I remember thinking, as a child, that my sensitivity was different from others! (laughs).

Source: Oniisama E... Blu-Ray BOX SET Booklet.

Note : The translation might not be the most accurate word-for-word, but i did my best to make it coherent.