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emberfrostlovesloki · 9 months

Text

A Warm Bath [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@cozyreadings) Center (@weleavetomorrow) Right (@milla984)

Prompt: Aaron is having negative thoughts about his body and aging. The case the team faces puts Hotch’s physical ability on the line, as he attempts to save the BAU-reader from a violent fate.

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x gender-neutral reader. The reader uses They/them pronouns.

Category: Angst/comfort

Word Count: 16K

Content Warnings: Body image issues [mostly related to aging (Hotch)], brief mention of food and diet, mention of 2000s celebrity tabloids, multiple deaths [via dogs eating them], victim’s body parts are mentioned, animal cruelty [some dogs are described as living in bad conditions and being mistreated]. Animal death [dogs (not explicitly shown or described, but implied], a good bit of swearing and language, Hotch and the reader are naked in front of each other [no smut], and slight drinking.

A/N: Hi loves! I’m back with another long, angsty fic. This was written for my love Rome (@criminalskies) from my December prompt list (linked) #28: Character A hears Character B sing for the first time. This was supposed to be short and sweet, and like most of my writing, it got a bit away from me, but in a way that I like. I will say I think this is a bit darker than some of my writing given the means of death, but I hope I handled it and the animal issues okay. If you know me, you know I love some insecure Hotch plus lots of angst, and I hope you find that here. Once more, thank you Rome for being my friend. ILY. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I hope ya’ll have a great rest of the week. - Love Levi ❤️

P.S. There is a mention that the reader’s favorite song is Hozier’s “Unknown / Nth” If this is not your favorite song, feel free to substitute your own!

List with all stories

_y/n_ = your name

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/c_ = your favorite candle

Aaron stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. The mirror was half-steamed from the warm air and moisture seeping from the bathroom. The white towel draped over his hips sat in a way that did not reveal anything inappropriate. Those areas and his legs were not the spots on his body that bothered him. Those areas didn’t bother _y/n_ either. Not that any part of his body bothered _y/n_. When they were bare to each other, _y/n_ seemed to worship him in a manner that Aaron didn’t feel he deserved. Where these insecurities had arisen from. He was unsure or unwilling to explore. But he couldn’t stop judging his body as hard as he tried. He knew he had little time before _y/n_ would come back from the store. They had just gone on a small grocery run. The winter weather called for some soup and toasted sourdough, but Hotch had been woefully short in the bread department. Probably because he hadn’t bought it in weeks. He was trying to add more protein to his meals. Because it was December and flurries fell on the ground almost every day, Aaron’s daily runs had been cut, almost completely, out of his schedule. His body ached too much in the cold. His knees and back gave small pops of protest, and his chest was particularly sensitive around the scars left by Foyett. That attack had been over a year ago, but the pain lingered and reminded him of how weak he had been that day. How he’d been off his feet for weeks. He hadn’t liked his body after that spell either. Of course, he could always go to the Quanitco gym, but most of the men there were more built like Derek. Pumping iron in some unspoken competition of who could look better in a tank, shorts, and being sweaty. Even if Hotch could zone out while he did his workout, he just felt like he didn’t belong in that space anymore. ‘This is so stupid, Aaron, and you know it,’ his internal critic droned out. Hotch tried to still the voice and ran a hand over his stomach. He could still feel his muscles under the slight layer of fat, tissue, and skin. ‘At least you have that,’ the voice continued. Aaron pulled his hand away as if he was burned by his own body. Aaron had planned to move to his dresser and cover the body that was bothering him so much, but his face, cast in the soft glow of his lamps caught his attention as well. Hotch moved closer to the mirror. The bags under his eyes, crow's feet, and the small, grey hairs that peppered his dark locks seemed to bother him as much as the rest of his body.

Aaron wasn’t dumb, far from it, but as he looked at his reflection, he couldn’t help but judge how age had changed not only his body but his face as well. Aaron hadn’t expected to age like a celebrity or anything; his work ensured that his body was worn down weekly, and the stress of the job did nothing for his frown lines. He knew late middle age would catch up with him one day, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. The aches and pains, the look of wariness that haunted him. His reflection only mocked him. Reminded him that he wasn’t young anymore. His intrusive thoughts got louder: so loud that he didn’t notice when _y/n_ entered the room; cheeks flushed from the cold they had been in just a minute ago. _y/n_ was going to give a cheery, “I’m back!” But stopped in their tracks as they saw Aaron absorbed by the mirror. This wasn’t the first time they had seen him like this. Hotch tried to hide it in the morning when he showered, and _y/n_ brushed their teeth in the sink. They could see his eyes dart to the mirror for a second and then away like he was assessing himself negatively. They didn’t know when this had begun, but _y/n_ caught him doing it more and more recently. _y/n_ knew they would have to say something soon. Whatever was going on didn’t seem good for Aaron’s mental health. Realizing that now might be as good a time as any to breach the subject, _y/n_ cleared their throat and said, “See anything interesting over there, mister?” Of course, to _y/n_, Aaron clad in a towel was the same as looking at a statue of a Greek god, and him without a towel -- well, that could be blinding, but it seemed that Aaron was less than pleased with himself, and _y/n_ sought to understand why. Aaron’s eyes snapped to the side, realizing he’d been caught body-checking. Hotch turned and faked a half smile and said, “Hey, love. I felt something in my eye. I was trying to see it before I tried to wash it out in the sink.” The lie was so half-assed that Hotch wouldn’t have believed it. And _y/n_ was far too perceptive a partner and profiler to be taken in by a white lie. Aaron wasn’t even sure why he had lied. He assumed it was because it was embarrassing. He felt like a teenager looking at the cover of Stars where Miley Cyrus, or Brintey Spears, or Ann Hathoway’s heroine chic figures were splashed on the front page with the headline “Starlet gains pounds - Fan wonder where X fell off the wagon?” And below that would be the advert for a page about dieting or exercise. It was all too shameful to admit to something like that to _y/n_. _y/n_ matched his lie by stating, “Come here. Let me see if I can see what’s in your eye.” Aaron hesitated and stumbled through the response with, “Well, well I… I think it’s gone now, _y/n_. I’ll be okay. Just need to get some clothes on. Did you find the bread you wanted at the store?” He spoke quick as if he were trying to cover up some secret. _y/n_ tilted their head and raised a brow. In as gentle a voice that was also pseudo-commanding, they said, “Come sit with me on the bed for a second, Aaron.”

Aaron listened to _y/n_, especially when they used that tone that was half-concerned and half-wary. Wary not for themself, but for him. It was rarely employed, but when _y/n_ did use it, he listened. He padded over to the side of the bed with _y/n_, and they both sat down. _y/n_ looked into his dark brown eyes. _y/n_ knew if they saw them in the light, they were tinted hazel. But that wasn’t what this was about. _y/n_ looked from him to the mirror and said, “That thing isn’t doing you any favors, Aaron. A reflection can be a cruel companion. Hotch flushed and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, _y/n_.” _y/n_ smiled softly and said, “How many times have you told me I’m not stupid when I doubt my logic on a case?” _y/n_ let that question hang in the room for a second before replying, “Hundreds at this point. And you know what? It’s true. Now I see how you look at yourself. Doubting. Hesitant like I am sometimes. You wear darker colors. I know what those things can mean. Aaron. Where is this coming from, love?” _y/n_ had only known Aaron to be confident since they started their relationship. There had been a small period of doubt after Foyett, but shortly after that, it had been replaced by rage. There was a short silence as Hotch looked at the soft woven blanket that covered his bed and then to the window. He watched the snow fall lazily to the ground. He sighed and said, “I feel different. My body, it feels different now.” _y/n_ placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze. That got him to look at them. _y/n_ moved their hand from his hand to his defined jawline, running a hand down it before dropping it back to the bed. _y/n_ asked, “Did this start in December?” Hotch half nodded and said, “Kind of. I’ve felt it worse now that I’m not working out as much. It just happened so slowly. Age has hit me differently than I thought it would.” Somehow this wasn’t the conversation _y/n_ had planned on having today, but it wasn’t something that could be put off. Not with Aaron seeming so upset. _y/n_ asked, “What do you mean that it’s ‘different than you expected,’ exactly?” Hotch looked back at them and said, “I can feel my body changing in various ways. I don’t feel like I can perform the same way I did on the field. That if I’m put in a physical situation, I might fail.” _y/n_ resisted sighing. They knew how fragile a conversation this was and wanted to address it with care. _y/n_ held his gaze and said, “Hotch, you’re allowed to age. We all do. You’re the Unit Chief of the BAU. If Strauss had a problem with your performance, she’d tell you again. The team would tell you. You’re a competent, capable agent. As for your physical prowess, you’re strong, Aaron. Did you forget how you carried me over the huge puddle in the parking lot the other day because I was wearing my nice shoes?” At this, Aaron chuckled. He remembered it clearly, as Morgan had teased _y/n_ about getting their good leather shoes wet. But Aaron knew they didn’t want to get them wet half because they were very nice shoes and, also, because they had been an anniversary gift from him. At his laughter, the mood seemed to lighten. Even with that being the case, _y/n_ still worried about him; these types of thoughts, if he’d been having them long, didn’t bode well for the long term. _y/n_ leaned in and kissed him gently. They started at his neck and up his jawline. Aaron relaxed into the touch, and as _y/n_ pulled back, the look they gave him reassured him that _y/n_ meant every word they had just shared. _y/n _added, “Hotch, I think this is something that a professional should hear about if these types of thoughts continue. If they make you feel bad about yourself?” Aaron let out a sigh, and said, “You’re right, _y/n_. I’ll speak to someone if I start feeling this way again. Thanks for the affirmation. I didn’t know I needed it that much.” _y/n_ smiled at him and ran a hand over his right arm. _y/n_ was about to suggest taking a warm bath together to decompress from that conversation, but before the words could come out. Aaron’s phone rang.

Hotch stood and moved to his nightstand. He swiped to answer the call and put the cell to his ear saying, “Agent Hotchner. There was a pause, and then he said, “Yes. Got it. Be there in a few, JJ. Have you called the rest of the team? … Okay, and yeah, _y/n_’s here. We’ll be over soon. … Okay, bye.” Once Aaron hung up, he moved decidedly to his drawer. He dropped the towel and pulled on his briefs and an undershirt before moving to his clotheshorse that held his outer shirts, suit jackets, and pants. _y/n_ didn’t even have time to admire his nude body, as they needed to change into their formal attire as well. _y/n_ moved into his closet, changed, and unlocked the gun safe, pulling Aaron’s two guns out for him with their sidearm. _y/n_ called from the closet, “Does it sound bad?” the audible sigh from Aaron in the next room told _y/n_ all they needed to know about the type of case that had just landed at the BAU’s door. Twenty minutes later, Aaron and _y/n_, plus the rest of the team were seated in the conference room with JJ and Aaron standing up front and Penelope running the slideshow from the far side of the table. Hotch looked at his media liaison for a second almost for reassurance before saying, “I’m just going to show you the photos first. I think once you see them, you’ll know more about the type of person we are dealing with. Aaron rarely prefaced the photos attached to the case, so the team looked with some anticipation at the screen. Garcia clicked for the next slide and everyone, even Hotch, cringed at the gruesome, bloodied, almost unidentifiable body parts of one victim. Then the next, and the next, and the next. The victims varied in skin color, build, and sex. There were three female victims and one male victim. Each of the deceased was missing various parts of their bodies. Since their bodies were so exposed, half-eaten, the elements had only decomposed the bodies faster. Aaron gave the team enough time to see the photos on the big screen before having Garcia turn the screen off. Hotch said, “As you can see, we’re dealing with something strange here. The coroner knows it’s some kind of wild animal, and we are waiting on the diagnostic report from the hospital two counties over. Some of the victims were so badly mauled that teeth prints had to be taken to identify the victims. We know all of their identities. Hotch nodded to JJ, who had Garcia show regular photos of Katerina Lia, Jeffre Domingez, Sherry Paine, and Dusty Hoffner. When this was done, Hotch continued, saying, “Their profiles and the photos can be found in your files after the briefing. The police in Kansas were hesitant to call us the first two times, as they thought it might just be a tragic accident by a wild animal, and they involved the Game and Fisheries authorities as well as contacting State Troopers. The few parts of the first victim were found strewn on the main street and although it seemed unlikely, the authorities wanted to rule out the possibility that it wasn’t a wild animal, or pack of animals first. Given the external damage to the bodies, it’s unlikely that it’s only one dog or coyote. In the following two weeks, the three other bodies were found in similar popular areas in town, like the park, outside the movie theater, and at the middle school. After that, there was no denying that this was just a wild animal. Thus we were called, but a bit later than I would have liked. But that’s what we’re working with. This case is undoubtedly an odd one, but the unsub seems to be amping up his kills, and if we don’t stop them quickly, well, we’ve seen what happens. Now. Wheels up in thirty.”

The team scattered to their desks, each repulsed by what they had seen. _y/n_ was so grossed out that they even skipped getting coffee for the plane. _y/n_’s mind kept flashing to whoever had found each of the bodies. Probably a young worker moving to clean the theater for the first matinee show. Or a janitor or coach arriving early in the morning trying to get some extra work done. This fact twisted _y/n_’s stomach even more, as they grabbed for their go bag from the deep drawer in their desk, plus the pair of tennis shoes that they always stuffed in their duffle. It constantly bothered _y/n_ that not only the victims that the BAU saw were often minorities of some kind, but those who found them also often lived in difficult situations or worked hard jobs. This irked _y/n_ more than they would admit. _y/n_ found it hard seeing the gore and violence they did, and they were acclimatized to the sight. How could a normal person recover from seeing such a thing? It seemed insurmountable to them. The possibility that dogs might be involved in some way also twisted _y/n_ insides. They loved animals, and using man’s best friend in such a brutal manner felt more than psychotic. As _y/n_ stood up, they were surprised by Aaron, who already had his go bag and briefcase ready. He looked at _y/n_ and noticed their visible distress. He asked, “Are you alright?” He brushed a hand over theirs, and _y/n_ replied, “Yeah. This case is just weird. It feels different. But I can’t put a finger on it yet.” Aaron nodded and said, “We’ll look out for each other on this one. I promise.” _y/n_knew what Hotch meant by “look out for each other,” was “I’ll look out for you, okay?” _y/n_ nodded, reassured by his words and continued support. Hotch held out his hand for their duffle, and _y/n_ gave it to him. Aaron swung the bag over his shoulder and waited for _y/n_ to follow him to the airstrip. He didn’t need to do this but felt that _y/n_ might need some extra support right now. He didn’t blame them. He’d dropped a load on their shoulders this morning, and now they had this case. It felt like a lot, even to him. So he was going to be there for _y/n_ -- even if it was just physical closeness.

On the jet, the team debriefed about what their initial thoughts were. Spencer had stats on the town and how rare animal attacks were one in every 70,000 deaths a year. Derek mentioned how the bite marks looked like dog bites. Morgan had seen a few bad bites in his previous Chicago beat. After the debrief, the team slipped into their normal groups. Em moved to JJ’s side. Reid and Morgan found each other, and _y/n_ put on some wired headphones and pulled out the brief again. As much as _y/n_ found the team's chatter comforting when a case troubled them, they found silence or an easy soundtrack or song to help them focus on the case. Aaron settled next to Dave and Emily. The trio started talking about Cottonwood Falls, its population, and the type of police force they should expect there. Small towns often called in State Troopers to help with bigger investigations, which just meant more bureaucratic red tape; something that all three agents were all too familiar with. Hotch looked over his team and _y/n_ sitting near the back of the jet. He was sure that _y/n_ that they were either listening to white noise or one of their five playlists which mostly consisted of Hozier and other music in that genre. Aaron appreciated _y/n_’s need to find moments of calm and clarity at the start of cases. When they had first joined the team, Aaron had overheard _y/n_ speaking to Garcia about feeling weird about isolating themself from the team early on in the case, but it helped to ground them in the new whirlwind of events. They liked to annotate the brief written by JJ and thoroughly look at the photos. This often helped later on as trends or niche things from the crime scene would be useful if the team got stuck. Aaron listened in as Penelope said, “Sweetheart, everyone has their own method. Your contribution to the case is essential and, however, you need to do that is fine. I promise. Stick around this group for long enough, and you’ll see that we all have our strange habits.” Aaron had been thankful and was still thankful for Garcia for being so uplifting and understanding of the team. Together they made an odd group, but it worked. The next case after that conversation had happened, Hotch had made sure to shoot _y/n_ a hint of a smile as they distanced themself to read the case file beginning to end -- pen and highlighter in hand. It was a similar scene now, as _y/n_ opened the case file and looked at the brief. It read:

Location: Cottonwood Falls, Kansas, USA

Population: 851

Victim No.: 4

Names of Victims: Dusty Hoffner, F (28), Jeffre Domingez, M (39), Katerina Lia, F (45)

Sherry Paine, F (19).

Victim’s Occupations: Unknown.

Report of crimes thus far: On December 15th at 5:00 a.m. A local refuse worker (Jim Vaunt) found a mangled left hand near a trashcan on Locust and Union St. He quickly called the police, who quickly arrived. Mr. Vaunt and the officers were disturbed to find other body parts of the first victim (Katerina). The areas where body parts were found were condoned off, and a thorough search went out looking for a wild animal. The residents were informed, and school was canceled for the day. Little progress was made and the next week, the three other victims were found in similar states of decomposition and decay. Though the cooler weather and frost have kept some of the body parts better preserved. The town is in a panic, with parents pulling their children from school early and groups going looking at local farms for any animals. This had resulted in the death of one family dog that had gotten loose earlier on the afternoon of the 17th. The State Troopers have been called in. Two town meetings have been held, but little progress has been made so far.

_y/n_ then moved back to the vile photos. Sherry’s stood out the most as she was the youngest victim. One photograph of her left hand showed that she had been wearing bubble gum pink nail polish. It was slightly chipped from wear. _y/n_ frowned at a life so young being snuffed out in such a brutal, literally animalistic, fashion. It wasn’t fair. But that was where the BAU came in; _y/n_ reflected. Not that they could change the past, but at least they could ensure that the human who committed such atrocities paid for their choices. There was a reassurance in that. When _y/n_ had finished taking notes and looking at the crime scene photos, they paused their playlist and took off the headphones. _y/n_ grabbed their file and moved over to Derek and Spencer to see what they were thinking. Now _y/n_ was ready to add their voices to the preliminary profile being built. As the jet cruised toward the small landing strip a few miles from Cottonwood Falls, the team all felt anticipation, an undercurrent of tension at what would face them in the small town below.

Cottonwood Falls was as small and quiet as Spencer had described. But it wasn’t a peaceful quiet. It was a disquiet. The team saw large groups of men sitting in the backs of various trucks, holding shotguns, and scowling as the Chase County Police Department got closer. The team didn’t see any children out, and the schoolyard and playgrounds lay quiet. Devoid of kids. It made sense, of course, four unknown people had been torn apart, literally. _y/n_, who was in an SUV with Spencer, Derek, and JJ, hoped that there would be more information once they got to the stations. _y/n_ was right as the team was slightly heard into the station, Sheriff Welsh had hastily introduced himself to the team, with Aaron running as the point man. Sheriff Welsh seemed more prepared than most small-town cops who had a bizarre crime happen in their jurisdiction. A whole corner of the department was dedicated to the case, with multiple maps and boards up on the walls with the photos neatly grouped. The information that they already had was neatly placed on two pop-up card tables. The Sherrif had the team stand near the tables, and the dark-haired man said, “I have two new bits of information to share with you now that you folks are here. The first is that although it’s not growing season, we still have some workers that hop from farm jobs to far jobs through the slow season. It turns out Katerina Lia was one of those workers. A farmer in Olathe noticed her picture in the paper and called us, saying that she had signed a two-week contract for his sorghum harvest. It was late in the year, and he needed fewer workers, but Katerina was one of them. Also, though this is a small town, we do get tourists driving through because the highway runs toward Wichita and Topeka on either side of us. So I’m thinking that these might be some people or visitors hoping to pass through and something went horribly, horribly wrong. The other big item is that the coroner has stated that the cause of death was bleeding out and shock, and the bite marks found on the body were made by dogs. Various breeds and sizes, but for sure, it was dogs.” The horrible idea seemed to weigh the Sheriff down. It made him look ill. Hotch absorbed the information and quickly said, “Thank you for those updates. For now, I’m going to send my team to various sites to gather data and when we have more information and regrouped, we’ll present a preliminary profile for yourself and your officers.” Aaron could see the question, “What’s a preliminary profile coming,” and stopped the man saying, “And I promise to explain all of the practical jargon this afternoon if that’s alright?” The Sheriff raised his hands and said, “You got it. I’m just grateful ya’ll came out here to the sticks. Take all the time you need. There are three SUVs that you can use.” Aaron nodded and signaled to the team. He stated clearly, “Morgan, Reid, you go to the hospital and look at the victims. See if there’s anything we’re missing about them. Anything that might give us a location of death. Em, JJ, you go check any animal shelters in the area. Then call the school and theater. See if you can interview the janitor and employee who found the victims. Rossi and _y/n_, come with me. We’ll check out the other two sites and see if the vets around town have had any reports of wild or rabid dogs in the last two weeks.” The team understood their roles and moved to their respective cars. Just before Hotch had stepped outside, keys in hand, he asked Weiss, “How many farmers have dogs around here?” The Sheriff shrugged his shoulders and said, “Heck, all of them that I can think of. I’d be stupid not to.” Aaron nodded and let out a sigh. He realized that it was going to be harder to track down the dogs than he might have thought, but the method of killing was so specific that he hoped they could at least find the unsub quickly. Someone in a town this small had to know something.

There was a shocking amount of vets in such a confined space. However, it made sense given how much livestock there was in the farming and ranching community. Be it hobby farms or cattle, those animals needed care. As they were driving to meet Mr. Vaunt for an interview, _y/n_ had an idea and called Penelope. _y/n_ put the techie on speaker, and Garcia answered with, “Hello, my loves. How can the Office of Supreme Intelligence assist you today?” _y/n_ couldn’t help but smile at Penelope's pep, and said, “Can you compile a list of people that visit and more importantly adopt dogs regularly in the surrounding towns and counties? It probably won’t be all at the same time, maybe two or three weeks apart.” _y/n_ caught Hotch’s eyes in the rearview. He gave them a nod of approval at thinking of this. After a short pause, Garcia said, “I’ll have to get back to you on that my sweet. These small towns seem to have fewer electronic records, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find them somewhere. I’ll get back to you when I have something.” Before Garcia hung up, Aaron said, “Garcia, nothing illegal,” in a semi-stern tone. Penelope let out a bright laugh and said, “You got it, Hotch.” After that call, the day seemed to slip by quickly. By the end of it, the team had discovered and then presented to the small police force that the unsub was most likely a white male in his mid-thirties, a recluse or someone that rarely came into town, owned land to hold a pack of dogs who had at least five large canines. The land potentially had a field of tall June grass, as lots had been found on the victims' clothing, thanks to Spencer’s keen eye, and the unsub was only targeting out-of-towners. Lastly, if the man finds another person to kill, he will take the chance to do so again without remorse as the unsub was most likely a psychopath. After the basic profile was delivered, the team worked late into the night. They speculated that the unsub might have had a bad incident with a dog in his past, or some significant trauma with an animal of some kind. Emily recommended going back to the hospital in the morning to see if there were any medical records of such an event happening around thirty years ago. Hotch agreed and made preliminary assignments for the morning. With nothing else to really go on, the team headed to their motel to turn in for the night. It was odd getting to bed before two a.m. on a case, but this was not a normal case. In his room, Hotch showered and changed. He slumped into bed, trying to ignore looking in the mirror, at this body again. It was hard for him to imagine that it had just been that morning that _y/n_ had reminded him how much they loved him in his entirety. It was funny to Hotch how quickly he forgot those things. Aaron rolled onto his stomach, grabbed his phone, which was charging, and texted _y/n_ simply writing, “I love you, _y/n_. Sleep well.” He read the quick reply of, “Love you too, Aaron,” before he turned off his lamp, set his alarms, and attempted to sleep. Aaron was having a hard time with his rest and he sat up. He moved to the door and down the hallway. He knocked on _y/n_’s door and he could see the lamps still burning bright in their room. _y/n_ let him in, headphones still in their ears. Hotch slumped down on their bed, comforted to be in _y/n_’s calming presence. They didn’t bother him as he closed his eyes. They sat down and kept reading over their notes, again, and again, and again. Aaron could hear _y/n_ tapping along with the beat of their playlist on their leg. He knew the rhythm well at this point and it lulled him to sleep as _y/n_ kept thinking deep into the night.

The dawn woke the team, and everyone was relieved to find that there wasn’t a new victim. That didn’t mean there wouldn’t be, but they would strive to make sure it didn’t happen again. At the precinct, the team drank the poor-grade coffee and talked briefly about how quiet the town was at night. Spencer had stayed up all night and heard an owl and one time the barking of a dog. The genius had admitted that even that had him scared. Of course, Morgan had made fun of Spencer for this, except he had to eat his words because one of the police dogs had barked right after his joke, and Derek nearly jumped out of his skin. That had brought a moment of lightness to a very grim case. The team, little did they know it, would need that for the rest of the day, and their time in Kansas.

Rossi suggested to Aaron that he, Derek, and Aaron go and speak to some of the men running their patrols looking for dogs. _y/n_ suggested she and Emily go and check the medical records, and JJ decided to try and contact the farmer who had employed Katerina to get more information while Spencer found maps of the area. He wanted to see if there were any large swaths of June grass in the surrounding areas, and the lean agent knew he could guess pretty well with a topological map where large patches of the native grass would grow. Aaron agreed, and everyone moved to their respective tasks. Hotch, Morgan, and Dave were told by the sheriff that most of the menfolk had met at a local dive bar down the street, made plans, and then drove out for the day to ‘explore.’ Aaron thanked the man for the information, and his group headed out. The dive bar was ironically called Shooters. The theme of the place was hunting-oriented with mounted deer heads and some old-style rifles adorning the walls. The proprietor, who was standing behind the bar was potbellied and red-cheeked. He seemed more chipper than appropriate. but Derek assumed it was because he had the room half full with lots of people holding beers or shots in front of them. The place was tackily decorated for Christmas with a small tree in the corner and lights up on the walls. One of the deer heads had a Santa hat askew on its head. Morgan and Rossi moved to speak to the owner of the bar. Aaron began talking to a few of the men, showing his badge when questioned. As Hotch moved toward another group, he noticed a small faded flyer. It had the picture of an English Springer Spaniel with a duck in its mouth. The blocky, white text read: “Here to hunt at the Lodge on Route 75? Make your time here more fun and successful by renting a purebred hunting dog! $80/day, including drop off and pick up at your designated hunting site. Call: 390-785-0092 for inquiries. There was no name attached to the flyer. Aaron moved to the man behind the bar and asked, “Do you know who put up that advertisement?” The man looked at where Hotch was pointed and took on a reflective gaze before nodding and saying in a deeply accented voice, “Yeah. That’s Jeff Karon’s side business. Man has corn and wheat crops, but in the summer we get swamped with hunters and he breeds dogs on the side for some extra cash. He’s an odd one. Lives way out there past the town limits.” Hotch nodded and wrote down the name and number. He would call Penelope and see what she came up with as well as speaking with Sheriff Weiss when they returned to the station.

_y/n_ and Emily at the hospital started to make converging discoveries with Hotch. The pair sat in the medical records room. A kind nurse had pulled out some boxes from the 1990s that she remembered being memorable cases for such a small town. After an hour they found nothing and moved to put the boxes back in the correct place. However, as they had quickly been putting the files back in chronological order, one folder was misplaced. It was much older than the rest. The front read Jeffery C. Karon 1958 - Infected Dog Bite. Emily let out a laugh, and _y/n_ turned to face her and said, “What is it?” As they put a box away on top of a dusty old one, Prentiss replied, “A file in the wrong box. Coincidentally it sounds related to the case.” _y/n_ stepped off of the one small step they needed to reach the tall, top shelf and walked over to Emily saying, “Let’s look at it. We’ve almost looked at every other file in here anyway. Maybe we can learn something.” Pretiness scoffed and opened the file as _y/n_ stood at her shoulder. However, after both agents' eyes skimmed over the first paragraph, they realized that they might have stumbled across something important. The patient data was typed and the case notes were written in cursive. They read read:

The young boy of twelve was bitten pretty severely by a rabid dog in the wheat field on the father’s farm in Oldsdaile. Ten stitches were needed to seal the wound and a rabies shot was given along with a course of antibiotics. There was a note about the patient’s father and then something about how if the wound wasn’t cleaned and cared for carefully, the boy could develop an infection in the bone and might need major surgery or worse.

_y/n_ and Pretiss looked at each other and then the photo of the young boy on a sepia-toned brownish grey. Emily grabbed the file and said, “Let’s ask around and see if anyone knows who this Jeffery Karon is.” The two agents moved to the nurse in charge of records and _y/n_ asked, “Ma’am. We found a file accidentally misplaced, but we think this person might be helpful to our investigation and the recent deaths. Do you or anyone here have any idea who this person is? If they still live around here?” The nurse took the file and looked it over. She said, “Just a moment, let me ask around.” Em and _y/n_ waited for a few minutes and the nurse returned and said, “Sorry but no one here seems to know who this is. Our old doctor. Dr. Anderson. who just retired and moved to Texas to be with his grandkids would know. I would recommend going to the town hall and looking at the records there. I can also print you a copy of this file and give Dr. Anderson’s number. Just don’t spread any of this around -- And Dr. Anderson is notorious for not answering his phone. He never really learned to use one, but perhaps that’s changed now that he’s around some youngsters.” Both agents thanked the nurse for her help and waited for the copy of the medical file and the number. It was only a few minutes before Emily and _y/n_ were back in the car and headed to the station. Instead of going to the town hall, Prentiss and _y/l/n_ decided to call Garcia instead. Before they came to that choice, they reflected how small-town cases were so different from those in the city. How they offered a change of pace to the often hectic cases in sprawling metropolises. Not that this case wasn’t urgent, just different. Emily was driving, so _y/n_ pulled out their phone to call Garcia, but just as they started to dial, Penelope called _y/n_. _y/l/n_ said, “Speak of the devil,” as they smiled and swiped answers. Garcia, always her chipper self said, “Alrighty my little chickens. It took me a while. but looking at the ten adjacent counties surrounding Cottonwood Falls there was a startling pattern. One man seems to go into these shelters and has been adopting a surprising amount of dogs that are up for euthanization. But the dude is picky. He only takes in big breeds from Shepards to Heelers to Great Danes. You name it. If it’s a big dog and it seems on its last legs, this guy will take it in.” Emily asked, “What’s this dude's name?” Garcia replied, “Jeffery Karon.” Prentiss and _y/n_ looked at each other knowingly. Both simultaneously thought, ‘Bingo.’ _y/n_ let out a sigh and said, “How many dogs are we talking about here? And how often are they being adopted?” Penelope clicked a few keys on her computer and said, “I’d say three to four a month. So maybe thirty-six a year. But some months there are no adoptions. I don’t know how one man can care for so many dogs. Feeding them alone must cost an absorbent sum each month.” _y/n_ didn’t say it but thought, ‘One way to cut costs would be to not feed them. Thus the need to adopt so many dogs.’ They thought back to the photos of the victims. They all had really been torn apart. The image of that happening was to sickening to the stomach and _y/n_ cleared her throat and said, “As always Garcia, you’re the best. We’re pulling up the precinct now and it looks like Hotch is back too, so I’ll call you with any updates when I can.” Garcia replied, “Anything for you sweetness, and I texted you the dude’s address too. It’s headed to your phone as we speak. Supreme genius out.” Emily put the car in park and they both jumped out. They both had a lot to share.

As the pair got inside _y/n_ realized that Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi had also just gotten back as well. Emily let out a breath behind them. The brunette was excited to share their news and said, “I think we might have our guy!” The three men, and JJ and Spencer in the back looked over at her. Hotch spoke first and asked, “Is his name Jeffrey Karon?” Aaron’s statement seemed to take the wind out of Emily’s sails and she replied, “Hey. How’d you know?” The small sub-teams merged, and they all got updated on what they had all learned that morning. When everyone was caught up, the team moved to Sherrif Weiss. Aaron asked the head of the police department, with a copy of Jeff’s childhood photo, “Do you know this man? Jeffrey C. Karon?” The Sheriff nodded after a moment and replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I do. He’s an odd one. He’s lived on the farm his father, Jean Karon lived on. It’s a farm out in the boonies. Jean’s wife died in childbirth and from what I understand, Jean wasn’t exactly dad material. So it was just those two for a long time. Then the town they lived in dissolved. Too many people moved out in the 70’s. A few years after that, Cottonwood Falls proposed taking the land into our county. By that point old man Karon was pretty worn out and sickly, but he was vehemently against reintegration. He waged a moral war on the idea and, well he kind of died while losing that battle and Oldsdaile became part of Cottonwood Falls. That left his twenty-year-old son with the farm and a small sum of cash the man had stored away. Jeffrey tried to go away and get an education at a local college. He fell in love with a girl. I couldn’t tell you why, but Jeff dropped out of school and brought his new wife back with him. Allegedly they had a kid together, but anytime I’ve visited that farm I’ve never seen a kid. So I guess when Jeff’s wife inevitably left him, she must have taken the kid with her. And honestly, good for her. I wouldn’t want to spend a long time out there either. But I haven’t honestly seen Jeff in over two years. Guess he ended up a recluse like his father.” The Sheriff gave a whistle after the long monologue. The Sheriff had almost forgotten the wheat farm on the far outskirts of town. The whole team took a second to absorb that the Sheriff had described the perfect unsub. Breaking from their shared trance, Hotch emphatically asked, “Where does Mr. Karon live!” As the Sheriff murmured, “Let me look. I haven’t thought of him in a long while.” While the man was puttering about, _y/n_ pulled up her phone and said, “I have it Hotch. Penelope sent it to me while we were on the way back here.” Aaron shot _y/n_ a small smile and said, “We’ll need LEOs for this Sheriff Weiss. Five men at least.” The law enforcement officer looked at Aaron with apprehension and asked, “You think Jeff is our guy?” The look Hotch shot Weiss was enough to shut the man up and then turn and order two cop cars and five officers to accompany the BAU team on their trip out to the isolated farm.

The white SUVs and two cop cars rushed down the isolated dirt and gravel road. The Karon farm was a good thirty-five minutes outside of town set on an isolated road that left the highway. As they moved down the road. _y/n_ noticed that random patches of the tall grass seemed pressed down or pushed aside unnaturally. Hotch was driving too fast for them to see what was happening but after the third time seeing the phenomena, _y/n_ called out, “Aaron, stop for a second. Somethings off on the side of the road.” Hotch threw _y/n_ a look with his classic raised eyebrow from the front. His sunglasses were blocking his eyes but after a moment, he slowed to a roll and then a stop. _y/n_ jumped out of the car with Morgan, who was also in the middle row of the car. Derek called out, “What did you see, _y/n_?” As they both ran toward another place where the grass looked odd. _y/n_ didn’t need to answer him as they pushed the tall grass aside to reveal a long wooden board with over two dozen nails pounded through the wooden beam. Morgan whistled and said, “Well that’ll stop a car alright. How many of these have you spotted already kid?” _y/n_ looked up at Derek and said, “This makes four.” The pair of agents didn’t disturb the plank in case it was needed for evidence later, and they both jogged back to the stalled car. Once inside, Morgan said, “Hotch there’s a homemade parking block spikes in the grass, and _y/n_ spotted three more before that one.” Aaron nodded and then started the car again. As he pushed the gas pedal, he said, “We did wonder how he got his victims out of their cars. Maybe they get turned around and go ask for help, but then get a flat instead. Aaron turned briefly and looked at _y/n_ and said, “Good catch. Keep a count of how many of those you see as we keep getting closer to the house.” After another four minutes, the cars reached an old rushing iron gate with a big sign in the font that read: “PRIVATE PROPERTY - DO NOT ENTER: BEWARE OF DOGS!!!” The line, “Beware of dogs,” sent a chill down everyone’s spine. Aaron attempted calling the home number twice, which Penelope had also dug up for the team, but nobody picked up, and there was no option for voice mail. One of the police officers got out of his cruiser with a pair of bolt cutters and broke open the chain that held the fence closed. The gate made a terrible screeching sound that had the team’s skin crawl. All of the cars pulled into the drive. The house was a simple farm-style house, painted white with green accents. All of the paint was badly chipped and there was a large truck parked out front. It seemed to be the only sign of life on that part of the farm. Aaron got on the radio and spoke to the other car saying, “Everyone’s wearing their FBI vests here, and everyone has weapons drawn. We can’t be sure what we’ll find in the house or on the farm. Lastly, no one, and I mean no one goes off alone. Rodger?” There was a crackle on the line and Emily replied, “Got it, Hotch.” As the team stepped out of the cars, a symphony of howling and then barking could be heard from the house Everyone went on the defensive. Hotch pulled out his microphone and stepped a few feet closer to the glass and screen door. _y/n_ followed after him a few paces. From their angle, they could see what looked like three to four big dogs at the door barking up a storm. _y/n_ had their gun aimed at the door. If something went wrong, they would have a bead on one of the dogs and would shoot if it came to that. They prayed it wouldn’t. Rossi sidled up next to _y/n_, they felt better knowing they weren’t alone in keeping Aaron safe as he clicked on the microphone and said, “Jeffrey Karon. This is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. If you’re inside I’m giving you three minutes to restrain your dogs and come out of your home with your hands up. I’m starting a timer now.” Aaron’s voice echoed across the face of the house and the yard. It was a very tense minute and thirty seconds as the dogs continued to bray at the agents and police officers.

It felt like an eternity before one of the windows on the side of the house revealed a haggard-looking man who shouted, “Get off my goddamn property before I get a shotgun and shoot you, people. ‘Tis is an ‘nvastion of ma rights. My God-given rights ‘ye hear me!” All eyes turned to the window and again, Aaron stepped forward and said, “You don’t have any right Mr. Karon. You’re suspected of five counts of first-degree murder and tampering with remains. Now come downstairs and restrain your dogs or my team and I will come in and do what we have to restrain you. And I don’t think you’re so stupid to not know what will happen to you if you do try and get a gun.” Jeffrey was red-faced and spluttered, but in a half-show, Aaron looked at his watch and said, “You have a minute and a half left,” then Hotch angled his gun at the front door. Of course, _y/n_ knew that Aaron wouldn’t shoot one of Mr. Karon’s dogs unless it was a life-or-death scenario, but Mr. Karon didn’t. Hotch’s threat was enough to have the man at the window shout, “Fine, fine I’m coming. Don’t shoot the dogs. God damn you. I’m suing if anything happens to those dogs!” Aaron lowered the sidearm and let out a breath, slightly surprised that his strategy had worked. The team watched with bated breath as Jeff moved down the stairs slowly. He looked like he was in pain, as he walked with a significant limp, gripping the white stair rail tightly. The man called his dogs loudly enough for the team to hear him say, “Here boys, here.” At the call of their owner, the dogs all moved away from the door and to the foot of the stairs. Now that they were farther back, _y/n_ could see that it was five dogs, not three. All of the canines' tails seemed to wag happily as they saw their owner. Jeff petted all of them and seemed to give them a treat from the pocket of his robe. Something the older man said had the dogs stop barking. Jeff moved toward the door and Aaron and the team stepped onto the porch. Aaron looked at Jeff as the man moved to open the door. Hotch gripped the handle and closed it as soon as the man tried to open it. Aaron said clearly, “Put your dogs on leads and attach those leads to the stair rail.” Jeff blustered and said, “My dogs don’t go on lead. No State Commie can make me do that.” Hotch glared at the man and said, “They go on leads when I say they do. If you don’t do as I say I’ll add intentionally delaying a state investigation to your list of charges. Do you want the state looking into you more than we already are, Mr. Karon?” Jeff furrowed his brow and turned. The man who had tanned and spotted skin like many men who spent hours in the sun let out a litany of curse words as he moved to the other side of the room and grabbed five old faded leads. Again, the team watched as he moved painfully toward his dogs and one by one attached the lead to their collar and then tied the collars to the staircase. This took about seven minutes and finally, Aaron motioned for Rossi and _y/n_ to follow him as they breached the door. There was some chaos as Hotch cuffed Jeff and the dogs barked at seeing their owner get angry and yell again. Aaron twisted Karon’s arm uncomfortably and said, “I’d put a rag in it and answer any questions asked to you, Mr. Karon.” The added pain had the farmer shut up for a second before the man spit at Aaron’s shoes and said, “I’ll shut up. I want a lawyer. You big city types think you can break into an honest man’s house and threaten him, well. We’ll see about that, Special Agent Hotchner.” Jeffrey seemed to have a glint of malice in his eyes, and Aaron pushed him toward one of the officers, not letting the threat affect him. Aaron told the officer he handed Karon off to, “Put him in the back of one of the cruisers and read him his Miranda’s. If he says anything, record it. Anything could be important in this case. And once you're done that, take the dogs out and attach them to the wooden railing on the poach. Make sure they have shade and water.” The officer looked a little hesitant but nodded and began hauling Jeffrey off.

Now that the house seemed quiet, Aaron had the team split up into groups of two and look over the whole abode. Even though the dogs and Karon were out of the house, that didn’t mean that they dropped their guard. As the echoes of “Clear” rang through the upstairs and downstairs, the team seemed to lighten up. The most interesting things in the house were the profound amount of liquor bottles in the bedroom and kitchen, as well as the cabinet full of assorted pain meds in the bathroom. It was obvious to Spencer, Emily, and _y/n_ that Karon was self-medicating. If it was just for the leg injury that he had gotten as a child or something more, they couldn’t know until someone interviewed the potential unsub. Spencer took a moment too long looking at the multiple narcotics bottles for _yn_’s comfort and they gently said, “I’ve got this Spencer. Why don’t you help Morgan.” Reid looked at _y/n_ with a hint of gratitude and nodded softly saying, “Thanks, _y/n_.” _y/n_ just smiled at him and said, “No prob, Spence.’ With that, Spencer left the bathroom while Emily was looking over the bedroom. _y/n_ gave a small sigh. They knew Reid was clean, and had been for a few years now, but they knew how easy it was to fall back into bad habits, and alleviating any possibility was the least they could do for their friend. But the most interesting thing in the house was the little boy’s room on the first floor next to the living room. The pastel-blue walled room was caked in dust. So much that Hotch had a coughing fit for three minutes after leaving the room. It was hard to tell if it was Karon’s old room or his supposed son’s. Garcia hadn’t been able to find a record of Jeffrey Karon having a son, but she did find a name and address for his ex-wife who now lived in Tennessee. Hotch was beginning to think that the story about Mr. Karon having a son was a local legend of some kind. A story passed around about the strange old recluse with a tragic backstory who lived at the edge of town. Either way, the room being so well preserved and unused would prove helpful in trying to crack Jeffrey in the interview process. The child’s room meant something to him. When the house had been gone through, the team spread out in groups of two again to search the rest of the large thirty-acre property.

Behind the house was an ATV with the keys still in the ignition. Derek speculated that that was the easiest way to navigate the bumpy roads between the fields. The largest wheat field had two barns on one side of it. The first barn was for a large group of chickens that squawked when Spencer and Derek entered the smelly space. The other barn seemed to have regular farming equipment and feed for the assortment of animals that resided on the land. However, as _y/n_ moved a rake through the deep chicken feed containers, something snagged on the tines of the object. Pulling the tool up revealed a very tattered shirt sleeve. _y/n_ called in and let the team know what she’d found. Emily was up in the hayloft and said, “_y/n_, there’s a pillow and blanket up here too. Let the team know I think someone might be sleeping up here.” _y/n_ acknowledged Prentiss and let the team know the new information. Once Em had documented the small and narrow loft space, which was barely seven boards wide and could be accessed by a ladder, she climbed down to help _y/n_ to see if they could find anything else in the grain bins. As it turned out, a lot more was to be found including shoes, pants, IDs of the victims, and cash. Not only did they find the personal identification of all of the victims so far, but they found three new IDs and a passport of victims, who had not yet been found or reported missing.

The last metaphorical nail in Jeffrey Karon’s case was when Aaron and Rossi plus two other officers neared the oldest and largest barn on the other side of the wheat field which Spencer aptly pointed out had been tilled and Blue grass had been planted as a filler crop until next planting season. Neither car needed to even roll down its windows, as they neared the barn and heard the near-constant cacophony of barking and growling that filled the air in a disorganized symphony of sound. All four men drew their guns again. Obviously, they couldn’t just open the barn doors because Aaron didn’t know how the dogs inside this barn were being contained, or if they were contained at all. The BAU men moved around the barn, and Rossi found a ladder that would let them look up and into the barn’s higher windows. Aaron and Rossi moved the ladder to the window. Dave kept the ladder steady and Hotch climbed up to the dusty glass. Aaron slipped off his sunglasses and used his keen sight to look into the dim barn. He could see that one-third of the barn was empty but the other two-thirds had a strong very tall metal fence containing the bodies of a dozen dogs or more moving, writhing, and barking at the almost darkness. Every now and then one of the canine’s teeth would catch the light of the window Hotch was looking in, and Aaron couldn’t help but imagine how those teeth felt tearing into a human's flesh. The idea revolted him. He caught something odd, a red glowing light on the front of the cage. Aaron called for a pair of binoculars which were quickly brought to him. Hotch carefully shot out the windows which only set the dogs inside off more, but without the glass in the way and with the aid of the binoculars, he could see that there was a locking mechanism on the front of the padded gate. This reassured Aaron that they could get into the barn, but it only added that Jeffrey was smarter than he let on. Lawyering up was one thing, but having a timed gate assured that Mr. Karon didn’t become an accidental victim to the dogs inside the barn. Aaron quickly stepped down the ladder and told Rossi and the officers that they were clear to enter the hostile den. The officers seemed hesitant, but Rossi brushed past them, trusting Hotch and opening the doors of the barn. The dogs went wild and rushed the gate but couldn’t get out. Hotch and Dave covered their ears, and they stepped into the barn. Even though it might be safe for them to be inside the dank-smelling space, they kept a good five-foot distance from the dogs. Aaron observed that all of the dogs were malnourished and had their tails docked. Many of the dogs had bite marks and looked in ill health. Rossi noticed the feathers on the floor of the cage. There was a children’s pool filled with stinking water and flies on the far side of the cage. Aaron took pictures of the dogs, the cage, and the locking mechanism which seemed to be turned on via a switch or remote timer. Hotch felt a pang of pity for the dogs inside the barn and what a horrible life they had been put through. However, he realized that these animals had also killed up to seven human beings. There was no nice way of putting that. When Rossi and Aaron had seen what they needed to, Aaron called Sheriff Weiss and brought the man up to date. He detailed the need for animal control and that they would need a lot of animal control. Weiss had paused and said that he would have to call into multiple counties and vets for help getting all the dogs out of the barn. Hotch understood and agreed. Aaron left one of the policemen to sit in his cruiser just outside the bard to wait as long as it took for the animal control members to arrive and take care of the situation inside the barn. The officer seemed to relax when he realized that he could wait inside his protected vehicle.

With the farm mostly searched and a lot of damning evidence gathered, the team left with Mr. Karon to conduct their first interview. The unsub had said very little except for cursing the officer in the other police car out. The team left another three officers to cordon off the farm and sites of interest. At the precinct, Jeffrey was quickly moved into a room that was normally a holding cell for those who had too much to drink and needed the night to sober up before going home to their wives in shame with another fifty-dollar ticket of disorderly conduct or public indecency. It was the best the small police station had for an interrogation room. Sheriff Weiss had a table and chairs brought in and Derek and Rossi had the first round of trying to get the unsub to talk. Outside the cell _y/n_ paced and Aaron watched them while also looking into the room with Jeffrey. Something was upsetting _y/n_ and he could tell. It was not only the pacing, but the way _y/n_ was just slightly biting the inside of their cheek. After a minute of this, Aaron turned to them and asked, “What it is _y/n_?” _y/n_ turned on their heel and said, “It can’t be him Hotch? You smelled his breath when we first got in the house. It reeked of alcohol and he was stumbling around either because he was drunk or high on meds, or both. I don’t know how a man like that can pull something like this off. Not by himself. Not to mention his leg injury. He can barely walk. He couldn’t possibly handle those dogs in the barn. Plus, we’re looking for a supposed psychopath. Mr. Karon might be disturbed, but he loved those dogs in the house. How does that work?” Aaron nodded. He had felt that something was off too, but having _y/n_ put it into words helped solidify how he felt. _y/n_ said, “It’s something to do with that boy’s room. That makeshift bed in the barn. I think we’re missing something big. I think I should go back.” Hotch nodded and said, “I’m coming with you.” _y/n_ gave him just the smallest smile and said, “Alright. I’ll tell the team, why don’t you start the car? I’ll be out in a minute.” Aaron agreed and moved outside. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the farm. Aaron had an officer go with _y/n_ to the boy’s room, and he and another officer moved back to the barn to look at the cot again. The two were determined to find out what vital piece was missing from the bigger picture.

Back in the interrogation room, Karon wasn’t talking and it had been nearly fifty minutes. Derek was saying, “So what, you get bitten by a dog when you're a kid and then have dogs kill people? What do you gain from that, Karon? Apart from some sick need to see people be torn apart.” The man didn’t answer and Rossi tried another approach saying, “Why keep your bedroom the same Jeffrey? Why lock it up and keep it preserved? Why is it so important to you?” This finally had a response for the unsub and he said, “That room’s special to me, yeah. Gotta keep it like that for when she comes back.” Morgan and Dave looked at each other and Rossi asked, “Who comes back, Mr. Karon? You’re wife? Your son?” Jeffrey put his head in his hands and said, “That goodman bitch of a wife you idiot. My son’s still there. But he’s not like he used to be. And I’m not like I used to be, get it. Before that bitch of a city slicker wife left me everything was fine. FINE! Get it, but she left and it all went bad. Went to goddamn shit.” Morgan cared less about the wife and more about the fact that Jeff had said his son was still on the property, on the farm. Derek asked, “Your son, Karon. Where is he!” Jeff laughed and the built agent raised to his feet and slammed his hands on the table near the unsub, getting him to stop laughing and Morgan said again, “Where is your son!” Karon chuckled a little and said, “Sleeps ‘n the barn at night. I hear four of those cops are still out there, and two of your agents. Pity for them. Jason’s better with the dogs than I am. Has been for the last ten years since my fucking leg’s been acting up more. Motherfucker of a leg.” This realization hit the two FBI agents like a ton of bricks. There was a beat of silence before Rossi rushed out of the room to call Aaron and let him know that Karon’s son was on the farm while Derek worked his best to not beat the crap out of the man in front of him and try and get something that might help Hotch and _y/n_. Rossi paced as he waited for Aaron to pick up. Finally, his friend did, saying, “Hotchner.” Dave nearly yelled, “Karon’s son is still living on the farm. He’s the one letting the dogs out. Where’s _y/n_? Are you with them?”

Aaron’s stomach dropped like a bag of stones as he realized _y/n_ hadn’t checked in in over twenty minutes. He put Dave on hold and called _y/n_. He prayed that they’d pick up, but _y/n_’s phone went to voicemail. Aaron then tried radioing the officer with _y/n_ but all he got was the man sitting outside the barn. Hotch almost threw himself down the ladder to the loft and shouted at the officer at the bottom to follow him. Hotch drove faster the he ever had toward the farmhouse. Something told him that he would find answers there. It had been _y/n_’s last location for starters. Aaron didn’t even bother turning off the car as he and the officer rushed into the house, guns drawn. There was no one in the main room, but sounds were coming from the kitchen. Aaron breached the room and found a large man standing with a clever aim to cut apart a de-feathered chicken. The man froze when Aaron rushed the room and pointed the gun at him, Jason Karon. Hotch shouted, “Put the knife down slowly or I shoot.” The man didn’t seem to care that he was moving incredibly slowly while he set the knife down on the butcher block. Hotch then shouted, “Where is the other agent and officer?” The large man shrugged, and Aaron shouted again, stepping within a foot of the second unsub’s face, “Where is my agent!” Jason said slowly with a small glint in his eyes, “Middle of the wheat field I guess. That fucking agent bit me. Had to tranque ‘em. Dogs ‘ill get ‘em soon. But don’t ya worry. I gave ‘em a fighting chance. Set a timer for the dog's release. It’s no fun to watch them die if they’re tranqued. Dogs ‘ill be out in ‘bout fifteen minutes and if I timed it right, the drugs ‘ill wear off a bit before then. I ain’t never seen a cop die before. Should be fun” There was a devil-may-care attitude that indicated the unsub cared nothing for human life. The rage that filled Aaron nearly had him shoot the man in front of him, but the fact that _y/n_ was still alive and could be torn apart had Aaron brush past Jason and ran out the back door so quickly that he didn’t even tell the officer to restrain the man. He only had thoughts for _y/n_. Hotch straddled the ATV, turned the key that was miraculously still in the ignition and pressed the electronic throttle. Aaron could feel the wind in his face and his hands held onto the handlebars of the ATV with a death grip. He entered the wheat field in around seven minutes and slowed slightly as he got closer to the center. He didn’t want to run over _y/n_, but he knew he had only minutes to find them before both of them were going to face the same fate as all the other victims from before. Just as Aaron heard the first howling of the dogs, he found _y/n_ on the cold ground.

Hotch jumped off the vehicle and ran to _y/n_. Their eyes were open but glazed. _y/n_’s hands were bound, but not their feet. Aaron grabbed _y/n_ and pulled them onto the ATV in front of him. _y/n_ was lucid enough to move their feet with Aaron’s. As Hotch kicked the ignition on again. He saw the first three dogs breach the tall grass. Hotch opened up the throttle. He held _y/n_ to his chest while he tried to press the gas and control the ATV all at the same time. Even at the full thirty miles per hour, the dogs were catching up to them. Aaron felt his heart beat faster than it ever had before. It was like he could hear the breaths of the crazed animals following him, could hear their feet hitting the ground, which would outpace him and _y/n_ soon. Another three minutes and they’d be out of the field, and the police would see what was happening and come to help. At least that was what Aaron hoped. But a sound had Hotch’s heart nearly stop. At the edge of the wheat field, the engine of the ATV spluttered loudly. Hotch looked down at the gas gauge: E. Aaron pushed the machine as far as it would go but it slowed after another thirty seconds, then died.

There was a split second when Aaron thought there was no way for them to live. His mind went blank, black. But _y/n_ stirred, and he knew they couldn’t die. He’d happily die, but _y/n_ couldn’t die. Not like this. They deserved warmth, retirement, and old age, and happiness. And because Aaron couldn’t have the love of his life die, he was forced to think in a split second. This brought up two options. The first was to shoot as many of the dogs as possible. He knew that he wouldn’t get to all of them before the rest overpowered them, but this was an option that would reduce the number of animals that would kill them. Maybe the others would get scared off by the sounds of gunfire. The other option was to make a run for the barn with the loft inside. It was about ten feet from the open barn door. Something in Aaron’s gut told him this was the only option where _y/n_ lived. Aaron didn’t care if he died; he just needed _y/n_ to live.

So with his soul telling him, compelling him forward, Aaron dismounted, pulled _y/n_ over his broad shoulders, and ran the fastest he had ever run before.

Step, step step, breath. Step, step, step breath. Pothole. Twisted ankle. Step, step, step, shooting pain up the leg. The reek of dog breath, and teeth at his legs. Breath. Door, ladder, Teeth in the leg, Foot to dogs mouth, Last step.

Aaron’s heart felt like it might burst, and his muscles had never hurt so much, never been pushed so hard. However, there wasn’t time for that, as one of the dogs had used its legs to get to the top of the ladder. Not even thinking of his gun, Aaron kicked at the dog's head, trying to avoid the now bloody and snapping teeth. When the dog had fallen, Aaron used his hands to tear the old ladder from the loft sending it crashing to the ground below. Even though the ladder was old, it was rusted in place with only Aaron’s adrenaline that allowed him to get it off the loft. Hotch slumped back next to _y/n_. How he had managed to get them both up the ladder, he wasn’t sure. Aaron pushed _y/n_ to the wall and lay very closely pressed to them as there wasn’t room for both of their bodies in the loft. Aaron was half in shock. He didn’t really hear the gunshots from the officers below, but he could somehow feel the heat from the blowback and saw the light flash from the ignitions. The noise seemed to rouse _y/n_ more, and Hotch moved to cover their ears. He was blocking their view of below with his body. Even he didn’t want to see what lay beneath the loft, but after a few minutes, whatever chaos had been happening stopped. Aaron could now see the red and blue lights of either an ambulance or police car on the wall of the barn. Sound suddenly rushed back into Hotch’s senses. He also registered the pain in his body and leg where he had been bitten. Due to his shock, Aaron felt like stuff happened to him for the next two hours. Aaron did make sure that _y/n_ got into the first ambulance that had arrived even though they started saying that he needed it more because he was hurt and they weren’t. In the end, it didn’t matter as the only other ambulance from the small local hospital arrived shortly after. Hotch was given a local anesthetic in his left leg which had been bitten to the muscle below. Aaron was so exhausted, and now that he knew that _y/n_ was safe, he closed his eyes and let everything else that was happening to and around him just wash over him like a flood

It turned out that Aaron needed ten stitches for his bites and a set of antibiotics to make sure that he didn’t let the bite get infected. _y/n_ had been given a larger dose of Tiletamine and they needed to be kept on close observation as that medication was related but not the same as Ketamine and the side effects of that drug on humans were not known as it wasn’t a drug not meant to be used on humans. _y/n_ felt queasy and said they had a bad headache and were weak, but thankfully the symptoms didn’t get much worse than that. After a few hours of close monitoring for both Aaorn and _y/n_. The hospital staff felt that both agents would pull out without too much physical damage. However, the hospital required Aaron to stay put until the local anesthetic wore off so they could assess his pain, and that _y/n_ stay for a full twenty-four hours to ensure there were no long-lasting side effects of the drugs they had been given. Rossi went in and checked on Hotch first, letting him know that _y/n_ was going okay apart from some slight discomfort and nausea. He then explained what had happened since Aaron had been out of the loop for around three hours. How the police had handled most of the dogs by the time the rest of the BAU had arrived. How Jason Karon had been taken into custody and his father had agreed to throw his flesh and blood under the bus for a potentially lighter sentence once he found out that his son had been caught. How Jeffrey Karon had delusions about his wife coming home, how Jason had all the makings of a psychopath, and how together the father and son had made a fun hobby of killing anyone unlucky enough to land on their farm that they both wanted to protect with their lives. Hotch listened with disgust at the narrative and how so many had died for nothing more than a game, a distraction. He reflected on how in some cases, no one seemed to win. There were just losers. But then again, _y/n_ could have died. He could have died. Not that he valued his life much, but _y/n_ was physically okay, and that was enough of a positive to let him relax just a little bit into the bed. Rossi looked down at Aaron from his chair, gave his friend a pat on the shoulder, and said, “You did everything you could, and sometimes that just has to be enough.

The next morning, _y/n_, who had been given some medication to help them sleep, woke to Aaron sitting by their bedside. They rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked over the parts of their love that they could see. _y/n_ noticed the bandaging on Aaron’s leg, and they asked, “Should you be out of bed?” Hotch chuckled and tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Oh, I just had to fight two nurses to get here from my room.” _y/n_ leveled him with a glare that had him honestly say, “But seriously, they let me out last night after you were under. Rossi insisted that I not stay here all night waiting for you to wake up.” That got a small smile from _y/n_, and they replied, “Remind me to send Rossi a thank you card when we get home.” Aaron laughed again and rolled his eyes before asking, “How are you feeling today? I’m sure the nurses will be in here in a moment to ask you the same, but I’d like to hear it first.” _y/n_ took a moment to think about their physical state before saying, “Better. I still have a bit of a headache, but much better than last night.” Hotch nodded and then looked to the door as two nurses entered the room as he had guessed. The medical staff asked Aaron to sit in one of the chairs near the wall as they performed some routine checks on _y/n_ and assessed their vital signs. After the nurses had given _y/n_ a dose of medication to make sure they remained stable, they left Aaron and _y/n_ alone again, promising to be back in half an hour to check up on _y/n_.

When they had gone, Aaron moved back to his prior seat. _y/n_ held out their hands for Hotch and he took it in his, running his thumb over their knuckles. Aaron looked up and _y/n_ was looking at him with sad eyes, like they knew something already, but they wished it wasn’t true. _y/n_ had a vague memory of some of yesterday, but with the drugs and the excitement, it had seemed to fade; they asked Hotch softly, “Tell me what happened yesterday. Everything that happened.” Aaron hesitated before replying, “_y/n_, it’s not very pleasant. Maybe you should wait a bit.” _y/n_ sighed and said, “Once the team comes to see me they’ll talk about it and I’d rather hear it from you. I do remember the doctor telling me I’m stuck here for twenty-four hours last night which leaves me with about ten hours to spare.” Aaron sighed before realizing that they were right. He recounted the events of the former day to _y/n_. They squeezed his hand as he described how he’d gotten them out of the field and to the barn. How he couldn’t let them die, and how that had saved his own life. _y/n_ didn’t have the right words to thank him for saving their life at that moment, but Aaron could see it, the look of thanks in their eyes. Instead of saying anything else, he leaned down and kissed _y/n_’s forehead. His lips lingered on their skin. Aaron knew that they had saved each other in an unspoken way. Aaron couldn’t let _y/n_ die, and deep down, he knew that they’d never forgive him if he’d died yesterday either, which had pushed him to run instead of shooting at the dogs. _y/n_ seemed to notice his shift in thoughts, and they asked, “And the dogs?” Aaron knew they would ask about the dogs soon. As someone who cherished animals, he knew his response would bring _y/n_ pain. Hotch pulled back and just nodded his head no, indicating the worst. _y/n_ closed their eyes and let out a half breath, half sob, saying, “They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t know what was happening.” Aaron squeezed their hand and said, “I know, love. But maybe it was a mercy. They weren’t treated well, and I heard from one of the officers that a lot of them looked sick. The state wouldn’t have let them live, and they went quickly.” A few tears fell from _y/n_’s eyes, but they nodded ever so slightly, wanting to believe Aaron. Trusting what he said, even if he had fibbed, even if they could hear him lying to make them feel better. _y/n_ opened their eyes and asked, “What about the dogs from in the house? Those were good dogs? Nice dogs.” Aaron replied, “I’m not sure. I didn’t think about them when we got back to the farm. I’ll call the Sheriff later and see what he says. Maybe animal control came and took them before we got back.” _y/n_ nodded, also remembering how the other dogs had been gone once they arrived. They hoped that at least those dogs that they had petted on the first visit to the barn would find good forever homes, far away from the farm. Far away from Kansas.

Later that evening, _y/n_ was discharged, and the following day, the team was headed back to Quantico after the largest thank you from Sheriff Weiss. Aaron ever so slightly accepted the gratitude but knew with a weariness that another, possibly worse case was waiting for them on JJ’s desk, and the two men shook hands. On the plane, Hotch and _y/n_ both took their mid-day meds from the hospital. _y/n_’s medication left them drowsy, and they moved to sit next to Aaron on the couch, slipping on their headphones and slipping their right hand into his. _y/n_ nestled slightly closer into his side and rested their head on his shoulder. Aaron pressed a kiss to _y/n_’s temple and moved back to the file in his hand. After about twenty minutes, the words began swimming in front of his eyes, and Aaron closed the file and realized he was defeated for the moment. Hotch tapped _y/n_ on the shoulder, and they roused a bit, mumbling, “What is it, Aaron?” Wordlessly, he put out a hand for one of their headphones. _y/n_ smiled and handed one over. Hotch slipped the earbud into his right ear and let the soft soundtrack of Hozier’s “Francesca,” “Northern Attitude,” and _y/n_’s favorite Unknown / Nth” envelope him like a hug. Aaron realized that whenever he listened to this playlist, he could picture _y/n_ so clearly in his mind. Their time together. The soft longing in the Irish man’s voice had become a connection for how much he loved and longed to spend his days with _y/n_. As he slipped off to sleep, he pictured them back home, already nestled in bed, under the covers, skin to skin. His face rested in a calm facade for once as the jet flew thousands of miles above the ground, taking them home.

When they all got back to Virginia, the team went to their separate houses, Aaron and _y/n_ arrived home, ready for some sleep. Aaron went to the kitchen to make them an early dinner while _y/n_ unpacked their go bags and replaced their dirty clothes with fresh ones whenever the next case came their way. Turning on the light, _y/n_ caught sight of their reflection in the mirror, reminded them of how Hotch had looked at himself before the case, the way he spoke of himself. _y/n_ remembered the idea of getting him into a warm bath and showering him with praise while they sat by the side of the tub, rubbing his shoulders and massaging his scalp. The idea sent a flush through them, and they were determined to make it happen after all they had been through on the last case. _y/n_ had to wait a few days until Aaron could be safely submerged in water. His leg had significantly healed, and he was now putting on a topical antibiotic cream to the bite area instead of the stronger oral tablets he’d been taking before. It was Wednesday evening, and _y/n_ sent Hotch off on a short errand to get some tomato sauce and zucchini for dinner. While he was gone, _y/n_ filled the tub with hot water, lit some of their _y/f/c_’s, and dimmed the lights to low in the bedroom. _y/n_ also put a sheet over the standing mirror in the bedroom and a towel over the mirror in the bathroom. This was about Aaron cherishing his body, not putting it under a microscope. Just when all of this was done, _y/n_ heard Aaron enter the apartment and set the grocery bags on the counter. _y/n_ slipped out of the bedroom and found Aaron, kissing him. Hotch smiled at them, and as _y/n_ wordlessly pulled him into the bedroom, he didn’t question it or protest. Aaron did, however, look a bit taken aback as _y/n_ started undoing the buttons of his shirt He asked softly, “Is everything alright, sweetheart?” _y/n_ smiled at him tenderly and said, “It will be when you have your clothes off.” Aaron flushed. _y/n_ was rarely so brazen, and he didn’t know what this was about, but he didn’t stop himself from undoing his belt and sliding his trousers to the ground. Now that his shirt and pants were off, and his skin exposed to the cool air of the room he took _y/n_’s hand and looked at the bed as if asking if they wanted to move there now. _y/n_ leaned down a bit and kissed his chest, running their hands down his torso and beneath the band of his underwear. Hotch took in a sharp breath, flexing his muscles. _y/n_ pulled his last article of clothing down and simultaneously began gently sucking on one of the scars Foyett had left on his upper torso.

Aaron whispered their name and made to move to the bed, but _y/n_ said, “Actually, I drew you a warm bath. I, I kind of thought you might need something relaxing after that last case.” Hotch’s dark eyes changed from something filled with desire to a different kind of want; to be shown affection, and his gaze softened ever so slightly as he whispered, “Would you lead the way?” _y/n_ nodded, taking his hand as they led him to the bathroom. They checked the temperature of the water, and it felt perfect. Aaron kissed _y/n_ once more before settling in the tub. He lowered himself slowly into the water, letting it lap at his thighs, groin, and finally, his chest. He let out a sigh at how comforting the bath felt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d treated himself to something like this. He could sense _y/n_ move behind him with soft steps and then get onto their knees near the lip of the tub. _y/n_ dipped their hands in the water and ran them over his broad, muscled shoulders, which were tight from the stress he kept in his neck and upper back. As _y/n_ began running firm hands over the knots, Aaron turned his head to the side and asked, “Would you get in with me, _y/n_?” _y/n_ paused, and though that had not been their original plan, a bath with Aaron sounded like bliss. _y/n_ put their head near this mouth and said, “Okay. Just give me a moment to put away the groceries. I’ll grab you a drink too.” Hotch smiled and nodded. He was happy that if he was going to be so relaxed, that _y/n_ would get to revel in it too.

Aaron didn’t think much about how long _y/n_ was taking to put away the groceries, get him a drink, and then strip in the next room. He kept his eyes closed and pictured _y/n_ and really, without thinking about it, started humming _y/n_’s favorite song. When the tune to the chorus came around, he murmured the words as well in his soft tenor voice. Little did he know that _y/n_ was standing in the doorway listening to him. When _y/n_ stepped forward, he stopped immediately as if embarrassed for singing aloud. _y/n_ didn’t comment yet as they stepped into view, now stripped of their clothes. Aaron looked up at them, reveling in the sight of them fully revealed to him. Not that he didn’t see this every day, but it never failed to take the breath from him. _y/n_ handed him a chilled glass with an amber liquid inside saying, “Thought you might enjoy a scotch.” Aaron downright beamed at _y/n_’s thoughtfulness and said, “You’re singing my song.” _y/n_ smiled and cheekily replied, as they got into the bath, “Actually, I think you were singing my song.” Hotch flushed, as he took his first sip of his drink. There was a silence before _y/n_ asked, “Would you sing the rest of it for me? I don’t think I’ve ever really heard you sing before.” Aaron spluttered for a second, and he said, “Probably because I’m not a good singer, _y/n_. I think my talents lie elsewhere.” _y/n_ gave a soft pout and said, “I think you sounded lovely before. Please, Aaron.” Hotch knew he could never refuse them, and he steeled himself as he finished singing the third verse, bridge, and chorus of Hozier’s lyrics. He was shocked that the words just came to him, as he’d never actually looked them up before. But he guessed he’d just heard it so often and listened to _y/n_ sing them in the car or the shower that they had soaked into his neural paths naturally. After he finished, he looked to _y/n_ for some response.

Their smile told him what he needed to know, and he relaxed back more fully. For a moment there was just the soft sound of water lapping at their bodies. Eventually, _y/n_ said, “You know I love every part of you, right?” Aaron opened his eyes and met _y/n_’s as he responded with, “_y/n_ I…” He dropped the sentence because he didn’t know how to finish it. He did know that they loved every part of him, but he felt this was more than just about their perception of him. Aaron’s silence told _y/n_ that he was thinking and they gently said, “I mean it, Aaron. I love your mind that’s sharp as a razor, and I love your determination to do the right thing and protect people, and I love your body too. No matter how you change with age and time, nothing is going to stop me from loving you wholly. I need you to know that. I wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for all three of those things a week back.” The cynical side of his brain had him say, “_y/n_, that was all adrenaline in the heat of the moment.” _y/n_ scoffed at his logic slightly and said, “And? So what? That was your adrenaline that saved me. No one else's. Not the cop’s, not Derek’s. It was you who put your body on the line for me and didn’t let me die in a field in Kansas. You think you’re not capable of things because you’re getting older, but me being here is proof that you’re more capable than you know. And you always will be Aaron.” Hotch felt the weight of their words and emotions in _y/n_’s statement, and he almost started crying. He looked at _y/n_ through bleary eyes and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, _y/n_.” That was all he could get out without letting his tears actually fall. _y/n_ gave him a soft smile of understanding and opened their legs to make space for him, and they patted their chest for him to lean on. Aaron moved so his back was against their chest, and _y/n_ said, “Always, Aaron. We’ll always be there for each other.” Aaron closed his eyes and chose to let go of his negative thoughts for now. Choosing to accept _y/n_’s reality. Choosing to believe that he was worthy. As he settled back into their embrace, _y/n_ started working his aching muscles with their hands, whispering words of praise. He knew he had made it home.

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rinamars · 1 year

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I always wondered what fics do my favorite authors read bc maybe if I start reading them too, I'll be able to write like them 😤 Kidding aside, can you recommend some Erwin x Reader fics that you really like/inspire you to write? I'm fine with on-going ones 🤩

little anon i could KISS you!! i've been looking for an excuse to make an erwin fic recs post so here we go *cracks knuckles* brace yourselves heheh (warning: most of these recs are 18+)

first of all: everything @riewritten has ever written. EVERYTHING. that goes without saying. her brain is so big. i wish i could take a trip inside her mind. rie ily

this is a story of the sea by shinzouing is a canonverse eruri x reader fic, where the three enter a relationship (or rather, erwin enters a relationship with both of them. levi and reader are idiots at first. the pining is so delicious though). where do i even begin to talk about this masterpiece? it broke me. it seriously broke me. i'm just going to say that the universe she has created in this story (as well as in the sequel which i'm going to talk about in a sec) feels so real and so right that when i finished it i needed a minute to remind myself what details that are ACTUALLY canon and what aren't. peak writing i swear. heartbreaking, but worth it.

after tiasots has broken your heart, go read beyond the sea by the same author and let it piece it back together!! it's currently being posted, and it's basically the continuation of tiasots BUT erwin survives at shiganshina (unlike in tiasots). again, same thing: peak writing, and a little universe it's sooo easy to get lost in. this story will end up living rent free in your mind, trust me.

aaand also set in the tiasots universe is certain obscure things!! it's three chapters, and in each of them they take turns between being dominant or submissive. this is smut that goes a lot harder than what you can find in tiasots but everything shinzouing writes is pure gold

to complete the eruri x reader category (aka the fics that made me go "i think i might be into the concept of throuples") there's two lovers by feelingthorny. it's also set in canonverse. erwin and levi are in an established relationship, one day they invite reader into their bed, and... Big Feelings ensue. i have another fic by feelingthorny by recommend, and oh man, she truly has a way of writing emotions that is so evocative and poetic, it truly drags you into the moment and you are able to feel exactly what they are feeling, they're so immersive. the smut parts literally drip with body worship, it's insane. beautiful.

the other fic by feelingthorny i HAVE to mention is close call. this one is pwp, but FUCK this erwin is SO DREAMY. and, as one might tell, the writing is just marvelous.

next, i recommend every! single! fic! that belongs to the to build a home series by nylondreams. the romance, the intimacy, the tenderness... ahh, they're so lovely to read. and *cough* the first fic in the series gave me a breeding kink *cough*

more recommendations in the "horny fics that also made me fall in love even more" category: e major, uncorked and treasured memories, all by whatsherquirk. delicious. that's all i'm going to say.

prying eyes by SecretsOfHarprocrates is in my opinion a depiction of erwin that's very close to how he'd behave in canon (if canon included sexy times)

four christmases by ghost_party was !!! ok i don't really know what to say about this one because it's been a while since i read it, but you have to trust me and check it out!!

i think that's all for now, i hope i haven't forgotten anything (if i have i'll just reblog this post and add more). happy reading <3

now PLEASE give me an excuse to make an eruri fic recs post (or even a levi one)

#msg #erwin smith x reader

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weirdpersonifiedpills · 7 months

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🌟💊-Welcome!-💊🌟

Heyo, I’m Mouthy (@mouthydraws), welcome to my funny pill blog! I’m an autistic artist with a special interest in pharmacology, specially psychiatric medications, more specifically antidepressants, even more specifically SSRIs. A lot of the stuff I post here will be older until I’m able to catch up, but that hopefully won’t take too long!

New blog for my medication personifications? First post obviously has to be the SSRI lineup from 2022, here come the white-tailed deer ready to fight for your mental health!

From left to right: Zelmid (zimelidine), Luvox (fluvoxamine), Prozac (fluoxetine), Zoloft (sertraline), Paxil (paroxetine), Celexa (citalopram), and Lexapro (escitalopram)

SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are a class of antidepressants used to treat a variety of mental illnesses, most notably anxiety disorders and depression. They’re my absolute favorite class and the reason I’m currently in college for pharmacology. Prozac’s history in particular is my favorite to read about, so expect plenty of him and his history lol.

F.A.Q.

What are personified pills?

Personified pills are, as the name suggests, personifications of medications. Each aspect of the character, from their design to their personality, is carefully chosen based on historical, chemical, and pharmacological aspects of the actual medication. I enjoy drawing the characters in scenes that reference the real-life history of said drug.

Are these your OCs?

Yes. While I don’t own the idea of personifying medications, the designs and characters themselves do belong to me. You’re welcome to design your own personifications, or use mine with credit!

Why are they animals/furries?

Each class of drugs is a different animal species, I think it adds a lot to the characters, and specific animals are chosen in the same way every other aspect of the characters are chosen. Having the characters be animals also allows for clear distinctions between drug classes. I don’t enjoy drawing humans, but even if I did, I’d still keep them as animals.

Do you have a personification for *insert medication here*

All of my personifications are on my Toyhouse (@mouthydraws) under the ‘Medications’ folder. It can take some background knowledge on the class of the drug/possible subclasses or categories to find some of them, so I’ll also be uploading all of them here and using tags to make them easier to locate. If you have a specific medication you want to see, feel free to let me know!

Will you personify illegal drugs?

Given that most illegal drugs either didn’t start out as illegal or are only illegal in certain forms/circumstances, yes. I’ve started on the opioid personifications, and diacetylmorphine (her0in) is definitely going to be a part of that, as well as ADHD medications, which means m3thamphetamine hydrochloride (crystal m3th) is also on the horizon.

Are real people/names included in character lore?

No, I try to keep real people out of the personified pill lore, as it is fiction that’s simply based on actual events. A lot of the history behind these medications can be upsetting, and I do my best to treat these events with the respect they deserve. I’ll talk a lot about drug companies (Eli Lilly, Pfizer, Novartis, AstraZeneca, etc. etc.) but I won’t mention anyone specific lore-wise. I enjoy talking about drug history OUTSIDE of these characters, and will probably do that here too (with appropriate tags of course).

My inbox is always open, but I’m more active on Instagram and Twitter (@mouthydraws). I post a lot of WIPs and general pharmacology ramblings on my Instagram stories, so if you’re interested come check it out! I’m always looking for more pharmacology mutuals!!

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ckjbun · 4 years

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What kind of ability would Higuchi have and its potential name?

Hi to whoever is reading this! This is my first self-written post so I’m still figuring out how all this works and I’m sorry, if it gets a bit chaotic. Anyways, recently, I came across a question regarding Higuchi from Bungou Stray Dogs. It was about what Higuchi’s ability would be called and what type it would be. So I won’t go into details whether she has an ability or not. I believe she has since she is named after an author (and Asagiri himself kinda confirmed it via Twitter). Thus, I just want to write my thoughts on the potential names and kind of ability.

Since abilities in the BSD world are always named after rather well-known works of the authors, I compared some of the famous works of Higuchi Ichiyo. Now mind you, I haven’t read her works myself. I mostly relied on comparing summaries and analyses of them. Since there are not a lot of summaries, I read two lesser-known stories myself. I will add the links of the summaries/analyses of the works down below. However, while comparing I found two works that would fit Higuchi. Now, first what do I mean by “fit”? Well, it might be best to start explaining what I think about the type of Higuchi’s ability.

I believe Higuchi has not an offensive type of ability. Nothing like Atsushi’s, Akutagawa’s, Kyouka’s etc. If she had, I’m sure she would have used it already, since she’s fighting a lot with her guns, why wouldn’t she use her ability as an addition, why would she hide it? There are two possibilities why we haven’t seen her ability yet. First possibility would be that her ability is not visible like Odasaku’s or Ango’s, maybe it’s even an ability that she hasn’t even discovered, just like Fukuzawa hasn’t realized he has one before the ADA. Second would be that she can use her ability only under stringent conditions. And I believe it’s the latter, hear me out.

Remember this scene from Chapter 14? Higuchi reaches out to hold Akutagawa’s hand but then pulls back because she remembered him saying that he doesn’t need her help. Now, you could argue that holding the hands of injured loved ones is a gesture of closeness, a way to show them your support, a way to tell them that you’re staying by their side. And Aku doesn’t want this support, so that’s why she retracted her hand. But something bothers me here. In this scene it looks like Aku slapped Higuchi’s hand away, doesn’t it? And then he says, he doesn’t need her help, instead of support. I know, you could say support and help are almost the same. But to me, help is something that you do more “actively”, while support can be something passive. What if Higuchi’s hand represents this “active” help? And what would actively help Akutagawa in this very moment? A healing ability for example. Coincidentally, in the panel before, Hirotsu asks Higuchi what power she posses to make them [the black lizard] obey. Is this a hint that there is a hint about Higuchi’s ability in the next panel? Maybe. But let’s look at the next panel. It’s the title page of this chapter.

As you can see, Higuchi has a bandage wrapped around her leg and they seem connected to Akutagawa. In this chapter, it is revealed that Higuchi contemplated about leaving the Port Mafia but her reason for staying is implied to be Akutagawa. This is perfectly symbolized by the bandages in this title page. The bandages coming from Akutagawa are holding her leg back, stopping her from walking away from the PM. But maybe there is a second interpretation? If you’re looking at Akutagawa’s left hand, the bandages are starting to come off. What if this means Akutagawa is healing and doesn’t need the bandages anymore? Instead it wraps around Higuchi’s leg, restricting her movement. What if Higuchi’s ability allows her to help someone else (doesn’t have to be necessarily a healing ability) but in exchange she needs to sacrifice something? Anyways, I think she has an ability which allows her to help other people in a non-combat way. With this in mind, I was looking through several works of Higuchi Ichiyo, searching for something that “fits”. Meaning that I was looking for parallels and themes in irl Higuchi’s stories that could be “converted” into an ability. Just like the coat that the protagonist of Rashomon stole in order to now die of hunger was used as Akutagawa’s ability which seems to be able to eat everything, or like the wish that one’s brother does not die in war in Thou Shalt Not Die became Yosano’s ability and serving as a basis of her background story. Anyways, I’d like to present the works that could be used for Higuchi’s ability and draw some parallels.

1. The Thirteen’s Night

The story revolves around a poor woman, called Oseki. Thanks to her marriage to a rich man, her family was able to live a better life and her brother found a job. But on the thirteenth night of the ninth month of the lunar calendar (one of two special nights for moon viewing), Oseki visited her parents with the intention on asking her parents for approval for divorcing her husband. Before entering, she overhears her parents talking about how lucky they are that they have such good children who don’t cause trouble and that they are very thankful for this marriage. Hesitating at first, she finally goes in and admits that she wants to divorce her husband because he abuses her mentally. He insults her constantly and tells her that she's worthless, stupid, and uneducated. Her mother is outraged. But her father, even though he acknowledges her suffering, reminds her what her husband has done for this family and that she would lose her son since women couldn’t get custody of their children after a divorce at that time. Agreeing with her father, Oseki decides to go back to her husband:

“It was selfish of me to think of a divorce. You're right. If I couldn't see Tarō, there'd be no point in living. I might flee my present sorrows, but what kind of future would I have? If I could think of myself as already dead, that would solve everything… Then Tarō would have both his parents with him. It was a foolish idea I had, and I've troubled you with the whole unpleasant business. From tonight I will consider myself dead — a spirit who watches over Tarō. That way I can bear Isamu's cruelty for a hundred years to come.”

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

Just like BSD Higuchi contemplates leaving the PM, the protagonist here wants to leave her husband. The PM is like the husband. It allows her to support herself and probably her family (at least we saw that she has a sister). But there is constant abuse. Akutagawa is clearly the biggest source of abuse that we can see. But it’s not only him. In Chapter 14, Mori asks her if she is really suited for this job. Telling her indirectly that she is useless or that she is too weak for the PM. Later, you can see the Black Lizard doubting her capabilities, even threatening her. But just like Oseki she stays because of a loved one. What really concerns me is Oseki saying that she will consider herself as a dead spirit watching over Tarō. What if Higuchi, in order to use her ability, has to sacrifice part of her lifespan? Or maybe she loses a feeling? Like e.g. she loses the ability to feel happiness, making her a bit more dead inside? If you draw this parallel, you could also say that when ‘consider myself dead’ is the condition of the ability, then ‘watching over Tarō’ is a hint to Higuchi’s ability. An ability that allows her to watch over and protect her loved ones? This theme fits Higuchi perfectly, since a big topic in Higuchi’s story line is how she wants to help and protect Akutagawa. So it makes sense that her ability might be something that would help him (**intensely squinting at the recent events in the manga, especially chapter 88**). Moving on to the second possibility before the pain starts to set in.

2. Takekurabe (literally: "Comparing heights", "Child's Play" in the Robert Lyons Danly translation, "Growing Up" in the Edward Seidensticker translation)

Now this is considered as Higuchi Ichiyo’s masterpiece. So the chances are high that the ability is based on this story. The story accompanies a group of children who live next to the Yoshiwara quarter. There are two rival gangs: the main street gang (’omote-machi’), lead by Shōtarō, a cultivated young boy who is the grandson of the owner of a pawnshop, and the back street gang (’yoko-chō’), lead by Chōkichi, the impulsive firefighter’s son. (Maybe a parallel to the ADA with (cultivated) Fukuzawa and the PM with Mori who’s a doctor which belongs into the same category of occupation as firefighters?). Among the main street gang, there was Midori, popular and pretty, who lives in the brothel where her sister works. Shōtarō probably has a crush on her. But Midori probably has feelings for the other main character, Nobu, the son of a Buddhist priest. Even though he returns her feelings, he distances himself from her out of his self-consciousness. Later he joins the rival gang after repeated request by Chōkichi. Anyways, they spend their days very care-free, attending school, playing with each other after school. One day, some conflict arises between the gangs and Midori, while protecting someone else, gets slapped by Chōkichi with a sandal. He then proceeds to tell her that their gang is backed by no other than Nobu. Midori feels humiliated and stops going to school. Soon she also stops playing with the other children. After some time passed, Midori is seen with her hair all done up. She has become a distant, lady-like young woman. This probably means that she got her first period and is old enough to become a prostitute or that she just had her first client as a courtesan. Little by little, the children grow up. Nobu is sent off to be trained as a priest and Shōtarō has come to accept the responsibilities of his family’s shop.

There are several themes in this story that I’d like to point out, namely unrequited love, Midori’s transformation and underlying unchangeable fates. The first one is obviously a big theme in Higuchi’s story. Midori and Nobu are unable to express their love for each other because of their positions in life. Just like Higuchi is unable to express her feelings for Akutagawa. If you want some hope, AkuHigu shippers, maybe Aku has also feelings for Higuchi but is still very confused and self-conscious about it just like Nobu. Anyways, because of their positions in the PM, it would make everything very complicated if Higuchi confessed. Additionally, Midori feels like she was humiliated by her love when she got slapped by that sandal. I’m sure that Higuchi gets humiliated by Akutagawa a lot. The next theme is Midori’s transformation from a tomboyish to a lady-like, distant woman. We all know Higuchi looks really badass in her suits. But again, look at the title page of chapter 14. Higuchi is dressed up all prettily and lady-like in a dress, and her hair is done all up. Just like Midori after her transformation. Midori’s transformation stands for Midori accepting her occupation as a prostitute even though she doesn’t want to. In this chapter, we see that Higuchi has accepted her job in the PM, even though she doesn’t want to do this job. At the end Shōtarō sings the following:

"Growing up,

she plays among the butterflies

and flowers.

But she turns sixteen,

and all she knows

is work and sorrow."

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

I don’t know about you guys, but to me that necklace that Higuchi is wearing in that title page looks like a butterfly to me. This is really farfetched but maybe this could be a hint about when Higuchi joined the Port Mafia? However, the biggest theme in Takekurabe is the underlying unchangeable fate of the children. Shōtarō was destined to become the next owner of the pawnshop, Nabu was destined to become a Buddhist monk and Midori would become a prostitute. Maybe this gives us some insight into why Higuchi joined the PM? Maybe one of her parents was a PM member? I also like to think that since Aku is in the PM, since she wants to be with him, she can’t but stay in the PM, and this is her fate. Nevertheless, fate is a central theme in Takekurabe. This is the reason why I think, if the ability is based on this story, Higuchi’s ability would be something like changing fates. Changing fate of someone else but in return she must sacrifice something.

Okay, so this post has become quite long. But I still wanted to mention two other stories Yamizakura (Flowers at Dusk) and The Sound of the Koto where I saw a lot of parallels. I just want to briefly tell you the story of The Sound of the Koto. In this story a woman abandons her son in order to leave her husband who has a bad reputation. The husband then turns into an alcoholic and dies later at a party because of alcohol intoxication. The boy becomes hardened to the world, despises his mother for leaving them, and even contemplates suicide. The story shifts then to a woman playing the koto. I want to give you an excerpt for the end of this story:

“On this night the sound of the woman’s playing helped another to be reborn. Through fourteen springs and fourteen autumns, the boy had been buffeted by the rains. His heart had gradually toughened until it had become as hard as stone. No arrow could penetrate it. He seemed destined to follow the example of his father, to die among the fields or in the mountains, where his remains would be bleached by the elements. Some were convinced the boy’s life would end in prison chains, while his bad name spread to every roadside.

But now, at once, the tenderness buried in his heart was freed by the midnight strains of the koto. For the first time in many years, he felt tears come to his eyes. Or were they jewelled drops of dew? He would not exchange them for anything.

He, who had known neither love nor compassion, and who had no idea what the player of these refrains could even look like, felt a moment of happiness as the music drifted over the garden wall. […]

[…] How could a stormy wind blow now? The clouds in his heart had disappeared. Once more the woman began to play. The sound of the koto would be his friend for a hundred years, the seed for a hundred years of yearning. He had entered a world where a hundred different flowers wer in bloom.

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

This boy somehow just reminds me so much of Akutagawa. Just like this boy, without any parents and home, wandering around in this world, Akutagawa has become hardened to the world. I’d like to think that Higuchi’s ability could free Akutagawa from his pain, just like the sound of koto does for this boy.

So, now I said everything I wanted to say, I guess. If there is really anyone reading this and reading this until here, thank you so much! I appreciate it very much that you kept reading even though my thoughts are probably quite chaotic. I’m sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or weird sentence structures or anything like this. English is not my first language. I’m very happy, if you could point out any mistakes or have any suggestion for improvement. Lastly, I just want to remind you that these are my thoughts, I love discussing so feel free to comment your thoughts but I’d like you to keep in mind that there is not necessarily a wrong or right, theories are theories, interpretations are interpretations. Everyone has another interpretation. They can only be proven wrong by Asagiri sensei himself. Until then just keep the discussions friendly and tolerant towards other people’s thoughts and opinions.

Sources:

All manga panels used in this post are from easygoingscans

Higuchi Ichiyo (樋口一葉)

Higuchi Ichiyo: "In the Shade of Spring Leaves"

In The Shade Of Spring Leaves: The Life Of Higuchi Ichiyo, With Nine Of Her Best Stories, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

In the Shade of Spring Leaves – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 1

“Flowers at Dusk” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 2

“Encounters on a Dark Night” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 3

“Child’s Play” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 4

HIGUCHI ICHIYŌ: BADASS WOMEN IN JAPANESE HISTORY

The Thirteenth Night (Wikipedia)

Female Subject, Interrupted in Higuchi Ichiyō's "The Thirteenth Night"

GAME OF TRADITIONS: TRADITION IN THE THIRTEENTH NIGHT AND DIARY OF A MAD MAN

HIGUCHI ICHIYŌ IN MODERN JAPANESE AND EUROPEAN DRESS: Modern Japanese versions (gendaigoyaku) of Higuchi Ichiyō’s Takekurabe and their Relationship with English, Castilian Spanish and Catalan Translations

Separate Ways Summary

Literary Analysis of “Separate Ways”

Flowers at Dusk

Nigorie (Wikipedia)

From the Margins of Meiji Society: Space and Gender in Higuchi Ichiyō's "Troubled Waters"

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augustdreams · 4 years

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Why maladaptive daydreaming (MaDD) should be classified a dissociative disorder

Contents:

Maladaptive daydreaming summary

Dissociative disorders summary

Diagnostic criteria

Conclusion

(~1100 words)

What is MaDD?

Maladaptive daydreaming (stylised as MaDD to avoid confusion between MDD (major depressive disorder)) is a disorder in which a person involuntarily daydreams, or daydreams in a way that harms their life. They do not have the ability to stop whenever they please, which is what makes it different from immersive daydreaming. It is not officially recognised by psychologists/psychiatrists as a diagnosable disorder, however online communities have come together to share their experiences with it and more research is being done each day.

Dissociative disorders:

The types of dissociative disorders formally recognised already are as followed:

Dissociative amnesia

Dissociative identity disorder

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder

Dissociative fugue

In this "essay", I'll be going into each disorder and relating the diagnoses to maladaptive daydreaming disorder, drawing similarities and discussing differences. Before that, I'd like to explore the broader symptoms of dissociative disorders.

Here is a list of symptoms that are usually looked for when diagnosing an individual (severity will fluctuate):

Feeling disconnected from self

Problems handling emotions

Sudden/unexpected shifts in mood

Depression

Anxiety

Feeling as though the world is distorted/not real

Cognitive problems (e.g. memory, concentration, etc.)

Feeling compelled to behave in a certain way

Identity confusion

How MaDD can be linked to each of these:

When daydreaming, a lot of MaDDers will feel a disconnection from the real world, sometimes zoning out to the point that they no longer register external stimuli. Confusion regarding identity can of course be felt while daydreaming, as some MaDDers have parames, which are usually idealised versions of themselves. Not all MaDDers have these characters, however, instead daydreaming only of original and/or fictional characters. In this case, identity confusion will occur when an individual comes out of their daydreaming, adjusting to the real environment.

Symptoms like depression, anxiety, and inability to handle emotions can come across in two forms when daydreaming. The first is that an individual can be highly empathetic (due to either personality or trauma) and can experience all of their paras' feelings themselves while daydreaming. The second is when daydreams may become intrusive and hard to manage, in which case individuals may imagine highly traumatic or triggering situations that can affect their mood severely and quickly, usually causing anxiety (and even panic attacks) that can last hours.

Feeling as though the world is not real is a very self-explanatory symptom, as it is the basis of the disorder to create an alternative world. The key difference here I'd like to make is that people with MaDD recognise that the world they are in is not real. The reason I am mentioning this symptom is because we experience out paracosms as though they ARE real, feelings our paras' emotions and sometimes having our stories progress without our instruction. Cognitive problems are a HUGE issue with maladaptive daydreaming disorder (hence "maladaptive"). Maladaptive daydreaming can cause executive dysfunction and major concentration problems.

Dissociative amnesia:

Amnesia can be categorised into four forms: localised (an individual will temporarily forget the details of an event), selective (patchy or incomplete information), generalised (an individual will have trouble remembering details of their life), and systematised (very specific memory loss). I've seen posts where users express not being able to remember much of their own lives, in turn allowing their brain to remember more information about their paracosm. This would be categorised as generalised amnesia, though it isn't a universal MaDD experience to my knowledge, as I see it talked about only rarely.

Dissociative identity disorder:

This is a disorder in which two or more altars ("personalities") co-exist within a body. Lack of diagnostic criteria can lead to diagnoses like OSDD, which I won't discuss as I'm trying to keep this simple, but if you're interested in this topic, it's worth looking into! DID involves amnesia when altars aren't situated at the front (or "fronting"), meaning being in control of the body. While individuals with MaDD don't have this fronting experience, there are similar symptoms experienced by both disorders, like having people in our heads who have their own pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about themselves in their world; feeling detached from ourselves; sometimes having vivid flashbacks of our paras' pasts (for people with DID, these flashbacks would be memories belonging to other alters or memories that had been hidden by gatekeeper alters), especially trauma, which can induce anxiety; and mood swings brought by our paras' feelings.

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder:

Of each of these disorders, I think depersonalisation is the most similar to MaDD. Depersonalisation includes feeling detached from one's own life and feelings. People with this disorder typically feel distant and emotionally unconnected to themselves. They can have problems with concentration and memory. They may feel 'spacey' (which definitely relates to MaDD, as our daydreams often feel like an altered state of consciousness), and they can experience time distortion (VERY popular in MaDD) e.g. not recognising how much time has passed, thinking an hour has passed when it's only been ten minutes, etc..

In severe cases, it's said that people with this disorder do not recognise themselves in mirrors. If this is considered severe, then just how bad is MaDD? I have seen people on this platform discuss being surprised seeing their face and not their parame's in mirrors. I've seen others say that they don't register that they are looking into a mirror. It's worrisome, and a reason maladaptive daydreaming should be considered more serious.

Dissociative fugue:

Also known as psychogenic fugue, this is a disorder in which an individual suddenly forgets their identity and creates a new identity and life for themselves. While MaDDers don't forget their original identity, they can temporarily be less conscious of it while daydreaming, and the ability to create new identities and characters comes very easily to us.

Conclusion:

Maladaptive daydreaming is composed of many more symptoms than just daydreaming excessively, and considering how many of these symptoms match up to that of dissociative disorders, it can be theorised that this disorder may just be able to fall into this category. However, not enough researchers are looking into maladaptive daydreaming disorder, with many still debating if it's a disorder at all. My personal judgement is that it could definitely be labeled as such, however I am in no way a professional, and I do not know enough about other's experiences with the disorder to come to a complete conclusion. I think it could be considered a subtype of depersonalisation, but I would love to hear the opinions of others. If you have your own thoughts that you are willing to share, feel free to add them to the comments/reblog.

Sources:

x, x

#madd info #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming info #actually madd #maladaptive daydreaming disorder #madd information #maladaptive daydreaming information #actuallymadd #madd discussion #psychology #long post

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thetypedwriter · 3 years

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A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

A Darker Shade of Magic Book Review by V.E. Schwab

I should really trust myself more.

Do you ever have that one gut feeling or you just know yourself and if you’re going to like something or not?

That was my experience with A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. I’ve read only one other V.E. Schwab novel and it was Vicious-you can read my review on it HERE.

And while I by no means disliked Vicious, I was also not nearly as enraptured as everyone else seemed to be about the novel and about Schwab pieces in general.

So when another Tumblr user recommended A Darker Shade of Magic I figured that I owed it to myself, this other user, and to Schwab to not write her off entirely and read something else she had crafted, even though I knew deep down inside that I probably wouldn’t like it.

Buttttttt, the opposite has happened before, like with The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

However, once again, while I by no means detested the book, I was less than enthused by the work and the reading experience as a whole.

As a sort of flimsy disclaimer, I do generally tend to read YA and when I delve into adult fiction it’s often hit or miss with me as I usually feel bogged down by repetitious details and boring descriptive paragraphs that I find unnecessary and the main reason why adult fiction is so slow and banal (in my opinion).

So, the amount of YA I read and the tropes and pace that comes with that kind of material is on me as I’m simply just very used to books working that way. But, once again, there have been outliers and I truly think that only so much of my boredom and dislike can be explained away due to what I’m familiar with.

Onto the actual novel, A Darker Shade of Magic is really the story of two characters, Kell and Lilah, two separate people from literally two different worlds. You see, Kell is an Antari, a rare being that can tap into the pure magic of the world and wield it to his liking, allowing him to pass between the veil separating the worlds.

Lilah, on the other hand, is a conniving thief with the stereotypical heart of gold and tragic backstory. She inadvertently finds herself in possession of a magical stone and in the troubling presence of Kell himself, leading her on an adventure between worlds as they try to restore the stone to Black London where it belongs.

Along the way, Holland, the only other Antari, is out to get them both and the stone, dripping blood in his wake, the stone itself is too powerful to resist with disastrous consequences if you don’t, a darkness of sorts is infecting the different London’s and the people in it, and political machinations run abundant and bloodthirsty as worlds crash for the first time in years.

It sounds very action-packed and intriguing and for some of you it may very well be.

For me personally, though, I just could never buy into this world that had been slowly crafted and built upon. Schwab does a great job of creating the world(s), the people in it, and finely tuned details so that each London had a distinct flavor with their own set of issues and conflict.

I just didn’t care.

Kell and Lilah were fine as characters. I found Kell to be whiny more often than not and he would constantly tell himself that he would stop doing something (like taking items from one London and bringing it into another) and then never follow through. It also irked me that Kell was this all mighty, all kind and altruistic person. I found that boring.

Lilah, on the other hand, I liked a great deal more. It’s a bit tiresome to me that Kell and Lilah will no doubt develop feelings for one another, but it’s far from the worst pairing I’ve ever seen. Lilah is fierce and I often liked her lack of empathy and her cruelty, which I found much more realistic than Kell’s humble persona given her backstory and her circumstances.

All the other characters didn’t even make a blip on my radar to be honest.

Holland is evil. I got the impression that Schwab was trying to make him be one of those I-once-was-good-but-pain-carved-it-out-of-me-characters, but it just didn’t work for me. I found him empty and shallow and I didn’t have enough information about him to really care about his actions and motivations.

The twins from White London, Astrid and Athos Dane, are almost comically vile and corrupt. Once again, I’m sure Schwab has a backstory on the ruling twins and their iniquitous ways, but I just couldn't shake off the indifference I had while reading this entire story.

Rhy was simply there for comic relief and not much else.

The writing itself was good and decently paced, although I did find some parts, particularly bits of Kell whining, to be monotonous and wearisome, the rest of the story was written just fine with some bits of well-timed action and riveting fight-scenes.

However, none of it was enough to shake off my apathy.

At the end of the day, the story and its characters failed to suck me in and engross me. I wasn’t attached to anyone and I didn’t feel the particular need to read the story at all. Towards the end, my motivation was more about finishing the book so I could move onto something else than it was actually reading the conclusion and wrapping up the tale.

This book wasn’t for me.

I tried, I truly did, and gave myself, this user, and Schwab the benefit of the doubt, but this was strike two. It’ll take a prodigious amount of convincing to get me to read another Schwab novel, and I certainly have no interest in reading the rest of the Shades of Magic trilogy.

All that being said, even though this book and perhaps this author aren’t for me, doesn’t mean it won’t be for you or to your liking. If adult fantasy really tickles your fancy, this could be your great big love. Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt as I know I’m biased towards YA and my familiarity with that. If you don’t fall into the same category as me, it’s highly likely you’d really enjoy A Darker Shade of Magic.

Recommendation: If all you read is YA like me then this is probably not your cup of tea. If you’re on the fence, then check it out from your local library free of charge and give it a spin. You might find that you crash and burn or that you’ve found the next exhilarating series to add to your magical fantasy repertoire.

Score: 4/10

#a darker shade of magic #veschawb #vicious #ya fiction #popular fiction #fiction #book blog #book review #Book Recommendations #book rec #fantasy #4/10

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leejungchans · 4 years

Text

— beach confessions.

word count: 1.4k

warning(s): mentions of struggles with self-esteem

notes: words in [ ] represent the editors’ comments added in post-production; words in bold represent those spoken in english!!

summary: juliet opens up during the beach confession activity on ateez treasure film.

a/n: watching this episode made me super teary :’) i hope you like this one! thank you for reading and feel free to leave feedback and/or chat with me!! have a nice day!! 💕💕

you can watch the episode here!

On one of their last nights in Sydney, the production team takes ATEEZ to the beach for a team mission they titled “Be bold enough to be blamed”, where they are to be honest with each other and confess to their blunders.

“Let’s listen to what each other has to say, no holding grudges, though!” Wooyoung says to them.

“No holding grudges!” Hongjoong agrees passionately before saying, “Forgive whatever each other confesses!” with Wooyoung in unison.

Juliet laughs. “Life is all about forgiveness,” she jokes, to which the leader turns on her and nods approvingly. [The maknae’s wise words]

“That’s right.”

She ponders over what to confess as she gazes out to the shoreline. It’s truly a beautiful night, the beach isn’t too crowded due to the late hour and the moon illuminates the waves. From where she is currently standing on the platform leading to the beach, she can still see the glimmering lights of the Sydney skyline.

Off-camera, the staff asked her to go first seeing that she is the youngest, but she was so nervous that Jongho volunteered to go instead. Juliet gives him a grateful smile and a gentle squeeze of his hand before he walks down the stairs from the platform and down to the designated spot on the beach, where more staff members are waiting with their filming equipment.

Jongho starts his confession off by asking them to scream for five seconds. Surprisingly, most of the members oblige without giving it a second thought. To her right, Seonghwa looks on in bewilderment. “Why are we doing this?” he murmurs, causing Juliet to giggle and elbow him softly.

“As the youngest member!” Jongho starts, but Wooyoung chimes in before he can continue.

“Come again?”

The youngest member laughs, already able to picture Jongho’s frustrated face. [ㅋㅋㅋ Wooyoung is funny] She is not disappointed when he angrily yells back a “Listen carefully!” in response, and the members dissolve into a fit of laughter at his cute reaction.

Despite the hilarious beginning, the rest of the youngest male’s confession takes a serious turn as he admits to having trouble expressing his feelings, as well as thanking the group for embracing this trait of his regardless.

Without realising, tears start forming in Juliet’s eyes as she listens to his heartfelt words. As the maknaes, Jongho is her partner in crime and a silent support, always there to encourage her. Despite his confession, she thinks that his company and friendship mean more to her than he can ever imagine.

When Jongho finishes, she reaches up to dab at her eyes gingerly with the sleeve of her sweater while the others shout praises, also clearly touched from his words.

Seonghwa cranes his head to find the maknae already wiping away her tears. “Oh no, she’s already crying,” he coos, arm reaching around to pull Juliet into a half-hug and rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. [Jongho’s touching words makes Juliet cry] This attracts the attention of the other members and the staff, and Juliet waves a hand in front of her face to signal to the latter that she’s okay and that the filming can continue.

“Aigoo, don’t cry, Julie,” Yunho, who is standing to her left, says as he strokes her hair. “There’s still eight of us left, you’ll be sobbing mess by the end,” he teases lightly.

Yeosang goes next, followed by Wooyoung, who confesses to being the one who didn’t do the dishes after eating ramen, prompting shouts of protest from the members.

“This is not cool!”

“So it really was you!”

Yunho leans on the railings. “Hey! You were the first one who got mad!”

Juliet smiles fondly, remember the chaos that ensued that night as they all debated on the culprit as no one had stepped forward to confess. At the time, it did cause some slight tension because someone had to have done it, and everyone was frustrated that no one was admitting to it. But looking back years later, it was a memory that the nine of them alone shared, no matter how many times they recount the story over their lifetimes.

She watches in relative silence during Mingi, Yunho and San’s turns, only bursting into giggles when the tallest member divulges that he accidentally kicked Mingi’s laptop the day before, causing the rapper to roar with halfhearted outrage.

However, the tears make a reappearance when San talks about his low self-esteem and thanks the members for their constant encouragement and affirmation. It genuinely pains her to see San, or any of the others, for that matter, to think of themselves poorly, because she couldn’t imagine any other people to share this journey with.

“You’re the best!” she yells with all her might, hoping he feels her sincerity.

The staff decides that she will go after Seonghwa and before Hongjoong. When Seonghwa’s turn ends, she races down the beach to give him a hug after his sentimental sharing. The eldest hands her the white flag printed with ATEEZ’s logo that each member had been holding during their confessions before running back to the others.

“Members! Can you hear me?” she yells as she waves the flag enthusiastically upon realising that they are further away from her than she had thought.

“Juliet! Please don’t cry!” San call out to her.

“If you cry, we’ll cry too!” Mingi adds.

“No promises!” she responds, laughing nervously and taking a deep breath. “I know it can feel weird having only one girl as your member, so I’m really sorry if my addition to the group has made any of you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve ever told you guys this, but I always worry that I’m going to affect ATEEZ negatively and be a burden to you...” [The youngest opens up about her deepest feelings]

More tears spring to Juliet’s eyes once the words leave her lips, and she pauses to wipe away her tears. A staff member discreetly passes her a tissue off-camera. [Don’t cry, Juliet...ㅠㅠ] She’s kept such feelings buried for a long time, not knowing how to approach this topic with the boys and not wanting them to feel bad for her.

But she’s seen the comments—comments saying that her addition to ATEEZ will only drag the group down, like how they wouldn’t be able to be nominated for any boy group categories at award shows as ATEEZ isn’t a boy group for as long as she is in the group.

Reading those comments hurt. A lot. Juliet knows that the boys are aware of them, and she also knows that they do their best to shield her from seeing them. But if there’s one thing she’s learnt from being an idol, it’s that no matter how hard people—your company, your members, your family and friends—try to protect you from malicious remarks, they will find you regardless, plaguing your thoughts during the day and haunting your dreams when night falls. They make her question if she truly belongs, even if she knows deep down that the boys love her more than anything.

“Please don’t think like that!” Seonghwa yells, his voice cracking at the end. The maknae can’t see his face at the moment, but she will soon find out from watching the episode that his eyes were glossed over, overcome with emotion.

She hears Hongjoong’s voice next. “Yah! Who told you to think like that? I’ll beat them up!”

“That’s right!” Wooyoung agrees, “Jongho will come and beat them!”

“I will!”

Juliet laughs weakly at their half-serious threats before continuing with her confession. “The last thing I want to say is thank you! Thank you for being nothing but kind to me since the very beginning! I was really scared at first, but you guys quickly proved to me that I had nothing to worry about.”

She stops momentarily to sniff softly. “I hope you know that you all are very precious to me, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my second family. And I’m so thankful that you got to come to my hometown with me! Members, fighting! I hope ATEEZ can stay together for a long time! I love you!”

“I love you!”

With a bow towards the camera crew, Juliet runs clumsily back up the beach where she meets Hongjoong halfway as he heads to where she previously stood for his turn. The leader wraps his arms around her.

“Seonghwa’s right,” he says quietly so the microphones can’t catch his words, “don’t think like that. You are never a burden, Minyoung-ah, you are just as important to the group as any of us are.”

Juliet nods, raising her head from Hongjoong’s shoulder to see that the others have joined them on the beach, pulling the both of them into a group hug. [Nine makes one team ♡]

Juliet doesn’t know how she feels about destiny, but she thinks that it brought her to these eight boys who became her second family. For the first time in a while, she feels like she truly belongs.

#scenarios.juliet #ateez 9th member #ateez ninth member #9th member of ateez #kpop oc #idol oc #ateez oc #kpop addition #idol addition #ateez addition #kpop imagines #idol imagines #ateez imagines #kpop au #idol au #ateez au

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re-scanningblue · 4 years

Text

DRAMAtical Murder Masterpost type thing (Links to buy things and a general introduction to what DMMd is)

So... since information on DRAMAtical Murder tends to be scattered and/or outdated, I'm making this. It's not necessarily needed, but hopefully it'll help someone, and it'll also satisfy my weird need to archive and compile things(?) lol. This will cover what DRAMAtical Murder even is, to how to play/purchase the game, to other links + resources for existing fans. This is mainly just… links to purchase things. So many links. If you have any suggestions, additions, or if something is incorrect, please let me know! If you have any questions at all, feel free to send me an ask or message- I will answer as best I can. A note about the links- links to sites where the item is unavailable are not included here. So there were other sites where things could be purchased, but are now not available, so I excluded them. I tried my best to check that all items were still available to purchase and that they were also official links (Although some of them I kind of couldn’t tell). If something becomes unavailable or a link doesn't work or etc, please let me know. Also, please be aware that as DMMd is an 18+ game, some links may contain adult content. Otherwise, is this post late by like 7 years? Yes. Moving on.

Firstly...

What is DRAMAtical Murder?

DRAMAtical Murder (DMMd) is an r18 Boys Love Visual novel created by Nitro+CHiRAL back in 2012. It has 4 character routes, with a 5th unlockable one. All the routes have 2 endings each, a good and bad ending- with the exception of 1 who has multiple bad endings (Noiz). There was a sequel/fandisc released in 2013 with DRAMAtical Murder re:connect, a SFW PS Vita port in 2014 with DRAMAtical Murder re:code (with the explicit content cut out and an extra route added), and an Anime adaptation in the same year. There was also a stage play adaptation in late 2019. There was a fanmade translation patch released for DMMd and DMMd re:connect on AarinFantasy forums, which is how many fans experienced the game in English. It was only in recent years that DMMd, and other Nitro+CHiRAL games would get an offical English translation by JAST BLUE. Nitro+CHiRAL has released other BL games, with Togainu no Chi, Lamento, and Sweet Pool. Their most recent release is Slow Damage, which will be getting an offical English release as well. I encourage you to support and purchase the official release if you are able to. As the game is now out officially in English, there will be no links or etc to the patch in this post.

Here is one plot summary (Technically from the Anime but the other ones I found were google translate quality); The story takes place many years in the future where the game "Rhyme," a virtual fighting game, is incredibly popular and people possess "AllMates," convenient AI computers. Aoba leads an ordinary life, working at a junk shop and living with his grandmother on the island of Midorijima. Unlike his friends, he doesn't participate in Rhyme, nor does he belong in a gang. However, when rumors of people disappearing spread, Aoba finds himself needing to unravel the mysteries behind the island in order to protect his everyday life. So, basically, DMMd is a BL Visual novel. Like all Nitro+CHiRAL games, DMMd contains content some may find triggering- just as a small warning. Otherwise, and this is coming from a huge fan- I personally think DMMd is amazing. The characters are wonderful, their backstories are unique and makes them feel fleshed out and give the DMMd world more life, in a way- the music is incredible and really… there is nothing quite like DMMd, it's so wonderfully strange and great. I promise you it's so much more than just the explicit stuff. ...But again that's just me. Not everyone will like it and even some fans will not see it the same way I do, but anyway.

How can I play the game?

For the Japanese version; There are two versions of DMMd; the original, and the Windows 10 version. The original isn't sold anymore to my knowledge, however that version should still work on Windows 10. Please note you will need to set your system Locale to Japanese or use something like Locale Emulator/NTLEA to play the game, or it will not work. Setting your actual system Locale to Japanese may cause problems, so keep this in mind. For the English version; Simply use the links provided below to purchase the official English release of the game! Here are the links to purchase the games, including physical and digital copies. Some links may not work for English users, a VPN may be needed. It may also be possible to use a Proxy/Package forwarding service depending. DRAMAtical Murder; (ENGLISH) (JAST USA, uncensored) https://jastusa.com/dramatical-murder (Steam, censored) https://store.steampowered.com/app/1481080/DRAMAtical_Murder/ (Uncensor patch for the Steam version) https://jastusa.com/dramatical-murder-dlc-steam (Note that this patch is NOT needed if you bought the game from the JAST USA store) (J-List, uncensored physical copy) https://www.jlist.com/category/games-computers/visual-novels/blue003le

(JAPANESE) (Nitroplus Store, digital) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np02077.html (DMM, digital) https://dlsoft.dmm.co.jp/detail/hobe_0436/ (DMM, digital (English)) https://dlsoft.dmm.co.jp/en/detail/hobe_0436 (DMM, physical) https://www.dmm.co.jp/mono/pcgame/-/detail/=/cid=1064apc12971/ (Amazon, physical) https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B07S8BQ7KB (Stellaworth, digital) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=GcCnYq1PYdc Here is the page for DMMd on JAST BLUE's website, which has the same links to purchase it in English; https://jast.blue/dramaticalmurder.html

What about DRAMAtical Murder re:connect?

re:connect is the fandisc/sequel to the original. It has mainly the short stories that add to the original endings, both good and bad. It also has more stories that can be unlocked like Aoba’s backstory, and what happened afterwards with Mizuki. It also includes minigames and the April Fools jokes N+C did before re:connect was released. JAST BLUE has not confirmed a translation will happen for re:connect, but there is still the fan translation released on Aarinfantasy forums. If there is any news on JAST BLUE and re:connect, I will update this post. As said before, there is no Windows 10 version of re:connect, although it should work fine on Windows 10 regardless. Below are the links to purchase it. DRAMAtical Murder re:connect; (Nitroplus store, digital) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np00947.html (DMM, digital) https://www.dmm.co.jp/mono/pcgame/-/detail/=/cid=1064apc10368/ (Amazon, physical) https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B00BB6X522 (Stellaworth, digital) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=zsKBDBKLWK0 (Stellaworth, digital (Comes with CD bonus(?)) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=KDaAgAaaDxK As before, please note you will need to set your system Locale to Japanese or use something like Locale Emulator/NTLEA to play the game, or it will not work. Setting your actual system Locale to Japanese may cause problems, so keep this in mind.

Then what about DRAMAtical Murder re:code?

re:code is the PS Vita port of the original PC release. It cuts out the explicit content, censors some CGs for a 15+ rating, adds new CGs and even some new scenes, and adds an entirely new route; the Morphine route, aka the Mizuki route. re:code also addressed some plot-holes that were in the original. Here are the links to purchase re:code; DRAMAtical Murder re:code; (Playstation store, digital) https://store.playstation.com/ja-jp/product/JP0169-PCSG00420_00-DRAMATICALMURDER (Amazon, physical) https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B00LIQQAI6/ You can purchase and play the physical copy with no issues. For digital copies it’s a little trickier. Here is a guide to downloading Japanese games on your PS Vita; https://kotaku.com/how-to-play-games-from-the-japanese-psn-on-your-non-jap-5983578 ^ Note that this is not a problem with physical copies. re:code is not in English and hasn't been confirmed for an official English localization, but there is a fan translation of the Morphine/Mizuki route that's exclusive to re:code, by shinocchidesu. You can read it here; https://shinocchidesu.net/post/162356717914/dramatical-murder-recode-morphine-route They have also shown the main differences between the original and re:code routes. You can also watch the gameplays uploaded by FancyPotatoCake on YouTube here whilst using the fan translation if you want; https://www.youtube.com/user/SuRi00ReUp/playlists +For the Morphine/Mizuki route, the actual route starts on part 7, at around 21:00 onwards. It’s unlikely that re:code will get an official English translation, but then again- DMMd is, and it’s been like 7 years since that came out, so maybe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The stage play

In late 2019, there was a stage play adaptation of DMMd, featuring all the routes as separate performances. You can purchase them on the following sites and stream it for up to 60 days before needing to purchase it again; https://www.dmm.com/digital/top/stage/dmmd/ https://mirail.video/title/3290017 The above sites won't let you purchase unless you use a VPN. If you cannot use the link, you can download recordings of the streams here; https://misaki01.tumblr.com/post/190765753950/dl-brain-crash-theater-dramatical-murder-all Please follow the rules listed on the post and read everything carefully. As for stage play translations, you can find more information on them here; https://hkdmmd.tumblr.com/post/622736646854574081/dmmd-stage-play-translations (Thank you again <3)

The drama CDs

There have been various drama CDs for DMMd. The drama CDs (or in this case, BLCD) is essentially the same as the Visual novel, except it’s purely audio. The same voice actors from the VN are in the drama CDs. The bonus CDs; Some of the CDs were included as a special pre-order bonus, with different CDs from different sites. I’m unsure if these are able to be purchased anymore, unless it’s second-hand. You can see various links for the CDs here; https://dmmdresources.tumblr.com/cds There were also a series of "after" drama CDs, which are set after re:connect. (And in my opinion, are extremely important for understanding the routes and their backstories better. I highly recommend listening to them!) The majority of the CDs can be found on YouTube, some also have English subtitles. Shibaface on Tumblr has translated all the main "after" CDs here; https://shibaface.tumblr.com/tagged/translation You can also view the same translations here as documents; https://1drv.ms/f/s!AqrTMWbLX7u5mANJd60_3W2WuK6g Below are links to purchase the "after" CDs. (Note there is no CD for Mizuki or Virus/Trip) Nitroplus store; Vol. 1 (Koujaku) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01072.html Vol. 2 (Clear) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01073.html Vol. 3 (Mink) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01088.html Vol. 4 (Noiz) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01092.html Vol. 5 (Ren) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01117.html Stellaworth; Vol. 1 (Koujaku) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=9is2020Suus Vol. 2 (Clear) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=ymGUcUc6PPc Vol. 3 (Mink) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=kHl8O8OhTkh Vol. 4 (Noiz) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=NGI1C1CnCY1 Vol. 5 (Ren) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=pM94i4i9QZZ Animate shop; Vol. 1 (Koujaku) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1277805/ Vol. 2 (Clear) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1277806/ Vol. 3 (Mink) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1300886/ Vol. 4 (Noiz) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1302829/ Vol. 5 (Ren) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1316647/ CDJapan; Vol. 1 (Koujaku) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/NCVC-3?s_ssid=e45cae5f00f7db5600 Vol. 2 (Clear) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/NCVC-5?s_ssid=e45cae5f00f7db5600 Vol. 3 (Mink) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/NCVC-7?s_ssid=e45cae5f00f7db5600 Vol. 4 (Noiz) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/NCVC-9?s_ssid=e45cae5f00f7db5600 Vol. 5 (Ren) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/NCVC-11?s_ssid=e45cae5f00f7db5600

The Side stories

There were various side stories as well, most of them being posted onto the Nitro+CHiRAL staff blog, but there was also a small book released. The main one released as a book, was the Summer Side Stories. It's set after the re:connect good ends. (As a side note, I believe the "after" drama CDs are set after these side stories, or all the side stories- sort of making those CDs the "final chapter" in the DMMd world but… I could be wrong lol) For buying the Summer Side Stories; https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/npo926.html https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B00UPW8PXC Here is an English translation for the Summer Side Stories (In PDF format); https://dmmd-support.tumblr.com/post/106543447780/download-click-here-the-team-belatedly-wishes Birthday side stories; Noiz; (Original post) https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2012/1554.php (Translation by ancestralmask) https://ancestralmask.tumblr.com/post/27089560151/translation-noizs-birthday-2012 Mink; (Original post) https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2012/1582.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/32354840550 Koujaku; (Original post) https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2012/1575.php (Translation by ancestralmask) https://ancestralmask.tumblr.com/post/29734654910/translation-koujakus-birthday-2012 Clear; (Original post) https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/1626.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/45398166319 Ren (+ Aoba); (Original post) https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/1659.php (translation by ayuuria) https://ayuuria.tumblr.com/post/48594080767/422-short-story-aoba-and-rens-birthday Valentine Side stories; *The original posts were only up from the 14th to the 17th before being deleted. I was able to find them on the wayback machine however, so I linked those. Noiz; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130217035515/http://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/02/130214_1620.php (Translation by Goldpanner) https://khenglish.wordpress.com/non-kh-translations-naruto-dmmd/dmmd-index/a-chocolate-for-you-noiz/ Mink; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130217035525/http://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/02/130214_1622.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/43304242958 (Translation by Goldpanner) https://khenglish.wordpress.com/non-kh-translations-naruto-dmmd/dmmd-index/a-chocolate-for-you-mink/ Koujaku; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130217035509/http://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/02/130214_1619.php (Translation by daikonjou/Radish) https://daikonjou.tumblr.com/post/43299281733/koujakus-valentines-day-short-story-translation (Translation by Goldpanner) https://khenglish.wordpress.com/non-kh-translations-naruto-dmmd/dmmd-index/a-chocolate-for-you-kojaku/ Clear; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130217035519/http://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/02/130214_1621.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/43313231988 (Translation by Goldpanner) https://khenglish.wordpress.com/non-kh-translations-naruto-dmmd/dmmd-index/a-chocolate-for-you-clear/ Ren; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130217035534/https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/02/130214_1623.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/43309191246 (Translation by Goldpanner) https://khenglish.wordpress.com/non-kh-translations-naruto-dmmd/dmmd-index/a-chocolate-for-you-ren/ Virus/Trip White Day story; (Original post) https://web.archive.org/web/20130315074127/https://www.nitrochiral.com/staffblog/2013/03/130314_1635.php (Translation by memera) https://memera.tumblr.com/post/45356275326

Soundtracks + music CDs

There were various soundtracks and music CDs released, I've linked the ones I could find still available down below. DMMd period. (re:connect soundtrack); https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np00978.html https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=6U1GnG117cG https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1205096/ https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/GRN-34?s_ssid=e4180f5f04cf223975 SLIP ON THE PUMPS (Anime opening song); https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1271072/ (Includes opening video) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1271073/ https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/AVCA-74528?s_ssid=e417ce5f04cf43f261 https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/AVCA-74529?s_ssid=e417ce5f04cf43f261 (Includes opening video) Rasterize Memory (Anime ending songs); https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1277006/ https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/pd/1277005/ (Includes ending animation sequences) https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=LWoxrxrxDLK https://www.stellaworth.co.jp/shop/item.php?item_id=QjZ3S3S3FQj (Includes ending animation sequences) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/AVCA-74531?s_ssid=e417ce5f04cf43f261 https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/product/AVCA-74530?s_ssid=e417ce5f04cf43f261 (Includes ending animation sequences) engage+ment ("after" drama CDs ending songs); https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/np01118.html https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B01ABAPBLG *The re:code soundtrack, append music re:cord, was only sold with the limited edition version of re:code. *I can't seem to find shape.memory.music (the original game's soundtrack) being sold anymore. *retro.game.music (original soundtrack in 8-bit) isn't sold anymore.

General merch + Proxy/Forwarding services

I didn't list all the merch available, because… there's a lot. You can buy general (official) DMMd merch from these sites; (Nitroplus store) https://nitroplus.ecq.sc/work/dramatical-murder.html (Nitroplus Store (English)) https://nitroplus-global.ecq.sc/work/dramatical-murder.html ^ Note that the English version doesn't have all the items found in the Japanese site. (Animate shop) https://www.animate-onlineshop.jp/animetitle/?aid=2508 ^ This is where the stage play bromides are being sold, alongside some other DMMd things. (Bromides being pictures of the actors, basically) (CDJapan) https://www.cdjapan.co.jp/ ^ You can search for DRAMAtical Murder here. I don't see a lot of extra items still available though. *Just to mention, the r18 Morphine Aoba figure is now sold on J-List. That's the only DMMd merch on there currently (until DMMd releases in English I assume, as the physical copy will likely be sold on J-List too). You can of course also use stuff like Amazon and Ebay, but I believe the sites listed above are the only official sites. Some sites don't deliver outside of Japan. For stuff like that, you can use a Proxy or a Forwarding service. I won't go into detail about them here, but be sure to research them carefully (Especially since some countries won't allow some items and may add extra fees as well). You can also get a lot of merch second-hand too, of course. But beware of bootleg merchandise. It can be pretty easy to see when an item is a bootleg, but often bootlegs can look almost as good and official as the real thing. Below are some guides on how to spot a bootleg; https://solarisjapan.com/blogs/news/ultimate-guide-bootlegs-fake-anime-figures https://animegami.co.uk/blog/how-to-spot-a-bootleg-counterfeit-figure-by-animegami/ These mainly apply to figures, but still.

Extra stuff

A couple of extra miscellaneous links because why not. 100% save data for DRAMAtical Murder (Not re:connect); https://cadavaberry.tumblr.com/post/20877649750 ^ Useful for if you want to replay Ren's route, but don't want to replay all the other routes to unlock it since you keep losing your saves (aka me). *If you haven't played before, please play the routes and don't use this to skip any! You'd really be missing out in that case I feel. A generally amazing resource for so many different DMMd things; https://dmmdresources.tumblr.com/ (That's all I have for right now but I may add stuff later, oops.) I would like to say a huge thank you to all the translators and everyone who has contributed in one way or another to help with letting people like myself enjoy DMMd. This isn't exactly the post for thanks, but anyway. Thank you all. (｡’▽’｡)♡ I hope this helped at all!! If anyone would like any more information on anything else DMMd-related, you're more than welcome to send an ask or message. I won't be able to answer everything but I will certainly try, haha.

#dramatical murder #dmmd #nitro+chiral #nitropluschiral

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eagles-translated · 3 years

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This is when the fourth and final season of Eagles releases

This summer, the third season of the hit series Eagles premieres on SVT. Now it's confirmed that there will also be a season four - which will be the series' last. We've talked to actress Alva Bratt and screenwriter Michaela Hamilton.

The hit series "Eagles" will soon release its third season on SVT. In the series, we get to follow five teenagers who live in the hockey town Oskarshamn and their high school years, which are filled with friendship, love and rivalry - both on and off the ice. Now it's also confirmed that a fourth and final season of the SVT series is on its way. So how will it end for our favorite characters? We've talked to actress Alva Bratt and screenwriter Michaela Hamilton about the inspiration behind the characters and what the coming seasons have to offer.

- You could see it as season three and four entering phase two. When you start to face adult problems and how you handle them as a non-adult person, says Michaela Hamilton.

The second season of the teen series averaged over half a million viewers per episode and was nominated for Kristallen 2020 in the category of best TV drama of the year. Despite the success, season four will be the last season. Why is that?

- It's quite funny, the way you're asking the question. It's exactly the same thing you feel when you graduate: “Why does it have to end? We're here and having such a good time”. But we have to move on in life and release these people and relationships into the world. That is exactly what we're doing with Eagles as well, says Michaela Hamilton.

- It's good to finish on top! These were the years the show was supposed to be about. Now they're graduating and then we will set them free, Alva Bratt adds.

What will season 4 be about?

We've gotten to follow the characters during their high school years, and the fourth season will take place during the last six months before they graduate and go their own ways. Michaela remembers that there is an incredible pain in graduating and that you are exposed to the world in a completely different way.

- It is a rather bewildering moment in life when you know that you're going to be separated from people that you have first been forced to be with, but then learned to become friends with or live with, and what these goodbyes do to you. So that's where the basic story lies, says Michaela Hamilton.

Alva Bratt on Eagles-Felicia: "It's like her facade is falling quite a bit"

The third season premieres in June, and is largely about the main characters' different choices. Having to make important choices for the future, even though you may not really know who you are, and what the consequences will be. The third season of Eagles will be darker than the previous ones, which we will see in Alva Bratt's character Felicia Kroon.

- I would say that she feels darker and more insecure. It's like her facade is falling quite a bit, says Alva Bratt.

The season will address issues such as how young people are affected by anxiety over the future, mental illness and dysfunctional families. These are topics that both Michaela and Alva can recognize themselves in, but in different ways. Michaela says that she herself was very identity-seeking and insecure when she was younger. When she got a little older, she lost both her brother and stepfather and also had to go through incredible grief. She has tried to put that trauma into the Eagles' script.

- Grief is so striking and it does things to people, both in positive and negative ways. So I've really lent out a lot of my feelings about it, and it's something that has been personal to me, says Michaela.

It's precisely the search for identity that the screenwriters have attributed to Felicia's character. Trying to find out who you are by testing different identities, and that the journey there can be incredibly difficult. Themes such as mental illness and anxiety over the future are probably things that most people can relate to on some level.

- I've felt bad when I was younger, but also good. That's probably what youth is, I guess, says Michaela.

- That's probably also the climate we live in today. No one feels great all the time. I can feel anxiety over the future now more than ever. Especially with the pandemic, it's been awful on so many levels. That you have to live with the constant anxiety of the future. Even if you're feeling pretty well, it's always difficult to know what you're going to do in the future, says Alva.

They both think that these are important topics to highlight and show more sides of. Michaela says that Eagles has never tried to be a series that is only lighthearted, and they're trying to be a broader spectrum than that. The characters encounter problems such as eating disorders, cancel culture, rumors and drug problems.

- I don't think we're romanticizing anything, which I think is very important. It takes a whole lot to do certain things that some of the characters do, but at the same time there is a hopefulness in the series that gives balance, says Alva and continues:

- I think that one of the guy characters problems are highlighted very well. That these vulnerable guys get represented too, because I really think there is too little of that in media. This story also shows that all people are equal regardless of which gender, identity and class we feel like we belong in.

- Emotions belong to everyone, Michaela fills in.

Prior to the series, the production team did solid research work by interviewing young people in Oskarshamn, and among them many teenagers could recognize themselves in Felicia. But Alva Bratt, who plays the character, doesn't find many similarities between her and Felicia.

- I'm very different from my character. I've said it so many times, but she's like the teenager I never was, says Alva.

The characters may seem stereotypical at first, but as the series progresses, we get to see more sides of them. It's a bit like when we get to know someone in real life. At first we might see a happy guy, but the more we hang out with them the more sides to the person we get to see.

- I think it's nice to write a character just like that, to unfold it a bit like a flower. And it's especially important to understand that when you're young, you're not just evil or good or sad or happy. It's not a whole personality. You can change. You can feel shit but at the same time laugh with your family or have problems within the family but still be a good partner, says Michaela.

So, why has the show gotten so popular? Alva and Michaela think that a lot can be attributed to the viewers recognizing themselves or other people they know in the characters. That they are easy to relate to.

- That's the beauty of teen shows. Either you go through it, have to go through it or you have gone through it. That everyone can find something in there that you can relate to, says Michaela.

The filming for the fourth and final season starts soon. Since it has been clear that Eagles will be about the characters' time as high school students, it means that Eagles will end soon. Whether it will come in any other form remains to be seen.

- No closed doors. That's what I'll say, says Michaela.

When does Eagles season 3 premiere on SVT?

We've seen two seasons of Eagles so far and this summer the third season will finally premiere. Add June 4th 2021 to your calendars - that's the premiere date for season 3.

Quick Recap: This has happened in earlier seasons of Eagles

The first two seasons of Eagles can no longer be watched on SVT Play, which means that they're not possible to stream at the moment. Along with season 3, the previous episodes will return soon. But do you want to refresh your memory for the next season right now? If so, here's a quick recap of what happened in seasons 1 and 2.

This happened in Eagles season 1

In the first season of Eagles we met the Kroon siblings - the influencer Felicia (Alva Bratt) and the hockey player Elias (Edvard Olsson), who moved back to Sweden after their time in the US. Their father was a hockey professional in the NHL but is now taking over as a coach for the hockey team in Oskarshamn.

Felicia starts seeing Ludvig (Adrian Öjvindsson), the hockey talent who's been the best in the team - until Elias joined. The rivalry between the young people reflects much of the season both in friendship, love and popularity.

Klara Ceder (Sarah Gustafsson) who is the school's IT girl feels threatened by Felicia who invades her territory, both as the school's most popular girl and by hanging out with Amie (Yandeh Sallah), who was Klara's friend from the beginning.

Ludvig has family problems and drowns them in alcohol at a party. At the party he meets Amie, and something happens between them.

This happened in Eagles season 2

The second season of Eagles picks up from the dramatic end of season 1, but here we get to see a slightly darker season. Elias starts dating Klara, who Felicia doesn't like. But at the end of the season, Klara apologizes to Felicia, and we get to see other sides of her. Is this the beginning of a new friendship?

Felicia dates Jack Barrett (Filip Wolfe Sjunnesson), a new assistant coach on the team, until she learns worrying things about him.

There is a strange atmosphere between Ludvig and Amie, but they continue to make music together. When Ludvig ends up in the hospital after a hockey tackle, Amie kisses him, but he doesn't kiss her back. Are you allowed to fall in love with your friend's ex?

Cecilia Arvidsson March 15th, 2021 Source: (x)

#eagles svt #svt eagles #article #really interesting read with a few new details on s3 and s4!#along with quick recaps of season 1 and 2

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wesleyhill · 4 years

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God’s Blood for All Saints

A homily on Revelation 7:9-17, preached at Trinity Cathedral, Pittsburgh, on the Feast of All Saints 2020

I would speak to you in the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen. It’s impossible to open a news site or paper or magazine without seeing words like “division,” “polarization,” and “disagreement.” (Indeed, it’s nearly become a cliché to mention these things.) A columnist for Time magazine named David French recently wrote this: We [Americans] increasingly loathe our political opponents. The United States is in the grip of a phenomenon called “negative polarization.” In plain English this means that a person belongs to their political party not so much because they like their own party but because they hate and fear the other side. Republicans don’t embrace Republican policies so much as they despise Democrats and Democratic policies. Democrats don’t embrace Democratic policies as much as they vote to defend themselves from Republicans. At this point, huge majorities actively dislike their political opponents and significant minorities see them as possessing subhuman characteristics. I think David French is right about our political divisions, but there are so many more instances of division and hostility we could mention. Our country is rife, it seems, with enmity and hatred. Families are fracturing. Churches are splitting. Black lives are being snuffed out with impunity. It’s no wonder that we are hearing worried chatter about the possibility of “civil war.” The Bible is not naïve about these realities we are currently enduring. It is clear-eyed about hostility and violence between individuals and within societal groups. Barely four chapters in, the Bible tells the story of a brother who murders his brother. And only a few chapters after that, it tells the story of humanity’s arrogant attempt to build a stairway to heaven and God’s resulting judgment: “And the Lord said, ‘Look, they are one people, and they have all one language; and this is only the beginning of what they will do; nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. Come, let us go down, and confuse their language there, so that they will not understand one another’s speech.’ So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth.” Division is God’s judgment. Enmity between people groups is a tragedy and a curse, as the Bible sees it. The main division, though, that we see in the Bible is the division between God’s chosen people Israel and the rest of the nations. In the New Testament, St. Paul describes this division like this: there is “the dividing wall, that is, the hostility between us.” Jews often despised Gentiles as “sinners,” as “dogs,” as the antithesis of everything they were called to be and to do as God’s special people. And Gentiles returned the favor, disdaining Jews and persecuting them, driving them from their homeland, subjecting them to idolatrous demands. There is no human way of breaching such a division between peoples, no way of overcoming the hostility. That is the reason why our reading this morning from the book of Revelation is so breathtaking. Listen to a portion of it again. John, the seer, who writes down his visions, says this about God’s heavenly throne room: “I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands. They cried out in a loud voice, saying, ‘Salvation belongs to our God who is seated on the throne, and to the Lamb!’” If you know the Bible’s history, its stories of division and hostility and enmity, this is an astonishing passage. Here tribes and people groups that were at war with each other are now joining their voices together to praise God the Father and the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ our Lord. Here are Jews and Gentiles together in the same choir. Here are Persians and Babylonians, Judeans and Samaritans, Romans and barbarians — and, we might add, Hutus and Tutsis, North Koreans and South Koreans, Israelis and Palestinians. They are all equally robed in fine linen, with no one in a better or worse off position than anyone else. And they are giving thanks to God for rescuing them — that’s what “salvation” means. They are united, they are equally sharers in the same salvation, and they are singing the same song. This is a vision of all the saints of God, the holy ones whom God has redeemed, whom we commemorate on this feast of All Saints. It is a picture of our ultimate destiny. We trust that in the end, by God’s mercy and faithfulness, we will be there among the saints before God and his Christ, and we will spend all eternity adoring God and basking in the light of His life and love. But we need to ask a difficult question here. How is all this talk of togetherness not cheap? How is it not just singing Kumbaya and pronouncing “peace, peace” when there is no peace? How is it not whistling a tune while the world burns? In his latest encyclical, Pope Francis poses the question: “Nowadays, what do certain words like democracy, freedom, justice or unity really mean? They have been bent and shaped to serve as tools for domination, as meaningless tags that can be used to justify any action.” How, then, can we “unbend” a word like unity? How can we make sure it isn’t simply a covert tool to preserve the status quo? One of the striking things about our reading this morning is that it refers to Jesus Christ without using His name. It refers to Him four times as “the Lamb.” And one of those four times is in the longer phrase “the blood of the Lamb.” The saints from every tribe and language who gathered around the throne of God are described as the ones “who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” Let’s linger over this image for a moment. It’s a picture drawn from the Old Testament and the story of Israel. On the eve of God’s liberation of his people from their slavery in Egypt, God commands the Israelites to kill a lamb and smear its blood on their doorposts and lintels so that they might be spared the judgment of God in the form of the angel of death. The lamb’s shedding its blood, its yielding up of its life, is what protects Israel and delivers them from destruction. What the seer John’s vision says to us is that our Lord Jesus Christ is the ultimate and final Passover lamb. Jesus, the Lamb of God, bore the full weight of all the guilt and injustice and sorrow and hatred and immorality that we perpetuate. Jesus is the Lamb of God who shed His blood to bring it all to an end, so that we might be forgiven and set free from sin and death and changed into agents of justice and mercy and healing and virtue. God does not wink at our grievances against one another. God does not tell us all simply to “get along,” sweeping our divisions under the cosmic rug. God does not offer us a cheap “reconciliation” that is built on ignoring the real issues at hand. What God does instead, we might say, is ratchet up the stakes. God tells us through His holy law that the main division, the primary hostility in the world, is not between Jew and Gentile or Black and white or rich and poor or Republican and Democrat. No, the chief division, the tallest and thickest wall of hostility, is between a sinful, angry, rebellious humanity and a righteous, holy, and loving God. St. Paul goes so far as to call us — all of us, every single human being — “God-haters.” We have all turned aside from God’s ways; we have all strayed like lost sheep. And the wonder of God’s good news is this: rather than disown us as hopeless sinners, God agrees to pay Himself the price of our enmity. God endures our hatred and murderous divisions at the cost of His own blood. God overcomes the great division in the universe — the division between God and humanity — at the price of His own death. The great Karl Barth describes this “wondrous exchange” in such powerful terms I feel I must quote him: If we would know what it was that God chose for Himself when He chose fellowship with humanity, then we can answer only that God chose our rejection. He made it His own. He bore it and suffered it with all its most bitter consequences… God chose our suffering (what we as sinners must suffer towards Him and before Him and from Him). God chose it as His own suffering… [God chose] to empty and abase Himself for the sake of [His] chosen ones. Judas who betrays Him He chooses as an apostle. The sentence of Pilate God chooses as a revelation of His judgment on the world. God chooses the cross of Golgotha as His kingly throne. God chooses the tomb in the garden as the scene of His being the living God. That is how God loved the world. That is how from all eternity God’s love was so selfless and genuine… [F]rom all eternity God has determined upon [our] acquittal at His own cost… God has ordained that in [our] place… God Himself should be perishing and abandoned and rejected — the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world. (translation slightly altered) God Himself has paid the price in His Son Jesus Christ to reconcile us to Himself. If this greatest and deepest hostility between God and humanity has been overcome, then the lesser divisions between ourselves have also been overcome. We now, whether Jew or Gentile, Black or white, rich or poor, old or young, are called and empowered to live out the unity we have been given in Jesus Christ. The Christian writer Francis Spufford is right when he says, “This is not very comfortable. Here Christianity overspills the separate categories by which we conventionally understand the world now, insisting to an awkward degree on common ground.” Precisely. This is awkward and challenging and costly in all sorts of ways, and it must involve the telling of hard truths about ongoing injustice and the need for repentance, but just this is what we are called to in Christ. We have common ground with each other: we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We are all broken and in need. And, at the same time, we have been forgiven and declared righteous in God’s sight through the death and resurrection of Christ. In a few moments, all of us here, who have been washed in the blood of the Lamb, will come forward to eat and drink the Lamb’s body and blood. “Love is that liquor sweet and most divine, / Which my God feels as blood; but I, as wine” (Herbert). The blood of the Lamb that was shed on the cross has become our salvation and sustenance. Hymn #174 in our hymnal is a hymn whose origin dates back to the sixth century. It says much better than I could ever say everything that we are celebrating on this great feast day. As I read its words to you, may they be a preparation and invitation for the feast we are about to share together: At the Lamb’s high feast we sing praise to our victorious King, who has washed us in the tide flowing from his pierced side; praise we him whose love divine gives his sacred blood for wine, gives his body for the feast, Christ the victim, Christ the priest. Where the paschal blood is poured, death’s dark angel sheathes his sword; Israel’s hosts triumphant go through the wave that drowns the foe. Praise we Christ, whose blood was shed, paschal victim, paschal bread; with sincerity and love eat we manna from above. Mighty victim from the sky, Pow’rs of hell beneath thee lie; death is conquered in the fight, thou hast brought us life and light: hymns of glory and of praise, risen Lord, to thee we raise; holy Father, praise to thee, with the Spirit, ever be. Amen.

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blackjack-15 · 4 years

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Silly Rabbit, Ecological Terrorism is For Kids! — Thoughts on: The White Wolf of Icicle Creek (ICE)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. As ICE sends off the Jetsetting Games category and moves into the Odd Games category, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I’ll go into what storyline marks this game a bit Odd in the Nancy Drew series as a whole.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: ICE; TRT; mention of FIN; mention of CUR; mention of TRN; mention of SEA.

This meta is under a read more because of its sheer length.

The Intro:

Ughhhhh. UGHHH.

The White Wolf of Icicle Creek has a lot of things that make it distinct in the Nancy Drew video game series — it sports the first new interface since SHA, it has the world’s most boring list of ‘enticing moments’ from the game on the back, its assets look like they were forcefully molded out of gummy bears, it randomly was released on Wii, it’s the best-known game among non-fans thanks to the Game Grumps — but it also stands out because not one of those things make it enjoyable to play or to watch without a heavy amount of MST3K-style commentary.

Also because it features the fandom’s least favorite puzzle of all time…but more on that later.

A point to get out of the way before we get into the game proper is that this game feels a lot like a cheap knock-off of Treasure in a Royal Tower. Like, a lot like a cheap knock-off. One of those animated films called “Bemo’s Lost in the Ocean” or “A Toy Tale” that come out around Disney/Pixar films to try to trick hapless grandmas into buying them.

Just lining it up, we have Nancy stuck in/around a lodge in winter, an edict from the owner of the lodge to figure out what’s up with repeated Incidents and possible sabotage while most guests have left, an academic around Nancy’s age, an Old Coot, an Olympian whose grandparent was important, chores (including food related chores) to do in order to progress in the story, a suspect you can only talk to face-to-face for part of the game…the list honestly goes on in both big and small ways.

While ICE isn’t the only one that tries to do this (since I’m not doing a SEA meta, I won’t get into the fact that SEA literally just remastered DDI’s characters and said ‘good enough’), it does feel particularly egregious because, for all its copying, there’s not enough in the game to distract from it even a bit.

ICE is a game searching for an identity and unable to find one, no matter how many plot points, chores, or games (horrible, unskippable games) they throw at the player. We have full on international espionage and ecological terrorism here (more on that in the next section), and it just…doesn’t matter, at the end of the day. It also takes place in Canada, but your only clue to that is that one of the characters says “eh” a lot, so that’s not great either.

If ICE is a new game to you (it can be a bear to install and even worse to complete, so I’m going to go off the assumption that not everyone will be familiar with it), you’ve probably only heard of the cooking chores, fox and geese, and that this is the game with the Return of Tony Balducci, previously of TRN fame. (Honestly, ICE had a big enough cast without its phone characters, but HER decided to shove three phone characters along with one partial phone character at us anyway.) And, to be honest, that’s pretty much all there is to the game.

Now I know this sounds harsh, but there is a possible explanation to the lack of content in this game. In my previous meta (link at the top of this post) I made a note that CRE’s production in all likelihood suffered because the company was focused on ICE’s new interface. I don’t think it’s a leap at all to say that ICE’s story and characters could also have suffered because of the same thing.

The biggest problem with ICE — besides the weird stuff we’ll get into below — is that it’s a shallow game. None of the characters have any real depth, the plot is a paper-thin copy of TRT, the puzzles are alternatingly impossible and extremely easy, and in an effort to add “depth”, we get…well, we get this next section.

The Weird Stuff:

With each of the Odd Games (ICE through RAN, Heaven help us all), there’s something that makes the game truly…well, odd. Odd for the Nancy Drew series, odd for the age range specified on the front of the box, and odd in general when you look at the rest of the plot.

In this game, it comes in the form of terrorism — or rather, two types of terrorism. Guadalupe is our first (and only, in this series) ecological terrorist, belonging to a fringe group called “Run and Go Free” and being perfectly fine with illegal acts (destruction of the fishing lodge, sabotage of personal property), even telling Nancy that she’s done worse in the name of Run and Go Free.

Nancy Drew Games are no stranger to hippie/naturalist types (see DOG, DDI, CAR, etc.) but Lupe is our first to be legitimately dangerous. Sure, she doesn’t end up being the ultimate Bad Guy, but she is A Bad Guy, and it really does seem very odd to me that after everything Lupe does (and insinuates that she’s done), that she gets away with barely a slap on the wrist in having to leave the lodge.

Lupe in no way fits in with the rest of the plot; there’s nothing to justify her being present in the game, she can appear about halfway through the game and then leaves to become a phone contact soon after, she’s not present enough to be an actual suspect — she has no place in the plot nor the game, and it really does just boggle the mind that a character is in it at all, especially with ICE having a greater than average number of suspects to begin with.

On the other hand, however, we have Yanni, an Eastern European Olympian spy/terrorist, sent by the Fredonian (a commonly used fake country) government to bomb around the lodge to find uranium under the cover of training for the next Olympics.

That is a whole lot of things for one character.

You’d think with the presence of Lupe that Yanni would fit right in, but he doesn’t make her — or himself — any less odd or out of place than he would have been alone. It’s a ‘suspicious Olympian’ character that we already got with Jacques, but he’s a million times worse, setting off friggin bombs to find a metal that his government wants for…well, the normal reason that governments want uranium.

So we can add in “reference to ongoing nuclear warfare” as another thing that makes this game Odd.

Yanni doesn’t fit the game or the plot, which is pretty bad considering he’s responsible for about half the plot in the first place. He also has that weird aside about his grandmother being eaten by wolves, as if HER wants the player to suspect him because of some twisted revenge against wolves plot (which would have been Very Weird) so that they can pull the rug out at the end and be like “see?? He’s a political terrorist looking for uranium for nuclear bombs for his country!!! Gotcha!!”.

Like, it’s not a Gotcha if it’s absolute lunacy. My land.

With that explanation out of the way, let’s get to something a little less Odd.

The Title:

I actually don’t have much to say here. The White Wolf of Icicle Creek is honestly a great name; it tells us the focal point of the game (the wolf), the location, (Icicle Creek), and even pretty much tells you the season that this game is happening in (white, icicle). It accomplishes a lot in a very short amount of words, and pertains accurately to the game we’re dealing with.

We’ll chalk that up in the “Win” category…especially since we’re going straight back into the “Lose” category with the next section.

The Mystery:

The mystery is a mess, full stop. There’s way too much going on for the amount of payoff (i.e. little to none), and the plot, thin at best, completely drops off at the 2/3rds mark when all the player has left to do is wait for random events to occur and keep putting off fox and geese.

Anyway.

We begin with strange, destructive incidents of sabotage happening at a renowned winter resort. Most of the guests have left, and there’s been some damage to parts of the resort. Asked for help by the owner of the resort who’s away on business, Nancy must pick up the slack left by staff who have quit, run food-related errands, and discover who might be behind these attacks before it’s too late.

Oh wait, that’s Treasure in a Royal Tower. Lemme start again.

We begin with strange, destructive incidents of sabotage happening at a renowned winter resort. Most of the guests have left, and there’s been some damage —

You get the picture.

The biggest difference pre-game is that after every incident, a white wolf is spotted, only to disappear before the police get there. People start connecting the wolf to the crimes, and go as far as blaming it for cases of food poisoning and slashed tires, as if the wolf is cooking food and using a knife with its paws.

Just as Nancy’s arriving on scene, the bunkhouse is blown up and she hears the wolf howling — so obviously there must be a connection there, and a wolf definitely isn’t just responding to a loud noise.

This part honestly feels a bit like the beginning of CUR, where the game tries to establish Scary Feelings and Ominous Threats and just comes off ham-fisted.

The back of the box features three ‘exciting’ things that Nancy gets to do in this game, which are as follows: cook lunch and dinner, ride a snowmobile and wear snow shoes, and do snowball fights and ice fishing. While it’s sad that those moderately exciting things are the best that the box can boast, it’s even sadder that they really are the best the game has to offer.

It’s easy to lose thread of the mystery nearly as soon as Nancy gets to the lodge, because she’s immediately bombarded with laundry that has to be done before a certain time, meals that have to be done within a certain hour or two, and a suspect (Lupe) that can just refuse to show up.

Oh, and the return of Tino Balducci.

Returning in a game where he doesn’t fit in and where no one wanted him in the first place, Tino’s there to “help” Nancy solve the mystery by giving her a questionnaire for her suspects to fill out that asks what planet they see themselves as, among other inanities.

Honestly, this whole section could be summed up as “Tino returns, among other inanities”.

Nancy, throughout all of this, somehow has time to do a bit of detective work, interviewing a cast of rather one-note suspects, figuring out that more than one person is responsible for the many accidents. Guadalupe’s sabotage is discovered and she’s sent home, Yanni is increasingly unavailable (which is hugely suspicious), snowball fights are more prevalent than necessary, and finally the villain is exposed, all culminating in a glitchy, nigh-impossible snowmobile chase.

Oh, and there’s a half-tamed wolf storyline that kinda pops up every now and again.

All in all, the mystery is a weak thread throughout the game — which is a problem, because it’s the only thread throughout the game — that’s easily overshadowed by the chores, games, and frankly awful visuals throughout the game.

Now, to those who contribute (in a way) to the non-entity that is ICE’s story:

The Suspects:

Ollie Randall is our resident grumpy caretaker and is Chantal’s right-hand man, along with being on the Avalanche Patrol and a firm believer in the bad luck that wolves bring. His wife can’t handle cold temperatures due to a nerve condition, so he’s also his daughter Freddie’s sole parent during the winter.

As a culprit in the game as it now is, Ollie would have been the only sensical option; fed up with the awful guests that come and cause havoc, he starts causing little easily-solved accidents to spook away the less hardy-type guests, but it keeps spiraling as it doesn’t keep out everyone but people like Bill Kessler. Frustrated by the treatment the lodge gets, he decides that if people don’t treat it nicely, they can’t have it at all…

Unfortunately, Ollie is limited to being Grumpy, and not a lot else.

Freddie Randall is Ollie’s daughter and the self-proclaimed Snow Princess due to her ability to stay out in the cold for hours in her snow fort, and to take repeated snowballs to the face courtesy of a teen detective.

Freddie is…I know I talked about how Yanni and Lupe don’t really fit into the game, but Freddie really doesn’t fit any version of this game. She’s there for a mini game, she doesn’t have a personality, you can’t skip her mini game, she’s voiced by Lani Minella…the list goes on and on. Her shining moment of glory is acting as a red herring by throwing a snowball through Lou’s window.

She’s pointless to talk about as a potential culprit, even though she would have been an interesting “culprit” in a case where all the incidents are actually Freddie accidentally causing trouble, but that probably would have been even less satisfying than how the game actually went, so we’ll just move along here.

Our cross-country skiing Olympian from the fictional Eastern European country of Fredonia, Yanni Volkstaia is both our only suspect wearing a onesie and our only suspect with a family member eaten by wolves.

I know, that’s already a high bar to top. Don’t worry, he’ll fall very, very far below it.

Yanni, as mentioned above, is our odd spy/terrorist villain who is disguising his being there for uranium by saying that it’s his Olympic competitors trying to throw off his training. Why an Olympian is training alone without any coaches or security…well, let’s just say that Yanni didn’t really think his cover story through.

Just because Yanni’s the obvious culprit doesn’t mean he fills the role well; Yanni is obvious, annoying, and his paper-thin cover is just annoying enough to be…well, annoying. He throws out that his grandmother was “killed and devoured” by wolves as if he wants Nancy to believe that that’s the reason he’s targeting the lodge but…it still points directly to him. It’s just not great all the way around.

Joining Yanni in terrorism is Guadalupe Comillo, activist from California and hard-to-find suspect. Lupe can, as mentioned above, literally just not appear for a bit, stalling out the game and making her even more annoying than she already is.

Lupe’s cover is that she’s a bird watcher, but she knows absolutely nothing about birds — like honestly nothing, even though she had time to make her cover story (not unlike Yanni).

She gets sent away by destruction of private property (Ollie’s gun – super dangerous to make a gun misaim out in the wild and she’s lucky he didn’t hit anything problematic [like another person] because of it) and good riddance, but appears as a phone friend to rather pointlessly exonerate herself and do pretty much nothing else but stop the game in its tracks until she lets it proceed.

As a culprit, Lupe would have been the other obvious choice, but she’s just not in the game enough, so she’s easy to ignore. Her cover is thin, but so is her motivation (!!! Save the wolf!!!), so she’s one of the most annoying non-entity suspects in this series.

Our second Californian in the cast is Lou Talbot, who is a college student, master of ‘earthitecture’ (inspired by Poppy Dada) and stealer of dinosaur bones for money. He also plays fox and geese with Bill in his spare time. He does a really good impression of the Guy in my MFA twitter as well, but that’s literally it.

No, really, that’s his entire character. I can’t even posit what he would be like as the culprit because that is LITERALLY all we’re given on him. End of bio. My gosh, what a waste of pixels.

Lou’s partner in fox and geese is Bill Kessler, who loves to fish and whose grandmother used to own the lodge before Chantal. While he feels that his grandmother Tilly was cheated out of the lodge, he has little desire to get it back, and really just wants to hide the fact that he’s been to the lodge before (an odd thing to hide, but whatever makes him feel better.)

Like Lou, apart from that, he really doesn’t have any character. He basically is a mix of TRT’s Jacques in his family connection to the lodge and SHA’s Dave in actual amount of motivation (i.e., 0 motivation) to do anything about it. He is, however, the person who makes Nancy play fox and geese, and for that alone, I hate him.

As a culprit, Bill’s played as a red herring for a solid 5 minutes of gameplay (though not very well — why would an avid fisherman blow up a fishing shack?), and then totally discounted the moment Nancy finds out his backstory. He’s really just there — like most of the cast, worryingly enough — to pad out the number of suspects and to give Nancy a taste of Hell through fox and geese.

The Favorite:

There are a few bright spots in this confused mess of a game, so let’s go through them.

My favorite moment in the game is when Nancy, after Yanni says the horrific line about his grandmother being killed and devoured by wolves, can ask “how”. As if that’s a sentence that needs a ‘how’. It’s a great moment of Nancy being absolutely tone deaf, and I giggle like a madman every time I think about it.

My favorite puzzle in the game is probably the cooking minigame, which I dislike in frequency and time requirement, but do love in actual practice. It’s fun to cook in every Nancy Drew game, and this one is no exception. I just wish it wasn’t regimented so heavily.

I love the atmosphere of the lodge; it’s beautifully animated (in fact one of my favorite locations in the ND games), big without being too big, and is never boring, even by the end of the game. The lodge is largely a character unto itself, and is quite successful as a wonderful location.

The Un-Favorite:

There’s a lot to unpack here, but we’ll keep it short because the fix section of this meta is gonna have me by the throat.

My least favorite moment in the game is the moment Tino comes into the game. As the game now stands, there’s no reason for him to be involved, and short a comment about him by the Hardy Boys, which would at least justify it a little, he’s purposeless. He’s worse than that, actually — he’s there to slow the game down, and that’s a cardinal sin.

My least favorite puzzle in the game is a tie between fox and geese (UGH) and the final snowmobile chase. My problems with fox and geese are obvious — they’re everyone’s problems with fox and geese: it’s a required puzzle, it’s hard to do, there’s no way to cheat through it, and it takes forever.

The final snowmobile chase is somehow even worse. It’s buggy, laggy, has nothing to do with the actual plot, has arbitrary win conditions — it’s the worst (or at least among the worst) that HER has to offer with final puzzles. If everything else about ICE was perfect, engaging, fun, and thought-provoking, this final puzzle would still put me off of playing it. It’s just that bad.

The storyline with Isis and that whole backstory isn’t treated well in game; it’s almost as if they came up with the title and then remembered at the last minute that there’s supposed to be an actual wolf. I would have loved more of a focus on that storyline; as it is, it barely counts as a blip on the game’s radar — which is a shame.

The Fix:

Gosh, how on earth will I fix The White Wolf of Icicle Creek? The answer is that I don’t feel like I can just apply a few quick fixes and be on my way; the only answer I could find is to approach this as if I was at the proposal meeting for this game — how would I outline the barebones scenario?

This section will be long, as I’m going to start just from the skeleton and build things in. What follows is my own imaginings of what my own personal ideas would be to create ICE, rather than to fix it from what the finished product was. As an important note, the side-plot with the wolf, as it was really neglected and bare-bones to begin with in the game, is mostly removed.

The first section I’ll work on is structure. Though it wasn’t done perfectly in FIN, I feel like the pacing of ICE could be vastly improved by putting a clock on the game by assigning designated days and tasks. Three days is still probably a good idea, as it lets us easily break the story into a 3-act structure and delineate certain tasks for certain days without overloading one day in particular. We’ll get more into what should happen in Days 1, 2, and 3 later in a general overview of how the plot would go.

The mechanism used to get Nancy there — Chantal being a friend of Carson’s — isn’t bad, but I’d change it up just slightly. Nancy’s not yet a “professional” detective, but we’re only 2 games from her being hired by a foreign country’s authorities, so she should be making her way up there. It stands to reason that Nancy would attract some attention from the business in CRE since the Hardy Boys would definitely mention Nancy in their de-briefing and Aikens is a big name, so let’s build on that from here. Chantal is still Carson’s friend, and she still wants to get these incidents solved while she’s away from the Lodge for legal matters — someone got injured at the lodge and is now suing.

Carson decides to officially hire Nancy — paperwork, legal documentation, etc. — as a “concerned third party” in Chantal’s problems, telling her that her job is to find out two things: find out what’s causing the incidents of sabotage, and give Carson enough evidence in favor of the lodge’s safety that he can prove reasonable doubt against the people accusing Chantal. Nancy will be there undercover as a family friend of Chantal’s, with only Ollie knowing that she’s there in an official capacity.

ICE has a cast that is both unwieldy and characterless, and I feel like the way to fix that is through combining characters. Starting out we have Ned, Chantal, Tino, the ex-maid, her boyfriend, Ollie, Freddie, Lupe, Yanni, Lou, and Bill — 10 characters that we deal with in the present, plus one other player (in the boyfriend/stalker guy). 11 in total. That is a huge, huge cast that we definitely need to pare down.

The first thing to do is to take out Tino Balducci. He slows down the plot, is completely unnecessary, and isn’t even entertaining. Since there’s no Hardy Boys to play off of him (and I would keep the Hardy Boys out of this game, even with my love for them), Tino needs to go the way of the dodo. And good riddance to him, honestly.

Freddie, an obvious subject to axe, should instead be aged up to around 20 and combined with the maid whose ex-boyfriend’s letter Nancy finds at the beginning of the game. Freddie would handle all the chores the first day except the cooking.

Instead of a nebulous, incident-causing ex-boyfriend, Freddie would have just started a relationship with Lou, keeping our cast tight and visible, rather than one-off characters with nothing else to give to the story.

By now we’re down to Carson, Ned, Chantal, Freddie, Ollie, Lupe, Yanni, Lou, and Bill. I think we can do a little better than that.

The next step I’d take is to remove Yanni entirely. Yes, I know it’s a big change to remove the canonical culprit, but bear with me. With Yanni and Lupe having so many similarities and together being guilty of 99% of the Crimes in this game, I’m pretty comfortable in combining them. I’d also make the minor change of having Lupe be an Indigenous Canadian rather than Hispanic and from California, since our game is set in Canada and there’s absolutely no reason for a large portion of our cast to be American.

With Yanni gone, Lupe (or whatever her new name would be, since the name ‘Lupe’, all nationality changes aside, in a game ostensibly about a wolf makes me want to kill myself) assumes a few of his personality quirks – most importantly, a family member with a past with wolves. It doesn’t really matter if it’s positive or negative, you just want the association there as a herring (red or otherwise).

That puts us down to 5 suspects to talk to and three phone friends for a total of 8 players in the present. Since Chantal is supposed to be busy, I’d remove the ability to talk to her entirely — anything that Chantal could offer can come through Carson as Nancy’s official “employer”, which brings us to a nice 7 players — an entirely manageable number.

So let’s begin.

The beginning of the game with Nancy at her desk always includes a case file, so this time the case file would say that Nancy, at the behest of her ‘client’, Carson Drew, is flying out to Alberta to investigate strange happenings at Chantal Moique’s lodge. Chantal is trying to settle with people who got hurt there and are trying to sue her, and Carson’s helping to advise her. Nancy’s mission is two-fold: figure out what’s causing the incidents at the lodge, and find evidence that Chantal can’t be held liable for the injuries incurred by the guests suing her.

Wolves are commonly seen around the area of the lodge — Northern Alberta has some of the highest population of wolves in North America — and there’s a rumor at the lodge that the spirits of the wolves that are hunted in the area every winter are causing some of the sabotage.

Chantal thinks the rumor is being spread by whoever is doing the actual sabotage to make her guests leave and force her out of business, so Carson tells Nancy to pay attention to the stories about the wolves — and one snow-white wolf in particular, who is often sighted very close to the lodge. Carson suspects that, if it exists, the white wolf is actually a trained dog (a white/white and silver Siberian Husky, for example) being used to whip up panic, but tells Nancy to keep an open mind.

As Nancy’s arriving at the Lodge, an explosion occurs in the distance, causing the rumbling of snow to start. Ollie, who’s picked up Nancy from her plane, says darkly that he’s been waiting for something like this to happen, and that this will probably cause a minor avalanche (his opinion as the head of Avalanche Patrol in the area), making it impossible to leave the lodge for a few days. He tells Nancy to head straight to bed once they get to the lodge, as she’s in for an exhausting time dealing with the “weirdos” still left at the lodge.

Nancy wakes up and Day One begins with Freddie freaking out outside Nancy’s door. After explaining that the regular chef (who was off for the last month visiting family) can’t get back to the lodge until tomorrow and that Freddie’s only manned the kitchen once or twice, Nancy says that she has experience cooking and offers to take the chef’s duties for the day.

Day One has Nancy meet all the suspects – Bill’s playing a game (I don’t care what it is as long as it’s something that involves writing things down) with anyone who passes by and talks about how out of all the lodges in Canada, this one’s his favorite; Lou hangs out near the bones (make him an archeology major or something related to but not exactly paleontology) and Definitely Doesn’t Know the Cute Girl Who Works at the Lodge, How Dare Nancy Assume; Not-Lupe is gone until 4pm when it starts getting dark because she loves spending time in nature, especially with the Super Special Wolf running around the place; and Ollie’s in the workshop fixing the things that have been sabotaged, worries about his daughter being away from her mother and about her ‘cavorting’ with a guest.

Nancy still preps lunch and the day goes on without a hitch other than Lou having an overheard argument with someone at around 6. Nancy cooks dinner, accidentally (due to smudged instructions from Freddie) sprinkling paprika in everyone’s food and setting off an allergic (mild to moderate anaphylaxis, helped by an epi pen) reaction + hives in Freddie, who they fly out via helicopter that night.

Ollie, feeling hostile towards Nancy, takes a look at the instructions/recipe that Nancy worked off of and says to her that the first page is Freddie’s handwriting, but the second page isn’t — someone did this on purpose. Nancy calls Carson, who says that the soonest he can get there is the day after next, and to keep herself safe above everything — he’ll check in with the hospital Freddie’s at since it’s also in Edmonton, where Carson and Chantal are. Carson warns Nancy that the guests were about to settle the lawsuit when the news about the explosion hit the news, and are now more determined than ever to sue for all Chantal’s worth.

Day 2 opens with the cook (who’s unseen and just exists in order to relieve Nancy of kitchen duty) arriving and a phone call from Carson asking for Chantal/Freddie if Nancy can grab the laundry bags from the guests’ rooms and that the spare key is in the register at the front (of course guarded by a puzzle — I’d even accept a mini fox and geese, as one of the big problems with that puzzle in the vanilla game is that it goes on way too long.

While snooping in the desk, Nancy finds evidence that Chantal might have been guilty of criminal neglect — a few things around the lodge are listed as “fixed” and totally safe when really they still need some maintenance — and wonders how she should tell Carson and if she should wait until she has more evidence. Before she goes out for the day, Not-Lupe mentions to Nancy “in confidence” that she overheard Lou fighting with Freddie before dinner, calling it a “lover’s quarrel”.

After lunch and talking with all the suspects again, Nancy goes to grab the laundry with the master key and snoops in everyone’s rooms, finding various clues and suspicious things: Bill’s journal detailing how Chantal is running the place into the ground and needs to be replaced, along with a few lodge magazines; Not-Lupe’s gloves with suspicious specks of things on them (Nancy takes a sample of it in a Kleenex or something); Lou’s heavy suitcase that has a case with imprints of bones in it; Ollie’s has maintenance books that also detail how to take things apart and maintenance notes that say he saw the wolf around but didn’t have his gun; Freddie’s only thing of interest is a little dinosaur pin on her dresser.

Nancy takes the opportunity to snoop in Chantal’s normal room and finds that the things that were listed in the documents in the front desk really were fixed; Ollie reported to Chantal that things that he fixed were un-fixed by the time he went back to them the next day — most of the time suffering damage as well, such as the sauna that injured the guests that are suing Chantal. Nancy calls her father with the news, and Carson says to save those documents so that he can come get them tomorrow, and to see if she can find any clues to who might have done it.

After dinner Nancy talks to Lou, who confesses that he and Freddie started dating a few days ago after meeting online last semester in a dinosaur enthusiast forum — hence his decision to come to the lodge, as Freddie said there were cool bones here. He was originally going to steal a few small ones and thought no one would notice if he replaced them with resin-cast replicas, but Freddie caught him and they had a fight which ended with Lou deciding not to steal, and Freddie saying that she could help him make replicas for him to take home and keep in his house.

Nancy asks why he’s telling her, and Lou says that Ollie seems to get along with Nancy well, and he’d like Nancy to calm Ollie down if Ollie discovers that he’s dating Freddie. Nancy asks Lou about the wolf, and Lou says that some of the stuff could be a wolf — he’s seen one around the lodge once or twice — but he hasn’t really been paying attention to anything except the bones and Freddie (who he’s looking forward to visiting once he can).

When talking with Bill, he offhandedly mentions that he used to be a handyman — the sink in his room started acting up, but he fixed it easily because he thinks that Ollie has enough to do without doing this easy fix. Bill says that this would never have happened when Chantal’s father was running the Lodge and accuses Chantal of preferring to spend long “business trips” in the city to actually paying attention to the Lodge — he says she should just live in the city and hire a manager with experience who actually cares. Nancy asks Bill about the wolf, and he says if anyone could be haunted by wolves, he’d believe it was Chantal.

Nancy, it should be noted, during her explorations around the lodge, sees a few pawprints and some chewed-on debris, but otherwise hasn’t seen the wolf in person. Just traces and tracks.

Not-Lupe and Ollie both dodge Nancy’s questions – Ollie’s busy as everything seems to be breaking at once, and snaps at Nancy that without Chantal around, he’s the only person keeping the lodge afloat, and he’d be better off without the stress of this job. When Nancy asks him about the wolf, Ollie says that the last thing they need is some idiot tourist being attacked by a wolf, and so he refuses to believe that there’s a wolf around the area.

Not-Lupe is at her normal place at the window (though there’s a chair there because no one stands all day), and when Nancy asks about the wolf, says that that’s why she’s there — she heard the rumor about the wolf and wanted to see it, but that her visit’s been very disappointing — just a junky lodge with incompetent staff and no wolves anywhere. Her hobby is visiting winter lodges, and this one just Isn’t up to snuff.

Nancy tries to pry deeper, but Not-Lupe shuts her down and goes to bed; Nancy investigates the living room as everyone leaves for bed and finds crinkled up under the couch a magazine cutout about the Premier Lodge Group, a company that owns winter lodges all over Canada and the United States, and their plans to build a group of lodges in Alberta as soon as a few “minor inconveniences” with location are solved.

The day ends with Carson calling; Nancy tells him about all the suspects (Carson confirms Lou’s story by having talked to Freddie), the magazine, Ollie wanting to quit, etc. Carson promises to do some research on Premier Lodge Group and tells Nancy to send him a picture of the stuff she found on Lupe’s gloves. Nancy does so, and that’s the end of Day 2.

Day 3 opens again with Carson’s phone call, informing Nancy that he’ll be there in the early evening — he’s having a contact of his look at the photo Nancy sent, but he’s pretty sure it won’t be good news.

Premier Lodge Group was investigated a few years ago for sabotage to their competitors but ultimately nothing came out of it, and Carson suspects that people were paid off to keep quiet about it. Carson says that he’s looked into Ollie (since Carson suspected him the most) and apparently Ollie always grouches about quitting when he’s stressed but has been there for 20 years and is as loyal as they come, so Nancy says she’ll focus on Not-Lupe and Bill — the two lodge-hoppers who seem dissatisfied with the lodge.

Both Not-Lupe and Bill are gone when Nancy gets downstairs, and Lou (who’s planning on leaving that night to go to Edmonton) says that they both got a sack lunch from the kitchen and left early in the morning to go explore outside. He tells Nancy she can borrow his snowshoes and says that they both headed out (independently) in the direction of Skookum Ridge.

When Nancy gets up to the Ridge, she spots the “wolf” — really a Siberian Husky, like Carson thought, who seems very well trained. When the dog comes up to Nancy, a gunshot ripples through the air and nearly hits the dog, who would have gone running off had Nancy not grabbed her collar and yelled not to shoot. Nancy sees Bill across the ridge and waves him over, explaining that it’s a dog, not a wolf. The dog (whose name is something way better than Isis — literally anything else would do) is suspicious of Bill at first, which convinces Nancy that it’s not Bill’s — the only suspect left is Not-Lupe.

When she tells Bill what she knows about Not-Lupe, Bill admits to having seen her before at a lodge that went out of business due to mysterious accidents, but thought it was a coincidence before digging deeper in the magazines he brought and finding Not-Lupe in the back of a small photo of Premier Lodge Administrative Staff — he was worried about keeping it safe and knowing that there would be no cleaning staff until at least the next day, crumpled it up and put it under the couch he normally sits by.

A happy, friendly dog in tow, Nancy and Bill head back to the lodge only to find Ollie and Lou standing outside looking worried. They tell Nancy that they both went outside because they heard a loud noise, only to find the door locked behind them — and every other door locked as well. After realizing that Not-Lupe wouldn’t open the doors for them, Ollie went to get an axe for the door, only to have a note appear on the door’s window that if they forced their way in, the whole Lodge would be burned to the ground in an instant.

Carson calls then, saying that he’s a few minutes away, but that his friend got back to him — Not-Lupe’s gloves were covered in residue from explosives. Bill takes Nancy’s phone and begins to fill Carson in on who they think Not-Lupe is working for and who she is. Nancy asks Lou and Ollie to hoist her up to her own window, which she keeps unlocked, and crawls in, creeping downstairs to the main room to try to find how Not-Lupe will burn the lodge and stop her.

Nancy confronts Not-Lupe, who confirms her identity as a saboteur for the Premier Lodge Group, saying that with the bad press around the lodge Chantal would have already had to sell — but she’s going to go one step further and cause an ‘incident’, blowing up the lodge with fuses hidden around its ground floor — Chantal’s father won’t spend the money to rebuild the lodge, and the only proof that is against her is the word of two American kids, an old man, and a lodge-hopper with a very incriminating diary that would be found soon enough. She tells Nancy that she can either try to catch her or try to save the lodge and runs out the back, intent on escaping as she pushes the button to arm the explosives.

Nancy yells out the window for them to catch Not-Lupe, who’s got to be headed out to the main road, tossing the cushion of the seat Lupe usually sat in so that her dog can catch her scent, then has the final timed puzzle be switching off each detonator (which would be in each of the places where the suspects usually were, with the exception of Ollie’s whose is in the front desk).

As soon as Nancy disarms them, Bill calls out to her that Carson just called — Lou and the dog tracked Lupe to the main road, and Bill called Carson to let him know. Carson’s car stops Not-Lupe (Carson brought a policeman on a hunch), and the day is saved. Premier Lodge is snagged in a major lawsuit by Chantal’s father and other lodge owners who have had the same thing happen to them, and Chantal hires Bill as co-manager to ensure there’s always someone there to manage the lodge and for his wealth of knowledge of what makes a good lodge and good experience for guests.

The game ends with Nancy writing her letter to Hannah (so that Hannah doesn’t worry about them), and with her dad’s praise for a job well done.

I realize that this is a monumental fix; it’s a brand-new game made out of the skeleton of the old one. I also realize that there are a million and one ways to re-write this game; this one takes the idea of sabotage, one of the most frequent inciting incidents in the Nancy Drew world, and just makes it a little bigger.

No terrorism required.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #white wolf of icicle creek #ICE #long post #video games #nancy drew meta

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wildlyminiaturesandwich · 5 years

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The Sims 4 Realm of Magic - Early Access CAS Review

Huge thank you to the EA Game Changer Program for providing me with the opportunity to play the Realm of Magic Game Pack early!

I have been quietly hoping for a long time that we would get some kind of Makin’ Magic style pack, so needless to say I was VERY happy when Realm of Magic was announced. I was even happier when the Gurus started “leaking” gameplay images, and completely ecstatic when the trailer came out! So you can imagine how psyched I was when we were given our early access codes and I could finally get in and look everything!

You all know by now how this works, right? If I like something, I generally can’t think of much else to say besides screaming at the top of my lungs “OMG I LOVE IT!”, and if I don’t like something I will straight up tell you guys and explain why... Yeh I’m looking at you Moschino reviews. So with this pack, there are a couple things I had issues with (not as many as Moschino lol) so if you don’t want to hear my nitpicky opinions about those things you can just skip straight to the "The Verdict” section at the bottom of each review.

As per usual, I’ll be posting both CAS and Build/Buy reviews, but instead of a gameplay review (because let’s face it, I never seem to be able to get around to that damn thing lol) this time around I’m going to be posting a short gameplay “story” instead, and will be voicing my opinions about certain things on the posts as it goes along. The gameplay won’t be all posted before the pack releases though, so...

Anon will be back on for the next few days so if you have any questions about Realm of Magic, feel free to send me an ask! ✨

See a preview of all the new CAS items here

I’m still a little uncertain how I feel about CAS as a whole. It has a lot of great stuff and it’s definitely worth having in my game, but it also has quite a few things I don’t like, things that (in my opinion) should have been included that weren’t, and the usual issues with some of the meshes/textures that continue to happen with every new pack.

✨The Hair

For some reason I was expecting more than five hairs? I don’t know why, but based on the trailers this pack seemed like it was going to have a lot more content than any other Game Pack, and it does to a certain degree... just not hairs; there are only five of them. Because let’s be honest, there might be six hairs in the catalogue, but they’re are only five new hairs... and one identical hair with coloured streaks.

Probably a completely unpopular opinion but I’m not a fan of this new trend of getting extra hairs with ombre and streaked textures, I’d rather leave that up to CC makers and have the Sims team work on more new meshes.

Which brings me to the only real issue I have with the hairs in this pack. The streaked version of the long braided hair is really weirdly textured in my opinion. The streaks start right at the hairline and haven’t been feathered/blended out into the rest of the hair very well so it kind of looks like when I accidentally add one of my accessory overlays to a hair it doesn’t belong on LOL

✨The Clothing

The clothing in this pack falls into two categories; Netflix Sabrina and Hand-me-down Winter Harry Potter. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, and in this case the clothing is really well made and looks great, but I do find myself a little disappointed by the lack of what I call “Comfy Casual” clothing.

This could be entirely just a me thing but much like me in real life, my sims rarely leave their homes, and I dunno how you live your life but I don’t walk around my home in fancy button-down shirts and dress pants and shoes. I wear leggings, a hoodie and slippers; and that’s provided I even bother to get out of my PJs that morning! I keep waiting for more comfy casual clothing to be added so my sims don’t have to get all dressed up just to sit around and play video games or finish off that novel they were writing.

But with the exception of a few things in this pack, everything is either ripped, leather, mesh, buckles, collars, or corsets. Which works really well with the whole magical theme of the pack, but spellcasters deserve to be comfy too! That’s not to say the clothes we got aren’t amazing though, they definitely are and I will definitely get a lot of use out of them!

But we all know I mostly talk about the issues I have in these reviews so let’s move on to them properly shall we?

Let’s go from left to right, starting with the drop-crotch pants. This one is quick and simple: can we all just agree that this is not a good look and move on please? It was bad enough in the 90s, we don’t need to be over here in 2019 looking like we’re wearing diapers, thanks.

Oh, key necklace... I was really looking forward to using you. Sadly, unless my sims have literally the smallest possible breasts hanging all the way down to their knees, you look like someone threw you in a fireplace to melt a while 😭

The yellow dress is another classic example of “Instagram vs Reality” meme that tends to happen with every pack. The dress looked really good in the trailers and promo images, but sadly looks butt in game.

The leather bodysuit is cool, huh? Yep, it’s definitely cool. The mesh looks good, the texture is really well done... oh what’s that? You want to wear leggings under it? Well you can’t, sorry. No leggings at all can be used with this bodysuit.

Up next we have the... ahem, Slave Bracelet. I promise you I tried to find a better name but this is the name it usually goes by and the only other one I could find, Harem Bracelet, wasn’t much better 😬 Not the point though! This bracelet/wrist cuff has some weird things happen when you pair it with an outfit that shouldn’t technically allow the bracelet to show up underneath it. As you can see in the example on the far left, with some long tees it doesn’t show the bracelet but still shows the specular for it, and in the image on the far right, with other long tops it kind of merges with mesh and flattens itself on top of them.

Next is one of my pet peeves with quite a few of the clothes in this pack; the addition of gloves, scarfs and other accessories to the outfit/top that should have either been made into their own separate meshes, or left out completely. That top in the image would have been really nice to wear during all seasons, but because of the gloves, it now only makes sense in the colder months.

Then we have the new makeup options, which I know isn’t clothing but shhh lol. It’s EA makeup... do I really need to say more? It probably wouldn’t look as bad if it weren’t so pixelated but whoever is in charge of creating makeup looks for this game needs to get in touch with @crypticsim ASAP ‘cause OOF!

And the last of the pics is something that has constantly bugged me about a lot of meshes in this game, all the way back to base game; why do they change the shape of my sims like that!? Like look at this comparison of my model sim with and without the outfit... WHY!? HOW!? WHY!?

Lastly... This is probably the biggest disappointment with this pack for me and I just don’t even know how to begin to describe how annoyed I am that ONCE AGAIN there is nothing for kids and toddlers. Zero. Zip. Nada. Not a damn thing. That’s two packs in a row with no new content for any sims under teen age and I just don’t get it. Moschino actually make kids and baby clothing! And with this pack, Gurus specifically mentioned that there was a special trait for sims who were born into spellcaster families...

SO WHY NO KIDS/TODDLER STUFF!? 😡

✨The Verdict

I know this all probably came off as sounding really negative, but as I said at the start, when I don’t like something I have a lot to say about it. But I do genuinely love the clothing, it fits the theme of the pack really well and most of it looks great. I just wish a little bit more attention had been paid to certain things, that there was more comfy casual stuff, and that kids and toddlers weren’t once again neglected.

All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own. I am not paid by EA to “hype” their games; I am given the opportunity to review their games early in exchange for an honest review.

Click here for my Build/Buy Review

#The Sims 4 #Sims 4 #TS4 #EAGameChangers #TS4RealmOfMagic

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themanicnami · 6 years

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Love Magick Masterpost

Love Magick is something we have all heard about either from fantastical stories, romantic movies and fairy tales galore. It is also often spoken down to or mocked by certain branches of the craft seen as magick that is irresponsible or unchecked. Though this is a common place thought, love magick in itself is not dangerous or nefarious, though it can be that if so chosen to be by those casting it. But before we get into the ethics of the craft why don’t we touch base on what exactly is love magick how it is used.

(warning this post will speak about adult content pertained to sex and sexual organs though not in detail or with images, be warned if you do not wish to read about this. You can skip this content by skipping the section on Lust Magick and Sexual Magick/Fertility.)

What is Love Magick?

Generally speaking love magick is the craft and art of using the emotions of love, lust and sexual energies to get certain results from oneself, others or bonds you have. Often in media love magick is depicted as the craft of making a certain someone fall madly in love with the user, often with comedic or horrific results. This is generally rarely the case, unless the user themselves have very strong energies during their casting though this will be touched upon in more detail later.

There are several types of love magick, each a unique branch of it has different results and desires for the ones casting. In general the types of love magick that tend to be used are: romantic, lust, sexual, desire, captivation, family, friends, bonding, self love and anti-love. These will each be touched upon later on, but each have their own unique purposes. The most popularly used type of love magick tends to be self love magick. Despite what media depicts, rarely are experienced users of the craft seeking to brainwash and capture the minds of others in the sake of being in a relationship.

Romantic

This is likely the most commonly thought of type of love magick. Sometimes it is referred to as Passion Magick as well though other witches will use the term of “passion” for Lust based Magick as well. This category covers everything from opening up oneself to love, to attracting romantic love into your life, to improving a relationship you are currently in to the much more taboo trying to have another fall in love with you. Though the later is taboo due to the fact many see this as breaking the person’s free will which is highly frowned upon in our community. Very few witches who practice love magick regularly are willing to help people with such deeds and will most likely turn down anyone who does ask for such.

Often times people will turn to romantic spells when they are feeling lonely, the best thing to do in these cases are spells that are more general that are to attract love into one’s life often for a soulmate or good partner. It should be important to emphasize not to rush such spells, it is best not to attract messy or chaotic love. Put some focus into your spell and work on bringing in someone positive into your life. To your romance attraction spells be sure to add ingredients for happiness, peace and comfort - these can help improve who you attract.

Keep in mind again, that trying to force a specific person to love you is considered taboo and going against that person’s will. Very few people approve of this, and it is common courtesy not to force people into things against their wills.

Suggestions for Romantic Magick:

When casting romance spells to bring lovers into your life be sure to add things for happiness, peace, protection and comfort into the spell. These extra ingredients can help focus on attracting a healthy relationship

Write down the qualities in a partner you wish to have, try to avoid physical because that may not work as well as their emotional and mental energies/properties; and add this list to the spell

Romance spells can often be used to strengthen pre-existing relationships similar to bonding spells though these should always be done with consent

Red Roses are often the most commonly represented ingredient for Romance spells, add white roses as well to bring in pure love and gentle love

Rose Quartz is commonly used in love spells especially romantic ones

Be sure to protect yourself during these spells to not open up any vulnerabilities to those who many wish to harm, warding to protect oneself from abuse and emotional turmoil is recommended

Lust

These spells are as the name implies, love spells that focus on lust. This is the use of sexual energies such as from orgasms or climaxes in the use magick. Several witches will use the energy they release during these “peaks” to store later into vessels and crystals to be used for spells or rituals. These spells and rituals can range from improving one’s sex life to bringing joy or more energy into one’s everyday life or to simply increase the effects of a spell casted later on. Many who use this type of magick express that they feel that the energy they release during sexual activities or masturbation is some of the strongest they experience and it is why they store it for later use.

Others will use lust magick to improve their bravado in the bedroom, hoping to make themselves appear more sexual and to increase the enjoyment and pleasure they feel during the acts of love making. These witches often perform a spell or ritual on themselves before the act of sex. Some witches even enchant certain items they use in the bedroom ranging from toys to condoms to bindings used for more kinky relations, to help improve their experience. Some will use lust spells to increase their sex drive, to allow them to continue going at a higher pace than usual or to extend their release time.

Also along with lust spells are anti-lust spells which people use to lessen their sex drives, remove lust from their lives or improve on lustful thinking. In these cases the witch will cast this on themselves or on another (with their consent) to remove sexual energies. This is often done by witches or individuals who find that they have a far too high sex drive, are often distracted by sexual thoughts or activities or have sexual compulsions they wish to remove. Do keep in mind, magick is no replacement for therapy.

Crystals for Lust magick tend to be red in color or maroon. The most popular ones used are red jasper, ruby, garnet, fire agate and sapphire. Many also will use jade, citrine and malachite as well. Do note that crystals, especially toxic ones like malachite, should not be put into drinks or water or used internally in any manner.

Suggestions for Lust Magick:

Female genitalia is often represented by shells, shellfish, flowers (especially roses and other tight petaled flowers) and fruits such as oranges, lemons, papayas, figs and pears

Male genitalia is often represented with elongated fruits and vegetables such as squash, zucchini, bananas, carrots, gourds and turnips. Often it is also represented with flowers with long stamens such as lilies, fruit nectar, honey and candles.

Apples and chocolate are common representations for lustful energy and foreplay and are common ingredients

Often couples will perform lust magick together, make sure both partners are comfortable before doing so. Often these rituals include (or are suggested to include): touching, kissing, transferring energy between participants, chanting, feeding one another, hair stroking and massages.

Do be careful when using sugar or honey in rituals, they do not belong near vaginas and can cause yeast infections (same with putting them in baths)

Lots of witches practice lust magick in the bath or shower while preparing for the activities so it is a good place to do a quick spell or ritual

Drinkable or edible spells are a popular option for this sort of magick, sharing said spell with your partner is also very popular and recommended

Sigils on sex toys can help with energy gathering or storage

Sexual

Sexual Magick often gets mixed up with Lust though there are key differences. Often Sexual magic can be interchangeable with Fertility and Infertility magick - the after results of sex rather than the process. Often it focuses far more heavily of gendered energy, which does not always have to relate to your birth gender but rather the gender you are wishing to be aligned with. Most often this magick is used by couples trying to conceive a child or avoid conceiving (though it should be noted magick is no replacement for safe sex and birth control methods).

For fertility in women apple blossoms and apples are often used due to their association with fertility deities in several faiths including Greek and Roman mythology. Female fertility is also often represented with figs or budding fruit, most fruits with seeds can be used to associate with it. For male fertility bananas, birch branches, daffodils, carrot and celery tend to be used. For general fertility in both genders or no aligned gender often cabbage, figs, grapes and hay are used. The colors of red, gold, yellow and green often associate themselves with fertility though male fertility often is represented with the color of gold and female with red or green. This of course can be interchanged as well.

Crystals for fertility tend to be green or gold in color though the most popular ones are used are chrysoprase, moldavite, rose quartz, smokey quartz, milky quartz, pearl, moonstone and jade. Many suggest burning incense are sage, rosemary, rose, cypress, lavender, chamomile and jasmine. Some recommend diffusing essential oils though I recommend only doing this if you know you and your partner do not have oil sensitivities, allergies, asthma or other health factors (and avoid diffusers if you have cats, dogs, rabbits, birds and small mammalian pets it can be lethal to them). If you choose to use aromatherapy oils in massages be sure to dilute the with a carrier oil and to not put them anywhere near your genitals for they can cause chemical burns (which would not be fun).

In infertility magick there are usually two goals of the person casting: either lesson their chances of fertility or lesson the chances of another. Sometimes these spells or rituals are seen as a form of cursing with the witch casting this on others who they feel need to be punished or as a method of binding to prevent another from having offspring. This is a gray area which can be approached differently by different people. In some cases people use infertility magick to try to prevent others who are neglectful or abusive from having more children rather than an act of revenge. Those casting on themselves tend to do so to help prevent the possibility of conception during sex. In these cases it should be noted that magick is no replacement for birth control methods and if you are on birth control pills or medication be sure to research what may and may not affect it. Consult with a doctor before ingesting herbal tonics or brews when on birth control.

For infertility crystals that are black or white tend to be used with obsidian being rather popular due to them being crystals of protection, banishment and in cases of revenge for cursing. Some say using salt and cleansing rituals before sex can also help prevent pregnancy though this of course should still never be used in place of medical methods.

Suggestions for Sexual Magick:

Similar to the lust magick section Female genitalia is often represented by shells, shellfish, flowers (especially roses and other tight petaled flowers) and fruits such as oranges, lemons, papayas, figs and pears

Similar to the lust magick section Male genitalia is often represented with elongated fruits and vegetables such as squash, zucchini, bananas, carrots, gourds and turnips. Often it is also represented with flowers with long stamens such as lilies, fruit nectar, honey and candles.

Milk and cream historically relates to motherhood and parenthood and is often used in fertility potions. If you are lactose intolerant using other options such as coconut milk is viable

In some circles and practices using coconut oil mixed with rose oil and lavender oil massaged on the stomach can help promote fertility before and after sex (keep it only on the skin and diluted, never ingest or use internally)

Rose tea or rose water are often added to fertility potions to help bring love into the process

Offerings of apples, bananas and other fruit are often done to deities of fertility to help promote it in relationships

Many will create a ‘fertility bath’ by adding milk, rose oil (diluted), chamomile oil (diluted) and sticks of rosemary into a bath and soaking in it can help promote fertility

To promote infertility in others often is done through binding up fruit in traditional binding methods, using rotting fruit or adding hot sauce/chili flakes to a fertility spell or potion to ‘ruin it’

Poppets are used often for both fertility and infertility

Desire

Desire Magick is something more traditional when one thinks of the media and love magick, it is the using of magick and glamours to make oneself more desirable to others. Often it does go hand in hand with beauty magick. Though the key difference between desire and beauty magick is that beauty focuses on purely appearances and often one’s own perception of beauty while desire magick is specifically used to attract the attention of others. In these cases desire magick can be done more than just appearance and can be used to make one’s actions perceived more attractive, make one’s voice more appealing to others and to improve on one’s social aspects. Some witches are more broad when it comes to desire magick seeking to attract attention of just a singular sex or both or just everyone they come across to a mild degree while others will do it in the sole purpose of trying to attract a partner while others will use it to try to attract a specific person, which the latter can again be seen as rather taboo and will be talked about more later on.

Desire Magick is greatly associated with the color of gold and red. Many who practice this particular sort of magick will use roses or other flowers to represent beauty and romantic appearances. As previously said, many will combine it with glamour spells particularly beauty, using this idea of a external beauty to lure and attract others. Due to this mirrors are a very common tool for this sort of practice. Some will use minor bits of this type magick during their morning routines to spice up their days.

Suggestions for Desire Magick:

Use a mirror or reflective surface to help enchant yourself with your spells

Roses, honey and honeysuckle are some of the most common ingredients for Desire Magick

Many as a safety net will make a way to end the spell if needed or when getting unwanted attention such as washing off their makeup, removing a piece of jewelry or saying a chant. This is done as protection when things get too intense

Many will enchant items to wear for this sort of magick and for easy removal when they want it to end. Jewelry items are some of the most popular.

Many will mix Desire Magick with ingredients for Confidence to help them express such energy along with their alluring auras

Captivation

This type of magick is similar to that of Desire though in the case of Captivation it is usually more specified to make people pay attention to your words or actions rather than beauty. Some will argue that both types are the same which is quite fine for they are very similar. Many will cast captivation spells to encourage others to pay attention to their words, listen to them speak, be present for presentations and to help ensure they remember something the caster is doing. In these cases, this type of magick may not seem too love related though several will use Captivation spells to hold the attention of others for the purpose of flirting or in atmospheres where it is common to be seeking out partners such as singles nights. In these cases the captivation spells are often done to help the user not “fade away into the background”.

A bit of warning for those wishing to use this type of magick, it can hold the attention of others but not always of the ones you want. You may hold the attention of someone you are uncomfortable around or someone you do not click with, in these cases have a backup plan of how to ‘turn off’ this spell.

It is important to also know not to use this sort of magick in the pure intention of holding someone’s attention to force them to like you, this again, holds the taboo of removing a person’s free will. It is one thing to help someone notice you and listen more carefully to your words than to try to command someone’s will with your words.

Suggestions for Captivation Magick:

Many focus on their lips or eyes when using Captivation Magick seeing as they are the two most prominent facial features we use especially when communicating, due to this many like to use lipstick, chapstick, eye makeup etc when casting these sorts of spells

Cinnamon is often used in Captivation Magick as well as other spells wanting to heat something up

Mirrors like in Desire Magick, are very popular tools helping the caster to focus on their expressions and facial features

Sugar and honey are often used in captivation spells such as lip scrubs, due to honey attracting things such as attention

Often people will use spoken words, poetry, chanting or song lyrics in captivation spells especially ones focused on the voice, in such cases be sure to speak clearly and confidently

Family

Love magick involving family is often spells to create a loving home, to encourage positive bonds between family members, protection of one another and improved communication. Parents will cast spells in their home to help ensure their children feel loved and safe, siblings will keep bonds with each other from distances and during the holidays these spells can help keep a positive atmosphere for everyone to enjoy.

This is often a type of love magick that is overlooked, due to it lacking the romantic or sexual nature of other types. Though family love is still a type of love, and a very strong one at that. Many associate family love with warm, hearth associated colors like brown (especially rich browns), maroon, dark red and salmons. Apples are strongly related with family love usually green or yellow ones rather than red as well as golden pears, red grapes and wheat.

The crystals of brown (natural) pearls, brown agate, citrine, tree agate and garnet. Herbs often associated closely with family love are wheat, hay, basil, thyme, cinnamon, fennel and oregano. It is quite popular to use kitchen magick, sewing/knot magick and other types of cottage magick to cast spells related to family bonding and love.

Suggestions for Family Love Magick:

Potions using apples or apple cider are very popular to share as a family when casting spells for love and harmony

Many will get others of the family to participate in the spells actively while casting such as baking together (often bread), cooking a family meal and enjoying it or working on a craft project

Many will use brooms and besoms in family magick to sweep out the bad and sweep in the love

Enchanting toys and blankets are popular choices of parents who wish for their children to feel warm and loved when it is the cold of night

Family Magick is often done during the holidays such as Yule, when families tend to all be together at once

Friendship

Friendship Magick is often another forgotten or looked over type of Love Magick for it is all about the making and improving the bonds of friendship, creating better communication and ensuring a positive peaceful energy between another. Often, Friendship Magick can be used to also bring in new friends or attract positive people into your life for the intention of making new friends.

This is a popular type of magick simply because many people, being as we are a social species as a whole, seek to make friends and bond with others. Our minds crave and desire to bond with others, and that is why we suffer from loneliness when we are deprived of that. Due to these things, I personally feel that Friendship Magick or the love that comes from it is extremely strong and powerful on terms of emotional energy.

Often crystals that are used to improve friendship and the strength between two friends are green and yellow in color and include: peridot, aventurine, malachite and labradorite. Some other crystals used for friendship purposes are rose quartz, orange agate, blue agate and carnelian. Herbs for friendship are: acacia, apple/apple blossom, bluebell, gardenia, meadow sweet, myrtle and yellow and orange roses. For incense many say burning jasmine or rose incense in a window during dawn can attract new friends into your life.

Anti-friendship spells and magick are those to remove people from your life, end friendships (usually your own) and often are for cutting out people you no longer wish to interact with. These are often done symbolically by cutting a ribbon or thread like ‘severing’ the friendship. This type of magick is very popular for helping those overcome and remove toxic people from their lives and false friends.

Suggestions for Friendship Magick:

Many will practice this sort of magick together with their friend(s) in question to bond their energies and friendship stronger

Like all types of love magick, friendship should only be done with consent never force someone into a friendship

When using anti-friendship spells often tying two poppets or two names together with a thread then cutting it is used to represent the ending of the friendship.

Popular friendship rituals involve often tying of ribbons, sharing of sigils or runes, trading enchanted items or making one another sachet spells and trading them during a ritual

The color green is often used to represent a new and sprouting friendship, blue is used to represent strong communication and peaceful friendship and pink represents a supportive friendship. Yellow is also sometimes used to bring in positive energy and emotions into a friendship, specifically an existing or struggling one.

Bonding

Bonding Magick is the process of creating, improving and anchoring bonds with another person, object or creature (including familiars). This is a very broad area for it can cover everything from friendship magick to romantic couples bonding to wedding rituals to growing close to a new familiar to long distance relationships. Due to this, often this sort of magick is combined with others for more specified effects.

Though, in general Bonding Magick is magick related to the emotional connections and social bonds you hold with others and are often done in very special rituals that are held dear by those involved. Hand tying is a good example of a bonding ritual done between two romantic partners.

Due to Bonding being such a general topic it is difficult to list all of the many correspondences for it. Often it is safe to bet, that you wish to work with items that relate to the topic of your bonding spell or ritual. If you are wishing to feel closer to your romantic partner bring in ingredients for romance such as red rose petals and chocolates. For improving a bond with a dear pet or familiar include feeding or petting your pet during the ritual for that is one way to show them affection that they’ll appreciate it.

One thing to always remember during Bonding Magick, it does not work on its own. You must not only put in actual effort into the process and keeping the bond going but both/all parties involved must be willing participants. It is improper and highly taboo to try to force another into bonding with you, especially more serious bonds like life bonding or partner bonding.

Suggestions for Bonding Magick:

Often using ribbon, string or yarn to bind and tie one another together is a popular technique especially at weddings or other such major unions

Cellphones and laptops are popular to use when casting long distance bonding spells and to help improve communication between the parties

Blue, yellow and green are common colors in bonding magick when related to friendship and family, red is popular between lovers and romantic relationships

Sigil work is often used in unison with rituals or enchantments for bonding magick, often the sigils were designed together by the parties and hold important meanings.

Self-Love

Self-love magick is a commonly practiced variant of witches of all types, skill levels and ages. This form of love magick is used to help someone, usually the caster but sometimes a loved one or client, to help feel better about themselves and improve their overall emotional view of who they are. Many use these spells to help with treating themselves right, helping lift some emotional weight on them and to overall just feel better in general. Some use them to boost confidence while others use it to try to calm down any self-harm or hatred they may have. It should be noted this type of magick does not replace a therapist or medicines for things such as depression or anxiety.

The color associated with self-love is often pink, especially lighter ‘softer’ pinks. Many casters of self-love spells like using Himalayan pink salts due to this whether they be the lamps or salts used in a hot bath or face scrub. Popular crystals for self-love spells and rituals are rose quartz, pink tourmaline and selenite. Pink roses and salmon colored roses are popular in self-love spells as well as jasmine, chamomile, rosemary and sugary fruits. Often honey and sugar are also used in spells to help bring sweetness into one’s life though they should be used in very small moderation in baths or not at all.

Suggestions for Self-Love Magick:

Bath spells and rituals are very popular for this type of magick due to it being a time where someone can be on their own and indulge a bit with things they like (music, bubbles, bath bombs, candles etc)

It is popular to combine cleansing spells with self-love spells to help one rid themselves of negative thoughts and feelings

Many people use self-love spells alongside proper therapy and medical help (it should never replace it)

Self-love sachets left above a bed is a popular thing many witches do to help them feel relaxed when in the safety of their room and help improve their self-vision. Many will add rosemary, dried rose petals, sea salt and pink salts to these sachets.

Sweet, fruity or floral teas are often used in self-love spells

Anti-Love

Now the anti-love spell is the one that people think of when they think of losing your feelings for another, often the caster wishing to remove their own emotional (often romantic or sexual) feelings towards another often an ex, abusive partner or someone the caster knows they should not love. Some will also use anti-love spells on clients who wish to remove romantic feelings for another party. Some will use anti-love spells as a curse like method on someone, though in these cases it is often to make someone lose love towards someone who is abusive towards them or neglectful.

Anti-love spells often relate to ice and snow as to “freeze” the feelings and cool the heat of passion or lust the person feels. Many who use anti-love spells associate them with the colors of blue (ice, coolness, apathy), white (cleansing) and black (banishment, binding, cutting ties). Often dried or wilted roses are used for these sorts of spells as well as rose thorns and cutting roses from their stems.

Suggestions for using Anti-Love Spells:

Many who use these sorts of spells use ice or their freezers to help ‘freeze’ the spell to represent freezing one’s emotions

Some will use a candle burning and blow out the flame to represent extinguishing the flame of lust or passion

Some will use more motion based spells such as cutting images, cutting threads, tearing up love letters, etc

Many will use Garnet to ‘suck out’ the romance from something, some will wear garnets due to this after exiting or leaving a relationship

White crystals and black crystals are often combined in crystal grids or rituals to banish and cleanse away unwanted emotional attachments to those of the past

Etiquette of Love Magick

Yes there is quite a bit of expected etiquette in the world of Love Magick simply because, love is something not to be messed with for fun and messing with the choices and wills of others is highly frowned upon. So below are the basica taboos and expectations when practicing Love Magick and why:

Never force another to love anyone without their input or choice: as much as movies and media and books love to show it, making love spells to force someone to fall in love with you or another party like some love sick zombie is extremely frowned upon. This is removing their free will, their human right as a person, to choose who they date and love. Would you want someone to force you to love them? The answer is no. So why would you force another into that situation?

Never force another to end a relationship for selfish reasons: this one is a bit in the gray since I have heard arguments that what if the relationship is abusive or dangerous for those involved, this would be one of those case by case situations. But as a general rule if you or your client wants you to force another to person to dump someone so that you/the client can date or get with them - that is the same as above. You are removing that person’s choice and will on the situation, they have a right to choose who they date. Your jealousy and envy should never cause you to use your magick for ill-will.

Never force two together who do not wish to be together: this is again like the two above, forcing two people to remain together or get together when they are unhappy or one wishes to break apart the relationship is forcing two people together who do not wish to be. That is going against their will and wishes. Now, this is different from if they come to you to help strengthen their relationship. At that point, it is them giving you consent to help them strengthen their bonds.

Always get consent from both/all parties: Everyone involved with the love spell need to give their full consent, be sure everyone is aware of the process and is comfortable with it. This includes your own personal partners (romantic or not) and any other parties or clients who may be involved. It is best to have everyone talk it out and agree to terms before spells or rituals are done.

Do not use love as a punishment: this sounds confusion at first but some out there believe trying to use love spells to captivate someone’s heart and then crush it is a good method of cursing or punishment. Though this topic is debated, I personally and many other witches see this as a very dangerous game to play. Making someone obsessed and in love with you breaks their free will and then makes you the main target of their heartbreak when they look for an outlet for their pain. This can prove dangerous to the caster, some people can get dangerous after heartbreak.

Do not force life bonds: some witches see life bonding as an important part of romantic relationships, family relationships and friendships. But never force someone into a life bond, this is going against their wishes. If they say they are uncomfortable with the idea of it or the process, honor their wishes and let it be.

Love Magick and Other Magick Types

Often Love Magick will mix itself in with other types of magick for numerous reasons and for numerous effects. Below are some possible examples you may use or see:

Love Magick and Glamour/Beauty Magick - this is often done as previously mentioned with things such as Desire Magick and Captivation Magick to help bring attention to the caster’s appearance, eyes, voice and words.

Love Magick and Healing Magick - Often this is done for healing wounded or broken hearts after bad break-ups, failures of the heart and ended relationships.

Love Magick and Garden/Green Magick - this often relates to Bond Magick, some green witches prefer to create magickal and emotional bonds to their beloved plants they have in their care

Love Magick and Communication Magick - Often people will mix the two to help ensure that both or all parties in the spell/ritual are able to improve and keep good communication between one another. These two are very commonly mixed.

Love Magick and Divination - Many will use divination to look into their romantic future and to learn from their past mistakes in the ways of heart, in these cases do keep in mind that the future is ever changing and not always for certain

Love Magick and Animal Magick - As previously mentioned in Bond Magick it is not uncommon for many with familiars to bond with them magickally or through rituals, in these cases ensure your familiar is comfortable and if they show any distress to cease the ritual/spell. Always research animal and pet safety

Love Magick and Spirit Work - Often this is related to Bond Magick and Friendship Magick. Be wary of actual romantic relations with spirits for they are apart of a plane we are not, many spirit workers head against this due to the emotional turmoil it can create. Always get consent from the spirit before performing bonding spells or rituals.

In Conclusion

Love Magick is more than just what we see in the storybooks, it is the connections to others both romantic and sexual but also through friendship and other tight emotional bonds. Love Magick is more than just making someone love you, which we have gone over as being taboo, but it is the power of helping yourself or others stand out, to remove unwanted emotions towards those who have harmed you and to create a special connection with another being who you wish to stay in touch with. Love Magick is a power tool and can be quite a dangerous one to weild, it has many taboos that need to be respected but it can be a great tool in a witch’s collection to help bring them some joy and joy to those around them. Remember, Love Magick is not a toy, it is not something we can just throw about at others for kicks. It is a serious and delicate form of magick, we must respect it and respect others involved when it is used.

***All information used in this post comes from my personal research, grimoires and experience. Do not repost this anywhere without my permission.***

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ngame989 · 5 years

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Starco Fic Recs

Disclaimer: This list is largely curated to my own personal preferences (minimal feelings angst, minimal AUs, character development >>> plot) and has a fairly high bar for quality in characterization, etc. There will likely be many popular/beloved fics that I really don’t think highly of at all and therefore don’t make the cut. Feel free to DM me things you think I should consider adding, but I make no promises.

And of course I’d be flattered if you gave my own works a chance - stop by my About Me section for links! Thus far I’m particularly proud of the post-canon series I just started in collaboration with an awesome team, The Greatest Gift.

(Updated 9/26 - I decided to redo the list since people might appreciate seeing it in the tags again. To anyone whose own work is featured here that I haven’t personally responded to - I’m a tough critic with a lot of strong personal preferences so PLEASE do not take my gripes as condemnations of your skills - if they make the list at all, I think they’re worth a read!)

See below for the very thorough list!

Bolded titles indicate must-read.

Italicized titles indicate work is incomplete (in the case of continuous stories).

Asterisks indicate new additions from last update (3 for brand new, 1 for status update).

I’ve VERY loosely organized the categories by personal priority order this time around, but read the descriptions and decide for yourself!

Must-Reads

Forevermore - A Starco wedding story (with a bit of Jantom as well). Simply one of the best fics I’ve read in the fandom. I have no meaningful criticism to give it, and that’s the highest praise I can possibly give something.

Monarchs of Mewni (+ Traditionally Lovingly Yours) - A series of chronologically disconnected oneshots set years after the show. The backstory is very dated given how long ago it started (Jarco was kinda serious for a few years, Tomstar v2 never happened, etc) but overall it’s lovely. Has a bit of plot, a bit of Jantom, a lot of other character interactions, and a boatload of Starco - plus a Starco kid who is a decently developed character but also doesn’t just take over and crowd out Star and Marco themselves! That alone deserves merit.

Ruined - Aftermath of a hypothetical return of Monster Arm. Angst with a happy ending (and one of the few angsty fics that gets my seal of approval), so read this extra early if that’s more your schtick than mine.

study buddies - Y’know what, fuck it, I’m putting this here. It’s a short ball of Starco fluff but it’s one of the sweetest and fluffiest fluffballs I’ve seen in a long time and it’s very emotionally immersive and y’all needa read it.

*When Two Worlds Collide - One of my favorite postcanon series thus far. I admit I’m really not big on “magic returns!” plots in postcanon (which this has), and the sections that focus on that are hit or miss for me, but overall it has some of the funnest and cutest characterization and gags I’ve seen in any SVTFOE fic, ever. Absolutely worth following (and it has a fair amount of art to go along with it!)

***Star Chef - Oneshot (two chapters, so twoshot technically?) set in the same universe as Starlight Justiciar (see below) and is just a day in the life of Star and Marco. Goes absolutely above and beyond at emotional immersion and little nuances and details to bring the world and characters to life, which elevates it to something special to me.

Light of the Sun and Stars - (Promoted to Must-Read!) One of the few heavily divergent AU fics I care for. Marco is an orphan raised by monsters, and meets Star after running away. Just finished its “first season” and I've loved the recent chapters, am very excited to see where it goes.

*Don’t You Let Me Go - Wonderfully fluffy post-Cleaved Starco, one of my favorite oneshot “epilogues”.

i want to tell you (but i don’t know how) - Post season 3 fic detailing the growth of Star and Marco’s relationship. It’s spectacular writing and shows off a lot of the true depth of Starco beyond just being cute.

Adult - NSFW warning, non-explicit (aged-up characters). It’s a story about the journey towards Star and Marco’s first step into adulthood together - it’s not graphic and way more focused on the emotions involved, but it still is definitely more explicit than your average FFnet rated-T fic. If sexual themes ain’t your thing, I totally respect that, but this is a charming and funny piece of writing.

Lawchan’s various oneshots - There isn’t a great compilation for them right now so the best I can do is give you her tag for it and you can comb through it yourself. I like some more than others here, but they’re all very well-written - my only gripes with some of them are my own tastes in subject matter, so have fun perusing this on your own.

I Will Always Be There For You - A really pure and wholesome Starco oneshot. Very well-written.

Post-Canon Series to Follow

I figured with the show being over, and so many people starting their own series, I should include a lot of them here even if I’m personally not the biggest fan just to help gather them up so people can decide for themselves. Little bit looser on judgment here.

*Life on Earthni A to Z - Non-chronological postcanon slice of life oneshots, Starco and some Globclipsa and Jantom. Overall really good so far, one of my favorites in terms of direction.

*When Dimensions Cleave (sequel - Unforgettable Getaway) - Another postcanon series hellbent on bringing back magic queen lore, but it has some solid Starco fluff still. Credit where it’s due, the “Star constantly freaking out over what a horrible person she was” bit that I called preachy in the prior rec post gets somewhat less preachy and does end up actually going somewhere as part of character development, but I’m left scratching my head at how they all act sometimes. The good parts are certainly good, though, and in terms of quantity of lovey dovey Starco, it really can’t be beat (especially the sequel) and that’s worth something by itself.

We’re a Miracle - Extra adorkable postcanon fluff. Lighter on the “but ACKSHUALLY MAGIC IS BACK” stuff compared to the others, but it’s there, like almost every postcanon fic in existence.

Star vs the Sands of Time - Heavy politic/lore postcanon fic, not my fav but if that’s more your thing then great. Has some casual Starco too.

Goodbye Isn’t Forever - More POV dives into Cleaved.

Fake Proposal - Some decent jokey but cute fluff

The Stars Above - Some exploration of Earthni

New World - A bit over-the-top meta, but fun fluff

The Starlight Justiciar - Four years after canon, some social change plot stuff and some decent Starco. Not the biggest fan of some of the plot stuff but check it out for yourself!

Starco vs the Forces of Evil - Another collab fic/art thing. Fair warning, I really am not personally a huge fan of a lot of the characterization and plot decisions here (see my notes on Sign of the Moon waaaay down below) but decide for yourself, don’t let my pickiness dictate your own preferences!

Ready For The Future - Technically a oneshot (with some Starco) but sets up some Mina plot, if you’re interested in more give it a follow/review.

Worlds Together - Some Starco and exploration of Earthni.

Epilogue - Some Starco and exploration of Earthni.

***A Dark Horse - Has a few really nice lovey dovey Starco bits but also lots of superdrama with politics stuff. There’s a lot of fics here that I honestly just windowshop the scene I like for a quick fix of dopamine every now and then and skim at most otherwise, and this is one.

Revolution - end of canon AU where Moon is as anti-monster as Mina, dark as fuck. Only putting it here cuz some of y’all angstlords might like it.

Shorter Works/Oneshot Collections

I’ll Carry Your World - Big ole’ ball of wonderful Starco fluff with an important moment between them (written before end of show so a bit divergent).

***LoveIsTheStrongestKindOfMagic - Very short and basic fluff.

Starco Week 5 (Hugs Included) - Some of it is postcanon Earthni oneshots and others are from the Light of the Sun and Stars AU (see above). Great author, fun as hell writing style.

Fragile - Star worries about keeping her boyfriend Marco safe.

Complete - An older Star reflects on her past and present. Short and sweet.

Knighthood - Simple fluff piece on if Star and Marco got together after Storm the Castle.

Too Hot to Move - Star and Marco try to survive a heat wave on Earthni. Also funny fluff.

Marco Make-out Mayhem - Star really likes kissing Marco. Funny fluff.

Cleaved Together - NSFW warning, non-explicit (aged up) - Star and Marco’s first time. Very very overly focused on the whole purity/sacredness of first time thing, but still pretty cute.

Like Us - Really nice, sweet casual reflection on her life with Marco from a future Star’s POV.Toothpaste Kisses - Short fluff about its title.

A Friend’s Memento - Starco fluff with some reflection on the results of destroying magic

Plum Pie - Some goofy antics and hurt/comfort.

Not Losing You - A little dive into Marco’s POV at the end of Cleaved. Also adds a kiss.

We Belong Together - More speculative slightly angsty comfort/fluff.

Enough - A nice study of the emotions and thoughts during the last scenes of Cleaved, adds some depth to it.

Heartless - A bit of angst over magic going away with some sweet Starco comfort.

Together - Post-Cleaved Starco megafluff.

My Prince - Starco fluff set in a world where they were together before Cornonation.

Dancing with a Star - Starco fluff from alt S4.

Love in the Time of Pancakes - Written hours after my last update of the list, another little ditty based on the pancake promo.

Pancakes - Fluffy S4-promo-based little oneshot.

Hers - Hurt/comfort/confession-y fic, has some really nice moments and shows off a lot of how much they care about each other. Nice to see after such a drought.

Someone to Stay - Another hurt/comfort fic, nice and simple.

A Viola, a Violin, and a Butterfly’s Sword - some nonlinear oneshots about Starco. Some kinda weird directions gone in with the “plot” but it’s pretty good overall.

Falling - One of many, many fics from throughout the fandom’s history about Star and Marco getting together. Short and sweet.

forget about white horses & once upon a time - Drabble collection of various moments scattered throughout Star and Marco’s lives. Cute fluff.

The One Where I Thought I Lost You - Post-BFM fic where Marco realizes his feelings for Star earlier. Very wholesome.

christmases when you were mine - Established relationship fluff.

lightning in your veins, thunder in your heart - Post-season 3 established relationship fluff (slightly divergent, written before 3B).

once upon a december - Established relationship fluff.

Flags - Alternate rendition of the episode “Flags” with Starco.

Spells and Hot Chocolate - Wintry fluff.

5 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ - Post BFM with some events in Star and Marco’s lives.

You’re My Wish Come True - This is just indulgent Starco trash. I won’t even argue for the characterization/writing quality, this is just a straight-up guilty pleasure.

Wands and Nachos - ^

The Princess and the Safe Kid - ^

A Day in the Life of Starco - ^

A very Starco Xmas - ^

Could It Be -^

All the times Star wore Marco’s hoodie - ^

Protect Me, Squire - ^

Crushed - Star and Marco both get turned down by their respective crushes and find comfort in each other.

Stay - Cuddly fluff. There’s another Stay out there which I frankly can’t stand with will-they-won’t-they melodrama out the wazoo, so don’t get confused.

Longer Series

*The Inescapable Us - Really tropey miscommunication will-they-won’t-they type of thing. Not my fav, especially now that the show is over and finished that leg of Star and Marco’s story once and for all (I’m personally WAY less interested in things that redo something canon already did). However, where it’s at now has some really good Starco moments. Fully admitted that I hella skimmed most of it until the parts I enjoyed, but And if you’re more fine with that type of thing then you’ll probably really like it, it’s well-written otherwise.

Together We Fall - Throwback S2 AU fic where Star and Marco go to the dance together instead and Toffee makes moves earlier. Gets kinda dark but has a lot of nice Starco along the way.

Safer, Sorrier - A recent rewrite of an older fic, Better Safe Than Sorry, where Star has to leave early to become queen and Marco is alone for a few months before they reunite. A very dated premise (post season 1 ish) but quite good.

Sugar and Spice - NSFW warning, non-explicit (NOT aged-up characters). In this fic, Star and Marco have gotten together after BFM, and a spell gone wrong leads to Mewberty relapses with obvious consequences. This fic has adorable Starco moments, but what I love this for above all is the other character interactions (especially Glossaryck and Star’s parents). This is probably a controversial add-on to the list, but I stick by my decision - if the subject matter isn’t your thing, then by all means avoid it.

Beyond Dimensions - Plotfic + established Starco where some ancient sorceress has to trap Star to escape and try to take over Mewni. Maybe y'all are more into plot stuff than me but the Starco that’s there is quite good regardless.

Starfall - NSFW warning, explicit (aged-up characters). Probably the most popular one to make the cut. Star and Marco are forced apart and have to find their way back together. Very old fic, lot of dated stuff here, and the narration and plot itself can get kinda questionable sometimes, but it has a lot of good Starco and some interesting plot elements that make it, in my opinion, worth a read despite a lot of flaws. A few epilogue chapters contain rather explicit sexual content, so be wary of that (and the epilogue itself after Ep 6 kinda transitions into a nextgenverse, so maybe just skip that entirely).

The Star Butterfly Effect - The sole fic on the list that is purely plot-based, with very little actual Starco development whatsoever. I can’t even really explain it, just give it a shot and see what you think; I was rather engrossed by the plot, and that’s rare for me.

The Princess and her Knight, Return of the Empire The former fic in this series is way more character-based, while the latter is very heavy plot stuff. Pretty decent character writing with some fluff. There’s a third that I honestly can’t recommend because I completely dropped it because it was just a nonstop war story.

Experimental - REALLY heavy, dark AU where Star and Marco are tortured and corrupted. It’s pretty decent.

Blood Moon Blitz - Alt BFM fic of Marco going to fight Toffee with Star. unfortunately dropped without completing, but what’s there is pretty solid.

Read at Your Own Risk…

The Sign of the Moon, The Dance of the Stars - Starts post-3A, involves the growth of Star and Marco’s relationship as they take on foes in and out of the castle and learn more about the Blood Moon. This series is rather… melodramatic, and there were some chapters and character interactions I flat out did not enjoy reading. But some people aren’t as strict on character interpretations as I am and would love such a long plot-based Starco fic, so overall I still will at least list it and let you decide for yourself. There might be a third entry in this series now, but I dropped it before then.

Photos - I hesitate to include this one here because the “Tom is a perfect angel who must sacrifice his love for Star” thing pisses me off. But just skip all that (and ignore the random “a part of me will always love Tom” line) and it’s a really nice post-s3 confession fic.

#starco #svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #fanfic #ngame

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martianarctic · 4 years

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Devin’s Playlist -2010s Part 1

This is an unfinished retrospective look at what I listened to during the 2010s. This decade was exceptional for me, as it was the first decade where, for almost all of it, I was not a musician myself.

Being a musician forces you to listen to music like a musician, and being free of that, and able to listen as a listener alone, really made this a spectacular decade for me. I found dozens of incredible albums that were released during the decade, many of which received no significant recognition.

This was a very large project, and I did not finish it. I made it through Retrowave, Shoegaze, and Post punk. If anybody cares, I will finish the entire project, which will add Dreampop (the largest category), Vaporwave, and Dark Ambient.

Retrowave: Retrowave is electronic music that, at first listen, sounds like it may be from the 80s or 90s, mostly because the synths it uses to generate the music are either retro-inspired or literally retro equipment in some of the more extreme cases. It generally features original compositions, often, but not always, is instrumental. Rough vocals would impede the tightness and angularity of the music, so when vocals are used they are often pop produced and highly melodic. This genre gained significant exposure from Nicolas Winding Refn’s 2011 masterpiece, “Drive”.

Galactic Melt (2011) Com Truise

Electronic artist Com Truise rose to prominence off of this fantastic record, which rallies around the undeniable electro anthem of 2012, “Brokendate”. Starting with some found audio (chopped and screwed found audio becomes a big deal later on in Vaporwave) and then dropping in an absolutely thick beat we’re met with a song that eventually, as layers are dropped on, ends up being meditative, romantic, and melancholy. Emotions to that point, not well associated with dance music, but definitely would come to color the entire decade.

Era Extraña (2011) Neon Indian

Electronic solo bedroom pop was pretty cool at the end of the 00s being pushed hard by guys like Twin Shadow. I am not sure how I got ahold of Neon Indian but this album was, in a lot of ways, the true start of my musical decade. I had not been so excited and enthusiastic about a record since I had retired from making music. It really gives you a new perspective to not feel like you’re in competition with everything and trying to learn from everything- just as a listener, I was enthralled with this entire record.

Visitors (2012) Lazerhawk

I did not get into dark retrowave until after 2013 and thus discovered Lazerhawk and this record after the fact. Visitors is, in my opinion, the best dark retrowave album ever made, more consistent and listenable than competitors such as mega drive or carpenter brut. Also. This album absolutely sticks the landing with the street-strutting powerhouse “Arrival”.

I am the Night (2012) Perturbator

Made famous by soundtracking the indie game hit Hotline Miami (one of the best games of the decade), Perturbator carved a niche for himself with fast, brutal, high energy dark electronic music and absolutely bonkers live shows. Perturbator has a large catalog of content- I am the Night is definitely the starter kit. Starting off with a thick minor chord, a church bell, and a sample of Peter Finch’s speech from “Network” you immediately know what’s in store- dark, dystopian and undeniably French electronic dance music, complete with breathtaking beat breaks, big bass synths, and complex compositions.

Innerworld (2014) Electric Youth

I had mentioned that Drive was a major popularizer of retrowave- and one song in particular, a collaboration between another retrowave artist named College, who created the low fi, catchy bassline for the song “A Real Hero”, and the vocals and lyrics, created by an artist called Electric Youth. Their record, 2014’s “Innerworld”, is one of the best retrowave efforts, with the second track, “Runaway”, even better than the song that made them famous. The pop chorus “Maybe we could just run away for good/cuz we’re both mis understood” soaring over thick, atmospheric synth pads will have you slapping the roof of your car, as you race through the freeways of LA at 3AM.

Atlas (2016) FM-84

Speaking of roof-slapping bangers, “Running in the Night” is probably retrowave’s most popular anthem, boasting one of my absolute favorite vocal performances of the decade. A group claiming rock and roll city San Francisco as their home base (despite being both British), FM-84’s Atlas is absolutely packed with a mixture of the atmospheric instrumental Miami Vice type music suggested by the red and purple setting sun cover as well as vocal driven pop songs such as the single mentioned above.

Hardwired (2018) Mitch Murder

Mitch Murder is a retrowave institution, having made the soundtrack to the viral youtube movie Kung Fury, and also, I suspect, the original music used by twitch personality Dr. Disrespect. However, he almost entirely releases 3-5 song Eps, making it tough to pick out a standout. However that all changed in 2018 with the release of Hardwired, the most accomplished mitch murder release to date. Starting off with the Jan Hammer style “Altered State”, it stays on brand throughout but tells a very unified instrumental story of cyberpunk dystopian adventure. Vangelis-style synths bring in the closer track, “Revision Control”, one of Mitch Murder’s greatest tracks. Evolving through different moods, different scenes, we can imagine the “human” protagonist confronting his cyborg nemesis he has been tasked to execute.

Retrowave Album of the Decade:

Dark All Day (2018) Gunship

As the decade wore on, retro wave slowed down for me. I thought it might be over but- without warning, Gunship, an artist I had listened to but not been completely impressed by, released what is probably the most accomplished album in the genre. Spanning various tempos and musical themes, utilizing several guest vocalists, the scope of “Dark All Day” keeps you listening to the record again and again. This record represents an evolution in a format that was at risk of being just a fad. “Come on lost boys, lets stay alive” over a ripping saxophone lead suggests mere 80s fetishism, but there is more substance than just that. The following track, “When you Grow Up, Your Heart Dies”, takes an upbeat electro jam, and really goes for emotional impact with a series of samples of characters from pop culture saying inspirational things, my favorite being “Everything worth doing is hard” which I think is just Teddy Roosevelt. My favorite track of the record, the slow ballad “Artemis & Parzival”, begins with swooning, Vangelis-style pads and then into guest vocalist Stella Le Page’s gorgeous vocals. This track definitely belongs on anybody’s make out playlist. “Were all gonna die that’s just how it is, there’s no escaping the future, nobody gets what they want in this world, even for you and me” is one of the greatest lyrics of the decade.

Nugaze/Shoegaze-Adjacent: Shoegaze is a genre of music that features highly layered guitar effects (often run through 10 or more effects, creating a signature “vacuum cleaner” sound with a ton of distortion and white noise) and breathy vocals. Relying heavily on the depth of character of the sound, shoegaze guitar tone and production is a major creative point and almost all of these records are self-produced. Vocal themes are usually depression-inspired and lovelorn meditations, the music sounds, to most, dull and dreary, but to some, it speaks deeply to their feelings about the past and future. Shoegaze is often mixed with other guitar genres on this list, from Post Hardcore(Nothing, Title Fight), Black Metal(Deafheaven), and Thrash Metal (Astronoid).

Road Eyes (2010) Amusement Parks on Fire

Around 2010, I was promoted at my job to a new role that would require a bunch of travel. I was not a big fan of riding on airplanes. Also around that time, my brother had moved into my apartment, then out of it, and I only had a few months left on the lease. My favorite shoegaze band of the 2000s, Amusement Parks on Fire, played a gig at 330 Ritch, a club in san Francisco. I had a fantastic time at the show, and particularly loved their new material, which made it onto a record they called Road Eyes. 2 months later I moved out of my apartment in San Francisco and never would go back to living as a single dude.

Anyways, the travelling. The opening and title track to the record came to symbolize change for me. And it also was the song I would listen to every time my plane would take off. It helped me deal with the fear that something might happen- no matter how insignificant the chance – and if it did, while that song was on, it would be okay. Indeed, this was, and I will warn you I am not qualified to treat mental illness, but this actually really made flying much easier for me and it is a ritual I continue to do to this day, whenever possible.

Pipe Dreams(2013), Sway(2014), Feels like You (2019) Whirr

San Francisco nugaze/dronegaze band Whirr, large and complex, problematic, aggressive, are behind some of my favorite music of the decade. Their three album career reflects to me upon the primary feelings of youth: euphoria, anger, and sadness.

Pipe Dreams is a blissful set of jams, meditative, energetic uptempo and with almost totally co-ed vocals. Noisy production casts a hydrocarbon haze over the songs, raw vocal melodies reach out of the fuzz and suck you in. “Junebouvier” and “Toss” capture the euphoric and youthful energy of a summer in San Francisco: starting off with breakups May thru July, and hot hookups until September or October when people settle into relationships. Two hungry eyes emerging from straight-bangs to make eye contact with you, and hold it- the exhilaration of touching somebody new.

Sway, the band’s masterwork, starts off with a heavily muff-distorted major 7th chord suspending us until the massive drums, now a hallmark of the band’s sound, kick off the beat into the opening rocker Press. The band switches up rhythms between drums, guitars, and bass to bring rock and roll-type turnarounds and breaks that really keep you on your toes and engaged. The lead guitar is classic legato shoegaze, using delay to achieve a long, sustained scream. Compositions are key on this record- not following just simple A/B patterns there’s some thought to the structure of the songs and record. “Dry”, in particular, demonstrates some of these ideas. A/B sections, underscored with “Drown me everytime… Dry”, give way to breaks, ethereal echo guitar solos, giving a hint of the powerful ending. A 4 chord progression accented by breathtaking drum fills finaly flourishes into a screaming cymbal-laden guitar finish.

Feels like You, the bands purported final album, starts off with some quiet echo piano. The melancholy major 7 chords the band has leaned on throughout their music are laid bare as we press play on the record. Add guitar. At a little after 90 seconds the band jumps in after with a thick blanket of lonesome self-reflection and chemical depression. The bands penchant for composition remains to the end, with changes keeping you engaged as the noise soothes your heart. “Younger than You” is one of the band’s greatest tracks, starting with an almost Smashing Pumpkins/Silversun Pickups esque clean unison guitar/bass into distorted and layered noise, ending with a drum-guided, rock and roll style outro.

Guilty of Everything (2014) Nothing

One of the things I mention in my preface to this is, for me, the 2010s were the first decade of my life that ended with me not being a musician. And it opened some doors for me, creatively, to be able to hear music and think about it purely as a listener and a person. Something others have frequently described to me, that I had never really done, was just spend an entire weekend listening to an album.

I saw Nothing on KEXP 5 years ago when Guilty of Everything was out and they were on tour. I’ve seen them twice in person since them and bought every one of their records. The weekend that I got Guilty, I was attending a close friend’s sisters wedding, and pretty much was in a hotel room drunk in overcast-as-fuck santa cruz all weekend. And you know what was being played through headphones at practically all times.

Nothing is mostly the musical project of a guy named Dominic Palermo, a punk from the Philly scene that had spent more than a year in prison for a stabbing. He isn’t much of a vocalist or guitarist, but he is a fantastic artist, writer, photographer, and visionary, and the creative force behind what is now a rotating cast of other musicians.

Guilty of Everything is definitely their best record, opening with the massive meditation Hymn to the Pillory, into the definitive single Bent Nail, a perfect marriage of hardcore punk and shoegaze elements, falling apart into the 90mph crash, into a wall, final outro chorus “If you feel like/letting go…” repeated over and over over pure drone guitars, seamlessly flowing into the romantic slow jam “Endlessly” The closing title track is one of the best closers of the decade, perfectly sticking the landing on this brilliant lyric: “My hands are up, I’m on my knees I don’t have a gun, you can search me please. I’ve given up, but you shoot me anyway, I’m guilty of everything. I’m guilty of everything”.

Hyperview (2015) Title Fight

Nothing wasn’t the only Pennsylvanian post-hardcore band to bend their sound a bit shoegaze. Title Fight also sneaks onto this list with their outstanding record Hyperview from 2015. Appealing compositions and melodies combine with harmonized vocals, even some 16 beats on the hats- things we expect from post hardcore, but slowed down and smeared out a bit into the shoegaze aesthetic. My favorite track from the record, “Hypernight”, combines some screamo hype man chorus, math rock inspired guitar and bass lines, and is just all in all one of the most unique tracks to come out of the decade. “I don’t want to see things differently, its what I am taught myself to believe”.

Grandfeathered (2016) Pinkshinyultrablast

I admit that I bounced off of Russian electro-shoegazers Pinkshinyultrablast the first time I listened to them a few years ago. There was just too much going on and I didn’t really have the inclination to jump in and grab on. Operatic female vocals, noisy djenty guitar, shimmery, clean guitar, all swirl together in what is undoubtably a great record for having a tinder date IF, and I say IF, you’re willing to run a musicological acid test on them.

Whether it was listening to a bunch more music, particularly ambient music, or just changing taste now I can’t get enough of this band. They do slam from idea to idea in a song, but it’s a controlled speed- it’s not pleasant to a lot of people, but once you get yourself situated, you’ll wonder how you ever missed this band to begin with, if you’re not one of the people reading this and thinking, naw dude, I got this shit RIGHT AWAY.

The compositions on the record are, in fact, carefully considered and composed, combining noise rock with clean ambience deftly and changing up styles repeatedly throughout each song and the record. Everybody knows we can no longer control dynamics via volume in today’s world of headphone/device listening, ultramaximizing mastering, laptop speakers, etc. So Pinkshinyultrablast controls it with style. This record is definitely the more guitar-driven of the albums from this decade, with their release 2 years later being more electronic and vocal focused.

Slowdive (2017) Slowdive/My Bloody Valentine (2013) mbv

There are two bands that are credited with creating and or popularizing the Shoegaze movement during the late 80s and early 90s. Those bands are My Bloody Valentine, and Slowdive. Both of whom released albums during the 2010s. And frankly, both records are damn good for two bands that have been basically on hiatus for 20 years. Neither has really stood the test of time for me, although I listened to both exhaustively upon release.

The opening tracks of both records are absolutely mesmerizing, this slow, sexy intro is clearly the part of them that became stronger with age. The manic rock energy of their more upbeat tracks however is absent or at least forced, and I think is what keeps these from being really what I’d call strong records. Nevertheless, both albums belong on any shoegazer’s playlists both for the quality of the music as well as the nod to the progenators of the genre we love so much.

Time n Place (2018) Kero Kero Bonito

KKB was already one of the biggest indie rock groups in the world when they released this their second full-length album. Making a big move sound-wise from super squeaky clean hip hop style production to sloppy shoegaze guitars and drums, they alienated a lot of fans with Time n Place, but I don’t see how. For me, coming in for Time n Place and then going back in the catalogue to Bonito Generation, I see it as a very natural progression. As the artists become more confident and mature, it’s natural they should explore some other emotions and moods.

That said I am not the usual KKB fan. Actually at their show in San Francisco in 2018 I was probably in the top 95 percentile of being an old fart. Around me, mostly twentysomethings on the first half decade, casually doing key bumps right on the show floor, something scared old gen Xers like me, still remembering their friend’s divorced dads in cigarette boats they sold for coke in the 80s, are still too paranoid to do. The crowd definitely starting pogo jumping at the chorus to “Only Acting” a grungy, poppy metaphor between acting on stage, and being young and in love.

Right after that, “Flyaway“ is the upbeat shoegazey manic anthem that really got me sucked into the band to begin with. Combining fuzzy guitars that are more reminiscent of Japanese rock bands of the 00s than shoegaze with a crystalline clear melodic vocal line from Sarah, this is the track where I grab a handful of dirt from my dying hill, and say if you don’t like this song, you don’t like the band, the record, or my musical taste.

Miserable Miracles (2018) Pinkshinyultrablast

Reinventing themselves record by record, Pinkshinyultrablast keeps on the cutting edge and doesn’t make a habit of anything. Miserable Miracles is more electronics driven, lead and pad synthesizers bringing in the music with their trademark soaring, operatic vocals. Guitars are present as well, but heavily stretched with cathedral reverb and long delay. A smoother sound than Grandfeathered, but well-poised to issue a majestic, meditative prayer such as “Find your Saint”, my favorite track. Like walking into a Germanic church on Sunday, the vocals rise to the ceiling forcing you to look up at the light breaking in through stained glass synthesizers. At about 100 seconds, all of the pieces drop in together to lift you into wherever it is you are going. “I used to talk- about it” brings the heavenly outro to bear, one of the most powerful musical moments of the decade.

Astronoid (2019) Astronoid

I am part of a few music groups on Facebook, and one of them mentioned this band, calling them “Dream Thrash”- a combination of dreampop and thrash metal. I’d say its more thrashgaze, with heavy effects/djenty guitar and the more whispery vocals than are a hallmark of the shoegaze genre, not the clear pop produced vocals that are the hallmark of dreampop.

That out of the way, this is possibly my favorite record of 2019. The opening track, “A New Color”, brims with energy and hopeful optimism and replaced Road Eyes as my airplane take off song. Right around 3 minutes in, when the plane is airborne and gaining climbing u to cruise, when we’re often breaking through the clouds, comes in possibly my favorite guitar solo of all time. On this record, Astronoid are unquestionably uptempo metal yet somehow at the same time being slow-changing enough to carry the emotional weight of shoegaze. The second track, “Dream in Lines”, is an aggressive, more metal-informed rocker, and the third is a power ballad that absolutely sealed the deal for me in terms of loving this album.

Other high points include the uptempo thrash jam “Breathe” and “Water”. Again infusing the metal, djenty mute strum guitar with soaring vocals and heavy backing harmonics, this record continues again and again to deliver head-banging jams that touch and heal a deep sadness in the soul. “Water” is a darker exploration, starting with a heavy chunky two-guitar & bass instrumental, virtuous breaks, and expansive echo and reverb. The band sounds like they are playing in the middle of an interstellar arena, fists human and alien in the sky.

The album sticks the landing with the penultimate track “Beyond the Scope”. This incredible song starts slowly, but upon reaching a turn, goes double-time as the melody and music climbs in pitch at 100 seconds in. This transition takes us into a greater urgency, with sustained, over-flying guitar notes keeping the harmony rich and complex.

Then, the beat drops out and a single guitar chord rings- “My hands are on my ears/They won’t stop ringing” smashes into your brain and your heart. Then again, the building section- “Feeble-minded/I can not decide/in my world, now I know/there’s no such thing as dying/so leave with a goodbye” and into another build and back to the chorus-

“My hands are on my ears/they won’t stop ringing”. I don’t think any lyric can better express the decade than that. If it were somehow possible for this album to end on this song, it would be at the head of this category.

Everything Starts to Be a Reminder (2019) Echodrone

As a former musician, I have a lot of friends who are musicians. I am very brutally honest about my feelings in music and that can make it awkward to have to comment on a friend’s hard work. Echodrone’s latest record made this very easy- the record is simply amazing. Echodrone’s earlier records bounced off of me a bit, but this one has just the right mixture of drone-drenched empty space, ethereal vocals, emotional anguish and euphoria, and a strong connection to the last 10 years in my mind. The tracks are named after the four seasons, starting with Winter and ending with Autumn. Interestingly, the tracks do not really stand out as being separate in my mind, much like how you cannot easily separate a season from another season in the same year.

“Winter” explodes with an epic, cymbal-laden meditation, that continues to grow and grow and expand, then finally becomes quieter, more melodic, and less drony in the second half of the 18 ½ minute song.

“Spring” features a finger-pick echo guitar interspersed with a beautiful co-ed vocal line guiding us down a pathway of different melodic and harmonic ideas. It then enters into a several-minutes long jammy contemplation that is utterly ecstatic to me- synths layered with effects-laden bass and more echo guitar into a full stop.

The best song on the record, “Summer”, begins with a vocal sample into a more or less straight-ahead rock and roll jam. This gives way to a downtempo effects section, then at right after 4 ½ minutes, gives way to a sound I can only call Olympian in hugeness. Fuzz bass, echoing guitars, and multilayered female vocals create this trance-like atmosphere that is rarefied and deeply marked with potent and everchanging imagery at the same time, like cream on top of coffee.

The sound continues to change and becomes quiet again once again with echo guitars carrying the music through. Back to a rhythmic return at 12 ¾ minutes. A synth flute melody flies over the whispered vocals, complex drum patterns- an opine to the end of life’s summer, the bitter sweetness of being old enough to not be hurt anymore by unlikely things failing to fly.

Shoegaze Album of the Decade:

Sunbather (2013) Deafheaven

A single distorted guitar chord progression holding several notes through the chords for changing harmonics, exploding into double kick and even more guitars, into black metal screaming- this is the unmistakable beginning of Sunbather by San Francisco black metal band Deafheaven.

Due to its downtempo sections, overall distorted and layered production, and emotional scope, this album is loved not just by black metal fans but also by shoegaze fans such as myself. It is a perfect example of a successful crossover- not anticipated or forced in any way by the creators- but it just happens to work on so many different levels.

There are really only four songs on this record, the tracks in between them are much needed interludes. Something all Deafheaven songs do very well is compositioning. These tracks play out, in a way, like classical pieces, with many different sections, transitions, themes, changes, openings, closings, callbacks- it’s so incredibly dense and accomplished that you can listen to this album for weeks on end and still be surprised.

“Dream House” is the blazing opener of the record and puts on display everything we love about every song on here. To make this song the first track is insane, simply because of how over-the-top insanely powerful it is. After a brief interlude of just picked echo guitar, a single chord strum, the entire band comes back in a beat later, and this isn’t even the most emotional part of the song. That’s going to be at 7 minutes, 20 seconds in “I watched/It die!!!” screeches the vocalist as a guitar ostinado plays over the key notes that have been presented throughout the song in brutal crystal clarity. Then at 8 minutes- the vocalist and guitar break down, screaming and double picking guitar notes. It is difficult not to cry at this ending- and this is only the first song on the record.

“Sunbather” is both the title track and the album’s dark heart. Thrumming with a complex beat from the start, the other instruments are layered over this like a tangle of vines across an iron fence. Skillful use of double kick and drum fills keeps the band on target as we get to the breaks and turnarounds. The cymbals and guitars swirl creating complex patterns. Listening to this song from far away with extremely poor speakers would sound like static- similar to how Jupiter looks like a pale gold smear- turn up the volume a little, get a little closer, and you see the rich, threatening complexity of the swirling clouds of music and emotion. The song ends with a slow section about ¾ of the way through the 10 minute piece. An unforgettable echo guitar line plays sparsely over drums- invoking a Cure-like gothic sensibility. Then the band comes back in, playing the same melody and expanding upon it, a lighting bolt magnified to a thousand forks and twists going in all directions. It is the melodies at the end of Sunbather that were stuck in my head, unforgettable, after listening to this record. Unlike Dream House, this song ends on a down note, a question- the rest of the album is to give an answer, and incredibly, you will not be disappointed.

“Vertigo” is the longest song on the record at 14 ½ minutes, a blazing, minor key rocker that is meant to emotionally drag us down as far as we can go after Sunbather. The ending of the song invokes the Beatles “She’s So Heavy” before heading into “Windows” an ambient and spoken word piece featuring a drug deal gone bad- unquestionably a node to The Tenderloin, one of the more drug-laden districts in San Francisco and likely location of the band’s rehearsal studios.

Into “The Pecan Tree”, a song that has an seemingly impossible task: To somehow stick the landing of an extremely powerful and emotional record. We are looking for something coming into this track, but we are not totally sure what it is. We need something, but we can only follow the lights. The song opens up with insane double-kick guitar madness, 2 step rhythm, and then at 1:20 we see a glimpse through the storm, a hole of blue, that we can make it to, if we keep on going. Keep on going. Keep on walking. Smashing, swirling guitars and screams return, our view obstructed. Everything seems to be going at maximum at the end of this first section of the song.

At just after 3 minutes, the sonic assault finally begins to slow down, a march tempo into double kick continuous cymbals, back to march tempo, then, at 4 minutes 19 seconds, only picked echo guitar heralds us into the second section. The star of this section is a piano ostinato combined with the echo guitar, with a second guitar playing playful melodies over it. This is the starry night we can now see that the storm has cleared- this is the most optimistic and life affirming music on the record. A found audio recording of a detuned radio signals the ending of this section.

Eventually, this music fades just before four metal beats brings us to the conclusion- an octave-fingering guitar line and screeching vocal that is in my view one of the most awesome emotional turnarounds that I have ever experienced musically. The remaining outro sums up the entire record- life is big, difficult, unknowable, chaotic. Great albums stick the landing- and this ending does so, with incredible energy, on a record that did not even need it. Sunbather. One of the greatest rock records of all time and one of the very few of those albums to come out now, just about half a century after the 60s.

Post Punk Revivalists: The king of indie rock genres in the 00s, post punk was largely set down at the end of the decade with the major acts of the decade releasing milquetoast or downright laughable fare (are we human, or are we dancer?). However, post punk exploded back onto the scene in 2012 with The Money Store by Death Grips. Some returning groups from the 00s did end up releasing fantastic records, Roma 79 and Daughters being my favorites.

Cardinal Star (2014) Roma 79

I discovered north San Francisco bay area band Roma 79 through their single from the 00s, “Gold”, a sort of heavy, post-punk rocker with a few-thousand views on Youtube. I was very surprised when they reunited and recorded this followup album, which was one of my favorite records of 2014. Featuring a good amount of synth and dreampoppy guitar lines, the main standouts are the vocals and the brilliant drumming, which is a hallmark of great post-punk records of the 00s such as Fever to Tell or Turn On the Bright Lights. The strongest single on the record, “Seventeen”, features a complex drum lines, interlaced with vocals and synths. The song slowly builds up in emotional intensity and drops in layers of vaguely Phil Collins-esque drums and backing vocals, blossoming into a powerful meditative love song. “I’ll wait for it with you.” The final song on the record, is almost an answer to this track, closing the record on a strong point.

You Won’t Get What You Want (2018) Daughters

Daughters is another post-punk band that returned to release a followup nearly 10 years later with 2018’s “You Won’t Get What You Want”. Like all great post punk records, there are a number of characters in this room, and they all can be heard, each having their moments in the spotlight and their moments in the shadows.

One such character is the drums. A crushing combination of live and multitracking effects create a rhythm that provides both the constant heartbeat required by driving rock and roll based music, but also the texture, the complexity, that we seek out in the genre. Lots of tom toms used to keep the beat as opposed to cymbals, practically no hat. Invoking Killing Joke, except when they don’t want to right away, but bring it in later.

Another character is the vocals. Spoken word/sing song type delivery, where the mood and the words and more important than the melody. Lyrics invoke isolation, depression, contraction, abandonment, decline. It would almost be enough with just that, these drums and vocals- but this will also be added by another character, the music. The music seems to be generated mostly by guitar and bass, but there are clearly some synthesizer elements as well, used sparingly and to great effect. I can’t really describe the guitar tone, I would say, it shimmers, but not in an enlightening way. It’s like flashes in the dark, disorienting more than illuminating. The sound is like wood coming off a circular saw. It’s definitely this guitar sound that draws people into this record. All elements are moody, dark, aggressive, but it’s the guitar that really lays down flashes over the blackness.

“Satan in the Wait”, one of the best single tracks on the record, features an off-balance drum beat, carried by toms, and an air-raid siren like guitar sound. A throbbing, distorted bassline in time with the kick drum. At 1:30 in we are given a guitar riff that is beautiful and invoking of a banjo, lending a sensation of urban, southern gothic emotions. Horror film soundtracks come to mind, a combination of unsettling ambience and clear, unforgettable melodies. “Their Bodies are open” the chorus goes, making me think of world-ending events, a transformational death as seen in Arthur C. Clarkes Childhood’s End.

Another of my favorite tracks, “Daughter”, begins with a “bela legosi is dead” kick and snare rim drum beat, possibly electronic, along with a shimmery, surf-rock toned guitar riff. As the song proceeds, more elements are dropped in, and the drums are of particular note here, at 1:23 or so, they drop into a complex beat involving toms, cymbals, and snare. At 2:05 they drop in a clear guitar riff on top of raw noise, building to a climax with the vocal “There’s a war!” At this point, the noise drops out, just a clear guitar riff reminiscent of “Satan in the Wait”, drums coming in at 3:15 or so are particularly impactful.

The final track, “Guest House”, opens on a nearly unbearable sonic assault, the lyrics invoking somebody trapped outside of a bomb shelter during an apocalypse. Once again the gap between unbearable noise and beautiful melody is bridged, as the final dissonant chords give way to deep, harmonic, peaceful orchestra swells.

Post Punk Album of the Decade:

The Money Store (2012) Death Grips

The first time somebody played “Get Got” for me, it was during a really chillwave phase in my music taste and I was completely lost, and didn’t really understand what people saw in Death Grips. I was intrigued enough though, and circled back on some tracks from Exmilitary, their prior record. The more laid back tone and empty space present in tracks such as “Culture Shock” kept me interested enough to give The Money Store another shot a year or so later.

As my interest in chillwave started to fade, and I sought more emotional substance to my music, I returned to the Money Store, and was hooked. Each track is a relentless blast of aggressive drum beats, synthesizer driven melodies, and of course the unmistakable rap vocals of MC Ride.

A strong comparison for me, is between this record, and Joy Division’s second and final record, “Closer”. Relentless beats, but never getting boring, always inventing new rhythms to cast a texture over the musical landscape. Short, fast songs, transitioning from one beat and tempo to the other, never giving you a chance to catch your breath.

The music is highly influenced by hip hop, appearing to be a chopped and cut style, with synthesizers combined with production on the vocals, adding vocals, filter sweeps, reverses, etc- so much energy and craft went into creating what is on its surface very simple music- drums, vocals, and production. Standout track “Hustle Bones” does a fantastic job of expressing what is so great about every song on this record. Everything barely makes sense, but then it all comes together in a singular moment that anybody can nod their head to.

MC Ride’s best is on display in the classic hit, “I’ve Seen Footage”. In his relentless, attacking rap style, he tells us the story of watching gore or wtf videos from reddit or 4chan (or Stile Project if you’re really old like me)- describing what he’s seen, and then underscoring that with the chorus, “I stay noided”- the character Ride creates is deeply anxious and paranoid, while at the same time being insatiable in the quest for knowing more, something I believe is nearly universal to the experience of the internet-informed human, a phenomenon that would later in the decade lead to diseases thought dead brought back by anti-vax movements, and the election of conspiracy theorist and popularizer Donald Trump as president of the united states.

And that’s the formula to each track on Money Store- working around something more or less literal, Ride’s poetry brings us into the dark state the world was only beginning to enter at the start of the decade.

Closing track “Hacker” opens with a recording of Ride, yelling, presumably at a concert “No ins and outs!!! You come out, your shit is GONE”, then into a 4-on the floor dance beat to end the record on an absolute banger. The music, carried by the beat and Ride’s systematic delivery, is left to its own devices, with glitchy, cut-off synth arpeggios, everything getting out of the way of the beat. “Having conversations with your car alarm”, “you speak with us in certain circles, you will be dethroned or detained”, and “Gaga can’t handle this shit” are some of the lyrical gems that Ride has saved for last here, closing out a post punk record that stands alongside Closer or Turn on the Bright Lights as one of the best of all time.

#music postpunk shoegaze retrowave vaporwave ambient darkambient dreampop nothingmusic whirr deafheaven astronoid deathgrips

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