#And I guess it’s supposed to be scary but it literally made me laugh so hard seeing the ghost under the table

[honorthysalad]

can’t believe they didn’t have Yoshiki connect his experience with being possessed to that one guy who broke into the school grounds and killed himself.

[2plottwist]

A Fabled End

Summary: You end up with a magical, impossible to decipher book. Before you know it, you and Astarion are literally sucked into the story, having to play your parts in order to escape. The catch? You have to play star-crossed lovers.

Pairing: Astarion x Reader, referred to with she/her pronouns

Characters: Astarion, various made-up fairytale creatures, super brief Gale and Shadowheart appearance

Warnings: absolute tooth-rotting fluff, the f word (scary!)

Author: Emma:)

Word Count: 7.8k

A/N: this is definitely a longer read, but oh my god, do I think it is worth it. This is my favorite thing I have probably ever written. I hope you enjoy it as much as Kenna and I do. (p.s. fan art is appreciated)

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you glanced over the text again. Wyll and Karlach had gone out looking for supplies nearby your camp and had found little to nothing- besides a very large, very magical book. It had been offered to Gale first, who kindly declined to prepare everyone dinner. So it was given to the next best option- you.

After the enormous tiefling plopped it in your hands, you took a second to examine it before revealing its contents. Though it was cast in worn leather, swirls of purple emitted from beneath the cover, beckoning you closer. At first. 

Encoding it had been a rather infuriating task. Every time you looked at it, the tangled mess of runes seemed to change, spelling out some ancient, or made-up, language. No matter how hard you concentrated, the meaning eluded you, as if the book was mocking your attempts.

“Why in the hells could Gale not busy himself with this?” you grumble to yourself, pricking up the pointy ears of one of your nearby companions. 

“Having a hard time, darling?” Astarion drawled, sauntering towards where you were sitting in front of your tent. “I knew you struggled with finding me good bits of reading, but you appear to be illiterate.”

You rolled your eyes at the words despite the fact that your undead companion was probably right. You'd pored over various dusty tomes for years, but you couldn’t make anything out of the book. 

“Hey.. it’s not my fault you don’t appreciate ‘The World According to Bumpo’,” you shot back, referencing the fictitious tale you had brought back to him from the goblin camp. “It’s got layers.. You’ve got to actually use your mind to discover them.”

The vampire let out a dry laugh before lounging on a pillow that was laid against the wall of your tent. “Well, in that case, I guess neither of us know what it’s really about, hmm?”

Though his words were pointed, you recognized the playful lilt of his speech. It was a delicate balance, Astarion’s personality, and you couldn’t tell if it was by design or by accident. 

You groaned, dropping the heavy text in between the two of you. “Before you embarrass yourself by belittling me further, why don’t you have a go?” you say, motioning your hand toward the discarded book. 

“Hmm,” Astarion considers the proposition, tilting his head and smirking. “Alright. I suppose I have nothing else to do during the precious hours I have to myself.” 

He picked up the book, giving it a once-over before carefully flipping through the dry parchment. His brows furrowed, and he muttered something to himself before laughing.

“Oh, this is interesting,” he said casually, as if discussing the weather.

“What? What is?” you ask excitedly, attempting to peer over the cover and see what he was seeing. 

“You really are illiterate, aren’t you?” Astarion continued, shooting you a devilish grin. “There’s text right here, as common as drows in the underdark.” 

You narrowed your eyes, unable to believe what the elf had just told you. You had stared at the book for so long, the indecipherable runes were practically burnt into your eyes. 

“What does it say?” you ask, tilting your head.

“Hmm, well,” Astarion starts before clearing his throat and adjusting his voice to a mockingly low one. “The path to freedom lies in truth. Only when you embrace what you have discovered can you leave this place.” He chuckled again, meeting your gaze. “A bit ominous, isn’t it?”

“You’re full of rubbish,” you shoot back, shaking your head out of frustration. “You can read it, just like that? After I spent all that time trying to decipher it?”

Astarion grinned, clearly enjoying the surprise on your face. “What, you don’t think I have any skills beyond my charming wit and dashing good looks?” 

You cross your arms, looks mirroring the dejection you felt within yourself. 

“I assure you, darling, I’m not making it up. But, if you’re still so inclined to doubt me, why don’t you come and see for yourself?”

You frowned at the elf before reaching out to take the book from him, but Astarion didn’t release his hold. Your fingers brushed against each other, and for a moment, the two of you hesitated, locked in a brief standoff. Then, the pages of the tome began to glow with a soft, ethereal light. 

“What in the Hells-” you began but were cut off when the light flared, engulfing both of you. The world around you blurred and twisted sharply, and you were suddenly yanked from your camp with a force that left you breathless. 

When the light finally faded, you found yourself thrown onto a cobble path- right in the middle of a picturesque village, the kind that belonged in a fairy tale.

As you stood, you noticed blooming flowers lining the cobbled roads, their sweet scent filling the air. The roofs were thatched in all colors of shingles. Nearby, a baker had opened his window, the smell of freshly baked bread wafting into the street.

You blink in confusion before realizing you were no longer in your clothes- you were dressed in a flowing, ethereal gown that shimmered like starlight. Beside you, Astarion looked equally stunned, his usual dark attire replaced with a fine, tailored getup that made him look every bit the nobleman.

He glanced around, then down at the book, which was still in his hand, now glowing with a faint, pulsing light. 

“Well,” he mused, his tone a mix of amusement and annoyance. “It appears we’ve been… transported.”

You shot him a look, your frustration bubbling up again. “Transported? Where? Was it the book?”

Astarion held the suspect up, smirking. “Hmm. It seems our little tug-of-war triggered some sort of enchantment.”

Before you could respond, the two of you were approached by a plump woman, her bright pink cheeks and exaggeratedly twinkling eyes making her look like a character from a children’s story. 

“Oh, my darlings!” the woman exclaimed, her voice as melodious as a jingle. “You two are just the most perfect couple I’ve ever seen!” 

Before you could protest, she was pushing you towards an intricately decorated cottage at the edge of the village. A sign hung above the door; it depicted two cartoonish dragons curving into a heart. Below it, you could make out “Enchanted Encounters by Madame Delphine” in a deep purple, delicate handwriting.

With a flourish, she gestured at the building. It was just as cartoonish as the sign, if not more, with its heart-shaped windows, a thatched roof adorned with twinkling lights, and a garden bursting with oversized, colorful roses.  

“Welcome, welcome to Enchanted Encounters, where love is our specialty!”

As she ushered you deeper inside, the air was filled with the scent of lavender and roses, and the walls were lined with love-themed trinkets and framed, exaggeratedly romantic artwork. Despite the overwhelming theme, the atmosphere was warm and inviting. Soft, fluffy cushions and plush armchairs were scattered around, and a fireplace crackled.

The woman motioned for you and Astarion to sit. You exchanged a wary glance with Astarion before he gestured to an armchair. “Ladies first,” he purred, flashing you a devilish smirk. 

The woman plopped down into a chair opposite you. “I have so much to tell you! First things first-”

“Now wait just a second,” you interrupted, shifting uncomfortably in your dress. 

“What in the hells is going on? Who are you?”

The woman smiled softly, the expression on her face as if you had just asked her the most mundane question.

“I am Madame Delphine, matchmaker extraordinaire! And you, my lovelies, are here to discover the magic of true love.”

Astarion raised an eyebrow, glancing around the room with a mix of curiosity and skepticism. “We’ve been trapped in a book, for the gods sakes. You know that, don’t you?”

Madame Delphine’s eyes widened with a touch of drama, as if she had known all along. “Ah, that’s the crux of the matter! The village of Fable’s End is a place where destinies intertwine. The magic here seeks out those who are at a crossroads, those who might benefit from a little extra push in discovering their true feelings,” she mimed pushing the air as to add emphasis. 

“Well, that’s just lovely, but we had important matters to attend to,” Astarion retorted, motioning to his head. 

Madame Delphine chuckled softly, her laugh a melodious sound that seemed to resonate with the whimsical surroundings. “But that’s just it! The magic doesn’t always wait for the perfect timing. You see, the enchantment isn’t about disrupting your lives but about giving you a unique opportunity to reflect.. And connect,” she added, wiggling her eyebrows in a suggestive manner. 

“Madame Delphine,” you start, your tone firm but respectful, “you’ve made a mistake. You brought us here under the impression that we are lovers. But that’s simply not true. We are not in love.”

Astarion, his arms crossed, added, “Oh, indeed. This whole scenario feels rather contrived.”

Madame Delphine’s eyes softened with a mix of sympathy and understanding. “I see. Well, if you truly believe that, then perhaps it’s best to explore what the village has in store for you with open minds and hearts. The journey might reveal more than you expect.”

As Madame Delphine spoke, an unexpected, shimmering light began to swirl around you and Astarion. The colors shifted, and the cottage’s walls seemed to dissolve into an ethereal mist. The light took on the shape of a heart, and the air was filled with a gentle, melodious hum.

You and Astarion exchanged puzzled glances as the enchantment’s glow enveloped you. Suddenly, scenes from your past adventures began to play out around you, projected in vivid, heartwarming detail.

You saw shared glances, instances of unspoken support and subtle gestures of care. The images revealed how your bond had deepened over time, showing you moments that had seemed insignificant but were actually filled with unspoken affection.

The scenes began to shift to more intimate moments. You saw yourselves laughing together by the campfire, comforting each other after a battle, and sharing quiet conversations. 

When the light finally faded, Astarion’s eyes met yours, his usual aloofness softened by a vulnerable gaze. “I didn’t realize… We’ve been through so much together, haven’t we?”

Your cheeks flushed with a blend of surprise and embarrassment, and you nodded slowly. “Yes, we have. And when I think back on everything…”

Madame Delphine, who had been quietly observing, smiled warmly. “Sometimes, it takes a little magic to help us see what’s been there all along. Your journey here has allowed you to confront your true feelings and understand them more deeply.”

You stared at each other for a moment longer before the matchmaker interrupted your thoughts.

“Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we? You see, my dears, this isn’t just a simple matchmaking service. This is a story, and every story has its rules.”

You raise an eyebrow, your curiosity piqued. “Rules? What kind of rules?”

Madame Delphine leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous glint. “You’re not the first couple to find yourselves in this delightful predicament. This village, and indeed, my matchmaking services, have seen many a pair before you.”

Astarion looked intrigued, his usual smirk replaced by genuine interest. “What happened to them?”

“Ah, well,” Madame Delphine said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, “some found true love, others simply discovered something about themselves they never knew. But all of them played their parts—quite literally. You see, in this story, you must embrace your roles as lovers. The more convincingly you play your parts, the closer you’ll come to breaking the enchantment.”

You frown slightly. “And if we refuse to play along?”

Madame Delphine’s face became somber, though her cartoonish eyes still held a glimmer of mischief. “Oh, I wouldn’t recommend that. The enchantment is quite persistent, and resisting only prolongs the tale.”

Astarion leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. “And what exactly are these roles we’re supposed to play?”

Madame Delphine clapped her hands together, her cheery demeanor returning. “Oh, nothing too difficult! Simply be the star-crossed lovers you’re meant to be. The village will do the rest, guiding you through various trials and encounters. Just remember, the more authentic your feelings, the smoother the journey.”

You glance at Astarion. “Well, it seems we don’t have much choice.”

Astarion, with a dramatic sigh, offered her a small smile. “I suppose so. I do love a good drama.”

Madame Delphine clapped her hands with delight. “Splendid! Now, off you go, darlings. The story awaits, and I’m sure it will be a most enchanting one!”

The two of you stood, walking out of the cottage. As the door closed behind you, you sank to your knees, head in your hands. “Gods, why is there never any fine print on enchanted objects?”

Astarion, standing beside you with an amused smirk, glanced over. “And here I thought you liked surprises, darling. Isn’t this all just a bit of unexpected fun?”

You shot him a look, your tone dripping with sarcasm. “Oh yes, so much fun. Being trapped in a magical book, forced to play the part of lovers—absolute delight.”

Your bickering was abruptly interrupted by a clanging sound and the appearance of a rather comical figure. 

A paladin, clad in ridiculously oversized armor that made him look like a walking castle, emerged from behind a heart-shaped archway. His helmet was so large that it wobbled precariously with every step he took, and his lance looked more like a toothpick in his gloved hands. 

“Ho there, fair maiden afar! A beautiful thing, a shining star!” he shouted, voice vibrating throughout his suit of armor. “How I cherish Lathander, my guiding light, for blessing me with such a sight.”

“Is he.. Rhyming?” You questioned, sharing a quizzical look with your companion. 

“I think one weirdo is enough to deal with today,” Astarion stated before pushing on your waist, ushering you to walk away. 

“Halt, pale fellow! Leave her be, so kind, so mellow,” the knight declared with exaggerated bravado, his voice echoing through his oversized helmet. 

Astarion raised an eyebrow, turning back to the paladin. “Oh, and who are you to address this.. Maiden?” he asked.

“I am Lord Reginald, in the flesh. And her heart.. With mine, I’d like to mesh.” 

Astarion’s wariness gave way to amusement. “Her? Are you sure? She’s rather unpleasant in the morning.”

You reach out and hit him on the arm. 

“You dare insult her, a rose, a petal?” Lord Reginald boomed back, attempting to lift his helm from his eyes. It clanked back into place. “For your sake, sir, I hope you have the mettle.”

“Are you threatening me now, Lord?” Astarion shot back, then turned to you. “I’m growing rather bored.” Realizing he had unintentionally rhymed, he muttered “Shit” under his breath.

“A duel it will be then, for the lady’s heart!” Lord Reginald said, raising his lance. “Come forth then, sparrow fart!” 

Astarion narrowed his eyes, shooting the lord a steely look. “Sparrowfa-” you hit his arm again, a laugh threatening to spill out of your mouth. “Alright then, a duel, you say? And what weapon do you propose we use, lordling?”

Lord Reginald puffed out his chest, though it seemed more a result of his armor's bulk than his own physical prowess. “Not with swords, not with steel! We shall engage in a battle of words in which the lady must feel!”

You, caught between laughter and astonishment, looked at Astarion with a teasing grin. “I think he wants to duel it out over.. Romantic poetry. Seems like you may have a rather shit hand.”

“Perish the thought,” Astarion said. “How could I refuse such a challenge?”

He smirked, stepping forward with a flourish. “I suppose if it’s a duel of words, I should rise to the occasion.”

Lord Reginald straightened his oversized helmet with a flourish. “Let us begin the duel of melodies and verses, for the heart of the lovely Y/N calls me across universes.” 

The knight stepped back and cleared his throat, preparing for his performance. He launched into a grandiose ballad with exaggerated gestures and a booming voice:

“From distant lands, both far and wide,

I’ve ventured forth with armor’s pride.

To win the heart of one so rare,

I sing my love with tender care.”

You smiled at the heartfelt, if not somewhat over-the-top, performance. 

When Lord Reginald finished his verse with a flourish, he took a deep, exaggerated bow, his armor clanking with every movement. “My heart, my weapon. My words, my shield. Now, pale one.. Do you yield?”

Astarion stepped forward, his demeanor calm and confident. With a playful glint in his eye, he began.

“Beneath the moon’s enchanting light, In shadowed depths, where stars ignite, Our journey’s path has led us here, With every step, my heart grows clear.”

His verses felt tender and sincere, and you blushed as he took a bow, looking at you with a smirk as he did so. The village seemed to respond to his melody with a soft, shimmering light. 

“You think that’s all? I’m not impressed,” Lord Reginald boomed. “Let’s see if you can handle this new test.”

He cleared his throat again before continuing. 

“In twilight’s glow and morning’s dew,

My heart beats only, dear, for you.

Your laughter rings like sweetest chime,

A melody that transcends time.”

You raised your eyebrow at the lord before looking back at Astarion, who seemed unimpressed. “That one was pretty solid, Star. I’m not sure if you can do better than “a melody that transcends time.”

Astarion huffed before turning back to the knight. 

“Through battles fierce and nights so long,

It’s with you, Y/N, where I belong.

In every glance and every sigh,

You’re the reason why I fly.”

As Astarion finished his verse and took another bow, you looked at him with admiration. Lord Reginald gave a respectful nod.

“Your performance was most admirable, Astarion,” Lord Reginald said, his voice filled with respect, and thankfully, no more rhymes. “I concede that the heart of the fair Y/N is yours, though I shall continue to admire her from afar.”

You stepped forward, your eyes sparkling with appreciation. “Thank you, Lord Reginald. That was quite an entertaining duel.” 

Without another rhyme, Lord Reginald turned, clanking down the path and out of the village.

The two of you watched him walk away for a moment before you turned to him, smirking. “The reason that you fly, eh?”

Astarion frowned, facing you. “Oh, don’t you dare. Did you see what I was up against? The bastard was, unfortunately, rather well-spoken, if not annoying. Like Gale,” he spat.

You laugh. “I’m just teasing you. Your ballad was quite charming.”

He rolled his eyes, smirking. “Well, you weren’t exactly against embracing your role as a muse.”

Your exchange was interrupted by a burst of joyful laughter and the sound of rustling leaves. In the center of the village square stood an enormous, exuberant tree. Its branches swayed with an upbeat rhythm, and its bark seemed to be drawn on. The tree had eyes, large and twinkling with excitement, that were set in knots in the wood. 

“Oh, oh! They’re coming!” the tree’s voice rang out in a sing-song tone. “Hey, over here! It’s Arboris! I’m a talking tree!”

You looked at each other, brows furrowed, before approaching the odd sight. 

“Hello, there! I’m Arboris!” the tree repeated, looking at the two of you expectantly. You hesitated before giving it your names. “Hello, Arboris. I’m Y/N, and this is Astarion.”

The tree’s branches shook again. “Oh, I am so absolutely thrilled to meet you! Yes, I am! What fun we shall have!” 

You crossed your arms. “Gods, please don’t burst out into rhymes,” Astarion quipped under his breath. 

“To continue your delightful journey, you must solve my riddles. Oh, but you two are such pleasant company, I almost don’t want to tell them to you! Oh, what a dilemma!” they cried, casting their eyes to the ground. 

You and Astarion exchanged another glance- you’d hardly said a thing. In fact, the pair of you likely came off as stand-offish. Pleasant company wasn’t the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Riddles, you say?” he asked, his tone curious. 

Arboris clapped their branches together in delight, shaking deep green leaves onto the ground, seemingly forgetting about being upset. 

“Oh, yes, yes! And with such a splendid theme at that! I’m positively giddy! Here comes the first one!”

They continued clapping for a moment longer before they stilled completely, eyes turning a deep shade of purple. In an ominous voice, they declared:

“I am a bond that binds hearts tight, 

A feeling that makes everything right.

I’m often whispered, sometimes declared,

In moments of joy or when hearts are bared.

What am I?”

Arboris began waving again happily, as if nothing had changed about them. “Come on, come on, what is it?” they squealed. 

You turn to Astarion as you contemplate the riddle. 

“Do you think they ever run out of rhymes here?” he groaned.

You ignored him. “Let’s see.. If I was the optimistic type.. Hmm. It sounds like ‘love’ itself!”

Astarion nodded, grinning. “Yes, it has to be love.”

With a smile, you spoke aloud, “The answer is love!”

Arboris became even more animated, branches swaying in a celebratory dance. “Brilliant! Oh, how wonderful! You’re so clever! Now, onto the second riddle!”

They grew still again, eyes turning the same shade of purple:

“I am a gesture that’s sweet and dear, Often given when loved ones are near. I can be soft or full of fire, I’m a sign of affection and desire. What am I?”

Astarion’s face lit up with recognition. “Why, it’s a kiss!”

You nod in agreement. “Yes, it’s definitely a kiss.”

You answer in unison, “A kiss!”

Arboris practically danced with joy, their branches moving in a jubilant swirl. “Oh, how splendid! You’re doing marvelously! I can hardly believe it! Now for the final riddle!”

The tree stilled once more:

“I am a bond that ties two hearts, A connection that never departs. Though time may pass and distance grow, Our feelings for each other always show. What am I?”

You and Astarion looked at each other. After a moment, you speak up with a smile.

“It’s a promise. It’s the bond between hearts that remains strong.. despite time and distance.”

Astarion nodded in agreement. “Yes, it’s definitely a promise.”

Arboris’ branches erupted in a cascade of sparkling leaves and squealed. “Bravo! Oh goodness me! You’ve answered all my riddles with such flair and insight! What a delightful pair you are indeed!” 

The two of you smiled at each other, despite the barrage of rhymes. 

“Oh, carry on now, on your adventure! But do remember our time together, when you met Arboris, the talking tree!” They waved a branch at you in goodbye. 

You and Astarion turned and walked down another cobbled path, laughing to yourselves about the encounter. 

“That creature was something else, wasn’t it?” Astarion remarked, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I think Arboris might have been a bit too cheerful for my taste.”

You chuckle. “You know, I think Arboris and Halsin would get along famously. Imagine the two of them together- enjoying the freedom of nature’s gifts,” you said, mocking your druid companion’s deep tone. 

Astarion let out a sharp laugh, before mocking the tree. “Oh, Halsin, pick my leaves! And Halsin would be like, 'very well, if the Oakfather sees fit'.”

The two of you laughed, shaking your head. Turning a corner, a grand mansion adorned with opulent decorations came into view. It was certainly out of place in the sleepy village; the mansion’s splendor was undeniable, with intricate carvings and luxurious tapestries giving it an air of aristocracy. 

Standing at the entrance was a striking noblewoman. Her gown, a flowing ensemble of crimson and gold, was adorned with sparkling jewels that caught the light with every subtle movement. 

The woman spotted the two of you, and her eyes lit up with an unmistakable glint of interest. Her gaze lingered on Astarion. 

“Well, well! What a delightful surprise!” the woman exclaimed, her voice rich and melodious. “I am Lady Seraphina, and I must say, it is a pleasure to meet such.. Intriguing individuals.”

Astarion, ever the epitome of charm, inclined his head in polite greeting. “The pleasure is all ours, Lady Seraphina. I am Astarion, and this is Y/N.”

You offered a courteous nod, but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of discomfort as Lady Seraphina’s gaze became increasingly fixed on Astarion. The noblewoman’s approach was not merely cordial; it was laden with flirtation. 

“Ah, Astarion,” Lady Seraphina purred, her voice dripping with exaggerated affection. “You’re quite the striking adventurer, aren’t you? I’d love to hear more about your travels. Perhaps you’d care to join me for a private chat inside? I’m sure we could find many… fascinating topics to discuss.”

As she spoke, Lady Seraphina’s hand brushed against Astarion’s arm, lingering a moment longer than necessary. Her eyes were wide with an artful blend of admiration and seduction. For you, the sight was a jarring contrast to the polite distance you were accustomed to. Your heart raced with a blend of irritation and something deeper- an emotion you hadn’t expected to feel so intensely.

You had always prided yourself on your composure and self-control. Yet seeing Lady Seraphina made your chest tighten with a pang of jealousy. The way her eyes sparkled as she looked at Astarion, the subtle but unmistakable way she attempted to draw him away from you- it all seemed to chip away at your usually steadfast resolve. 

You had been trying to ignore the way Astarion’s charm seemed to attract attention from all quarters, but this was different. The noblewoman’s words were brazen and direct, and the unspoken challenge was impossible to miss. You felt a surge of uncharacteristic possessiveness; it was clear Lady Seraphina was trying to seduce Astarion, and the sight stung. 

Taking a deep breath, you stepped forward. “Lady Seraphina, while your offer is generous, Astarion and I have our own plans. We prefer to explore the village together.”

Your tone was steady, but there was an edge to your words that surprised even you. Lady Seraphina’s eyes widened slightly, her practiced charm faltering for a moment as she processed your unexpected intervention. 

“Oh?” she replied, her voice carrying a note of barely concealed irritation. “It’ll only be a moment, I’m sure.” 

You look at your companion who seemed to be smitten with the fact he was being flirted with. He glanced at you, devilish smirk gracing his features. You felt a tug from the tadpole burrowed in your head.

‘Just playing my part.. Like you did so graciously with Lord Reginald.’

With that, the lady tugged him into the mansion, the loud thud of the wooden doors closing in front of you making you jump.

“You bastard!” you shouted, hoping he could hear you despite the thickness of the door. 

You shake your head before becoming lost in thought. ‘Is he trying to make me.. Jealous?’ you thought to yourself. Because dammit all, it was working. 

What in the hells had come over you? When Madame Delphine had forced you to reflect on your relationship with the vampire, you realized something that you had tried to suppress deep down. With the weight of the entire realm on your shoulders, feeling anything for anyone was selfish, would deter you from the task.

Oh, but the way Astarion made you feel. He made you feel alive. Like you could do anything, be anything. And you could only hope you made him feel the same way.

After a minute or two, you couldn’t help but be drawn back to reality, or whatever it was, by the heaviness of the situation. You had to go get Astarion.

You pushed the door open quietly and stepped in, being greeted by an equally lavish hallway. What appeared to be hundreds of other hallways branched off of it, all lined with doors. 

“Oh, hells,” you murmured to yourself. You took off down one hallway, picking up the ends of your dress to ensure you didn’t trip over it. Slowly, you had managed to make your way down the entire branch, pressing an ear to each door and hearing nothing. 

Feeling defeated, you turned to walk back down to the main hallway, when suddenly, a shrill scream rang out. A door burst open, and there Astarion stood, gasping for breath. He caught your eye in an instant. 

“Oh gods, Y/N, you have to hear this- Lady Seraphina was trying to-” His eyes were wide, and his cheeks slightly flushed as he struggled to find the right words. “I didn’t think she would actually, well, you know..” You stared at him in confusion, and right before the realization dawned, Astarion shouted it out.

“Gods, Y/N, she was trying to fuck me!”

“Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort to torment me?” you shot back. “I could’ve told you that at the front door!”

You couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the sight of the visibly flustered vampire. He rolled his eyes as you reached your arm out to him. He linked his in yours, and the two of you began to run out of the mansion. You leaned in, your laughter mingling with his as you navigated the lavish hallways.  

As you exited the mansion, Astarion leaned against the door, finally having a moment to catch his breath. 

“Now, before you say anything,” he panted, “I didn’t go in with the intention of that happening.” You placed a hand on your hip. “Oh? And what intention did you go in with? Playing a friendly game of lanceboard and having a glass of wine?”

He glanced sideways at you, and hesitated. For a moment you thought he wasn’t going to speak at all, but then he continued. “I thought it might be a bit… amusing to see if I could make you a little jealous.”

You raised an eyebrow, a sense of relief washing over you. “And what in the hells made you think that was a good idea?”

Astarion shrugged. “Well.. you made me endure Lord Reginald’s attempts to make you swoon. I thought I might return the favor with a little.. Strategic distraction.” You laugh. “That’s rather bold of you.”

Astarion’s lips curved into a grin, exposing his pearly fangs. “Ah, but there’s something rather intriguing about seeing you flustered. And I must say, it worked better than I expected.”

Just as you went to respond, Madame Delphine appeared, her arrival marked by a swirl of colorful mist and an air of dramatic flair. She had changed into an extravagant gown of deep purple and red, and her face was covered by a mask resembling a cat.

“Voila!” she stated, twirling around before meeting the expectant gaze of you and Astarion. “Impressive, hmm? Weren’t expecting that, were you? Then again, you two have done all sorts of things I haven’t expected.” She paused for a second and looked at Astarion. “Lovely rhymes, by the way.”

Astarion scoffed as she pulled out a letter from her corset. “Why does everyone act so surprised by that?”

Madame Delphine gingerly handed you the parchment. “I have a final challenge for you- one that is both grand and delightful.”

Astarion turned to face her fully. “And what might that be?”

Madame Delphine’s smile widened as you opened the letter. “You are cordially invited to the Enchanted Revelry! Oh, it will be a wonderful time. It will be the final challenge of your journey here in Fable’s End. A chance to showcase not just your charming features, but your true feelings for one another in the most enchanting of settings.”

“The- what?” you ask, tilting your head.

“Why, a masquerade ball, lovey! Simply attend, I’ll do the rest. I’ll be just like your Faerie Godmother, eh?”

Astarion raised an eyebrow and turned to you. “Well, it seems we’re in for quite the evening.”

You grinned, nudging him playfully. “I’m sure the revelry will be just the thing to top off our adventure. I mean, we’ve already faced the barrage of ballads- a ball should be a piece of cake.”

Madame Delphine clapped her hands together with glee. “Excellent! I shall see you both at the ball.” In her usual burst of theatrical flair, she conjured a majestic castle right before your eyes. The building seemed to rise from the very heart of the village, its walls sparkling. 

With a final, enthusiastic wave, she disappeared.

The grand entrance of the castle loomed before you, adorned with cascading banners and glittering lights. From beyond the doors, you could hear elegant music playing, and the scent of delectable treats wafted through open windows. You couldn’t help but feel excited- despite your predicament, whether it was inside a book or out in the real realm, attempting to keep mind flayers at bay, you were still a girl, enchanted by dancing and big dresses. 

As you entered the castle, the doors closed behind you with a soft, resonant thud. The ballroom was an exquisite spectacle, with crystal chandeliers casting a soft glow over an elaborate dance floor. Couples swirled elegantly in their masks and gowns, their laughter mingling with the melodious strains of the distant orchestra.

However, as you and Astarion stepped into the ballroom, you were separated by an unexpected enchantment. A gust of wind swept through the hall, and you found yourself alone on one side of the grand space. 

“Wait!” you called out, your voice tinged with urgency. “Astarion!”

But your call was swallowed by the crowd, and Astarion was soon lost among the masked revelers. Frustration and concern mingled in your chest as you scanned the ballroom, trying to catch a glimpse of him.

As you struggled to find your way through the throng of masked guests, Madame Delphine appeared beside you once again. With a wave of her wand, she conjured a resplendent gown for you.

The gown shimmered with hues of deep emerald and silver, its fabric flowing like liquid moonlight. Accompanying the gown was an intricately designed mask, shaped like a graceful fox with delicate filigree patterns.

“There you are!” Madame Delphine said, her voice filled with delight. “You look enchanting! Now, to find Astarion, you must let your heart guide you.”

Before you could respond, Madame Delphine vanished in a swirl of sparkling mist, leaving you alone in your magnificent new attire. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and stepped into the ballroom.

The grandeur of the castle was breathtaking, with its high ceilings and sweeping staircases leading to ornate balconies. The guests, all adorned in their own elaborate masks and gowns, danced and mingled beneath the glittering chandeliers. You felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation as you moved through the crowd, your eyes scanning each masked gentleman with hopeful anticipation.

Every masked face you encountered seemed to carry an air of mystery, and the enchantment of the night made it difficult to distinguish one from another. Despite your frustration, you found yourself caught up in the rhythm of the event, letting the music and the atmosphere guide you.

On the other side of the ballroom, Astarion wandered about, half blinded by his own mask. The dance floor was a swirling sea of masked figures, their costumes and masks creating a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes. To the casual observer, Astarion might have seemed like just another guest, but his every movement betrayed a focused intent. His eyes, sharp and alert, scanned the crowd with a keen determination. This hunt was different from any he had known before—it was not for prey, but for the one person who had captured his heart.

Astarion’s movements were smooth and calculated, each step and turn a testament to his skill in navigating both physical and social landscapes. He slipped through the crowd with the ease of a shadow, his gaze shifting and darting as he searched for you. The ballroom's ambiance—the swirling music, the laughter, and the gentle clinking of glasses—seemed to fade into the background as he honed in on his target.

His mind raced with thoughts of you, each memory a vivid reminder of why this search was so crucial. You, with your grace and warmth, had become the center of his world. The way you moved, the way you spoke, and even the way you challenged him—it was all part of what drew him to you. This hunt was driven by an emotional urgency, a longing to find you and be with you.

The thrill of the hunt, so familiar to him, was now tinged with a new, profound significance. It was no longer the thrill of the chase for its own sake, but rather the pursuit of something far more precious. Each masked face he passed seemed to blend into the next, a sea of anonymity that only heightened his determination. His heart pounded not just with the excitement of the chase, but with a deeper, more intimate anticipation.

He maneuvered through the crowd, his senses attuned to every subtle shift in the atmosphere. Astarion's eyes, narrowed in focus, finally caught sight of a familiar figure amidst the revelry. His heart quickened as he recognized your elegant silhouette, your back turned to him.

As he approached you, the world seemed to narrow to just the space between you. The masks and costumes of the other guests fell away, leaving only you in his field of vision. He moved with a purposeful elegance, closing the distance with a sense of anticipation that was both thrilling and a bit terrifying.

You spun around, seeing Astarion standing several paces away. Behind his mask, his gaze locked onto yours with an intensity that spoke of both relief and adoration.

Astarion, with his predatory grace now softened by his genuine feelings, bowed before reaching out and offering a hand. The search had led him to the person he had come to love, and the fulfillment of that pursuit was more satisfying than he could have ever imagined.

As the music shifted to a softer, more melodic tune, the ballroom seemed to clear slightly, allowing you and Astarion to draw closer. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. You hurried towards each other, weaving through the remaining dancers.

Finally, you met in the center of the ballroom, where the music swelled, filling the space with a sweeping, romantic melody. Astarion’s eyes were alight with joy as he took your hands in his.

“There you are,” he said softly. “I was beginning to think I’d never find you.”

You smiled, your eyes shining as you looked up at him. “I was searching for you, too. However, I knew I would find you.”

The orchestra’s music swirled around you, and as if by design, the dancers around you fell away, leaving you and Astarion alone in your own world. Astarion held you close, his hands resting gently on your waist as he guided you through the dance. 

Your heart was racing. The way Astarion’s gaze lingered on you, the warmth of his touch, and the rhythm of your dance all combined to create a profound sense of connection. You felt as if the entire evening had led to this singular, perfect moment.

As the waltz reached its crescendo, the dance seemed to slow, drawing you closer. The music swirled around you, and as you moved together in the final, lingering steps, your faces drew near. Gently, Astarion pulled up his mask, then yours. You could feel his cool breath fanning against your face. 

“Well, my dear,” he began, voice barely above a whisper. “It seems we’ve survived this.. Masquerade of madness. But before the curtain falls on our little performance, there’s one last thing I’d like to do. 

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the intimacy of the moment. By him. “Oh? And what might that be?”

“I was wondering… since we’ve managed to breeze our way through every other challenge, would it be terribly forward of me to ask if I might kiss you?”

You felt your heart skip a beat at his words, but you quickly regained your composure, matching his playful tone. “Terribly forward? Perhaps,” you replied with a smirk, “but then again, when has that ever stopped you?”

Astarion chuckled softly. “Touché. But I’d rather not assume. After all, I’ve been trying to behave myself… most of the time.”

You tilted your head slightly, your smile softening as you looked at him. “Well, since you’ve been so well-behaved, I suppose I can grant you this one request.”

Astarion’s expression shifted, a mixture of genuine affection and delight replacing the earlier teasing. “In that case, I shall take this rare opportunity and make the most of it.”

With a gentleness that belied his usual bravado, Astarion leaned in and pressed his lips to yours in a tender, lingering kiss. It was a kiss filled with unspoken words and emotions that had been building between them for so long. It was a revelation, a silent admission of everything you had been too guarded or too afraid to say. His hand, cold and steady, cradled the back of your neck, drawing you even closer. 

As you slowly pulled away, the lingering sensation of the kiss remained, a sweet ache that left both of you breathless. Your foreheads pressed together, and the quiet after the kiss was filled with a newfound understanding. It was as if the kiss had woven a thread between your hearts, something strong and unbreakable, a promise of what was to come. “Thank you, Y/N. For the dance, for the adventure… and for this.”

You smiled, your heart full as you looked into his eyes. “The pleasure was mine, Astarion.”

Before you could fully savor the moment, a sudden shift in the air signaled a change.

The grand ballroom began to dissolve around you, the enchanting lights and sounds fading away. As you felt yourselves being transported back to your world, the figures of Madame Delphine, Arboris, Lady Seraphina, and Lord Reginald became visible once more. 

Madame Delphine waved energetically, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “Farewell, my dear adventurers! Until our paths cross again!”

Arboris, despite being clearly uprooted, was placed on a velvet chaise lounge, a tablecloth draped over them. They gave a jovial wave, their branches and leaves rustling with the movement. “Bye bye, dear friends! Oh, do be good!”

Lady Seraphina, now dressed in an elegant gown that matched her haughty demeanor, offered a graceful nod. Though her expression was one of polite interest rather than warmth, there was a hint of amusement in her eyes. “It seems you managed quite well… despite our little disagreement.”

Lord Reginald, wearing an oversized blazer, gave a flourish with his lance, his voice carrying a hint of good-natured pride. “Bravo! Your performance was most impressive. Until we meet, I’ll hope you’ll be-” he turned to Lady Seraphina. “Damn it all! What rhymes with impressive?”

With a final burst of magical light, you found yourselves back in your own world, sitting right where you had first touched the book. Gale was the first thing you saw, his hand waving in front of your face with a look of mild concern. 

“Ah, there you are! Welcome back to the land of the living,” he said, his voice tinged with relief. “You’ve been out for over an hour. We were starting to get worried.”

Before either of you could respond, Shadowheart’s voice echoed from within her tent. “Hold on, Gale! I finally found the spell!”

Gale waved a hand dismissively in the direction of Shadowheart's tent, clearly more interested in ensuring you and Astarion were alright. But Astarion, with a rare, contented smile, simply waved him off. “We’re fine, Gale. We just… had a bit of an adventure.”

Gale raised an eyebrow, clearly curious but perhaps wisely choosing not to pry. “Well, as long as you’re both alright,” he said, stepping back to give you some space. With a final glance between the two of you, he turned and walked away, leaving you and Astarion alone.

You sat there in the fading light, the camp bustling quietly around you, but it all seemed distant, unimportant. What mattered now was the shared experience that had shifted something fundamental between you. Astarion’s hand still held yours, and as he looked at you, his usual teasing smirk softened into something more sincere.

“Y/N,” he began, his voice low and thoughtful, “I know we’ve been through a lot together, but what we just experienced… it felt different, didn’t it?”

You nodded, your eyes meeting his with a mix of understanding and affection. “It did. It was like everything we’ve been avoiding or denying just came to the surface. And now… now I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

Astarion’s grip on your hand tightened slightly, as if anchoring himself to the moment. “I feel the same. I’ve spent so long not trusting, not letting anyone get too close… but with you, it’s different. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know one thing—I want you in it. I want to be a part of your life, whatever that looks like.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you smiled, a soft, genuine smile that reached your eyes. “I want that too, Astarion. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”

As if drawn together by an invisible force, you leaned in, sharing a kiss that was both a reaffirmation of your bond and a vow for the future. This kiss was slower, more deliberate, filled with the understanding that you were stepping into something new, something lasting.

When you finally pulled apart, the world around you came back into focus. The camp, the fire, the distant sounds of your companions—it was all still there, but now it felt different, brighter, as if the future you had just spoken of was already beginning to unfold.

You leaned your head on Astarion's shoulder, a small smile playing on your lips. “You know,” you murmured, “I think we make a pretty good team, even when we’re thrown into ridiculous situations.”

Astarion chuckled, gently resting his cheek against the top of your head. “Ridiculous is an understatement, my dear. But yes, I suppose we do make a rather formidable duo, don’t we?”

You nodded, your smile growing as you closed your eyes, savoring the closeness between you. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Neither would I,” he whispered.

You sat there in silence, the night wrapping around you like a cozy blanket. And as Astarion glanced over at Gale, a mischievous glint in his eyes, he couldn’t help but add, “But I really do look forward to calling him Lord Reginald.”

You burst into a fit of giggles, and Astarion grinned, his heart lighter than it had been in centuries. The adventure was far from over, but for now, you had found something even more precious—each other.

[milksnake-tea]

For the event, Nanook with Augst 8 but instead reader is the one got hurt

❀ ˎˊ- prompts: They come home beaten, bloody, and bruised. ❀ ˎˊ- 1k followers event ❀ ˎˊ- character: nanook ❀ ˎˊ- warnings: implications of physical violence, mentions of bruises and blood, nanook is scary ❀ ˎˊ- a/n: im scared of nanook but also incredibly attracted to them ALSO WHAT IS IT WITH YALL AND ASKING TO GET BEAT UP /LHJ but ykw i know u asked for angst but i kinda made it fluffy imsorry. not really satisified w how this ended but i think its okay

Honestly, whoever did this to you was an idiot.

It was one thing to antagonize the lover of the Destruction. It was another to physically hurt them.

So either your assaulter had a death wish, or a severe deficit in braincells. Although, you weren't too keen on the idea of just running to your lover - knowing them, Nanook would break all of hell loose, giving them a fate worse than death itself.

You sighed to yourself as you rubbed at your cheek, which had already begun to bruise. Thankfully, you weren't hurt too bad, so you could probably just brush it off with a few bandages and ointment. All you had to do was to hope that Nanook wasn't home today.

But of course, fate wasn't on your side.

The second you opened the door to your shared room with the Aeon, what greeted you was a sight of Nanook in their mortal form, lounging on the bed. They weren't doing anything in particular, simply staring up off into space as golden specks flickered around them like fireflies.

Their eyes flicked to you the moment you walked through the doorway. Slowly, their gaze roamed your body, zeroing in on your injuries - evidence of a fight.

Their expression barely changed, save for the slightest narrowing of their eyes. But the atmosphere immediately dampened, as though a black hole had came and sucked all of the air out of the room. The pressure dropped so quickly that your ears popped, and you winced.

Noticing your discomfort, Nanook immediately snapped out of their momentary rage, and the air went back to normal - only slightly, though.

Wordlessly, they beckoned you towards them with a finger, their right arm open for you. Cautiously, you sat down on the bed, allowing Nanook to wrap their arm around you and pull you close.

They studied your bruise carefully, running their finger across it. Swiping their thumb against it, a bit of their power seeped into you, instantly mending your wound.

"Healed by the Destruction," you couldn't help but muse, leaning your head against their broad shoulder. "How ironic. Aren't all Aeons bound their Paths?"

Nanook only hummed, a deep rumbling in their chest. "I've strayed from my Path twice before. The first was when I fell for you. The second is now. Clearly, the laws of the universe are not as rigid as you make them out to be."

"I guess," you shrugged, closing your eyes. Nanook doesn't breathe, nor do they have a heartbeat, but they are warm. Warmer than a human, more like a flame, if anything. "You're not going to ask who did it?"

"I already know," they merely replied. You couldn't help but feel as though their gaze was quite literally burning into your skin as they stared down at you. "I will take care of them, do not worry."

"Don't overdo it," you sighed, shifting into a comfortable position. "The last time you went after someone who hurt me, you destroyed an entire planet."

"I was killing two birds with one stone," they explained matter-of-factly. You laughed, squinting your eyes at them.

"Mmm, I suppose you were," you admitted. Nanook only smiled briefly before poking your nose.

"You should get go wash up," they advised. "You're filthy."

"Gee, thanks," you scoffed, but stood up regardless. You stretched for a bit, rolling out your shoulders before kissing Nanook on the cheek, and then you were off to the bathroom.

But as you closed shower door, and the Aeon heard water running, Nanook's gaze darkened. They dissipated into golden sparks, the only thing that hinted at their existence being a divot in the bed where they had once laid.

That night, as you peacefully rested, unaware of what was happening, your attacker awoke to flames - dark, dark flames devouring their home world as the Destruction watched from afar, the burning planet resting in their dark hand.

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

So, recently found someone tried pressing charges on me for this. However, cops laughed at him for it.

Am I the AH because I reported my manager?

I(F24-27) met this manager(M 27-30) when I worked at my last job. This manager was being lovely and started dating a newly high-school graduate. His girlfriend got fired for stealing not just merchandise, but money from the register. She was promptly fired and he claimed they broke up for it, but got back together. The summer after she was fired, an employee's dumb ass fell for a phone scam and the store lost thousands of dollars. She was fired too, but it was under his authority that she did the phone scam since he was "too busy" to do it. It was apparently some register program maintenance? Yeah, a manager is suppose to do that, but he didn't. My manager went on vacation for the entire month of his birthday, during that time I sent him a happy birthday and told him he was missed and we awaited his return. Months later at the end of the year, his girlfriend saw the messages, and when I arrived at work he basically threatened my job and called me some colorful things. I cried then and there and he refused to apologize to me cause he was so happily taken and blah blah.

So here's what happened. Because he refused to apologize to me, I cried the entire day. We had recently gotten a new store manager, and he was concerned and asked me what was wrong. I told him what happened and even showed him the messages I sent my manager from months back. He said he didn't see anything wrong with them, that even he himself would have sent similar messages if someone was gone for that long. So, he wrote him up for it. So, apparently I was the bad person for that? I mean, he said some messed up things to me. Keep in mind, this was the week before the new year. Ok, after the new year started, there was a lot of investigations going on, thanks to our previous store manager since someone blew the whistle on her and found out she did a lot of sketchy things. My manager was being investigated for this too, for dating someone who got fired for stealing and the phone scam thing (I think it's because the store lost more than 10,000, I seriously wish I was joking). So, apparently me reporting him for what he did to me was wrong by his logic. So, months went by of the several investigations, even some auditing company got involved (I know scary!), and by May, this manager went on a couple of week vacation. He had posted online him playing a drinking game and another employee who he worked under and was a minor too, was present in what he recorded and posted online. Now, my beef is he had admitted to me he provided alcohol for his gf when she was a minor and her friends, then I see that crap. I ended up reporting it and I guess I cost him his job? He literally went to another company after it happened. I know I'm not the moral police and other people aren't my responsibility, but I just didn't feel right seeing that. He was 29, what is he doing hanging out when 17-20 year olds? The only legal adult was his gf, these were her buddies she made when she was in high school. I'm not sure where the 17 year old came from tbh? I just know she was working at our store and was 17 at the time, but that's besides the point.

So, I found out recently a little before covid started when he contacted me he was trying to get evidence to press charges on me. I mean, it didn't happen and I'm still confused how I could have had charges pressed on me. When he contacted me I called him a POS, groomer, and other colorful things. Sorry, everything I knew about him and what he did to me made me feel bitter against him. I don't know if what I did may have broke laws? But who cares, this isn't what this is about. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ilynemesis]

watching a scary movie with izuku

despite some peoples belief, I imagine izuku to not be that afraid of scary movies. I think he actually enjoys all of the adrenaline and horror from the movies.

“while I was out, I passed by the store and saw the new scream movie was on DVD so I picked it up! we could have a movie night together,” he says with a excited smile.

you silently huff because he has made you watch all five scream movies and you were hoping he didn’t notice they made a sixth one.

“why do they keep making more? please end my suffering,” you say, putting a hand over your heart and sulking.

izuku frowns slightly and begins begging you, “please baby, I know you don’t like scary movies that much but if it gets too scary for you we can turn it off. please?”

you sigh, knowing you’ll regret your answer, “yes, okay, fine, i’ll go make the popcorn.”

izuku smiles and kisses your cheek a million times and races to the living room to set up the movie.

once you and izuku got settled down on the couch he pressed play on the tv and the movie finally started.

“it’s not so bad right?” izuku asks.

you turn your head to him, “the movie just started midoriya.”

after forty minutes you and izuku’s eyes are both glued to the screen, completely disregarding talking to each other and eating popcorn.

“the ghost face is definitely Kirby, she’s suspicious..” izuku guesses. you shake your head, “no, it’s definitely Ethan, he’s acting so innocent it makes him suspicious.”

“either way, people are going to die! I can’t wait!” izuku says, excitingly. you turn your head to him, “wow, what a hero thing to say; can’t believe you’ll be the next number one hero.”

“no, no! this is just fiction, it’s just really exciting seeing how ghost face murders his victims…” izuku says, with a worried expression.

you laugh, “i’m just joking baby, relax.” izuku’s worried eyes relaxes and he holds your hand. twenty minutes go by and the movie is seconds to revealing who the ghost face is…

“ETHAN?? AND THAT RANDOM BEST FRIEND?!” you and izuku scream in unison. you let out a confused yelp, “didn’t she die? this is wack and makes no sense, how do you like this?”

“I think pretending to have killed her was a nice plot twist, we didn’t expect it!” he says with a cute smile showing his dimples. you roll your eyes slightly, but agree with him.

the movie finally ends and you confess to him that it wasn’t that bad, and this one was your favorite. “I knew you’d like it, I’m glad you watched it with me.”

you kiss his cheeks, “even though I liked it I’ll still say the franchise sucks because you look cute arguing.” after saying that you see his cheeks slightly go red.

he softly pulls you down to him which earns him to be on the coach laid down on his back and you on his chest. he plays with your hair, twisting and twirling his fingers in it making you let out a sigh.

“can…. can we watch Sofia the first?” you lean up and ask with a goofy smile on your face. izuku groans playfully and says, “I suppose we can, since you watched scream with me.”

you let out a cute squeal and say “yay!” which makes him smile, and makes him fall even more in love with you then he already was.

————————-

it’s been awhile since I posted, I hope you enjoy this 😔🤘 please send me requests so I have the motivation to write something, anything please. literally just send me a prompt and I’ll do it.

[vctrvn-ls]

hiii!! could you please write something about kenny playing guess the gold digger and the reader is the one that came for love and he manages to get it right in the end x thank you⭐️.

Gold Digger | Kenny |

ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾｡

warnings: language

wordcount: 2.6k

ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾｡

"Oh wow. Yeah I can't lie, producers," you watched the man in front of you clap and smile as his eyes scanned the line of girls you were in.

Well to be fair he wasn't just a man. He was Kenny.

Yes the Kenny from youtube's Beta Squad, and today, your mission was to get this guy to at least acknowledge your existence.

You had come on a show called "Gold Digger" in which your job was to convince the famous YouTuber that you were here for love.

Well love was an over statement...more like massive crush.

You had found out about him through your friend's boyfriend, who actually worked as the Beta Squad editor, and after watching some of their YouTube videos, with some of them being rather questionable, you had grown quite fond of him, or rather his looks...he seemed sweet too, but you never know what to expect in real life.

But nothing could've prepared you for a call from your, earlier mentioned, friend, where she told you all about the mini-show and that her boyfriend would certainly be able to set you up as one of the participants.

Long story short, you ended up saying yes.

No big deal you thought, I mean nothing would probably come out of this, but never hurts to try.

And with that exact mindset you were where you were.

For the whole introduction you could feel your heart beating through your eardrums, you were constantly sweating and when it was your turn to speak, you felt your throat go completely dry.

Thankfully though, you managed to squeeze through the painful beginning and as you thought that further on was going to be easier, your hopes were crushed by Kenny's words.

"You know what, let me get up and feel your guys' energy." Kenny swiftly got up from his bench and strode over to the first girl.

You watched as all the liars (wow ok calm down it's just a show) giggled and laughed as he came over, explaining why they were here for love and not for the money.

You were last in line which made things a ton more scary. Waiting and waiting until he finally approached you.

"Hello." He grinned with his white teeth as he literally stared into your soul with his deep dark brown eyes.

"Hi." You almost squeaked, feeling heat creep onto your face as Kenny continued gazing at you, he really was a sight to see up close.

"So why are you interested in me?" He asked through his blinding smile.

You blinked before blurting out "Cause you're cute." And after those words, you heard a series of muffled shouts echo somewhere behind the walls. You shrugged, genuinely not knowing what else to add.

"Fair enough." Kenny chuckled and nodded as he sat back down on the bench.

Oh my god what am I doing?

Fast forward past the next two excruciatingly painful and embarrassing rounds, which you somehow managed to stay in, it was time for the "dating round".

One by one you and the other two girls that were left, were supposed to go on a date with Kenny, which in the end would help him decided who was "the one".

You were last...again, and those twenty minutes of waiting were the most uncomfortable you had ever been.

The other two girls went as far as giving Kenny a massage and talking about their sex life. Two things you weren't really in the mood to do, especially on camera.

"Hey." A whisper broke you out of your troubled thoughts "You're up next." A lady dressed in a black suit and a bun called you over.

After clearing your throat and brushing your fingers through your hair, you followed her to the room.

"Hi." You slowly made it towards the table, waving at Kenny who was already grinning from ear to ear.

Waving? Seriously?

"Hiii," he replied, getting up and pulling you into a hug.

"Oh wow." You couldn't help but comment aloud. He smelt so nice, so warm and soft.

As you pulled away you couldn't help but giggle to yourself (you idiot).

"What?" Kenny sat down in front of you, yet again staring into your soul. You shrug, not evaluating any further.

"You smell good." You end up saying bluntly, making him break into a series of small chuckles "I-I mean not in a weird way you know?" (you should really zip it)

"Oh thank you." He said genuinely  "I gotta say you look even more beautiful up close." As cheesy as it sounded, for Kenny it was a genuine statement, but either way you couldn't help but let out a dry laugh.

"Anyway, so how'd you find out about me again?" He leaned forward, sincerely engaged in the current interaction.

"YouTube." You nod "Well a little more complicated, but you could say that."

Those words intrigued him, but he didn't want to waste too much time on them.

"Alright, alright soo-" he paused mid sentence.

"What?" You raise your eyebrows.

He pointed to his ear that had a black earphone in.

"Oh." You whispered.

You waited a few more seconds before watching him pick up his glasses from the table and put them on.

"Do you like them?" He asked.

You stifled a smile and nodded "Very much."

"Really?" He seemed genuinely surprised, making it even more adorable.

"Yeah."

"This is so awkward." Kenny turned to the camera.

"Oh my god." You covered your face with your palms and closed your eyes.

What on earth were you doing? All of a sudden everything seemed so so stupid. This reminded you of one of those dumb dating shows which you usually watched only for laughs.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Kenny was quick to react "Nah it's just that we're both awkward and it's making things even more awkward." He tried to save the situation.

Before you could pull away yourself, you felt his palms on the back of your wrists and his fingers slowly curling around, as he brought your hands down to the table, giving them a light squeeze.

For a split second you stopped breathing, feeling your face heating up from how anxious you were.

"What was it you said you do?" He gave you a friendly smile and slightly tilted his head.

"I'm a student. Still. Uni." Your words alone gave away how nervous you were, and you were turning even more nervous because of the fact that your palms began sweating like crazy.

"Ah right, right." He nodded, remembering your answer from before.

"Sorry." You squinted, pulling away from his grasp and wiping your palms against your jeans.

"Nah it's ok don't worry. I also get sweaty hands when I'm nervous."

"Are you nervous now?" You asked, innocence in your tone. Innocence that managed to grab Kenny's attention.

He didn't know what it was exactly, but the way that that sounded so casual, unlike the others, made the conversation all the more enjoyable for him.

"Yeah a little." He took his glasses off and put them down "I mean who wouldn't be, sitting next to you."

You couldn't help but let your mouth fall open.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It was his turn to cover his face now "Oh my god. That was so cringey."

You heard his muffled voice from behind his palms.

You were surprised that he actually cared, because with the other girls he said things three times as embarrassing as that and didn't even blink an eye, had to mean something right?

"So," you gathered all your inner strength to actually speak properly, wanting to forget his last words as quickly as possible, "What would be your ideal date?"

His surprise wasn't visible, but he was definitely surprised by the fact that someone had asked him a question first for the first time on this entire show.

"Uuuh," he was caught a little off guard "I feel like my ideal date would be the beach. Or something like that." He nodded, not entirely confident with his answer.

"Beach?" You laugh, genuinely.

"Yeah, why are you laughing?" He raised a brow.

"You can't swim." You tried your best to calm down, and covered your mouth with your hand.

"Oh she knooowwss." Kenny gasps and turns to the camera "Oh my god." He was definitely impressed by your knowledge, even though you  were worried that that might've been a little creepy.

"Nah see this is where things start to get interesting." He turns back to you, locking eyes "What else do you know about me that not everyone might know?"

You furrowed your eyebrows "I'm not a stalker." You chuckle dryly "I dunno like," you shrugged not knowing what else to say "Dunno."

There was a small pause "Oh wait!" You exclaim, throwing your arms up (Kenny thought it was very cute) "I know, I know!"

"Go on then." Kenny tried not to laugh at your excited expression.

"I'm not 100% sure with this one, but according to an article that I read, your Tyler's cousin...Tyler, the Creator." You specified.

"Oh shit." Kenny covered his gasp, turning to the camera "Oh my god." He looked back at your proud face which had a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"I know, I know." You nod "But!" You held your finger up "I'm not a stalker."

"Yeah, yeah of course not." He said sarcastically.

"Heyy!" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Ok, ok." He chuckled "No-I'm actually impressed if anything." There was a slight pause before a finale "Wow." That Kenny whispered.

"Alright, alright." He straightened his back, returning from his cloud of awe "You know that I can't swim, but I wanna know, do you have any fears?"

You thought about it for a second. Were you actually scared of anything?

"Well, not anything specifically. You know like probably a bit of everything? I don't know, no one's asked me that before."

"What do you mean by a bit of everything?"

"Well like, you know spiders aren't my main fear but if I saw a big one I'd probably freak the fuck out- oh shit can I swear on here?" You jolted "Oh fuck-Oh no! Sorry." You hid behind the sleeves of your sweater while Kenny cackled like crazy on the other side of the table.

"Not gonna lie," he turned to the camera while catching his breathe "That was actually really cute." (aaaww, the boys upstairs were definitely cheering)

"And yes you can swear." He looked back at you, who was horrified and slightly embarrassed.

From that point on, your conversation flourished. In a short amount of time you had managed to talk about music, sports and future plans. For a moment Kenny even ignored the fact that you were both on a YouTube show, he was wholeheartedly listening to everything you were saying, whilst grasping at the little details that he could possibly bring up on a future meet up that he had already secretly planned (cheeky little boy).

"Times up!" You turned to the side, seeing the lady in the suit from before holding up her palm.

"Gosh." Kenny stood up and you followed "Thank you, for the date."

"If you could even call it that." You mumbled, remembering how romantic the other two were compared to yours, feeling a little insecure at the comparison. You basically just fanned over him for five minutes before talking about the most random things that he probably didn't even find interesting, embarrassing...or so you thought.

Kenny leaned in for a hug "See you."

"Bye." You gave him a tight smile, before waddling away as he watched you with slight dreaminess in his eyes.

He'd have to be an idiot not to guess that

Soon you were back in the main room in the line you had started in.

You weren't really nervous at this point, either he knew and you'd end up possibly getting his number and probably never seeing him again, since this was YouTube like come on, or he'd not get it and be crowned the blindest and stupidest man on planet earth. (in your mind)

"Obviously," Kenny began "This wasn't an easy decision...at first-"

You stifled a small laugh.

"But after the three dates I had, I felt a little something." He shrugged and got up.

"The winner of this video, the person who I think is genuinely interested in me," you watched as Kenny headed to the beginning of the line, away from you.

What the hell?

"Is..." he faced contestant number one "You." Suddenly, his head turned to your direction, those familiar brown eyes locked in with yours once again, making your heart flutter in your chest.

"Now wait, before you say anything," Kenny slowly walked over to you "y/n, are you here for money...or for love? If you're here for money take the cash."

You bit your lip, trying your best not to let that big stupid smile appear on your face.

You purposefully wanted to raise tension, especially after that little stunt he pulled off just now.

You glanced down at the cash in his hands and then back up at him, and after finally letting that big smile slip out you said "I'm here for you-I mean love." You stuttered.

"YES!" Was the last thing you heard before you were enveloped in a bone crushing hug. You had mixed feelings about Kenny's joy, you didn't know if he was celebrating because he was happy that it was you, or because he had managed to dodge all the gold diggers.

"Wow." He breathed after letting you go and sitting back down "I think I can officially say that I am the best at this game." He said to the lens.

You were flustered, a hot nervous mess that didn't know where to look.

"But before we finish," Kenny continued "I want you to say something." He turned to you and so did all the crew.

You blinked "What?"

"Play the trailer," Kenny whispered in efforts to help you, smile not leaving his face.

"Oh!" You exclaimed and turned to one of the cameras "Play the trailer!"

"End sceeeneeee!" The lady in the suit clapped her hands "Alright, thank you everyone! You did amazing."

You let out a sigh of relief.

Finally.

All the girls headed back to the dressing room to get their stuff, and without thinking too much, you just followed them.

"Hey, wait!"

You stopped and turned around, not entirely sure that you were the one being called. But to your surprise, Kenny jogged over to you.

"Hi. Again." You smiled.

"Hi, do you-can I have your-uh number?" He smiled from ear to ear, trying his best to not let the nervousness get to him.

"Oh, yeah." You nodded, taken aback.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" He asked while rummaging through his pockets to find his phone “You won. Well I did, but you know.”

"I mean…well," you began your rambling "You know like, this is a YouTube video and you know," you shrugged while your hands did questionable movements.

"Yeah, yeah I know how this looks, but you- I actually want to get to know you...If you obviously want to." He held out his phone.

"Pfft yeah, duh I want to," you sarcastically roll your eyes and laugh. Words couldn't explain how overjoyed Kenny was, he totally got your position of the whole "this is YouTube and there's no such thing as love on YouTube" but being the positive guy he was, he thought that it wouldn't hurt to at least try.

"There." You handed him the phone back.

"I'd love to go on a normal date with you. One that's not in front of everyone."

You nodded with a grin on your face "Me too."

And without anymore words, the two of you hugged one last time, before you went back to the dressing room and Kenny went to tell the guys all about you, which was the start of a new journey that the two of you would share.

ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾｡

[wrenteen75]

CHAOS DREAMING!

SYNOPSIS: aurora henson cannot stand economics. . . the summer before her junior year only highlights this when she crosses paths with a seemingly rebellious group of boys from welton academy, mixed about at a fine arts camp they’ve been shipped off to. little does she know, they’re fighting to rewrite their lives, too—which inspires her to live a little on the edge before she goes back to her all-girls boarding school next fall 𝟅𝟈

author’s note! you can find part three here! also—so happy this fic is coming into its own :') dabbling with the mix of literate & social media au has been so fun

PART FOUR — CLANDESTINE

ENTER AURORA HENSON. . .

The girl had been sprawled out in the grass, unable to sleep and unable to stop thinking. She’d been here in Vermont for a week now—and through new friends, rebellion, and creative bursts, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering more about Charlie Dalton.

Neil meant all the best for Aurora by introducing her to his friends, but the meeting only drove the girl towards insanity.

It was crazy of her—she didn’t know Charlie, and she certainly didn’t have a connection with him.

She couldn’t.

Hell, she could barely have that with herself. What made her think she’d be capable of having that with someone else?

She sighed.

The wind picked up, the leaves rattling above her smaller frame. A few fell down, landing in her hair and sticking to the fabric of her sweater. It didn’t matter if it was summertime—if the wind was blowing, she’d wear long sleeves. That’s how it worked.

Too lost in her own loneliness, she lacked proper focus as someone creeped up behind her, their feet rummaging through the grass as they ascended the hill. Spooked by the sudden noises, Aurora found herself jolting from her spot, relieved to see Neil approaching her.

His hair was a mess, and she assumed he couldn’t settle down, either.

“You scared me,” she mumbled.

Neil smiled, taking a seat across from her. He pressed his back against the tree trunk. “Sorry, Rora.”

“All good,” she answered. “Can’t sleep?”

“Nope,” Neil said. “Charlie’s been keeping us up.”

Aurora’s eyebrow furrowed. “Oh,” she muttered.

“Oh?” Neil repeated her response back to her, eyeing her expression through the darkness of the summer evening. There was something there—he could sense it.

Aurora blinked. “What else am I supposed to say?”

“I dunno,” he mumbled. “Sympathy would be nice.”

She exhaled. “I’m sorry that Charlie is keeping you and your friends up. There, is that better?”

Neil laughed. “Much better.”

There was a slight hint of humor in their conversation, though Neil was catching onto something he wasn’t sure Aurora knew about yet. Or, maybe she knew, but found comfort in hiding it—hoping he wouldn’t find it.

She and Charlie were more alike than he thought.

They both carried this hefty self-guilt, though Charlie covered his with pride and sarcasm. The two had only shared one conversation—the clandestine introduction under this exact oak tree, where Aurora realized there were more people out there like her.

Perhaps that scared her. Perhaps she was intrigued by Charlie, but wouldn’t admit it due to her parents and the weight of expectations—both academically and emotionally.

Neil kept all of this in mind as he spoke to the girl, curious and prepared to crack the case. “You look busy,” he said.

“Hm?” Aurora hummed.

“There’s something going on inside your head,” he reiterated. “What’s up?”

Aurora had forgotten how well Neil could read her.

After years of friendship, it was expected by now, but it shocked her nonetheless. The blonde exhaled tiredly. “I came here to discover my passions and finally break free. Meeting your friends—it showed me I wasn’t alone in that, you know? That scared me. The idea that there’s so many of us with the same passions, but we can’t act on them.”

Neil hummed. “How is that scary? Wouldn’t it be the opposite? To know you’re not alone, wouldn’t that give you some sort of hope?”

“I mean—I guess so?” Aurora hadn’t thought of it that way, not until now. She’d been so pessimistic.

“Look,” Neil eyed the girl. “I get it. I know you. We’re all here for the same reasons. I think you should take that and run with it, yeah?”

“How do you mean?” She asked.

“You know what I mean,” he replied cryptically. “Make connections, get to know people, break free. Don’t stay holed up in your shared bunk with a journal in your lap. Who knows, a conversation or two with the right person might just reveal new information.”

Aurora’s heartbeat quickened. Neil knew too much.

“You’re a pain,” she joked quietly.

He chuckled. “Yeah, yeah.”

THE NEXT MORNING. . .

It was a dreary start to the day. Aurora was drowsy, her legs covered in bug bites from the constant grass-sitting. She itched at them as she tossed and turned in her bed, the other girls in her bunk seemingly dispersed amongst the Vermont campgrounds.

In the short, solemn silence, she reached for her phone. Birds chirped outside—a sense of hope and confidence surging through her veins.

Her fingers grazed over the rings of her journal as she picked her phone off the dresser, the metal cool to the touch. Biting at her lip, she unlocked the screen and typed aimlessly, her thumbs trembling over the keyboard.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

9 Days of Lancaster: Dealer's Choice/First Date

I struggled to consider what I was doing right now my first date. Especially with the context that recollections of some of Pyrrha’s and I’s ‘outings’ provided.  

Fuck.

Not dwelling on that. 

By any other measure, a stroll through some town market with a guy and a girl who were now a thing was a date, right? Even though it was a patrol and we did basically the same thing yesterday, now it was different. Now we were ‘together.’

Ruby didn’t seem to mind at all, though, she flowed from place to place with her typical energy. It was as though she’d never been through these streets and past these stalls. She could just walk up to some person and talk to them. 

I… I really liked that about her.

Fuck.

She called me over from some RV that seemed to be a permanent feature in the square. Some short-term-long-term food-truck-restaurant? I wasn’t sure, but when she spun and called to me with a wave, I felt my jaw and was struck by the realization that I wasn’t sure just how long I’d been holding my teeth clenched together.

My face ached but she made me smile anyways as I paced over to her.

She smiled right up at me and I had to look away. I really wasn’t sure how I was even supposed to look at her. I almost meant that literally. Could I just, like, look at her now? Whenever I wanted?

I was trying not to be stressed about her of all things right now. Still, though…

“What’s up?”

“They’re moving people in from around the area.” She explained. I cocked my head. Beihfing and I had both been united about a panic. “They started a few weeks ago. I guess after the tower fell, a lot of people moved to bigger places, weird.”

Oh, maybe they hadn’t all died. Huh. “It's not that weird,” I disagreed, I eyed the woman Ruby had been talking to. She was twenty-five--thirty with blonde hair which made her stand out a little here, but her skin tone made her a match for some of the locals in terms of origin. “You had to run?”

“Well we couldn’t order dust or anything and it was pretty scary being mostly alone.” She shrugged, her casual ease with her emotions struck me. I was a total fucking stranger to her. Well, I was also a huntsman, so I didn’t analyze it and just nodded. “It was a good thing too, what with the other villages.”

I figured it was an open secret in GaiLong at this point, but I wasn’t sure. That kind of news would travel fast until everybody knew it at which point, why bother pretending? It was common knowledge.

“What’d you need?” I asked the two. 

It was Ruby who lured me in. “They wanted to pull the motor and alternator out of it and use it as a winch for other stuff. They’ve already pulled out all the bolts, but they don’t - well, if they already had a winch then they wouldn’t do this. 

“So?”

She rolled her eyes, “so nobody but you can lift it.”

The woman looked down at Ruby. “I’m telling you it weighs, like, four hundred pounds, easy.” I walked around and looked down into the hood. It was some dust-based thing with Atlas stamps, all smooth edges. It wasn’t designed to be repurposed. It was designed, perhaps, to not be able to be repurposed. Some technology was like that.

I reached down with one hand and, with a heave and a grunt, I lifted it and set it down. Ruby absolutely could have lifted it.

The woman blinked at me. “Oh uh.” Her eyes flicked to Ruby and back to me. “Could you set it over here? Then? If it’s not too much trouble?”

“Uh, no.” I returned.

She glanced at Ruby again. “No?”

“No, it’s not any trouble.” I clarified or tried to. “I didn’t mean… Not ‘no’…” I sighed. “Where do you want it?”

Ruby was laughing at me. I could see it as I passed her, following the woman to some cinder blocks. Our reward was something which I was assured was not ice-cream but was some kind of frozen custard-yogurt-stuff with sugar in it. 

To me it was good, for the time that I had it, that is. When we returned to the inn I still hadn’t showered after Ren and I trained that morning. Then I made the mistake of entrusting my teat to Ruby who had already nearly finished hers. 

When I got out of the shower there were only a few bites left of mine. “Ruby-“

“I left you some!” She pouted at me. I watched her take the last bite of hers from where she sat on her bed and set it daintily on the nightstand. Then she looked up and her smile never changed but she leaned forward onto her hands and stared at me.

I abruptly felt like covering myself, the towel and shorts I had on still showed off most of what I looked like. “Are you just going to stare at me?”

She blinked like I was alien. “Yeah.” Fair enough. I started putting on clothes anyways as she rolled around the bed. “I mean you stare at me, too, right.” I did. I had more than usual today, too, I didn’t want to hide what I felt from her. She continued, though. “I mean maybe not. Maybe, you like to look at girls like Sahov more?” 

“Who?” I wondered.

She tossed a pillow to my face. “The girl we were just talking to!” 

“Um…” I trailed off.

She slumped down into the covers. “Forget it.” 

“Ruby,” I started. I pulled a shirt over my head and began walking over to the bed. 

“I said forget it!”

I sat down. “Rubes you know you’re incredibly good looking right?”

“What?” She sat up from under the covers. “Yang’s the pretty one, I’m the cute one.”

“Ruby, if I didn’t know you and you came up to me on the street and started talking to me, I would assume I was being pranked somehow.”

“Ugh.” She let me know her disgust, but she wasn’t under the covers anymore and she was giving me this much sort of… sly smile.

I’d never seen that one before and it wasn’t something I usually associated with her. She crawled onto my lap and turned to face me, burying herself in the crook of my neck. I hesitated for a moment but let my arms rest around her slightly. 

“You really don’t think I’m cute.” She blushed. “I mean…”

“Oh yeah I just can’t stand to look at you,” I kissed her. Her bottom lip fit between my two and my ego was fed when I felt her relax in my arms. I chuckled as I pulled away.

She hit me and she was as red as I’d ever seen her. “Butt.” 

When I started laughing, she shut me down by kissing me again. 

[hectorthedoggo]

i made a little oneshot with fugue es and enyu interacting. it's goofy and unedited but i don't wanna to edit it now so i'll just post it here :D

The warden woke up in an unfamiliar environment: the woods.

They shot up, whipping their head around. Where’s Milgram? Where-

They were met with the curious gaze of… themself? Who is imitating me?

Their outfit was different, though; it was a vest, and the cape had little pinpricks of stars. “Who are you?”

They flinched back at their confrontation, voice weak. “Ah! Uhm… my name is Es?”

Ah, that name suits them a lot better than me. “I am the warden of Milgram.”

“Milgram?” The kid who owned their former name brightened, tilting their head. “Like the psychological experiment? Y’know, that wasn’t illegal. Do you think it should have been? Wait, do you deal with things like law?”

The warden narrowed their eyes. This one’s a yapper.

However, as they analyzed the kid, their expression melted off. “Sorry, I talk too much.” Wait, is this kid supposed to be like us? I don’t appreciate it.

They stared further at Es. “Where are you from?” Wait, how are we going to interact with this person? They’re not a prisoner. What are we supposed to do?

I guess respect would be a good idea. But, what would normal be?

I have no idea. I’ll just try my best. Maybe I’ll try to act like I did in the first trial.

They smiled, nervously. “Ah, I usually live with my guardian. I got lost, though. I got moved by Kotoko, and couldn’t find my way back.”

“Wait, you know Kotoko?” Is there an overlap here? I don’t think this pathetic kid could be a good stand-in for us, though. Why aren’t they a warden?

Is there no Milgram here? Shoot, we don’t belong here. I’ll just act normal, but we’ll get home soon. I just have to not worry. We’ll be alright.

The possibility was scary, and scarily true. This Es doesn’t know Milgram… How do they live? Wait, they do look a little lost. 

“Yeah, she’s… persistent.”

This made the warden laugh a little. “No, she’s annoyingly persistent, isn’t she?” Like that time.

Es’ eyes lit up. “Yes! You get it! I told her: ‘get out of my house’, and she said: ‘no you’re abused’ or some stuff like that, and literally kidnapped me.”

“And you let that happen? Wait, is there no protective barrier?”

“No…”

The warden shook their head, in disapproval. “You know, as warden, we can have a protective barrier, against prisoners like her. We aren’t pushed around by the prisoners.”

Es looked intrigued.

“Being a warden? I mean, if Jackalope told me to be a warden, I would. Otherwise, he would say something like, ‘it’s too dangerous, you shouldn’t be doing something like that.’ I mean, he’s just worried about me.”

Their excitement fizzled out, and then they shook their head. “Wait, are you technically me? Cause, I mean, Jackalope said I shouldn’t interact with humans without permission, but he said that I was the exception for humans. So…”

The warden was more interested in the other part of their sentence. “Jackalope? I mean, I guess we could be considered the same person, but you have Jackalope, too?”

Es nodded, doing some 4d chess with multi-dimensional time travel to justify talking to them. “Yeah! Isn’t he such a good guardian?”

“I mean, for me, he usually disappears for a week or more, no notice. It’s annoying.” Especially when the other me has doubts or something. I bet they would still be into Milgram if he affirmed their loyalty.

I think he’s annoying, but he’s part of Milgram, so my loyalty must be to him.

“Well, mine’s better, worry not! He’s only gone for a day, at most. When he comes back, he’s apologetic, and he’s usually nicer to me after it.”

Wait, was that why Kotoko got them out? That’s a lame reason. I guess she’s just been dramatic.

I mean, we also don’t have anyone to take care of us, so I guess that behavior is justified, because Milgram leaves me alone too. 

Well, that’s because we have a responsibility to uphold, and Milgram thinks we’re responsible enough.

I’m assuming we’re the same age, so we’re both pretty self-sufficient. I think. Alright, so Jackalope seems like he’s a lot better in this place.

Es’ hands moved to warm up their arms, a comforting motion all too familiar to the warden. Wait, so should I be allowed to get attached to them?

I mean, it won’t be a long-term amount of time, so I guess they wouldn’t be a distraction…

They both had an idea of what was up with the other, of their unaddressed problems and delusions.

The warden got up, and abruptly gave Es a hug. Neither of them were sure why. They flinched momentarily, then awkwardly tried to hug back.

Both of them didn’t know how to hug. In any way. But, they both tried.

Es lightly latched onto them like a tick, and the warden lightly held them back. Hey, but this is nice. I can indulge myself once in a while.

They couldn’t see Es’ face.

Eventually, the warden detached Es from them. “Alright, Es. Do you think you could help me go back to Milgram?”

Es shrugged, like they didn’t just have a moment. “Honestly, all I want to do is get back to my tower. I really would want to help you, but I don’t know my way around the woods. I’d get lost.”

The warden nodded. “Alright. I guess we could wait for help.”

As if cued by the word ‘help’, the tent that the warden didn’t register earlier popped open, Shidou Kirisaki popping his head out. “Es, do you…” 

He trailed off when he saw the warden.

What? He’s here? “I can’t escape you, can’t I, you murderer.”

Shidou blinked, completely confused. “Uh… Es? Uhm, why is there another you here? I’m not mad, don’t worry, but did you tell them I was a murderer.”

Is he disregarding my presence?

Es shook their head. “No, they’re from another place or something. I mean, they have another Kotoko there, so I’m assuming there’s another Shidou there. And they’re not me, they’re the warden.”

The warden’s respect for this kid increased. They haven’t even seen us in action, but they respect our place as warden!

Shidou’s eyebags somehow got more pronounced. “Alright, so there’s two of you now…”

The warden wasn’t letting him off the hook easily. “So, judging by your reaction, you are a murderer. Why aren’t you in prison?”

“I- long story, but be assured, I won’t kill you. Uh, do you mind if I look at your hand?” He reached out to them. I’m not worried about that- wait, there’s no protection.

The warden defensively moved it to their chest. “I do mind. Get away from me, prisoner.”

However, the title didn’t hold any meaning here. He wasn’t a prisoner, and they weren’t considered a warden. 

I’m sure it’s alright. We’ll be fine, we just need to get back to Milgram, I’m sure we’ll be fine after that.

He moved towards them. “That looks really bad, though, so we should really get that cleaned out.”

The warden moved their hand to slap him, then remembered he technically wasn’t a prisoner. He, or maybe the others, could retaliate. I’m not sure if this man is still a pacifist here. 

“Fuck.” They swore. He can’t-

“Language.”

The warden realized that they might have to become a prisoner pretty soon due to his audacity.

Es watched this drama go down, not sure which side to take. They decided to try to stop it. “Okay… uh, warden, assault is illegal.”

Wait, they’re right. Fuck.

The warden turned to Es. “Is there anywhere we could go to get away from this man?”

Es grinned, and Shidou turned to them. “Woah, woah, Es, let’s not climb, do you remember what happened last time?”

It was too late. Es guided the warden over towards a tree, and said, “Follow me!”

Wait, I thought they said they didn’t know their way around the woods, so…

They took off their cape, and clambered up the tree. What in Milgram. “Up here, friend!” Up there? I’d have to take off my cape, and I don’t know how to climb.

They shook their head. “I can’t go up there. I can’t climb.”

“Es… oh my god.” Shidou looked exasperated, but sighed. “If it brings you joy. But, make sure to come to me for healing if you fall. Other Es, are you sure I can’t look at your hand? I can take away the pain.”

“Fuck off.”

“Language.”

This man wasn’t going to live to see the light of day tomorrow.

[reanbowful]

“money money money”

if you come from a prestigious family

(ben, alex, gerard, donald, wolf)

ben park / park humin

He was at a rather more high end area in Seoul, wanting to buy a new coat at this one store Gray had recommended.

While waiting for Gray to arrive, Ben would stroll around the nearby stores just to check things out since he’s already in the city.

When Ben saw you for the first time, he didn’t immediately think like, ‘Oh this person is rich.’ It’s more like, ‘What if this person is rich?’

You were there together with your friend. When you walked out, he was entering the store. As a result, the two of you crashed into each other.

“Ah! Oh my god! I’m so sorry..”

Your friend hurriedly take a handkerchief to wipe your stained uniform, as you did the same.

“I-I can pay for your laundry! If you want..?”

Ben was lowkey kinda nervous since this was a rich people area and all. So if you were another snobby rich brat, you could literally make his life hell with just one phone call.

Instead, all you did was laugh softly. Taking your blazer off before hand it to him.

“If you insist. When you’re done, come and bring it to Apartment X, penthouse unit A. If the security guard asks just say you’re there to see y/n.”

A little stunned, Ben absentmindedly take the drenched blazer into his hand. Your friend looked at you curiously, but went along to leave with you afterwards anyway.

“Hey, y/n. Are you sure it’s okay?”

“It’s fine it’s fine~ Plus, didn’t you see how cute he was?”

“Big Ben. Sorry, I accidentally dropped off the wrong lane. Did you wait for a long time?”

“Hey, Gray. Do you know what kind of school this uniform belongs to?”

Gray blinked at the dark green blazer on Ben’s hand.

“X School? It’s like one of the most expensive school around here, but why do you have it on you?”

“Oh shit.”

“Ben.. what did you do?”

“I think a rich girl might be interested in me.”

alex go / go hyuntak

I have a feeling Alex would be sort of intimidated if he finds out just how wealthy your family is.

The two of you met at a gaming center. You were struggling to get a specific stuffed animal.

“Come on.. please.. AH- YOU FUCKING SCAM!”

When he first saw you, he thought. ‘That’s one cute crazy mf.’

Still, he went and helped you.

“That’s not how you’re supposed to do it. Here.”

Inserting a coin inside, he pushed you to the side and within a few minutes, you got your doll.

Your starry expression almost made it all worth it.

“Thank you so much! What can I do to repay you?”

“Uh, you don’t need to repay me..”

“I know! Let’s go for a meal! My treat~”

Alex was about to decline when you bolt out of the arcade within seconds.

“Well, it’s free food I guess.”

Here’s the thing. You don’t.. look rich. You were dressed in a simple attire, t-shirt and jeans. And if they each cost more than a thousand dollar, Alex would really have no way of knowing.

So imagine his pleasant surprise when the two of you show up at one of the most bougie-looking hole in the wall restaurant he has ever seen in his entire life.

“O-oi, you sure this is okay? I don’t have the money to pay for the food here, ok?”

“Hah? I told you it was my treat why would you have to pay? Just follow me, this place is really good!”

Until you stepped inside the building, Alex still think that this might be a really really bad joke. But then the head chef himself greeted you.

“Y/N! What brings you here? Oh~ Is he your boyfriend?”

“Hehe, not yet. But anyways, uncle, we’re here to eat! What’s on the menu today?”

As the two of you converse about what type of meat you want for the meal, Alex finds himself breaking in cold sweat.

Rich people really are scary.

gerard jin / jin gayool

Like Alex, I feel like he would also feel intimidated. And probably.. a bit insecure?

He has to hustle to be able to afford treating himself once in a while, meanwhile your weekly allowance could pay for his school fee for the entire year.

When he first began hearing about you, there would be times where he would feel kind of conflicted.

(for the sake of plot let’s say you’re the daughter of a famous musician)

He’s not entirely sure whether it’s envy or something else. This ugly thing bubbling inside him. But seeing just how different your lifestyles are, Gerard can’t help but feel.. off.

In order to really win his heart, you have to prove that your money is not all that there is to you. Which, you did, successfully.

To begin with, you weren’t even snobby or bratty or anything like that. It’s just that Gerard heard about you from a friend of a friend, so your image that got portrayed onto him is just slightlyy 🤏 different from who you are as a person.

A mutual friend of yours and Gerard’s threw a party for their birthday. This would be the time he would actually meet you for real.

“Hi, I’m y/n.”

“Oh, hi.”

Gerard was surprised. You were unexpectedly pleasant to be around. Your experience in doing business gives you the advantage of gauging people. And your broad knowledge in miscellaneous things makes for a flexible and comfortable conversation.

“You’re not like what I thought at all.”

“Yeah? What kind of a person I am that you thought?”

“I don’t know.. privileged, nepo baby?”

You chuckled at his words.

“I mean they’re not wrong, are they? I’m aware of my privilege, and that I probably have things easier than most other people trying to get into the entertainment industry. But I’m not about to let things like privilege get to my head and make me slack off just because I get a head start.”

Gerard smiled. He supposed that the two of you may have more things in common than he initially thought.

donald na / na baekjin

Honestly. Donald would love it.

He loves connection and money. He would love it if you come from a wealthy family.

With some toxicity, he would also try to make you fall for him to spite your dad if he refuses to do business with him.

“Kingsley. I want you to compile a profile on the senator’s daughter. What her common interests are, where she usually shops, her favourite food, I don’t care. Just make it as detailed as possible.”

After getting your info, Donald will start to frequent places that you usually go to. And in order to get your attention, he would also make seemingly innocuous comments based on the profile he got from Kingsley.

He knows you’re peculiar. But what the hell is this.

“One ice baby yoda please. I’d like to get the custom face cocoa powder as well. And the gingerbread ears too.”

“Wow, mister. You have good taste.”

And you are a psychopath.

Donald smiled, grabbing the childish looking diabetes in a cup. He really didn’t want to drink that.

“Your usual?”

“To the tee. I actually almost got goosebumps when I heard your order.”

As time passes, the two of you began to get closer and closer to each other.

Soon you begin to sneak out of the dorms, going on late night dates, eating convenience store pizzas.

You were like a breath of fresh air in Donald’s ever so serious life. So carefree and full of life, a child-like glow surrounds you. It often reminded him of just how young he still really is.

Your friends tried to warn you about how he was being a bad influence, and your father tells you how he’s ‘worse than trash’. That he will ruin any future you have.

For some reason, though, that didn’t stop you from pursuing your romantic dream partner.

“What, so I just spray these on? Isn’t this vandalism?”

“It might be. But what are they gonna do? Fight you? While I’m here?”

You threw him a cheeky grin and began to spray paint on the concrete walls of the underpass.

Donald knows the reason why you were so lenient with having your name and possibly your whole future get dragged in the mud just from associating with him. You like it. The blood pumping through your veins when you’re doing something so out of your comfort zone. And the sense of security that whatever happens, there will be someone who is willing to take the dirt for you.

You like the freedom. He likes you.

Ah, how he wants to keep you.

(I love Donald’s narrative so much. Feels like a teenage movie.)

wolf keum / keum seongje

I’m gonna be completely honest with you, I don’t think Wolf would care that much about your family’s wealth.

At most, he would be mildly impressed with all the stuff your family could afford. But other than that, he won’t really look at you different or anything.

They didn’t have class by the fourth period that day, everyone was asked to gather at the auditorium to listen to some rich old dudes talk about where else to throw their money away for 2 hours.

Yep. Not Wolf.

He was smoking at the building behind the auditorium by the second floor window when he saw you.

Wolf scoffed. You look so damn out of place.

Your emerald uniform stood out in contrast from Ganghak’s deep red ones.

He recognised the uniform. X Academy, that’s quite prestigious. Not that Ganghak isn’t. The school that he goes to is known to also be pretty expensive. But X Academy is on a whole different level.

Wolf blinked lazily, taking a drag out of his cigarette as he watches you stroll around the pile of dumpster. Occasionally, you would stop and stare at some parts of the building before moving on to continue your stroll.

You were about to head in back into the building when a stray cigarette bud fell right in front of your feet.

“Careful there, rich girl. You don’t wanna get stunned do you.”

You looked up to see a Ganghak boy with purple hair smirking down at you. When you tilt your head confused, he would gesture for you to look down. And only then did you saw it.

A broken extension cord lying seemingly innocuous on the far edge of puddle just one step away from you.

“Not even a ‘thank you’? Damn, I just saved your life, you know.”

“Oh. Yeah, thank you. I didn’t see that. What’s your name?”

Wolf contemplated for a second.

“Wolf.“

“Ah, I see. I’m y/n, it was nice meeting you!”

Wolf frowned. Somehow a bit annoyed when you simply leave right after saying that.

So he took his phone out and called the only reliable person there is in Ganghak.

“Hwangmo, do you know anything about the old farts that came in today?”

[shimmerwindow]

I Never Really

Part Two

Warnings: Marijuana use, cigarette use

Words: 3.8k

Playlist | Masterlist

You made your way up to the roof again, enjoying the unusually warm fall weather. Cigarette between your teeth, staring at the few stars in the sky. You avoided thinking about Venus, though. You didn’t have time for friends, and you most certainly didn’t have time for a crush. Crushes were childish, something you feel in high school. You weren’t supposed to feel that way anymore, not unless you chose to – you were a big girl now.

Lost in thought, your heart jumped into your throat when you heard the door creak open. Ducking into your usual hiding place, you waited to hear the flick of a lighter or the crack of a beer can, but neither came. You started to worry, sucking down your cigarette quicker, in the event that it was the dreaded maintenance man come to kick you out.

You could faintly hear the sound of someone singing. It was a man’s voice, the noise being carried away on the light breeze, but you recognized it. Sam, once again. You peered out from behind the hunk of metal to see him staring at the sky with his hands in his pockets. He was singing a song you didn’t recognize, in some over-exaggerated country accent. His hair was down, flowing over his shoulders and fluttering against his back.

You watched, silent, as he pulled something out of his pocket and brought it to his mouth, watched him cup his hands over his lips and heard the flick of a lighter, the flames lighting up his face. He took a deep breath, held it, and blew it out hard, coughing a few times.

“You want some?” he shouted into the empty air.

So, he knew you were here. No point in hiding. You slinked out of your spot and crossed the roof towards him. “Sure,” you said from behind him.

He jumped like he’d heard a gunshot, letting out a little scream, which startled you and sent you back a few steps.

“Oh, it's you. Jesus, don’t sneak up on me like that,” he half-laughed, putting a hand over his heart.

“You literally called me over here.”

“I was just asking the universe. Didn’t think anyone was actually up here.” He took a deep breath, coughing on the exhale, and extended his hand towards you. Between his fingers was a joint, still smoking. “Guess the universe sent the gift of you. Did you want a hit?”

You held out your hand silently, and he passed it to you, a small smirk on his face. You took a hit from it, choking out a “thanks” without exhaling the smoke.

“Am I scary or something?”

You raised an eyebrow at him as you blew the smoke out of the side of your mouth.

“You didn’t want to be my partner.”

You shrugged, mind racing through how you would play this off. You should have known he would bring it up. “I’m sorry. I was just pissy that day. Thought you might be a bad person to do such a big project with. Not that you are, just that some people…” you trailed off before you could dig your own grave.

“I understand.” He took another hit, offering the joint back to you once again, and you accepted it. “You busy this weekend?” He asked.

You shook your head no, pausing to take another puff. “We could meet at the library or something.”

“Actually,” he laughed, “I was wondering if you’d wanna come to a party. It’s on Saturday.” He took the joint back from you, finishing it off and dropping the remains to the ground, grinding out the ember with the toe of his shoe.

“A party? With me? We just met, Sam.” A blush was rising into your cheeks.

“It’s not like that. I just…don’t have a lot of friends around here. And my brothers are always dragging me out to shit, but I just end up standing in the corner, bored as hell until they let me leave.” He crossed his arms over his chest, picking at the red fabric of his sweater. “Think of it like a team-building exercise. Since we’re partners now.” That smug smile crossed his face again.

“You have brothers here?” You asked, trying to redirect him while you tried to think of a good way to tell him no. You didn’t have time for partying.

He nodded. “Yeah. Two of ‘em, actually. And Daniel. He’s basically our brother too.”

You smiled softly. “Well, I would love to go, but I’ve got some stuff going on that day.”

“There you go again, making me think I’m scary or something. You just said you were free.”

You could tell he didn’t want to take no for an answer. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to find some friends. Two years spending basically every night in your dorm was bound to catch up to you eventually. Your mom lectured you about that plenty – you need to enjoy your youth while you have it! she would always tell you.

“I guess I can come out for a bit,” you conceded.

“Really?” He leaned forward, his face lighting up in a smile.

His smile was beautiful enough to make you fully blush now – you thanked the universe that he likely couldn’t notice in the dark of night. And cursed yourself for having such a reaction to a simple smile. “Sure.”

“Sick! Wanna give me your number so I can text you when I’m about to leave? It’s just off campus. I’ll walk with you.”

The idea of having his number felt somehow dangerous to you. Not that he was dangerous, but a vision flashed through your head at light speed, of yourself drunkenly texting him late at night. You pushed the thought down as hard as you possibly could, internally embarrassed by your own thoughts. Yet, you gave it to him anyway.

He pulled his phone out, and you caught yourself watching his fingers grip the back of it as his thumbs danced across the screen.

“Need a contact picture,” he mumbled, before shuffling around and holding his phone in the air at arm’s length, your dual reflections appearing on his phone’s camera screen.

“Wait, I look terrible–” you barely got the sentence out before he hit the button to take it and turned back around. In that moment you wished you could crawl into a black hole and disappear.

He laughed at his phone screen as he poked at it with one finger. “It’s perfect.” He held it out to show you your contact.

It was dark, but you could clearly make out the two of you. He had a big, goofy smile on his face, while you were a bit blurry behind him, your mouth open as you’d been voicing your protest. It looked ridiculous.

“Oh my god. Delete that,” you demanded, grabbing for his phone.

He held it out of your reach, laughing a bit. “Absolutely not. That’s what I do for everybody.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance to pose!”

“You look better as your natural self, existing in the moment.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket, looking at the sky as if pondering his own words. “Everyone does.”

You blinked at him, not sure how to interpret what he just said.

“It’s cold up here. I’m heading back down.” He turned towards the door, looking back at you as he walked away. “You coming?”

You snapped out of your daze, following him to the door. Together, the two of you walked down the stairs. He stopped at the ninth floor and said goodbye, while you continued down to the eighth.

Finally home, you sat on your bed in the dark, staring at your lap, fighting to calm your mind. You wished you’d told him no. You didn’t have time for all this, these new people you were going to meet, the inevitable hangover on Sunday…you didn't even have an outfit to wear.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and your stomach dropped. Pulling it out and glancing at the screen, a text from an unknown number was waiting.

hey, it’s sam!

Reluctantly, you opened the text, and typed a reply.

hey! :)

You saved his contact info quickly and put your phone face down in your lap, praying that would be the end of it. To your dismay, another text came through. You considered simply ignoring it, but something in you forced you to check.

we should actually work on the project some time this week btw lol

He was right. You’d completely forgotten to even discuss it, you’d been so caught up in trying to say no to the party.

tomorrow? i'm done with class at 230 you sent back.

perfect im done at 2

You gave his message a thumbs up, and threw your phone to the other side of the bed, swearing you wouldn't pick it up again even if it was the president on the other end of the line. Curling up in a ball on your side, you let the waves of panic wash over you, one after the other. A party. You’d never been invited to a college party before. You’d never been to one, hadn’t even been in the vicinity of one. And you had to meet his brothers? If they were anything like Sam, you were in for the ride of your life.

You had to do something, anything, to get your mind off of him. Pacing around the room, you eventually settled at your desk, forcing yourself to work on an assignment you’d been putting off for one of your other classes. It was agonizing, trying to get him out of your head, and the short essay you’d meant to write came out sounding like the angry ramblings of a crazy woman. It was not something you could bring yourself to fix, though.

Sleep evaded you for most of the night, as you tossed and turned in bed, finding it impossible to get comfortable. Images flashed through your mind of this party. Irrational, panic-driven fears of being humiliated in front of everybody was at the forefront of your mind, and you felt powerless to push the thoughts away.

As you finally drifted into a restless sleep, you conjured up images behind your closed eyes of the field you’d dreamed of the night before. A peaceful place, a respite for your tired mind. He was there, of course he was, he was always there. But you were too exhausted to fight it, too tired to stop yourself from watching as your hands plucked tiny flowers from the ground and weaved them into his hair.

* * *

Running on the bare minimum of sleep, the day dragged on at an agonizingly slow pace. By the time the end of your classes rolled around, you were seriously considering canceling on Sam. But you couldn't, and you knew it – this project was essential. You’d been the one who took it upon yourself to ask Sam to be your partner, and you couldn’t take that back now.

He was waiting near the entrance when you walked into the library. When he noticed you, he gave you a small wave and a smile, and you returned the gesture as best as you could.

“You look rough,” he said once you were in earshot.

“Thanks. Didn’t get much sleep.”

“Cramming or something?”

No, actually, I couldn't stop thinking about you. “Just had to get a project done that I forgot about. I’m fine though.”

He walked you over to a quiet corner and you set up shop, pulling out your laptop. He didn’t follow suit. “Did you bring your…?” You gestured at the computer.

“I forgot to tell you. It’s…broken, actually.” He looked a little embarrassed.

“What happened? Is it getting fixed?” You immediately regretted choosing him as a partner.

“Yeah, it’s in the shop. And, well,” he sighed, slapping a hand against his thigh. “I had my headphones plugged in, right? And I was listening to this bitchin’ song, and I forgot I had my headphones in.” He put a hand over his mouth to muffle a giggle at his own story. “So I stood up to go get something, and I started, like–” he moved his hands in the air like he was playing guitar. “And when I got up, my headphones whipped the damn thing off my desk, I got scared and stomped on it, it was a whole thing.”

You couldn’t help but also laugh at the absurdity of his story. “So you broke your laptop by playing air guitar?”

He threw his head back in a laugh, covering his mouth right after, the sound still echoing through the silence of the library. “Yeah, basically. It should be fixed, like, by the end of the week though.”

A bit of your stress melted away as you both stifled your giggles together. You barely knew him, but he seemed like a pretty decent guy. He wasn’t just some stoner or frat boy who went to school because mom and dad said so, he actually wanted a degree. That was enough of a reason for you to trust him as a project partner.

“Well, we can just use mine for now, I guess.” You booted up your laptop, opening a new document.

He scooted his chair to your side of the table, sitting far too close for your own comfort. You took a deep breath, but that only made it worse. He smelled so nice, a mixture of incense and some kind of peppery cologne, the mixture almost intoxicating.

“So,” he started. “What are we gonna write about?”

Forcing your brain into work mode, you tossed a few ideas around. This class was clearly not Sam’s forte, but he gave you as much input as he could muster nonetheless. Jointly, you decided you’d write about the concept of the hero himself, and how the theme of heroics was explored in different pieces of literature.

“This feels a bit out of my depth,” Sam confessed as you wrote some notes on the subject.

“It should be a breeze if you’ve been keeping up with the readings and shit. You do, right?” You side eyed him.

“For the most part, yeah,” he shrugged, and ran his fingers through his hair. That combo again. It nearly pulled you out of your focus, but you fought against it with every bit of strength you had left.

“I’ll make it easy for us.”

“But I won’t let you do all the work, promise.” He held out his fist, his pinky finger extended. You looked between his hand and his face a few times, hesitating. “Don’t leave me hangin’, man.”

You mirrored his gesture, wrapping your pinkies together. “Pinky promise. Now it's set in stone,” he grinned.

You tried very hard not to think about how warm his hands were.

The two of you got through a solid portion of the outline before the sun started to set, and you found yourself yawning a bit too often. “I think it might be about that time,” you announced, glancing out the window at the fading daylight, the trees kissed with golden light.

“I think you’re right.” He raised his arms above his head in a stretch, letting out a sigh. “This is tough, but I think I got it. Hey, you’re still coming to the party, right?”

There it was. Your opportunity for an out. No, sorry. Something came up. “Yeah, of course. I can’t wait.” Your stomach dropped as the words fell out of your mouth without your consent. Why did you say that?

“Sweet.” He stood up from his chair, and you felt a rush of cold air against your knee. You hadn’t even realized your legs had been resting against each other's. You tried your best not to let your thoughts linger on it as you stood and packed away your laptop.

“Hey, we’re going to the same place, aren’t we?” He mused.

You’d forgotten about that. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“Wanna walk together?”

“Sure.” Once again, the word came out before you could stop it.

The two of you stepped out into the sunlight together, the chill of the fall air making you shiver.

“It’s getting cold out.”

You hummed in agreement, stuffing your hands into your pockets. You glanced over at him, and he looked down at you, and for a moment, the world stopped. The golden light from the sun illuminated his features perfectly, his eyes shining a fiery bronze that seemed to pierce directly through you. He gave you a smile, soft and radiant, like he was starlight itself. So maybe you did think about the stars every once in a while.

“This is always my favorite time of year.” His voice was still quiet, still talking like he was in the silence of the library.

“I always get nervous about the winter.”

“But winter is beautiful, too. And the silence of it…just magical.”

You’d never really thought about the silence of winter, the way the snow quieted the earth. “I hope it's not a bad season this year.”

“Me too. I can’t drive in snow for shit. Jake’s the worst with that though,” he laughed.

“Jake?”

“Oh, right! I haven't even told you about them. Jake’s my brother. It's Jake, Josh, and Danny. Danny’s the only one not related to us, but we all grew up together." He told you a bit about each of them, giving you a rundown on their personalities, preparing you to meet them. “They’re nice guys. We’re just an odd bunch.”

“Well, they sound lovely. I can’t wait to meet them.”

You walked in silence for a bit, and you watched his feet as he sought out leaves to step on, crunching them under his shoes.

“Hey…listen.” He drew a breath.

“Hm?” You shot him a look, your pulse quickening. You always hated those two words; they were never followed by anything good.

“You don’t think it’s, like…weird that I invited you to this party, do you? You don't seem super pumped about it. I know we barely know each other, but you seem really cool, and I wanna get to know you better, and, like…I don't know.” His words came out rushed, like he didn't know what he was going to say until he said it.

You took a moment to collect your thoughts, not entirely sure how to answer. “I mean, it’s not exactly conventional. To invite someone who's basically a stranger, I guess. But I haven't been to many parties, so I don't know if that's standard, or what.” Your thoughts swirled around in your mind, no longer coherent. He thinks I’m cool was the only thing you could truly focus on. “But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.” It was bad, for you, but that wasn't his fault. You were a grown woman, and you could make your own decisions, and you chose to tell him yes.

“Okay,” he nodded. “I just get worried sometimes. I can come on a bit strong, I'm aware of that.”

“Well.” You raised your eyebrows in a gesture of you’re not wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. There’s just somethin’ about you that I like, though. You seem…” He looked at you for a moment, his eyes scanning your face. “So many people are the sun, or the moon, but you’re a little of both. It’s cool.”

There was nothing you could do to stop yourself from melting at his words. A bit of both. A bit of sunshine and a bit of moonlight, all contained in one human, that was how he saw you. You wished he would just shut up, but you drank in the praise like your skin absorbed the last of the setting sun, letting it brighten your mind.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “That shit was corny as hell.”

“Yeah, it kinda was. I didn’t know you were such a cornball.”

“Cornball?!“

The two of you laughed in sync together.

“I’ve never heard cornball before. I gotta start using that.”

“Only if you give me credit.”

“Absolutely, eclipse girl.”

God, you wished he would just shut his mouth already. “You have quite the way with words, Sam.”

“Thanks.”

The rest of the walk was quiet, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. He held the door to the dorm building for you, giving you a silly, mocking bow as you walked past him. You got in the elevator together, hitting the buttons for your respective floors.

“I’ll see you in…what day is it?”

“Thursday.”

“I’ll see you in two days!”

You nodded. “I’ll see you then.” The elevator chimed, and you stepped through the doors onto the eighth floor, waving behind you as you walked away.

Your shaking fingers dropped your keys twice as you tried to unlock the door to your room. So maybe it was a crush. But it wasn’t all that serious. You could push it down easily with just a bit of distraction. You were lying to yourself, and every part of you knew it, but that wasn’t important.

You hurried through your nightly rituals and collapsed into bed, groaning into your pillow. This was all happening far too fast. “He’s just cute, that's all.” You said it out loud, convincing your mind it was the truth – and you almost believed it. He was just an incredibly attractive guy who also happened to talk in poems and riddles, who shined like the stars he was so obsessed with, who believed you were the sun and moon all at once. You would concede that you only wanted him in the way your primal brain wanted him. It wasn’t serious, so you should chill out about it.

Still, you laid there as sleep crawled its way into your eyes, and you could see him so clearly. That moment, when you’d looked at him and he appeared to have been made out of solid gold – it was hard to shake. And he followed you into your dreams once again, where he was made of gold, and he touched you, and shone with all the light of every star you can see from Earth, and you turned to gold alongside him.

[flower-boi16]

I Watched The Hello Neighbor Cartoon (It's bad)

So just today while I was scrolling through my recommendations on youtube I saw a review of the Hello Neighbor cartoon that I never knew existed up until now. Just by looking at the show I didn't have very high expectations but I randomly decided to watch it cuz why not? I mean, it has an 8.6/10 on IMDB so surely it must be good right?....ya no. Anyways...the show sucks, here's why.

1. The Animation & Vissuals

The animation is...bad. It just looks very stiff and cheap looking, and the characters aren't that expressive either, they all look bland and soulless (which also describes their personalities incredibly well too). So much of it feels choppy as hell, like I'm watching a show made with two dollars on flash. I would say that this looks like a cheap Canadian cartoon (and I say this as somebody from Canada) but...even then there are Canadian shows that look more appealing than this.

The art style also looks bland, again, the characters barely have ANY real expression to them, and it really looks like a low-effort kids show more than anything else, which makes the show's attempts at being "scary" fall flat. Don't have much else to say here, the animation just looks that bad.

2. Comedy

There are a few times when the show tries to be funny...and it fails. None of the jokes here really made me laugh....at all. Though there were times when the show did get a laugh out of me...and they were when I wasn't supposed to laugh. Like that scene in episode 2 with where our main girl sees a bunch of neighbor heads I just couldn't help but find it VERY amusing, plus the credits which is just the neighbor goofily staring through the window where "dRaMAtiC" music plays in the background and it just looks VERY goofy. Aside from that, when the show is trying to be funny...it's not. It's just not.

3. Characters

A majority of the characters are honestly not worth talking about aside from Trinity and Nicky ig, they are all just...so boring. None of the kids' personalities are remotely endearing in the slightest and they are all just extremely one-dimensional.

Trinity is our main character and...I'm sorry but she just isn't interesting in the slightest. She has literally no personality or depth as a character and makes her a very boring protagonist for the story. She's also pretty inconsistent in episode 2 where she's all like "no we can't follow around the neighbor" when last episode she was perfectly on board with that and Nicky's plan? Then there's Nicky who also kinda sucks. Like the other characters he isn't that interesting or endearing at all, and they also don't even give a reason for why he thinks the neighbor is a murderer. Like, what made him assume the neighbor murdered his own kids??? It honestly would've been really cool if they merged aspects of Dipper from Gravity Falls and Webby from Ducktales 2017 together for his character because I could really see the potential here, but what we have now...ya.

The other kids are, again, not worth talking about because of how boring they are. They aren't funny or entertaining to watch at all, they all feel so bland and soulless. The other kids simply just exist and not much else. I really don't have that much else to say about the characters.

4. The "Horror"

So the show tries to be scary...but it isn't. Honestly, It's hard to pinpoint what parts the show wants me to be scared of because it's really hard to find a show with this art style scary in the slightest. Nothing about it is that "creepy" at all, though I don't even know this is supposed to be a horror show despite it being based on a horror game since I never felt scared watching it all.

I guess the show's overarching mystery is kinda intriguing...? But when the characters are so bland it's hard to even get invested in it. Don't have much else to say here.

5. Plot Holes

Ah yes, no bad show would be complete without plot holes, now would it? I'll just list some of the plot holes in each episode here:

Trinity SEES THE NEIGHBOR KILL SOMEONE IN THE STORE and for SOME REASON decides to run away instead of, oh I dunno...TAKING A PICTURE WITH THE EVIDENCE OR CALLING 911 IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Speaking of that murder, wouldn't have that got onto the news or something? Like, did nobody report it??? And if we assume someone DID report it, since the neighbor was the last one there who COMMITTED THE MURDER, wouldn't the officers put two and two together and realize it was the neighbor?

Also why did the neighbor commit the murder in the first place??? What was even the point of that???? Did he not have any money to pay for it???? Why????

The fact that there is just. A tunnel under the school. For some reason, which NEVER gets explained by the way.

When Nicky gets captured by the neighbor, where tf are his parents???? Did they not recognize their child is missing??? Why didn't they file a missing child report or ANYTHING???

There are more plot holes than these but these are the most egregious ones to me. Also the ones I already mentioned in the characters section. Besides, this post is getting long enough already so I'll just end it here....

6. Conclusion

So ya, the show sucks, 3/10, see ya.

[prettybluelites]

Thoughts: Impossible Birds

Okay, to hold me over until Thursday, I'm going to rewatch and blather about each of the existing three episodes, one each, today tomorrow and Wednesday. It won't be true "reaction" because I'm on...oh, the 6th rewatch? But I'll try to cover the stuff I know I was thinking when I watched the first time.

Action right out of the gate. Love a good dream sequence. Rhys looking alarmingly Branagh-esque.

First lols of the new season: "You absolute twaaaaaaaaa..." and the tackle hug. That just looked like it hurt.

More on this bit in the previous post, where I wrote about "I Love My Baby."

This scenery was well worth the wait, goddamn

Not gonna lie, I'm not a fan of fart jokes, but it got them back to reality pretty quick. So I guess I have Wee John's farts to thank for the outstanding pacing so far.

THEY PIMPED THE SWEDE OUT TO JACKIE, omg, I fucking DIED at Roach practically pushing him into her lap. "He's single!"

Also lmao at Buttons' plaintive "May we go back to the sea now?" The flip side of "Are we there yet?" They really are just little children.

I know I'm supposed to be caught up in the "Trust No One" tattoo but I'm distracted by Taika's waist

Jesus Christ there's a lot to unpack in that wedding officiant's speech. "Elevate the common human rabble," yeeesh. I mean, I know that was a thing, like, "people of our standing" or whatever. But yeesh.

That close shot of Ed's eyes when he says "I'm the fuckin' devil"--that's something that grabbed me when I first watched the trailer. Or teaser, whichever it was. There's not a single glimmer of light there. He's so tired and broken and it's all there in his eyes.

The wedding raid is probably a vaguely inappropriate time to mention that Vico is still, as I believe Nathan Foad put it, the hottest human being on the planet

Obsessed with Archie

Obsessed with Susan/Zheng Yi Sao

Obsessed with Auntie

I'm not going to analyze the Izzy stuff much at this point because there's already been a lot of that and I haven't fully processed my feelings so right now I'm just going to leave it at, Con O'Neill is fuckin incredible

Swede has assimilated well, I see

Firm believer that everybody looks cuter when they're wet. Stede looks cuter but mostly sadder

"Could be, could be, mate" - I screamed

Ricky is obviously ew and I hated sitting there helpless while he played Stede like the proverbial fiddle

Stede's look when Swede says "husbandly duties," equal parts Oh no, TMI and Aw, that's our lil boy

Feels wrong not to say anything about Izzy's sort-of confession to Ed, but like I said, I'm still processing. Did I mention Con is incredible?

Taika is scary in the scene that follows, it's actually kinda hard for me to watch, but goddamn he nails it. When can this show win all the Emmys it deserves?

Fun fact, the lime rickey was invented in 1883 :D

Leslie Jones is awesome and gorgeous, and I love Jackie and Susan squaring off in this scene

I absolutely love that Jim, the orphan raised by a nun to be a killing machine, is the character that has made me laugh the hardest, like until I literally cried, on every single viewing of this season so far. And Fang and Archie laughing at Jim's telling of the story just adds to the moment, there's so much joy in the middle of that awful, awful situation they're all in.

And on the other hand is Ed's speech about the bird, just heartbreaking, especially the way he's gasping his way through it. Treading water, waiting to drown.

The song here is fucking gorgeous too, they just keep hitting the soundtrack out of the park

I love soup too, friends.

And here endeth the episode, not including the extended bit of Jim's Pinocchio story, but I've said all that needs saying about that.

Stay tuned for Episode 2 tomorrow!

[drkcnry67]

Our beginning...

Title: our beginning

Pairing: Dean x reader

Spn kink sq: first kiss

Tags: sitting in a movie theater, letting Dean choose the movie, recliner seats, popcorn, revealing feelings, hand holding, first kiss, tears, walking out of the movie, screaming at eachother, kiss to silence the screams

Rating: pg

Created for @spnkinkevents

Summery: not telling...

Yn: oh my God, what the fuck was that pack?

Dean: I don't know, that look on their faces like they didn't realize who we were and why we were there till we started shooting silver bullets.

You both laughed as you guys exited the impala dusting off your shirt from the mess... you decided to change your shirt... good thing you always wear 2.

You threw your bloody shirt into the back of the impala, then pulled off your holster, tucking your phone in your packet and making sure your jeans were free of blood and guts.

Dean: oi what are you doing?

Yn: had to get rid of the bloody mess I was wearing... remember Dean supposed to be normal people...

Dean took a look at you then at himself...

Dean: oh right... throw me a shirt and my other jacket I guess...

You were already handing him one of each... you knew him to a tee, you were in love with Dean only you didn't know if he felt the same...

Tonight whether or not you were ready he would know how you felt even if you had to spell it out in neon letters...

Dean hasn't been completely clueless to your subtle hints though he's been wrestling with his own feelings for you.

YN: i believe its your night to pick the movie... and remember nothing too scary, even though we could probably kill it or deal with it as it comes...

dean laughs as you watch him lock the impala and come over to stand beside you... he flashed you the goofiest smile he could muster...

dean: damn right, cause aint no one gonna scare us out of this movie...

you knew he was gonna pick something scary you knew he was gonna do this up his way. he paid for the tickets, you paid for drinks and 2 bags of candy...

dean: oh my god, look at the cutout...

yn: pretty creepy... if you ask me they coulld definately design it better...

dean couldnt help his goofy grin he was majorly in love with you... only neither of you could see it... sitting down it was recliners, the same seats you and dean always got, cause there was no better view or place to watch then from a comfy recliner...

yn: 1 or 2

dean was taking a sip of his drink but knowing what you mean he put up 1 finger... you handed him a bag of candy...

dean: sweet literally thanks girl!

You blush a bit swishing your hair to shrug it off as the room darkens, the movie begins you both laugh at the movie.

but about halfway through you feel his hand grasp your own, this makes you look at him.

You feel your cheeks getting hot and get up rushing softly out of the theater, just outside the theater you are leaning against the wall...

Dean comes out after you...

Dean: what's wrong?

Yn: what's wrong? Do you... what the hell was that?

Dean: why are you shouting?

Yn: cause I'm in love with you and you grabbing my hand made me get all hot and bothered so I came out here to breathe I didn't expect you to...

That was the last word you spoke for deans lips enclosed around your own. Dean pulled back slowly and watched your eyes flutter open..

Dean: how's that for my answer

Yn: can we get out of here... it will be most beneficial for us to rip eachothers clothes off in the impala!

Deans eyes go wide as you start slowly walking toward the impala! He starts chasing after you and that was the end of that conversation.

Dean: I love you and we are never going to be apart again!

That was the end of the movies but it was yohr first kiss and the beginning of yours and deans love story!

~the end for now~

[always-me-meha]

Delusional? Start of psychosis episode?

Yesterday was the weirdest feeling ever, i don't know if I can explain it in words ever.... I'll try my best but it's not gonna be at all how it should sound hahaha I struggle with uh knowing how to write or tell/explain something I DO understand inside my head....... the knowledge is there, just the words don't come out.

As i was saying just an unexplainable feeling.

I guess it reminded me of when I lost my mind in 2020.... just a certain moment specifically where it felt idk.... everything lined up as it was supposed to happen yenno? Something was happening but no one could see or feel it but me. Once again, I lost my mind, so yes, I was crazy lol

But no, really just too many..... weirdness...and signs.... that only normal logical people wouldn't understand lol

LIke I knew I was crazy back then it was all in my head and I had to be medicated and move on from all that..... get back to a normal 'stable' life. Once I was taken to a psych ward haha

Anywho, but yesterday changes everything to me once again....to wtf happened 4 years ago and now. I think I did lose my mind or I am losing my mind again, but I'm self-aware between everything I'm feeling inside and noticing this time to..... reality as it is, I guess?

Maybe I haven't completely lost it yet but I'm on the verge or idk maybe I'm just walking on the ledge between the two, balancing back and forth, leaning to far one end and leaning back the other, then walking stable with my clarity but also able to.... fuck idk the words..... be in-between both reality's I guess. The real world as everyone knows it and the.... fuck it's not another world. Idk man. It's something.

What the.... I guess, I don't wanna say breaking point, fucking PROOF that I'm not insane. There is something and it's fucking freaky as hell and all so amazing at the same time. Yup I think I'm insane lolol.

I was noticing things all day, nothing major, we were at a friend's smoking weed and I spent most of the time focused on the past messages on my phone. I wanted to remember shit I guess idk.... anywhoooooo I was talking weird things af at that point well also being totally self-aware and zoning out to shut up.

Me and the bf finally get home to my house, cause I must be manic I was talking none stop obsessed with the past when he finally told me to look up at the TV and watch this. He was quite in my chair the whole time while I watched this.....

Anywho this show or TV episode was 100% us almost down to the T but like a different life ? Reality? Idk. It was just something extremely familiar I felt i was seeing!!! and like almost a huge warm relief inside me for the first time all the insane theories and connections and shit in my head was visually there, 20/30 mins of fucking proof, that couple (based on real people too) was us!,

Theory, like can two different versions of your soul exaist in the same life time????? Different lives, different parts of the world but still you?

But ya to even the fuckn shirt she wore in bed with woody woodpecker on it which I never talked about untill today when D laughed like him (I made a post of it earlier)

I can't like man.... it was scary and fascinating, as if someone filmed our relationship, our love, but with some spice hahahaha like holy shit. There were so many fucking ..... Easter eggs you could say, and moments, sayings, that were seriously us, even alot of stuff that just happened today I recognized, as if this was literally just our fucking day taken into a show for the world to see plus more into the future....

I kept looking at caige and I was like this is us!!!!! He said that's why I wanted you to see it. Then he'd be quite. I had to keep trying not to yell out everything happening that literally was us.....

He's not mentally crazy in the head like I am.... so if he noticed this too... to even show me was wild. He totally fucked with my head showing me that tho lmfao I could be blowing this out of proportion.

Like what....... legit wtf. For the future part it was intense..... seeing how caige would propose to me, down to the ring how he'd get it, I looked at him, ' you'd so do that '.

The drug addictions..... the intense passion.... how the guy on the show almost looked exactly like caige.... piercings, tattoos , dressed all black. My man yum hahaha. His attuide and reactions agh love him ( my man I know, not the TV version of him).

Sounds weird saying fucking tv version. But idk what else it is. Like a past life, a dream, alternate reality....... fuck basically someone making a story/TV show with the idea from our life but different names, location, wealth, fame. yet we still found eachother. It's still us, we both know it's us.....

I don't wanna ask him about it today, I think he wants to forget he showed me cause it literally opened a new door in my head that's for sure and I donno if he sees it like do...... but he can't lie I seen it in his face.... I just think it's to intense for us to talk about really...... i don't wanna scare my man away....

Cause as for looking into the future, the future always can change..... so I'm not keen on watching the rest of show.

I seen us and where we're at now while watching. Which is fucking intense love and lust? (Can you have both? Lol and thats when we're not arguing, cant have love without some hate tho eh????? Balance.)

I don't wanna see more, reality is where I need to be to see how our relationship plays out, not a fantasy on a show...... but fuck me.... it's not just a coincidence, that can't be. I wanna see more.... but not till I have more evidence hahaha to prove this reality and that are connected hahaha

Tho fuck that one episode was all I needed really. Like mannnnnn I'm going psychosis againnnnnnn or there's more to this life that .... the eye can see?

I was so happy watching it to. (The one thing that finally got my eyes off my phone) I can't stop thinking about it. Just seeing everything about us there right on the screen. As if this show was made for me & him though its about these two celebrities haha Total Hollywood. That'd never be us lol but if it were... yup. It'd sure as hell seemed like us lmfao in another life.

Or in our current life at the same time like I said?????? They are us as as we are them. Fuck that'd be freaky. So deep. Dammit no...... just an extreme consistent coincidence...

Fuck I need to rewatch that episode to investigate...... research!!!!! Remind myself again I'm not crazy, what I watched was not in my head hahaha

Like fuck I know he don't feel maybe...... but I get these intense feelings somehow were supposed to be together. Whether it's forever or for the time being. We are meant to be together at this very moment in life anyway. Scary, last time I felt this way was 2020 haha this CONNECTION with someone. But this is so much more man.

That in the past was silly fascination.... compared to this. (Plus major malfuction lol jkjk psychotic break. Which I'm hoping this isn't leading up to that again)

Caige hushs me when I try and go into things about us, like it's weird from how we met to now feeling so in love..... how are paths crossed behind the scenes never knowing eachother but having the same friends for years before we ever actually offically met and became friends besides the 3 encounters I seen him where he was just a hot attractive guy that didnt even notice me lmfao but no no touch, taken man!. Eye candy for a second. And was back to my day to day life. No thoughts about it.

Now we're laying butt to butt cause I woke him up to find my phone lmfao grouch but hey I needed to write this shit down ASAP, worth the few minuets of attitude.

I'm losing my mind people. Mind blown.

[whatyourusherthinks]

The Front Room Review

*Walks onto stage in front of the mike* Ahem. *Looks left, then looks right*...A24, as a movie company, is overrated.

BOO! BOO THE HERETIC! BOO ME! I DON'T CARE! Half the A24 movies I've watched have been GOD AWFUL. Do you want to guess what The Front Room is, Buggnutz? Based on this opening, bad? Wrong, IT'S WORSE THAN THE EXORCISM. A MOVIE THAT WAS SO BAD I COULDN'T COMPREHEND WATCHING IT. HOW YOU ASK? I wasn't goin-

What's the Movie About?

This is a "psychological horror" movie about taking care of an old lady. Not an old lady possessed by a demon or she's a witch, or the characters have to do it while being chased by a monster. Just a regular old woman. She's incontinent and racist ooooohhhh spooky.

What I Like.

The ending made me laugh. Unintentionally, yes, and a major part of that laugh was bitter since I wasted two hours of my life watching this piece of shit. But I'm saving the empty 'What I Like Section' gag for something really special, so what do you want from me?

What I Didn't Like.

The scariest thing that happens in this movie is a dream sequence about an adult man being breast fed by an old woman. That sounds horrifying. ...Fair, but they don't get up close with any details to make it disturbing. It's just kinda gross. That's what a lot of the movie is. It never goes too far with anything so it's not like it's supposed to be scary, it's just like... Do you want to watch a montage of flushing toilets? Or see every character vomit at some point? Not really. Those dream sequences are bizarre, and not in a fun psychedelic way. In a "someone told us this movie needs to be scarier and this was the first thing that we came up with" way. 90% of this movie is the old lady (who has a ridiculously over-the-top southern accent, check "Roan complains about accents" off your Bingo Card) being overbearing or obnoxious on purpose. It doesn't help that the dialogue is possibly the worst I've ever heard. It's not just that it's unnatural, it all sounds like it went through Google Translate twice. That's not the only poorly made part of the movie. They somehow fuck up the continuity between shots of the same scene! Seriously, there's a part where the the main character is putting on two earrings, the shot cuts to her husband saying something, and then it cuts back to the main character getting up to leave and she only has one earring on. How the fuck did that happen? And AMAZINGLY, despite ALL OF THAT SHIT, this movie is pretentious. The villain of the movie is basically a Southern Baptist strawman, and the lead is a a wet dream for someone who believes that "woke culture" exists and is fully in favor for it. The first scene (Well, the first scene after a ridiculously long credit sequence. Seriously, I think the end credits are shorter.) is the main character teaching a bunch of bored Gen Z'ers about the symbolism in chairs is actually about "Goddess". Then she quits her job because they were boxing her out of classes because of racism. Like... On principal I should like all that, buck the system and this is the reality flack people have to deal with and all that. But the way the movie presents it is very unlikable. It gets even worse when the old lady in introduced. Every aspect of this character is presented as the worst a human being can be, and while yes, the old lady says and does some reprehensible things, there is a difference between faking being pushed over and telling the nurses your step-daughter-in-law pushed you, and hanging up a crucifix. There's literally a part of the movie where I said, "This seems movie really hates Christians." The movie hates the elderly even more. I think the biggest problem the main character has with the old lady is that she has lost control of her bathroom functions. Like, yeah, it's gross and a pain to deal with along with a baby. But they way the movie harps on about it is so needlessly mean. There is a scene when the old woman messes the bed in the night, and the way the couple reacts feels really cruel to old people. Christ, this movie is red-pilling me. Even Reagan didn't do that. But don't worry everyone, the movie has a happy ending. The main character smothers the old lady to death with a pillow.

This is how this movie is worse than the Exorcist. Because at least the Exorcist doesn't advocating for euthanasia.

Final Summation.

This might be the most half-assed movie I've ever seen. It's so half-assed that it might be more appropriate to say it's quarter-assed. Or one-eighth assed. Like there are some ideas here that could have been interesting or scary, but the movie makers were too lazy to actually make it such. Is A24 resting on their laurels? Like after Everything Everywhere All At Once was declared the best-movie-to-grace-this-sinful-earth, they just decided to stop trying? Why did they do that after I decided to do this stupid "watch every movie that comes out" thing!?