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whatyourusherthinks · 10 days ago

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Fantastic Four: First Steps Review

FANTASTIC FOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR is one of the most anticipated movie of the year, and one of the most anticipated Marvel movies for a while. Lots of people have been craving a good FF movie. A lot of people have wanted the MCU to get their groove back. I'm not one of those people.

Look, I think FF is a fine comic, but my favorite part of their comics is all the characters and ideas that are tangentially related to them. I like the Power Pack, the concept of the Negative Zone, the Future Foundation is an pretty fun comic, and they do have some of the best villains in comics. I mean, Doctor Doom anyone? But I don't really care about the individual members themselves. Mr. Fantastic is often just a straight-edged humorless nerd, the Human Torch is almost always a jackass, and half the time the writers completely forget about Invisible Woman. The Thing is usually pretty good, but the self-pitying schtick can get old.

I was also getting kind tired of Marvel movies specifically. Not because they are bad, it's actually kind of the opposite. All Marvel movies that have been made by Disney are good. Some are better than others, sure, but even dross like Thor: The Dark World or Antman and Wasp: Quantumania are still solid movies in the grand scheme of things. It's not really a question whether a MCU movie will be good, and it's boring. Speculating about DC movies is way more fun because they have a worse track record.

But that trailer was pretty cool...

What's The Movie About?

An alternate earth is under threat from Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. At the same time, Sue and Reed Richard are expecting a child. A child that Galactus wants for some reason. Can the FANTASTIC FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR save both the planet and their new member?

What I Like.

Well let's start with the obvious, I really dig the theme of the movie. The title call will randomly pop into my head while I'm going about my day and that turns everything I do into some trailer moment, it's a fun way to live life. I also really like the Four in this movie. I think they did a good job adapting the characters for the movie and the modern age. Reed is probably the closest to his comic counterpart, but they give him moments to really humanize him. Ben's personality is the same, but he's not hung up on his appearance thank god. They actually gave Sue something to do besides giver birth, thank double god. And Johnny is probably the most drastically different from the comics, and by that I mean I actually like his characterization. His relationship with the Silver Surfer in this movie was actually pretty interesting, and I kind of got a kick out of how it ended. Speaking of her, holy crap are the effects of this movie good. I loved the look of the Thing from the second the trailer dropped, he looked like he popped straight of the comics. But my jaw dropped when I saw the Silver Surfer. She looked photo realistic, her skin was tarnished and perfectively reflective, it honestly looked like she was a moving statue. All of the retro-futuristic technology looked pretty awesome as well, I love me some sci-fi. Herbie was a particular stand out for me, I like the tape-deck programming that they can switch out to change his function, it made me completely ignore the ffact that they basically turned him into WALL-E. I also liked the design of the FF's spaceship, it looks old but sleek, it reminds me of pulp space adventures. Galactus's ship was even cooler. I'm actually impressed they went with Galactus as the main villain for their first Fantastic Four movie, and it actually worked. It also makes sense that with the fact that this is also a Franklin Richard origin movie, and move I also completely respect. And I'm kind of amazed to say this, since I'm one of those nerds who like seeing all the connection and payoffs of previous MCU movies, but I really like how self-contained this movie is. The only reference to anything outside this movie is a single end credit scene, and even then I could see a universe where this is completely unrelated to the MCU and the scene remains the same.

What I Don't Like.

...I have thoughts.

Firstly, all the effects are good, except Galactus. I think he has a cool design! But he is clearly a massive CGI man, and I wish he was bright purple when he lands on Earth instead of the muted and darker color he is instead. I get it's more realistic, but I'm watching a movie where one of the main characters is a big rock man who grows a rock beard, I don't want realism. To that note, I'm getting really tired of the joke that all Marvel movies do now, where they make fun of the premise, or someone's name, or someone's outfit. You're both a series of disposable pop-culture mostly aimed at little boys and adult men who haven't mentally aged past being a little boy MCU, you're not better than comic books! Put Franklin in the 5 onsie!

Earth 816 is kind of... weird, right? Not in the sense of it's a weird idea for a universe, it's just 60s kitsch which is a lot of fun. But it's weird because it works. Basically the Fantastic Four are their Earth's Avengers, and they basically fixed the world. All of the nations get along except for Latveria. (Because of course.) It's kind of implied that all disease in the world is cured and poverty doesn't exist. Even with the 60s aesthetic still has super science around the globe. Reed literally at one point just dissolves three criminal organizations before dinner. To borrow a poignant phrase from a previous Marvel movie, the Fantastic Four "put a suit of armor around the world". But y'all remember how that movie went, right? And it's a reoccurring theme in the MCU movies that nothing good happens when heroes try to do that. I know no one remembers that Doctor Strange sequel but the Illuminati were bad guys. So I just kept expecting some twist were this seemingly perfect world was actually rotten. Or that this is one of the evil Reeds from the Counsel of Reed Richards or something but it just... Didn't happen. Now the movie not going in the direction I want isn't really a problem, but it was something that kept bugging me as the movie went on. Maybe this is a plot thread that will get picked up in a later movie.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think this movie should have been an hour longer. A lot of the plot seems very rushed, and the movie is stuffed. The interacts between the leads is great, I would have liked to seen more of it. There also isn't a ton of action in the movie. On one hand, it's an impressive choice, but on the other hand I want to see the Fantastic Four actually do superheroing in the Fantastic Four superhero movie. I also feel like some of the B-Plots are speed through and it made them seem kinda pointless. The Fantastic Four lose public support because they weren't willing to give up Franklin to stop Galactus and it lasts all of ten minutes before Sue gives a speech and everyone immediately is willing to do whatever the FF want again. Ben also doesn't really have anything to do in the movie except grow a beard and flirt with a lady, and neither really have a pay off.

Why. Do. Movies. Keep. Doing. The. One. Thing. I. Hate. The. Most. In this movie it's even stupider because we all know they're not gonna kill off one of the Fantastic Four off in their first movie, so why pretend otherwise? I do kind of like that it's the way the movie confirms that Franklin does have godlike power, but I'm not going to give any movie a pass to undo character death just because their resurrection method is cute.

And to close this segment of complaints, a nerdy-ass nitpick. I really liked the parts where they name drop classic Fantastic Four villains, and the Mole Man was a surprisingly awesome cameo. But I wanted more. It's a little weird that we here that the Fantastic Four have defeated Diablo, or the Wizard, but only see Mole Man and the Red Ghost kind of. More to that point, I wanted to see the Mad Thinker! How hard would it have been to put an extra with long hair in a green jumpsuit? I'm never gonna see a live-action Awesome Android, am I?

Final Summation.

Fantastic Four: First Steps is pretty good. If you like the FF characters or superhero movies, this is an easy recommend. But here's the sticking point...

A lot of the reviews of this movie compared it to Superman. I at first thought it was because they were two Superhero movies that came out around the same time, but after watching the movie, these two are really similar. Both movies skip the origin story in exchange for setting the movie a few years into the heroes' career, they both have a colorful sci-fi backdrop to the plot, they have a lot of comic book action that isn't the focus of the story, there's a story beat where the heroes lose their credibility with the general populace in both, both climaxes have a cosmic threat destroying an evacuated city, and there is a prominent action scene revolving around saving a baby in both movies. If you read my Top Ten Movies of all time, you know that Superman is my favorite movie of all time. So if you were to ask me if you should go see Fantastic Four, I would tell you to watch Superman instead.

I can't really blame First Steps for that. It's not anyone's fault that Superman came out first and did everything this movie does just better. This is the best Marvel movie I've seen in a while, definitely the best Fantastic Four movie, and it's not this movie's fault that I'm just not that big of a fan of the Fantastic Four and am getting a little tired of the generic A-/B+ quality of Marvel Movies. (Or, at least Marvel Studios movies. Those Sony things kinda wrench up that generalization.) Fantastic Four: First Steps is good. Now stop being coy with Doctor Doom Marvel.

#Fantastic Four: First Steps #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 23 days ago

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My Top Ten Movies of All Time

Personally, I think this list has been a long time coming. The best way to know someone is to listen to their opinions, and I think there is no more valuable opinion than someone's favorite movies. Well I guess if you opinion on genocide is that it's nifty then that's more important but last time I talked politics I had to euthanize a reoccurring bit.

Point is, I'm here to tell you about my favorite movies of all time. Now, this is obviously limited to movies I've seen. There are a lot of movies that are considered classics that I haven't seen. So if a movie you are expecting to be on this list isn't, that's because you're wrong and the movie is actually overrated. I also don't hesitate to say that this isn't the list of movies that are objectively the best made, these are just the ones I like watching the most. I say this now to justify the following entry...

Tenth Best Movie Of All Time

Moonfall is the stupidest thing I have ever seen and everyone should watch it immediately. Seriously, descriptions of this movie do it no justice, you kinda have to see it to believe it. It's the pinnacle of what I like to call the Show-Off Movie. A movie that you don't necessarily watch because it's so entertaining, but because it's fun to show other people. While there are certainly a lot of ridiculous moments and funny lines in the film to gawk at, the real star of the show is the explanation of what is going on, and why the moon is falling to earth. The actual plot of the movie is insane. If you know what it is, you will agree with me and completely understand why I have put this above some more traditionally good movies.

Also, let it never be said again that I am a film snob.

Nineth Best Movie Of All Time

The first of four movies I've already done a full review for, Sinners is basically what if From Dusk Til Dawn was the best movie it could possibly be. I still maintain that the sex scene are pretty bad, but the fact that the best scene I've ever watched in any piece of media more than makes up for that, and earns a spot on this list. If you want to know more, please go find that review, it shouldn't be hard since this movie just came out. (It's amazing that two of the best films of all time came out this year, huh? And both Warner Bros too... Whoops, spoilers.) I will say this about Sinners right now. If you haven't seen this movie yet...

WATCH THIS MOVIE.

I say this not only because this movie deserves everyone's attention, and not only because it's probably the most underrated movie on this list. (Maybe Moonfall is more underrated but that's kind of in a special category.) No, I think everyone needs to watch this movie so that we can support Ryan Coogler as much as possible. If you have a life and don't spend you time looking at film news, you probably don't know too much about this movie. But Warner Bros made an unprecedented deal with the director meaning he got like 80% of the profits from this movie forever or something like that. The corpos tried to play it down in the news, but I think this should be the norm. I think the people who make the art should be the ones making the money. So everyone watch it, make this movie a huge hit, and give the writers and directors more money executives.

Eighth Best Movie Of All Time

Alien is the scariest and greatest horror movie I've ever seen. This is the second movie on this list I've already done a full review of, but I did decide after the fact that all the smoking doesn't actually bother me that much. Increases the movie's grimy, blue-collar aesthetic. Anyway, if you want to know more about my opinion on Alien, direct yourself to my review from a year ago, I'm going to cede the rest of this section into talking about the sequel which I saw not that long ago.

Aliens is pretty good, but I feel like it's not that great of a sequel to Alien. The main reason is because of tone. Alien, is a sci-fi horror movie with a little bit of action at the end. The pluralized sequel is a sci-fi action movie with a bit of horror sprinkled through out. Which on the surface I would be more in favor of, but Alien's best quality was the ratcheting tension and masterful suspense building. Aliens... Wait this sounds confusing I'm just gonna call the sequel Jarheads. Jarheads has no tension at all. I mean, the cultural osmosis didn't help, but I was pretty certain who would live and who would die in Jarheads right during the cafeteria scene. Alien, even though I knew Ripley had to survive, had me on pins and needles the entire time. I will say, I think the ending of Jarheads is ten times better than Alien. At that point in Alien all the tension is gone and the movie kind of overstays it's welcome. In Jarheads, the ending is where the action reaches the pinnacle with the mech suit and the Queen shedding her birthing sac. I really like the little make-shift family Ripley makes in the film, I'm going to completely ignore the existences of Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection and assume that Ripley, Hicks, Newt, and Bishop go get Jones from Ripley's apartment and then retire to a farming colony.

Seventh Best Movie Of All Time

Listen. Listen. I know the Kenneth Branagh Hercule Poirot movies aren't faithful to the books, but here's the thing. I don't care. If that bothers you, watch one of the several adaptations that came out earlier that are probably more faithful to the books. I like the updates Branagh brought to the story, I like adding action to a murder mystery, and I like that Hercule actually goes through character developments through these movies. Honestly, I could put all three of them on this list. But I'm gonna be fair and just put the first one, since it stands alone the best.

I love murder mysteries, and this might be the best one ever written. The Murder on the Orient Express is the most iconic of Agatha Christie's stories, and honestly might be the most famous plot twist of all time. The adaptation is definitely the most moving as well, not to get into the nitty-gritty but Murder on the Orient Express is way more sad than Death on the Nile and A Haunting In Venice. The amount of star power in all of these movies is ridiculous. Branagh himself gives such a good performance, he can manage to be badass and silly all at the same time. This mystery has drama, suspense, a good chase, great twist, and a silly accent. The only thing missing is a talking dog.

Sixth Best Movie of All Time

Why yes, I am pansexual. How did you guess?

We are now onto movies I think are perfect. Seriously, I have no issues with my top six movies, not even nitpicks. I know my review of Rocky Horror Picture Show had like one complaint but I literally don't remember what it was. Check out that review I wrote last October, I transcribed like three of the songs in it. Here's the low down, Rocky Horror Picture Show is an incredibly smart and sexy musical that's funny and entertaining blast. If you are even a little bit not straight you owe it to yourself to watch this at least once.

Fifth Best Movie Of All Time

Any of my children's movie Mount Rushmore could have been on the list, and again, I was tempted to do enter more than one movie on this entry as well, but I realized I could do a double knock-out of best kids movie and best romance movie by choosing WALL-E.

The movie and titular character of WALL-E are incredibly charming and sweet. The animation of this movie is bloody gorgeous, as expected from Pixar. And I really the plot in the movie. I love the opening on earth with the minimal dialogue is brilliant. This is why I was so pissed off at that dumb Wild Robot movie, kids can follow a story even if there is no dialogue. I also quite like the second half of the movie on the Axiom. "Meh, meh, meh it's preachy!" Quiet. Shut up. It's really not. The environmental themes are more, well, thematic than realistic. Humanity isn't going to forced off of earth because there is too much garbage, all of the billionaires and their baby mamas are gonna shoot themselves to Mars because it will be less hot. Anyway, the point of the movie isn't the environmental stuff, it's the adorable love story.

I haven't thought too hard about it, admittedly, but WALL-E and EVA might be my favorite couple in a movie. This movie definitely kickstarted my preference for affable nerdy men and women who could kill me with ease. I absolutely love the little touches of, well, humanity both characters have. I love that WALL-E is a romantic dreamer who wins the more cynical EVA over. And this movie is an exception to my hard and fast rule of hating sudden happy endings because these two cuties deserve it.

Fourth Best Movie Of All Time

When I first watched Citizen Kane, I was fully expecting it to be like many other "classic" movies I've seen. It's either be good, but not that good. Or completely overrated. So I was pleasantly surprised on how much I enjoyed this movie. Honestly, this movie is one of those movies where me telling you what happens in it does it no justice. I can talk about the character study of Charles Foster Kane, or the interesting backstory of the real life man this movie is mocking, but I actually I want to talk about the craft of this movie.

Citizen Kane is considered the first "modern" movie, which is pretty impressive considering it debuted in 1941. But you scoff, this movie is black and white! Clearly it's too old! Well the black is white is a deliberate choice. The Wizard of Oz came out in 1939, if they wanted to make it in color they could have. No, I mean more in the way the camera moves, how shots are framed, and how the story is structured. It feels like a if that would be made now-a-days. I'm honestly not sure if this is because Citizen Kane actually being the first movie to do this, or if this is a case of the first movie to be popular to do it, but either way.

Seriously, give it a chance. Citizen Kane feels like a movie that came out 5 years ago instead of 80, and the story is pretty great.

Third Best Movie Of All Time

I think my... tumultuous opinion on A24 is well documented, and I just want to say, it's all this movie's fault. Because this movie is insanely good. It set my expectations for this studios output way to high.

One of my favorite things about Everything Everywhere All At Once is just how extra it is. If you boil it down, it's a movie is about a mother reconnecting with her daughter. But this movie makes that relationship, and everything surrounding it, one of the most fraught and chaotic things to exist. I adore how creative this movie is. They take full advantage of the multiverse being a part of the story to pull amazing visuals, insane story beats, and really cool action. Evelyn "fighting" up the staircase is one of the coolest fight scenes I've ever seen. I love Michelle Yeoh. Even when she's in a bad movie she's usually the best part, I'm glad this movie catapulted her into the public eye. Same with Ke Huy Quan and Stephanie Hsu, although I'm still mad that Hsu got snubbed by the Oscars.

Second Best Movie Of All Time

Another movie I've reviewed before, so my love for Godzilla Minus One should be well documented. So instead of repeating myself here, I'm going to joke about how similar my number one and number two are.

I actually had a hard time figuring out whether Godzilla Minus One should be first or second. Because it and my top spot are both pop culture movies where a very talented director and creative team elevate it with an amazing story with important themes, while still giving the audience and fans what they want from said pop culture institutions. Both movies also have themes songs that make me vibrate in my seat when they play during the film. I think Godzilla has the better story and metaphor than my first choice, but here's why it's second. A lot of Godzilla Minus One is depressing. Not the whole thing, I know a big complaint of the movie is the happy ending, but I really liked it. But there is a lot of angst before that. I still like it, but readers, I am old now. I have very little time for sadness and rage.

Honorable Mentions

Shazam is a movie that feels specifically made for me. It's about my favorite superhero, it mixes childhood whimsy with some pretty dark horror, and has an incredibly likable cast. I just didn't want two superhero movies on the list.

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is a really fun fantasy adventure that does a great service to the game it is based on. But I'm more sci-fi nerd. Sorry?

I'm not a fan of comedies, but I have to admit both Hot Fuzz and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail are both hilarious and brilliant. Funnily enough, my only complaint of both movies is that the endings are sort of lame but not the worst they could've been.

I felt weird putting a straight action movie on here, especially since 70% of this list is some version of an action movie. So that's why The Fall Guy or John Wick isn't on here.

...Oh, you want to my children's movie Mount Rushmore? WALL-E (Obviously), Kung-Fu Panda, Babe, and Transformers One. Maybe Coraline too, kinda depends how awful Neil Gaiman turns out to be.

A list of movies that are similar to movies already on the list, just not as good: Black Panther, Her, Moonrise Kingdom, The Wizard of Oz, Hundreds of Beavers, Glass Onion, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Also shout out to Unbreakable for being the only M Night Shyamalan I've seen that I like.

Enough stalling! Finally... We need to talk about...

The Best Movie Of All Time

This may come as no surprise to you, but I'm a little shocked that Superman is this high. Don't misunderstand me, I love the Superman character, the comics, My Adventures With Superman is probably my favorite cartoon. If you've been reading my blog long enough you know this. And I trusted James Gunn to do a good job, he's very good at what he does and what he does is write excellent characters. But my expectations were astronomically high for this movie. I am a totally geek for the big blue boy scout, I was sure I was going to have some nitpicks where they could have snuck in this classic line, or turned this character into something else, or that they missed an obvious easter egg here. But no.

Superman is a perfect movie.

I like every single aspect to this movie. I like the tone, the silliness, the seriousness, the weirdness, the characters, the plot, the twists, the ending, the dialogue, the action, the romance, the jokes, the cameos, the effects, the costuming, the cinematography, the score, the theme, the details, the references, the topicality, the goddamn poster. I love all of it and have no complaints. This movie made me cry four times. I gasped aloud twice. I wanted to stand up and cheer like eight times. It's honestly hard to put into words how much I love this movie. Not without going into my nerdy, over long gushing that is just basically reciting the movie back at you. Which I would do if this movie didn't just come out.

Superman is my favorite movie of all time. It perfectly understands the source material, is immense fun, it made me feel the entire spectrum of emotion, and it even triumphed over the darker instincts of my own brain to be cynical or needling. It definitely deserves the top spot.

But what did I miss? I always dispute the claim that I watch a lot of movies because I know there are tons of classic I haven't seen, so what do you think should be on this list? If you say any Batman movies I'm black-listing you. I don't really want to do a reverse of this list, but if people want to see my least favorite movies ever, I'll make it. It could be interesting.

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whatyourusherthinks · 4 months ago

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A Minecraft Movie Review

Should I call this review A Minecraft Review? Or would that sound like I'm reviewing the game? Eh, this movie is not worth the mental energy to think about this.

I have not seen any trailers before watching this movie. I know a lot of people had opinions about it! But who the fuck cares about what voices I hallucinate after staying up too late on the internet say? I know a little bit about the games, I played it with my friend when it first came to Xbox. And I'm not necessarily against the concept of a movie about Minecraft, I think Minecraft Story Mode prove you can make a story with the world. But every little clip or screenshot of the movie I saw, I did not like! I was expecting this movie to come out, get dogpiled for a little bit, and then go away. But apparently this is the biggest video game movie ever, projected to be the biggest movie of the year, and the most surprisingly, I had some friend say it was halfway decent. I guess I better see for myself...

What's the Movie About?

Would you guys hate me if I said I didn't pay attention?

Okay okay okay, four random real world people travel to the Overworld from Minecraft, meet Steve who was a real world person (or Roundling), and stop the evil Piglin Sorcerous from turning the Overworld into the Nether.

What I Like.

I like Jason Momoa and Jack Black's dynamic in the movie. I wish it was in something else, because they played off each other well and were a little bit gay. There were quite a few jokes I did laugh at, and some moments that were unintentionally funny that I always appreciate. The various items that were actual props, like the ender pearl and various tools the Roundlings carry, looked good. I also kind like the two morals the movie ends with are being creative and being brave enough to change the world. And honestly, I like that Jack Black delivered all of his lines like he thought they were trailers lines. Liked in an ironic sense I mean. The action is okay. It's fast paced and I can easily see a kid liking it, even if I didn't really care about what was going on. I kind of liked the Enderman fight, even though the setup and stakes where a little confused.

What I Don't Like.

The CGI is grotesque. I absolutely hate that they took the designs of the creatures in the game, didn't change anything about their proportions or shape and just stretched a realistic skin or fur over the model. It is hideous, uncanny, and I don't like watching these things move. The Villagers especially are hideous, which makes the incredibly random subplot about a school principal running over a villager and falling in love with him even worse and unnecessary than it already is. The actual humans as well pop out of the greenscreen a lot. Pretty much every scene that's supposed to be outside, they look out of place. Probably has something to do with fact that the lighting of the animated scenes doesn't quite match up with how it reflects on the actors. Speaking of which, the acting is kinda bad. Jack Black has a single cadence he uses for the entire movie, Jason Momoa is either being a jackass or screaming. Emma Myers is playing a nothing character and Sabastian Hansen are playing such confused character I don't blame the fact they did poorly with their intonations. Daniella Brookes and Jennifer Coolidge are funny actress but they don't really get any decent material to work with. All this really boils down to the script being incredibly confusing. It might have been chopped up in editing, but there are like five subplots and only half of them connect back to each other. The villain is terrible. She might be one of the most generic and forgettable things about the movie, her motivation is either she wants all of the gold the Overworld has, or that she wants to destroy all creativity in the world because she got made fun of once. There's a miniboss that is built up as this scary guy but then has the personality of Michelangelo from TMNT, which is really funny until they hammer the joke into the ground. The ending does the same thing, and is too long just in general.

A lot of this movie is just feels like random stuff happening. Jack Black sings like three times are all three of them are out of nowhere and don't really connect to any of the plot threads. At least it's better than the random licensed music that DEFINATELY doesn't connect to anything in the plot. I'm also confused by the decision to sperate the main character after they are in the Overworld. Like the sister and the real estate agent (Dude, I don't know) chase after Jason Momoa and the kid to the mine where the portal is, they all go into the portal together and survive a night together after meeting Steve, but then the Piglins attack a village and the sister and real estate agent get separated from everyone else again! I feel like you could smooth things out by just having the sister and the real estate agent chasing after the kid and Jason Momoa the entire time. There is also a bizarre nihilistic edge to the movie. There are several scene about how being an adult is super hard and the real world crushed creative dreamers, and how cool that the Overworld is to let imaginative people flourish. It doesn't really connect to anything, the movie just randomly switches to those themes. It's almost as if this movie is just a giant advertisement for a game who's main selling point is letting players who are creative enough make cool things. I mean, I'm just spit balling here. Speaking of the Minecraft game...

I'm kind of annoyed with how they implemented the game elements into the movie. There's no adaptation. The Overworld works literally, exactly like the game. Except you can't respawn. On one hand, that is probably the safest way to do the concept. But what's the point of making it a movie then? Like isn't the point of a video game movie to show the context of what the game mechanics are actually representing. So instead of showing the Minecraft world where everyone breaks blocks are just carries the tiny, real life versions of the sprites in the game, wouldn't it be more interesting if they explained that Roundlings can carry a lot in the Overworld because they come from another dimension. Or wouldn't be more fun to see the characters actually make the tools and weapons the create instead of just copying the basic mechanics of the game? Then it would actually make sense that creatures and blocks look realistic instead of like they do in the game. The references are there for the most part. I think, I recognized a bunch of stuff at least. But there is a weird bit at the ending where the main characters go back to Earth and make a video game of their experiences. I know what you're thinking, that would be a really cute way to show the game Minecraft being invented, right? Well they don't do that. No, the game they make is a fighting game where they are the main characters. Massive missed opportunity.

Final Summation.

This movie is basically the Super Mario Movie if it was kinda lame. That isn't to say that it is bad, it's just not really for me. I couldn't really find anything in it that made me think "Why the hell did they put that in?", maybe the principal subplot but it's so minor I can't really get mad about it. That being said, I really did not enjoy this movie! Halfway through I definitely had the thought "What the fuck am I doing here? I could be watching Sinners for a second time." But I can't really say I would be mad, disappointed, or dejected at the idea of a kid really liking this movie, or even saying it's their favorite movie of all time. So do I reject or do I recommend? Honestly, A Minecraft Movie is the opposite of a Recojected Movie for me, where something like Venom: The Last Dance is objectively bad but I like it anyway. So I guess this is a Rejecommended Movie. Yeah. Fuck it. Why did I waste my time watching this?

#A Minecraft Movie #Rejecomended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 4 months ago

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Sinners Review

Before watching Enter the Dragon, I realized something. This was the first time in a long while I had seen a trailer for a movie. I haven't seen to the movies since I got fired, and I stopped getting recommended trailers on YouTube since I stopped watching them. There's was some interesting movies being advertised, The Amateur and The Accountant 2 look like a good time. But the most interesting was definitely for Sinners. I had no fucking clue what was going on in the trailer, it looked like Michael B Jordan playing twins who fight the devil with blues music. I kinda had to watch it.

What's The Movie About?

Sammy is an aspiring blues musician who is hired by his cousins to perform at their juke joint they just opened up when it is attack by... Y'know I'm not sure if I should say. They don't really say in the trailer, but the movie doesn't really hide it... Vampires. The joint gets attacked by vampires.

What I Like.

Holy shit guys. This movie is super good at pretty much every angle. The plot? Good, a bit too many subplots but nothing becomes over bearing. The ending is really damn good, I'm not going to spoil but I am going to reiterate that point a couple more times. I think that there should be more movies with voodoo in it. The acting? Excellent, especially from Michael B Jordan. His dual roles as Sammy's twin cousins are really intricate, he brings specific mannerisms and microscopic details to the way they stand or move. The effect when they are both on screen is also very well done. All of the main characters, despite being sinners, are really likable and it makes it rough when you're hit with the realization that they are all gonna get picked off one by one. Sammy is a great lead and I loved his ending. I also really like the vampires, weirdly. Even though their plan is to kill humans and turn them into vampires, there is a strange devotion to each other that makes it seem like they actually believe they are doing a service to the people they kill. I really like the main vampire, they give him a surprising amount of gravatas and history for what seems like a yokel-y kind of person at first blush. I was at first wondering why the humans took so long to just slam the door in the vampires' faces when they tried to trick them into letting them in, but after a while I kinda got it. I dunno, the fact that they are so affable despite they are trying to kill everyone is really appealing villain type. Do I like vampires now?

How about the directing and cinematography? It's really impressive! I love they way they frame exposition and there is a heartbreaking shot at the end. The sound design especially is really nice. There is very few actual flashback scenes, they actually fade in sound and music from the events alluded to over character reacting to the memories, which is super interesting and I think does wonders making the characters complex. Since part of the theme of the movie is about music, it is of course incredibly good. I like blues music already and they power of art bring people together is a theme I immensely enjoy. So when they bring it all together into a one take scene, where Sammy summons the spirits of their past and future by playing blues, well. It creates the best singular scene I have ever seen in a movie. I'm not kidding. The rest of the movie is so good but this one scene is a heavenly ten minutes that elevates the experience. You could probably put this scene into any movie and it would raise my opinion of that movie significantly. Yeah, even Back To Black.

What I Don't Like.

I have three complaints. Well, two nitpicks and an actual substantial problem. First nitpick, sometimes it's hard to understand what people are saying. Surprise surprise, I'm bitching about accents, but they are pretty thick and quite a few lines are mumbled so I'm not even sure if a southern person would understand every line. Second nitpick, I wish music played a bigger part of the ending. It's most definitely because I wanted to see another scene where Sammy brings the spirits of the past and future of music, and it's definitely not necessary to the story for him to do that. It's kinda like people who want a third atomic breath scene from Godzilla Minus One, like yeah I can agree it would be cool, but does the movie really need it? My actual complaint is that all the sex scenes are really bad. There's three, the best one is laughable and the worst one is super gross. I'm kind of on the fence of whether or not they are necessary. On one hand, it doesn't feel like they are there to cheaply get people to watch the movie, kinda like how drive-ins used to always have models in bikinis or slasher have teenagers bang before getting sliced up. But on the other hand, the only plot relevance they have is waylaying the humans from saving a single character, which I think could have easily just been a make out session.

Final Summation.

Sinners is probably one of the best movies I've ever seen. Nuff said, watch it.

#Sinners #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 4 months ago

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Enter The Dragon Review

Oh hell the fuck yeah! I love martial arts movies, and despite that, I haven't seen Enter the Dragon! Blame my dad, he never showed me this movie even though it's one of his favorite movies of all time. So when the movie got rereleased by the movie theater I used to work, we decided to go watch it in theaters. I know that this is one of the most quotable Bruce Lee movies of all time, it's where the art of "Fighting Without Fighting" comes from. And I think Bruce Lee is a super cool martial artist, so I'm excited to watch this for the first time.

What's The Movie About?

Bruce Lee is a monk who is hired by a British guy to investigate a mysterious drug overlord by joining a martial arts tournament. Because why else would you need Bruce Lee for espionage.

What I Like.

Obviously the fighting is the best part of the movie. Not only is Bruce Lee in the movie, and this is the movie with the two most iconic Bruce Lee scenes (the nunchaku demonstration and the final fight in the mirrored room), but every person with a speaking part besides like two ladies and the old British guy is a martial artist and they each get a scene to show off their skills. Jim Kelly is definitely the second best part of the movie, he has the coolest lines and I kind like his style. I'm also realizing I'm a big fan of older movies' aesthetics. I kinda like taking time to shoot a location or watch a character load their luggage onto a boat get rowed to another boat to travel to the martial arts island. The story is a dime store spy thriller, but all it really needs to do is prop up the fights and it does an excellent job of that. This movie also had quite a few moments that made me laugh, admittedly unintentionally, but that's part of the charm of older, lower budget action movies. Plus I'd rather have the character be played by martial artists so that way they can stage the fights in such a way that you can actually see them than an actor who can deliver the basic plot in a better way.

What I Didn't Like.

I feel like the villains could have been written better. The main guy is fine, they build him up appropriately as this mysterious but powerful figure and I like the gimmick he has. But one of his henchmen is built up but only has one fight where he gets his ass kicked by Bruce, and the more formidable henchman just randomly shows up. I also don't care about the white guy. I wish Jim Kelly was the secondary main character instead of being killed half way through. All the sex scenes are completely unnecessary. Same with the relationship between the white guy and the villain's white lady pimp. She just dies off screen in the final battle a white guy looks momentarily sad, what was the point of her character?

Final Summation.

Well I can see why this was a formative movie for a bunch of guys my dad's age. Enter the Dragon is certainly a vibe, and it's filled with a bunch of cool fights. And can you really ask for more from a martial arts movie? Now, a better question is, did this make my top ten movies of all time? Eeeeehhhhhh.... Nah. It's a fun movie. But I'm not exactly thumping my foot to watch this movie a second time immediately. And that's kind of a prerequisite for a best movie of all time.

#Enter The Dragon #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 5 months ago

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Huh. Guess this goes to show me.

Oscars 2025

It's that time again! The time where everyone gets highly critical of film criticism culture, even though barely anyone actually cares about the award show and will just Google what won best picture then next morning and go "huh". Not that I'm against that response honestly. just like last year, I've seen about half the nominees so will give my short opinion about each one and who I want to to win, etc... Starting with... Oh damn.

Emilia Perez

As a trans person who likes movies and being mad, I feel like I should have an opinion on this. But I haven't seen the movie and don't plan to watch it ever. Everything I hear about the movie just sounds like a slog to get through. I think the reason this movie got nominated is because it's a political statement. Trans rights have been a hot button issue that last couple years, with my side wanting the right to exist in a way that feels comfortable to them, and the wrong side getting offended and calling us pedophiles for it. The Academy always wants to look like they are on the right side of history, so they of course went over board and gave a million nominations. The funny thing is, they completely snubbed I Saw The TV Glow, a movie that does a great job expressing the transgender experience. Apparently. I haven't seen it yet.

The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Nickle Boys, and I'm Still Here

Haven't seen these, either because they didn't come to my theater or they came out after I got fired. I wish I did see the Complete Unknown, that would have been a really funny juxtaposed with the two other musician biopics that came out last year. The Brutalist also looks pretty cool.

Anora

Huh. Wasn't expecting this nomination, but good for Anora! It's not gonna win.

Dune Part Two

I'm conflicted that three of the nominees are movies I have on my best movies of the year list. On one hand, that implicitly gives credibility to my reviews since I agree with the majority of major film critics. But as a anarchist punk I'm annoyed that my tastes are so radically different from the establishment. (That being said, they are the three bottom choices on my top ten of the year, so I'm not too similar I guess.) Regardless, Dune Part Two has been nominated for the same reason it was on my top ten best movies of the year list. Because it was the only mainstream movie that came out that was really good.

Conclave

Aw sick! I love Conclave as you all should know, and I feel like no one gave it a chance in theaters so I'm absolutely psyched to see it get the attention it deserves. That being said, it's not my pick to win. I still like it the best over all other nominees, but I have a sneakier reason for why I want what I want to win to win. Still, awesome!

The Substance

This is my pick to win. Not because I like this movie the best, my tumultuous relationship with this movie is well known by those who are forced to hear me talk. But I really love the idea of snobs who only watch the best picture of the year switching it on with no knowledge of what happens in the movie, and getting absolutely disgusted at Margaret Qualley turning into the Elephant Man. (She should have gotten a supporting actress nom. SMDH Academy.)

Wicked

Oh fuck off! Not to get conspiratorial, but I'm pretty sure the only reason why Wicked has a best picture nomination is because Disney owns ABC and ABC is the channel that hosts the Oscars. Even if you like this movie, you'd have to agree with me. Because think about it. There is no way the stuffy old guard would actually consider it as a potential Best Picture of the year, which means they gave it a nomination for a particular reason. It wasn't because it's a female lead movie, like half the nominees are female lead. It wasn't because it was pop culture movie, because that's why Dune Part Two is here. And it can't be for genre diversity since Emilia Perez is also a musical!

As you can see, not dead quite yet. I have an alternative project in the works that may or may not come to light this year, and I have a feeling I'll post at least one more review when that Superman movie comes out and blows my mind. I guess you'll never truly escape me.

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whatyourusherthinks · 6 months ago

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Oscars 2025

Emilia Perez

The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Nickle Boys, and I'm Still Here

Anora

Huh. Wasn't expecting this nomination, but good for Anora! It's not gonna win.

Dune Part Two

Conclave

The Substance

Wicked

#Oscars 2025 #Not A Review

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whatyourusherthinks · 8 months ago

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The Best and Worst Movies I've Seen This Year

I have seen more movies this year than I have seen for my entire life. And I didn't even make it for the full year. I am exhausted. But I am proud of the fact that I engaged with more art this year than I probably every have! I watched some great stuff! I watched some real duds. And I've watched some stuff that really got my gander. Let's see what the best and the worst movies I saw this year are. I'm going to alternate between bad and good movies so that I can cut the negativity with positivity, and end on a happy note before saying au revoir. Onwards for the lists!

Tenth Worst Movie

As much as I want to give the spot of worst kids movie to that fucking horrible Wild Robot movie, I can't in good conscience say that it was worse than Harold And The Purple Crayon. At least the Wild Robot was really pretty, and it felt like the creators cared a little bit. Harold and the Purple Crayon is lazy and hackneyed, and even the kids and the audience could tell. If you want a kids movie with a lot of purple that came out on 2024, stick with IF.

Tenth Best Movie

Venom 3: The Last Dance is actually amazing. Anyone who didn't like it is completely wrong, and this is, FOR SURE, the absolute best Marvel movie that has COME OUT THIS YEAR. YEP. THIS IS THE BEST and I'm just kidding the number ten is actually the Substance. I just wanted to piss off Deadpool and Wolverine fans one more time.

I've had quite the adventure with this movie. At first, I couldn't recommend it. Then I came to the realization that it just wasn't a movie for me. I now accept that is movie is a masterpiece that everyone kinda owes it to themselves to see just once. Just don't eat anything beforehand. The reason it is this low on the list is because I really have no desire to see it ever again.

Ninth Worst Movie

Hey it's the movie so bad it got me fired. I will admit that I liked about an hour of this movie. Too bad the other two hours of this movie are some of the most reprehensible and anger inducing garbage I've ever seen. If I wasn't watching the movie with my mom, I would have walked out. I cut my review of this short, I had way more things to nitpick about Wicked Part One. (Why is there a train that goes to the Emerald City. Why didn't Dorothy take it when she arrived? Did they get rid of the train? Did she just not know it exists? Why is the movie intent of making Dorothy retrospectively the worse protagonist ever?) Maybe Disney will be merciful and not release Part Two, but I given how I alone stand against this movie, I sincerely doubt it.

Ninth Best Movie

Now onto a movie that deserves to be three hours long and in two parts, Dune! I feel like the beginning of this year has been very slow, probably because of the writers strike. But Dune stood out among some good-but-less-than-I-expected movies and some real stinkers as the best thing for the entirety of spring. Dune, unlike some other movies, uses it's massive run time wisely. There is never a dull moment between the gorgeous shots set to haunting music, and the cool fighting between the armies of Arrakis and the House Harkonnen. Can't wait for the sequel!

Eighth Worst Movie

Speaking of waiting for a sequel. I am delighted that Part Two of this movie got cancelled, because this movie was BO-OR-RING! This is a slasher movie with only more killers than victims. And there is only three killers. How the hell does that make any sense? The Strangers Chapter One is a lifeless reboot of a lifeless movie to begin with, and has nothing to showcase except people in masks wandering around a boring cabin. The nicest thing I can say about this is that it isn't the most boring movie I've seen this year, nor is it the worst slasher I've seen.

Eighth Best Movie

If Sherlock Holmes wanted to orchestrate who the next Pope was gonna be, you would NOT get Conclave. Because Ray Fiennes doesn't play a Sherlock Holmes type in the movie, however! This does not change the fact that Conclave is a really fun mystery, with a great lead, and a REALLY great ending. It is highly unfortunate that there weren't really any mystery movies this year, because I love them. Conclave is the closest thing to a Poriot movie I got this year, and by damn I will take it and love it!

Seventh Worst Movie

Hoo boy is Megalopolis a stinker. It's probably a bad thing that this is the only Francis Ford Coppola movie I've seen right? But I will cut it some slack because at least it was fascinatingly bad. But this movie still has Aubrey Plaza playing a money-grubbing news reporter who fucks her nephew. And no amount of fascination makes that okay. I find passion projects really interesting, since they are almost always really awesome, or complete trainwrecks. But both and am equally willing to watch all the way through. Even if the CGI is really goddamn bad.

Seventh Best Movie

This is the best horror movie I've seen all year, and that is saying a lot and a little at the same time. While sure, the opening is kinda lame and exposition is ham-fisted and there is the most random lesbians ever, the premise and scares of Cuckoo are very unique and a fascinating watch. It's a major shame this movie got pushed out of theaters really fast, because I would have loved to rewatched it and experienced the madness all over again. Keep an open mind throughout the movie, but definitely check it out!

Sixth Worst Movie

Fuck you Terrifier 3! Because of you I can't put Civil War as the movie that pissed me off the most this year. Terrifier 3 should probably actually be called Terrible 3 because it's willfully bad. It's bad at being scary, it's bad at being funny (usually), and it's bad at writing a satisfying character arc for any of it's characters. And I am convinced it's doing poorly on purpose. The creator of this movie has it's fans curled around his pinky, and nothing he can do who get them untwisted. Telling this to Terrifier fans is like screaming into a jet turbine, I'm aware, but maybe they should stick to the dark web for their snuff films instead of bringing it onto the silver screen.

Sixth Best Movie

More movies should be like Saturday Night. There is an energy, pacing, and fluidity to this movie that was simply unmatched this year, and I was all the way there for it. I actually rewatched this movie after I wrote me review. And I came to the conclusion that a lot of my criticisms of the movie were wrong. Like Lorne Micheals is too perfect? What the hell was I talking about? Anyway, this movie is really good. Since I'm not gonna be watching Nosferatu, I can say this is the best movie I've seen with Willem Dafoe.

Fifth Worst Movie

I really didn't want to do this, but there's no denying it. The Watchers is really bad. But instead of getting angry, it just makes me feel sad. I'm sad this first time creative clearly put their heart into something so laughably awful. I do sincerely hope Ishana keeps trying to make movies if that is something she is passionate about. I also hope that she picks someone besides her father to emulate. It's a bad sign if you out Shyamalan M. Night, okay. Also she should get a more consistent effects team. I still think upon that floating computer screen and laugh.

Fifth Best Movie

One of the "Didn't Come To My Theater" movies had to make it on here, they were all three so good! But the best definitely was Hundreds of Beavers. This movie is funny, smart, and an entertaining blast from beginning to end. I'm not going to say watch this movie, because this is a movie that you should be shown. It's perfect, "Hey, check out this awesome thing!" film, and I don't want to deprive anybody who has already seen it the pleasure of showing it off. Seriously, find out if any of your friends have seen this movie and ask them to show it to you if you haven't. If you have seen this movie, get your friends and family around and show it to them.

Fourth Worst Movie

The only thing more insufferable than this movie and it's plot of literally nothing, is watching film snobs defend this movie and say that it's nothing plot is actually the most interesting this ever put to film. I don't buy "The filmmakers did it on purpose!" excuse for movies. If they knew it was bad, why are they doing it? I cannot think of an experience I've had that was more boring that Zone of Interest. I'd call the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry, but at least when that's over your wall is a new color.

Fourth Best Movie

This movie is beautiful. I'm so glad that I saw this movie when I did, it was exactly what I needed at the time I needed it. The couple in it are tragic and real, but also sappy and gorgeous. I love the plot, the humor, and the full on vibes. We Live In Time is probably my go to movie now whenever I need to cry, which is much more often than I would care to admit.

Third Worst Movie

So does Russell Crowe not do good movies anymore? He wasn't in Gladiator II which was a really fun movie, but he decided to be in Land of Bad, Kraven the Hunter, and this pile of shit? I did eventually come around to understand what the hell I watched when I was sitting through The Exorcism, but let me tell ya, there was a lot of sleepless nights until that happened. It takes a special breed of bad to be so bad-it's-funny-until-it-isn't. And before you say anything, I do like horror movies. The reason most of the list of worst movies are horror movies is because it was mostly horror movies that came out this year, aight?

Third Best Movie

The Killer's Game rocks, I do not even care what critics said. It's a whole ton of fun, with great action, interesting characters, and the plot is actually heartfelt and extremely interesting. Unlike some other movies that I liked and critics or audiences didn't, I haven't really looked into why The Killer's Game got bad reviews. I think there's just a bias against straight actions movies within critic circles. That's fine, I'll watch them if no one else will. Keep putting Dave Batista in stuff too, he's great!

Second Worst Movie

Got to love a horror movie with nothing scary in it and instead it just tries to gross you out. And by that I mean you need to repulse its very nature. The Front Room is not only terrible, but it thinks it's really clever when it's as shallow as a puddle. And not one of ginormous puddles that sticks around for days and days, destroying the concrete and someone's lawn. Nah, this is one of those puddles that are in the middle of slightly divoted sidewalks that you don't bother to walk around because it doesn't even clear the soles of your shoes. Anyway, this movies sucks so only watch it if you have a scat fetish.

Second Best Movie

Great Primus is this movie spectacular! The animation of Transformer One is spectacular, the action is fast and fun, but the real star of the show is the story. There was a lot of plots about the downtrodden rising up against the society that keeps them down this year, and by far this one is the best one this year. I will always appreciate the time that this movie takes establishing that you can go too far when fighting oppression and become the oppressor yourself. There is only one other movie that I saw more than this one all year, but well get to that right after the...

Honorable and Dishonorable Mentions

Just real quick, here's some movies that I feel bad for cutting because either they are really good and I didn't have space, or I want to give them one more insult and I didn't have space. Honorable Mentions in no particular order: Fly Me To The Moon (Stylish and exciting, little bit of structural problems.), Late Night With The Devil (Really cool premise I want to see more of, don't use AI next time!), Monkey Man (Had a great time both times, but I rarely think back on it compared to some others) Immaculate (Surprisingly good, but still not quite 10 worthy.), and Red One (The dialogue really held this one back, but still a whole lot of fun.). And the Dishonorable Mentions in no particular order: Civil War (It would be on if not for Terrifier 3 and Zone of Interest), Horizon Part One (Oh hey, they are making a series that this movie should have been FROM THE START.), Kinds of Kindness (The longer I think about this movie the worse it gets, but it's still an interesting watch.), The Crow (JUST DO REVENGE MURDER ALREADY!), and It Ends With Us (I already said it in the review, but find better porn Middle Aged Cis Straight White Women.).

My Least Favorite Movie Of The Year

This movie. This movie has everything bad I've seen in a movie this year in it. Bad acting? Yes. Terrible script? You betcha. Nonsensical directing? Out it's ears. Most of the people who bought a ticket walked out? Oh you better believe it! Bad music? Not really, actually. If you put a gun to my head, I couldn't say that these individual elements are worse than some of the other movies on this list. But what elevates Back To Black to the worst of the worst (or should I say descend emeh meh.) is the reason it exists, and the moral the writer director is pushing onto the audience. Back To Black tell you it's okay to be an abusive spouse. And that's why it is the worst of the year.

Okay, now onto the best. Drum roll please....

The Absolute Best Movie Of The Year

Is anyone surprised by this? I've only compared like every movie that has come out and I liked to this one. I watched this movie two and a half times while it was in theater, and twice more after it left. This movie is probably in my favorite movies of all time now. The Fall Guy is heartfelt, hilarious, has good action, a great romance, and features unconventional heroes. If you have not seen the Fall Guy, well I'm not going to tell you that you have to. But it's really damn good and easily the best movie I've seen this year.

And this is Au Revoir friends! I hope you've enjoyed this exploration of my mind through the medium of film reviews! Or to put it in a less wank-y way, I hope you enjoyed watching me go nuts over a bunch of movies. May we never meet again!

#Best And Worst Of The Year #End Here #Not A Review

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whatyourusherthinks · 8 months ago

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The Movies My Theater Missed Review

So. This is the end. Yeah, sorry to cut this blog short, but real life events have changed circumstances in my life and I no long have a job that allows me to watch free movies. I was going to wait and do like eight movies on this list, but I think for my own sanity I'm just going to quick talk about the movies I already watched, then do a top ten best and worst movies I watched this year, then bid adieu. Will this blog become resurrected? I dunno, doubtful unless I get another movie theater job. But for now, lets look at three Movies I totally dug which didn't come out in the theater I was working at.

The Primevals

The Primevals is a retro-styled science fiction adventure movie that is brought to us by Full Moon Features. Now, that alone makes me interested in the movie already. I like sci-fi, I like old school adventure movies, and I like monsters. The story is very straightforward, some scientist gain access to a dead yeti, find some weird stuff dissecting it, and travel to Nepal in order to see if they can find a live Yeti to study. It's got cool stop motion effects, enjoyable characters, and really fricking good music! I really want to emphasize that the effects are spectacular. Not only do they blend surprisingly well with the live action backgrounds, model sets, and real actors, but they are damn impressive. The amount of emotion that the yetis express in the movie is so good. My only real complaint is that finale feels a little low-key for all the build up, but that probably because of budget reasons. Stop motion is already hard, so while having hordes of lizardmen attack a giant ape sounds awesome, only the big corporation filmmakers are gonna have that kind of money and those guys will just make you do it with CGI to be cost effective or to meet a deadline.

But the reason it's on this list in particular is for a deeper reason. I first heard The Primevals is because some of the film people I watch on YouTube were talking about it. And the reason they were talking about this film was because of David Allen. David Allen was an animator, working with stop motion to create creatures for a variety of Full Moon Features and other low budget sci-fi and horror movies. (A particular favorite of mine is Doctor Mordred. That mammoth/t-rex fossil fight was awesome.) He died in 1999. Before he died, David was working on a movie, his movie. A movie that was entirely his vision, making the effects he wanted to see in a story he wanted to tell, the way he wanted to do it. That movie got lost in production hell, stopping and starting over and over as David couldn't find a production company that would float the bill. He worked on this move for 40 years! It was set to come out in 1994! But after his death, Full Moon Features had to shelve it. Until 2018.

In 2018 Full Moon Features ran an Indiegogo campaign to finish David Allen's movie. That movie was the Primevals. This passion project from a guy who was pretty much only a draw if you were in the know and often had a lot of his hard work cut out of movies he worked on. Will this movie be for everyone? No. The old-school adventure set-up of white people exploring distant exotic lands to fight monsters has always been burdened with racist undertones and the plot may brush up a little too closely to ancient aliens conspiracies for some. (Although the movie actually has the story address both points and particularly the ancient alien thing gets cleverly subverted.) But this is a passion project by people with their hearts in the right place and a lost film finally released. This feels like a movie everyone owes it to themselves to check out.

Salem's Lot (2024)

I watched this one on the recommendation of my friends (Hi Chuck! Hi Mary!) and I wasn't really sure what to expect from this. I've gone on record saying I don't really like vampires, and I have absolutely no opinion of Stephen King. Never read any of his books, and the only King movie I've seen is Creepshow, which feels more like a George A. Romero product than a Stephen King one. And I don't know if I could have had a better introduction. Salem's Lot (2024) is awesome! It's more or less a traditional vampire story but with old Hollywood epic vibes. It's not just a vampire terrorizing a small town, we need to hire like 100 extras and need 30 characters in the plot so we can turn half of them into vampires! The movie sticks with some traditional vampire lore which makes the plot somewhat easy to predict, but the way it's implemented is so cool. The special effects in this movies are simply delightful. Especially the crosses, the way they glow makes it seem like they'd burn off the film if it was actually shot when Hollywood made epics. And their is a scene where the main vampire is sucking someone's blood and his head get's all these thick red veins bursting out of his skull, ugh it looked so fucking awesome! It isn't a perfect movie, the sacrifice of having a town full of vampires is that there are way too many characters in the front half of the movie and some of the plot threads lead nowhere. Plus if you could totally predict the plot if you know vampire fiction and ESPECIALLY if you know Stephen King. But hey, it's damn good. I wish it came to theaters instead of being a Max exclusive.

Hundreds of Beavers

Oh hell yes! This was pretty much the reason I wanted to make this end of the year long review. I was sent the trailer for this movie by my dad, and I was so hyped immediately. Unfortunately, it was an incredibly limited release. The closest theaters that were showing it was 80 miles away and I don't own a car, so even though I totally would have paid to go see this movie, I couldn't. And it was only streaming on Apple TV, I'm not getting another subscription service.

Hundreds of Beavers is a live action black and white cartoon. And it's fucking amazing. It's about a washed up Apple Jack seller who is trying to survive the winter and earn the hand of a fur trader's daughter by giving him the pelts of, well, hundreds of beavers. This entire plot is just a collection of slapstick and silly scenarios. There is no dialogue, all the characters mostly speak in grunts and screams, and all the animals are people in mascot costumes. They use bluescreen and simple animations that looks so bad they come around to being stylish. The plot is just a sequence of trapper finds something new, the new thing causes him a misfortune, the trapper learns how to use it to assist in his hunting, and someone gets tackled or kicked in the face. It's sounds dumb, but it's actually really smart! I don't want to get too much into it because that would require spoilers and you should just watch the movie yourself, but there's about half the movie I thought was gonna be just joke fodder and then it was called back or important to the plot. And despite there is practically no dialogue in the movie, the humans are all distinct characters and there's a pretty awesome plot twist. The plot about a guy killing people in beaver costumes? Yes. It's one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. Has it beaten The Fall Guy for my favorite movie of the year? No, not quite. It's not as rewatchable as that movie and the romance in The Fall Guy was better. But Hundreds of Beavers is still an easy recommendation.

#The Primevals #Salem's Lot (2024)#Hundreds of Beavers #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 8 months ago

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Wicked Part One Review

Well, I guess the post-Terrifier 3 good movie run had to end sometime. I really like The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. I got read it as a child and reread the original book myself several times. I read some of the sequel books too, Jack Pumpkinhead is legitimately one of may favorite characters in fiction. I've even read some of the comics too, those were cool. I've also seen a lot of the Wizard of Oz movies, which is not something I realized before sitting down in the theater. But I've seen the original Wizard of Oz (obviously), The Wiz (which I should rewatch), the Muppet parody. I even saw Oz the Great And Powerful. Not that I remember anything from it. I was legitimately obsessed with Oz as a kid, I remember trying to figure out where it was so I could figure out a way to move there. I think I thought it was in the middle of Australia? I've only engaged with the Wicked book, I've never seen the play, and I've only heard bits of it from being in the car with my mom when she was listening to the audiobook. The two scenes were the beginning when Elphaba was born and they had to bathe her in milk so she didn't get water on her and die, and a part where she sleeps with a guy who scars her on her stomach because he jizzed there. Anyway...

This movie looked terrible. Like corporate and performative-feminist-without-understanding-what-makes-good-female-characters sludge. Basically the trailer gave me the same vibes of all the Disney live-action remakes. When the movie actually came out, things did not improve. The trailers that play before the movie have me convinced that culture is dead. Humanity is no longer capable of creating anything creative or caring about anything original. We are all spiraling inexorably towards the shutdown of our higher brain functions, and it's all Disney's fault.

What's The Movie About?

Someone watched the Wizard of Oz and thought, "What if the Wicked Witch of the West was a good person?" and wrote a book about it. Then somebody read the book and thought "This should be more like Mean Girls." for some Ozma-forsaken reason.

The Green Stuff.

Elphaba is a very cool character. I like that because she has lived her entire life being hated, she is prepared for everyone's questions and knows how to deal with rude people. I like her connection with animal people and the plot line of her trying to help them out. Her growing out of her selfish desire to change her skin color and instead making her greatest wish for the Wizard to be to help out the animals. Speaking of which, Jeff Goldblum as the Wizard of Oz was a great cast, and I like how sinister they make him. There's literally an illusion to The Great Dictator while he's doing "magic" to impress Elphaba and Glinda. I also weirdly like the Winkie prince? I thought he was going to be deplorable when he started singing about how great it is to be stupid, but he actually has some depth that I thought was really interesting. I really like the Defying Gravity song. I think it being the cap on this movie was really smart, and I like the escape action scene that it was paired up with. This movie also looks pretty good. the effects are nice, the sets are colorful, and the costuming is a lot of fun. I want Elphaba's glasses.

The Pink Stuff.

I don't know if I have hated a character in a movie this year more than I hate Glinda in this movie. The amount of hate I have for her is rivaled only by my hatred for Hitler and myself. They took a character who was underlyingly very smart and plotting and turn her into a vapid idiot who talks like a someone who got dropped as a baby. I understand that is the point. But the movie harps on and on about it. Two hours of this movie is just pointing out how stupid and self-centered this pink bitch is. It honestly makes me think that the writer actually thinks that vanity and cliques are top notch, but know if they admit that they'll get in trouble, so instead just shows off as much as possible of that while throwing a brief "But don't be like that" moment at the very end. It definitely doesn't help that Glinda has no character arc in the movie. The movie pretends she does, there's a little dance she does with Elphaba and I guess they are best friend snow for some reason? But there's no build-up to this moment. The two are literally singing about how much they hate each other, Glinda does something selfish that accidentally benefits Elphaba's sister, so Elphaba does something nice for her in return because she's an actual good and empathetic person. So that means Glinda feels guilty about tricking Elphaba getting made fun of IN A SCENERIO SHE SET UP so she does a stupid dance with her. She's at a different place, sure, but there's no path there. She just teleported there. Naturally after that point comes a scene that made me, a trans person, fell personally attacked, so cool. It also doesn't help that Ariana Grande triggers my fight or flight instinct for some reason.

All the extras and Ozian residents are terrible people as well. That's fucking cool. This movie is single-handedly crushing my childhood dreams of living in Quadling Country, but whatever. Life's easier when you're dead inside, right Disney? I don't understand why everyone is racist in this movie. I mean, I get why the animals are being discriminated against. It's for a stupid, convoluted conspiracy about drought and the Wizard creating a enemy to unite the people of Oz, which now that I'm typing this out doesn't make any sense since he's literally turning the people he rules against each other. But that could be something that's explained in the next movie. No, what I mean is I don't understand why everyone hates Elphaba for being green. She's the only person who is green, it's heavily implied that no one know why she's that way, yet everyone is horrified and disgusted by her. Even though skin aside, she's incredible pretty! These people act like this isn't a land where unique creatures are a common sight! Sure, there's a lot of talking animals, but how many cyborgs are there in the land of Oz? Or talking, dancing scarecrows? No one hates the Tin Woodsman or the Scarecrow.

This movie also makes some changes from the book/original movie I find questionable. From the trailers I found the fact that Elphaba was being played a black woman weird, but it's fine in the context of the movie. What's less fine is the fact that her sister is in a wheelchair. Again, nothing wrong with having disabled characters and I like that Disney actually got a disabled actress to play Nessarose. But I absolutely hate the fact that Dorothy killed a disabled woman. Because that's who Nessarose is, she's the Wicked Witch of the East. You see her get the slippers in the movie. (Although they aren't ruby slippers because Disney doesn't have the rights to the original movie. Yet.) I'm also bothered by the lack of color importance. It's not something that is exclusive to this movie to be fair, but colors are very important in the book. Every country in Oz has a specific color and certain colors are only worn by certain types of people. For example: Witches are the only people in Oz who wear white and black. When Dorothy shows up, her blue and white checkered dress helps the Munchkins instantly trust her and know she's good. None of the movies follow this philosophy. The Wicked Witch of the West wears black, but that's it and could just be because she's the villain and they wanted to color-code her to be darker than everyone else. Glinda wearing pink irrationally bugs me. It's fine in the original Wizard of Oz movie since they make no reference to the Gillikin Country and she's explicitly a good opposite to the green villain. They are supposed to clash. This movie frames Glinda and Elphaba as friends by the end of it, and there's more references to the book as a whole. Glinda should be purple. Purple and green are more complimentary than pink and green. Speaking of Green, the Emerald City looks TERRIBLE. I can't really understand why, since pretty much everything else looks good. But something about the Emerald City when it is shown in the background looks fake as hell.

Much like this review, this movie is far too long. Fuckin' Wizard of Oz movie thinks its Dune. Seriously, why the hell is this movie 3 hours long? If you consider the fact that this is a two-parter, it's actually more like SIX hours long, but I shouldn't judge a movie before it comes out. Let's keep judging this one. Why is Bock in the movie? I wanted to like him at first since he's an underdog and infatuated with a terrible woman who literally never gives him a first thought, let alone a second. But his subplot with Dessarose is so auxiliary to what is going on in the actual story. Cut that out of the movie. There's a random part where Elphaba and the prince save what I guess is supposed to be the Cowardly Lion, and there's a tiny bit of characterization but it's really just there to remind the audience that this movie is connected to a much better movie. Cut the scene. Honestly, all of Shiz could be cut out of the movie and it would be infinitely better, but I guess we wouldn't have a catalyst for the animal storyline. Actually, Elphaba was raised by a bear since her dad immediately disowned her, you could have her get introduced to the animals disappearing and becoming speechless through her. If you must keep Glinda in the movie, make he less prominent of a character. Or just show off how shallow and vain she is for twenty minutes instead of TWO HOURS.

Actually, I don't even know why this movie is in two parts. This first part is a perfectly serviceable movie on it's own. You see Elphaba become a "bad guy", you see Glinda's "rise" to being a "good" witch. Is the second part just going to be sweeping up little crumbs of plot left over, like the Prince? I don't want to watch that. I have a feeling the second part is going to be more interesting than the first just because Shiz won't be in it, but it will probably have Glinda even more since her and Alphaba split up at the end of this one. I dunno, what even is this paragraph.

Final terrible issue with Wicked, I hate most of the songs. I mentioned already that the only song I really like is Defying Gravity. Some song are alright but really forgettable, others are unfortunately not. People who like being around me are very lucky I don't know how to get access to a firearm, because if I hear that Popular song again I would blow my brains out. I doesn't help the the song is full of the annoying "cutesy" dialogue where Glinda adds unnecessary suffixes to every word longer that two syllables. Why does the movie do that? Glinda is the worse culprit, but Michelle Yeoh does it a lot in the movie too. People of Oz don't talk like that in the book, and I'm 95% sure the original movie wasn't like that either. It's not whimsical, it's ANNOYING. What's whimsical is the talking animals and people doing magic.

The thing is, all of this is in the play. Or it's intentionally terrible. So if you are reading this as a fan of the play or book, you're probably reading this wondering...

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me.

A lot, you got time? Let's start with this. I have a hard time watching stuff like Mean Girls because I've got traumatic history with my high school years. I don't like movies that focus on the drama of being popular. I think it's a stupid goal. I'm also starting to realize I don't like parodies or deconstructions of things I like non-ironically. Like superhero comics. I don't like stories that point out how silly or stupid tropes of that genre can be, even if they are well-written, because I enjoy the fantasy of straight forward moral conflict of good versus evil where good usually wins. I know it's not realistic, I'm reading a story about people in spandex who can fly, why would I think it's realistic. Oz is the same way for me. It is a socialist utopia run by a lesbian goddess, is separated into five color-coded states filled with talking animals and living constructs, and is literally surrounded by a desert that is impassable called the Impassable Desert. It's not a realistic setting. It doesn't need to be. Adding fantastical elements into mundane settings or turning a boring thing into something exciting and magical is awesome. Unfortunately the reverse is not true. I don't know why anyone would think that the thing missing from a magical road trip would be a college filled with catty students, but I hard disagree. It just makes the interesting world feel... too similar, I suppose. "Even though there is talking animals, there's still things you hate Roan!" this movie tells me, "There's still school, and bullying, and racism! The idea of a place that just nice to be and exist in and everyone is nice to each other is a complete lie!"

That's why I'm a nihilist. Because progress relies on people working together and the only thing humanity hates more than helping others is helping themselves.

Final Summation.

If you like the stage play you'll like Wicked. One might question why you need to watch the movie if you've seen the stage play, but one wouldn't like the movie to begin with. One would also desire to shove a double-barrel shotgun inside their mouth and firing upwards after enduring the whole movie. One also liked Red One and Borderlands so I guess one's opinion is dogshit and too literal or whatever other criticism you have for one that doesn't actually mean anything MOTHER!

#Wicked #Rejected Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 8 months ago

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Gladiator II Review

Okay... What did I think about Gladiator II before release? Uh...

What? I thought "Uh...". I've never seen the first Gladiator. I know everyone is like "It's AMAZING!" and my manager loves it. But this is the manager who is also obsessed with Elf, alright? Everything I've seen about that movie was just grey monotone shots of white people. And while this movie's trailers had Denzel Washington, it looked the exact same. Just orange instead of grey.

What's The Movie About?

Maximus's illegitimate son from the first movie becomes a gladiator and seek revenge of the Roman general for killing his wife. Meanwhile, Denzel Washington is trying to destroy Rome.

What I Like.

Okay this movie's pretty cool, I guess I should watch the first one. First of all, Denzel Washington is amazing. He's the reason to watch the movie, which sounds like a dig to everyone else but it really isn't. I think Pedro Pascal is good in pretty much everything and this is no exception, and mostly everyone else is doing a really good job. It's just Denzel was eat up every scene and every person he was acting with. I really liked his character too. Even though he was the villain, I still kinda wanted him to win. The action of this movie is really cool. There was a part of the movie where I was like "If this movie is just arena fights with Pedro Pascal trying to overthrow Rome in between, this will be an awesome movie." It's not exactly that, but it is cool. It's completely ridiculous too, I'm completely on board. There's an arena fight where they flood the Coliseum and have the gladiators fight each other on boats. And to top the whole thing off, they put a bunch of sharks in the water. How did the Roman keep those sharks before using them? I don't know, but it was cool. The setting was really cool too. Clearly a lot of care and effort went into the costuming and making the locations they shot historically accurate, and it was greatly appreciated. I really got transported to a different time. Is this what grognards see when they play Carthage?

What I Don't Like.

The lead. Seriously, the guy who plays the Lucius is super boring. He's very generically stoic and doesn't have a lot of screen presence, which makes it funny that he's supposed to be this revolutionary leader. Honestly, I think the movie would have been better if his wife was the main character. Not only could there be a chance that the lead is better at acting, but I think a woman become this folk hero and leader of the common people would be more interesting. There's also some scenes where he sees into the afterlife or something that are really goofy. I also have no idea what the last shot of the movie is supposed to be.

Final Summation.

I like Gladiator II! It was a very energetic and fun movie with some cool action and a populace uprising, so I like it! Check it out!

Now let's talk about a shit movie.

#Gladiator 2 #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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A Real Pain Review

I was very surprised that we got this movie. We had the poster for a while but there was no trailer and the poster just disappeared. So I assumed it missed us. But here it is... I have no idea what I'm doing with this opening, let's just get into this.

What The Movie's About?

David and Benji are two cousins who join a Holocaust tour in Poland with plans to split off and see the house where their Grandmother lived.

What I Like.

I found this movie to be very interesting. It doesn't exactly follow a traditional structure, and by that I mean the plot is a lot of stuff kinda just happening. But even deeper than that, because stuff does happen in the movie, but almost all of it gets resolved in the same or immediate next scene. But there's a very underlying plot that threads everything together, and honestly, I didn't even realize what is was until a very dramatic and really fucking well acted scene from Eisenberg about his character's relationship with his cousin that shook me into awareness of what was going on. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out that this movie was based on real events. The cousins are interesting characters, and their depth makes you switch perceptions about who they are through the movie. From the outset you think Benji is the character who is more socially aware and maybe has his shit together even if others can't tell, and David is a nervous wreck, but it's actually more of the opposite. The tour group they are with are pretty interesting and have hidden depths as well, even if they aren't the focus of the movie. I really liked the part where the tour guide talks to Benji after he flipped out on him, telling Benji that he had really salient points and it was the first time he got an actionable criticism on his tour. This movie is basically a character study, but about multiple people in very small ways. And it's not condescending about it either, there is one guy on the tour who just kinda a dick. All the acting all around is pretty good, as is the directing. Honestly, for most of the movie, the shots are serviceable. But I like how pretty they make more dilapidated parts of the tour are. And the section where they tour a concentration camp is beautifully shot and framed, I was agog. And like any good moments, I cried at several points. The comedy is on point, it's a lot of awkward delivery and not knowing when to do what with certain social cues but it was weirdly working for me? Also, the ending shot was weirdly powerful.

What I Don't Like.

Nothing... I mean sometimes Benji's outbursts are a bit too awkward for me but that's the point. Unlike most movies where I have nothing to complain about I feel like I should I have something to say here since this was a movie where I had an earbud in listening to my Christmas Playlist. (Sacrilegious, I know.)

Final Summation.

So this movie was the directing debut of Jesse Eisenberg, but even if I didn't know that I think I would have guessed that this was a first time directors artsy movie. This movie feels like a story the writer really wanted to tell, but as one of those movies, it's only okay. A little in one ear and out the other, at least for these kinds of award-bait films. But it's stupid to hold movies like this to a higher standard than all others, just because they think themselves higher or whatever. I mean, fuck, The Front Room falls into the artsy movie category, and that movie is dogshit. A Real Pain is good and you should check it out if you are interested.

#A Real Pain #recommended movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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Red One Review

I was kinda surprised we never got a trailer for this movie. I feel like I saw marketing for it everywhere except in the theater, although we had the poster for a very long time. All I knew was JK Simmons was playing Santa, awesome. It was starring the Rock and Chris Evans, cool. And the plot was something like a CIA guy teaming up with a criminal to save Santa from being kidnapped. That sounds like a lot of fun! But then... Then reviews came out. And they were bad. I didn't see anything specific, but it had a 34% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 36% on Metacritic! THAT'S HALF AS MUCH AS TERRIFIER 3 WHAT THE HELL.

What Is The Movie About?

Santa Claus get's kidnapped, so his head of security Cal must team up with criminal Jack to go find him.

What I Like.

This movie was super cool! First, you should all know I love main characters who are criminals so I really liked Jack. I loved his arc with is kid and the darkest hour where he admits that he been a bad father made me cry. Cal is a cool character too, I like that he's disillusioned with the Christmas Spirit yet still the one who hardcore "We have to save Christmas!". His character arc about regaining his belief in the good in people and goddamn it I love stories like that. The acting is, of course, really good, but it's a stacked cast so I expect nothing less. I might have already mentioned it before but I like that Chris Evans is playing against the Captain America type now. JK Simmons is such a effortlessly cool Santa, it was really interest take on the Saint. I like the way he moves when he's doing his job. Everything is fluid and done with purpose. The action in general a lot of fun and really creative! There's a chase scene with the Rock sliding down a bunch of tubes to chase giant Snow Cat and then he jumps on a snowmobile and causes an avalanche and then RIDES DOWN A MOUNTAIN IN FRONT OF THE AVALANCHE HE CREATED. A magical ice cream truck comes out of the ocean and then 3 giant snow golems come out of the back and attack Cal and Jack and they had to pull of their carrot noses to defeat them. The effects are really damn cool! It reminded me of the D&D movie from last year, with a ton of magical creatures with really cool designs. There was a couple cameos that I won't spoil but they looks SO FREAKING COOL. The plot is pretty good, there was a nice twist at the climax, and I like that the movies ends with showing the audience how this version of Santa does his run. I love movies that take the Santa Claus mythos seriously, and this Red One adds a lot of creativity to the mythology. I like the ray that Cal has that allows him to shift the reality of toys, basically being able to turn a Hot Wheels into a real car. All toy stores being connected allowing North Pole workers to travels around the world is interesting as well. They could've played a little bit more Christmas carols, but the ones they did use where pretty good.

What I Don't Like.

The dialogue is pretty meh. The exposition is fine, and when the movie slows down for an emotional moment it's pretty good. But the quips and one liners suck. They aren't egregious or anything, but they are incredibly cliched and sometimes don't always make sense. I also wish the movie paid off everything they set up. There's a part where Cal goes into a toy store and grabs a bunch of toys as supplies, and only half of them get used! Which are some of the coolest scenes in the movie as well! I WANTED TO SEE HOW THE MONOPOLY SET WAS GONNA PLAY INTO THIS!

Final Summation.

What is everyone else's problem?! Red One is FUCKING AMAZING! It's a ton of fun, with very creative action, and cool visuals. I think this is a great holiday movie, and you should check it out when you feel in the spirit!

It is interesting isn't it? How straight action movies kinda seem to getting a bad rap this year? The last movie that made me feel this excited during the showing and hyped to watch the movie again was Killer's Game, which also got terrible reviews! Even The Fall Guy, as perfect of a movie as that was, it only got okay reviews. Is there some sort of stigma against action movies I wasn't aware of? I don't even know the angle this could take. Even if you SOMEHOW get bored of the action, all three of those movies that have really good characters and pretty good plots! But I guess if the main character was an annoying fucking blood rag and the plot is nothing but an excuse to show off cameos than it's a masterpiece. (Not mentioning any Deadpool & Wolverines I mean names I mean Deadpool & Wolverine is overrated.) I get the middle of the year has not been good, but that doesn't mean the action movie that comes out is bad. Besides if the problem is action being boring then why the fuck is Terrifier 3 so highly regarded?

Seriously. How the fuck does Terrifier 3 have twice the Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes score as this movie?

#Red One #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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Anora Review? Recap?

Man, me and the Festival De Cannes voters do not have the same sensibilities at all. Well, with that dead obvious hint about my opinion of Anora, I know am just going to be up front about what I think. Because I want to dive into my viewing experience of this movie, and am basically going to spoil the whole thing. If you want to avoid spoilers, here's what I think: I tentatively recommend the movie. Just like Conclave, if you do watch the movie, stay for the whole thing. Not kidding, don't leave the theater until the credits start rolling. Trust me on this.

Now I'm gonna spoil the whole movie. Seriously. Anyone who reads past this point can't get mad at me because I warned you.

This movie starts with 30 to 40 minutes of sex. Really boring, no genitals-showing sex set to weirdly folky music? The opening of this movie made it feel like a Hallmark, just-a-girl on her own before meeting the guy-of-her-dreams but it was following a stripper. I was highly confused. Wasn't this a modern Cinderella movie? Either the song fit or the visuals did, but not both together.

Oh I guess I should quick digress and explain the prerelease information I had. This movie came out in other theaters before ours I heard, and we specifically got it because Poor Things did well in our demographic and corporate thought the same thing would happen with this one. It's darkly humorous that Heretic is outperforming it currently, but whatever. I read the description on our website because I was curious. It was something about a stripper marrying a Russian oligarch who runs away and she needs to find him. This is where I picked up the "modern Cinderella movie" line since it was how the description opened.

Anyway, the main character, Ani (It's a whole thing in the movie how she hates being called Anora. I'll circle back to this.) meets Vanya while working, and she gets paid by him as an escort for about a month. They pursue a whirlwind romance and get married in Las Vegas. A big thing for Ani is she makes Vanya buy her a 4 karat-diamond wedding ring. But one day, some guys show up at the door demanding to see their wedding certificate.

At this point, I'm pretty anxious. I was not jiving with the sexy business at all. Maybe it was just my current mood (I got struck with inspiration to start working on a TTRPG involving body horror, so my thoughts on anything flesh-related are definitely in darker places currently.), but the opening of this movie was reminding me of Terrifier 3. Except with sex instead of gore. It wasn't realistic enough to visceral or disturbing, and it was over the top enough to be silly or hedonistically enjoyable. And the pacing really drags. When Ani is being paid to be Vanya's girlfriend it's sort of cute I guess. My issue is a) they are both kinda assholes, and b) the tone is confusing. Like the text of the movie is throwing a ton of red flags at me about this relationship and who these people are, but the movie is playing out like the romance is a sweet thing and that these two are so in love. I honestly thought that maybe I was being too curmudgeonly and out of touch. "This is the modern Cinderella story!" I thought, "I must just be behind the times."

...Am I laying the foreshadowing on too thick? Sorry, I'll try to thin it out.

Anyway, these two guys show up at Vanya's door and demand to see his marriage certificate. These are people who work for Vanya's parents who do not approve of his marriage. A fluster-cuck happens, and Vanya takes off into the street. There's an incredibly harrowing scene where Ani get's tied up with a phone cord by the goons reluctantly because she keeps trying to run off. I also wasn't sure if the scene was supposed to be funny or not. Like the goons are very likable characters, and it's silly that these burly guys are getting their asses kicked by a stripper with glittery hair. But it's still a kidnapping happening! The tone of the movie still felt inconsistent at this point, but at least stuff was happening.

Anyway, the goons intermediate boss shows up. They make a deal with Ani to work together to find Vanya, and then the next hour of the movie is this motley crew looking for a Russian idiot twink. And the movie is back to being repetitive and boring. Also, there's a ton of hostile character interactions. Which is understandable to a certain degree, Ani did basically get assaulted kidnapped by these guys and the lead goon took the wedding ring she really liked. But after the 400th time she yelled at them about being married to Vanya I lost all sympathy. Plus, Igor was trying to apologize for the whole tying her up thing, and wanted genuinely to make her as comfortable with a shitty situation as possible.

Igor was one of the goons, by the way. He was my favorite character in the movie, mostly because he seems chill and compassionate, but also weirdly uncomfortable with the entire situation. Like he wants to help out Ani because he feels bad that she's in this horrid situation, but also really wants to go home and put this whole experience behind him. It's a real shame that Ani treats him like shit for the entire movie.

I did find out the movie is supposed to be a bit of a black comedy as well. What tipped me off was the scene where the car they are all driving around in gets towed. The goons get in a screaming match with the tow truck guy and end up pulling the car off the tow hook by driving it backwards while the tow guy yells "It's only my second week on the job!" It was pretty funny. It did make some scenes I thought were slightly horrifying at first really funny in hindsight. Ani kicks the non-Igor goon in the face, breaking his nose and giving him a concussion, and the crew refuses to let him go see a doctor. He's not even that helpful for the investigation, let the guy get medical attention!

Anyway, the crew eventually finds Vanya at the nightclub where he met Ani. They drag his drunk ass out of their, his parents arrive via private plane and threaten Ani into going through with the annulment of her marriage, and she is destroyed when it turns out that Vanya doesn't fight it and is perfectly willing to give her up to appease his parents. I really like this. It was a bit of a swerve, but justified my bad feelings about their relationship from the beginning. Turns out I'm not out of touch, I love a sad ending! It was only slightly ruined by the impression I was getting that they were going to set up Ani with Igor. I actually wrote in my notes that if those two hooked up, I would reject the movie. Well...

So after the marriage is annulled and Vanya goes back to Russia, Ani is told she can spend one more night in Vanya's house, but she needs to clear out the next day. Igor stays with her and they have a conversation about names. Turns out Ani doesn't like being called Anora because it means Honor. Or something, it was really hard to understand Igor in this scene. Because he looked that up, Ani accuses Igor of being a rapist which REALLY FUCKING ANNOYED ME. GIRL! He's like the only person in this movie who's trying to be nice to you! So the next day Ani gets all her stuff packed up and Igor drives her to wherever she's staying. When they arrive, Igor give Ani back her wedding ring. He had stolen it back from one of the bosses. Then Ani jumps him. Now, if you are me, this is where you sign, throw your glasses to the side, and completely write off the movie. I would have walked out, but I decided against it because there was like 10 seconds left in the movie. And it's a good thing I didn't, because literally the last ten seconds save the entire movie.

Here's what happens. As Ani is grinding on Igor, he goes in and kisses her. Ani reacts extremely violently to this, she pulls aways and starts hitting Igor before breaking down crying in his arms. And then the credits start rolling. I was stunned by this ending. Everything made so much more sense now. All those red flags I was getting from Ani's relationship with Vanya, I was supposed to be getting those, but from Ani as well as Vanya. Why is Ani so insistent that she and Vanya are in love despite the fact that Vanya ran off without her? Because she needs this to be real. This is probably the nicest thing that has ever happened to her and she definitely wanted this to be real. The wedding ring is a symbol for that. Why is she so mean to Igor only jump him at the end? Because that what she thinks she's supposed to do! All men to her are either evil predators, or nice guys she feels are obligated sex. And when Igor shows her genuine affection, she has no idea how to handle it and breaks down! It's a very powerful ten seconds.

Quick fire thoughts on non-story elements. The acting was really good, the cinematography was interesting but I don't know if that means it was good, and I didn't like the music. Purely for personal taste reasons, but I don't like heavy techno music or overly earnest love ballads, and don't think they mix well together. Movie's also probably 20 minutes too long, but it does help drive the twist at the end home so what do I know?

So that's Anora. It's not perfect, even with the twist at the end. (Why is the sex in the first fifth so boring? If the point was to show how shitty her situation is as a stripper the sex should be incredibly grody.) But this might be the first time I've experienced the ending of the movie saving the entire fucking thing. So I recommend it, I guess. It's a bit of a hard sit through, although not in the way something like The Substance is. You'd definitely be better served going in if you know it's a comedy.

#Anora #Recommended Movies #I Guess This Is Still A Review

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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Conclave Review

I thought this movie was gonna miss us. It came out a few weeks ago and got some pretty good reviews, but not at my work. Until this week! Excellent, as mentioned in my previous review, I enjoy some theological discussion in the realms of academia, so I had high expectations.

What's The Movie About?

Ralph Fiennes is a cardinal leading a conclave to elect a new pope, and is investigating the candidates to see who is worthwhile to fill the position.

What I Like.

This movie is cool. It's basically what if Sherlock Holmes had to guide the choosing of the next pope. Ralph is constantly investigating and maneuvering around the various candidates to guide the choosing without getting caught breaking the sequester. Not only that, I was interested in watching and learning how the election process was done for selecting the pope. The characters were very well written, and all the acting was spectacular. I really like Ralph Fiennes's character, I like that he's driven in his motives even if he is full of doubt spiritually. I also like how he's not vindictive, he feels like he has the people of the church's interests and wellbeing at heart. There's a part where he reveals that one of the candidates is guilty of simony by giving all the cardinals a copy of a report that passed on holy father had hidden away, but he specifically redacts the names of all the cardinals who were bribed and refuses to reveals who they are as to not cause more division in the conclave than the report already did. Stanley Tucci's character was also a lot of fun, even if he did turn out to be a bit of a liar. I even kinda like the cardinal who ended up being a little bit of a pedo. (Okay I didn't like the character, but I liked the way they handled his storyline.) What really elevates this movie, however, is two things. One is the score. It is full of strings that give an oppressive atmosphere to most scenes. And the second is the ending. There is a twist about the identity of who gets elected that blew my mind.

What I Don't Like.

So the first thing I have to complain about is something you probably already noticed. This movie is interesting in the same way a war documentary is interesting, which is to say it's interesting to boring people. I'm a boring person. It's a bit hard to articulate what exactly makes this movie an interesting watch beyond the fundamental craftsmanship for all involved without sounding like a dullard. My second complaint is less a complaint about the movie and more about my assumptions, but I thought this movie was based on a real conclave which elected a real pope. That was why I was so hyped about the ending. But no, it was fictional. I guess it makes sense based on the fact that the main characters are the "woke" hippy liberals who want women to have equal standing in the church and don't want to kill all the homosexuals. Like any of the higher ups in the Catholic church are actually like that. At least the new-age liberal cardinals still were interesting and had layers to their characterization, unlike what is ostensibly the main villain. The closest thing he has to depth is using a digital vape despite being a major "things were better in the dark ages" person.

Final Summation.

I was greatly enjoying the movie throughout, but it got elevated by that ending. Maybe my love of the movie has something to do with real world events, but I was highly entertained throughout. If you check it out, I urge you to stick with it! And with that little disclaimer, this is an easy recommend!

#Conclave #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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Heretic Review

Alright, alright, I know I've been hard on A24 before, but I actually was looking forward to Heretic. For one, Hugh Grant was in it. I love Hugh Grant. Even when he's in a terrible movie where he hates ever moment he had to work, he's still entertaining. He was the best part of Wonka is what I'm saying. Second, I found it interesting that the main characters were Mormon missionaries. Given A24's artsy track record I was interested to see the angle they were going to take with that. Plus I like the music they used in the trailer.

What's The Movie About?

Two Mormon missionaries are lured into a house by Hugh Grant who traps them inside and promises to show them the "true religion".

What I Like.

As much as I hate to do this, I don't really want to tell you much about this movie. This is a movie that builds and iterates upon itself, with the plot constantly twisting so you don't really know what's gonna happen. What I will say is that the dialogue is a whole lot of fun. Most of it is Hugh Grant lecturing the lead girls about religion and theology, but I actually like the academics of belief a lot, so I was highly entertained. Also, despite that description, I didn't feel condescended at all. It feels more like two sides being presented. One side is the "good" side but they did a good job showing off both sides. I was actually interested instead of rolling my eyes is my point. The explanation of what is happening I thought was pretty cool as well. This plot is essentially a hardcore episode of Scooby-Doo. I like the leads. I will admit they aren't really much compared to Hugh Grant, but they have a nice arc and I appreciated that the Final Girl wasn't who I was expecting it to be.

What I Don't Like.

The ending. The ending is where all the twists go kinda overboard. Without going into detail (since I still am gonna recommend it) the plot basically goes from possible supernatural, to probably not, to DEFINATELY supernatural. Continuing with the Scooby-Doo comparison, imagine this is an episode that was both a guy in a mask as per usual, and also this was one of those weird episodes where the bad guy is actually monster. The funny thing is, everyone I watched the movie with agreed that the ending goes off the rails, but we all disagreed about which specific part we thought it happened at. Personally, I would have liked it if the fate of the characters was a bit ambiguous. Speaking of which, I also don't know if I like the way they spell out Hugh Grant's philosophy. It could just be because I had so much fun listen to him talk around it though.

Final Summation.

Despite the lackluster finish, I still liked Heretic. The streak of good movies continues! A24 still isn't quite redeemed in my eyes, but there's at least one more movie coming out this year.

#Heretic #Recommended Movies

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whatyourusherthinks · 9 months ago

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Here Review

I was very intrigued when watching the for Here. I know Robert Zemeckus is a bit of a hit or miss director for some, but I like all the movies I've seen by him. All two of them. Yes one of them is Polar Express, I was 5 when that movie came out and liked the book. Anyway, I like the idea that the trailer was showing off, so I was looking forward to this movie.

What's The Movie About?

A single physical spot throughout all of time. Or at least from the K-T Extinction to the Covid pandemic.

What I Like.

The premise I think works! I think the cutting between different eras of time works, and the story being told in a mixed up order works much better than it did in We Live In Time. (Although the stories of the individuals focused on are in order, they just cut through various time periods in a mixed up order.) My favorite characters were the couple that invent the Lazy-Boy, I just like couples who are all over each other no matter what is happening. Tom Hanks and Robin Wright are the main focus of the movie, which is why they are all over the marketing, and I thought they both did a great job. Maybe not surprising since they both have worked with each other and Zemeckis before, especially Hanks, but still credit where it is due. I was pleasantly surprised by the prevalence of the Native American couple. I was also surprised that Ben Franklin is in the movie! Sure, it's a little silly and coincidental, but it's fun! What's also fun is the cinematography. There's a ton of shot in shot uh... shots. What I mean is that they will blend the action from different eras via split screen or sectioning off a portion of the screen to transition to the other time period. There's also a kinda crazy shot where the modern couple are moving a wardrobe in front of the camera, and they film what's on the mirror which is a room you obviously haven't seen for the rest of the movie. But then the mirror transitions to a previous time and plays out in the mirror! I thought it was cool.

What I Didn't Like.

Sometimes the CGI is rough. The de-aging mostly works because they keep people away from the camera for the most part, but there's one particular part where Robin Wright is standing right in front of the camera and they do a fade where she ages 20 years in a second and it's... Not great. Not to mention that hummingbird, bleh. Also, the acting is hit and miss. Since there's no close ups, all the actors have to do more flourishes in their movements and more expressive voices, much like actors in a stage play would do it. It works for half the cast, like Tom Hanks, and doesn't really for the other half, like Paul Bettany.

Final Summation.

Here is... An experience. An experience I ultimately enjoyed, but my knife twist in this review is I don't know Here is an experience that everyone needs to see. While it's filmmaking in ambitious, the plot is a bit of arty Americana dribble that I don't think is going to work for everyone. But I watched this movie the day after the US election, right? Seeing commonality between people across almost all of human history, dealing with similar issues and dealing the with the same emotions... That was something I needed to see.

#Here #Recommended Movies

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