#And I also just got diagnosed with diabetes like its not bad and I can get it reversed but I feel like since then

[snootchie-bootchies]

Do you ever just...feel like you're elevating from all your friends that you've grown up with?

[bloodhaven]

Donation moving/medication post!!

I decided to remake my post because um well my old post wasn't getting any traction At All!

Hi! I'm Newton, im a bisexual trans man whos multiply disabled physically and mentally!

I need help paying for therapy, medications, and to move apartments My therapy is $108 per session (unless she diagnosis me with something new, than its $238) and my medication I don't currently know the price of, I just lost my medicaid so I have to start paying for it again. I am a type 2 diabetic and have narcolepsy with cataplexy, as well as depression, anxiety and D.I.D, as well as some other stuff diagnosed. I cannot go without my diabetes medication, cannot quit my narcolepsy meds at all, or depression meds cold turkey. If I can get weaned off my depression meds to save money I will try, but I will be severely depressed and suicidal. The rest of my medications I can quit no problem as they're just for acid reflux, bowel stuff, and bladder stuff.

I don't know how much they'll cost, I won't find out how much the trulicity is until later today when they get delivered.

I also have to save money to move. On top of THAT. My bank is overdrawn by $11.30, which isn't a lot and my wife is paid on the 7th, but she got less than 90 hours on her paycheck (87 hrs exactly) and we usually have 100-120 hours on a paycheck, our current rent is $775 + gas ($56-ish) + Electric ($90+ now that its summer) so it adds up. We NEED to go grocery shopping as we've been living off canned food for a week or two, which is bad for me especially as a diabetic as I have to watch my sodium intake as well.

My GFM is here I am not hoping to raise the full $2,500, I know this site cares more about billboards for racist tv shows than actual lgbt people. I just desperately need help to continue therapy and medications.

My paidpalled is here

IF you donate my wife will draw for you!! proof of overdraw is there, and further examples of my wifes art will be under the read more!!

⇟↷↶↧⇓

This is a special charcoal piece my wife did for me of my OC abraxas, it was expensive to create and I own the physical piece as well. If you are willing to donate $80 she will draw your OC or canon character like this. We require multiple pictures of your OC, if you want the physical piece as well we require you to pay shipping and handling & you must be willing to give your address out (ADULTS IN THE US ONLY)

/)/) ( . .) ( づ♡ IF YOU CANNOT DONATE PLEASE REBLOG ♡

[rederiswrites]

So ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and fibromyalgia are two syndromes (collections of symptoms often found together, with unknown causative mechanisms) with largely overlapping symptoms. They're currently classified as different diagnoses, but there are plenty of people who aren't convinced that they're actually different things. The biggest diagnostic difference seems to be whether the pain or the fatigue is the biggest problem.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who, like me, couldn't possibly say which of those is ruining my life more. I, like many, fulfill all the diagnostic criteria for both. I have the specific patterns of pain and inflammation characteristic of fibro, but I also have the postural orthostatic problems (Stand Up Feel Real Bad disorder) and extreme fatigue of ME/CFS. There's no test; diagnosis is an inherently subjective thing.

This is just gonna keep being about medical problems, so have a cut.

I also have problems that may be related or may be separate or may be part of the constellation of physical issues associated with ADHD, like loose tendons that lead to terrible core strength and janky joints. So while generally the pain spots for fibromyalgia are considered to have no actual material cause, I am pretty sure that my right hip and shoulder are in fact fucked up, and fibro is just making it experientially worse. I've also got a rib that spends more than half its time in just slightly the wrong goddamn place. I have multiple friends who have hypermobility problems that make mine look like a papercut, but combining them with fibro isn't a lot of fun.

A few months back, at my bestie's prompting and with his help, I started eating keto, which is essentially just restricting carbohydrates so harshly that they represent less than 20% (or less than 10%, this seems to be bioindividual) of your diet, at which point your body begins building energy transport molecules out of fat (ketones) instead of glucose. This has a history of treating several conditions (originally, seizures, but now also diabetes and inflammatory conditions), well before it became popular for weight loss.

It was an experiment. Believe me, I have mixed feelings about the fact that it worked. At first, it worked really, really well. I went from mostly bedbound to up and working full days outside. I've started to hit diminishing returns and having to nap more often, but it's still a radical improvement. I just forget how bad it was too fast. I hate how fast we forget how far we've come.

I haven't talking about it though, because I am so conflicted about restrictive diets as a thing. This started as an experiment, and as an experiment I could sell myself on no apples no potatoes no rice no crackers no no no no etc for a few weeks. After a few weeks I could decide whether it was worth it. And now here we are and it works.

But I've gone through So Much food restriction, starting when Phantom was two and we discovered that gluten fucks us both up. Then the Boy was sensitive to so many things as a baby that I cut out the entire Top Eight allergens (let's see, can I remember? Milk, eggs, peanuts, gluten, corn, soy, uhh....others...) for a year while he was nursing. Once you've cut wheat AND eggs AND corn out there is almost no commercial product you can eat and you have to prepare everything from scratch. With a toddler and a baby. I was literally starving. I used a calorie tracker for a while and found that I was nearly a thousand calories short per day, on average. I could barely think.

It's become a huge depression trigger for me. I tell people that my last major depressive episode was triggered by not being able to eat dairy, and I'm not kidding. I'm struggling with it now, too. Most of the time I'm good, but still, despite medication, I get very low and I just want to be able to fucking eat something tasty and comforting and EASY. I just want...cheese and crackers. A whole piece of fruit. A baked potato. Rice with my stir fry. But then I eat too much fucking watermelon and I can tell the difference in my wellbeing the next day.

Food becomes a minefield. Every meal becomes a struggle. You question every bite, every symptom. At least once a day the whole thing is just too annoying and I decide to just not eat, because fuck it. I dunno if it reaches eating disorder levels, but it's certainly maladaptive. I hate that I've gotten here because what you eat actually DOES matter. it's like the question of how you talk yourself out of anxiety when the world is objectively falling apart.

But I can do the things I love. I owe all this garden progress to not having had a glass of juice or a bowl of pasta in four months. Not to mention the abrupt cessation of all my dermatitis problems, frequent "silent" heartburn, a ton of digestive problems, migraines, most headaches, and more. "Nothing is worth risking depression" but is it though?

I'm holding on to the hope that these changes will allow me to heal. That I'll be able to make long-term progress, as many people say they have, and reintroduce restricted foods gradually. That I'll be able to cement the opportunity diet gave me with regular movement and conditioning and slowly claw my way up the spiral.

But on days when I feel like shit anyway, and I can't have some fucking chips about it....yeah. It's not great.

[weareweirdpeople]

not a vent but diabetic shit because why not I want to share my experience

I have diabetes. I've had diabetes sense i was an elementary schooler on the way to middle school. Diabetes fucking sucks and it runs in my family. Because of this, and the fact that my family refuses to call it a disability despite it literally being a chronic illness, it has taken me a while to realize I do infact have a disability.

in hindsight, I am "lucky" that my mom raised me restricting lots of "unhealthy snacks" (non health foods. My mom viewed fucking cheezits as unhealthy and she came from a family that was even stricter with 'healthy' foods.) This meant that when I got diagnosed with diabetes, I would be prepared for the fact that now they weren't just rare treats my mom was learning to be ok with. Now they were aparently dangerous to my health and I could almost never eat them again.

My uncle has severe type 1 diabetes and my mom used to try to help him manage it, but he's a grown man whos never taken good care of it and does what he wants. So now that I had diabetes she was going to are sure I definitely didn't end up like that. This means that even if he himself brought all the kids a sweet treat, depending on my blood sugar I wouldn't even be allowed to have it. Most of the time she didn't want me to have it. This all went down with covid and I got to live with my diabetic father. The plus side was that the restrictions where pretty much gone, and I just needed to manage my sugar. The bad part is that I was fucking terrified of pricking my finger. It would take me hours to pick my finger, and my dad would be pissed. It slowly became very normal. I also had to learn how to take pills and open a pill bottle.

A while later now that I'm living with my whole family, I still have great care over my diabetes. I say great care as in how my family views it. I have the best a1c, I have the most consistent blood sugars. Personally I'm happy I can do that while having major depression but it makes me sad at the same time. It just pisses me off. Anytime my sugar is high I'm asked "what did you eat? What did you eat today? What was your sugar this morning?" I have an anxiety disorder. The doctors and google have told us that stress and anxiety can heighten blood sugar. Every time its about what I at. If im super sleepy? What did I eat? Whats my blood sugar? If im super anxious? Whats my blood sugar? Is it low? What have you eaten today?

My mom has always been focused on my diabetes. I low key hate it.

But in hindsight some of her ideas and things she let me do were so bad that its actually funny. Like holy shit mom, that was wild.

She at first wanted me to count all of my carbs. Every time I ate. All the carbs. She wanted me to check my sugar everytime I ate and then based on that it would determine what I was allowed to eat.

Then there was the point in time where she let me run around outside all day without eating lunch and sometimes even breakfast or any water until my sugar dropped crazy low and I was dizzy and shaking, and then id go outside again right after it went up. She doesn't like me reminding her of this because she says it makes her feel like a bad mother and that she was distracted. Im pretty sure the only constant meal was eating was dinner.

one time during Easter when we did an egg hunt my siblings got eggs fully of candy like normal. But my mom was running late on candy shopping so instead of giving me candy eggs, she made me get the special eggs she made, thinking they had zero sugar candy. They were fuckkng almonds. Unsalted Almonds. What. The. Fuck. I have never let her live that shit down, because who gives their kid fucking almonds as a treat??? Diabetic or not, unsalted almonds???

I was very very upset that year to say the least. My mom has always been stingy with any candy of any sorts. Even before we knew I was diabetic I was only really allowed 1-3 prices of candy from a holiday at most, and only after dinner. My Halloween candy especially would either go bad or she would eat it as well and I would not get much of it.

And after diabetes? Keto everything. My mom wanted to find as much keto stuff as possible, and I get it. We have a diabetic household, but she didn't do that shit until I got diagnosed with diabetes. I am happy that by now shes pretty much stopped all her restrictions and the keto stuff, she's still really diabetes focused when it comes to my mood and doesn't consider it a disability but that's okish.

Hilariously j don't have type 1 diabetes. Or type 2. I have a genetic mutation, and have had to convince multiple people that no I don't just have type 2, no I didn't not get diabetes because of my eating habits have you fucking seen me I am a god damm stick and even if I was fat that doesn't mean shit, no I cannot just eat fruit instead of candy that's not how diabetes works you peice of shit.

Long story short, i don't get a CGM or an Insulin pump. I actually make too much insulin, and dont really absorb it all and a CGM is to expensive... that means I just have to watch my sugar and take my pills indefinitely and I can't check my sugar too much because then I'd have to wait for my refills to get done because American health care fucking sucks ass.

lol diabetes sucks, stop being assholes to people with diabetes.

[hollygobrightly]

Wow! I am surprised I remembered the password for this account. I've been lurking for a long time but I stopped posting, and so, so, so, so much has changed.

Lets start from 2019? Thats about where we left off. In July of 2019 I lost my best friend. My person. My constant. That may have been one of my most hardest moments that I’ve had to live through. 

In the fall of 2019 when I was running in a 5km race, my foot went numb. I thought it was just my shoes being too tight, so I loosened them and kept going.. a little while later my whole leg went numb and I buckled at the knee. I had to hobble the rest of the race.  

A week or so after that happened, I woke up practically blind in my right eye. My optometrist said it was Optic Neuritis, she sent me to an Ophthalmologist, who asked a bunch of questions, with most my answers being “yes”.. from there they sent me for an MRI, which showed micro lesions on my brain, and after that I was referred to the MS clinic.

The pandemic hit, I grieved the loss of my ability to bike and run. I was angry. Boy, was I angry. It took a lot more testing to rule out everything else under the sun that mimics MS, but in 2022 I had a lumbar puncture which confirmed my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. 

I also started the much talked about Ozempic for control of my diabetes. I put a lot of effort into avoiding the side effects by quickly learning how to eat while on this drug, and did a lot, a lot, a lot of biking and walking. At the start of 2022, I was 267 pounds, as of New Years Eve, I was 182 pounds. 

2022 may have been my hardest year ever. I got the lumbar puncture that required a follow up blood patch, I started Ozempic, I got renovicted, in June we thought we were losing my mom but she pulled through, but was diagnosed with a very, very rare disease called Anti - GBM, it attacks the lungs and kidneys. She had a stroke mid summer, and later in the fall, she passed away from complications of Anti GBM. This led to the domino effect of having to tie up loose ends and take care of my brother. I got him an apartment in my building. He is doing much better now but it has been very, very hard.

I guess thats why I am rambling on tonight. Just putting thoughts out there. I got my heart broken recently when I found out the person who wanted to pursue me romantically just liked the attention I gave him, and didn’t actually want anything but the stuff I would buy him. Thats been fun.

I am avoiding my grief. Really avoiding my grief. 

I walk. a lot. I want the winter to get over with so I can bike again but walking will do for now. Some days I get 25k+ steps. Thats how bad I want to avoid the grief. Yes, I know its unhealthy. 

I guess I’m going to just keep this blog and ramble like I used to on LiveJournal.  

[chasing-rabbits]

Everything around me is broken, so so broken. I am so broken, there’s so much wrong with me and I’m trying so hard to fix it but every time one thing improves another gets worse or its something new.

This year I got diagnosed with 2 new mental illnesses, I found out I actually have type 1 Bipolar & that my medication wasn’t actually working the way I thought it had. I ended up having milder manic episodes earlier this year & that the time I thought it was working could just be my ‘natural cycle’. I found out I really genuinely have been through every single drug available to me except for lithium & 1 other drug they can try to add alongside my current medication but that’s it. So I’m on drugs that aren’t 100% working & I have little to no options left available if my full blown mania returns. My Bipolar depression returned after the mania & I’d forgotten just how bad the Bipolar depression can be. My BPD is what it is, triggered by things in my life, stress, & there’s been plenty of that. I’m in therapy to treat the Complex PTSD I was diagnosed w/ earlier this year & that’s been tough because up until family therapy over COVID I’d buried a lot of it & now I’ve opened Pandora’s box so I’m worse than I was before starting therapy but working towards changing that. I was also dx’d w/ panic disorder that they can’t treat w/ the drugs they’d usually use because as my psych said to me ‘giving someone w/ bipolar anti depressants is like giving a diabetic candy’. Unfortunately my anxiety has gotten worse since COVID. And every time I think I am making progress towards something better I just get knocked down. It’s never ending & I havent even started on my declining physical health but this posts long enough. I’ve just had a lot of shit dealt my way & sometimes it feels like I’m not going to make it out to the other side that everyone is so confident exists for me.

Sometimes it helps to vent all this out I guess just all the things that are giving me anxiety & stress, everything thats happened this year that’s weighing on me it just feels too much. I mean I am just one person how am I meant to deal with all of this. How am I meant to maintain this faith that things will get better? I turn 30 In January, how much longer will I have to go through all of this to get to a point where things just aren’t so hard, I’m not even going to say happier just more bearable, liveable I just want the bare minimum & that just seems too much to ask for right now.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

I have a story regarding to "The Twitching Generation" or at least similar to it.

I have a female cousin who's dearly close to my family and she self-diagnosed herself with narcolepsy because she's constantly falling asleep during the day mostly of the time but her mom already took her to see a doctor and made several tests even with a polysomnography multiple times and they found nothing wrong with her. Her blood is clean, there's no disease or disorder of any kind that they could find in her.

So, what's causing her to fall asleep during the day? Well, her mom admitted during a lunch that she's always sleeping very late after midnight like between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. and wakes up very late almost at noon, plus she doesn't eat properly and eat junk food and is addicted to social media. Here's the worst part: my cousin denies everything and insists that she has a medical condition despite having medical evidence that contradicts her.

This is the most eye-opening and shocking thing I've encountered in first-hand. Her family and my family have tried everything to convinced her to change her lifestyle since what she's dealing with could've been addressed easily with a 9-hour sleep, healthy food and less usage on the internet but she refuses to do that.

It's really sad to see someone, especially a family member destroy themselves for an irrational belief.

This is a great example of the problems with self-diagnosis and self-identification, and the devastation it brings.

Self-diagnosis isn't great. Even a trained professional might need to get you into an MRI or take a biopsy or something to be able to accurately diagnose you, and yet you think you can just read WebMD and accurately diagnose yourself? No.

Interesting how you never see self-diagnosers diagnose themselves with pancreatic cancer, liver failure, multiple sclerosis or malignant narcissism. They always seem to be the quirky, yet transparent ones that attract attention and sympathy, justify their behavior - which is sort of like "I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio!" - or both.

It wouldn't necessarily be so bad on its own. You look up your symptoms and try to guess what you've got. You go to the specialist and you find out "oh, I don't have Dissociative Identity Disorder, I have Type 2 diabetes because I eat like every day is Halloween, boy do I feel silly."

When the self-diagnosed condition becomes a part of the individual's personal identity, it becomes threatening to suggest otherwise. To paraphrase Kimberlé Crenshaw, 'we all can recognize the distinction between the claims "I am Narcoleptic" and the claim "I am a person who happens to have Narcolepsy."' To question any of this is to be regarded as some kind of bigot or hater for not celebrating this identity.

It also seems pseudo-religious when you think about it. What would convince her that she didn't have narcolepsy? When I ask a similar question to the religious, the answer, stated proudly and confidently is "nothing. Nothing could convince me that my god is not real." If you got an answer like that from her, you can be certain she's not rational and her belief is just as faith-based.

Since social capital is now calculated on acquiring "marginalized identities" and perceived "victimhood," not on ideas and values, it's even worse to dare point out that they don't have a condition at all, and are remarkably ordinary. That would be the worst thing of all.

It would be interesting to ask her about an article that you read, that she's no doubt well aware of, about an injection you can get every two months which will eliminate narcolepsy entirely. And whether she will be getting it. I would put money on her "narcolepsy" being the "wrong kind" or some other excuse.

What's really gross is that there are people who actually have narcolepsy, DID, Tourette's and other conditions who would love nothing better than to wave a magic wand and just be merely ordinary, to fit within the statistical bellcurve called "normal."

And then you have people mapping their personality traits or flaws onto these serious conditions and adopting them as an aesthetic, trivializing them in the process.

[mydekuacademia]

Hi! Could you do Tamaki Amajiki with an s/o that has a service dog due to multiple mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, schizophrenia?) and they seem to think they can't become a hero or even a good person because of it? But at the same time they always push their limits and cheer him and the others on. Only if you're comfortable, of course! It'd be very comforting for me. Thank you!

Heck yeah! I've considered getting a service dog for my mental illnesses, but my current treatment plan is working for me :)

I'm gonna write the dog as a female, but it super doesnt matter. I just dont like referring to dogs as "it" lol

(also, hi, sorry i disappeared for literal months lmao. Im alright, just got really busy with work and school)

Warnings: descriptions of the symptoms of mental illness, including self harm and hallucinations. Please please please don't read if topics such as these will negatively affect you in any way!!!

Tamaki was intimidated by you at first (but he's intimidated by everyone, so its not a big deal)

He knew that people with disabilities can sometimes get a service dog, so he was both confused and impressed that someone with a service dog is in the hero course

His main source of confusion was the fact that he'd never seen you show any sign of a disability, so he assumed you had something along the lines of epilepsy or diabetes or something. His guess was solidified when he saw a patch on your dog's vest that said "Not All Disabilities Are Visible"

He avoided you for a long time (again, only because he avoided everyone. It had nothing to do with your dog). Eventually, Mirio started talking to you and introduced you to Tama

He quickly realized that he had nothing to fear when it came to you. You were sweet and friendly and more than accomodating of his anxiety

Bb boy grew closer and closer to you every day. You introduced him to your dog and even let him play with her when she was taking a break from her duties. They were best friends

After some time, he felt close enough to you to ask what your dog was for. When he saw your face drop in response, he instantly retracted his question

You assured him that it was fine, you were just self conscious. But you were willing to tell him

He watched as you took a deep breath and stroked your dog's head before beginning your explanation

You were diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia several years ago, and previous treatments werent enough. Eventually, you found a combination of therapy, medication, and treatments that worked well for you. You weren't cured, for sure, but you were in a much better place

Tamaki's brow furrowed and, for just a moment, he was able to move past his anxiety and grab onto your hand and attempt to comfort you. You gave him a shy smile and squeezed his hand

"What does (dog's name) do to help?"

You told him about how she helped ground you when you were dissociating and hallucinating, pull you out of panic and anxiety attacks, and disrupt harmful repetitive behaviors (like scratching or hitting yourself)

You also told him about how you used to self harm, so your dog was trained to stop you if you were holding anything sharp when she sensed you were in a bad state of mind

When you told him that, tears began welling up in his eyes. He hated that you ever felt that low, even if you assured him that you hadn't felt that way in a long time

He couldnt help but sweep you into a tight hug, cradling the back of your head and wrapping an arm around your waist. You were frozen for a moment before returning the hug and burying your face in his shoulder

Not long after that day, you and Tama began dating

Everyone in your class thought you were absolutely adorable, especially Mirio and Nejire. They were also incredibly grateful to you for bringing Tamaki out of his shell, and to him bringing you out of your shell

[ababypotatowithpcos]

PCOS and Weight

Being Asian, I would say that I am blessed with one positive trait which is being petite. BUUUT I have all the other bad genes too like having bad eyesight, being one of the shortest in class, and having squinty eyes >.<

I have been pretty skinny all my life except during the time in University where I put on a couple of kilos. I am only 155 cm (5.1") and putting on 5 kg does make a person look different. In my graduation photo, my family back home would make comments such as wow, you have put on weight! your face looks so round! you got chubby cheeks now! what have you been eating in Aus! I was sad but I couldn't figure out what was happening to my body. I thought I was just overindulging in food and alcohol lol.

Little did I know that this was all due to my body not being able to break down the excess sugar leading to insulin resistance and hence I was putting on weight. With insulin resistance, blood sugar may be normal, but insulin is high. Why? Because the pancreas has to make more and more insulin to try to get its message through. Too much insulin generates inflammation and causes weight gain. It can also lead to Type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Too much insulin is also an underlying physiological driver of PCOS.

Bam, I learned this after a visit to my doctor after being diagnosed with PCOS. This explained why I was putting on weight despite being healthy. The doctor casually told me not to worry too much, and taking the Pill should help with this. Was this really the only way? I did a whole heap of research after my diagnosis and decided to take matters into my own hands and not rely on medication. This was what I have done to lose weight and to feel good about myself and my body again.

| completely cut out alcohol | exercise 3 times a week. I did a combination of strength and cardio workouts | get a solid 8 hours of sleep a night | meditate for 5 minutes everyday | cook from Monday to Friday and eat out only on the weekends | reduce intake of sugary products. That's right, consume fewer desserts! | take supplements such as fish oil, evening primrose oil and hair, skin and nails

And just like that.....the weight started dropping and I felt content, happy, and energized! I hope I can help someone else in this world by sharing my story who is currently struggling with weight loss! Please know that you are NOT ALONE :)

[impuretale]

So a health update. Also a general warning: if you have periods and they are painful, tell your doctor. We have a tendency to accept certain levels of discomfort as inevitable, something that is just part of life. This leads to missed diagnoses and actions that could save your life, if not just improve its quality. So just do it.

What has been going on with me:

Almost two years after having my stroke, I finally decided I wanted to get on an IUD. There were several reasons, other than, you know, wanting to get on birth control before Republican America tries to make it illegal: The first and most important is that with mobility issues and being on disability, handling a period every month is both physically very difficult and a financial burden I can no longer afford. Especially as cost of living continues to go up while benefits, meager as they are, do not.

The second is that my periods are painful. And because they became moreso after I had been in the hospital, I took it as a matter of adjustment and my course righting itself. I had undiagnosed diabetes for years, so my hormones did not start to balance themselves until after I was diagnosed and properly medicated. I was correct, but only partly. I arranged to get an IUD with the promise it would not just make my periods milder, but after some months make them stop altogether: it was also birth control I could safely take without having another stroke. (Permanent, surgical solutions all have a higher risk of this, and are also major surgery.)

I came to find out, because they make you have a transvaginal ultrasound before inserting an IUD, that there was another reason for my periods being irregularly painful. I had a growth on my cervix. One that, for all list of possible causes, I was only a candidate for one: a sudden influx of estrogen. Which would have happened when I was suddenly on correct medication for my diabetes and actually had my hormone levels balanced. These cause one to not only bleed more, because the growths themselves bleed, but also for cramps to be worse.

Now, most people will tell you that having an IUD inserted is painful. Like, second only perhaps to childbirth painful. It is true, it’s awful.

That pain, though? Has basically been day 3 of my period since I got out of the hospital. That is how bad my period pain has been, and because we do not take our own pain seriously, just as doctors do not sometimes, I had been living with it for more than a year. 1-2 days of constant, having an IUD inserted levels of pain. Every. Month. So bad that even having tampons in was impossible because the pain, already immobilizingly awful, would get worse from the pressure.

The IUD helps, though my periods are longer now. Very, shockingly light, but longer.

I have scheduled surgery to have the growth removed. Partly because while the risk of cancer is low -- so is the risk of having a stroke before 45, and guess what? But also because it is causing this problem to begin with, why wouldn’t I have it taken out?

There is of course a risk, because of the use of anesthesia, and I am nervous. But yes. That’s where we are. Talk to your doctors.

[poke-breeder-rowan]

My main team and two support Pokémon.

This team has been with me for years. Serena has been here since I was eight. Bare in mind Service/support Pokémon cannot fight if they are seen as outside the 6. They all have helped while I was trying to compete for champion. Raven was my rival and best friend while I also had a few friends who also would fight against me. For the most part my team didn't change too much during it all. Especially with joining up as a ranger when I was young. Now adays I go around as a breeder and study Pokémon variants and how they adapt to their environment in college. My main team I rarely fight with as I have a separate competitive team. Serena First Pokémon I ever got was a Eevee called Serena. She's been with me since I was eight when I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. She and I trained together and so she could help me manage. Near the end of her training she evolved into Sylveon and we then started a little bit more specific training so she could help using her ribbons. She did evolve really early on but she's doing well and is happy enough. She's a fully certified diabetic alert Pokémon and is often seen following me around. She's the most likely Pokémon of mine to see with me in town and at home. She also is very close with the fox , cat and dog pokemon on site. Especially Nyx, Sandwich and Nightshade. Saturn. This lil guy actually didn't become my Pokémon till much later. He was a lil Pidove who I would feed in my first home back down at Postwick. He got really use to me and would even sit on my hand. I'd tend to keep Serena away from him just in case. One day I had to move and expected never to see him again. I spent the whole two days at the times he usually comes to my windows and he never showed up. On the third I moved up to Wedgehurst to my dads. Only to find a Pidove all too familiar in town with a folk. He stayed wild till I was 12. When I actually caught him. He was usually with me anyway but I caught him when he made it clear he wished to join me on my journey and see the whole of Galar. Now he's a Unfezant who's a glutton. He hasn't been caught for so long due to me joining the Rangers when I was 12. He flies about and helps me find any missing or injured Pokémon. He fits in my team fairly well though him and Sandwich can be quite the hand full. Especially since hes aware of how pretty he is and loves going to contests. Hes quite the bad loser too. (His favourite contests are the cuteness and beauty.) Sandwich My starter Pokémon. A gift from my partner Raven as I started my journey quite late due to my family being worried about me with my health issues travelling through Galar. I managed to get them to let me leave after I showed my friends who would be joining me on my adventure. I didn't get to start till I was 13. My partner, friend at the time gave me a shiny Vulpix variant (Classic/kanto) named Sandwich. Sandwich is a calm and mischievous Ninetales. She was my main Pokémon partner and she loved competing against my friends. Now a days most contests are at contest spectators and a friendly fight ever now and then. She took along time to decide to evolve. Now she's a Ninetales who is absolutely aware of how gorgeous she is. She's often found wandering with me or hanging out with Nyx. They form snuggle piles and all the fox Pokémon will sit with them, its utterly adorable. She serves as the guardian of the farm. Nightshade. Another support/service Pokemon. I got him gifted to me from the same breeder my family got Serena from. I knew he was most likely to Evolve into a Umbreon just from his connection to the moon and being wide awake at night. Which was really good for sleepless nights while out or at home. We often go out on late walks when I cant sleep or if I just want to enjoy the night. This lil guy helps with anxiety and my autism. He reminds me to take my meds too though my partner does that plenty anyway. Nyx. A Zorua shiny that I found in the Crown Tundra. He was on his own and badly hurt. I was a ranger at the time and we got told we were watching the Crown Tundra for a bit. I looked

after him the most. Eventually he ended up joining me and being registered under my Trainer ID. He gets along alot with Sandwich, Serena and Nightshade. They use to form a little fur pile. Now sometimes they'll sleep together and it is the cutest thing. Nyx is mostly seen as the dad of the farm. He occasionally gives canine and fox pokemon rides in his fur.

Bud. A Cottonee who's parents I caught in the wilds. Shes my first ever pokemon I got myself from breeding. She started my love for grass types. She is wonderful to relax and sit with. She loves decorating her cotton various accessories like ribbons and bows. She is wonderful. I was 14 when I raised her with the help of other breeders , Pokémon and partner. She is a cross she mostly looks like cottonee but she has a little bit of Roserade making it so she has small flowers behind her horns.

Avalon. Avalon was given to me around a year after I stopped being a Ranger. I started joining small clubs for Pokémon breeding some were variants and others for competitive Pokémon. I gave one of the members one of my pokemon (A corviknight.) I got them back a few weeks later but about my anniversary of leaving the rangers I was alerted that I was sent a Pokemon. Turns out it was a little Applin. Now I know that couples often present one to one another and I really thought of giving him to my partner especially since Sandwich was given to me by them. While looking after him I came up with the name Avalon. He has stayed with me since. He usually sits on my shoulder or curls on my bag, cuddling onto me while I do chores. Nagi Nagi the Noivern. He is a little rascal and second dragon type Pokémon I raised from an egg. He would sit and hang from my tent pole alot during camping. He was the last pokemon in my party. I got him after I stopped going to gyms after leader Allister and being a ranger. Nagi and the rest of the team helped defeat all the way to Leon. Though I failed to defeat him. After that I went on to work, got a place and now go full time to college. He helps out a lot with travel which ill take him over a Corviknight taxi unless I must. He helps with any emergency travel spots to the Pokecenter. Hes a lot calmer now happy to go out on rides though and he still loves the game catch. I toss a ball up in the air and he usually tosses it around for a bit before returning it and repeating all over again. And that's all my Pokémon!

[windandwater]

so I started adderall and hoo boy. lemme tell you. what a wild feeling, in so many ways, but especially right now where I’m like “I’m not doing anything shouldn’t I be panicking” and my brain is like “no. you have a lot to do. but you’ve also been working really hard. so it’s okay to take a break for a few minutes” and I BELIEVE MYSELF??

WOW

anyway here’s some stuff under the cut about it because I can’t believe how well this is working out.

background: I’m hypoglycemic. one big reason I decided to do this was, I was having this issue where I get depressed if I don’t eat sugar. I was eating sugar to feel joy. I am at risk for diabetes but even if I wasn’t this is not...great. I’ve always had to watch my blood sugar and I’ve always been careful about what I eat but in recent years, the amount of actual dessert/candy I eat has gotten mildly out of control and my doctors have told me to watch my sugar and I just...wasn’t able to.

one of my coworkers who is also not-neurotypical and as such knows her shit, told me that this whole “sugar to feel joy” thing is an ADHD symptom. I knew I had ADHD (I’d been diagnosed in high school) but wasn’t being treated for it, but had never been told this was a symptom, and at that point I was like, you know what, fuck this, I can’t get my health under control on my own if I’m not being treated for my mental health as well. I’m talking to my psychiatrist about this.

so I did. enter adderall. and now I wanna talk about it because it’s been FASCINATING and I am all about brain medication when you need it. so here goes!

also I live-tweeted my first 24 hours on adderall because it was SO WILD and I’m so glad I did even though I have three (3) followers, more on that in a minute

(me: I can’t tell if it’s working, it’s supposed to kick in in 30 minutes but--wait I think my brain just went bOOP

coworker: is bOOP good?

me: it’s WEIRD)

the good

Y’ALL THE SUGAR THING WORKED IMMEDIATELY. oh my god I was stunned. absolutely stunned. I still absolutely have a sweet tooth and enjoy eating sweets but I can eat a normal amount, at normal times, and not because I need to feel something. it’s because I want to eat something sweet. I can’t believe in 24 hours I went from complete inability to control myself to just...not having to. brains!! who knew!!!

I focused on an entire conversation the entire time. the entire time. I was even very stressed because my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat, but I was able to put that aside because I knew I could deal with it when the conversation was over! WHAT THE HELL!

since then it hasn’t been that easy because conversations are, quite frankly, often very boring, especially for work. but it’s easier to focus when I need to, and not zone out halfway through or have to do something else in order to focus. or start stressing/thinking about other shit that doesn’t matter. I can listen to what people are saying!!! for an hour! it’s crazy!!!

I wasn’t tired all day! this is also part of the bad. you’ll see.

I feel more in control of my days now, and less like time is speeding by at a rate I don’t and can’t comprehend. I’ve gotten fairly good at planning out and prioritizing my time anyway, but now it’s like...better. and easier.

executive function is online, and as I alluded to, no more self-guilt-tripping if it takes me a minute to get to things. they’ll still get done! it’s okay! if I don’t do something right away I will still do the thing! I have years of experience parceling tasks into small pieces so I do them, but less so with not still getting on my own case about not doing them right away.

if I don’t have music or a podcast playing at all times, I can still focus on work. it’s still pretty nice, it’s just not absolutely necessary. this is throwing me off hardcore but it’s kind of nice to be able to be in silence occasionally.

I can still multitask but if I’m NOT multitasking I don’t feel like I’m going insane, and also, I don’t feel like my brain is hanging by a thread at all times that might break and cause everything to explode.

a tweet I made: “I was researching something and when I got frustrated I kept at it and didn't have to go take a break to do something equally frustrating and pinball back and forth between them until they both got done. I might have just been weaponized? “

it’s true. researching/looking stuff up is one of my skillsets and...I’ve been weaponized.

the bad

my appetite is allll fucked up. we’re adjusting the type of medication I’m on to try and mitigate this but wow it’s an appetite suppressant and wow that’s not okay when you’re hypoglycemic and have to keep your blood sugar up.

my sleep is also fucked up. anxiety keeps me from falling asleep and I’d gotten to a good place re: falling asleep at night. however I was also in a very bad place re: sleeping constantly (sleep apnea? quarantine depression? who knows!). but waking up constantly during the night ain’t the solution, chief. so we’re also adjusting to see if we can do something about that.

regarding that: the first night, I literally just did not get tired. it was very upsetting. if I hadn’t tweeted about it I would’ve had an out and out panic attack, but one of my friends talked me off the ledge, telling me she had the same experience when she first went on it. I was not warned and I wish I had been. I was still able to sleep (she wasn’t, when it happened to her) but hoo boy. no thank you.

pharmacies like to babysit you when you’re on controlled substances. ugh.

more shit to keep track of. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

unfortunately, I had a hard time finding mainstream resources for this stuff online. I’ve read a lot from tumblr and heard from other people’s experiences, but when I went looking for, say, information on adderall & sleep...a lot of it is related to addiction. I had a similar problem with ADHD & sleep: I wanted to know more about whether ADHD can make you really tired like I was, or whether it was just an insomnia type of thing, and there just wasn’t a lot out there. this isn’t really a problem with the drug, but like...it’s a pain when you really want to learn more about something, aren’t in a place to talk to your doctor yet, and are just left to the wind with the mainstream internet assuming you’re abusing a substance.

definitely also felt like I had to lay the groundwork with my doctor...I had been planning to talk to her about this for a while, so I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis early on so I could bring it up at some point and not just out of the blue ask her for meth. this stuff is hard.

(not making a statement of any kind of recreational drug use/addiction, just...I hate the US medical system. a lot. everybody loses.)

so that’s how it’s going! sorry for the long post, but I did want to document this somewhere besides twitter, and maybe some of y’all are interested.

oh also, my other favorite thing that happened is my doctor said to try to keep track of when I take the medication and it wears off, and I literally told her that that would also be a good marker of whether or not it’s doing its job, because in my natural state I literally cannot remember to do that, with anything, ever. and I did! I managed! WILD

anyway end the stigma. ♥️

[godblooded]

under the cut it ‘ s just … it ‘ s just a lot of unadulterated upset about myself ( it ‘ s not a new development so if you ‘ re not in a great place i don ‘ t recommend reading it ) and i need to put it down somewhere just for the sake of words existing in a place. idk if that makes any sense but sometimes it improves the issue.

everything would be so much easier to bear if i didn ‘ t feel like half my life was wasted because it was taken from me by every circumstance possible — who was dying in my house , what teacher was trying to make my life miserable because they could hate the neurodivergent queer kid , would any given night be a night i got into a fistfight with my aunt , would i be staying out that night and lying about going to a friend ‘ s place because i didn ‘ t want to go home but sleeping for a couple hours in my car and going home when the fighting wasn ‘ t happening was better. would i rather be staying at over at my ex-hetcomp-boyfriend ‘ s and lying about where i was even if he was abusive and i frankly didn ‘ t even have feelings for him ( also , i was 14 ). was my neglectful abusive father seeing me that weekend to neglect AND abuse me at once , somehow — that was a fun one until i was 18. was my mother going to have a severe diabetic reaction and bottom out so i would be the one who had to save her life , again , and yes , ‘ had to ‘ is the only way to put that when the person in question is committing passive suicide , somehow , actively. would i wake up to find my mother dead or would i even wake up , considering my insomnia started at 16 and my mother had already driven home my fear so badly it became a trauma response every morning i still suffer from , so no , i wouldn ‘ t even go to sleep. would my mom bottom out in the middle of the night and then beg me not to tell my aunt about it and , of course , i never would , after being viciously verbally and emotionally abused at 1 in the morning by a woman who could never be fucked to calculate her insulin intake. all the while being constantly admonished for being ‘ lazy and not wanting to apply myself ‘ ( ha ha ha ha who else has heard THAT one ) and taking care of the emotional needs of my aunt and my grandfather and my mother because none of them could be healthy about it but i feel so deeply that it ‘ s a knife to the gut. and all of us grieving the sudden death of my grandmother on my birthday — oh yeah , when i was 10 , and i woke up feeling exactly like the last person left in the rapture because i was completely alone. this would be so much easier for me to handle if it wasn ‘ t for the parade of trauma that just decided to send its marching band right through 26 years of my life until i finally got to a place where i was so bad i had to finally go to a therapist for , about , the sixth time and hope this one would a ) believe me and b ) might consider medication. and then spend years being gaslit about how ‘ i ‘ m just very obsessed with getting a diagnosis and that ‘ s part of my issue ‘ …. only to finally and obviously be diagnosed with adhd. the only reason i ‘ m even capable right now is because after my mother flung me to the other end of the country because she didn ‘ t want to deal with me anymore and I had a place to stay i came home to her spending one day being suddenly lucid but entirely selfish and then she declined into a tailspin so quickly she ‘ s now bedridden and cannot be an active participant in my life anymore. it ‘ s exhausting to feel and be alone because in the end , i am obviously the only one who can figure out my own shit. — also , just for reference , when someone is literally suffering to the point of an emotional breakdown don ‘ t say ‘ yes , that ‘ s what i want , i want you to figure your fucking shit out ‘. it just makes a person never want to share their pain with anyone ever again. so here ‘ s this vent and me hoping i don ‘ t delete it because it felt good to get out at least. 

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 1 of dunno how many)

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to)

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post.

So, i thought getting diagnosed would maybe help me... A couple of weeks ago, i realized that my heart has been beating a bit faster than what i remembered it used to and my blood pressure would get low. Of course like every other pain or issue ever, i tried to first ignore it and act it out (trying to look fine) but you see, with low BP i really couldn’t act okay. My brain would go numb, i would feel like my brain was pushing me (the consciousness or me in my brain) towards the top of my forehead forcing me into my skull from inside; everything else felt numb. I couldn’t really speak or even think, all words were slurred if i tried my hardest. My body moved very slowly, i couldn’t even raise a finger in the normal speed (even in front of my parents, in front of who i never ever show if i am in pain or ill. but until then i had hid it pretty well by going to my room or just not letting them see me that much). By this time i didn’t know what was happening and episodes like this continued for 3 or 4 days, until one day i remembered that i should check my blood pressure as my heart feels like drowning (it was around 90 and 65 and pulse more than 110). Now, as someone whose blood pressure has always been around 110/70, i got a bit scared; i didn’t know if it was okay to have it this low or not and i wasn’t feeling okay at all. Anyway, it dropped a bit more and my mother noticed me (until then i was completely wiped out, had no strength to even be present in my body let alone act okay. i continuously felt like if i closed my eyes i’d slip away and never come back.

My mother told me to get up and have some ORS (some sort of salts and electrolytes thingy used in dehydration etc) and eat bananas. after some time my heart felt a bit fine and my BP rose up to 105 and something. But i felt exhausted, as if i had fought a war with my bare hands. I couldn’t even ask them to take me to a doctor and after this episode was over she suggested it very ummm... very angrily... so i stayed quiet. Later my sister (married) texted me and said that Mom will get an appointment for her general physician tomorrow for you. She obviously had talked to my mother on the phone and knew all about it (or at least as much as my mother decided to tell her). The next day she took the appointment which was for almost 2 weeks later (only time available). throughout the days leading up to that she told me that i’d feel fine and we’d not even need to go to the doc.

finally, the day arrived. My mother had been telling me to write things to show the doc, my symptoms and stuff, but i couldn’t write anything. I wrote this on a paper 9in a slow child-like handwriting:

1. Pain everywhere

    Tired

    Breathe (referring to difficulty in breathing but i couldn’t write the whole sentence)

the day i went to the doctor i added “ fog/ Quick sand” to the list wanting to say that i feel like i am in a fog/ quick sand as everything including my body and my brain function becomes very slow and delayed.

I didn’t take that paper to the doctor (well, that exquisitely written note wasn’t very helpful). I had decided beforehand that i’d somehow send my mother out and talk to the doctor in private as my emotionally abusive and controlling mother makes me unable to function like a normal human being. It took me days to prepare myself to say that. I also took all my history with me from the beginning of the year. Below is the brief history:

[ I had a very bad chest infection right after chicken pox (at the start of this year, yes great start to a great year 2020), I had to get a chest x-ray in which Scoliosis (bending of spine) showed up. According to the doctors and my family, as it was an incidental finding, it was asymptomatic and therefore needed no treatment or even a brace. No one cared to pay attention to what i said or how i felt as the fucking patient who actually dealt with a lot of back and shoulder and literally almost every kind of bone pain, and for whom the discovery of scoliosis was an answer to a lot.] Anyway, back to the regular rant.

so we went to the doctor. As i sat outside waiting for my turn, i practised again and again about how to ask to be diagnosed in private and not making my mother mad. first, my mother’s turn arrived and she told me to go in with her and remember what doctor tells her for her diabetes and acidity issues. After she was done... (i am getting a bit hazy here) i think the doctor brought up my scoliosis (i went to him in the beginning of the year and he referred me to an osteopath or someone) he talked about how he discussed my case with his colleague and he advised me to go to another hospital in another city for they have a specific department for things like scoliosis. After he said it all and looked at me expectantly to start telling him why i was there, i told my, mother if she can leave, she laughed embarrassed and acted like ha ha sweety i won’t disturb you go on ahead. but i repeated it a couple more times ( i think my tone was pretty dry, but i am not sure as i couldn’t really regulate anything at that time).

She left. then the doctor asked me about my health and i started to explain, except i couldn’t find the right words and forgot everything and just burst into tears. he patiently offered me tissues and waited for my answer. I explained somewhat. i don’t really remember the symptoms i explained, just that i felt fake and weird as if it all wasn’t really happening or i was faking everything and don’t know why the hell i kept bawling my eyes out, i was fine!! stop crying and making a scene. I was also inwardly thankful that my mother wasn’t in the room as i have had a similar experience of crying in front of a doctor and she taunted me about it for months calling me fake and attention seeking and a liar. Anyway, here is a list of what i told the doctor (from what i can remember):

- i feel like i am always holding myself up tightly, if i let go i’d fall. My muscles all feel seized up

-I have difficulty in breathing, i can’t breathe deeply for years. and before it was connected to emotional issues but now its almost all day everyday.

-As because of scoliosis my ribcage is a bit twisted so if i bent over my left ribs dig into my stomach area and it is quite painful if my stomach is full, if i have gained weight or if i have gas.

-my ankles feel swollen on the inside and walking is painful, my heels hurt and the top of my foot and the pain goes all the way up to my pelvic bone and back. My back hurts all the fucking time.

-My knees hurt so much that i have not been able to put my weight on my left knee for more than a week now (it has been hurting in the past as well) and now my body had developed a weird habit of walking up the stairs without putting pressure on left knee at all, which has in turn made my right knee tired and painful.

- I can’t really feel hungry. like if i don’t eat for a long time i’d feel that painful hunger in my stomach but i have no desire to eat and i keep forgetting about it. even when i try to eat i look at food and recoil in a little, i can’t eat it usually or at least like i use to ( I loved food more than almost anything ever, with only some foods that i couldn’t eat). and even after i eat (usually only when i eat something with wheat in it) my stomach swells up a round and painful (which is even more painful when the ribs dig into it.

-My jaw feels stiff and my teeth and gums hurt as if i have been clenching my jaw (which i do catch myself doing quite often)

-oh! i actually started out with saying that i can’t really hold up my neck some of the time (like a baby), and it keep falling around if i relax, it was happening right then too. then i cried. i also mentioned something about my bones painfully feeling like they’ll fuse into each other (if i lie on my side sometimes i feel like both sides of my ribcage will collapse into each other

This was all i could remember then and i think there might be more that i told him but i don’t remember it rn

The doctor asked me things in return. he asked me about my sleep which i told him i can’t sleep. I have been a person who’d sleep 7- 8 hours a night and then also take a nap in the day. I love to sleep, i could always sleep, no matter what happened. If i had cramps, migraine, back pain, emotional abuse, my favorite character died, tired, bored anything; I’d sleep it off. But now, no matter when o lie down, firstly, i am in too much pain to be comfortable in any position, it takes hours to fall asleep and no more fun daydreaming before sleep too. and then i wake up even more exhausted somehow.

He checked my BP and breathing ( i couldn’t breathe properly maybe because of crying) and stomach softness. My BP was 135/95 which i contributed to the car ride (i have car anxiety... dunno what it is but i get super anxious and panicky in a car especially with my family) but he said it could be because you just cried so much.

so, then he said that you are too stressed and your neurons are constantly firing cuz pain both emotional and physical. (he was talking for quite some time but i don’t remember what he said) he said most of it seems to be mental but upon my request he did give a few tests (one in particular expensive one for some muscle disease or something) then he referred me to a psychiatrist. he also asked me to write down my symptoms as the more i tell the doctor the better they can diagnose. then i got out and told my mother the diagnosis and referral. she went in to the office herself and talked to him for some time.

So, we had the tests done (with my father making it a point to say loudly how expensive was one of them in particular) and got an appointment for the psychiatrist. Also said that i have some stomach acidity and gave medicine for that

this seems like a huge post so i am thinking about making another one for that session and the later drama, hopefully before i forget

part two can be found here

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey you don't have to answer this if its too personal, but I was skimming your masterlists (congrats, you are my current bedtime story obsession) and I found the one about gastroparesis. I was diagnosed out of the blue with that years ago! They have no idea what caused it, they said I was at 98% dysfunction, but its gotten better the last few years. Just thought it was interesting, I've never met anyone else who had it.

TW: Health Issues

It’s not too personal! and I’ve spoken about it plenty of times. I’ve mentioned to you guys that I have a few chronic illnesses and that I’ve been sick pretty much since I turned 18 a few times. I consider myself a Spoonie. If you’d like to look into that. I follow a lot of other Disabled users on Tumblr in the community as when I first got sick, I started researching and trying to learn as much as I could and looking for anyone who has what I have because—

Honestly, I’ve never met another person in person who has what I have and is as young as I am. I’ve dealt with a lot of “you don’t look sick,” and “you’re too young to be this sick,” and my personal favorite, “wow, Kaitlyn, you lost all of that weight and now you’re beautiful,” as if my being fat before was ugly (god, don’t get me started), and now the only thing you see is a slender girl who is clearly barely standing up straight, with bags under her eyes, and is white as a sheet. 

That’s a story for another day though. I won’t jam the blog with my experiences on that, but if anyone ever wants to talk to me about that, or they’re dealing with something similar, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I didn’t have anyone to turn to when I got sick so I’m always tending to make sure that someone has a voice to talk to.

Gastroparesis can stem from things like Diabetes, injury to your vagus nerve, hypothyroidism, other autoimmune disorders, etc. There are also idiopathic cases of Gastroparesis that cannot be explained whatsoever, as is the case with myself. 

I woke up one morning, felt like I couldn’t breathe, thought I possibly just had an early symptom of a cold, tried to go to school, nearly passed out. It took months for them to explain what was happening to me and I kept getting wrong answer after wrong answer as I lost more and more weight. I lost over 120llbs during a five-month period, or less, honestly, my memory is getting shit. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t do anything with my body fighting me. 

They can’t explain to me why this happened but it did. I have good days, okay days, and then the worst days of my life. I can’t eat like I used to and I mostly stay on liquids. I have to self medicate for it using diet changes and Miralax off and on. It’s changed my life in a lot of ways. It nearly killed me and sometimes I get hit with that and it’s daunting. 

I’m sorry you have to deal with this, too. It affects a lot of people, mostly afab women, so there’s no surprise that there’s only one medicine that works for it and it didn’t work for me. I’m glad to hear that you’ve gotten somewhat better as some people tend to do after the initial flare onset, but it differs from person to person. I’ve been this way since 2016 and I will have this for the rest of my life, so I have learned to cope.

I do hope you continue to manage yours well, as it can rotate between good years and bad years. I wish your health good luck. It’s not easy having this condition and I pray your worst days are far easier than mine. 

The whole reason that I wrote that specific scenario is because nobody writes for rare disorders like this one. I knew that nobody would write about one that is as “gross” and as “taboo”, so I did it myself. I wrote it partially for myself and for the chance that someone in this fandom came to my blog with the same disease that I have and they finally fucking saw something where they felt included in the story. 

It’s hard to imagine myself in Otome. I have limitations, I am disabled, and if I can write something, even the smallest thing, to make sure that someone who needs to hear that they’re not gross and that they are loved, then I will be the one to do that. The whole reason I got into writing so intensely in this form is because I am sick, I haven’t been able to go back to school or get a job, and I spent so much time with my thoughts. 

When I’m writing for you guys, it feels like I’m doing something to help others and that makes me feel better when I’m having the worst day. It’s important to me that I can write something that so people know that the characters love them no matter what, even I need to hear that sometimes. 

[otakuprincess15]

Just gonna share a thing that most of you probably already know. Doctors are not always right. Get a second opinion.

When I was 14 I had super bad periods. They were extremely painful and heavy and after a bit, I started having a never ending period. I literally would have it for 3 months straight, get a week off, and then bad to period.

(Its super hard to talk about this because pass out and get dizzy from talking about medical stuff but i feel this is important.)

So my parents took me to see the Dr and they referred me to a OB/GYN. The first dr i saw there literally told me that this was normal and because my body was still regulating itself. (I got my period at 12 and so had had it for 2 years already.)

Time passed and finally I was super weak and sick and my parents had to take me to the ER. When I got their they checked my blood levels and said they didnt know how I was even still walking.

After this whole incident I had to be put on iron supplements by a new OBGYN who actually knew a thing or two. I also had to be put on birth control to reset my cycle and that was miserable because I was nauseous for a while and my first period on it was so painful that the doctor and my mom both told me that I had probably felt what if felt like to go through childbirth.

This type of incident happened one other time for me. With my first pregnancy i went in for my first blood test and they told me my sugar levels were high. I was immediately diagnosed (by a secondary Dr not my normal obgyn) with gestational diabetes. I spent my entire pregnancy on a strict diet and poking my finger every day multiple times. (This was especially a big deal for me with my fainting issues). I made it 30 weeks in before they realized they never sent me to a specialist and set up an appointment. The specialist looked at my records for my numbers which were completely normal the whole time. He thought that was strange and checked what my level had been the first time.

It had been 91. A normal fasting blood sugar level is 90. They literally misdiagnosed me over 1 point. He couldn't reverse the diagnosis but at that point I stopped checking my blood and worrying.

With my second baby, I told the Drs that the first time had been a misdiagnosis and they removed it from my medical record.

But yeah, a random psa about how Drs can be super wrong. So get a second or third opinion any time something feels off to you.