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lcriedlastnight · 3 days ago

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a setback | lando norris

○ lando norris x sports therapist!reader

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : w/c 1.4k. i know i disappeared but college was kicking my ass for a bit. anyway this was inspired by dts cause it pissed me off!

lando supposes the talk about him not having the 'right' mindset to be a world champion stemmed from his first win way back in miami last year but he thinks that zak really started to worry in the off-season after the end of the season. lando also knows that the stupid fucking netflix documentary didn't do him any favours in that department as basically everyone was agreeing with what he would call, haters.

so to say that lando had no clue what this meeting that zak had called just weeks before the first race of the 2025 season would be about was kind of a lie. he didn't know for sure, but word sure did spread fast around mtc. plus oscar had said that he overheard something along the lines of 'a therapist in the sporting department'. lando didn't even know that existed.

walking into that meeting room, lando knew that zak was plotting something. he's known zak long enough to know what his evil plotting face looks like and it was sitting plain, clear as day on his tanned, round face. and lando hated it. although that wasn't the only thing that let him know that something was up. oscar was sitting across from the ceo, the table stretching down the room. oscar was never early, hell he was never even on time! this set alarm bells off in lando's head before anyone had even notced he had opened the glass doors.

"lando! morning! how did you sleep!" zak greets him with his usual enthusiasm, getting up from his seat to pull him into a friendly hug. oscar greets his teammate and friend with a simple nod. lando reciprocates and sits down, after greeting zak with as much enthusiasm he can muster at this time of the morning on what was supposed to be his one and only full day off.

"so what was so important that you needed us to come in on our day off then?" lando doesn't waste anytime in asking zak the burning question after the pleasantries were out the way with.

"ah, yes! that.." zak starts, his voice trailing off, giving oscar a side glance. "well, as a team, we have decided that we want to start taking you guys'," he motions to the two boys in front of him, donned in their papaya shirts, "mental health as serious as we can. more serious than we have before with you guys, and previous drivers."

lando knew where this was going. knew what was coming next. they were going to be forced to therapy sessions every week to talk about their feelings about racing. it was just going to be the same shit he tells zak and the reporters after a race. "happy with the results from today, we pushed as hard as we could" or "obviously we are unhappy with how today's race ended but we gave all that we could today and it just clearly wasn't enough." he had said it all before - it was a waste of money really, to hire someone to do this for them. was it easy to tell that lando wasn't a fan of any kind of therapy?

"so to combat anything negative surrounding racing and racing with us, i have hired a sports therapist!" zak finishes, his voice raising at the end even though he could see the way lando's face falls as his thoughts are confirmed.

now all of that was two weeks ago and both mclaren drivers were stood outside of a random room inside of mtc that neither could say for sure that they had been in before.

"y'want me to go in first or d'you want to get it out the way with?" oscar asks a rather grumpy looking lando. oscar knows that he is only doing this so that lando doesn't feel like all of this was just for him and to better his mindset on track but he has a feeling that lando already knows that it is. oscar is not the kind of guy to take lando for a fool, not when he took the title of lando's longest driving partnership - he feels he knows him well enough by now to know his feelings.

"i'll go first."

before oscar can reply the door in front of them swings open and a young woman is standing behind it.

"hi! who's first?" she beams at both of the young drivers as she opens the door further to invite either of them in. instead of saying anything lando just stands up and walks inside the room, straight by the girl. if anything it was quite rude but to what oscar had seen she didn't seem too fussed about it. he did give her an apologetic smile but she just gave him another bright smile and followed lando into the room.

when lando walked into the room, it didn't look like it did in the movies. no big weird shaped couch, just a set of chairs in a room decorated just like the rest of the rooms in mtc. lando doesn't know why he thought it was going to be anything different. the boy sits down on one of the seats as she walks back into the room and closes the door behind her.

"hi," she greets him with her name as she sits across from him. "it's lovely to meet you, lando. zak gave me a brief rundown of what you guys are looking to get out of this but i'd just like to know from you." she says.

it takes everything in lando to not roll his eyes in annoyance. he knows it's not her fault but he can't help but get pissed off about all of this. this is the first time lando can remember that he was seriously pissed off at an aspect of his job. instead of sulking about it though, he puts on the fakest smile he's sure the girl has ever seen and responds, trying to keep the annoyance from his tone.

"don't know really, this was all zak's idea."

she nods her head in understanding, like she could read lando's mind and see all that hesitance he had towards therapy and talking about his feelings. maybe it was because talking about your feelings as a man was frowned upon or maybe it was because he was supposed to be strong as a racer and want to be an arsehole to all of his fellow drivers but all lando knew is that could not be further from what he was like.

"look, it doesn't take someone with a doctorate to know that you don't want to be here doing this," she starts, eyes still holding that same kindness that she had from when he had first saw them when she had opened the door.

lando feels his demeanour soften a touch at her constant kindness towards him, he's puzzled when he feels his heart beat a little harder in his chest because of it, too.

"and if you really don't want to talk to me about racing and how you think it affects you mentally, then you don't need to. i'm not forcing you to do something you don't think will work for you."

lando wants to let his jaw drop in shock. god, she's good. but there's no way she's come all this way to just offer not to do her job. surely, andrea and zak would be pissed to find out that he wasn't attending these sessions? if not at him then at her, for not making him stay.

"i don't really think it'll help me. zak hasn't said it but i know he's only hired you to try and get me that 'champions mindset' but i don't think that's me." lando explains a little, and without realising he had already opened up to the girl. just ten minutes before he had swore he wasn't going to tell her his age, never mind the one thing that has been keeping up at night recently.

of course she knew that she had already made the curly haired boy crack without even realising himself, she kept it to herself and dug just a tad deeper.

"well, do you think zak thinks you need this 'racing mindset to go on and win the championship?"

and just like that lando opens up again, answering every single one of her questions without hesitation and when the end of the twenty minutes was up, lando couldn't help but be surprised. he was only suppossed to stay for a few minutes to tell her that he would not be seeing her every monday morning.

so when she raises from her seat and heads towards the door, lando follows. she opens and lets lando out before letting oscar know that she was now ready for him but not without one last word to lando.

"see you next week?".

weirdly, lando couldn't wait for next monday.

#lando norris imagine #lando norris fluff #lando norris angst #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris fic #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 fluff #ln4 angst #f1 imagine #f1 fluff #f1 x reader #f1 fic #f1 x you #lcriedlastnight

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amalg-em · 3 days ago

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Okay, I think there is, though.

Let me explain it this way: having children is a thing people do sometimes, that some people find rewarding/enriching. It's not for everyone, but neither is, say, running an animal shelter, or traveling all over for rock climbing, or working the night shift. However, like all those things, if someone wants to do it and can do it responsibly, they should be allowed to.

If reproducing/raising children is a behavior that some humans seek out for enrichment, then there should be an available outlet for them to do so. Yes, less people are having children now, and largely that's people who wouldn't want to have children anyway - but it also includes people like me, who WOULD like to have children, but are prevented from doing so.

You can't just look at the statistic "people are doing x thing less." You also have to check whether people are WANTING to do the thing. And, in this case, many of us do! I would love to be able to help support & shape the next generation of humans. I have valuable wisdom and experience to pass down and I enjoy working with children, so I would be an attentive and enthusiastic parent.

However, I also grew up in a toxic and sometimes abusive home, and I've seen the factors that contribute to that: isolation, poverty, fundamentalist religion, untreated/unmanaged trauma and health issues, etc. Most of these factors are present in my life, meaning that it would be unwise for me to have kids, or at least not until the issues are mitigated.

All of the factors I listed aren't unique to me - trauma is common, doctors not taking chronic illnesses seriously is common, isolation is common, poverty is common. There's also current or impeding climate disaster, spreading global fascism, and uncontrolled capitalism. All of these things are going to make it less likely for people to want to have children, even if they would otherwise, because they rightfully don't want to bring a tiny, helpless, fragile new person into a horrible situation.

My point is, looking at the data that shows people aren't having kids is useful if you're following it up with the question, "WHY aren't people having children?" Because if something is a normal human behavior that a certain percentage of people will want to engage in, but they're not doing it, that's a potential indicator that society has broken down somewhere and people aren't getting their needs met. And this is factually true in this case.

From what I've read, many people have concerns like mine, where they don't want to bring a child into a bad situation. Also, lot of research that polls people of reproductive age comes up with the answers "It takes too much time" and "it costs too much money." And these, too, are red flags for society not functioning as it should be. Does it really make sense to dump the entire childrearing process onto one or two people? Especially when that's not the only option, and communal childrearing has been the norm in other places and times? If children are the future and necessary for the continuation of society, doesn't it make more sense that the entire community should be pitching in to help raise children, both monetarily and otherwise? Why DO we make things so expensive for parents? Why does every parent have to spend so much money buying new baby gear, new clothes, new shoes, etc for every child? Why are parents saddled with exorbitant daycare costs when it's in the vested interest of an entire community that it's next generation reach adulthood successfully? (The answer to nearly every one of these questions is capitalism, BTW. Exhausted and isolated people spend more money and are easier to exploit.)

"you shouldn't care about x" isn't really a useful sentiment. We can get all kinds of information about what's going on in the world humans have created and how to fix it by looking at data like this and asking questions. That's the entire basis for critical thinking, in fact; asking questions like: what is happening, why is it happening, what are the mechanisms driving it, who benefits from it, who suffers, etc. "There is no progressive way to care about this topic" is just as reactionary and counterproductive as "Oh No, Women are become Actual People instead of Baby Factories, This Will Detroy Society"

Sorry not sorry but there's no "liberal" way to care about collective fertility rates

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burningcheese-merchant · 3 days ago

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Finally made a BurningCheese chart. I can finally die now /j

More detailed explanations under cut. I admit that my placements are a liiiiiiiiiittle all over the place because I ship BurningCheese a bunch of different ways, but for the most part it's really the enemies to lovers + redemption arc from my main canon influencing my thoughts here

Tropes: idk if this really needs much elaboration. Enemies to Lovers + Soulmates + Forbidden Love (the hero/villain type) + God Couple + Narrative/Character Foils + Golden Cheese has some tsundere tendencies at points + Burning Spice's yandere tendencies + Tall and Short + idk the exact names of all the tropes man lol. These are probably the most important ones

Age Difference: who actually knows lol. They're both old coots, that's the gist of it. They're so old that they both knew the Burger King when he was a prince. They're so old their birth certificates already expired. They're so old that if you told them to act their age, they'd keel over and die on the spot. Old people being madly in love even after so many years is so cute 😭

Height Difference: If your Burning Spice does not have to duck when walking through doorways then you're imagining him wrong. Hell I STILL might've made him too short. Golden Cheese must barely reach his shoulder while standing and fit snugly in his lap while sitting, It Is Decreed (I know 5'7" isn't THAT short, I'm just leaning into the short queen jokes)

Trust Lvl: This was a little tough for me because I was juggling multiple factors at once. I gave BS 100% trust because I think, no matter what, he genuinely would trust her. To love him, to be loyal, to be there when he needs her, to beat his ass black and blue when necessary, to listen to what he has to say about things. He's giving his whole entire self to her without hesitation or regrets. / There's that bit of the bar still empty for Golden Cheese because, even when she warms up to him (and she never once doubts his love for her, that's not the issue), she's not entirely sure of what he'll do. For a long while yet, some part of her will worry that he will turn on her and resume his reign of terror at any moment. She needs time and consistency. Proof that he will choose her over destruction if and when pushed. When he's fully able to do that, THEN she trusts him fully. (Outside of the main canon, it remains a bit empty (even LOWER in some instances) bc he very much remains evil and she cannot abide by that)

Jealousy Lvl: Burning Spice is jealous and possessive but not overly so. He doesn't really need to be; he knows his little bird is loyal. But she's a beautiful woman in more ways than one, and he's far from the only person to notice that. So he gets mad when he catches anyone making goo-goo eyes at her, or even flirting if they somehow have the gumption. He doesn't harm them anymore but he will step in and make some show of dominance, like grabbing her and pulling her into a kiss or scooping her up in his arms. Something to pointedly demonstrate that she is HIS and no one else's. / Golden Cheese is very confident and secure; she knows her worth and she knows and trusts that Burning Spice would never stray. But... in the end, she's still Golden Cheese. She's still greedy. She still doesn't want anyone coveting what is hers, no matter what. It's practically a compulsion at this point. So in those (thankfully rare) moments where some floozy who's forgotten her place tries to make a move on HER man, then she's more than happy to correct her. (The encounter ends with Spice covered in kiss marks (and super happy) and the wannabe homewrecker in tears because Golden can be a MEAN girl when she tries)

Horny Lvl: I might've made a mistake not marking Spice's a little bit higher because he's definitely a horndog lol. Of course he's not completely fucking bonkers but he does often struggle to keep his hands off of his bird wife. Physical touch is his main love language anyway + goddamn it she's gorgeous she's everything he ever wanted he NEEDS HER- / Golden Cheese very much enjoys sex and thinks their sex life is perfect, but she's not as needy as him. Like, she doesn't DIE for it unless it's been too long. She has self-control/discipline and other things to think about lol (there's actually a nsfw ship chart that I've thought about filling out and posting, but idk if I should. I have a billion headcanons for them, sfw and nsfw. I'm just nervous abt the latter because I feel kind of embarrassed lol. I usually save the freaky stuff for AO3)

Clingy Lvl: Again, physical touch is Burning Spice's main love language. That combined with his time in prison (millennia in isolation) and Golden Cheese being his literal soulmate makes for a good deal of separation anxiety lol. He will give her space if she really pushes, and of course he has things he wants to do on his own time and she can't always be around. But... no matter what, at the end of the day, he NEEDS her back in his arms. He gets bored and lonely really fast without her. She makes his day better just being near him. He needs to touch her, hold her, hear her voice, run his hands through her wings, taste those pretty lips again... / With all of the hardship she's endured in her life, Golden Cheese has developed a certain tolerance for solitude. Of course she'd rather have company, including his, but if push comes to shove, she can handle being alone. She's fiercely independent in many aspects of her life. Her time with Burning Spice can wait if something more important comes up. She won't die without him. (But she'll certainly miss him)

How It Happens: come on man, you played the game, didn't you? BS falling head over heels on sight, feelings only deepening with time and closeness, and him doing everything in his power to be near her as often as possible? For sure. Golden Cheese taking 10000 years to warm up to him, slowly starting to see the halfway decent man buried deep down beneath the blackened soil of his heart, starting to care for him and want him by her side without even realizing it at first, and trying to deny it when she finally does realize what's happening? Definitely

Relationship Attitude: Obviously they're both very much in love and devoted to each other, but Golden Cheese dials it back a bit in public - just for the sake of appearances, really. She's the queen; she can't go about acting like a lovestruck schoolgirl, she has a reputation to uphold. Burning Spice, on the other hand, absolutely does not give a fuck about what anyone has to say about anything at all. He WILL trap his little bird in a warm embrace and he WILL smother her with kisses and fuck whoever is standing there watching, they can fuck off and mind their own business

First to Confess: He may not have said the exact words "I love you" but good Lord he may as well have with how he behaves in episode 6 lmao. 555-COME-ON-NOW (and omg he is SO fucking happy she eventually says it back)

First to Kiss: Spice. Duh lol. Honestly the only reason he didn't kiss her during eps 5 and 6 is because Devsis are a bunch of cowards

First to Apologize: Another tough one bc they're both very proud/stubborn and would probably demand the other apologize before they do. But because Golden Cheese is a hero at her core, I think it's a bit more likely that she'd say it first. Usually.

Initiates Contact: Spice all the way. He even initiated when they first met lol. He's always the one seeking her out, starting conversations, getting those big strong arms of his around her. Not that she never initiates, he just does it a lot more

Spoils the Other: In total honesty I think they both spoil the other, just in different ways. Golden Cheese with food and trinkets and general pampering, Burning Spice with that physical affection of his. Plenty of flirting and compliments from both. But Goldie is Goldie so of course she wins lol. As if she wouldn't lavish her lover with the finest of everything all the time

Wakes Up First: As queen, Golden Cheese has long since grown accustomed to rising bright and early to attend to her kingdom and subjects. "Early bird gets the cheese" and all that. Burning Spice sleeps like the dead and always wakes up after her (usually to grumble about her getting up bc he doesn't want her to. He tries to hold her hostage in bed almost every morning)

Does the Cooking: Believe it or not, Burning Spice is actually a pretty good chef (I headcanon him as such haha). Golden Cheese really loves the food he makes (he's best with food from his own culture, but he does a good job with other things too) and she's used to other people cooking for her (she's pretty basic at it tbh. She doesn't burn water like Hollyberry but she can't do much) so hubby making her good food? Yes please

Does the Housework: I cannot imagine Golden Cheese NOT being a bit of a neat freak. Why wouldn't she want everything looking pristine 24/7, to fit her immaculate visions of an immaculate, prosperous land? Burning Spice is Burning Spice, he would sleep on the fucking floor and in piles of trash and dirty clothes (and probably has tbh) if left alone, he is literally Destruction why would he clean anything. He gets pissy when he sweeps the floor with a broom for 5 seconds he ain't doing no housework unless forced to (which he often is)

Does the Talking: Was going to leave just Goldie but tbh I don't see Spice just standing there while she talks. He'd want to talk himself. He'd want to participate. He's not shy, he's no introvert. They're both asserting themselves in conversations for sure

The More Popular: I chose to define "popular" as "regarded with affection and respect by many", thus handing it to Goldie. Spice has his soldiers and they are numerous, but they obey him only out of fear. Golden is genuinely loved and listened to. (Even post-redemption, people just gravitate to her more lol. Just how it is)

The Designated Driver: Burning Spice behind the wheel is a doomsday scenario. He has been preemptively banned from driving to prevent death and property damage and war crimes. Fine, whatever, he'd rather walk. He doesn't need this newfangled contraption no matter how cool it is. Come on let him drive a monster truck 200 mph through concrete walls :(

The Better Caregiver: I'm certain they'd both take care of each other when sick or injured. Doubly so since both would probably balk at being fussed over lol. (I know Golden has her attendants and likes being pampered but I feel like it would just hit different with Spice, you know?) They're both proud and stubborn and need to appear strong all the time... But when the shoe is on the other foot, they'd both do whatever they can for the other regardless of their protests. (Especially true on Spice's part when Golden is pregnant with their kids, he goes above and beyond for her both times)

The Overprotective One: This is more so when Golden is pregnant tbh. Any other time, they don't really worry much about each other's safety as they're very confident in each other's strength and fighting capabilities ("I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me"). When she's pregnant, Spice goes full Protective Husband/Papa Bear mode and both worships the ground she walks on and fusses over he constantly, almost treating her like a porcelain doll. Her needs and wants are always met immediately, but he basically becomes her second shadow and is even hostile to other people who interact with her. It's both sweet and frustrating

The Planner: Golden Cheese planned a whole ass highly detailed virtual reality where her subjects could live again. Burning Spice forsook planning and anything like it in his descent into villainy as he couldn't bring himself to care about it anymore. Destruction doesn't need a plan. So yeah, Golden is the planner for sure. Best Spice would do is maybe try to plan dates because he wants to please/impress her

"Excuse me, they asked for no pickles": Spice just likes watching Golden go and firmly correct people lol. It's funny and hot. He doesn't even really care that the pickles are there, he just loves her assertiveness

Big Spoon VS Little Spoon: Was going to leave Spice on Big Spoon end and Golden on Little Spoon end but tbh, they'd split it. Spice is Big Spoon more often than not but Golden would definitely be Big Spoon too. They holdin each othah

Early Bird VS Revenge Procrastination: refer to "Wakes Up First". Golden has a kingdom to run, can't sleep in. Spice technically does too but whatever they're tough they can do shit on their own, he wants to lay in bed with his bird wife go away

Tidy VS Chaotic: Refer to "does the housework". Golden Cheese cares about appearances and functionality, she wants her kingdom and living space clean and beautiful and the envy of the world. Burning Spice is Burning Spice

Screams Over Bugs VS Kills/Removes Bugs: I don't think Golden would do either tbh. Probably just shoo the bug away. Spice is squashing that fucker though, even post-redemption (old habits die hard)

Lends Clothes VS Borrows Clothes: Spice doesn't really have too many clothes to lend tbh (too big + not really her style). She mostly nabs any jewelry he has lol. He doesn't mind, he actually really adores that she'll wear his things. He sees it as a show of pride in their relationship. (Shhh... Sometimes, when they've been apart for a long time and his absence feels particularly painful, she'll grab one of his dhotis and wrap herself up in it. Bring it to her face, breathe in his scent. Revel in its softness. Don't tell anyone)

Takes Hints VS Clueless: ngl as forward as Spice is with Golden, I'm not sure he'd notice or care if anyone else flirted with him. He just doesn't seem like the type to have ever cared about that sort of thing, both as Herald and as Beast. Too wrapped up in other ideas and pursuits (and in the event that he actually caught on to someone hitting on him, Herald would've politely turned them down and Beast would viciously mock them and probably kill them). Like, Golden actually is the one person that ever caught his eye. And she's got more relationship experience under her belt and knows how to be subtle, so there actually are times when she says or does something and it goes over his head (it's cute and funny sometimes and frustrating others)

Romantic VS Casual: They're certainly not casual but I think Golden would put more effort into being romantic just as a consequence of who she is. That "wanting to pamper and adore my lover to the fullest extent" thing. Spice didn't care about love or romance before her, and was just never really a romantic type. He tries to pick it up more just for her. But what he perceives to be romantic doesn't always align with "tradition" (ex: he thinks their brutal fights are hot/romantic). He does have some charm, he can be smooth, he can do genuinely sweet and romantic things. But it's something he learns and refines over time

Decisive VS Indecisive (I FORGOT THIS ONE FUCK): They're both pretty decisive and firm in their decisions. What makes Golden hesitate is specifically her relationship and interactions with Spice. Grappling with the reality of her feelings and attachment and their relationship. Wondering if he'll turn on her when she lets her guard down. Struggling with the morality of it all. Fearing rejection to a small degree maybe. (I honestly like the concept of the Beasts and Ancients bringing things out of each other that no one else can or has. Like how Shadow Milk makes Pure Vanilla genuinely angry, or Burning Spice makes Golden Cheese doubt herself and her choices. I want them all keeping each other on their toes. Challenging each other. Making each other upset when they're happy and happy when they're upset. You know what I mean?)

Mature VS Playful: I think they're both equally playful with each other tbh. Something they're both on the same level with. Lots of banter (I love writing their back-and-forths, imo they'd keep up with each other so well), lighthearted sarcasm and jabs and jokes, some play fighting/roughhousing. They have fun with each other

Straightforward VS Vague: Spice has been telling Golden things to her face from minute 1. Just admitting all of his shit to her. Spilling his spaghetti. He likes her, he wants her, they're going to be together forever. Point blank period.

Confident VS Shy: Of course they're both super confident, do I have to elaborate? Lol

Ray of Sunshine VS Done™️: Golden may not be on the same level as Pure Vanilla (nobody is lol) but even so, all things considered, she seems like a relatively happy person. Still finds joy in life and things. She's not cold or stoic or anything like that. Spice... I probably should've moved him further to the right tbh. I just always think of "done" as "visibly tired" and I let that influence his placement. He IS tired, he IS done, it just presents differently. So forgive me and imagine his little Soul Jam there being significantly closer to the end of the right side please and thank you

Realistic VS Idealistic: dude come on lol. The game spells it out for us. Spice is a cruel, bloodthirsty nihilist who goes out of his way to take down things that make people happy. Who virulently denies the value of life and humanity and insists that everything and everyone are only destined to become dust, and any attempt to stop or deny this is futile and pathetic. He's cynical, pessimistic, doesn't do "hope" or ideals anymore. Golden, on the other hand, believes so strongly in her own dreams and ideals that she locked herself away in a false reality just so she could "revive" her kingdom. And when she woke, she continued dedicating herself to finding a way to bring them all back. She is hope and idealism incarnate, to the point of straight up delusion. They're both extremes that mirror each other

Would Die for Attention VS Independent: Look at all the crazy shit Spice has done so Golden would pay attention to him lol. He needs the pretty cheese lady to notice him and talk to him and touch him and beat him up. Please. Pretty please (not as pretty as her though, nothing is). Please they're soulmates she has to. He won't immediately burst into flames if she's not next to him 24/7, but he's happier with her than without. He starts itching when they're apart for too long (and it doesn't take all THAT long tbh). As said before, Golden likes and wants his company but she's always been a fiercely independent woman and can handle solitude

Tense VS Easygoing: wasn't super sure what to do for this one. Like idk what "tense" is supposed to mean here. I think Golden is relatively normal about everything, doesn't worry about cheating or anything else really. I attribute that little bit of tenseness in Spice to his jealousy and clinginess. But otherwise he's probably fine

Head VS Heart: neither of them are stupid, far from it, but it's clear that they both allow emotion to govern their actions more than logic lol. No matter how he may claim to have destroyed his own emotions to rid himself of attachment, it's clear that Burning Spice still feels things, in general but ESPECIALLY for/about her. It's all heart when it comes to her. No logic, no laws, no rules, just him and her and THEM. Just their connection, just their relationship. Golden Cheese may still abide by a somewhat stronger logical anchor, but even so, she's a "heart" girl. It's her heart that pushed her to make her fantasy world. It's her heart that makes her cling so hard to her treasures, despite logically knowing they're gone. It was her heart that saved her in episode 6, her thoughts and memories and love for her friends that made and still make her strong. And though logic fights a good fight with regards to her relationship with Spice, it's her heart that wins again in the end

#cookie run kingdom #burning spice cookie #golden cheese cookie #burningcheese #goldenspice #I'm sorry BS looks rough haha. getting a little better each time hopefully #“where is his shoulder armor” it got banished to the shadow realm. stop asking questions now #(i have a really difficult time drawing his shoulder armor 😅 give me a bit of grace there please)#anyway i hope my explanations made sense. sorry if they don't #i have so many thoughts about these two that they sometimes get scrambled haha #gonna do a pitayafire chart next. and might do the other beast x ancient pairs as well #again I regret Spice's placement on the “Ray of Sunshine VS Done” line. he should be way further right #he IS “done” he just doesn't show it in a way you'd expect. i had a big brain fart there that was my bad #also I hope you all like the little Soul Jams I drew them all myself and it was fun 👉👈

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evellynssocbrainrot · 1 day ago

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One thing I’ve always thought about is why the angst between Kaz and Inej hit me harder and deeper than the angst between Nina and Matthias, despite the latter ending up with one person’s death.

And then, after I looked into it for a while, I finally realized why.

Both Kanej and Helnik are pairs in which the two people involved are unable to be together due to some kind of separation force. There is something driving one away from the other.

The separation force in itself, is the part that makes Kanej and Helnik different.

Nina and Matthias’s force of separation is external. It’s their respective country. The cultures and ideologies they grew up with. It’s the fact that Nina is a Grisha and Matthias is a Druskelle: meant to hunt and kill Grisha. They are unable to be together at first due to Nina’s constant anxiety created by Zoya Nazyalenski (This is no hate to her btw, I love Zoya, she’s my queen, shut up and don’t come at me with a Zoya-hate comment) even though Nina largely tries to ignore it by not caring too much, and Matthias’s fear of being viewed as a traitor by basically every single person in Fjerda. These external forces put a wedge between Nina and Matthias, and part of their love story focuses on them finding a way to be free of those burdens to be together.

And even if it is very sad, I guess the reason why it never hurt me as deeply as it probably should have is because this is what typically happens in romance whenever two people can’t be together. There is an external force pulling them apart. It is a common romance storyline that most likely got popular due to Romeo and Juliette (which is disappointing cause I think Romeo and Juliette is a terrible story)

And now let’s move onto Kanej. Kaz and Inej’s force of separation is internal. There is no external force, really, that is pulling them apart. You could say that their dangerous environment is an external force, but even that plays a minor role. Rather, there is an issue that stems largely from Kaz and Inej’s own deep unspoken conflicts. It is Kaz’s self-hate, his inner demons, his emotional armor that he’s locked himself in, his haphephobia. For Inej it is HER emotional armor that she hides beneath kindness, her inner demons, her duty to her religion and people who have suffered the same things as her, it’s her touch aversion. For both of them, it is this awful feeling of being trapped and helpless in their own skins and not being able to do anything about it. When they are together, they are so close but so far at the same time. There is so much darkness simmering deep inside both of them and for so long, it hurts to just form the right words, and even that is too difficult. To be together, literally, they need to find some way to be free of the chains that have been placed on their souls. They need to defeat that feeling of being trapped in their skins, which is so much more difficult to do than overcoming any external force.

And unlike the external force, the internal force of separation is not that common in romance, and when it is present, it’s not written in a way that feels right. And it’s the reason why Kaz and Inej’s story hurt me much deeper than Nina and Matthias’s. I just find it extremely heartbreaking, the idea that the person you love more than words could describe is standing right in front of you, and you can freely walk over to them and hug them, kiss them, hold their hand whenever you want. But then you just… can’t. And YOU are the reason why you can’t. Nothing else. I’m positive that I would have lost my mind completely if I ever had to endure what Kaz and Inej struggled with.

Also, this is not meant to undermine Nina and Matthias’s relationship in anyway. I love Helnik as much as the next person, they are in my top 5 Grishaverse pairs and my most favorite enemies to lovers of all time. I just always found it interesting that they never left me staring quietly at the wall with tears in my eyes the way Kanej have so many times.

#six of crows #six of crows analysis?#grishaverse #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #helnik #nina zenik #matthias helvar #crooked kingdom

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gogolstoelicker · 2 days ago

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Hii saw ur shenhe! reader fic and really liked how its written is it ok to do a igninihyde + diasomnia with raiden ei like reader? 🥹

Ignihyde + Diasomnia with Raiden Ei!MC

a/n: random but i dont have any motivation to play genshin until i saw albedo came back😍🙏 also i lowk forgot how i used to write these

Due to your dedication to eternity, you're wary to the idea of a change. However, you show curiosity rather than disdain when it comes to new things.

Having lost many of your of your loved ones over the centuries, you're driven by a fear of further lost. Even when you locked yourself in Plane of Euthymia, you could not truly escape loneliness.

Idia:

who told this clown to overblot w all those high tech stuff💀⁉️ cause one zap of lightning n hes out like a light

"game... set..." "🌩⛈️⚡️⛈️🌩"

u didnt even let him finish n the entire thing blue screens😔

honestly he cant even get mad at u. its fair, who even waits for their enemies to finish talking before they strike anyway??

thats how he ended up w bandages but thankfully they have all the latest technologies to cure him fast

he found it kinda funny how little you know about technologies

u self isolated?? yeah he could tell😂

but since he gave u a tv, he cant let it go to waste just bcs u dont kno how technologies worked

so, unfortunately, he needs to explain everything to u one by one

the only problem is that he underestimated how much a boomer u r

his explanations is fine, u can catch a few things

but when he starts using one of his lil slangs.... hooboy

"ROFL cant believe someone so op is THIS clueless abt basic stuffs" "ruholf???????? ou pee???? what???" "oh geez..."

visuals of ortho, u and idia in that living room

unsurprisingly, he understands how u feel at the loss of ur twin sibling. i mean, he did lose his younger brother

he sympathise w u a lot on that part id say🤔cause like u self isolate after ur sibling's passing?? he pretty much isolate himself after his brother's passing too

so like dont worry bro🙏🙏he might not comfort u (he cant even make eye contact w u without breaking a sweat) but he'll tell u some of his coping mechanisms

Ortho:

hides his snacks from u cause ur ass gobbles down any sweets😔he doesnt want to go buy smth from the vending machines cause u took everything of his

ur supplier

by that, i meant he supplies sweets n desserts for u

it started as him saying sorry for all the bs that happened but then it turns into a lil habit

also hes ur translator if someone like idia or cater starts using one of their youngsters slangs

he gave u the full definition completed w examples whenever u asked🙏one of these days u might even start using the slangs!!

omg meemaw tryna be hip😢dont hurt em now!!

"whats cooking ortho? i hope youre not having a skibidi day😊" "oh geez😨" man they rlly r brothers😔

he tries to fight off the cringe whenever u start trying out the slangs but never tried to stop u

go uh... you!!😔dont mind the fact that hes cancelling noises rn....

idk if he needs to charge but in case he does, youre there🙏youre his emergency, portable charger

Malleus:

kind of like a powerbank

honestly hes very sympathetic abt ur loses n why youve pulled away from society + afraid of changes bcs of it

hes one of the dudes actively encouraging you

he invites u to hangouts (w idia) so u could explore the world n see what youve been missing out on

dont worry abt money bro hes here🙏if u want to try that new looking sweet out, just go take it, he'll help u pay for it!!

Lilia:

he was out on his usual late night walks, u were there on ur usual late night meditation

after that it turns into an everyday thingy

time is kinda weird for the both of u since ur both immortal n have lived for a very long time, so malleus sleeps late bcs of it while u dont need to sleep tbh

sometimes u would join him on his walks, sometimes he would join u to meditate

it turns from that to u joining his club meetings from time to time

u guys would wonder around campus to find gargoyles n he would explain them to u while u much on some dango n nodding ur head

u picked up very quickly on the differences between a gargoyle n a grotesque, much to his delight

since u could forge weapons n have tried ur hands in creating things, youre more than happy to join him in his little activity of making a gargoyle

u gave one of that to him for his birthday btw

u swear, the sun was shining much more brightly for the next week after

honestly, he wasnt aware u didnt kno how to cook

so when he saw lilia n u in the kitchen, he thought nothing of it

"maybe mc is trying to stop lilia🤔" oh how wrong he was

victim #1 of eating that thing u called food

after that, he tried to ban the two of u from using the kitchen

n honestly, since the both of u r quite isolated, its like a learning process for the two of u abt the outside world

since its a learning process for the two of u, u guys decided to always invite each other out on little outings to just basically enjoy the changes and familiarise urselves w the world

its the both of ur lil adventure!!😈😈lilia sneaked photos of the two of u btw (he showed it once u guys r back)

also who says u cant strike down a dragon during his overblot?? youve striked down a giant snake before and split islands, this is nothing to u⚡️🤛💪

he dragged u to the kitchen one time cause he thought it would be funny

he excused it as smth smth to help u get used to changes smth smth

"but i dont know how to cook..😥" "fear not!! i shall be your coach!"

cue the both of u burning the kitchen down (and almost the entire school) with ur lil chef hats

it was then presented later to the three usual victims, who r all fighting back tears (grim ran away before yall could make him try💀)

if lilias cooking was bad, then coupled w urs, its horrendous. the worst of the worst. they can even see smth twitching in the food😥n is that a smoke coming out of it in the shape of a skull????😨

the both of u looked kinda proud so no one was able to say anything (sacrifices were made) (n its in the form of the diasomnia's toilet)

u r both old old, so u got along pretty well despite the personality differences

any of the three sat w u guys n here goes peepaws w their "back in my days..." stories

in a way, u guys could understand each other a lot

he lost his friends, u lost ur friends. he witnessed the horrors of war, u witnessed the horrors of war

so like, u guys could understand n comfort each other better than anyone else🤔

he understands its hard to accept the loss you've faced, n he fully encourages u to get out of ur shell more now that youre trying to face n accept changes

he would even pull u to the light music club so u could try little things n maybe expand ur interests

speaking of, he tried to make u some dango after u mentioned in passing how much u liked it

Silver:

do NOT consume it or u might actually have to replace ur teeth💀🙏 his food comes w special effects

u?? barely noticed him

he would be asleep in random places n u would just step aside n continue walking to ur destination without a second thought

if he looked injured u wouldve stopped but he looked so peaceful so u just 🤷‍♀️ n walked off

sometimes when u wanted to have some alone time, he would be there in the forest or batony garden or whatever

honestly hes very peaceful to be around so u dont rlly mind his presence much

n honestly u enjoyed the animals that would surround him

u would absentmindedly pet them as u much away

whenever he saw lilia drag u into the kitchen again, alarms starts blaring in his head

like "is that... FATHER N MC?? IN THE KITCHEN??🚨🚨🚨"

hes convincer #1 in trying to get u guys to GET OUT n leave those kitchen equipments alone

"guys we're all not hungry do not worry. pls put the pans down. put the chicken down too. no NO"

he doesnt even know how lilia roped u into this

cause u used to be like "i cant cook😢" and now youre all like "maybe i can cook🤔(no)"

he very much invited u to join him n sebek to train together

youre strong as hell n he would like to improve himself in any way he can to be a better knight

he very much understands why u turned the way u r after ur loses and tries to give u words of encouragement

kinda uses the training together as an excuse to have u go out more n interact w people

Sebek:

youre thunder, hes thunder HELP.

his unique magic wont work w u around. literally one word n his magic is gone since you quite literally control every single thunder there is

his face when u striked malleus down😔

like he wants to stop u cause hey!! thats his lord but at the same time like hm🤔malleus does need help atm

hes VERY conflicted abt it n it is why hes just making faces n letting u do whatever

honestly youre pretty much his 2nd mentor by now😭

like youre so strong, u can control lightning at will n u defended ur nation before?? yeah youre helping him w training

he tries to spar w u from time to time so he can see the areas he needs improvements in

also victim #3 as ur n lilias food testers

he almost passed out btw pls feel sorry for him

he wouldve said smth but like 😭he respects lilia so much, n youve very much earned his respect too so he cant just?? say the food is ass when yall prepared it

so he just swallows it down while making faces LMFOAOAOAOA

"y yes... this is... very good!!" he says, trying his hardest not to hurl

he then absolutely destroyed the toilet after

also he tries to limit ur sweet intakes

"isnt this ur 10th dango?? n its just morning!!" "but desserts!!🥺" "NO BUTS"

starts a lecture abt how youll ruin ur teeth n upset ur stomach

u w ur replacing teeth argument

he was MORTIFIED btw. never speak of those words to him ever again

hes kinda awkward when u told him abt ur past n allat n how youre pretty much trying to change after u realised how much ur actions impacted ppl

very loud abt his encouragement but also isnt sure if he had said the right thing to u LMFOAOAOA

"BUT U TRIED UR VERY BEST TO CHANGE !! N U ONLY DID WHAT U DID CAUSE U CARE!! YOURE VERY STRONG N AMAZING!!"

^his word ECHOES btw thats how loud he was

he means well dw</3

#twst wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #idia shroud #malleus draconia #ortho shroud #lilia vanrouge #silver #silver vanrouge #sebek zigvolt #diasomnia #ignihyde

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towasdandelion · 3 days ago

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Texting Sinostra, Mortkranken and Jabberwock ghouls "I love you" late at night while thinking about the curse

Ritsu is taking this seriously. And when I say seriously, I mean seriously seriously. He'd usually stay up to study for school or study the law but ever since you stepped into his life, it changed. It's not like he can just do nothing about it? Emotional support? Sure, he'll provide it. But he needs more. He wants to do more. He wants to be the one who finds the way. And he won't stop until he does so. When you can't sleep, he will come over and read you to sleep about the law. I'm not kidding. He knows how sleepy you get whenever he starts reading out loud during your study sessions!

Taiga grows quite impatient himself... He can't wait until he can just rip that anomaly apart. Everyone has to always remind him that he can't do so until they examine it after catching it. And that drives him insane. He knows your life will basically depend on it, and so he will actually try not to act carelessly. But once the anomaly is going to be disposed of... Oh boy. Anyways. He will appear out of nowhere (will jump in through the window) and tease you about how "all good girls should be asleep right now" before laying down with you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. He knows it makes you feel safe.

Romeo is usually not the emotional type. Well he is, but most of the time it's.. fury and anger. Not the sense of embarrassment and despair. And that's how he feels when thinking about your curse. He maintains his fearless facade carefully but curses himself and his men out for not being able to do more once you leave his side. He can't and won't let it end like this. Will use literally any means, legal or not. He doesn't care as long as his most prized gem (yes, you) is safe from danger. Will grab a new set of pure silk bedding and insist on changing it before he lays down in your bed, claiming this is probably why you can't sleep properly to begin with (he's being dramatic but let him)

Jiro is very understanding. He is dealing with patients on a daily basis after all. Some are even scared of a small needle touching their arm (I'm someone) so he can imagine how having a curse might make you feel. Together with Yuri he spends most of time researching in the lab. He might seem oddly calm about it, but that's because he has confidence in his skills. That doesn't mean he's not worried about your well being though. Will regularly make you go through mental health check ups. He has to make sure it's not deteriorating too much. He will come over without any prior announcement and lay down with you as if it's the most natural thing in the world. He will hold you close to his chest, letting you relax in his embrace.

Yuri is almost offended? Like he's literally doing research day and night to help you? He's the best doctor so why are you worrying?? He knows it doesn't really come from lack of faith though. Like Jiro, he deals with patients everyday so he knows what they go through. Still, he literally doesn't see himself fail. He's going to find a cure. You just need to trust in him! Well, then what is he going to do to comfort you in the meantime? He's going to come over with a huge book in his hands. You two are going to lay down, and he'll start to ask about what exactly worries you. Then he will proceed to explain everything in great detail, waiting... and when he sees your eyes starting to close he will quietly close the book and tuck both of you in.

Towa refuses to even think about losing you. He'd rather be delusional, to be honest.. he can't imagine life without his precious Dandelion. Doesn't seem to know much about the curse but will actively participate in any mission that could potentially lead to catching it. Will always keep an eye on you, asking how you are feeling even multiple times a day. Whenever you're free he will make sure to spend time with you. Riding the wind, stargazing, making wreaths out of flowers and so on. He doesn't want you to think too much. Will definitely come over and give you the biggest hug that will tackle you onto the bed oopsie.

Haru just wants to take every possible chance to make you smile. He knows the curse is a serious matter, but he doesn't want you to become overwhelmed by it. He doesn't want you to be left alone with your thoughts, so he does everything to take your mind off of it. Even ropes you into volunteering in Jabberwock frequently (sneaky huh). And Peekaboo? At this point he's yours, not Haru's oops. The little fluff ball will take every chance to cuddle up to you. Haru will have to go through a lot of trouble to visit you at night without waking him up. When he finally succeeds, he will joke about how the parents finally have time for themselves as he lays down next to you to run his fingers through your hair.

Ren won't let you drown in sadness and uncertainty. Even if he himself is feeling it to some extent, he won't show it. He will always nag how you worry excessively. Yes it is a threat. Yes it is serious. But each day is bringing you closer to the solution. He really admires you for your strength, but it's another thing he just won't say out loud. Feelings are so embarrassing after all, right? Well thanks to you he will finally stop half assing the missions and actually try to help. His favorite (easiest for him) way of showing his care is through actions. And so he will come over and nonchalantly offer to watch a movie or play games if you feel like it. Cuddling is an option too, all you have to do is ask.

#tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker fics #ritsu shinjo #romeo lucci #taiga hoshibami #jiro kirisaki #yuri isami #haru sagara #towa otonashi #ren shiranami

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critifan-666 · 1 day ago

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People don't hate Catra & Stolas because they're lgbt.

People hate Catra, because the narrative is saying "abuse is ok. Abuse is love. A harmful person who does nothing but harm gets to come out on top and find happiness anyway. She doesn't deserve it. She didn't earn it. But she still gets it! Isn't she good and redeemed now?"

People hate Stolas, because the narrative is saying "abuse is ok. Actually, he never did any of it; he thinks it's love. We think it is, too. And he just, well, gets to have it! Isn't our abuser cute little guy so cute and precious? Oh also, he's redeemed now."

One thing in common: A story changing gears to completely revolve around a villain who "isn't really that bad", or just wanted happiness. Their sad backstory becomes the excuse, and an abused love interest becomes the justification. Which points to something even worse. The ignorance, and possibly even the values, the writer themself holds.

If you're trying to rationalize and turn abuse into something totally positive in fiction, who's to say you don't practice those exact values in your real life? Who's to say this isn't how you actually view queer love and abusers who just happen to be queer? It just gets excused because they had a sad life and want a boyfriend?

To me, all either character says is, "Abuse can't happen to queer people. And if it does, no it doesn't. Now ignore the depictions of a real life abuser and ship the gay ship already." It's the injustice, the betrayal of the viewer's trust, and a lie so many have been convinced is true. It's the depictions of real life abusers we've all run into before.

Catra and Stolas could've been the greatest characters ever, if the writers didn't lie to themselves about who they've written and the very real people they are depicting. Forget the fact that both have nonsense, loveless, chemistryless relationships that only get rooted for out of being LGBT. Sorry but sprinkling on a little gayness won't cover up the fact that they abuse their own partners & then cry about it (when their partners are ever granted the agency to retaliate).

The better version of both stories would be if the writers weren't strangely fixated on making the villain the suddenly flawless, precious main character. If it stuck to it's themes, if it had any sort of message to say other than "queer love".

I mean, who knew abuser x victim was just that revolutionary? All you gotta do is gay-ify it, and now it's basically the greatest cutest relationship ever! Forget that Stolas coerced Blitz then blamed him for not loving him back (and consequently the narrative), forget that Catra hated Adora so much that she'd smile seeing her "girlfriend" dead, forget that both of them should've been killed off like any ol' Disney villain, becaaaaauuuse Gay Saves The Day!

It might be fiction... but it is just so weird, so fascinating, and such a striking pattern to see in modern writing such as this. The need to redeem everyone, to prioritize making real-life abusers the good guy... Many stories push forward some main idea, theme, or message, and fiction clearly impacts reality. Is Helluva Boss, or SPOP, trying to say something good here?

That's all I can wonder.

#anti catradora #anti vivziepop #anti helluva boss #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #anti stolitz #anti stolas

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 days ago

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Oh, Wayne this made my day! Brief aside, I will be getting caught up on Time After Time this weekend after a busy one last. I got some nice girthy parts to enjoy! 😂

Omg I love the Cujo nickname and you found the sweetest little gif of Mr. King! Owen is not only a true narcissistic asshole, he's just a weeeeeee bit off in general. Like no wonder your daddy didn't trust you with the business ya little psycho.

And God, I’m melting here with Russell, the killing machine, taking charge and taking care of her. He’s soft for *us* 🫠❤️‍🔥 Michelle, you’re making me question my morals and they weren’t that high to begin with 😂

If you like this vibe, you're gonna LOVE the eventually Colter x reader series I do 😂

But Russell is soooo annoying here. Like, just help us with the murder, babe. If we wanted you to commit it for us, we would have asked like a big girl.

Awww, he really does like her 🥰 The fact he’s willingly staying in a house with another person says a lot lol

I think Colter at first just saw her as another person to help but grew to enjoy her company and that turned into a friendship, especially when they were both in this weird, angry place with Russell.

They have known each other for only a short amount of time. They’ve already shared more with each other than people during the first ten dates lol

This was definitely my "Speed" movie moment of yeah, you have intense chemistry and been through some intense stuff but y'all gotta sloooow down. They knew each other a handful of days and these are two highly independent people who are used to doing things their own way. I really wanted to throw in that adult moment of let's take a beat, hear each other out and go forward from there.

I have that song constantly in my head anyways!!! Can you not?! Russell’s Swifite is showing again 🤣

Ngl, The Tortured Poets Society played on repeat A LOT during writing on this one 😂 He's My Man actually comes from "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)" as a little play on how Russell doesn't fit with normal people but perhaps with the reader, she could be that person that clicks with him.

I know you've read the books as well (I still need to read the fourth and am so excited there's a fifth coming out soon!) so I extra love your insights! I actually wrote this after only reading book 1 but somewhere in my gut I just knew Russell had a ragtag group of hardcore friends he could go commit atrocities with and they'd be game 😂

God, I’m fucking loving this dynamic so much!!! I’m a sucker for a brutal interrogation 😍😍😍 (Again, yes, I know the mental help. Will get on it soon… -ish)

Nah, we love that energy around here. See Exhibit A, my lovely little serial killer!Dean x reader story (and series) 😂 Owen honestly got off easy for how fucked up he was.

Aww, I’m so happy they made up too and are getting closer 🥰 The most frustrating part of the show is still how they brushed off Russell’s hurt over being accused of murder for twenty years by his own brother lol. I always loved that honest chat they had in the books about it 🤓

While I love how the show gives Russell a little more nuance and makes him this nerdy, fun foodie, they really gloss over that fact. Especially when they get together in Season 2 and it's like nothing ever happened. That scene in the books is one of my favorites and does a very good job of showing that kind, sensitive side to these boys that the show misses out on sometimes. Like especially how that book ends. Gah, it tugs on my heartstrings.

Aaah, loved this little tidbit about Dory!!! 👏👏 I can’t remember if they ever mentioned it on the show as well or if Dory actually lived on the compound till the end 🤔 (Still wild book!Dory has a wholeass husband and kids and goddamn escape plans set in place lol)

I think show Dory went with the aunt and uncle as well? I think? I'd love to see more of show Dory and see if she's like book Dory cause damn, that girl is just living her normal ass life until her brothers call. Then it's all go bags and super spy crap and it all happens OFF PAGE. 😂

I've loved seeing your thoughts on this series! I think you'll enjoy the two timestamps as well since we get to see more of the couple they are later on in their relationship when it's more mature. 😉

He's My Man (Part 5)

Summary: Russell's taken care of the reader's problem but things take a turn and the happy couple may not be so happy after all...

Masterlist

Pairing: Russell Shaw x reader

Word Count: 6,300ish

Warnings: language, gun shot injury/past drugging/brief mention of attempted assault (not shown) mention, angst, fluff, smut, stalker, murder, self-worth issues

A/N: Thank you all for taking this journey with me with writing this new character! I might return to this world someday but until then, please enjoy the finale!

__________

When you pulled up to the dark house, you noticed Russell’s car had been pulled into the garage and covered with a tarp. You swallowed as you pulled in beside it, biting back bile when Owen parked right behind you, preventing any escape if it came to that. You’d given Russell nearly thirty minutes notice to prepare. You really hoped whatever he had planned was going to be over with fast.

“Fuck,” said Owen, dashing from his car in the downpour to inside the garage. He shook himself off like a dog and pulled off his baseball cap. You’d seen the gash on his forehead before but from the overhead light, a skull fracture was very visible. The dried blood had matted into his thick hair and, along with the other injuries, made him look half-dead.

“Why don’t you go relax inside, honey?” you forced out when you exited, slamming the door shut loudly, hoping Russell picked up on the fact you were here. “I’ll get the bags and then I’ll take a look at those cuts.”

“Thanks, baby. Don’t take too long.” You didn’t like how he kept saying that. He’d hung off of you at the store. Even if he wasn’t a raging psycho, personal space was still a thing.

You pretended to fuss about at the trunk as he went in the door from the garage to the house. It was quiet for a beat, your gaze locked on the open door in the corner.

Two quick shots rang out and you hit the cement floor hard. Nothing could be heard over the rain, your heart hammering away in your chest. Russell wouldn’t have shot Owen, would he? No, Russell would have snuck up on him, taken him out before he knew what hit him.

So had Owen been shooting? Was Russell hurt? You slowly sat up on your hands and knees, crawling along the side of the car until you reached the hood. You peaked your head around the corner and saw a pair of legs lying on the ground through the open door. It looked like Owen so you carefully rose, flinching when Russell came bounding in from behind you.

He held up his hands, your eyes widening at the blood staining his crisp white tee.

“What-”

“My stitches tore,” he said, turning his bicep towards you, the blood staining underneath the bandage. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, glancing back inside to where the body lay motionless. “Did you kill him?”

“Not yet,” said Russell, inching past you towards a work bench. “Although he did shoot my fucking front door. Do you have any idea how much a custom mahogany door costs? I might kill him for that alone.”

Russell opened a drawer, taking out duct tape and zip ties. He slammed it shut, pausing with his back to you.

“He’s not going to leave you alone if I let him live.”

“I know. He’s been following me for awhile I guess,” you said.

“I can frame him for Elpine’s murder if you don’t want me to kill him.” You leaned back against your car, Russell setting the items on the bench and joining you. “I don’t have to…you know.”

“How are you going to kill him?” you asked after a moment.

“Bag over the head. He’s passed out. He wouldn’t even feel it. Are you sure that’s what-” You went to his workbench and ripped off a garbage bag from the roll, Russell closing his eyes. “Y/N, you should stay out here. Let me do this.”

“Owen started slipping roofies into my drinks when I was fifteen.” His head snapped up as you sighed. “He drugged me twice but nothing happened because my dad was around. I had to be more careful once dad started to lose it. Owen’s a good decade older than me I’m sure you noticed. I’ve been scared of this guy for too long. I’m not asking you to kill him. I’m asking you to show me how to do this myself.”

“I appreciate how strong you are but I’m doing it,” he said, taking the bag from you. You dropped your hand, frowning up at him. He sighed, stroking your cheek with his clean hand. “Your soul has enough scars for a lifetime. Don’t add more.”

“You don’t have to kill someone for me, Russell. You don’t need that on you either. Look what you’ve already done.”

“I won’t lose any sleep over him. You can do something for me though.” You sighed, nodding once. “Go back to the store and buy some extra large garbage bags and some duct tape, got it?”

“Um, yeah. Are you-”

“Y/N. We’re on the clock. We’ll talk later,” he said, kissing your temple. “Now go.”

Three Hours Later

“To be perfectly clear, I’m doing this for Y/N, not you,” said Colter with a coldness you didn’t love. You knew Russell’s relationship with his little brother was strained but you’d thought it had gotten better over the past few days.

“Yeah, well it don’t take a genius to see you like her better,” said Russell, Colter rolling his eyes, an uncharacteristic move. “I’ll never ask you for a thing again. You never even have to speak to me. Think what you want about me. Just please do this for Y/N’s sake.”

“I already…” huffed Colter when you side eyed him with narrowed eyes. He let out a slow exhale. “Fine. You owe me, Russell. Big.”

“Colter,” you said, nodding towards his truck. You left Russell as he went back to taping the large cooler in the garage shut. You assumed he’d put Owen inside and cleaned up while you were gone at the store. The rain had paused momentarily but there was another batch of storms coming through soon. You sighed as you stopped next to the younger Shaw, Colter crossing his arms. “I’m not letting you do this. I know Russell asked but I can’t let you move a body for me.”

He narrowed his eyes, face turning into a scowl.

“I’m not moving…Russell!” Russ’ head popped up, Colter becoming increasingly annoyed. “Tell me what is going on right now or I swear you and me are done. Forever.”

Russell sighed, throwing his head back. “I may have lied about the Y/N wanting to tag along with you so she can tidy up her place in Virginia.”

“You what?” you asked, storming over to him. “You were trying to pawn me off on Colter again? For what! Owen’s dead, there’s no one left to bother me.”

“Sweetie,” said Russell, closing his eyes. “Owen should not have made it out alive and the fact he did isn’t good.”

Slowly Russell met your gaze, ignoring Colter behind you. “So is this how it’s going to be? Any time everything’s not perfect you’re going to drop me on your brothers doorstep at the drop of a hat? News flash, Colter isn’t my babysitter. I’m a grown woman who has seen and handled more crap than you know. I thought you didn’t think of me as a damsel.”

“I don’t but-”

“But you don’t want me around for the hard stuff. I got the message.”

“Y/N, someone else could still be left. They could kill you-” You held up your hand, Colter heading back to his truck to give you some space.

“I think I finally understand how you’re so perfect but alone. You live this life like you’re this happy go lucky guy but it’s a mask. All you actually see is the dark side of it. Of everything. You are more than happy to step into my dark side but you won’t let me see yours? You wouldn’t let me kill Owen. You won’t let me help clean it up. Even when it’s because of me. You have to always be the hero. Honestly, thinking about it, it’s been all my shit we’ve talked about. All you say is your got a dark past but you haven’t shared diddly squat. Is this how it’s going to be Russell? Because frankly, I want more than that. I told you I don’t need you to do things for me, I just need you to help me do them.”

Russell swallowed, face going stoic. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Your heart dropped like a rock into the pit of your stomach, Russell’s jaw clenching. “You should pack up your stuff here and go with Colter. Go back to Virginia. You’re probably right. This was just attraction, plain and simple.”

“Russell, that’s not what I was saying-”

“Yeah, it was. Just go. Please. I’ll deal with Owen. Just go back to Virginia and start your life over away from people like us.” With that he brushed past you for Colter, ignoring his repeated calls.

“Asshole,” you mumbled as you went inside and shoved the few belongings that weren’t in the trunk of your car into a bag. You very purposefully left every pair of underwear, bra and pajamas he’d bought you behind. The cheap sports bra and cotton underwear you’d bought earlier would get you through until you were home.

If that’s how Russell wanted to end things, fine. You were free of the mafia. Free of guys with fucked up pasts. Your options were limitless.

And thank god Colter was smart enough to not ask about your red rimmed eyes by the time you were on the road.

Five Days Later

You gave Colter a wave from your front step as he drove off down the street. It’d taken only two days to drive cross country this time. Apparently you drove faster when you were upset. Or you didn’t sleep as much. Either way, Colter didn’t ask and was happy to get to Virginia where he had a missing accountant to find.

He used your kitchen as a base of operations and you let him crash in the guest room. In exchange, Colter got you hooked up with the basics of reward work. There were some extra perils to the job being a woman but also advantages that Colter didn’t have. He went over finding jobs, finding a team, learning how to get access to tools and databases. You didn’t have a lot of confidence in going after a full fledged disappearance yet but Colter mentioned it wasn’t always people that were what was missing.

By the end of his short stay, you had information overload but were grateful for the chance to start doing something good for once in your life.

Meanwhile, Russell hadn’t reached out once. You had to assume he’d disposed of Owen. You weren’t sure why you were still waiting for a text or a call. It was pretty clear things were over. Russell was too protective and you weren’t going to let another man tell you what to do again.

Yet, you knew you were at fault too. Russell had just killed a guy in his house for you and he knew a hell lot more about getting away with a murder than you did. Russell had points for not wanting to involve you. And you had to be an asshole and pressure him for more when there was literally a dead body at your feet.

“I’m an idiot,” you groaned, leaning against the kitchen island with your head lowered. “Why did I do that?”

The doorbell rang, your head slowly rising. You sighed as you went to it, pulling it open quickly.

“Did you forget-” You cut yourself off when you didn’t see Colter standing there. No, instead stood Russell in a trim black suit, his hair slicked back and a bouquet of orange and red flowers in his hands. “Russ? What-”

“Let me get this out and then I’ll get out of your life forever if that’s what you want,” he said. You leaned against the door jam, Russell taking a deep breath. “Y/N, I like you. A lot. Too much probably for how long we’ve known each other. Everything you said was right. I avoid my problems because it’s a hell of a lot easier to fix someone else’s in my experience.”

He swallowed, glancing at his feet. “Owen could have hurt you at that store. He could have taken you, shown up at the house and killed you. I fucked up and you don’t seem to understand that Owen’s obsession and how fucking smart you are is the only reason we’re still here and he’s not. I told you I took care of it and I didn’t. I was angry at myself and wanted you somewhere safer than with me so I pushed your buttons on purpose. I lied on purpose so you’d get mad and leave with Colter. You deserve a good man and I’m not him. I kill people. I use sex as a way to be close to women but then never let myself be in a relationship because I don’t want them to see beneath the surface and see the shit that’s in there. I want better for you than me.”

Russell looked up, a tiny smile forming on his face. “Can we try being friends again and maybe I can become that man that deserves you along the way?”

“Russell,” you sighed. You stepped forward, cupping his cheeks, green eyes full of caution. “We can be friends. I’d like it if we were more than that, though.”

He slowly smiled, his lip ticking up when you stroked his cheek.

“I’m sorry for jumping down your throat. You do not have to share your deepest darkest secrets with me, never mind the first day we’re actually together. That was unfair of me. I just want you to know you can share them with me if you want to.”

“I’ve killed a lot of people, Y/N,” he said softly. “Dozens. Some of them, most of them, I never gave two shits about. No nightmares. No trauma. That’s not normal. It’s been years since I’ve felt all that bad about killing.”

“You don’t need to feel bad about killing monsters,” you said. He closed his eyes and you leaned in, kissing his forehead. “S’that why you didn’t want me to kill Owen?”

“Moral and practical reasons,” he whispered. “I don’t kill out of revenge. I don’t think I ever have. It always has another purpose. Protect someone, protect a group or the general public from a threat. Some psych told me once that’s why I don’t struggle as much with what I’ve done as some other folks. The way I grew up helped me with that. But I do struggle with it still and you’ve struggled enough. You don’t need that on you.”

“I understand. I’m so used to being controlled and told what to do…I can never go back to that.”

“You never will,” he said, opening his eyes. You tilted your head, Russell turned into your touch to match. “I’m sure I’ll fuck things up again. We can be friends if that’s all you ever want.”

“I don’t want to be just friends. So what if we fight? That’s what couples do.” You took his hand in yours and the flowers in the other, leading him inside behind you.

“I quit my job a few days ago.” You froze, spinning around on your heels. He shrugged, still holding your hand. “I can’t change my life without making some changes.”

“You still want to do that home brew for a career?”

“Yeah. I’d like to give it a shot.” He spotted the stacks of papers on your kitchen table and open computer. “Colter offer you a spot on his team?”

“He did at first but I want to try doing it my way, stop patching up the bad guys and doing something good. He warned me it can be dangerous work though, especially as a woman flying solo.”

“He makes very good points,” said Russell, thumbing at your lip when you smiled. “What’s that look for?”

“Maybe you could be on my team sometimes, show me a few moves from the expert.” You started to walk backwards towards your bedroom, Russell’s eyebrows raising. “If you want to.”

“I’ll show you any kind of moves you’d like, qark.” He held his ground though, stopping you in place. You waited for the but to come, for him to push back on getting back together. Instead, he took the flowers from your hand and went into your kitchen, finding a tall glass and filling it with water. He set the flowers on the island before rejoining you, resting his hands on your hips. “I like the idea of working together as partners.”

“But…” you said, Russell kissing the top of your head.

“But you are far too kind, my queen of darkness. I was expecting to get told to get lost tonight and I have plans I can’t get out of with my friends very shortly.”

“Oh,” you said, Russell’s finger tips finding the ends of your hair and playing with a few strands. “If you have plans, we can meet up another-”

“You want to know my dark side?” Your eyes flicked to meet his, your head nodding once. “You can’t unknow what kind of man I am once you do. I don’t blame you if you change your mind about me.”

“I want to know you. All of you.” He closed his eyes and nodded.

“Go change into something discreet. Dark clothes. Leave your phone home. If at any point you want to leave, say so and I bring you right back here, understand?” You nodded, Russell backing away. “Mind if I change in your bathroom?”

“You can change in the bedroom with me.” He smirked but backed away.

“Another time. We have an appointment to keep.”

“Where are we going?” you asked, Russell glancing away.

“Don’t be mad but we need to pay Owen a visit.”

Twenty minutes later you quietly followed Russell into what looked like a decommission warehouse that should have been torn down a decade ago. The building was pitch black apart from the single light coming from the end of a hallway. You stuck behind Russell as you entered the room, stopping when you found six different men and a woman inside, most carrying a weapon on their hip or tucked into their jeans from what you could tell.

And smack in the center of the room tied to a chair was Owen very much still alive. Although…alive was being generous. He didn’t look more injured than when you’d last seen him but his color was off and his eyes were red and puffy. He wasn’t even angry when he saw you, just…scared.

“He behave while I was gone?” asked Russell to a man and woman nearby.

“Tried bribing Doug and then all of us to let him go,” said the woman. She gave Owen a nasty look before turning gentle as she looked towards Russell. “I think you scared the poor boy, Shaw.”

“Oh, who’s afraid of little old me?” said Russell, giving Owen a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “So. Owen, my friends. Friends, Owen. You’re already acquainted with Y/N.”

Owen’s gaze flickered to you when Russell grabbed a chair from the wall and sat it a few feet away from Owen, facing him. Russell sat down slowly, nodding when you moved closer so you could see both their faces.

“Why’s he still alive?” you asked quietly. Owen’s eyes widened, Russell tsking him.

“On me, big guy,” said Russell, snapping his fingers, Owen reluctantly looking at him. “You got some options. Prison. You die very quickly. Or…me and my friends can make sure you die very slowly. Your choice.”

“Why didn’t you kill him yet?” you asked again. Russell sighed, glancing down. “Russell.”

“There were some things that never sat right with me that I wanted answers to. The stuff with your family’s accident and your dad’s paranoia, him attacking you. I had a paranoid father too. I know the signs, know that they want to protect us in their own way. The coincidence of meeting someone just like me was too high so I started to dig. You mentioned Owen’s drugged you a few times in the past and tried to hurt you.”

“Yeah…I’m not following,” you said. Russell stood slowly, staring down Owen like a predator with it’s prey firmly caught in a trap.

“I figured if he drugged you, who else had he slipped something to? What good man, good doctor, could a prescription drug running family slip into his drinks? The more I researched, the more my friends helped, the more we found.” Russell clenched his fists by his side, knuckles turning white. “Should I tell her Owen? Or do you have the balls to tell her yourself?”

Russell ripped off the tape over his mouth, Owen wincing as he breathed deeply. Russell was on him like that, grabbing his throat, not squeezing but adding enough pressure that it was going to be uncomfortable. “I told you to talk, you sack of shit.”

“Y/N, this guys is lying. I never did anything to you!” Russell’s jaw clenched and you watched him squeeze, only backing off when you laid a gentle hand on Russell’s shoulder.

“He’s psycho!” said Owen, Russell backing up a step. You looked up to him, Russell’s face unreadable. “Y/N, baby-”

“Shut the fuck up before I stab you in your spine,” you said. Owen’s jaw snapped shut, a flicker of something in Russell’s eyes. Pride? Amusement? It quickly flittered away, replaced with worry when you held out a hand. “Can I have your knife?”

Russell slowly took it out of his pocket, handing the engraved handle out to you. You flicked it open and took a seat in the chair, holding it pointed down at the concrete floor.

“Owen. Tell me the truth and I won’t kill you. I swear. But I can get the answers from you if you don’t cooperate. Don’t make me get my boyfriend’s knife bloody.”

You heard a muttered damn from someone behind you, your focus on Owen. He sagged in his seat and closed his eyes.

“Our old fixer wanted out, wanted to go to the feds so my dad had him killed. I was eighteen and he told me to start earning my place as successor. He told me to find a new fixer. Your dad was one of the best doctors in the city. Things were…arranged. Two weeks later we-”

Russell smacked the back of his head. Hard. Owen grunted, shaking it out.

“Two weeks later I…put a hit on your family. Your mom and brother specifically. We only needed one kid to survive and I thought a girl would be easier to control. I started drugging your father that night with antipsychotics to create paranoia,” said Owen, his head hanging low. “I orchestrated the whole thing. We fed him the drugs for years, it made him stay close if not a little extreme. It kept taking more though.”

“Do. Not. Skip. Ahead,” growled Russell, grabbing a fistful of Owen’s shirt.

“O-okay. I-I…I started thinking about how to get your dad to stick around once you grew up and you were pretty and smart and I thought you’d be happy with me.”

“How old was she when you decided this?” barked Russell. Owen whimpered, trying to curl in on himself. “Fifteen you disgusting waste of space.”

“You started drugging me then,” you said. Owen shook his head.

“Not with that stuff. Just roofies. But not enough for you to be completely out of it. Your dad started keeping a closer eye on you and I tried waiting for you to come around on your own but it was so hard when you went away to college. I knew I couldn’t let you run off like that again so…” Owen’s shoulders shook, mouth snapping shut.

“So you roofied her, attacked her and she fought back. Her father protected her and you fucking killed him for it. Your dear old daddy found what you’d done and wasn’t happy, was he? He covered up your murder and blamed her father knowing Y/N wouldn’t remember a thing. Y/N was forced to go to med school and learn crap she didn’t want to all while daddy had you banished away from her. You tried to keep tabs on her but it wasn’t until dad died that you could finally take Y/N like you wanted. It’s pure fucking luck I showed up when I did to make sure that didn’t happen. Would you like to tell Y/N about the fucking padded door locks and bars on the window in her old room back at the house? About your plans for her?”

Russell grabbed Owen’s hair, forcing his head up. Owen was trembling, whispering apologies and saying how he didn’t mean it, over and over.

“So…you killed my family…and tried to assault me more than once over the years…and were planning on keeping me as a…pet in the house until I magically fell in love with you. I think that sums it up,” you said. You stood up, handing Russell his knife. “I’m not going to kill him.”

“Thank you,” sighed Owen in relief. “Thank you. I-I knew you’d be able to forgive me-”

“Oh, I don’t forgive you and I wouldn’t be thanking me,” you said, smiling up at Russell. ““Papa Elpine and a few guys made it out I heard. Bobby was his favorite son, right?”

“Y/N! I killed Bobby! They’ll-” Russell shoved some tape over his mouth and hummed.

You crossed your arms, Russell tilting his head at you. “You know they’re going to torture Owen to death.”

“I said I wouldn’t hurt him and I’m keeping my word,” you said, Owen shouting under the tape. “I’d tell you to confess but Elpine’s connected. He’d just have you killed in prison. So. Elpine it is.”

“You sure?” asked Russell. You pursed your lips, Owen pleading with his eyes. Everything in you wanted to say yes, let him get what he had coming.

So why couldn’t you say it?

You looked to Russell, nodding. “Get rid of him, please,” you mouthed.

“Look away,” said Russell. You turned around, Owen panting hard before there was a loud crack and the room was still. Russell’s hand found your shoulder, rubbing it softly. “We took care of Elpine’s guys. You know that.”

“I just wanted him to be as scared as I’ve been. I-I just…why’d it have to be my family?” You found his face, Russell smiling sadly.

“I’ve asked myself that question a lot over the years. Best I came up with is you got to try and let it go. The world’s good and bad and that’s all there is to it.” He wrapped his arm over your shoulder, walking you towards the door. You nearly looked back but he blocked you with his body. “No. He’s gone for good, you don’t need to give him anything more. I’m sorry for not killing him back in Washington. I just thought you deserved the truth. Your dad was a good man.”

“Thank you,” you said, closing your eyes. “I wish I realized that sooner.”

“Come on,” he said, walking you out to the hallway. “Let’s get you home.”

One Month Later

You smiled from your chair when Russell let out a single tiny snore from the couch across from you. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the past few days and honestly, it was kind of adorable the way this incredibly dangerous man made the cutest cooing noises while he slept.

“You’re staring at me,” he mumbled without opening his eyes a few minutes later. You looked around, holding up a finger. “I can feel you watching, like a creeper.”

“Well, you make these cute sounds when you sleep,” you said. He smirked, slowly flicking his lazy eyes open.

“And who’s fault is it that I haven’t been sleeping, hm?” You shrugged and slid down in your chair with your book, grinning behind the pages. “I can see that smile, you know that?”

“Don’t blame me for the amazing orgasms you give,” you said, flicking your eyes over the top of the book, Russell propping himself up on his elbows with a predatory gaze. “Down boy. Later.”

“You better,” he said, plopping back with a huff. “Remind me to never help Frank with a favor ever again.”

“Frank helped you with Owen,” you reminded him. Russell scoffed.

“All he did with Owen was stand there and look scary. I didn’t make him build a fucking deck in the pacific northwest in forty degree weather.”

“Aw, is baby boy cranky?” you teased. He growled, playfully tossing his pillow at you. “You guys should wrap up tomorrow, right?”

“That’s the plan. Then I’m going back to waking up at a humane hour,” he said, forcing himself to sit up and stretch out with a few grunts. “How long was I out?”

“About an hour and a half. You needed it,” you said, flipping a page. Russell glanced over to the dining table, taking in the decorated spread.

“You set a place for Colter?” he asked.

“Yes…right next to Dory’s,” you said, closing your book and setting it aside. “You still think he won’t come?”

“He’s not the kind of guy to come to a housewarming party. Especially his brother’s housewarming party. We still haven’t talked since…”

“I know,” you said, standing and pulling him to his feet. He was still sleepy as you ruffled his hair, Russell turning into the touch. “I’m excited to meet your friends and family properly.”

“They want to know all about you, that’s for sure,” he chuckled. “You can’t imagine the amount of shit they’ve given me after I said I’d never settle down.”

“I moved in a week ago. We’re a ways from settling down,” you said. He titled his head, smiling at you. “Don’t give me that face.”

“What face?” he teased, leaning in close, dipping his head, kissing under your jaw.

“Shaw! Do not give me a hickey! I do not want them seeing-” You sucked in a breath, brain going fuzzy when he nipped at the soft flesh.

“Too bad, qark. If I have to have hickeys all over my neck then so do you,” he said, suckling the skin. A buzzer went off in the kitchen and he groaned when you slipped away so the rolls wouldn’t burn. “Y/N…”

“Saved by the bell,” you said, taking out the pan and leaving them to cool off. Russell was by your side quickly, hands on your hips so you couldn’t escape. “Okay. How about you can give me as many hickeys as you want later if you’re a good boy this afternoon?”

“Hm, I do like being your good boy,” he said, squeezing your hips. “Deal.”

“Good. Where do you keep-“

The doorbell trilled, your heads turning towards the front windows. A familiar pickup truck was out front, Russell raising his eyebrows. You nodded for the door, Russell cautious as he answered. Colter stood on the front porch with an awkward forced smile and a pink box.

“I uh, picked up some dessert for dinner later,” he said offering the box. Russell took it, setting it aside on the front table. “You going to invite me in?”

“I thought you…” Russell shook his head and opened the door wider, letting his younger brother inside. Colter gave you a brief smile before clearing his throat.

“I uh, can help you get ready or cook. I just…last time we talked Russell…”

You smiled to yourself when Russell closed the gap between them, giving Colter a strong embrace. “Let's leave that shit behind us. Thanks for coming, Colt.”

“Yeah,” said Colter, returning it for a moment before the boys broke apart. “How’s the girlfriend situation working out for you?”

“I’m telling you man, find the right girl, you’ll never want to go back to being a loner,” said Russell, giving you a smirk. “They do come with a lot of rules though, fair warning.”

“I asked you to put the toilet seat down, Shaw,” you chided.

“Like I said, rules,” teased Russell. You picked up a knife by your cutting board, narrowing your eyes. “We should help before she starts using that on us.”

“Yes you should,” you said, Colter shrugging out of his jacket and boots, joining your side after washing up. “Can you cut up the veggies into strips?”

“Can do,” he said, swapping places with you. You smiled when Russell took the dessert box and started to arrange the treats on a platter over on the dinning table. “I’d like to apologize for my behavior the last time we were all here.”

You frowned as you peeled a bag of potatoes into a bowl. “You mean when I lost my cool on Russell? You have nothing to apologize for Colter. We were asking you for a favor. Again. I’m honestly surprised you don’t hate me. I know you value your alone time.”

Colter was quiet, chopping neatly and pushing the scraps into a discard bowl. “Did Russell ever tell you how he got that gunshot he went to you for in the first place?”

“Someone kidnapped Doug. He went to save him.”

“Did you know I helped him with that?” You shook your head, setting the peeler down. Colter had stopped dicing, a barely there smile crossing his face. “If it weren’t for my brother asking for my help with his friends, I’m not sure we ever would have spoke again.”

“I know there’s a complicated history there.” He hummed, watching Russell across the room. “It means a lot to him that you’re trying too.”

“S’all we can do is try, right?” he said, going back to his cutting. “So. My brother is clearly head over heels. What about you? Should I expect a wedding invitation soon?”

“Uh, no,” you said, laughing to yourself. “We’re certainly not traditional but we’re nowhere near ready for that. We’ll see how living together goes for awhile before we talk about anything like long term plans.”

“Yet you moved in already.” You rolled your eyes. “Just an observation.”

“For convenience sake. Russ is looking into land for the brewery around here since he left his job and apartments in town are limited.”

“Right. I’m sure that’s it. Silly me,” he said. You held up your peeler to him, Colter raising his hands. “Russ, I think I broke one of your girlfriend’s rules.”

“It was nice knowing ya,” said Russell with a chuckle. “Give him a swift death for me, qark.”

“Qark?” asked Colter as you turned your attention to the potatoes.

“Queen of darkness. Now hurry up with those so you and Russ can have some alone time before dinner.”

Six Hours Later

“This is going well,” said Russell to you in the kitchen as laughed and a smoky scent filtered in from the back porch. “Everyone really likes you.”

“I suppose I have met them all before, except for Dory. She’s such a sweetheart. I don’t know what I was expecting but-”

“She was much younger than us when our dad died. After she went to live with our aunt and uncle. She’s tough but normal in a way Colter and I won’t ever…” You rubbed his back, his strong arm wrapping around your waist to keep you close. “Did you like, drug him? Or bribe him? I seriously can’t believe he’s still here let alone came.”

“Of course he came. No matter what’s happened in the past, he loves his big brother.” Russell tucked you into his side, smiling when you rested your head on his shoulder. “I found a job in Wyoming. Missing prized show dog. I was going to head out in the morning, see if I’m any good at this.”

“You’ll be wonderful,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Be safe though.”

“I will be.” You turned in his hold to face him, wrapping your arms around his back in a hug. “It’s been a long time since anyone cared if I was safe. It’s nice. This weird little family you have is…I’m jealous to be honest.”

“You shouldn’t be. It’s yours too.” You raised your eyebrows, Russell raising his own, eyes going wide. “No! No, I don’t mean like, officially yours. Like metaphorically. I’m not ready for anything official. Someday but so not right now.”

“Me either,” you said, the tension running out of his face. “I want to know who we are without our old jobs, how to be a happy queen of darkness.”

“We’ll figure it out together,” he said. “Speaking of which, I got you a present for helping organize all of this and cooking for ten people after literally just moving cross country. I know it was stressful so I wanted to make it up to you.”

“I don’t need a present, Russ,” you said, a sneaky smile forming on his face. “Oh. This is a present for the both of us.”

“I got you a new pair of jammies, the lilac set this time,” he said. Russell’s smile grew as yours did, his arms lifting you off the ground, bringing you to eye level. “You deserve all the good things in life, qark.”

“I think we got something pretty good starting right here,” you said, kissing him once, Russell humming.

“I couldn’t agree more, baby. Couldn’t agree more.”

__________

#fic feedback #russell shaw x reader

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starlostnfound · 2 days ago

Text

Step into the night light and let it go.

Genre: Angst, a little bit of comfort. Bittersweet ending.

Warning: None really, tears, break up.

A/N: This is my first post and one of the first things I've written in years, I'm open and grateful for any feedback, and requests. Hope you like it.

Word count: 919

The night is heavy, your heart is heavier. In a way that has become the norm. In the way that your heart is already halfway out the door. It’s the waiting that weighs on your soul, it’s the guilt that wears you out. Not knowing if what you want to do it’s the right thing, even though deep down, you do know, you already know.

So, instead of facing it, you do what you always do. You sit curled up on the faded couch in the studio, the dent on it perfectly shaped for your body now. Of all the nights you’ve spent waiting for him to notice you, to remember you exist outside of the tracks where he always loses himself on. The monitors are dim. The speakers hum low, like a haunting reminder that it’s 3 am, that you should be home instead, curled up in bed with him. But you’re here. And Chan… he’s across from you, sitting on the floor with his arms draped over his knees, watching you. He knows too. But he doesn’t speak on it, he rarely does. He won’t try to fix it, he doesn’t know how. He just watches you, like he’s trying to engrave your face in his mind.

“Say it”, you whisper, comes out like a plea, because it is. “Say something. Anything. Please.”

Chan throws his head back and looks up to the ceiling like it holds all the answers, then closes his eyes for a second, as if the weight in your chest mirrored the one on his too. When he brings his eyes back to you, his eyes are glassy and he’s smiling, the kind of bittersweet smile that holds a hundred words and a thousand memories. It’s a green light, it’s a goodbye.

“I think,” he says, voice low and shaky, “you…” he stops and swallows a knot forming on his throat, “we already know what you have to do. What you are going to do, baby.”

The sound of the nickname on his lips is enough to make your throat close up and well up tears in your eyes. It hangs in the air too heavy. It feels too final. It is. You blink a couple of times, taking it in. Then drag your gaze up to him. “Then why does it hurt so much?”

His smile softens almost into a grimace and he sniffles, then for a moment, he looks so heartbreakingly resigned that it nearly undoes you completely. “Because it matters.” he says, “Because we had something, something real. Because you mattered here. You matter to me.”

You shake your head, squeezing your hands into fists in your lap. “Chan, don’t… Please don’t make it harder.”

But Chan pushes up off the floor and crosses the room to you anyway. He crouches down in front of you, close enough that you can feel the warmth of him in the cold AC air of the studio. Close enough that if you reached out, you could tangle your fingers in his hair like you’ve done countless times before. Close enough that if he asks you to stay, to try one more time, you would.

But he doesn’t ask. And you don’t offer either.

Instead, Chan cups your face so carefully you almost do, almost. His thumbs brush at your cheekbones like you are the most precious thing in this world, and to him, you are. His forehead presses against yours, and for a long moment, there’s only the sound of both of your breathing, heavy, trembling holding on.

“You’re allowed to go,” he says, so quietly that it feels like he’s talking straight to your soul. “You’re allowed to want more, baby. More than I can give to you. You’re allowed to chase it. Even if it means leaving me behind.”

Your chest aches and tears roll down your cheeks and get lost on his fingertips. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I know,” he breathes. “But you’ve already given up so much. You need to leave for you.”

You close your eyes. Because if you open them, you know you’ll break. Because if you open them, you’ll beg him to give you a reason to stay. But he already has. He is the reason. Because he loves you enough to let you go.

When you finally open your eyes, tears are rolling down Chan’s cheeks too. He tries to blink them away, still smiling with that same quiet, heartbreaking, shattered smile.

You whisper, “Will you still think of me?”

Chan huffs a laugh that’s almost a sob. “I’ll think of you every time I breathe, every time I close my eyes, for the rest of my life.”

He leans in, just enough to press kiss on your lips, soft and slow, like it holds all his love. It’s not desperate, it’s a goodbye. It’s a promise. “You’re going to do beautiful things, baby,” he says, his voice cracking a little. “I’ll be cheering for you. Always.”

You don’t say goodbye when you leave. You just carry him with you. In your ribs, in your blood, in every night sky you’ll see, in the spaces between every note you’ll ever sing.

Because sometimes love isn’t about staying. Sometimes it’s about giving someone the courage to fly even if it’s away from you. And tonight, Chan gave you that.

You walk out into the night with your head high, your heart heavy but free, and what you’ve always dreamed of finally waiting for you.

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ihni · 19 hours ago

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(On AO3 here)

~~~

Billy absolutely refuses to accept gifts.

This is annoying for several reasons, the main one being that giving little gifts to his boyfriend is one of Steve’s greatest joys in life. Or rather it would be, if said boyfriend would only shut up and take them. But oh no.

“What’s this shit, Harrington?”

Strange how Steve is always ‘Harrington’ when Billy is pissed.

Taking a deep breath, Steve prepares himself for the upcoming battle.

“It’s a shirt,” he says, simply, as if it’s obvious. Which it is.

“I can see that,” Billy says with disdain and holds the offending item out in front of him. “Why did I find it on my car seat?”

Here we go, Steve thinks. “Because I bought it for you,” he says, keeping his voice light. Before Billy can speak he adds, to make his intentions perfectly clear; “It’s a gift.”

Billy’s face twists into a grimace and the red fabric crinkles as he grips it in his fist. “I don’t need your charity, Harrington.”

“It’s not –“

“I can buy my own shirts.”

“I know, but –“

Billy pushes the shirt into Steve’s chest. “And anyway, I don’t want it.”

That is a blatant lie, and they both know it. Steve was with Billy at the mall and saw the way he looked at that shirt. Watched as he ran his fingers over the fabric, took the hanger off the rack, and then finally put it back, wincing, once he’d glanced at the price tag. Steve knows with one hundred percent certainty that this particular shirt is right up Billy’s alley and he knows that his boyfriend would love it, and wear it, and would have bought it himself if it had been cheaper.

But of course now, since Steve was the one who bought it, suddenly Billy doesn’t want it anymore. Because god forbid he accepts a goddamn gift from his boyfriend. Who can very well afford it by the way, thank you very much.

But while Steve thinks all of this, he doesn’t say any of it out loud. Because he knows that he’s not going to win this one. “Fine,” he says instead with a sigh, giving in. “I’ll return it.”

(He won’t. He’ll keep it, and then after long enough time has passed he’ll try to sneak it in among Billy’s belongings like it was always there, and hope it goes unnoticed. He’s succeeded before, twice, and that accomplishment may or may not have gone to his head. The back of his closet is now full of things meant for Billy.)

Anyway, this whole refusing-gifts thing. It’s annoying, is what it is, and it’s getting to be a problem. Spoiling the people closest to him has always been Steve’s way of showing that they’re important to him. And Billy is important – perhaps the most important.

Robin says that it’s a pride thing, and that Billy wants to prove that he’s independent – which is crazy, because he doesn’t have anything to prove to Steve. The guy moved out the same day he graduated, for fuck’s sake, into the shittiest little apartment Hawkins had to offer that he had somehow arranged to rent beforehand without telling anyone, and he’s currently working two jobs to be able to provide for himself and to save up for the future. He cleans his apartment when it’s needed, unashamedly goes to the laundromat once a week, and pays his own bills. No one with working eyes or ears can ever say that Billy Hargrove is not independent.

(Meanwhile, Steve is still living at home – but he’ll argue that his parents are so rarely there, so it’s almost like he’s living on his own – and is lucky enough that he doesn’t have to pay his own way. Which is just as well, really, because Family Video doesn’t actually pay that much. But that’s neither here nor there.)

Independence is, objectively, a good trait, but of course Billy doesn’t do anything in moderation. His stance on gifts has forced Steve to get … creative.

Once, when Steve had found the perfect present – a silver dagger earring with a tiny blue stone the exact color of Billy’s eyes – he didn’t even try to give it to him. He simply poked it through the hole in his pocket so that it fell to the asphalt when he walked ahead of Billy across the parking lot outside the dinner, and let Billy “find” it. Pretended to be disgusted as Billy excitedly picked it up from the ground and everything, even though on the inside, he was preening at Billy’s delight over his “find”.

See? Steve can be sneaky, when he wants to or when the situation demands it. And when it comes to showering his boyfriend with gifts, the situation definitely demands it.

Luckily, there is one thing that Billy will grudgingly accept even if he hasn’t bought it himself – one thing in the world that Steve can give him, that Billy won’t reject outright or start a fight about – and that thing is chocolate.

Expensive, luxury chocolate, to be specific. The kind that comes in golden paper boxes, or wrapped in cellophane, or packed in high-end tin containers with etched pictures of cities on the lid.

Billy won’t say no to a cheap chocolate bar bought at the gas station either, but that isn’t quite enough for Steve, who by now has a burning need to spoil Billy somehow. So, luxury chocolate it is.

It was an accident, when Steve first discovered this exception. Billy was spending the night – like he so often does when Steve’s parents aren’t home, because while he has his own place now, Steve’s bed is both more comfortable and big enough for the two of them – and they’d been bickering about what to make for dinner. Billy was cooking, because of course he was, and he’d been rifling through the cupboards looking for the fancy pasta when he’d emerged with a crinkled plastic bag that he’d apparently unearthed from the very back.

“What’s this?” he’d asked, frowning at the little brown lumps inside the bag.

Steve had taken one look at it and made a face. “Oh, chocolate biscotti. Mom bought them from Italy last year. Give me that, I’ll throw it out.”

Billy had looked positively offended at that, and cradled the bag to his chest. “Throw them out? Why?”

“Uh, because she bought them last year?”

That hadn’t seemed to deter Billy though, as he’d snuck one out of the bag and bit into it. Steve grimaced at the dry crunch of it, and took the opportunity to yank the bag out of his boyfriend’s hand while Billy was busy chewing and looking thoughtful.

“Disgusting,” Steve said as he threw the bag of stale old cookies into the trash can. “You’re gonna get sick.”

Billy had just grinned at him and thrown the last piece of biscotti into his mouth, eating that one too. Had even licked his lips, after, and eyed the trash can like he maybe wanted to try raiding it for more of the stale cookies. Steve was a good boyfriend though and hadn’t let him – had, in fact, distracted him quite competently – but he’d already seen the way Billy’s eyes lit up at the taste, and the next time he spoke with his mother, he asked if she would bring another bag home with her.

(She had been in France at the time, but she’d been happy to call the hotel she’d stayed at in Venice the last time she was there and arrange for a couple of bags of biscotti from the ‘cute little bakery down the street’ to be delivered halfway across the world, as well as bring back a veritable smorgasbord of baked treats from Paris.)

It was a game of trial and error for some time, while Steve tested his theory. Baked goods worked, although Billy seemed to favor cookies over buns and flaky things like croissants. Sweet flavors went over better than savory in general, which were hit and miss. But the real winner was the chocolate. All kinds, all flavors.

The first time Steve had brought out a box of chocolates (Swiss chocolate, purchased in France), he’d put it on the table during a Party movie night, for everyone to enjoy. (Billy rarely refused food when it was obviously meant to be shared, although he never ate anything until someone else had done so first.) It worked like a charm – under the cover of the dark and in the low light from the TV, Steve saw Billy reach for no less than five pieces of chocolate.

Unbeknownst to everyone, Steve had gotten two identical boxes of chocolate. Over the next couple of days, he sneakily filled up the first box with pieces from the second box, and made sure to leave it out on the table whenever Billy was over. And as it had been established to be a communal box of chocolates, Billy didn’t have any qualms about eating from it, which meant that Steve was repeatedly treated to the sight of Billy closing his eyes and smiling around a piece of chocolate, visibly enjoying each bite. It was a win-win; Billy got his sweets, and Steve got to provide for his impossible boyfriend.

Since then, Steve has made a point to ask his mother to bring home chocolate from all the places she visits, as well as ordered from several specialty shops outside Indiana. His mother is happy to provide, as she has always enjoyed shopping for the finer things in life. She no doubt thinks that Steve is using it to woo some girl.

Well, she is half right.

Steve thanks her every time she brings something home, and then he puts it away until his parents leave again, at which point he will come up with increasingly convoluted ways of making sure Billy gets to enjoy it.

“Oh, that? Yeah, mom brought it back from New York. I don’t really care for it, to be honest. It’s too sweet for me” and “My aunt gave this to me – her boss gave it to her for her birthday but like, she’s diabetic so she can’t eat it. You want it?” and “I don’t know why mom insists on buying sweets, she should know by now that I’m not big on them … But I don’t want to hurt her feelings, you know? So I just smile and accept them” and “I think I’m allergic. It’d be a shame to throw it out, though. You’d honestly be doing me a favor if you just took it with you.”

Billy, who is ordinarily too smart to fall for schemes like this, miraculously hasn’t caught on yet. (Or maybe he has, but plays along because deep down, he wants what Steve gives him. Steve prefers that theory.)

Of course, Steve has to continue his attempts of gifting his boyfriend with non-chocolate items as well, even though it’s mostly for show, because a) he doesn’t want Billy to catch on his strategy and also b) one of these days, he’ll get Billy to say yes.

He’ll wear him down soon, Steve is sure.

Until then, he’ll just feed Billy fancy treats and fill up the back of his wardrobe – maybe Billy will get a pretty red shirt for Christmas. It’d be rude, even for Billy, to refuse gifts on Christmas.

#no greater gift #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #like NO ANGST AT ALL this is not usual for me #fluff #ihni writes

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galactic-magick · 3 days ago

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Are the hobbits good at sex? AKA hobbit whore hours

Features both x Reader and x canon headcanons. Special thanks to bestie @supremeleaderoofpoof for discussing all of this with me and listening to me talk about hobbits literally nonstop lol

Frodo:

No, he’s not. He will absolutely learn though.

I think he’d find it really difficult to be in the moment. He’d need a partner who’s very patient and willing to take the lead most times.

He would be very good about aftercare, though. He loves cuddling up after and reading a book together.

He’d like to take things slow, both in a relationship in general and with sex. I headcanon him as demisexual personally. Like I genuinely don’t think sex is on his mind most of the time until he has that super deep connection with someone.

He’d be a super good kisser though I think. He loves kissing.

With Samwise, he’d be a pillow princess lmao. As I will talk about later, Sam is a PRO so Frodo would not have to worry about a thing. Sam has no problem taking the lead and focusing on Frodo’s pleasure over his own.

Samwise:

I don’t think I have to explain anything but I will anyway. Sam is INSANELY good at sex. Like, he canonically had 13 children, okay? All I’m saying is Rosie was getting treated GOOD

LOVES oral. Mostly giving but also receiving. He’s so good with his mouth it’s unreal

He’d be so nervous at first, whether it’s his first time ever or just with a new partner, but once he gets the hang of it he’s so confident and passionate

Aftercare legend as well. Doesn’t matter how tired he is, he’ll wind down with you and make a nice meal and bath before falling asleep, although once he’s older and there’s a bunch of kids he might pass out but he doesn’t mean to lol

Merry:

I don’t know why but I get the vibe from Merry that he thinks he’s very good at flirting and sex but he is absolutely not. It’s not because he’s disrespectful or selfish or anything like that, he just lacks some social awareness and always embarrasses himself when he tries to flirt.

So no, he’s not good at it, but he could be taught. You’d have to guide him a lot and tell him exactly what you want him to do. He’s very good at following directions, he just doesn’t have the innate instinct of how to move or where to put his hands etc.

Once he gets better at it though, I think he could be a switch. In canon I feel like Estella Bolger probably pegs him and he loves it lol

He’s the type to fall asleep right after sex. He feels bad about not staying up for aftercare but he always tires himself out. He prefers morning and day sex for this reason, he’d love doing it as the sunshine streams in through the windows and he’d even be down to do it outside by the river.

Pippin:

I’m definitely biased because he’s my hobbit husband but I genuinely think he would be good. He’s a golden retriever lover boy at heart and would do everything he can to make his partner feel amazing.

Also really good at eating out. You’re his seventh meal of the day, okay? He lovesss oral.

Has crazy stamina. He’ll go for as many rounds as you’ll let him.

His dick is bigger than average for a hobbit. Not to the point of it being painful, but still. I think in general the Tooks are bigger than average because they have an ancestor who was super tall and there’s theories of them having elf ancestry as well.

He’s a complete cuddle bug, so aftercare is very cozy and lovey dovey. He likes skin to skin contact and singing you to sleep. He also canonically loves baths and will definitely splash you.

Bilbo (Hobbit Trilogy Version):

He’s not, but he does have a lot of knowledge about it. He loves his books, and I’m sure there’s at least some books in The Shire about how sex works. So he knows how to do everything in theory but not in practice, basically.

He’s a fast learner, though. He would get the hang of it pretty quickly and get better with time.

Doesn’t have much stamina though. One round and he’s satisfied usually. And then he just wants to hold you by the fire with some tea.

With Thorin, he’d be in for quite the adventure lol. I headcanon dwarves as the freakiest of all the Middle Earth races so Thorin would introduce him to things that were definitely not in his books.

That said, I think Bilbo would be open to some kinky stuff.

General hobbit headcanons about marriage and sex:

Sex is not a taboo topic whatsoever among hobbits. It’s considered a natural and normal part of life and it’s not censored in conversation. Hobbits value love, marriage, and children greatly, and there’s really no reason for it to be a big deal.

Hobbits do tend to be fairly traditional though in their relationships. They usually go through a courting stage when they’re interested in marriage, and usually don’t have sex until their wedding night. Nobody would be shunned or judged if they didn’t wait, it’s just not the norm.

Divorce is unheard of in the Shire mainly due to everyone taking their time to choose their partners and being super loyal and devoted. Absolutely no “I hate my wife/husband” jokes, couples are genuinely in love with each other, and any mistreatment of one’s partner would be detrimental to your reputation.

Nobody’s going to the marriage bed knowing nothing. Young hobbits coming of age are educated by their parents and older siblings generally, and it’s not considered weird to ask questions about it. Hobbits aren’t super medically advanced, but they’re at least familiar with the anatomy and how stuff works.

Hobbits love going down on their partners. It’s weird if one doesn’t, honestly.

Everyone has full bushes. Hobbits are very hairy and they’ve probably never even heard of a razor. Body hair is so normal for them. And yes it’s curly lol.

Their dicks are generally more girthy than long. Dick size isn’t really a topic of concern though, hobbits don’t really care about it.

Hobbits aren’t usually freaky or kinky. There’s some that are, but it’s not the norm. They are very very passionate though.

They are very affectionate and silly during sex, they don’t get super serious during it. It’s supposed to be fun and full of love. Lots of smiles and laughter more than screaming lol. It’s not a performance.

There’s no birth control in The Shire, so if you’re one of the rare hobbits that doesn’t want children you’re going to have to get real good at pulling out or tracking your cycle lmao

#hobbits #pippin took #samwise gamgee #merry brandybuck #frodo baggins #bilbo baggins #lotr x reader #the hobbit x reader #samfro #bagginshield #lord of the rings #pippin took x reader #samwise Gamgee x reader #merry brandybuck x reader #Frodo Baggins x reader #bilbo Baggins x reader #lord of the rings x reader

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obvithe-bestsoph · 2 days ago

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poderia fazer um onde Pau Cubarsí é melhor amigo do irmão da leitora mas gosta dela?

brother's best friend.

masterlist requests word count: 1k+

a/n: request translation: "Could you make one where Pau Cubarsí is the reader's brother's best friend but likes her?" "yours, if you want me.", part 2, is now up! genre: fluff. brother's best friend. lamine's sister. summary: being the twin sister of the lamine yamal means that he's tried to teach you football all your life, and it's never worked, but maybe things are different when it's one of his teammates teaching you. warnings: none. kinda angsty? not really tho.

You’re used to Pau being around.

Ever since Lamine joined La Masia, Pau had practically become part of the family. He was always at your house, kicking a ball around in the backyard, playing FIFA with your brother, sleeping over after games.

You didn’t think much of it at first. He was just another one of your brother’s many friends, tall and awkward and sweet in that boyish way.

But lately, it felt… different.

You noticed how Pau’s eyes lingered a little too long when you walked into the room. How, sometimes, he stumbled over his words when you talked to him directly. How he always found a reason to sit next to you at the dining table, even if it meant switching chairs four times and making a million excuses.

You tried to ignore it. Tried.

But it was hard when he looked at you like he wanted to say something that he couldn’t.

The day the confession almost happened was the day Lamine dragged both of you out to a local park for a kick around.

“C’mon, just come with us,” he groaned. “It’s not the World Cup final, it’s just Pau and me. You can just stand there and look pretty or whatever.” Lamine, annoying as always, smears a hand across your face, making you bat his arm away and scoff.

“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly.

Pau, following behind him, caught your eye and smiled slightly. “You’ll have fun. Ho prometo (i promise).”

You rolled your eyes, but you went anyway, telling yourself that it was just to get some fresh air. Definitely not because Pau asked.

At the park, the boys immediately started juggling the ball back and forth between themselves, laughing and trash talking to each other. You sat on a nearby bench, reading a book and enjoying the sunlight, until you heard Pau shout out to you.

“Ei (hey)! Vine aquí (come here)!”

You looked up. He was standing in the middle of the grass, ball tucked between his arm and waist, grinning.

“I don’t play!” you called back.

“You don’t have to,” he said. “Just pass it.”

Reluctantly, you stood up, jogging towards the two of them, oddly nervous. You aren’t quite sure of why there are butterflies in your stomach as you get closer, Lamine’s attempted to teach you how to play a million times in your life, what’s different now?

When you reached them, Pau tossed you the ball lightly. You caught it (barely).

“Vale,” he said, stepping closer. “Rule number one: don’t be afraid of the ball.”

You frowned at him. “I’m not afraid.”

He laughed, that easy, low laugh you loved. “You flinched.”

“Did not.” “Did too.” “Did not.”

Your twin groaned once again, stealing the ball from your hands. “God, you two are worse than an old married couple.”

You and Pau froze, exchanging a glance so quick that it almost didn’t even happen.

Of course, Lamine didn’t notice; too busy juggling the ball between his feet. “I’m serious, though. Keep your eyes open. Ball control’s all about confidence.”

You tried to focus, but it was impossible with Pau hovering behind you so closely, quietly encouraging you, his hand brushing your arm ever so often like he couldn’t help himself.

At one point, you missed a simple shot and groaned. “I suck.”

“You don’t,” Pau said instantly, voice firm. “You just need practice.”

You looked up at him, ready to roll your eyes, but he wasn’t teasing. He was looking at you like you were something special and precious.

Your breath caught for what felt like the millionth time that day.

You were saved from saying something stupid by Lamine yelling about some competition with Pau, the two of them becoming busy again, leaving you standing there, your heart pounding.

Later, after your brother had dropped to the grass in exhaustion, Pau wandered back over to you.

“Hola,” he said, sitting down beside you.

“Hey,” you replied softly.

The late afternoon sun gave his soft brown hair a golden tint, making him look so effortlessly beautiful, although, what’s new there?

“You were good today,” he spoke softly.

“You’re a liar,” you said, but you smiled.

He smiled too, showing all his teeth, happy. “Not lying.”

For a second, you just sat there. The sounds of the park faded around you - kids yelling at the playground nearby, dogs barking, the distant thud of a football being kicked.

It was just him. It was always just him.

“You’re different when he’s not looking,” you said, without really knowing where you were taking this.

Pau tilted his head, confused. “Què vols dir (what do you mean)?”

“You’re… brave,” you said. “But also softer.”

Pau looked away, picking at the grass between his fingers. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

“It’s easier when it’s just you.”

You swallowed hard. “Pau-”

“I know I’m not supposed to,” he said quickly, words tumbling out. “I know it’s, like… off-limits or whatever. You’re his twin sister. He’s one of my best friends. It’s messy.”

You stared at him, heart racing.

“But I like you,” he said, finally meeting your eyes with his striking green ones. “I have for a long time.”

The world felt like it was spinning for a moment. The sun felt hotter. The grass felt softer. Your chest felt full and tight all at once.

You opened your mouth to respond, but then Lamine yelled from across the field, “Oi, lovebirds! You coming?”

You and Pau both flushed, knowing he was only teasing and had no idea what was actually going on, but the two of you scrambled to your feet like you’d been caught doing something illegal.

As you walked back, Pau kept a careful distance, not touching you, not looking at you. Like he was scared he’d crossed a line he couldn’t uncross.

But when your hand brushed his by accident, you felt his fingers twitch toward yours, and yours to his.

You didn't grab it. Not yet. But you would. Soon.

Because maybe things were messy.

But some messes are worth making.

Especially for Pau Cubarsí. "YOURS, IF YOU WANT ME." HERE

#pau cubarsi #pau cubarsi fic #obvithebestsoph!paucubarsi #pau cubarsi x reader #fc barcelona #fanfiction #football #football fic #culer #teenage romance #PC2

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m4rs-ex3 · 18 hours ago

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Mars do you you have any rayllum wedding/propsal headcanons... share them or explode in this instant

you're probably dust by now but sure

they'd definitely talked about it before - and they had barely needed to, because they'd known it was happening since the (secondary) beginning - but only in a "we're definitely both ready but it'll happen when it happens" way, at least in part because they both secretly wanted a proper proposal.

of course, callum immediately decided he would be doing just that. although it took a while to a) get the perfect opportunity and b) work up the confidence to propose the idea (in a different way) to ethari.

after spitting it out awkwardly and getting a spine-breaking hug, they immediately get to work on designing. the one time rayla manages to catch ethari alone during the trip, however...

she's not quite as upfront about it, but she definitely implies she's thinking of doing the exact same thing.

ethari is caught very off guard, and has to desperately try to casually reject that. he tells callum who also freaks out, but he ends up spending the next month or so doing the same thing: subtly implying that now now is actually not the best time to keep her away from the idea. since rayla is always way more unsure of things, this works pretty well (maybe a little too well, as while he tried his absolute best to not hurt her, she ends up feeling a bit bummed out anyway because Mental Illness will do that.)

but she doesn't have to feel uneasy for long

i can't say i have a concrete vision as to how it happens, because there are just too many options!!! maybe it's that little ledge in the silvergrove where he told her he wanted a life with her for the first time. maybe he takes her to the base of that giant tree with a beautiful view at sunset where he gets to say that their whole relationship has been a bumpy ride. maybe it's the moon nexus, watching the moon fill the lake in the place where she left, where she now gets to promise she'll never leave again. i'm kind of OBSESSED with @raayllum's speculative s7 ficlet where he proposes on a boat by continuing Five Questions - which could still work!! he probably reunites his choir and all.

anyhow, he ends up taking her by the hands and going on a long, long spiel about how much he loves her (which doesn't really set off any alarms, because he does that every damn day [although he's oddly nervous about it...]), before he pulls out an ornate little box and looks up at her with the most lovesick eyes and she doesn't even let him get a word out before she pounces on him.

she's already crying uncontrollably, smiling ear-to-ear while she hugs him around the neck, but it then occurs to her she might have gotten a little ahead of herself. suddenly terrified, she pulls back to find him stunned and flushed and she's frantically asking y-you were asking me to marry you, right? when he starts laughing and confirming her assumption. after they both manage to break through the adrenaline-fueled fit of laughter, he properly pops the question and she tells him yes, callum. of course with a smile that hurts her face and her heart more full of love than she ever thought possible.

after a bit of making out he remembers oh yeah, the box! he presents to her a pair of the most gorgeous horn cuffs in all of xadia, embedded with two sky sapphires.

(at some point before the wedding, rayla asks ethari to make callum his own engagement jewelry - an earring with a coordinating moon opal. callum is admittedly surprised [it's an elf thing after all] but doesn't hesitate for a moment in happily accepting [he still makes rayla hold his hand when he gets it pierced, though.])

telling people doesn't really feel like that big of a thing because it's them but then again... it's THEM so it is a big deal

they don't have a formal announcement for anyone; they decide to start casually dropping it into conversation with their friends. they teasingly tell soren he can be the flower girl at their wedding, he just says aww thank you while corvus just stares, mouth agape, nudges soren, who does the math lady meme for like a minute before it clicks. callum asks harrow if they still have sarai's veil, harrow's eyes instantly go wide and teary. ez (the first one they tell, of course) asks what they did last night, they say oh, you know, got engaged. ez hugs them both, as excited as if it were his own wedding, so proud of his brother and so happy to have his sister.

they hold off on telling opeli until she figures it out herself. she only notices something's different when callum gets his earring, and is livid that they didn't tell her (she's very happy for them, of course). she immediately throws an engagement party.

full-blown wedding planning is a bit of a rude awakening; rayla gets stressed being the center of attention, not to mention how unnatural it feels to be anything close to a bride. callum doesn't mind, but hates seeing rayla so uncomfortable. but every time they get time alone they're reminded what this is all for, how worth it it is.

(thankfully they get plenty of extra help from the Royal Wedding Planner Council - ez, queens aanya, janai, and amaya, gren and kazi, opeli, ethari, and terry [he does the flowers])

like the engagement, there's far too many good options for the wedding for me to have a concrete vision of how or where. maybe a moonshadow forest wedding where the bioluminescence and string lights keep away the mist. a wedding just outside of evrkynd where the setting sun shimmers off the city's buildings. the banther lodge where they can watch the stars before retiring to their warm home-away-from-home. who's to say???

they break the no-see rule (rayla thought it was a stupid human tradition, anyway) several times throughout the day, sneaking away before they have to start getting ready so they can sit together and decompress. rayla has fun with a no-kissing rule, though

ez, soren, harrow, runaan, and ethari all pay a visit at some point to both their dressing rooms for heartfelt moments. rayla's makeup needs serious fixing by the time they're ready

they both get some special ceremonial henna tattoos and small braids. callum hand embroiders both of their clothing (he made SURE he couldn't see was concealing as much of the rest of rayla's dress as possible) with some subtle little design motifs - the moon, wind and lightning, waves, lotus petals, feathers and wings, stars and constellations

callum insists on having a first look, maintaining that the sight of her will make him incapable of participating in the ceremony. it was a good call; when he sees her, he nearly falls over. it's extra difficult to have to separate and resist the urge to go back to their suite immediately

lira is the flower girl, zym and stella are the ring bearers. i'm gonna let y'all fight in the notes about who officiates

between potential cultural differences and the already-kinda-weird practice of giving away, i like to imagine that callum comes to meet rayla at the end of the aisle and lead her the rest of the way. they're already quietly joking with each other by the time they make it to the altar.

it's a small reception and an even smaller ceremony. despite the fact that they never shy away from loving each other in public, something this special for them feels like it should be just for them and their loved ones. no one else will ever be able to understand how much they love each other, anyway

the vows are equally modest. if they said all they had to say then everyone would starve to death before they were done. they cover the important things, though; his truth, his guiding star, her heart, her sacred promise, their best friend, the loves of their lives.

in addition to the engagement jewelry, they get wedding bands. the real question is if rayla wears hers on her last finger and callum's ring, or if they both do the middle fingers for symmetry.

the reception is surprisingly serene; the final duty of the RWPC is to make sure they can entertain people long enough for callum and rayla to get plenty of time to themselves. there's a consistent supply of moonberry jelly tarts for everyone.

they sneak off maybe a little sooner then they should, initially with their friends so they can mess around with each other like they're all kids again. eventually they properly, finally, get one another to themselves. callum insists on bridal-carrying her.

they don't have a plan for their honeymoon. they simply set off on an adventure, one where they're not on a mission to save the world, and go wherever they want for however long they want

they immediately make it a habit to proudly refer to each other as my husband and my wife with great frequency.

but those are just some ideas idk

#rayla uses “my wife” as well #alr i'm out of words hhbshsghasslfjlksjhs #rayllum #callum #tdp callum #rayla #tdp rayla #tdp headcanons #rayllum headcanons #tdp #the dragon prince #continuethesaga #giveusthesaga #greenlightarc3

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