#ANYWAY IM FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT ME IM OKAY
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vypridae · 1 year ago
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not a vent but discussion of sui (i am FINE do not WORRY ABOUT ME)
every time i debate sui, every single time, the one sole thing that keeps me from it is this tiktok i saw. crazy i know but hear me out
this tiktok, wasn't a sui note or something. it was a tiktok about this person apologizing for trying it.
to their cat
and, i have a cat. two cats, but one of them in specific seems to love me very much. i do a lot for the cats in the house in comparison to everyone else here, and thus, he's taken a liking to me.
and one thing in that tiktok that stuck out to me was: "i'm sorry i didn't put food in your bowl when i got home." (or something along those lines)
and it hurt me, as a cat owner, and i think i cried reading that because the cat must have been so scared, worried, confused. must have been waiting for food, must have been trying to figure out why there were men coming inside that they didn't know
and honestly, what if that was me and my cat in that situation. i'd feel awful. terrible owner, and i'd never live it down if i survived but my cat was so, so scared, and confused, for however long it would have been
tldr when i live on my own my immediate goal, is to get a cat. of my own, for an incentive to not try anything drastic. because i need to be there for my future cat. to feed them, water them, love them, everything. that's my plan, and it'll work because every time i'll think about it, i'll remember that tiktok. and i'll almost cry, and i'll find my cat and i'll pet them and love them out of my own thoughts, until i realize i need to live for that cat, if not for myself.
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rbtlvr · 1 year ago
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if you look in the dictionary under the definition of '(derogatory (affectionate))' you see a picture of him btw
(Totally Not Leo jester guy belongs to @liketheletter-l)
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 22 days ago
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im so infinitely stressed rn i need to get off here
#camera talks#fuckkk#sighhhghsghg#sorry yall im like. on the verge of tears#this is genuinely like. the start of like 'the rest of my life' year and its. not looking like a good 4 years at all#i have to change my gender marker on my license back (safety. my states not red but its not Good either) and like.#i was already planning to at this point but its hitting me how much it meant to me to have that piece of me be like. known ? ig??#and i feel lucky that my name is already legally changed and its a fairly neutral to masc name so i think im fine#but like. do i really have to go into my job field like this? will i have to not be trans for the first 'real' steps of my life?#im fucking. upset#and im so so angry#i dont feel like i can look to HRT or surgery in my future rn#and i Know we're going to get through this#but like. im so tired of being unknown and hidden but its not like i can do anything about it now or ever anyways#like im already misgendered all the time so it doesn't Matter i guess#and very little people know of my relationships in the grand scheme of things so i guess im just going to keep keeping those hidden ish#but i dont Want to ! i want to be proudly queer and in love because i Am !! so like augh i dont know#im just so so upset#being queer is Me and i hate having to hide this part of myself for so fucking long#no wonder i related to old queers writing and stuff. augh. im thinking about them a lot. lots of them got through this#lots of them had lives they were proud of for the most part and i just hope i get that too#and im not even good at passing as cis or straight i dont think#like. im not going to try to that badly but as much as i dont pass for transsexual im easy to clock as weird gender#and fucked up mentally ill and aughghh#i dont even want to think about not getting mental health and disability resources#okay whatever im logging off or at least shutting down tumblr now#im just scared and worried i guess. i dont know#fuck
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boundbyshimmer · 8 days ago
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Oh so the universe like wants me to kill myself, right? That's the message I'm getting loud and clear??
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tommygotwrittenoff · 10 days ago
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the implications of "guess all that company must have wore you out" is crazy. eddie knew about maddie's plan, he knew and he didn't want to be a part of it. if buck wanted his company, buck would come to him. and buck did
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early-october-skies · 9 months ago
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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees
#lizzierants#had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly#caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because#theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry#that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing#good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me#someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with#my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am#overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back#this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf#i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec#ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help#and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here#most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much#anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking#terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine#is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because#they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate#this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start#crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3#i will heal and ill be okay <3
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tokyoteddywolf · 11 months ago
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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lilacponds · 2 years ago
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the wanting your friends to not worry about you while you clutch your chest and cry at random intervals while knowing you've been through this before and you will again and it's always been and always will be worth it while being unable to eat or sleep much while reassuring your friends youre fine while
-
i want to be able to be in pain and grieve and be sad. but i dont want my friends to be sad for me. i dont want to be asked how im doing
im in pain but i mean it when i say it will pass and i know it, not in the 'im keeping hope and positivity' kind of way but in the 'its an unescapable cycle of my life that im happy to go through'
of course im not happy about what happened, or that im in pain, but i would do it again in a heartbeat if i could go back in time. love is worth it
its like...
this is a personal type of pain. i hold it precious in my palms. its not for sharing, its my treasure and mine alone.
this is not just about pain. its about the happiness it follows. its about the love overflowing. its about the wonder hidden in the corners. its about realization and sacrifice and all the little things that no one can really get because they havent lived through my specific experiences.
its precious, to me. to keep near my now-aching-soon-nostalgic heart. to hang on the walls inside of it.
spending time with loved ones helps soothe, of course. i'm not shying away from that. but my stinging and my healing are mine to cherish.
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mystic-mae · 1 month ago
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i need some motivation to do shit, so like... notes thingy i guess
100 notes - water consumption for the body. marching band season made me realize i dont drink enough fucking water out here. (alright, i guess i need water now... I WAS DRINKING TEA EARLIER. THATS CLOSE ENOUGH, RIGHT??)
200 notes - food consumption, i guess. i'll try to eat 3 full meals a day. enough to make my body full and stuff. (gods dammit. well, i already ate breakfast and lunch, and i have leftovers from lunch, so, i guess dinner's all set for me.)
300 notes - homework completion. i've been lacking in my homework game, and i definitely need to improve it this semester. (...i'll start my chem homework tomorrow since saturdays are my rest days, okay??? MOST OF MY WEEKEND HOMEWORK IS DONE BUT THANKS FOR CARING, CHAT)
400 notes - writing hobby. i need motivation to write lore for my dnd campaign (#runaway ruler dnd / #convict ruler dnd / #ruined ruler dnd universe if you want to follow along my shitposting for that) (i already started shitposting for runaway ruler again, so check it out. I WILL WRITE LORE FOR EACH ARC DONT WORRY IM JUST BARELY GETTING STARTED ON THE SECOND ARC SINCE ITS VERY LONG)
500 notes - animation gift. i'm making a little valentine's gift for my spouses, and it's gonna be 1:34 seconds long... I need motivation to actually animate lmao. (i'll do bits and pieces throughout the week. don't worry, i plan to figure this out [i haven't animated in months, and even then i barely scratched the animation surface])
1000 notes - script memorization. i uh... need to memorize my silly little script for a production coming up in a month. im performing in front of kids so like... the script's pretty short and easy. im the antagonist in my cast >:]. (sick, let's go. i love myself some memorization.)
2000 notes - chest binder shopping. i'll ask my parents if i can get a chest binder. ive been meaning to get one for myself for some time now. im getting desperate for one. (i suppose i'll ask today or tomorrow... or over the weekend- that's when most of the shopping happens, anyways.)
3000 notes - leaving the closet. i'll come out to the rest of my family that i'm trans, aromantic, all the nine yards about my lgbtq+ identities. i'll definitely have to schedule a good day to do that. (HELLO??? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?? OKAY FINE I'LL FIGURE OUT A DAY. I'LL COME BACK TO YOU WITH THAT-)
4000 notes - researching possible colleges across my state and outside my state. because i wanna get out of here.
5000 notes - order a suit. preferably black or purple. because i need more gender affirming clothes in the formal department.
EDIT: do however many notes you want. i know i said 10 notes per person earlier, but like... go wild i guess
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bobzora · 1 year ago
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you could not pay me to care about what's been going on lately in hi3rd
#bobtalk#opened it for the first time since sirin released (it's an au version of her but she is my favorite nonetheless) and mann the ui change#it's lost its spirit. the g/enshin impactification... well. it's been on that train for a while#i miss hi3rd's small focused cast. and protag who is a character. im fond as fuck of starrail femc tho she's on my team as much as possible#anyway immediately closed it. opened star rail (also been a while on that front. last opened for kafka rerun. forrr like. 2 days. lmao)#(didn't get her the first time (lost 50/50 for c1(? what do they call it in star rail) bronya. which is fine. she's a hi3rd expy which is a#plus for me! lmao. don't care for this new mei's design but i also haven't met her. starrail in general has lots of samey designs)#(my team has seele and bronya on it which makes me go :) definitely not peak performance (wish i had silver wolf. and a good healer) but :)#checked and it looks like next new character is a quantum harmony which should have good seele synergy. especially if i had silver wolf.#which i don't. lol.#yeah kafka wouldn't've fit my team anyway...<-said with puppy dog eyes. yeah okay she's just hot that's the only reason i wanted her#maybe it's good i didn't get her because the only dot character i have to match her is fuckin. sampo. who i want Dead.#idgaf about a single guy in this game except welt and that's just because he's literally the same guy as from hi3rd. and my friend.#ok a couple of the other dudes are like. fine. im chill with dan heng...that's about it LMAO.#one of these days i need to reread hi3rd second eruption which is fucking peak <- sirin's biggest fan#you REALLY couldn't pay me to redownload g/enshin.#oh my math test? dont worry about it <3 ok? yayyy
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shshshshshowrunner · 2 years ago
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The [OMITTED LAYER 2] community* has forgiven Disney Hercules
*me
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d3stinyist1red · 5 months ago
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out of everyone on yandere town, yan cowboy is definitely my favourite <3
YESSS IKR HES SO CUTESYY
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yan cowboy who wants you to ride him badly
yan cowboy who first meets you when you stumble upon his farm, literally the cows were gonna jump ur ass until he popped up
"hey there, sweets! What'cha doin' around here?" He asks, looking at you with a tilted head as he pat the cow's head. "U-uh, sorry i just-" you got interrupted by the cowboy laughing at ya.
"ma, why do you seem so nervous? It's alright!" He said grinning down at you, he wraps an arm around your shoulder and introduces himself.
yan cowboy who is now ur buddy, talking to you every second of his fucking day like damn lil bro chill
yan cowboy who you began seeing everyday, coincidences piling up. No matter where you went, he was there, lingering just at the edge of your vision.
yan cowboy who wants you to ride with him and his horse everyday, holding onto your waist as he leads the horse on where to go, your back to his front, slowly rubbing himself against you.
yan cowboy who is a possessive and jealous freak. Any interaction you have with others, specifically other men, makes his jaw clench and his eyes narrow. He might not say anything at first, but you’ll notice how quiet he has gotten.
yan cowboy who confronts you about the man you were hanging out with earliar
"Hey darlin', what was that man tellin' you? Why were you talkin' to him? Do you think hes better than me? Sweets, im sorry. Darlin' lets talk about this, okay?"
"boy i literally just asked him wheres the nearest wingstop"
"why? are you hungry? Because I have some meat for you could eat-"
yan cowboy who makes you the center of his world, if you dont talk to him hes GONNA AND WILL have a bad day, grumpy and pissed off until you talk to him
yan cowboy who has a garden his mother owns, and always gives you flowers, your favorite ones
yan cowboy who literally every woman wants bc hes fine asf, strong, and BRO HES SWEET TOO LIKE HELLO??? but he only needs you. Whenever hes talking with another woman, he always drifts his eyes away from her to try to find you, not paying attention to whatever the woman was saying
yan cowboy who literallys gets so hard whenever he sees you bend down to get some strawberries you planted, already knowing he was gonna fist himself inside his car
yan cowboy who always gives you handwritten notes
"hello n/n! I might not be able to see you today because of my mother telling me ive been slacking off since ive been leaving early from farming. But darling, you know I can't stay away from you for so long! I need to see you! Anyway baby, I left you some cash, treat yourself, aight babes? - Your lovely cowboy <3"
yan cowboy who sees you growing some plants in the hot sun and immediatly panics, he runs over to you with an umbrella. A UMBRELLA BRO
"darlin'! Its so hot out here for you to be outside! Come inside, love!"
"bro ive only been outside for 3 minutes"
"3 minutes too long! Now cmon and rest! Ill do the work, lovely!"
yan cowboy who helps you when you barely started growing plants and stuff, guiding you with his hands ontop of yours, his chin on your shoulder.
yan cowboy who sees you carrying a heavy bale of hay, and immediately scolds you
You wipe the sweat from your brow as you lift the bale of hay, determined to carry your weight on the farm. Your cowboy always helps you with everything like bro i could be independent too hoe. You’ve seen him do this like a thousand times, and you’re confident you can handle it too bc ur a bad bitch period
But before you can take more than a few steps, a shadow falls over you, and you feel a firm hand on your arm. You glance up, and lowkey you were scared it was gonna be schoolboy69 lowkey but nah their infront of you was your cowboy, eyes narrowed in a mix of worry and frustration. He was practically glaring at you, mad that you picked up something without his help, even if you picked up something as heavy as a bag of cookies he would be mad and see red like alpha dawg sigma 4000
“What do you think you’re doin’, darlin’?” His voice is low, but you still heard the irritation in his voice.
“I’m just helping out,” you say, trying to brush it off as no big deal. “It’s just a bale of hay, I'll can handle it.” You said shrugging, about to walk past him until you felt the heavy hay get off your shoulders in a quick manner.
that lil bitch took the hay and walked away but not before blowing u a kiss and saying "i love u n/n, get ready for tonight bc imma need u to blow my back OUT-"
yan cowboy who always is complimenting you, doesnt even matter if your in ur christmas pjs from 2016 he will say "id lowkey eat you out in that"
yan cowboy who is ur obsessed boy who luvs you more than he should<3
yan cowboy who is ur such cowboy who couldnt be more lucky to have you with him! <333
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GUYS IM BACK FROM THE DEAD BITCHESSS
GUYS YALL COULD SEND REQUESTS BUT ITS GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BIT BC IM STILL WORKING ON OTHER DRAFTS LIKE THESE
GUYS WHO HAS YAN WINDERBREAKER MANHWA BOOKS PLS I NEED JAY JO AND OWEN
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pathologicalreid · 7 months ago
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Hello, love your writing, can i request a oneshot for spencer Reid x wife!reader with the plot of the movie taken where she goes on a business trip or something and she gets taken and the team have to work against the clock to get her back. Had this idea for so long and thought you would be perfect to write it. Perfectly fine if you dont but im craving this story.
leave a message after the beep | S.R.
When you go missing under suspicious circumstances on a business trip, the BAU goes to Texas - and ends up in the middle of something bigger than anticipated.
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: kidnapping, blood, guns, reader almost kills someone, hospitals, the securities and exchange commission, typical cm violence, texas, takes place maybe circa season 7 word count: 4.03k a/n: okay anon so like yes i can write this but also i've never seen the movie taken so really i took your request and made it my own! i hope you like it either way!
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Tuesday, 2:17 p.m.
“Hey, Spence, it’s me. Shame I got your voicemail, but I just landed at Dallas Fort Worth and I’m waiting for my ride to take me to meet the regional officers. Not sure if you’re traveling, but uh, call me when you get this, I guess. Or when you can. Hopefully, this trip goes better than I think it’s going to… oh, I think my ride is here.”
Tuesday, 6:42 p.m.
“Hey babe, so, the first meeting went fine, they don’t seem very receptive, but people generally aren’t when I’m sent in to change their methods. Wish you’d pick up your phone. Anyway, I’m on my way to the hotel now, I’ll probably try you again before I go to bed. I know my updates are probably riveting.”
Tuesday, 8:09 p.m.
“Well, I’ve definitely stayed in nicer hotels than this one, but I guess I can’t complain about being put up for free. I’m probably just biased because the a/c unit is busted – oh, my room number is 316, I know you like to have it. I opened the windows to let air in but it’s so dry here that I’m not sure it’s helping any. I’ll shut them before I go to sleep, so don’t worry about that. Call me back, I miss you, don’t worry about waking me up. I think that’s all I’ve got, goodnight, I love you!”
There was a collective sigh in the roundtable room, five agents around the room all looked nervously at each other. No one wanted to be the first person to speak. No one wanted to be the first to propose a theory. “Where’s Spencer?” Emily asked, looking through the voicemail transcripts that were splayed out in front of her.
“In Hotch’s office, they’re talking,” Rossi said, eyeing the photo of you that was being projected up on the screen. Most of the time, Penelope just used driver’s license or passport photos in files, but for you, she had chosen a photo from the last BAU O’Keefe’s outing. Your skin was flushed and there was an odd shadow being cast on your face, but your smile was unmistakable.
The official files would have your driver’s license photo, but that picture was for the BAU. Seemingly unable to peel her eyes off of the screen, JJ asked the question that everyone was sitting on, “We’re on this case, right?”
It felt ridiculous, one of their own had gone missing in the middle of the night and they weren’t even sure if they had the jurisdiction to look into it. When no one answered, Morgan looked around the room, “The brass isn’t seriously going to try to tell us not to investigate.”
“No, they’re not,” Hotch said, suit jacket unbuttoned and fluttering behind him as he walked into the roundtable room with purpose. “We’ll debrief more on the plane, JJ and Garcia will stay here, the rest of us are headed to Dallas,” he instructed, nodding at everyone before turning around and walking out the door, the rest of the team following like ducks in a row.
On the jet, the traveling members of the team watched as Rossi held a cup of coffee out for Spencer to take, but the team's youngest member took a moment to even recognize that it was there, “Oh,” he mumbled, “thank you.” Blinking a haze from his eyes, he took the cup in his shaky hands.
A familiar concern flowed among Spencer’s teammates, they all watched as he twisted his wedding ring around his finger – a nervous habit that usually presented itself when he missed you. “Y/N’s boss is en route to Quantico to talk with JJ, the flight’s about three hours, we should get started,” Hotch was the one to speak up, herding the sheep in the correct direction while everything felt aimless.
With his legs tucked beneath himself, Spencer watched the team as they bounced back and forth in a discussion on what you were doing in Dallas and Penelope scoured through your recent communication.
“According to the voicemails and the hotel records, her room was on the third floor,” Emily spoke up, flipping through the file in front of her. “Do we have crime scene photos from the hotel room yet?”
On the video screen, Penelope shook her head, “CSI is still processing the scene, I have an inquiry in with them to send the photos as soon as they can.”
Checking his watch, Hotch looked over at Spencer, still sequestered on one side of the jet, “Make sure they keep the scene undisturbed for when we arrive. Dave and Morgan will meet with the sheriff at the hotel, and the rest of us will head to the precinct to set up.”
If Spencer wanted to be the one to investigate the crime scene, he didn’t protest his assignment, he just continued to spin that gold band on his finger. He didn’t notice the glances exchanged between the rest of his team; he could only think of you.
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With the involvement of the BAU, the team had been redirected to the Dallas Field Office. “There was a hole torn in the window screen, the crime scene techs think that’s how they got inside,” Morgan announced to the team, they were all gathering in the conference room.
“On the third floor?” JJ questioned over video chat, she and Penelope sat right next to each other on the screen.
Rossi nodded, “We must be looking at a team. At least two, likely three UnSub’s in order to pull something like this off. They cut the camera feed and broke into the hotel room where she was staying – this was premeditated.”
It wasn’t difficult to deduce that being taken from the third floor of a hotel meant that you had been a target, but the evidence of a break-in settled like a boulder on Spencer’s chest. Someone had intended to take you. Someone had intended on grabbing you from your hotel room in the middle of the night – and they had succeeded.
“Is there any chance she forgot to close the windows when she went to sleep last night?” Emily looked over at Spencer, dark brows raised quizzically as she leaned over the table, skimming through the voicemail transcripts again.
Clenching his jaw, Spencer shook his head, recalling your promise to close the windows before the end of the night. “No, she’d never forget. She knows I worry,” although, after this, you’d never be able to chide him for worrying too much ever again. Sharing a knowing look with the brunette before him, “So, she’s been missing since last night, not this morning.”
The initial assumption had been that you’d disappeared at some point early in the morning, maybe on your way to your first meeting of the day, no one was entirely sure, but this confirmed that you had been missing for at least eight hours more than the first estimate.
A knock on the door garnered the attention of the team, each of them turning to see a field agent, “Uh, Ezra Buchmann is here to speak with you, he said he got a call from your tech girl.”
Hotch nodded succinctly, “That’s the co-worker who reported the case. Morgan, go see if he needs anything. Dave, let’s go check out the office building that Y/N had been working at.”
“Do you think she might’ve been caught up in something at work?” Spencer asked, following his team members with his eyes as they left the conference room.
The unit chief didn’t provide a forward answer, “I’d like to start checking off some possibilities. It’s been fourteen hours with no firm leads.” It wasn’t as optimistic as anyone had hoped, but Hotch shared a look with Emily before leaving the room.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Spencer turned to the evidence board, looking at the pictures of your hotel room, the water splashed around the rim of the bathroom sink, your phone charging on the bedside table, your wedding ring resting on the counter, and if he separated himself from the missing posters, he could almost convince himself that they were just random pictures. Almost.
Frowning at the blown-up images of partial fingerprints and a random CCTV shot from across the street, he recalled your voicemails. “I wasn’t busy,” he confessed to Emily. “When she called me, I wasn’t busy. I was doing other things, but I wasn’t too busy to answer the phone. I assumed that I’d have the chance to talk to her today,” he said, slightly leaning over the oak table, resting his fingerprints on the varnished surface in an attempt to keep himself standing.
Pursing her lips, Emily took a member for responding, “That’s not an outrageous assumption to make,” she tried to reason with a miserable man. “You’d never think something like this would happen.”
“Until it does,” Spencer continued. “We see it happen to people all the time, we’ve made a life of it, but I never thought it would happen to me. To her,” he maundered. If he had a dollar for every time he had heard the same sentiment from victim’s families, he’d never have to work another day in his life. “I did call her back when I got home last night,” he added, though, he wasn’t entirely sure who he was trying to reassure.
In an effort to comfort him, Emily reached out and patted his arm, “We will find her, Spencer.”
Dead or alive? He wanted to retort, but he bit his tongue, holding it in.
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As a favor to him, in the hopes of providing him with some emotional respite, Emily had haggled with the field agent whose name was last on the chain of custody of your belongings. It wasn’t entirely proper for evidence to be released to family, but she offered to put her name on it in the interim.
She stayed with Spencer in the conference room, letting him keep your things nearby as she spoke with JJ and went through the information that had been acquired back at Quantico. The team now had your performance reviews at work and, according to JJ, your boss couldn’t say enough good things about you. While it was nice to hear, it didn’t bring them any closer to finding where you were.
Tracing the woodgrain of the table with his fingertips, Spencer eventually tuned the phone call out, instead wondering at what point he was obligated to call your parents. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice your phone was ringing in the evidence bag before him until Prentiss tapped him on the shoulder.
It was an unknown number, but that was a barrier easily blocked by Garcia with a quick search. The rest of the team watched as she blanched on the screen, “Uh, you might want to answer that.”
“Garcia, who is it?” Hotch asked, a hardened look on his face as he looked from the screen to the buzzing cellphone.
JJ frowned at Penelope’s monitor as if she couldn’t believe what she was reading, “It’s the SEC,” she responded.
Swiftly, Hotch answered the phone call, turning on speakerphone so the rest of the team could hear, “Hello.”
“Hello, may I speak with Mrs. Reid?” A male voice came through the receiver, everyone sharing the same wary look.
Focused on the phone call, Hotch shook his head, “This is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, you can speak with me.” He said, elaborating on the situation and rendering the SEC investigator speechless.
Unable to listen to the conversation any longer, Spencer got up, minding his movements as he walked out of the conference room. He checked the map of the building that was posted on the wall before walking up the stairs, making his way up to the roof of the building.
The dry heat of Dallas was about as miserable as everyone made it out to be, but it was hard to ignore the way it reminded him of home. Maybe he could call his mom – speaking with her usually brought him some semblance of peace. Though, she might have a negative reaction to the situation he found himself in. On the hot rubber roofing, he kicked around piles of dirt before leaning against the ledge of the building, craning his head back and closing his eyes when he heard the rooftop door open.
“Look, I’m really not in the mood for any sort of discussion right now,” he complained, neglecting to spare a glance at whoever was disturbing his quiet – not exactly an Eden, but quiet.
He recognized Emily by the sound her boots made, even on the rubber that had been softened by the relentless sun, “I’d be more surprised if you were in the mood to talk.”
Impulsively, he rolled his eyes, “Did Hotch put you in charge of me?” He was glad his eyes were still shut, that way he couldn’t see the look on Emily’s face when he sniped at her.
“No,” she responded, gathering his attention as he brought his head down, squinting in the sunlight. “I thought you might want to know what just happened,” she nearly challenged, dark hair gleaming in the daylight.
Mentally kicking himself, he nodded for a moment, “You’re right, I just… I’m sorry.”
Taking a moment, Prentiss walked over, standing next to him, “I know.” She sighed, turning around and taking inventory of the surrounding buildings, “She was sent out here to look at some shady dealings of the company – insider trading, that kind of stuff. The main branch has an investigation open with the SEC, and they have been for the last few months. She was supposed to meet with that Ezra guy this morning to try and work something out. Hotch is talking to the CEO right now, he’s claiming he couldn’t tell JJ because it’s need-to-know,” Emily explained, focusing her eyes on the highway in the distance. “The SEC has an office in Fort Worth, they’re sending some people, and they faxed over all of the files.”
Setting his jaw, Spencer was the first to move to the stairs, the air conditioning providing an instant relief as he strode down the steps with Emily trailing close behind.
A field agent was standing in the middle of the office, stirring a cup of coffee, “Would someone really kidnap a woman over an SEC investigation?”
“We’ve seen much worse for much less,” Spencer mentioned in passing, swerving through the office of people until he made it back to the conference room. “Why would Y/N’s boss send her to investigate something that had already been brought to the SEC?” He posed the question to the rest of the team, taking one of the files that Morgan handed him and reading through the pages.
Rossi shrugged, nodding his head in the direction of the evidence board, “He wanted it handled quietly,” he posited. “Maybe he thought she could negotiate a solution and they could call off the securities investigation.”
Understanding where Spencer was going with his question, Hotch watched the board as if it was all coming together, “But, Y/N had no idea there was an open investigation. This was just another assignment to her.”
You had basically said as much in your voicemails, you went in, and you cleaned up fires across the country, and now you were caught in a blaze. “It was a setup,” Spencer concluded.
“And I know just who you need to talk to,” Garcia said over the phone, typing on her keyboard, “Check your phones.”
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Ezra’s assistant folded immediately under the threat of being charged with interfering with a federal investigation. She had no knowledge of what her boss was up to, but she did know where the BAU could find him.
On the edge of the city, your company held an old office building that was slated for demolition. With the information from the assistant and some actions of questionable legality from Garcia, the team was able to nail down Ezra’s location and, hopefully, yours.
Letting SWAT lead the way, Spencer, Emily, and Morgan all made their way up yet another flight of stairs, hoping to be able to find you on the third floor. The SWAT commander signaled with his fingers to direct everyone in their respective directions.
There was a clang from across the floor and everyone froze in place, “Fuck you!” Your voice rang out, reverberating through the mostly empty office space. The yelp that followed would have sent Spencer clambering in your direction if it weren’t for Morgan grabbing his arm in warning. “I didn’t know,” you spoke again, your tone less obstinate as the misery you felt crept in.
Drawing their weapons, the team clung to the wall as SWAT gave orders over comms until the team came into view, lifting their firearms.
In retaliation, Ezra pulled you up, keeping a deadly tight grip on your upper arm as he kept you compliant by pressing the barrel of his gun to your temple. “She told me you’d come,” he said, nearly seething with rage like a rabid animal.
It seemed like a ridiculous moment to feel relief, but the fact that you knew the BAU would come for you ever so slightly lightened the weight on Spencer’s shoulders. However, whatever relief he felt was quickly banished from existence when his eyes met yours, you were covered in blood. It leaked in a steady stream from your nose and down your sleep shirt, he hoped that was the extent of the damage that had been done but based on the evidence of a struggle in the hotel room, he doubted it.
“Y/N, don’t look at him, look at us, look at Spencer,” Emily reasoned, noting the way you looked over at your captor, eyeing the gun in his hand.
You didn’t look scared, not to Spencer, though Emily had reasonably assumed that you would be in this situation. “Y/N, don’t,” Spencer said in a warning.
But his warning came too late, you had already swung your bound hands up, grabbing the weapon from Ezra as you kicked his legs out from under him. If Spencer hadn’t been so worried, he would’ve been impressed, but now he found himself in an entirely different situation.
“The safety’s still on,” you chastised as your now shaking hands undid the small latch, settling your pointer finger on the trigger as you stared him down.
SWAT seemed entirely dumbfounded, not sure how to go about the admittedly unique situation, so, it fell upon your husband to talk you down. Slowly, he holstered his weapon and stepped toward you, “Baby, put the gun down.”
You sucked in a harsh breath, “He set me up, Spence”
“I know, darling, I know,” Spencer said breathlessly, holding his hands out to stop any and all movement in the warehouse. “This isn’t the answer though, okay? You know this isn’t the answer.”
Your hands didn’t stop shaking, still bound together by the flex cuffs on your wrists as you narrowed your eyes at Ezra. “He set me up,” your voice broke at the sheer memory of the betrayal.
Distantly, you heard Derek tell people to lower their weapons, convincing the field agents that you weren’t a threat. “This isn’t you,” Spencer insisted.
Blinking as tears fell from your eyes, you gripped the handle of the gun, leaving your pointer finger hovering precariously on the trigger. This isn’t you. This isn’t the answer. This isn’t you. This isn’t the answer.
Swallowing thickly, you looked down at Ezra, who was taunting you, trying to get you to pull the trigger. You fought against yourself, trying not to stare at Spencer because you knew as soon as you met his brown eyes, the choice would be made for you.
“Pull the damn trigger,” Ezra jeered, baring his teeth at you. This was it; this was the end. The FBI had the whole building surrounded. Even if he tried to run, the BAU would follow him, they’d chase him down, and they’d kill him themselves if it came down to it.
Slowly, you moved your thumb, re-engaging the safety before you lowered your arms, handing the gun off to Spencer. As he grabbed the barrel of the gun with one hand, he pulled you in with the other, passing the gun off to Emily so he could hug you tightly.
He pulled away for a moment, retrieving a pocketknife and using it to cut the flex cuffs from your wrists, letting the stiff plastic fall to the ground, and catching you when you practically threw your arms around him.
Your legs gave out from under you, and Spencer wondered how long you had been in this sweltering building without water, likely having used the last of your strength to stop Ezra. “Shh,” he hushed gently, “Let’s sit down,” he spoke to only you as he guided you to the ground.
Closer to you now, he saw more of the damage that had been done, the glazed look over your eyes, your chapped lips, and a bruise on the side of your head. “I knew you’d come,” you murmured dazedly, swaying ever so slightly, “I told him you’d come.”
“I know, I know,” Spencer reassured you, listening to the buzzing of people, hopefully EMTs, around you.
A hiccupping sob almost broke his heart, but he just kept his hold on you, keeping you upright and wishing your nosebleed would clot. “I almost killed him,” you mumbled.
But you didn’t, he wanted to respond. Part of him felt like it would’ve been fine if you had. You’d have gotten away with it, even, but he knew firsthand what it felt like to take another life. He wanted to believe that he had played a part in you turning the safety back on, but even he wasn’t sure.
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“How are you feeling? Better?” Spencer asked, sitting on the edge of your hospital bed and taking your hand in his.
He squeezed your hand gently, allowing you to admire the way your wedding ring looked now that it had been returned to its rightful home. “Much,” you assured him, keeping your head resting on the mountain of pillows behind you. You had been cleaned up, stitches on your forehead, and a bandaged cut on your thigh, but the main concern was your dehydration. An IV delivered fluids to you while you sipped on a cup of water, waiting for your stomach to settle enough for you to eat something.
Spencer raised his eyebrows, reaching out and sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear, “Good enough to try something for dinner?”
You nodded apprehensively, “Something light?”
The smile that sprouted on his face was enough to convince you to eat. He offered to go talk to your nurse, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before he left the room, leaving the door open so you could see him in the hallway.
A small chime got your attention, looking around for the source of the noise, you found yourself digging through Spencer’s bag, retrieving your cell phone from the leather satchel.
There was a scratch over the screen, but it still worked just fine following your skirmish in the hotel, you opened the phone to find that you had a voicemail. You tapped the message before bringing the phone to your ear.
Tuesday, 10:23 p.m.
“Hey love, I’m just leaving the office now. I’m sure they’ll be more receptive to you as you talk more, you can be very convincing. The weather is very dry in Texas, make sure you keep hydrated, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t answer any of your calls, we’ve been trying to prepare all of this paperwork for Strauss and time just got away from us. I miss you, maybe when you get home, we could talk about taking a trip. We could go see my mom. It’s been a while. Hm… I have to admit, I’m a little bummed you didn’t answer the phone, but I’m glad you’re getting sleep. I love you so much, sleep well.”
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chrolloluvr · 11 months ago
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Adam, Mammon, Alastor and Lucifer with a insecure S/o
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💋ྀིྀིAdam, Mammon, Alastor, Stolas and Lucifer w/ Insecure S/O 💋ྀིྀི
Note: Yesss i love this request!! As somebody who is insecure about quite a few things I think this is so cute <3 🥰 Also I hope you don't mind me adding Stolas <3
Female!reader, GenderNeutral!Reader for Stolas <3
Warnings: Cussing, mentions of sex
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Mammon 💸:
He does not grasp the concept of insecure. Why be insecure when your with him? He chose you, right? He is extremely picky, so what is there to worry about? Why are you insecure? To him you are adorable, so who cares?
He may notice you are feeling down lately, or that you have been avoiding him, which agitates him to no end.
So at first, he will have you bottle up your insecurity, just so that he can be your big savior, and make you feel loved by him.
When you tell him exactly what you are insecure about, he audibly laughs. Well, he doesn't mean to make you upset or anything, but like, are you being serious?
He will say things like:
"Babe, what the fack? you look hot, theres no need to beat around the goddamn bush."
"What, is it your (insert insecurity)? cmon, don't be such a sour puss. You look just fine to me."
"Cmon sweets, whats on ya mind? How about we go out to the restaurant you love, yeah?"
He will go to that restaurant, even though he hates it. He just does not like seeing his little trophy upset or visibly irked. Even if there is Paparazzi around, he will hide them from you, or bribe them to leave.
His favorite insecurity on you would have to be your thighs. He loves squeezing them, jiggling them, putting his head between them, seeing them move when you walk, etc. If you have bigger ones, he thinks that one of, if not the best physical quality about you. He will spend his time ranting to you while snug in your legs about how annoying his newest stars are, or how Ozzie did this, or Fizzarolli did that-
Overall, he will make sure you dont go on with that contentious bullshit ever again. He cant have his favorite little lady upset, can he?
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Adam 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪:
He is Adam, the first man, he does not ever feel insecure. he never makes mistakes.
But in reality, he has felt insecure. Especially after his two wives left him for the. same. man.
He does not notice until a while later that you are upset. He thinks you are happy all the time because of him. But he's basically your husband, so he will notice things about you, that you don't even know about yourself (same as mammon)
When you tell him you are insecure, he coddles you, and threats you like you're an infant
He will say things like:
"Your insecure? About what? You have to be lying babe, you look perfect to me."
"Relax babe, im kidding, so its your (insert insecurity)? Oh, are you joking?"
"How about... you and me do a little something something, hm?"
(He is a sex deviant, so he will always bring that up.)
He tries to make it up to you by putting on your favorite movie, and bringing you your favorite snacks. But he ends up eating most of them himself...
But anyways, his favorite insecurity is your ass. He likes squeezing it, spanking it, etc. Even if it small, he likes it and thinks its cute. He will randomly pick you up and throw you over his shoulder and just, spank it, and put you down??
So overall, he is okay at comforting you, but dont come running to him unless you dont want things to turn somehow sexual.
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Alastor ��:
He has never felt insecure in his twisted mind.
He will notice immediately that you are upset about something. He takes action fairly quickly, by rubbing your shoulders, etc.
When you tell him you are insecure, he is very understanding. You are his dearest, so he wants to take care of you, and make you feel like an angel.
While he may not understand insecurity himself, he understands you are disarmed, and that bothers him greatly.
He will say things like:
"My love, don't fret about these regal thoughts. What are you feeling down about now?"
"Is this about your (insert insecurity)? If so, that is silly nonsense, my dear. You know I do not mind."
"How about, we take a stroll. Maybe we could stop by Rosie, she sure knows how to cheer you up, hm?"
He tries his best to make you feel better, because your feelings reflect on him. While it may not seem so on the outside, his heart tears when he sees you like this.
His favorite insecurity has to be your hip dips. He thinks they make you look very feminine and womanlike, which he likes. He likes to run his hands over them, enjoying the way his fingers sink into them.
So overall, Alastor makes you feel very loved and cared for. You will never feel discontent as long as he is in your vicinity.
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Lucifer 𓆩𓆪:
He has felt insecure a lot. From being casted down into Hell, to his wife somewhat recently leaving him, (to his height), he knows what it feels like
But since meeting you, he is very attentive over you.
So he notices very quickly that you are upset.
When the time comes to tell him that you are insecure, (because he kept asking you frantically whats wrong), He is very understanding.
He will say things like:
"Seriously? You? Insecure? Well we cant have that here, now can we?"
"Its your (insert insecurity)? Its ok honey, I love you just how you are."
"Honey, how about the two of us stay home for the day, hm?"
He will stay by your side a lot more often now that you told him that. He is a very doting and worried lover like Stolas, so he wants you to feel comfortable with yourself.
His favorite insecurity of your is also your thighs. Big or small, he loves them. His favorite is when his head and cheeks are squished against them. Or when he's eating you out, and he feels the warmth smothering his face. He loves the way they move when you walk as well like Mammon.
So overall, he knows what it is like to be insecure. He wants you to feel loved, and like you are cherished by him.
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Stolas 𓅪:
Feels insecure a lot like Lucifer. WIth his (ex)wife, concerning his daughter, etc.
He also will notice your changes instantly. SO he will constantly ask if something is wrong. When it comes to you being upset, he will be very combative in telling him.
So when you tell him you are insecure, he feels for you. He will hold you close, and let you lay on top of his fluffy, feathered body.
He will say things like:
"Sweetheart, what is troubling you so much? I am always by your side, you know. So if you want to talk, we can."
"Your (insert insecurity)? But they are beautiful! You don't have to worry my owlette."
"How about we watch a movie? That always seems to cheer you up."
He is very concerned about you, and just wants to make you happy. That is his duty in his mind. If he cant make the rest of his family happy, he can surely make you happy, right?
His favorite insecurity of yours is stretch marks. He likes them, and he thinks they look like cute little tiger cub stripes. He will run his slender fingers over them, making you shiver in the process. He believes they are like pieces of art, just all over your body.
So in his mind, you are perfect. He is always going to love you, insecurity through and through. You are his lover.
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tommygotwrittenoff · 6 months ago
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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gf2bellamy · 13 days ago
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early seasons spence has me in a chokehold so i kinda have a request for you idk if it makes sense but yeah anyway (please dont tell me its obvious im a yapper ill cry)
ANYWHO
secret relationship au im imagining, earlyseasons!spencer x genderneutral/fem!bau!user (doesnt bother me but im trying to be considerate, im a girl but it really doesnt matter)
basically im thinking like the reader gets kidnapped on a case and spence is FREAKING OUT like lack of sleep, pacing constantly and being really set on finding the unsub freaking out.. and when he finally finds the reader in their state hes like that mix of relieved and absolutely appalled at the readers condition (im imagining all beaten and bloody and stuff idk how graphic you wanna make it). hes all ditsy when hes untying their binds and carrying them out of the place since hes so scared for them. the rest of the thing is kinda hotch calmly telling the reader how freaked out spence was and then im thinking like them comforting spencer afterwards and saying all the ‘its not your fault’ and ‘im okay now’ and its so fluffy it rots all our teeth (but i guess it would also be angst) IDK IF IT MAKES ANY SENSE IMSORRY
anyway remember to drink water and take care of yourself
call me some random emoji cause ill probably be here a bunch
- 🐚
captured — spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid x reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: reader having bruises, reader being tied up, mention of having a terrible headache, a/n: thank you so so much for your request and your request makes perfect sense don't worry !! i loved the idea and i'm looking forward to your next requests 🐚 <3<3<3 i hope i did your request justice !!!
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Spencer didn’t know where you were. No one did. That thought pounded through his skull, looping endlessly as he nursed what had to be his fifth coffee of the day. He hadn’t slept—not even a minute—and the caffeine barely registered.
The coffee tasted like ash, bitter and lifeless. Not that it mattered. All it was doing was keeping him on his feet long enough to find you.
He should have seen this coming. He should have known the unsub would target you. You fit the profile perfectly—he had pored over the details a hundred times, retracing every step the team had made.
And yet, when it mattered most, Spencer had let his guard down.
And now you were gone. Missing. Maybe worse.
The thought sent a fresh wave of nausea rolling through him. His guilt was unbearable.
But it wasn’t just guilt, wasn’t just worry for a teammate.
It was something deeper, something he wasn’t allowed to show, not in a room full of profilers.
Because this wasn’t just about an agent being taken.
This was about you.
The person he had been secretly slipping away with after hours and the person whose hand he had held in the darkness when no one was looking.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
He should have stopped you. You should have never been the one to go on that stakeout alone, even if it was routine. Even if you’d assured him you’d be fine. The memory of your casual smile as you walked out the door stabbed at him like a knife.
“It’s just for a few hours, Spence,” you’d said with that soft lilt in your voice, the one you used when you were trying to put him at ease. The one that undid him every time.
He’d smiled back, pretending to believe you, but his stomach had tightened even then. He should have insisted on going with you.
And now—God, now—he didn’t know if he would ever hear that voice again.
It was a small mistake—one that was tearing him apart.
He hadn’t even realized he’d been gripping the edge of the desk until his knuckles turned white. He forced himself to let go, staring blankly at the case file in front of him. It was no use. He’d already memorized every detail, every piece of evidence. Nothing had led them to you yet.
But it would. It had to.
Spencer rubbed his eyes, exhaustion clawing at him. His entire body screamed for rest, but the idea of closing his eyes—even for a moment—felt impossible. His mind was too full of you.
The burning in his eyes was unbearable, but the ache in his chest was worse.
Everyone on the team was worried about you—how could they not be? But they were also worried about him. And they had every reason to be.
They thought his reaction was because the two of you were close, because he was the type to carry the weight of every case like a personal failure. But it was more than that.
He wasn’t just losing an agent. He was losing you.
He swallowed hard, his grip tightening around the desk once more.
He stared at the evidence board in front of him, the faces of the victims haunting him as he tried to force his brain into profiling mode. But every time he looked at their photos, all he could see was you.
Your smile. Your eyes. The way you looked at him.
His chest tightened painfully, and he dug his fingers into the desk again.He needed to focus.
“Reid.”Hotch’s voice broke through his frantic thoughts.
Spencer’s head snapped toward the doorway where Hotch stood, his expression unreadable as always. “We’ve got a lead,” he said, stepping inside.“Where?” Spencer asked.
“An abandoned warehouse on 14th and Grant,” Hotch replied evenly, though the concern in his eyes was clear.
Spencer turned back to the board, his mind racing as he analyzed the new information. Within seconds, he made the connection. The location fit the unsub’s pattern, his profile—it was possible.
It was enough.
Spencer shot to his feet without another word, practically bolting out the door. The rest of the team exchanged quick glances before following him.
He didn’t care if he looked reckless. He didn’t care if they saw how desperate he was. He had wasted enough time already.
Derek barely had time to react before Spencer climbed into the passenger seat, his breathing uneven.
Derek glanced at him, concern flickering across his face as he started the engine. “Reid—”
“Just drive,” Spencer snapped.
Derek didn’t argue. He knew better.
The SUV tore through the streets, Derek driving faster than protocol allowed. But he didn’t care. He knew Spencer would bite his head off if he slowed down, and frankly, he couldn’t blame him.
Spencer’s knee bounced restlessly as his eyes darted to the GPS screen, counting down the seconds until they arrived.
The second the car came to a stop in front of the warehouse, Spencer threw open the door and bolted.
“Reid, wait!” Derek’s voice rang out behind him, but it was no use.
Spencer didn’t slow down. He couldn’t.
His pulse roared in his ears as he burst into the building, gun raised, breath ragged. His rational mind screamed at him to slow down, to wait for backup, to clear the scene carefully—standard protocol.
But protocol didn’t matter right now.
The dim lighting inside cast long, eerie shadows along the walls. The air was thick with dust and something metallic—rust, maybe blood. His stomach turned at the thought.
His grip on his gun tightened as he moved swiftly, his heart hammering against his ribs.
Room after room, door after door—empty.
Panic coiled in his chest, squeezing tighter with each dead end. His mind flashed with worst-case scenarios.
He shoved them down. He couldn’t think like that.
Then, he reached the last door.
Spencer barely took a breath before forcing it open, gun at the ready.
And then—
His stomach dropped.
There you were.
His voice cracked as he called out your name, his heart pounding in his chest. He rushed toward you, his gun immediately lowering as he took in your state.
His stomach twisted at the sight of you—unconscious, slumped forward, your wrists tightly bound to the arms of the chair. The dim lighting highlighted the bruises and cuts on your face, the sight of them sending a jolt of raw panic through him. For a brief, gut-wrenching moment, Spencer feared the worst.
He knelt beside you, his hands trembling as they moved to your neck. His fingers pressed gently against your pulse point, but for what felt like an eternity, there was nothing.
His mind raced. Was this it? Was this how it ended?
Then—
There it was.
A faint, steady beat beneath his fingertips.
Relief crashed over him like a tidal wave, and for the first time in what felt like hours, Spencer’s lungs finally let him take a full breath. He leaned forward, forehead nearly touching yours as he whispered shakily, “Thank God. You’re okay. You’re okay.”
His hands moved to your face, cupping it gently as he tilted your head up to get a better look at you.
When your face came into full view, his breath hitched.
Bruises marred your cheekbone and temple, a thin line of dried blood trailing down from your hairline. Spencer’s heart clenched so tightly he thought it might break. He bit his lip, trying to keep it together, trying to maintain some semblance of control
One single tear slipped down his cheek as he softly brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch as gentle as if he were handling glass.
“I’m here,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “I’m here.”
“Morgan!” Spencer’s voice cracked, raw with emotion, as he yelled.
Seconds later, Derek burst into the room, gun in hand, his face hard and alert. “Reid, I just cleared the—” But the moment his eyes landed on you, his words died in his throat.
Derek cursed under his breath, his gaze shifting between you and Spencer, before asking about your condition, his concern palpable as he rushed to Spencer’s side, holstering his gun.
“Alive,” Spencer barely managed to choke out the word, his voice trembling. “Pulse is steady, but we need to get out of here.”
Morgan nodded, his jaw tightening as he quickly pulled out his knife to cut through the ropes binding your wrists.
Spencer’s hands were already on you, one cradling the back of your head, the other resting gently on your arm. His thumb stroked soothing circles on your skin.
The motion was familiar, a small gesture he used to comfort you when you were restless after nightmares, when he needed to remind you—remind himself—that you were safe.
He hoped it would work now, that somehow, it would bring you back to him.
Morgan worked quickly, slicing through the restraints. As soon as your wrists were free, Spencer carefully pulled you into his arms, holding you close against him.
His breath hitched as he whispered your name, lips near your ear. “It’s me. You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
Your body felt so limp against him. He could barely feel his own limbs—his exhaustion was a distant thing compared to the need to keep you safe.
Derek’s voice broke through his daze, placing a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “Let’s move.”
Spencer nodded. As he moved, one arm tightening protectively around you.
As they made their way outside, the sunlight hit Spencer’s face, but he barely noticed.
All he could focus on was you—the bruises and cuts that were on your skin, the way your body felt too light in his arms. His heart clenched at the thought of how much pain you must have endured, how much suffering had been thrust upon you, all because of the job.
He had promised you that he would protect you, that he would keep you safe. And now, he felt like he had failed you.
Two hours later, after one heated argument with the paramedics, Spencer had insisted on riding in the ambulance with you. He had refused to let you be alone, not for a second.
Now, you were lying in a sterile hospital bed, an IV drip hooked up to you, the soft beeping of machines a constant reminder that you were still here—still alive.
Spencer, on the other hand, was slumped in an uncomfortable plastic chair. His body contorted in a way that he knew he would regret later, but he didn’t care. His legs were stretched out, but his back was hunched, his neck bent at an awkward angle.
You slowly opened your eyes, blinking as the bright overhead lights made everything blur. The room was unfamiliar—hospital white with the sharp scent of antiseptic lingering in the air.
The pain hit you almost immediately—sharp and unwelcome—making its way through your head and down your body. You winced, biting your lip to hold back the whimper that threatened to escape.
The pain was intense, but it was nothing compared to the weight of everything that had happened.
The fear, the physical pain, the overwhelming sense of helplessness, it all crashed down on you like a tidal wave. But beneath it all, something else made itself known. The hum of machines, the soft beeping of your pulse, the sterile scent of the hospital room.
You slowly became aware that you were no longer in that dark, cold room, bound and at the mercy of the unsub. You were safe now.
And with that realization came relief.
You weren’t dead. You hadn’t been forgotten or abandoned. The unsub hadn’t fulfilled his plan.
Tears welled up in your eyes, and before you could stop them, they began to fall. You lifted your hand to your face, wiping them away quickly, but more kept coming. You couldn’t stop them.
Your eyes scanned the room, and that’s when you saw him.
Spencer.
He was there, slumped in the chair beside your bed. His exhaustion was unmistakable. His hair was messier than usual, not gelled back.
You sat there quietly observing the boy you had come to love so much.
Suddenly, the door to the room opened, and you turned your head to see Hotch step in. His usual stern expression softened when his eyes met yours, and for the briefest of moments, you could see the relief in his gaze.
“Hi, Hotch,” you mumbled weakly, offering a small, tired smile.
Hotch stepped further into the room, taking in your condition. "How are you doing?" His voice was softer than usual, an underlying concern lacing his words as he slowly closed the door behind him.
"My head is killing me," you replied, your voice hoarse, barely above a whisper. Your hand instinctively went to your temple, massaging it gently, but it did little to alleviate the pain.
Hotch nodded understandingly. He glanced at Spencer briefly, noting the way he hadn’t moved a muscle.
Hotch’s eyes lingered on Spencer for a moment longer than necessary, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he knew more than he was letting on.
It wouldn’t surprise you; Hotch was perceptive in ways no one else was, and your relationship with Spencer hadn’t exactly been subtle all the time.
He cleared his throat before speaking again. "We got him," Hotch said. "The unsub... he's in custody."
You closed your eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky breath. The news felt like a balm to your soul.
You’d been terrified that the danger hadn’t truly passed, that the man who had done this to you would still be out there, free to hurt others. But now, you could finally breathe.
He was behind bars, where he belonged.
"Thank you," you whispered, your body finally relaxing a little, your tension ebbing away with the knowledge that the man behind your nightmare was locked away.
Hotch’s gaze softened, though his face remained stoic as always. “He was worried sick,” Hotch said, nodding toward Spencer. “He didn’t sleep. He was looking for you the entire time.”
Your heart fluttered in your chest, your breath catching as you shifted your gaze from Hotch back to Spencer.
You could see the toll the search had taken on him. You fought the urge to reach for him, to run your fingers through his hair and wake him up just so you could see his face, to remind yourself that he was real, that he was here.
The face that had been your lifeline during the long days of captivity. It was that face, the one you’d thought of in the darkest moments, that had kept you sane.
Hotch seemed to notice the way your gaze lingered on Spencer, and for a moment, his usually unreadable face softened.
He didn’t say anything, but you could tell that he knew.
Spencer stirred slightly in his sleep, making a soft sound as he shifted. His body tensed before relaxing, the quiet movements of someone who was waking from exhaustion.
Hotch glanced down at Spencer, then back at you.He gave your arm a gentle squeeze—one that was light enough to not cause you any pain—and you looked at him.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Hotch said quietly. He gave you a small nod before stepping back.“Thanks, Hotch,” you mumbled, your voice still weak, but filled with genuine gratitude.
The door clicked softly behind him.As if on cue, Spencer slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times as the light seemed to hurt him.
His eyes immediately locked onto yours, and in that instant, you saw everything—the relief, the exhaustion, the quiet joy of seeing you alive.
“You’re awake,” he whispered, his voice barely above a breath, as if he didn’t quite believe it himself.
His eyes searched your face, his expression tightening as he took in every little detail.
Spencer never liked to admit his feelings. He never said the words, but you felt them in the way his eyes lingered on you, in the way he never once left your side.
You knew what was hidden beneath the surface, even if the world didn’t.
"Hi," you mumbled back, trying to offer him a small, weak smile. The effort was exhausting, but you didn’t want him to see just how badly you were hurting.
As you shifted to sit up a bit, the sharp pain in your head and limbs made itself known, and you couldn’t stop the soft groan that slipped from your lips.
Without a second thought, Spencer stood up from his seat, stepping closer to your bed, but he didn’t reach for you immediately.
"How are you feeling?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper, cracking slightly. His eyes scanned over you—lingering on the bruises and cuts that were on your skin.
His breath caught in his throat as his gaze flickered from the fresh marks on your body to your face, and for a split second, it seemed like he couldn’t look at you without some part of him breaking.
"I’ll be fine," you said, your voice strained as you did your best to sound convincing, but the words didn’t do much to reassure him.
You could see it in the way he flinched, his hand immediately running through his hair—trying to distract himself from how visibly shaken he was by the sight of you in pain.
Spencer Reid, who always had an answer for everything, who always had control, was falling apart.
He leaned forward slightly, as if wanting to touch you but unsure if he should.
“Spence,” you whispered, your voice quiet but filled with reassurance. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
But Spencer’s gaze remained on you, his body tense, and his hands flexed, still not knowing where to go. His lips parted again, as though to say something, but it came out only as a soft breath.
His fingers hovered near your arm but didn’t touch.
It was like he was afraid of hurting you more. You could see the guilt gnawing at him. It was written all over his face.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, his voice barely audible. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve—" His words faltered, and he cut himself off.
"Spence," you said slowly, your voice soft but insistent. You reached out and grabbed his hand, your fingers curling around his gently.
His grip tightened around your hand, but it felt shaky. The words suddenly spilled out.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve known. I should’ve known you could be in danger and I—” His voice cracked, and the rest of the sentence died in his throat. His breath hitched, and it was clear he was trying to hold back tears.
But they came anyway, pooling in his eyes, spilling over and leaving tracks down his pale face.
Your heart clenched at the sight of him—this was the man who had stayed by your side, refused to leave even when his mind told him he couldn’t handle it anymore.
The man who, despite everything, was still so gentle with you, so protective, and yet, here he was, blaming himself for things beyond his control.
"Spencer, stop," you said softly, your voice full of concern for him “Please, stop.”
His eyes remained downcast, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I should have," he murmured under his breath, barely loud enough for you to catch.
His voice trembled, breaking on the words. "I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve made sure you were safe. You're hurt... you're in the hospital because of me."
Your heart broke all over again. He always did this to himself, carried the weight of everyone else’s pain as if it were his own.
"No, no," you whispered urgently, doing your best to push through the lingering pain in your head as you squeezed his hand tighter.
The effort sent a sharp pulse through your skull, but you forced yourself to focus, to hold on to him. "Spence, it wasn’t your fault. Don't ever think that," you said firmly, your voice filled with all the care and strength you had left.
"Listen to me," you continued, the words coming from the depths of your soul. "You did everything you could. You were there. You found me. You're the reason I'm alive, Spencer. If anyone should be sorry, it’s the man who did this to me, not you." Your words were soft.
Spencer’s breath hitched again, his face contorting. He looked at you like you were the only thing keeping him together.
You took a slow, steady breath, forcing yourself to speak through the exhaustion. "You’re not the reason I’m here, Spence," you said, your voice full of the truth you wished he could feel deep inside himself. "You’re the reason I’m going to be okay. You always are."
Your words seemed to reach him, just enough to keep him from falling apart completely.
"Promise me something," you said, your voice soft but unwavering. "Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself. It’s not on you. It never was."
He nodded slowly, his hand tightening around yours in return.
“I promise,” he whispered, though it felt like he was still trying to convince himself more than anyone else.
"Come here," you said softly.
Without a second thought, Spencer leaned forward, his body folding into yours as he gently buried his face in the crook of your neck, his arms sliding around you with a tenderness that made your heart ache.
His breath hitched as he adjusted, trying his best not to press too hard, too recklessly, worried about hurting you. His arms tightened around you, pulling you closer as though he couldn’t bear to let go.
When he finally pulled back, there was a small smile on his face that wasn’t there before.
You smiled gently, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his face, your fingers lingering on his skin.
"I’m okay," you whispered, your voice tender, just for him. "I’m really okay, Spence."
He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, lingering for just a second longer than usual, before pulling back with a contented sigh. "I’m so glad you’re here" he murmured.
You squeezed his hand tightly, smiling at him.
He pulled the chair closer to your bed, never letting go of your hand, settling into it with a deep breath. He was still physically exhausted, emotionally drained, but he didn’t care.
All that mattered was that you were here.
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