#cannot stress enough that i am okay
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not a vent but discussion of sui (i am FINE do not WORRY ABOUT ME)
every time i debate sui, every single time, the one sole thing that keeps me from it is this tiktok i saw. crazy i know but hear me out
this tiktok, wasn't a sui note or something. it was a tiktok about this person apologizing for trying it.
to their cat
and, i have a cat. two cats, but one of them in specific seems to love me very much. i do a lot for the cats in the house in comparison to everyone else here, and thus, he's taken a liking to me.
and one thing in that tiktok that stuck out to me was: "i'm sorry i didn't put food in your bowl when i got home." (or something along those lines)
and it hurt me, as a cat owner, and i think i cried reading that because the cat must have been so scared, worried, confused. must have been waiting for food, must have been trying to figure out why there were men coming inside that they didn't know
and honestly, what if that was me and my cat in that situation. i'd feel awful. terrible owner, and i'd never live it down if i survived but my cat was so, so scared, and confused, for however long it would have been
tldr when i live on my own my immediate goal, is to get a cat. of my own, for an incentive to not try anything drastic. because i need to be there for my future cat. to feed them, water them, love them, everything. that's my plan, and it'll work because every time i'll think about it, i'll remember that tiktok. and i'll almost cry, and i'll find my cat and i'll pet them and love them out of my own thoughts, until i realize i need to live for that cat, if not for myself.
#tw sui talk#cw sui mention#I AM FINE GUYS IM FINE my thoughts are just very silly rn#i keep remembering that tiktok and going Oh My God#ANYWAY IM FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT ME IM OKAY#I PROMISE <3#because its kinda a really fucking heavy topic tho im gonna TAG this with#xanvents#even though im nOT venting because i am fine#its just me having some randomm thoughts at 1036 am on a wednesday#im FINEENEENJTSHJKDFNG#cannot stress enough that i am okay
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so HEY UH
WAS ANYBODY GOING TO TELL ME THAT DURGE AND ASTARION REALLY DO HAVE THE SAME TRAUMA OR
WAS I JUST SUPPOSED TO FIND THESE PARALLELS OUT FOR MYSELF
OH OKAY YOU ALSO WERE TRAPPED AND HURT YOURSELF TRYING TO CLAW YOUR WAY OUT?????? YOU ALSO WERE THE SPECIAL LITTLE PET OF THE PERSON WHO TORTURED YOU, WHO IMMEDIATELY STARTS TALKING DOWN TO YOU THE SECOND YOU SEE THEM AGAIN?????? OKAY. YEAH. WE CAN COMPARE NOTES IF YOU’D LIKE.
#ALSO ALSO. THE *WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME.* THE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF WHEN FOUND DYING. I M#SCREAMING#DURGESTARION NATION. WHERE ARE YOU. I NEED YOU.#DURGESTARION NATION PLEASE#THIS IS A DURGESTARION POST I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH#DURGESTARION ;—;#IT’S ABOUT THE PARALLELS IT’S ABOUT HOW SO MUCH OF WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH IS THE SAME#IT’S ABOUT THE BEING A TOOL AND A PET FOR SOMETHING MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU IT’S ABOUT THE BEING MADE TO SOMETHING MONSTROUS#BEING MADE TO BE A WEAPON#A ND IT’S ABOUT THE CYCLE BREAKING TOO OKAY#WAAAAHHHHHHH#MY RUN IS ABOUT ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY#AND THAT THING IS THESE TWO SUPPORTING EACH OTHER ABOUT FIGHTING BACK AGAINST AND GETTING FREE OF CAZADOR AND BHAAL RESPECTIVELY OKAY#bg3#the paranoid android speaks!#also listen am i cringefail at naming video game characters? yes.#my durge is an elf i pulled up an elf name generator and picked the first thing i could reliably pronounce what do you Want from me#bold of you to assume i don’t name my actual d&d characters like this too
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So I just got back from a diagnostic mammogram (had a cancer scare but it turns out I'm okay yaaay) and I had no idea that they just?? Squish your titty between a glass and metal plate? You're just standing there with your arm outstretched like an asshole while the plates squish together until your boob is caught in a mechanical venus flytrap? And it didn't hurt but it wasnt pleasant. It was a little bit like the "you are an idiot sandwich" meme except the filling is your titty and the bread is GLadOS
Science is wild.
Anyways that's what you can expect
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Leona and Diana Old Lore / New Lore. My take on it
Okay so, I am relatively new to the League community, with barely three years under my belt, but lore is one of the things that interest me the most about it. And well, the dynamic between Sun and Moon coded characters is one I never pass up in exploring. Leodia is arguably my favorite ship from League, but it's mostly the idea of it, with recent executions leaving me feel kinda... meh.
So apart from probably having read every single half decent fic under the Leona/Diana tag on Ao3, I have scourged the internet for their lore and have come across quite a few references of their old one. Never found the complete thing though. And possibly unpopular opinion, I like it better than their current one.
That is not to say that the old lore is any sort of masterpiece, and people could argue that it doesn't set them up to be lovers, but I think with a little bit of tweeking it can become really good. Many of my ideas are inspired from a fic I probably read like 2 years ago, also features an OC named Helena and has a side of Riven's inner struggle, Riven and Diana friendship and Rivelia. (I cannot for the life of me remember the name, I apologise)
My problem with the New Lore mostly, is that it's vanilla for a mountain of warriors and *cultists* it feels almost like High School AU but try to fit it into League, and yeah it's not it for me. Also the co-dependence of their ascension, and just Leona's whole thing kinda sucks. Like I can see how people might see it as romantic and poetic and whatever, that they ascended at the same time and Leona followed Diana up the mountain to keep her safe etc. etc. but that's kinda glossing over some issues especially with Leona's character.
Now the new take on Leona's character is really interesting, and a complete 180 from the old lore and actually the idea isn't so bad, if they ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WITH IT. Now as a person that definitely doesn't overanalyze literature and fictional characters for fun, Leona's new lore is such an interesting take and could be taken many directions if someone chose to explore it and go a bit deeper that "genocidal close-minded bigot".
At first read Leona is really just that. She does what she is told no hesitation, no questions asked and turns on Diana also no questions asked. But let's take it a bit deeper shall we?
I have no intention to make it as though Leona holds no blame for her actions or that she is a paragon of virtue, cause she is not. But if we dive in her story a bit more we could perhaps understand how she came to be what she is. Because under no circumstance do I think she is that daft. Especially if she was with Diana for years. Some of that curiosity must have rubbed off on her. Then again she could have just ignored everything Diana said about the Moon and her research. I guess we'll never know.
I do not intent to ramble about Leona in this post. But I'll give you some clues as to why her backstory and the whole Targonian premise is important. She is born practically into a cult, or well a religion with really strict and particular disciplines. So already an environment with very particular ideas and particular ways to enforce them. She is the daughter of two really strict and proud parents in said cult, who seem to care more abt her achievements and punishments than anything (Grade A parenting), - She doesn't even send them that letter in the end - and she is the golden child of the Solari. So what do we have in our hands? An affection starved perfectionist suffering from gifted child expectations. NOw take that and put it in the Solari premise of religious fanatism and voila!
(I will probably at some point make a separate post abt this, because I really took a deep dive in Leona's character when writing my Ruination fic - that I wont ever post anywhere probably - and I have a LOT to say)
So in the old Lore the Rakkori are the warriors and defenders of the mountain, a bit heavy on the bloodthirsty side though, hence the right of Kor. A coming of age ritual battle to the death. (What else could it be). Leona being the only one that refuses to kill her opponent and friend, is sentenced to be executed, but before the execution could be carried out, she is claimed by the Golden Sister as the Sun aspect with a beam of golden light.
I feel that Leona's ascension in particular is really important in the old Lore, because in such a warlike culture she was rewarded for showing mercy. She was chosen because she chose mercy over mindless slaughter. Something that could potentially be really important later on, in a mountain where half its indigenous people have slaughtered the other half??
Point 1 I like from the old lore: The Sun chose Leona because she was merciful. (Or had a semblance of a moral compass)
Moving forward the lines kinda blur for Diana, mostly cause I am not sure what I remember is actual lore and what is related to that magnificent fic.
Her curious truth-searching nature is ever present. She discovers hidden texts, burned pages and embarks on a journey of knowledge that leads her to climb the mountain. Only she is in the company of an elderly woman I think? Anyhow, she finds - is lead to - an alcove, an old temple and the relics of the Moon Aspect. Overjoyed at her findings she dons the armor takes it all down to the elders, they call her a heretic, brand her, and intent to kill her, when she begs the Moon for help and ascends. Either her or the moon blast kills every elder in the room she gets blamed either way, and the chase begins.
Diana is at her core an academic and a researcher, that researches. She has her Indiana Jones moment in the mountain and there is a process a ritual to it, instead of I just climbed up saw unimaginable terrors and now I am the aspect of the Moon (over-simplified I know. The climb judges worthiness). There is something about her checking old dusty books, and deciding to brave the climb looking for answers. About her choosing to be helpful -kinda as a mirror to Leona sparing her opponent, Diana, the one that keeps to herself - apart from when arguing abt academics and scriptures consciously engages with and helps a stranger, guiding them up the mountain and helping them along the way when the trip became too arduous.
Point 2 I like from the old lore: The ritual of the process in Diana's research and ascension and the mirroring with Leona, minor though it is, that they ascended - sooner or later - after an act of kindness that contradicted what would have been expected of them.
Point 3 I like from the old lore: The brand. Like it just adds another layer to Diana's character. And is a much better explanation for its presence than Moon magic. Also the amount of complications this act has, its just delicious. I mean THE DRAMA. and ofc THE TRAUMA. I don't think she'd go near a fire for months.
Point 3 I like from the old lore: The independence of the ascensions. It gives us the chance to see them grow and evolve as their own people before the thread of fate that binds them together appears. We get to see one without the other, and that would later make their dynamic more interesting.
But How are Leona and Diana connected?
In the old lore they aren't. I think. Leona is like a blood hound that needs to kill the heretic.
In the fic, Leona's dad was one of the guards in the room when Diana ascended and was killed, which in the context of the story adds a layer of betrayal between them, as up to that point they were lovers. And you know what, I really like that idea. And I was thinking that perhaps we could try to get the best of both worlds. Though it might be difficult to fully develop the idea.
Lore Idea:
So the Rakkor ans the Solari are different factions. Solari = priesthood, Rakkor = Warriors. Leona's family are Rakkori, and they are simple people, her father works as a guard for the Solari Temple, something that is considered a bit of an honor despite that fact that the factions don't rly see eye to eye about everything. Right of Kor happens when they are around 15 (Yes I want to traumatize a bunch of teenagers that train to fight, kill and defend since they could walk) and Leona's story proceeds as we know it. She then gets taken to the Solari temple to be educated in their way and train to become the figurehead of their faith. (Like that Leona has already had the chance to develop some critical thinking, and to experience sth different.)
She gets there and all the acolytes younger and older look at her starry eyed, because the elders told them so and because they see her like a bit of a Messiah. (Plus I doubt a bunch of scrawny academics and priests to be have seen anyone their age with that musculature). All of them apart from Diana, who as always isn't particularly impressed by the paragon in training of the Solari faith.
Leona is relieved to get some normal person treatment, even if it is from the broody girl with her nose in a book half the time, and like the cocky 15year old meathead she is, she wants to show off a bit and perhaps win her favor. Shenanigans ensue and Diana unlike the other people that desperately want to befriend Leona, is not impressed.
Another point of similarity is that Leona - that has ascended already mind you - would have a few questions and oppositions to all that mumbo jumbo the Solari say about the Sun and the Moon. So after she flops exceptionally in one oration or sth class, with saying something positive about the Moon that has the students look at her with horror, and the priest fuming and screaming punishments - light ones, because the Sun chose that clueless miscreant, and he doesn't want to fall out of her favor - Leona manages unknowingly to win inquisitive Diana's intrigue - and favor, (but don't tell anyone about the last part).
A tentative bond forms. It gets solidified when Leona stops a few bullies from beating Diana to a pulp, and the dark haired girl in return helps her pass a class she was having an exceptionally hard time with. Diana - who in my head is a year younger - does eventually get charmed by the surprisingly goofy and sunny disposition of the Sun Aspect in training. (Don't get this wrong Leona will still act like a 15 yo that has had to train and fight every day of her life) Diana asks her countless questions about life outside the temple and they discuss theology together, either trying to help Leona understand, or trying to make sense of Diana's findings. (The Rakkori in my head are far more neutral abt Sun and Moon, more like if there is light and I can see I am happy, whether its the Sun or the Moon. "There was even that one traveler from some big city, Pilt - something was it, that even said that the Sun and Moon are like orbs in the night sky, one is a star rly close to us and the other is like a smaller planet or something, can you imagine?")
The become friends, the Nightless Eve happens, and then they become lovers. Leona starts suffering from all those expectations and the charade she needs to put up, she has more hours with classes and training she gets tutored by the priests, punished more severely when se speaks out of line or says something borderline heretical, yada yada. More people like her and she likes the attention. She doesn't abandon Diana though, and she always defends her. Things get difficult as the years go by but still they persist. (We could include some homophobic sentiment in the Solari, or even sth downright misogynistic, which would add complications with Leona's state as the Radiant Dawn, and the wlw relationships as they would not be seen as real substantial relationships - add asshole trying to flirt with Leona bc her relationship with Diana isn't real cause they are both women- DRAMA)
Leona is 18 passes her final exams, and Diana is 17 when Diana's arc happens. They have a huge fight about faith and contradicting it and if it is worth it. (No one wants to bandage their lover's whipped back that is practically a mosaic of scars at this point, or nurse them to health after sever dehydration - cause yes apparently standing naked in the sun for three days can do that). Diana storms off angrily. Finds an elderly woman in the base of the mountain that needs help going up (Silver sister in disguise). She helps her up, and when they are like 3/4 up and rest cause Diana's everything hurts the woman disappears. She looks around, finds the temple, sees carved proof that the Solari and Lunari co-existed gets the relics and climbs back down excited to show everyone her findings.
Meanwhile Leona has left for an emergency Solari mission or sth, and hasn't told Diana. Diana goes to the priests, they don't believe her, she invokes her right to be judged by the Aspect or sth, the priests pretend that Leona is still around and doesn't want to see or help Diana (Strike 1 of betrayal). Diana feels betrayed and hurt and fears for her life. The priests give the order for her to be branded and executed on the spot. Leona's dad who had been in the room and had met Diana, tries to plead her case from an outsider's perspective. One of the elders reprimands him and threatens him with death.
They brand Diana with the moon Symbol on the forehead, and are about to place her face down in the flames and / or slit her throat, and Iasur can't have her dying thinking that Leona betrayed her (A bit of family honor and afterlife beliefs - honor is a huge deal-, and a bit of a soft spot for his daughter's closest companion). He tries to fight his way to her, and gets killed in the process. Diana witnessing Iasur's murder prays to the moon for help, and seconds before breathing her last breath, she ascends. Pillar of Moonlight and heavenly fire burns everything to a crisp, and Diana remains alone in the middle of the room, barely breathing and clad in the garb of he Moon aspect. She takes one look around her and speeds away from the temple.
Leona returns three days after to find the council and her father dead, the council room in ruins and apparently Diana to blame. On top of that Diana is missing. Leona is presented with the case and believes Diana to be her father's killer. She vows to avenge him and kill the Scorn of the Moon, because her Diana wouldn't do that. It must be the moon spirit. and yes apparently Moon is bad because dad and Diana are gone bc of it. Leona is determined to save her lover from the Moon's clutches and set her free the only way she knows how, with killing her.
And thus their journey begins. Leona becomes more and more of a puppet from here and on driven by anger and betrayal and Diana feels abandoned and betrayed, with nothing left in the world but the glow of the branding mark on her forehead and the knowledge that her lover wanted her dead.
And as for their path to reunite again and achieve peace? Well Leona needs to be merciful, and Diana needs to guide and support someone through the right path.
Thanks for reading this huge ass post. Again MANY credits to that amazing writer on Ao3, if I find that fic I'll put a link here, cause its phenomenal.
Take care and see ya next time!
#leona x diana#leona#Diana#diana lol#leodia#Lol lore#league of legends#Sun and Moon lovers#Lore fix it#kinda#I am doing my best#I cannot stress enough how good that fic is#I want them to have a good story okay#leona lol#lol#lol theory#fan theory#Fan lore rewrite#They also desperately need an update#Like how old are the models#They also dont look like Solari and Lunari#The aesthetics are too different from when Leona and Diana came out#Also What kind of armor is that#Metal bikini? With Spikes? Seriously?#Solari#Lunari
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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I run a modded Minecraft server for my friends & me, & we run the spectacular Cobblemon mod (it's REALLY good, cannot recommend it enough). Not all the 'mons are modeled, though, so we ALSO are running a supplementary Cardboard Cutout Mon, which replaces the default "no model found" substitute doll with a flat sprite.
None of those sprites, however, have shiny forms, so I've been slowly digging through to rectify that :3 + add some additional forms that ain't there. Behold! The only edits I felt were substantial enough to post.
#pokemon#Hisuian Zorua#Hisuian Zoroark#Magearna#Zorua#Zoroark#pixel art#Shiny Edits#pokemon edits#gale chatter#okay you can see that like. if i can salvage a bit of the sprite i will. like magearna is largely unchanged#but for hisuian zoroark that wasn't possible. the design is so different i had to draw at least half that#& you can see that for the 'suians I'm breaking some 'rules' of the sprites (limited color palette) for the gradient effect#but I feel like this is a fair instance of that & am tryna keep it to a minimum#hisuian zoroark & zorua are modern pokemon that don't need to work with limited pixels & palettes & thus are designed accordingly#so in trying to translate them back i COULD self-impose those previous limits on myself but it literally wouldn't change the file size.#see at first i thought these were just like. the little menu sprites in the games. but i pulled a low key toxtricity in bc i couldn't find#& the size & style are not the same which implies that either 1) the modder got those sprites somewhere else or 2) made them all themselves#i cannot stress enough#hundreds. hundreds of sprites. like i cut out redundant sprites bc the mod hasn't been updated but it is taking me TIME to go back & shiny#also hey yeah the mod is for a prev version & the redundancies are giving me a HEADACHE if i ever fix this up maybe I post the mod tbh#see it doesn't sound that bad until u get biblically accurate cutiefly & texture error cacturne on your doorstep
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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all the disposable public dive bars in vrchat have fucking BOUNCERS now, ppl with earnest piping little voices asking you to confirm your AGE?! before greenlisting you by username to let you use a door prefab to get in. what has the proliferation of api and moderation tools mcfricking wrought
#I will not BE CARDED by a CHILD in VIRTUAL REALITY#to see what's happening in the downstairs of a PUBLIC WORLD#I guess it's ????? good ????? to be curating your spaces to keep the little kids out#but I am officially too old to be asked for my age in#and I cannot stress this enough#VIRTUAL REALITY#I'm not TELLING you how OLD I am ONLINE. not in this forum not in any other!!!#kickban children normally!!!!!#I mean I guess it actually works really well because it gates everyone into a small location physically#so mods can hear their voices#and kick literal shrilling toddlers and viscerally 9yo 9yos#but I'm not going to fuckign#TELL someone--okay well I can just lie#I can just lie. but the principal of the thing!!!!!#And everyone's clearly having fun doing their little ritual but it is ANTITHETICAL to my understanding of the purpose of#and I cannot stress this enough: VRChat#at least nobody's doing this in furry spaces yet. TO MY KNOWLEDGE
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I wish to be part of something so badly but my boringness and fear of creating bonds stop me from joining anything
#like friend groups or meetups or clubs or making friends or talking in groupchats#I cannot stress it enough when I say i'm boring#i've got /nothing/ to say 95% of the time#because i'm simply uninterested or i've got nothing “funny” or important to add into conversations#i'm friendly and polite for the sake of socialization because I don't know what else to talk about other than small talk and apparently#from what i've seen online and shit ; people hate small talk so what do I do then??#it never passes the small talk friendly stage so i'm always that 'friendly acquaintance who's just there'#is it me not knowing how to socialize properly or am I just overly introverted#istg people underestimate just how uninteresting I can be and it makes me feel bad towards my friends (or mutuals) I have because#what if they think I don't like them. what if they think i'm purposefully avoiding them. or what if they think I don't see them as a friend#i'm overly awkward and it kills me#i've gotten so used to my life with only 4-5 close people which consists of my mom; my cousin; and like. three close friends#that i'm struggling to keep contact with because 1) they live away from me and 2) I suck at texting on social media and reaching out#idk. I wish I were more interesting so my life would be more interesting#okay whatever now.#my silly little worries#sorry this turned into a rant/vent no one asked for; i'm just in my head this morning :/#// vent#// rant
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💖 Progress 💖
#mettaton neo#mettaton ex#mettaton#mettaton undertale#undertale#art doll#handsewn#lemme tell you#i am regretting using satin for his hands#but its okay his gloves will hide all the messy salvage stitches dhsjsj#i cannot stress enough how big he is
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what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?
FUCK NASTY!!!
#if i ever touch economics again it's a cry for help like i cannot stress enough how fucking pointless this degree is gonna be#okay deep breath im only being so negative bc im balls deep in exam season. it's a GOOD degree i DONT REGRET MY DEGREE#this will be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful when i go into the working world i am EMPLOYABLE bc of my DEGREE#like economics is a VERY versatile subject there arent many areas of work that econ doesnt apply to in some way#so i KNOW it's a really good degree to have and i can kinda do what i want afterwards#but oh my fucking god. jesus christ. bloody fucking hell#i do however know that in the immediate year after my degree im gonna move back home and waitress full time#bc i just need to like. take some time off education and recover LMAO and i want a space to just tick some boxes i never got round to#like learning how to drive and stuff. and living without having rent to pay in a place im very familiar with will be good#even if i do think it's gonna have it's own struggles. oh hometown blues we're really in it now#but yeah after that year im thinking about maybe doing a masters? but ill have to proper blag it bc you typically have to do#masters in subjects relevant to your degree and i dont want to go within a radiation exclusion zone of economics#so. there's that. do u think if i say please somewhere will let me do a classics masters be honest. if i say pretty please#ask#hella goes to uni
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Poor Yuuta 😆
What's he gonna do when someone tells him Todo punched His Boy™️ through a wall
And really, what's with every person ripping of their shirt or being shirtless while fighting Megumi. Sukuna is the worst offender of course, and their's also Todo, even Mahoraga didn't have a shirt. We're obviously excluding Toji.
Also, being offended at a low bounty is so Sukuna 🤣 That entire post was hilarious, especially the tags.
The other second years decide that they need to shield Yuuta from the knowledge that this ever happened because if he did he’d kill todo and then feel bad about killing him and it’s just be enormously inconvenient to maki specifically who would have to hear about it.
They also decide that this is immediately a mission doomed for failure because Inumaki’s a spineless simp who will absolutely spill the beans to his boy (his boy being Yuuta).
So they tell Todo that if he values his life (doubtful—maki has sincere doubts as to its value and feels even todo must know that) he’ll find a border and get over it because Yuuta will break his fucking spine if he finds out someone beat the shit out of Megumi specifically as a way to goad Yuuta himself. Fuck around, find out. Yuuta’s not letting anyone use megumi against him and he’s willing to make an example to ensure future safety.
Sukuna feels the Zenin were on point with the brat’s valuation (if not too generous) but he’s in here too and he’s a fucking gold standard of targets. What the fuck why is the bounty so low. He’s the king of curses and he’s getting the valuation of an idiot high schooler with a crush. There’s no respect nowadays.
Yuuji has to hear a lot about how the price on his head is not good enough for Sukuna.
#sukuna at three am the night before a mission: i am nightmare incarnate they could BANKRUPT themselves to kill me and it would not be enough#what the fuck is wrong with sorcerers these days. brat you want to fix the in-law problem and you let me out on the Zenin compound. ten#minutes. they’ll see who’s worth a mere /800000 yen/. fucking unprofessional is what it is.#yuuji is somewhat tempted he cannot lie#the Zenin stress his boyfriend out a lot okay#he sees how much they can get to him. and also like. he doesn’t know the details. but he can read between the lines enough to know they’ve#hurt him. how bad WOULD it be to let Sukuna raze a few buildings to the ground#yuuji has a very pretty boyfriend who will let him /hold his hand/ and /kiss him/ and legitimately life could not be better were it not for#the active attempts on his life. those. those are a downer.#very pretty boyfriend. who’s smarter than him. can summon dogs at will. literally the gold standard cannot imagine how lucky he is but there#HAS to be a fly in the ointment and it HAS to be his lunatic family#the thing is yuuji overwhelmingly feels murder is wrong EXCEPT when you trigger him in which case he’ll kill you with his bare hands#re: mahito#and like. he’s getting there with the Zenin. he’s getting there.#the issue is that makis a fucking vault and Yuuta this impossibly beautiful and perfect son of a bitch in Africa who they’ve never met so#they can’t interrogate him. and inumaki is. challenging. to interrogate#pandas the fucking weak link tho and nobara and yuuji have figured out that the Zenin did something seriously fucked not too long ago#they don’t want to invade Megumi’s privacy but he’s Their Boy and they’ll cut bitches over him#yuuji shares a wall with megumi and sometimes it’s really obviously he had a bad nightmare he won’t talk about#but he will tell him when it wasn’t about sukuna ripping out Yuuji’s heart so he won’t feel guilty#and eventually yuuji just sort of pieced it together that it was about the Zenin#not to be dramatic but Yuuji and nobara will kill people for megumi#why does OKKOTSU YUUTA get to know about their boy but not YUUJI who’s LITERALLY DATING HIM#panda: well Yuuta was right in the middle of everything what with how he— *horrified silence* I’ve said too much#todos no help because he also thinks Yuuta is an impossibly beautiful and perfect bastard and it does not help yuujis morale#he’s on yuujis side of course#but if there is anyone who COULD come even close to his brother who is the sparkling pinnacle of existence it would be Okkotsu Yuuta#no one can tell if todos in love with Yuuta#like obviously his heart and soul belong to takada but it gets hella gay sometimes when he talks about Yuuta#he doesn’t know what this assless boy has done to bewitch such beautiful men and it torments him
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💌 Forget about sims, lets learn about YOU! Tell us one fact about yourself, and then send this to 5 other Simblrs to do the same 🌻
waaaa thank you!!! this is less a fact and more just some ridiculous trivia/lore but my older brother is SO much older than me (as in. 18 years, and didnt live with us) that for the first part of my childhood i didnt actually twig he was my brother and thought he was just. some random guy who came over to visit us every once in a while asdfghjhgfdssdfghjk. it wasn't until i was SIX and we did a family trees project in class that i found out asdfghjhgfdsdfghjjhgfdsdfghjhgfd i have been messy from day 1
#in FAIRNESS#obviously nobody ever introduced me to him#like hi eli this is your brother#because that would be weird#but BECAUSE OF THAT#I DIDNT KNOW#i cannot stress enough that we saw him literally a few times a year okay it wasnt like he was there every weekend#yes im trying rlly hard to explain myself#because it is ridiculous#and i am still slightly embarrassed to this day
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next few days are going to be really really badddddddddd lol okay. okay.
#like. really bad i cannot stress this enough. would kill myself before monday but i feel too guilty#so i am forced to live but it is going to be. really bad.#and i am so alone!!! and really scared.#okay yeah it’s bad. okay#was actually meant to live in a hole forever get me out of here please#i don’t want to take up space or be seen pleaseeeee no#no body pleasee
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Shout outs to the stinky gang I found in the sewers last night
#splatoon#BEGGING you to ignore my scores it's NOT my fault i was plagued by one million glowflies 😭😭😭#seriously what the fuck was up with my luck last night. almost every single round had glowflies.#i swear there's like a sweet spot you wanna be too rank wise like. trying to get to profreshional 2 again.#but my luck was SO rancid last night i was blasted into overachiever. dear lord.#cannot stress enough that i am very average i cannot carry a team and i rely heavily on my teammates knowing what they're doing#which is a lot of words to say. yeah okay i'm not very good at video games sometimes. sad. sometimes i am good though. it depends.#i feel like my biggest problem actually is i tend to freeze up. or have processing lag.#which honestly is why i tend to play turn based games. some platformers with no stakes. and pvp is typically off the table for me LMAO#but splatoon is a very special game and for some reason i'm deeply into salmon run against all odds it's literally all i play LMFAO#anyways. needed to get the salt out of my system LMFAOO so sad so sad. war and hatred on planet earth ect ect#at least there is boysmell. and slime. and a rat. just one. that's all you need really
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Moderate to severe mental illness as like... a chronic illness is kind of hilarious way to live, because it's so hard to talk about without being like "I mean, please don't worry, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not, but also this is something I'm very used to navigating" every fifteen seconds.
#I'll be okay except it won't last and that's okay#I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THOUGH THAT I AM NOT IN ANY DANGER#please don't worry I'm just... having a hard time#which is hard to get that excited about after all these years
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