#[posts art at 11:30 at night. like a normal person]

[rbtlvr]

if you look in the dictionary under the definition of '(derogatory (affectionate))' you see a picture of him btw

(Totally Not Leo jester guy belongs to @liketheletter-l)

[kayana123kana456]

Hello guys I'm back again after few months or so- I don't think I remember but, I have decided that I'm gonna start making youtube videos instead of tiktok videos. Well, let me explain.. So first I met someone from tiktok, he's obviously older than me and whatsoever he asked for my number. Now the dumbest thing that I dowas saying yes and gave him my phone number, we started chatting normally until he said. "Y'know I kinda wanted an online sister".for you who don't know what online sister or brother is. It's like an Rp between people. And ofc some good, some are bad.. And then I reject his offer for me to be his online little sister, he said that he understood that and we continued talking. Afterwards I made a. " All fandom gc" in whatsapp and invited him over as well as Invited my friends and one of my cousin, I won't tell her realname but for now let's call her "Anne" . So Anne and I are cousins.. And also bffs, we are very close to eachother. She lived not that far from mine. As well as I am. Alright, so at the gc. The guy from Tiktok chatted in the gc quite normal. But then started flirting with our gc members. Including the minor ones. That made me and friends also cousin uncomfortable , so me as an admin gave him a warning and told him that this gc is full of kids from 11-15.i never asked about his age but I think he's around in his 30s. Back to the problem, he then started chatting my cousin, Anne. He sent Anne some kiss emojis and hearts emojis also, that made Anne very uncomfortable so she reported this to me and told me everything. I had the screen shot and stuff but I don't think I'm going to show it. I confronted him afterwards and was furious at him. I kicked him out of the gc and told everyone if they had his contact, to block him. Turns out this person was a pedophile and a creep.. He always terror minors and kids through social media's and always asked them to give him their number. I blocked him on every social media that I have and reported his tiktok acc. And after all of this happened and finished, I tried to fresh out my mind and forget everything by opening up tiktok to watch some random vids and edits. But I was a bit shocked when I opened tiktok again because my acc got banned permanently. While instead I have never and never been post or done something that is against the rules.. So yeah, my tiktok acc got banned and that is the reason why im planning and deciding to move on to youtube.

I'm so sorry if you don't understand the story and stuff, im actually having a hard time telling this type of things to my parents or people because all they do is just complained about that and compare their stories than mine that they are the only one who had the worst thing that happened to their lives. But that's ok, I forgive them.

Ok so, please. Be careful while using the internet. Because it can be dangerous. I hope this doesn't happen to you.

Alright then, I'll be doing the editing process now. I'll tell you my youtube channel when I had posted the vid. And also I'm gonna be doing some more arts and drawing stuff. So you can request to me what you want me to draw. Okay then see ya later friends!!! And please do, have a good day/afternoon/night.

:)

[never-not-ever]

Yes I made an iced vanilla latte at 10:30pm 🤷🏻‍♀️ (it's now 11:30, but I started this post an hour ago 😅). But it’s some instant Maxwell coffee packet which I keep meaning to google to see if there's even any caffeine in these (about 60ish hmmm). I remember last year I was hooked on these when I was inpatient.

Also these are my current nails. Hard to tell in the photo but it's supposed to be a sparkly dark purple. On my other hand it's the opposite. So white on my index and middle finger. I just did these last Wednesday and normally I give them at least two weeks but I have this new Christmasy set I found at T.J. Maxx that I really want to put on...

The green looks a lot darker in person. I guess I'll make this a silly little useless ramble post about nails....

So I've been using nail strips, specifically Dashing Diva for about two years now and I'm still so obsessed. Even during my 10 months inpatient every couple weeks I'd do my nails. It was always a nice little self care.

I used to get acrylics done every 2 weeks with my ex best friend all the time. I'd always tell my nail lady that I had to get acrylics, that my nails were too thin and frail and to be honest they were. But she'd always tell me I hd to just give my natural nails a chance.

I eventually switched to gel and then to dip. When I moved out of my childhood home and had to start paying rent and bills like an Adult ™️ I figured I needed to start saving money and stopped getting my nails done and nails were in the worst shape. It was such a painful transition especially because I worked with my hands in the florist and they were constantly getting wet watering plants and such.

Anywho I'd occasionally get my nails done for weddings but that was it. Fast forward a couple years later, I went to a wedding and tried Color Street nail strips and they were great for the night but they peeled off and didn't last long. But I loved the quick application process and how nice they looked right away. So then I ventured out and tried Dashing Diva and I've been hooked ever since. It's been two years I think.

Like I said they last me about two weeks but I could probably stretch it to three. For anyone who doesn't know, they're a flimsy strip that sticks to your nail and you can file off the excess but over time I've found that using nail clippers works best. Which is why I like to wait at least two weeks cause then it works out that I'm like trimming my nails and cutting off the excess at the same time.

I've ordered from their site where it's priced from like $7-$10 depending on designs but T.J. Maxx and Marshall's always has them for like $5 which is such a steal! Target and Walmart have them too. They also have a nail strip that hardens with a UV lamp and they have press on nails too. I honestly love this brand so much.

They have about 30ish different sizes and it's supposed to be simple that you just find one that fits your nail bed and tada! But about a year ago I started becoming very picky and using nail scissors and trimming it to fit my nail even better. What started out as a quick 10-15 minute process can now take me over an hour lol.

When I was inpatient in the beginning I had to resort back to just matching it as best as I could but then over time I was able to sign out my nail scissors which to be quite honest I am SHOCKED they let me sign out, even during art because those things are sharp as fuck but I wasn't complaining lol.

Anywho maybe I can look back and find some old favorite sets of mine...

Ughhhh that was from 2 years ago and I've never been able to find that set again!! It was one of my favs... Fun little fact.. There's a silver sheet in between the layers of the nail strips and it makes a reflective shadow on the wall which is Jett's favorite thing in the world so whenever I'd do my nails he would join in on the fun....

That stained glass design was another 👌🏻

I'm not much of a mauve colored kind of gal these days but those two bottles at the bottom- I didn't use to use way back when I first started using these. So if anyone is reading this and considering giving it a try these two are a must. The Magic Off is to get the strips off. I used to just peel them off, and boy did that ruin my nails for a bit. That red cap bottle is just a base seal that you put under the strips before you put them on.

I can talk about these things forever. Clearly.... Let me see if I have anymore photos 😅

Using my cat as a backdrop lmao. But another photo of Jett joining me during Nail Time 😭

I swear I had more but oh well. Better to end this long post already. Maybe Sunday I'll redo them with the trees and presents which now that I think of it... kind of ironic since I hate the holidays and am very Grinch like 💚

[umichenginabroad]

Week 5: Culture shocks, lifestyle, and observations in Madrid

Hola from Madrid! This is Lilly, a CEE student, and this week I thought I would go over some of the culture shocks and adjustments I’ve made to my lifestyle in the past month. This post is on the longer side, but I wanted to share some of my observations.

Everything is slower in the best way possible. Used to the typical hustle and bustle of campus life, Spanish culture is a breath of fresh air. Back home, I would often walk so fast between classes that I would get shin splints. But here, it is a casual stroll everywhere I go. A sharp contrast from the persistent hustle culture of America. I absolutely love it (and so do my shins), because it has brought a sort of balance in my schedule. A built in time of appreciating the beauty around me – the architecture, greenery, people – as well as checking in with myself. A time where I can ponder the deeper questions I so desperately want answers to. A time to swim amongst the currents that are my thoughts. While I was originally annoyed by my nearly 30 minute commute to class, it is now a time of listening to music and decompressing with a book on the metro. Not everything, I have realized, needs to be efficient or planned to the hour.

Here are some pictures of the architecture and art I have the privilege of viewing during my walks.

Socialization is key. Playing into the slower pace of life, socialization is an important part of Madrid and Spanish culture. Lunch is meant to be a time of laughter and easy conversation. Plazas are for hanging out on a bench and relaxing. Cafes aren’t for work, but sipping a latte and meeting with friends. Parks are for picnics and late night strolls, a safe space for the enjoyment of all ages. Dinners are meant to be shared. Here, meals and public spaces are a way to step away from the chaos of work and actually live. Live. Not survive or go through the motions of the day. Not an inconvenient task meant to be checked off a list. But to take a step back and experience the present moment. This is something that has become important to me. Even with a limited social battery, humans need humans.

Smoking culture here is huge. I don’t personally participate, but it isn’t uncommon to find students smoking between classes, people smoking on their commute, people gathered in a plaza. Here, it is socially acceptable to smoke at basically any point in the day.

Getting the bill at a restaurant. Here, restaurants are in no rush to cycle customers in and out. So you can enjoy your meal at a slow pace, and flag down your server when you are ready to depart. It’s a little awkward, but a little gesture and eye contact eventually will do the trick.

Menu del dia. Kind of like a “specials” menu in the states, you can find a menu del dia pretty much anywhere. This is a specific menu for lunch that includes a drink, starter, main course, and your choice of dessert or coffee. I personally love this, it is economical and always at a great price. Lunch is meant to be the largest meal of the day, and a menu del dia will always hold me over until a 9:00 dinner. 

“Military time”. This is standard in all of Spain, and to my knowledge, most of Europe as well. It isn’t a huge deal in my opinion, just something to get used to.

People are out late. You will even find kids in the park running around well past 10 or 11.

Drinking culture. Here it isn’t uncommon to find people sipping on a sangria or beer as early as 11:00. It is common to have one drink with lunch or dinner since it usually comes with a menu del dia. It is important to note, however, that visible aloofness or abuse of alcohol in any setting is frowned upon. 

Public display of affection. It seems silly to talk about, but you will find that people aren’t shy here about holding hands etc.

Commuting 30 mins is normal. Madrid is a 15 minute city, so you will be able to find everything you could need in close proximity. But realistically, if you are taking the metro it is going to end up taking you 20-30 minutes to reach a different neighborhood of the city.

Lunch breaks and siestas. Like I said before lunch is a time to socialize and take a break. Most schools and people in general will take about a 2 hour break. Stores like pharmacies or grocers will also close for a short period of time usually between 2:00-4ish. People don’t realistically nap for 2 hours, but it is a built in time of rest that originated from staying out of the summer heat during the hottest part of the day. 

Staring. People will stare and it’s not necessarily because they think you are a foreigner, it’s simply just a normalized thing here. No need to be self conscious. 

Crossing the street and walking. People don’t really organize by the “right is right” rule. So crossing the street is typically a chaotic maneuver of zig zagging through people.

Typical fashion. The rumors are true. People generally dress nicer here. There is still a wide range of styles, especially between teenagers, but I will dive into this in a later post.

Going out. People will stay out late here. It isn’t uncommon for people to arrive at clubs and bars as late as 2:00 or 3:00 and not leave until the sun rises. 

I’m sure to have forgotten a few, but I hope this gives you a sense of what the Madrid lifestyle is like. If I think of any more I will be sure to add them to my future posts. Until next time!

[whitherliliesbloom]

FFXIVWRITE2021 ☆ MY FILLS ☆ PROMPT LIST ☆ AO3 MIRROR (tba)

// COMPLETED! //

total word count: 52,093 words (including bonus) longest fill: fate matrix [5,241 words] shortest fill: sins of the spectator [537 words]

personal favorites: 03 scale - heartbeat concerto 05 fate - fate matrix 14 commend - lights, camera, duty commenced 17 destruct - when the light blinds 22 fluster - in the eyes of the beholder 23 soul - your voice will save me 29 debonair - all like magic to my riddled heart 31 nocturne - to the moon and back

01 FOSTER - taming the stray kayelily // post-shb // 888 words lily still remembers how kaye’s eyes had looked 7 summers ago, when it was filled with naught but distrust and contempt for the world

02 ABERRANT- style over shadow drk npcs // post-shb // 1,037 words sidurgu convinces himself that the black chunks of metal suited the warrior of light far more than pastel pink frills and flowers. rielle is more than eager to dispute that

03 SCALE - heartbeat concerto alphinaudxwol // nodame cantabile au // 2,605 words illya prays to the heavens that the man beside her does not hear the fortissimo that was her pounding heart.

04 BALEFUL - in scornful eyes wol, gaius & alisaie // post-sb // 838 words gaius van baelsar did not fear death, but it didn’t make the warrior of light’s glare, full of seething hatred and fury any less frightening

05 FATE (free) - fate matrix alphinaudxwol // fate matrix au // 5,241 words in a world where the hands of destiny are ones and zeros, at the center of the matrix was a little goddess who would soon find out that she too, isn’t immune to the pull of fate

06 AVATAR - discord-ance spud squad & alphinaud // modern au // 603 words alphinaud infiltrates the spud squad discord server and finds… what else, but chaos?

07 SPECULATE - sins of the spectator alphinaudxwol // post-hw // 537 words at what point does speculation turn into accusation… and accusation comes to cause harm?

08 ADROIT - sweetened tea and midnight ink alphinaudxwol // post-canon // 1,022 words there’s an art to deflection, one alphinaud thought it has fully mastered. unfortunately, his wife is even better at seeing through lies

09 FRIABLE - by the book tataru & alphinaud // pre-endwalker // 666 words the last time alphinaud tasted scones this unappetizing was back in old sharlayan. and though he doesn’t exactly mind, it is absolutely a problem when the one he hopes to gift his baked goods to also happens to be one of eorzea’s best culinarians and the hero of the star both

10 HEADY - fragrant sorrow implied kayelily // wozwald au // 1,805 words even after all these years, the scent of flowers brought the god of death the most amount of pain

11 PREACHING TO THE CHOIR - a house of cards alphinaudxwol // tears of themis au // 1,468 words it takes unwavering conviction, something alphinaud never once doubted stellis’ best junior attorney to possess in strides

12 WANDERLUST (free) - take me to where your heart meets mine alphinaudxwol // post-canon // 1,265 words the warrior of light’s home is often empty, but her heart will ever be full and bursting to the brim with love

13 ONEIROPHRENIA - quietus kaye & illya // wozwald au // 1,858 words in the midst of his delirious, drunken haze he saw her - he can’t tell if it was meant to be his final blessing or an eternal curse

14 COMMEND - lights, camera, duty commenced! illya, g’raha & emet // actors au // 2,263 words behind the scenes of the critically acclaimed long running tv show, final fantasy fourteen, g’raha tia is (almost) inconsolable after he reads the final act’s script

15 THUNDEROUS - if you can hear my tune alphinaudxwol // nodame cantabile au // 1,120 words on a particularly stormy night, when the angry claps of thunder would normally drown out the sounds of the piano, illya wonders if the boy next door would be able to hear the tune of her sincerity and gratitude

16 CRANE - birds of a feather illya & friends // no particular time period // 1,847 words though their species varies as much as the colors of their plumages, birds of a feather flock the warrior of light together

17 DESTRUCT - when the light blinds alphinaudxwol // major shb spoilers // 1,270 words when the light in her shines so brightly that the stars in her eyes have been blinded completely, alphinaud feared that he’d forever lose that which served as his beacon of hope during his darkest moments

18 DEVIL’S ADVOCATE - pearls of wisdom illya & kokomi // post-sb // 1,291 words it just takes a devil’s advocate clad in the form of an angelic surface dweller to convince kokomi to finally leave the coral palace behind

19 LUMINARY - to you who showed me the stars illya & kokomi // post-5.55 // 880 words the soft ripples upon the mirror like water turns the surface beneath their feet into a sparkling, luminescent stage. and in the midst of a meteor shower, a pair of girls who have had all their wishes fulfilled cast their eyes upwards at the star tide

20 PETRICHOR - river flows in you kaye & eulalie // post-canon, alt canon verse // 1,412 words mama wasn’t lying when she said thanalan was often full of unexpected surprises. heavy downpour upon a place named drybone, and an unplanned run in with one of her parents’ long standing allies being two of them

21 FECKLESS - what the heart is to the weak illya & ardbert // early shb // 1,556 words in both their worlds, victory was not decided by power, but by the strength of  convictions. for they who carry the fate of the realm upon their shoulders, conviction is something that must be hard earned with their blood and tears

22 FLUSTER - in the eyes of the beholder alphinaudxwol // post-canon // 2,042 words they say an artists always inadvertently pours their heart’s true feelings into their drawings

23 SOUL - your voice will save me alphinaudxwol // post-5.3 // 2,416 words it’s a long time coming, but alphinaud thinks he should finally tell the warrior of light the words his soul has been yearning to say for thousands of years

24 ILLUSTRIOUS - eyes fixed upon a shiny ray alphinaudxwol // aetherweave au // 2,858 words asking the star student of the most prestigious magic academy in eorzea out to the end of year prom is as daunting as it sounds

25 SILVER LINING - in a place where dreams continue alphinaudxwol // mermaid au // 1,422 words getting caught in a terrible storm and being thrown overboard may just be the worst thing that has ever happened to alphinaud - or the best

26 HEARTFELT - all that glitters alphinaudxwol // genshin impact au // 2,105 words on the first full moon of the lunar new year, liya has only a single selfish wish as she gazes up into the sea of lights

27 BENTHOS - beyond lulled waters alphinaudxwol // nagi no asukara au // 1,452 words where the sea meets the land, a promise is made between a boy and a girl who come from radically different worlds

28 BOW - towards a tomorrow illya & kirishimi // period drama au // 2,062 words kirishimi didn’t care for frilly dresses or etiquette unless it was to make a statement - so she gets lessons from the most ladylike friend she knows

29 DEBONAIR - all like magic to my riddled heart alphinaudxwol // post-canon // 2,415 words on the occasion that alphinaud feels confident enough to perfectly exude his charm, illya never fails to be swept off her feet

30 ABSTRACTED - weaving the present, illuminating the future illya & friends // streamers au // 2,849 words the spud squad announce their indefinite hiatus right after releasing their one year anniversary single, and illya cannot help but to feel just a tad bit melancholic

31 NOCTURNE - to the moon and back alphinaudxwol // pre-endwalker // 1,000 words “what do we have to fear? after all, we’ve come this far.”

[smutember]

The prompts for Smutember 2020 have arrived!

There they are! Ready to make 2020 a bit smuttier. As you probably have noticed, at least some prompts above are related to the Miraculous fandom, from which Smutember (AFAIK) originated, but as I’ve mentioned before - this event is most certainly a cross-fandom one, so don’t be discouraged. Anything can be smuttified, rule34 applies. Oh, and speaking of rules:

Rules

All posts have to be tagged with either smutember or smutember2020 hashtag (preferably both). Be aware that ns fw tag is shadowed, and posts with it are not visible in the tags. I personally suggest the revived old lemon tag. it wouldn’t hurt to @ this blog, so that your post won’t be missed, especially if your blog is new and still not shown in the tag.

No minor/underage content.

All submissions have to be at least somewhat smutty/naughty. We don’t require hard Explcit rating, a Mature one is fine too.

If you are planning on posting suggestive pics/drawings, remember that tumblr still has the ridiculous p0rn filter, so I suggest cropping the pic and adding links to external sites.

If your work contain kinks that may offend some, please tag them either in the tags, or in the body of the work.

Prompts are merely suggestions - at the end of the day, you are the one who chooses how to interpret the prompt. You can also completely ignore the prompts and have your own 30-day challenge, we’re not gonna call the internet police on you.

And in case they weren’t clear, here is a list of prompts with explanations and some propositions:

1. Dirty Talk - Let’s start with some naughty words~. Possible prompts: dirty talk, sexting, writic erotic fics for each other, etc. 2. Foreplay - Self-explanatory: anything related to the heat before the main event. Kissing, petting, grinding against each other, body worship, etc. 3. Striptease - The fun is not just in the destination, but also the journey… of removing clothes. Lap dances, pole dancing, striptease, erotic lingerie, etc. 4. Oral - French love for the win! Blowjobs, cunnilingus, deepthroat, 69, swallowing, rimming - anything related to making love with your mouth and tongue. 5. First Time - It’s supposed to be magical, it’s usually awkward, so let’s make it magical again. First intercourse, first time trying something new, first time in a specific place, etc. There are lots of possible ���firsts” 6. Swap! - Switching places is fun. But how about switching roles, or bodies? Possible kinks include: bodyswap, dom/sub swap, or maybe crossdressing/clothes swap. 7. Sweet Treats - Fresh from the bakery, but reheated in microwave counts too. General food play, sex in kitchen/restaurant, etc. 8. Long Distance - Sometimes you can’t be in the same room, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Prompt includes: sexting, spicy letters, sex through phone/webcams, but also telepathic/portal sex, etc. 9. Fantasy - We all have them, and it turns out our characters have them as well. Prompt includes: dreams, daydreams, acting out a fantasy, but also possible incorporation of AUs. 10. Masturbation - Sometimes you gotta take matters into your own hands… literally. Prompt Includes: masturbation, single or mutual.   11. Costumes - Naked bodies are fun and all, but the real pleasure is imagining what hides underneath fancy clothing. Prompt includes: sex in costumes/fancy clothing, crossdressing and anything related to that. 12. The Morning After - You wake up and the memories of the previous night start flooding in… Morning after intercourse/performing specific kinks for the first time, etc. 13. Messy - There’s a reason you should be keeping a box of tissues on a night stand. Cumshots, facials, bukakke, creampies, but also body paint or messy food play. Anything related to the messier aspect of sex. 14. Moonlight - The most romantic of times, especially when the Moon is enormous on the sky. Sex at night, in the moonlight, late night cuddles. 15. Naked Photo Shoot - Opportunity is right there: a naked model, and an artist, starving for… well, some art in this case. Prompts may include: nude photography, drawing acts, nudism, being filmed, making erotic videos, etc. 16. Caught in the Act - GASPEST OF GASPS. They have found us! But what were you doing? Kissing, groping, having sex…? Or have they caught you moments before/after the main event…? 17. Roleplay - We like to imagine our characters doing new stuff, but turns out they have minds and ideas of their own. Prompt includes: roleplaying, acting any scenarios and anything related to that. 18. Teeth and Claw Marks - We have those to make sure out partners won’t forget the nights… Biting, scratching, leaving hickeys, marking partner, blood play (remember to tag), etc. 19. Yo-yo and The Baton - Toys galore! And they are not for kids. All the usage of sex toys, or mundane objects that suddenly become deeply erotic with some creativity. 20. Adrenaline Rush - So, your hearts are pumping and you are out of breath… Perfect moment for sex, right? Includes: sex after workout/exercise/fight/adventure, glad-to-be-alive sex, but also sex in dangerous place, on a risky day, etc. 21. The Water is Just Fine - So let’s jump right in! Sex in a bath tub/hot springs/shower, beach date, skinny dipping, underwater sex or maybe even some shenanigans involving those who live in the depths of the sea… 22. Who Watches the Watchmen? - Peeping Toms, that’s who. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, sex in public/indecent places, anything related to sex in places where one can be seen, either accidentally or deliberately, nudism, etc. 23. Clothes Stay On - Either because we don’t have time to disrobe, or maybe it’s sexier that way. 24. You can touch, but you can’t look - Anything related to sensory deprivation - blindfolds, sex in the dark, etc,. 25. Three isn’t a crowd - It’s only a beginning. Orgy galore! Have an OTP? Turn it into OT3 for a night. Already have an OT3? OT4 then! And generally, for any OTn, have an OTm, for m>n… Threesomes, moresomes, orgy, multiple partners, double/triple/multiple penetration. The more the merrier. 26. Heat - Love is in the air…! Quite literally sometimes. Prompt includes: Animalistic tendencies, sex pollen, ABO, heat/mating seasons. 27. Try Everything - You gotta stay open minded and do something more than missionary of cowgirl… new positions, new kinks, or just anything new that would spice up the night life. 28. 1+1=3 - Just like we enjoy making OCs, so does out OTPs… Except for real. Pregnancy, pregnant sex, impregnation, accidental or deliberate, breeding, mating, as kink or for real - anything related to securing the future goes here. 29. Ecstasy - Ever wanted to write a scene where earth shakes upon having an orgasm? This prompt is for you. Prompt includes: passionate/exhaustive sex, sex marathon, explosive/multiple orgasms, etc. 30. Free day - Didn’t enjoy the prompts? Or have you enjoyed them too much and have more ideas? Use this as a wildcard to express your creativity. Anything goes here, as long as you tag it. Thanks to @noblesnook, @thatguywiththefaceog, billythesquid and several anons for sending prompts propositions!

Also, here’s a list of prompts people submitted:

blindfolds, skinny dipping, bodyswap, double penetration, rimjob, facials, titjob striptease/lapdance, hot tub, crossdressing, food Breeding or M/M/F voyeur, exhibitionism, pregnant Beach, Moonlight morning or evening cuddles partner swap, live show Body worship, Lazy Morning sex, exhibitionism body paint “I walked in on you by accident but you didn’t notice, how do I act normal from now on? ” Workout/Exercise favorite position being filmed bet glory hole nudism

[globalchristendom]

I posted 386 times in 2021

72 posts created (19%)

314 posts reblogged (81%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.4 posts.

I added 716 tags in 2021

#christians - 220 posts

#catholics - 125 posts

#q - 83 posts

#art - 61 posts

#orthodox - 58 posts

#personal - 42 posts

#protestants - 37 posts

#churches - 36 posts

#italy - 28 posts

#clergy - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#oh also speaking of tumblr i noticed today that when you publish an anonymous submission you get an email saying “your” submission was poste

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

sorry for missing orthodox holy week stuff, was busy giving birth and am now taking care of newborn lol

26 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 14:19:31 GMT

#4

had a dream last night that paul banks from interpol shot and killed like 150 people at an assisted living facility for seniors but no one was talking about it. like on r/Interpol everyone was just talking about interpol like normal. and when i woke up i thought “haha that’s ridiculous. wait did paul banks actually kill 150 senior citizens”

27 notes • Posted 2021-11-26 14:15:03 GMT

#3

From Reddit:

Saint Manchan's Shrine. A masterpiece of medieval art, Saint Manchan’s Shrine is Ireland's largest surviving reliquary. A unique example of Irish monastic metalsmithing combining Irish, late Viking/Urnes and Romanesque Christian art styles.[800x543]

30 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 22:58:24 GMT

#2

i keep seeing people answering others who ask who chris chan is. you see someone innocent and pure and you defile them with that knowledge, and for what? to make them share in your suffering? just tell them they don’t want to know and not to look it up

37 notes • Posted 2021-07-31 01:17:03 GMT

#1

St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church shortly before it was crushed under the collapsing World Trade Center. (x)

169 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 22:55:49 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[dustedandsocial]

Top Several Hundred Records of 2020

My Top 11: 1. Slum Of Legs - Slum Of Legs (Harbinger Sound / Spurge) 2. Oily Boys - Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death) 3. Model Home - SE (Future Times) 4. Valentina Magaletti & Marlene Ribeiro - due matte (Commando Vanessa / Horn of Plenty <O) 5. Kris & Tavi - Kris & Tavi (Misophonia) 6. Still House Plants - Fast Edit (Bison) 7. None - Khneï Khneï Thnacapata Thnacapata (Unknown Precept) 8. Rychlicki / Kostkiewicz - Zapis (Absolute Fiction / Maternal Voice) 9. Rosso Polare - Lettere Animali (Klammklang) 10. Patois Counselors - The Optimal Seat (ever/never) 11. Impatiens - Scene At The River (Altered States) Favorite 20 That Weren't My Top 11: 12. Irma Vep - Embarrassed Landscape (Gringo) 13. FRKSE - Desecration Anxiety II (Iron Lung) 14. Merula - Sleep (Men Scryfa) 15. Al Karpenter - If We Can't Dream, They Can't Sleep!! (ever/never) 16. BbyMutha - Muthaland (the muthaboard) 17. Pose Dia - Front View (Bureau B) 18. SIR E.U - Midnight Train To Velvet (Self-Released) 19. Nightshift - Nightshift (Cusp) 20. Massicot - Kratt (Harbinger Sound / Spurge / Bongo Joe / Red Wig) 21. Alessandra Novaga - I Should Have Been a Gardener (Die Schachtel) 22. Zeroh - BLQLYTE (Leaving) 23. Swallow - Body Horror (ANA) 24. Pink Siifu & Fly Anakin - FlySiifu's (Lex) 25. Balans - Sam pravm (Kapa) 26. Bruch - The Fool (Trost / Cut Surface) 27. P22 - Human Snake (Post Present Medium) 28. ovrkast. - Try Again (do more.) 29. Chapelier Fou - Méridiens (Ici d'ailleurs) 30. Schisms - Speech Copy Rap Master (Fort Evil Fruit) 31. Új Bála - How the Cookie Crumbles (Czaszka Records)

Mozo Mozo - Mozo Mozo (Epileptic Media) Orion Moustache - EP02 (Noorden) Mentira! - Mentira! (Harbinger Sound) Leyden Jars - Gone (Outer Reaches) Last Call At Nightowls - Ask the Dust (Subsound) Gaffer - Gaffer (Helta Skelta) Inturist (Интурист) - Action! (Incompetence) Директор Всего (The CEO of Everything) - Самый занятой гражданин (Doing Great Music) Christos Chondropoulos - On Nature (12th Isle) Uptown XO - Culture Over Corporate  (1 Force United) Lichen Gumbo - Altered Village (Ikuisuus ‎/ Jumatsuga ‎/ Lal Lal Lal) The Worms - Back To The Bog (Hidden Bay) Kneeling In Piss - Music for Peasants EP (Anyway) Taste - Rope In The Closet ( If Society / Half Bear Half Cat / Roge Records) Flogging A Dead One Horse Town - Old Scum EP (MUZAI) BIG $ILKY (Psalm One & Angel Davanport) - BIG $ILKY Vol. 2 (Self-Released) Dame Area - La Soluzione É Una (Màgia Roja / B.F.E Records) Enir Da - Silence (Too Soon Tapes) Obnox - Savage Raygun (ever/never) Mike Cooper - Playing With Water (Room40) Nape Neck - Nape Neck (Self-Released) S.U.V. - Neoliberal Folk Songs II (Otomatik Muziek) Patrick Shiroishi - Descension (Thin Wrist Recordings) Pink Siifu - NEGRO (Self-Released) En Attendant Ana - Juillet (Trouble In Mind) Sergei Demin - Not Music Of The Day (Klammklang) Brandy - The Gift Of Repetition (Total Punk) Nyx Nótt - Aux Pieds De La Nuit (Melodic) Bearer - Precincts (ANA) Norms - Háború és fű (Mindig Otthon Punk Discs) Vertical Slump - Oubliette (Blank Editions) Lau Nau - Själö (With Sound Environments by Janne Laine) (Fonal) Model Home - One Year (Disciples) WOW - Falene (Maple Death) Santa Sprees - Sum Total of Insolent Blank (Leapantique) Edd Sanders - Sun Bleached & Hollow (Cadmus) Charlemagne Palestine - Ffroggssichorddd (Staalplaat) Loopsel - Loopsel EP (Mammas Mysteriska Julebox) Kuupuu - Plz Tell Me (KRAAK) (I forget whether I put the oriinal version of this on my year-end list last year. Here it is again though) QQ - Vanguard Youth (Skrot Up) DJ Speedsick - (All Releases) Armand Hammer - Shrines (Backwoodz Studioz) Lewsberg - In This House (12XU) Ubiquitous Meh! - Fecund With Love (Buried Treasure / Damnsonic) Schulverweis - Suppe (Neoprimitive) La Chasse - Meretrix ∕ Doloris (Donnez-moi du feu) No - Vol. 1 (Faustian Haus) David Nance - Staunch Honey (Trouble In Mind) Hun Bed - Brood I (Het Generiek) Młody Kotek & Niemy Dotyk - New Age Speedball (Enjoy Life) Aurat - Zeher (Etang Brulant) Addict Ameba - Panamor (Black Sweat) Sunset Flips - Between Two Sheds (Altered States) Small Bills (E L U C I D & The Lasso) - Don't Play It Straight (Mello Music Group) Nail Club - Collected Methods (Hot Releases) Maximum Ernst - Time Delay Safe (ever/never) Tim Hicks X The Dirty Church - Bullets (Humble Monarch) Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon - GOD Body & Soul Side B (Self-Released) Red Bennies - Futurist, Nihilist Post-Rock, Cyberpunk, Anti-Humanist Music (Chthonic) Tsap - Flickering Lyghte In Campsite (Altered States) Latex Cop - Privacy Policy (Cadmus Tape) Ka - Descendants of Cain (Iron Works) Violent Quand On Aime - The Movie Star (Simple Music Experience) Flaner Klespoza - Przygody i tajemnice (Nagrania Somnambuliczne) Budokan Boys - So Broken Up About You Dying (ever/never) Datblygu - Cwm Gwagle (Ankstmusik) Pays P. - Pays P. (Gravity Music) Somaticae - Amesys (In Paradisum) Kipp Stone - Homme (Self-Released) Sada Baby - Bartier Bounty 2 Tribalism3 - April on Mars (Collectif Coax) Men With Secrets - Psycho Romance and Other Spooky Ballads (The Bunker) Brainbeau - Infinite Ways (Good Samaritron) Landowner - Consultant (Born Yesterday) Jay & Yuta - Condemned Compilations (Research) Machine Woman - Dj Dolfin Snare 808 Machine (Take Away Jazz) Slowburn - Folketro (momeatdadrecords) Twinkle³ - Minor Planets (Marionette) Unglee Izi - notice & initiation au monde alterné T.1 (Lost Dogs Entertainment) Sick Urge - Structures of Domination (Puukotus-Levyt) German Army - Pulling at Principles (Flophouse) NAPPYNAPPA - IFEELJUSTLYKTHEIRART (Bad Taste) Social Stomach + Body Shame - Split (Bento) Pacific Yew - Squeeze Demo (Hot Record Societe) Isabella - Magnetica (Ehse) Trrma´ & Charlemagne Palestine - Sssseegmmeentss Frrooom Baaari (Jazz Engine) Astute Palate - Astute Palate (Petty Bunco / Eternal Soundcheck) Axel Larsen - Les Éléments Du Crime (Macadam Mambo) Post Spiderhole Ensemble - False Alarms and Excess Baggage (Kitchen Leg) Cash Kidd - No Socks Senyawa & Stephen O'Malley - Bima Sakti (iDEAL Recordings) Henny L.O. - Sages (Mutant Academy) True Sons Of Thunder - It Was Then That (Total Punk) Tim Gick - Não Há Laranja ∕ Scrying Glass Eye (Working Man Lay Down) Junk Magic - Compass Confusion (Pyroclastic Records) Person of Interest - All Tomorrows Parties (Exotic Dance) Pumice - Table (Soft Abuse) Max Nordile - Building A Better Void (Gilgongo) Mrs. Dink + Magnum Opus - Mrs. Dink / / Magnum Opus  (Soil) Swamp Harbour (Stinkin Slumrok, Bisk, & Sam Zircon) - Swamp Harbour (Blah) Camden Malik - Understand Me (10k) Heckadecimal - Critters (Kajunga) Geld - Beyond The Floor (Iron Lung) Drakeo the Ruler & JoogSzn - Thank You For Using GTL Senketsu No Night Club - 沈丁花 (Signora Ward) Jef Mertens - NO AMP (291) Tomaga ‎– Extended Play 2 (Self-Released) [R.I.P. Tom Relleen] Boldy James & The Alchemist - The Price Of Tea In China Shoreline Mafia - Mafia Bidness pisse - LP (Phantom / Harbinger Sound) Reymour ‎– Sarabande A Deux (CAF?) Goldblum - Goldblum (Het Generiek) Phil Struck - Schleswig-Holstein Aufnahmen (Séance Centre) Maths Balance Volumes - A Year Closer (Penultimate Press) Body Double - Milk Fed (Zum Audio) Low Flung - Oil in the Mangroves (Bedroom Suck) Chris Crack - White People Love Algorithms (New Deal Collectives) Krypton 81 - Tranquility Base EP (Dalmata Daniel) Akai Solo - Ride Alone, Fly Together (Break All Records) Gad Whip - Fanimal Arms (Gad Whip Recordings) Tygapaw - Get Free (NAAFI) Pamela_ and her sons - Pink Room (Self-Released) Etceteral - Ama-Gi (Kapa Records) Ghostie - Self Hate Wraith (Self-Released) Young Nudy - Anyways DrxQuinnx & Chase Baby - God Gooch & Blue Jesus EP (Bit Tape) Museum Of No Art - Museum of No Art (Séance Centre) Terrible Signal - The Window (Heart of the Rat) Bambi OFS - Yakka (B.F.E Records / Subsist) Zarabatana - Cum Raio (tsss tapes) Soberin Exx - Normal Islands (Liquid Library) Sylvain Darrifourcq, Manuel Hermia, Valentin Ceccaldi - Kaiju Eats Cheeseburgers (Full Rhizome / Hector) Günter Schlienz + Jeans Beast - Split (Econore) Hasufel - Lamentations of the Foul High Priest (So Called Hell) Delphine Dora - L’Inattingible (Three:four / Meakusma) Suburban Cracked Collective - Swimming Amongst The Dregs (A Colourful Storm) Military Genius - Deep Web (Unheard Of Hope) Mesa Of The Lost Women - Les Tables Noires (Specific) Ferocious (Bill Direen, Mark Williams, & Johannes Contag) - Ferocious (Rattle) Domestiques - Vol. 1 (Glass Modern) gogoj a.k.a Sheng Jie - oviparity (Maybe Noise / WV Sorcerer Productions) Midnight Mines - Live From The Mystery Plane (Independent Woman) Muro - Pacificar (Beach Impediment) Satan - Toutes Ces Horreurs (Jungle Khôl / Throatruiner) Scarlatine - Mimosa (Le Syndicat Des Scorpions) Vanligt Folk - Allt E'nte (Kess Kill) VOLE - Dej Bůh Pěstí (Stoned To Death) Upsidedown Flames - Creeps At Shows EP (Fuck Yoga) Zurich Cloud Motors - Do More Than Deconstruct​-​o (Zazen Tapes)

Buncha other records

Sweeping Promises record wasn't that good though. But if you guys like it when people take singing seriously, you should check out some of this music called "R&B"

[theetangerine]

What it’s real like being a Dyslexic

Today's  post shall be about Dyslexia from  "Dyslexia the Gift". Well I didn't know that I was blessed with such an omnipotent power. Thank you Dyslexia the Gift for Awakening my abilities. Anyways this post is just my rebuttal to this list as an Anthropomorphic Tangerine with severe dyslexia. Here we go: General:

1. Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.

Ahhhhh.......... so I am all those big words that I can't spell or pronounce.

BTW who ever came up with the word Dyslexia is a troll cause you knew damn well I can't spell that.

2. Labelled lazy, dumb, careless, immature, “not trying hard enough,” or “behavior problem.”

Hey I am not lazy just because Suzie spends her the night figuring out Algebra questions and I on the other hand will look at her formula, "Copy and Paste" for myself and even then at the end of the day I stilled will have learned it. Einstein did say there are different types of genius.

3.Isn’t “behind enough” or “bad enough” to be helped in the school setting.

Let's just pretend it didn't take me 3 times to read this inorder to understand it. Anywhose.

The school suggested to my parents to take me to get tested. Although I think it was because they wanted justify their discrimination against me.

 4.   High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written.

Lies. I failed in both.

5.Feels dumb; has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies; easily frustrated and emotional about school reading or testing.

*clear throat* In best Beyonce voice "I'm survivor................"

6.Talented in art, drama, music, sports, mechanics, story-telling, sales, business, designing, building, or engineering.

 Ohh.......come on I suppose to be talented in these fields why didn't Dyslexia tell me this.

7.Seems to “Zone out” or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.

They were in the Zone like in Soul

woahh..... that was a bar.

8.Difficulty sustaining attention; seems “hyper” or “daydreamer.”

 As I type this I peer out through the window wondering if clouds really are made of precipitation or that is what the Illuminati wants you to think.

 9. Learns best through hands-on experience, demonstrations, experimentation, observation, and visual aids.

Crash Course history is my religion.

Vision, Reading, and Spelling:

10.Complains of dizziness, headaches or stomach aches while reading.

 Starts going in the 4th dimension if I pick up a book.  

11.Confused by letters, numbers, words, sequences, or verbal explanations.

Algebra is not for dyslexics. You mix letters and numbers together. Mathematicians were not thinking of dyslexics when Algebra was created.

 12. Reading or writing shows repetitions, additions, transpositions, omissions, substitutions, and reversals in letters, numbers and/or words.

Yes Yes . Truly feal for all of of my teacher who read my essays.

13.Complains of feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading, writing, or copying.

I am Percy Jackson so I am a god.

 14.Seems to have difficulty with vision, yet eye exams don’t reveal a problem.

 I actually had glasses.

15.Extremely keen sighted and observant, or lacks depth perception and peripheral vision.

Yet another sentence I can't understand. Hold up let me go and look up “depth perception” so I can understand this sentence, real quick.........................This is true.  

 16.Reads and rereads with little comprehension.

Reading number fifteen (15) proves this.

 17.Spells phonetically and inconsistently.

 Hooked on Phonics told me otherwise.

Hearing and Speech:

18.Has extended hearing; hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.

Being an only child while being home alone this ability doesn't have any benefits.

 19.Difficulty putting thoughts into words; speaks in halting phrases; leaves sentences incomplete; stutters under stress; mispronounces long words, or transposes phrases, words, and syllables when speaking.

 I feel called out.

Writing and Motor Skills:

20.Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.

 I may have changed my writing style multiple times. Some legible, some not.

 21.Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.

But if I am supposed to be talented at sports in the afro-mention point why can't I catch a ball.

Dyslexia being confused since 1877.

 22.Can be ambidextrous, and often confuses left/right, over/under.

Yip...A 20 something that doesn't know their left from their right.

 Math and Time Management:

23.Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time.

Well if I can't tell time I can't manage my time thus I don't have enough time to do tasks so that is why I am never on time.

 24.Computing math shows dependence on finger counting and other tricks; knows answers, but can’t do it on paper.

 Only if Math exam were oral I would have accolades in Math.

 25.Can count, but has difficulty counting objects and dealing with money.

 Y'all I have nightmares about being a cashier.  

 26.Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems; cannot grasp algebra or higher math.

As I said before Algebra not, for dyslexics.

Memory and Cognition:

27:Excellent long-term memory for experiences, locations, and faces.

I wish could forget about that time I fell down in front the entire school. And yes this is not an exaggeration. The ENTIRE school saw this.  

28.Poor memory for sequences, facts and information that has not been experienced.

Subjects dyslexics shouldn't do:

Science: too many big words you can't spell.

History or Literature: reading is detrimental to your health.

Math:  A-L-G-E-B-R-A

 29.Thinks primarily with images and feeling, not sounds or words (little internal dialogue).

Sad truth I wear my heart on my sleeves. It's fricking annoying cause I want to be mad in peace without anyone knowing Goddamn it .

 Behavior, Health, Development, and Personality: 

30.Extremely disorderly or compulsively orderly.

I am Death the Kid.

(If you don't get that reference you are uncultured)

 31.Can be class clown, trouble-maker, or too quiet.

Like I was disliked in school for being too quiet. You would think that it was students oh no no no Patricia it was teachers.

Sorry Mrs. Emily for not giving you grey hairs, so you have the opportunity to go home to your loving husband to complain about how much you hate your job and kids. While you thinking about your affair with the young nextdoor neighbour, who you would end up marrying only to then leave them for a hot 20 yea.............................Ummmm that got a bit personal there lets continue shall we  

32.Had unusually early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, tying shoes).

 It took a while to learn how to tie my laces.

 33.Prone to ear infections; sensitive to foods, additives, and chemical products.

So wait not only did Dyslexia inhibit my ability to read, comprehend and to tell my right from my left to function normally in society but it caused my ear infections too. That is it I'm done

Moving to Siberia.

 34.Can be an extra deep or light sleeper; bedwetting beyond appropriate age.

 I was a very well trained tangerine.

 35.Unusually high or low tolerance for pain.

Everytime I stub my pinky toes it feels like an aeroplane wheel rolled over it.

36.Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.

 Facts!

37.Mistakes and symptoms increase dramatically with confusion, time pressure, emotional stress, or poor     health.

2 second Rant

Examiners don't think of dyslexic people, even with extra time. The sheer amount of times it takes just to understand the question then to answer with the best possible Grammar is straight cruelty.

You automatically want me to fail and not finish don't you.

You Demon.

  Mini sidestory:

While writing this I asked my significant other to spell "Exaggerate", dude looked at me and told me to sound it out. Past me knew he was going to say this and I did sound it out  before he asked me to sound it out. I told him that I did and that I don't know what letter comes after "Ex", he was like babe sound it out..................................

Tangerine internal thoughts: (Exsqueeze me) Every time try that a ""H" is coming up in my head. I thought this through ya know.

In conclusion I sound it out to my phone.

 To anyone who don't understand Dyslexia fully I do suggest researching.  

My commentary is completely subjective but if you relate that is good :)

 That's all my Fruits until next time

- TheeTangerine

Proof read by TheeApple<3

https://www.dyslexia.com/about-dyslexia/signs-of-dyslexia/test-for-dyslexia-37-signs/

[lallemanting]

for want of gold

When your soulmate touches you, it leaves behind an imprint, color staining your skin. Red for romantic soulmates. Blue for platonic. That’s the universe Lucas knows, the one he’s supposed to take part in. He wishes he didn’t have to.

Or an enemies to friends to lovers/soulmate au where Lucas is jaded, Eliott is hopeful, and it should be simple, but, of course, it isn’t.

chapter 6

(tw for a brief scene dealing with Eliott’s bipolar)

“Gold runs in our blood.” ― Virginia Woolf, The Waves

It’s incredible how fast Lucas is able to get himself to leave the art show. There’s part of him that says that he should just go to Eliott, see him, talk to him, that it might not be what it seems.

But there’s another, louder, part of him that just wants to go, wants to sit in his newfound revelation and process. Wants to think about Eliott, and how he sees him and how this changes things.

Because the thing is, Lucille is exactly the kind of person Eliott deserves. She’s beautiful and seems nice and as they stand together surrounded by their friends, Lucas can see how well they fit, how good they look together, how much Eliott deserves that...or at least something like that. 

And sure Lucille isn’t his soulmate, but Eliott deserves to have someone now, like Lucille, while he waits. Because Lucas can’t imagine a universe in which Eliott doesn’t get his soulmate. There’s never been someone more deserving than Eliott. And knowing now what that means to him, Lucas can forgive his strict belief in the universe, can forgive the stock Eliott takes in the whole soulmate business, because it’s something for him to hold on to, something important. 

In the end, Lucas can’t muster up the courage to go and talk to Eliott before he leaves. He goes up to Sofiane and Imane and says something about a headache – which isn’t entirely untrue seeing how his brain has only been chanting you’re in love with Eliott over and over again for the last 20 minutes. And in any case, Lucas doesn’t want to bring down the mood at the show. It’s Eliott’s big night and he deserves to have it as bright and happy and not influenced by emotional turmoil as possible. 

So Lucas finds his coat and slips out. 

He elects to walk home, hoping the cold air will clear his head and maybe dull his senses a bit, giving him some relief from the onslaught of feelings he’s having. He’s in love with Eliott. How could he have not picked up on that before? It’s not that it should be overly surprising given how fast he’d let Eliott in, how fast Eliott had made a place in Lucas’ heart to call his own.

And yet, Lucas hadn’t seen it coming. But maybe that’s because he wasn’t paying attention. 

He’s been so wrapped up for so long in the logistics of love, the logistics of soulmates and soulmarks and his vendetta against a system he never chose to be a part of, that he’d forgotten to let himself feel anything else. 

But now that it’s here, now that the feeling has washed over him and the choir that’s appeared in his head is singing only refrains of him loving Eliott, it feels like he may never be able to live without it.

In his haze to protect the heart his father had broken, Lucas had never let himself imagine there would be someone who wanted to fix it, someone he’d want to fix it. And in the end, he’d set himself up for this really.

And Eliott deserves more than that. Eliott deserves more than what Lucas can give him.

So Lucas puts his head down to steel himself against the cold, and presses on towards home.

***

Lucas tries to slink in unnoticed, desperate for a chance to sleep, to forget the feelings churning within him for a few hours. But it’s not that late and Yann is still up, watching some dumb sitcom on the tv and he spots Lucas as he walks in the front door.

“How was the art show?” Yann asks, his tone light and teasing. And Lucas knows what he’s implying, what he’s hinting at, but having been hit with a tidal wave of new feelings and, perhaps, a little heartbreak, he can’t listen to it right now.

“Fine,” he huffs out, heading straight for his room, not bothering to take off his coat and shoes by the door. 

And how Lucas wishes sometimes that Yann didn’t know him as well as he does. “Hey, you okay?” Yann asks, reaching out to pause the show. “Did something happen?”

“I’m fine,” Lucas responds shortly.

“Lucas–”

“I said I’m fine!” He slams his door behind him.

He gets ready for bed quickly, dropping his clothes on the ground in a pile and pulling on an old t-shirt he finds strewn across his bed. He’s cold, which is unusual, seeing as his room is normally boiling due to its small size and lack of ventilation. But tonight there’s a chill clinging to his bones and he shivers, pulling the covers up over his head to speed up his body warming the bed.

His mind is eagerly playing the scene at the show over and over again in his head, refusing, for even a moment to let Lucas breathe. He wishes, desperately, that he was even remotely tired, but he’s not and he knows he’ll be up for at least a few more hours. But the darkness and the blankets are calming so he lays there in the silence.

And it sucks, it does, but sleepless nights with his mind fixating on the same thing over and over again are nothing new to him. So he sighs, tries to find the light in his chest to get himself to calm down, but it’s not there for some reason, it’s hard to find. He tries for a while before he finally gives up, flopping over to retrieve his phone from his pants pocket on the floor thinking he’ll probably turn on some Netflix and hopefully fall asleep to that.

He clicks open his phone and his heart drops.

Eliott (22:53) Hey where are you? Did you leave? Are you okay?

Eliott (23:02) Okay just talked to Sofiane, hope you feel better! Did you get home okay?

Eliott (23:11) Lucas?

Eliott (23:30) Okay I texted Yann and he said you went straight to bed so I’m assuming you’re not responding because you’re asleep Text me in the morning okay? Goodnight x

Lucas’ fingers itch to respond and his heart is almost beating out of his chest that Eliott is texting him, that Eliott wants to know where he is, if he is okay. But then he thinks again of Eliott standing there surrounded by the love he deserved and Lucille and it’s too much. His heart aches and Lucas almost grabs at his chest, but he can’t bring himself to respond. Because Eliott – sweet, charming, beautiful Eliott – deserves so much more than Lucas.

Instead Lucas swipes away and opens up Netflix, finding a show he’s seen hundreds of times before and puts it on, playing episode after episode until his eyes can’t stay open any longer.

***

It should be no surprise then that that night, and for many nights after, Lucas’ dreams are filled with the phantom Eliott that had slipped into his mind and awakened his heart.

The dreams are always the same – lit soft and golden, them laying in bed together, Eliott touching him so softly and sweetly he could cry, leaving trails of red behind in their wake. 

They all end the same too – with Eliott leaning in, Lucas longing to feel his lips against his own – only for Lucas to awaken with a start, breath rapid, an ache deep within his chest.

It’s these dreams, Lucas tells himself that make him avoid Eliott. He hadn’t planned on it, at first, giving himself Saturday to deal with whatever he thought he was feeling and push it down, lock it away, just like with everything else and reemerge totally normally. He can do normal. He can do friends. He wants nothing more than to have Eliott around, but there would be no use in telling him how he feels, because what then?

Eliott is waiting for his soulmate and the chance that that’s Lucas, well they’re not very good.

So Lucas plans to tuck it away until the feelings disappear, as he assumes they will, just as quickly as they appeared. But when he wakes up every morning to thoughts of Eliott making him gasp, it’s hard to think of anything else.

For a few days Lucas manages to get away with it. He puts some distance between him and Eliott, texting him back, but only just. He feigns illness over the weekend, shutting Eliott down when he offers to bring him some soup, claiming he doesn’t want to get Eliott sick. He stays in his room for the most part, using the extra hours to study, and thinks he’s even managed to fool Yann, who had picked up a few extra shifts and spent more time out of the apartment than usual.

And then, on Monday and Tuesday, he tells Eliott that he can’t see him because of a major test he has on Wednesday (which, to be fair, Lucas isn’t making up. He’s just, maybe, making up exactly how much time he needs to study for it). And Eliott, like the sweet angel he is, takes everything Lucas says to him at face value, even offering to bring coffee to the library for him, which Lucas nicely turns down.

But Lucas knows that despite his best efforts, Eliott is probably picking up on Lucas’ avoidance more than he’d like. Where memes and silly posts that Eliott would send him normally led to a conversation spanning a few hours, now Lucas replies with a word or two, trying to end the conversation before it starts. It’s just – Lucas can’t get over Eliott if he’s talking to him all the time.

So in the end, it all sets him up to come crashing down spectacularly as it does on Wednesday.

Lucas is at the coffee shop, leaning against the counter chatting with Yann and waiting for his shift to end so they can walk home together when he hears someone clear their throat behind him. He turns, expecting a customer annoyed with him for distracting the barista instead of letting him make the coffees, but instead he’s met with six-feet of sheepish boy, shoulders hunched, hands shoved in his pockets, a tentative smile on his face, dark circles around his eyes.

“Hey,” Eliott says softly.

Lucas stares at him for a moment, forgetting how to breathe slightly, because for all that he’d convinced himself it’d be easy to get over Eliott, seeing him in the flesh for the first time since his realization is like getting hit in the face with a hammer. Lucas’ mouth goes dry and all he can see are Eliott’s beautiful gray eyes staring back at him, warmth flooding his entire body. He swallows, heart pounding in his chest, before he answers. “Hi.”

Eliott shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Lucas has noticed he does that when he’s nervous. So he’s nervous, which makes two of them. “Haven’t really heard from you in a while,” he says, his hand coming up and his fingers tracing over his lips. “Feeling better?”

Lucas shoots a glance over to where Yann is standing behind the counter, seemingly making a cappuccino, but Lucas knows he’s definitely also intently listening to every word they’re saying. “Um, yeah, just caught the flu or something,” Lucas says, “but I’m better now.”

“Good,” Eliott replies.

They look at each other, for a moment, the silence washing over them and this is the first time since they became friends, Lucas thinks, that it’s ever been awkward between them. It brings him back to when they used to not get along, except this time, Eliott is coming in with less fire, less self-confidence than Lucas is used to. He just seems so tired.

Eliott’s hand finds his pocket again and he shifts, looking like he wants to say something. “Um, are you...are you upset with me?” he blurts, eyes dropping to the ground.

Lucas’ chest constricts. “No,” he breathes out, because, god, he’d never want to make Eliott feel badly. This, all of this, is Lucas’ fault. “Why do you think that?”

“It feels like you’ve been avoiding me is all.”

“No, I haven’t, I promise,” Lucas lies, because he can’t explain himself, but he also can’t have Eliott thinking this is on him. “I’ve just been really busy.”

Eliott looks up again, catching Lucas’ eye, a small smile finding its way to his mouth. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“So we can hang out soon?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, good,” Eliott says, pulling on the strap of his backpack. “I, uh, have to go to class now, but I’ll text you?”

“Okay,” Lucas replies and then Eliott is gone.

Lucas turns back to the counter and takes a few deep, steadying breaths, his hands gripping the smooth wood. He looks up and finds Yann looking back at him, a strange look on his face. But he says nothing.

Lucas walks home with Yann in relative quietness, cracking jokes here and there but otherwise just making their way to their apartment. They’re both tired, Lucas knows, and he can’t help but think about the leftovers waiting for him in the fridge and the Netflix he can watch since he doesn’t have any assignments left this week. And maybe that will take his mind off of everything for a few hours.

But apparently Yann has other ideas.

The door to their apartment has barely closed when Yann whips around to face Lucas. “So here���s what’s gonna happen,” he says sternly. “We’re both going to go to our rooms to change and then you’re going to come back out here and explain to me what the fuck is going on with you.”

Lucas just stares at him and Yann stares back, as if daring him to disagree. The look on Yann’s face is enough that Lucas knows there’s no protesting. 

“Fine.”

It takes a few minutes but soon enough they’re both sitting in the living room on the old couch. Lucas has changed into a pair of old sweats and a sweatshirt and he plays absentmindedly with a thread at the end of one of his sleeves. They’ve been sitting here for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything as Lucas tries to find the words. Because the thing is, Yann will push, but only just. He’d never actually make Lucas tell him something he didn’t want to. But Lucas wants to. He feels like he might explode if he doesn’t talk to someone about it.

Finally Lucas takes a deep breath and pulls on the thread, ripping it off the hoodie. “It’s Eliott,” he says.

He looks up to find Yann looking at him with one eyebrow raised, unimpressed. “Yeah, no shit.”

Lucas groans. “That obvious, huh?”

“I would have paid money to not have to be a witness to whatever the hell just happened in the coffee shop,” Yann says. “It was excruciatingly awkward.”

Lucas groans louder and shuts his eyes. He really brought this on himself.

“Did you guys get in a fight or something?” Yann asks, his face suddenly slightly contorted with concern.

And wouldn’t it be great if it was just that, if it was that simple, if it wasn’t this instead, the throbbing in his heart that won’t go away.

“No,” Lucas sighs. “Why would you think that?”

Yann shakes his head. “I don’t know, because it was super awkward and the two of you used to not like each other, remember?”

That time feels so far away now that Lucas almost doesn’t.

“No it’s not that,” Lucas says.

“Okay?”

“I, uh, I think I’m in love with Eliott. Or...I am. I’m in love with Eliott.”

Yann just blinks at him. It’s not the gawking or complete and utter disbelief Lucas was expecting.

“You don’t look surprised,” he says.

Yann sighs. “I’m not, not really. Though I’m not really seeing why it’s a problem.”

“What?” Lucas asks incredulously. “It’s Eliott! I’m in love with Eliott and I just realized it and now I’m avoiding him.”

“Why are you avoiding him?”

Lucas groans again because he doesn’t understand what Yann is getting at, doesn’t understand how Yann isn’t immediately grasping the seriousness of this situation. “What do you mean why am I avoiding him? Because I’m afraid that he’ll find out!”

Yann just looks at him.

Lucas goes on. “And if he finds out, it will ruin everything because he’s waiting for his soulmate and he won’t know how to act around me when he doesn’t love me back.”

Yann rolls his eyes so hard Lucas is scared for a minute they’ll get stuck that way. “Lucas, I know you do well in school, but I swear you are one of the dumbest people I know.”

“Hey! What are you talking about?”

“Eliott is 100% definitely into you.”

Lucas stares at him. “What! No he’s not!”

“He so is,” Yann replies, rubbing a hand across his face and looking so, so tired. “The two of you have practically been dating for the past month.”

Lucas’ heart drops to his stomach. “We have not!”

“All the things you’ve been doing, all the times you hung out? Those were dates,” Yann says, his face straight, voice even. “You do realize those were dates right?”

Lucas sputters for a moment. “They weren’t dates! Eliott had to go to them anyway for school and asked me to tag along. Perfectly friendly!”

“They were dates,” Yann says again, even more firmly if that’s possible. “I don’t know if either of you realize it – you both can be a bit, shall we say, oblivious – but you’ve been dating without all the benefits for a month. Homework be damned.”

Lucas closes his eyes. “No,” he starts, but Yann cuts him off again.

“Lucas,” he says and waits until Lucas opens his eyes and looks at him. “You need to talk to him. He’s been treating you like you’re dating. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the homework assignments he suddenly needed help with weren’t just an excuse to get you alone, go do things with you. What does he need your help for, with his art homework? You’re pre-med for god’s sake.”

Lucas blanches. “Well he wasn’t exactly asking me for help , I was just tagging along…”

Yann lets out an exasperated sigh. “You’re just proving my point,” he says. And then, “Stop being stupid and talk to him.”

Lucas just stares at him, mouth hanging open. “It’s not...we’re just…” he tries, but no words seem to come.

Yann shrugs, but reaches out and pats Lucas’ shoulder. “Maybe I’m wrong,” he says, “but I think, whatever the case may be, you need to talk to him. Clearly avoiding him isn’t working.”

And Lucas hates it, but he knows Yann is right, knows he can’t keep this up forever.

“You’re right,” he says. “I’ll talk to him.”

***

And Lucas tries, he really does, to talk to Eliott. Only, it seems, Eliott doesn’t want to talk to him. 

Lucas texts him the morning after his talk with Yann. Nothing too serious, just asking if they can meet up soon. He gets no response all day, which is definitely unusual for Eliott. He texts him again that night, just asking if Eliott is okay, which also receives no response.

By Saturday, Lucas is annoyed, and also a little worried. Sure, he was avoiding Eliott too, but that didn’t mean he stopped responding to him completely. And after everything, this just feels so unlike Eliott to leave him hanging like this, to just not get back to him, so maybe, in the end, he’s a little dramatic.

Sure, he could have probably texted Idriss, just to make sure Eliott was okay, but there’s something that tells him it would break his heart to have Idriss be the one to tell him that everything was fine, that Eliott just didn’t want to talk to him. So instead, he heads over to Idriss and Eliott’s apartment.

When he reaches the door to their building, it’s early afternoon and Lucas has spent all morning in the library. Lucas had specifically waited until he knew they’d be up and around, not wanting Idriss to be annoyed with him if he knocked on their door at 11 in the morning. He’s about to dial up when someone leaves the building, so he slips in the door, climbing the three flights of stairs to the apartment.

And suddenly, standing there in front of the big wooden door, Lucas feels a little ridiculous. He’s being dramatic, he knows, and he should just turn back, just wait until Eliott is ready to talk to him again, give Eliott space if that’s what he needs.

But he’s here, and there’s something telling Lucas that he can’t walk away now, he needs to know if this is Eliott deciding he’s done with Lucas for good, if just a taste of a few days away from him made Eliott realize he was better off.

Lucas takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

He hears some shuffling inside the apartment and then the door is opening to reveal Idriss, who looks at Lucas with confusion written across his face. 

“Lucas...” he says, surprised, “What are you doing here?”

“Is Eliott here?” Lucas asks, his voice wavering slightly as he tries not to let Idriss see his panic.

“Uh,” Idriss replies, looking over his shoulder and then back at Lucas. “Listen, Lucas, he’s, uh, not really feeling too well right now and I…”

And suddenly all of his annoyance, all of his fear of what Eliott thinks of him and them and everything else drops away and is replaced by worry. Worry only for Eliott’s wellbeing, because maybe Eliott is hurting or sick or having a hard time and Lucas didn’t know.

“Is he okay?” Lucas asks quickly.

Idriss looks at him tentatively, as if he’s trying to find the right words. “Yeah,” Idriss says finally. “Or he will be. He’s just tired, so I don’t know if now is the best time...”

And there’s something in Idriss face that makes the remaining pieces click into place because Lucas remembers this, remembers from the research he did right after Eliott told him. 

“Is, um,” Lucas pauses, unsure of exactly how to phrase it, exactly how to not be insensitive but still wanting to make sure. “Is it his bipolar?”

Idriss’ face changes and he stares at Lucas, slightly bewildered. “He told you?” he asks quietly. 

Lucas nods, “Yeah.”

Idriss smiles then, but it’s a small smile, a private smile that seems less about happiness and more like he’s realizing something. “Wait here,” he says. “I’m going to go talk to Eliott.”

Lucas stands in the hallway, waiting, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, and all he can think is how much he hopes Eliott is okay, how much he wishes he’d known something was going on, how he’d managed to miss it. 

It takes a few minutes but then Idriss reappears from around the corner, and Eliott must have said something okay because Idriss is reaching out to pull the door open wider and ushering Lucas in. “He’s in his room,” Idriss says, pointing down the hall. Lucas smiles at him and goes.

He realizes suddenly that he’s not sure which one is Eliott’s room, that he’s never been in there before, but he pushes the thought down quickly when he sees that only one door in the hallway is shut, the other two leading to a bathroom and Idriss’ room.

Lucas walks up to the closed door and knocks lightly, waiting for a faint come in , before he’s turning the knob and pushing the door open.

Lucas is hit by the relative darkness. It’s afternoon and a sunny day, but the curtains are all pulled tight, light bleeding in softly through the slightly gauzy material. The room is small, but that’s unsurprising for Paris, a dresser in one corner, drawers open halfway, and a small desk under one of the windows.

In the other corner is Eliott’s bed, a large double piled high with blankets and a lump in the middle Lucas assumes is Eliott. There’s a nightstand on one side that holds a lamp, a book, a glass of water and an uneaten piece of toast.

Lucas’ heart pinches.

“Hi,” Lucas says quietly, tentatively.

The lump moves slightly and then Eliott’s head appears from under the covers, his eyes blinking rapidly. “Come in here and shut the door,” he says, his voice croaking with disuse.

Lucas steps into the room and closes the door gently behind him, dropping his backpack from his shoulders and walking over to Eliott’s bed, sitting gently on the mattress. He takes in Eliott’s face looking back at him, the dark circles around his eyes, the way he’s laying, small and curled up on the bed.

“How are you doing?” Lucas asks, hoping it’s the right thing to say.

Lucas thinks Eliott shrugs, but he can’t really tell under the blankets.

“Better than yesterday,” Eliott says.

Lucas swallows, unsure of how to proceed. “Is there anything I can do?”

Eliott shakes his head. “No.” And then, “it’s nice to see you though.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Lucas replies, because it is, it’s always good to see Eliott, even if his heart is aching at how tired and small and sad Eliott looks. “I hadn’t heard from you in a few days,” he explains. “I just wanted to see if you were...uh, how you were doing.”

Eliott sighs. “I’m just having a couple bad days.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not an episode ,” Eliott says quickly, as if he’s used to having to defend himself, but Lucas doesn’t say anything more than okay again, wishing that he could reach out and brush the hair away from Eliott’s forehead. “Sometimes I just have a bad couple days.”

“That’s okay,” Lucas replies and he means it. All he wants is for Eliott to feel better.

They sit in silence for a moment in the dim room, the whirring of Eliott’s fan drowning out the noises outside. And it’s peaceful and quiet and safe and Lucas can understand why Eliott is seeking shelter here, weathering the storm here. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Eliott whispers.

“I can go if you want me to.”

“It’s just...I'm not very good company right now,” Eliott replies, pulling up the covers to his chin. “I’m doing a lot of sleeping.”

Lucas smiles. “I don’t mind.”

Eliott stares at him then, his eyes tired but searching, a storm of gray that Lucas longs to see settled, an indent on his face from where it’s been pressed into the pillow. And all Lucas can think is how beautiful he is, how lucky he is someone like Eliott in his life. 

“I don’t want you to stay because you feel like you have to,” Eliott says then, his voice even quieter than it was before.

“I’m not,” Lucas replies quickly. “If you want me to go, I’ll go. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to sit here with you. And you can sleep because I have some studying to do anyway.”

Lucas thinks he maybe sees a ghost of a smile on Eliott’s lips. “Okay,” he whispers.

“Okay,” Lucas says and he goes to get his textbook from his bag before he turns around and finds Eliott’s moved over on the bed to make room for him. 

(And Lucas can’t help the way his stomach flutters, the way his heart swells, the way, despite all his efforts, the love in his chest expands so much he can hardly breathe with the weight of it.)

Lucas settles onto the bed, a pillow behind his back and Eliott lying next to him, and thinks Eliott has already fallen back asleep, his eyes closed, his face buried in the covers when he says something softly, muffled by the fabric.

“I thought you were avoiding me because of my painting,” Eliott says, “but you’re here.”

Lucas glances down at Eliott, heartbeat picking up as he tries to interpret what Eliott means by that, why Lucas would ever avoid him because of that, but at he stares down at Eliott’s form, sleep already overtaking him, he knows it’s not the time. Instead, he just reaches down and pulls the covers even tighter around Eliott. “I’m here,” he says.

***

Eliott wakes again a few hours later to find Lucas watching Netflix on his phone, slumped down farther in the pillows. 

“What time is it?” Eliott croaks and Lucas nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound.

“You’re awake!” he says and then stops whatever he’s watching to check the time. “Ah it’s almost 6.”

“Almost 6.”

“About dinner time,” Lucas muses. “Are you hungry?”

Eliott shifts slightly, bringing his body closer to Lucas’ but still far enough to keep them from touching. “Maybe a little.”

Lucas smiles. “I’ll go get you something, yeah?”

And he does.

Lucas gets Eliott something small and while he’s in the kitchen making it, Idriss passes by with a grateful look on his face and a whispered how is he doing? and Lucas can’t help but feel warm that Eliott has people like that that care for him. He brings the food back into Eliott’s room and waits for Eliott to shift a little so he can eat it, joining him in the bed and eating too. It is dinner time after all.

Then Lucas suggests putting on a movie. “You can go back to sleep if you want,” he says, “but it just might be nice to have on.” Eliott’s whispered okay is enough to have Lucas retrieving Eliott’s laptop from the desk and loading an old Disney movie just to make Eliott laugh.

“I’m sorry but none of your artsy crap,” Lucas teases, and Eliott lets out a small laugh from his pile of blankets. “We’re not using our brains today.”

And then they settle in, the opening sound of the movie playing, Eliott laying back down on the pillow next to him and they’re close but not quite touching, and for once, Lucas isn’t scared.

“I should probably go once this is over,” Lucas says, chancing a glance towards Eliott, whose eyes are fixed on the laptop. He says it quietly, as a precaution, in case Eliott falls asleep and Lucas isn’t here when he wakes up. “Is that okay?”

Eliott shifts his gaze to look at him. “Of course it’s okay.”

“Okay.”

But there’s something gripping his chest, and suddenly Lucas just wants to reach out and touch , reach out and ground himself to Eliott here , as they lay side by side and Eliott rides out the storm. But he can’t, not yet, not like this. It wouldn’t be fair.

Instead he settles for something he can do.

“Can I give you a hug?” he whispers and Eliott turns to him with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Can I give you a hug? You know, like how you did for me that one time?”

The more Eliott looks at him, the more Lucas is regretting saying anything at all but then Eliott’s face is splitting into a soft smile and he’s looking, really looking at Lucas in a way Lucas isn’t used to.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

So Lucas shifts, pulling the hoodie more tightly around himself, putting the hood on and pulling on the ties a little, pulling the sleeves down over his hands. And Eliott shifts too, moving to sit up a bit, to settle in closer to Lucas. Lucas reaches out, wrapping his arms around Eliott’s neck and pulling him close, and Eliott’s arms find Lucas’ waist, wrapping securely around it. Eliott’s face tucks into Lucas’ neck, into the fabric that separates them and Lucas holds on.

He never wants to let go.

They hold each other as a moment passes and then another. And then Eliott whispers something into the space between Lucas’ neck and his shoulder and Lucas almost misses it, but not quite.

“Thank you for being here.”

There’s something raw in his voice, a hidden fear that Lucas hasn’t seen before, hasn’t been witness to, but is there all the same. And Lucas knows that despite everything he’s been telling himself, despite his best efforts, he might not ever stop loving Eliott. But, really, it might not be the worst thing.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he breathes back.

***

Lucas sees Manon the next day, another afternoon of drinking tea in her apartment that Lucas has come to love. They talk briefly about school and classes but Lucas is fidgety and Manon can always tell when something is going on with him.

“Okay, spill,” Manon says, nudging Lucas’ leg with her foot. “What’s going on with you?”

For a brief moment Lucas contemplates lying to her, telling her it’s nothing, but he knows, in the end, he won’t.

“Eliott,” he says softly, his stomach flipping at the mention of him.

Manon raises her eyebrow at him. “Eliott?”

“Yeah,” Lucas replies. “I’m in love with him.”

“Oh, Lucas.”

“But I can’t have him.”

“Why not?”

Lucas sighs, exasperated and long and drawn out. “Because he wants his soulmate, Manon, and I can’t be the person he’s with while he’s waiting.”

“How do you know you’re not his soulmate?” Manon asks, her voice low, her eyes searching Lucas’ face.

“The chances of that are astoundingly low.”

“But there’s a chance.”

Lucas wishes his heart didn’t pick up at the mere mention of that. Because he can’t let himself hope, can he? It might crush him if it turns out to be wrong. “Maybe, but, what if I’m not?”

“Would you still love him?”

“Yes,” Lucas replies. “Always.”

Manon smiles at him, a small smile she tends to reserve for times she thinks Lucas is being stubborn. “Then maybe you should give Eliott a chance to make that decision for himself.”

Lucas sighs. “So you think I should tell him?”

“I think it’ll hurt more if you don’t.”

***

It’s been a week since Eliott’s down days and Lucas has been texting him, checking in to make sure he’s alright. They’ve seen each other once during the week, when Lucas brought him some class notes and takeout and they’d sat on Eliott’s couch and watched a movie and it all felt like it had before.

But Lucas knows it can’t stay that way forever. Ever since his conversation with Manon, he knows he needs to talk to Eliott, needs to say something to him or he’s afraid he’ll never be able to move past it. And the last thing he needs is to get his heart broken in a year or two when Eliott finally finds his soulmate. If he’s getting his heart broken, it’s happening now.

He’s made plans with Eliott that weekend – grabbing coffee and homework and Lucas is planning to tell him then, he really is, but it seems like the universe isn’t quite done fucking with him just yet.

Instead, on Friday, when Lucas is dragged to yet another party with his friends, he sees Eliott there, noticing him after he’s already had a drink or two, sending butterflies soaring in his stomach.

Eliott had told Lucas he was planning on going out with Idriss, ready to blow off some steam after his hard time nearly a week ago, but Lucas hadn’t thought they’d end up at the same party. Though now that he thinks about it, it shouldn’t be that surprising, seeing as they do run in the same social circles.

When Lucas sees him, Lucas is where he normally is at parties – hidden in a corner, beer in hand, hoodie pulled up around his face, sleeves pulled down so that no skin is visible. It’s a habit – one born out of self preservation and it’s yet to die.

Eliott...is not where he usually is at parties. Usually Eliott stations himself near the door, greeting as many people as he can as they walk in and or as they leave. It’s a good plan, for someone who wants to touch as many people as they can. But tonight Eliott has tucked himself in by the couch, surrounded by people Lucas vaguely recognizes as his friends from class, Idriss also standing there next to him.

It’s a sharp contrast to see Eliott like that – more quiet and subdued. Usually Eliott at parties is loud and bright and burning, the star at the center of a solar system. Lucas would know: he spent months hating him for it. But now, today, Eliott is more subdued. A star still, yes, burning just as brightly to Lucas, shining just as strong. But now it’s less like Eliott’s a puppet master and more like he’s letting the world move around him. And he’s not touching people. If anything, he’s avoiding them. Lucas doesn’t know what to make of it.

Maybe it’s the beer talking, though really it was inevitable, but suddenly Lucas gets a surge of courage, and tells himself that the next time Eliott extracts himself from the crowd to go to the kitchen or the bathroom, Lucas will go over there, and make sure Eliott sees him, really sees him. Hell, maybe he’ll just walk over and kiss him, throw words out the window.

His heart is beating fast and loud. 

Lucas watches as Eliott unfolds himself from the couch, his long legs stretching out as he takes one step and then another, moving around the crowd of people to the back of the couch, not yet seeing Lucas. Lucas feels his muscles itch, like they’re ready to take a step, move him towards Eliott.

And then someone familiar is walking up to Eliott, pressing a kiss to Eliott’s cheek and making Eliott throw back his head as he laughs. Lucille.

Lucas feels the panic well up again and suddenly all the confidence he’s been building the past few days vanishes. He’s being so stupid thinking someone like Eliott could ever love him, could ever even want him. Telling Eliott how he feels will just ruin what they do have, and that’s the last thing Lucas wants.

Lucas turns to leave, fight his way out of the party because he can’t be here anymore, can’t be forced to watch the boy he loves surrounded by people who are better for him, people he actually should be with.

But then he’s coming face to face with a body, connected to a face Lucas has seen before smirking down at him. Lucas recognizes him from one of his classes, thinks his name might be Todd, or Tom, or something like that, but they’ve never spoken before. Why would they?

“Excuse me,” Lucas says and he tries to maneuver around the guy, heading towards the exit, but then the guy throws out an arm, blocking Lucas’ path and Lucas flinches at how close his bare skin comes to him.

“Hey,” the boy slurs, leaning closer to Lucas and Lucas panics taking a step back. “I think we have a class together.”

“Maybe,” Lucas replies, looking around for an easy way to get out of this situation, but finding none as Todd or Tom takes a step closer. “Sorry I have to go–”

“You’re that kid who doesn’t let anyone touch him,” the boy says, triumphant. “You’re kind of hot.”

Lucas doesn’t reply, but something akin to fear wells up in him.

“What do you say you let me touch you, and then you can touch me?” the boy continues, his intentions obvious as he leans closer to Lucas’ face. 

“Please stop,” Lucas says, his voice weak, as he hugs his sweatshirt closer. “Please get away from me.”

“Oh come on baby,” the boy says again, reaching out a hand. “It’s just one touch.”

And Lucas freezes. He doesn’t know what to do, where to run. Instead, Lucas closes his eyes, flinching as the boy reaches out to touch his cheek.

And suddenly the shadow above him is gone.

“He said to leave him alone,” a voice says roughly, coming from beside Lucas. “I suggest you listen to him.” And Lucas knows that voice, he’ll always know that voice.

Lucas opens his eyes to find Eliott standing there, roughly holding the boy’s wrist from where he’s wrenched it away from Lucas’ face. The boy is grimacing in discomfort as Eliott holds his wrist at an uncomfortable angle.

“You’re gonna leave him alone,” Eliott says slowly, firmly. “And you’re going to apologize. Do you understand?”

The boy nods rapidly. “Jesus, yes, okay?” Seemingly satisfied, Eliott releases his wrist, and the boys snatches it back, rubbing it slightly as he turns towards Lucas. “Sorry,” he says and then he turns, quickly disappearing into the crowd.

Eliott quickly turns towards him. “Are you okay?”

Lucas nods his head a little frantically. “Yes,” he says. And then– “Thank you.”

And it’s funny, because the last time Eliott did anything like this, the last time Eliott tried to protect him, it had pissed Lucas off so much he’d yelled at him on the streets of Paris, had burned the blood in his veins, had made him so inordinately angry he’d lashed out.

But this time, this time it’s different. Because standing here, seeing Eliott regard him with a gentle kind of worry, a gentle kind of affection that veers slightly too close to what Lucas wishes he was feeling, it hurts . It sets an ache off in his chest and before he can stop them he feels tears pricking at his eyes.

And god, the last thing he needs right now is for Eliott to see him cry, so he looks up, meeting Eliott’s gaze once who gives him a small, reassuring smile and then he’s pushing past him, muttering a I have to go and running out onto the street.

He shouldn’t really be surprised when Eliott follows him.

Eliott shouts after him, but Lucas keeps his head down, willing his legs to carry him faster, his heart hurting so much that Lucas thinks maybe it’s started to break. But Eliott’s legs are longer than his and he’s determined, so Lucas doesn’t make it very far before Eliott catches up to him.

“Hey, hey,” Eliott says, reaching out and briefly touching Lucas’ clothed shoulder to make him stop. “Are you okay? What did that guy say?”

Lucas stops, and then spins around to face Eliott. “I’m not upset about the guy, Eliott. He was an asshole, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”

He turns to start walking again but Eliott jogs to catch up to him.

“Then what’s wrong?” Eliott asks. “Clearly something’s wrong.”

And Lucas has had enough of this. He can’t do this right now. “Isn’t Lucille waiting for you?” he spits out.

Eliott stops walking. “Lucille?” Eliott asks, something that seems like bewilderment lacing his tone. “Why are you talking about Lucille?

“Aren’t you with her?”

Eliott looks at him incredulously. “No?” He pauses. “I mean, we dated super briefly in high school, but no?” He just stands there, deflated. “Why are you asking?”

Lucas shrugs, turning to face Eliott. “No reason.”

“We broke up when I started getting serious about the whole soulmate thing,” Eliott says, running a hand through his hair. “But I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about that and I’m not sure it makes sense anymore.”

Lucas feels like he might throw up. “ Not being with Lucille, you mean?”

Eliott looks so genuinely confused that something in Lucas’ chest kickstarts. “What? No god, we weren’t right for each other in the end,” Eliott says, his voice shaking, a sincere tenor running through it. “I mean it was good once, but...no, I, uh, I’m never getting back together with Lucille.”

It’s Lucas’ turn to look confused. “What did you mean then?”

“About soulmates,” Eliott says, his voice quiet. He pauses for a moment, eyes searching Lucas’ before he speaks again. “I’m just worried that I might be missing out on something great by focusing so much on it.”

“Okay,” Lucas says, unsure how this has to do with him.

Eliott takes a step closer. “The thing is, I was convinced that a soulmark would be the way for me to know that I deserved love, that the universe wanted me to love,” he says, taking a deep breath. “But, I’ve realized recently that there’s a lot of love in my life that the universe didn’t mark. And it’s still special. To me.”

Lucas doesn’t know what to say. Of course Eliott deserves love, of course people would love him. Lucas is living proof. His heart thuds louder and he just stands there, silent, waiting for Eliott to continue.

Eliott takes another tentative step towards him. “If I’m meant to be with my soulmate, then I will be. But maybe my soulmate is platonic, or maybe I don’t have one at all. And maybe it doesn’t matter. But I’m done waiting.” He looks at Lucas, and there’s something there behind the flashing in his eyes. “What about you?”

Lucas swallows. “What about me?”

“What are you waiting for?”

“You know I’ve never been a fan of waiting on the universe.”

Eliott lets out a small laugh, but it seems to get stuck in his throat and he hasn’t looked away from Lucas, looking at him with an intensity Lucas has never seen before. “And if you didn’t have to wait?” he asks, softly, but Lucas hears every word, his whole body tensing. “If you found someone who would choose you regardless? Would that be enough for you?”

And Lucas can’t do this, his mind is going blank, his brain is shutting down because they cannot be having this conversation, this cannot be what Lucas has been imagining. He has to be understanding something wrong but Eliott is looking at him, really looking at him and Lucas feels like he’s ripped open his chest and laid it bare for Eliott to see.

But then he’s reminded of the worry that’s been plaguing him since his realization. He knows Eliott, knows how this all has been so important to him for so long. But here he is saying it’s maybe not as important as he thought and so Lucas should take that leap, but he needs to know, needs to lay it all out and hear it from Eliott. 

“Would it be enough for you ?” he asks.

“Yes,” Eliott says weakly and without hesitation. “I’m beginning to think so.”

Lucas doesn’t know what to say. Instead he huffs and turns, heading back down the street. He picks up his pace, as Eliott trails just behind him.

“You never answered,” Eliott calls out to him and Lucas feels his heart constrict because this is it, this is an opening Eliott is giving him and Lucas should just take it. 

He turns to look back at Eliott’s face, his mouth frozen in a tentative smile, the corners turned up in the way that makes Lucas’ heart race. 

He opens his mouth and he’s about to answer, he really is: yes, Eliott, that would be enough , when it all happens in very quick succession.

Lucas isn’t paying attention to where he’s going and trips on a loose brick in the sidewalk, pitching forward towards the concrete. He feels Eliott’s strong hand grip his wrist to keep him from falling, to steady him, but the foreign feeling of Eliott’s fingers against Lucas’ skin sets his heart aflame.

Lucas has been doing everything he can to avoid touching Eliott, avoid brushing skin against skin, avoid knowing what they’d be – because he is terrified of the answer. He’s in love with Eliott, he knows, and he’s spent far too many nights in the past week imagining Eliott marking him in shades of red. The idea that he might leave a blue mark on his skin or worse, no mark at all, makes Lucas feel sick. 

And yet, despite all that effort, here he is – finding out if Eliott is his soulmate because he’s clumsy. It’s a bit anticlimactic.

It happens quickly – Lucas falling, Eliott catching him.

And then Lucas hears Eliott inhale sharply. Eliott has pulled Lucas to his feet, but hasn’t let go of his wrist, of the space where their skin is touching for the first time. Lucas can’t turn around, he can’t look. He wants to live in that space of blissful ignorance for just one more second. Just one more second.

“Lucas…” Eliott says, but it’s more of a whisper, so soft and feather-light that Lucas can’t be sure he’s heard it at all. 

“Lucas.” There it is again, firmer. Eliott calling his name. Eliott daring him to look.

And then the anticipation meets with Lucas’ denial and it’s too much really, the not-knowing. So he turns around.

And there, at the space where Eliott’s fingers are grasped around Lucas’ wrist, Lucas sees something spreading across his skin. It doesn’t move far outside of Eliott’s grip, but it’s enough that Lucas can see it there, see the light it’s giving off in the dark night as Lucas and Eliott stand frozen on the sidewalk.

And there’s relief, in Lucas’ heart, because Eliott has left something on his wrist, has made his mark after all. But there’s confusion too. Lucas and Eliott are silent, both of them unable to tear their eyes away from the place that Eliott’s fingers have touched.

“Is that...?” Lucas asks, trailing off, his voice sounding weak and unsure.

“It must be,” Eliott responds. “But I’ve never seen that before.”

Because the shape marking Lucas’ skin is neither red, like the mark of a romantic soulmate, nor blue, like the mark of a platonic one.

It’s gold. Bright, shining, radiant gold.

[devil-kindred]

Get to Know Me - raisinghellinotherworlds

Saw @pd3 do this and though I’d give it a go!

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1. Name : Siren (it’s a pseudonym!)

2. Nationality: American

3. Age: 27

4. Birthday: January 29th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Aquarius

6. Gender: Female

7. Sexuality: Heterosexual

More below the cut

[[MORE]]

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

For the record this is the only recent picture of myself I like and this is about as much of my face as you’ll ever see bc I know my angles.

9. What do you/did you study?: I went to school for a Bachelors in Arts with and emphasis on Sciences but never finished it bc 1) college is expensive and 2) I don’t know what I want to do career-wise so there’s not a point in going back anymore.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: I’m a service desk associate at a department store. Something where I could deal with less people bc boy does this job push my patience sometimes.

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11. What is your birth order?: Firstborn/Oldest.

12. How many siblings do you have?: Technically four, but only two living.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: My immediate family. My siblings are closer to each other (but they’re only two years apart) but we get along. I also have a good relationship with my parents though I’m not as close to my mom as I could be it’s hard to forget the not nice things your parent say to you as a kid.

14. How many friends do you have?: Lots though only a few I see/talk to on a regular basis.

15. Your relationship status: Single.

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Intelligent, kind, has a sense of humor.

17. Do you have a crush?: I guess.

18. When was your first kiss?: WHY *sighs* I was... 25.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: I’ve... never been in an actual relationship? I’d like to say serious.

20. What are your deal breakers? Being rude, cheating, and treating me like a child/you know what’s best for me/someone in need of saving (new flash, i am not your princess peach/some damsel in distress. If you need to rescue someone I am not your girl).

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21. How was your day?: It’s still early into the day and I go to work in about an hour and a half and I get to close so we’ll see!

22. Favourite food & drink: French Fries. Or anything with potatoes. I’m a fiend. And Dr. Pepper or Coffee.

23. What position do you sleep in?: On my side/stomach on the part of the bed that’s against the wall.

24. What was your last dream about?: It was... highly NSFT and no, I will not go into detail.

25. Your fears: I’m not a fan of spiders or bugs of any kind really, I hate clowns, and I don’t like thunderstorms. Or tornados.

26. Your dreams: Move, either out of state or out of the country.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: A bird, Momo.

29. What are your hobbies?: Writing, playing video games, and reading (fanfic or books)

30. Any cool places in your area?: I’m sure there are but I live in a town surrounded by corn and other farmland so... it’s anyone’s best guess.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: The other day when a customer stared at me for a solid three minutes when I explained that due to the pandemic we’re no longer offering one of our services in an effort to reduce contact.

32. What is your last regret?: That I didn’t realize the true nature of some people who I no longer speak to sooner.

33. Language/s you can speak: English, Spanish (I’m so rusty though), a little bit of French, and a teeny tiny bit of Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): I believe in my many things so yes.

35. Have any quirks?: Uh... I mess with my hair when I’m nervous? & the more nervous I get my (already high) voice gets higher and will go up several octaves the more nervous I get?

36. Your pet peeves: People in my apartment building slamming the front door all the damn time.

37. Ideal vacation: Somewhere with nice scenery and where it’s calm.

38. Any scars?: Quite a few small ones on my head from a car accident when I was just a baby (I went through a window- got a few scrapes but other than that was unharmed) and one on my hand (it’s on both sides of my hand too) from when I was toddler and got bit by a dog.

39. What does your last text message say?: “I’ll let you know when I get some gameplay posted!” I have a sideblog for casual TS4 gameplay. Was telling a friend that I was going to post new stuff soon.

40. Last 5 things from your search history: No thanks! It’s all just checking if a word is really a word and spelling anyways.

41. What’s your [Device] background?: Lockscreen is a wallpaper from FFXV ft. The Chocobros; Hope Screen is Sam & Evie.

42. What do you daydream about?: Writing mostly.

43. Describe your dream home: Decent amount of space, a library room to hold all my books... good lighting, comfy.... preferably NOT in the middle of nowhere.

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion: I am not a fan. Particularly of Christianity but everyone has their own beliefs and in that regard, to each their own. Just don’t try to convert me bc the answer is f*ck no.

45. Your personality type: INFP.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done?: Climbed onto the roof of the shed when I was little because I got something stuck up there.

47. Are you happy with your current life?: For the most part!

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.

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49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Lots of t-shirts, jeans, shorts, flats, boots, etc.

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black or Blue.

51. How would you describe your style?: Extremely casual.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Kinda? I really need to cut my hair because it’s gotten so long it’s annoying. But I can put up with it until it’s safe again bc pandemic. My hair is not that important I assure you.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Oh God, could I be taller? Like at least 5’3”? Which is still teeny but better than my 4’9” ass.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: I have 3 piercings and three tattoos (two finished, one in progress)

55. Do you get complimented often?: Maybe? I’m oblivious to the point that you could have a flashing neon sign with the compliment written on it and it would probably still go over my head.

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Biker Chic!

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Neon.

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58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?: Blessed Be - Spiritbox.

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like: If I like a song, I like it. But if I have to pick one, I know everyone hates Despacitio. I know, ok but I really like the original version bc I like the sound. Latin music always has a fun groove to it.

60. Favourite genre?: Rock & Metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Type O Negative, Pallbearer, Ice Nine Kills. Give me all the goth rock/metal and just fun metal in general.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Oh boy... don’t hate me but I um... don’t care too much for T Swift? And I’m not a fan of country.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5: Devil’s // Door - VCTMS, Karasu - The GazettE, Path - Apocalyptica, I Walk the Line - Halsey, Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kinda play bass but I’m still learning so it’s just like... the very bare basics.

65. Do you like karaoke?: I’m very self-conscious so no.

66. Own any albums?: Yes, though majority are digital.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Yes. I have it on for background noise in my room in which case I don’t pay attention to it, but I have XM radio in my car where I listen to Octane/Liquid Metal/Turbo.

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68. Favourite movie/series?: The Dark Knight trilogy or Hellraiser or Nightbreed.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Horror, Sci-fi, and fantasy.

70. Your fictional crush/es: Too many. Look at my OCs and their SO’s and you’ll find a bunch of them.

71. Which fictional character is you?: My friends would say Mira Jane from Fairy Tail. My bestie says Mercedes from Fire Emblem Three Houses (minus the devout part bc... I do not have nice feelings re-religion. You do you though!).

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Yes, and once again you’ll be reading for eternity. So I’ll sum it up as too many to list.

73. Favourite greek god?: Apollo.

74. A legend from where you live that you like: It’s said that before big disasters happen in the town I live in + the surrounding areas, that you’ll see a panther. Supposedly one has been seen before at least 4 different bad things that have happened over the years. I’m in the midwest though so take that as you will.

75. Do you like art?: I do but I don’t really have a favorite. ... I am kinda partial to Van Gogh though.

76. Can you share your other social media?: I have a Pinterest but since my other social media has my name (which I also share with an OC whoops. That’s what I get for being indecisive and going the first name the name generator gave me) I’d rather not. If you ask and we’re friends I’ll probably give it to you but...

77. Favourite youtubers?: I don’t really watch too many anymore but I’ve been watching a lot of jacksepticeye’s gameplay. Aside that I tend to just watch channels like PlayStation Access or Outsidexbox.

78. Favourite platform?: Instagram

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: More than I should, I’m sure.

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? Uh, if I had to list them all you’d literally be reading this for eternity. To sum it up, I mostly play RPGs/JRPGs, open-world, survival horror (my fave), and a few (emphasis on few) FPS. Favorites are (once again with a limit): Bioshock, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Until Dawn, Silent Hill 2, and Fatal Frame.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): do you know how f*cking hard this question is as someone who’s a bookworm? Ok, ok um... Gotta have a limit or I’ll never shut up... um... Three favorites: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Horns by Joe Hill, and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

82. Do you play board/card games?: On occasion! They’re best with bigger groups but alas, my apartment is rather small and I don’t have a lot of space for multiple people so I don’t play them often.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? No, but it sounds fun.

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween!

85. Are you into dramas?: As in, tv dramas? Kinda? I have a friend on lived in SK for a time and got into K-dramas so I watch them with her from time-to-time when she visits.

Would you use a Death Note if you had one?: No.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Oh boy... make everyone get along, ensure everyone could live their life to the best possible, etc.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Possibly.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: I’m going with mythical instead of strictly paranormal but... a vampire!

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: As in to my body? Cremate me. To my stuff, give my books to a good home and take care of my bird.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: Most people call me by my middle name already since I got tired of people calling me the wrong name (& I like my middle name better) and insisting my first name was actually a nickname (it’s not, it’s the same as the musician I’m named after) so if I were to eventually be bothered enough, I’d have it legally changed to my middle name.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: I don’t know to be honest. I’m fairly happy with my life so I think I’d just not switch.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: 🌊

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true: I took karate classes for several years, I’ve never dyed my hair, I’ve had two jobs thus far.

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95. Cold or hot?: Cold I guess? If we’re talking in reference to seasons give me cool (aka Fall).

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero because being a villain would mean I’d have to be mean to people and I can’t even pick the mean options in video games without feeling guilty so...

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: um... no? I’m not quite certain what this means but I’m going to go with no?

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: Shapeshifting!

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immortal.

[mab1905]

84 Questions

original: 

https://fuckyeahsurveys.tumblr.com/post/61049002526/84-questions

1. Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs

Someone New (Hozier)

Cactus Tree (Joni Mitchell)

Budapest (George Ezra)

And Dream Of Sheep (Kate Bush)

Nancy Mulligan (Ed Sheeran)

And Then She Kissed Me (St. Vincent)

Level of Concern (Twenty One Pilots)

Lovefool (The Cardigans)

Best For Last (Adele)

Video Killed The Radio Star (The Buggles)

2. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you?

Japan. I travel a lot and it’s been on my list for a while, I would really want to go to the Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli theme park, if it ever opens that is. I would bring my best friend, Layla. I also would love to go to Amsterdam again.

3. What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) 

My ink nib cartooning pen (similar to a quill, but without the feather)

4. Favourite month and why? 

October, not too hot, not too cold, and of course, Halloween!

5. Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them.

Nope, met several, got to true connections though. 

6. Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are.

My iPad, my Leatherman Multitool, my collection of David Bowie postcards.

7. What brand logo is closest to you currently?

The Apple logo

8. Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites?

Chess. Card games like Solitaire, Black-Jack, and Castle. A game that I can’t remember the name of but it’s essentially a board-game version of Capture The Flag. Mostly Chess.

9. A musical artist you love that isn’t well known

St. Vincent? I’m not sure if she’s well known or not.

10. A musical artist you love that is well known

David Bowie. 

11. What is your desktop background currently?

A picture of Apollo 11 accompanied by the words “It won’t fail because of me”

12. Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them

My best friend Layla, through the iMessage app.

13. First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow

Salmon

14. What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in?

My iPad, my computer, my collection of vintage stopwatches

15. What kind of headphones do you use?

Sony, wireless, noise canceling, over-the ear 

16. What musical artists have you seen perform live?

Twenty One Pilots, Sylvan Esso

17. Does virginity matter to you?

I guess? I think it’s important, it’s certainly some kind of ‘milestone,’ but I don’t think it should be treated like the scale of a persons ‘purity.’ It’s important because it’s sex, and (hopefully) that means that you’re sharing a consensual, intimate experience that feels fucking great for both (or all, if it’s more then two) participants.

18. What gaming consoles do you or your family own?

Z e r o, although I’m hoping to buy a PS4 at some point so I can play Detroit Become Human.

19. What pets do you have? What are their names?

Juno is my cat, she is an adorable grey tiger-striped shorthair. She’s got little white mitten-paws and it’s absolutely ridiculous.

20. What’s the best job you’ve ever had?

Doing tech at a local theater

21. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

Teaching art to little kids (I like kids but it was just exhausting)

22. What magazines do you read, if any?

The New Yorker, and the National Geo if I’m like, waiting in my doctor’s office or something.

23. Inspiration behind your URL?

It’s just my initials and a year from the Edwardian era

24. Inspiration behind your blog title?

It’s just my initials 

25. Favourite item of clothing?

My reddish-brown knit sweater vest and my floral bow-tie (often paired together)

26. Are you friends with any exes?

I made a very conscious effort to cut my exe out of my life… we were not happy for a very long time to say the least

27. Name at least one book you loved as a child.

Strega Nona, it’s about an Italian witch that makes great pasta in a magic pasta pot. My dad would read it to me and my sibling in Italian.

28. What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English)

US English

29. What email service do you use?

Gmail

30. Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in?

So many things. Here's the list:

A giant David Bowie poster, a plaque that says “David Bowie IS,” five David Bowie postcards, a giant Abbey Road poster, all of my patches from summer camp, polaroids of me, my friends, and my family (including my cat), ticket stubs from concerts and plays, two trail markers that I took off of fallen trees on two important cross-country backpacking trips I went on, playbills from a bunch of broadway shows I’ve seen, a poster that says “Stonewall was a riot,” a DC Comics poster, a Pink Floyd poster, a few paintings of mine, and a painting that I got for free from a street artist I befriended in Rome when I was twelve

31. What’s your favourite number, and why?

16, 24, 21, and 8, some numbers make me uncomfortable, but these are just very soft and light and nice 

32. Earliest moment in your life you can remember? 

A rocking chair with fruits painted on it sitting in a dark room and my great grandfathers brown leather loafers (I remember early early stuff in just images or stills, not full moments)

33. What did you have for dinner yesterday?

Pasta with shrimp

34. How often do you brush your teeth?

Usually twice a day, but I’ve been waking up later and later and sometimes forget in the mornings

35. What’s your favourite candy/chocolate?

I don’t know the name of it but it’s this chocolate bar that is stuffed with caramel, hot chili flakes, and crunchy bits of baked tortilla. It's one of the greatest things I’ve ever tasted.

36. Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently?

I used to have one but I deleted it because I never used it

37. If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat?

I would probably walk into the kitchen, realize that too eat something I would have to muster the effort to cook something instead, and then decide to just have a glass of milk instead.

38. What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of?

Downton Abbey (primarily Thommy)

Chernobyl HBO (as well as the Leonid Toptunov/Sasha Akimov subfandom)

Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit (books and movies)

CrankGamePlays

Buzzfeed Unsolved

Star Trek TOS

Philosophy Tube

The Dark Crystal and The Dark Crystal: Age Of Resistance

39. If you could study anything, what would it be?

If I had the energy to fully wrench my life in a completely different direction I would like to become a professional scuba diver and study the ocean. I already am a scuba diver, but it’s a hobby and not something I’m able to do very often at all.

40. Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick)

I’ll wear chapstick if I have a cold

41. How would you describe your sense of humour?

Intellectual and dry

42. What things annoy you more than anything else?

People who think they’re better than everyone else and people who recognize a fault in themselves and then refuse to work to change it

43. What kind of position are you in at the moment?

I’m laying on my bed, hunched over my laptop

44. Do you wear much jewellery?

Occasionally I’ll wear a necklace or a few rings. I have a lot of non-traditional bracelets (I literally just have pieces of canvas and industrial tie-line wrapped around my wrist). I’m a gay guy and I like to sort-a walk the line between feminine and masculine (often leaning more towards the masc side), so it really depends on my mood.

45. Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc)

A cheese-pizza flavored pringle is currently POTUS and every day the thought of that tears away at a piece of my soul. 

46. Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own

@shochmonster @velvet-of-the-night @panicsheerbloodypanic

47. What do you carry your money in?

My pocket, I have a wallet and I don’t use it

48. Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not?

It’s fine, don’t love it don’t hate it

49. Longest drive you have ever been on?

Three days

50. Furthest away from home you have ever been?

Went on a trip to Switzerland to visit family, I think that’s the farthest but I’m not entirely sure.

51. How many times have you moved house?

Twice

52. What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture?

Five paintings, stacks and stacks of books, boxes filled with stuff (mostly more books), plates, glasses, cutlery, clothes

53. How many devices do you own which can access the internet?

2, and iPad and a computer

54. Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy?

Listening to music

55. Is there anything that always makes you sad?

Thinking about my past for too long

56. What programs do you currently have open?

Google drive, I’m writing

57. What do you associate the colour red with?

Blood and fire

58. Last strong smell you can remember smelling?

Shrimp and butter

59. Last healthy thing you ate?

Three green olives and a handful of bean sprouts

60. Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day?

Used to drink coffee like it was life support (which it essentially was), now I’ll have the occasional cup of tea.

61. What do you associate the colour blue with?

Birds and rain

62. How long is the closest ruler you can find?

I don’t think I own one

63. What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing?

I am wearing olive green corduroy slacks

64. When was the last time you drank water?

30 minutes ago?

65. How often do you clear your browser history?

Never

66. Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic?

Nude anything can be artistic, it can also just be normal, eroticism is in the eye of the beholder.

67. Ever written fanfiction for anything?

Yes dear god so much fanfiction.

68. Last formal event you attended

I genuinely can’t remember, I am have extreme social anxiety and don’t go to events like that unless I absolutely have too

69. If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why?

I don’t care about birthdays

70. Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside?

Beach, I love to swim, I’m also a surfer

71. Roughly how many people live in your town?

Uhm… eight times the number of people who live in the state of Montana and that doesn’t count daily commuters and tourists (New York City is essentially just a tin of sardines, except inside are 8.399 million sardines)

72. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

No, but three of my friends were born on the day just after my birthday.

73. Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores

The Strand Bookstore, L Train Vintage, any antique shops in the town of Hudson, New York 

74. Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one?

I used to have an iPhone 5SE but then it stopped working after a few weeks of quarantine and I haven’t gotten a new one (I’ve had it for about 5-6 years so it makes sense)

75. What is your least favourite colour, and why?

I don’t have a least favorite color, but my favorite color is prussian blue

76. How do you spell grey/gray?

Grey

77. Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link)

It’s anime fanart for a show I’ve never heard of

78. What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow?

3

79. How many posts do you have?

219

80. How many posts have you liked?

619

81. Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content?

Mostly reblogs but I do my own content as well

82. Do you track any tags?

No, just blogs

83. What time is it currently?

10:39

84. Is there anything you should be doing right now?

writing

I’m not quite sure who to tag so it’s just open to anyone I guess?

[fandima-moved-read-pinned]

Aven, all the numbers :)

1- Animated character that was your gay awakening? : I mean my gay awakening was an irl person so I don't know? I can't think of any rn 

2- Grilled cheese or PB&J? : Grilled cheese bc PB&J is gross just peanut butter and jelly are both good on their own but I don't like the way they taste combined 

3- What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? : Baking videos! Particularly the ones that have no voicover or any voice and you have to turn on the subtitles to know what ingredients they're using bc the words on the screen are in ankther language 

4- Your go-to bar order, if you drink? : chocolate milkshake no alcohol (the only time I've been to a bar that's what I ordered) 

5- What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? : My black tennis shoes, but they're really old and worn and I need new ones but I've been telling my parents for god knows how long and they don't give a shit 

6- Top three cuisines? : pfft cuisines I love that word its funny to me just I can't say it out loud without smiling or laughing anyway I guess shrimp fettuccine alfredo, medium rare steak, and fuggin uhhhhhh Danny Kids Cuisines

7- What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)?: I have no clue, I think my dad once said it was car or cat but they couldn't tell which 

8- What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?: I've never had a job really, I mean I volunteered at the library one summer but I think that's it 

9- Look up. What’s directly across from you? : A large bowl of pancake batter (I'm making pancakes rn) 

10- Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?: I've got an Air Force flag signed by the Air Force basketball team from that one time we went to a game. I've also got a really old shirt with the sifnirure of a country singer who I've never heard of (I don't think she made it big) 

11- Preferred way to spend a rainy day? : Drawing. Raining tends to make me want to draw more! Also watching the Great British Baking Show 

12- What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted?: normally I don't eat bagels. But Nutella and almonds and bananas on a plain bagel is really good! Also does it mean like anything I want on a bagel? Because I will order $1M on a bagel and only eat the bagel and bam I'm rich it said ANYTHING so heck yeah it never said it has to be food 

13- Brunch or midnight snacks?: Ooh brunch! I love brunch. I've never had a midnight snack tho so I can't really say for sure. 

14- Favorite mug you own: my Coffee Mug 

Also say hi to Emrys he's helping me make dinner 

15- What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? : 3% coffee 96% sugar 1% baked beans 

16- Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!): "I've grown tired of this body" Body by Mother Mother 

17- Fruity or herbal teas? : Fruity I guess? I'm not a big fan of tea, but I've had this watermelon mint tea and added ice and a bunch of sugar and it was pretty good 

18- What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?:.... Sonic X (it was part of my childhood and I just really like the theme and I like it in general don't judge pls) 

19- That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying?: It wasn't a book we read as a glass but I think it was called the dragonfly something I dunno it was a while ago but it was really interesting 

20- Do you match your socks? Nope 

21- Have you ever been horseback riding?: I don't think so? 

22- What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)- creepypasta everything. Every single thing. 

23- Have you ever been to jail?: nope

24- What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?: I don't have an opinion on them? Is there Lazy Susan discourse I don't know about 

25- Puzzles?: no hate them they can burn 

26- You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?: Apple juice I suppose? I don't drink much juice (I only really drink water, a little bit of coffee, and milk) 

27- What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore?: Fiction/Fantasy 

28- What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?: I'm trying to start sewing again! 

29- Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat?: none, I only listen to music at night and I'm not really upbeat then. 

30- Where could someone find you in a museum?: the exit (sorry I've never really enjoyed myself at museums) 

31- What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?: None. I don't likem my clothes. All my dresses are too small minus like one. 

32- Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds?: Stars! I rarely get to see them. 

33- If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be?: Are ferrets rodents? I'd like a ferret I'd name it Malfoy

34- Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs?: Art for sure. I have no photographs on my walls, only my own paintings. 

35- You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go?: "Yeet" in cursive on my shoulder is area place thing 

36- Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with: none sorry I don't like superheros 

36- Lakes, rivers, or oceans?: Oceans!!!!!!!!! They're so pretty and blue and filled with fish and pretty and fun to swim in and salty and cold and nice and amazing I love the ocean I miss it 

38- Favorite mid-2000s song: I'm not sure, I don't keep track of when songs were released ;-;

39- How do you dress when you’re home alone?: Just my normal clothes. T-shirt and leggings or shorts. 

40- Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?: The Corner Spot. My my brother keeps stealing it. 

41- Knives or swords?: Knives bc you can cut bread with them 

42- A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving:  Body by Mother Mother. Also Burning Pile. 

43- Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie: None we didn't have Djnsye when I was a kid 

44- Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online?: Quote that relates to the photos? 

44- Name a classic Vine: Why you got a twelve car garage when you only got FIFTEEN CATS CUZ WE ALL JUST WANNA BE BIG RJCJSTARS 

46- What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?: I don't go to the store but probably ice cream 

47- How do you top your ice cream?: More Ice Cream 

48- Do you like Jello?: it's okay it's a bit odd tho 

49- What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did?: the time I slapped a guy in the face multiple times 

50- How are you at climbing trees?: I'm pretty good at it, I climbed trees a lot as a kid and I climbed one a few weeks ago and was like "woah I'm still good at this?" 

[nightwving]

i was tagged by @mollyweasly​ to answer these questions, tysm!! i did most of them the other night but got distracted and am posting them now lmao

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? idk, i’ll say maybe a 7 or so? honestly i’m feeling pretty decent for the first time in a while

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #ohfuck

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? that’s tough... i would never want to actually subject anyone to the horror or doing that with me, but i guess either tom holland or sebastian stan??

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “a juxtaposed comedic disaster”

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? shit man i usually overshare pretty much everything, but i guess one thing would be that i got hit straight in the head by a golf ball while on a course with my parents when i was in middle school?? it came from way far out but miraculously didn’t seem to crack my skull or give me too bad of a concussion. my dad said it hit so hard that it sounded like it hit the pavement. now i have severe anxiety near golf courses and when things are flying near my head in general lmfao

6. what’s your wake up ritual? i check my phone real quick and then immediately go to pee and brush my teeth. depending on the day and whether or not i’d be late for class back when things were normal, i might shower lol. then either get dressed real quick and go to class or, these days, play video games or get on my computer

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ll usually wrap up whatever i’m doing, make sure my fan is on, lock my door (when i’m at school), strip, take some melatonin, lay down, set my alarm, plug in and then get on my phone for a while until i (hopefully) get sleepy

8. what’s your favorite time of day? i love the evening around sunset or so but i also just love the night in general, especially when things get quiet in the am

9. your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok

10. dream country to visit? ummm... honestly canada 😂 or germany or something

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? last spring i spontaneously won an award in the department that i work for at school because my friends insisted that i get one for all the work i do on the newspaper and for my work study and stuff. they had to work some stuff around because i’m not actually a major and that’s who the awards are for, but they all agreed to give it to me at the ceremony and i was NOT expecting it whatsoever. it was one of the most amazing moments ever especially since i struggle with finding a niche and having faith in myself

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers!!

13. vintage or new? i love vintage but that shit can be hard for me to find

14. who do you want to write your obituary? probably a friend idk i feel like my family would say some dumb corny shit lmao

15. style icon? i have quite a few but slash or duff mckagan from 80s GNR would be a couple ok don’t judge me. and john bender from the breakfast club

16. what are three things you cannot live without? internet, my ps4, and friends

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? chili or garlic powder

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i don’t even make dinner for myself lmao but if i really had the motivation, probs stan lee, carrie fisher, and my tiny son josh bassett

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? being institutionalized against my will and/or death before i’m ready/feel like i’ve done something worthwhile.

20. window or aisle seat? depends tbh

21. what’s your current tv obsession? i’m not really on a kick with it right now, but i’m slowly making my way through the clone wars in chronological order.

22. favorite app? tiktok

23. secret talent? uhh... i guess a lot of people would assume that i’m not athletic because of my weight but i’m actually naturally pretty sporty and can still be when i really feel like it

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? well i’ve tried to summon spirits in multiple different places, attempted to break into an asylum with my ex, done a pregnancy test with an old friend in a burger king bathroom... idk if those count as “adventurous” but that’s about all i got as of right now in my life

25. how would you define yourself in three words? eclectic, resilient, and real

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my denim jacket

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? also denim jacket lol

28. a superpower you would want? i debate this often... i think shapeshifting would be cool but also telekinesis

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? movies and stuff i guess

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? probably that it’s okay to do things at your own pace and to not be so hard on yourself when you aren’t doing things the same way as others

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? wear some better fuckin clothes lmao

32. a book everyone should read? bruh idk i don’t really read anymore, harry potter i guess 😂

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being honest and real but also someone that would’ve been there for you, or to have a good laugh with

34. how do you define beauty? beauty is like something that fills you with wonder and a sense of life or something

35. what do you love most about your body? uh... i have nice legs i guess 😂

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? find something that distracts you and makes you forget about all the shit. get lost in another world in movies/music/etc or just laugh with someone about anything

37. favorite place to view art? i like seeing it in the studios at school when people are still working on it

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? “somethin’ else”

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? ugh i would love to be a full blow pianist but i ain’t got the patience for that. i made it through a few periods of lessons throughout my life and three classes in college but i don’t have the capacity to do more than that. but i would also love to get even better with my voice. i’ve been taking classical lessons for the past couple of years but quit recently because of the anxiety that studio recitals and master classes give me. music major shit is rough

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i have one janky one behind my right ear that i got when i was 16, it’s a bird. but if i wasn’t a fatass bitch, i’d like to get more in different places on my body

41. dolphins or koalas? dolphins

42. what’s your spirit animal? it used to be a coyote according to a quiz years ago lol but it’s probably something different now

43. best gift you’ve ever received? probs my shitty first car that my dad got me last summer. but it’s a hell of a lot better than nothing

44. best gift you’ve given? shit i can’t even remember. i love doing personal little gifts for my friends. ACTUALLY i’d probably say the playlist i made for my friend last christmas because listening to music late at night was our thing

45. what’s your favorite board game? secret hitler is the BOMB

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? probs brown

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bitch, i’m broke

50. blow-dry or air-dry? air dry preferably but i’ll blow dry if i need to

51. pilates or yoga? neither lmao

52. coffee or tea? coffee unless it’s sweet tea

53. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? all of them

54. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark

55. stairs or elevators? elevators bih i got bad knees

56. summer or winter? winter, FUCK the sun

57. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? potatoes

58. a dessert you don’t like? a lot of things, i eat like a picky five year old. but i don’t like anything minty

59. a skill you’re working on mastering? singing. but also design-y stuff and videography

60. best thing to happen to you today? i went on a short walk with my mom earlier and there’s always a man across the street from us who sits on his porch every evening and sings with his guitar. i love it

61. worst thing to happen to you today? sitting through my zoom class lmao

62. best compliment you’ve ever received? idk, just when someone has generally called me beautiful? that makes me feel really nice

63. favorite smell? i love the smell of cookies or brownies in the oven. i’m also weird af and love strange things like basement smell and gasoline. also sharpies

64. hugs or kisses? hugs probably

65. if you made a documentary, would it be about? idk probably something about a niche community/town or some cult-y shit

66. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? avengers: endgame

67. lipstick or lipgloss? i don’t usually wear either very much but probably lipstick

68. sweet or savory? savory

69. girl crush? ana de armas or margot robbie

70. how do you know your in love? i feel like you’d do anything for that person even if it hurt you, and you think about them all the time and want to protect/be there for them

71. a song you can listen to on repeat? i usually avoid listening to things on repeat, but if i had to choose something... idk maybe africa by toto 😂

72. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probs someone like elon musk or bill gates to see what it’s like to be that fucking rich and successful

73. what are you most excited for about this time in your life? just enjoying it and maybe honing some skills with all this extra time. also watching some movies on my watchlist

i’m tagging @verafarmiga, @northuldrra, @tmhnks, @spaceoddly, @breaksfastclub, and anyone else who wants to do it!! but feel free to ignore or just laugh at my answers

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?