#AND EVEN THEN HE CAN KEEP UP WITH SPOCK!!!!!!

[sleepymccoy]

Spock and McCoy have kinky role play sex all the time. McCoy really likes pretending to be a doctor and getting malpractice-y with it by fucking Spock, who is his patient.

He also really likes getting his medical knowledge wrong during a scene and forcing Spock into the situation where he either has to agree with something absurd, or break character.

Spock likes to quote 'fleet regs in full (like, ten minutes reciting the four paragraphs on mandatory reporting around sexual contact) and it pisses McCoy off no end. Spock will often manage this between gasps while McCoy is jacking him off and going on about how anal sex is a treatment for the flu, I read a paper, Vulcan biology is so fascinating.

They've absolutely done the fisting to check Spock's prostate thing, even tho there's a device for that. McCoy insisted on pausing the scene once he got his hand in and actually checked his prostate, which Spock found hotter than all the lead up.

Spock will pretend he's suffering from a bout of extreme lethargy so McCoy can "take advantage" of him in his weakened state. Spock really likes the CNC scenes cos he finds it easier and less vulnerable to say please stop rather than yes I like that and McCoy gets it and can keep up with the code. Their safe word is Enterprise, and it really shouldn't be cos they've accidentally safe worded out before by just talking too much and forgetting they can't name the ship

Recently Spock has started coming up with increasingly ridiculous medical histories for McCoy to wade through in the early moments of their scenes to get back at him for insisting on saying things like Vulcan's need to swallow human cum to make up for the protein loss of being vegetarian. The other day Spock complained of a tickle in his throat and just before McCoy shoved his fingers in his mouth he added, "perhaps it is related to my turning into a starfish on a recent away mission."

That also broke the scene, McCoy kept laughing too much.

[juliesscooby]

jim is always the smartest guy in the room unless spock is there. this is unfortunate bc they are in the same room more often than not

[trek-tracks]

Imagine this. You're Spock. You've tried not to get yourself emotionally involved with your crewmates. It's not going very well. Your doctor goes and contracts a terminal illness and doesn't tell you (but luckily your captain can't go three seconds without breaking Space HIPAA or whatever exists in the future) and then tries to run away and die on an asteroid. You take out the Instrument of Obedience, privately thinking that it would be nice to have some control over this maniac you somehow care about's actions. You spend Surak knows how much time downloading and translating an entire civilization's medical library to cure him. No problem. It was just an incurable disease. You didn't need to sleep this month.

Two episodes later, another alien civilization tries to check said doctor out like he's a library book and then writes "withdrawn" on his forehead and pretends they don't have to give him back. He tells you to leave to save yourself; he'll stay. Did you mention you decoded an entire medical archive like two weeks ago for---fine. You go through unspeakable emotional violations to put him back into circulation on the Enterprise. It's cool. You didn't need your dignity anyway.

Two episodes after that, your illogical, self-sacrificial doctor mutinies and sedates you--the ranking officer in charge--undoing the fact that, again, how many hours did you spend? Curing an incurable illness because you couldn't let him die? Singing like an idiot in front of a bunch of snickering Platonians with laurel leaves on your head and no pants to speak of?--so he can get himself tortured to death on your behalf. You convince an empath to save him. He pushes her away because he "can't destroy life." Your captain is crying. The shiny force field shows everyone that you're having very non-shiny emotions. Do Vulcans even believe in hell

You think you've finally reached some sort of sacrificial detente. It's been a while. Neither of you have died on the other's behalf. You've both had to save your captain a few times, but that's normal. All in a day's work. Then said captain wants all three of you to check out a mysteriously abandoned library of time periods. You should have figured you would wind up in some sort of frozen wasteland with your doctor and no perceivable way to return what you'd borrowed. Well. At least there's the two of you so that you can keep an eye on--

He falls down in the snow. His hands are blue. "Go on without me," he says, dramatically. "Alone, you have a chance."

yeah I'd strangle that fucker against a cave wall too

[fruitsboots]

I'm a nail technician and here's a big list of headcanons about the kinds of clients the TOS Enterprise crew would be!

Kirk:

-shows up on time for appointment but sometimes has to cancel super last minute.

-doesn't bite his nails but picks at them and his cuticles. not enough to bleed or anything but enough that most of his appointment is cuticle work.

- "Cut them short" my guy there's no free edge.

- holds still, uses arm rest appropriately, doesn't stiffen his hands. no polish, just buffed smooth. jokes every time that next time maybe he'll go with a hot pink.

-asks a lot of questions and chats at the beginning of the appointment but ends up getting a little bored by the end.

-always tips very well but doesn't rebook, he'll call you.

Spock:

-doesn't make appointments, just shows up sometimes on slow days and asks to use certain supplies.

-does his own nails and keeps them very nice and neat. nail beds to die for. Nails grow very fast.

-On occasion has been talked into a dark polish and will let someone else do that for him (he's not very good at the application).

-sits a little too stiffly like he's concentrating. speaks when spoken to. doesn't linger long, the smell gives him a headache.

-doesn't tip but you’re not sure if he knows he’s supposed to.

McCoy:

-calls and asks if there’s time for a walk in then shows up later than he tells you but usually has a good excuse.

-Hands are dry as hell from washing them a lot. Worst, driest cuticles. Always gets a split on the edge of his pointer finger.

-Sits too far away from the table, at an angle, hunched, wrists on the armrest and elbows locked. Has to be asked to scoot arms forward a million times.

-Is annoying to work on technically, but fun to chat with. Always turns into a complaint session but in the best way. Wants to know the drama in your life and gives opinions.

- Closes eyes and tries not to doze off during the hand massage. Wipes off all the lotion that he desperately needs.

-Tips alright and always says he’ll come back soon but you know it’ll be another 4 months.

Uhura:

-has a standing appointment every 3 weeks and is never late, sometimes she’ll bring you a drink and apologizes when she doesn’t.

-Did her own nails for a long time and keeps them well manicured between appointments.

-Will (properly!) remove her own gel polish before appointments to save you the trouble.

- Tends to go for lighter, pearlescent shades. Always asks what you have that’s new but then picks one of her go-tos.

- Loves to look at nail art but doesn’t usually get it.

-Super bubbly during appointments, very patient, sits perfectly. Always enthusiastic about the result and gives lots of praise.

-Tips well and takes business cards to give to people.

Chapel:

-Not really supposed to get her nails done but does anyways. Doesn’t have super regular appointments but usually books with Uhura when she does.

-Usually shows up with chipped polish from last time that desperately needed removed 3 weeks ago.

-Gets light/sheer colors.

-Sometimes will book for a gel manicure and then tell you she doesn’t actually want polish this time even tho she needs it. Nice nails beds but they are thin and peel a bit without anything on them.

-Apologizes for no reason multiple times. Thanks you as if it were an inconvenience to do her nails? 

-After a few appointments, she loosens up a bit. Tips decent.

Sulu:

-has gotten his nails done like five times just for fun.

-Keeps them short, not much cuticle work. Why are you here??

- Will get a couple “masculine” designs and isn’t picky about them. “You just do whatever you think will look best :) “

-genuinely fun to have as a client but needs some direction on how to sit etc. can talk about anything.

-Didn’t tip the first time bc he didn’t know and felt bad so he always does, but it’s not much.

Scotty:

-how can one man have so much grease under his nails?

-Has a standing appointment once a month for just a nail trim but should be more like every two weeks.

-Asks questions about nail equipment (UV lamp, e-file, etc).

-Talks a bit during the appointment and then stands around after chatting. Always tips like 2$ but sometimes brings baked goods, etc.

Chekov:

-wanders in with a bruised nail and is like “what can you do for this” nothing dude.

-Leaves and comes back later to buy a gift certificate to give to a girl.

[muirmarie]

tos mcspirk pre-relationship - thinking about mccoy having to beam down to go help save kirk's life, and he's informed right before he leaves that the planet kirk's currently bleeding out on (that is only allowing one doctor to beam down to) doesn't allow any adornments, so right before mccoy steps onto the transporter pad he takes his ring off (for the first time spock's ever seen) and he grabs spock's hand, and slides it onto his finger, and says, "hold onto this for me, will you?"

and spock doesn't generally fidget, but the entire time mccoy and kirk are gone he finds his fingers returning to the ring, and spinning it around his finger, and it's almost like a talisman, because mccoy never takes it off, so it's almost like it's a part of mccoy, and as long as spock can touch it then mccoy must be all right, and if mccoy is all right then spock knows - knows - that the good doctor will keep kirk alive, too.

and eventually the original landing party + bonus mccoy beam back up, and mccoy rushes kirk into surgery, and spock stays on the bridge handling the diplomatic fallout, twisting the ring around his finger again and again and again

and it's not until mccoy calls spock down to sickbay in time to see kirk's eyes slowly blink back open, alive and safe and out of danger, that spock realizes that mccoy still hasn't asked for the ring back. it's not, in fact, until kirk's eyes almost immediately are drawn to the ring, his eyebrows slightly raised, that spock realizes at all.

spock's finger feels surprisingly bare when he tugs the ring off - the metal warm from his skin - and presses it into the palm of mccoy's hand.

"thanks for keeping it safe," mccoy says, folding his fingers around it, his fingertips brushing spock's fingertips as spock slowly pulls his hand away.

spock raises an eyebrow, tilts his head towards the captain.

"i was about to say the same," he says.

"something you two want to tell me?" kirk asks, reaching out and tapping mccoy's fist, and the moment kirk touches it, mccoy's hand falls back open, like a flower uncurling.

"no rings planetside," mccoy says easily.

kirk's eyes are dark as he looks at him.

"you look naked without it," kirk says, his hand closing around mccoy's hand, ring and all, and tugging him a step closer to the hospital bed. "mind if i do the honors?"

and it's not until spock's gaze is locked on kirk's fingers deftly sliding the ring back where it belongs that spock finally understands the tightness that's been inhabiting his chest, this tightness that's been suffocating his lungs.

"looks good, doesn't it, spock?" kirk asks, something knowing in his eyes.

spock could stop himself from reaching out, if he wanted. he could stop himself from touching the ring, touching the hand, touching kirk's hand, too, where it's still holding mccoy's. he could stop himself, if he wanted.

he finds, as is so often the case with these two men, that he doesn't want to stop himself.

this time, he doesn't even try.

[outlaw-apologist]

Halloween With The X-Men (HCs)

Characters: Logan, Scott, Hank, Kurt, Remy, Jean, Ororo, Rogue

Logan:

You and Jean had to convince him to dress up, with Jean having to bribe him with the promise of extra Danger Room time and you sweetening the deal with all the mini Reese’s you could find. He grumbles and rolls his eyes when you hand him the costume, but deep down, he loves the whole get-up. You watch him tug on a pair of fake ears and mess his hair up even more than usual, the growl he gives you playful but... it sends a shiver up your spine. He thinks he looks ridiculous, but the way you’re looking at him, he feels like the most dangerous guy in the room.

He sneaks candy the whole night, ducking around corners to snag a chocolate bar or two before Scott notices. And every time he manages to snag a few pieces, he slips one into your hand with this mischievous, guilty little smirk, muttering, “I’ll replace ‘em, kid. Promise.” There’s always more candy in his jacket pockets than he’d ever admit to.

When the “Monster Mash” starts playing, Logan raises an eyebrow at Jean, half-accusing her of playing something so “dirty” at a kid’s party. It takes a good five minutes of explaining (with Jean laughing so hard she has to sit down) before he realizes it’s not what he thought. You’re still snickering about it later when he grumbles, “Ya can’t blame me for thinkin’ it was somethin’... else, alright?”

You’d shown him Supernatural weeks ago, and he’d taken to it immediately, bonding with Dean’s tough-guy act and wry humor. When you find him quoting Dean under his breath, it’s hard to hold back a grin, and Logan notices, giving you a look that says, Yeah, I know you’re laughing at me. But later, when no one’s around, he leans in close and whispers, “Gotta say, darlin’, I get why ya like that show... maybe that Winchester guy’s got a few tricks worth learnin’.” It’s the most subtle admission of affection he can manage, and it sends your heart racing every time.

As the night winds down and the kids go to bed, he pulls you aside, holding out his candy stash as if he’s making an offering. “All yours, if ya want it,” he mutters, looking almost sheepish. And even though he’d clearly been enjoying it all night, he’d rather see you smile than keep it for himself. You take a few pieces, sharing them with him and leaning into his shoulder. He might grumble about Halloween, but the warmth between you two makes him realize it might just be his new favorite holiday.

Scott:

He spends days agonizing over his costume choice, pacing back and forth in front of the mirror as he tries on a black leather jacket one moment and holds up a pair of pointed ears the next. “I mean, James Dean is cool… but Spock has that logical flair, you know?” He glances at you, looking genuinely torn. In the end, you pick for him, and the look on his face is priceless when he sees himself as Spock (because let’s be honest, you know he secretly loves it). If you want a couples costume you can go as sexy Kirk!

Putting up Halloween decorations with him is pure comedy. He’s dead serious about hanging every last ghost and cobweb at a perfect 90-degree angle, but it’s impossible to keep things that precise with autumn leaves swirling around everywhere. When one floats past him, he catches it without thinking, and you make a playful challenge of it, trying to out-catch him. By the end of it, you’re both laughing, arms full of leaves, and the decorations look delightfully messy.

“We’ve gotta make sure there’s no tricks,” he says, face all seriousness as you two prepare to take the younger kids out. You can barely hold back a grin. Yet despite his stern approach, he’s all smiles with the kids, holding their bags when they get too full, getting down to their level to talk to them, and even convincing a few hesitant ones to brave the spookier houses. When he hands you your own stash of treats at the end, he whispers, “Just in case you didn’t get enough.”

Watching Halloween with him before bed seemed like a fun idea… until you’re both lying in bed afterward, and he keeps glancing over at the shadow by the window. You offer to turn on a nightlight, but he stubbornly insists he’s fine. When you jokingly try to spook him with a little “Boo,” he jumps, and his hand immediately goes for your shoulder. You laugh, and he huffs, muttering, “Don’t push your luck,” even as he scoots closer.

Kurt:

He lights up the moment you show him your costume, practically floating over to you, his tail swishing with excitement. “You look so beautiful,” he murmurs, eyes shining as he gazes at you with that love-drunk grin. It’s clear that he’s more interested in showing you off than in what he’ll wear himself. You both end up with matching costumes because he’s delighted by the idea of everyone knowing you’re together. Throughout the night, you catch him glancing at you, pride and admiration all over his face.

He volunteers to string up all the lights, insisting he can do it faster and safer with his teleporting abilities. Halfway through, you hear all sorts of bumps and thumps from the attic, and suddenly, a handful of younger kids are running up to you, wide-eyed, convinced it’s “Casper the friendly ghost.” Kurt overhears them and plays along, going bamf around corners with a grin, happily feeding the mystery.

Unlike Scott, Kurt lives for Halloween mischief. While everyone else trick-or-treats, he spends the night popping out from behind trees, gently tugging on costume capes, and letting out perfectly timed ghostly groans. He has the time of his life being the “spooky” part of the evening, and every time he startles someone, he returns to you looking like he’s just won a prize.

The night winds down with you both curled up under a thick blanket, sipping hot chocolate as he recounts stories of Halloween in Germany. He shares tales of bonfires, costumes, and some of the eerie traditions he remembers, his voice low and warm as you snuggle up close, lulled by his stories and the comfort of his presence.

Hank:

Halloween costume plans aren’t really his thing this year, not when he already feels like a “big blue monster.” You and Logan, however, won’t take no for an answer. Logan grumbles that he’s not letting Hank skip out on a night off, and when Scott calls dibs on Spock, you offer a new idea: a “Ghostbusters” duo. Hank raises an eyebrow, but his resistance finally breaks when you promise to take the whole theme seriously. Watching you two suit up together, he can’t help but laugh, fully in the spirit.

He gets so into the holiday that he bakes trays of Halloween cookies – tiny jack-o-lanterns, witches, and a batch of sugar bats just for you. But after you find a stray blue hair in your ‘graveyard dirt’ pudding, you make him redo the cookies in his human form. “The sacrifices I make for good hygiene,” he jokes, but he looks happy, relieved to share the night in this way.

After you two watch Sleepy Hollow, he shakes his head, muttering something about folklore and local superstition. “We must visit Sleepy Hollow someday,” he insists, with every bit of his scientific curiosity sparking. “I’ll prove that headless apparitions are nothing more than myth!” You nod along, eyes glinting with excitement – though you’re half-hoping for an unexplained flicker of movement, if only to see him jump.

By the end of the night, you find yourselves wandering a gothic cemetery, Hank’s excitement as bright as ever, talking about spectrometry and ectoplasm while you playfully spook him, mimicking ghostly voices. Under the full moon’s light, the cemetery is eerie and quiet, the perfect end to your ghostbusting adventure.

Remy:

“It’ll be fun!” he insists with that irresistible grin as he holds up a Ouija board, eyes practically sparkling at the thought. You’re on board, of course, until Jean marches over, all serious, and insists he get rid of it. She’s adamant that there’s no way it’s staying in the mansion, but you and Remy get a good laugh watching her haul it out, grumbling the whole way.

He’s every bit the New Orleans vampire, cape and fangs, his accent somehow thicker and smoother when he leans in close to say, “Don’t I look the part, chérie?” You laugh, but it’s hard not to appreciate how much he gets into the role, his natural charm perfect for a little Halloween theatrics.

Remy decides to teach a “lesson” on the difference between Voodoo and Hoodoo, diving into stories about his home. You’re pretty sure his knowledge is spotty at best, but it’s worth it just to hear him talk about New Orleans, his love for the place adding color to every word. The students eat it up, fully entranced by the mystery and magic he spins.

Carving pumpkins with the kids, he decides to one-up everyone and light one on fire to show his “signature touch.” Within seconds, there’s smoke billowing, and he’s scrambling to put it out while you laugh, watching him juggle his pumpkin masterpiece in a panic. By the end, he’s muttering about “no appreciation for creativity” but looks at you with a glint of mischief, already plotting his next Halloween stunt.

Jean:

She’s a total Daphne Blake, decked out in purple with a bright orange scarf, every bit of her glammed up in Scooby-Doo style. You go as her Freddy (or Velma if the mood strikes), and when you two sneak a playful kiss in front of Logan, he goes visibly stiff, jaw clenched, looking at anything else in the room to keep himself in check. Jean catches it and just laughs, leaning closer to you with an exaggerated wink that has you both grinning.

She leads the arts and crafts with the younger kids, showing them how to make little bat cutouts, ghosts, and grinning pumpkin faces. By the end, the mansion is a patchwork of their colorful creations taped up in the halls, and the kids adore her, crowding around with their paper cutouts and glue sticks.

At some point, she grabs the face paints and convinces Scott and even the professor to let her and you paint their faces. Scott’s hesitant but ends up with a clumsy ghost on one cheek, and you give the professor a cartoonish bat that has him chuckling. Jean, of course, goes all out with her own look, adding vibrant purples and greens to match her Daphne outfit.

She’s a die-hard Scream fan, no question. You two settle down with popcorn, candy, and a blanket for a full Scream marathon, quoting your favorite lines and laughing at all the jump scares. Every time Ghostface pops up, she leans closer to you, grinning, totally at home in the suspense and thrill of the night.

Rogue:

She’s all Janis Joplin vibes, dressed up in vintage fringe, colorful scarves, and tinted shades. When you ask her to give you a little twirl, she laughs, spinning around before breaking into a few lines of “Piece of My Heart.” She’s all smiles, her voice playful and smoky, and you can’t help but cheer. Logan, passing by, gives her an approving nod. “Got the look down, kid,” he says, and mentions he’s even met the real Janis. Her eyes go wide with admiration, and you catch her humming songs under her breath the rest of the night.

“Coffin races? Morbid as hell, I’m in!” When you and Rogue decide to enter the local coffin race, Remy insists on joining, which only makes Scott even more disapproving. But with Rogue’s design, your ideas, and Remy’s flair, you three craft the slickest, wildest coffin go-cart in the race. The big day comes, and Remy gets a little too excited—he veers off course, and the whole contraption crashes in spectacular, hilarious fashion. You’re all laughing, even Scott eventually, but the coffin’s definitely seen its last race.

You two get your tarot cards read by a booth vendor, and she perks up, especially when it comes to the love life section. She blushes when she glances over at you, biting her lip before daring to ask her question. Her gloved fingers graze yours under the table, and there’s a shy smile she’s trying to hide.

The night winds down with the two of you curled up for Phantom of the Opera. Rogue’s eyes shine as she sings along to every song, voice soft in your ear, and before long, the film fades into the background. The night ends in soft, lingering looks.

Ororo:

At first, she’s hesitant when you and Remy try to talk her into dressing up. Halloween’s always felt too close to mockery to her, a night that could disrespect the spirits. But when she sees the kids’ faces light up at her Catwoman costume, she finally softens, even giving you and Remy an amused look before flashing her best fierce pose.

You settle in to watch The Haunting of Hill House, and Ororo pretends to be calm and collected. But by episode three, she’s clutching your arm just a little tighter, glancing nervously around the room. For days afterward, she avoids walking down dark hallways in the mansion, laughing it off but unable to shake the ghostly chill. She swears she sees movement in the shadows sometimes and gives Logan a hard time, accusing him of sneaking around.

When it’s nearing midnight and the students refuse to come back inside from their last trick-or-treat round, she raises a single eyebrow before quietly summoning a drizzle that quickly turns to a full-on rainstorm. The kids groan and race for the mansion doors, leaving candy wrappers and laughter in their wake. She sends you a conspiratorial smile, looking pretty pleased with herself.

Finally, with the horror out of the way, you both decide to finish the night on a lighter note, cozying up together on the couch with a stack of rom-coms. Sharing a bowl of candy, you end up feeding each other pieces as you laugh, the sweet quiet moments pushing all the lingering shadows far from her mind.

[jennelikejennay]

Nobody asked for this but it's time for an essay on Spock's body temperature.

Some people say Spock would have a hot body temperature because he is from a hot planet.

Others say he would have a cold body temperature because he is from a hot planet.

It seemed to me that we could test this thesis! Do animals from hot climates have a hotter or colder body temperature than animals from cold climates?

Humans have a roughly average temperature for mammals, 98.6 F (37 C).

Penguins have a core temperature of 100-102 F. Polar bears have a temperature of 98-99 just like we do. They can maintain this temp even in 40 below zero temps!

What about hot weather animals? The camel can vary from 93-104 F—a huge range, but on average around the same as ours. The elephant also has a large range, 95-99 F.

The coldest-blooded mammal is the echidna, at 89 F. The hottest is the hummingbird, at 107. Neither of these is from an extreme environment. It's more about the metabolism: the echidna's is slow and the hummingbird's is fast.

And yet, you see the range is not very great among mammals. This is because many enzymes work efficiently at these temperatures. Above about 104 F, some start breaking down. By 131 F, there's not much enzyme activity that can happen.

Okay, so: Vulcans. We know that they will not have an especially warm or cool body temperature because of the climate. Since they're warm blooded (an assumption, I admit! But I will defend it later) they will have an ideal core temperature their body will function best at and have features to maintain that despite the heat.

Note: Vulcans can also survive more extreme cold than humans; that's why Spock has to help Bones in a blizzard in All Our Yesterdays. This makes sense to me, because desert climates like Vulcan are prone to extremes. It might get very cold there at night with little moisture to trap the heat. This is one reason I think Vulcans are warm-blooded—a cold-blooded creature would have been useless in a blizzard. The other reason is that cold blooded creatures have a slower metabolism in general, and Spock could not possibly be described as slow moving or slow thinking.

Okay, so what is the Vulcan metabolism? Is it faster or slower than humans? My guess is faster, because of their fast heart rate, strength, and quick thinking. That said, we don't have solid proof either way. It might make sense for them to have a slower metabolism so that their body produces less heat and is less likely to get into the enzyme denaturing zone on a hot Vulcan day.

Which brings us to another question: how do they beat the heat? They seem perfectly comfortable in their climate, they're not using behavioral practices to stay cool as humans from hot climates do. They must have ways to efficiently radiate heat from their core. Those ears, for instance. Remember elephants? Their huge, flappy ears are a major cooling mechanism for them. They are able to push more blood through the small capillaries of their ears in hot weather and restrict it when the temperature drops at night. This is called vasodilation—controlling blood flow to either shed or retain heat. We do it too, though not as much. When you're hot, your ears will be hotter. Out in the cold, your fingers and toes will get much colder than your core.

Like camels, elephants can maintain a larger range of body temperatures than humans can. That's another coping technique they have. Other ways to shed heat include sweat and panting.

I never really imagined Vulcans as very sweaty. In a desert climate, methods of cooling that involve water loss wouldn't be ideal.

Here's my guess: they are extremely efficient at regulating core temperature by controlling blood flow. In hot temperatures, their skin and especially their ears would be hot, but their insides would be maybe 100 degrees. When it cools down, their skin would be very cool to the touch, but they would keep a core temperature in the 90s. They might also be able to speed up and slow down their metabolism somewhat to control their temperature.

So. On the Enterprise, which is kept at a comfortable temperature for humans...I think Spock would be a little chilly to cuddle. If you want a warm cuddle with Spock, go to his quarters, where he keeps it nice and toasty.

This has been my xenobiology deep dive for today.

[darkness-and-books]

How the TOS crew reacts to being stuck in the turbo lift with you

requested by anon: “how would the tos crew react to getting stuck in the turbolift with reader?”

Spock

He only briefly looks up when he realises that the turbo lift has stopped.

Has no reaction whatsoever and goes back to doing whatever work on his PADD because he figures somebody has to notice it’s out of order fairly quickly

He just goes about his business until he hears you hyperventilating

He already knows why you’re panicking.

Spock does his best to comfort you by telling you that there’s only one turbo lift and therefore someone will have to fix it soon.

He’ll 100% tell you all about the history of elevators and how the turbo lift is so much safer 🤓

If you’re still worried after that he’ll let you hold his hand until someone finally fixes the turbo lift.

Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy

Internally, he also freaks out a little bit

Bones somehow keeps his composure despite being trapped very close to you

He’s entirely in his own head about it until he realises that he can hear you freaking out even more than him

His inner country boy breaks out a little and pulls you close to him

Absolutely kisses your hands and maybe even your cheek to make you giggle a bit

He’ll remind you that you guys have been through way worse than a stopped turbo lift.

Jim Kirk

“Huh” his exact words after realising you’ve stopped.

Honestly, he really really trusts his crew so he won’t be worried at all

But the moment he hears your breathing pick up he’ll start cracking jokes

“Actually this works out perfectly, I was on my way to a meeting”

Pulls you into a big bear hug and tells you how he’d much rather be here with you

if you’re still panicking he’ll say something like “do I have to order you to calm down”

Keeps telling jokes until you laugh

and when you do laugh, he’s pretty sure his heart jumps out of his chest.

Nyota Uhura

Absolute girl boss about it

Would 100% wait it out if it weren’t for the fact that she could see you panicking

But you’re panicking and she can’t bare to see you with anything but a smile on your face

She pulls out her comm and calls down to engineering (why did no one else think to do this? 🧐)

Once she’s done that all she can really do is wait

She won’t even wait or hesitate, she’ll pull you to the floor and sit with you

10/10 would recommend getting stuck in the turbo lift with Nyota, she will cuddle until someone fixes the lift

Sulu

“Oh my”

His mind seriously blanks

But he kicks into gear when he remembers you’re here too

He pulls out a deck of cards and asks if you like magic 🪄

(I dunno why I just think Sulu can do card tricks and stuff 🤷‍♀️)

Card tricks quickly devolves into an intense game of war

Its unexpected for sure, but it works

Scotty

It takes him a moment to notice

But when he hears your breathing he looks up and realises that you’ve stopped

You’re lucky to be stuck in the turbo lift with the head of engineering

He gives you a quick wink 😉 and smirks when you blush

He’d turn around, open up a panel that you didn’t even know existed, and fix it

Bam, problem solved

If you’re really shaken up by it though he’ll probably take you for a drink after or make you tea if you don’t drink

I hope you like it, anon. I’m super sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind, feel free to re-request it with more specific parameters if this isn’t what you meant.

[steviewashere]

If Found, Return to Me

Rating: General CW: Implied Sex (Mild), Mild Panic Attacks Tags: Post Canon, Post Season 4, Established Relationship, Humor and Hijinks, Eddie Munson is a Little Shit, Steve Harrington is a Little Shit, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Panic Attacks, Dork Eddie Munson, Dork Steve Harrington, 3+1

Okay, the idea was going to be a 5+1, but I couldn't get past three ideas without feeling the crawl of burn-out, so I lowered it to three. But this is based on This Post from @apomaro-mellow

👕—————👕 1. He grips the hem of his shirt and tugs. Chin tucked into his neck so that he can read the text, which is bold and black and dark on the white background. ‘If found, return to Steve.’ Eddie groans. “Do we seriously have to wear these?” He whines.

Steve stands in front of him. Hands on his hips. One foot cocked. “Yes, Eddie,” he answers emphatically. Even a little annoyed. Which, sue Eddie for having to ask over and over, but it’s sort of embarrassing. Especially when his boyfriend is wearing a similar shirt that just reads: ‘I’m Steve’. Makes Eddie look sort of childish, if you were to ask him. “If I’m taking you out of town, to a place I’ve never been before for a convention—something I’d probably never even go to—you absolutely have to wear that shirt. Knowing you, you’ll see some action figure stand and I’ll be abandoned by the comic books.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Or, y’know, we can just link arms and walk around the convention center?” Steve only widens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. He groans again. “Okay, fine! We’ll wear these stupid t-shirts.” His head tilts back, eyes to the ceiling of their hotel. Huffs through his nose. “I don’t even know how you got these,” he grumbles, “I’d rather not know.”

Sure, Eddie’s prone to running off. He gets excited, okay? Especially when it’s something he knows a lot about, or something he’s been hunting down for literal years, or if it’s a thing he can surprise the people around him with. Thinking of the last time he wandered off and Steve had to practically scruff him, it’d been while he was purchasing a dice set for Dustin’s birthday. So maybe Steve has a point. And maybe it’s sort of a genius idea. Eddie just wants to be stubborn about this, it’d save him the humiliation.

Except, he’s still wearing the shirt (Steve in his matching one) when they finally get through the doors of the convention center. There’s people in costumes all around them: Spock and Kirk, Marty McFly, Indiana Jones, Predator, and a few kids with their dads all dressed like those ponies that Erica likes. Something in Eddie trills. And he’s already a few steps ahead of Steve before he knows it. Steve trails behind him, wonder and awe shining in his own eyes, trying to keep up with Eddie’s frantic nature.

But then they’re not even close to each other. They buy lunch a couple hours in. Steve gets a large lemonade and downs it like he’s never had something to drink before. And then Eddie’s being told, “Please wait here by the bathrooms. Don’t go do anything stupid.”

He’s leaning against the wall that reads: ‘Restrooms’. Arms intertwined over his chest. Legs crossed on one another. In the distance, his eyes lock onto a Dungeons & Dragons booth. There’s tall shelves stocked with every mini figure he could ever pray for. A few long tables that showcase various maps, dungeon master screens, and little trays for dice. However, there’s an odd rack in the booth. A hat stand. And on it, he spots the perfect thing for Steve. It’s probably expensive, Eddie debates with himself, but it’s Indiana Jones’ hat. His feet are moving before he registers the people walking past him.

And then he’s there. Holding a classic fedora hat between his hands. Turning it around in his hold. Thumbing at the material; marveling at how smooth and buttery soft the fabric is. He spots the price tag, ‘$8.00’. It’s not a terrible price. Isn’t damaged in any way. So he keeps it in his left hand, grabs a paladin mini figure in his right, and purchases both items. Bag in hand, he moves to leave the booth, but is stopped by a gentle hand tapping on his right shoulder.

He turns and is met with a girl. She’s level with his chest, eyes wide and calculating, hand retreating back to her side. “Hi—um—you don’t know me at all, but I found somebody named Steve looking for you,” she states, “I saw your shirt and figured you were the guy he was talking about.”

Eddie slumps. A part of him can’t believe the stupid shirt even worked. “Yeah, it’s probably me that he’s looking for,” he sighs. “Take me to him.”

She’s hard to follow in the crowd of people. Shorter than most and extremely quick. But she links his arm with hers and practically drags him back towards the bathrooms. And there he is, Steve Harrington with his hands on his hips, a furrow to his brow, mouth thin-lined. “Eddie,” Steve greets. He smiles, though it’s not all that sweet, but kind enough for this stranger that had to shepherd Eddie. The girl leaves them. And Steve steps closer to Eddie, crosses his arms over his chest, and then has the gall to snort. He raises a hand and plucks at Eddie’s t-shirt, directly on the word: ‘Found’. “Looks like my stupid t-shirt worked,” he snarks. The sass to this guy is unbelievable.

“Yeah, har har, laugh it up,” Eddie says dryly. “Maybe you don’t want the little gift I got for you.”

Steve perks up. Eyes glowing with curiosity. “What’d you get?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and smirks. Digs into his bag and flaunts the hat. “Saw it at a D&D booth, surprisingly. Probably would’ve been something we walked by, had I not…wandered.” He steps a little closer into Steve’s space, sets the hat on top of his head, and nods in approval. “Think that this purchase was a success. You look dashing, Mr. Jones.”

In a flurry of movement, Steve snatches the hat from off the top of his head. Gaping at it. “Eds,” he breathes, “this is so fucking cool.” He places it back where it was, pulling it tight to his hairline, and grins brightly. “Thank you, but also please don’t leave me alone here,” he says, “I got worried.”

“Sorry,” Eddie murmurs sheepishly. “Just thought about how excited you’d be about the hat and couldn’t resist. Won’t happen again, promise.”

Steve chuckles. “I know it will, but that’s what the stupid shirts are for. Anyway…Can we go look at the Lego set-up that we passed by in hall E? I think I saw a spaceship and—“

“Lead the way, Indy.” He might have to buy his own shirts with how Steve bounds away from him.

——— 2. “If…Lost?!” Eddie exclaims. “Steve, what the fuck? Why—How—Where the hell are you getting these t-shirts?” He asks. They’re at Steve’s house, getting ready for a day trip in Chicago. And, sure, Eddie’s never been in his life. Doesn’t know the streets of Chicago like the back of his hand. Maybe Steve does know more about where they’re going, but that doesn’t change just how ridiculous this shirt is. How it glares at him in the bathroom mirror.

Steve sidles up next to him. His t-shirt the same as the one from the convention. He wraps an arm around Eddie’s waist. Rests his head on his shoulder. “I have my ways,” he states ominously. “And, again, I know you. Your sense of direction is practically non-existent. You can’t deny that, baby. The only reason you found Skull Rock is because you stumbled upon it.”

“I was on the run, couldn’t exactly look at a map,” he grumbles. “But do we have to—“

“Yes,” Steve sighs. “Now, can you come out to the car with me? I’m ready to go.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but does as he’s asked. Sits in the passenger seat. Shuffles through the radio stations. Teases Steve for his taste in tapes. But then they’re parking, getting out, walking around the city.

He follows Steve…for a while. Into a record shop. In the back of a diner, playing footsie under the table. Then he goes down a side street. Following a guy in a white t-shirt, hair high on his head, Adidas sneakers on his feet. However, the guy turns slightly. And…that’s not Steve. Eddie’s not sure how long he’s been following this stranger, or when he started, or from where he started from. Tries to rake through his brain to the last time he heard Steve talk about the street they were originally on, but there’s nothing. The words and names escape him.

He’s stranded in a city he’s never been to. Down a street he should’ve never come across. Wearing the most humiliating t-shirt known to mankind. Somewhere, again he’s not sure, behind him Steve is probably standing by some shop entrance, hands on his hips and a scowl perfectly framed on his face. And Eddie can’t help but panic. Standing with his back against the nearest wall. Breathing through his mouth like he’s about to beef it on the sidewalk. Eyes darting over and under and left and right. Trying to find semblance of normal, any little speckle of Steve. Something.

It’s not until he’s nearly sick to his stomach, churning and flipping and knotting, that a different stranger makes their presence known. They gently invade his space. Voice soft as they notice his panic. “Hey man, are you Eddie?” They ask. He nods way too quick, but sidelines the blur to his vision because talking to this stranger seems hopeful. Especially since they know his name. “Okay, cool,” the stranger mutters, “I ran into your…friend. Steve was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when I spotted him, said he couldn’t find you, but didn’t know where to look. So I volunteered to find you. And—well—judging by your shirt, I can gladly and safely reunite you guys. If you…If you wanna follow me.”

“Please,” Eddie murmurs, “I don’t know where I am.”

The trip back to Steve is arduous. Through crowds of people and past noisy cars. Bustling shops and the waft of various seasonings from a number of restaurants. But sure enough, Steve is on some precipice. His hair a mess and face pinched nervously. Then, he spots Eddie. Eyes lighting, clearing and glistening. A look of ‘I want to touch, but know I can’t.’

When he sidles up next to Steve after the stranger leaves, he carefully joins their hands. “I followed a complete stranger for probably thirty minutes,” Eddie admits, whispering. “His hair looked similar. And he was also wearing a white t-shirt. I got so scared, Steve.”

“Well, at least our stupid shirts worked again, right?” Steve asks, breathless and still verging breakdown.

Eddie squeezes their hands. “Can we go home, please? This is gonna sound crazy, but I think I prefer middle of nowhere Hawkins. At least I know where everything is.”

Steve nods rapidly. “I need to touch you in ways I can’t right now. Let’s go.” And then he tugs their hands, pulling them along sidewalks and through groups of people, down a couple side streets. It’s partially worth it, in the end. Definitely with the way Eddie’s skin is now decorated with Steve’s love, sticky and warm with it, too.

——— 3. The shirts end up following them to the Indiana State Fair.

Steve stops them at the front entrance, right after the ticket booth, and makes Eddie face him. “Listen to me,” he murmurs, voice low and near demanding. “If I turn my back for a second and you are gone, I will lose my absolute shit. Got it? Do not make me have to keep a rope tied to your belt loop.”

Eddie groans. “I get it, Steve. Can we at least try and enjoy ourselves?”

And they do for the most part. Steve plays at a few game stalls. Eddie carries the prizes. Their legs interlock underneath a picnic table, sharing greasy funnel cake and way too sour lemonade freezes. They watch a few performers, pet some fair animals, judge prized pigs like they know what they’re doing.

But then the ferris wheel comes up and Eddie sees an opportunity already forming. Like dots connecting or the stars aligning. He wants to drag Steve through the line and sit with him in one of the seats, wait for the wheel to stop at just the right height, and kiss him as the lights dim low and the darkness of the sky envelops them. Though, because he always misses a few steps in his plans, he doesn’t tell Steve that they’re going to the ferris wheel. Just starts walking. Shoving past other couples and accidentally sidelining a couple kids. He sneaks around large families. Maybe bribes a few people to let up on the ride’s queue.

Then, Eddie turns to his left. Where Steve is.

Or…Where Steve should have been.

“Shit,” Eddie spits. “Steve?” He calls over his shoulder. Frantically, he whips around in line. Eyes wide over people’s heads. Shoving them out of the way, albeit a little rough. Spreads the line into two little rows. But he comes up unsuccessful.

Until, right on cue, a stranger is tapping on his shoulder. Instead of letting them go into their whole spiel, he just sighs defeated, “Take me to him.”

There are no words exchanged. Not when Eddie follows behind, head bowed to the ground, dragging his feet like a petulant child. And then he stops where he sees Steve’s shoes, the bright blue Adidas sneakers he’d recognize anywhere.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “Thought you were with me.”

Steve just sighs. Something kind of disappointed that shrivels Eddie slightly. “Where’d you even go?” Steve calmly asks.

Eddie finally looks to him, his eyes pleading. “The ferris wheel, but…But! In my defense, I thought you were with me. And I was going to get us a seat on the ride. Was gonna wait until it got up to the highest point and do something cheesy like kiss you…or blow you, whatever. But I—“

“Why didn’t you just ask me, Eds?” Steve laughs with his full body, deep from within his stomach. “We can do that, babe. All you gotta do is ask, y’know?”

“I didn’t think—“

“I know you didn’t,” Steve teases. “Seems like my stupid t-shirt idea worked again. That’s three times, you dork.” Eddie can only groan. He knows that he has a bad habit of wandering, doesn’t mean that the idea is any less annoying or dumb. “Come on, Eds. Stop throwing a fit. Let’s do your thing.”

“You sure?”

“Eddie, if you don’t kiss or blow me on that ferris wheel, I’m banning D&D at my place for a month. Let’s go.”

When they get off and start walking back to the car, Steve tugs on the back of Eddie’s jeans. He yelps, startled, but quickly shuts his mouth when he’s faced with a stern look. “You know what I just remembered?” Steve asks him. There’s mirth in his eyes. Eddie doesn’t trust this at all. “Earlier, when I was telling you about wandering, I mentioned maybe tethering you to a rope. I might have to do that. Since you can’t behave.”

Eddie heats from the inside out. A coil tightens in his stomach. “You couldn’t even if you tried,” he bites back.

Later, he finds out, Steve is exceptional with rope. What a fucking boy scout.

——— +1 The Mall of America didn’t earn its title for nothing. The place was huge, that much Eddie could discern. Which made perfect sense when buying the new and improved: ‘If found, return to…’ shirts. However, this time, it was Steve with ‘If Found’ t-shirt.

At first, Steve didn’t know how to feel about the new shirts. Simply because he didn’t seem to see a reason for why he’d get lost or wander or be found in any capacity. But given the surprise Eddie had for him, the reason definitely fit the bill.

What Steve didn’t know, that Eddie one hundred percent knew, was that a Lego store was opening up at the mall. Or, has been opened at the mall. It was the perfect time for a little road trip. A little Fall of 1992 trip to Minnesota. Driving by trees and such. Parking in the Mall of America’s lot. Figuring out what stores to hit first, what food they wanted to eat, where the bathrooms were located. Typical day out sort of things.

However, one moment Steve was with him and the next…Eddie was scouring the food court for his fiancé. Trying not to throw up the meager lunch he just had. Swallowing down panic after panic after panic that rose in his chest like tsunami waves. This place was too big for either of them to wander or get lost or have a mind of their own. Not with the way they impulsively purchases things, an awful habit they both exuded—today is the worst day to do just that.

Which leads him to tapping on the shoulder of a guy around his age. Who’s carrying two large yellow Lego bags. Just sitting back in one of the food court chairs, minding his own business. Until, he whips around to find Eddie startled and red faced. “Uh…Can I help you, man?” The stranger greets.

“Sorry, hi,” Eddie says. “I just—You look like somebody who can maybe help me. I’m looking for my…friend, his name is Steve. Uh—White, around my height, dirty blonde hair. He’s wearing a pair of near skin tight Levi jeans, light wash and a white t-shirt that matches mine. Except, his says ‘If found, return to Eddie’. I’m Eddie, by the way. Anyway—Uh, you probably just came from the Lego store, yeah?”

“Sure,” the guy says, completely unsure of this interaction. “Why do you need to know—“

“So you can like lead me there? I’ve never been there. And like he’s really obsessed with those damn sets and like that’s really cool or whatever, but I need to know where he is because we’re from out of town and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing in this mall or where to—“

“Alright, dude, calm down,” guy placates. “We’ll find your friend. Just…That store is pretty fucking busy. Really popular, you know? I’ll take you there, but with how panicked you are, it would be best if you waited by the entrance of the store. Is that…”

“That’s perfectly fine to me!” Eddie nearly shouts. 

He follows on this person’s heels. Bobbing and weaving through crowds of other over-consumers. Maybe shoving a few of them out of the way just so he can stay with that guy. But eventually, they make it to the outside of the rather precarious Lego store. Its yellow storefront nauseating to Eddie. Almost—Genuinely frustrating him beyond belief. And he sees Steve. Standing near the back of the store. Staring up at one of the shelves, but he lets the stranger he found grab Steve for him. Because no way in hell is Eddie going to survive being swallowed up by the awfully large crowd swamping the store.

Steve emerges from the crowd, a bit offended and a lot upended. But then has the gall to appear sheepish when he’s led directly to Eddie. With a nod and a tight smile, Eddie waves the stranger off. Almost wants to run back and get his name, send him a thank you card from the Hallmark store he saw on their way there.

He turns to face Steve, though. Leans them into the wall. “Jesus, Steve,” Eddie groans. “Is this what you put up with?”

“Is what—“

“The fucking panic? The—The whirling around and checking in the weird obscure places? Tapping on stranger’s shoulders only to see if they have a single goddamn idea where anything is…ever? Like—“ He sighs. “I thought that I’d never find you, Steve! You could’a at least told me you were going to go somewhere on your own. Maybe give me an idea of where you’re going?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Oh, so now that’s important to you?” He petulantly mutters. “Can’t go off and have fun without being pestered—“

“I’m not pestering, Steve!” Eddie grits. “I’m being concerned! I’m—You scared me,” he admits quietly. “And you ruined my surprise.”

“Ruined?” Steve echoes, confused. “What do you…oh. Oh. I—“ Then, Steve looks down to the floor. Eyes ashamed and arms tight to his body. “I didn’t…I was just excited, I’m sorry. The store was on the directory when we first came in and I like—“ He chuckles a little bit, loosening up. “—I fucking memorized where to go. What path to take. Because I just really wanted to look in there. They’ve got—Eddie, they have this one set in there, it’s a freaking spaceship and it’s called the…The Galactic Meditator or something? I can’t—That doesn’t matter,” he rambles. Takes a deep breath and pushes himself tighter into Eddie’s space. “I’m sorry, baby,” he murmurs, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Eddie gives a single nod. Closes his eyes and staves off the rest of his panic and anger. He’d be a hypocrite if he lashed out right now. He knows that. And, honestly, seeing Steve geek out about toys…of all things…is kind of endearing. Maybe even doing something for Eddie.

He puts on his best smile, something genuine and pulled from within him. “It’s alright,” he whispers. “I—I should’ve known that you were going to come over here.”

“I mean, you did a little bit, right? Had to find somebody that led you here?”

“You got me,” Eddie breathes. “Y’know all my tricks.”

Steve hums beside him. “I’m actually sorry, though, that I ruined the surprise you had in mind. This is a pretty cool thing.”

Eddie smirks. “Steve Harrington admitting to a geek thing being cool…When did the tables turn?” He teases. “Seems like God has heard my prayers,” he jests. With a quick sneaky look around, he grabs Steve’s hand. Squeezes firmly and exhales the last bit of his panicked nerves. “Does my fiancé want to…Oh, I don’t know…Get a Lego set?”

The hand in his tightens with a harsh, unbelieving amount of strength. He almost winces. “Really?” Steve asks, perking up. If he had a tail, it would most definitely be wagging. “Can we actually? I really want that one that I found in there, the uh…Galactic whatever it was called. I’m bad at the names, which is weird because I’ve been building these sets for a while, but I always seem to get the names wrong and I—“ Eddie interrupts with a squeeze to his hand again, a smile bright and plastered to his face. “Sorry,” Steve sheepishly says, “Let’s go in there. I can show you and maybe…you can get one of your own?”

“Lead the way, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs against Steve’s cheek, leaving a very chaste but all the same kiss there.

The panic was worth it in the end. Because watching Steve in his element, nerd-ing over toys and how to best put them together, really makes Eddie’s chest warm. In a way that tells him he’d put up with wandering all his life, if only to get Steve to smile the way he does when proudly displaying his new spaceship.

👕—————👕

[stra-tek]

Lots and lots of random spoilerific things about Star Trek comics

Gold Key's old run was written by people who had never actually seen the show. Later they involved fans like Doug Drexler to make things a bit more authentic

This however made them, IMHO, amazing

Blond scotty. Wearing green.

Voodoo planet, with papier mache versions of Earth landmarks which, when blasted with a death ray, cause the real ones to collapse

Spock learns voodoo to combat this threat

The Enterprise completely razes a planet of hostile plant spore things. Like full on extermination of all life

There's a locked room on deck 7 full of evil Vulcan spirits. A yeoman blunders in and all hell breaks loose

Kirk doesn't know what a god damn black hole is

Spock is kidnapped by aliens, has their entire knowledge downloaded into his brain which makes him into a bobblehead for awhile

The Enterprise is briefly taken from Kirk and given to Captain Zarlo, who is a total bellend

Spock forgets to have pointed ears sometimes

The old UK newspaper comic strips were even worse. The first few issues feature "Captain Kurt" and he wears a red shirt. Bailey is also a lead character, giving away which one episode they had knowledge of

Depictions of the Enterprise in their very first strip will shock and horrify you, but after that the art becomes amazing and maintains a very high standard

Marvel did a series following The Motion Picture, and it was a vast improvement, although they technically had rights to the movie and not the series, which led to a little weirdness. Tons of references still were snuck in, though

There's a series of Book and Records, which you can listen to on YouTube and are goofy fun. The Enterprise desperately needs a meal in the art, though.

They draw Romulans as green wizards

They didn't have the rights to Nichelle Nichols or George Takei's likenesses, so get ready for White Uhura and Black Sulu!

They didn't have the rights to The Animated Series either, so M'Ress is a human with weird face paint and Arex is substituted for just some guy

There's an unlicensed Chinese adaptation of The Motion Picture's novelisation (made with zero prior knowledge of Star Trek), which features an all-star cast like O.J. Simpson as Decker and James Brolin as Kirk. It's called The Star Trek, which is a better name than The Motion Picture, IMHO.

DC comics' first run is considered some of the best Trek ever. They're made with love and a deep knowledge of the source material

You know how Star Trek III takes place right after II? WRONG. It was several months later and the crew (with Saavik taking over from Spock) had tons of adventures in the interim. It just seemed like it was right after😂

Before Worf and long long before Ash Tyler, Kirk had a Klingon on his crew

He was a cowardly Klingon named Konom who fled the Empire

He fell in love with a human woman named Bryce

They adopted an albino Klingon/human child with dwarfism which they named Bernie

Kirk has an unhinged, insubordinate crewman on board named Bearclaw and they hate each other

Tension escalates and eventually there's a stabbing

Sulu/M'Ress happens and I don't think people knew what furrys were in the 80's

You know how Spock comes back at the end of III but isn't his old self until the end of Star Trek IV? WRONG AGAIN. He came back just fine, and lost his marbles following an incident months later that just happened to line everything up to make it all seem like it was right after.

After STIII, Kirk becomes captain of the U.S.S. Excelsior NX-2000 and Spock becomes captain of the U.S.S. Surak. We get a few issues exclusively focusing on Spock's ship and his band of merry weirdos.

The U.S.S. Surak keeps changing design, starting off as a sort of Oberth-class ship, then randomly becoming an Excelsior-class ship and finally ending as the warp sled shuttlecraft from The Motion Picture

The Surak's crew include a giant chicken man, a Vulcan hating racist lady and a balding man with a bicycle

They all die horribly and a massive reset button is pressed so everyone is exactly where they were at the end of Star Trek III

In order to make that work they had to bs that the Klingon Bird of Prey was hidden in Excelsior's shuttlebay all this time despite it being way, way too big for that

There's a full on mirror universe invasion

Kirk becomes a celebrity from saving the galaxy all the time

Mr. Arex comes back and becomes chief of security but doesn't really do much

HORTA CREWMEMBER. It's as amazing as it sounds

The first Next Generation comic miniseries was made with knowledge of the first 2 or 3 TNG episodes and nothing else

Everyone is hench as fuck. Picard has washboard abs and bulging muscles

Data is emotional and Troi feels the emotions she senses a la "Encounter at Farpoint"

Wesley is drawn as if he's 10

The B-shift con and ops team are a husband and wife who wear caped superhero versions of Starfleet uniforms with bare legs.

They argue. A lot.

The crew meet an alien Santa Claus and Q loses his powers years before "Deja Q"

The whole Q Continuum visits the Enterprise and they're all John De Lancie but in Starfleet uniforms of every colour under the sun.

After that initial miniseries, the Next Gen crew lose a lot of their muscle mass and start resembling their on screen counterparts a lot better

Picard had a brother who fell down a hole and died as a child. Q offers to rewrite history so he doesn't die. Claude Picard grew up to be Space Superhitler and turns Starfleet and the Federation fascist.

Before all this Q turned Jean-Luc into a goat for the lolz

Marvel's The Early Voyages was very literally Strange New Worlds before Strange New Worlds.

They have a pyrokinetic security officer named Nano and he's awesome

Marvel lost the Trek license quite suddenly, and so the series ends on a cliffhanger where Admiral April is up to something iffy.

Marvel did a Starfleet Academy series featuring Nog and its utterly fantastic

A female Andorian cadet tries to make Nog feel at ease by greeting him in the nude, but Nog fails to take it as an innocent gesture and she immediately sends him flying across the room

Romulan agents with split personalities in Starfleet Academy!

They visit Talos IV and get help from Captain Pike, who's still alive

IDW comics did a prequel to the 2009 reboot where Picard is an ambassador, Data is captain of the Enterprise-E and Nero has hair. It was co-written by the movie writers and was considered sort of vaguely semi canon ish for a time

They originally wanted the Romulan supernova to destroy a lot more, including Earth and have Nero kill the TNG crew. It was the Star Trek Online devs that got them to scale things back because they'd have no universe left to set their game in.

Nero's ship looks like it does because after Romulus was destroyed he took it to a secret Romulan base and had it equipped with reverse-engineered Borg technology

You thought DC struggled to keep ship designs correct? IDW's comics keep using traced fan art from Google Images, and fan art (sometimes with unique ship designs) has shown up on multiple occasions as the Kelvinverse U.S.S. Enterprise

In one IDW TOS comic, the bridge is totally covered with TNG LCARS graphics.

In another, an Orion ship is a gigantic Stargate sticking out of the middle part of Battlestar Galactica.

Wanna see Kelvinverse versions of TOS episodes? That was their first comics run, picking up after the 2009 reboot movie. They start off very faithful and as the series goes on things diverge more and more

To the extent some stories have very different backstories and outcomes

We visit 2 Kelvin mirror universes and a genderswapped universe too. No, Kirk doesn't do what you're thinking.

Q visits the Kelvin Universe and brings the crew forward in time to their version of Deep Space Nine

Nero's time in Klingon prison (from the Star Trek 2009 deleted scenes) and escape is fleshed out

Nero meets V'ger.

Nero mind melds with V'ger.

V'ger turns away due to the sheer force of Nero's hatred.

I wish I was making that up.

Klingons get their hands on Narada's technology and go to war

We get a Khan backstory where the Eugenics Wars are a full on nuclear conflict and "Khan" is the title that little Noon Sing adopts when he takes power

After being revived in the 23rd century, Admiral Marcus has Khan surgically altered to look like Benedict Cumberbatch as part of his John Harrison cover identity

They did a series of shorts called Waypoint, and in the first one Geordi is captain of a future Enterprise and his crew is made up of holographic versions of Data and it's a really sweet concept (this was several years before before ST: Picard brought Data back twice)

There's a prequel series centred around Number One where nobody manages to say her name before being interrupted. If you put the bits together it seems her name was Eureka Robbins. Of course, this is long before novels and SNW made her Una Chin-Riley.

[sleepymccoy]

Someone I follow is posting about Spock and McCoy after the Katra sharing, but they're posting canon thoughts and I'm all fanon so I'm making my own post lol

Post Katra headcanons!

Spock swears in Southern when he's tired. He really doesnt like this

McCoy understands a bit of Vulcan, but only when he doesn't know the person isn't speaking English. Like, if they randomly switch to Vulcan he can keep up until it's pointed out

They can feel when the other is experiencing strong emotions. They don't know what emotion, but it's like an itch or a tickle in their throat to say the other is feeling something

They know a bit of each other's specialised knowledge. McCoy is passable at astrophysics now, and Spock is an even more annoying patient since he understands the terminology

They also remember a few private moments of eachother's that they weren't present for. Both politely don't mention this, but do find confusing ways to allude to it

McCoy can cook some Vulcan dishes now. Spock developed a taste for bourbon in the evening that takes everyone by surprise

With great effort Spock can project messages to McCoy. With greater effort McCoy can give Spock a feeling that translates to fuck off

On Vulcan they're legally super duper married and Spock just doesn't mention this. McCoy notices next tax return when he's taxed like a married man, not a single man. Takes him months of asking around to figure out who the government thinks he's married to. He files for divorce without talking to Spock

Spock won't divorce him cos he did carry his Katra, but he'll agree to an annulment. McCoy about pops off with anger

Kirk buys them a wedding gift when he finds out

They don't get the annulment and neither can really put their finger on why. Something about respecting Vulcan culture, cos they'll still be married on Vulcan no matter what

McCoy gets a headache whenever Spock mind melds with someone else

McCoy can initiate a mind meld with Spock, which they both get kinda very into cos their brains feel so good paired back up again. McCoy drunkenly described it as being better than sex to Kirk and the idea of that sticks around something terrible

Their telepathic connection is stronger after a meld, so they start doing it in advance of missions so they can be in touch immediately if things go sideways

If they're apart for a long time the connection will tell them when each other is close by. They've run into each other at conferences or in hotels or once on a transport ship they didn't know the other was booking too. They find each other quickly and easily when they're nearby

This becomes an uncanny capacity to always vaguely know where the other is. McCoy is bad at remembering that he shouldn't know and will volunteer Spock's whereabouts sometimes without thinking

They get good at learning what the various nudges and hints from their connection mean. They can tell different moods apart and send messages that the other can open at their leisure, rather than breaking through and being front of mind

If one of them is injured or captive or just bored as shit they'll sometimes pop into the other's head and basically turn into the back seat driver from hell

With everything they know and learn, they're very fond of each other

[shanastoryteller]

Star Trek please!! Happy Halloween

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6

Admiral Archer is unwilling to take his rescission at face value and demands a more complete explanation. To Spock's relief, and the gathered students' disappointment, he's willing to hear it in his private office.

Captain Pike slips in behind them, which gets him an irritated scowl but the admiral allows it. Spock is only marginally surprised by this. Admiral Archer and Captain Pike are known to be on good terms and James Kirk had entered the academy on Captain Pike's recommendation.

"Explain," Admiral Archer demands.

Spock hesitates.

Starfleet is of course aware of the events that took place on Tarsus IV and so they must be equally aware of James Kirk's role in it. While Admiral Archer certainly has the clearance to know the particulars, it does not mean that he does, and Spock is loathe to reveal these particulars, even to someone who could find them out himself. Additionally, Captain Pike does not have the necessary clearance, and while he does not think that James Kirk would allow his presence if he did not wish him to know, or had not already told him, Spock cannot be certain and there is no way for him to ask.

"Commander," Admiral Archer snaps. "Is this a joke to you?"

"No, sir," he answers. He doesn't find any of this funny at all.

James Kirk steps up next to him and rests a hand on his shoulder. Spock resists the urge to flinch and shoots him a disapproving look. The contact is not skin on skin, but any casual contact is discouraged. James Kirk is very well aware of Vulcan customs.

Then again, his point of contact for Vulcan culture is Sybok. His brother had been significantly more... affectionate after Tarsus IV. Spock wonders if that's something he picked up from his association with James Kirk.

"It's alright," James Kirk says warmly. "Spock, tell Admiral Archer whatever you want him to know."

He doesn't remove his hand. Human's run hot, their physiology not perfectly calibrated to survive in the deep heat of the desert, but even still James Kirk's hand feels unusually warm.

"I was unaware of Cadet Kirk's background with facing impossible odds when I made my accusation," he says. "Having been made aware of it, my perspective has shifted. Cadet Kirk does not allow rules or the constraints of logic prevent him from doing what he believes must be done. This was what he was demonstrating by bypassing and reprogramming my system."

He can feel James Kirk staring at him but he doesn't take his eyes of Admiral Archer.

Admiral Archer frowns. "You didn't know he was on Tarsus IV with your brother?"

That he already knows is a source of relief. The incredulity is less.

"Spock had exams the time I went to Vulcan," James Kirk says. "Sybok loves an excuse to go off-planet, so we usually meet up on Earth. Spock and I have never met before." He turns to him with a grin that Spock is distinctly uncomfortable having aimed in his direction. "I should have known the second I saw you. You look a lot like your mother."

Being compared to one's mother on Vulcan is a high compliment. Or it's supposed to be. Spock's had those same words hurled at him before, but it was with cruelty, as a way to demean him rather than honor the woman who bore him.

James Kirk say the words easily, exactly as they are intended to be spoken.

"You're driving me to drink," Admiral Archer says.

Spock has no idea how to appropriately respond to that.

"What about me? You're driving me to drink," James Kirk says, "which is driving Bones to as of yet unknown heights of nagging. The stress isn't good for him but he keeps threatening me with hypos when I tell him that. Can't I just be concerned for my friend?"

That is not an appropriate response on top of being incomprehensible.

Admiral Archer rubs his forehead. "Chris."

"Sir," Captain Pike returns, grabs the back of James Kirk's jacket, and hauls him out of there like grabbing a wayward kitten by the scruff of its neck.

Spock stands there, unsure, until Admiral Archer glances up and says, "You too, Commander. I'll consider this matter closed."

He nods, "Thank you, Sir," and steps outside to an empty hall. Captain Pike and James Kirk are nowhere to be seen.

Once he returns to his quarters, he video calls his brother.

He doesn't pick up.

Typical.

[snek-of-eden]

How TOS characters would react if you asked them for a hug (platonic)

this is based on that time i asked all of my teachers and basically everyone who i knew for a hug and compiled all the data into a best hugger spreadsheet. yea i’m neurodivergent and touchstarved why do you ask

“can i have a hug please?”

Kirk:

he would definitely ask you if you were okay

If he knows you he gives amazing hugs, absolutely fantastic. If he doesn’t really know you, you might get a quick, well-meaning one-arm hug

“sure thing, come here <3”

chub is good for cuddles

it’s kinda intimidating to ask for hugs from him, especially when he’s on shift

you feel a bit honoured that he actually said yes to your request

he always does a quick little squeeze at the end before he lets go

his hugs aren’t super tight though

the kind of hug that makes you both smile

wouldn’t rank super high on a “best hugger” list but that’s not his fault, he’s trying to run a ship here and he can’t get too attached to people

you probably wouldn’t get a repeat hug unless you really needed one or you knew him well

he smells like shampoo!

Spock:

he’d definitely raise an eyebrow

it looks like he’s considering saying no but on reality he’d never refuse unless the circumstances were dire

“of course, officer. is something wrong?”

he’s not an enthusiastic hugger but he’s really really good at long hugs

like not-letting-go-until-your-heart-rate-is-steady kind of long hugs

not super tight, not super loose. very medium strength hugs

he would clasp his hands together behind your back so he doesn’t have to touch your skin with his fingertips

if it’s a calm hug he might continue talking about ship duties while he holds you

if you’re freaking out he’s quiet enough that you can hear his heartbeat, which is surprisingly calming

he smells like lavender

he’ll hold on until you’re ready to let go

when you do let go, neither of you will talk about it again but it’s never awkward

he doesn’t offer up hugs if he sees you again, but you know he’d accept one no question if you asked

Bones:

he might not register what you’re asking for a second, because it’s not a request he gets very often

grumbling under his breath about not having time for this, but in reality he’s over the moon

“get over here, sweetheart”

king of platonic pet names. he knows well enough that this is notttt romantic

he smells like antiseptic and pear soap

his hugs are tight as hell, enough that you might have to remind him that he’s not trying to break your ribs

swaying hugs are his thing

while he holds you he’d definitely ask if anything’s up, or if this is a just-because-hug

would complain that this is why he doesn’t get close to patients, while simultaneously rubbing your back happily

once you get past the intimidating facade he’s a softie and pretty easy to ask for hugs

only in private though. never in public

if you do something great in the future he might hold out his arms for a hug randomly

Scotty:

he’s honestly miffed you haven’t asked him for a hug before

absolutely lights up at the question, clumsily putting down anything he’s holding and putting his arms out wide

“tha’s a good kid, c’mere”

he smells like engine oil and grease and something slightly singed. in a good way

surprisingly soft. he’s gentle and squeezy and keeps patting you on the back

he might lift you off your feet for a couple of seconds before putting you back down

very laughter-filled hugs

if youre upset he might try and tickle you a little

after asking, of course

he wouldn’t do long hugs, but he’d be regretful about it. as it is he’s probably neglecting some jefferies tube that’s about to malfunction or burst into flames

after that you’re not getting hugs when he’s busy, but if he’s got time and he sees you in the hall he’d call out “where’s my hug, lad?” (gender neutral) and follow through on it

he’s the one asking for hugs, and even though they’re short they’re very good natured

Uhura:

perhaps the least intimidating person on the Enterprise to ask for a hug. if you were asking all of the crew, you’d do her first because she gives off comfortable vibes

she would repeat your question back to you - “can you have a hug? of course you can!”

the first one to initiate the hug

no swaying whatsoever. she’s like a steady rock, and her hold is the perfect tightness

this is the best hug you’ve ever had

you are going to remember this hug for at least two years

you’re legitimately planning on calling your parent and telling them all about this hug, it’s just that good

she smells like perfume and freshly brewed herbal tea

while you’re hugging, she would definitely go “awwww” or make some sort of sweet little positive comment

you both let go at the same time. it feels like you never want to step away

she tells you that you guys can do hugs all the time if you want, and you get the feeling she really means it genuinely

whenever you see her she’ll hold out her arms for a hug no matter what, even if she’s talking to someone she’ll hold them out knowing you’ll come

[mcspirkevents]

Mcspirk Month 2025

McSpirk Month, what is it, and how does it work?

Mcspirk Month is a fandom event meant to celebrate the ship of McCoy/Spock/Kirk, in any and all forms. QPRs are valid, and celebrated here.

If you make something for Mcspirk month you can post it on tumblr and tag this blog (I'll reblog your works). You can also post it to the Ao3 collection, found here.

Mcspirk month 2025 begins MAY 1st. However you can post whenever you want. (If you find these prompt lists five years after the fact and still want to post to the collection, or tag this blog then go for it!)

Can I mix and match prompts?

Absolutely! If there's an NSFW prompt you want to write the most tooth-rotting, safe for work fluff with, then do it. The vice versa is also cool.

What are the Bonus prompts?

They are extra prompts. If there's a day with a prompt you don't like, you can switch it out with the bonus prompts. You could even combine them with other prompts if you want.

Below the cut will be written out list of the days and prompts. The NSFW list is also below the cut.

The Written Out SFW List:

Day 1 - Old men McSpirk

Day 2 - Touch telepathy

Day 3 - Protective Spock

Day 4 - Jim and Spock have started to call Bones by his first name more frequently

Day 5 - Spock gets extra fuzzy inside when he sees Leonard and Jim do the Vulcan Kiss

Day 6 - Jim tries to make Spock and Bones argue on purpose

Day 7 - Hurt/Comfort

Day 8 - Vulcans are cats

Day 9 - Truth Serum

Day 10 - Accidental Love Confessions

Day 11 - Accidental Injuries

Day 12 - Vulcan Kisses

Day 13 - Nap/Sleeping

Day 14 - Old Married

Day 15 - Tarsus IV

Day 16 - At first Leonard didn't like sleeping with other people

Day 17 - Spock purring

Day 18 - Oblivious Pining

Day 19 - Didn't Know They Were Dating

Day 20 - A lot of aggressive kissing after heated arguments

Day 21 - Swapping Clothes

Day 22 - Flirting for the Mission

Day 23 - Accidental Baby Acquisition

Day 24 - Mind Meld

Day 25 - Jim and Spock are extra caring for Bones when he is sick

Day 26 - Stuck Together

Day 27 - Spock's favorite affections from Leonard and Jim

Day 28 - Weather Too Cold

Day 29 - Tribble infestation

Day 30 - Accidental Marriage

Day 31 - Dress uniform

Bonus - Time Travel

Bonus - Bridge crew as family

Bonus - Flower Shop/Tattoo Parlor/Book Store AU

Bonus - Cuddling

The NSFW prompt list:

The Written Out NSFW Prompt list:

Day 1 - Have To Stay Quiet

Day 2 - Spock’s First Pon Farr Where He Asks Jim And Bones If They’ll Permit Him To Go Absolutely Bonkers Over Them

Day 3 - Premature Ejaculation/Coming In Pants

Day 4 - Hands Kink

Day 5 - Pon Farr

Day 6 - Lesbian!Mcspirk

Day 7 - Edging

Day 8 - Mirrorverse

Day 9 - Vulcan Mind Melds

Day 10 - Spock (Ace King) Learning To Please His Humans By Watching Them In Action

Day 11 - Top Mccoy

Day 12 - Biting

Day 13 - 5 Times Aliens Made Them Do It / Once They Did It For Keeps

Day 14 - Scenting/Scent Kink

Day 15 - Nonsexual Hobby Gets Sexy

Day 16 - “Good Girl/Good Boy/So Good For Me”

Day 17 - Jim Loves Being Topped More Than He Likes To Admit

Day 18 - Sex In The Captain’s Chair

Day 19 - Dammit Jim I’m A Doctor Not A Vulcan Porn Star

Day 20 - Tied Up

Day 21 - Trying A New Kink For The First Time

Day 22 - Stuck/Trapped

Day 23 - Sloppy Seconds

Day 24 - Dry Humping

Day 25 - Orgasm Delay/Denial

Day 26 - Bondage

Day 27 - Consensual Non-Consent

Day 28 - Submissive Jim

Day 29 - Never Too Old For Sex

Day 30 - Desperation

Day 31 - First Time Bottoming

Bonus - The Phrase “You’re Taking Me So Well”

Bonus - Wet And Messy

Bonus - Submission

Bonus - Alien Tech Sex Toy

[muirmarie]

trans woman mccoy getting beamed aboard the enterprise in tmp, after walking away from her two shitty boyfriends post five year mission (after they walked away from her first), with literally no one besides uhura, chapel, and scotty knowing she transitioned in the intervening years.

kirk, finding out there on the transporter platform, looking at her in her deep vee jumpsuit, showcasing a type of cleavage she never had before, and the primary emotion in his eyes is anger, isn't it: anger that there's any part of bones that he doesn't know, that he didn't know before anyone else.

mccoy, who'd finally had the space and distance - distance away from the way her life collapsed after her dad's death, after her marriage ended, after james kirk started filling up every single bit of her life, after spock started crowding in and impossibly filling up even more - cast adrift without a purpose for the first time in her life, having had the chance to actually figure things out, and finding a way to be happy, finding a way to be happy. she's got a boyfriend back on earth, a thriving practice, a life.

i need you, bones. badly, kirk says.

where else is she going to be but by his side?

spock walking onto the bridge, and she moves towards him to greet him without thinking, without -

is it surprise, she thinks, in his face? surprise that's so quickly pulled back underneath that perplexing, frustrating, endearing poker face?

she doesn't think so.

she thinks it's guilt.

so that's what she gets.

she gets anger from one of them and guilt from the other, and neither of them are talking. that's fine. she's spent too much time talking the last few years. talking in therapy, talking things out, talking about her families expectations and her father's legacy and her daughter's hero worship and the way jocelyn always accused her of holding something back.

she's held a lot of things back, she thinks.

for what purpose? what did it all matter, in the end?

(isn't she right back where she swore she'd never be?

isn't she right back where she'd knew she'd always end up?)

when this mission is over, she'll leave. she'll go home.

(doesn't that other life feel paper-thin as soon as she's thrown back into the action? doesn't it all rip apart when she's by their sides?)

uhura asks her, in the few seconds of breathing space they have, whether she's missed it.

(scotty gives her a glass of moonshine she downs quick and easy, and she knows which one she prefers.)

they're gonna fight about it. of course they're gonna fight about it. what has she ever held gripped tight in her hands that kirk hasn't tried to grab, that spock hasn't tried to trick her into dropping. what has she ever had that was ever hers and hers alone?

(this, she thinks. me, she thinks.

she used to be better at lying to herself, she thinks.)

it knows only that it needs, commander, spock says. but, like so many of us...it does not know what.

she keeps her eyes steady on the viewscreen.

what do i need, she thinks. what do i know but the fact that i do need.

what it requires of its god, doctor, is the answer to its question, 'is there nothing more?'

what more is there than the universe, spock? she asks.

it's a philosophical question.

it's the least philosophical question she's ever asked.

they lose decker and gain a new lifeform, watch evolution happen before their eyes.

what more is there than the universe?

she can see it in spock's eyes that he's staying. knows it long before he says it. there was a time, she thinks, that kirk wouldn't have even asked, would've taken her staying as guaranteed: he wants her there, so there she'll be.

he's cautious with her, now. cautious in his anger, in the anger they both know he has no right to feel.

he left. he doesn't get to miss the things he missed.

he does anyway.

bones... he says. he's older, and so is she. spock, the bastard, still looks the same as ever.

she wants to make him say it.

she wants to make both of them say it. wants to drag it out of them, beat it out of them, make them choke on it if she has to.

what do i need, she thinks. what do i know but the fact that i do need.

doctor? spock asks. he's got that little worried twist to his mouth that he's never been able to hide, not from her. they're all an open book to each other, aren't they.

aren't they still.

she should make them say it. she should.

she won't.

bones? kirk says, worry, for the first time, spilling out over the anger.

she'll give them their fight. she'll box their fucking ears if she has to. but she can't make him worry and wait, not for this.

she gets to live her life, and if they want to know what's happening - if they want to know her - then that's their responsibility, not hers. he can be angry all he wants. she's angry, too.

but where else is she gonna be, besides at their sides?

(where else, she thinks, are they ever going to end up, but at her side?)

second star on the right? she says.

kirk smiles, but spock takes a step closer, crowding into them like he always pretends he's not doing. she can see it in him, can see it in both of them, that they want to touch her. they don't, not yet. not quite.

but spock shifts just enough to brush his shoulder against her. kirk's smile gets brighter.

straight on 'til morning, spock says.

so damn it all, she smiles, too.

[icantspellthings]

Mirrorverse AU but like it's the Mirrorverse within an AU as in they're in the Terran empire, but they're not on the Enterprise.

Coffee shop AU where Spock puts poison in one of his adversarys coffee cup but Kirk the cute guy he has a crush on cidentally takes it instead. Spock will now have to either stop him from drinking the coffee or sneakily slip him the antidote, it's a meet cute(ugly) and someone does get poisoned.

Rival Academics AU, Spock is a renowned research scientist for the Terran Empire, McCoy perfected the Agony booth and various other tortured devices for the Empire. They have a one-sided rivalry because Spock keeps making improvements or writing critiques on McCoy papers. Spock thinks they're flirting in his Vulcan way because scientific debate and collaboration is how they flirt (see, he's improving on McCoys design! McCoy also used his advice on the next prototype, he also writes Spock highly emotional correspondent on a regualr basis, clearly they're in Lov- I mean in Logic) McCoy gets increasingly pissed off at every new paper Spock published. Until one day, they finally meet in person, and then (Sexual) tension explodes, McCoy stabs him with a poison hypo.

Idk it's just very fun to imagine, it's like cute AU but they're evil actually.

More AUs below

Academy AU where Bones and Jim met for the first time because Jim "accidentally" stabbed his roommate, and Bones gets assigned as Jims new roommate. Nobody messes with the Med track students because they know that medical officers can kill you in all sort of horrible new ways you can't even imagine. Bones likes Jim, so he's always helping Jim cover up his "accidents." Jim thinks that the doctor is an opportunist trying to curry favour from a future starship captain.

Flowershop/Tattoo Artist AU Spock owns a Flowershop, and Kirk owns the tattoo shop next to his. Spock is extremely annoyed by all the loud noises from the tattoo parlour and Kirks insecant flirting. So he hacks Kirks' medical files and starts sending over plants and foods that Kirk is deathly allergic to in hopes he will die. Kirk thinks Spock is flirting back, so he smells the flowers and stabs himself with an EpiPen. Misunderstanding ensues, many dead, many more experienced second-hand embarrassment.

Doctor and Patients AU Bones is an ER doctor on rotation that night. Spock and Kirk comes in all fucked up and bleeding, scratch marks, stab wounds etc. Bones fix them up and ask what the hell happened, but they're too embarrassed to tell him it was a sex thing, so Bones assumes it's typical terran empire stuff (murder and sabotage). Spock and Kirk become frequent visitor to the ER because they're enamoured by Bones, who is oddly gentle for an Imperial doctor. Hijinks happen that lands Kirk in the hospital for a long stay, and Bones offers to poison the people hurting Spock and Jim. They fall in love as Jim slowly recovers from the attempted mutiny. Angst and confusion as Bones is torn between Spock and Jim, not knowing they BOTH want him.