#AM I SELFISH???? WHATS HAPPENING

[compnion]

tell me about aro cat valentine

HI OK SO IVE BEEN THINKING™

her and robbie had such an interesting dynamic. she was so into him and he really liked her but at the same time she fucking avoided him like the plague !!!! she’d just RUN at the first sign of affection!!!!!! she hasn’t had any romantic anything other than him, unless u count that one guy she was into that said he was only into blondes.

but like, her and robbie r so interesting. it never struck me as a case of her wanting to be with him, just her enjoying the feeling of being wanted by him. she actively avoided a relationship with him, but she fucking seethed when he had his eyes on anybody else. i think she hated the idea of a romantic relationship but perhaps had some other specific attraction to him (could be sexual, alterous, sensual, or generally queerplatonic etc) that still made her romance repulsed. or maybe she wasn’t attracted to him at all.

robbie being into her made her feel good, it made her feel special, and that was enough for her. there’s no real evidence that she herself liked him. just the feeling of being wanted was more than enough to keep her going, leaving robbie confused as to why she’d keep running away at anything ‘more.’

[ranna-alga]

"Do the Evolution" - Pearl Jam

[bayetea]

I think that something to keep in mind about hazel is that in her first life sammy was the only person in the world who has shown her kindness. her mom was only ever nice to her when she was providing her with income. hazel is living in a society that considers her race subhuman and even members of her own community hate her because of the rumors about marie. she isn't just ostracized at school she's explicitly stated to have experienced violent bullying from other kids and yet she still protects them from being harmed by her cursed gems. she was neglected and abused by her mother and she still gives up elysium so that marie doesn't have to suffer in the afterlife. the very first time hazel retaliated against abuse was when she fought back against gaea - and her retaliation got her killed. her character is so effusively kind in a world full of hatred and injustice because she knows that she can't let herself succumb to bitterness like her mother

I think those months after her birthday when she was abducted to alaska are genuinely the absolute worst of her life specifically because she lost sammy, and his absence etched a crater-sized hole in her chest where his kindness once was. she can't get that from anyone else anymore. the alaskans don't welcome her and pluto can't reach her there and her mother is dying slowly right before her in an evil plot to destroy the world that she feels complicit in. genuinely her only option in this situation had always been to run away so that she couldn't be used as a pawn anymore, which she considered during those horrifying months but couldn't because gaea would retaliate against her mother. so hazel does what she always does: allows herself to suffer for people who have treated her poorly

and this post isn't about frank or percy but I think that this is something to contextualize as it relates to frazel and the percy&hazel dynamic. the foundation of her relationship with them is simply the mutual kindness and trust that they're able to develop in such a short time because they very quickly recognize the good inside of each other. hazel puts herself in harm's way to save frank and percy numerous times and it isn't one-sided like things were in her past life, they emphatically do the same for her as well. frank and percy show her how they care for her in ways that are so earnest and vehement (frank saying "we're not going to let you die again," percy saying "we're not letting anything happen to you", etc). as characters for whom the past is a source of conflict one way or another (hazel's blackouts and intense feelings of guilt over gaea, percy breaking down over his lost memories and getting triggered by things that conflict with his understanding of the world i.e. the evil centaurs, frank redeeming his ancestor's besmirched legacy and figuring out how to use the family gift), they readily offer kindness and understanding in the present without asking each other to suffer for it

and this is especially true of frank: by accessing hazel's blackouts and experiencing the events of her past life, he is sharing her heaviest traumas and burdens so that she doesn't have to experience them all alone. this burden-sharing is transitory; frank gives her his firewood, which is literally his life - and his life is the thing that finally grounds her. his life anchors hazel so that she doesn't get blackouts anymore (and he forfeits the weight of his heaviest burden to a person he can trust to take care of him). this thread of frank preventing hazel from being overtaken by adversaries of her past continues numerous times throughout son of neptune, most significantly when he shapeshifts for the very first time to save her from alcyoneus and when he comes up with the plan that gives hazel the chance to finally defeat her old enemy - and that's when she kisses him for the very first time. I consider this the very essence of their romance: reciprocation. it's not "you make me whole", it's "I love you and trust you to care for me as I care for you", it's "in being with you, I discover new depths within myself", it's "knowing you has given me the strength to grow"

so that's basically my favorite thing about son of neptune and I think a lot of people forget how intense the emotions in that book managed to get. it's not the most popular pjo novel but I don't think any other book in the franchise has evidenced how deeply three people who have literally just met (frank only knew her for 3 weeks pre-son) can touch each other's hearts by virtue of simply being kind to each other. like those boys LOVE hazel and think she's a wonderful person and express that repeatedly and I think that's just so sweet because she finally gets to have this in her second life. she really deserves to be cherished like that <- my longwinded way of saying that hazel was the gem all along, just like her mom finally realized in her last words before they died

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

"BPD makes you have low self worth" well apparently not because my brain still insists that things that have nothing to do with me surely are because of me :/

[huellitaa]

i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

studying Philosophy is really like

you think this is going to help you understand the world and your place in it better,

but actually all it does is confuse and befuddle you farther than ever before

and also you make friends with the most annoying (read: great, smart, lovely, kind, but argumentative as ALL GET OUT) people in the world and then you realize you've BECOME one of those people and you kind of want to just curl up in a nice quiet little hole in the ground with all your books and read and think until a complete and total understanding of the world falls out of your noggin and everything makes sense; but actually you just want to take a walk in the woods with a friend and not think about anything for at least a year.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Have you watched dead boy detectives yet? I think you’d like it. Canon gay ships!

I’m gonna be real with you, man. Absolutely fucking nothing I heard about that show made it sound even remotely interesting to me before, and now, the idea of even interacting with stuff tangentially attached to Gaiman makes me feel physically ill. I’m not watching that.

[weaselishmcdiesel]

.

[venusvalhalla]

I've seen a lot of people speculate that Olrox will keep helping the protags and maybe even join the mc group in season 2 but I have not seen anyone wondering if he'll actually just keep working for Erzsebet. and maybe even become a new Drolta or something. like what if Mizrak's cruelty hardened his heart. what if he just goes full evil

[hazbmymhotel]

I hate my job so much, guys.

Huky save me

[the-flowerpatch]

the longing tugs at my heartstrings. I fear I've become too,, needy. too... much. too burdensome.

[rollaut]

lays on the ground,,,,,,,,, opimus,,

[verdantdaises]

Me: I wanna draw this scene from my fanfic

Also me: if I do that everyone will know who I am

[dykeofmisfortune]

(through tears because i just remembered something terrible that happened) idk man i'm too funny and intelligent for therapy and nothing that serious has happened in my life and i'm a pretty normal well adjusted person when it all comes down to it. (12 seconds later) maybe i should fake a serious illness (that isn't my fault) so people give me attention and care for me and bring me flowers and take my temperature and ask me if i'm doing okay and post me on social media and don't expect me to apply for jobs and i can rest in the care of others without worrying or feeling bad about myself

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.