#AM I SELFISH???? WHATS HAPPENING
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tell me about aro cat valentine
HI OK SO IVE BEEN THINKING™
her and robbie had such an interesting dynamic. she was so into him and he really liked her but at the same time she fucking avoided him like the plague !!!! she’d just RUN at the first sign of affection!!!!!! she hasn’t had any romantic anything other than him, unless u count that one guy she was into that said he was only into blondes.
but like, her and robbie r so interesting. it never struck me as a case of her wanting to be with him, just her enjoying the feeling of being wanted by him. she actively avoided a relationship with him, but she fucking seethed when he had his eyes on anybody else. i think she hated the idea of a romantic relationship but perhaps had some other specific attraction to him (could be sexual, alterous, sensual, or generally queerplatonic etc) that still made her romance repulsed. or maybe she wasn’t attracted to him at all.
robbie being into her made her feel good, it made her feel special, and that was enough for her. there’s no real evidence that she herself liked him. just the feeling of being wanted was more than enough to keep her going, leaving robbie confused as to why she’d keep running away at anything ‘more.���
#barbie.txt#asks#mutuals#cassraps#THIS IS SO MECODED#I LOVEDDD BEING WANTED I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE SAME AS LOVE#ID DATE PEOPLE JUST FOR LIKING ME#THEN BE ALL CONFUSED LIKE. WHY DONT I FEEL ANYTHINF BACK#AM I SELFISH???? WHATS HAPPENING
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"Do the Evolution" - Pearl Jam
#this specific lyric of the song reminded me soooo much of dutch/john and hosea/arthur#obviously john is very different from dutch but i think there is a reason why he was considered to be dutch's favourite son#john seems closer to dutch in a similar way arthur is with hosea but in a different manner i think. there is obviously a tension present#dutch is observant but only when he wants to be (otherwise i think he would have kicked micah out of the gang a long time ago)#john is just observant. he saw first-hand what happened in blackwater and is sus of dutch throughout the rest of the game#he isnt as dumb or slow as he calls himself#i read a meta about it and it explains it 1000x better than i can#as for hosea/arthur the parallels are already obvious enough#also i am quite a fan of pearl jam so teehee i had to make the selfish parallel#might make more like this idk#rdr#rdr2#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#rdr2 arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#rdr2 dutch van der linde#john marston#rdr2 john marston#hosea matthews#rdr2 hosea matthews#outlaws for life#pearl jam#ranna song quotes
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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i cannot stand the aot fandom this is not a new take at all they are universally intolerable but oh my dayssss u are FORBIDDEN from making ANY take about the show it's actually insane to watch. 'aot is perfect' no show is perfect. 'tell me you didnt get the show 😂🫵' people have different opinions/interpretations about things. 'eren is a good guy they could never make me hate him' i think there's actually 4 seasons and two movies explicitely using him as a tool to show that no one is 'good' or 'evil' they are only trying to survive. hello. the fandom r all so far up aot's ass that they actually discredit its writing in the process and it would be laughable if it wasn't so frustrating
#bc aot IS insanely well written but no one talks about it???#like all they do is SAY how well written it is but no one is brave enough to give examples or meta bc SOMEONE will jump on it#declaring they've misinterpreted the Single Correct Way of watching the show and are dumb and a hater for saying such a thing#i remember posting about my initial aot watch on here and i did NOT like eren i thought he was whiney and annoying (he is <3)#and i thought aot was overhyped but ive since finished it at long last and omg. it is so fucking good#one of those shows that you need to watch ALL of it to truly get what's going on#and the conclusion of eren's character i am genuinely so obsessed with ill probs make a separate post just about him#bc i have really 180'd on eren and i can see now he IS well written. but not for any reason i can see anyone else talking about???#people are just banging on about he was right and justified and a saviour and tragic etc etc and while those things are important#and should be considered that also like. was not the point imo#the irony and tragedy of eren jaeger was that after all the 'i am special simply bc i was born into this world'#concluded with the revelation that actually he was not special. the rumbling happened because a normal boy got a hold of a great power#and he mishandled it. he was immature. he acted his age. he was just some teenage boy and he responded in kind#there was selfishness and silly whims and a quick temper. he was never this godlike figure he gets painted as#and i ADORE THAT TAKE. THAT IS SUCH AN ICE COLD CONCLUSION. EREN WAS NEVER SPECIAL - THAT'S THE POINT#and like countless times through history one selfish person with their hands on an insane amount of power and a conviction#that they are doing the right thing goes on to lead to a continuation of the cycle of war#like the end credits with the tree is genuinely HAUNTING. it never ended. eren KNEW the rumbling would be unnsuccessful#and would leave enough of their enemies alive that they'd eventually retaliate HE KNEW THAT and did it anyway#why? bc he just /wanted/ it. desperately and immaturely. and so the war turned over for another generation and another and#LIKE THAT IS SUCH A POIGNANT HAUNTING TAKE. I FR STARED AT THE BLACK SCREEN ONCE I FINISHED IT FOR 5 MINS IN HORRIFIED SILENCE#yes it's not his sole motivation but ultimately the crux of his character boils down to the fact he's just some kid#to the point even when he's explaining it to armin at the very end they SHOW HIM AS A KID. THAT IS THE REAL EREN#THAT ANGRY SCRAPPY CHILD WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE WORLD INTO SUBMISSION#NOT A HERO NOT A GOD NOT A DEVIL - JUST A KID GIVEN A POWER HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIS HANDS ON#but if u say all that some chucklefuck tells u to kys and that u just Didnt Get The Masterpiece Of Attack On Titan#but do u know what? maybe people disagree w me! maybe this is just my interpretation! guess who's NOT gonna have a hissy fit about it?#fandom is about DISCUSSION and i have never seen a fandom as fucking allergic to it than the aot fandom#like omdddddddddd have a day off man isayama isnt gonna suck you off#aot
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I've seen a lot of people speculate that Olrox will keep helping the protags and maybe even join the mc group in season 2 but I have not seen anyone wondering if he'll actually just keep working for Erzsebet. and maybe even become a new Drolta or something. like what if Mizrak's cruelty hardened his heart. what if he just goes full evil
#(repost bc i fixed the tags issue sorry)#ftr i mostly don't think this will happen#and am using hyperbole when i say 'full evil' bc i just do not think olrox is that#is he morally grey? yeah#a bit selfish and manipulative? oh hell yeah#but fully evil the way drolta and erzsebet are? definitely not#however if he WERE to be pushed more to the dark side... i think what mizrak said would be the thing to do it#i can easily imagine him becoming jaded and callous and even MORE closed off after he opened his heart only for mizrak to stomp on it#i don't think he would ever be a fully loyal dog to erzsebet the way drolta was#it would be more of a resigned and somewhat reluctant position for him to be in#but also we don't know if erzsebet saw him save mizrak so??? 😭#im stressed for him ngl#castlevania nocturne#olrox#mizrak#castlevania olrox#mizrox#erzsebet bathory
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BIG fan of portraying martyrdom as a fundamentally selfish act. get back here and live with the consequences of your actions !!!
#this is about rin. of course. but also obito and minato. get wrecked pretty boys!!!!!#anyways i am always just thinking. that painting rin as a victim of consequences and also a selfish child is very fun.#and i would recommend it very much.#and i think that taking away the agency she found in that last action is sad. i mean its what happens in the story yes. but you know.#me when i remember that konoha blamed kakashi for rins death: OH GOD THEY DIDNT EVEN GIVE HER THE AGENCY TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN DEAT
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Me: People who hated Jason Todd did so because he wasn't Dick Grayson, so they were people who were attached to Dick and have spent years reading his adventures as Robin. That means they were probably older teenagers at least, but probably adults. The DC writers themselves, who are adults, hated Jason and wanted him to die, because of their love for Dick. Therefor, people who liked Jason the most were young people, of the same age as him. He could have been their friend, they saw themselves in him. In posts online where people ask why some voted for Jason to die, young people (at the time) explain how they didn't think it was possible and cried afterward, which really show their ages. We can also bet that the people who wrote to DC about how sad they were that Jason died and how much they cried are also young, teenagers or maybe younger. Jason was them, he was their age and their friend, their hero. But the older generations didn't care about what Jason represented to these children, didn't care about the pain Jason's death would bring. Their nostalgia had become hate, it blinded them. The only thing that mattered was that Jason needed to be gone. It was never going to bring back Dick, which is reinforced by him refusing to come back as Robin when Tim asked him after Jason's death, nothing could do that. But they refused to accept it. Poll clerk: Miss, this is a polling station for the French legislative elections... Me: And yet, older folks still let nostalgia blind them to hate and vote against progress, changes that are inevitable, harming in the process the younger generations and their future, even leading some to their death. Poll clerk: Miss, I must ask you to leave.
#jason todd#robin#dick grayson#dc comics#my ramblings#I'm not saying all adults voted to kill Jason and all young teens voted to save him#just that it's highly possible more adults wanted Jason dead than teenagers#and people who loved Jason were younger than people who hated him#and also pointing out the selfishness some people have while voting an action possible because of the community for the well-being of all#yes I went to vote today#I hate being call “miss” but that's what people use for me all the time#that didn't happen btw I am so anxious I can barely say bonjour I'm not ranting about anything to anyone
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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queen did you forget that the biden "apple" we picked is very much also killing people. like literally thousands of people. currently and actively??
#sorry like i get it. i do i promise. i get the urge to believe in a lesser of two evils#i get the desire for your vote to mean something REAL#but like. sorry there simply is not a lesser of two evils when both evils are genocidal#those lives matter. theyre not a campaign issue or a sacrifical lamb for MAYBE having abortion rights and student loan forgiveness#vote for him all you want! thats fine i get it. but how dare you criticize people for declining to vote for a man#who is literally MURDERING their friends and families??#like genuinely would you look a palestinian american in the face and tell them theyre selfish or pigheaded#for not voting for the man who paid for the bombs to kill their family's entire BLOCK#just bc he what? might help protect IVF??#fuck off#like. genuinely!!#sorry if this isnt worded well i am still a bit high!!#but this sucks!#think about it for a minute! is anything meaningfully changing! this leg of the genocide is happening UNDER 'vote blue no matter who!!'#this isnt trumps legacy!! this is all biden!!
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Me: I wanna draw this scene from my fanfic
Also me: if I do that everyone will know who I am
#this is the true trolley problem#sometimes I��m like#oh slay I wanna draw that but alas#if I don’t reblog it on here like ‘!!!’ (which I would if people drew art of my fics) people would figure it out better fast#why can’t u edit tags#‘pretty fast’#anyway I’m like Hannah Montana#I rattle the bars of my enclosure like a rabid animal#fellas is it selfish to have ur one desire as an artist for it to inspire another artist#That’s the question#also I didn’t mean to insinuate that Hannah Montana rattles the bars of her enclosure like a rabid animal that’s just me#I’m at work this is what happens I yap#also is it selfish to want to draw ur own fanfics I don’t know I think as an artist I just am like#ahh yes#I can see this clearly#let me draw it#but hey
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#(in the following tags)#i am immeasurably stressed right now#i need to talk to my doctor about getting a booster to go along w/my adhd meds#bc this has been a problem for a while but i think it's about to come to a head#and i'm very scared for when that happens#maybe also talk to my school's disability services#bc Good Fucking God i'm already overwhelmed#it's 11:56. should i just go to bed? i have so many things left to do#when do i even have the time to go to disability services. and i've heard a lot of schools' processes w/that are slow and overcomplicated#fuck. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.#i think i'm spiraling#i'm worried that if i don't get a degree i won't be able to find a nice enough job to support myself independent of my family#and i don't want to be stuck with them forever#i really really don't#maybe i can talk to disability services sometime tomorrow morning. see what they can do#i think there's mental health services too. i hope they're decent#i just feel really bad right now. and it's only week one.#it feels like time's moving too fast but too slow at the same time#classes take forever but my free time zips by and runs out way too quick#and when it's gone i've completed maybe one or two things. out of several. if any at all.#i just don't know what to do. it's only been three days.#maybe i can drop a class; i think i'm taking enough to still be considered a full-time student with one less thing on my plate#i hope so#fucking damn it#how do people do this??? for multiple years????#and i feel selfish for saying this but i hope if y'all see this post you'll interact with it somehow. even just a like.#i want to know someone hears me
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I just want to be allowed to scream at my sister the way she screams at me. I want to be allowed to slam doors and throw things and break things. I want to be allowed to react to the way she treats us and not be called selfish.
#hot fucking take but I don’t really see much dialogue on how fucking traumatizing it can be to live with an autistic person#whose autism outwardly manifests the most behaviorally#her not being able to help being dysregulated does not negate how fucking scary it is#to be on the receiving end of that behavior#and to be conditioned for your entire life that you’re bad if you react in any way#this is less about neurodivergence than it is about my fucking mother#especially because I’m likely on the spectrum as well#but if someone that wasn’t autistic did those same things it would be considered an abusive environment#I’m not saying that my sister is abusive#but I am saying that it is so incredibly emotionally damaging to live in this house#any harm done to me by the screaming and throwing and breaking things is not even allowed to be considered#because she ‘can’t help herself’#and the quotes there are again less about neurodivergence than my mother#because my sister actually has really solid coping skills… when my mother is not involved#my mother will make excuses and enables her in a way that is so frustrating#my sister would actually do much better if she were living in a dorm/group home like she previously was#but that costs a lot of money#and so she lives here with my enabling permissive mother#and is more dysregulated than she has been in YEARS#because so many of the skills and coping tools she learned at her resident program#she has completely stopped utilizing because she doesn’t have to#because instead of trying to work through it my mother will make excuses for her#so instead of trying to work through it she screams so loud my ears ring#and slams doors so hard they break#and throws things in a way that makes me scared she’s going to hurt one of us#but if I display any reaction to what in any other circumstance would be recognized as a frightening and harmful situation#I’m making things worse and I’m being selfish#I’m like. fine. in the way that I’ve had to be my whole life.#which is mostly dissociating and spending as little time home as possible#but every time it happens it makes me wish I was not alive
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#I’m just done with trying to deal with people.#like what is the actual point of trying to learn how to communicate better#when every time I try to express that something is Wrong#it gets turned around on me and I spend the next however long groveling and apologizing#life lesson learned: I am somehow uniquely selfish and anything I do to try to express myself hurts people#and no matter what anyone else has done they’re guaranteed to have something I did worse on hand#or will have some way to turn it around so I need to make them feel better#I’m just done.#like what is the actual point of socializing and communicating and any of that shit.#if I am only ever allowed to express positive emotions#and I know like three people are gonna see this and immediately accuse me of not communicating that I’m upset with them#like what do you want me to do.#what would be the point of saying anything.#does it make other people feel better to argue?#idk maybe it works if you’re always the person who is ‘right’#but it sucks ass if you’re always the person that is ‘wrong’#(argument/discussion of emotions/whatever the fuck you want to call it)#I’m done. I’m just too tired for this shit.#I grew up with this shit coming from my mother I know it’s pointless to even try#I hoped it wouldn’t happen with my friends but fuck me I guess
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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I feel like everythings too fast. Everything is moving way to fast. I think thats my problem.
#...#Just... I should be happy for Flo—and I am! Just. I dont know.#I cant just throw away the past that easily. it still hurts.#Those were the worst years of my life and. Yeah I know she apologized. which is a miracle of itself#but... I cant fully accept it still. but god.#Im glad Flo and Anton seem to be having fun. im glad. But i feel like everyones brushing off everything thats happened so quickly#Am i selfish to think like that???#I probably am. just... god. i dont know.#Its a weird state. Im happy shes my best friend again. Im happy shes doing better. Im happy shes happy#But then also. I cant forgive completely what she did to me. what she did to Anatoly.#Jesus. feels like such a selfish way to think. huh.#Whatever. I should be focusing on whats good.
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