#ALSO IM NOT IN A BAD MENTAL SPACE OR ANYTHING I JUST WENT WITH THE VIBE OF THE MEME

[whosectype]

you guys always make my day!!!!!!! Tysm 💚💚💚

[toytulini]

I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[wickjump]

idk if you already talked about this but what are your opinions on dreammare? Or swadmare (Fontcest for example)

(ps- I don't ship any of these)

-🇩🇪 anon

IM SO SORRY i went on a tangent german anon… ik you don’t ship these im just rambling,, no harm to u

i think incest is bad and weird and even in fiction its still gross and when portrayed as another cutesy normal ship it desensitizes people, especially younger audiences, to those subjects and can in fact make them ship it as well.

if you post dreammare art religiously, some 11yo is gonna see it, think it’s cute and ship it themselves. and then bam your weird fetish became some child’s unknowing process into a community surrounding the normalization of being sexually aroused by the rape of characters or fictional children being assaulted by adult characters. that 11yo who entered the community, who make a lot of content of their new favorite ship, will become even more desensitized to pedophillia, incest, and rape in fiction.

believe it or not, this does in fact affect reality. if all that goddamn kid sees is grown adults talking about how sexy it would be if this character was raped by a relative, that child might not feel anything is wrong with the way their uncle grabs their waist because that’s sexy, right? they may even begin having a misplaced crush. or how their older brother asks to practice kissing with them. that’s what everyone online ships and thinks is cute, and that child thinks it’s cute in art, so they don’t think anything is wrong with this.

and this is probably the most simple way of explaining it. that’s not touching on how the proship community makes people angry by promoting an us vs them mentality. “people against proshippers are puritans!” “anyone against proship is an anti, and they’re terrible people who will dox and harass anyone!” (don’t believe me? i got an ask just like this ~1 week ago lmfao)

guess what? that kid will see that and believe it. if someone tries to say what they’re participating in is weird, they’ll register that person as an anti and refuse any help. that kid will be pushed further into the community and grow up on the internet alongside it.

this isn’t my exact story, but i know this because i was basically that kid. i started consuming frans content at age ~11 (a victim of SA btw), which then developed into shipping other unsavory things, which then developed into participating in the proship community (around 2020/2019? the time when it got an established and popular name for itself). and then im fifteen years old and willing to date adults on the internet LMFAOOOOO. not fun. I don’t think this kind of shit should even be given the time of day especially on my page but i also feel like someone sending this kind of question irks me as though there was a possibility i’d say yes to liking it or whatever. also:

“What about the adults in the pro community that say they don’t support that kind of stuff?” the creator of saw probably doesn’t condone murder but if a 7yo watched it every day of his life he’d probably react a lot less to gore. a warning (which is scarcely added, when’s the last time you saw someone clarify they didn’t support incest while posting dreammare?) won’t discourage anyone. it’s still sexualized, it’s still made to appeal to an audience. that goes in one ear out the other very easily.

“What about adult only spaces in the pro community?” ignoring the fact that the proship community is mostly public on all platforms and has no way to block out minors from seeing any of their shit, kids also lie about their age.

“Then it’s the kid’s fault for lying about their age!” that is a pre-pubescent child. they will do stupid things without realizing the gravity of it all especially when being influenced by older people

I wont answer any other asks regarding if i support/don’t support proship content or ships, bc i don’t and now that i’ve given it my most descriptive and detailed reasoning for why i don’t see a reason to give other things like this another detailed response lolll

sorry german anon i know you weren’t expecting this kind of a response 😭😭😭 i just get tired of stuff like this really quickly + people like to put words in my mouth it seems. when you include your trauma with the subject pros seem to quiet down real nicely when faced with the reality of what they’re doing, which is why ive not gotten many asks from them before and very very very few harassment ones. SORRY AGAIN THOUGH!!! have a good night 🙏

tldr:

no i don’t like incest.

[cajunfoxnight]

Hi really interested in this reconstruct Au!! Do you have more information about the story?

Oh Anon.. I hope you are ready for the can of worms you have just opened 😬

I should warn you tho, I am not the best at telling a story, and im worse at explaining one. However I also want to share this AU as its been something ive been working on for 8+ years, and while it is mostly a self indulgent Monster AU, full of stereotypical troupes and cliches, its also very important to me. I made this AU when I was not in a good place mentally and was using it as a way to cope with and express the feelings I was having at the time. Its changed a lot and truth be told its actually 2 story lines that combine to become 1 down the line. But for the sake of this ask, I will focus on talking about the Reconstruct backstory.

Anyway if youre still interested in what the story is about, then please continue reading! I will do my best to try not to babble too much but.. its going to happen anyway 😅

TW: So I should probably start off with mentioning that this AU does contain emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, and mention of body mutilation. Not that im going to go into the details of that here but thats just me covering my own ass :v At the point the story is at now, Gladion is much older than he is in the games/manga/anime. His actual age isnt fully known as the theme with this AU deals with time and interdimensional travel, so its hard to keep track of, but he appears to be in his early 20s. But for all intents and purposes he is an adult.

✨The story ✨ So the Reconstruct AU is something of a "bad ending" storyline.

So this story follows that of the canon for the beginning. Mohn disappeared when he fell through an Ultra Space worm hole that was opened, and his whereabouts are unknown. Lusamine still went into her crazy and Ultra Beast obsessed self, only concerned with youth, beauty, and keeping things as under her control as much as she can. Gladion steals TYPE:NULL and Lillie taking Nebby and running away. Lillie going to live with Kukui and Gladion joining Team Skull as their enforcer.

In this timeline, Lusamine, in her desperate need to have control of everything around her, decides that she will create her "perfect world" where she will surround herself with all of the things that she loves. A place where everything will be kept exactly the way she wants them, preserved for all of time, and where she wont ever be alone again. However she knows that she can not do this on her own, but knows who can. Someone younger, stronger, and already has knowledge about the UBs and Aether. Now the hard part is getting him to join her, but she has a plan for that.

Lusamine gets in contact with Guzma (as in this story he still "works" for her) and with the help of some choice words, a good sob story, and probably a fat check, she's able to convince him that she has changed and she wants help from him to convince Gladion of these things as well. Being that he and Gladion are so close, and obviously he trusts him so much, it shouldnt be hard for him to talk some sense into him, right? She does an amazing job at getting Guzma on her side, having him think that Gladion is just being a bratty, rebellious, edgy teen. After all, he comes from some nice rich family, could have anything he wants, and yet still chose to ran away, how bad could it have possibly been? Does he even realize how bad some of these kids have it? How badly HE had it?? So generally he thinks that Gladion is just over reacting/being dramatic. He doesnt know how good he's had it, obviously!

Guzma sets up this whole "ambush". He has Gladion come back to the shady house, getting him inside and cornering him in his room, where he is confronted by Lusamine. She puts on this big show of being the sorry mother just wanting her son back, going on about how she's changed and she didnt mean to do all of those horrible things and so on and so on. All she wants is them to be a family again, like they used to be, is that really so much to ask for? Gladion is already seeing right through this, he knows all of this is bs, but he cant seem to get anyone on his side. After all, the members of Team Skull never really liked him anyway and were only going along with it bc Guzma said so. Now with Guzma against him, he has no real back up. He cant fight back and he cant even escape. Despite his stubborn nature, he still cant overcome the hold his mother has on him after all those years. She very much has him between a rock and a hard place. So not having any other option, he is forced to go back home with her.

Once back home, Gladion's life is turned upside down as Lusamine does everything she can to keep him on a short leash. All freedom that he had is now gone, and he is constantly watched and monitored, its suffocating. Much like before, he's told how to dress, how to act, what to eat and how much, he cant even so much as get near a computer or phone without someone questioning him. He cant even bring out any of his pokemon bc Lusamine has deemed most of them "too dangerous" to have out all under the pretense of doing it for his safety. The only pokemon he's able to have around him is his Umbreon, and even then, she's given a electric collar that keeps her within the property of the house, so no chance of her running off in the middle of the night or anything. While Lusamine insists that shes not keeping him there against his will, she assures him that he's allowed to leave whenever he'd like. Tho she also warns him that if he leaves, then Lillie will be taking his place. She will not be left with an empty nest. Truth be told Lillie probably would have been the easier choice between the two, she also knows that Gladion would do anything to keep her safe. So using her as leverage is how she keeps control over Gladion.

One day Lusamine casually brings up about the "Reconstruct Project" to Gladion (keeping its details very vague), mentioning its something he could help her with, as she thinks he would be interested, He shuts it down saying that he wants no part of whatever she's doing. Lusamine doesnt prese the issue, only expressing disappointment that he wont even consider her offer, but she wont force him. Rather she doesnt want to force him as she wants him to join her willingly. (Even if "willingly" means she'll force his hand) She needs him for this Project. Gladion may be stubborn, but she is so much worse.

After their initial conversation, things only got a lot worse. While he had few freedoms since all of this has started, those are gone now. He becomes cut off from his Pokemon, from the outside, he hardly has a moment of peace where he doesnt feel like he's being questioned or ordered to do something. He really is like a prisoner in his own home (well, a place he once called that). His sanity is being chipped away at, and it comes down to 2 options. -He can either join onto this Reconstruct project, whatever it is. Not knowing what fate could await him or what Lusamine as planned, but at least he'd have a chance at having some sense of a life back and limited freedom.. -Or he can live the rest of his life as Lusamine's puppet, having no freedom or will of his own (<-which is also another story of its own). His life will practically be on auto pilot, forever chained to Aether but never having a say in anything.

It takes some time but eventually Gladion does break, and asks to join the Reconstruct Project, even tho he still has no idea what it is, but anything is better than the life he is living now.

Lusamine is absolutely delighted by this news! And almost instantly, life then turns around for Gladion. He finally is given back some freedom, if not more than what he had before. He is able to move around his home without question. He gets to eat more and better than he did before, putting on some much needed muscle. He's even getting a chance to walk around outside and around the property without having some kind of chaperone. Lusamine even invites him to join her at Aether to over see some projects that they are working on as well as helping with pokemon there. She lets him join her in outings in town, taking him to eat and so on. She's essentially love bombing him, and he hesitantly accepts. All the while this is going on, he still does not know what this Reconstruct Project is bc he cant seem to find any information on it, like it almost doesnt even exist. Whenever he asks about it, Lusamine either skirts around the question or tells him that then only thing he should be concerned about is being in his best physical condition as possible. She assures him that it'll all be worth it, and shes going to give him what he's always wanted: To be stronger. But in order to that, he's going to need some "upgrades. None of this does well to ease any concerns or fears he has, but he's already gotten this far, and he doesnt want to risk going to how things were before so.. whatever it is, he's in it for better or worse. Gladion undergoes a very extensive surgery, with about 80% of his body being "Reconstructed" (hence the name) from the ground up. Its some time later that he wakes up from a induced coma and when he does the reality of what has happened to him is made clear. He is no longer human, or rather, not completely. His body a patch worked mess, a terrible jigsaw amalgamation of human and (shiny) Silvally. Lusamine delivered on her promise to make him stronger, even if she left out the finer details of it.. So that is the Reconstruct story line, or the start of it anyway. From here the story follows along with Gladion changing his name to "Reconstruct" as he has convinced himself that who he once was is no longer him. That part of him died long before it got to this point. His job is that of a glorified errand boy and protector of Aether. He mostly travels through Ultra Space and to different worlds/time to gather up UBs for Lusamine so that she can create her "perfect world". He travels through the worm holes with the aid of an altered Dusk Mane Solgaleo who has been fitted with pieces of Necrozma Armor, that acts a lot like NULL's inhibitor helmet. While its an odd life and something he would have never imagined for himself. He is still very much tied to Aether, at least in this way he has some sense of purpose and freedom. Tho in his time of traveling he has seen much, including other versions of himself (Gladion) living out lives that he knows he could never have, being with people that he cared about, knowing that he cant ever go back to how things were. He's very lonely, bitter, and jaded at the world and others. He's closed off, quick to anger, and untrusting of others. His only real reason to keep going despite everything thats happened is bc of Lillie, as knowing that at least this way he can still protect her. He is content enough to live the rest of his life like this. Even if he has to do it alone. Trying not to think about what might happened when he finishes his mission.. but, well, life certainly has a way of surprising you. And that is the story! I admit that I am going to be very surprised to know if anyone actually read all of this, but if you did please know you have my many thanks and my apologies 😅

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[letitiaslabyrinth]

DIDN'T DESERVE | PART TWO

warnings: feels. like a lot of them. talks about mental and emotional abuse. Shuri goes o f f. angst, angst ending in fluff, y'all get a happy ending this time dw pairing: Shuriri word count: 2.5k A/N: LISTENNNNNNNNN I know I'm late with this alright? I knowww but I'm here now so 😭 also my bad for dipping for like a week? maybe more than that but I'm gonna be honest this fic was kicking my ass cause I was going through a lot while tryna write. needless to say there's so much projecting in this it's c r a z y. anyways even tho this took me so long, im still not satisfied with the ending but i digress since i need sumn to give yall ignore any and all mistakes cause this isnt proof read.

It had been a month since Riri told Shuri she wasn't going to forgive her and it had been the worst month of both of their lives.

Shuri had basically overwhelmed herself with her work in the lab. She never left—she practically slept there most nights. 

It's not that Shuri had things to fix with the suits, hell, she didn't even bother looking at them because they reminded her of Riri, but she needed something to keep her hands and mind busy so she just worked on small projects.

People started to notice, obviously, but nobody said anything. It’s not that they didn’t want to, it’s the fact that they knew Shuri wouldn’t listen. She was in her own world right now—her own safe space and anybody who tried to break her out of it in any way would be yelled at. 

Okoye walks into the lab, rushing to Shuri’s side as she almost falls over. “kumkanikazi wam kufuneka uphumle," (My queen you must rest) she says, helping Shuri sit down.

“I’m fine, Okoye.” Shuri brushes her off and tries to stand, only to nearly collapse for a second time. Okoye sits her down again.

“You have buried yourself in your technology for the past month, Shuri. You are hurting your body.”

Shuri sits there for a second. Her head drops, making her sit up straight. “Alright, maybe, I should take a nap-”

“In your own bed,” Okoye interrupts.

“Yes, in my own bed, Okoye.” Shuri rolls her eyes in fake annoyance before leaving to go to her room.

Once she’s there, she takes a shower first. The water feels so nice against her skin that she doesn't wanna get out. 

Over an hour later, Shuri stepped out of the shower. She wrapped her towel around her body and made her way to her bedroom. She dried herself off and put on a pair of clothes then sat on her bed. It was quiet. She didn’t know how to feel with no foreign noise or voice in the background. Shuri shakes her head and puts her phone on her bedside table. That’s when she sees it. In the crevasse between the bed and the night stand was a photo. Shuri picked it up. It was a picture of her and Imani. It was their first date. Shuri can feel tears starting to form and puts the picture down. She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around her chest, slightly rocking side to side. She hasn't taken any time for herself since her breakup with Imani and now that she was, it… actually, Shuri didn’t know how she felt. At least, not exactly. Yes, she was hurt. Yes, she was upset, but what else? Imani had put Shuri through so much mental and emotional manipulation that even when they broke up Shuri didn’t realize it. Shuri doesn’t know if she should feel relieved now that she knows or not. In all honesty, realizing that she was basically nothing more than a plaything for Imani to control, realizing all the sleepless night and petty arguments would only ever end in Shuri apologizing whether she was in the wrong or not, realizing that her and Imani did have something real before things went south, it hurt.

Over the five years that they’ve known each other, they’ve broken up and gotten back together again a number of times. Shuri knew she shouldn’t have given in to Imani when she told Shuri that she had changed but Shuri missed her. I mean, could you blame her? Imani wasn’t the only person in their relationship and she wasn’t the only one who made the mistakes.

This breakup was different, though. It was final. Shuri and Imani had had an actual conversation, over text, about their relationship. Of course, Shuri had been the one who reached out first but when Imani told her she was tired of going back and forth, that was it. She left her alone.

Memories of how they were before they made anything official ran through Shuri’s mind. The midnight calls that would end up with Shuri falling asleep first because of how safe she felt with Imani. The constant texting and inside jokes they had with each other that no one else understood. The sound of her voice, her sweet, pretty smile that she always flashed at the camera, the future plans they had made with each other. Shuri had felt like she had met her true love, her first love. Ironic, huh? That the first person she ever dated would be the same person she would be with five, ten, twenty years later. Shuri had opened up to Imani about so many things. Things she would deny if somebody had asked her about it. Yes, Imani was Shuri’s first girlfriend but she made Shuri feel like they would never leave each other. Like they would stay together forever.

Shuri’s phone buzzes, the sound freeing her from her own mind. She lets herself go and wipes the tears she didn’t even realize had fallen. 

Ima ❤️

iMessage

Shuri dropped her phone. She got up, pacing around her room. So many questions started falling into her head all at once. She couldn’t think. She could hear her heartbeat in her-

Incoming call from Ima red heart

Shuri gasps, “Fuck!” 

Tears swelled her eyes. Why was Imani reaching out now? Just when Shuri was trying to start her healing process. Shuri sunk to the floor, head in her lap, hands over her head. She let her ringtone play out but even when it stopped she didn’t make any efforts to move.

She ended up sleeping there

Shuri hears Okoye’s voice when she starts waking up. Okoye’s shaking her and checking her vitals with her kimoyo beads.

“Okoye, I’m fine,” Shuri groans. Her side hurts from the way she slept but she barely even remembers sleeping.

“My queen, you have a visitor downstairs in the common area,” Okoye says.

Shuri prayed to Bast that it was Riri instead of Imani. "Tell them I'll be down in a second."

Okoye nods once before leaving.

"Imani?" Shuri says, causing her to turn around. She looks… different. A good different. But Shuri won't let herself fall for that trick again. "Why're you here?"

"I came to apologize." Her voice is different, too. It sounds more mature than Shuri remembered. "I was tryna reach out to you last night so that we could actually schedule a day that you weren't busy so I could come by but you didn't answer so I figured an apology in person would be better."

Shuri keeps her guard up while Imani talks, her arms folded over chest. "I don't forgive you."

Imani stays quiet for a few seconds. "What? Shuri, I said I was sorry."

"Yeah, and I do not forgive you. You put me through hell, Imani, and I know you didn't seriously come here thinking that those two words would make you forgive you for everything. And, to be honest, I would tell you how fucked up in the head I am because of you, but knowing you, you'd probably use it against me in the future, if we even talk. So, why don't you just save both of our time and tell me why you're really here."

"Fine." Imani takes a deep breath. "I wanna try this again. I know I hurt you, and I am sorry, Shuri, I was going through a lot at the time we were dating and I projected my emotions onto you, which I shouldn't have. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't live without you."

"Then don't," Shuri shrugs.

"What?"

"Live without me."

Imani smiles. "I knew you'd understand -”

"Oh, no no," Shuri cuts her off, shaking her head. "I'm not saying we can get back together, Ima, I'm telling you to kill yourself. You know, since you can't live without me, just don't bother living at all."

"Shuri, what the fuck? What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me is that my ex-girlfriend who mentally and emotionally abused me for years came into my house uninvited, gave a half-ass apology where she tried to turn herself into the victim, and then had the balls to ask me to get back together. That's what's wrong with me. You've ruined so many friendships I had and now thanks to you, I can't get them back. You knew I had never dated a girl before and you took advantage of that." Shuri raises her finger as Imani was about to say something. "And before you say it, no, we cannot just move on like we've done in the past. I deserve someone better than you. Someone who doesn't treat me like shit and doesn't ruin relationships I have with people just because they're insecure about themselves. So, do us both a favor and get the hell up outta my house. And if you can't find the exit on your own, Okoye and the other Dora will gladly help you." Just as the words left her mouth, Okoye and a few other Dora Milaje soldiers came from the shadows, spooking Imani.

"This isn't over, Shuri," Imani says while she's being rushed out. "You'll come running back!-”

"Oh, for bast's sake," Okoye says, rolling her eyes and pushing Imani out the house. "Make sure she leaves the city," she tells two of the Dora. "I do not want to see her here or anywhere in Wakanda again."

"Yes, General," They say in unison, escorting Imani off of Shuri's property.

Okoye turns around and sees that Shuri's sitting down on the couch. "Shuri, are you alright?"

Shuri nods. "Uh huh."

Okoye sits next to her. "You're crying," she says softly.

Shuri doesn't make any effort to wipe her tears or even hear what Okoye's saying. She's too busy replaying the "conversation" her and Imani just had. She hadn't expected to go off like that. She knew she was angry but she didn't realize she was that angry. Her words, her voice, her tone. 

"Can you give me a moment alone?" Shuri asks Okoye and Okoye nods once and rubs Shuri's shoulder before leaving the house.

Shuri sat on the couch until the sun went down. She didn't realize she had been staring into space for so long until she felt her eyes getting heavy. She gets up slowly and drags herself to her bed, falling into it once she's close enough. She holds her legs against her chest and continues staring into space.

Riri paces herself in her head. Stop acting like a pussy and just knock, she says in her head. She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. It opens slowly.

"Riri?" Shuri opens the door completely. "What're you doing here?" Shuri looks…like hell. Her voice came off so quiet Riri had barely heard her. There's bags under her eyes and they're red and puffy. She's been crying.

Riri rubs her hand on the back of her neck, "I wanted to talk to you."

"I thought you didn't want anything to do with me," Shuri mumbles. Her tone isn't harsh or anything, it's soft again. Despite Shuri's words, she opens the door fully, stepping out the way to let Riri inside.

Riri walks in slowly and sits down on the couch, Shuri sitting next to her.

"I know what I said to you the last time we saw each other was harsh, Shuri," Riri says after a few minutes of silence. "And I wanna apologize for it."

Shuri tilts her head, "Ri, you don't have to apologize for-" 

Riri shakes her head. "No, I do. I'm assuming you and Imani broke up before you came to see me and instead of understanding where you were coming from, I brushed you off. You didn't deserve that and I know it's no excuse but the only reason I did is because I like you. That's why it hurts me so much when you cut me off."

Shuri pauses. I like you. Like. Not liked. Like. 

"You… you like me?" Shuri says slowly. "Like, present tense, Ri? Like, like like?"

"Yes, like like, Shuri," Riri says smiling.

"Even though I hurt you?"

Riri shrugs. "Everybody makes mistakes. Don't worry about it."

Shuri stays quiet for a few seconds. "So, what now? Are you…my girlfriend?"

Riri turns her full body towards Shuri, looking her in her eyes. "Can I be your girlfriend, Shuri?"

"Yes." Shuri's answer is immediate but she means it. She likes Riri. She's always liked Riri. Riri was easy to talk to, Shuri always found herself at Riri's apartment whenever she and Imani ended up fighting.

"Should we watch a movie?" Riri asks.

Shuri nods. "You can pick, I'ma go freshen up a little bit and get some blankets."

…

It's been four months since Shuri and Riri have started dating. 

Shuri's happier now, way happier. Her mental health since she and Riri have gotten together has slowly improved. It's taken some time but when Shuri finally opened up to Riri about what she went through while dating Imani, Riri almost booked a flight to LA just to find her. Shuri had to beg her not to because she knew how that would end and she didn't need her new girlfriend ending up in jail because of her ex.

"Mama, can you come here for a minute please?"

Shuri pauses the TV and walks over to Riri, who's in the kitchen. "Yes?"

"I want you to try something for me." Riri puts a plate of food in front of Shuri as she sits down on the bar stool next to the counter. Shuri's confused at first, she doesn't know what the dish is, but before she can ask the question, Riri speaks up, "It's ground beef and rice. You told me you'd never actually had it before so I decided to make it for you."

Shuri smiles at the fact that Riri remembers. She takes a small bite at first then a bigger one. "This is good, Ri," she says with her mouth slightly full. "Like, really fucking good." Riri covers her hand over her mouth to hide her smile but Shuri can still see it from the way her cheeks go up.

Shuri finishes her plate in a matter of seconds. Riri had been making meals for Shuri ever since she found out she had barely been eating and despite eating being difficult, Shuri finished her food every. single. time. 

"You like it?" Riri says, still smiling, "Like, you really like it?"

"Yes, Ri. It's so good." While Shuri goes to put her plate in the sink, she kisses Riri on her forehead. "You should definitely open that restaurant you've been talking about."

Riri chuckles and sits on the counter. "I want to, but to open a restaurant, first, I need money. Then, I need a vacant lot, and then I need employees and-"

"Baby, I have money. I have people and friends who can work for you."

Riri shakes her head, "No, no, I wanna make it there on my own, and I'd love your help but I don't want the foundation of my restaurant to be you cause then I'm gonna feel like I owe you for the rest of my life."

"I get it, Ri. I want to help you, I do, but since you wanna make it on your own, I'll let you and when you do make it on your own, I will be there with you."

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[strawbearyhoney]

Just say you hate ppl with eating disorders and go

if someone were to promote depression ( literally using a pro-depression tag and telling other people how to get more depressed and encouraging others to self harm and be miserable ) and i said ' tumblr should block that tag ' would you say i hated ppl who suffer froam depression . lol

i have ppl close to me who have suffered from eating disorders and i have a complicated relationship with food myself . its one thing for ppl struggling with an ed to have a space to talk about it , to connect with other people going through the same thing , even to vent about it / their challenging thoughts and talk about when they relapse . its another thing entirely to make posts like " fat ppl are ugly disgusting monsters you have to be skinny pale and frail to be worth anything or beautiful " and then plop urself right into an echo chamber of people obessing and nodding along liek yes yes i must be thin i must be thin all i want is to be thin im disgusting

you are going to die . full stop . you are going to die . your organs will fail and your hair will fall out and your teeth will wear down from the acid of you throwing up so often . you are going to die and it wont be pretty . you are going to die if you do not get out . eating disorders kill people , full stop . liek i need you to understand how serious this is . you either recover or youre dead . this isnt me saying " i dont liek that these people are talking about something thats bad " or " ppl struggling with this should have no spaces to talk about what theyre going through " , this is me saying " the pro ana tag is so incredibly dangerous and tumblr should block it liek theyve blocked countless of other way less harmful tags " . this is me saying im begging you to do some reserach to get out of the echo chamber and i know its not that easy and you cant just say ' wow ur right im healed now thanks ' , but you have to want to get better and that starts with cutting out " thinspo " and to stop encouraging eachother to slowly kill yourselves

liek there are a host of other problems too . the fatphobia is an obvious one , but also the colourism , racism , etc . the pro ana / thinspo communities are obsessed with reaching this ideal of a skinny pale waif , so many blog titles and urls are centered around being ~ fragile ~ and ~ pure ~ and they only ever focus on white girls ( or apparently kpop stars now ) . its an incredibly toxic place . " meanspo " is a thing now ?? i couldnt stomach too much of it

but without getting into the ~ discourse ~ or how ~ problematic ~ those communities are . putting that aside . youre going to die . full stop you either recover from an ed or it kills you . and some people with eds are suicidal and that wont deterr them , for some their goal is to wither away into nothingness . ppl with eds are not healthy , mentally or physically , and that is not a moral judgment , it is a fact . people get eds for all sorts of reasons , from trauma ( abuse , bullying , sa , etc ) , from being fat in a fatphobic world , because they latch onto food as something they feel liek they can control-- there's so many reasons , an endless amount of reasons . i am not here to shame anyone for having an eating disorder

that does not change my stance on the fact that the " pro ana / thinspo " tags ( and their copycats . #proana #proed #thinspi #thinspii #thinspø #thinsp0 #ed not sheeran #ed not sherran #ana miaa etc etc ) are dangerous and should be removed . similar to how someone going into tha #depression tag and promoting and encouraging others to kill themselves should be banned

srsly if someone went into tha #depression tag and started posting and commenting on others posts liek " kill yourself , its never going to get better , heres some accessible ways to die , heres some suicide inspo , heres cute suicide note ideas , kill urself just die prove everyone wrong , everyone will be so sorry and regret the way they treated you , just die " , people would mass report them and dogpile them and be angry at them and get them banned . but when pro ana ppl do it suddenly its " let us cope " lol ????? not all coping methods are good or healthy or should be encouraged / promoted . and self mutilation is one thing , but when you are actively harming others it cant be left alone

to quote Blythe Baird from her spoken word When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny : if you are not recovering , you are dying

[fyodior]

14 & 15 with a selfship of ur choice!!

CARINA!! thank u so so much for asking i really appreciate it heheeheeh and i'll do it for me and fyodor!!

14. what was the worst time or strangest place you or your f/o went into a heat/rut? how did you handle it?

fyodor is a pretty recessive alpha, so he doesn't go into rut very often or very easily, but funnily enough he went randomly into rut when we first met when he was in the hospital. (in our selfship lore we met when he was a patient at the hospital i worked at) we don't really know why it happened but we joke it was because he finally met the one he was meant to be with <3 since we obvi weren't together yet i couldn't Help Him like that, so we just dealt with it how we help any patient deal with their cycles in the hospital, and give them space and "devices" to help them get off lmaposdfalksjd for me, it wasn't a bad place but a bad time. he was away on a very important business trip when i was somehow triggered into a sudden heat, and i am very ... helpless in heat. i absolutely did not expect him to and even encouraged him not to, but fyodor left early to come and take care of me <3 much to the chagrin of his underlings but fyodor threatened them if they tried to say a word

15. to what degree are you possessive of one another and/or aggressive towards others?

fyodor is about as possessive as it gets. i very much Belong To Him and no one else, and he's not physically aggressive by any means but he's like... mentally aggressive. u know fyodor you know what i mean. he gets nasty with anyone who tries anything, but in the like... typical fyodor way. and im also very possessive/jealous, but not aggressive. don't put it past me tho bitch i'll start hissing

ask me omegaverse self ship questions!

[lee-hakhyun]

Hiii i will answer in an ask since using tags would be quite cumbersome.

I want to firstly say that im sorry for assuming your identity. I shouldn't have done that. I'm a little bit sensitive when it comes to this matter since i saw a lot of....pretty mean stuff that people said about otherkinity since i entered the community even when it wasn't necessary bad intentioned, so that why's i immediately jumped to the assuming that you were the same. That's the reason, but not a excuse so I'm sorry. I didn't meant to hurt you or anything like that.

Also, i def wont block you or any mutual over this, especially when yall are very respectful and understanding and especially when in this case it's just more a matter of view towards a recognized issue (man why does this sound so formal.....i hate english). And i hope you didn't took my tags as an attack or anything of sorts, i just wanted to raise an issue that worries me a lot, especially when the majority doesn't even know what otherkinity is or when they do, they mostly brush off/ignore it.

Also, before knowing what otherkin was or the kff movement, i used the term kinning in that way too (especially when it came to kdj). Even nowadays, when i try to regulate my usage of the word "kin", i still think to myself "man im too much of a kdj kinnie blergh" because it's too integrated in my brain from all the jokes/memes. So like. I think it would hypocritical to not clarify that. + you tags were far from incoherent, quite the opposite! I think my tags was messier lol

Thing is i do agree somewhat with your views/opnion and i do agree that 90% of the people use it as way to express their love or understanding or empathy with a character and i think that's amazing. But i also, it doesn't erase the fact that it do help erase and block the voices from community and does nothing to raise awareness, and still perpetuate the harm done to the otherkinity. Especially! Towards fictionkin. Although I'm not fictionkin and i dont speak over their issues, from what i seen in some posts the fact that "kinning" became so popular esp in the context of "kinning" a fictional character, it make it harder to talk about their experiences and only intensify the pre-judgment and steorytyping.

Just because "kinnig" is popular now, it doesn't mean that it has/will be that way forever. Over the years, there were many harmful words that were popular in usage but were dropped off and substituted by other non-harmful words later on and "kinning" can be one of those too. I like to discuss the understanding or empathy one have towards characters and i like how this type of discussion became more popular due to "kinning" and precisely because of that, that i find important for us (as in, people on the internet) to popularize alternative terms, akin to how "generative media" is becoming more used than "AI" in some spaces.

It's true that there is no other popular term, and that precisely why it's even more necessary to use alt terms to describe this understanding one have towards a character.

But like you said, its more a matter of opnion/views more than anything. But again, i think it would be at least the minimum if people outside of the community raised more awareness and gave more voice to otherkin ppl, which i dont see happening. I just came to know what otherkinity is because i remembered the term "voidpunk" from the aro community and when i went to search it on tumblr i saw it being tagged in otherkin posts, rather than a directly seeing the term in a post from the dash or anything like that.

So if people outside of the community use kinning, then at least i hope they also care about the community itself and our opinions, experiences and issues. I hope one day, otherkinity would be more known and accepted rather than remain with the popular knowledge of "identity made up by cringe mentally ill tumblr teenagers, who are northern american/european" (at least for me, as an Brazilian, the last part is really depressing) (I hate being seen as USAian or european. Like. Ewww)

I kinda fear that all this discussion about otherkin language and kff will just be brushed as "silly tumblr discourse made by chronically online ppl" rather than something serious to think and talk about, especially in outside circles. so like. Im sorry if im getting too emotional or anything about that, in this aspect, its less about you or my mutuals as individuals and more about "many, many, many people and society in general are pretty ableist, mean and ignorant when it comes to subcultures like this and i want to more people understand that and try to find an alternative way to describe a pretty positive and funny experience without harming other people".

I guess that as long as it harms people, even in indirect ways, i will still be uncomfortable with the term kinning and i dont think i would be ever or so soon be comfortable in using it the way i used before, but that's on me. At the end of the day, people are free to do what they want, and i respect that freedom, especially when they're understanding/respectful/well-intentionated.

And thats it. Sorry for the long ask ajsbsisjsisj also i struggle with tone so sorry if i seemed too rude or too formal (?). English also doesn't helps lol

oh it's okay i mostly keep this blog to fandom/games i get why you would assume things, especially about this! i don't mind other people having differing opinions/feelings, just that i personally don't mind kinnies (as long as they're respectful ofc) + indulge in the kinnie stuff myself. and you're completely in the right to be uncomfortable with it yourself, i wasn't looking to change your opinion but just express mine ^^ i get that it's a touchy topic for a lot of otherkin, i felt that i had to bring up the otherkin/kinnie distinction in that ask because ignoring to just reply with the kinnie definition would leave people ignorant. better to educate people to the best of my ability than to leave people in the dark.

if i start seeing a big push for new language i'd totally be on board to swap to it.. but unfortunately a lot of the alternatives i see are just never used compared to kinnie/kinning. i believe what's most likely to happen to replace kinnie is not a term created specifically to replace it, but a popular new word that just happens to have the same meaning. maybe some good might finally come from tiktok's easy virality🤷

[bad-advice-its-very-bad]

tw general mentions of mental health

so i have this friend. let's call them emily. i've known emily for two years now, and they've grown to be one of my closest friends. mostly because we both really struggle with mental health stuff and at that point in my life no one else knew about those struggles. we helped each other through a lot of really crappy stuff and times. the difference is, in those two years, i've gone to, and am still in therapy, and have learned coping skills, have a support system etc etc etc ive tried convincing emily (on numerous occasions) to do the same, but they consistently refuse to do so, and they still pretty much only have me. there's also a ton of other stuff, but i could write a ten page essay about that. pretty much, our friendship, even though it's great feels kind of one-sided where im reaching out and they take weeks or months to respond (if they do at all) and dont really talk to me when we see each other in person and it's just getting really draining emotionally. so a few days ago, i finally make the decision to, well, not cut them off but pretty much tell them i'd had enough and im going to take a break for a while. they responded and pretty much just went straight to the self-deprecation (pretty much im sorry im so worthless and can't even maintain a friendship). and while im just so relieved that i've cut them off, more or less, to some degree, im just so worried since im all they have and if im gone who knows what will happen. so what should i do?

sorry for the long message

hum, that’s a tricky one.

First things first, I’d shove a WHOLE lotta resources on mental health in their messages. I know it may seem like your annoying them, but if it’s that bad they deserve to know there’s helplines and chats and groups that they can turn to. (I suggest vet them before you send them)

Secondly, sometimes it’s hard for people to realize they are allowed to reach out for help. Even if they only think it’s minor or it will take valuable space for others that “ are worst than them” But they have every right to reach out for help, their allowed to go to people with minor issues or major issues. And if you can somehow get that through their head you’ll probably see some improvement.

thirdly, I don’t think they can access traditional in person therapy as it seems. You can never know why, personally for me it’s a whole BIG awful talk about my mental health that I never want to tell my family. And it might be a similar situation with your friend, so unorthodox ways to get that same therapy experience might benefit them alot.

fourthly, you can’t help everyone. Sometimes it’s on them to figure out how to cope and understand how to get better, and even though you love them and care deeply it’s hard to get them to understand that. If you’re worried your friend might be engaging in risky behaviors (S/H, alcoholism, drugs, suicidal behavior, taking too many risks for no apparent reason.)

I suggest trying to talk to them about harm reduction.

fifthly, you being emotionally drained and exhausted by being their therapist friend is totally valid. your friend saying self deprecating things is just a symptom of a bigger problem they have, it's not your fault or anything you need a break from them. if they were in the same situation they would do the same thing, it's hard to manage both your mental health and your friends. I don't blame you for being exhausted, the reason I do this stuff is because I'm exhausted by my own problems and this is a healthy and constructive way to help both you and me. your helping your friend out of love, but also obligation.

I think a good plan to do is.

give your friend a pep talk and show them tons of alternate ways to access therapy that is not in person.

give them helpline information and tell the "I've known you for so long, I'd never try to hurt you. I just want you to know there's options if life gets hard and I'm not around

tell them about harm reduction, and CURB any and all negative connotations about addiction and self harm. if they are suffering the best thing you can do is be accepting and show them ways to safely and also reduce the harm of the addictions/self harm.

tell them if they are being abused. in anyway period, they can trust you to not victim blame or something without knowing the full story. we don't know what's happening with them, but we have to be kind and caring if that's the reason for her mental health. tell them "it was never your fault, you didn't know." or "you were just a kid, it was never you that was the problem but how you were treated. it's okay to be upset or angry, or grieve the life you should have had. that's normal. trust me I'm here for you."

also if the whole abuse thing is a yes, give them tons of abuse helplines. you and I don't know how to go forward with that knowledge but the helplines know how to.

support them and tell them truely why you feel drained (if you Hadn't already.) and tell them you actually care alot about them and this is not an attack or that your mad at them or anything. your overwhelmed too, and you both should feel not overwhelmed. (VERY IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE TO SAY YOUR NOT ANGRY OR ANYTHING. mentally ill people tend to think the worst if you don't say it. be kind and caring, and they should not feel so bad.)

if that doesn't work, I think you yourself should call a helpline and ask about strategies to help your friend. they should know a lot more than both you and me.

thank you for sending an ask in, this has been interesting!

I hope you can figure out a way to help your friend.

if worst comes to worse, I suggest you give your friend character.ai's psychologist's link to your friend. it's better than nothing, and it's surprisingly helped me too. so it might help your friend open up.

here's the link LINK

I hope I was able to provide a push in the right direction, remember this is the BAD advice blog. not everything will work, sometimes we both have to fail a bit to figure out the best way to help people.

[water-mellie-seeds]

Lake I’ve become so rejection sensitive dysphoria-ly upset by something so trivial tell me about your fos

I TRULY understand this one RSD is a cruel mistress for Real

OH BOY at risk of talking about serizawa AGAIN and at risk of talking about upwards of 50 f/os lets talk about our f/o fight finalists!

Approaching this as if the people reading Do Not Know all of these characters,just in case some people in fact do not know anything about them

Luigi! He's definitely the f/o I've known and loved the longest! The year of luigi was catered to me specifically/j I just think his evolution as a character is SO interesting,especially in the M&L series. He is just such a genuinely good guy,he's sweet and even competitive (moreso in the party/kart/sports games) and I would legitimately do anything for him. I feel this way about a lot of my f/os but i genuinely wish i could just tell him how important he is BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SO MUCH(i know its for the bit but cmon!) oh yeah mario and that other guy type thing YOU LNOW HIS NAME >:(

Kumatora. I could literally talk at length about her but ultimately id just go in circles. Her recklessness when she was younger reminds me of mine. She's a badass,and she's sassy and headstrong and super powerful and yet so chill. She's also just. A good person. I know that if shit got real she would protect me,and even though i am absolutely all talk when it comes to my ability to kick ass,id do my best to protect her too. Also she has PSI so i mean. Kind of a pattern with me,huh?

Dr. Jan. I've always loved people who work in museums or amusement parks and the like. I love to see people who actually...like their jobs. Who make it their own and have fun with it! So..it's only natural id end up liking her. She's an enthusiast of all things ancient and an avid cryptid nerd. I LOVE her enthusiasm. I LOVE her vibe she is also very pretty.

Shuichi. I'm gonna be so honest i do not much like Danganronpa V3 as a game. I love the characters in it,though. but he's a really good protagonist and he just feels...very organic. His struggles with self worth and confidence really resonate with me and i love how he slowly starts to open up and really get into it during cases/trials! I'm also a voice guy and. I really like his voice very much i sometimes listen to like. Shuichi saihara voice files compilations on YouTube it scratches my brain.

Monika. Look. Again I'm a voice guy. Also,i stayed with her for every. Single. Topic she could bring up. Multiple times over. I am down fucking bad. I tried to start a literature club because of her in my own school. I started writing poems again because of her. She told me to put her file on a usb and carry it with me always and i did. I bought a lil white ribbon and tied it on there and then i put the usb on a neckace made of frayed computer wire and i BROUGHT HER EVERYWHERE I WENT. I am in love with her. She is. The true concept of an f/o. And she loves us back,that's the part that gets me.

Queen. Yeah i like silly women i like robots. No one is surprised. She is so cool i want to drink battery acid with her. Ill become a peon i dont even carw

CAPT. SPACEBOY. I haven't ever really been able to pinpoint why EXACTLY im so into him,but i am. I could treat him so so well. I couldn't fit him absolutely not but we could be worse together <3 he sings,he travels through space he's a pirate and also super nice and hospitable. We both got funky mental illnesses going on also hes just hot. Like objectively.

Jessie and James. Package deal. Im glad tumblr seems to appreciate them as much as i do. Theyre both SUCH well written characters. I have known them forever. When i saw them crossdressing as a kid it blew my mind. PEOPLE CAN DO THAT???? Indigo league in general is so so good,but jessie and james really steal the show. They have such interesting and compelling backstories and they are poor just like me fr.(well ok team rocket is. James' family doesnt count i would have also left) we could go on a date to the clearance section in the supermarket./hj i just love them very much ALSO THEY SHOULDNT HAVE TAKEN AWAY JAMES' FAKE BOOBIES! NOT FAIR! I would never do that to him.

Thank you for listening if you guys ever wanna pick an f/o on the list for me to go off about i will do it. For you all

[d0wnp0uringstorm]

...

Ok... lets go some things straight. For the past 3-4 years I have been facing thousands of allegations and have been attacked online and in person way to much. I'd like to say that I'm honestly getting tired of it and personally think It needs to stop... So lets get straight into this...

First off let me explain some of my back story. For several years I have been dealing with clinical depression and have been down a really dark path which lead me to go to a mental health hospital back in fifth grade. I got out after about 2 months of being there and was ok for a little while until about half way through 6th grade. I had been in a relationship for about a year when things happened and the relationship ended. I was in a really tight spot and battled with my emotions for the rest of the year. During the summer between 6th and 7th grade my family allowed to let a man move in with us that physically and mentally tormented me. This lasted for a while behind my parents back but every time I tried to say anything my parents didnt believe me. It continued to happen until one day the guy slipped up and did it right in front of my parents causing him to get kicked out... Then 7th grade hit... heh 7th grade. Back in 7th grade I came out as trans publicly. This lead to many problems and me being a huge target (I still am) through out the whole middle school. I tried my hardest to get around everything but this caused me to go down a really dark path which continued into 8th. 8th grade was the worst year there. I had been falsely accused of many things like pedophilia, being homophobic and transphobic and many other things. I was not only hacked that year but my whole survival server had been destroyed... I also lost a whole bunch of friends I thought I could trust that year. It brought back many trust issues and stuff like that. That year I was also physically attacked on numerous occasions including an incident in the restroom I would rather not get into... I had come out to my parents a few months before 8th and the only person who really shows any support is my mother which is very little. I was called many slurs everyday... towards the end of 8th grade my mother went through a surgery that almost killed her which would have made it so that Id live with only my stepfather. I love him yes but we dont get along very well and just being us would put a lot of weight on my shoulders. 8th grade was also the year that I suffered to the point where I started doing s/h... I was told that I was faking being scuicidal and that I should really just end it... I attempted ending it which left me in the hospital for about a week and a half... I came back to still be dealing with the same stuff. My never ending nightmare. After 8th grade graduation I spent the summer mainly gathering my thoughts and not streaming or uploading much. Most of my uploads were to tiktok which is where I know almost have 1k followers. Im now in my 9th grade year and shits getting worse. I have been having bad thoughts and they are starting to get really loud... I mainly stick around for the people that actually care and I have been living off the bare minimum to keep my body functional. I have been losing a lot more friends recently, most due to arguments and stabbing me in the back and a few from suicide... I have been struggling quite a bit and being a constant target isnt helping. I feel like I'm running out of space to breathe and a little to close to the edge of the blade. Im running of the few people who bring me joy. Normally on empty I shuffle through the day. At this point I've killed myself but no one knows that your not talking to me, your talking to a scarecrow. Now I live on a razors edge about to slip. And these things are whats got me close.

[marsixm]

i let myself spiral out of control to the point of being dazed and in pain again bc im having another episode but i got up and am getting some caffeine and trying really hard to reconcile the fact that like yes it is true im experiencing bad things from others (being ignored, passive aggression, etc) but its not some grand targeted attack happening because those loved ones decided they hate me. we are all just mentally ill in different ways and also living with people is hard and im in a position of not having my own private space which makes it much much harder for me to deal with an episode when i get stuck in one. and like i do feel isolated but i also i dont have much to talk about because i dont do that much, im generally quiet and keep to myself outside work which is something im trying to like change and get more hobbies and things to go out and do while also recognizing that just because im mostly either at work or at home doesnt mean im not doing anything at all thats interesting for myself because i am definitely trying to, at least somewhat… anyway that was a tangent but the point is you can love and care about people but living with people is still hard and being mentally ill is hard and for me not attributing malice to peoples negative actions towards me is VERY hard…

but yeah like im def mad at my loved ones who i live with in a lot of ways but im trying not to be so mad i let it consume me and come to conclusions that are needlessly harsh and make things worse

and im trying to consider ways i can enrich my life besides going to work and coming home and doing nothing i find enriching while also realizing im probably being too hard on myself bc i do lots of things i find enriching and dont realize it bc its just a given at this point… i just wish i went out slightly more, socialized outside the house more, and followed my passions/goals more i guess?

[isaaujulii]

This is just coming off the dome fr, but I saw some tiktok’s talking about why the vote went how it went and how gen z and gen z men especially(although i think that’s an adjacent topic, im hesitant to blame gen z men only on this shit) are not as progressive as we thought we were. And a lot of it is sort of coming from older generations but i also saw some from people around my age ( 19 btw) that were saying something similar. Basically saying we’re as bad as boomers and we might be more “open minded”, but we’re puritanical and reject anything that’s not a perfect monolith of innocence and morality. And that word really bothered me “Puritanical”, cause it brings to mind witch hunts and red scares, ya know, prosecuting of innocent people and ideas just because we don’t like them. And i’m not saying it’s not true (to a certain degree, because people are not all the same), but i resent the idea that these reactions are for no reason. I know it has been brought up many times that the internet truly ruined a generation of people i.e. gen z. But those conversations are usually are about attention spans, and bed rotting, and things like mental and physical health. I think, no I know, the internet gave us (as in the children of internet) a sort of assassination of the spirit. Now I use the word spirit not in a religious context, but to describe the sort of metaphysical connection we as humans have with each other, kinda like a trauma bond in this instance because i’m describing an experience many gen z, also gen alpha (tho i think theirs is somehow worse) have had when coming in contact with the internet. This assassination happens for example when 7 year you wants look up a picture of your favorite cartoon, and you are suddenly met with wall to wall pornographic images of some of the most vile things you’ve ever seen. It also happens when 11 year old you decided to download an app that your friends have, and you are accosted by literal pedophiles. It happens when you are 15 years old, and you decide to put a video of you doing something like idk drawing, and somebody in your comments, that you were so excited to read, tells you to kill yourself and that they hate your entire existence. And this again is just me rambling and writing down what comes to my head, but I think when people (gen z) grow up in a time when their innocence is quite literally ripped out of their hands as children, it makes a little bit of sense when they push back on radical ideas, “offensive” media, and anything that is not pure innocence and morally unambiguous. In other words, I think they’re rejecting the perversion of culture. Things like clothing being baggier, makeup being lighter, shows and tv having less sexual content. And people talk all the time about still feeling like a kid even as an adult, even beyond the usual imposter syndrome thing. It reminds me when those pre-teen girls were obsessing over some skin thing in sephora or whatnot (idk anything about the beauty space) and a lot of older teenagers and women in their twenties were saying how they use to shop at forever 21 and clare’s use to be the spot. And how young kids wear like “revealing” (i put it in quotes because obviously purity culture is at play here also) clothes and there was commentary on the appropriateness, and why young girls can’t wear regular t-shirts and jeans without it being “tight” or cropped. And i don’t have huge insight into male spaces and their experiences so im not gonna pretend i do, but i have two younger brothers, and one of them is already starting to hide his body all the time, downing protein shakes, and is becoming more and more sensitive to jokes at his expense that we use to do all the time (we use to roast each other in good fun because we know we didn’t mean it) but now it’s like a brick wall, and i don’t know how to connect anymore, i’ve resolved to sit on the sidelines till he’s ready to talk. But i can’t help but think those gym bros with the steroid muscles made him feel insecure, on top of him going through puberty. So yah loss of innocence.