detritus-rotwell

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The beauty of bleeding out my nose when I cry. My soft dewy eyelashes remind me of nectarous flowers opening to the brightness of the sun, but instead it's just my tears opening to the immensity of my body's bright glimmering emotions.

I imagine that my emotions erupt into my bloodstream which invokes the sensation to cry. I let it overtake me. And the expression isn't enough. My emotions need to be seen more, so they rupture vessels and drip drop into the kitchen sink.

I watch the red spread, star-shaped drops form in the base of the sink, while I watch with astonishment. I am alive. I bleed blood with hormones in it. Chemicals I perceive from the inside as waves, clouds, stories, yet they lie invisible in my blood, hiding in plain sight, in the kitchen sink.

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Eeeeee

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My tendon body has felt tight for weeks

Stretches don't seem to help but that's said without routine

Hard to sleep before 11

Hard to wake before 7 honestly

Been a long busy stretch. Could use another day

But lovin' has been flowin flowin flowin

And that is really exciting and nice and cute and filling.

But havnt had my intention time with my besties in a while.

Big run today though and honestly felt so one with the woods. In a runners high way that I've never experienced. Trees felt like I was seeing them for the first time. Cottonwood seeds felt euphoric on my retinas. Beetles out wandering mating....they've maybe never seen a road before. Their ignorance is my bliss. Their innosence is my bliss. I live for the creaturely beings that are blissfully ignorant of the destruction we've wrought on this planet. I need to find a head space that is similar to that of this run but more greivey. I want to grieve that massive impacts human life has. The fawn. the porcupine. All the sweet sweet innocent beings whos lives are devistatedly ended by the road. The pavement pain on their feetsies.

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Graduation weekend for sweetie

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Me holding fen's tiny Lil sock

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Havin good days streak together is so fun

Sleepy tho but so fun

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I'm so cute

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Hahaha of course we were born able to control our emotions, reactions, perception. Of course we have access to our breath. The ability to adjust how we feel in activated shoes to view the world through the lens of the most calm states

Building the neural network of love and kindness allows us to exist in those pathways even when we do not see them. Do not feel them from the outside.

Our love is a framework. A lens.

A mind-state we can cultivate

To exist in

To pass thoughts thru, to see how they look on the other side.

We are limitless because we can change our brains, how we think, we can focus n our values, and strive to always do what is most loving.

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Rough draft of some ideas:

Survival of the fittest is framed as like this macho power-over type of winning the genetic competition for most warlike strongest and most likely to mate the most

Seems like the patriarchy to me

what follows I hope is a nudging of definitions and understandings that in reflection, their absence should clearly read as independance, agression, and desire to own and win.

I see genetic and ((( ))) variation to be the beneficial driving forces behind evolution and change. Having diversity allows for evolution or positive change ( change that benefits the whole). Listening to more voices opens your ears to togetherness and oneness ( with self, other, and planet). We are as diverse as ecosystems allow and then some. We are expanding into all new things to feel for the edges of the unknown. It is safest in the dark with another or others. Fear of dark is not fear of death, but rather fear of isolation and lack of protection.

Quite literally the populus dies if it becomes too clone like. we survive off helping eachother and protecting. We all survive if we all help eachother out. we as in the human race and all other non-human species. Without our buzzing friends the bees we wouldn't be able to taste so many sweet and fruitful things! We buzz with the bees and our gift is honey, apples, berries, the spiciest of peppers. The beauty of flowers is millions of years of evolutions forces changing incrementally towards the beauty of graditude and admiration in order to set forth the awe inspired by weddings, funerals and births.

Happiness is connected to doing generous things, having good relationships, and feeling a part of all the earthly comraderie of pollination, migration, blushing cheeks, and the deep sense of mourning we experience with the death of a loved one. This is the depth with which we feel. If we listen, all our feelings are that deep, and feeling them is the way to open up the obvious path within us to spread love, kindness, and compassion. The barefoot path is one that increases your number sensitivities. We've forgotten how are bodies smell and and the voices of our non-human neighbors.

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You're strong because youre alive/human. I've been going to weekly tergar curriculum meditations at the local meditation center and been also watching videos with mingyur rimpoche and he's a wealth of wisdom....but I feel it's been sinking in! I feel everyone is deeply compassionate and full and desiring of love and kindness. An inherent born -in trait.

Meditation (with guided focus, inspiration from videos, and over time with the Healthy Minds app (rooted in tergar curriculum, too!)) Is allowing me to KNOW that we all are inattely deserving and comprised of love, compassion, and kindness. It just takes awareness(what meditation cultivates) to become aware of these traits.

Mingyur rimpoche talks about how it's like when people have their glasses on their head but they can't find them//are looking everywhere for them. Happiness comes with awareness. And awareness can be tapped into in every moment (with practice!!!). He says with the work he came to realize how EASY and SIMPLE happiness is just like how easy it is to find your glasses on your head. We can't find it because it's TOO easy.

I feel I've been able to tap into that. And relate to that more and more which is cool. And in that, I believe so strongly that EVERYone could. Including you. That is why I'm confident you are strong.

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lovely little bilobella,

fat and soft vermillion fella,

pudgy round and very cute

along some rotting wood you scoot!