#ALL OF THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH
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need to kill the internalised cringe demon inside of me when i say this but whenever i listen to six-hundred strike the part with odysseus repeatedly stabbing poseidon and completely flipping the "ruthlessness" script on him has me thinking about 1.3 caionard HARD
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#leonard drakengard#caim drakengard#caionard#caim x leonard#drakengard 1.3#drag on dragoon 1.3#im drooling and slobbering and groaning and-#LOOK WHAT YOUVE TURNED ME INTO#LOOK WHAT WE'VE BECOME#ALL OF THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH#HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH#YOU DIDN'T STOP WHEN I BEGGED YOU#TOLD ME TO CLOSE MY HEART#YOU SAID THE WORLD WAS DARK#DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OURSELVES???#while repeatedly stabbing him in the chest OH im going to SCREAM UOOOOOOOHHHHH
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(i might have heard wrong but VENGEANCE SAGA!!) i noticed jorge(who is ofc the voice of ody) singing with the crew while ody was underwater saying 'waiting, waiting, waiting'. it makes me think that Odysseus, captain of 600 men, best friend of Polites, the one who blinded the cyclops in favor of letting him live, did die which is why Jorge is singing along but Odysseus, grandson of Hermes, champion of Athena, the one who massacred a bunch of sirens, DID survive which complies with 'I see a man who gets to make it home alive but it's no longer you' like sure, Odysseus is still Odysseus by name, but if you could put ody from troy saga and ody from vengeance saga together, you wouldn't recognize them and neither would they a short ramble that makes sense in my head
Oh my I just realized hermes saying "if you open the wind bag you won't make it home" is so important because the monster went back to ithaca and man he once was died in the ocean
#epic the vengeance saga#all of the pain that I've been through#havent i suffered enough?#look what youve turned me into#look what weve become#I can tell you're getting nervous#look at all we've lost and all we've learned#ill stay in your heart#waitingwaitingwaiting
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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My brain just drew a parallel between Odysseus and Victim and now i need "The Box" edit using "600 strikes".
Thank you, i will not elaborate.
#alan becker#like damn#“ALL OF THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH”#“HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH!?”#ava#animation vs animator#ava victim#ava the chosen one#dat rambles
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"but odysseus wouldn't have been able to defeat a literal god!!!!" okay but have you considered that it's cathartic to me personally, someone who literally always wants to fistfight god?
#non religion#yes this is about epic the musical SHUSH#i think screaming LOOK WHAT YOU TURNED ME INTO in god's face would heal something in me#ALL OF THE PAIN THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH// HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH
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finished mother 3 for the first time last week so here's my take on a claus lives au
#thinking abt the irreversible damage done to claus' body and how much he must have suffered... :[#he's alive yes but many of his days are spent in discomfort...#only the pigmasks could give him the accommodations he needed to power through. but now he's without all of that. he has to live with it now#he's always freezing because of how much steel is in his body#that old jacket is the only thing that brings him any sort of warmth despite how much he hates it#this is a general hc but lucas went mute during the 3 years due to not really having anyone to talk to#it's also why he didn't learn much sign :')#i was in a lot of bodily pain the other day so of course i gave it to claus#mother#mother series#mother 3#mother 3 fanart#mother 3 art#mother 3 spoilers#lucas mother 3#claus mother 3#mother 3 au#kinda wanted to draw more of this before i posted it but whatever i've been rotating this game around in my brain for so long . i'm so ill
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Lady Bone Demon: "Do not lament your fate child, you can rest knowing you served your purpose—destiny has found you."
(2x10 This is the End!)
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Lady Bone Demon: "A reminder: it seems you can not be trusted to willingly follow the path of destiny. But know this: If you betray me again—one misstep, one failure in any way—I will erase the very memory of you."
(3x04 The Winning Side)
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Tang: "You're wrong. I know I'm not a strong as they are. I may still be searching for my purpose—but what I do know, is that doing it alone is not the path I'm destined to take. Deep in my heart, I know my place is alongside my friends."
(3x08 Benched)
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Lady Bone Demon: "I sent you a task—you were to retrieve the Monkie King and his protégé, yet you refused the path of destiny and so there will be pain."
(3x08 Benched)
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Tang: "STOP! It was me! I mean, yeah, Macaque forced me to do it and I am definitely starting to have second thoughts on the whole thing now but- I don't know how and I don't know why, I just felt like I had to. Like it was...destiny!" Lady Bone Demon Voice Over: "Destiny can not be undone Sun Wukong."
(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)
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Lady Bone Demon: "No matter what you do, you cannot change the path of destiny." MK: "I don't know if this all happened because it was destined to, but I have to believe that I found the staff so I could use it for good." [...] "If you really believed that destiny can't be changed, you wouldn't be using every ounce of power you have to keep him contained!"
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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Lady Bone Demon: “Know this, monkey, you and I are not so different. We both fight for what we think is right—that pursuit only leads to one thing." MK: "Hmmhm. To destiny, right?" Lady Bone Demon: "No. To pain."
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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MK: "I can't believe that worked!" Tang: "Eh, if that was destined to go wrong, then it would have!"
(4x03 The Great Tang Man)
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Tang: "If your bonds of friendships our strong, then you will always find your way back to one another!"
(4x04 Pig Napped!)
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Macaque: "Wukong was on a path of self-destruction, we all were. But when he met the monk, it set him on a different path." MK: "Ah! The path of the good guy! Making those good life choices?"
(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)
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Purpose, Pain, and the Path of Destiny
#originally this started as like ''huh Tang said the thing LBD said'' and then it turned into a 3 way thing between Tang LBD and MK#Like 2 sides of the destiny coin and the guy who undoes/changes destiny#''Destiny has found you'' ''You will always find your way back to one another!''#I FEEL FUCKING CRAZY#THE JOURNEY. THE PATH THERE. FINDING THE SCRIPTURES. YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR PURPOSE. DESTINY. IDK#lmk really was like ''Everyone's destiny is pain. Cope with that fact'' and I've been losing my mind for a year#Like whatever#''No matter what I do it's going to lead to pain''#LIKE THAT'S. THE PATH OF DESTINY (''path of self-destruction''). Okay. Okay#Not even that relevant to the post I'm just in so deep rn#''All doomed to play a role in tearing this world apart'' and then s5 being the world literally tearing itself apart. Like jesus#They really just wanted to completely decimate MK's little positive growth from the special like. Immediately.#''At least we fixed something for a change- instead of destroying it'' AND THEN THEY DIDN'T FIX ANYTHING#WHICH I'VE BEEN SAYING WAS HOW IT WOULD GO FOR A WHILE. BUT ON GOD TO BE PROVEN SO RIGHT#You know I hope Mei also has a terrible time next season I really feel like she was going through it in s4. But like subtly#Not MK's monkie mental breakdown way#*cough* tag rant over#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Tang#lmk LBD#lmk MK#lmk theme: destiny#to pain
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Yeah Venom of the Red Lotus showed us how crazy powerful Korra is but The Last Stand had Korra transform the destructive power of a massive bomb blast into something regenerative in the culmination of one of the best character arcs I've ever seen. In my OPINION!!
#SORRY ok i'll stop.#lies. i have more to say. she is so brave and so selfless!!!#and mako sacrificing himself to destroy the weapon's energy source was really powerful too#AND of course. the korrasami of it all.#ok one more thing. it seems like the most common interpretation of korra's conversation w/tenzin in the last stand#is 'suffering makes you a better person' and people rightfully get pissed off about that#but i just....fundamentally disagree with that reading. i saw it as korra choosing to find meaning in her pain#and choosing to find wisdom in it. and i think that's really fucking powerful and why korra's arc resonates so deeply with so many people.#like. the suffering happened. she can't go back in time and undo it. and she didn't deserve it!!#but the only way to move forward was to accept that it happened and let it empower her rather than drown her.#i mean there are things i've been through that i wish hadn't happened#but the idea that those things don't necessarily have to mean i've changed for the worse#that i can choose to find A Point to it all and grow from it and use the pain rather than the pain using me#is actually really empowering.#tlok
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⛈
#last night we got devastating news from the hospital#friday we took my grandpa to the er for a delirium and leg pain due to clotted veins to get some testing done and help him#turns out he has end stage lung cancer that spread through to his bones. doctors give him 4-8 weeks - tops#i felt guilty all weekend for setting all of rhis in motion while he preferred to stay at home (which he couldn't)#and then we got this diagnosis on top of it all. i've been an absolute wreck. i was wirh him at the er and visited him sunday and today#he's doing okay but he's depressed -has been for years- and it's been really tough fighting for someone who has given up years ago#i'm going home tomorrow. i need some time to rest and process to prepare for al that's to come#anyway. just wanted to update y'all after friday's post. i'm okay - all things considered. i just won't be as active out here as usual
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wanted to practice drawing SS Link
#legend of zelda#skyward sword#legend of zelda skyward sword#link#fem!link#link loz#loz#genderbend#rule 63#i've been working on this a lil bit at a time for a while lol#halfway through shading it I just wanted to be fuckin done though#despite SS link being my fav (obviously) i don't draw him much at all mostly because his hair is a pain in the ass#that was the purpose of this actually. figuring out how to draw his hair#originally ghirahim was gonna be in this too but i am even worse at drawing ghirahim than I am at drawing SS link's hair so
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I hate it when my chronic illnesses are chronic and my disabilities are disabling and my seasonal affective disorder is seasonally affecting me
#sorry that i've been complain-y lately but it is truly not my time right now.#i've got a dr's appt scheduled to hopefully get some meds to help but I am going THROUGH it in the meantime.#I'm no stranger to headaches and pain and lethargy and dizziness etc but it is just persistent right now on all fronts.#but I am okay and I will persevere. and I started a new animal crossing save file so that's keeping me semi-occupied.#I wish I had more brain space for creative endeavors right now but if I need to just rest through it unproductively then so be it!#at least it's just a regular flare-up and not covid or flu-A or noro. the call is coming from inside the house for better or worse I guess.#at least I can pretty confidently say that this isn't actively dangerous so much as it's just incapacitating.#i could not say the same if it were something else so we take wins where we can get them I guess!#btw all 3 of those aforementioned things are spiking right now last I checked so it is a good time to mask if you don't already!
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Share to save a dandruff-haver's sanity
i am making this post because all my life i have been told my dandruff was my fault for not washing my hair correctly and shamed for having "poor hygiene" as a result - this is probably where the bfrbs started tbh.
SO. There are two main types of dandruff!
Dry scalp flakes: these are white and itty bitty! you can probably solve this with a good hair and skincare routine. HOWEVER unless they are bothering you it is absolutely not necessary for any kind of health reason (afaik! disclaimer! i am not a doctor! this is not actionable medical advice nor should you take me anywhere near as seriously as a dermatologist). IS NOT CAUSED BY POOR HYGIENE.
Fungal dandruff: Bigger, yellowish, possibly oily/greasy flakes! Caused by your genetics going Oops All Yeast! Generally requires a prescription antifungal treatment from a dermatologist! ALSO NOT CAUSED BY POOR HYGIENE.
Either way, if you have dandruff, a dermatologist is the one you want to consult if it's bothering you! and frankly, even if it was a hygiene issue, nobody deserves to be shamed for that!!!!! especially considering that there are plenty of people who struggle to shower regularly due to circumstances beyond their control!
AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE STOP SHAMING PEOPLE WITH DANDRUFF!!!!
#dandruff#byrd chirps#byrd's business#i am Big Mad about this#because ALL of my parents blamed me for my dandruff#and no matter what they tried it wouldn't go away#but they never thought to take me to a dermatologist for this SKIN issue#just assumed that we were doing something wrong#and i got called gross for having dandruff#and tbf it is kinda gross! but you don't call a literal child gross and say its their own fault#idk maybe my parents were just That Shitty and nobody else has this issue#but regardless. on the off chance that someone went through what i did:#i see u. you've done nothing wrong. you didn't fuck up in some way that makes you deserve to have dandruff#and by no means do you deserve to be shamed for it#certainly not to a degree where you feel like you have to cause yourself pain with scrubbing and picking and chemicals that don't even work#(which is what I've been doing)#dandruff havers ily and i am giving you a lil forehead kissie#dandruff shamers i am going to killing you with hammers
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SLAMS DOOR OPEN hello!!! I hear you're looking for lil ficlet ideas!!
I would love to see your take on jimmy and grians relationship 👀👀👀 I simply wish there was more content of them in the world (shippy or non-shippy!!)
If u would like any additional prompts maybe the aftermath of grian taking jimmy out in wildlife????
No pressure at all if the thought doesnt appeal to you, saluting you so much as a fellow traveller on the writing strugglebus right now. GOOD LUCK!!! <3
Hi Theo!! Welcome in, please have a seat! :D
as for Jimmy & (/) Grian I totally agree, I love their dynamic so much!! Time to be the change we want to see in the world XD
Take my hand, we will get through this rough patch together!! <3333
I haven't actually finished either of their WL POVs (Blasphemous as a self-proclaimed Jimmy Main, I know) so IDK how well I can touch on that one, but I did see that clip of Grian joining their phasmo thing late that's floating around and I lost my mind. Have this modern au?? Phasmo au??? IDK but here you go!
Grian sank deeper into the couch cushions, watching some rerun of an ancient Top Gear episode on the TV in front of him. The sound is so low it might as well be muted in favor of listening to Jimmy off in the kitchen, rummaging around in cupboards as they waited for Joel to arrive.
On the screen, Hammond spun out just in time for Jimmy's voice to peak, some offended crescendo about the story he was telling. Something about someone at work.
For the first time in days, Grian felt his lungs fill, untrapped by the vice of panic or stress. He made some sort of noise in response to Jimmy asking if he could believe all of that. He tried to focus on the words, knowing that Jimmy would be more offended at him not listening than he had been at the lady in his story, but relaxation was stealing over him in waves, pulling the steel and the energy from his limbs the longer he sat there.
Jimmy's voice was much closer when he snorted, placing down a mug on the table in front of Grian. He didn't remember telling him what he wanted in his tea, but the label that spun in front of them was his favorite brew. Warmth steeped through him.
"Budge up," Jimmy said, the words floating down through the syrup of Grian's mind instead of crashing through and jarring him back to consciousness. He shuffled back into a mostly upright position, "are you falling asleep on me?"
“No,”Grian scoffed, leaving Jimmy more than enough time to settle in before he slid sideways again so that he could lean heavily on Jimmy’s shoulder. He hooked a grin up at him. “Now I’m falling asleep on you.”
“You utter-I'm not that boring, am I?” Jimmy groused, reaching for the remote. Grian kicked at the coffee table with his foot, scooting it enough that the remote was out of reach.
“As boring as you always are,” Grian said, if only because he couldn’t seem to untangle the emotions caught in the warm mixture in his chest, at least not in a way where he could pull them apart and explain them to Jimmy. “Maybe I’m just tired,” he said, trying to call up a haughty tone, “maybe it’s got nothing to do with you.”
Jimmy grumbled something more under his breath, but shifted so that Grian was resting comfortably at his side, instead of just smushed against him.
"Go on, then,” Jimmy said, settling back against the armrest so they were both halfway to horizontal. “Joel can wake us up when he gets here.”
Grian hid a smile against Jimmy’s shoulder.
“Glad you see things my way.”
#wix writes#fic: prompt fills#<- trying to be more organized lmao it's a losing battle I'm sorry#hermitshipping#solidarian#or is it#solidrian#I've seen both get used idk#something something the inherent intimacy of being able to relax around someone enough to fall asleep something something...#Look I have never once been able to fall asleep when something is boring me to tears. It's just painful. HOWEVER.#on multiple occasions I have been so relaxed listening to someone I love talk that I get Dozy. Those tend to be the best naps EVER#anyway this could be read as just buds or shippy but I 100% wrote it as trending towards shippy lmao#ty for sending this in theo!!! I had so much fun writing it even though writing short fills is so much harder than I remember it being lol#also wrt my thoughts on Grian taking out Jimmy in WL... ooh it's so juicy I just didnt have the capacity to keep up w them at the end there#I watched Gem all the way through and then swapped over to Joel's finale and those are the episodes I've watched. And I switched to Joel's#before I even knew he was the winner I just wanted to follow the Family to the end lol#but it means I have no context for the bunker explosion aside from like. the inherent homoeroticism of making sure someone knows you're the#reason they're going out of the series etc.#+ the fact that it does kind of feel like Lizzie was there as an afterthought. Grian's focus was on Jimmy and ending Jimmy's series#I could twist that in so many directions. but I would have to watch the episodes first ToT#they're on my list though so... mayhap eventually!!#why are my tags longer than the fic atp anyway <333333
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I'm itching to commission more art, which lead me to admiring the commissions I already have. And I think it's time everyone else gets to see them too, in their full glory.
If you like these, please go like, retweet, or comment on them on the artist's own page, so that they will know!
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By haruki_00xx (here's the piece uploaded on their page)
By selpuku (here's the piece uploaded on their page)
By Nagalie (here's the piece uploaded on their page)
#Eyes on the Ball!#barosagi#barousagi#I am somewhat allergic to public self-promotion so I've been hesitant to share these#but everyone deserves to see them#and the artists most of all deserve even more people seeing them#for all the pain I put Isagi and Barou through in my writing I still gravitate towards commissioning art of the sappiest scenes#also if someone wonders about the hair don't worry it was a phase#it was a phase for him#it was important
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A sentence I never imagined I’d write: I now think Jeremy Corbyn did Jews in Britain a favour. His time as Labour leader, between 2015 and 2020, was an extremely weird one for British Jews, but eye-opening all the same: I now think it prepared many of us for the Left’s reaction to October 7, whereas American Jews seemed far more surprised. The gaslighting (the attack didn’t happen), the defences (if it did, Jews deserved it), the hectoring moral superiority (how can you care about that when this is so much more important?): all that we saw after October 7, we had seen under Corbyn.
Now is not the place to rehash the many examples of Corbyn’s jaw-dropping attitudes towards Jews, never mind Israel, ideas some of us naively thought had died out with Stalin. Those are specific to Corbyn, whose political relevance is now, thankfully, in the past. But two general truths emerged from that era that would prove extremely relevant after October 7.
The first was how little people across the Left cared when Jews pointed out the obvious antisemitism they saw in the Labour Party. In 2018, 86% of British Jews said they believed Corbyn was antisemitic; and still the Left supported him, and still The Guardian backed him in the 2019 general election. Would they — good Lefties one and all — have done this if the vast majority of another minority said they believed Corbyn was bigoted against them? Would the Left have supported an Islamophobic leader in 2018? A homophobic one? A racist one? It’s hard to imagine. “What are Jews so scared of? It’s not like Corbyn’s going to bring back pogroms,” a prominent figure on the Left asked me. I briefly amused myself by imagining a response: “Why are black people so against the Tories? It’s not like they’ll bring back lynching.” But I stayed schtum. The Left doesn’t care about antisemitism if they deem it inconvenient to their cause. They just call it “anti-Zionism” and carry on, and that was — it turned out — a good lesson to learn.
Hadley Freeman, an excerpt from her essay Blindness: October 7 and the Left, published by Jewish Quarterly
#I've felt this way frequently since 7/10: the 2015-20 period prepared me for it#and by last year I'd long cut off all my no-longer-trusted friends#7/10 was worse but - on a purely personal level - it would have been more painful to go through the shock of betrayal then#rather than earlier#in a way it's been vindicating to see so many other people (jews and non jews) become aware of leftist antisemitism#I feel less alone in that respect#but I'd rather we could all take safety and dignity for granted#I still think britain is a relatively good place to be jewish but - compared to what? who can I rely on? how do I protect jewish pensioners#the govt isn't going to incite antisemitism but what will/can it do to combat it#(the constant tension between 'I don't want to be alarmist' vs 'I don't want to be complacent')#also. I think there is a very good chance the left doesn't care about *anything* that's inconvenient to their cause#if they'll throw me under the bus they'd probably throw you under it as well#and I continue to care about that because I am in fact better than them
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