#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA /pos | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

midwesternvibes · 7 months ago

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OH MY GOD.

I had to take like 3 breaks to get through this, this is absolutely AMAZING

Leo's line about needing to essentially sacrifice himself to get noticed made me actually SHUT DOWN MY PHONE I had to take a WALK

.....would you mind if I used that concept?? Full credits obviously

I am going absolutely INSANE over this, I was in a car with a bunch of people trying to keep a straight face and actually had to WAIT TO GET OUT to read this holy shit I am going INSANE

DUDE WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING THIS IS I AM GOING FERAL ACTUALLY GIVING YOU THE BIGGEST PLATONIC KISS RIGHT ON THE CHEEK 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

AJSJSOEJEGEIOFOEHEUDFIUFUEUUDUUDGEUIRHREIDIJRJJDOIFIROEHEIRRHEIIDIDDUGEIRIFJRHEIRIEUEDUFIRHEUDIRHRURIFJDHDJJ

Would you mind if I linked this to the analysis? I want EVERYONE to read this it is AMAZING

AUUUUUYYYYYUYYUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYUUGGGGGGGGHHHGGGGGGHYGGGGGGGGGH /POS

So. Uh. @midwesternvibes I've kinda been spamming your profile lately (my b) buuut I wrote something inspired by this villain Leo analysis, especially your unique perspective on why Splinter made Leo the new leader. Super cool! I hadn't thought about it like that!/gen

I didn't go in a villain direction because YOU ARE LITERALLY KILLING IT I AM SO INVESTED YOU DONT EVEN KNOW BRO!

This is more hurt/comfort. Feel free to ignore or enjoy :)

Tw: arguing, child neglect/emotional neglect, childhood trauma, and reference to suicide, but in reference to Leo's prison dimension stunt so uh. Kind of suicide.

Ironically, it was Splinter's idea.

He wasn't the best father, that much he knew, but he wanted to be better. He couldn't hide from his problems behind a TV screen, not anymore. Not when he had 4 big, big problems that he had caused.

He brought the idea to Michelangelo first, always the most willing for second chances and growth. Orange didn't look as ecstatic as he might have months ago, no, he had grown in those few months, perhaps too much. He studied Splinter for a moment before a small, hopeful smile,

“I'm glad you want to try.” And, well, if Splinter wouldn't do anything for his sons before, he would do everything for them now.

“Go with Leo first.” Splinter tilted his head. He had been planning to go with Purple, the most obviously insecure, or maybe Red, who would accept the affection easily.

“With Blue? Why?”

“Just trust me.” Mikey said, “And be nice!” Be nice. Why wouldn't he be nice? It kind of hurt that his son thought otherwise, perhaps a kind of hurt he deserved.

Blue was slippery. He snuck out of any invitation, like he could smell what Splinter was thinking. Mikey had more than one hushed conversation with him, tucked away in his subway car with the door closed.

Finally, after almost two weeks of trying, Blue agreed to go out for a walk. And that was that.

Leonardo was… abrasive. Obnoxious at best and an egomaniac at worst. It was odd that Orange had suggested that Splinter spend time with Leo, the most confident, and the most well adjusted after the events with the Krang.

Maybe this would be a sort of warm up, an easier bonding experience before he had to deal with Red or Purple.

Hm. “Deal with” probably wasn't the right phrase. Take care of? Help? He wanted to help.

Blue prattled away, as always, talking about anything under (and over) the sun. Making joke after joke. None of them were very funny, Splinter preferred Purple's dry sense of humor. His Lou Jitsu days were so full of puns, he found he could hardly stand them anymore, but he gave a couple pity laughs. Mikey had told him to be nice, after all.

“So, you ready to head home, Daddio?” Splinter glanced at Leo's face, which was spreading an easy smile,

“What- it has only been fifteen minutes!” Blue shrugged, not slowing. They had been walking aimlessly around Central Park, Leo with a slice of pizza and Splinter with a soft pretzel.

“And I don't think you want to break that streak.” He said it in that animated tone he always took on when he was joking. But this time, it wasn't funny. Or, well, more not-funny than usual.

“What streak?”

“Angie said if you made fun of me, I could go home.” Splinter stumbled, having to press forward faster to keep up with Leonardo's unfaltering steps. Angie said if you made fun of me, I could go home.

“Why would I make fun of you?” To a stranger, Leonardo would appear unaffected, but Splinter caught the downward twitch of his brow, the sudden tensing of his shoulders, quickly hidden as his hands rose to rest on the back of his head, his expression smoothed into something nicer, so quickly, it might have been a passing shadow. He wouldn't notice if he was a stranger. He might have noticed sooner if he barely wasn't.

Leo did something rare. He hesitated, covering it up with a shrug and a glance to his left. Casual, easy-going. He laughed, something high and sweet. And then he didn't say anything more.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

“Why would I make fun of you?”

“Kidding, Pops.” He assured, picture perfect grin. A blink, and Splinter almost felt like he was looking in a mirror, 17 years ago.

Splinter wracked his brain, trying to remember all of the parenting books he had asked April to get for him.

Take accountability, he had read, you have to show respect for your children, and apologize when you make a mistake.

Splinter had never been very good at apologizing. Maybe it came from being a movie star. Maybe it came from before. His Grandfather used to make him his favorite foods, cut him the sweetest fruit. Splinter didn't think there were enough strawberries in the world to make up for everything.

He might as well start. Give it a try. Let Blue know that he was trying.

“I would like to apologize to you.” This time, it was Leo who faltered. He played it off as a trip, and brought his hands down. Suddenly Splinter was looking at a little turtle, sitting on the kitchen counter, fidgeting with his fingers and sneaking a glance at the broken glass beneath him. Sneaking glances at Splinter. Leo was a much better actor now then all those years ago, maybe a better actor then Splinter ever was, but he still picked at his nails.

“You… what?” Leo said with a laugh, letting his genuine confusion shine through. Splinter gestured to a nearby bench,

“Come, sit with me.”

“Um, I'd love to but, see, I promised Donnie-”

“Leonardo.” Splinter was expecting resistance, a groan or dragging feet.

He wasn't expecting a full body flinch.

Take accountability.

Be nice.

Looking out at the sidewalk, Splinter could almost see a little Baby Blue, only 5 years old, a tiny turtle all wrapped in clothes and sneaking towards the pidgins, hell-bent on catching one. Weeks later, when Splinter had stopped going out, Blue actually managed it. He was with Red at the time, and he had told Splinter about it excitedly that night, shouting to be heard over the noise of the TV. Turning up the volume was so easy. Up, up, up, and everything would leave Splinter alone.

“...I am sorry I snapped.” He said, softer. Leonardo didn't look at him, but his brow twitched, so quickly disguised. Be up front, and honest. “I will not force you, but I would like to have a conversation with you.” Splinter watched patiently as Blue scratched the back of his neck, fumbling out a couple starts to excuses, before petering out and sitting beside him on the bench.

Up, up, up, and he would leave his everything alone. All alone.

“I have not been a good father.” Leo hesitated, like he wanted to object, “You do not have to say anything.” So he didn't. “I left you- all of you alone when you needed me, time and time again.” Deep breath. Ok, “I am sorry.” A moment of silence, then another.

And then Blue began to laugh.

It wasn't his high, silly laugh, when Donatello fell over or Michelangelo was sassy, or his big, performative chuckle, when making a joke or in front of a crowd, or even that sweet giggle that he had long grown out of, from hugs or tickling or watching a silly show.

No, this was new.

This was crackling, high up in his throat and covering his eyes with a hand, a shake of his head. This was filling time so he didn't have to speak, covering his eyes so he didn't have to look, this was his son hiding away, this was paint spread over Hamato Leonardo so it looked pretty. And deep, deep down, this was a flicker of hope, tucked away so no one could see when they blew it out.

“..Is this a joke?” There were no cracks in the armor of his voice, but his fingers twitched and tapped together, eyes still looking away.

“No.” Splinter assured. Leo laughed again, this time shorter, a little sharper,

“I think you misunderstand,” He chuckled, the performance one, “I. Am. Leo!” He said each word slowly, dripping with sarcasm, “This seems like more of a.. Splinter-Mikey conversation.” He smiled. Mirrored.

“I have talked to your brother already.” Splinter explained, still a little confused. Where was this going? “But I wanted to apologize to you as well.” Leo studied him. Really studied him, up and down. His brow twitched before melting back into his usual expression. Pleasant, smooth, easy-on-the-eyes. He smiled. Splinter was beginning to hate that smile.

“Let's just head home, we were going to hang out with April-”

“But I wanted-”

“We don't have to do this!” There was the snap Splinter had been anticipating. Leonardo's eye contact was sharp, face almost exasperated. Almost.

“...do what?” Splinter asked.

“This!” Leo gestured between them, “I've given you, like, two different chances to opt out!”

“I do not want to opt out.”

“Well that's a first!”

And

Ouch.

Leo looked away, deflating.

“Sorry.” He muttered, hand over the back of his neck.

Accountability. Apologize.

“No, you are right, and I am sorry for that, but I want to spend time with you now.”

“Why?” There were no lies in the question, no distant undertones or cover ups. It was the first deeply honest thing Splinter had heard from Blue that day, maybe even that year.

“Because you are my son, and you deserve to have someone looking out for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are a person.” Leo looked like he wanted to say something, another snap perhaps, one true and stinging, but he just looked away.

“...stop messing with me.”

“I am not.”

“Just stop!” There was no one around them to look up at the shout, “Just- Can we just go home already?”

“I want to-”

“Spend time with me, right?” Leo rushed on, “What would that do, huh!? I'm sure you'd rather be with Donnie or- or anybody!”

“I do not-”

“Did I have to earn it? Is that what this is? Did I finally do it!?” Tears.

“Earn what?”

“This!” His voice cracked as he gestured in between them. “You- you never wanted to do this before! Did-” He swallowed, “Is it because I'm taking things seriously now? Is that all? I just had to try and kill myself and you'd actually love me!?”

“I've always loved you!” Splinter cried, horrified. And Blue…

His Baby Blue laughed at him, hand over face to wipe his eyes.

“It is true!” Splinter felt his own eyes began to water as well. It had been… how long since his son had cried to him? “And I am a fool to ever let you believe otherwise!”

“I don't care!” Leo almost snarled, “I don't-!” He stopped himself, tucked his head down with his hands on his knees. A collection of leaves blew across the sidewalk, causing a pigeon to startle, settling down a few steps later and pecking at the ground. Leonardo kept his tears silent and steady, sitting on the bench with his hands gripping his knees, almost like seiza.

“..Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” A small hitch. Leo kept his eyes down.

“Why did you make me leader?” That… wasn't what Splinter had been expecting.

“Because Raphael-”

“Needed a break.” Leo finished. Splinter tried not to be irked at the interruption, “Needed to chill out, right? It was hurting him.” He looked right at him, “Right, Splinter?” The first name rolled so easily off of his tongue. He didn't wait long for an answer, “But better it hurt me then him, right? Since I'm already such a fucking screw up, you might as well finish the job!”

“Leonardo-”

“What did I ever do to you?” His voice had a ring to it, a rare one. Honesty. That honest, genuine tone that always came with the "I love you"'s and the ‘hey, its okay"'s and the oh so rare "I'm sorry"'s. Shaky and truthful and hard as a diamond, “I wanted you so bad, I just want- Dad just-”

There were no parenting books for this.

Blue let him sit in startled silence, taking his time to wipe his tears.

Splinter had fucked up. Badly. And he was 10 years too late to fix it all.

But he had to try. Try again and again until his son knew he wasn't kidding. He wasn't joking. He might never forgive him, but Splinter wasn't joking.

“I do agree with you, Red needed a break.” Splinter leaned back on the bench and looked at the sky, giving Leo some privacy, “I did not mean to pass that burden on to you. In all honesty, I did not think about it. You are incredibly strong, my son," Blue stiffened at the compliment, "I did not realize how much stress was being put on you. That is my mistake, and I am so incredibly sorry for it.” Leo brought his leg up and hugged it to his chest, looking away.

“I made you the leader because I thought it would help you grow. Because you are clever, and brave, and can keep your brother's out of trouble without them even knowing it.” Leo huffed out his nose, almost amused. “You are not a screw up. You are a person who makes mistakes and learns, just like any other person.” Splinter took a deep breath. Now for the hard part, “My neglect was no fault of yours.” He was expecting more silence.

Instead, there came a choked sob.

Leo held his knee tight to his chest, tucking his face away. His hood was up. Splinter reached out a hand, pressing it against his son's shell.

“It is not your fault.”

Leo didn't speak to him for the rest of the day, hiding in his room as soon as they got home, but not before leaning into his touch, shoulders relaxing, just a little.

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #/POS #tw sui implied #This is AMAZING OH MY GODDDDD

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