#20 things to do before im 20
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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soon it'll be dawn again
transcript under the cut ⏬
page 01
Fig: no way? - you're still up?
Riz: Wh– yes?
Riz: Why'd I not be.
page 02
Fig: I me~~ean - that took.
Fig: whole day.
Riz: Yeah?
Fig: 'm beat.
Riz: you should sleep.
page 03
Fig: nah. my guy's still up
Fig: I wanna hang out.
page 04
Riz: That's really nice.
Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.
Riz: … yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.
page 05
Fig: yeah, but you do it…
Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.
Fig: That's right… - though. Yeah.
page 06
Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.
Riz: … - mm.
page 07
Riz (off screen): …It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so nice– - or. - kind.
Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.
page 08
Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world's– not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.
Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can now…
page 09
Fig: Hey.
Riz: ?
Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.
page 10
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)
Fig: o yea.
Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.
page 11
Fig: here u go
page 12
Riz: uh
Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.
Fig: I'll show u
page 13
Fig: just– yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, then–! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try
Riz: uh - What. do I carve?
Fig: anything!!!
page 14
Fig: and– yep just seal the inside uh. seam?
Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?
Fig: haha - watch this.
(sound effect text): FWOO—MP
page 15
Riz: WH– DON'T JUST DO THAT???
Fig: Now it's fired!
Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE
Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)
Fig: ok catch!
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!
Fig: dw no need haha
page 16
Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warm…
Fig: now I want you to throw this.
page 17
Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon
page 18
Riz: wh– - It's like 3AM right now
Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise
Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?
Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u
Riz: but
page 19
Fig (off screen): RIz.
page 20
Fig: I've done all this before.
Fig: Can you trust that at least?
page 21
Riz: no, I– - I do. - I trust you.
page 23
Riz: okay what happens now
(sound effect text): glob
page 24
Fig: we do it again!
page 25
Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)
Fig: see! you're already learning
Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.
Fig: Things change.
page 26
Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist
Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.
page 27
Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.
page 28
Fig: So?
page 29
Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up#for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight#and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl#I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player#fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish#lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash#for a While lol. it was scary!!#had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure#truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true#you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there#this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time#nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!!#there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh#well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys
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2015 called, it wants its cloudball back. redrawing things yet again.....
original here
dress design by @rumminov
#jade harley#homestuck#hs#skaia#prospit#rumminov im sorry for tagging you in homestuck stuff in 20 goddamn 24#lovisas art#i think ive been redrawing my old stuff so much bc i remember how much fun i had when i did it before and want to relive it#and im having a fucking blast!#also while im proud of what i made i still see things i would do differently today#and if you think thats boring well. too bad#99% of my art is solely for me#dwi
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i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#mclennon#idk if im explaining this well but it always gives me whiplash to read how 'beatles historians' elsewhere view them#bc it seems like for all that theyre able to make the simple connection between johns past and trauma to his behavior#as a protective mechanism to shield him from vulnerability#far fewer people make the equally reasonable connection between pauls past#with parents that never said i love you to each other or told their children about a serious illness#and an adult paul who doesnt examine his own feelings much less speak candidly about them#or stories like mike mccartney talking about being beaten by jim while paul yelled at him to just say that he 'didnt do it' so it would sto#and an adult paul who has clearly internalized the basic cause and effect of the things you say and the consequences that come from them#and how the truth is less relevant in those situations than the obvious path of least resistance that will spare you needless pain#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on how people see paul mccartney#i want to shake some of these biographers and be like this mid-20s kid experiencing a level of scrutiny and pressure#the world had never seen before#was not puppeteering everything to meet his vision#he was trying to protect himself and his friends from the very real danger of public perception!!#my posts
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(disappears for a month and reappears with a slightly obscure hyperfixation) Hey guys
#★ my art#art#dandys world#dandy’s world#Is that it What do i even tag..#idk why i called it obscure it has 10mil visits on roblox but i Dont see it anywhere so. Whatever i say what i want#★ arin rambles#Oh boy here we go#so i found this game like. The day before yesterday. So ive known this game for 2 days. Dude#DUDE. DUDE. my friends call this game my baby rattle its so absurd#the way this garbage mascot horror has ensnared me. i feel like a fool#Just hold on let me paint a picture for you. So just listen (<- aka read but just pretend)#So i press this game not knowing what on earth is in store#and me and my bestie choose our basic boring loser starter. And we walk into that elevator. and im walking around just Amazed…#And i look over and theres like A tv on the floor. And theres the most jaw dropping smooth animation on there im like OKAY THIS GAME IS FIRE#and i see the funny rainbow flower#AND RIGHT NEXT TO HIM…. THAT BORING BASIC BLUE HAT..#I SAW HIM. I WAS GOBSMACKED.#We lost the game cuz shrimpo jumped me because i was So distracted i took like 20 screenshots of astro#And thats how it all started#i didnt know his name..#in fact i didnt even know if his cover was purple or blue#but i knew 1 thing for certain..#THIS WAS LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I WANT TO BEAT HIM WITH A ROCK😭😭😭😭😭😭#dandys world oc#dandys world astro
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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I think the Bad Kids deserve to cry a lil. As a treat. IT’S CATHARTIC!!!!!!!!!!!
#my art#described#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high: junior year#the bad kids#ima be tbh. I did mostly just wanna draw Gorgug crying WJDBDJSB#I hope we get any kind of acknowledgement about what Gorgug saw in the forest… I’d love to see a scene where he asks digby & wilma about it#ALSO I LOOOVVVEEE THAT THEIR PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM BCUS THEY ARE A SET. DO NOT SEPARATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also. hope that the time thing Brennan mentioned is an actual plot point and not just A Convenient Retcon Function#like pls brennan… I respect ur storytelling so much I do. if I wanted retcon excuses I’d go back to TES and read about the dragon breaks#especially since like. I love the seven so much. I’ve joked before like. t7 is frankly FHJY for me. we can skip right to sen. year JY is T7!#so if hes walking stuff back esp stuff that was established in T7… idk im not gonna be like. mad. I have a Life lmao. but maybe a lil sadge.#ANYWAY zac once again making one of my fave PCs. gorgug is so sweet guy…#also hope we get to see the artificing class & teacher!
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not done talking ab fhjy actually so i'll just say some of you guys who go on about how you could've done better themes and narrative arcs can't even think critically about the one in front of you.
i do wish that the other bad kids had interacted with their foils more this season because it was fun seeing them trade insults, but i also dont think it would've done much for them. i mean, people forget the tbks did try to turn reuben early on (they literally saved him from grix even though it was his fault he showed up trying to kill people). adaine thought oisin was cool and tbks were onboard with thinking maybe he wasn't that bad, and then he sent his grandma to murder them and their entire school. fabian tried to get an 'in' with ivy and it nearly cost him a genuine relationship with a character who had a way better chance of helping them figure things out without the risk of being betrayed. kipperlilly had an ego-driven hateboner for riz since BEFORE the rage stars and killed her own party member in cold blood just to stick it to kristen, and you're telling me that she could've been my little ponyied into giving up her chance to squash the symbol of all her inadequacy? buddy and maryann are the only rat grinders who havent fucked them over meaningfully and guess what? they're not thrilled about having to kill them- they're actively avoiding targeting them! almost like theyre capable of distinguishing between someone not on their side and someone who's proved to be a threat!
brennan made it pretty clear that trying to befriend trgs in their rage forms was futile and actively punished it ingame. you can have your opinions of that, but it definitely had a narrative point: if you get rage starred, you cant be 'this isnt youuuu'd out of it. you think ONLY of rage, and rage can't be reasoned with. it's arguably worse than death, bc at least someone can revivify you and there's no lasting consequences. think about how hard brennan was trying to push the ihs into taking rage tokens. he knew exactly how dire he'd made the consequences and that was on purpose. the season has no stakes if you can just talk your way out of being rage starred bc tbks could save each other easily. the whole climax literally can't happen if trgs arent being evil bc porter can't be a living god of rage without followers. tbks hating trgs isnt a flaw in the story: it IS the story.
#i feel like some ppl ocified trgs so much theyre not even talking about the same characters anymore#'would lucy want this' idk man considering she died rather than become like them i imagine she agrees that the ragepocalypse is Bad#anyway i have my doubts that trgs will stay dead anyway which im glad ab but yeah. they deserve to have their asses handed to them#thats always been tbk way. kill the bad guys save the day then double back for the redemption once they aren't a danger anymore#did anyone expect adaine to kiss and make up with aelwyn BEFORE she was beaten into a state where she literally couldnt harm them anymore?#of course not. aelwyn wouldve run circles around them if they'd tried. they waited until she wasn't an active threat#and *then* tbks extended an olive branch. which was the objectively smart thing to do. and that was for adaine's SISTER#give me literally one reason why. at this point in the story. tbks would have any reason to believe trgs can be reasoned with?#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#dimension 20#the bad kids
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imagine spending 33 years without bones and suddenly you're put into the body of a 50-something year-old man
look. hector fucked up big time but i don't think i'd wish that kind of shit on my worst enemy 😭
#he tries to to curl up like he used to and gets stuck until one of the bizzyboys or godpoke finds him and he's like#'heyyyy so i forgot i have bones again...'#like yeah okay he could do that in his 20s but my man is like 58 now or smth bro's back can NOT bend like that especially after 33 years of#not using it#this is just really funny to me but also like. man that's gotta be a big thing to adjust to#like yeah he was human before. but now he's an older human with mortal feelings#i cant even begin to imagine how overwhelming that would be. liek. 33 years. 33 fucking years you're a worm made of hands.#and now you're a 58 year-old man with bones.#i can barely deal with my own back pain on some days and im fuckjng 17 imagine this guy dude 😭#miles rambles#great god grove#great god grove spoilers#ggg spoilers#ggg hector#inspekta#ggg inspekta
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Oooh mismag 2 in autumn yaay so cozy gonna get a lil tea, cookies and my lil embroidery project cause this will be so fun! I wonder how they get outta this pickle-
Is what I thought yeah?
Why am I crying?? Hm? Who wants to be responsible? Why am I full of dread and despair now huh? And the sadness of true friendship in the face of friends flaws ??!?!
#misfits and magic#that hour of the stages of grief before things got a lil magical and silly again....it was something#the other hour was healing but not enough#gotta do fanart soon gotta im just busy with other arts#mismag#mismag 2#misfits and magic 2#dimension 20#d20#aabria i know you're out there giggling as you should#sigh average d20 Wednesdays (Thursday bc timezones)
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5 am doodle
#im going to sleep for another 20 before i have to get up and work lol#scribbles#gravity falls#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#I'm so glad tumblr doesnt do like a 'you were tje top 0.5% of users who posted in this tag' for their end of the year thing#as in like 0.5 with the most amount of posts in a tag. hypothetically speaking.#that would be so embarrassing for me#j2
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[ID: a digital drawing of Riz Gukgak from D20 fantasy high from the waist up. He looks like he's holding onto sanity by a thread and is covered in blood as he attempts to sew a finger back onto Biz's hand and says, ha ha, oopsie! End ID]
Damn man being 14 sure is tough... It's all just pimples this, brutally shooting off a classmate's fingers before figuring out he wasn't the mastermind and then immediately regretting it that...
#dimension 20#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high spoilers#fantasy high freshman year#riz gukgak#watched the whole first season in a blur and have many emotions about them#my homicidal princesses etc etc#never watched a campaign before so i just went from la di da in episode 1 to rocking on the floor w adaine in ep 2#i half regret not writing down the moments i wanted to draw but also i am going to watch the hell out of moments compilations on yt#so im sure ill remember at least some#too many good moments to count#have to do the 'yes!' thing. i just have to#fantasy high freshman year spoilers#ill skip the live one shots for now and go straight to sophomore and then come back later#also hi. just in general. what the fuck what the absolute fuck#i see why this was meant to be watched on a weekly level#blood tw
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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there is no game that makes me feel like I'm the only one who's right about it than elden ring
#when i see reddit or twitter or tumblr theories or some shit#like 80% of the time im sitting there like amazing. everything word of what you just said is wrong#20% of the time im like no youre so right youre so based i have a crush on you#my MOST outlandish theory is that messmer and melina are children on marika and the gloam eyed queen. AT LEAST melina is#(btw absolutely heartbroken there werent even CRUMBS of the godskins nor the GEQ in the dlc)#(like the GEQ's death was a catalyst for marika's golden order to form)#i like know that elden ring is super obscure and vague with what it tells you but there are fr some people who wholeass dont know#that miquella=st. trina#or that before the dlc even happened miquella/st trina was shown to be manipulative and flighty#bouncing between one thing and the other#of course he would parallel his mother#and there are STILL people who think Malenia's 3rd bloom hasnt happened like.........#there's one in her and radahn's showdown. one on the way to the haligtree roots. and the final one is during her battle w you#like in her boss fight she turns into the goddess of rot. what is wrong with you guys. what more do you need#glad everyone agreed on mohg beating the allegations tho👍#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#shadow of the erdtree spoilers#elden ring sote#sote spoilers#spoilers
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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