#... kind of why i have a problem with starting things i feel the need to do it all the way if i ever do start it. and i KNOW that

[yunazxxx]

gp daniela x manon 🙏⁉️

pairing ≫ meret manon x daniela avanzini

content warnings ≫ best friends to lovers trope , g!p daniela , unprotected sex , slight getting caught , manon has a situationship but hes hella irrelevant.. , drug usage (marijuana) ,, etc maybe??

word count ≫ 2.7k

author talks ≫ happy new years my lovessss !!! i would love to start off this year strong with this danon fic which i hope you all + my lovely anon here who requested it, will enjoy it. and yeah, enjoy the read !! — ps not very proofread so ntm.. — this has hella fillers that probably arent relevant but i dont care…

—

"he still hasn't responded" the brunette repeated for the sixth time within the last three hours, she was over at daniela's place for the month as they usually would just come live with one another. there were no issues with manon's current living situation, she just wanted to go over dani's for a while.

daniela sighed while she was tying her hair up, "put the phone down girl" and manon looked up at her, "come on, then he'll text once that happens" and daniela just looked at the brunette, "come onnn, at least have some fun."

and manon shut off her phone, putting her hands up, "phone's off" and daniela took her hand, "you won't be needing it today" and she slid the older's phone in her purse. she walked with her out of the room, leaving out to the garage to her car.

daniela had plans set with her friend, they actually had been together for a while but they failed to execute because of manon's boyfriend, or more so situationship/boytoy. daniela really had a distaste for him, he was, really fucking weird.. daniela couldn't figure out why though.

the more time daniela spent with manon and this guy, she began to think that maybe he wasn’t the only problem. this dawned on her when she would see them kiss or be affectionate towards each other, it made her sick to the stomach.

sometimes when she would be drunk at a club, or bar, with manon and the guy she’d be all over manon kissing her, and even when manon would be the one to initiate the kiss, daniela would pull the doler by her waist and grab at her.

it was then and there daniela realized she had feelings for her, but obviously she’d just have to play it off, never knowing how to exactly say it to the brunette.

after daniela started her car, she began blasting a random playlist she had been on for a while, a song coming on called “better than the boys” which she just let it play and acted like it wasn’t there for a obvious reason.

while the pair drove along the highway, daniela was speeding, literally fast enough that it could get her a ticket or in a accident but almost no one was out right now because it was business hours. the pair were making thier wway to this meet up thing that they were invited to an outing with their friend group.

while daniela drove down the empty roads, the windows were down while they blasted music. manon practically hung out the window while they sung along to this song, but as they reached their destination, she went back in.

daniela parked her car and manon got out, daniela sat inside and turned off the car, turning around and seeing her friend making funny faces in the car window. daniela laughed while she opened the door and got out, her and manon walked to the building together.

they walked inside and were imidiately met with their friends hugging them, it had been months since they last met up so finally having this time to just, have a breather out meant the world to them. they were at the mall, pretty much just shopping at random stores and joking with one another, as they usually do.

they went into a jewlery store, since they made customs and daniela and manon wanted to get somethng for one another. the group split into twos, daniela had a few of their friends with her while manon did too.

everyone had their own little job, but soon the girls got distracted and kind of forgot what they were supposed to be doing but daniela and manon were able to make the jewlery they knew the other would like, or more so love.

manon had purchased daniela a necklace with both of their initals and a heart between them, and even had a handwritten note for the blonde, while daniela also made manon a necklace with a special charm and had got her some extra things.

it was a new years tradition for their friend group, it worked like secret santa really, they'd be given paper inside of a box or bowl, even a hat with their names on it, and kinda similar to last year, they got each other.

after the mall trip, they headed to the second oldest in their friend groups house, sophia's. they all gathered in the living room and revealed who they had, they had the most random order, going from first letter in their last names.

daniela walked over to manon, giving her the bag and turning to go sit back in her seat, but manon pulled her shirt and handed her the bag, and winked at her. daniela went to sit, yoonchae stood up giving lara a heavy, ass box, which lara almost dropped.

"what the heck is in here?" lara asked, "oh my god" you could hear someone exclaimed, yoonchae giggled going back to her seat, sophia walked over to megan giving her another heavy ass box — which the ginger just laughed at but setting it on her lap.

lara put the box beside her, standing up and giving three different little boxes to sophia, confusing the black haired woman, and finally megan handed yoonchae a small, box? which she just kept smiling reallly big about.

daniela opened her bag first, seeing the necklace and screaming out of joy, running over to hug the brunette while also prompting her to open hers but manon shook her head, "there's more in yours" and daniela opened it more, and saw the paper, and read it almost tearing up, she looked at manon, "i'm gonna get you later"

making the group burst into laughter, "lets hurry it up we got stuff to do after thiss!!!" sophia yelled, and so all the girls opened their gifts, but yoonchae because megan told her to wait, that very heavy ass box that lara got from yoonchae not only had legos but also other things she wanted and had been talking about for months.

the other gifts were pretty much the same for the other girls, the tiny box yoonchae had still confused her, even asking megan "what could fit in here?" and when she opened it, it was a pair of keys which she just looked at megan, and they went outside together and thats when you could hear yoonchae scream.

the younger girl ran inside of the house, she looked so energetic. megan came back in, laughing her heart out but the two girls soon explained why she was reacting like that, it was pretty much after this were all the girls had a random energy burst and they were all playing around and just enjoying quality time.

daniela and manon broke off from the other girls, going upstairs together because they needed to "refresh" themselves, which was really just code for they needed to smoke. they were inside of sophia's room, and cracked a window, daniela pulled something from her jacket pocket, a blunt, handing it to manon.

since the brunette was sitting closest to the window, she took the first pull of it, daniela just watching her in awe. "why are you looking at me like that?" the brunette asked, "ah, um.. nothing" daniela softly whispered when manon passed her the blunt.

daniela took her pull, but moved closer to manon, grabbing her face and blowing the smoke in her mouth, after doing this daniela pulled her into a kiss, which manon responded to. but this kiss wasn't a small peck, or just a few seconds, the kiss grew deeper overtime and so did the need for each other.

manon broke off the kiss, looking into daniela's hooded eyes, and sheeh chuckeled, "that was crazy" she said before taliking another pull of the blunt, daniela licked her lips, looking at manon. "could we do something more, fun?" manon looked at the blonde, taking another pull of it before putting it out, "what's on your mind?"

daniela smiled before taking manon's hand and tackling her to the bed, she held the older's wrist together, using one of her hands while the other cupped manon's cheek while she kissed her, daniela's knee resting between manon's leg.

daniela's kisses quikly made manon feel enchated, like she was stuck under a spell by her friend. manon whined into the kiss, causing daniela to break it, "ah ah ah, stay quiet" and she kissed down the older's neck.

she left hickeys, even a special heart one where daniela loves to kiss her sometimes. the older woman tried moving her hands but failed, her body reacting to daniela's movements almost like she was perfectly made for daniela's touch.

manon whimpered and whined, almost getting loud enough that could bring someone to the room, which happened. a knock came at the door, since it was locked, "manon? are you okay?" you could hear sophia asking, and daniela didn't stop so manon could reply, she instead kept moving down.

she slowly removed pieces of manon's clothing, "a- yeah, i'm good soph" manon was able to get out before quietly moaning daniea's name, you could slight uncertainty in the black haired woman's voice when she replied, "okay .... uh is dani in there?"

daniela, again didn't reply nor stop, she made her way back up to manon's exposed chest, that's only covered by her bra, and she started back kissing, mumbling against her soft brown skin, "you're so perfect" she trailed her free hand up manon's thigh, caressing her.

"f-fu-ck, y-yeah, she's in here" manon got out between choked moans, "can i come in and grab my phone?" sophia asked and daniela got up, throwing her own hoodie on to hide her already messy hair, grabbing the filipino woman's phone and bringing it to her.

daniela opened the door sightly, only enough space so she could snake her arm out and give her the phone, sophia looked at daniela's eyes and noticed the redness while also smelling the marijuana.

"did you two smoke in my room?? oh my god" sophia asked while looking at daniela, "only a little! don't worry, we got the windo open and we'll spray it so it can go away" and sophia nodded, "come down soon, we'll be at the movies, just text when you're ready."

"mhm, byebye now" daniela said, shutting and locking the door, she turned around and saw manon's was squeezing her thighs together, biting her lip while her beautiful eyes were looking at her, you could hear a low "please" come from the brunette.

daniela walked over to her, “we have an hour at most so i'm gonna play with you a bit" daniela said while she pulled manon's panties down, she kissed her inner thighs while slowly inching closer to her aching heat.

"need you so bad" manon mumbled, "what was that?" daniela asked, she heard her the first time, she just wanted her louder. "i-i.." manon could barely get out feelin daniela's finger sliding deeper inside of her.

"uh huh?" daniela looked her inside of her brown eyes, watching them grow with need. daniela curled her fingers, pushing them in and out at a slow pace, manon's hips bucked, which made daniela chuckle, "so needy, aren't you" manon just nodded, making daniela stop.

"you were asked a question baby" daniela kissed her clit, before gently sucking on it, "w-wait.. dani" manon said, but daniela continued, pushing her fingers deep inside the brunette, "fuck fuck fuck fuck" manon moaned out, dani only sped up, loving how manon sounded.

daniela continued this same process until manon came, the brunette's thghs claming shut around daniela's face, the blonde forced them back opened and continued eating manon out, making the older grab at her hair.

daniela sighed against manon's clit, making the older shiver, and daniela finally broke off. she finally payed attention to the erection of hers, but manon had already pushed her on the bed, getting down to her knees.

she fondled with he drawstring for a bit, before just reaching her hands in and pulling daniela's dick from her boxers, watching the way her eyes filled with excitement, all the lust very evident.

she slowly stroked th blonde's cock, she glided her hand along the full length, stopping at her tip each time to caress it. soon she leaned down, staring slow, she took her tip in her mouth, with slow licks and small sucks soon turned to her taking more of her cock in her mouth, fully swallowing around dani.

she only broke off for some air, an adorable line of spit connected daniela's pink tip to her lips. she was only off for a few seconds, before trying to deep throat her again, the brunette drooling all over her cock, she held her head down, allowing her groans to finally spill out.

she let daniela use her throat, and while she thrusted into manon's mouth she could feel her tongue sliding along her entire length. she started to moan around it, bringing much more vibrations and pushing dani closer to her orgasm.

she sped her hips up, the girl held her mouth open, allowing daniela to have free access. soon she came down her throat, groans and small whimpers spilling from her.

daniela pulled out, wiping the access cum that dripped down her lips. she picked manon up, and put her back under, this time slowly slipping herself inside of the brunette.

she started off slow, easing her cock inside of her cunt, the girl felt like she was being torn in half. "tell me when to stop" the blonde gritted out, it was hard to penetrate the girl without the fear of hurting her by accident.

soon she tapped her, saying it was too much so she stopped, she was only an inch from being completely inside of the girl. she lifted her thighs, the bulge of her dick being seen through the older’s abdomen.

she couldn't help but find it adorable, and soon she began to thrust slowly, dragging her cock out of her just to slowly push it back in, this rhythm drove the girl insane, she wanted more but fuck she was so full. she was stretching her out so well but she was also able to reach her cervix, the girl completely lost it.

her once low moans turned louder, they filled the room, the lewd words that would spill from her throat all bounced off the four walls. daniela soon grew tired of this, slow ass pace.

so she forced manon’s thighs open again, and she fucked into the girl at an insanely fast pace. she held her hips as she pistoned into her, her walls clenched around her m way tighter than she'd expected, her orgasm catching up to her faster than she thought too. manon would bucked her hips each time daniela’s hips would meet hers.

soon her thrusts became sloppier, her moans picked up, while daniela’s did also, soon they came together. she continued to slowly thrust inside of the older, dragging the orgasm out much more, her load painting the girl's womb white with her seed, and she soon pulled out, her load leaking down onto the bed sheets.

daniela stood up, going to get something to clean manon up, but once her hair touched her back she could feel a sting, checking in the mirror and seeing that manon had scratched her back, it wasn't like she cared, she found it cute.

soon she returned with the warm towel and cleaned manon up and kissed her, she gently slipped manon back into her clothes and held her hand while they walked downstair only to see lara and sophia standing their with their mouths wide open.

"in my ROOM????" sophia yelled at them and went off on them about how they could've picked ANY other vacant room in her house but they chose her room, lara didn't even know how to react, just there frozen.

[yanderes-galore]

Hi, do you think you could write a concept for Legoshi fighting Riz for a reader that's a carnivore? Let's say that reader is a member of the drama club and is a friend to both Legoshi and Riz, but they don't know the truth about Tem's murder. Legoshi wants to protect his darling from Riz while the bear wants to, i don't know, do the same thing he did to Tem in name of their "friendship"? The thing that i like the most about your versus concepts are the multiple endings. If it's not a problem, could you add one for Legoshi and one for Riz?

Ooo! A multiple endings fic :) Been a while since I've done that, so let me try it out ^^ I never got past season 2, so Legoshi's ending is HC.

Yandere! Legoshi vs Riz

(Carnivore! Darling)

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Overprotective behavior, Delusional behavior, Violence, Blood, Murder, Consumption of another person, Kidnapping, Gore, Forced/Dubious companionship/relationship.

One thing I like about this request is the fact that you are a carnivore.

It puts you on somewhat equal footing with the other two.

Although, these two have eaten meat, while you most likely haven't.

You have met these two at the drama club when school was just starting for the year.

While you are aware of Tem's death, you aren't actively looking into it.

You just know a rogue carnivore snapped and mauled Tem, as a result it's been rather difficult to communicate with the herbivores in your class at times.

Which, ironically, makes you more drawn to Legoshi and Riz.

Legoshi is definitely the one protective of you while Riz... well, Riz is complicated.

Riz claims he's protective of you and wants to make sure you aren't hurt, but in reality he's just possessive.

Riz is possessive and delusional to the point of harming and eating those he cares about.

I feel the obsession for both of them is subtle for the events of season 1, then escalate around season 2.

This would be because Riz doesn't feel threatened until Legoshi goes looking into Tem's murder.

Legoshi was already close to you beforehand.

You often tried to help him through his troubles, even when he tried to hide them.

You care about him and were genuinely worried when he attacked the Shishigumi to save a rabbit.

You've always been supportive, plus maybe the Shishigumi incident increases his protective behavior.

Sure, you're a carnivore, but it still gives him the fear that someone will harm you.

Carnivores aren't invincible, after all.

You could still be attacked by a much bigger carnivore.

Which, when he's tasked with investigating Tem's murder...

He gets worried and says the carnivore may be big enough to hurt you.

Funnily enough, he isn't wrong...

Said carnivore is even friends with you.

You and Riz often aid each other in the drama club.

To you he's a relatively kind bear.

He's friendly and gets along with you despite his large size.

The only time you can sense any issues with him is during season 2 since Legoshi is putting pressure on him.

After all, Legoshi could take you from him.

I'm assuming you have an established bond with the two.

You meet them often in the drama club and occasionally outside of class too.

During season 2, Legoshi gets more protective and suspicious.

Meanwhile Riz is occasionally... on edge.

It's all strange yet you think you understand.

Tem's murder was never solved... so maybe that's why?

Legoshi already knows you aren't capable of the murder.

Which is why he's so focused on protecting you, he's worried.

Especially since you're so oblivious... which is even worse if he has a feeling Riz is the problem.

Riz, on the other hand, may distract you and act oblivious to the murder.

You're scared? No need to worry...

Riz will protect you, you're companions, aren't you?

In reality, Riz is planning ways to keep you to himself.

If you get too scared, he could lose you.

Even worse, Legoshi could make you distrust Riz...

That can't happen, can it?

I feel the dynamic is obvious.

As Legoshi investigates Tem's murder, the two get closer to you.

If you're keen enough, you may notice Riz's strange behavior and go to Legoshi.

But if you're still oblivious, then Riz has the advantage.

You'll notice their odd behavior.

After all, Legoshi never lets you out of his sight.

He's always sniffing you and checking you over, claiming he's... concerned.

When you ask why, he seems hesitant to explain yet does express that he's worried about Tem's killer.

He just doesn't tell you he suspects Riz.

Then maybe Riz notices Legoshi making you cautious.

Throughout the investigation Riz can tell that you and Legoshi are getting closer.

Who knows... maybe he'll try to make you suspect Legoshi...

He clearly knows something you don't, right?

Yet Riz would never lie to you...

You're pals! If anything, he just wants to be closer to you.

Don't you want to be closer too?

Legoshi the entire rivalry would be trying to keep you away from Riz.

The moment he knows it's him... He's trying to find ways to confront the situation.

Yet, he also doesn't want to tell you.

If he does, Riz might hurt you.

Legoshi can no doubt tell Riz's infatuation over you.

The bear watches your every move like a hungry predator and Legoshi fears for your safety like he does everyone else.

Legoshi stalks you because he feels he needs to keep his eyes on you.

If he looks away... you may fall prey to Riz.

Legoshi isn't very confident in your abilities when it comes to fighting.

Bears are naturally strong and Legoshi's trained.

You, on the other hand, haven't even tasted meat.

Legoshi feels bad for stalking you... but it becomes less about learning things from you and more trying to protect you.

He sticks beside you, invites you to hang out...

Even during your club he stays beside you like a guard dog.

Legoshi is training to protect those he loves, especially you.

He doesn't like the depraved gaze Riz gives you when he looks at you.

Over time, Legoshi goes through rigorous training with Gohin to be able to confront Tem's killer.

However, such training ends up making him tired more easily.

This no doubt stresses him out because he's worried to take his eyes off you.

He knows that you should be fine...

But he keeps having nightmares of you being hurt.

Meanwhile, Riz is on edge since he notices Legoshi's behavior.

He also knows Legoshi's has his... taste.

While Legoshi is off training and struggling to rest, Riz tries to make you trust him more.

He invites you out and makes comments on Legoshi's behavior.

Isn't it strange?

You try to explain that he's just trying to find the killer of his friend... but Riz doesn't seem to take it too well.

He claims you and Legoshi are just being paranoid... the cops should get the carnivore who did it.

You have nothing to worry about....

Legoshi can't protect you in his tired state, right?

So... let Riz take care of things...

He'll make sure you're safe.

I feel instead of Pina being kidnapped, it would be you.

Once Legoshi knows it's Riz, Riz snaps.

He fears that Legoshi will take his new best pal.

This leads to the much stronger bear kidnapping you.

You're placed in the dump by Riz, who promises to come back later once he takes care of Legoshi.

You struggle in your bonds, but it appears Riz thought things through.

You're a carnivore... which means you need stronger bonds... like chains.

The final battle would determine which ending occurs, just as you wanted.

Legoshi Ending

Legoshi's ending is the closest to canon.

This is when during the final battle, Legoshi manages to have Louis help him by allowing him to eat his leg.

This gives Legoshi the strength he needs to defeat Riz.

Their fight is brutal too.

You can hear their grunting and growling, along with blood hitting the ground.

There's moments you can even see from where you are.

Since they're fighting for you too, I imagine Riz has a hard time backing down.

He knows what he had with Tem was delusional...

Yet he feels he needs you.

This results in the bear fighting more intensely.

Unfortunately for Riz... Legoshi manages to knock him down in the end.

Both carnivores are arrested and treated, along with you being taken in for questioning.

However, both you and Legoshi are released.

Legoshi by this point in the story leaves school, he may even suggest taking you with him so he can protect you.

Even if you don't, Legoshi still often visits you outside of school.

While Riz is dealt with, he still fears leaving you alone.

It can be because he's a protective friend... or he loves you romantically.

His feelings are rather neutral and don't change too much in his intentions.

One thing I can imagine him doing is getting a place to live and asking you to live with him.

You're both carnivores... should be fine to be roommates, right?

In this ending, Legoshi becomes an overprotective roommate.

He's not too possessive... just overly worried as he knows he almost lost you.

Yet, now that you're roommates, you'll be safe with him...

He'll make sure he's always around to protect you...

Even if it means following you around like a guard dog... even while you're unaware.

Riz Ending

Riz's ending is the more... gorey ending.

This is also, obviously, the bad ending.

This is the ending where Legoshi loses.

Maybe Louis wasn't here to help him, for one reason or another.

That or Riz, due to feeling more motivated to get rid of the wolf, manages to overpower him even with Louis' help.

You're praying Legoshi will win.

After all, now you know he killed Tem.

He killed and ate Tem in the name of friendship.

What does that mean for you?

We already know Riz is delusional.

At first it was meant to cope with the fact he snapped and ate Tem due to coming off his medication.

Yet when he meets you, such delusions make him believe he should eat you too.

After all, Legoshi wants to take you from him.

Well, if Riz can't have you...

No one can.

The fight would continue as normal...

But Riz manages to take down Legoshi.

Maybe he kills him, maybe he doesn't.

Either way, Riz flees to the dump where he keeps you.

By the time you see your captor again, his clothes are mauled... and his fur is covered in blood.

Poor you doesn't have much of a chance against him.

The chains make it hard to fight back.

Riz tries to reassure you, telling you he's just making sure you stay together.

After all... This way you two can be close... forever.

No one will take you from him this way.

He tries to make it quick... yet your struggling makes it difficult.

... by the end of it, Riz feels your taste fill his mouth.

Your blood dribbles down his maw, flesh sticking to his fur.

Originally, he would've felt bad.

After all, he isn't sure if this was the right thing to do...

Yet, soon, he tells himself this is what you wanted.

He convinces himself, just like with Tem, that this was the best way to make you his.

Will he still be arrested? No doubt...

But he accepts such a fate... the deed is done...

Now Riz can have you all to himself, with no one to take you from him...

Forever.

[ac-lesbians]

Sorry homies I gotta talk about She-ra for a hot sec

It drives me INSANE that a common point made throughout the show, usually between Bow and Glimmer, is that Glimmer is unnecessarily violent/prone to torture prisoners

And the show RIGHTLY says "hey we're the good guys, we don't hurt people like that and we will never stoop to that kind of behavior"

But then Glimmer and Bow team up with Shadow Weaver to rescue Adora from the Horde following their trip to the Crimson Waste. Right before the portal.

And it's like, yeah Catra is in the wrong for a lot of reasons, but when she confronts them Shadow Weaver OUTRIGHT says that she will kill Catra, and starts doing so in a slow painful manner.

And you know, you see Glimmer have a little bit of a problem with this. Shes reduced to a pain point because SW is taking too much magic. But she never says anything.

And the only thing to save Catras life? It's not SW feeling merciful. It's not Glimmer resisting SW's magic drain.

It's Bow, telling SW that she needs to stop.

Because she's taking too much from Glimmer. Not because they don't kill/torture the people that have wronged them. Not because Catra didnt deserve to die so painfully. Not because torture is wrong.

Because Glimmers magic was not a price worth paying.

It just drives me up the wall in an Unwell kind of way. This is a point where Glimmer and Bow are face to face with someone they've seen as an enemy, who they know used to be besties with Adora, who has outright stated that SW (Glimmers new mentor- which holy shit dude there's a lot of reasons why I hate/love that little arrangement) abused her and favored Adora over her wellbeing at every turn who is a kid just like them. Then SW tries to KILL her, and they don't particularly HATE Catra just yet. And there's literally no sympathy there. It's jarring to me.

For all the big talk about being the better people, they don't extend that compassion to Catra. It's just as telling when Adora calls Glimmer on their attitude towards the Horde and the individual soldiers in it (S3 E1: "thats different, you're good and kind and-" "and shera? I was just like the rest of them."). The fact that this conversation happens BEFORE SW tries to kill Catra using Glimmers magic, and they don't make the connection that Adora isn't just talking about SW, is just mind boggling.

Atp with the double standards and shit Catra went through, she can have a little world domination. As a treat.

[thebibliosphere]

So, let me break it down.

“Dopamine addiction” was a phrase casually coined a short while back to describe the phenomenon of people engaging in harmful behaviors, specifically things like doom scrolling, because even harmful behaviors can give you a dopamine fix.

I’m sure it’s been used before that, but it started trending recently in that context.

It was a simple way to explain why so many people struggle to give up social media even though it might actively be making their mental health worse.

What these wellness influencers frauds have since done was take the phrase and run with it to such an extreme that any behavior that gives you “dopamine” (and I put it in quotes because I don’t actually think these assholes know what dopamine actually is) is bad.

Actually any form of dopamine seeking means you’re an addict and that’s why you’re miserable. It’s not burnout or trauma from having just gone through a massively traumatic and ongoing event (the pandemic) it’s you.

You personally, are out of alignment with your core self—your spiritual self. Your female archetype, if you will. And by golly gosh have they got all the products for you to buy to fix it while simultaneously making you feel guilty about all of it.

It’s pseudoscience with a spiritual twist.

A lot of the marketing spiels are bastardized versions of indigo child starseed shit. You don’t have ADHD or Autism, you’re actually a witch—what kind? Take our personality test and we’ll tell you. That’ll be $50 please.

And one of the things they talk about to “reset your alignment” is getting yourself into a state of “dopamine deprivation” because again, they don’t have a fucking clue what the word actually is or how the body works.

If they did they’d know that dopamine deprivation leads to debilitating mental and physical health problems.

But it sounds good, doesn’t it? Because they’ve got you believing you’re too reliant on dopamine and well. You really have been on your phone too much… maybe you should give it a try…

And thus they’ve taken a very reasonable, “hey, quit torturing your brain by exposing yourself to harmful shit on your phone and relearn how to engage with things meaningfully and intentionally” and turned it into a wellness scam that people are unfortunately buying into because they’re desperate and at this point they’d crawl into a meat grinder if someone told them it would make them feel better.

It’s the new age cult shit I was raised in and I hate how prevalent it’s become again.

No, actually I’m not secretly a maiden witch archetype who needs to eat certain foods according to the moon cycle.

I’m a fucking traumatized ADHD, major depressive disorder mess with multiple disabilities. I need dopamine. Give me dopamine, please, for the love of gooooooood.

I’m taking the words “cortisol,” “dopamine addiction” and “vagus nerve reset” away from marketers and influencers and putting them on a shelf.

[qoldenskies]

i’ve circled around the idea of writing leo’s birthday (the one where donnie’s.. You Know) but i haven’t sat down and done it (yet). BUT it’s given me a terrible cc!mikey hc that i’m not sure is in character but i’m inflicting it on you anyway <3

so mikey has a corkboard of photos on his wall, mostly him with his brothers/april/splinter. when he gets cursed it starts to look off in a way he can’t place, like, uncomfortably off. eventually he realizes the problem and starts cutting donnie out of photos. :)

he’s embarrassed by how much it helps because it’s kind of a childish/cartoonishly rude thing to do but he reasons that it’s *his* room and his decorations shouldn’t make him feel bad when he sees them. also, it’s, like, artistic expression. so he’s entirely justified actually! anyway donnie can be cut pretty easily out of most of the group photos (smiles calmly) but the ones that can’t be saved get shoved into a drawer somewhere

and then he covers the new empty space with people he actually cares about and when the curse breaks he forgets about it for weeks because he has way worse things to feel guilty about until one day he looks at it too closely and is like. Hey. What The Fuck.

NO ACTUALLY THIS FITS INTO THE UNIVERSE REALLY WELL,,, like mikey's attention towards donnie really only extends to when it finds it fun to hurt him, when there's a practical joke to play (and honestly its probably a huge reason he was SO vicious in that one scene where he actually hit him. it was a very final and firm fuck off i dont want you around me, and donnie got the message and didnt go back to the kitchen even ONCE afterwards) but when it comes to his behavior in private i think coming up with an excuse like that to justify his own behavior would make complete sense

like. mikey pathologizing and saying something like that to himself because he's still resistant to the idea of being TOO mean and unnecessarily cruel, especially at first, and then in retrospect realize it was his way of enabling himself with this shitty "oh its just self-care he doesnt need to know ^-^" excuse ,,, little things like that just worsen how terrible he gets later on, because the more excuses he makes for himself, the more normal it gets for him to be cruel upfront.

and christ like the little ways they made donnie feel excluded coming back to haunt them like that. even if donnie never SAW IT it would cause this horror in mikey because he didn't even think about it. so much of the small shit they dont really have a REASON to dwell on. so much fucking happened in those three months and its traumatic for them too, their brains are on the big stuff. like the closet, the family meeting, the physical abuse, the starving him and screaming at him, things like that. its why they dont understand the weight of the gaslighting until it comes back to bite them; they understood it worked, but there was a small childish part of them that just kind of assumed donnie would already KNOW they were lying and he wouldnt completely lose trust in himself like that lolol

i think especially post-cw they're going to be thinking about this a lot, how much little shit they skimmed over now that all the big shit's immediately addressed. the tree remembers but the axe forgets and etc; donnie's memory is shaky, but the effects of it are visible if you know what you're looking for. they feel both the need to address and apologize for everything, even things donnie didn't know about, and the need to micromanage themselves out of fear of doing something like that again. (especially once they learn about the uhhh spreadsheet that dates back to before all of this happened, that's soon)

ALSO I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LEO'S BIRTHDAY THING OMG THAT'S SO EVIL ..... a pov from one of the cursed bros is just an inherently interesting thing to explore i think

[petrow1tch]

They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands

[floatingseaotter]

The Worst Day Ever

or It's My Party

Song - Dream by Priscilla Ahn

"...at length" count - 59

Part I: Carlotta

REAL! This truly is the worst day ever and me reading the entirety of the beginning of this chapter is quite literally *grumble grumble grumble*

"I think it's going to be a good year for you, lily."

- Yeah girl we just gotta suffer first😭

ARGGGGGGHHHH Carlotta!!!! Sirius is so real like Carlotta really has not done anything wrong (except betray Shelley to a degree) but I'm sorry I cannot stand it and her!!!

"Not really," said James. "Most of our mystique, I hear, is just smoke and mirrors."

- a Lily quote right?

CALRLOTTA LEAVE HIM ALONE! She's desperate to go with him to the prefect meeting it's making me mad but it's okay Sirius once again saving me from this plight of reading Carlotta x James😌😌😌

Lily noticing them my heart my heart my heart my heart

Then, as Lily located her bag, her eyes flickered towards James and Carlotta and, for the shortest of seconds, Carlotta thought she noticed Lily's eyebrows lift infinitesimally. Everyone else noticed, too. "We're dating," James blurted out suddenly, and Carlotta—who was not the blushing type—felt the heat rise in her face. There was about half a second of awkwardness, and then Lily smiled brightly. "Cool." With that, the Head Girl started to rummage about in her bag for her badge. Everyone, including the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, stared at her.

-- I HATE IT!! I am fairly sure she cries right? i am imagining her wiping a tear later? This was so unbelievably unfair by James especially in the way that they are all just watching her for a reaction, cannot bare it! at all!!!

The rest of the dorm is so behind Shelleyyyyy! I forgot about her make-over but I feel like there is an underlying plot here that I either never learned or just can't remember? Like specifically with the potion...

Remus sticking with Lily <3<3<3

Not Sirius not knowing who Shelley was; a violation lmao😭

Suspiciously: "Why do you need Lily?" "Well... I don't know," Carlotta had to admit. "I just... I needed her advice on something. Can I talk to you?" "Why on Earth would you suspect that's a good idea?"

-- EXACTLY Marlene! I think that's what bugs me so much about Carlotta's character is that she is so dense and it's so frustrating!!

"No," sighed Carlotta. "It's not that kind of problem. It's... I... I keep having these strange thoughts..." I knew it! You're a lesbian!" "Marlene!"

- AHHAAHAH what marlene😭

Who is the random child with the new DADA teacher—with the inoffensive ponytail and goatee (which sounds like a contradiction to me but whatever)—because I have absolutely zero recollection of this or who they are?😭

THE THERAPIST!! YES THEY BROUGHT IN THE COUNSELLOR AND LILY AND JAMES HAVE THE JOINT MEETING DON'T THEY! But i dont think we ever actually see that chapter i don't think?

Every time Sirius sasses Carlotta a confetti cannon goes off and a baby smiles<3

OMG SHELLEY KISSED MARY'S BOYFRIEND! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! What if the magic potion she was taking was like infused with some mystically love potion thing? Also Mary upholding Reg's statement that boys can be slags too!!! Where is my mannn

  "...AND WITH THAT FAT, UGLY POCKMARKED BINT!"

- the insults in this remind me of Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. "She's just a big fat minging minger with huge knickers and a ginormous schnozzle!"

Mary Macdonald essentially: Shelley Mumps is a lad nabbing letch who can't keep her slutty minx hands off of other peoples boyfriends!

Mary was so happy with Stebbins in the summer too, so sad :(

Not Mary revealing Shelley's evil master plan!! A masterplan I fully forgot about (shocking i know) and 😭

"What plan?" "I don't know," said Mary. "I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out, though. You taught her everything she knows, right?"

- OOOOFT

There is a lot of infidelity in this fic, huh?

Carlotta x Frank

Shelley x Stebbins

Donna x Charlie

...Admittedly, sometimes i think its quite a good plot point so i am not complaining as long as it suits me! Sue me!!

Mary suggested going to the Raveclaw dormitories and tear Stebbins limb from limb, but Marlene didn't want to go to prison.

- aahahahahahaahha

It's funny having so little Lily so far!

Without knocking, Carlotta opened the door to the Head Boy's dormitory. James knelt on the floor, already in his night clothes, as he fumbled through his trunk for something. He looked up upon Carlotta's entrance and smiled, but there was something—something just not right in his expression.

-- WHAT HAPPENED I MUST KNOW—I say as if I am not fully aware that he and Lily did not miraculously end up together and all is well but whatever I actually have no idea.

Truthfully, James was Head Boy now, and it was not of Shelley that Carlotta was afraid.

- so she leaped from the gallows and levitated down her street, crashed the party like a record scratch as she screamed, WHOS AFRAID OF LILYYYYYY EVANS ...you should be

Part II: Mary

To be in love, even superficially, on the first day of school, is a wonderful thing indeed.

- aww Mary

Obsessed with Mary and Sabrina Barbery just updating each other on all of the gossip.

OMG YES! Bridget at Hogwarts and protective Donna!

Lily is sullen. Did she see James and Carlotta kiss on the platform? hm... She must have because she doesn't seem surprised when Mary tells her.

"It's still strange," said Marlene; she seemed the most perturbed by the matter, and she kept looking at Lily. Even Mary had to find it a bit odd that Lily's reaction was non-existent. Whether or not Lily had ever reciprocated any of James's feelings for her—and Mary could never decide what she believed on that matter—she ought to have some opinion.

- So sad :(

Shelley's potion is definitely suspicious!

Donna on what she did over the summer: "...and ordered around a well-respected auror." Yeah you did! Lathe mention!!!!🚨

At least they are all worried about Shelley too... I don't believe we ever got to see the end of this plot point?

IS MARY PREGNANT—i say this because she was dizzy and there was a curious "or for some other reason" as to why she was dizzy and as someone who enjoys a good pregnancy trope... that is where my mind always jumps too okay!

Part III: Donna

Donna is so protective of Bridget<3

Please do not tell me Lily was waiting for James because that would crush my spirit to smithereens. —She was waiting for James.

"Alright, Donna?" said Marlene. "It's been—what? All of a week? How was your last day at the pub?" "Fine." Marlene smiled slyly. "Anyone interesting drop by?" Donna glared; "You've been talking to Black." "Whatever do you mean?" "Oh, shut up." Marlene looked smug.

- LATHE LATHE LATHE LATHE LATHE

Charlie is threatening Bridget! Oh dear. RAT MAN!!

She was wondering what Bridget was doing just then... she'd joined Millie Bones in a compartment. Could Millie Bones be trusted? Kingsley evidently thought her a fit companion for their younger sister, but Donna had not verified this. Millie Bones could be a corrupting influence. She could (and probably did) mean trouble. This Millie Bones character had to be stopped.

- hahahahaaha Millie Bones public enemy no.1

Adam distracted by Marlene, as all things should be.

Donna worrying so much about Bridget is obviously so sad because it's rooted in her overthinking after her parents death but the fact that she has beef with Millie Bones and Dromio Prewett (a Little Boy™️) is so funny to read.

Aw Donna apologising to Cassidy!

"Well I've never heard of you feeling guilty over anything," the food trolley lady spoke up again. "Right?" "Once again, no one asked y—how would you even know?"

- HAHAH not the food trolley lady piping up; she's in on all the gossip its giving Dorota from Gossip Girl.

Did you two fall in love?" teased Adam. "Working all those late shifts in the romantic lighting..." "Shut up." "You're blushing." "I am not." "You are! Wait... Shack... did you really fall for Black?" "Don't be thick. I do not fancy Sirius Black." Adam considered her carefully. "But you do fancy someone?" "Fuck off, I don't." "Liar. It's not that Charlie Plex bloke, is it?" Donna glared at him. "I guess not. Who is it? Why all the secrecy? Is he married?"

- JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT JACKLEBOLT

Oh was Adam wondering if Marlene maybe had a thing with one of the Marauders over the summer?

Donna putting creepy Charlie Plex in his place!

Lily looking paler than usual and James looking off... what occurred?

Part IV: Marlene

Marlene feeling like everybody is a sexy baby and she's a monster on a hill :(

"Well, she does," Marlene insisted. "Anyway, it was... kind of frightening." "The wedding?" "No, the protest." "What protest?" "Did I not mention the protest yet?" Adam began to laugh. "Marlene, I have no idea what you're talking about."

- Aw Marleneeeeee my girl! They are so cute I am so sad!! also why didn't Adam's sister tell him about the protest lmao

"... I meant more like..." They began to walk again, "We both love. him... differently. You're like a sister to him!" And only one thought registered for Marlene in response to that: I am an awful sister.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Knew what a prostitute was when you were eight, did you?

- Marlene skskskskks

I LOVE Marlene's growth from first day of sixth year to first day of seventh year!

WAS SHELLEY ALSO IN LOO WITH STEBBINS nah it was a random Hufflepuff lmao

Lily sitting by herself in the prefect carriage she is so sad😭

There was something dull and uninterested in Lily's voice, however, that prompted Marlene to ask: "Are you feeling quite well? You seem a little... off."

- and contemplative 😭 like novembermy girl! I am not ready for her POV. Though i think I remember the Marauders minus James all meet her in the Prefect carriage :(

"What did I do, Lily?" she muttered, sniffing. "Why didn't I just...? Why couldn't I...?" "You weren't ready," said Lily. "It's not your fault." "It is though. I was so stupid..." "No, you weren't. You were just getting out of one really complicated, really intense relationship, and you weren't ready to jump into another one. That's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

- the way they are both in the same boat and Lily is comforting Marlene without Marlene knowing yet that they are going through the exact same thing! My heart!!!

"You know it's going to be okay, don't you?" Lily asked softly after a while. Marlene looked skeptical. "It is," insisted the redhead. "Prudence may be cute and sweet... she might be Dear Prudence, but you're... you're..." Lily smiled: "You're Here Comes the Sun."

- this is genuinely such a sweet comment I love friendship. Also, Marlene is right that must be one of the nicest things anyone could say to you🥹 Lily as Golden Slumbers—I see it.

Ahhhh Adam did know about the protest he was just a dummy.

They both grinned, and Marlene, momentarily, forgot that it was not—and never again would be—like it had been once upon a time.

- girl it is okay dont be so dramatic! matters of the hear just require time!!!

Part V: Lily

Here we go... i am not ready!

She is fumbling and i am so sad for her!!!

Before he left, Sirius draped an arm around Lily's shoulder and leaned close to her, muttering so that none of the others could hear: "Evans, I think you and I have some catching up to do." "Damn right we do," Lily could not help but retort. He raised his eyebrows and then departed with Peter.

-- Sirius and Lily's friendship deserves all the flowers in the world. I love them so dearly.

Side note: i just remembered Lily did Alice's flowers at her wedding and it was such a sweet callback to Lily always being good at flowers🥹

James Potter too right your amusement should be nervous!! And too right Lily should speak coldly toward you!!

Lily smiled politely, rather than quipping in reply. James evidently sensed something must be amiss by her lack of bantering retort, and so he offered to help her carry her things—which consisted of her sling purse and a book—and, for a moment, Lily felt incredibly trapped. "I'll do it," Remus volunteered suddenly. "I'm sure you want to get back to the compartment." Lily did not think she'd ever appreciated Remus more than in that moment.

-- The Marauders sans James all rallying around Lily makes my heart BURST!!

I swear I am not making up a scene where they meet her in her dormitory or something and then Sirius jokes about them figuring out how to get into the girls dorms in second year or something and they hug? right?

"Do we get our own Common Room?" "What?" "Our own Common Room." Lily frowned. "No. Where on earth did you get that idea?" "I don't know," admitted James. "I feel like I read it somewhere."

- James has been reading them fanfics fr

"Is something bothering you?" asked James suddenly. Merlin and Agrippa, what do you think? "Nope."

- He's only 17 he doesn't know anything, does he?

"You're an idiot." "What?" "I said 'you're an idiot.'" "I heard what you said! Why am I an idiot?" Lily did not think she had it in her to answer, however. She merely shook her head in disbelief and continued down the corridor. "Evans! C'mon don't..." James caught up with her, pulling her to a stop. When he did not immediately remove his hand from her arm, she glared, and he withdrew it at once. "Why are you...?" And then it was all too much. We're dating. They're kind of perfect for each other. Just close enough to... "Why didn't you tell me you were dating Carlotta?" Lily snapped, before she could help herself. James dropped his gaze. "I-I didn't... it didn't come up." "It didn't come up?" (This, practically shouted), "Really? Because I have this weird memory of sitting in an office with you and asking how your trip went, and you just said 'fine,' and then you got all snippy with me, like you always do when you're hiding something, and oh-my-Merlin, how could I be so stupid?" It began to make sense, "I thought it was just the Head Boy thing, but... Agrippa's sake, that was what Sirius was trying to get you to tell me, too, wasn't it? And Sam... 'the ginger but not the girl...' I am such an idiot! How did I not realise?" "You're not an idiot, I just..."

The entire room had lit up upon her entrance, and yet none of these details had any effect upon Lily. She barely saw them, for suddenly her eyes were blurred by tears. Her breathing grew heavy and staggered. She fell back against the closed door and pushed her hair away from her face, forcibly attempting to fend off the attack of panic that quickened her heart and made her head spin. No good at all.

-- Oh Lily😭😭😭😭😭

me reading Shelley and Carlotta—then Lily—screaming at each other in the dorm, like damn lmao. Get 'em Lily!! My queen!!! she was really like ...AND FURTHERMORE!

"The both of you need to get your acts together right now! I am done caring if Carlotta is seeing the bloke that you fancy, Shelley, or if Shelley is trying to sit on your boyfriend's lap, Carlotta. Whatever. But all of this whore-calling, and shouting, and making this dormitory miserable, and... and... snogging my friend's boyfriend to prove a point to each other—all of that ends now! AND..." she spoke over two attempts to interrupt, "before either of you say that this is none of my business, I am going to spare you the risk of getting hexed out that window: this is my business, because I'm supposed to have my own room tonight, and yet now, I get to spend the evening agreeing to repetitive statements about what a git Stebbins is! And, also, because the two of you are insults to the very word 'friendship' with how you're behaving! And, also, because I'm Head Girl, and there's NO SHOUTING ALLOWED IN THE DORMITORIES!" She finished her speech. Shelley and Carlotta did not speak. At some point—and Lily had no idea when—Donna had entered the dormitory from the bath, dripping wet from her shower and clothed in a bathrobe. She looked from Lily to the other two, amber eyes wide with wonder.

- I really could not not include at least a wee snippet off that speech because it was far too good. Donna's reaction is too good too, i love it.

A few minutes later, Carlotta went up to bed (in the Head Boy's dormitory—Lily decided not to think about it)

- real

Ah not the twelve hours earlier talking about today going to be a good day :(

For a moment—only a few seconds—Lily observed the two Marauders. The warm morning light caught the Head Boy badge pinned to James's t-shirt, as well as the amused glint in his hazel eyes. He ran one hand through his hair, shaking his head, and replied to some remark from Sirius with a few words of self-aware cleverness that made Sirius laugh out loud. When Sirius gave another reply, James listened, a crease forming between his eyes in subtle interest, one hand idly rubbing his jaw line. Lily's mind leapt to an evening, not long ago, when she had stood close enough to fill the space and then some that currently existed between the two Marauders-close enough to feel James's breath, close enough to kiss him, if only she had let herself stop thinking a minute or two... And then, for a moment—only a few seconds—Lily's breath caught in her throat, and she realised something. She realised that her stomach was doing back-flips. She realized that a little piece of her ached to be standing close to the Head Boy. She realised she hadn't been breathing for several moments. Lily realised she would very much like to kiss James Potter just then. It was a moment—only a few seconds—of clarity: a realisation that was immediately surprising and then quite obvious. Right there, right then, she wanted nothing more than to kiss James. It wasn't alcohol speaking; it wasn't just hormones; there could be no more excuses. She liked James Potter. She really, really liked James Potter. Lily realised this... for a few clear, hopeful, comforting seconds, Lily realised exactly what she wanted, and it was the first time she had really known this for a very long time. She felt a glow of enlightenment, as one often does when they arrive late at self-revelation—when they finally have a grip on what, exactly, would make them truly, ridiculously ecstatic at that instant in time. And what a thing to discover, that it should be James Potter... James Potter, who had liked her once before, and might like her again, if given encouragement... For a moment—only about nine and a half thrilling, wonderful seconds—Lily was happy. People hurried past her, shouting and talking but mute; the train revved and roared, but silently; her heart pounded, the heat rose in her face. This was going to be a good year. Then, into the frame of her sight which had now narrowed and centered on James Potter, a new figure entered. Brunette and lovely and flawless, Carlotta Meloni appeared. She wrapped her thin, sun- kissed arms around James's neck and kissed him on the lips. And James kissed Carlotta back. And someone walked by to punch Lily in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her for a full six seconds. Or if they didn't, they might as well have.

-- PAINNNNNNNNNNN I hate it here!

What a chapter though!!

I have also realised that James and Lily were just pale and of because of their argument? I need more from James on this because all we saw was his conversation with Carlotta... But damn.

I am re-reading The Life and Times

And it is getting documented. Purely for my own benefit.

The Life and Times by Jewels5

She was dramatic. He was dynamic. She was precise. He was impulsive. He was James, and she was Lily, and one day they shared a kiss, but before that they shared many arguments, for he was cocky, and she was sweet, and matters of the heart require time.

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

hate when i see a youtube video that's like 'analyzing why [thing] is bad!' and you watch the video and they just say nothing for twenty minutes

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

[orcelito]

Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair

Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!

[sunlightfeeling]

gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)

currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)

leave a message after the beep

[scarletiswailing347]

thought of some really cool backstory for killer!zam for the dbl au but i Cannot tell if it clashes with the canon lore or not cause i havent looked into it enough yet

[justjwab]

Top 10 posts customer service workers hate reading

very controversial opinion here, but sometimes customer service workers are the problem 😶

[phagodyke]

aouuugh my uterus......

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[skipppppy]

No offence but I feel like some people got a little too comfortable with telling people to touch grass and swung all the way round to just straight up shaming anyone who might have a less active social life than them to feel better about themselves. “She should be at the club” was a really funny meme until people started acting like fucking middle school bullies towards people who don’t go out with their friends a lot. All those drinking/drugs/sex milestone polls were fun to engage with until it became a wierd circlejerk making fun of people who haven’t done those things before. People on twitter are once again dogpiling someone for wanting queer social spaces that don’t revolve around alcohol or loud music and telling them it’s their own fault for not having friends.

Like I get that nightclubs and sex have strong ties to queer culture and are often the first targets in the hellscape of respectability politics. It’s important we remember our roots and protect these spaces from conservative scrutiny. I mean that. They are important. But just on a surface level it seems like people are starting to see having an inactive social life as some kind of moral failing which…it’s not. I feel like an insane person for feeling like I have to say this on the fucking queer autism website but like. You aren’t inherently a bad person if you don’t have friends. You aren’t “falling behind” if you haven’t had your first kiss in your 20s or never done drugs. The real world isn’t a movie. And if you see someone who doesn’t go out much and instinctually think “wow what a terminally online loser. I bet their social life sucks because they’re a sheltered creep and not because of systemic barriers beyond their control” you need to have a long hard look at why you feel that way.

There are very real barriers that prevent isolated people from finding community and connection. Do you think you’re superior for being able to breach them? Time, money, sobriety, accessibility, none of those factors were a problem for you, so it shouldn’t be for them, right? Right?