#-- thing my brain can focus on atm because

[non-un-topo]

At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer

[holydramon]

on the having trouble getting myself to do things note tho at the very least I do have cattails which I have a lot of fun playing. though I did have a hard time getting myself to start playing it earlier today but then I got into a groove.

maybe I do just need to continue with a bit of a break where I just play things with fun gameplay vs for story reasons. like maybe I should also start playing klonoa again…

[my-timing-is-digital]

BEST FRIEND OUT OF THE BOX

This AU is based on the latest 20th Century Fox film Ron's Gone Wrong, a film about a friendless boy, Barney Pudowski, who finally experiences friendship through his "defective" B-Bot, Ron (it's a superb film with a powerful message; I highly recommend). However, I tweaked my AU a bit so that it could fit the Trek verse, although it doesn't necessarily have to be situated in the Trek verse, but I'm lazy, so I just used the information that is already readily available to me.

Somewhere in the future, there are two humongous and successful tech giants that both produce artificial beings for the sole purpose of entertaining and helping humans (aka simplifying life). You've got B-Bots: small, capsule-esque robots that are specifically designed for children and are basically talking iPads on wheels. And you've got the A500 synths, which are primarily purchased by adults, because they are useful for assisting with chores, groceries, and other domestic activities. And then, there's this small, independent company that is, financially, holding on by a thread, and desperately tries to sell (and the purchases are very sporadic, almost rare) Soong-type androids. The Soong-type androids are the precursors of the A500 synthetics, because the CEO, Bruce Maddox, appropriated the blueprints from Noonian Soong, and was considerably faster in the production of his androids than Soong. Furthermore, Maddox was subsidised by the government, while Soong was shunned and declared a senile scientist with delusions of grandeur.

However, just like the present, in the future, there will be various segments denoting one's wealth, and those who can afford the more expensive B-Bots, or the even more expensive A500s, ridicule and humiliate those who cannot afford this particular state-of-the-art technology. After being the centre of derision for the gazillionth time, the recipient of the humiliation decides to get themselves either a B-Bot or A500 synth. Unfortunately, but not entirely unanticipated, they discover that the costs of high-tech robots and androids far transcend the amount of money they have in their bank account. And when the shop assistant working for either one of the firms casually drops the suggestion that they should try Soong's androids, they travel to the other side of the country. They eventually end up purchasing one of his androids, either because they're really desperate and want people to stop judging them for something they don't own, or because they pity the cyberneticist.

To be honest, it doesn't matter, because soon, they will come to the realisation that befriending a Soong-type android is so much better than owning a mass-produced item everybody has. And sure, the Soong-type android does not have access to the Bubble Network and thousandth of applications, they aren't rigged out with the latest technological advancements and the sterile professionalism of the A500s. But the android is friendly, polite, intrinsically curious, prone to babble a lot (he has access to an infinite database and loves to talk). He is intelligent, obliging, creative, good with pets, eager to participate in (recreational) activities his owner enjoys to submerge themselves into, and above all, his ultimate objective is to become the best friend you have ever had.

Naturally, he can only develop and become proficient at the majority of the aforementioned traits and skills if he is granted the opportunity to explore them. He's a quick learner and a bit quirky, but he will always be there for you! He'll show you that less expensive doesn't always equals bad quality, because in the end it's the fun you had with him and the memories you made that count.

And there will probably be an A500 malfunction, to spice the AU up a bit (and to stay true to their tragic story arc). :)

[linda-rose]

I love having entire ✨ breakdowns ✨ over the smallest of things someone please fix my brain and also throw away my phone while you're at it thanks!

[revehae]

sorry babe i dont have any descriptive hard thoughts atm 😔 only came here to say nomin as roommates 🤤🤤🤤 lots of manhandling

tweaking off an energy drink right now and i cant stay still but here’s what i got. also this got wayyyy too long i had to stop tw // nothing actually! unless homosexuality triggers you but this lowkey kinda gay in a “my boyfriend and i saw you across the bar and we really dig your vibe” way. also i was gonna include manhandling but it got long, so…im sorry

sorry when you said “nomin as roommates” my brain went… just nomin or? i figured that’s not what u meant but my mind still wandered there so anyway.

jaemin and jeno recruiting you into their not relationship… like, they swear they’re not dating or whatever, and you don’t really press about it because it’s none of your business, to be honest. but they have been searching for a new roommate, a female one, not that they mention this to you during their recruitment, and something about you checks all the boxes of whatever it is they’re looking for. you don’t know that, though. you’re just happy you finally seemed to find a place to stay after much trial and error.

anywho, it’s relatively normal at first, other than the fact that jaemin seems to be naked most of the time… it’s not like he walks around the house freeballing, but damn close. it’s not so bad though, because he cooks sometimes and shares. jeno cleans. you appreciate the routine and harmony they seem to have going on, finding that they complement each other in some weird way, and you want to know how you can fit into that dynamic. after all, if you’re going to live here with them, you have to contribute, right?

it’s hard, though. honestly, you hardly understand why they were searching for a roommate in the first place. jaemin and jeno seem to handling everything, including rent, just fine together. they have a perfect balance in their life with or without you. jaemin cooks, jeno cleans. during their movie nights you walk in on, that they never ask you to join, jeno makes the popcorn and jaemin picks the movie. they work out together, coming home from the gym with sweat-drenched shirts that cling to their bodies, laughing about things you will never understand. jeno pinching jaemin’s bicep to marvel at how strong he is now. jaemin’s hand wandering over jeno’s chest for a second too long before commenting on how sturdy he’s gotten. sometimes you wonder if they will invite you, too afraid to ask to tag along, but they never do.

not until you accidentally walk in on them, jeno’s hand around jaemin’s tall, stiff cock as it spills over with semi-clear trinkles of prerelease, jaemin’s hips involuntarily arching into jeno’s palm. you gasp, eyes immediately hitting the floor as you jerk your head away and start to shut the door, spluttering, “sorry,” over and over. you had intended to come to jaemin’s room to ask him for help on changing the settings on your camera and the door had been slightly open. but a call of your name makes you halt just before you can shut it completely. “y-yeah?” you stammer, still not looking up from the floor. really, it’s not much of an invitation that you are given; “come in and close the door,” is what jaemin says.

for some weird reason, you obey.

that is how you find yourself with your palm around jaemin’s cock instead, your hand smaller than jeno’s. he tips his head back, moaning. he is sitting with his legs thrown open and you are standing at the edge of the bed, fisting his cock, all the while jeno is behind you, lips tickling the back of your neck. you try not to let it bother you, try to focus on anything but how it feels to have him pressed against you, but the only other thing you can focus on is the fact that jaemin is completely naked in front of you, bare chest heaving, and your eyes glimpse over the undulating muscle before going down to his toned stomach and throbbing cock, coated with a glistening sheen. jeno chuckles in your ear, the sound making you shudder, and murmurs, “so tense… relax, precious.”

his kisses droop down to your shoulders, pushing the loose hem of your oversized shirt so that it slacks just above your forearm. “you know what jaemin does to me when i need to relax, hm?” he asks, and he does expect you to reply. it’s a whisper when you do, like you have completely lost your voice. “he uses his pretty pink lips. look at them. aren’t they pretty?”

you do look at jaemin’s lips, and they are pretty. you have noticed before. never dry, which impresses you. jaemin grins proudly at the compliment, feeling adored. “yeah, aren’t my lips pretty, princess?” you nod your head, muttering, “yeah… they’re nice.” jaemin smiles a little wider, a little wilder. “make me come and i’ll put them on you. deal?”

and he does put them on you. your thighs squeeze the pale palette of his soft cheeks as you straddle his face, cotton panties hanging on jeno’s finger until he has to manually hold you onto jaemin’s mouth, keeping you in place when the pleasure becomes too much to bear. strong hands gripping onto your hips as you try to get away from the stimulation, with the added force of jaemin’s fingers tightening on your thighs as he sucks as your sensitive clit. you can’t move. you can’t escape it. “no use in fighting it, babe,” jeno tells you huskily, nibbling at your earlobe. “you’re not going anywhere. just let jaem make you feel good, okay?”

[schpeenor]

I'm new to the Spinnerdabi way of life. What is your propaganda, I mean what makes this a good ship? I like it but I can't put into words why, so please give me your wisdom!

I DONT HAVE BIIIG ABSTRACT REASONS TO SHIP THEM, NONE I CAN PUT INTO WORDS BC I JUST DO SHIP EM!!! their dynamic is fun, just the sight of them in the same frame next to each other makes my brain buzz. here’s a sloppy ass list as to why i ship it (some of which digressed but let’s pretend that didn’t happen)

they’ve just got that kind of bickering like a married couple dynamic i like.

emo crashout x villain boy-failure. that’s it. that’s the ship. this is the propaganda statement trust.

i like to imagine they’re two dudes who feel like they don’t fit the standards of beauty (u could also say that about spinaraki but that’s not the focus atm), dabi’s whole patchwork frankenstein thing he’s got going on, feeling like a gross amalgamation of parts that don’t belong to him, and spinner’s stigmatized heteromorphic traits that’ve probably done a number to his self esteem and made him feel like he could only be defined by his scales. they fall in love w/ each other and along the way learn to love themselves.

the whole dabi’s a human heater and spinner’s a cold-blooded guy (my spinner isn’t cold blooded but suffers the same sort of problems that come with it — excluding brumation). listen even before they got together i can imagine spinner being all over him trust.

also the idea of these dudes pining for SOOO LONG bc of their own internal issues and dabi lowkey wanting to kill himself because of ALL people he has feelings for, IT’S SPINNER?? THAT LOSER?? And even in general, that means he actually has feelings, and he’d rather die than let that be the truth. Turns out that as much as he can sit here and act like he’s an unfeeling dick and a ruthless killer, like he’s only dabi, and dabi alone, that isn’t completely true. there’s still a part of him that wants to love and be loved — touya’s still in there, even if touya doesn’t use that name anymore. safe to say the guy has a crisis.

on spinner’s end, he likes this dickhead and he owns up to it, really admires him too, his whole vibe, his strength, and the actual brain he’s got knocking around in that head of his (basically he’s got sense — SUPPOSEDLY…) gets spinner going — so the question is: how is he supposed to bag THAT baddie? the answer is he can’t, ‘cause he’s been thoroughly convinced that he just can’t ever impress dabi, he’s just a big dumb lizard and all he does is squabble with patchwork, even if it’s lighthearted, what if it’s off-putting to dabi? THAT KINDA STUFF.

IM RAMBLING BUT OVERALL, I LOVE THE TWO MOST OF ALL BC OF THEIR EXISTING DYNAMIC. there’s so many things you can take from them and their characters and so much to explore. ALSOOO….

[girlwithherheadinthestars]

study tips i made instead of studying

first and foremost, do as i say not as i do (as in don't post study tips on tumblr when you have seven tests to study for)

make it aesthetic, that's always super motivating. put a playlist in the background like the "you're a princess researching about your mother while trying to overthrow your father" or "solving a mystery in your elite boarding school" or "studying in a library with the ghosts" (look them up they're good god knows i'm too lazy to link them) also mcu soundtracks help me so much!!

pretty notes!!

DRINK WATER (go now fr or i'm going to find you)

something i like to do is keep a big cup of water next to me and force myself to sit and study until it's empty

open windows!!! wind helps me focus personally

pretend you're studying in hogwarts or in the dead poets society or something. imagination is very powerful

snacks!!!!!!

more snacks!!!!!!!!!!

get interested in what you're studying. like fr. stuff we learn in school is amazing af like what do you mean we found out the universe is expanding through red-shift??? ok i know this is very nerdy of me but it's cool af. BE NERDY.

take breaks <3 always

pretend you have a rival you need to destroy (if you have one that's even better, personally me and my rival sometimes study in the same room to motivate each other just by glaring at each other from across the room)(side note: this could also be his method of flirting i will never know)

stand up and walk around every once in a while. for all my figure skating besties -- try to do an off-ice axel in your kitchen. it tends to wake me up because i tend to fall when i try to do a double but whatever that's a me problem.

find somewhere comfortable and wear something comfortable

make a to-do list

SEPARATE SECTION ABOUT TO-DO LISTS BECAUSE I HAVE A WHOLE SYSTEM FOR THIS

first of all you're going to brain dump everything you have to do. every little thing. including walking your dog. everything that has to be done in the next 24 hours.

let's take a sample to do list:

- math quiz

-math homework

-physics presentation

-chemistry test

-french oral

next, you're going to give each of them a score. how do we put scores? well

give it an easiness score from 1 -> 10 (10 being you can do it upside down with your eyes closed)

give it a stress score from -1 -> -10 (-10 being it causes crippling anxiety)

give it a priority score from 1 -> 10 (10 being your teacher will hunt you down if it isn't done in the next hour)

finally, give it in a convenience score from -1 -> -4 (-4 being i don't know where my notebook is my pen is in antartica i have no material to do this atm)

for me it would be something like

- math quiz (5E, -1S, 10P, -2C) 12

-math homework (7E, 0S, 8P, -1C) 14

-physics presentation (6E, -2S, 5P, -2C) 7

-chemistry test (2E, -2S, 10P, 0C) 10

-french oral (10E, -3S, 8P, -1C) 14

then sort everything. do the highest scores first and the lowest scores last (so you get the easy stuff done and get motivated to continue) and there! your to-do list is done in the least painful way possible <3

[mikuni14]

4 Minutes - Ep 4

This ep featured some of my favorite tropes: when two lovers share a secret that requires them to choose between their loved one and a cause, family, work, etc., when one of them decides to side with and protect their beloved, even if it means opposing and endangering their own family. And also that, besides Great choosing to side with Tyme and the kidnapped girl against his own family, Tyme himslef also doesn't waver in his conviction about what's right like Tan, even if it could cost him Great.

I just like this kind of stuff. I think it's neat 💖 The only thing I miss is the development of these scenes, more of them.

Unfortunately, this is not possible for one reason, namely that we are probably watching it all from the perspective of the dying Great, so there are no extended scenes, "fillers", there is no conversation between Great and Tyme about what actually happened, who Nan is, what is going on, what happened to Tyme's parents and what's the deal with Great's family business.

I apologize to WinTonklaKorn fans, but I can't convince myself to invest my interest and emotions in them. Especially now, because messy love triangles ALWAYS turn me off. There is also a lot of focus on the physical element of these relationships, and I find myself turning my head away when that happens (and as a fujoshi I should watch it like a National Geographic cameraman spying on two endangered species having sex like 👀), and generally drifting away. This plot could have been interesting, with elements of toxicity, crime, mourning, ambiguity, but it looks like it might want to, but it comes out more and more like a cheap romance with unnecessarily emphasized pornographic elements. Again - sorry to the fans of this thread and this couple 🙇‍♀️, but that's how I see it. Tonkla's brother was murdered, and he's constantly shown in a sexual context, in relation to other guys who are into him, instead of in the family/ sibling context of someone who lost his brother in terrible circumstances like Tan.

The only interesting scene was how Great's changed "reality" affects Tonkla's reality. The moment when he hears his dead brother's voice was very moving. I won't hide the fact that I would rather see more of this Tonkla. I would rather see him follow Tan's path from DFF in a sibling context, than entangle him in love triangles. I would like to see him as someone who doesn't lose sight of the goal and isn't distracted by the pussies around him like Phee. Unless Tonkla has some plan for Win and Korn 🤔 but I doubt it atm.

Of course I must mention the love scene between Great and Tyme, and I assure you, I did NOT turn my head here 🤩 I have no complaints, Bible and Jes are super comfortable together, they kiss beautifully and their physical contact has a nice flow, is smooth and natural (has Jes ever acted in a BL production?). You can also see in this scene the feelings that Great and Tyme have for each other. And I love how Great is vulnerable and open to Tyme in this scene (as in every other scene).

I like how Tyme starts with "innocent" kisses, giving Great time to react and even say no. I like how Great is just as eager as Tyme, which he shows with his whole body (as a huge fan of equality in relationships, I pay close attention to whether the series shows that both MLs are equally emotionally involved AND want each other). I love the moments when they smile at each other, when they laugh, when in addition to obvious desire they also have FUN, gosh, it's so 💯✨👌

Bible's tattooed thigh will forever be burned into my brain.

Oh and this?

This is it people! This is what it's all about, this is the quintessence of them and a good BL series. This showing of every aspect of a love relationship, this joy and pure fun, these smiles, these tattooed thighs, this beauty. Just.. wow. Wow!

(this is the second version of the post, the first one didn't appear at all, probably because of the full screenshots and Bible's thigh area lol hence the second attempt with cropped photos. EDIT, the previous version was flagged! 🥳 This is my first flagged post in my life, what a special day, I think I'll get drunk in honor of it)

[tartiflvtte]

sooo i've been hyperfixating on the boys since season 4 aired in june and i've created an oc at the end of july, and i'm having sm content to share about them i'm finally starting!!

Name: Qilin (Supe Name) | Jayden Wu

Age: 36

Gender/Pronouns: genderfluid afab (and mostly fem presenting) (she/him)

Sexuality: bisexual

Ethnicity/Languages: american mixed chinese, speaks American English, have some bribes of Mandarin

Height: 158cm

Occupation: Solo Supe, Vought tried to get her into the Seven but quickly failed, now they want to kill her.

Power desc: Shapeshifting (into a Qilin's form, mythical creature of chinese' folklore, symbol of peace and justice), super strength, healing (on people, not himself), semi-durability, flying (Qilin's form only), creates a trail of clouds when flying in Qilin's form details about Qilins : Qilins are often based off horses or stags! they have horns, a sort of ethereal mane, and sometimes they can have a mix of fur and scales (in Qilin's case she has both) and a big tail. They also can have features that you can find in asian dragons in cultural art!

Pairing(s):

> Situationship between both Homelander and Victoria Neuman. (fanservice says trouple tho) > At first Homelander is jealous of the symbol Qilin carries, and is disgusted by his Qilin's form (he struggles to comprehend such a form). But now he's just down bad bro's is on his KNEES for Qilin (literally) > Neuman wants her on her side because of the whole face of justice thing, AND befause she would protect her and her daughter (and Vicky is also down bad ngl) he also grew up with Victoria at Red River but she got out before him. He eventually left at 18 and never saw her again until Neuman got into politics and Qilin began being famous as a Solo Supe

Some random lore infos (probably will write about them!):

NOTE : I HAVE FOUR different storylines with different endings for both Qilin and her pairings, the main one is where she kills Homelander, but my brain can't focus on one so basically here are the list of the storylines : The storyline in which she kills Homelander The storyline in which she reunites with her childhood friend Victoria and agrees to protect her The one in which she finally destroys Vought and takes away Homelander's powers and the last one, which is there purely as a fanservice (polyam Victoria x Qilin x Homelander :P). Her story remains more or less the same for each storyline, just the evolution of her relationships are different.

Qilin is an orphan, her dad abandoned her at Red River because he was scared of her tiny Qilin form without any words to her mom and left, Qilin's mom got refused to get her back and she quickly abandoned her too. Qilin had the objective to destroy Vought very early, probably when Victoria left Red River when she was 16. Qilin met Homelander for the first time during one of Homie's patrol in 2014, Homelander started quickly get obsessed about knowing who was Qilin at that time but Qilin moved on quickly and they only met again in 2016 where they fight until Homelander actually get beaten up a bit (he's not injured just have some small bruises) After this fight Vought finally find infos about Qilin's true identity and Vought wants to recruit her, and they send Homelander to do it because he's the only of the Seven that encountered her. 2017 marks the change of Homelander and Qilin's relationship, they start to talk, and they ends up starting a chasing game that lasts until Qilin kills Homelander in 2023 in the first storyline! 

Bonus: Qilin growing up at Red River

I have plenty of Qilander (Qilin x Homelander) arts because I've been obsessing over them for the pas few months, so if anyone is interested by small writings or just me sharing my art just send an ask because my brain is just full of them atm! ;_;

[the---hermit]

26|05|2023

21/50 days of productivity

Today was a bit chaotic. I am happy with everything I manged to do in the morning, because I was losing focus, but I still got a lot done. On the other hand, when I got to the hair salon to get my haircut I had to wait over 40 minutes because they were late, and that made me very unproductive in the afternoon. My goal was to write down notes for an entire chapter, and by the time I got home and everything I simply didnìt have enough time and energies to do so. I did a part, and I'll finish the rest on Monday morning. I am still planning on taking the weekend off from studying, because I really need a little break if I want to be able to work well in the next couple of weeks. I plan on doing a bit of work in the garden, and continue reading my book, and then who knows?

Productivity:

practiced Irish on duolingo (still on the bare minimum side of things but it's all my brain can handle atm)

posted this update of the 2023 genre bingo

set up the next weekly spread in my bullet journal

finished writing notes for the second chapter of M. Detienne's Creation Of Mythology

read the whole third chapter

started to write notes (and highlight them) for the third chapter

planned what I'll have to study next week to stay on track (and somehow got ink all over myself while doing that. no, I don't own a fountain pen, I am just a fool)

started downloading the recorded lectures of another class (I am downloading them just in case, I don't want to risk them being deleated. One of these days I'll download the rest)

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

got an haircut (I'm embracing the short hair for the summer, I even went a bit shorter in the back, and I am really feeling it atm)

📖:The Creation Of Mythology by Marcel Detienne, The Left Hand Of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin (little update for those who have been asking. So far I am intrigued by the story, I knew very little before going into it. I am struggling a bit because it's not the lightest read and at the moment my mental energies are not at their best. I find myself struggling the most with longer chapters, so I am pretty sure this is a me problem rn. Anyway I am enjoying it so far, I particularly like those in-between chapters that tell short stories and legends or that simply give you a bit more insight on the world it takes place it)

🎵:Calm Down (A Little Bit Calmer Now) by All Time Low (there will come a day in which I won't be obsessed by something they release, but this is not that day)

[oflorelei]

One thing that annoys me so hard is whenever i see people boil down grrms writing to be the most bland, MEDIOCRE, boring ass take ever 😭 guy LOVES fantasy, he LOVES to worldbuild with mythology in mind, he LOVES prophecies- characters like Dany are literally the walking embodiment of his love for fantasy and the fantastical. YET I have to keep seeing the most braindead, tumblresque, BLANDEST takes ever. "hOTD IiS aBOuT tWO sPoIlED dAdDy iSsUED bRaTS", first of all we all know grrm sold his soul to hbo like faust sold his to the devil- but he literally DENOUNCED the show 😭 to think this everburning car accident that plagues the screens of the times square in nyc is an ACCURATE depiction of georges work is laughable. Im not gonna tell you what the dance is about, BESIDES that with removing the fantastical aspect (literally blood betrayal, dying of the dragons, the long night coming again), also removing the obvious aspect of womanhood in westeroa something that is DRIVING FORCE ON WHY THIS CONFLICT EXISTS, is fucking laughable. Especially because George DOES write about this misogyny, internalized or not so much, to completely ignore that point to push the fucking stupid "holier then thou because i hate the targaryens BC they are conquerers despite the people they conquered literally comitting two mass genocides together with forced conversion" (on that point who tf of yall think u can seperate the hightowers from the faith pre-dance?), is literally my achilles heel. I need some of you all to use your brain and THINK, very hard and long, and READ thru awoiaf or one of the DOZEN OTHER NOVELLAS we have on the dance, the blood betrayal, the long night.

Also another quick rant: this wannabe 'historian' pov of "im just boiling it down to the most blandest, white toast bread, ignoring and misinterpreting the lore the the extent that it would make the dumb and dumber PROUD" is so annoying- coming from someone who is studying history with a focus on pre-modern era (aka middle ages) atm. This doesnt work for a world in which *dragons* and *magic* not only EXISTS but also indirectly or even directly influences the fade of the world.

My take? The blood betrayal definitively definitively is there, was written to resemble the dance of dragons (or the other way around). Yeah ignore a younger brother betraying his older sister who was the rightful heir to the throne of an empire only ruled by men till then. Yeah ignore how that sister is called amethyst empress (in a line of a thousand different gems names there could be), while her brother is called the bloodstone emperor (which is btw a GREEN STONE WITH RED FLECKS). Yeah ignore that this betrayal is what caused the Maiden-made-of-LIGHT to turn her back on the world meanwhile the Lion of the NIGHT came forth with demons (with what the others are compared to btw) to the realm of MEN. Yeah ignore that Dany is also suppose to mirror/parallel the amethyst empress and that fixing the wrongs of her ancestors is also her whole thing. Yeah ignore that the breaker of chains, the Prince that was promised, the one who has an dynasty resting on her back, whose downfall started with the dying of dragons in a war fought over the heir not having a dick, is also a (very) young woman, her womanhood also playing a part in her whole Story. Am i saying Rhaenyra or Dany are the AE reborn? Hell No, and if id bet my money on Dany. But both of them and their conflicts get so extremely paralleled with the Amethyst Empress History that you have to be literacy blind to not see that.

But thats my opinion, you can believe what you want as long as you dont boil hotd down to being the "truth" and ignoring the existing fantasy/magic as well as the world building relevant extreme misogyny.

[rahrahrahweregoingtosmashtheoiks]

Ok!!

I’m in a bit of a SLUMP atm and I think I just don’t have an outlet for my thoughts anymore. Should I start an actual private diary and not publish my every thought for the whole world to see? Some would say yes. I would say that I can’t be bothered to get a physical book and a pen when I can do this on my phone in the dark.

Twitter has left a hole in my life, and all my group chats are slowly dying. It’s so sad that when you’re young and single your best friends are your WHOLE LIFE, and then when people get into relationships then suddenly they don’t need to pour their every thought out to their friends. Well I still do!!! I’m mildly tipsy but these are my real thoughts.

I wish I’d started doing this last year and actually blogged my first year in New York properly. But honestly I just didn’t really do anything. I decided to give myself time to settle in and take it easy and focus on work but that was just an excuse not to push myself out of my comfort zone!! So this year I’m really trying! I’m replying to people on bumble bff and everything!! Tomorrow I’m going to a random ‘paint and sip’ event and I’m very nervous because I’m socially awkward and I think even you’re desperate for friends people can SMELL IT on you and it’s actually very off putting. So I will politely paint and try my best to be normal.

What else! I ate Indian takeaway for tea that I bought yesterday and SAVED. It really got me through the day.

Anyone who knows me or who is simply a long term reader of my thoughts will know that I am incredibly anxious about how I’m perceived at work and my performance generally. I think I did really well last year, and I’m definitely still trying hard this year, but there’s just something in my brain that I haven’t been able to switch back on after Christmas. And I think it’s just that I don’t have much OUTSIDE of work to nourish my soul. I have my boyfriend who is perfect, but no close friends here. Not like best friends who I can text stupid thoughts to and get drunk with etc. So that is my goal. And getting more sleep.

I started a Substack but I feel too much pressure to only write serious things so I don’t dare post. Or not serious, but GOOD. People keep following me and I don’t know what the people WANT.

I’m babbling but I’ll be back to post more thoughts here and clear my head because I have many things to say!!

And il tell you how paint and sip goes!!

While I have been typing this 3 more people have subscribed to my substack. I love it and I am delighted but I am not worthy!!!

[windienine]

YOU. Kicks my legs like we're at a sleepover. Who was the character u were posting about in the tags.. spill..

kicking my legs back, ready to paint your nails at any time soooooo

okay i already dedicated a whole 2k word post to his partner goddess weird animal who bites him sometimes personal jester friend (?) Ysmé, so this time I'm going to spill about Loïc Ard from Soul of Sovereignty (prelude), an hour-long adult fantasy visual novel preview (< link here) that arrived on itch late last year courtesy of webcomic artist GGDG (if you're familiar with Lady of the Shard or CQ, you know their work)

So. This idiot.

look at this character design. the people hunger for men with strong cheekbones and glasses. look at the robes that attach at the fucking fingertips to draw attention to the position of his hands.

He's very soft-spoken and sweet. He knows a lot about the history of his world, as well as the biology of what lives there. He's staggeringly generous to others, even complete strangers. He's good at cooking. He knows how to sing.

He's the viewpoint character for the lion's share of the story atm, we get to look into his brain a little more often than Ysmé's for reasons that Will Become Rapidly Apparent As You Play.

Loïc is a middle-aged guy (late 30s? early 40s?) who works in an unofficial capacity at an inn in bugfuck nowhere (Tarn, a northerly village miles from anywhere else and regularly frozen solid by blizzards, with a population of Not Enough To Maintain Infrastructure), helping to cook, clean, and care for its mostly non-paying clientele, who his friend Alma, the proprietress, is allowing to stay for free. It's become a glorified sickhouse and shelter. No one is paying to stay in Tarn, but Alma can't turn her back on what she considers her hometown and Loïc can't turn his back on Alma (and he's here for other reasons too) so the inn is just kind of slowly decaying as conditions get less and less profitable. This sucks.

Especially because Tarn was built less than a century ago as an adventurers' hub for treasure hunting squads looking to uncover temples and relics right nearby, and the inn used to be full of good people and good food and fire and light and Alma wants all that back so bad it hurts and she refuses to say it's cooked and move back to the big city (in this case, the Mosaic, an ark-like vertical metropolis that housed humanity for hundreds of years after their world's apocalypse. After the outside was deemed safe again a century back, many people wanted to try and make a living documenting and salvaging stuff... but most of it turned out to be decayed, empty, and/or worthless, after so much time had passed.) The Mosaic is bright and lively, but it's a restrictive place to live for a lot of people-- cultures outside the dominant (very fantasy-Catholic) one are suppressed and the focus on making money to survive is exhausting.

But Loïc makes things a little less miserable. He's got a calm and pleasant bearing, he brightens up the place with flowers and greenery he manages to get growing even in this climate (he's a florist), and he's someone to talk to. He's witty, he's thoughtful, and he's almost a little too willing to dedicate all of his time and energy to helping people, and overall he's this mundane nice fella... with one big caveat you learn real early on.

Loïc is a mage, and a really unique sort.

The floristry bit isn't just his job or a characterization quirk, it's the whole basis of his magic. Species of flowers in this world each hold a unique concept-- fire (pallisia), calm (lavender), light (white dawn's eye), mundanity (dandelion), memory (cloud sage), you name it, there's probably some obscure botanical species that represents something in the ballpark of it. A god of language (Fayim) allegedly imbued a meaning into each, and if you can commune and reflect and experiment around hard enough to unravel the concept of one, you can turn that concept into something real.

Think of it like magical linguistics -- [correct flower] + [expressed meaning] = [physical effect], like [correct phonetics] + [contextual meaning] = [language]. You can even chain a couple of them to make a more complex spell, like turning words into compounds, phrases, and sentences, but you do have to understand what it actually means to do so. You're forming a connection to Fayim's power by talking. This burns up the flower, but Loïc's extreme dedication to botany means that he's got a regular supply of the spells he uses most often.

Loïc can hand you a golden pallisia blossom, start waxing poetic about the nature of warmth, and the firelight kept inside will radiate out and keep you comfortable even in Tarn's frigid weather. It's rare and potent stuff, doubly so because worship of Fayim is dwindling-to-nonexistent in the Mosaic, where the only faith and magic most people are familiar with at all are those revering the Builder, the creator deity who erected the Mosaic and saved humanity from the apocalypse in the first place. Everything else? False gods. Loïc himself doesn't worship Fayim or the Builder; he uses Fayimic magic but is pretty disconnected from his own background + faith in general. He's interested in the theology but doesn't use prayers in his invocation if he can help it.

Magic's not foreign to this world (most people in this world know at least a little artisanry, a more logical and physical approach to magic which lets you stitch together bespoke objects out of thin air, used heavily in both art and industry), but flower reading is a rare and dying language. Loïc's cute little flower shop back in the Mosaic was also a spell broker for people in need of small miracles. Given that the Mosaic worships a creator deity, I guess this implies that magic, generally, is something humans tap into extant divinity to borrow.

So, Loïc is holed up in Tarn studying magic and using mending spells (yellow rose) to cure people of minor injuries, but everything goes to hell when a certain sickly blonde washes up at the inn's doorstep begging for help escorting her to a nearby temple please please you gotta, she'll die from turbo tuberculosis otherwise, god (not the builder, some other guy, don't ask who) said so. Oh my gosh, you will? Thank you so muchhhhhh

[paraphrased very hard]

alma: this is definitely a scam of some kind. please just talk her out of this so she doesn't get eaten by mutant wolves.

loïc: oh for sure but you don't try for scam this obvious unless you're really desperate. idk what she even wants here, let me feel her out. i have nothing worth robbing. maybe this is a trauma thing or a money thing and i can talk to her about it.

alma: loïc, that's literally not your problem. loïc there's this weird pattern where you prioritize the hypothetical wants of strangers over your own proven needs. loïc no.

loïc: loïc yes

So, of course, it ends up coming out that Loïc is in Tarn specifically because he is a single father with a daughter named Lelia who is comatose from an unspecified illness. Her prognosis is extremely grim (low chance of survival that dwindles the longer she stays out, probably terminal.)

Specifically, he's on a hopeless little snipe hunt for a rumored species (the glass bell) that could act as a panacea for any illness, if harnessed correctly in a spell, and it might either be extinct or entirely fictitious.

He knows he can't find it alone. If it even exists, it is a needle in an impossibly massive haystack. He is consumed inside-out with a compulsive need to do something about it, and when that proves impossible, it starts spreading into a compulsive need to do something for anyone. The grief of admitting that Lia is already in a prolonged state of death would eat him alive, so if he can transfer that feeling of purpose onto anything else he can buoy himself. He is spinning his wheels because confronting the fact that he has outlived his own daughter and has to go on without her is impossible.

But like... he's dying slowly, too, in this state. Like Lia. Like Tarn. It's only a matter of time before there's nothing left of himself to give, and at the impetus of the story that's basically what he wants. There's nothing left for him.

... Unless...!!

OTHER THINGS:

would give blessings to his daughter every day before she went to school

apparently has a puppy and a kitty back home

loves lavender and sunflowers most

sometimes casts so hard he passes out

including other people and making his casting into a conversation is a quirk he does and that's just super cute

carries pictures of his daughter around in his spellbook maes hughes style

besides his suspiciously alb-and-chasuble looking mage robes, wears an apron and skirt around the house + gg regularly draws him in cute dresses. this is a known victor's weakness.

the in-game glossary has botany notes from him, usually paired with him waxing poetic about each species' meaning. this nerd shit is a known victor's weakness.

you see his general bearing and a lot of people assume he's kind of this easily-flustered anxious disaster type, but he's actually very serene and difficult to get a rise out of. he'll play along with most jokes you try to throw at him. if he does actually freak out at any point, you know something is up.

we don't know what happened between him and his ex, but there are dialogue clues that point to it being weird and messy. he's played very interestingly as far as divorcee characters go (conflict-avoidant rather than desperate for love, wants to be the better person at every opportunity), what with being a man who has primary custody of his kid (and a good relationship with her!) and taking on a position that the audience would probably identify as more motherly than fatherly, in terms of western gender roles. there's this fun contrast where he's very confident in his looks and presentation and bearing (very charismatic guy!!), but a lot of that is traditionally feminine. he's just very genderous.

(all of this tragically forgoes the meat of his special connection to ysmé, but that is the core premise of the prelude and if i got into that here it would really and truly give away the whole plot. i need you to experience her for yourself. (for ten dollar.) if you do not have ten dollar i will stream the game for you and give GG an additional ten dollar. this is a threat.)

(what i WILL say is that if you read lady of the shard, looked at the "sexualized mind control" tw beforehand and went "well now i want to read it more and not less," there is a delicious taste of that here and it once again intersects heavily with themes of control and coercion over the self, skewed power dynamics, and the emotions that arise from them.)

whatever horseshit this confluence of circumstances makes you assume he will pull, i guarantee you it is not the full picture of what actually happens.

[everythingsinred]

i certainly wouldnt qualify the things i write as "literary fiction" bc. idk. im just not interested in writing literary fiction for the most part (characters are ppl to me is the short explanation) but the fact that ive been reading literary fiction almost exclusively for the past ~10 years in school has muddied my brain into feeling incredibly self-conscious abt the work i do. my mom's novelist friend writes literary fiction and my mom said she could help me with my process but my brain keeps saying "we're not in the same category" and thus my book isn't as good or wont get published or will get judged, etc.

in the end i forget how many truly atrocious works of fiction get published and turn out successful, how many authors make a career out of grammar mistakes and poor characters and bad storytelling. not everything has to be literary fiction. theres paths to be found in other avenues.

and as a result im really uninterested in reading literary fiction right now (or im trying not to). its hard bc thats all ive been reading for abt a decade so idk what else i like, but im trying to read fun, character and story oriented books, where ur meant to get invested in the tale. thats the kind of book im interested in writing, the kind of book i do write, and learning more abt that process will probably make me feel a little better abt publishing

i think in a few months i might be at the point where i can actually start considering agents and publishing and i’m so nervous and anxious and excited abt that…. just thinking abt it makes my heart beat faster

[scarefox]

Ok since we are already talking about the toxic side of shipping culture. Here is a post that is marinating in my drafts since weeks

And since we today finally got the closest Net & James ever got since months on a picture / video, let me rant a little

Because it is so very obvious that they are not allowed to be seen on each others posts atm due to the fan backlash of their separation... and this is so fucking sad. EVEN THO they ended their acting-partnership clearly stating they are still friends and supporting each other. That nothing bad happened between them. AND it is also so obvious that they are constantly at the same events. If it's Domundi group events, some party, birthdays, concerts from their coworker etc. There are so many photos and videos of Net and James taken few seconds apart, almost standing next to each other. You can see by the location, background, their clothes, the people standing next to them.

But the problem with this is, that people think they had a fight and this must be the true reason for their separation...

If they had bad blood they would not still like each others posts. And sure as hell would not sit near each other at such a big event in the photo, where they could sit next to whoever from their coworkers. They just had to put Nat between them so toxic shippers can't use this as "NetJames reuniting" or whatever.... (also once again reminder: James did not quit acting nor Domundi, he just quit from one acting job while Net stayed and gets a new partner... why is this even such a drama)

They can't win this either way:

if they show they are still hanging out and interact, the toxic shippers will keep annoying and begging them to get back "together" and continue their actor-ship instead of Net getting a new partner. It could even endanger Nets new partner getting hate, if they keep showing up together. (he already got hate for being excited that "Love Upon a Time" can now finally get started since he found a new partner, but he didn't show excitement when James still was his partner... people with brain might understand why that is, when James was unsure about his decision since months which paused the project)

but staying on distance looks like the haters are right that they had a fallout even though they said they are still friends. Hater and toxics eat that up and are looking for who of them to blame for the ship bubble to burst (which is James because how dare he quit a job for multiple personal reasons that are nobodies business but are officially: James has other life goals he wants to focus on as well & got a leg injurie that takes forever to heal properly. But unofficial yet also obvious: James mental health & some secret issue they mentioned but don't tell, which means it is nobodies business)

I would love them to go option 1 with a clear shut down message to the problematic crowd.

It's sad and ridiculous. I just hope this doesn't harm their friendship behind the screens....

It's so mindboggling for me how so many people are (still !!!) looking for someone to blame and put hate onto, even though it's one of the most peaceful and understandable mutually agreed on separations... I don't get it, why people can't just leave it at that and be happy about the good things they both gave us as a duo. But instead they have to turn it into a war... like it's not even the first time ship partners go different ways or someone drops out of a production for personal reasons. Chill.... there are worse things in life. And I say that as big NetJames fan. Like half of the NetJames posts in the tumblr tag are from me.

I have to admit that they both felt more distant with their online presence for months before James quit LUAT. Maybe they tried to soft launch the separation since they knew for a while. Maybe they drifted apart as people. But watching their last fan meeting vlog together, they seemed fine despite them not hanging on each other the whole time. Also their snowboard trip, they both had friendly jokes with eo on xitter and on the photos literally a day before James injury and him dropping out of the drama shortly after.

But those (and the OffGunTayNew thing) are reasons why I hate this real shipping culture in this current form. Don't get me wrong I do love actors having fun together, fun-flirting and them enjoy fanservice even on the most unhinged levels they feel comfortable with. So many of the actors clearly state nowadays that they are not dating, that they are just buddies, coworkers and teasing for fun and good vibes. NetJames were always honest about that too. But some fans are still not able to take the "shipping glasses" down and separate between the acting jobs, promo and them just being coworkers who are also friends. Even if they would have dated for real and now broke up it still wouldn't be fans business to butt in and demand explanations on who, why and what and then even demand them to stay together despite it not working for them.

[adambja]

The chosen ones for the experiment (void concept tape success rate)

Almost 22 people + 1 who isn't included in the experiment 🫶🏻 but included in the server

Check your DMS guys you will find the link to be in the discord server

@atlea

@shifting777

@perfecttrashsouleggs

@roshalayeq

@urprettyangel888

@fluffycloud29

@lucidiangelo

@oonalunah

@dreamygirlblogger420

@paint3dros3s

@nana2029

@irisreality

Someone else with @irisreality

Someone else with @irisreality too

@eternabesos

@talya2000

@isis444

@vibesswithdani

@amei-mari

@shriyaaaaa96

@pahhhhhhh

@fairyjmm

@charlotte44sworld

Everyday these incredible people will submit their updates and experience with the void concept tape I have and it will be an amazing experience to know what is the success rate of the void concept tape I made with this group of people who got low to mid-high self-concept! And they didn't use my self-concept tape!

The success rate was 100% with my clients who got the self-concept tape with coaching they are exactly 23 clients (25 clients right now) they needed tapes and entered/woke up in their void state normally some of them got a little coaching not too much - some other clients I am still coaching are experiencing many other things because (I am updating the void concept tape too much "🥹😭" - they got some little limiting beliefs and need more coaching (which is very easy to just let go of) - still working on their self-concept with the tape I have for self-concept) *important note: every single client I am coaching atm doesn't have all of the above!!! It's just one of these pointd! Or even a small part of it! They are literally getting thru too much and letting go of many things i see their experience as so special like someone coming to me very anxious and scared and rn they just think positively and love themselves it's like when a caterpillar 🐛 turns into a butterfly 🦋 - 🥹🫶🏻 that's why I love coaching and my clients even if they don't want me to share their success stories or even if they don't share something personal with me cause at the end of the day I feel so good that I am able to help them and assist them in their lives and change it in a short time 🥹🫶🏻!!

I think everyone will enjoy this as much as me ;)))

Also I have many and a lot of like custom things I added to protect my tape no one will be able to get results if they talked badly about me in the past and if they post it anywhere or give it to anyone it won't work at all and this is another layer I added you won't even hear it even if you focus 😭 but your subconscious mind gets it instantly once you listen which is so funny to me and it was so smart of me thinking about doing this lmao

Also it won't work after 48 hours if you don't submit the results and the updates with the void concept everyday on Google forms the link will be there everyday on the discord server 🥹

Pls this was just me showing me how smart I am! Anyways enough crushing on myself and my brain guys check your DMs you will find the discord link and mwahhh thank you for joining this experiment 🫶🏻

And from now no one can join the experiment 🫶🏻 sry not sry 🫶🏻

One last thing after this experiment ends I won't give anyone a chance to question my prices because I fkin know my tapes are literally worth it and are working 100% I am using many things combined together literally no one knows about and I will never tell anyone about my secret salsa that I use and I will literally destroy anyone who stands in front of me giving anyone coaching and tapes here

If you question my prices after this experiment whatever the results are I will block you 🫶🏻 I won't be sorry about it