#and even more frustrated because i know relatively they dont actually matter all that much lmao

[linda-rose]

I love having entire ✨ breakdowns ✨ over the smallest of things someone please fix my brain and also throw away my phone while you're at it thanks!

[tolerateit]

over the last 4 years I've lent 5k to a relative for their family who keeps promising to pay it all back whenever they get a chance. they moved abroad to make more money and i don't understand what's not quite working out for them because i know dozens of people that do the same and manage to actually send money back to their families but their case is the opposite. it's quite a sum but it's been fine for me because im lucky to have a decently paying job. but the market has become difficult in the last year. not to the point where i need the money back, but to a point where i cant lend them more money. in this time, they started asking for more and more every couple of months. that's how we got to that sum above. and asking for bigger favors too, which i cant help with. and now they're asking for 5k more, asap. at this point that's all i have in savings that im keeping for a rainy day for my family. i can't afford to give it to anyone, no matter how close we are. and they've resorted to telling me how difficult the situation has been for them, while all im thinking is "why didnt you plan for this earlier instead of asking me for money two days before you need to pay things? and why havent you gotten any sort of job in the last few years at all?" i even helped them get certifications and training that they no longer understand or know because that kind of knowledge requires regular practice. and im at a point where all i can see is their bad financial decisions like buying expensive things and taking trips while they're saying they cant afford to even put food on the table and it's giving ME anxiety? what kind of an adult are you, i cant look after YOUR family too i have my own to look after. i got a couple of other jobs because of the rough market, they haven't got a single one because "they dont have the time" which honestly im now reading as they dont want to work in food service that's always hiring because people will look down on them. and i know they're gonna come back in a few months asking for more because from their financial explanations their expenses are about double their income, but then again, whose fault is that? why get the flashy brand names when cheaper things work just as well and they won't make you broke? and my biggest issue is that this whole thing started ramping up once i briefly mentioned how much i had in savings. ive given half of my savings to them. and then spent a lot on hospitals because of health issues my family has had. i dont have anything left to give and i dont want to have another panic attack from their explanations of how difficult their situation is. and im stuck.

I'm so sorry they're being so difficult with you, it's just so frustrating when you've asked them outright and still don't get a response. Because like what else can you do after asking them multiple times, but I truly hope they pay you back if not all at once then at least in installments :/

[papirouge]

Hey papi, i'm the anon who sent you the message about becoming a youtuber. I've been thinking a lot about your answer, and honestly I don't know if I'm up to the the many facets of what that entails.

Like you said, gaming is well known to be full of scrotes and weirdos, and unfortunately most female youtubers and streamers have to use their sex appeal to get attention and views, and that's not something i'm willing to do (i wouldn't even want to show my face in the first place). You did mention that I should find a niche, and for me that would have been either retro gaming or games geared towards girls. In fact, I grew up with a lot of those barbie computer games, so I could actually mix both retro gaming and games for girls.

Another thing I thought about was making more "complex" videos. Like I have an interest in lost media, and there's not that many good content about it in my mother language, so I think I could definitely make myself a name in that genre. And that brings me to another point - I've watched a lot of lost media videos, amd also read the wiki of some pages that interest me many times, and I've noticed that many videos are basically just wikipedia reads with no attempt of the creator to actually explain things in his own style. And some of them are quite popular and capitalize of other people words and work via sponsors or ad revenue!! It kinda makes me mad in a way to see some youtubers put a lot of effort in their videos and get very few views while lazier ones that i dont think even care about the subject matter (if they did i doubt they'll just be copy pasting their scripts) being praised and get money off of their wikipedia reads.

Another thing that I realized it's that if I choose to make videos about lost media or other things similar to that, I'd probably get so annoyed at the ignorant comments that people might make when it comes to real life cases that i'd have to hold myself back to avoid responding. Like I remember once listening to this video about the Natasha Kampusch case, and the narrator mentioned how the guy who kidnapped her actually didn't force her (right away) to have sex with him, and to come to him when she was ready. I decided to go to the comments (big mistake) and there were a few comments highlighting this and talking about how sweet and thoughtful it was of the guy to not pressure Natasha, and how she might have wanted to have sex with him when that happened. Like do these idiots realize that she was KIDNAPPED, aka being held hostage for years since she was only ten years old with no probability of this guy ever letting her go? I really hope these commenters were very young and misguided and learnt later to think more critically.

In a similar way, I also once watched a video about Elliot Rodger (back when I've nver heard of his case before) and the comments were full with men being like "Not saying what he did was bad but I can understand him feeling frustrated and mad at being rejected by women because I feel the same". Wow, isn't that sad? How about you empathise with all the people he killed and their relatives, have you thought abouot that? Prety much any video talking about the bjork stalker has the same kind of men in the comments. Not papi, I don't think I could stand getting stupid comments like that on my videos, but then perhaps true crime rots your brain or something...

Hi anon! Nice to see you back 🩶

"And some of them are quite popular and capitalize of other people words and work via sponsors or ad revenue!! It kinda makes me mad in a way to see some youtubers put a lot of effort in their videos and get very few views while lazier ones that i dont think even care about the subject matter (if they did i doubt they'll just be copy pasting their scripts) being praised and get money off of their wikipedia reads."

Welcome to the commentary YouTube community 😅 that's why I told you in my first reply to do something you truly enjoyed and not start off to get instantly get popular or get ad revenue because you'll be quickly discouraged by the lack of engagement of your video. If you like what you do, you'll still be happy despite get only a dozen of views. Your dedication has to go beyond external validation or gratification.

YouTube is just too big now. I remember the scandal when tea channel have been exposed as being content farm (basically content creator 'industry plants' - Spill, Anna Oop, etc.) and other tea/commentary channel called them out being like "they're lying to you!!!" when these channels never pretended being only one independent creator 💀. I personally wasn't really surprised because it's been a while that YouTube has become an entire industry so yeah, content creation agencies jumping on the bandwagon was bound to happen¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

That's why you really shouldn't compare yourself with bigger yet lazier channels because who knows if they don't have a whole marketing machine backing them up (for example posting a lot, it asks a whole editing team etc.). That's why I also told to have a delivery that can't be imitated. Even if they copy what you say (let's get real, YouTuber copy each other all the time and that's ok, that's the whole concept of trends) they will never do it like you. That's why despite commentary channels being so popular, some channels are more unique than others.

For example I tried looking for other channels like Chrissie but not a single one manages to make it like she does : Chrissie is just so articulated, CLEVER and resourceful in her takes, that no other Black feminity/dating channel never really did it for me... (either they only talk about Black men, talk like they were drunk à la Cynthia G 💀 aren't smart, or are intellectually inconsistent (wig wearer talking about embracing our Black feminity ANNOY ME like sis embrace your own hair before giving advice about self love IDC)

Let's get real anon: there's already a woman doing what your doing - but the good news is : nobody will be you. I love vlogs but tbh those female influencer pretty much do the same thing, but the way they do it is what makes me stick. Unfortunately it's hard to explain but I think that's the x factor that makes even very small channel have a very loyal audience. I told you about the FNAF commentary french guy who had a 30k followers channel with a dedicated watchbase (his chat are always very active and his discord channel is booming). I also follow a Dark Deception playthrough japanese channel with "only" 35k followers, and guess what? He's been invited by the Dark Deception developpement team at the Tokyo game show in September to test their new chapter of the game. Size or popularity doesn't matter - how you do it does (the japanese guy doesn't even update that much...)

Now for the toxic audience/commenters, it's actually very easy to moderate comments on YouTube. You can also block certain words so comments having them to not appear. You can also pin a PSA on the comment section to warn off rape apoloigists, and stuff like that. The only reason those guys you're talking about talk like that is because they feel comfortable enough to do that in *this* space. I'm a firm believer that you are what you attract. I'm on TikTok and I don't see the awful shit people are constantly seething about. Bc I swap up whenever I see suspicious/weird/kinky shit so the algorithm stops making these messy stunts. I also don't follow influencers or gimmicky accounts.. True Crime channels are bound to attract psychopaths anyway. There's something so pornographic in women doing their make up while explaining gruesome murder....

[iscratchdoors]

blah blah trans healthcare rant dont mind me

i know people get pissy about regrets being given voice but holy fucking shit i should have not taken my time trying to get on hrt. i already knew i would eventually have to get top surgery to live my life normally at like 14 years old but for like 2-4 years after i was going back and forth on wanting to go on t, partially bc i wasn't sure i wanted all its effects and to look like a Manly Macho Man (wow a 15 year old struggling with the idea of looking like a 40 year old man? no way) and other gender stuff but mostly because everything i'd heard about trying to get hrt was a fucking horror story and i was already dealing with a ton of shit so i took my time to really make 100% sure i wanted to be on t (coincidentally happened when i became an adult and youthful androgyny stopped being an option, who woulda thought?) before ever contacting a doctor about it and holy FUCK was that a bad idea

it's always "take your time" and "don't rush into things" but holy fuck the waiting game is fucking insufferable. i did exactly that and took my time but turns out, so will my doctor! it does not matter how much Taking My Time(tm) i have done before seeking medical intervention this dipshit needs to take half a fucking year to even start talking to me about treatment. 6 appointments since last year and i've so far done nearly all the talking and gotten 0 information back and for about half of those ive been hearing that "next time we might talk about the next step" and guess what! we fucking haven't! because i need to wait, wait, wait, and make sure, and wait

for fucking what? ive already done all the making sure, giving me more time isn't going to change shit except delay my ability to live a normal goddamn life. he's not a psychologist and clearly doesn't know shit about autism, so i have no clue why he thinks he's qualified to decide if that has somehow tricked me into thinking im trans, a thing that famously happens. he's not telling me shit about fuck about how my treatment might even go and im not allowed to even fucking ask because that immediately gets shot down with "well we cant just give you hormones right away" BITCH FIRST OF ALL its been MONTHS ive had all my psychiatric work done for YEARS before i ever had to deal with your donkey-headed ass and im literally just ASKING. FOR INFORMATION. NOT A PRESCRIPTION.

but noooo we have to wait wait wait, wait before we even talk about the one goddamn thing i came for. like we arent sitting here having talks about my truest inner self and how to best achieve it or whatever the fuck i didnt come here for counseling and it certainly isnt what im fucking getting. like what the fuck does he think is going to happen during an arbitrarily decided waiting period? i suddenly change my mind? without him giving me ANY information about what im getting myself into? hes going to discover some secret psychosis i have that my ACTUAL PSYCHIATRIST didn't for years??? it doesn't make any sense. it's always "oh you can't get hormones on the first appointment" WELL CAN I AT LEAST BE FUCKING SENT TO ENDO BY THE GODDAMN SIXTH???? im not taking shit at my own pace im entirely reliant on someone else's that they decided for me with frankly no justification

and i can't even vent my frustrations about this to acquaintances and relatives because for some goddamn fucking reason, they almost ALWAYS take the doctor's side. i complain about the shit i had to go with my joints, nobody assumes the doctor was in the right when i tell a story of how they fucked something up or were a prick. i say one bad word about THIS motherfucker and suddenly well the doctor has his reasons surely :((( you cant just expect to be given what you want immediately :(((((( what if someone gets on hormones and changes their mind :(((((( not you just Someone :((((((( still your problem tho :(((((((( by the way i need you to listen to this story about how a trans person you've never met annoyed me once :) i dont have anything against trans people btw did i mention that? i really dont. if you want medical treatment die tho.

every single fucking time. what the hell is it about transgender healthcare specifically that always makes people play defense for a medical professional they dont know anything about. i know im kind of unhinged with anger and hyperbolic from rant frenzy but i mean no exaggeration when i say that i genuinely believe that half of these people would rather see 100 trans dudes kill themselves than let 1 confused cis girl end up with a deep voice and extra body hair. it's fucking ridiculous. even my goddamn social worker gave me the "can't expect hormones at first appointment" speech. a fucking WEEK ago. first appointment was LAST YEAR girl. no matter how directly i describe exactly what's wrong with my doctor's approach and why (it's not only the waiting period he's just a general cunt) somehow the narrative of the entitled impatient trans person who is attacking this poor poor medical professional on an unhinged whim when really they could just accept themself and be cis and happy :( is the first thing that springs to their mind. there's not an ounce of trust in me, or anyone else in my position.

and this is all just the first step. i'm already looking into paying out of pocket for surgery because the fucking rate this is going at doing it the standard way seems a last resort more than anything. but to even get into talks about getting surgery done, in ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY most likely, at that, because fuck me for being born here, i of course need to be diagnosed and on hrt! haha! amazing! i can't do shit to progress any further until ONE OLD FART decides that i'm allowed! wanna permanently ruin your health with booze and smoking? sure! you're an adult! wanna get a cosmetic surgery in line with your agab? aye if you can pay for it! oh you want to get a different cosmetic surgery to improve your mental health at well over 18? now hold on there bucko we're going to need 2 doctors to sign off on that, what if youre just being an insane wackadoodle and you'll regret the horrible, horrible fate of not having titties while living as a dude. that's not a decision you can just make. have you considered spending the rest of your life unable to comfortably go outside or even move around much inside your own home instead? seems like a much safer option.

and all the waiting and frustration is one thing but the absolute lack of support is what really finishes the job. i go to my dumbass dipshit appointments and do my dumbass dipshit jester dance of how good of a trans i am and may i please please please have a crumb of medical care sir? spare a doing your fucking job sir? and after that goddamn exhausting ordeal of justifying my right to existence and well being i go home and instead of winding down i fucking do it again. no reprieve. and then i go to my room and i wait, wait, wait, wait, and wait, and it never fucking ends, and all i do is wait, wait wait, wait, wait, and i barely even get to talk to people who aren't paid to do it anymore, and i wait, wait, wait, and im slowly going more and more insane, and wait, wait, wait, and life is a fucking nightmare, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and there's no one left to ask for help, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and think about putting a hole in my skull, and wait, and wait, and wait

[conchiferrous]

Helloo... Just gotta say I really love your artstyle and ur drawings are awesome :). Got any tips for drawings or something like that?, bc I wanna improve in drawing T_T

(idk how you draw or what ur skill level is or anything so if you know any of these already uhh sorry

in my experience using 3d shapes instead of flat construction shapes helps a lot if you want ur character art to have more depth and this is where i realize i have a picture for this actually

^^ on top of this if you draw digitally coloring in the sketch can make any imperfections with the shape n mass of what ur drawing more obvious and this can save you a lot of grief later if you go sketch->lineart->color and realize too late while coloring your foundation wasn't very good . also if you draw digitally try getting into the habit of flipping the canvas regularly that makes wonky shapes and skewed perspective more obvious too . ive seen the joke a lot of people being frustrated or embarrassed when they wait until the sketch is finished then flip the canvas and realize it looks really skewed which is very dumb to me because the sketch can just be a rough draft its fine . which on that note sketches are a thing you're probably going to have to iterate on over and over and over like it's not embarrassing if you don't get it right on the first try, best case scenario if its something i care about looking good at all it'll take me at least like 3-5 sketches. something something, sketches aren't the final so don't get caught up in the details right out the gate as a first step i see a lot of beginners get caught up in getting the head and face right first, THEN sketching the body after and maybe that works for some people just fine but in my experience personally if you loose sketch/figure sketch the whole body first no face no extreme detail at least you can work the pose out first before you waste your time getting caught up in details only to realize you don't have a great pose to go with it

also to you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the line of action?

actually lastly uhh if youre relatively new to drawing seriously dont get caught up in trying to have an iconic artstyle or even a consistent art style (<- like consistency really doesn't matter unless ur making like a comic or animation obviously) but you really really don't have to focus on having an art style worked out within the first few years or first decade even of drawing seriously. An art style will come to you naturally over time. This isn't to say you can't draw how you want to draw, but if you over fixate on having a cool recognizable unique not like other artists art style right out the gate but without much of any studying of anatomy or how your favorite art styles work, you're probably not going to get very far with that. and most important art tip of them all; don't draw to impress people, don't draw for likes and shares, draw for you and make the art you want to see. hope this was comprehensible or helpful and that tumblr doesnt format the images weird . just trying to rattle off some things that helped me a lot . if this post sucks idk ask me again later

[kingreywrites]

something that makes me sad about cass/unzel is that it's a wlw (woman loving woman) ship but it's so unhealthy when it totally had potential not to be. as a bi wlw I really want more rep, and I appreciate the writers somewhat trying to do that, but in s3 they completely made it unhealthier (before it wasn't as toxic as it absolutely was in s3) :(( it's a comfort ship for a lot of my wlw friends and I get why and dont blame them but it's rlly sad how unhealthy it turned out to be. I could totally support cass/unzel if it was healthier, and up until season 3 I didnt really have a problem with it. I love new dream and headcanon them both as lgbtq n I just wish cass/unzel was more of a healthy ship and more lgbt rep in the fandom would be v nice w/o it being solely cass/unzel. I dont see much lgbt rep about new dream or any other characters outside of cass/unzel. anyway rapunzel and eugene are pan/bi even if they're in a heterosexual relationship that doesnt matter <333 (before anyone gets angry that's a headcanon pls dont be homophobic (not @ you ines) <33)

yeah i totally get you and i WISH there was.... any other wlw option in TTS but they made that relatively hard when they confined the main female characters to Cass and Rapunzel 🙃 Rapunzel being married, there was no way for it to be canon anyway, but gosh imagine a universe where they added another female character to the main cast, who could have given two more wlw ship by herself (and maybe, you know, could have gone canon with cass.... sigh i wish 😭 we do get more wlw rep in cartoon these days which is amazing, but tts wasn't part of that sadly)

and honestly beyond shipping i've always felt like disney is especially terrible at depicting healthy relationships between women, and TTS definitely falls in this category. I mean... Gothel is an abusive mother to Rapunzel and Cass; Arianna and Rapunzel's relationship is forgotten; Lady Caine hate Rapunzel's guts; Adira is seen as a possible threat for all of s2 by Cass (and Rapunzel to an extent); Rapunzel is jealous of Stalyan at first, before they agree on a tentative friendship, and then Stalyan robs them anyway; Cass turns evil and blames Rapunzel for being kidnapped; Zhan Tiri manipulates Cass...... this isn't everyone but god is there one female relationship of any kind in TTS that's actually good and developed all the way through?? i wish this show had given Rapunzel more friends overall (and I don't like the idea that they didn't so her friendship with cass could be more meaningful, because, actually, people are able to love multiple people at once... 😬 Rapunzel is so social, she deserved to have as many new friends as possible 😭)

Anyway yeah I understand the frustration, and I also understand people who loves this ship and finds comfort from it, though it's not my case! I just... wish there was other options asfhsgjd

BUT YEAH NEW DREAM IS A LGBT SHIP I DON'T MAKE THE RULES Rapunzel and Eugene are bi icons 🥰 some people also see them as pan, or one as bi one as pan, and EVERYONE IS RIGHT ACTUALLY

they're also trans because i said so

also if anyone homophobic is actually reading this i'd recommend them to fuck off - i hope you don't have to deal with anyone like that anon, but yeah, these people aren't welcome here at all

[memoriashell]

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.���

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

[lavellane]

OTP TWENTY QUESTIONS - TRISS MADDOX / AVA DU MORTAIN

i was tagged by @goblin-deity​​ and @pillarsofeternity​​ thank u both !!! tagging @trvelyans​ @arlathen​ @solasan​ @lvllns​ @abelas​ @noonvvraith​ @lavelans​ @rosebarsoap​ and anybody else who wants to!

who can out drink the other?

who CAN but chooses not to? ava. who WILL but absolutely SHOULDN’T? triss 100%. neither one of them are big drinkers but put triss in a social setting and watch her instantly lose any and all ability to self discipline lmao

who says “i love you” more?

hmm okay so they both have their own individual and specific Issues around relationships, so neither of them rly say it all that much except during intense/intimate moments when it rly matters. but i think after a while (as in like a year or so into the rel when ava is used to it and comfortable) i think ava might say it slightly more than triss does, just in priavte together whilst Doting on her u know.....

who has trouble sleeping alone?

triss ! i mean even before they got together her nightmares were real bad :( but being w ava thru the night helps, to the point where theyre basically a non issue for her anymore. plus she’s a very cuddly person in private just in general and likes BEING cuddled fdjdjfkjf so not having bae w her during the long, cold nights is..... a tragedy luv 

who swears more?

oh triss djdjkffdkjfdk tho shes doesnt swear THAT much and never around ppl she doesnt know. usually just when shes distracted or with fwends having a goof...

who does more of the housework?

probably ava.................. triss is lowkey a messy bitch lol. not DIRTY or anything like her house isnt gross or whatever but she definitely just leaves shit lying around and never tidies lmao. when ava comes around she always ends up cleaning jsut bc shes Like that. as for things like dishes/vaccuuming/etc, mostly triss does that stuff bc its her apartment lmao,, tho ava will always end up helping her anyway bc, again, shes just like that

who forgets their anniversary?

triss :’’’’(((( shes RLY independent and before ava she took a very modern approach to dating so she rly doesnt.... consider those things too much. i like to think ava WOULD remember bc her memory is like. impeccable lol and she’d want to know these things bc shes somewhat old fashioned - but i also dont think she’d care enough to be upset by it. like she IS old fashioned in some ways but like ava of all ppl would probably agree that its not a big deal. regardless triss always wants to do smth together when she does remember lmao

who steals the duvet in their sleep?

TRISS AND SHES SO BAD ABT IT AS WELL. shes the MOST restless sleeper u will ever meet, absolutely throws herself all over ava during the night and if ava was as fuck-off-strong as she is, i have no doubt triss would succeed in pushing her out of their bed on multiple occasions

who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?

neither, fortunately ! tho on the odd occasion when ava sleeps, she is sometimes woken up by triss sleeptalking during nightmares

who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

honestly neither again, mostly bc triss is so busy and her apartment is too small for anything other than her bird. triss is definitely the type to pick out the ugliest/most feral stray animal she can find and gush abt how cute it is tho!

who usually makes dinner?

triss! she likes cooking even tho she’s not very good at it. she sometimes asks ava to help her in making recipes that ava likes or is more comfortable eating, bc of the whole sensory thing

who plays their music out loud?

triss again ! i have a hc that there is ALWAYS music playing at triss’s apartment, she always has her radio or her speakers playing smth bc she is uncomfy with silence, and also just bc she likes to dance around the house kfdjkdkf

who hogs the bathroom?

okay.........i HONESTLY think ava. idk why but i feel like ava takes rly good care of herself. whereas triss is a rat who will brush her hair and teeth and maybe put a moisurizer on if shes feeling it that day lol. ava at the VERY least spends a lot of time on her hair imo, washing it as well as making it look so damn Iconic

who gives the most compliments?

triss ! shes a very sweet bby and u cant rly get thru a convo with her without being complimented at least once lol

who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

definitely ava, tho i would argue - at least in the context of their relationship - that its actually a good thing, or at least a healthy thing. triss HATES conflict that involves voicing her own issues w something, and much prefers to just bury it down or pretend it doesnt exist. which isnt healthy at all ! so a lot of their arguments usually have to do with ava trying to get triss to have meaningful dialogue with her and not hold back so much.

who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

triss.................i feel so damn sorry for ava actually lmao

who gives the other cringe worthy pet names?

hmmmm, ava gives them unironically (like. triss’s cousin once overheard ava call triss “my love” or “my heart” once and NEVER lets triss forget it) but triss absolutely goes out of her way to come up w some truly creative ones. 

who fusses over the other when they get sick?

ava !!!!! i feel like after 900 years she would be Extra worried abt that kind of stuff, and severely catastrophises abt how absurdly fragile/vulnerable she thinks humans are. like triss will get a cold and ava will still partially act like its 1183 or whatever and her gf is literally at deaths door lmao.

who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long

hm both ! ava tends to get frustrated a lot at everybody in general, but triss has an annoying way of cutting thru all of that lol. whereas on the other hand, like i said, triss just doesnt get angry, and even if she does she tends to just move past it as quickly as she can because she doesnt want to argue

who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?

i think both, but in slightly different ways ! triss always wants comfort from ava, whether shes happy or sad or whatever lol, but i do rly love the idea of ava relying on triss a little more for emotional support once they have been in a relationship for a while, and once and ava feels safe w that kind of thing............like just letting her be vulnerable with someone whom she trusts, just for a little while.... 

who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

again i would say both in different ways ! it rly depends on what the q means by passionate. like triss is very handsy and quite physical w her affection, and ava is more into the subtler stuff. but in saying that, when ava does get physical its WAY more intense and ‘passionate’ in that sense!

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Cori's Tale (Pt.2)

-------------------------

We sat there for a few minutes, I exchanged stories with Patton about the surface world. His expression of sadness and anger at the notion of the other children sending us down the mountain as sacrifices was one I wouldn't soon forget. I learned a lot about him, to, he had a cat allergy, he took care of six children before I got here. That last line stopped me in my tracks.

"What. . . Happened to the other kids?" I asked, Patton's face seemed to fall.

"They. . . Left. . . That's all you need to know for now, dont dwell on it ok kiddo?" Patton rested a hand on my shoulder for a few seconds before getting up.

"I think we should head off now, yeah?" He said, holding a hand out. I merely nodded and accepted it. I walked with Patton into a narrow hallway. On one end was a sign, on the other a lever and pressure plates. Patton stepped a pattern on them, his hooves clicking against the stone, before flipping the lever. A door opened and he walked through it. I chose to read the sign before following.

"Only the fearless may enter here, brave ones, foolish ones, both walk not the middle road," I read aloud before crossing. The words bounced in my head for a bit, fading to the background as my attention turned back to Patton.

"This next puzzle you can do on your own,  I've labelled all the levers for you," he said, I watched him cross a few bridges to the end of the room, the second doorway was blocked off by a set of spikes on the floor.

I walked over to the first lever, light blue words were scrawled on the walls next to it, telling me this was the right one. This repeated with about two more levers before I heard a clicking sound and noticed the spikes behind Patton retreating into the ground.

"This next puzzle is dangerous, take my hand," Patton said, holding it out. I took it, not paying attention to much until I realized what we were walking on. Rows, and rows, of sharp, silver, spikes. The spikes seemed to retreat under Patton's hooves, I found this matter interesting.

"Now, as you go through the ruins, you may encounter monsters, and they may try to attack you, I want you to know you should just talk to them and I will come to resolve the conflict," Patton smiled and gestured to a dummy at the center of the room. I walked up to it and noticed the heart that had been established as my SOUL appear in front of me again. I saw something behind the eyes of the dummy, something I couldnt quite place.

"Hi, I'm Cori, she/her and they/them pronouns, what's your name?" I said, not really expecting the dummy to respond. The mysterious aspect of its eyes seemed to evaporate, my SOUL retreated back into my chest, I looked to Patton for guidance, but he merely smiled and clapped in approval.

"Now, follow me kiddo," he said, walking to another room. We'd nearly gotten there when a small frog-like creature appeared in front of me. A barrage of flies aimed straight for my SOUL, I narrowly managed to avoid them by spinning out of the way.

My mind seemed insolent on two options, threaten, or compliment. I was never very accomplished at threats, so instead I decided to compliment the symbol scrawled on its chest. The frog began to blush, it was seconds away from preparing its next attack when Patton stepped out onto the scene. With a glare that could freeze even the toughest child in their tracks, he shooed away the frog creature.

"You did wonderful kiddo," he said, smiling as he lead me to a much longer corridor.

"This test is going to be very difficult, I am going to leave you alone, and you're going to have to walk to the end of the hall, do you think you can do it?" He said. I nodded, I'd been on my own plenty of times before this.

I watched him disappear down the hall and began walking myself, I'd almost reached the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder once again.

"Its alright kiddo, I didnt really leave, but this was a very important test of your independence, I need to make sure you can be alone, I have to handle something," he said. He dropped what looked like one of the old phones the guardians back at the community talked about used to have.

"I will call you periodically to make sure you're alright," Patton walked away from me and I stood there.

He did, in fact, call several times before his phone was stolen by a dog. After about twelve calls I decided it might be best to venture out on my own, after all, I already knew how to talk to and spare the monsters. I packed my art supplies and sketchbook back into my bag and set off.

The ruins were relatively calm, with only the occasional froggit or molsmal to interrupt my walking, though my complimenting and flirtation skills were advanced enough that I could pass them easily. The first real problem presented itself in the form of a ghost, laying on the floor and sulking. It was a sort of faded purple color, and it seemed to be pretending to sleep.

I elected to nudge it slightly with my foot, resulting in a retaliation from the ghost.

"Oh. . . Oh no. . . They noticed. . ." Lavender, as the words appearing above the ghost called it, seemed rather upset.

"I'm sorry- I just needed to get past, I've got somewhere to be," I said.

Tears rained down from the ghosts face, I held my hands up to block them, but they seemed to float back upwards, changing shape the closer they got to my outstretched palms.

"I really didnt mean to frighten you, you seem rather nice," the ghost seemed surprised by this statement.

"I want to show you something," she said. I merely nodded and watched as she cried, her tears floating up and beginning to form what looked like a flower-crown on her head.

"Woah- I wish I could do that," the ghost retreated out of battle.

"I met someone today. . . And they were actually really nice. . . Wow," the ghost disappeared without another word, needless to say it was a uh- different experience, but I didnt mind it. I kept walking on, solving puzzles as I passed them, fighting all manner of strange monsters. I left some money in a web of spiders, each seemed to be wearing their own small hoodie, I decided to write a note complimenting them on it, hoping they would find it sweet. I put the donut they gave me in a ziploc bag of other food items I'd collected, hoping that would keep it from messing up my backpack.

I finally managed to reach what looked like a small house, out of which Patton walked, phone in hand before he noticed me.

"Oh my goodness gracious how long was I gone! Come here kiddo- I'll heal you," he said, trapping me in one of the biggest bear hugs I'd ever experienced. I felt a calm wash over me. Patton let go and guided me into the house.

"The pie isnt cool just yet, but I'll let you know when it is, feel free to explore," said Patton. I, however, had had enough of exploring that day, and decided that I would rather draw at the table.

I began to get tired later in the day, and elected to go to bed. I woke up later in the night with the smell of pie filling my nostrils. I merely set it in another ziploc in my bag before going back to bed.

I wasnt sure how long I was in the ruins before I began to feel homesick, but soon enough I'd plucked up the courage to ask Patton about leaving.

"Stay here kiddo, I need to handle something," I watched as Patton disappeared around the corner before following him. We walked all the way down the stairs before he stopped at an archway, turning to me.

"This is the exit to the ruins. . . I am going to destroy it. . ." He said.

"I have seen five children pass through these doors, and never return, one who didnt even make it through the ruins themselves, I cannot let it happen again," I was frozen, processing the words to slowly to interrupt.

"If you cross, they, Logan, will kill you," Patton said, something about the way he said Logan's name resonated with me. He sounded distraught, as though he were talking about someone personal to him.

"But you cant keep me here forever, it's not right," I said. This seemed to breach the silence.

"You are right. . . You would just be unhappy here. . . Very well. . . Prove yourself to me, and I will let you go," this time, two hearts appeared. My own ever-changing one, and an upside-down white one on Patton's side.

I barely had time to comment before facing a barrage of fire and flames. I narrowly managed to dodge it, holding my hands out as a barrier.

I wanted to talk to him, but I couldnt seem to find the right words.

The fire kept coming, I held my hands out, envisioning it in my head as changing shapes, which it soon obeyed. I watched as the fire molded itself to the images in my head. Soon enough the spitting image of Patton was in front of me, made of fire, before it split off into separate whispers of smoke. I could see the surprised expression on Patton's face as he watched.

Soon enough his attacks became less calculated, almost as if he was actively avoiding hitting me.

Finally it was over, Patton sighed, defeated.

"I am so sorry kiddo. . . You're right. . . You would just be unhappy, my expectations, my loneliness, my fear, I will put them all aside, for you," he said. He opened his arms for a hug, which I embraced in full. As he let go I could see the tears making their way down his face. I watched him leave, turning his head slightly and giving me a small nod.

Then it was just me and the door. As I walked through, I was met with a long corridor. At the end if it, a familiar orange face.

"Well done! You spared the life if one innocent person!" Said the tree.

"What do you want with me." I growled under my breath.

"I am the prince of this worlds future, but do not worry, my plan isnt regicide, this is so much more interesting,"

I stomped my foot into the ground "What. Do you want. From me." I repeated.

"You interest me, human, sparing even those who would kill you without hesitation, but what will you do if you meet a relentless killer? Will you kill out of frustration? Or will you continue to die, because you would rather rely on magic than murder," the tree seemed to disappear abruptly, leaving me alone with the words echoing in my head.

I continued down the path, and was met with an overwhelming sense of cold at the end.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@that-artsy-gay

@official-lucifers-child

@spooky-scary-virgil

@misunderstoodshadowling

@youtuberswithalex

[rogerthat-taylor]

Numbers on Flyers Part 2

(Roger Taylor x Reader x Ben Hardy One Shot)

Part 1

Summary: While helping Roger give out his flyers for the upcoming gig, Ben stumbled into you. Roger wasn’t enjoying the attention you were giving Ben and the lack of it that he was getting so he decided to be cheeky which only seemed to make the matters worse.

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of smoking (just a tad bit)

Words: 2.3K+

A/N: I’m sorry this took way too long to write but I was literally so stuck with this and couldn’t settle with a proper ending or a continuation so I have at least 3 different versions of part 2. I think at this point there’s going to be at least 4 parts to this so yeah. Anyway, I just really wanna take the time to thank everyone who have been nothing but supportive of this. It really warms my heart and i’m so grateful for y’all. Also, I realised how Roger is actually hella angsty in this series but I promise, he’ll soften up! 

-

"They'll be playing tonight as well," you said, handing out the flyer to a passer-by who smiled upon seeing the flyer, "Same place and same time tonight."

"Really?" grumbled Roger to a distant girl around your age, "You had to throw it in front of me? You couldn't have tried the next bin?"

"Roger," you called out in an attempt to calm him down.

It was a sunny noon graced with just enough clouds in the sky to make the weather pleasant and enjoyable enough to give out flyers for Queen's gig next week and promote the upcoming gig that same night.

"I spent hours on those-"

Your gaze shifted when you noticed a tall, buff figure from behind Roger walking towards you. It was Ben and he had a cigarette stuck between his lips which he shortly flicked away upon seeing you.

"Y/N!" He greeted, opening his arms to invite you into a hug, "What are you doing here?"

The scent of cigarettes and burnt bergamot greeted you as your head laid flat on his hard chest. It was intoxicating; his luring scent, his muscular frame but oh so gentle hug.

"I'm helping Queen give out flyers for their upcoming gig next week!" you explained, pulling away, "They've got one tonight as well."

"Fantastic!" Ben exclaimed, "My friends and I have been to their gigs and they play solid music. I'm a fan."

Roger was at a slight distance from all this, barely visible thanks to Ben's intimidating figure but nevertheless visible and there but it didn't seem like it to you anymore and he hated that. His heart wrenched with spite as his jaw clenched tighter before stepping in uninvited.

"Roger!" You greeted as your eyes shifted to Ben, "This is Ben, we take the same class for Linguistics."

Ben. Roger knew bloody well who Ben was. Ben was the twat whose number was written on his precious flyer, the git who had the audacity to call in looking for you and the idiot who was expecting to go on a date with you.

You turn to Roger who seemed to have a stiff smile plastered on his face and continued, "...and this is-"

"Roger Taylor," Roger huffed smugly before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, "Her boyfriend."

Your eyes widened as you feel your body tensed under Roger's firm arm embrace. Ben must have felt the same tension as you see his eyes squint in confusion and his brows drawn in some sort of frustration.

"I-I didn't know you had a boyfriend," he said, covering up his previous demeanour seamlessly with a gentle smile.

"Neither did I," you mumbled still at a loss for words.

"I best be off to class then," Ben coughed out and then turning to Roger, "Love your music by the way. I'm sorry if i've crossed any lines."

"Hardly," Roger chuckled, "We have another gig tonight if you'd like to come."

You watched with your mouth slightly agape as Ben walked away, reaching for his pack and then pulling out a cigarette to light up. Roger still had his arm around you and as seconds went by, the tension from whatever had happened was creeping in more and more into you.

"What the hell was that?" you yelled, breaking away from him, "You don't get to pull strings like that, Rog. That was out of line."

"He's not good for you-"

"You barely even know him," you argued back, making quite the commotion in public.

"He smokes," Roger pointed out sheepishly as he internally scolded himself for his weak rebuttal.

"And you dont?"

"I never said I wanted to be with you, did I?" he gushed out.

Roger often yelled out hurtful things out of anger and impulse but never had he wished to swallow them back in to let it rot in his organs just so he could turn back the time to just a few seconds back to right before he said it out. Never until that moment. Hurt was written in your eyes and he has seen the very same glassy look in your eyes before. Only then, he wasn't the reason behind them so they were much more bearable to look into. He knew that you'd come home to him and resort to his comfort and consoling but not this time - no. He was the reason behind the hurt and it killed him.

"Fuck you, Roger!" you yelled, stomping away from him, "Fuck you! Good luck making popcorn and juice on your own tonight."

Roger was notorious for his temper but you were never the victim of his spiteful impulse. Anger boiled inside you as you ran off to Ben. The thing was, whatever Roger had said shouldn't have affected you as much as it was affecting you and you hated that - your resentment became a clear sign that a part of you wanted to be with him.

"Ben!" you called out.

Ben turned swiftly, "Y/N?"

"I don't know what Roger was on about," you panted, "We're just-"

You paused, finding immense difficulty to continue the sentiment of your words, "We're just friends."

"Is that so?" he clarified, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, "He seems awfully jealous for just friends, love."

"Yes," you said with all the confidence you could muster, "We've been friends since we were young, I guess he was just protective?"

"Sure," he said, "I just don't want to be crossing any lines. I don't quite see myself getting banned from Queen's future gigs."

"You're not, trust me," you said, not wanting to trust your own words, "What about we go for that dinner we've been planning for? Turns out my Wednesday night is free after all."

-

Roger growled as yet another orange squirted its pulps into his eyes. He had been bent over squeezing oranges and popping popcorn for the last hour or so and the amount of times he had orange juice squirted in his eyes were far too innumerable that it was beginning to get into his nerves.

The front door creaked open and Roger froze. His mouth fell and his eyes widened in hopes that he would see you walk in.

"Where's Y/N?" Brian asked walking in, "Wasn't this her idea?"

The heavy weight impending down on him once again; it was his guilt, "Out with some hunky twat on a date."

"Oh," Brian shrugged, walking past Roger, "Good for her-"

A pulped out orange flew above the table and landed with a heavy thud on Brian's head in courtesy of Roger and his temper.

"She's suppose to be here," Roger yelled, "With me! Not with some Ben guy she just met."

"So hunky twat does have a name," Brian stated simply, rubbing the back of his head where he had been hit, "I smell popcorn."

"Could you help me pour in the new batch to their containers?" Roger requested still in his quest to pulp out the few remaining oranges.

"Is this all necessary?" Brian grumbled but nevertheless complied heading to the kitchen to tend to the popcorn.

"Good for her," Roger mimicked Brian with malice, "Good for her?"

"What is it, Roger? Come on then, spit it out."

"Spit what out," Roger yelled back from the dining table.

"What are you on about?" Brian asked, "Why can't Y/N be on a date tonight, hmm?"

"Because we have a gig tonight and-"

"She saw us play two nights ago, surely she isn't missing out much if she misses tonight," Brian cut through his lies, "What is it, Roger?"

"I love her!"

Those three words errupted out of Roger like it had been hot magma boiling within him waiting for its release. Something about verbally saying it out loud made whatever it was that he was feeling for you concrete. It almost felt like he couldn't take it back, that this was it. He truly was in love with you.

"Then tell me this," Brian said, reappearing from the kitchen with popcorn in hand, "Why is it that she's out on a date with Ben and not ... you?"

"Because Ben is this hunky hot stuff and I'm a lanky-"

"You bloody well know that it's not that, Rog," Brian insisted, his eyebrows raised.

"Fine," Roger grunted, "I might have said that I didn't want to be with her?"

"God," Brian sighed, his head dropping low in disappointment.

"And she might have walked out on me yelling, 'fuck you'," Roger added, "A couple of times actually."

Brian took the seat opposite to him, "You know, for a relatively straight-A's student you can be quite daft sometimes."

Roger looked up with a firm glare, "You don't get it, Bri. There's too much at stakes here. We've been friends well before I even knew how to tie my shoe laces. We made sure to steer clear of ever dating each other, we even made a blood pact about all this when we were nine."

The thing was, you've dated before and evidently so has Roger but never had he felt any sort of resentment towards the idea of you out with a different guy so why now? What was so different now?

"How do you know it's love?" Brian asked.

"It's written in her eyes," Roger admitted, a smile creeping up on his lips, "I look into them and I feel limitless... powerful even, I always have. It's like as long as I've got her in my life then I've got everything. I never ever wanted to cross the line and actually try asking her out."

A stiff blanket of silence wrapped around them, Brian's eyes attentively at Roger's while Roger's was gazing hard on the table.

"Besides," Roger sighed, "I'm not good for her a-and whatever I don't want to ruin whatever we already have."

"Well it's not like your friendship is in a splendid state either is it?" Brian shrugged, "I don't know, Rog. Either be her friend and support her and who he chooses to date or if you're not happy with that then let her know how you feel - who knows maybe she feels the same way."

"I hardly think so."

"Not with the way you've been treating her lately," Brian remarked and poured himself a glass of Roger's orange juice, "Too much pulp."

-

On the other side of the city was a rundown diner, surrounded with neon lights that would flicker out every hour or so and squeaking bar stools. It was charming enough with their ever so kind staff that it covered up the evident need for a renovation. This diner was home to nightly dinners with Brian and Roger when the three of you had just moved into the apartment but those were good days, back when you were all less pre-occupied and not to mention more loaded.

"American or not, Arthur Miller is brilliant," Ben acclaimed proudly and then taking a sip from his milkshake.

"I never claimed to disagree. All I'm saying is, how can one be in complete awe of a playwright whose play he hasn't even seen?" You pressed on with a challenging smirk, crossing your arms.

"Ah, see that's the added factor to what makes a celebratory playwright. A good playwright delivers award-winning plays while an exceptional playwright could do the very same but would also be celebrated for his the script on its own," he explains thoroughly, "Miller is so good in what he does that I wouldn't need to see the play - everything's in the book, my love."

My love. You gush at his words, breaking away from his entrancing eyes and staring at his copy of "Death of a Salesman" which was chucked with pieces of papers in almost every other page showing just how passionate he was for Arthur Miller. It was way past twilight and the sky has transitioned into an inky blue, glittered with stars. Your evening with Ben had been nothing but delightful, just as you had imagined it would be but occasionally when there would be momentary silence, Roger's voice echoes in your head prevalently, "I never said I wanted to be with you, did I?"

"Should we take off?" Ben asked, interrupting you from your thoughts of Roger, "We don't want to be late for your friend's gig, do we?"

"Gig?" You clarified right before it processed in your head, "Shit! Queen! Tonight!"

Your mind has been so preoccupied with Ben and your resentment towards Roger that you have forgotten about helping Roger with the confectionery for tonight's gig which, to add on, you two were already late for. You jumped up and rushed off with Ben back to the campus where their gig was going to be at.

-

"Liar, liar, they never ever let you win."

Queen echoed through the walls of the hall and it almost felt like your heart was thumping to the song. You were nervous to enter and perhaps you were over thinking it but you had never been late for any of their gigs and you knew just how much this would bother Roger.

"You okay, Y/N?" Ben asked, looking deep into your eyes and reaching for your hand.

"Yeah," you lied, swallowing hard, "Let's go?"

His thumb brushed the back of your hand and you could feel it calming your nerves, "Don't want to miss any more songs, do we?"

You nodded and he took his cue, opening the doors to the hall. The music roared louder and you could feel it getting into you, almost connecting to your soul. Perhaps it was you being bias but you really did love Queen's music. You could feel your worries slipping away to the music but that was before you looked up and found Roger's burning stare pouring into yours behind his drum set. He was angry. His glare never left yours and even though his lips were pouted as they normally were you could feel his jaw clenched as he drummed aggressively.

Roger was furious and he made sure you knew that.

-

Taglist: @justmesadgirl & @silvver-rose (I didn’t know if you wanted to be tagged so if you didn't, I’m sorry! But thank you so so so much for the support, it means the world to me, you don’t understand how much it made me smile when you guys commented heh)

[essekknits]

A few tips for a tutor (or a student)

Now, I’m a tutor. I never studied it, I’m a high school graduate who was looking to earn some money to pay for driving lessons so their parents wouldn’t have to. But somehow I apparently got better results than any adult that taught those kids before. So here’s what I learned.

People know the things that make them comfortable in learning. They know them better than me. On my first lesson with any student, I make it very clear that this is not school, and if there’s anything that makes them feel more focused, be it music, or playing with their pencils, or drumming on the table or anything at all, they can do it. So one of my students always fidgets with her pencil. Another student I had would mix cards. One had the tv on as background noise.

Learn different ways to do the same thing. Not every method of teaching works for every student, and sometimes I had to go through five different ways of explaining the same assignment before my student got the idea. That’s okay and natural. Everyone’s brains work differently.

Learn not just how to do something, but why. Especially important if you teach maths. Teachers don’t actually teach what Pi means until high school, and sometimes not even then, when you use Pi since 6th grade. For most of my students, learning what Pi actually meant made it a lot easier to study circles and learn the formulas related to them. So many other formulas too. When you teach your students the “Why”, it can help them make sense out of the “How”. It doesn’t always work, but in many cases it does so it’s worth it.

If there’s a difficulty somewhere, try playing with outside factors. The problem might be somewhere different than you think. In the year I’ve been doing this, I met kids that told me “I hate reading, I can’t do it” (I teach most of my students English as a second language, so it’s usually English where I encounter it, but I got it in Hebrew too). But the simple act of moving the text to Word, dividing it to smaller paragraphs and changing the font to something more comfortable to read (you’d be surprised how nice Comic Sans can be to read), made a huge difference. She’s thriving. No, it didn’t solve all the problems. She still has a very small vocabulary, but all of a sudden she can read. She doesn’t mix the letters as much as she did. She doesn’t skip lines or struggle with words she knows as much as she used to.

Divide the studying time. I work on full hour basis, and some of my students take an hour and a half, or two hours. Divide studying times.If you have multiple subjects, divide your lesson into different parts. If you have only one subject, allow short breaks. I let my students complain about their school experience. I share some of mine with them. I let them tell me about their day or week while we’re working, or when we take a break. Maybe this works just because I’m closer to their age, but I seriously doubt that, because I used to do the same with my seventy years old piano teacher.

Shorten the studying time if you need. Leave something in the end that your student actually likes as a reward. Like, we studied boring maths for a whole hour? Let’s finish with thirty minutes of talking about black holes, cause holy shit they’re cool. The subjects are endless. In those end segments, I already discussed god and biblical stories, Greek myths, black holes, hemophilia and how Queen Victoria almost killed all of Europe’s monarchies, axolotls, water bears, and platypuses (she didn’t know they were a real thing. She thought they’re something Phineas and Ferb invented). This Sunday I’m planning a short lesson about the immune system and vaccines (we didn’t get to do them in a while because of tests).

Music is the best way to learn a language. When I teach 6th graders English, I let them analyse Beatles songs. That way they enjoy music while also learning vocabulary and grammar. Disclaimer on this one: Queen songs are NOT good for this. They’re for older students to learn English. Not for 6th graders.

Can’t believe I have to say that, but don’t talk over your students. Be on their level. Kids learn a lot better when you are their equal instead of an authority figure. Humanise yourself. Tell them about a failure you had in the subject you’re studying, cause they’re most likely failing the subject now and are terrified that you’ll judge them.

While we’re at it, establish that you’re never going to judge them for failing, not understanding or asking questions. You’ll need to remind them every lesson that if there’s anything they don’t understand they need to stop you and ask, and you’ll never judge them. No matter how stupid they think their question is, no matter how many times they asked it, it’s okay and you’ll be happy to explain it again.

Don’t let your students say “I can’t do it”. A kid that says “I can’t do it”, or “I’m just not good at it”, is a student who is giving up. Change that way of thinking. Turn “I’m not good at it” into “we didn’t find the right way to do it yet”. When they say “I can’t do it”, point at a similar assignment that they already completed, and say “I don’t know about you, but this makes me think you can definitely do it”. Let them know you believe in their abilities. Challenge them to think that they can do it.

While answering an assignment, ask the student to tell you everything that comes to their mind. No matter how stupid they think it is, ask them to tell you their first thought. I learned that often those first thoughts, and the entire thought process, are really close to what needs to be done. They just need to look at it differently.

Sometimes, you won’t be able to teach. Accept that. In some lessons, your student will be unfocused, or bothered by something else, or distressed after something happened in their life. Maybe they had a fight with their siblings, maybe they have a relative who isn’t doing so well, maybe they had drama in their friend group. It happens. It’s out of your control. Try your best to help them focus, but accept that maybe you won’t succeed. Accept that maybe they’ll need to just vent it all, or they won’t be cooperative, or they’ll take their anger and frustration out on you (especially relevant in younger students). It happens. Don’t let them take their anger out on you, but don’t get angry back. Be kind and patient. Even if you didn’t manage to teach anything that lesson, you might be able to help a little, and that matters just as much if not more.

For the love of everything that is good, back your student up in front of their parents! If the parent belittle’s the child’s achievements while the three of you are together, tell them that you think they’re making a great effort and improving very well. If it was a hard lesson, and you didn’t manage to learn a lot, say you decided to give them a break in studying in order to learn to understand them better, so the next lessons would be more beneficial to all of you. Don’t get me wrong, if the kid doesn’t make an effort it’s a whole other story, and you should make the parents aware that there is a problem (still, without pointing fingers and shaming your student, and with as much subtlety and gentleness possible). But back your student up in front of their parents. Let them feel that if their parents are pressuring them too much, they have some form of authority that says “yes, things aren’t as good as we’d like them to be, but your efforts and improvements are recognised and appreciated”. If possible, help the parent acknowledge and recognise the improvement and effort.

Dont assume that your student is neurotypical!!! Please, don’t assume that your student is neurotypical, because if you do, you won’t be able to recognise the signs that they might not be. And if you don’t recognise the signs, you won’t know to help them. Many kids who need tutoring are ND. I suspect the majority of my students are ND. If I didn’t look for the signs I know (being ND myself and learning in a class full of other ND people), I wouldn’t have been able to help them study the way I did. According to their parents, I managed to help them in a way no other tutor ever did. One of my students’ grades in English jumped from 60 to 100 after two lessons, just two, because I knew how to approach the problems differently, in a way that would help and make sense for her.

All these advice are phrased as advice to a tutor teaching other students, but honestly? These would’ve probably helped me as a student as well. Treat yourself the way you would treat a student you are teaching. Learn what works for you. Listen to yourself. Be kind to yourself. I know studying is hard, and school can be hell sometimes, but you can get through.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

[aesthetic-survivor-of-twd]

Everybody saying poor violet, she traumatized. I don't doubt that. But what piss me off is both Louis and violet are clems friends rather she romances them or not. So the fact that clem save Louis over her doesn't make clem scum. So, what? violet is more important than louis? No. Is Louis more important than violet? No. Yet somehow she is mad that clem save him over her. Louis wasnt mad that clem chose violet over him? Both their lives mattered. Louis matters too. & he suffered a worst fate

While I understand your frustration and actually felt kind of similar when I first played the episode (and was shaken up by all of the events that happened).I do think that it's worth considering the difference in character between Violet and Louis and how that affects their attitude and judgement towards certain situations and Clem herself.I dont think it was Violet being mad that Clem chose Louis (in the sense that she wished he was the one being kidnapped instead of her) but rather in her mind she felt deeply betrayed by Clem.Now, I know the next thought process at this point will be, "but Clem betrays Louis and he doesn't get angry" - which is a valid point.But "Trust" is a very important and key part of Violet as a character. So the results of how Clem handles that will naturally affect her more. Unlike Louis, she doesn't really open up to people easily and due to her past she suffers severe abandonment issues (not helped by Minnie being gone)Her trusting Clem is a very important and meaningful element of her character growth. And the strength of her belief in Clem is shown throughout the season with her constantly trying to protect or defend her. So when Violet risks her life to save Clem from being gunned down by Lilly and is dragged off kicking and screaming towards the cage. She sees Clem grab her bow and arrow and has faith that she will save her just like Violet always helps her - because they both have eachother's backs.So when instead of saving her, she sees Clem instead save Louis, that causes a very startling realization for Violet that she put her faith blindly into someone who doesn't care about her as much as she did for Clem. That this trust between them is lopsided.This is a very world shattering thing for Violet to understand. And at that moment she feels abandoned (yet again). By someone she trusted to never do that to her.By the time she gets to Delta she is probably a total mess and vulnerable. So when she sees Minnie again - the last person she probably trusted to the extent of which she did Clem. She listens to the crazy Delta talk and because she isn't in a right state of mind (and hey, the person she loved is still alive and unlike Clem is actually here for her) she starts to latch herself onto this mindset as well. Because in Violet's mind at that point, this is all she has left. She still has Minnie and now she has a place that's relatively safe so long as you follow their rules. It's a combination of her mental health, Minnie, her emotions, and the beginnings of brainwashing that makes Violet act the way she does when she next sees Clem.I definitely agree that Louis suffered a far worse fate than Violet did. But at the same time, I think when you look at things from an outsode perspective you start to understand Violet's motives as well.Also I think it's worth noting that Louis actually expressed genuine surprise that Clem saves him and even states he wouldn't have saved himself in that situation. Which yes, doesn't exactly make the situation better and he could still be pissed off that Clem's actions ended up with him losing his tongue.BUT it does show that Louis wasn't expecting Clem to save him like Violet was - and so cannot grudge her for it. And quite honestly, knowing Louis I feel like he probably blames himself for what happened to him instead of Clem since it was due to him talking that resulted with him being mutilated.It's really easy to think of Violet as being selfish when playing the Louis route, but it really does all revolve around how each character deals with things and their own personal issues and insecurities.When you think from both perspectives it's easy to come to the conclusion of why one is majorly pissed at you, and how the other is distraught and hugs you.Violet's reaction wasn't meant to be seen as her wanting Louis to be the one suffering instead, but rather she felt hurt by Clem and that clouded her entire judgement.

[deepest-dope]

Joliceur D. Grigori age 29

“Father Iron” age 60

this is my ex cp9 oc, he is actually 40 for most of his time in my story that he spends with my main ocs but this is the gist of what he looks like under readmore if youd like to know more about him

Backstory: Joliceur D. Grigori was born on an island in North Blue to an absent father and a half dead mother, she did not survive long enough to raise him beyond his first few days of life. he was raised in a relatively wellfunded orphanage and was as well fed as a D. trapped in a house with 50 other kids who also very much need food can be.

he got a lot of supplemental food by either fishing and foraging it for himself or more reliably, helping old ladies out around the city he lived in and eating with them multiple times a day, occasionally becoming closer to them than their own children/grandchildren. he spent most of his days dogging after older people on the island, whther elderly fisherman at the docks or grandmothers in the market, he was for most of his younger childhood a much beloved pseudo grandchild to every over 50 citizen of his home island.

occasionally in seclusion hed sing to himself or whatever stray animal that happened by and stayed to listen, and dream of one day becoming a somewhat well known musician. sadly this would not come to be however after a small pirate crew targets his home, and ravages his city for 3 weeks until he gets well and truly sick of waiting for the marines to show and takes matters into his own hands. at the age of 8 he takes a boat out after them into the night and “resolves” the conflict. in other words he manges to beath captain and first mate in single combat and terrify the much weaker crew into taking him back to his island and turning their former superiors in. this incident is what getts him the attention of cipher pol 9.

a few months after the pirate business blows over he is “adopted” by a man named spandine, taken to the island guanhao and never heard from agin by any on the island in north blue. this is where is decade long career as an assassin begins.

he spends the rest of histime as an 8 and 9 year old mastering rokushiki at a prodigous rate and eventually is deemed ready to be sent on missions at 10. by his early 20s he is dubbed the human buster call, or among his colleagues buster. he is...not quite depressed but not happy either. he spends most of his work time in a semi dissociative state and his off time rifling through missions lookingg for a job that doesnt seem as taxing as all the rest.

age 27, he is sent on an easy undercover mission ment to serve as a punishment for multiple failures to take out gold roger and silvers rayliegh. it is as an orphanage caretaker and he is meant to keep watch for orphan dealers and slavers, as well as scout for new cipher pol agents on the side.

he is meant to take it as retribution for failure. the job is supposed to grate on his nerves. the lack of action is supposed to frustrate him. being forced to care for 50+ children of varying age and volume with only 2-3 adults to help him is supposed to stretch his patience paper thin. he is meant to spend a year there in penance and come back eager to succeed at offing his marks without fail.

the experience is more rewarding than any of his training or missions he has ever done in his life up till that point. successfully coralling children into meals or games feels more like victory then getting one over on rayliegh ever did. the admiration and attention of a small hoard of grade schoolers is more rewarding then praise from his boss and colleagues ever was. he discovers that he is very very good at teaching and his singing voice is even better than it was as a kid, having dropped into a surprisingly soothing tenor somewhere in his teens. he finds that he very much likes taking care of others.

he gains a reputation as a hard worker, kind older brother figure to any child that will approach him. he is for the first time in his life well liked for things aside from his combat ability. its a rewarding job and he loves it. it ends by the very next year.

he returns to his house on guanhao. he tries to go on with work as usual. he takes time volunteering to train new recruits on his days off. he tries to go back to his same old missions. its all very grating in ways it never used to be and he hates it more than before when it was all he did and he hadnt known he could still sing or soothe kids or love any of the people around him.

eventually at age 30 he is sent on a mission of high priority: hunt down the beginnings of a revolution in east blue and quash it before it can truly take hold. it should be easy enough. all he has to do is find the right kind of people, express the right opinions and eventually one of them will lead him right to the nest.

he finds that he rather likes it there. not quite as much as caring for the kids in the old orphanage. its both not quite as good and better than before. hes not quite as good with the adults as he is with children but he gets along well enough. the mission goes well and not-quite-as-planned. he ends up doing a lot to gain the trust of the revolutionary army and in the process ends up sabotaging the cipher pol and the marines in equal measure.

still he does pretty well and manages to gain the trust of the more prominent members of the army, namely one bartholomew kuma. he eventually establishes himself as friend, via calculated use of the truth in small increments. he tries not to outright lie to anyone, by omission of key details if he must.

he plays a role of marine deserter on the run for a time with his history he cobbles together with his favorite parts made real by believable dustings of The Bitter Truth.

i m gonna cut this part short. he fesses up to kuma and by extension the revolutionaries. he gives them the whole story and they help him quit his job by faking his death in a show of dragons power. set him up on a nice quiet little island in one of the blues where he gets to own an orphanage/school and raise and teach kids quite happily until my Protagonist washes up on the island at the ripe old age of 6 gets adopted by him and makes trouble for the whole toen until shes finally old enough to strike out on her own as a woman of the seas.

Personality: he is an ice king for most of his life in cipher pol right up until he is steadily defrosted by the kids he looked after and bartholomew kuma. age 35 onwards he is pretty open and honest with everyone leaving out his personal history and all that. hes quite jovial by the time my main character comes into his care. hes big on cognitive compassion after extended exposure to dragon and kuma and does his best to teach kids the Good Morals. though with a broad and loose sense of whats good and what isnt. as an assassin he doesnt have a particluarly strong set of morals. more accurately hes got 3 strong morals in total, which are slavery bad wipe slavers out on sight, rapists bad kill on sight, pedophiles bad kill them when you see them, everything else is try not to steal or kill people if you dont have to, he masquerades as a priest for most of his life with like zero guilt because he does not like women or men and doesnt want them hitting on him for reference. he has kids to focus on leave him alone he doesnt care about how you think he looks or how you want to date him he has 40 plus children with varying problems to look after he doesnt have time to sabotage your first date with him just to make you happy he at least ~tried~ bitch hes got ex slave children to work through therapy for.

Appearance: brown hair when young, salt and chocalate? in his 40s, full white by 60. grey eyes. aquiline nose. used to shave while working for cp9 stopped a while after joining up with the revoltion and has never shaved since. hes had that patchy ass beard most of his life at this point. used to wear his hair in a really tight bun in cp9. stopped wearing his hair up around the same time he stopped shaving. has never cut his hair in his life, but his hairs thick and curly as fuck so it usually only touches the edge of his mid back towards the end and he can wipe his ass without fear unlike some of my other ocs. was toned 20s to 30s but stopped caring so much about staying in perfect shape after taking over his orphange, so still definitely muscular but more dad bod when hes older. he retains tekkai and kamie throughout his life can still geppo and soru but its more straining than when he was younger. doesnt stop him from moonwalking onto slaver ships to steal their child slaves to raise as his own and leave the slavers for the marines.

Miscellanious: he collects rosary and gives a basque ring rosary from his collection to protag-chan before she sets out on her own as a good luck charm/memento. while half the reason he decided to disguise himself as a priest is to use the vow of chastity as a way out of romance he also chose it so he wouldnt have to pick out clothes every day. he doesnt officially run missions for the revolutionary army but he does do things like take in ex slaves and let army members use his church/orphanage as a hideout/waypoint. he rebuilt the church he operates out of himself. he has armament haki and observation haki by age 30. if he has conquerors hes never unlocked it. all his knowledge about priests comes from kuma and he just bluffs through anything hes not sure about.

[fairycosmos]

I feel pathetic I wanted to go into 2019 self harm free but I broke on the very first day

hey. you’re not pathetic, seriously. the fact that you even want to be self harm free speaks volumes, i promise. that’s what you should try to focus on the most, it’s a victory in and of itself, even if it doesn’t seem like one. and i’m proud of you for it. relapsing is often a part of long term recovery, okay? it’s totally fine to be upset, disappointed, and frustrated of course - you can use those emotions to learn from this experience and to try to prevent it from happening again in the future. that sounds impossible, and it will continue to sound impossible until you actually do it. you’re so much more capable than you will ever fully realize. the part of your brain that calls you pathetic is the same part that convinced you it was a good idea to self harm in the first place - you cant trust it, it’s lying to you. look, the goal isn’t necessarily to never be sad or angry, it’s to attempt to cope with those feelings in a healthier way, right? just attempting is good enough. look at your situation, at how hurting yourself just made you feel worse, and actively remind yourself of it the next time you feel the urge. it’s all part of learning and growing and figuring shit out. it’s trial and error, but you will find balance if you seek it. you don’t have to know exactly what to do, you dont have to be sure of anything. take it one day at a time. the fact that it’s a new year may mean that you’re feeling pressured to be healthy and happy, but time is relative and you dont have to magically feel 100% better just because it’s 2019 now. it’s still going to be a process, there will be ups and downs, and that’s alright. all you can do is focus on what’s in front of you right now. that’s the only thing that’s in your control. you can’t change the past, you can’t stop the future, all you have to worry about it the current moment. and making sure that you’re safe. if you’re doing that, then you’re doing okay. it’s all a lot easier said than done. but even baby steps are an achievement - crying it out instead of hurting yourself, getting out of bed and brushing your teeth/washing your face, sharing your worries with others. all of that will add up, all of that will make a difference. not every effort will gel with you, and you’ll feel stupid at first, but it’ll count for so much. no matter how much it feels like you’re fighting a losing battle, in reality you’re in charge of the whole fight. that sounds dumb, but you get what i mean. 

are you able to talk to someone in your actual life about what’s going on in your head? a friend, a family member, a teacher/counselor if you’re of that age? it can be anyone. this definitely isn’t something you need to carry all by yourself. the need to self isolate will always be there, but it doesn’t have to control you completely. you don’t have to hurt yourself outwardly to show that you’re hurting inwardly. you can communicate, you can give the pain a name, you can examine your own toxic patterns and learn to diffuse them. you can incorporate positive coping mechanisms into your daily life. it’s not as far fetched as it sounds. in fact, it’s almost guaranteed if you want it to be. it may also help to talk to a professional if that’s an option for you. maybe your regular doctor, or a support group in your area, or even just a hotline to begin with. self harm is a lot more common than anyone wants to admit, and there are so many others that can relate to what you’re dealing with. you’re never as alone as your mind is leading you to believe, but only you can prove that to yourself by making the first move. i totally understand that it’s a very daunting concept. it’s fine to be scared, it’s to be expected. and i’m not saying you have to make any big decisions right now. i’m simply asking you to introduce the possibility of reaching out, or of making small changes, into your mindset. really think about what you need to do in order to be a friend to yourself. it doesn’t have to be a big deal if you dont want it to be. your mental health is honestly just as important as your physical health, and it should be treated with the same tenderness and care. you deserve to be listened to, and you deserve guidance if you feel like you need it. that’s the bottom line, so please think about looking into those options if you haven’t done so already? regardless, there are other steps you can take that will make things feel a little less heavy. such as removing potentially harmful objects from your environment, keeping a journal, being around others so your mind doesn’t drown you, being kind to yourself etc. you’re not trapped. you have choices. and you have all of the time in the world to work it all out. where you’re at right now isn’t where you’ll always be. every moment of anguish and upset is temporary. i’m going to leave a few links that may help a little, check them out if you’re interested. and please, please just try to take care. i’m rooting for you more than i can put into words. and i know that you’re going to be okay, because you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given, and that’s all you can really ask of yourself. i’m sending a lot of love your way. i hope you find some peace of mind in the future, i’m sure you will. please let me know if you ever need to talk or rant or anything, just message me anytime. i’ll be here.

https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/alternatives-to-self-harm-self-injury

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/201708/15-things-do-instead-self-harming

http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/distraction-techniques-pm-2.pdf

[cryptidartist]

New Years Resolution: 2019

I figured I’d actually write down all that I want to do this year. Like, if I wrote it down, and said why I wanted to and how I was going to go about it, I’d be able to do something. At least one of them.

Anyways, they’re all beneath the cut because not everyone wants to read this, and while I couldn’t think of any triggers it still sorta sounds? depressing to me

not depressing but i can't think of a word for it. I just know I'm not happy with my life rn

TLDR: gotta be healthy. such unhealth right now and my unhealthiness doesn’t show, and it frustrates me. i wanna get big buff. gotta yeet people. also big draw, so much drawing because 2018 was sad amount of art. and less procrastinate

So, first things first, is that I want to be healthier. I mean, if I want to or not, it’s going to happen, because I’m going down to Lackland (Air Force Base where BMT is) come July (I’m gonna fucken die, it’s Texas in the summer). I’m gonna be forced to be hydrated and work out and while I don’t think I’ll be forced to eat healthily, I’m still gonna do that because if I’m doing everything else, might as well do that as well.

Because right now, because I work at McDonald’s, I eat that four times a week, 1-2 times a day. I’ve only recently started eating breakfast on a regular basis but only because my teachers like me so they’re okay with me eating in class - class starts at 7:30, I can’t eat until 7:30 - 8:00. when I’m at home, I eat microwaved meals, from ramen to hot pockets to a slew of other things and is honestly not healthy for me. I live off of sodas, mostly Dr Pepper. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I drank water, and I actually think I haven’t been hydrated in about a decade (I’m 17, for context).

But :) :) because I have such a great metabolism :) :) :) i can :) eat :) and drink :) whatever :) i want :) and not :) :) gain :) :) a pound :) :) :) so everything’s fine! :) :) :)

I seriously have no weight gain to show for my unhealthy habits and it kind of pisses me off; I have this perfect waistline, and i’m completely skinny - so many people tell me i should be a model or something  and i’d have no trouble getting a job and i’m just like

buddy

no

i dont wanna

i like pretty clothes but not that much

i dont think i’ll even be able to keep those clothes

so

no

but onto no.2

Second thing is that I want to get in shape. Hell, buff even (well, lean, I guess, since I’m more built for a runner’s and swimmer’s body than being able to yeet entire people. that’s still my goal tho. i want to be able to throw fully grown men. but i know i can’t within a year.)

Again, I know this will happen anyway whether I want it to or not, because I’m being shipped out to Lackland in July. But, I still want to start working out now because I can’t even do o n e pushup. minimum requirements are 27 pushups when I do my PT test at the end of BMT, but I want to try and get the warhawk? standards which are 40 (in a minute)

running 2 miles > running 1.5 miles > pushups > situps > pullups (i pulled this from military.com so i don’t know how accurate it is, but if it’s not at least it’s a start)

so like, to get that, i gotta start now. but. yaknow. where the fuck am i gonna find the time?

and I know everyone says don’t worry about the times or the numbers but im gonna fucken do that

This one’s mostly just. me. only i can control it. I want to draw more - as many of my followers know, I’m going to attempt the warcraft drawing challenge, but, for obvious reasons, I won’t be able to do almost three months of it. but this year’s art was a disappointing amount. I’ve only done 16 commissions this year, and in total less than 100 drawings. that’s kinda sad. and i want to be able to finally set up my commission sheets, and actually get my art done in a relatively short amount of time, none of this taking 3 months to finish one drawing type bullshit I’ve pulled last year (if I did that to you, again, i’m so sorry) 

And the last one is to have time to do things. procrastinate less, specifically. and get things done in a timely matter

I may actually ask my mom to cancel my wow sub, if anything, at some point, or at least uninstall wow for a little bit, because as much as I love wow and rping with my guild, unfortunately, i need to learn the lesson IRL > RP. i even told the gm i was hoping to do a little event series to basically almost kill my character and explain why she’s gone for so long because 

what can i say i like killing my characters instead of doing a perfectly reasonable ‘oh she’s just staying on the base doing. things. who knows. certainally not her but she’s definittely alive and breathing’

but

if i need to

i’ll just put the ‘events’ in stories. it doesn’t involve nearly as many people, sadly, but it still puts what’s happening down and if they read it they can know what’s going on other than me just saying ‘this is what’s happening. how? dunno but its happening’

and i just went 90 miles off into left field, proving my point - but i’m going to have so much of my time taken up between work and school that it’s not even funny, then working out, then drawing, and then maybe, and only maybe, will i have time for writing/rping

anyways hopefully my character blog @chaoticneutralmess will finally be more active, who knows