#(go check out the time of our life
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Love that it's Canon that odysseus built secret passage ways into his house and then never fucking told anybody about them (except penelope of course)
#The odyssey#Odysseus#Penelope#Odysseus my favorite crafty bastard#Really living up my 9 year old dream of having hidden rooms and secret passage ways#Yes I did throughly check my childhood home along with all my friends houses for secret passages ways#Shout out to my dad who was willing to try to build me a secret door book case#Anyway back to odysseus (my brain at all times)#Odysseus casually: so you're going to go through passage number 5 and#Telemachus:....Dad. did you...name our hallways?#Odysseus: only the secret ones#Telemachus: THE WHAT#penelope eating olives: he said he named our secret passageway and trap doors too#telemachus: THE WHAT#Odysseus: darling light of my life did you ....forget to tell our son about the hidden passageways?#Penelope: that implies it wasn't a conscious decision the kid cannot lie to save his life#Odysseus: gasping and clutching actually adult son to his chest like a small baby :DONT INSULT MY BABY#Should I tag this as epic the musical too? Idk this is actual odyssessy Canon#And I'm not sure if it would be the same in epic or not or if it would even be mentioned at all#Even though that was partially how odysseus fought the suitors
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Somehow that ongoing 1,500,000+ word The Beatles Paul McCartney x John Lennon fanfiction I read includes like the most absolute minuscule details of the Beatles lore, like tiny little things where I was like "that can't be real" but I looked it up and it was (IE a guy claiming to be Jesus Christ barging in on one of their recording sessions). But it does NOT include the apparently real group masturbation sessions
#Straight up learned so much abouyt The Beatles because like maybe 40% of that million plus word count was just like#a chronological recounting of Paul McCartneys actual life and like 30% of it is text from straight up actual real life interviews#placed into the fanfiction (except edited to confirm to the fanfic's Lore of Paul McCartney and John Lennon being life partners and#Lennon surviving his assassination and all of their love songs being about each other and Linda McCartney being Paul's#platonic bestfriend and surrogate Womb for their yaoi children)#Like I would 'fact check' out of curiosity and now I know way more about tge beatles than I ever wanted to#While the remaining 30% is the beautiful love story between Lennon and McCartney where they break up 30000 times and#also this fixation on Paul McCartney being repeatedly sexually assaulted throughout life including like a 12 chapter kidnapping arc#At one point they go to a museum and the fanfiction text has the first several sections of the wikipedia article for 'The Adoration of#the Mythic Lamb' pasted into it word for word.#The title is 'we can find our way somehow' and the author works that exact phrase into the text at least 30 times. I kept count#John and Paul would liek almost breakup and then when reuniting they'll be like 'but I know we can ALWAYS find our way somehow together'#also used 'kaleidoscope eyes' as a descriptor even more (think that counter got into the 40s) and constantly refers to erections as like#'it made his groin stir' 'his groin stirred' 'he felt a stirring in his groin'#You don't even understand. You don't understand. THe experience of reading all that. You don'tget it
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ok so we all know and love jegulus raising harry but have you thought about the absolute angst that is jegulus taking in teenage harry after he runs away from the dursleys?
i might do it 👀
#jegulus raising harry#the dursleys#angst#harry potter#jegulus#somebody write this fic#PLEASE I NEED THE ANGST#lol#but first#i need to update my current fic#lmao#(go check out the time of our life#on ao3#by bonsai_is_a_lie#thats my fic go read it#i promise its not dead <3#djskhdj)
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_____ used Destiny Bond! _____ is hoping to take his attacker down with him!
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(Belatedly) celebrating the one-year anniversary of the 'Destiny Bond' comic with a rare, fully-illustrated piece. A bit of extra context and rambly thoughts under the cut 🫶💖💕
A little over a year ago, I posted the first part of the Destiny Bond comic, originally intended to be a one-off doodle exploring the consequences of Morty's prophetic abilities on his relationship with Eusine.
That sketchy doodle of mine ended up being a whole narrative project spanning across a few months, before I eventually took a pause on it to focus on my mental health (having reached a low earlier in the year).
It was a daring enough project in and of itself, especially with how I had spontaneously taken it on when I was still recovering from a years-long burnout with 2D art. Though (temporarily) stopping sooner than I had hoped, I can confidently say that this little comic project of mine had helped to rekindle my love for drawing as a whole, and had further lead me to meeting some of the most wonderful people and friends in this small corner of the Pokémon fandom (whom also happen to be obsessed with these two silly guys from the GSC/HGSS games). It's a project I hold dearly to my heart, and one that I hope to revisit and continue once I feel ready to do so; as the story has yet to truly kick off (I'm not even joking we're still in the prologue technically I'm yelling /lh).
I hope to be able to share the rest of this story with you all one day, in whatever new form it'll take as. For now, I want to say thank you, from the deepest parts of my heart, for supporting this passion project of mine - and to assure you to tune in for the future of this title. 👀✨
#surprise I'm still active actually . though more on twitter these days ASKJDAHSKJDHAS#ALSO SURPRISE ACTUAL RENDERED PIECE !!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#I fought for my life for this fr I haven't done full shading in Years but I'm honestly really really happy with how this turned out 😭💖💖💖#I'll go into more detail about the design/composition decisions here soon hehe I got really excited about including them#Though I'll save that for another time askjhdajsn for nowww I just wanted the main piece to be the focus of the post 🫶💖💕#also yes as of now the comic's up in the air as I decide how to move forward#I have A Few Ideas though I'll need to take into account my capabilities and schedule (especially with my freelancing work and college)#So stay tuned for that because I promise y'all it isn't stopping there - I have A Lot more planned for our doomed sillies 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#I'll also be doing more studies and practice with my art in the meantime because making this opened my eyes to how much I have yet to learn#and that's like . quite terrifying SDKFJSDNFSDNS#but also really exciting !!!!! I wanna improve and build upon my skills and make even better works of these mystic sillies graaaAAAAHHHHHHH#though fr feel free to check out my twt since I'm more active there these days askjdhasnda 🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️#Destiny Bond comic#pokemon#pokemon hgss#pokemon gsc#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#minamatsu#pokemon art#art
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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.
#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over#lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm#screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day#set on fucking Easy mode#and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog#and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy#over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off#sooner#when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate#it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me#for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less#ill get over it ill try harder#i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it#but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born#im so fucking exhausted#anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize#i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes#i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and#i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones#while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here#anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life
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never felt more defensive than when applying for a UK visa... 'we need to make sure you won't stay' I DON'T WANT TO STAY 'we have to make sure you return home' I HAVE A NICER LIFE THAN YOU'D IMAGINE. I DON'T NEED TO STAY IN YOUR STUPID COUNTRY. I'M SEEING MY FAMILY 'do you have an onward journey' YES I DO AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THEM. I LEAD A CHARMED LIFE. don't want to stay in your country. Mate. The hubris. Fuck off.
#I don't know why it makes me so fighty#generally speaking immigration stuff makes me so tetchy no matter where#probs because the whole concept of immigration was basically built around 'keep those dirty asians out of our blessed country' shit#and it still makes me nervous#this isn't unique to the UK though; I have the same defences go up every time I pass TSA checks too#so no offence to my UK friends I'm sure your country is lovely n all but I have never wanted that to be less true than in#the minutes when you walk through customs#to delete#PS not a 'charmed life' but you know what being defensive is like...
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I haven't stayed up past midnight in months???? who knew the reason I'd end up doing it again is bc of an umbrella design
#HUHU PLS#MY GROUP MATES AND I HAVE BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH ON THIS THE WHOLE DAY#this contradicts to that#and that couldn't work because of this#and that would be too expensive#that's already been done before#that wouldn't make sense if out together#IDKKK ANYMOREEEEE#i feel like i wouldn't want to see another umbrella for the rest of my life#the amount of times I searched things related to umbrellas today is crazy#check my sestch history rn and all you'll see are umbrellas#umbrella parts#umbrella brands#types of umbrellas#umbrella prices#innovative umbrella designs#umbrella designs#UGHHSJWBSHW I CAN'T ANYMORE AND IT'S ONLY OUR FIRST WEEK#I've said this so many times this month but this time I really am physically hurt#my streak of not going to bed past midnight is broken</3#and it's bc of an umbrella#also I'll answer the asks in my inbox tomorrow hihi#I SAW THE ASK ANA SENT AND I WAS GIGGLING FOR MINUTES#ANA IF YOU SEE THIS PLS KNOW THAT I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU SO SO MUCH<3333#🖇️frans; [ yaps !! ]
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.
i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.
heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."
knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.
it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.
i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!
i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!
#lizzy speaks#hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023#but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me#so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s#it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything#and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are#all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it#for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space#and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i#some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol#but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more#it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves#as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like#wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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i lingered around the office this evening and caught my crush on his own and then we went for drinks to gossip about our teams and he paid for everything 😱
#kat liveblogs her life#it was not expected!!!#we were talking about stuff happening in our office and our bosses#and then he like. looked around and was like 'let me log out and we can walk out together'#bc he didn't want to be overheard#and as soon as we got outside and we were talking he was like#'fuck it!! do you want to go grab a drink??'#AND I SAID YES#and it was just us!!#and when we got the check i went for my wallet and he was like 'kat—let me get it this time and you can get the next'#and then he went to my metro spot instead of walking to his#and we awkwardly hugged as my train pulled up lol#STILl haven't exchanged numbers with this dude
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came home at 8:45 from work and 🌸 was already fast asleep fully dressed on the bed phone in hand completely unresponsive to sound including name-calling and loud floor creaks
probably they were planning to get more work done this evening but i'm going to sabotage that by turning their light off and ordering takeout so i don't make any cooking noises to wake them up, hopefully causing them to get up to a full 12 hours of sleep for what i think would be the first time in two and a half years
#can't check if their alarms for tomorrow are set‚ unfortunately‚ bc they don't have a fingerprint unlock phone anymore#so i can't do the ''cleverly manipulate your hand to unlock your phone in your sleep and set your alarms for you'' trick as i once did.#but we get up at the same time on fridays bc i have early meeting so i'll notice if they didn't.#box opener#girlfriend tag#i feel like my frequent blogging topics imply that my main interest in 🌸 is their sleep habits. it isn't but back when i was originally#becoming truly obsessed/falling in miserable secret love with them in college#it was roughly contemporaneous with their period where they tried to add our school's notorious theoretical cs program on top of their#existing bio/chem double major and 20hr/wk research commitments#and accordingly their sleep schedule would range from '4am-8am' to 'no'.#at the time i was very worried i was having an evil influence on their life (due to the corrosive nature of my secret passions obviously)#and my main countervailing evidence was how frequently i managed to convince them that going to sleep at 2am was ok to do#so i suppose. it remains a topic of some small interest.#also of course i am sulking a little because they are asleep so we can't hang out. so it helps to make it into a scheme i'm doing
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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🎀 🎀 🎀
#hi friends!#local cryptid laurel making a quick little dash appearance just to check in tbh 💗💗💗#miss you all and writing loads but life continues to be a lot lol 😮💨#still job hunting which has been really rough in general but also mentally#then raising my daughter aka puppy who I love but takes a lot of my time and energy 🐶#BUUUUUUT a couple things!#1 - i’m better at checking into discord these days so if you would like to plot/write there and/or make servers to do so I would LOVE THAT#2 - RE: depressing job search - I’m working on opening up my own small shop!!#I’ll be starting with a collection inspired by The Traitors aka one of my fave shows atm#but will be doing all kinds of designs going forward!#I’ll drop more info here once we officially ✨launch✨#but I would love to get more followers on our IG page and just get some hype/interest going!#so if anyone wants to check us out to see what’s to come (soon)! the IG is sonichedesigns#(and the website is thatsoniche but it’s not fully opened yet!)#I’m nervous but excited because I’ve always wanted to do something like this but never really had the time or creative/mental energy#so maybe the stars are aligning who knows!#LOVE YOU ALL and hope to catch you on discord at least!#(again not abandoning tumblr or rp at all! just don’t have much time for it so my blogs are basically for aesthetic things and w/e I have#time for haha 🤪💗 but discord I would love to do more writing and stuff so hmu or ask for my handle! MWAH!)#💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
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kasander + 😴 please!
Thank you ❤️ Sleep questions about D&D elves always lead peculiar places, don't they?
hc + 😴 for a sleep-themed headcanon
Kasander seldom sleeps willingly. Their trance is already haunted by half-alien memories of blood and darkness, disorganized images they struggle to stitch together and match to their origins. It's upsetting even without any supernatural incursion causing more extreme visions, and it makes them fear resting. Sleeping, on the rare experiment trying to avoid the memories, is much worse. They always dream, and they always dream Bhaal's dreams. And it takes such a terribly long time to wake. So they avoid sleeping, and they're thankful not to have a reason to.
However, sleep is the most convenient way for the Emperor to contact them, and the Emperor has a way of pulling them under whenever he pleases. When they first met and the Emperor was still in the form of the Dream Visitor the Emperor offered to soothe their nights from the restless, terrible trance by quieting their dreams- if only they would sleep, of course. Disoriented, still largely amnesiac, and distressed by the visions, Kasander agreed eagerly (there was a lot of agreeing with the Emperor then) and committed themself to the psionic protection out of desperation for any relief from the growing fear there was something wrong with them. It did seem to work- mostly- but when Kas began to break with the Emperor they stopped sleeping nightly as well. By that point they were ready to grapple with the horrors of trance again, as painful and difficult as they were.
#any time something comes up around kasander and sleeping I have this moment of 'do elves sleep in pathfinder'#and you know what? I still don't know the answer. I should. but I don't.#I have become intimately acquainted with trance in D&D thanks to periodically being forced to fact check a bizarre and incorrect belief#that elves have to learn to trance properly and there was a cultural aspect of it. this isn't true and I don't know where I got it from.#anyway do you ever think about how fucking funny it is that trance is genuinely such a deeprooted and unique part of cross setting D&D lore#and so much shit pretends it doesn't exist. I'm guilty too it's the easy way out but god. it's such a simple alien touch#our conception of life is hard to separate from sleep huh#elves sleep an absolutely SILLY amount in bg3 despite there being flavor text and the guy scene acknowledging that they. y'know. don't.#the flavor text takes an especially hardline stance even. very silly. are we just supposed to pretend the sleeping is trance for elves#I'm about to sleep and not trance myself this was not a night of powerful focus for me#sorry you're getting my most scattered and incoherent one of the night :')#emi plays bg3#ask me emithing#ask game#kasander#archduke-enver-gortash#hm. that feels like I'm summoning something. ominous.#anyway if I've just missed some in game explanation for what's going on every time elves appear to be sleeping please lmk
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