#(don't look at me ive been making more of these all day)
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Day 28: Office Sex
IVE Rei x Male Reader
Kinkvember day 28
Sorry for latepost
The office was quiet, save for the distant hum of the city outside. I sat at my desk, eyes scanning a spreadsheet that held little interest for me. My mind was elsewhere, consumed by thoughts of Rei. She had been my secretary for a few months now, and every day I found myself more and more drawn to her. Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes sparkled when she talked—it all drove me wild. Today, I decided, I would act on my desires.
I called her into my office, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside me. "Rei, could you come in here for a moment?"
She entered, her heels clicking softly on the polished floor. Her eyes met mine, and I saw a flicker of surprise. "Yes, Mr. Thompson?"
"Please, call me Jamie," I said, leaning back in my chair. "And you can close the door."
She did as I asked, her brow furrowing slightly. "Is everything alright?"
I stood up, rounding my desk to stand in front of her. "Everything is perfect, Rei. I've been thinking about you a lot lately."
She blushed, looking down at her feet. "I... I don't know what to say."
I reached out, tipping her chin up so she had to look at me. "Say yes. Say yes to this." I leaned in, brushing my lips against hers. She hesitated for a moment before responding, her lips soft and warm against mine.
I deepened the kiss, my tongue exploring her mouth. She moaned softly, her hands reaching up to tangle in my hair. I pulled her closer, my hands roaming over her body. She was wearing a tight skirt and a blouse that hinted at her curves. I wanted to see more, to touch more.
I broke the kiss, my breath ragged. "Rei, I want to fuck you."
Her eyes widened, but she didn't pull away. "Jamie... I'm not sure..."
I smiled, my fingers tracing the line of her jaw. "Let me convince you." I kissed her again, my hands moving to her blouse. I unbuttoned it slowly, my eyes on hers. She didn't stop me, her breath coming in soft gasps as I revealed more of her skin.
Her blouse fell open, and I took a moment to appreciate her lacy bra. I ran my fingers over the lace, making her shiver. I unhooked it, and her big breasts spilled out. They were perfect, firm and pert with rosy nipples. I couldn't resist leaning down to take one in my mouth.
She moaned, her hands gripping my hair. "Jamie... that feels so good."
I switched to the other breast, my hands moving to her skirt. I unzipped it slowly, her eyes on me the whole time. I slipped it down her legs, leaving her in just her heels and panties.
I stepped back, my eyes raking over her body. "You're gorgeous, Rei."
She blushed, but she didn't look away. She looked confident, sexy. "Thank you."
I sat down in my chair, pulling her towards me. "Come here." She stepped between my legs, her hands on my shoulders. I could feel her heat through her panties, and it was driving me crazy.
I kissed her again, my hands moving to her ass. I squeezed, pulling her against me. She moaned, her hips grinding against mine. I could feel her wetness through her panties, and I knew she wanted this just as much as I did.
I broke the kiss, my eyes locked with hers. "I want to taste you."
She bit her lip, her cheeks flushing. "Okay."
I pushed her gently so she was lying back on my desk. I moved between her legs, my hands on her thighs. I could see the wet spot on her panties, and I groaned. I hooked my fingers into the sides and pulled them off, revealing her pussy.
She was shaved, her pussy lips glistening. I leaned in, my tongue flicking out to taste her. She was sweet and salty, and I couldn't get enough. I lapped at her, my tongue circling her clit. She moaned, her hips bucking against my mouth.
I slipped two fingers inside her, curling them up to hit that spot. She cried out, her hands gripping the desk. I fucked her with my fingers, my tongue working her clit. She was close, I could tell.
"Jamie... I'm gonna come..." she panted.
I redoubled my efforts, my fingers moving faster. She came with a cry, her body shaking. I licked her through it, not stopping until she was boneless and panting.
I stood up, my cock aching. She looked up at me, her eyes heavy-lidded. "Your turn," she said, a wicked smile on her face.
I unbuckled my belt, my cock springing free. She sat up, her eyes locked on it. She licked her lips, and I groaned.
"Come here," I said, my voice rough. She did, her hands wrapping around my cock. She stroked it, her eyes on mine.
"You're so big," she said, her voice breathy.
I smiled, my hands tangling in her hair. "And you're so wet. I can't wait to feel you."
I pushed her back onto the desk, my cock at her entrance. I rubbed the head against her clit, making her moan. Then I pushed in, slowly, giving her time to adjust.
She was tight, so fucking tight. I groaned, my hands gripping her hips. I started to move, slowly at first, then faster. She met my thrusts, her nails digging into my back.
"Yes, Jamie, yes," she panted. "Harder. Faster."
I obliged, my cock slamming into her. She was screaming, her body shaking with each thrust. I could feel my orgasm building, and I knew I couldn't hold on much longer.
"I'm gonna come, Rei," I grunted. "Come with me."
She nodded, her body tensing. "Yes, yes, I'm coming..."
I thrust into her one last time, my cock pulsing as I came. She came with me, her body shaking as she screamed my name.
We collapsed onto the desk, our bodies slick with sweat. I pulled her against me, our hearts pounding in sync.
"That was..." she started, but she couldn't find the words.
I smiled, kissing her forehead. "Amazing. And we're not done yet."
She looked up at me, her eyes shining. "Oh really?"
I grinned. "Oh really."
I flipped her onto her hands and knees, my cock already hard again. I rubbed the head against her pussy, making her moan.
"Jamie... I don't know if I can take more," she said, her voice breathless.
I chuckled, my hands on her hips. "You can. And you will."
I pushed into her, her pussy still wet from our previous encounter. She moaned, her body arching back against me. I started to move, my hands gripping her hips.
"Deeper, Jamie," she moaned. "Deeper."
I obliged, my cock slamming into her with each thrust. She was screaming, her body shaking with each thrust. I could feel her pussy clenching around me, and I knew she was close.
"I'm gonna come, Rei," I grunted. "Come with me."
She nodded, her body tensing. "Yes, yes, I'm coming..."
I thrust into her one last time, my cock pulsing as I came. She came with me, her body shaking as she screamed my name.
We collapsed onto the desk, our bodies slick with sweat. I pulled her against me, our hearts pounding in sync.
"That was..." she started, but she couldn't find the words.
I smiled, kissing her forehead. "Amazing. And we're not done yet."
She looked up at me, her eyes shining. "Oh really?"
I grinned. "Oh really."
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【strings of my heart】
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ⋆ ˚��⋆୨୧˚pairing: han jisung x reader ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖summary: your boyfriend and his guitar mesmerizingly capture your heart, yet again. ⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚warnings/genre: fluff. that's literally it. its very cheesy though i warn you. ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖notes: ive been working on this one for a bit and like omg guys wait i actually like this one.. improvement??? i hope u guys like it, english isnt my first language so there might be some grammar issues,, anw enjoy!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the late afternoon sun filtered softly through the windows of jisung's room, casting a warm glow across the scattered sheets of lyrics and music notes. you were sitting cross-legged on the floor, your back leaning against his desk, watching him intently as he adjusted the strings on his guitar.
it wasn't the first time you had watched him with that guitar, but each time felt like a new experience. there was something so captivating about the way he handled it, the way his fingers moved so effortlessly over the strings, each note he played creating its own world.
"you know, you're like a rockstar when you play" "a rockstar, huh? you really think so?" "definitely."
he laughed, but there was a flicker of genuine pride in his eyes as he strummed a few chords. "i don't know about that", he said, "but i've been working on something new. wanna hear it?"
"of course! 'm all ears."
jisung's eyes sparkled as he fixed his posture, the guitar resting comfortably on his lap. he gave you a quick glance, and then he started playing, his fingers dancing across the fretboard with practiced ease. the melody was light at first, almost like a gentle breeze, but then it deepened, the rhythm picking up as if telling a story of its own.
it was mesmerizing. the way his fingers moved, the way his focus was entirely on the guitar, but still somehow aware of you watching. it felt like a private concert, just for you.
the music flowed through the room, and with every strum, you couldn't help but smile. it wasn't just the melody that was beautiful, but the way he made it sound so effortless.
"what do you think?"
"i think you're amazing, even if i do tell you that, like, every day", you said honestly, your heart fluttering a little. "that was perfect."
jisung chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "baby... you're making me blush."
"good. you deserve to blush", you teased, moving over to sit next to him on the bed. "but seriously, how do you make it look so easy? i’ve seen you play this guitar a million times, and it always sounds so good."
he shrugged, his lips curving into a soft smile. "it's all about feeling the music. when you're really in the moment, everything just falls into place."
you watched as he gently caressed the strings of the guitar, his fingers moving with a kind of reverence. there was something magnetic about his passion. it wasn't just the guitar or the music, but the way he could lose himself in it.
"i've been working on another song for a while now", he said, his voice suddenly quieter, almost hesitant. "i haven't shared it with anyone yet. maybe… i could play it for you?"
you could hear the uncertainty in his voice, and it made your heart warm. "i'd love to hear it, baby. i’m sure it's incredible."
he smiled, but it was a little shy, before he started playing again. this time, the melody was slower, more soulful. it was deep, full of emotion. like each note was carefully chosen, each chord a reflection of something personal. it was the kind of song that made you feel something in your chest, even if you couldn’t quite put it into words.
when he finished, you could tell he was waiting for your reaction, the air between you thick with anticipation.
"that was beautiful", you said softly, your voice almost a whisper. "you really put your everything into that song, didn't you?"
jisung nodded, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "i guess i did. it's.. kind of personal. i wasn't sure if anyone would understand it."
you reached out, gently placing your hand over his. "i understand it, jisung. its exactly what makes you, you. and i'm so lucky to get to hear it."
he looked down at your hand, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. then, he let out a soft laugh, as if he was finally letting out a breath he'd been holding in for a while.
"you're the best" he said, looking up at you with that sincere, slightly bashful smile. "i'm glad you like it.", "you know, i think i've officially fallen for this guitar… and its owner. yet again."
jisung raised an eyebrow playfully, his grin widening. "oh? you’re saying it's not just me you’re in love with?"
you smirked back. "i'm still deciding… but you've got some stiff competition" you teased.
he laughed, his eyes shining with amusement. "guess i'll have to win you over again."
"good luck", you said, giving him a wink. "but i think you're already halfway there."
jisung chuckled softly, setting the guitar down on the bed. he turned to face you, his gaze softening. "well, it looks like i've got my work cut out for me. but i'm not giving up anytime soon."
and just like that, with the sweet sound of his music still lingering in the air, you knew one thing for sure. there was no one else you'd rather spend this moment with than han jisung. the guy, the musician, the heartthrob who’d already played his way into your heart. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ a/n: im actually proud of this one!! i used a little bit different formatting than my other fics but i like how this turned out
#bibi writes#skz#skz x reader#skz fluff#skz x you#skz x y/n#stray kids#stray kids x reader#stray kids fluff#stray kids x you#stray kids x y/n#skz fanfic#skz fanfiction#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fanfiction#han jisung#han#skz jisung#jisung x reader#han jisung x reader#han jisung fluff#han x reader#han fluff#han x you#han jisung x you#han jisung x y/n#han x y/n
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hii, i hope youre doing well today and i was curious about some things about your ed (possible tw later?). I've been in your situation (somewhat, not to this extent) and am currently bul1mic with exercise as the form of purging/slowly healing idk. I wanted to know first of all how do you manage to burn more than 1k calories in a day because that is literally INSANE, I never thought that its possibls so I'm really really curious about your methods.
I also wanted to know your opinion on healing and the ed itself. Do you wish you never had one, do you hate counting c@ls, do you miss your life before the ed? Did it help you in any way (did you notice physical changes)? Are you experiencing any health problems because of it, are you dizzy or yellowish, have you ever fainted? Do you feel proud when skipping meals or anybody points out something ab the ed? Do you wish to heal but don't have the courage/will to, are you forced into healing, are you comfortable in the ed and want to continue and not start a healing process? How do you feel when you overeat or can't exercise the c@ls out? How do you feel about the future, do you wish to continue like so, do you wish to heal or neither of them?
I know it's A LOT of questions actually and I'm really sorry about it, I will explain now. When I was deep in my ed I never actually thought about it and what is going on with my life and I'm genuinely curious as to how it sounds and how my perspective was, I'm really trying not to offend you right now so please don't answer to anything if I'm offending you in any way!!
Hii I'm fine with any questions but damn that's alot (not in a negative way just alot of words and im bad at reading large groups of text)
First of all tw for ed stuff anyone that doesnt want to see this
with the burning 1k c4ls. my (almost) daily exercise typically burns around 500-700. secondly im a minor, im in school, pe is a legal requirement and that burns between 300-900 depending on what we do so combining those i can burn up to 1600 a day or if i do my normal stuff for twice as long that can also reach 1000 which i sometimes do on weekends when i have more time.
healing is something which if you want i highly encourage you get. i wish i had never gotten one, i wish i had never started counting c4ls, i wish i had spoken to someone before it got worse. i no longer feel like im able to get help and ive gotten myself to deep in the rabbit hole to get my mindset out so if you want help and its never to late then do it. get the help you need ill support you all the way.
i hate counting c4ls. i only eat in public when i have to and i always have to secretly look at the c4ls and hope nobody sees. ive written them on my hand afew times when theyre really random numbers and have been questioned about it so just had to lie to my friends which i hate doing. life before an ed fells like it would be so much more free and i would be more careless and do whatever i want without wondering how many c4ls in burning/gaining from that activity. if i could go back to when i started having an ed i absolutely would and change whatever i can to not end up like this.
the only physical symptom ive had is my stomach getting smaller but im waiting for the day my thighs / ass (idk what a more appropriate name would be) get smaller as they make me insecure. im not sure if its from having an ed but im almost always dizzy espescially when i stand up to fast. ive never fainted or been yellowed.
when i skip i dont feel proud more like im doing something correct and nobodys ever pointed out an ed but if they did i would deny it but secretly be proud someone noticed. i dont want to heal. i might have in the past but currently i have no plan to. i want to continue my ed without help. (my mindset is just 'if its a problem its your job to fix it' and i dont want to fix it). ive been put in counselling which has 6(i think) sessions left but if they think im really bad then i might be put in actual therapy. ive hinted about an ed with things like 'i often skip meals' and 'i just forget' or 'i dont have an appetite' and secretly hope they might catch on and get me help.
when i overeat or cant burn the c4ls i just feel sick and like im a failure. theres not really anything else i just feel bad and like i failed at having an ed. for the future my main goal is to reach my ugw and stay there getting lower if possible but not higher unless i really want help.
That was alot of questions but i feel like this is a place where i can talk about whatever(especially my ed) without anyone judging me or knowing who i am. im glad i could think about my ed on a deeper level other than just 'hmm weight be gone pls' so like thanks?? idk i hope i answered everything i might have missed a question. im always open to any question anyone has i just like talking to people and getting to know them.
#3d but not sheeren#ed blr#ed but not ed sheeran#tw @na#tw disordered thoughts#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#3d not sheeran#3ating d1sorder#3d blog#3ating disord3r#tw 3ating d1sorder#3d diary#disordered eating mention#tw eating issues#eating disoder trigger warning#tw ed implied#ed blogg#4anorexi4#4nor3xia#4norexla#tw 4n4rexia#4n4blr#4n4rexia#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#4n@diary#i just want to be thin#4ana#4n4m1a#tw ana rant
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fanfic front covers
thank you to @moonlitbirdie for the tag! and again to @saradika for sharing this fabulous template because I've had the most fun trying all over again. i did share some last night here, but i remade them (and missed a fair few off)
do me yourself [diy!frankie] complete
bite me nicely [vamp!javi] wip
give me a sign [no outbreak joel] oneshot
i'd look for you [din] oneshot
honey stained hands [outbreak joel] complete
i like the way you [fwb!bestfriend frankie] complete
late night texts [post s3!javi text fic] complete
let us pretend [undercover!javi] wip
with no strings attached [strangers to lovers!frankie] wip
tagging: @goodwithcheese @luxurychristmaspudding @javierpena-inatacvest @fuckyeahdindjarin @secretelephanttattoo
@almostfoxglove @toxicanonymity @flightlessangelwings @covetyou
#tag games#(don't look at me ive been making more of these all day)#plus i hate ignoring a tag (except wip wednesday cause sometimes i don't know what to share)
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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LAURENCE HARVEY a.k.a. LARUSHKA MISCHA / ZVI MOSHEH SKIKNE (born october 1st, 1928 - died november 25th, 1973)
“I always believed in Laurence Harvey, even when nobody else did. Especially when nobody else did.”
“Most people imagined they knew and understood Larry with little trouble. That was a big mistake. They didn't know how deep and complex, how elusive, he remained behind his social mask.” - Paulene Stone, his wife
“I cannot yield to failure, it would make far too many people happy.”
#i care him (obscure actor nobody is talking about)#idk man i felt inspired to make this and ive been working on it for the past several hours at my job. i wish it was my job#so-called free thinkers when they remember a guy. anyway!#the first gif is from the wonderful world of the brothers grimm and we're lucky i was able to even get it bc its GONE from tubi 💔#fortunately i got it from some clip on youtube abt the restoration but i had to include something from that movie#with a vague theme in these gifs of lesser known. appearances. i guess#the second is from when a bunch of actors went to this birthday celebration for noel coward#the next is from password (his silly little mannerisms and the lady's eyebrow raise at the end is killing me)#and then celebrity bowling followed by columbo and then lastly welcome to arrow beach#for those of you if any that cared where these all came from#i just think he's neat (guy that i would like to make a documentary on)#and well he deserved a good gifset. maybe ill even make more . it could happen#you should all still watch the wonderful world of the brothers grimm. just maybe not some of his other movies ive suffered through#the columbo gif could look better but for some reason the gif maker made all the colors suck :( and thats the best it was gonna look#it was a battle against source quality and tumblrs gif size limit#i also considered making other gifs but you know what im happy w six (i don't have the patience to do more)#that post thats going around of like you have to follow people that are obsessed w old hollywood actors. im doing my part#youd love him. he was a bisexual sarcastic bitch . and i also think hes 😵💫 but that was probably obvious#laurence harvey#not bothering 2 tag the movies#happy larry day. which inspired all this
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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yk i genuinely don't think ive ever been able to actually express my gender dysphoria out loud to another person cos with my family they'll get uncomfortable or think im somehow bragging bc i have the misfortune of a hyperfeminine body, with therapists im always trying not to say smth that makes me sound too self hating to get letters written, and with other trans people i don't want to upset them. idk writing it down just feels like im cataloguing everything that's wrong with me but I don't think ill ever have anyone i can talk to about it either
#i guess i got lucky in some ways with PCOS and my face is androgynous#but just even besides my weight my body type itself is just. not doing me any favors when it comes to passing#maybe if i was skinny i could deal with it or fat with an otherwise masculine body but both just feels very insurmountable#like ive just never seen a cis man that looks anything like me even guys that r the same weight#hell even trans men never look like me#idk maybe t will help with it longterm and at the end of the day it is what it is. like i don't have to like my body to be kind to myself#been considering lipo with top surgery too bc i just#i don't even have the typical pcos body type that is a little more masculine#like ugh. realistically ik i always cover myself head to toe anyways and that nobody is rlly looking that hard#in most photos if im dressed well i just look like a guy with wide hips. most strangers who've seen photos of me#assumed i was cis esp with clothes that diminish the hips#but i wish i could look at myself naked and not be utterly disgusted and alienated at almost all my features is all#ik itll get better with top surgery and i do have things i like like my shoulders and calves#but man just. i know i am not the first to express this but being a 5'3 fat man with an hourglass figure is not fun!#they literally do not make mens pants in my size 😭 at least not ones i can go try on in a store#i would just really like to kill the transphobe in my head mostly. or at least show his ugly ass to somebody else.
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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brrrrr (/pos)
#weight talk#<- just in case even though this is pos#but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life#like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL#i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL#but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety#partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly#so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up#well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite#and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day????#and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs#highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16#and then it dropped 10#and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER#and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left#like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling#but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back#I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE#and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore#like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards#but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore#I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man#and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic#when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way#and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore#i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat#seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy
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it turns out that I'm not this horrible manipulative person who's angry all the time ive just been told that my entire life whenever I didn't give someone what they wanted.
#more shocking revelations to come as i finally put REAL effort into processing my trauma#my parents love to talk about how awful i was as a kid#how i was manipulative angry and violent and i never thought of anyone but myself#and i genuinely believed that because no one ever told me any different#i believed that i needed to work hard and sacrifice as much as i can for the people i love in order to make up for them enduring me#now that ive surrounded myself with kind and gentle people#im not angry all the time#disagreements are conversations and even if they get a little emotional sometimes we're not fighting#looking back i don't think its a coincidence that those same insults were hurled towards me when i decided to end a friendship#at the time i took it as proof that my parents and my ex were right#i WAS that horrible person and it didn't matter what i did i could never make up for that#it caused me to relapse into self harm after it had been YEARS since id done that#but ive since come to realize that the actual common denominator in all of the situations where ive been called those things#is when i wasn't doing what the person saying them wanted me to#these were words said to hurt me#to get me to either give in and give them what they wanted or punish myself on their behalf#coming to that conclusion has made a world of difference#this shit is still hard and im still carrying these beliefs about myself around with me#but every day it gets easier to put those down and recognize who i REALLY am#and who i really am is pretty great#personal#self harm mention#tw self harm#tw child abuse#self harm#child abuse#child abuse mention#wanted to cover all my bases with tws#though i don't really expect anyone else to actually read all my tags lol
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Welcome back to tumblr! Hope you enjoyed your break
It was very stressful. Ended up failing the marking period for English, but not by as much as I was failing before. Could still pull up the overall grade by the end of the semester.
#started writing a fic a few days ago. been a while since ive done that.#so far felix is very out of character but he's only gonna be the focus for the first chapter. plus i might go back and rewrite him.#maybe i should wait until the new chapter comes out tho so it's relevant to updated canon#anyway echos started brainrotting about chris in a /pos way so yeah a lot of my break has been rethinking old analysis#started to notice that he's a lot more fun if i get in the mindset that he's not poorly written he's just literally isaac's antagonist#also my siblings have been hyperfixating on DC so i watched a batman series. i think they're very disappointed in me for choosing batwheels.#snowy best vehicle#. what else#oh ive been doodling a nightmare design#been liking the idea of him and dream not being skeletons but dont wanna draw/write them as their canon human designs#because (if i'm correct) they get those designs at some point later in the story. and i don't want to confuse the timeline like that.#so ive been working on concept sketches for a less human design for them. ive also noticed that them being humans in canon actually#makes a lot of sense because the other guardians don't really have any connection between their species and it can be assumed that#whatever they are exists in the universes/multiverse they're from. so it makes sense for the twins to be humans because the utmv has humans.#. but i also like how they couldn't be given the human forms at first because of the lack of holes.#so the design im working on has gill/stripe-looking vents for the energy to come out of.#also gonna try to add little fire wisps into the design because i love their true forms so much#anyway i dont think there's been more that ive done. other than schoolwork. and watching qsmp.#oh i started working on an animatic. but i do that all the time. it'll be a bigger occasion if i finish one lol.#think im gonna still keep interaction on tumblr to a smaller scale because i wanna keep getting stuff done
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