#(doesn't help with the adhd)

[lazylittledragon]

lately i've been drinking orange juice and eating fruit and going outside in the sun and coincidentally 10-20% of my depression has vanished. must be witchcraft

[not-the-living-ghost]

there is one person in the entire world who loves charles rowland more than i do and that's edwin payne himself

[beardedmrbean]

[welcome-to-the-agender-agenda]

I don't think anyone talks about ADHD meltdowns enough.

I get them 9/10 times when I try to do homework.

It's not just crying because I do that every time I get frustrated with work and that's quite often.

It's not just accepting defeat and being angry with yourself because I do that a lot too.

It's breaking down sobbing, bending over and hugging yourself as snapping at anybody who tries to get you to continue working.

It's repeating I can't I can't over and over and feeling so ashamed whilst you're doing it.

It's feeling so angry with yourself because you know you can do the work you just can't do it like this and you're taking out your anger on other people.

It's other people trying to be helpful by saying that you can do it and there isn't much left so we have to crack on but that only makes you more frustrated.

Because they don't understand.

You want to.

But you just can't.

[cranberryculprit]

Mable hanets anyeon

[angelsdean]

sam: i need to get a good grade in loreboy by doing ALL this research myself. i can't out-source or ask for help. that's cheating. how will i prove i went to college and know how to academically research if i don't spend 10+ hours reading all these dusty old books???

meanwhile dean, a few hours later: yea so i solved the case.

sam: *pikachu face* how?????? i'm only on chapter 57 of this first book????

dean: well. i was cooking bacon and the sizzling splatter of grease reminded me of that one time we were hunting [insert obscure monster here] and then cas came up behind me--well that's not really relevant-- anyways so it's [insert monster] and we kill it with a silver blade dipped in the blood of a black sheep born under a waxing crescent moon.

sam: waxing crescent... how do you know that????

dean: oh cas told me.

sam: *smug face* so you didn't figure it out youself

dean: there's no shame in out-sourcing and asking for help. that's just being efficient and using your resources, sammy. oh and also *flips him off* now, you coming or what?

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 68 Something Posting

A fight, a yap, and a wavering heart. Let's get on with it, dear void.

Rough TL of editor's notes:

First page: 毘灼-昼彦現る!! [Hishaku - Hiruhiko arawaru!!] Hiruhiko of the Hishaku appears!! Last page: 少女は決断する... [shoujo ha ketsudan suru...] The girl decides...

I've been doing full TLs of the Japanese chapters lately so there's going to be more yap from me about some differences between the EN and JP versions from now on- the ones I'm confident in, at least. Practicing for hours every day is starting to pay off.

So, About Hiruhiko...

First off, a TL note because I don't think this will be carried over in English. I'll be very impressed if it is, honestly (spoiler: it wasn't).

Such an easy to hate face.

What Hiruhiko says here in the last panel in Japanese: "Thank you for being born..." "...Samura's daughter (weakness)."

The last bubble says 座村の弱点 [samura no jakuten] "Samura's weakness." But the Ruby over jakuten reads "むすめ [musume]", or "daughter". It's a little trick specific to Japanese that's hard to translate into English, but essentially, Hiruhiko is saying "Samura's daughter" (that's what Iori and Chihiro would hear), while the kanji for "weakness" is there for the audience's benefit so we know what he really means. Not great for Iori either way though. She's truly just a pawn to Hiruhiko and the Hishaku as a whole.

OK. With that out of the way... I'm gonna be honest. It's hard for me to be objective about a character I dislike so much even under ideal conditions. And what we got this chapter was cool but it was also, uh...

Clown doing clown things and getting treated seriously.

Yeah. What the hell?

So, it's not completely unheard of for an amateur to win a duel against an experienced fighter just because they're unpredictable and a little lucky. Shit happens, you know? Sengoku (hotel manager dude) dying to Hiruhiko was kind of lame, but I was willing to let it slide. Until Hokazono-sensei did the thing you're not supposed to do with offscreen fights- he explained how Hiruhiko won in such a lame way that I'm now completely fed up with this character, the whole Escort Iori subplot, and want this sidequest to end ASAP so we can move on with the larger story.

Swapping the hand the sword is held in behind his back then doing a quick running slash isn't really an unbeatable display of swordsmanship in my opinion. It's more like a carnival or sword dancer trick; something for the aesthetic wow rather than actually being effective in combat. It's not convincing. And Chihiro being able to detect the trick while a master of a sword style couldn't doesn't hold water with me. I think this is genuinely the first time I was disappointed by getting context in Kagurabachi! That's alright though, no manga's perfect and it doesn't take away from the awesome perspective shots this chapter.

There's something I do like despite being thoroughly fed up with Hiruhiko and his bullshit:

An "aura farming" moment, as the dudebros would say. I agree.

Chihiro still isn't there with his swordsmanship, but this situation should look familiar:

Early art style jumpscare.

Chihiro learned from Sojo and forced Hiruhiko to call his bluff or risk both of them being decapitated. The momentum from Hiruhiko's swing probably would have meant Chihiro got hit and died too- but he counted on Hiruhiko backing off and won the bet. I love seeing this kind of shit man. Chihiro! You're always so cool! Always happy to see a protagonist that learns more than moral lessons from their enemies.

Also just for funny...

[Nathan Explosion voice] Brutal

This is the third time Chihiro's gotten blood in his eyes. He better be careful or he's gonna get hepatitis or some other nasty illness soon.

Iori and the Masumi

I wanna hug the Masumi so bad. We don't know anything about how they were raised but they're so clearly parallels to Hakuri with being raised as tools to value the mission over their lives. Please, please, please let nothing horrible happen to them. Toto's still hanging around and Kuguri's whereabouts are unknown so... please. Chihiro needs them so badly- they're the only people so far who have been able to force him to chill at all.

"Putting a timer on this fight for everyone's sake"- the editor, possibly (but not likely).

Did we need a key to add more tension? Well, we got it anyway. Cultural context: Given the appearance shown in this chapter, the lantern almost certainly an 石灯籠 [ishidourou]- the type of guardian lantern usually made out of stone and commonly found in Shintoist temples or as traditional garden decorations. They don't have any particular religious significance nowadays but they look nice when lights are placed inside for special occasions.

After the last "timer" (recovering Hakuri's sorcery) was thrown out the window, I'm not going to have any expectations on how this plays out. Instead I choose to hope that this delivery subquest being added means we'll hit the climax for this escort mission next chapter or the week after that. Between Chihiro reminding us of the countdown timer for Samura to move, the need for the key, and Kuguri's whereabouts being unknown, I think we'll get a cliffhanger on the issue of Iori's memories and/or Chihiro's fight with Hiruhiko next chapter then the resolutions the week after. Please. Normally I'm content to let authors cook but I'm genuinely getting more than a little frustrated with how all this is playing out.

"The only one" bearing the pain of a burden, hmm...

Iori's wavering and Chihiro's words about it being better to live with the truth seem to be eating at her. Everyone wants her to feels safe as an ordinary girl, but she's clearly not so sure about her decision to go back to normal life. She's keeping those memories now or I'm busting out the clown suit with the wig and everything.

I wonder if Iori will also parallel Chihiro's desire to go it alone. She has every right to confront Samura for leaving her behind, and I can see her wanting to bear the pain of their experience together as father and daughter. I'm looking forward to her development and where she goes- my heart will shatter if she becomes what Chihiro wanted to be with Kunishige. Parent and child, facing the guilt and life's challenges together. Willfully inheriting the legacy that Samura tried to spare her from.

Of course, Samura probably will refuse to let her, but shouldn't she have the choice? Iori's old enough now to understand what happened and decide for herself. Samura doesn't have to do this alone if his daughter wants to bear his sins with him. He doesn't have to do it at all if she's willing to help him find another way or absolve him! But he's so mired in guilt that he might be beyond all saving...

Ignorant bliss seems to be a kindness from Samura's point of view.

Iori knows what happened when she was a child, but she doesn't know the real reason why. And I feel like Samura won't tell her because he wants to spare her that much- he wants his little girl to live free from his burden. So she'll have to find out with Chihiro from Shiba or another adult who witnessed The Incident. Man, I hope we get back to this main plot thread soon. There's so much to uncover that the fight with Hiruhiko feels like a sideshow (as cool as the action shots are).

New vs. Old

If only he'd been correct about Hiruhiko's fighting "style" being dogshit.

What a nice master. Too bad his 150 year old technique was no match for a dumb pink frog holding a sword for the first time.

I was chatting with an acquaintance and he brought up an excellent point about our favourite Genius trio- each one of them has a different approach to legacy and tradition based on what they experienced.

"Legacy" and how it affects the younger generations is the core idea of Kagurabachi. Chihiro's dealing with his father's and his key foils each have had some exploration into the theme themselves.

Chihiro: raised with love and care -> respects tradition -> using the White Purity style to defend his dad's legacy and forge a new path for himself

Hakuri: abused and neglected -> hates tradition -> used the holy grail of his family's ethos (storehouse + isou) to destroy their legacy and forge a new path for them all

Hiruhiko: ??? -> doesn't care about tradition -> completely disregards it for the Hishaku's ambition and forges his own path

The only missing piece right now is Hiruhiko's full backstory- what did he experience (besides John spoiling him) that led him to care not a whit for tradition and ignore it completely? He's in the middle of Chihiro and Hakuri's approaches in how and why they fight. Chihiro is building off of tradition to do something new, Hakuri completely demolished his family's, and Hiruhiko... exists.

All three of them are going to be figuring out how to maximise their own strengths by themselves for the most part, but how closely they cleave to tradition while doing it says a lot about their characters and what they experienced. I'm not exactly dying to know Hiruhiko's backstory but if we're gonna have to get it at some point, may as well complete this little trio of contrasts.

Iori can absolutely be added to this comparison list too even if she's not a genius, we just have to see where she goes from here. I love all these deliberately constructed contrasts!

Small Complaint

Missing: my wife, Azami. Last seen: two months ago. Reward offered for information that leads to location.

...Alright. I know I'm getting frustrated in large part because I hate Hiruhiko. The faster he gets offscreen again, the happier I'll be.

I'm also champing at the bit to get to the Kamunabi's nonsense. Azami, Shiba, all those council people whose names we still don't have- what are they up to? Where the hell have Hiyuki and Tafuku been? And we seriously can't even get a single half-page checking in on Hakuri or the folks at Kamunabi HQ before going back to Chihiro? Come on, man...

So I guess the faster we're done with Samurabachi, the better. I don't want it to rush but I hope we don't go on any more sidequests to rescue surprise MacGuffins. It's a bit uncharitable to say that, I know, but those are my honest feelings. I like most of the characters we're dealing with right now but I'm tired of wondering when we'll get to the million other things that have been set up and teased since the first arc. The new guys seem preoccupied with just the immediate development stuff so where are the other folks at?! I need lingering questions answered or I'm going to get too frustrated to continue each week before long...

A lot of it is I need a break too. The action is cool and it's been hype but there's seriously not enough time spent giving catharsis. The point about Chihiro pushing himself too hard is getting me exhausted as a reader, too. I get it. He's tired and going to break sooner or later. But when? How many more times are we gonna be bonked over the head with how bad his condition is before the watershed moment?

We've been edged about so many things that keep piling up and I'm truly numb at this point. I'm waiting for this fight to finish and praying that we get a full yap chapter for information I'm in that bad of a state. No teasing, just some fucking answers that don't raise a million more questions. Even learning what Azami's sorcery is would be a relief at this point.

Okay. More fight next week, and maybe some hope of moving on. Give yourself a treat today, dear void, and I'll see you next time.

[vivitalks]

more adhd jason grace or die by my sword

[shade-pup-cub]

Anyone else have ADHD and go through times where the hyperactivity and the ADHD Paralysis start to fight over your body and it causes your joints to hurt because your muscles want to move, but your brain is still in paralysis mode so you settle for weird almost violent joint rotations and or bouncing your legs to get rid of the pain... or am I the only one?

[t34-mt]

Did you keep working on the wiki?

I work on it when I have time / even want to, don't bother with asking me for updates much, i haven't done almost anything since last ask.

a reminder that this will never be a worldbuilding i do for others to see, but just my super personal playground i go into constantly. and that sometimes i share about in public here

i don't really care about having to deliver things for people eitherway, as rude as that may sound im not obligated to, it since its just a hobbie. watch me take years, if ill even have it on public anyways!

[funkyplantguy]

hello if you're a writer and you have adhd i am gripping you by the throat and begging on my hands and knees for the secret to being consistent with writing.........i get like random bursts of motivation where i write like 50-70k in a single week and then 2 days later the thought of jotting down even a single word fills me with Dread. how do you do it. sobbing

[tvckerwash]

I hc wash and south (and by proxy, north) as all being ODSTs prior to pfl and one thing I really like about hcing them as such is that it adds another layer of depth to why they were all chosen to be a part of the recovery force.

ODSTs are a special forces unit within the marines, and they're generally used as force amplifiers and in high risk or sensitive operations. two such scenarios include the recovery or recapture of personal and high level assets behind enemy lines, as well as deep reconnaissance and intelligence gathering. ODSTs are also used in politically sensitive operations, which pfl was following the crash of the moi.

so basically, who better to be on the recovery force than former ODSTs who already have a background doing the kind of work that would need to be done?

this also adds to some of the tension between north and south as well imo, as while they're a great team who are capable of working together they clearly have two very different skillsets—south is not portrayed as someone who has the patience necessary for long reconnaissance missions, and part of the reason why team b failed so spectacularly is because two snipers and an intelligence operative are not a good choice for a smash and grab mission. had north been replaced with south things would've probably went way better for them, because south is actually fairly similar to wash in her "get in, get it done, get out" mentality, though where wash comes off as more methodical and is willing to take that "wait and see" approach, south throws caution to the wind and has a "we'll cross that bridge when we get there" approach.

this is probably why wash and south were (on paper at least) going to get eta and iota—south would've benefited greatly from having an ai that was afraid and anxious as it would force her to slow down and think things through more, and wash getting an ai that was happy and cheerful would force him to loosen up a bit and be less high-strung and serious.

[ndcultureis]

nd culture is having an controversial thought or moke like wondering, and reasons why the term "glass child" rubs me the wrong way, so i'm going to vent here??

tw: mentions of ableism

glass child: siblings of a person with a disability,that get neglected bc thdir sibling get more attention.People often perceive them transparently, especially when children seem resilient but are actually vulnerable

I feel majority of ppl who are "glass child", even before the term was created, resented their sibling and their disability bc of the neglect or if the siblings happens to be an awful person,show their ableism and excused it under their "rage". It feels like they be waiting the term to be created(?. ( I have seen many of them on the internet or irl)

"But glass child is necessary term for our experiences. It's not ableist, even if most ppl used it that way, it means we don't get taken care of bc we strong when we aren't"

I don't want to invalidate ppl's trauma neither come off as insensitive..but it happens to many neglected kids, they are viewed strong when in reality,they are vulnerable, only difference is the experiences and context, doesn't make it less valid or less painful even if there's a lot of ppl in the same situation,I get why new terms exists: to talk about topics and experiences ppl have in common, it can be helpful and all that but..why creating more terms? It's basically neglect. It can be different situations but at the end of the day, is still neglect, which it has many non excusable reasons,no matter what situation, is a form of emotional abuse. and it can happen to anyone:all genders,POC or white,lgbtq or cishet.

Many parents exhibit toxic and abusive behavior influenced by culture, generational trauma, or personal issues. This can include favoritism toward one child over another based on shallow reasons like appearance or arbitrary characteristics. Similarly, neglectful parents justify their actions with excuses like being tired, working, or caring for other family members. Such behaviors are harmful and unjustifiable.

In various scenarios, disabled kids may be viewed as burdens, facing neglect or preference towards non-disabled siblings, while a similar pattern unfolds with daughters overshowed in favor of sons due to internalized sexism,and for the dark skinned folks are ignored by their family, just to favor of their lightskinned sibling

Surprisingly, there seems to be no coined term for neglect based on ableism, colorism, sexism, etc., in these instances. (as far as I know,if someone does know those terms. Pls do tell. Idk, my first language isn't english so).

.

[forcebookish]

had to stop taking the new adhd medication but the good news is i can drink coffee and iced tea again

[allastoredeer]

Do you have an idea of when you might release the next part of just kiss already? I don't want to rush you or anything, I'm just curious

I was hoping to get it finished and posted this weekend, but it's getting longer than I anticipated, so my new goal is to have it finished and posted by next weekend.

I have been rewriting the first three fics in between writing this one, and I actually just posted the revised version of "De-Lovely" this morning ^.^ (shoutout to halleyshiro! Thanks for beta'ing for me! You're amazing 😍)

The story is ultimately the same, nothing MASSIVE was changed. I just went a little deeper in description and hashed out more of Lucifer's thoughts and feelings. I think it flows a LOT better now and I'm very happy with how it turned out. You don't have to reread it to understand the rest of the series, but there's a few more goodies added to it if you're looking for anything new, so its there if you want it 😊

Crossing my fingers that this next fic won't take much longer LOL I'm very excited to post it. I'm having a lot of fun with Alastor and Lucifer's dynamic.

[cannedsoupcansoup]

It's moments like this, where I am literally wriggling on the floor in annoyance over this stupid ass mother fucking dumb ass fucked up essay I have to do, that I am happy and proud of myself for never ever ever considering the option of letting anyone else do my work for me. Because, struggling, despite being a struggle, is still better than never learning anything or growing in the process of doing something that is difficult to do.

I wish I could pause my ADHD because i have been sitting here for 9 hours and got 9 lines done, that's a line per hour and it's due tommorrow yall.