#(certain kinds at least)
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stuckinapril · 10 months ago
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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pixlatedvampire · 19 days ago
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hi the literal whole entire reason i made these was bc i watched this 10 sec clip on youtube pls watch
youtube
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the-witchhunter · 1 year ago
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DP x DC: Homme Fatale
Noun. homme fatal (plural hommes fatals) An ultimately seductive and dangerous man; a womanizer.
On a bit of a Film Noir kick right now, so blame that
Imagine, if you will:
Danny, a private eye in Gotham, ever the hard boiled detective, sitting in his dark office, drinking coffee you could use to tar a roof. The office isn't in a good neighborhood but rent still ain't cheap. He's fixing to get a new case on his desk soon
Enter one Timothy Drake-Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprizes. He walked in shirt unbuttoned dangerously low in a suit sharp enough to cut yourself on and bags under his eyes to large to be counted as carry on. Mr. Drake has a job for him, one he wants to keep quite, and one important enough that he's willing to add a couple zeros to Danny's usual rate. This job is a dream come true... almost too good to be true...
or
Tim Drake aka Red Robin(yummm) needs plausible deniability on a case tied to his civilian identity and so hires a PI and lays down a trail of clues for him. All the while playing up the Noir tropes to flirt with the cute detective.
why doesn't he just take care of it as Red Robin? Shhhhh... the detective is cute and he's having too much fun playing the homme fatale
Bonus: Immediately after wrapping up Tim's case Kon walks into Danny's office dolled up in a vintage dress, period appropriate makeup done, all to play the part of the Femme Fatale and do the exact same thing Tim did. Does he know Tim literally just did that? Maybe, maybe not
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crustyfloor · 4 months ago
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lunaryhues · 11 months ago
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Me: "Can I please use all this energy to draw on an actual project"
My brain: "You will draw the same character over and over and you will like it."
Me: "Okay."
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puppyeared · 5 months ago
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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epickiya722 · 3 months ago
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"Megumi wants Yuji to be with his sister."
How? The fan translation states "walked off beside someone like you, Itadori" not "walked off beside you, Itadori". Clearly (apparently, not, my bad), Megumi was making a comparison.
If he is really trying to state something here about his sister's love life (which is weird, let's be real), he is probably trying to say he wants Tsumiki to have a partner that is a good person just as she and Yuji are.
Even with the framing, I don't think this is him imaging Tsumiki and Yuji dating. It's him imagining the most important, most cherished people in his life. Tsumiki, the only family he really has ever known and Yuji, the boy who has done everything he can to help Megumi since the day they met and forming a bond with him.
Also, when in the manga has Megumi actually been interested in looking for a partner for Tsumiki? He was trying to save her from the coma she got put in! And then later, save her from the Culling Games!
And just Megumi being Megumi, him playing matchmaker for his sister is so off!
"But what about the thing with Yuko?"
Megumi was a spectator if anything else, let's be real. It was Nobara helping Yuko out and Megumi was just there to react and answer questions.(Hell, Nobara even later got agitated at the idea of Yuji getting a partner before she does.) He brought a book with him, for crying out loud. Does that seem like someone who is trying to play matchmaker?
Him putting up a ten points sign was just another scene of him being impressed by Yuji. It was no different from when he said Yuji could beat any of them in a hand to hand fight without cursed energy involved or when he complimented straight to Yuji about how adaptable he is in a fight.
He wanted Yuji's life spared because he couldn't see another good person die. Not because "my comatose sister needs a boyfriend".
If Megumi wanted Tsumiki and Yuji to be "a couple", then how come he never bragged about how great of a person she is after Yuji (and Nobara) learned about her? How come he only told Yuji to "save him" and not "save Tsumiki" when he wanted help to save Tsumiki?
I already seeing people make the "Fushiguro wants the bloodline continued" "jokes" and honestly, ew, gross.
Maybe, it's just me, but it's feels invasive at the thought of one sibling trying to shape another sibling's love life.
Hell, even still, Megumi pushing Yuji to date his sister? He would really try to get Yuji to do that without considering how Yuji feels? For real?
It's him wishing that his sister had someone who she can also form a bond with just as he had with Yuji and for that someone to be like Yuji.
I'm actually surprised to not see those same people making the "Megumi wants Yuji and Tsumiki to date" even make a remark on Yuji saying how lonely he would be without Megumi.
Is it because you can't interpret it any other way than how much Yuji cares about Megumi? Because, didn't not too long ago people were trying to say Yuji didn't care for him? Now that the last two chapters (265 - 266) disproved that AGAIN, I feel like these people are grasping at straws to come up with anything to not admit that there are mutual feelings between Yuji and Megumi.
Same fandom were some people were making incest jokes at Megumi's expense so now he's "beating the allegations" that were never there in the first place. Huh? What?
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asurrogateblog · 1 month ago
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The Syd Poll
the topic of this poll is one that is frequently avoided in the pink floyd fandom, but inevitably one we all consider – our individual views on what we think caused syd's psychological struggles (and by extension, led to his departure from the band). I think that – at least in this neighborhood of tumblr – this is a conversation we are capable of having in a way that is civil, nuanced, and at least minimally disrespectful to syd.
So, to help facilitate this, here are some ground rules:
let's all assume we have a mutual understanding of the complexities of this. syd could never actually be reduced down to a poll, and all of our viewpoints are limited in various ways
the poll options just serve as just a conversation starter, and responses are not necessarily a statement of absolute beliefs
feel free to discuss as much or as little of your own perspective as you feel comfortable sharing.
in the case that debates break out, please try to assume good intent – and also demonstrate it (unless, for instance, someone is being blatantly insulting beyond a misunderstanding that needs correcting)
please do NOT vote if you are not actually a pink floyd fan with at least basic knowledge about what we're talking about here.
The options I've included below are not meant to be exhaustive, they are simply the "theories" that I have seen most commonly circulated. I have also decided not to include combinations. I'm fairly sure we'd all agree multiple factors were involved. Rather than make the poll too complicated, I ask you to instead select the one that you think is the "most" important to your viewpoint, and clarify further in your tags/comments as you wish.
so. here we go.
READ BEFORE VOTING ^^^^
(note of correction: "late-onset schizophrenia" should just be "schizophrenia". the typical timeline for onset of symptoms is late adolescence/early adulthood, so syd would've been well within that period at the time)
#pink floyd#syd barrett#//#I will sacrifice myself and go first with way too much detail. hopefully it will help other people feel more comfortable talking#I chose consensual use of psychedelics. mainly bc I am fairly certain that he suffered from severe hppd#it stands for 'hallucinogen persisting perception disorder' –speaking crudely its 'did too much acid and got stuck like that'#I do NOT expect this kind of oversharing from anyone else but the reason I think that is because -I- definitely have that#its comparatively mild but I notice a lot of the same kind of impacts.#I'm more prone to dissociation and overstimulation. it takes more mental energy to communicate. my perception plays a bit fast and loose.#(again. it's not -that- bad. and NO pity for me this was a completely predictable outcome that I DO think is a little funny) but digressing#I can clearly see how if those symptoms were significantly escalated it would be just like what was described by ppl who knew syd#I think its very unkind to refer to him as a “drug casualty”#but I'm fairly confident anyone who's done acid would say by about hour 8 of the trip “okay. yah. too much of this could do that to someone#in other words –although I'm pretty sure syd was also neurodivergent– I do think its at least possible that the lsd couldve been enough#I'm happy to talk more about any of this in asks/dms if anyone wants. genuinely very cool with discussing it#but anyway. that's my take – obviously based entirely on anecdotal evidence tho so take that with as many grains of salt as you wish
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anghraine · 11 months ago
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Speaking of the sidelining of Elizabeth's arc in pop culture/fandom takes on P&P, I do have a more uncharitable than usual speculation about it:
I don't think Elizabeth is written as an audience stand-in in a general sense. But the novel does give audiences a carefully-constructed space to fuck up in the same ways that Elizabeth does.
The audience participating in Elizabeth's flawed patterns of thinking and reacting and engaging with other people is not equivalent to Elizabeth doing it in-story. But I think the novel is more broadly concerned with these kinds of patterns in ways of thinking and approaching the world and especially approaching people in the world than with it as a purely in-story thing.
The novel's exact central turning point is Elizabeth's horrified epiphany about her faults following Darcy's letter. That moment is integral to Elizabeth's characterization, but much of what she says of herself and how she's been approaching the world could be fairly turned on much of the audience because of how the book is constructed. This construction is very clearly deliberate.
It's easy to feel like Elizabeth's flaws and mistakes are not really a big deal when it's stuff we ourselves do all the time and when the person doing them is as generally admirable and engaging as Elizabeth. But while she overstates things in the horror of the moment, the novel still insists that the flaws in her approach are a big deal, ethically. They are morally wrong. Elizabeth has to struggle to grow past those patterns and flaws, however imperfectly, and I think there's an implicit challenge in that: so should we.
tbh I suspect that challenge is really uncomfortable for some people to think about too hard, and that's part of the reason there's so much flailing to make the book centrally about anything else.
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throwawayasoiafaccount · 3 months ago
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When I see stuff like this I kinda want to bash my head into a wall:
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To start off, I’m not sure whether this person was commenting on book or show Cersei, but honestly, it doesn’t even matter because she’s so much more than the ‘ambitious villain’ or the ‘murderous girlboss’ tropes in both the book and show.
(Of course, I do have my issues with the way Cersei was written in the show like most people but this is simply a rant post so I’m not going to go through the differences of Show vs Book Cersei)
Cersei is a female character who was shaped by her environment, who’s insecurities were created by her environment, and she’s a woman who’s idiotic mistakes can be traced back to how her environment shaped her. She’s much more than a murderous girlboss, she’s both a victim of the system and also a beneficiary of it, while also acting as an agent of it to keep the status quo while also desiring what the system denied her.
Cersei is NUANCED and complicated and even now people hate that about her and want her to have been a purely evil woman handcrafted in a vacuum, ignoring the context of her life because readers would rather not engage with Cersei’s victimhood and nuances because that ruins their idea of: She Was The Problem and Always The Problem. (People would rather say that she deserved her walk of shame instead of interacting meaningfully with the theme of systematic gender-based violence that is so prevalent in Cersei’s story. The exploration of patriarchal violence in Show Alicent’s story is done so horribly in comparison.)
And what really pissed me off about these tags is that this person has clearly decided that they don’t care to interact with the nuance of Cersei and are fine with flattening her, and yet they shit on others for not liking Alicent.
Because of the way Alicent is written in this show, she almost always has a ‘woe is me I can do no wrong’ attitude, which of course drives people away from the character (woe is me I deserve to take a child’s eye 🥺). However, what actually annoys me is how she’s made out to be stupid, foolish, ignorant, and inconsistent due to the horrible writing of this show, all of which are deviations from her book characterization. Also, I despise it when people want me to support writing decisions and changes made in adaptations that are downright misogynistic and are meant to attract the male gaze.
But what pisses many people, including myself, off is how the changes made negatively impacted many other characters. Alicent’s terrible characterization is like a black hole that distorts and warps the whole story! It’s annoying af!
So when people like this say: ‘She’s nuanced and people just can’t handle it 🙄;’ I say: No. She’s horribly written and a different character from the book and people have a right to be critical about these changes that stripped a female character of 1) her agency and 2) her intelligence!
And the thing is, there was little reason for the writers to have made all these changes to Alicent’s characterization! In the book she is an interesting character with clear motives and understandable reactions. She’s cunning and ambitious and acts the way a noble lady who became queen would. And despite her clear ambitions and dislike of Rhaenyra, she still makes a comment wondering about who would protect the Princess from Ser Criston, and yet she then takes Cole into her service after his falling out with Rhaenyra. That’s a perfect example of nuance! Show Alicent could never compare to book Alicent’s clear moral values and consistent disregard of said moral values in pursuit of power.
And because of this, Book Alicent isn’t easy to stomach. It’s hard for most people to come to terms with a character like her and it’s even harder for people to feel sympathetic for her at the end when she went mad with grief.
On the other hand, Show Alicent was designed in a way to garner pity, and when the writers felt like her current arc wouldn’t be enough to garner the specific reaction they wanted they would then throw in a time skip and suddenly she’s completely different and yet still Thee victim. She’s designed to be as sympathetic as fucking possible! The camera angles, the background music, and the lighting is set up in a way to make sure you the viewer feels pity or sympathy for her! Cause that’s her role in this series! She’s thee Ultimate Victim!
But too bad for the writers as many people are fed up with this kind of inconsistent writing. Even when the writers created a whole new challenge for Alicent where she’s shitted on by the green council and forced to face the beast she helped to raise, I and many others could never feel any satisfaction as it was clear that once again Alicent was being made to be Thee Ultimate Victim who was just led astray by the patriarchy and was a victim of it and was only just realizing it so don’t you pity her don’t you feel sad for her and now she’s trying to do the right thing so pls pls pls pity her 🥺~ So it shouldn’t be surprising that many people are annoyed by these eNLiGhtEnEd changes that have led to a complete deviation from the source material.
To summarize: Cersei is an excellent fucking character who’s by no means easy to stomach, and because she’s not easy to stomach she’s often reduced to annoying ass tropes by dumbasses who are reading above their comprehension level. But when you actually try to understand her, you can easily see why she turned out the way she did and you can feel sympathy for her while understanding that she’s both victim and perpetrator! On the other hand, Show Alicent is a mess and HOTD is trying to make her serve a different narrative role than she did in the books so ofc people are going to be unhappy with the changes as book readers are once again faced with the annoying reality that the writers don’t give a fuck about the source material.
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sysig · 1 month ago
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Maybe requestober prompt of soft?
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Day 5 - Pile o' plushies
#My art#Requestober#Webkinz#Original#Tala#A whole big bunch of plushies! Everyone here is a plush! ♥#Or well I guess Embroidery (Floppy Eared Bunny) isn't she's a digital pet but everyone else is!#Tala lives on the same shelf as my Webkinz - or at least the one's that I've got on display#Some are still lost in the shuffle - specifically my horses for some reason?? What's with that#Sapphire (lilKinz Unicorn) at least makes some degree of sense since she's so small but I found Duke and Halloween!#(Which are the lilKinz Basset Hound and Oriole respectively - isn't it fun that certain birds were lilKinz exclusives hehe)#Of the group she's the only one missing tho - everyone else is here and now!#Got all the full sized 'Kinz on one side - Sugar (Googles) Fluffy (Pink Poodle) and Diamond (B+W Cat) were my first three <3#Although lol I never got to play with Diamond digitally because her gift-giver wasn't familiar with the concept so got rid of her tag#Someday tho!#I've recently gotten back into Webkinz (again lol) and brought smol with me this time :)#It's been fun! Though it's had me itching to go shopping for codes and plushies again lol#There's one Webkinz that looks Kind of similar to Tala's plush form but I've never owned it so I opted to just leave her as herself#It might be fun to see if I could get that one and have her in-game haha#Webkinz are definitely her jam :) She's fully adopted Mimzy (Whimsy Dragon) as well!#I don't hold out a lot of hope of recovering my old account at this point but I would like to recreate my old cast if I can#Several are available in the eShop! Or at least aren't retired so#Plus the thrill of the hunt is fun >:3c#But just the thought of play is enjoyable ♪ Of the rest and softness hehe <3
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aroaceleovaldez · 8 months ago
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emo Nico x scene Will Solace...
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#will solace#solangelo#i need them to be cringe (affectionate) teenagers okay#give me Will with a hardcore homestuck phase and streaks in his hair dyed with kool-aid and striped armsocks#date night is Will teaching Nico how to make kandi bracelets#if youve been here awhile you may know i am a scene Jason believer and the same concepts apply here#listen i just think. emphasizing Nico being emo and giving him a scene boyfriend#its very important though that only certain riordanverse chars fit the vibe to be scene kids#like i dont think Percy would be as much as i want him to be#its antithetical to his character (internalized ableism/bad self-loathing/keeps his head down)#Will and Jason on the other hand would use XD unironically and have a total ball making sparkledog fursonas#Alex Fierro. DEFINITE scene kid. Magnus is already just kind of a little emo. Sadie is a definite yes. Carter. maybe.#i think he'd be adverse at first but kinda get into it casually yknow. he'd dig kandi bracelets at least.#probably get really into linguistic breakdown of xD rAnDoM speech just for fun#Walt no but he could. like. i think he'd be open to trying it. but its not his default state.#Zia. doesnt have the energy but i kinda wanna see it regardless. i think itd be fun for her but on her own she'd lean more goth#Leo? maybe. depends. he's more into doing stuff ironically. Piper. yes. but specifically as an f-you to conventional fashion#Reyna no. Frank maybe. Hazel yes. Thalia maybe. Annabeth hmm. maybe#i think thats all the main casts. Alabaster? YES and i wanna see it.#anyways thank you for coming to my emo x scene ted talk and character evaluations in the tags
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the-acid-pear · 5 months ago
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Honestly the best part about True Neutral Jack to me is the fact he... doesn't even really care for the money. Sure he cares about the business growing and expanding but like, in his personal life? He's not doing shit with it for what we see. Like he's not this capitalist sigma grinder type with big dreams or goals like owning a mansion or some shit. Like im sure even if he was a millonaire he'd still be wearing the same suit and living in the same house and likely using the same cheap paint. He just needed a hobbie to run from the skeletons in his closet.
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morrigan-sims · 2 months ago
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Royal Horses
@morningstarequestrian's new Baroque Tack Set is absolutely perfect for tacking up the horses from my story save. (which I've been neglecting for the past year+) (Other pieces are from the Medieval Tack Set or the Medieval Round Bridle. The first outfits are from @objuct's Traditional Arabian Set, plus one of my recolors of that set.)
(also obligatory tagging @simgerale because Phillip pics.)
The first two outfits are something I could see being like, a parade outfit, at least for Alena. (Kristopher wouldn't be involved in any parades back in Oryn, I just wanted to test out all my cc.) Especially the version with the tassels isn't practical for just recreational riding, but it certainly looks nice for a parade, and does resemble parade-type outfits.
Alena's 2nd-3rd outfits and Phillip's 2nd-4th outfits are just more general-purpose riding. Two different saddles each and a few different saddle pads for Phillip.
Phillip's 5th outfit and Alena's 4th and 5th are potentially more of long-distance setups. Maybe like some kind of tour, where Fallon would be riding for long distances, but still want to look formal / be seen by people. (Again, not really something Kristopher and Phillip would have been doing, but it looked good on him and I wanted to test stuff out.) Alena has a second variation because technically white isn't one of Anvia's royal colors, but black is, so if it was a public event, she might tack in black. Especially as that would show less wear and dirt than the white for long travel.
The last pic is a blanket for Phillip because it gets cold in Oryn, especially in the winter and late fall/early spring. Alena doesn't really need a blanket most of the time, since Anvia's winters are much milder. (They don't often get snow, and when they do it's rarely more than an inch or two at a time.)
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grassoftunnel · 2 months ago
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My greatest wish is for Natsuhi to be happy and indulged okayyyy
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 8 months ago
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes#and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted
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