sexyalesestosg

[pixlatedvampire]

hi the literal whole entire reason i made these was bc i watched this 10 sec clip on youtube pls watch

[megantheestalliongf]

ignore me bc I went on a self destructive spiral and refuse to speak about it to anyone irl but.

i searched for my abusive ex just to see how they were doing and if they were still alive and what happened in their life since we broke up and like. they’re doing so well and they look really happy and they got married last year and have a job they always wanted and im just. not doing well I haven’t been ok since we broke up I think and I told myself for a really long time that I was over it and moved on and dealt with it but now I don’t think I have bc like. I haven’t dated anyone in basically 5 years and I haven’t even liked anyone in 5 years like not even a single person. and when people have asked me out during this time i freak out and get so scared and say no immediately. and even the idea of being someone again is making me feel sick like wtf. And I’m not even angry anymore I don’t think I’m just sad bc they moved on w their life like nothing happened like they didn’t ruin my life for 1.5 years and created a nice life while im basically stuck where we left things 5 years ago. And it’s not anyone’s fault but mine that I never dealt w it in a real way and that I told myself I had moved on and was fine when I wasn’t. but idk it just really sucks to see someone who made u cry constantly and anxious until u were sick every day of the week and let u believe that theu were dead repeatedly for weeks and years w no remorse and put so much on u for 1.5 years doing so well when u aren’t. And I never got closure too is the thing like we broke up and then never spoke again and then 6 months later i realized how fucked up everything w them was and I shut down and that was that I guess. like I never got to tell them how I felt about what they did to me or how they treated me or what they put me through all that time. I was just in this terrible relationship one morning and then by that night I wasn’t anymore and I never dealt with that. And I know the closure iw and is never gonna happen bc 1. Im never gonna reach out anytime soon and 2. They would never reach out and apologize bc they didn’t think they did anything wrong and 3. That just isn’t how this works and I know that, bc even if I reached out and said my piece there is no guarantee they even respond and there is no guarantee that they say sorry and it’s fucking really likely too that they don’t. and for so long I just refused to talk about it like even “””casually””” to my friends if there is such a way. Like my friends didn’t even know their name until we had been friends for 2-3 years bc i just didn’t talk about it or was so vague w the details bc I couldn’t physically make myself say them. and that should have been another clue that I wasn’t as over it as I thought but. And u know maybe I am a little angry still bc how are they going to be doing so well after what they put me through like it never happened while im stuck 5 years ago in some ways. Like why do they get to have that while I feel like im gonna puke if someone even hints that they wanna take me out on a date. and every time I have tried to go to therapy for this like 3 times now something always happens and sometimes it’s my fault like the first time I literally just stopped going bc I was so scared and then the 2nd time I went to see this lady and she told me she couldn’t help me w my trauma bc that wasnf her specialty and sent me to another person but then covid happened after one session and I couldn’t do zoom therapy from my parents house bc they don’t know and I couldn’t do that. And that third time I was really ready to go and put in the work and deal w everything but then I just couldn’t and then I graduated college and those therapy services weren’t available to me anymore and now I don’t know how to do real therapy w my dads insurance and real money. And now that im sittjnf here thinking it’s not just romantic relationships this affects like it also affects my relationships w my friends. Im not getting into that here bc I will really cry over that but it’s def not just romantic relationships or even potential ones. Like my attachment style is so avoidant now and idk if that’s even how it works.

Anyways I’m about to fucking cry so I’m gonna stop but what a fucking realization tonight huh

[sanchoyo]

Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it. 

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too. 

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?) 

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don���t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.) 

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

[tylercamebackyes]

i adore you, Cy.

-

surprise!! @imonlyhereforgay this is your gift!! i was stressing over it because everyone has so many parts and amazing stuff but i worked really hard on mine so im not changing it anymore. happy pride! also i used When too many times but i dont think TJ would care if he wrote a letter to Cyrus.

-

TJ writes a confession to Cyrus.

-

Dear Cyrus,

These are 10 of the times I got lost in your eyes.

When we went out for milkshakes after my first game of the season. You were telling a story about how your cousin drank his milkshake in 4 minutes flat, only to realize he was lactose intolerant. He never went out to eat with you again because you laughed at him for weeks. You laughed so hard telling the story that you started crying, but your eyes were lit up with joy.

When you came out to me in your basement. I made a joke about how girls would love a ping pong champion. You said you hoped the guys did too. The guys most certainly do. I was stunned into silence because I realized you wouldn't find it so weird that I thought your eyes were pretty.

That time we went on the Ferris wheel at Adrenaline City. You wouldn't look away from the spinning wheel, but I made you have a staring contest with me. You looked like you were about to cry until Marty spun the wheel and you screeched with your head in your hands.

When I had dinner at your house for your dad's birthday. I was helping serve cake when you said I had gotten frosting on my nose. You wiped it off with a napkin because I "wasn't getting the blue off." The blue didn't even come off after.

When I was getting you do do the high jump into the foam pit at Bouncy Castle Land. Andi and Buffy had always let you sit out, but I made you count to 10 with me before you let me push you off the platform.

When my cat had kittens and you were holding one, but it sneezed and you look at me smiling like a goof. I thought I could look at you smiling like a goof forever.

That time we were studying for my math test and you laughed at the drawing of my cat. When you laugh you get a sparkle in your eye. I got  B+ on that math test and you took me to the Spoon to celebrate.

When we were playing the second championship game and I looked over at you during the last timeout. Your smile made me want to win the game to make you proud even though you would be proud either way.

When Andi was thinking about going to New York for an art school, so you went to the swings to think about it. I told you that you were allowed to be upset about it because she was your best friend and you would miss her more if you were here instead of with her. Andi decided not to go.

When you got a brain freeze from eating a snow cone too fast at the fair.

9 times I almost held your hand.  Mostly times I missed my chance to.

When we went on that roller coaster and you said you couldn't feel your hands. I thought about it for a long time, but then we were upside down and I missed my chance.

When I watched your dance final and you were shaking when you finished, because when I'm shaking people holding my hands make me feel better but you were being hugged by Buffy before I got the nerve to.

When you came out to Amber at the Spoon, because she said she was frosting everything rainbow for pride month and you said you would definitely but a piece of cake for that, and she asked if you were LGBT+ and you paused and said you were gay. I didn't want to reach over the table so I didn't hold your hand.

When we were both laying on the couch but we couldn't reach the remote, so we both reached out to get it. I ended up falling off the couch.

When my cat scratched you and I helped you clean your hand, and I did technically hold your hand but I almost really held your hand.

When Andi was up for an art award and they were announcing winners. I started clapping to snap you out of peeling your fingernails. She didn't win, but she got 2nd place.

When we were having a sleepover and you turned over on the air mattress just to say "TJ, I LOVE dinosaurs." You started showing me shadow puppet dinosaurs, but you were too tired to do it right.

At Andi's slumber party, you were doing everyone's nails with Amber, and you painted mine yellow. "You're like my lemon boy, Teej. Or a sour-patch kid. Because you're sweet now," you said.

When Andi was upset about her parents not getting married and Buffy was hanging out with Marty again, you told me that you were afraid it was straining your relationship with them. I told you that if you could survive Celia becoming Ce-Ce and Buffy moving you could survive some change.

8 times I almost kissed you.

When we were at the pool and you did the big water slide, and you were so excited that you choked on the water. You laughed so hard that you had to get out of the pool.

When we met Amber's dog for the first time, and you thought he was the cutest thing in the world.

When we got churros at the fair. You got cinnamon on your nose and I still have no idea how.

When we had that pillow fight and you somehow got a hold of every pillow and it was like you had 3 pairs of nun-chucks.

When we were at the drive-in and you were holding all of the candy because Jonah had a broken arm. He said you wouldn't let him hold anything, but you said his arm was hurting. It was probably both.

That time at the lake when I jumped in, and you didn't want to jump in after me so you tried just walking into the lake but you slipped on the mud.

When we were swimming for Buffy's birthday party, Marty and Jonah flipped your floatie over. You complained about your hair the whole day, but I thought it looked better.

When you saw the shooting star on July 4th. Right after you saw it the fireworks started and the sound scared you.

7 times I almost told someone I liked you.

Buffy asked me after my first game of the season if I liked you, and I almost said yes. I said I didn't know.

My mom asked me why I had become so much happier lately. I said I was just having fun hanging out with you and everyone. Part of it was me being happy about coming out, but it was also being around you that made me so happy.

Jonah asked me how long we had been dating. He really thought we'd been dating for months.

I was paying for a Queen record when Bowie asked about the drawings on my hand. He asked me who drew it and when I said that you drew it, he said, "You two are pretty close, huh?" I just smiled and said yeah.

My cousins came over for Christmas. Addie is 8 years old and when she saw me texting you she said, "Why are you smiling so much? My mamma says people only smile that much when they're in love!" I thought it was really funny that she pointed it out before Buffy or Amber.

Jonah, Marty, and I were watching Love, Simon and they asked why I knew all of the emails by heart. It was nice to think of having a love story like that, even if it wasn't with you.

I almost told Amber's dog once, but Andi walked in before I said it.

6 times I did hold your hand.

When you were over and my parents started fighting while we played Mortal Kombat. I didn't want to feel scared like I always feel when they fight, even though I had never done it when they fought before.

When I came out to my dad. Or before, I guess. It made it easier having you there because I had someone there for me if my dad wasn't.

When you had a sleepover and we tried to watch all of Supernatural in one night. I fell asleep after a few episodes, but the first scene always makes me nervous.

When I was going into math class for the last test of the semester. You had worked with me the most and you believing that I could pass made me really want to pass the test.

When we listened to Paris by Sabrina Carpenter for the first time. It was more of me grabbing your hand and spinning you around to the music, but it counts.

When you brought me the blueberry macadamia muffin. That was one of the best muffins I've ever had, by the way.

5 times I almost called you at 2 am.

When my parents were fighting and I wanted to distract myself, but I ended up watching YouTube.

When Khalid announced his tour and I saw the post. You actually ended up calling me first.

When my cat threw up on my bed. I was really stressed but I got worried about the cat and told my mom instead.

After you dislocated your thumb when I tried to teach you how to play basketball. I was so worried that I couldn't sleep, but your mom posted on Facebook that you were fine so I let it be.

When I realized the song stuck in my head was Electric Love by BØRNS. Then I realized you were probably asleep, so I didn't.

4 times I did call you at 2 am.

When my dad told my mom that I was gay. I thought he was cool with it, but while they were fighting he said, "So YOU can have our abomination of a son." My parent decided to get a divorce later that week. I probably called you every week because I couldn't handle it.

When I realized another song that was stuck in my head was Maneater by Nelly Furtado. You didn't know what song I was talking about until I sang the "you wish you never met her at all" part.

When I had that nightmare where a clown came and attacked the whole town but you had an alliance with him but he was set on killing me so you died defending me then the clown died because he wasn't allowed to kill you.

When you texted me saying you hated crying at 2 am. You were crying about your stepdad making a homophobic joke. I said that he probably didn't mean it, and would stop once he realized he was directly hurting you. It still wasn't okay, though.

3 times I thought I had lost you.

When Reed brought that gun. I know I've said it dozens of times, but I didn't think he would bring it while you were there.

When your dad was thinking about moving to Texas and you got really excited, but your mom said she didn't want to give up custody so he stayed. I wanted you to be happy, but I also wanted to be with you forever and I wouldn't really want to be in Texas for months or years on end.

When Kira outed me to the school, and she looked at you when she said I was really obvious about it. I thought you weren't ready to come out in any way at school, but you said that our friendship was worth more than avoiding humiliation.

2 times I almost confessed.

That day when we couldn't reach the remote from the couch. Me falling off the couch made me forget about it, though.

When I came out to you. I was crying and you were almost crying and I have no idea why I was so terrified.

1 time I did.

Right now. I don't know why it's taken me so long, but with enough reassurance from Jonah and Andi, I'm writing this letter to you right now. I adore you, Cy. I want to be around you all the time. I would really, really like to kiss you. I know you might not feel the same, but I also know our friendship would survive a crush. I don't like keeping secrets from you. The last one is this: I like you. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. And I had a teddy bear named Blueberry for 12 years until Reed blew it up. That's all.

    Love, TJ. aka Tyler James.

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #5 “I have nothing else to lose at this point” -Jay

-Did I even make a confessional last round??? AHH. Okay so I’m excited with our swap and I think we have a strong tribe but I’m REALLY sad (and not surprised) about Austin leaving. I think that I am on a very strong tribe and I can’t wait to see what happens with it going forward!  Like I can’t bad talk anyone, I like them all. 

-Can we talk about how proud I am of myself for remembering enough information to tell Cindi while she was answering questions? LOL, I had never been so nervous in my entire life so I'm really good that we pulled out a win!  Ali and Collin did such a good job retaining and relaying information.  It is nice to have another day off and I'm really curious to see what Ali decides to do and what the next challenge will be... I don't want this tribe to be broken up yet.   If I do end up swapping I really want to end up on a tribe with Chips.  We played in a game recently AGAINST one another and I'm dying to work with him, like actually work with him so oddly enough, I'm really hoping that he isn't going anywhere! I feel like they will probably go after Timmy or Jay. Right now the person on my tribe I feel like I can talk with the easiest about the game is Ali, he is probably my number one and I feel like I can tell him stuff without it getting passed around the entire tribe.  Do I completely trust him?? NO.  But I do trust him the most haha.  

-I SURVIVED AHHHHHH I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!! Fuck that was so close and I feel so bad for throwing Austin under the bus but hey, I needed to stay in this game and keep my relationships strong. Plus, voting for Timmy would have looked really shitty to him, after the whole alliance thing. Anyways....Birch is here now! I love them sm and I really look forward to getting to work with them again. As far as I can tell, my best bet of staying is a group of me, Timmy, Zach, Birch and probably Chips. Chips and Zach were so helpful to me this whole day, reassuring me and giving me the information I needed to stay safe. I also called with Timmy just now and we're gonna be sticking together since it's our best option. Its really been a big turn from feeling comfortable in the tribe to fighting to stay, but I'm gonna stay fighting and hopefully make it out of this swap alive.

-I'm trying so fucking hard to stay in this game but right now it feels like a lost cause. Zach sold me out so badly last night and it feels like it's been impossible to recover. I'm trying to get me, Timmy, chips, and birch to all vote Zach but it's feeling less and less like it's actually happening and more like they're just saying it to keep me comfortable. No one is really responding to me anymore and it just feels like this is the end. The only little bit of hope I have is apparently Timmy has heard it's gonna be Birch instead? Seems like a long shot, I don't really want to see them leave, and I'm not gonna push for it. Birch is an indespencible ally and I will go to rocks for them if i have to. I have nothing else to lose at this point.

https://youtu.be/cYEa3LQE6N4

-Going into tonight's tribal, I think I'll be safe and have the votes of Timmy, Jess, Gavin, and Keegan. However, I feel like either Gavin and Keegan could flip (though unlikely) OR an idol could be used on Jay. I guess we shall see though. See y'all on the other side :)

-okay so the og annie tribe lost their marbles and got a 4-3-1? which well. in other news, i died in my other game and mr BODHI on this tribe got me out... very interesting. i was originally gonna punish him and get him out. and i still might. im unsure. he would deserve it tho he is so wishywashy that its infuriating. rn dream alliance is cindi/vi/ruthie/rachael (aka feminism + ali). bodhi was the best to vote for me on a game level and him needless treating me like crap makes that much easier.

-okay hello... so in a crazy plot twist... we won the storytime? i was really proud of my own contribution to the challenge, i passed on a LOTTA info to collin and he did so so good passing it, ruthie SNAPPED when she was so nervous and cindi brought it home. my game has been pretty smooth sailing, two easy votes and now im chilling on the most wholesome tribe ever. should i probably be throwing these challenges to save jay/timmy/austin... maybe... but am i going to... no. im not risking my game life when i see my entire current tribe as long term allies. ideal scenario is that group implodes and sets us up to pick up the pieces at merge... maybe? but also i think we are swapping again before merge, so just adding another challenge with the shakespeare challenge delays me getting jumped by the conglomerate of generic men, birch and jess. my closest ally right now is definitely ruthie, i LOVE ME SOME RUTHIE. vi, cindi, collin, timmy and rachael i also trust to some extent. bodhi i literally would get an indescribable seretonin rush from voting out... i would LOVE the opportunity to jump him in this game. am over that man. but im vibing having fun! still have an idol! and living my BEST life ha. im sorry my confessionals have been underwhelming but my game experience has been pretty smooth sailing so far ha.

-Spill the tea! *It's 1:11AM and I still miss Gavin.

-It's 8:59 PM and I still miss Gavin. prayer circle for Gavin <3

https://youtu.be/JSmJThHF-tU

So I did something. I am not allied with 5/7 people on my tribe. I have the "3 Canadians, oh and the 2 American Hosts" Alliance of me, Jess and Keegan. I am not quite as Loyal to that alliance as I am my new one. But I still don't want to vote them out. If I HAD to I would but i want to keep them. I really like both of them. I just made the "The Jolly Crew" Alliance which is Me, Jay, Timmy Z and Zach. I love this alliance. I vibe really well with Timmy and Jay. I am a little more iffy on Zach but he is really cool! I stan everyone! I guess out of the 2 people left I would prefer to vote out chips? He tends to be kinda inactive and I talk to him the least. IDK I'll go with the numbers, and my alliance.  

Another round, another immunity win. I’m just living life and am happy with how this game is going. Don’t really have to do much but making sure it won’t be me if we eventually do go to tribal.

We lost the challenge despite my best efforts. I think we’re voting Jay

I wish i had something of substance to say but this tribe refuses to go to tribal :/ i've found spots where TWO idols were in the past i think??? lions -> straight ahead -> ask for a tour, and vikings -> small boat -> get on the small boat

Soooooo... we lost the challenge again an' I got kidnapped by the gentlemen o' fortune. love that there fer me! then, to me surprise, right off o' the bat, jay threw me name out. so 'e be essentially dead to me now an' I expect 'im to be leavin' tonight. his blood ‘ill be on me hook after tonight. luckily fer me, I went around an' started spreadin' that there I 'ad 'eard 'e been sayin' me name—and 'e 'ad apparently only said it to zach. so now, the votes be between zach an' jay... an' I could not be 'appier as me name be off o' the table as farrr as I know. so bless to the sky to that there. I be expectin' jay to set sail tonight, but who knows. there been a lot o' talk o' 'im or birch 'avin' an idol or some kind o' advantage (which I believe birch may 'ave something), but I don’t think I be playin' me idol unless I catch wind o' somethin' strange 'appenin'... but me fingers be crossed an' I be goin' to 'ope fer the best.

2nd win and Ali is chucked to the tree house. Gotta do a music video

So the Annie curse strikes again............ wooo. This vote is a bit of a mess but honestly this all works out for me. Jay going ensures that I have Chips/Birch's loyalties moving forward and honestly the more OG Annie people that go the better. I hate the whole tribe lines situation but honestly I'm kind of stuck in it and I think I'm stuck in it for the long haul or at least for now. Zach going ensures I can climb the social rankings of the OG JACK tribe but it also might make me land on the bottom and it would be such a gamble. Do I trust Zach? no. Do I think everything Birch/Jay are saying about Zach is completely true..mhm BUT I need him just for a bit longer at this point. Also if Jay didn't say Gavin's name I probably would risk it and vote out Zach but at this point I can't not vote out someone who is saying my number 1's name... I want another swap because I'm bored of talking to the same people and I need to form some new bonds before merge. 

With me getting one vote last time, I really wanted to secure my spot within my team and was able to talk with Zach and Jess into making an alliance chat with us and Keegan/Gavin. Hopefully jay goes tonight but I’m not to sure. In the challenge bitch was terrible. We are a bit nervous they got an advantage or idol on exile which is why we are telling everyone the vote is birch tonight. Guess we will see how tonight goes

I'm doing lots of house stuff today but I hear there's a mess to be had with Jay versus Zach. I want to vote Zach because he has been acting head honcho but also... dont care too much. Im going to try to force a tie then get blindsided out of the game. Hype energy!

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The Round 5 Cast Assessment will be combined with Round 6 (on the next episode)

[vampirekriztian-gotha-blog]

Hiya folks!<3 so here’s a bio on Kriztian down under the “read more” and y’knw the drill, u can either hmu or like this intro post if you wanna plot connections or anything with him! <33 (pls do as i would love lots of connections for him as well!:)) )

ok so he’s from the old Gotha royal family in germany as u can digest from his url, and he’s the oldest sibling i think (for now ).  Despite him being older than Victoria (the current queen) he never ever wanted the throne/ become king and his stubborn refusal to become the heir for the throne was very strong when he was young due to his younger personality who didnt want the vry heavy and very difficult responsiblities of a king.

ok so back when he was younger, before he turned 500 XD, he was actually a very care-free, v happy, very playful,  vry  active, a bit of fun-loving,  full of life, and def couldn't care less about his royal duties/responsibilities kind of guy.  He loved to gallivant about hvaing fun and seeking adventures and often would shirk his royal duties/responsibilities, and never took his royal lessons seriously except for the lessons/subjects he was interested in. He was also at that time, very flirtatious, pretty romantic and a very charming playboy. He also didnt really care much about his attire at that time, preferring simple and easy to wear clothing instead of elegant and finely -made garments and stuff.  He was very skilled at sports hence  he naturally took to his fighting as a vampire lessons very well and easily, thus paving the way to become one of the most top skilled vampire fighters around. (but all he’s fighting is mostly to defend himself or people as he hates the thought of murdering people for fun) And so, bcos he wanted to get out of ever inheriting the throne and instead would rather his next sibling have it, he rebelled against his heir duties a few times, tried his dammnest to prove he  wasn't worthy of the crown to his parents and openly refused his parents to become heir to the throne whenever they tried to talk or convince him. So his exasperated parents eventually gave up and let Victoria, their 2nd child be the crown princess instead, to which Kriztian happily & quickly stepped down as heir when they finally made that decision.

When he was 500 yrs old, he met a  human girl and soon fell deeply and madly in love with her. They got married and he was blissfully happy with his wife and it was actually her who got him to change his ways and become a more serious, matured, and responsible person thus he began to take his royal duties properly and seriously since then. He settled down and eventually became less of an adventure& thrill-seeker, content with his current life. And when his wife eventually became pregnant, he was beyond ecstatic and both of them became very excited and so eager to meet their child.

However his whole world came crashing down when his wife became deathly ill due to a fatal disease during the last trimester of her pregnancy and desperate Kriztian searched the whole country for a way to cure her, any way, even magical ways.

he finally met a witch who claimed she could magically save his wife and baby from death if he paid her an extravagant sum of gold in return. HIghly desperate and not thinking clearly, he agreed and paid her instantly and she chanted some sort of spell and did some magical ritual. however, was actually very sadly conned by a selfish and greedy witch, as poor Kriztian then watched the whole terrible process of his beloved human wife dying because of the disease and also due to a very difficult childbirth process. His baby also eventually came out as a stillborn.

  Kriztian then almost grew mad with grief and was completely wrecked, suffering hard in the aftermath of their deaths. He made a complete wreckage of their large home , destroying almost everything in the house , and firing all his staff. he isolated himself in the house, refused to come out for weeks on end, and only a few of his closest family members were permitted to enter to see him. he then even tried to starve himself whenever his family tried to send bags of blood for him to eat in hopes that he could wile away to death to join his late wife and child. It wasn;t till one day, one of his siblings found him in the early process of standing at the wide open sunny windows of his hallway with his daylight ring thrown away, trying to burn himself to death. Thankfully due to his age and strength of his powers he would take about 25-30 mins to eventually be fully incinerated and die , so his sibling was only about 10 mins into kriztian’s suicide  process and managed to save that stupid fool.

Enough was enough. His whole family grouped together on him with his closest friends and determinedly had an intervention with him. After days of endless ways to get thru to him, they finally made a breakthrough, knock some sense into him and made him see the light a little bit, thanks to (1 or 2 siblings and his best friend) he was then strongly told & encourages to   travel far away to help get over his grief and hopefully his late wife. He then did so and travelled far and wide around the world for about a 150 years or so. And slowly he did manage to overcome his grief and heal from the loss but he could never let go for his  love of his late wife so till this day his still holding back a small piece of her in his heart, thus blocking him frm ever wanting to pursue any romantic relationships at all till now. To him, she was his only one and true love for his whole lifetime (tho im hoping that his eventual new bride will eventually change all of that XD)

It was thru his travels that he accumulated more years of combative experience that further  helped shaped him to one of the strongest, extremely quick-thinking and highly skilled fighter vampires around. And like i said earlier, he never killed or seriously wounded any being for pleasure. He only fought or killed when it was absolutely necessary, in which most cases were situations where he had to defend himself or protect others, or save humans or even to help his few closest friends defend their home.

he also met another witch who used him to get her revenge on his family for some accidental wrong they did to a relative of hers in the past. She’s the one who caused the many fading scars on his body u can see now. Thus, it was due to his 2 very bad experiences with witches, which stemmed his current distrust and dislike for most of their kind.

He finally returned home about 100 plus years ago and came back wiser and less troubled. he then resumed his princely duties very seriously in honor of his late wife who he knew would have wanted him to live his life responsibly. And his current great attention to being elegantly and finely dressed as well as being super neat and organized is also of her influence somewhat when she was living XD

Thus his current personality now is of he’s very responsible, serious for most of the time, distant & aloof with many people except for a few trusted longtime friends and his family ofc (due to him having a few experiences of his trust being broken during his travels  and a lil disillusioned of there being many actually honest pure beings  left). He’s  a man of a few words half the time, and when he does converse, he tries to get quickly and clearly to the point most of the time unless ur talking about something he’s interested in or like in my starter he’s irritated abt the current situation and annoyed about his precious suit getting damaged XD. he’s also pretty stoic and doesn’t really like showing much expressions or feelings. The only times you can catch him giving warm, genuine smiles & have great convos with is when he’s with family members or very close friends or with his beloved citizens and when his around kids (as they’re his weakest & softest spot currently)

he can a be a teensy bit  selfish at certain/particular times and he will only help people in distress if they genuinely need help and can’t solve the problem at all or if they’re 100 not capable of saving themselves, he cares for humans as he sees them as being quite the weaker beings in comparison to the supernaturals so those are the ones he would instantly and readily save if they r in danger. Other supernaturals it depends on various few factos hehe XD However, he’s loyal, v protective over he people he cares about, quite good-hearted and has pretty smart and quite cultured brains. and as mentioned, earlier he’s somewhat well-mannered, very neat and organized. He also can be a bit grumpy and moody sometimes.

he was initially very reluctant and refused to go thru the arranged marriage plan. However, he eventually relented for the sake of peace and political alliance. He’s still not really looking forward to it tho tho he has finally readied himself to treat his fiancee with respect and be cordial towards her and try to get along with her cos he has no time for conflicts. Oh and also protect her from harm as he currently sees her as vulnerable being. he was actually relieved to find out that he was being matched with a human cos witches (big no-no), vampires and hybrids(they would live forever and he would be stuck in this “marriage” for his whole long lifetime) and werewolves ok but he found that female werewolves which he encountered in the past, tend to get possessive due to their carnal  wolf side and he had no intention of being with a werewolf wife when they were in heat XD. That’s cos he secretly has  NO INTENTION AT ALL OF BEDDING HIS WIFE PERIOD. he doesn’t want to risk the chance of getting her pregnant as he is still afraid of her potentially dying at a gruesome childbirth. So his plans for his marriage is for them to be if possible, distant, agreeable partners as he isn’t planning on opening his heart & falling in love ever again  or to get too attached by becoming vry caring and super best friends, they can be friends if she wishes but only to a certain degree. So he’s planning on keeping her at arm’s length till she dies of old age or unfortunate sickness.  (BUT OFC WICKED OLD ME, HAS LOTSA PLANS FOR HIS CHARA DEVELOPMENT, SO MOST OF HIS NEGATIVE VIEWS, TRAITS AND PLANS WILL HOPEFULLY CHANGE DOWN THE ROAD, hehe)

I APOLOGIZE IF ANY OF U HAD TO SUFFER READING THRU THIS LONG-ASS BIO AS I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND I TEND TO BE A LITTLE BIT FLOWERY, VERY DESCRIPTIVE, AND KINDA DETAILED & LONG-WINDED IN MY WRITING. KUDOS AND ALL MY ETERNAL LOVE TO ALL WHO READ THIS TILL THE END<3 < 3 ;D

[jimin-infires-life]

La Douleur Exquise | Part 2

Jimin x Reader | Taehyung x Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue

Summary: After you had found someone you thought was your soulmate, fate had to fuck everything up and turn your life upside down.

Genre: Angst and fluff

Word count: 13,027 words

A/N: this was painful to write. i cried, and thank you @extraterrestrial-taehyung for dealing w/ me and editing this emotional thing (also italics are jimin’s pov)

La Douleur Exquise- (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone you know you can never have.

Saudade- (n.) the feeling of longing for something or someone who you love and which is lost.

August 8th, 2006

It had been weeks since I last talked to Y/N in person. The last time was at my party, when the both of us were drunk. I remembered the feeling that the short-lived kiss gave me, and I knew I shouldn’t start to have feelings like that for my best friend.

The morning after the party, I immediately left the house while everyone was eating breakfast. I walked aimlessly through the streets in my pajamas, trying to sort out what I felt. I told myself that maybe it was because I was drunk, that the alcohol was manipulating my thoughts, but then I asked myself why my heart raced whenever I thought of Y/N’s lips, even though I was fully sober? I decided to ignore Y/N for a little while, so my heart could have time to settle down, but it was easier said than done. She was a part of my life, a piece of my soul, my best friend.

I returned to an empty house an hour or two later. Apparently Yoongi was taking everyone out to the amusement park and Y/N texted me if I wanted to go. I left her on Read. I knew I was a horrible person for doing that, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t fall in love with the only person I considered family. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if she starts to avoid me because of my feelings for her?

I inhaled, and exhaled. “Everything will be fine.”

I was all wrong.

That evening, I laid down all alone in my bed, surrounded by the warmth of the blankets that I cuddled in. A thought slipped into my mind as I drifted into slumber. I wish Y/N was here. I wish she was the one I was cuddling. I shot open my eyes and mentally slapped myself for that comment. I took a deep breath in, and then exhaled. “Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be fine.” As if Y/N could sense I was thinking about her, a text came.

Y/N: are you ok?

I opened the text, and left her on Read once more. I knew that she would figure out that something was wrong. I would always text her back after I open her messages, but now, it being the second time I didn’t respond, she would get to the bottom of my problem. Five minutes later, her spam began.

Y/N: hello???

Y/N: jimin, are you okay?

Y/N: jimin i swear to god i know you’re reading all my texts

Y/N: i know where you live

A call suddenly came from Y/N after I read all her messages. I declined.

Y/N: hey asshole pick up.

That’s when I decided to make up some excuse to have her off of my back.

Jimin: im sick i cant really talk, i was kinda asleep

Y/N: i almost thought you were kidnapped

Y/N: where’d you disappear to this morning? you even missed the amusement park

Jimin: oh well i went to take a walk, i’ll talk to you later. bye

I closed my phone and threw it somewhere across my bed. “Everything will be fine.”

Hours turned into days, and days into weeks. Two weeks. Three weeks. From the day I started this mess, I stayed in my house, telling everyone not to come over because I was sick, and they’d get sick too. I constantly never replied to Y/N’s missed calls and texts, even though I really wanted to.

And now we’re here. August 8th. Today, as I was blankly staring up at my ceiling while lying on my comfy bed, a sudden knock on my front door rattled me, along with multiple messages popping up on my phone. It was Y/N.

Y/N: open the door and stop ignoring me

Y/N: i heard your phone go off i know you’re there

Y/N: open up, i wont leave until you let me in, or i’ll call the police

Y/N: jimin

I immediately got up from my bed and ran to my door, which was still being angrily knocked on. I opened the door and Y/N, who looked extremely irritated, stormed into the living room. She sat down on my couch, and looked up at me with angry eyes.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” She asked, with a bit of sadness laced in her words.

“I- uh,” I wasn’t sure what to say. I sat down next to her on my couch, and tried my best to pull out some bullshit story. I gazed into her angry eyes with my sad ones. “I’ve been remembering grammy a lot, and it’s just been making me depressed. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be ignoring you, I was just-I couldn’t talk to anyone.” What I had said was somewhat true, but it was years since she had died, I wasn’t over it, but I understood that she was gone from my life. Y/N’s angry eyes melted to those eyes that viewed me in pity, and she pulled me into a warm hug. Her warmth reminded me of how much I missed her touch, her smell. My heart quickly sped up with her touch, but I blocked it, paying no attention to it.

“I’m sorry Jimin.” She softly whispered into my ears. “But please, don’t do that again, okay?”

January 2nd, 2018

Morning suddenly came. You breathed in a breath of fresh air, comfortably lying on Taehyung’s arms, which were used as pillows, on your large king sized bed. Your eyes were closed as you felt the sun’s heat radiate from your window, and next to you, Taehyung lay still. Slowly cracking open your eyes, you turned your body to look up at the beautiful man who was peacefully asleep. His faded blond hair fell over his closed eyes, his beautiful lips that formed a small smile in his sleep, and his scent of lavender drove you mad. You were crazy for him. Even though it had been a little over a year since you had been with him, you were madly in love. You leaned in closer to Taehyung, his lips were your goal. Your nose gently touched his before you leaned in to give him a morning kiss. With your eyes closed, you relished the feeling of having your lips merge with his, until all of a sudden you felt Taehyung’s arm, the one that you were laying on, pull you closer. His other arm sneaked around your waist to pull you in even tighter.

After forcefully pulling yourself away from his soft lips, you opened your eyes to find Taehyung smirking at you, with his messy bed hair all over the place. “Ya know Y/N, I could spend all day in bed with you, just snuggling,” His devilish smirk made butterflies fly in your stomach. “Unless you want something more.”

Using your arms, you gently pushed him, with an air of playfulness. “Yah! It’s already 8 am! Let’s just snuggle until I feel hungry.” You leaned into Taehyung’s warm chest as his arms perfectly fit around you. You breathed in once more before falling asleep in Taehyung’s grasp, the scent of lavender slowly engulfing your senses.

---

A loud knock from your apartment door had woken you up from your dreamless sleep. A groan slipped through your lips as you snuggled closer into Taehyung’s warmth. “Taetae��”

A deep chuckle suddenly left his soft lips and reverberated around the room. “I’ll get it, but it’ll mean I would have to leave.” You backed out of Taehyung’s chest and looked at him with hesitance. You didn’t want him to leave, but your legs weren’t willing to get out of bed, plus you were only wearing Taehyung’s large white t-shirt, which had become your comfy sleepwear.

Finally letting him go tend to the loud knocker outside of the apartment door, you laid in bed with multiple blankets covering your body. You couldn’t sleep without Taehyung’s presence next to you. After so many months of lying next to him, you suddenly couldn’t live without him. He was the one who would always wake you up for work, he was the one who would make you breakfast (also lunch and dinner), and he was the only one that would make you feel safe.

Suddenly, you heard a voice from outside. That voice was eerily familiar; her soft and calm voice brought back memories from a year ago, when you were probably the most miserable in your life. Then it clicked. Minhee.

You quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed the closest article of clothing for your legs. Hopping around your room, you tried to get your legs though the black tights, and when you successfully did, you bolted out of the bedroom to walk into the living room where they were standing. You froze in place as your eyes first landed on him first; his blond hair shone from your living room’s light, his dark eyes sadly turned to look at you in shock, and his soft lips were turned into a frown. Jimin. As you resumed walking, you glanced at Minhee, who was standing beside him with a small smile.

---

Sitting awkwardly at your dining table with Taehyung next to you, your eyes glanced at Jimin and Minhee, going back and forth between them to determine their strange silence. Jimin was staring down at the table with a frown stuck to his face. Minhee’s soft smile, which was plastered on her face the whole time, disappeared for a second when she looked down at her hands on her lap, but they reappeared when looked up.

“So how long have you both been together? When did you first meet?” Minhee asked jubilantly. You felt yourself blush and looked at Taehyung next to you. A smirk graced his lips as he looked back at you.

“Well,” Taehyung said to Minhee without breaking eye contact with you. “I met her on a beautiful summer night in the middle of the ocean. She was heartbroken and drunk. I never got her name, but I did get her laugh, and her smile. After that, it was as if God himself was bringing her to me.” His words were arrows that shot through your heart. He was the only one for you.

You immediately covered your reddened face with the palms of your hands. “Oh stop it, you’re too good for me.” Taehyung chuckled at your reaction, his small laughs had spread warmth in your heart. You moved your hands out of your face and looked back at Minhee, who seemed truly happy for you.

“See, I told you that you would find your soulmate.” Minhee said to you with a bright smile. Next to her, Jimin was still staring down at the table. Your heart was saddened when you snuck a glance at your ex-best friend/crush. There were still places in your heart where you held Jimin on a pedestal that was higher than Taehyung’s, but the truth was that he didn’t care about you. He broke all ties with you.

“So what brings you here?” You said to Minhee as you tried to ignore what Jimin did to you. “I haven’t seen you since your wedding.”

Suddenly, Minhee’s innocent smile was wiped off her face, and it had been replaced by a frown. “I- um,” Her voice suddenly got weaker and seemed as if she was about to break down any second. “I- we’ve been having some problems for a while, and I don’t have anyone else to go to. You’re my only friend, and you’ve done so much for me,” Her eyes, brimmed with tears, looked into yours. “I just wanted to ask you of a favor.” Tears were falling from Minhee’s eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel pity for her.

“Minhee, what happened?” You worriedly gazed at Minhee, who had been struggling to find her  words as she was unable to stop herself from crying, and next to her, Jimin irritatedly stared at the clock on the wall behind you. You found it strange that the man who would tend to every need of his other half wasn’t responding to Minhee’s distress.

Unable to look into your eyes, Minhee continued with her story as she tried to keep herself composed. “Our-our marriage counselor says that-that f-fights are good, but this one- I don’t know. I-we talked to him about it and he s-said we needed time away from each other. Can-can you keep Jimin, just for a week?” She finally quit avoiding your eyes and met your gaze with her teary eyes. They pleaded for a solution to her problem, but you weren’t sure that you were ready for what she wanted.

Out of nowhere, Taehyung’s deep voice protruded your thoughts.”Sure, we’ll keep him” You kicked Taehyung’s foot from under the table, trying to make him shut up about his hasty decision. He turned his head to you with a smile on his face. “We can keep him, right?”

You couldn’t help but succumb to Taehyung’s wish. “You sound like we’re taking in a dog.”

April 19th, 2007

It had been months after my idiotic idea of trying to ignore Y/N to remove all of my developing feelings for her, which had failed. Today was our weekly movie date, which wasn’t really a date but rather a friendly get together of two people who make fun of ridiculous movies all night long.

We comfortably sat on the couch in my living room as the movie played; the darkness outside of the window behind us slowly creeped forward, leaving the room void of any light other than from the TV’s. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but my mind kept on wandering to Y/N. She nestled herself closer to me, and I didn’t know how to feel. I knew that some part of me wished for a relationship with her, but another part of me saw it as a bad idea.

As I breathed in, her lavender scent was all I had in mind. I remember grammy saying that they were for ‘love at first sight’, which wouldn’t make any sense for me because I had known Y/N for years. Why was I starting to have feelings blossom for her? Even though it’s under control now, what’s going to become of us? I stared straight at the TV, lost in thought. I was lost in the lavender scent of Y/N, lost in the ‘what ifs’ of our relationship, lost in my love for her. Just lost.

January 2nd, 2018

Still sitting at the table, the deafening silence between you and Jimin after Minhee left was extremely painful. Next to you, Taehyung tried to strike up a conversation, even though Jimin was clearly lost in thought.

“So Jimin, you were really good friends with Y/N, right?” Taehyung asked, which made you upset. It was opening up freshly healed wounds that you took care of. A frown graced your face as you kicked Taehyung under the table again. He looked back at you with another smirk. “Oh God Y/N, stop being mad, just because he’s the idiot that-”

To stop him from finishing his sentence, you kicked him under the table once more. Harder. “Taehyung, let’s talk about something else.” Your lips pursed, and Taehyung noticed your discomfort with the topic. He knew who Jimin was, and he knew he broke your heart, but he also knew that you still cared for him. As the kind person he was, he wanted to fix the friendship between you two. Your head turned to look at Jimin, who was staring at his hands on the table. He seemed detached from whatever was happening in his life. He was never like that before and you knew he needed someone to talk to, someone other than Minhee or their counselor.

“So Jimin,” Taehyung tried to create another conversation. “Are ya hungry? We don’t really have any food right now so I’m gonna go out to get some lunch for all of us. Is there anything you want to eat?”

Jimin looked up at Taehyung and showed him a small smile. “Whatever you guys like is fine, I’ll eat anything.” His voice made you realized how much you missed listening to him. It was as if a wave of nostalgia went over you and turned back time to a couple years ago.

Taehyung looked back at you and gave you his usual heart throbbing rectangular smile. “You better take care of our guest while I’m gone, okay?” You gave him a nod before he leaned in and whispered in your ear. “Make up with him too, I can see it hurts you and him.”

---

As Taehyung shut the door with a soft thud, you sat there in silence with Jimin, who was lost in thought again. You stared at him, wondering how he had changed so much. His bright smile used to outshine the sun, but now, no remnants of the smile was left behind. He was an empty shell of who he used to be.

After a couple of minutes, Jimin broke the silence. “Y/N,” He made eye contact with you as he continued talking. “How have you been?” His quiet voice asked you, a small smile danced on his face. It seemed as if he was forcing that smile, trying to engage in conversation.

“I’ve been okay,” You wanted to lighten the mood, as it used to be a long time ago. “But my life kinda sucks without you, ya know. I missed your stupid jokes and all our night long conversations.” You saw Jimin’s fake smile be replaced by his old sunshine smile, which made his eyes turn into crescent shapes.

“I missed you too, well I’ve been a little too busy for everything.” His smile quickly faded away. “Life just isn’t the same without you.” Your heart started to race, wondering what he implied. His smile came back just as fast as it left, and he looked at you with his attentive eyes. “So what have I missed?”

June 10th 2004

Surrounded by the warmth of the blankets tucked around you in your bed, you were so close to falling asleep in the darkness of your room. Suddenly, the room’s lights were turned on and you felt a dip on the other side of the bed. You knew who it was.

“Jimin,” You groaned. “Let me sleep, it’s like 11 and I have work tomorrow.” You turned around to face Jimin, who was sitting on the bed next to you.

The corners of his lips were pulled up into a smirk as he looked down at you. “Well I couldn’t sleep in my empty house. Can I sleep here with ya?” Jimin moved around to lay down next to you. His face was a couple of inches away from you; you could feel his warm breath on your face, and every second he stayed there, your heart started to beat faster.

You turned around on your bed as you felt yourself redden. “Fine, turn off the lights then. I’m gonna tell Mom not to let you in again.”

Jimin chuckled behind you. “She’s not here, I think she’ s at work. Your mom gave me a key weeks ago to keep you company and annoy you.” Jimin wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing himself closer to you. He nestled his head behind your neck. “I’m tired.”

Your heart was racing a million miles per second as he hugged you tightly from behind. “Yah Jimin! You forgot to turn off the lights! And get off of me!” You tried to push his arms off of you, but he didn’t budge.

“Let me sleep, Y/N.” He softly said before he passed out.

December 6th, 2016

It was around 8 or 9 pm when you were waiting in your apartment’s living room, all dressed up in a thick winter coat and boots, ready to go out on your third date with Kim Taehyung. The first date, which was technically the day you met him at the bar after you had ran away from the wedding, went really well. His laugh lit up the quiet bar and he truly made you feel cared about. The second date was at a carnival, and you felt as if no date could have gone better than that one. He had won you four stuffed bears along with your heart.

A text from your phone had pulled you away from your happy thoughts.

Taetae: come outside, i’ve got my car and me waiting in the warmth! waiting just for you

You smiled at his text. You looked outside your window and stared down onto the dark street; the only source of light there was from Taehyung’s car.

Y/N: im coming, this better be the best date ever

---

As you sat down in the car, you looked at Taehyung, who was staring at you with a smile glued to his face. You felt shy; he appreciated you and gave you all his attention. “Um,” You shyly asked with a grin on your face. “Where are we going today?”

Before going back on the road, Taehyung glanced at you once more with a smirk. “We’re going to someplace nice.” He rolled out of the parking spot and drove onto the dark road. You couldn’t help but stare at Taehyung concentrating on the road. You wished life was like a date with Taehyung; sweet and kind. Your heart wished to stay with him forever, hoping that life would give you a better chance at love.

The car abruptly came to a stop. You looked around to see where Taehyung was taking you. The car was parked in front of a quiet little bar, the same one you first met him at. You looked back at Taehyung. “Are you trying to get me drunk again?” You jokingly asked.

“Maybe,” His playful smirk made you swoon. “I told you that I don’t date drunks, but you’re the only exception I’ll ever make.”

You played along with his joke, acting serious and blessed. “Oh, I’m so touched. The Kim Taehyung wants me. I’m so grateful.” You giggled, not being able to keep up with your acting skills. Taehyung joined you in laughing, filling the warm car with happiness. You enjoyed feeling the happiness with Taehyung. You wished life would be like that forever.

January 2nd 2018

“So what have I missed?” Jimin asked with a smile. Just as you were about to open your mouth and say something, the front door opened and Taehyung came inside with a pizza box. His nose was a little red from the harsh cold outside, but he still beamed his beautiful boxy smile. He joyfully walked to the table with a little skip in his step, set the pizza box down in front of you, and took off his winter coat, which he gently set on his chair’s back.

As Taehyung sat down, he glanced at you and noticed the atmosphere had changed a bit. He was happy knowing that you were happy. “So, who wants to watch a movie? I don’t have to work until later so what do you guys want to watch?” He glanced between you and Jimin with his usual featherhead smile.

Jimin answered before you could. “I’ll watch anything you guys want to watch.” He was happier and more comfortable than before. You were glad that your best friend was coming back to you.

April 19th, 2007

Today was your weekly movie date with Jimin at your house, which technically wasn’t a date, but you wished it was. As night enveloped the light sky, the room suddenly got darker, leaving the TV being the only source of light. Unknowingly, you were nestling yourself closer to Jimin, which you didn’t really notice until you felt Jimin tense up a bit and then relax. You didn’t move from your spot, but you felt more self-conscious about yourself and him. You couldn’t concentrate on the screen in front of you because there was something better to look at.

You stared up at Jimin, who had devoted all his attention to the crappy movie. Your eyes went to his lips, which were slightly parted. They looked soft and plump; it kind of reminded you of two pink little pillows. What I wouldn’t I give to kiss those lips again, you thought. You were in love with him, but you were happy with the relationship you had with him. It was close and warm.

January 2nd, 2018

Comfortably sitting on your couch sandwiched in between Jimin and Taehyung, you leaned onto Taehyung’s arm, fitting your head on his shoulder. Your attention was on the random movie that Taehyung had put on, and you were enjoying it until you felt Jimin staring at you. From the side of your eyes, you glanced at him and confirmed your suspicions. He looked away when you caught his eyes, and a sheepish smile emerged on his face as he stared at the TV.

Your heart was racing. Why was he staring at me? You thought. Does he- no. He can’t. I can’t. I have Taehyung. He’s my soulmate, my other half. You tried to ignore Jimin’s gaze throughout the whole movie, but the thought of Jimin having feelings for you made you nuts.

You nestled yourself closer to Taehyung so you could get Jimin out of your mind, and in the process, you looked up at Taehyung. He was so absorbed in the movie that he didn’t notice Jimin. It wasn’t that you were uncomfortable, you were just scared that your heart would make the wrong and foolish decision of being with Jimin. He wasn’t as perfect as Taehyung, but he was the man of your dreams for years.

March 22nd 2017

In your usual quiet coffee shop, you sipped on your warm coffee as you stared into Taehyung’s dark eyes. You smirked. “I’m winning, you remember the bet right?”

Taehyung, who was trying so hard not to blink his watering eyes, tried not to give in. “Bring it on Y/N, I’ll win this staring contest.” Taehyung tried to smile, but that made his eyes water even more.

You could see the pain he was in, and he was trying so hard to win because he didn’t want you to see his naked baby pictures, so you decided to give in. You set down your cup of coffee and willingly closed your eyes. “There, you win. Now you can blink.”

Taehyung closed his eyes and wiped away the tears that the game had caused. “I swear, one day I will win this game without you having to give me the win.” He looked at you with his reddened eyes and grinned. “That was fun though, and when I get home, I’ll text you all of my baby pictures as a reward.”

Astonished by his act of sweetness, you quickly leaned in onto the table and pecked him on his lips. “You’re so sweet! I don’t even deserve you. Seriously.” You leaned back on your seat and gave him a wink. “I can’t wait to see your naked baby butt-”

“Y/N! We’re in public! Shut up!” Taehyung interrupted you with a loud whisper as his face reddened. You giggled at his reaction and laughed until your stomach started to hurt. You loved when he got embarrassed because he rarely blushed like that.

Out of nowhere, after calming down from your laughing fit, you were the first one to say the next words. “I love you Taetae.”

Taehyung, who was almost as red as a tomato, smiled his boxy smile. “I love you too.”

January 2nd, 2018

As the movie’s end credits rolled off the screen, you lifted your head from off of Taehyung’s shoulder. You felt extremely tired as you stretched your arms, and you laid onto Taehyung’s lap. Even though it was almost time for Taehyung to leave for work, you wanted him to stay and cuddle next to you.

“Y/N,” Taehyung’s softly deep voice almost lulled you to sleep. “You can’t go to sleep now, you pretty much just got up. Plus, you gotta show Jimin to his room cause I gotta get ready for work.”

A groan erupted from your lips as you sat up. You looked at Jimin, who had his soft lips pursed as he was looking off in some other direction. Taehyung got up from the couch and quickly went to your room to change. “Jimin,” You softly whispered to him. He turned his head to look at you with a melancholic look in is eyes. “Do you want me to show you to your room?” He nodded, still frowning.You got up from your couch and led the way. “So where’s all your stuff?” You asked him.

“I’m bringing some clothes tomorrow. Minhee’s still probably home and I can’t stand another argument anymore.” His voice oozed of anger and sadness. You pitied his relationship with Minhee; it used to be so happy and free like your relationship with Taehyung. You wondered what had made them go downhill.

“Well,” You said after reaching the guest bedroom’s door. “We’re here.” Your eyes remained on Jimin, who wasn’t able to look at you in the eyes. He opened the door and walked in. “Hey Jimin,” He turned around and responded with a hum. “What happened to you?” His gloomy eyes looked into yours of a second before turning back around and sitting on the guest bed.

He patted the spot next to him, gesturing for you to sit next to him. Reluctantly, you walked through the door and seated yourself on the soft bed. He stared down at his hands, which were interlocked with each other. “I don’t know where to start.” His voice was almost a whisper; you barely heard what he had said. “You don’t know what you have until it’s taken away from you.”

You were attentively listening, gazing at his saddened face. You wanted to engulf him in a hug, letting him know that he has someone to rely on, but you restrained yourself. He was someone who rejected you, who ignored you, giving in would mean falling for him once more and you couldn’t let that happen. He remained silent for quite a while until. “Jimin, you can tell me what happened, I promise nothing will make me think bad of you. You’re one of the people I look up to, and nothing will make me change that.”

He lifted his head and stared at you with a painful look. He looked hurt; his eyes were holding themselves back from tearing up while he bit his lips harshly. Jimin was stirring up your heart, causing your mind to go crazy.

Just then from the living room, Taehyung yelled out something before shutting the apartment door. “I’m leaving! I’ll be back soon.” You could imagine him smiling as he said that.

“Jimin,” You continued. “I care for you, okay? I want to know what’s wrong. I’m here for you.” Jimin’s frown was replaced by a weak smile.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then immediately shut it. All of a sudden, he leaned in to connect his soft lips to yours. Your mind was puzzled; you didn’t realize he was kissing you until you kissed him back.Thoughts in your mind were going bezerk. Jimins arms slid around your waist to pull you closer to him, and that’s when you knew it should end. You pushed him back with a jerk, your heartbeat was beating fast enough to explode.

You knitted your eyebrows, confused at what just happened. Your eyes glared at Jimin, who was also confused. “What the fuck Jimin!” You yelled at him. “Why did you do that?” You turned away from him, unable to look at his pitiful face anymore. “You’re a fucking dick, you know that right? I liked you- no- I loved you, and you rejected me. Now that you don’t love your wife anymore, you try to get someone else to replace her.” You whirled your head to angrily glare at Jimin, who was almost close to crying once more. “Fuck. You.”

May 23rd, 2017

As you snuggled into Taehyung’s warm chest, you wrapped your arms around him in your bed. Above you, Taehyung chuckled. “Y/N,” He whined. “Come on, don’t sleep!”

“But Taetae, it’s almost 12 am, even the moon is asleep outside.” Your eyes slowly closed as you breathed in Taehyung’s fresh scent. You felt him move around a bit, getting something from the nightstand behind him.

You heard a camera shutter sound from somewhere over you, and that was when you quickly opened your eyes. You at where the noise was coming from to see Taehyung holding a polaroid camera above the both of you. The small picture came out, slowly developing. Taehyung grabbed the small picture and laughed as the image came through. In the picture, you were sound asleep, cuddled next to Taehyung, while he made a stupid face as he winked.

You laughed, instantly getting energy to play around with Taehyung. You grabbed the polaroid camera from his hands and started to take pictures of Taehyung as he posed. One picture had him pouting with his puppy dog eyes, and another had him sexily posing with his tongue out.

“Oh my god Taehyung, you’re so adorable!” You hugged all the newly developed pictures, wanting to hang them up everywhere.

Taehyung grabbed the camera from you and immediately taking a picture of you hugging his pictures. “This is proof that you have an obsession with me.”

You giggled and looked at Taehyung, who seemed too perfect to be real. “You’re the only obsession I’ll ever have.” Taehyung showed you his trademark boxy smile before taking another picture of you lovingly gazing at him.

“Smile!”

January 3rd, 2018

You were waiting for Taehyung, sitting on the bed in your bedroom, frustrated and confused at what happened. You wanted to pull your hair out for kissing Jimin, but you couldn’t do anything to redo the past. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tell Taehyung; you had never seen him mad, and you didn’t want to lose the only man who was ever by your side. After an hour of waiting in your room, Jimin knocked on your locked door. He begged you to open the door and that he was sorry, but you couldn’t trust him or your emotions.

After waiting for hours, Taehyung finally came home. You heard his deep voice boom throughout the apartment. “Honey! I’m home!” You didn’t want to leave you room; the fear of running into Jimin was too much for you. Taehyung’s voice came closer to your room. “Honey? Are you asleep? The light is on. Are you okay?” He softly said through the closed door. You wanted to tell him everything that happened. You knew letting Jimin stay in your apartment with Taehyung was a bad idea, but you couldn’t say no to your boyfriend.

You got up from your bed and unlocked the bedroom door. The door opened up to reveal Taehyung gazing at you with worry written all over his face. You pulled him into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. “Taehyung, I have to tell you something.” You told him, attentively looking up at his worried face. He nodded for you to continue. You breathed in and closed your eyes. “Jimin- he kissed me,” You opened your eyes to see Taehyung fuming. Before he could say anything, you finished your sentence. “But- but I pushed him away, I promise, I don’t feel the same about him anymore- I- I just love you, okay? Taehyung, you’re the only one I care about right now. I-I told you this was a bad idea, you shouldn’t have let him in.”

Taehyung calmed down a bit and lovingly looked at you. “Y/N, I know you love me, but I didn’t expect him to do that to you. I’m gonna go talk to him and teach him a lesson-” Taehyung, with his hands angrily clenched, turned around to leave the room, but you pulled on his shirt to stop him.

“Taetae, please don’t fight. Please, I don’t want you getting hurt.” You begged him.

He turned around and gave you a reassuring look. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna get hurt.”

---

Taehyung opened the guest bedroom where Jimin was staying, walked in, and loudly shut the door. Jimin, who was sitting on his bed, looked up from his phone, his eyes wide with surprise. Taehyung walked closer to Jimin and looked down at him with anger. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?” Jimin was speechless and couldn’t say anything to Taehyung. “You fuckin’ missed your chance bud. I didn’t think you would be such a lowly person as to hurt Y/N’s feelings. If any shit like this happens again, then I’ll make sure to break your legs and arms to make you a cripple.” Taehyung started to crack his knuckles, making Jimin get goosebumps. “Understand?” Jimin nodded, still unable to say anything. “I’ve loved Y/N for forever, and you can’t just steal her from me. You fucking asshole.”

September 18th, 2014

It was about a month after Jimin introduced you to his girlfriend, Minhee, and you were still in shock about it. You wanted someone, or something, to distract you from the depressed feeling that consumed you every minute that you spent thinking about Jimin.

Somehow, you ended up on a date with Namjoon at a quiet sports bar on a Thursday evening, casually dressed for the occasion. It had been a couple of years since you had last had a conversation with Namjoon, and that was back in high school. Now, as you comfortably adjusted yourself in the seat across from Namjoon, you showed him a bright smile, to which he returned one back. Back in high school, you knew him to be a dick, or well, more of a cocky and selfish guy, but since years had gone by, you had thought he would have changed.

You couldn’t help but stare at Namjoon’s smile. It was beautiful, no doubt; his dimples made you swoon, and the seductive gaze he looked at you with was intense. You shied away from his eyes, embarrassed at feeling yourself redden a bit. The both of you sat in comfortable silence.

Namjoon was the first one to talk. “So Y/N, how are you? It’s been forever.” He looked at you for an answer.

Your eyes wandered back to Namjoon’s face. “I’ve been good actually, some stuff happened but now that I’m here with you I’m-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Namjoon interrupted you with a wide grin glued to his face. “What happened babe? Is it something my tongue can fix?”

Immediately, you felt repulsed by what Namjoon had said. Just as you were about to say something, a waitress came up to your table and asked what the both of you wanted. You opened your mouth to order your usual, but Namjoon interrupted once again and ordered for you. As soon as the waitress left, you started to reroute the direction of the conversation that he was leading it in. You were not wanting to have sex on your first date with fuckboy Namjoon.

“Anyways,” Annoyance clear in your voice. “I actually haven’t eaten here before, is the food good?” You kept your smile up, hoping that he wouldn’t notice your discomfort with the way he talked.

With the same large grin stuck on his face, Namjoon replied. “It’s good, but not as good as what you’re gonna be tastin’ later tonight.”

Your eyes were wide open, paralyzed with shock at what Namjoon had said. You knew him to be a flirt back in the day, but you didn’t know he would be so forward. Your weak smile quickly faded away to a concerning frown. “Listen Namjoon, I don’t know why you think I’m here with you today, but you’re definitely not gonna get laid. Not by me, at least-”

Namjoon’s chuckle made you stop in the middle of your sentence. “I do what I want baby. I’m not some pussy ass coward like Jimin to not-”

Right then and there, you got up from your seat, the chair’s legs loudly screeched on the wooden floor as you were preparing to leave. “You know what Namjoon? You’re an ass. You were one back in high school, and you still are now. And don’t ever mention Jimin’s name like that. He’s much- so much- better than you. ” After grabbing your purse, you stomped out, hearing some of Namjoon’s last words being angrily yelled at from behind you.

“Why don’t you fuckin’ get someone like Jimin? Oh wait, you can’t cause he doesn’t fuckin’ want a bitch like you!”

January 3rd, 2018

From your bedroom, you heard Taehyung angrily storm out of the guest room, Jimin’s door loudly shut and Taehyung’s loud footsteps came closer to your door. Patiently waiting on the edge of your bed, you looked down at your fiddling fingers with a frown. A thousand thoughts were going through your mind at that time. Would he still love me the same as before? You thought. Will he think of me in a different light, a more darker one? I love him- I really do- but what happens next?

Right then, Taehyung slowly opened the door as you glanced up and met with his apologetic eyes. A weak smile appeared on his face as he walked in and closed the door behind him. You wanted to say something to him,anything to make the quiet awkwardness to go away. He sat next to you on the bed, basking in the quiet atmosphere. Neither of you looked at each other, but instead, stared at the wall in front of you.

It was a while before anyone said anything; you thought you didn’t deserve him. If it was anyone else, you knew they would leave you, but he didn’t. Taehyung was the one who spoke up first. “Y/N,” His head turned to look at you stare melancholically at the wall. “I love you, and nothing will change that. If your happiness lies with Jimin, go with him.” You quickly turned your head to look back at him with shocked eyes. His bittersweet smile broke your heart, and his woeful eyes stared right into your soul. “I’ll be happy if you’re happy-”

“Taehyung,” You interrupted him. “I will always love you. Nothing, and no one will make me change my mind.” Your body leaned towards his and your arms brought him into a hug. “I love you.”

October 27th, 2006

On my mess of a bed, Y/N and I were hitting each other with pillow, making sure to knock each other out. It was a beautiful Friday morning, with the morning rays protruding the window’s blinds and hitting Y/N’s beautiful face. On her knees, she harshly hit me with her pillow with a sly grin glued to her face. I fell back on my bed and was too tired to get back up. An airy laugh left my lips as I stared at Y/N’s exhausted face.

“Jimin! One more round!” Y/N yelled out.

I was too tired to even lift another pillow. “Ah Y/N,” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down next to me. “We’re even skipping school, we should just sleep.” I wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her closer to my fast beating heart. Even though I wasn’t sure about my feelings for Y/N, I wanted her next to me. I wanted to hear her voice every day, I wanted to laugh with her, I wanted Y/N.

She stayed quiet, listening to my breaths and heartbeat as I listened to hers. “Y/N,” I continued. I paused for a little bit, wanting to tell her about my feelings. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, or how that moment could stay like that forever, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. “I want some breakfast.”

I heard a sigh leave her lips as she backed away from my chest and sat up on the bed. “It’s always me who has to cook.” I glanced at her disappointed face. It seemed as if she was waiting for me to say something else. She got up from the bed and slowly shuffled out of my bedroom door. I closed my eyes, promising myself never to say anything about my feelings to Y/N. If she wouldn’t be able to love me back, I would die.

January 3rd, 2018

As I watched Taehyung storm out of my bedroom, I regretted everything that went down today. I shut my eyes to stop myself from crying. I was rejected by Y/N, but I deserved it. I rejected her years ago, but I was blinded by my love for Minhee. Tears eventually fell from his closed eyes, and he fell back into the bed. I wanted to die. He couldn’t handle the fact that I missed out on Y/N, and it was because of his stupidity.

I lay on the bed, slowly opening my teary eyes to stare up at the ceiling. He breathed in and pulled out my phone from my back pocket. I went through my contacts and dialed Minhee’s number. It was pretty late at night, and I wasn’t even sure if she would pick up, but she did.

“Jimin?” She asked.

“Minhee,” My shaky voice responded back. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else anymore. You’ve been through thick and thin with me, and now, I don’t want to drag you down. Let’s end this.”

Minhee hesitantly responded back. “Jimin, I- why now? Why can’t we work things out?”

“Because I’m unlovable, and I can’t love anyone back. I’m sorry.”

YEARS LATER

May 18th, 2021

Jimin stood in front of the airport, looking around around at the familiarly tall buildings and smiled. He re-adjusted his shades before he called for a taxi. Jimin had aged a bit. After his quick divorce with Minhee, he left his hometown to travel across the globe. He met many women who fell in love with him, and he tried to love them back, but he’d only ever wanted you. As he stepped into the taxi, he wasn’t sure which address to give the driver.

Minhee was on good terms with Jimin, but she already moved into her new lover’s house. She would occasionally email him and update him about her life. Jimin’s other friends were too busy with their own lives. Jungkook already had a steady girlfriend move in with him and Namjoon, after changing his life around, was working towards a law degree. Hoseok left town and was starting his own dance studio, Jin moved to start his restaurant business with his wife, and Yoongi flat out refused to let Jimin stay with him.

Jimin gave the driver the address to a local coffee shop that he loved to death. He hoped it was still standing, and wasn’t replaced by another office building that the world didn’t need. He looked out of the backseat window, watching all the familiar houses and buildings go by. He realized that his life went by in a flash. It was just yesterday when he and his friends were joking around after school, and now, he’s a full fledged adult, unsure about his life.

The car suddenly came to a stop. Jimin paid the driver and stepped out of the bright yellow car, bringing a suitcase with him. A sigh of relief came from Jimin when he saw the cozy shop he was so accustomed to still existed. Across from the building was a newly built hotel; Jimin walked across the street with his suitcase and strolled inside the beige building. He checked into a room and wasn’t sure what to do next; the only reason he was in town was because the company he was working for sent him back into town to work at the headquarters. To distract himself, Jimin played a bunch of games on his phone and watched some TV, but eventually got tired of it. By the time he was bored out of his mind in the hotel room, it was around 3 pm. He decided it was a good time to leave and have a cup of coffee.

After he left the hotel building, he waited by the crosswalk until there was no car in sight. He walked across the street, but midway, he saw a familiar face walk into the coffee shop. Jimin sped his walking up and jogged to the store to run after him. He opened the door right after that familiar man, and the jingle of another customer walking in could be heard everywhere in the small shop. He looked around for him, hoping the guy was the same person. He wanted someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to tell him about you.

He spotted the man sitting at one of the round wooden tables near the back. It was really him; Min Yoongi.

July 20th, 2020

Today, Taehyung was ready to propose to you.

Sitting in your favorite restaurant, Taehyung in front of you with a smug smile on his face, the both of you ordered dinner and wine. The quiet piano music and dim lights made the atmosphere so romantic, but you didn’t know why you were there. It was a regular Monday evening when Taehyung rushed you to get ready in a formal dress he surprisingly brought home. When you got ready and showed him the dress, he smirked as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to his car. When you asked him where he was taking you, he said it was a surprise.

Now, you were at a restaurant with him, waiting for more surprises.

Taehyung hid the Tungsten ring’s box in his suit’s pocket, waiting to pull it out at the right moment. He watched you suspiciously eat your pasta, and he chuckled when you saw him watching.

“I feel like you’re planning something evil.” You said to Taehyung, who hadn’t had a bite of his steak.

Taehyung nonchalantly shrugged, showing his boxy smile. “Maybe I am,” Taehyung looked around the empty restaurant for a waiter and called him over. “I would like another glass of wine.” He said to the waiter, even though he had a full glass of white wine in front of him.

“Taehyung, you already-” You wanted to tell him that he already had a glass of wine, but he interrupted you with a simple ‘shh’ as his index finger was pushed onto his lips.

The waiter was in cahoots with Taehyung. Before the dinner, Taehyung told the waiter specific instructions to do after he orders another glass of wine. After the man left, the dim lights were suddenly gone, and the room was engulfed in blackness. All of a sudden, you heard a chair screech on the floor and Taehyung’s deep voice singing you a soft melody.

As the lights slowly came back, you were surprised to see Taehyung next to you, with one knee on the floor, serenading you with a ring box in his hand. As he opened the box, you gasped after seeing the pitch black band and were almost on the verge of crying.

Taehyung abruptly stopped singing. “Y/N,” He asked you. “Will you marry me?”

You got out of your seat and hugged him on the floor. “A million times yes. Yes, yes, yes!”

May 18th 2021

Jimin immediately spotted the black haired Min Yoongi in the back of the cafe, reading a book as he sipped on his warm coffee. Unconsciously, Jimin’s feet walked towards him. He was curious as to why Yoongi refused to let him stay at his house, and how you were doing. Jimin knew you and Yoongi had gotten closer after he started to date Minhee, so he would definitely know where you were.

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s soft voice called out to Yoongi, who looked up in surprise.

Yoongi was shocked, and was speechless. “Jimin… hey.” Jimin took the seat right in front of Yoongi and sat down. “It’s been a long time, Jimin.”

The sorrow in Jimin’s eyes contradicted his cheerful smile. “It’s been forever,” Jimin was reminiscing in memories of his past, the happiest point in his life. “How’ve you been?”

Yoongi smiled as he closed his book and looked down at his coffee. “I’ve actually been doing great,” He looked up and showed Jimin his genuine smile. “My entire life I thought I had bad luck, but I was wrong. I am one of the luckiest people on Earth.”

That took Jimin by surprise. “What happened? Did you win the lottery?” He asked.

Yoongi shook his head, still having his gummy smile stuck to his face. “My first love fell in love with me.”

Jimin gasped, feeling happy for him. “That’s great! Who is this lucky girl? Speaking about love, I think I’m going to try and win over Y/N once more. Third time’s the charm, right?”

Yoongi’s gummy smile was wiped off his face, and was replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

---

With a rose in your hand, you walked through the dreary graveyard with heavy feelings in your heart. The bright blue sky pained your eyes. How dare the world smile even after he’s gone, you thought.

Finally, you reached his grave. Kim Taehyung.

You kneeled down onto the patch of grass in front of the grave and set your rose down, right next to the other flowers. You held your tears back and talked to him. “I miss you, Taehyung. Even though you’re gone, I come and see you every day. I thought I would always be alone, always be hurt, but I’m slowly healing. Life isn’t fair. You deserved the world, you deserve everything. You saved me, and I’ll never forget you.”

August 2nd, 2020

On a comfortable Sunday morning, you lay next to Taehyung’s sleeping body, hearing him snore right next to your ear. You giggled, loving everything about him. It had been a couple weeks since he had proposed to you, and nothing had really changed, except for the fact that Taehyung was picking out kids names for the children he was going to have with you, along with the fact that he was cuddling you 24/7.

Next to you, Taehyung’s eyes slowly cracked open, looking down at you giggle. “Honey, what’s so funny?”

You didn’t want to tell him that you were laughing at him. “Hmm? I wasn’t laughing.” You tried to mask your lie, but you failed.

Taehyung’s arms went around you and brought you closer to him, making you cuddle into his chest. “Y/N! I love you sooooooo much!” He yelled out. “If our first child is a boy, I want to name him Taehyung.”

You giggled at his antics once more. “Taehyung junior, I like the sound of that. If we had a girl, what would you name her?”

“Well,” Taehyung went on. “I would name her Taehyung too, because if anything ever happens to me, I wouldn’t want you to be alone without my presence.”

You slapped his arm and looked into his eyes. “Nothing is going to happen to you, idiot.” After cuddling back into his chest, you continued. “I love you too.”

May 18th, 2021

Yoongi’s smile was quickly replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

Jimin wasn’t surprised that things had changed since he left, but he hoped they were good changes. “What happened?” He curiously asked.

Yoongi breathed in before he could say anything. “Well,” He stared at Jimin with saddened eyes. “Taehyung and Y/N were engaged, and Y/N was even pregnant, but Taehyung got into an accident.”

Jimin was caught by surprise. “What? So much happened and none of you called me?”

“We couldn’t, Y/N didn’t want you to worry. She still cares about you, ya know, but not in the same way you love her.” Yoongi looked down at his coffee before he took another sip.

Jimin was starting to freak out; he couldn’t accept her rejection again. “I could easily change her mind, we’re best friends, and she loves me. I love her. Everything is going to be fine.”

“No it’s not. She already has someone else.”

---

Sitting in your parked car outside the cemetery, you stared out at the clouds that decorated the sky, hoping Taehyung was enjoying the afterlife. You missed his boxy laugh. You missed his jokes and his cuddles. You missed him.

Your phone rang suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts.. You grabbed it from the passenger seat, and looked at the caller ID. It was Jeon Jungkook.

You quickly answered the phone. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing much,” He responded. “I’m just really bored. Minhee’s trying to braid my short-ass hair and I think she’s going to turn me into a meme.”

Laughter bubbled from you. “You guys are so adorable. Oh, and she can’t change someone into what he already is- a complete meme.”

“Yah!” He yelled at you. “My crazy girlfriend Minhee is a meme herself! She’s also one of the most perfect human beings on this planet. How are you doing anyways?”

You paused for a bit, thinking about how you were actually doing. “I think I’m okay. Life sucks, but you gotta go on. That’s what Taehyung would’ve wanted me to do. Live and move on, right?”

November 16th, 2020

It was your four year anniversary with Taehyung. He had planned out the whole day for you, even though you had said that you didn’t want to do anything big.

From the moment you would wake up until the moment you would fall asleep in his arms, he was planning everything out.

You woke up at around 7 am to get ready for work, but when you realized that Taehyung wasn’t in bed next to you, you knew something was up. You acted as if everything was normal, but you had a surprise of your own.

After getting dressed, grabbing your cup of coffee, and driving off to work, you daydreamed all throughout the day what Taehyung had in store for you. When you should have been filing folders, you were imagining the look on his face when you told him that you were pregnant. You could see his shocked face, and you could imagine his usual smile as he would bring you into a hug.

The day dragged on until 3 pm when you were let out from work, and as you drove home, you were itching to talk to Taehyung. When you did finally get home, you were greeted with an empty house. You were a little bit disappointed, but knew that Taehyung had something big planned this year. You decided to call him.

You plopped yourself on your couch and dialed his number, and he picked up on the third ring. “Hey babe, what’s up?” It was a relief for you to hear his voice after not being able to hear it all day.

“I miss you so, so much. Where are you?” You questioned him.

“I’m gettin’ something special for you! Be prepared to have your mind blown. I’m driving home so I’ll get there soon.” He said back to you.

You sighed, smiling at how sweet he was. “Taetae! I told you, I didn’t want anything big today, and I also have a surprise for you. You’ll have your mind blown away even more.”

A gasp came from the Taehyung. “Tell me Y/N! What is it! I don’t like surprises, you have to tell me now!”

“For a man that doesn’t love surprises, you sure do love to surprise others.” You retorted. “I’ll give you a hint. We can’t wait for you to get home.”

Another gasp came from Taehyung. “Oh god, Y/N, are we having a baby?” You hummed in agreement. “Oh god,” Taehyung started to frantically chant. “This is the best moment in my life Y/N,” He said through the phone. “I love you Y/N, I love you-” All of a sudden, a large crash was heard on Taehyung’s side of the conversation, and then, the phone call ended.

The light turned green and Taehyung hit the gas. Distracted by the news, he was unaware of the truck that had blown through the red light. He died on impact.

November 20th, 2020

You arrived at the hospital only to be told that Taehyung was already dead. You had a mental breakdown and eventually, the stress led to your having a miscarriage. The physical and emotional pain made you hate yourself. You were admitted to the hospital and were visited by many of your friends who were truly worried for you, but you didn’t care. You had lost your other half. Your soulmate. He was in heaven with your child while you were stuck in a world which resembled hell even more every second he wasn’t with you.

After four days of pain and tears, you were ready to end your life. You planned to jump off the hospital’s roof and end your suffering, but someone changed your mind.

Yoongi walked into the white hospital room, melancholically looking at you stare out the window on the other side of the room. He knew how hurt you were, and he wanted to fix that.

“Y/N,” He called your name out, and all your attention was on him. He saw how wrecked you were, and how much you had cried over the past four days. He knew what you were thinking, mainly the jist of it, but he wanted to stop it. Stop all the hurt. He walked to your bed and bent over to pull you into a warm hug. “Don’t do anything that you would regret,” He whispered in your ear as you held back your tears. “Don’t be stupid, okay? What would Taehyung think?” He calmly stroked your hair as tears flowed from your eyes. It felt good to have someone like Yoongi with you. It felt nice.

December 11th, 2020

Sitting quietly in your living room, Yoongi next to you, you looked around the empty room. All the pictures you had of Taehyung were put away in a closet, lying there covered in dust. You set your head on Yoongi’s shoulder and closed your eyes.

“Thanks for coming,” Your quiet voice said to him. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

He took your hand and held it tight, softly rubbing your palm. “Does it still hurt to remember?”

You hummed. “It feels like I’m drowning in my own tears. I can’t sleep by myself. I can’t eat. I can’t even work. My life is a mess.” You lifted your head and looked up at Yoongi, who was looking at you with loving eyes. “But at least I have you.”

“I’d do anything for you. Call me at three in the afternoon or three in the morning, I’ll come running.”

December 25th, 2020

Today was the day you had built up the courage to dig through Taehyung’s untouched closet. In the back of your apartment was a closet where you had shoved most of Taehyung’s belongings after he had died; you were unable to look at them until now.

As you opened the small closet door, Taehyung’s lavender scent wafted all throughout the house. It took everything you had in your heart to stop yourself from crying. A bright yellow hoodie covered with pink donuts caught your attention. It was the same jacket he made you wear after you had gotten soaked playing in the rain. Your hand unconsciously reached out to it, grabbing the sleeve of the jacket. The soft cotton reminded you of Taehyung’s soft touch, his delicately deep voice, and his adoring eyes.

You wanted to stop, you wanted to quit torturing yourself with memories of Taehyung. Just as you were about to close the closet door, a gift wrapped present on the top shelf of the closet caught your eyes. You reached up and grabbed the large box shaped present, and then closed the closet door. Your feet led you to the couch, where you sat yourself down and were ready to open up the present.

Your mind was curious as to what it was, and you knew that it was from Taehyung. You gently ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a photobook with the words ‘New Beginnings’ written on it in Taehyung’s handwriting. You bit your lip, trying to accept that he was gone, and that you weren’t in a never-ending nightmare. You were in reality.

Flipping open to the first page, an envelope presented itself to you with your name on it, written by Taehyung. After reluctantly grabbing it and ripping the letter open, you forced yourself to read Taehyung’s note.

Dear Y/N, my adorable sweet wife-to-be (or hopefully wife by now). This is your Christmas present! I knew you would wake up early in the morning and open your present, so here I have a letter telling you how much I love you! I’ve documented the times we’ve been together, and it’s only just a part of how long I want us to be together. I want the both of us to have little Taehyung Juniors and watch them grow up. I want us to be happy and well. You’re probably crying of happiness by now, since I’m such a great gift-giver. Enjoy the gift and make sure to wake me up!

-From your sweet and loving husband, Taehyung

Tears trailed down your cheeks as you willed yourself to stop. He wasn’t alive anymore, yet he still lived on in your life. You put the letter to the side and flipped through the large photo book. The first page was filled with pictures from your second date with him at the carnival. At the bottom of the page was the date written; he had started the book since day one. Many of the images were pictures you hadn’t noticed him taking, like the picture of you eating an ice cream cone with the four teddy bears he won for you sitting at the table, or the other picture of you pouting at Taehyung to win you another stuffed toy. As you flipped through, memories started to flow, along with your tears.

Another page caught your attention; it was the day he had taken polaroid pictures of you while you were sound asleep on his chest in your bed. He made a funny derp face as you were snoring away. You remembered the day as if it was yesterday; you heard the clicking sound of the camera and opened your eyes to see Taehyung taking pictures of you. I should have cherished those memories, you thought. I should have hugged him more, kissed him more, stayed with him more.

Your new beginnings were at an end.

January 4th, 2021

In your kitchen, you and Yoongi were making breakfast for each other. Ever since Taehyung’s death, Yoongi had been with you more often. He would come over when you felt alone, and then suddenly, Yoongi’s coming over became routine for you. He would come over even when you wouldn’t call him, and he would spend most of his days he was free from work with you.

Yoongi’s gummy smile would often make the heavy atmosphere that surrounded you dissipate into a light and airy atmosphere. The power of his smile was similar to Taehyung’s, and maybe that was why you felt happy with him, more comfortable with life.

“Y/N,” Yoongi’s raspy voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You spun your head around to look at him cooking something on the stove top next to you. He held out a wooden spoon with some orangish substance. “Taste.” He said with a smirk.

“Only if you say please.” You snobbishly told him. You continued to mix the pancake batter with a grin on your face and added some chocolate chips into the bowl.

He set the spoon down onto a plate and kneeled down onto the tile floor. He grabbed your hand and looked you in the eyes with a sarcastically pleading look. “Oh my highness Y/N, will you please try your humble servant’s food? I must have your approval on it or I shall die.”

You giggled at Yoongi’s behavior, and nodded at him. “Sure, I’ll try it.”

Yoongi got up from the floor and showed you his gummy smile. He grabbed the spoon and lifted it to your mouth, where you tried the deliciously sweet orangey substance. You closed your eyes and moaned at the deliciousness of the sauce. You tasted hints of lemon and a strong orange flavor that made your tastebuds tingle.

You opened your eyes and stared at him in awe. “That. Was. Delicious.” Yoongi laughed at your reaction, and winked at you. Just as he was about to say something, your phone rang.

You pulled your phone out from your back pocket and saw the caller ID, Jungkook. You immediately picked up.

“Hello sir, how are you on this fine and beautiful day?” You asked him on the phone. Yoongi quietly asked who it was on the phone, and you responded by mouthing Jungkook’s name.

“Not that it’s a bad thing, but why are you so perky today?” Jungkook questioned, and from his side of the conversation, you could hear a familiar voice yell something out. “Oh also, if you couldn’t hear, Minhee’s yelling out ‘I miss you Y/N! You should talk to me more often!’.” Jungkook tried to imitate Minhee’s soft but adorable voice, but ultimately failed.

“I’m just making breakfast with Yoongi,” You looked up at Yoongi to see him wink at you. “You guys are too cute together, you didn’t even tell me how you guys ended up together! What about your parents?”

You heard Jungkook groan. "Our parents? Things didn't end up working out." He lowered his voice. "A little scandal, ya know? Not saying any names though..." He chuckled quietly and fell silent. After hesitating a moment, Jungkook asked another question. “How are you really doing? Do you still remember him? You seem happier.”

A bittersweet smile appeared on your face as you took in a large breath. “I miss him, obviously. I put back all the pictures of him around the house so it feels like he’s here with me, and I visit his grave every day. I talk to him there and I tell him how I’m doing. I’m a little happier everyday,” You snuck another glance at Yoongi. “Because of a special someone.”

February 21st 2021

Yoongi had a special surprise for you today. At around 4 pm when stepped inside your apartment, it was pitch black. Thick curtains blocked the light from the outside and your light switch wasn’t working. As you stumbled inside your house, trying to find a flashlight, candles from every corner of your apartment magically lit up. Rose petals were adorned around your little dining table, which had a steak dinner for two ready.

Yoongi’s voice from another room could be heard. “Y/N!” He walked out of one of the bedrooms with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He kneeled down on one knee and held up the flowers to you. His earnest eyes looked into your surprised ones, and smiled. “Since I practically live here, I wanted to formally ask you out. So, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked you. “I know I won’t ever be able to compete with Taehyung, but I will love you just as much as he did.”

Your heart felt as if it was about to explode; you loved Yoongi, but you didn’t want to replace Taehyung’s spot. Yoongi sensed your hesitance, and continued. “I know how you’re feeling right now, but Taehyung would have wanted you to move on, but always remember him.”

The shock on your face melted away as a smile formed on your lips. “That’s true. I guess we can take a shot at dating. Plus, everyone already thinks we’re dating so...” Yoongi got up from his knees and threw the flowers aside as he brought you in a warm hug.

His raspy voice whispered into your reddened ears. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”

March 4th, 2021

Sitting on the couch, Yoongi’s arms were wrapped around your waist as you laid back on his chest. The both of you sat in the dark living room, watching a movie. The movie was about a guy trying to find his childhood love, but realizing that she didn’t exist and that she was a figment of his imagination. As the credits were rolling, you were feeling extremely sad and tears were streaming down your cheeks. Yoongi’s hand went up to your face and wiped away your tears with his thumb. He used his other hand to tickle the side of your stomach.

All of a sudden, you felt your muscles spasm from where Yoongi touched you. He knew you were extremely ticklish, and you couldn’t help laugh. He used both his hands to tickle your stomach, and you tried to push his hands off, but were unable to. Your sweet laughter rang a harmonious melody in Yoongi’s ears; he loved it when you laughed.

You were out of breath when you tried to tell him to stop. “Yoongi… oh my god… stop it…” Your loud laughter stopped when he lifted his arms off of you. Immediately, you turned around and faced him with a tired but evil smile. You used your hands and started to tickle him back for revenge. You watched as his face scrunch up and heard him laugh out loud until he was begging you to stop.

“Y/N… please.” He grabbed your wrist with a firm grasp and finally stopped you. “I give up. You win.”

Not even realizing it, you were also out of breath. “Who said… this was a game… You started it.” You said, taking little breaths in between your words.

Yoongi showed you his award-winning gummy smile and laughed. “I just wanted to see you smile.”

May 18th, 2021

“She already has someone else.” Yoongi, with a bit of venom laced in his words, said to Jimin, who was even more shocked than before.

“Who the fuck is he?” Jimin angrily asked Yoongi, who wasn’t able to look at Jimin in the eyes. He avoided eye contact as he took another sip of his warm coffee. “Yoongi,” He called out his friend’s name to get his attention. “Who is he.”

Yoongi finally looked up with his eyebrows knitted in anger and eyes filled with rage. “Do you fucking think you could come back and win Y/N over? You weren’t here for her when she was in the hospital, you weren't here when she tried to kill herself, you weren’t here trying to help her get better.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise, and felt as if his friend stabbed him in the back. “What do you mean?” He was close to putting two and two together.

“I’m dating Y/N. I’ve been with her through everything, and now you’re trying to claim her to be yours? No way I’m letting that happen.” Yoongi wanted to kill Jimin; he’d had a chance to end up with you, but he was too blind to see it. Throughout Yoongi’s high school life, he had been infatuated with you. He hated to see you act like a lovesick puppy chasing after Jimin, but he couldn’t do anything; he was convinced that you would never get over him.

Jimin’s face turned into one of disgust, staring at Yoongi with the feeling of betrayal. “You little fucker-”

The coffee shop’s doorbell chimed as another customer came into the empty cafe. Yoongi’s eyes went directly to the person who entered. It was you. Jimin was feverently staring at Yoongi, until he followed where his line of sight was.

Jimin turned around to see you frozen in the middle of the shop, staring at him with wide eyes as if you were about to get run over by a truck. You weren’t able to move. Jimin quickly got up and walked to you, with his arms ready to wrap around you. He brought you in for a hug, but you didn’t hug back.

“Jimin,” You said to him with a shaky voice. “It’s been a long time.” You didn’t hug him back; your arms were stuck to your sides because you were convinced that he was still in love with you.

“Y/N, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered into your ears as he hugged you tighter.

“Jimin, please. Stop.” You pulled out of the hug, looking at his face with guilt and sadness. “Please stop, Jimin. I’ve moved on.”

He wasn’t convinced. The shock on his face was enough to shred your heart into a million pieces. You cared about him and you loved him, but not in the same way anymore. “Y/N, don’t say that. Please, I love you. Come on Y/N-”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on. You weren’t here for me when I was struggling to keep myself alive, and now I’ve found someone who cares about me just as much as Taehyung did.” You took a step back away from him. “You’ll always be my best friend, but nothing more than that. I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down Jimin’s face as he accepted his loss.

formating this on tumblr was a fUCKIN’ BItcH

also for those of you who cried, im so sorrY, there’s an epilogue coming and maybe another part for a different au! 

also someone good at us history hmu ill trade you fanfics for tutoring

Masterlist

[amateursailormoonfan]

13th Dr 2nd  WIP - Ice Creatures

It was easier, when she felt less human.

Watching her image in front of the mirror, she sensed a difference. Her white coat was flung on the floor, as the TARDIS had gone through a bit of a fit, and the temperature had gone up a few degrees. Or maybe 30 degrees. She couldn’t really tell, but Graham and Ryan had been complaining, so she asked the ship nicely to fix it. Normally, she’d ignore the change, but everyone else was taking off their coats, so she did too. For solidarity.

Those temperature fluctuations were odd. She’d have to check it, eventually.

For solidarity. Her last incarnation hadn’t really been user-friendly to his companions, so she tried to fix that. She did her best to make things comfortable for the humans. Her friends. Three tagalongs. Three of her best mates. Different terms, same thing. All those definitions mingled in her head. He used to not think about those sorts of things, except in the last incarnation, all Scottish and cross, but quite the thinker. The last incarnation had thought hard about that sort of thing, all his life, till his death.

And she was left to do the thinking. Well, to do something. Before, it was easier, when the Doctor had been running from the screams of the Time War. Just keep running. No matter what. But the screams had ended. She remembered the pain, but didn’t feel the pain anymore. She was free.

And it was terrifying. She hadn’t felt like this since her incarnation with the long scarf, not this enthusiastic, not this truly happy. But back then, she had been a ebullient explorer, who didn’t care what anyone thought. Not the Daleks, the Cyber-men, Davros, or the Master. Only Romana could even think to bring that 4th incarnation down a notch.

Back then, though, the Doctor had been so much beyond humanity. But now? She felt vulnerable. Not physically (she could aikido with the best of them, and was a mean hand at football, too. Only British football, oddly enough) , but emotionally. It was as if with the pain of the War gone, so was the gravitas. Without the rudeness, so was the arrogance. Without the ability to assume she was the best, so was the certainty that she would win.

Was the War necessary to be the Doctor? Without the strength from the angst, was she weak--

“Doctor!”

“Ah, biology boy,” said the Doctor to herself. She pushed herself off the floor, and opened the door to her mirror room—and a blast of cold air hit her in the face. Those temperature fluctuations apparently had gotten worse. Grabbing her coat, she calmly walked out the door, as a panicked Ryan pointed at icicles forming on the ceiling of the TARDIS hallways.

“So. Yeah,” said Ryan. “The TARDIS has gone mental.”

“Don’t talk about her like that. She’s just got a cold,” said the Doctor, smiling to suggest the pun. Ryan’s face showed no emotion. Tough crowd, the new friends were.

“Her cold is causing me and Graham to freeze. He’s older, can’t take those temps. I’m sure Yaz is freezing too, wherever she is.”

“A temperamental TARDIS is no place to get lost,” said the Doctor. Grabbing out her sonic screwdriver, she scanned the area in her normal arc. (Graham said it looked silly when she did that. It’s not that she didn’t know how it looked, it’s that she didn’t care—she liked doing the arc-y motion, and no one could stop her.) Staring at the display, it read “Yaz’s location is inconclusive.”

No. Not inconclusive. “Undefinable”.

Interesting.

“What’s wrong? You look worried,” asked Ryan.

“Sonic can’t find her,” said the Doctor. That could be extremely bad.

“Is that bad?”

“Mhmm. Might be bad,” said the Doctor. “Might not. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” said Ryan.

“Check on Graham,” said the Doctor. “Make sure he’s not too cold.”

“You’ll be okay?” asked Ryan.

“Yes,” she said.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rings of ice covered the walls. Her breath turned the air into particles of whiteness, and she trudged through snow. Her boots crunched on the floor, making trails through the powdery covering. A coldness was settling through her bones, though not from the cold weather. Something had invaded her dear old ship, and she could sense the distortion through the walls. It flew through her nose, filtering into her mind.

The sonic screwdriver beeped, echoing throughout the region. It was the sole sound she could sense. No TARDIS sounds, no whirring and humming of the ship. There was something very wrong here.

“Yaz?” she called out. “Yasmin Khan?”

No response. Then, a laughing noise. A deep reverbration, both mocking and cruel.

“Hello. Yaz can not appear now,” said the voice.

“Hello, mysterious voice. How do you do?” asked the Doctor.

“Wonderfully. Do you enjoy my alterations to your ship?”

The Doctor sniffed. “No. Bit too much of a frosty reception. Where’s Yaz?”

“She can not appear now. I have taken her to a dark place.”

The Doctor paused her steps. She was being led by whoever or whatever this creature was, by a question. She knew better than to take the bait. “Why?”

“To teach you a lesson.”

“I love lessons.” Footsteps behind her now. A distraction? “What do you want to teach me?”

“Consequences. You wander the universe, and change things without caring. I am here to teach you a price.”

“And why did you bring Yaz into this?” asked the Doctor.

No response. (Footsteps very close now.)

“Because I don’t take kindly to people harming my friends,” said the Doctor. ��“It’s really not the thing to do, mate. “

She swerved around suddenly, preparing to deal with whoever was behind her. It was Ryan, panting from an apparent rush.

“Ryan,” said the Doctor, rolling her eyes. “I told you to stay with Graham!”

“I tried. But I can’t find ‘im! I looked all around. It’s like he’s--

“Disappeared,” said the Doctor gravely. Realizations criss-crossed into her mind.

The sound of laughter filled the halls again. Ryan jumped, and looked around in confusion.

“Where did you take them?” asked the Doctor.

“In the darkness. Into a distant place...”

“Excuse me? Who are you? Do you have my grand dad?”

The ship suddenly lurched. Icicles fell from the ceiling, nearly stabbing the Doctor. Ryan hit the walls, and flailed around.

“Doctor, what’s going on?” asked Ryan.

“It’ll be alright, Ryan!” said the Doctor. “The TARDIS is taking off. It’s trying to shake off the outside influence.”

And the TARDIS whirled and whirled…

Ryan opened his eyes. First thing he noticed was that the air was really, really, cold. He was in a field of grass, covered with a slight smatterring of snow. He could see the TARDIS behind him, looking really rusted. Not normal. Not normal at all. He had almost gotten used to the The Doctor wasn’t too far ahead. She was crouching down , probably analyzing. She was always analyzing, or poking, or explaining. It was a little weird. Well, it was a good weird, but still weird. Her eyes were staring at a blade of grass like it was the answer to a riddle of something.

“Hello Ryan,” said the Doctor, without turning back. “Did you enjoy your nap?”

“Where are we?” asked Ryan.

“Pluto,” said the Doctor offhandedly.

“I thought Pluto was ice,” said Ryan.

“So did I,” said the Doctor. “This grass shouldn’t be here.”

“Where’s grand-dad? And Yaz?” asked Ryan.

The Doctor sighed. Turning around, her face was knotted into a frown, while her brown eyes focused onto him. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Then we need to find out,” said Ryan. He walked back to the ship, and pulled the ship doors open. Or tried to. They stayed stuck close, even as he budged.

The Doctor leaned on the ship’s front, as Ryan struggled futilely. He banged on the door with his foot, and the Doctor glared at him. “We can’t leave. The ship’s been tampered with. ”

“Tampered by who? That voice I heard in the TARDIS?”

“Yes. Someone’s created a trap for me. I have no idea why,” said the Doctor. “But whoever it is, they’ve taken Yaz and your grand-dad. Whatever happens to them, it’s on me. I need to find them, and so I need to enter that trap. You don’t have to go with me.

“My grand-dad’s in trouble. So I have to,” said Ryan.

“Then let’s go. I think whatever took Graham and Yaz sent us to this planet for a reason. Let’s find out why,” said the Doctor. She gave him a grin, and he could tell she was in full-on adventure mode now.

Large stone towers loomed over them as the two, human and alien, made their way through the planet. Ryan winced, as his shoes were so not meant for this, but the Doctor was fully comfortable. Her mane of yellow hair blew in the breeze, as she strolled around, occasionally stopping to look at one of the towers. Flowery flowing snake-like designs covered large cylinders of what looked like green rock. They looked chiseled, like someone had taken time to get it right. Ryan wondered what sorry guy had to take the time out to etch every single piece.

“They were naturally formed,” said the Doctor.

“That’s weird. When you answer a question I hadn’t asked,” pointed out Ryan.

“Did you ask that? I was thinking for myself. These were formed by ice structures. Can tell from teensy-tiny erosion scratches. Thing is, it’s really, really intricate for ice,” she said. Her finger traced a long pathway over the patterns in the stone. Wind made her long coat flare behind her, and her hair blew into her face. She barely noticed.

“Maybe it was made by someone with ice knives,” said Ryan.

“Good thinking, Ryan,” said the Doctor. 

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 2) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

SEB

I'll be happy if I never have to see another fucking Robot Unicorn for the rest of my life...

NICHOLAS

Hey guys! So I am going to send it here so it's easier, but I already LOVE my tribe! Everyone is so sweet and easy to talk to (something that isn't always the case in these games). I am really trying to be super active and friendly and supportive towards people so that they feel like they should keep me around,,,, and i think it's working well since I got added to that fun alliance! I'm working hard for this reward challenge so I can prove my worth to all of these people on my tribe! That's about it for now! xoxoxoxo Nicholas

AMANDA

OK i have found that i hate this unicorn game. Like HATE IT.  I am so over it. everyone seems cool so far. there is some people that i am already kind of nervous  about because they just seem like they are already trying to play games and stuff. IDK but they just have me on edge but oh well. I think i am going to try to become close with them but idk i don't really want to be close with hem bc i don't trust them.

JARED

Honestly I am PISSED I was not put with Daniella or Trysten, and I’m stuck with the damn furry! But this will not bring me down, I am here to WIN and I will do whatever it takes to do that. Right now my goal is to just be social and try my best to talk to everyone, because god knows I do not want to be the first one voted out!

CHRISSA

we won that reward which is cool there's a reason i like that game, I hope we win immunity too so nervous still. I am hoping i am safe if we don't win either though. Voting if we had to, would be so hard.

ELENA

I am so happy that we won reward! I am a little bit confused about what exactly they are able to do at "the summit" but hopefully Dani and Darian will share with us when they get back! So far as tribe relations go, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but I have made a couple of friends it seems in Seb and Darian. I hope to speak with everyone at least once before Immunity challenge is over.

DANI

I WANTED THAT GODDAMN IDOL CLUE! ME! I did! But my freaking Papa Jabari or whatever that dish was called didn't have jack SHIT! Grrrr.... I Didnt even eat that shit it tasted like acc trash! So I'm starving and now I'm stuck on a fucking mountain peak with a furry, someone who plays the victim all the time, a photographer piece of shit who I'm targeting, and a few other assclowns I haven't had the privilege of conversing with. GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

MATT

My lord Seamus got angry over something I called toast. I need to do that more *eyes emoji*

CHRISSA

flag challenges are ugly but I am here for it and the summit twist is cool that's all

JARED

Honestly, I’m mad.  I wanted to go to the summit because I wanted to talk to Daniella… *starts sobbing* I just feel so ALONE! It’s not fair….

TRYSTEN

I'm not going to lie. I feel defeated a little. I just feel like the weakest link, and I'm not going to be surprised if they vote me out.

KENDALL

Okay I just found out newlyf's name, it's Ally. I was right the first time, which is weird because I am usually never right at all. So chances are we are in the Matrix, sorry to shatter your fragile reality :/. Now on to more substantial things: 1. The Reward Challenge Yeah fuck that challenge man. I'm not going to lie, for the first ten minutes it was sort of fun. I like addicting things and the music was pretty good but everything went down hill and it went down hill fast. I still have the bloody song stuck in my head. :( 2. Summit Interesting concept and I like the idea of having an excuse for not being as social. Unfortunately I couldn't jump at the opportunity because that would be stupid. It would put a target on my back if I did, as the possibility of me having an idol would increase. Plus the odds of someone from my group going was very high considering we make up 4/7. And low and behold I was right. Two of the people I trust the most went to the Summit and I got to keep my hands clean. I guess this also means that the idol thing was fake which leads me to say, really guys, really? I stressed out about this.  3. The Immunity Challenge Flag making challenge, I volunteered because nobody else knew how to use photoshop and I am really good at drawing. I'm no Picasso (early Picasso, not late Picasso, I could do that shit) but I think it will work. Not to mention I hate relying on other people because people are gross and that I need to prove myself of some use. If I'm not careful, they'll catch on that I am virtually worthless in most scenarios. Like I wouldn't even be good bait for the wild animals, I taste too much like arsenic.  Anyway that's all folks, I'll be back with more scheming, paranoid ramblings and zombies. Well, maybe not those first two.   

DARIAN

SHIT HIT THE FAN kinda. I got an idol on my first try today. But it wasn't for my tribe... I know..Im sooooo lucky that I find someone else idol. So I was than told that I had 45 min to decide who I was going to give it to. Instantly I had two ideas in my head Keyonjay or Ally. Keyonjay- He clearly is decent in challenges and would be a string partner to attempt to align myself with. He has also agreed that if he finds my idol that he will give it to me. So theres a win win there for me.. maybe Ally- She did really bad in the first challenge and that honestly puts a huge target on her back because she is the easy vote. The team stays strong and no one gets butt hurt. But if she has the idol she can make a move and take out a big player EARLY... Like Keyonjay hahaha. After talking it out with keyonjay and getting his opinions and than a little self reflection I decided to give Keyonjay the idol in hopes that he could be the one to find my idol and maybe even become a strong alliance member!! Ahhhh so stressed!!!!

KEYONJAY

Okay so a couple things. I got the best score on the first challenge out of pure luck. Like just somehow I literally got to like 55k on level two when the previous times i played i couldn't get over 10k on all three levels. Unfortunately we still didn't win which fucking sucks because I didn't wanna go to the goddamn summit at all, but the other tribe chose me because i got the best score apparently. Didn't really wanna be away from my tribe for anything to change with my alliances, and really didn't wanna be put in a position that complicates my game. Ofc immediately that changes because Darian just gave me an idol. like dsfsdsf wtf. I just met the kid. It's really nice though and obviously from my last game I see that you can't abuse people's kindness like that so I'm not gonna use it against him or anything or brag and call him dumb (I'm sorry Mitchy D:) but this definitely complicates things because if I had an idol, I'd rather be the only person that knows about it and now I have to contend with the fact that this idol is basically mine AND Darian's and I have to use it in a way that benefits both of us or risk a pissed off juror. God. DONT GIVE ME IDOLS! I DONT WANT THEM! THEY COMPLICATE THINGS! He wants me to use it on Ally if my tribe loses the first immunity, but hopefully I can protect her and make that not happen regardless, or we can win, which I doubt since it's a flag challenge and I fucking suck at these.

ACE

Alright we got 2nd on the challenge which is decent. And then the next chall is a flag making competition and considering Kendall and Jared know of my abilities hopefully they can leave it up to me. I'm gonna make a wicked gif. Anyways the Summit twist is kinda cool, I got food that gave me an idol clue but it at least told me where NOT to look. I'm probably gonna stick to mountainside since random.org told me to. The Summit is Me and Keyonjay, Matt, Darian, Dani, and Johnny. I already know Dani and Matt, Darian talked with me a bit and they seem alright. They use phone emojis a lot and Im not use to seein those on my computer so its weird a bittttt! Johnny isn't online yet so idk about them just yet. Before I left Jared wanted me to talk to Keyonjay about making an alliance with them. When I heard keyonjay would be at Summit I decided to volunteer myself so I could get the question in. Keyonjay said they were ok with Jared and wanted him to join the alliance with Kendall and Nicholas... uhh no I think we just meant something between us 3 we don't need that big of an alliance even though our tribe is amazing and we'll probably barely lose anybody =') Also Kendall and I sorta already settled Jared as our possible first tribe boot so that'd just make things a bit harder maybe? WHo's even left? Ally and Amanda... that's it rofl also I don't think Ally is Mega anymore lol delete it

JOHNNY

Since joining the game, I’ve found it really difficult to legitimately communicate with people. I can’t help but think a lot of these people are dweebs, who just sit behind the computer all day blogging on tumblr and obsessing over Survivor games online I’m sure, and there’s no way I can compete with no lifes who do nothing but scratch their ballsacks all day. Any who, I do kinda know Dani, who is in the Summit with me right now, and i recognize Jared from a few other games I’ve played, but I’ve yet to approach him yet about the game, but I’m glad I have that in my back pocket. I’ve really gotta start forming some bonds with people, because the conversations I’m having with most of these people are not strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these try hard motherfuckers already have a majority alliance, but all I can do is contribute in challenges and hope for the best since my social game isn’t going to be too strong this early on. I’ve made a bond with Crimson on my team because we have a mutual friend, so hopefully that can take me a long way for now. My plan is to just bond with Matt since he’s the only one from my tribe I can talk to, maybe strike a deal, let him think he can do anything with me in this game, when tbh I’ll probably slit his neck soon enough anyways

tbh I get the very scary feeling that a lot of people know each other in this game, and I honestly don’t have anyone in this game that I can truly rely on like some do, and I’m never going to know who is friends with who. Now I know what it feels like to kinda be a newb in the games I play when I just target the people I don’t know… Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine here

DANI

Darian is getting on my nerves so badly. Like ugh, shut up for like two seconds nobody cares if you're a photographer. 

So Darian's dumbass comes up to me saying Carson/Julia have an idol in the game. Do I believe him? Yeah. Do I not wanna believe him? Yeah... But that's just how the game works. Oh how I wish I had that idol... *licks lips* Oh the things I would do to it... Grrr....

CARSON

Ok so I'm pretty sure Darian just exposed that he has the idol by trying to give me a fake clue. On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > I got a clue to an idol On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > It wasn't much but it's something On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > omg On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Don't search the Forrest On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Or the mountainside On 1/4/17, at 7:27 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > I guess that can be kind of helpful lol So apparently you get clues to the idol at the Summit. Hell, there could even be an idol at the Summit. But regardless he got a clue... but he should have quoted it if it was real. Plus I went to the mountainside already and got THIS: On 1/3/17, at 9:24 PM, carson (tibet host) wrote: > You come to the spot where an idol looks to have been hidden, but there's nothing here! https://media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif He told me not to go to the mountainside because he already went there and got it and he didn't want me to find out its gone! And I guess its safe to say he's working with Dani now, who I also wanted to work with. I would go to her about it, but idk if she'd leak to Darian that I'm onto him. Right now, I'm just going to lay low with this until I need to use it. It sounds to me like Dani, Seb and Elena already know each other, and if Darian goes with them, they'll have majority. I wanted to work with Julia (and by extension Chrissa), but idk if it'll work out. Once again, I don't want to pry at all because no one really has a target yet. There isn't an easy first boot, so one slip up could cost me the game. OK THE PLOT JUST THICKENED Apparently, the Namtso idol is gone... which means all the tribes are searching the same area. So maybe Darian doesn't have it... but he could be protecting someone that does. I mean he's probably in cahoots with the ppl at the summit, And we can find the other tribe's idols. I'm so fucking shook.

JULIA RAE

ok so right now i dont know what im doing bc i dont really play survivor ,,, but i think im doing alright. i talked to everyone and i rly like carson and darian but that just my opinion! also darian told me that he'd be willing to get rid of seb if it came down to it ,,,, which is ok with me idk that dude and he kinda weird ngl! hopefully we win immunity bc if we dont idk what to do!! hehe love survivor!!

TRYSTEN

Holy Shit! I fucking did not expect us to get first, but thank yoouuu Johnny! *blows a kiss to the camera* moi!

CHRISSA

I am so glad we are not going to tribal, fuck the people who said those things lol just kidding it's their opinion honestly we just don't know who will judge and what they will like. it sucks.

DANI

I feel good I feel nice I've never felt so Satisfied I'm in love I'm alive Intoxicated Flying high It feels like a dream When you touch me tenderly I don't know if it's real But I like the way I feel Inside

DARIAN

Yasss we won immunity! No tribal! Which is great because no one really is on the outs rn so no one can really be an easy vote and that's scary! But I don't have to worry about that so yay!

KEYONJAY

So we lost the first immunity challenge and this really sucks, but luckily I'm in the majority alliance and then we kinda have Jared as an extra number even though he's not really IN the alliance or the alliance chat. I still have my idol that nobody knows about so I could make some kind of move if I wanted. Darian wanted me to use it to "take out a power-player" but I'm like, not gonna do that. It's WAY too early to make a big move like that and it would be completely illogical and senseless. It's better to just go with the numbers right now and not rock the boat. Plus I don't really see anyone on our tribe as a power-player necessarily. Kendall is definitely the leader of our alliance but I wanted it that way so I can continue flying UTR and focus on my social game. Now to see who will be the first to go from our tribe. :( Sucks because I really like everybody.

MATT

Well damn. Johnny is actually the MVP for this one. We can literally just relax and pretend like we give a shit about who's leaving only because it's none of us lmao.

ACE

I'm sad we lost, I like everybody on this tribe. I don't feel like bringing Jared down just yet, I brought up that Ally had the lowest score on the Reward challenge so we could possibly just go with her. Everyone in the Mofos alliance said they wanna keep me and Kendall for doing good work in the challenge but we'll see about that. I think I'm good with mostly everybody except for Amanda and Ally. I just spoke to Amanda and she said she'll vote Ally bc they haven't spoken at allll. Amanda doesn't seem to be in any alliance whatsoever. Kendall is a strong leader in the Mofos and I like that she's more leading than I am even tho I'm the one who suggested Ally. Hopefully that'll keep the target more on her than me later on in the game. Kendall just told me Keyonjay gave her an idol clue and it's the same one I got. So that didn't help any. I guess I gotta continue filling up that mountainside grid.

ELENA

I am so happy that we aren't going to Tribal Council because I really like everyone on our tribe right now! It will be sad if we lose any time soon because they are all just very nice and interesting people. I am so greatful for Carson for doing the most of the work on the flag, I do wish he had somehow incorporated the Yaks since I did the research on Tibet, it felt like my idea was ignored a little bit. But what matters the most is that it was a very good outcome! I can't wait for the next challenge!!

KENDALL

Welp, I might have fucked myself. Why did I volunteer? Why did I think that combining two mediums is a good idea? Dear lord, what have I done? Well anyway, here's a quick recap: Ace and Keyonjay went to the summit and when they came back Keyonjay told me he had an idol clue. He gave it to me because he really didn't want an idol, apparently they are more trouble than there worth. Ace didn't tell me anything about the summit and only talked about making the flag. She only brought it up when I revealed my idol clue. This proves to me that my loyalties should lie more with Keyonjay than Ace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway after we lost the challenge I typed in the alliance chat "well at least we know it's either me or Ace". I meant it as a joke but they freaked out and thought I was pulling a Zane. I managed to clear up the misconception but I am still not sure if they still doubt me. In order to repair some sort of relationship with her, I showed Ace the idol clue which was the same clue she got. And now I'm nervous maybe she will show receipts of the conversation to Keyonjay and shift the target on to me. It wouldn't be too difficult, I'm a bit of an unusual person to talk to and I mostly hogged the challenge that we failed. Though chances are I'm being irrational so I'm not going to risk it. If I do start panicking and try to get my alliance mates out, I'll end up putting the target on my back that I've been trying to avoid. God I hate feeling fear, it's very gross. Well, all feelings are gross... it's just this one is inconveniencing me the most currently.