#(anyways i can very easily talk novels about him being very community minded and all that)

[fishymedic]

Something, something he's always pulled into people's orbits but also- that he pulls people into his orbit too; how he comes across probably not so social (for survival in piltover) But as a previous street medic/the only one really; a huge part of that job is socializing with people- it's knowing a lot of people even if just by directing them to safety it's about community and the compassion.

In genuinely caring for people, means knowing & knowing about them especially in his case. It's if you mention a loved one he'll bring it up softly when you next cross paths. "Well let's get you back in mostly one piece to them, how about that?"

That he's always the first rushing in to help others/protect them and he never asks for anything in return. Never expects it returned but sometimes helping others builds a bond that gets them to help you out too. To trust you in the middle of a heated conflict or direct people your way.

[robininthelabyrinth]

JGY and NMJ post-canon, as fierce corpses sealed up together in that coffin (as per novel), get freed from the coffin and go to Cloud Recesses on Baxia because NMJ is fed with having that little snake around all the time.

ao3

“I can’t believe you actually managed to get us out of there,” Jin Guangyao said when they reached air again.

“I can’t believe you’re still talking,” Nie Mingjue growled, his voice still raspy from the whole decapitated head business, which he was still taking far too personally in Jin Guangyao’s opinion. He’d already been dead at the time! It wasn’t like Jin Guangyao had caused him any additional pain by the dismemberment!

Anyway, Nie Mingjue had unexpectedly turned into a terrifyingly powerful fierce corpse – contrary to everything that should have happened, did he just skip the whole soul-calming rituals that all children of the gentry were supposedly getting? – and there had simply been no other alternative that would keep him from murdering Jin Guangyao right then and there.

Possibly, Jin Guangyao allowed, that was the problem Nie Mingjue had with it.

“Aren’t you tired? You’ve done nothing but talk since we got stuck in there!”

“It’s my finest talent –”

“Lying and deceit are your finest talents.”

“And those require talking!”

Nie Mingjue shoved Jin Guangyao as he tried to climb out of the coffin. He tried to catch himself with one hand, forgot that he didn’t have that arm anymore, and tumbled to the ground.

If it wasn’t for the fact that they’d realized some time ago that their sentience depended on regularly interacting with each other, and that without regular conversation they would both begin to lose their minds and revert to ravening beasts, Jin Guangyao swore that he would have murdered Nie Mingjue and torn apart his body a second time over.

“I should’ve ripped off your tongue instead of your arm,” Nie Mingjue complained. “I’d have had a happier afterlife if I did.”

“Too late now,” Jin Guangyao grumbled, getting up. It was very strange, being a fierce corpse. “I liked you better when you were wholly consumed with rage – oh, wait, that’s what you’ve been like the entire time I’ve known you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you, too.”

The prohibition on the coffin had been broken, but there was still one around the ruined temple to keep people out and evil creatures, a category currently including the two of them, although Jin Guangyao suspected that Nie Mingjue would argue that Jin Guangyao had always been included in that category. He might even be right, who knew? 

At any rate, they needed to break the prohibition to get out. Jin Guangyao tossed himself down on the ground to wait while Nie Mingjue examined it.

“Why did you start talking?” he asked idly. “I’ve always wondered. When I died, you were completely mindless.”

“Who knows?” Nie Mingjue said distractedly. “Maybe all you need for sentience is to marinate in rage for long enough.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Why? Works for the sabers.”

Jin Guangyao opened his mouth, then found he had nothing to say. He supposed that it did.

“Why did you always have so much rage, anyway?” he complained. “I understand the bit about your father being murdered, and of course your stupid cultivation style encourages it, but you always seemed especially irritated about everything.”

Nie Mingjue huffed. “You remember that I’m misaligned, right?”

“So what? Being misaligned makes you more of a shithead?”

“No, dealing with your father made me more of a shithead.”

Jin Guangyao considered the practicalities of having to deal with his father while possessing a physically female body and shuddered. It really wasn’t worth considering, especially since Lanling Jin did not believe in or especially respect Qinghe Nie’s tradition of misaligned souls. “Wait,” he said a moment later. “He knew? Why did he know?! I didn’t know, and I worked for you for years!”

“You worked for me as an adult, you dolt. He met me when I was still young.”

Jin Guangyao thought about it, then grimaced. “I can’t even imagine you as a little girl.”

“That’s because I wasn’t.”

“…I wish you’d have told me,” Jin Guangyao picked at the fraying hem of his robes.

“Why? Would you be less likely to murder me if you knew? Or was it just to spare yourself the unpleasant shock you received when you were dismembering my corpse?”

Jin Guangyao considered it. “Mostly the latter.”

“Good. If you’d said it was the former, I’d take my chances with insanity.”

Jin Guangyao rolled his eyes, then frowned. “Did he ever…?”

“Ever..? Wait, what? No!” Nie Mingjue turned to stare at him, looking scandalized – which was not an expression one really expected to see on a fierce corpse. “Why would you even ask that?”

Jin Guangyao shrugged. “Seemed reasonable, given everything else he did.”

“No,” Nie Mingjue grimaced. “He just thought I was a freak, and it seemed to especially irritate him when I didn’t just submit to whatever he wanted, that’s all. Nothing over the top...still, you clearly know what he was like. This was the man you were so desperate for the approval for?”

“I figured it out eventually,” Jin Guangyao grumbled. “Anyway, who are you to talk about father issues? You, with the whole you-killed-my-father obsession?”

“He did kill my father.”

“Big deal! So did I!” He paused. “Kill my father, that is. Not yours.”

“Did you?” Nie Mingjue snorted. “My desire to kill you went down one notch.”

“It did?”

“From several tens of thousands, but yes.”

Jin Guangyao drummed his fingers on his knee thoughtfully. “Can I kill other people to make it keep going down?”

“The fact that you even asked that made it go back up.”

Useless. Nie Mingjue was just completely useless.

“How long will it take you to get out of this one?” he asked instead, changing the subject. “I’d like to get to the Cloud Recesses to see Lan Xichen before, you know, he dies of old age.”

“Would you like to break through this array?” Nie Mingjue growled.

Lan Xichen had always been very fond of communication. He sincerely believed that almost all the problems in the world were due to miscommunication, that the vast majority of the time people just needed to meet in the middle and talk things over and that they would be able to solve almost everything to their mutual satisfaction.

Communication, Jin Guangyao decided, had not helped things one bit.

“Have you figured out what you’re going to say?” Nie Mingjue asked, poking at one part of the array and not looking at Jin Guangyao in a way that had to be deliberate.

“Say?” Jin Guangyao asked. “When?”

“When we get to the Cloud Recesses. What you’ll say to Xichen.”

Jin Guangyao had thought a lot about that. “It depends,” he hedged. “I mean, what I say to him, there’s a lot of factors – for instance, will you be there?”

“Would you prefer to talk to him as mindless fierce corpse slavering for his blood?”

Jin Guangyao grimaced. “I’m still thinking about it, then.”

“Well, think fast, then. I found a gap.”

“Good!” Jin Guangyao scrambled to his feet. “That was fast. How do we break it?”

“It’s impossible to break from the inside.”

“…you couldn’t have told me that before I got up?!”

“You don’t even have muscles anymore,” Nie Mingjue complained. “Your entire body is powered by resentful energy. Why are you still whining?”

Jin Guangyao wished he had a second arm so that he could cross them over his chest and glare. Or put them on his hips and glare. Or even just use them to make a rude gesture more easily done with two hands. “Are we trapped here forever or not?”

“It can be broken from the outside,” Nie Mingjue clarified, rolling his eyes. “I’ll summon Baxia to break it, and then we can use her to fly to the Cloud Recesses.”

“Fine.” Jin Guangyao frowned. “Wait, won’t that alert Huaisang that we’re back?”

“Probably.”

“He’ll boil me alive!”

“Only pieces of you, probably,” Nie Mingjue said, sounding far too smug about the idea. “As long as he knows that I need some of you alive. Maybe I should be the one to keep your head in my closet, this time?”

“It was a treasure room. I didn’t keep you in a closet.”

“It was a fucking closet.”

“It wasn’t. It was in a mirror and everything, it’s much more sophisticated.”

“You’re the guy that had a murder closet. Accept it.”

“I refuse to be the guy with the murder closet. Anyway, you can’t let him boil me alive, you don’t know what’ll happen if you let him do that.” He thought about it, and specifically about Nie Mingjue’s prioritization between risk and reward. “Please don’t let Huaisang boil me alive.”

“I’ll consider speaking in your favor if you stop being so annoying.”

“On second thought, I don’t have nerves anymore and can’t feel pain. Bring on the boil.”

“Are we really going to have to do this for the rest of our lives?” Nie Mingjue wondered, sounding depressed.

“For the rest of eternity,” Jin Guangyao said, equally grim. “That’s why we have to get to er-ge in time to convince him to cultivate to immortality. If I had to wait alone with you until he reincarnates, I’ll go insane.”

“You’re already insane.”

“I’ll lose the ability to stop talking.”

“…Xichen cultivating to immortality it is.” Nie Mingjue thought about it. “Do you think we could convince Huaisang to…?”

“No,” Jin Guangyao said. “You couldn’t get him to cultivate to competent; who could get him to cultivate to immortality?”

The answer to that, as they discovered when they arrived at the Cloud Recesses, was apparently Lan Xichen.

“Did I need to know this?” Jin Guangyao complained, unable to believe that he’d returned from the dead as a fierce corpse and managed to regain his sanity and even work with Nie Mingjue to get to the Cloud Recesses in order to apologize to his sworn brother for all the wrongs he’d done to him, only to be stuck waiting outside in the rain while said sworn brother finished banging his other sworn brother’s little brother. “I didn’t need to know this.”

“Shut up,” Nie Mingjue said. “I’m practicing meditation in order to block out sound from my ears. Maybe I should remove my head again? Do you think that would help?”

“Nothing will help,” Jin Guangyao said as another set of enthusiastic shouting emerged through the too-thing walls. “Ever. My mind is scarred permanently.”

“Maybe that’ll improve it.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you, too.”

They stood in silence for a little while, the only sounds the howling of the wind and also the howling from inside the room.

“…how long do you think it’ll take for them to finish and notice we’re here?” Jin Guangyao considered. “Maybe we could throw rocks?”

“It took five years for us to get out of that coffin,” Nie Mingjue said. “You can wait five minutes for them to finish.”

“It’d be funny if we threw rocks and then appeared in the window, dark figures silhouetted by lightning. Like in those scary puppet plays. They might never have sex again.”

“I value my brother’s happiness over your petty desire to ruin his sex life,” Nie Mingjue said, then grimaced at a particularly loud yowl. “As tempting as the thought might be.”

“We’ll wait, then,” Jin Guangyao said. “And then we’re all going to have some words.”

“Of course we are. Because you don’t shut up.”

[queerenteen]

Your top five 🌊 Fanfics? Any fandom works

Running on Air by eleventy7

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

This is one of the first fanfics I read seriously, and I did it the day before my prelims paper.

I still don't regret it--this is one of the most hauntingly gorgeous things that I have ever read and builds up in a fantastic slow-burn with a shroud of mystery wrapped around it. Cannot recommend it enough.

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by reiya

‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’

A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.

Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be.

This is beautiful. I absolutely adore this au, with an amazing enemies to lovers scenario.

It is a what it could have been, perhaps even more dramatic than the original, and somehow, some things turn out the same anyway.

The Art of Burning by @hella1975

Zuko had never excelled at anything. Azula was a prodigy. Uncle always knew what to say. And Father... Father was strong, iron-like. But Zuko had only ever been good at surviving. Putting one foot in front of the other in a grim show of stubborn determination, gritting his teeth and bearing it. Survival was all he had ever been taught. He knew how to do it. So when he was kidnapped by the Southern Water Tribe, he expected to fight as he always had. He didn’t expect to be taught instead how to live.

In a warring land, the Water Tribe forgave the enemy in an act of defiance. For this, he was torn from them, and this time, his wounds won't heal so easily.

Forced back into nothing but survival, the last person Zuko expected to see was Hakoda's son. Hakoda was a promise of safety. The relentless blue of Sokka’s eyes was a promise of happiness. Zuko could have both if he just reached out his hands, but he found them clutching into fists. After all, he’d been burned one too many times.

But hey, at least between Hakoda and Sokka, Zuko could appreciate the family resemblance of pure, asinine stubbornness.

Can I just say how amazing this fic is?

I went into it for the zukka and instead got an absolute masterpiece, with some of the best character dynamics, plot and stunning writing.

I love it so much and I know that this is another one that I will keep coming back to when it's done.

Anachronism by chellethewriter

Catra clenches her fists. She won’t let it happen. She won’t endanger their future. “We can’t change anything. We’ll just have to wait, and do everything the same way we did before.”

Adora grabs Catra’s shoulders. Her grip is so tight, it’s nearly painful. “But do you realize what that means for us? Playing along. Letting things go the exact same way as before–”

Catra’s expression darkens. “I know,” she says, struggling to keep her voice from trembling. “You’ll have to leave. We’ll have to be enemies again.”

*** Years after defeating Horde Prime, Catra and Adora inexplicably wake up in the past—on the day that Adora first found the sword. If they're going to make it back to the present, they'll have to relive their past from start to finish, pretending to be enemies despite being in love. Despite being married. Despite knowing exactly how the story ends.

But it's not easy, waging war against the person you love most.

Okay, it's not easy to make Catra and Adora's past even more painful but this one really takes the cake.

Going through these horrible, painful events--pitted against the person you love most once again, just to get back to the future you remember?

It is breathtaking, highly recommend.

area cryptid upset no one bothered to inform him of his tragic backstory by crimsonseekers

“My life is a nightmare,” Dabi muttered blankly.

“Nah, this is hilarious,” Hawks said, and while he wasn’t explicitly laughing, Dabi knew that those weird little chirps he was letting out were pointed at him. “Imagine if we go through all this effort and you don’t even have some sort of dramatic background or tragic backstory to justify you being this emo, you’re just a hot topic junkie or something.”

“That’s fucking worse.”

Or,

Dabi has amnesia and keeps reading conspiracy theories about himself in an attempt to figure out who he is, gets the League in on it, and they dismantle organized crime, revolutionize society, and ravage the hero system in the process. Hawks suffers.

Dabihawks is such a good ship and this is god tier content right here. I read this fic and then two days later immediately reread it. Enough said.

(I really shot myself in the foot with the whole top 5 so instead, I'm just giving all the top fics from the fandoms that I have)

Lynchpin by @shanastoryteller

He can’t get Jin Guangyao’s words out of his head.

If he’d only believed in Wei Wuxian, if he’d only been willing to stand up for him, could it all have been avoided?

Yunmeng Siblings get to live happily ever after because Jiang Cheng changes the timeline.

The fix-it fic where the entire cultivation world is saved from ruination with the help of time travel and a good bit of communication.

Company by galori

You’ve never minded eating alone (before.)

Or: Asami and Korra are both intelligent, just in different ways.

Modern au where Asami is the CEO of a company with the stain of her father's legacy and Korra is an ecologist who wants to create and protect to the best of her abilities. Their paths intersect and once they do, there is no untangling them.

Not enough people have read this--everyone go read this now, it is absolutely amazing.

Okay, I have so many more fics that I want to talk about because these are all my novel-length fics but for now, here's my bookmarks (I love them all)

[rayofsunas]

valentines | diluc [3]

A/n: good evening everyone!! I know this story is kinda a slow start to things, but dw reader is actually in this chapter lol. my plan is too write one more part, which would be the finale :) let me know how you guys are liking the series so far <33 I feel like Diluc is sooooo ooc, sawwy... AND I also can’t remember if the Dawn Winery is Diluc’s home, but pretend it is for this if it isn’t- anyways, enjoy and stay safe!!

Summary: the ever so stoic diluc thought he was being secretive when sending anonymous letters and gifts to you during the week of valentine’s day but turns out everyone in mondstadt knew it was him, though thankfully had tight enough lips to not spill the beans to you. kaeya is of no help, so you go seeking answers yourself.

Parings: Diluc/Fem! Reader (for my other mini-series, there will be some gn ones!)

Warnings: valentines (yes, I’m late, shoot me), fluff, Diluc and Kaeya have a mother (the only reason this is a warning, is cause she’s a mood and I love her), swearing

Word count: 4.5k (I’m so proud and happy with this chapter :))

The letters were vague at first and you usually received them early in the morning, at first there was one. But now there was more than one letter, sometimes Cecilia flowers and even little gifts in a delicately wrapped box along with them. You assumed the writer was a serious night owl to have prepared this all and had sent them when you were asleep, leaving them as a sort of gift for you to wake up to in the morning. 

Though, originally, when you received the first handful of letters, you were creeped out, nervous for obvious reasons.

Who was this stranger sending letters of unworthy praise and admiration? Was their identity that much in danger, to have to be anonymous? And without an address as well... 

The more you read his or her letters, you learned that over four days, they were no threat. They couldn’t have been. Whoever they were, most likely was a young teen, caught in the webs of affection for the very first time, nervous to dip their toes into confrontation out of fear of being rejected. 

But the more you scanned the letters at night, reading them over like a series of detective novels, searching for any kind of clue, you realized this person was far too intelligent, smooth, and straight to the point, to be any kind of lovesick teen. That scenario, that possibility wasn’t possible in your mind. 

The only thing that made them seem like a confused teen was the fact that they sounded lost within their feelings, although straight to the point it was hard to decipher exactly what they were saying. Their words were often hidden behind a thick wall of glass; you could see them, but it was hard to grasp exactly what they were, the true meaning of it all. 

Was his or her adoration for you, really, truly love?

Was praising your skill too small of a thing to feel completely doused in love over?

You were never too sure. 

-

letter one.

I know this may seem odd, coming from a stranger. But I can assure you I am not a creep of any kind. I can’t help but say, I admire your skills in battle; you’re a force to be reckoned with. Please accept these Cecilia’s, I hope they aren’t too much nor are you allergic.

Best wishes.

This was the very first letter you received. Something you solely took for another Knight who you unknowingly, until now, of course, caught the attention of. You assumed that they were just praising you because they wished to be like you, of course, you accepted it with open arms. Praise for such a low profiled Knight felt nice.

letter two.

Hello. I realized I never specified an address for you to possibly reply to my letters with. It completely slipped my mind, my apologies. If it isn’t too much of a hassle, you could leave your letters at Barbatos’ Statue and I could do so as well. I also realized that sending letters to your home may seem... very weird and unsettling. I am sincerely sorry, my intentions weren’t to scare you. I am no creep, I can assure you we are acquaintances. Though, I would prefer to keep my identity hidden for right now. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes. 

This letter was completely apologetic, its entire body and being were sincere you could tell. Yes, you would agree, the letters sent directly to your home were unsettling. But if they were an acquaintance and they had no ill intentions, you had no reason to panic. 

letter three.

I received your letter and I’m very glad to hear you’re no longer panicked or creeped out. Those were never my intentions... I appreciate your willingness to communicate with me. It’s very kind and understanding of you. Also, to answer your question, I am a man. I hope that does not disappoint you... Looking forward to your next letter. 

Best wishes.

You were happy to finally figure out more of who this anonymous person was, and knowing they were a man helped you learn more about who they could be. The list of suspects you were acquainted and or friends with, decreased significantly. You didn’t have many guy friends or acquaintances. You could only name a handful. Was he even amongst that handful? People had different meanings of friends and acquaintances after all...

letter four.

I know this may seem too early, we’ve only been properly conversing for a day or two. But, I would like to say you’re one of a kind and I found myself lost for words when writing to you. I hope you’re faring well. Please stay safe. I heard there was a pretty nasty bar fight last night that transitioned into a bloodbath in the streets. Lots of people are upset right now, politics I assume... Nonetheless, stay safe. 

Best wishes.

He was right. You weren’t cleared for such information, but you had heard talk from some of your fellow Knights that there was a pretty bad bar fight that carried out into the streets late last night. Multiple people had ended up in the dungeons, some still walked the streets whispering their opinions on an ancient conspiracy, though, you were unsure of what that exactly meant. 

Poison, sicknesses, and night terrors were a few of the most talked-about stressors for the fight. Who was to tell which ones were true though, if any. You assumed the truth was riddled in there somewhere though, it had to of been. Rumors often stemmed from an over extreme truth. 

What an unfortunate thing to hear, especially the week of Valentine's day. A week of love, already filled with a bitter hatred, not a good start. Thankfully, you had the letters, they kept you hopeful. The other person on the receiving end could also feel hopeful, so you hoped. You just hoped the situation wasn’t the start of something worse brewing.

Sadly, you weren’t cleared to investigate like you had heard Captain Kaeya was; despite how curious and nosy you were. Unfortunately, you were stuck with paperwork and training the younger Knights; you enjoyed the latter. But those were your duties this week, you couldn’t afford to stray from them. 

Hopefully, your anonymous admirer was alright and well. 

-

You hated to admit it. But over the last five days, you had become smitten. Some say, love at first sight, was impossible, a silly tale told to hopeless romantics who would believe anything. For someone who was not one of those people easy to fall in love with, truthfully, you were starting to believe the tales.

This anonymous man was so kind, well versed with words, so well versed that they moved mountains. You know for sure they had moved your heart. He wasn't willing to share a simple thing; his name. But he’d practically told you his life story, thrown it into your palms easily. Though vague, it was enough to help you understand him better and feel ultimately closer.

You’d learned he was a well-known guy, and as much as he accepted and loved the attention sometimes, it was tiring and draining the majority of the time. He’d said he was a protector of Mondstadt, someone who deeply cared for the townspeople and they're well beings. He’d make any deal, cross any sea, walk through hell with his head held high, just to protect them. He was also a brother, though never specified if he was older or younger, you assumed he was older when he said that he had a very annoying brother; only an older sibling could understand another's annoyance caused by a younger sibling. You could blame personal experience from your time around the younger Knights. You felt like an older sister to a lot of them without that older mentor figure. They weren’t all annoying, but they could share similar qualities at times when they didn't pay attention or learn paperwork completion formats.  

A name came to mind as he shared his vague life story. 

Kaeya Alberich. 

He was all of those things, except maybe for the last one. You knew Kaeya and Master Diluc were brothers, very close in age, but they weren’t blood-related, so twins were off the table; one was older than the other. Something was telling you it was the more flirtatious brother. He was the more outgoing of the two, spontaneous, he would surely be one behind the letters, right? But then wouldn’t he just approach you like normal? Hmmm. Maybe not. He did like to act mysterious, but maybe he was scared of rejection, who knows with Captain Kaeya. He was very hard to read. You couldn’t even tell half the time if he truly meant what he’d say when flirting with you or if he was just saying those things to tease you, maybe even make someone else jealous. 

You were curious, so you decided to approach him. Corner the Captain and demand an answer. He’d have to give you one, you wouldn’t leave his side. So that’s what you did, after your duties had finished around five in the afternoon, you waited outside the Knights headquarters. Hopefully, you’d catch him going in and out sometime soon, it was growing late. 

It was nearing six-thirty when you were getting ready to leave headquarters. Thinking, maybe this could wait tomorrow until you could catch the Captain at a reasonable time. But then he came strutting out of headquarters, his uncovered eye glistening with mischief, a smirk plastered on his handsome face. 

“Captain Kaeya, a word?” You interjected stepping in front of the man, stopping him from bounding down the steps deeper into the city. 

His face broke out in a grin, “Ah, Y/n! Nice to see you again, miss me did you?” 

“Not hardly, Captain.” You said, hoping you wouldn’t get in trouble for practically back-talking your superior. Your own Captain would never let you hear the end of it, the blonde man was a strict one. 

“You wound me,” The cryo user feigned pain. You could only chuckle nervously. “So, what is it you wanted to see me for?”

Your face heated up, burning like fire. “I have a question.”

“Shoot.” He said, hand going to rest sassily on his hip. 

“Are you the one writing me letters?” 

He laughed, sending waves of embarrassment through you. It shouldn’t have but now you felt stupid. Even if you held no romantic feelings for the Captain, he was way out of your league. He probably knew that. 

“Me? You flatter me!”

“No... I mean it,” You stated. “Is it you?”

His face turned serious. “Sadly, not.”

You huffed, heart, dropping to the floor. “Damn it,” You muttered, moving to sit on the stone steps of the Knights headquarters. Kaeya stayed standing, shadow blanketing over you, oddly silent. No flirtatious rebuttal, nothing, just silence. Odd. 

“You know something I don’t, I know you do.” You said, head hanging low. He laughed again. So, you were right.

“Of course, beautiful, I know a lot of things you don’t.” He taunted, eye dripping in mischief. 

“Very funny, Captain.” This wasn’t very funny, not at all. You weren’t laughing.

Suddenly, the Captain spoke up, “Speak to Diluc, I’m sure he knows, he has a very keen eye.”

Master Diluc? Wine tycoon Diluc? What did he have to do with this? He was always off doing his own thing, was it possible he knew anything at all?

“Master Diluc?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“You think he’d know who this person is?” You wondered. 

“Like I, he knows about lots of things, one being people.”

“Captain, I don’t like games, please just tell me.” You pleaded, eyes meeting his singular visible one. 

“When you beg, it’s cute,” He said catching you off guard. “See Diluc, he’ll know.” With that, he turned around and began walking off. 

“Wait!” You abruptly stood. “Do you know where I can find him?” 

“Dawn Winery.” You nearly froze on the spot. 

Dawn Winery? Wasn’t that Master Diluc’s residence? You possibly couldn’t, not at this hour either. Archons no...

“I’m sorry,” You hurriedly followed after the retreating figure. “I can’t possibly go there at this hour.”

“And why not?”

“Umm, Captain obvious, it seems inappropriate! People would think I’m going for other intentions!” Oh, if news got out that you went to Master Diluc’s residence late in the afternoon, and people assumed you had other intentions, this would surely be the end of you.

“But you’re not and you know that,” He said. “Are you always such a rule follower and strung up? Archons, you’re Diluc, but a girl version...” He commented.

He did have a point, but if someone saw a young woman entering the Dawn Winery of a bachelor late in the afternoon, suspicion would rise. It’s very conspicuous.

“Yes but-”

“Toodles, beautiful!” You stood still like a statue of ice, heart racing. 

“Bastard...”

-

Against better judgment, you ended up making the short walk to the Dawn Winery. You were hesitant to knock on the large doors though. Scared shitless, beyond nervous, only thinking what would others think? What would Master Diluc think? He’d probably shut the door on your face, leaving you like a frazzled idiot.

You probably stood pacing outside for fifteen minutes, before mustering up the courage to knock on the door. But you never got the chance, because you saw a woman with brown hair and a few gray strands peeking out of one of the first-floor windows. She had a small smile on her delicate face as she watched you. How long had she been there for...?

Your heart dropped the minute you’d been caught pacing, leaving you standing frozen. Eventually, the woman disappeared from the window, leaving you confused. But then the door whipped open with a gentle force and there she stood. 

She was a taller, slender woman with broad shoulders, wearing a simple dark green blouse black pants, black heeled boots with golden vine details were on her feet, making her even taller. If it weren’t for the gentle smile she gave you, she would’ve looked terrifying. 

“I saw you pacing outside for a while, I figured you’d muster up the courage to knock eventually.” She said without introduction.

Oh my... was this Master Diluc and Kaeya’s mother... She didn’t look like either of them, but who knows. You wanted to die, that’s for sure.

“I’m so sorry Miss,” You apologized. “I was just-”

“No worries!” She cheered, hands clasping tightly together. “Which one of my boys are you here for?”

So, she was their mother? Oh my... You shouldn’t have come like this, no not now. 

“Master Diluc...” You whispered nervously. Her smile only brightened, she was happy to hear that. 

“Ah I see, are his girlfriend?” Your chest wanted to explode.

“What?! No! I just, have a question for him...” You practically shrunk under her grey steel gaze and for that, began backing away from the intimidating, yet a kind woman. You were hoping to put some distance in between you two, but she moved along with you. “It’s not of importance to be here so late, I just- Kaeya sent me here and-”

“Ah I see, that one is trouble, I’m sorry you had to deal with him...” She seemed visibly distressed by the mention of the Cavalry Captain. You could relate. 

“It’s no problem, ma’am.” You reassured.

“Are you a Knight?” She suddenly asked, still no proper introduction. 

You nodded your head, her smile widened and brightened. 

“A respectable woman you are,” She praised. “And you’re beautiful? If one of my boys don’t marry you right now-” She carried on, you nearly choked on your saliva. “I’m sorry, I get carried away sometimes, I forgot to introduce myself!”

“My name is Victoria.” Finally, you thought. A name to fit her face. 

“Are you the boys' mother?” You suddenly asked. Manners, you reminded yourself. Remember to have manners and keep your curiosity to yourself. 

“Archons no!” She announced loudly, you jumped. “I’m a family friend of Diluc’s mother. You see, the boys were quite young when she passed, and they needed someone to help look after them, Master Crepus was quite a busy man. I stepped up and became a mother figure.”

“Ahh, I see,” You nodded. “I salute you for being able to help raise such gentlemen, must’ve been hard...” 

She laughed, “Not entirely, at first yes, but then it came naturally,”

“Where are my manners!” She suddenly exclaimed, grabbing your hand. “Come in! Diluc will be arriving soon, he’s out taking care of business.” With that, she dragged you into the mansion. 

The door slammed with a loud bang, and Victoria began walking through the downstairs level, almost excitedly. 

“Oh, um, thank you, ma’am.” You bowed your head in respect, watching confusedly as she disappeared into a hallway, before returning with a bottle of wine. 

“A drink?” She offered, showing off a bottle of wine, that just so happened to be the Ragnvindr’s specialty. 

“No, thank you, ma’am. I’m afraid I have an early morning tomorrow, a hangover would be a troubling start to my day.”

“Very good decision.” She praised, scrambling out of the room to look for what you assumed was a glass for her wine, leaving you once again alone. 

Glancing around the main entrance, you were left staring at very few portraits on the wall, framed maps, and personal memorabilia. One thing that stood out to you the most, a black insignia with a star and white skull, a Pirate insignia...

“A pirate insignia?” You whispered to yourself, confused. Captain Kaeya always told stories of pirates, his grandfather being one specifically. You always assumed he was lying... He wasn't. Maybe you should take back your disbelief in him. 

“That’s mine,” Victoria announced proudly, making herself known again. You jumped, startled, before turning to face the beautiful woman. She returned with a glass-like you thought she would and nearly emptied the entire wine bottle into it, cherry red contents filling to the brim.

You retract your statement about Captain Kaeya, he was still a fibber. 

“You were a pirate?” You asked, astonishment bubbling in your chest. You had so many questions for her, you secretly hoped Diluc would take even longer, just so you could listen to her stories. 

Victoria hummed, plopping onto a cherry red armchair, you still stood. 

”Badass...” You whispered to yourself, taking a seat on the nearby loveseat. 

”Thank you.” She beamed. 

“In my younger years of course. I haven’t been on a Pirate ship in a while. I haven’t seen my crew in years, either...” She reminisced. 

“You can’t be a day over thirty-five,” She smiled at your praise. “Why did you give it up? Being a Pirate, though uncertain at times, seems like loads of fun, filled with adventure.” She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. 

“The boys lost their mother around the ages of eleven or twelve and I had just returned from months at sea,” She began. “They had run away from home to get into mischief when they met me at the gates; I think they’d been cooped at home for a while, they were grieving still....”

“Kaeya was excited to see my crew return home, infatuated with our stories. He clung to me for hours, with so many questions. Diluc on the other hand was just happy to finally not be bothered by his little brother,” 

Little brother? Kaeya? Wait did that mean-

“Master Crepus found them after he’d come searching, they’d been missing for hours and he was worried for obvious reasons. He attempted to take them home, Diluc was willing, Kaeya though clung to me. So, Master Crepus offered me a slower-paced life, looking after the boys and help keep them in check,” She continued, a smile on her face. “I agreed. They looked like they had gone through a lot and needed a mother figure. I was more than happy to look after them, I’d never had kids.” She ended her story there, swishing the red contents in her cup. 

“I guess that's the answer to your question,” 

“I was busy being a mother.” You smiled. Her story was inspiring, she was filled with pride despite leaving something she enjoyed behind, you could tell.

Leaning forward in your seat, you admitted, “You’re very admirable, I admire your drive to raise the boys. You’re an amazing woman and mother.”

“Thank you,” She blushed. “There is no perfect woman, no perfect mother, but your admiration for me is very telling, you share my qualities. If I’m as amazing as you say, you’d be an equally amazing mother to your own children.” Your face warmed at her compliment. 

“I’ve never thought about having children before... But, thank you.” She nodded, raising her glass in salute, before throwing the contents into the back of her throat. 

“A young girl such as yourself, curious, strong, loyal- You should accompany me one day if I ever find myself returning to swashbuckling adventures,”

“You’d be a great second mate.” The brunette admitted, sharp eyebrows wiggling with excitement. Was she hinting, no, offering for you to join her?

“I’m flattered. But I’m not so sure it would be right of a Knight to suddenly turn into a Pirate,” You giggled, she joined in. “No offense.”

“None was taken, sweetheart! I can understand. A Pirate would never think to become a Knight,” She explained. “Two different worlds, different rules, loyalties, and such.” 

The silence was deafening, but you had so many questions for the woman. Would she ever return to swashbuckling? Had she ever had any cool encounters? Did she feel like a badass? Archons, so many questions, very little time. 

“I believe I never caught your name, how rude and selfish of me.’ What’s your name beautiful?”

“Y/n Y/l/n, ma’am.” You said proudly. 

She smiled, “A pretty name for a pretty girl.” She praised, steel-gray eyes glistening like the stars. 

The door closing loudly caught your attention immediately, you stiffened on the spot. 

Master Diluc...

“Oh!” Victoria exclaimed, standing to her feet. “Diluc has arrived, my my, we talked for a long time,” Retreating towards the door, all you could hear were her heeled boots thumping against the wooden floorboards, matching the thumps of your beating heart surely. You watched uncomfortably as she helped the wine tycoon shrug his jacket off, poking fun at him every now and then. You could see by the way he tried to brush her off that he was flustered, he still hadn't seen you though, Victoria was persistent in her pestering; a mother's love, am I right?

“Diluc,” she started, voice echoing and bouncing off into the walls, traveling into the living room. “A beautiful, intelligent woman is here to see you. She says it’s not of importance, but with a woman of her beauty and admiration, you’ll make this the most important day in your life!” With that, her boots moving could be heard again and she was suddenly in the living room, a huge smile on her face, standing behind the loveseat you were sitting uncomfortably in. 

Another pair of boots could be heard, a heavier set this time, a jingling was heard as well, maybe keys? You weren’t sure... 

“Mother-” The tall man shut his mouth immediately as soon as he’d set his eyes on your figure. “Oh,�� He approached, continuously looking between Victoria and you, probably wondering what the hell was going on.

“Miss Y/n,” He bowed his head respectively, though you were confused. You should be doing that instead, he was your superior in more ways than one. Standing to your feet, nearly tripping as well, you decided to greet him the same way, remembering your manners in your starstruck state. You couldn’t tell if it was from Victoria's story or the fact that Master Diluc was standing in front of you. Probably both. “W-what’re you doing here?” Master Diluc a stuttering mess? What an uncharacteristically shocking sight...

A slap sounded throughout the room, Victoria’s hand making contact with Diluc’s shoulder, ushering him forward, that’s what it was. “Diluc stop stuttering! Why are you suddenly flustered, huh?!” She exclaimed loudly, her son just stared at her embarrassed. Face turning shades of red. You giggled to yourself quietly.

“Mother!” 

“Sorry!” Her hands waved out in front of you, various gold dangling bracelets and chains on her wrists making a jingling sound. “I should be going now,” Te brunette then turned to you, taking your hands in her slender ones. “After talking to this eye-opening Knight, I think I should write to a few of my old comrades.” You smiled happily, hands squeezing hers gently. She was staring at you with pride as a mother would to their daughter. 

“Goodnight Y/n. I hope to see you again soon,” She waved you off, moving towards the stairs. “Come find me when you’re ready to leave behind those Knightly duties and join me for a voyage at sea, I’d love to show you my ship one day.” She beamed.

You nodded, seriously considering her offer. You hoped you as well would see her again, rather sooner than later. She was great company. You loved her deafening presence, an admirable woman she was. “Good night, ma’am.”  

As soon as she was gone up the stairs, Diluc awkwardly turned to face you. 

”She asked you to join her on her voyages I see.” He stated, trying to spark conversation. You nodded, fingers fiddling.

“Ya know, I’m considering that offer. It sounds fun.” You teased with a shrug, voice filled with sincerity. 

Master Diluc sent you a soft smile, “Yes. Life at sea does sound quite tiring, but I’m sure the adventures are worth it.”

“Agreed.”

Another deafening silence, Diluc looked like he wanted to say something.

“Can I get you anything? Wine, tea, juice...”

Not that though... You couldn’t help but giggle at the last part, he blushed. 

“Maybe next time, I’d love to be graced with your mother's presence again, maybe hear a few stories.”

“I’m sure she’d love that. Mother has many to tell.” He admitted with a proud smile,

You couldn’t wait to hear those stories truthfully, so entranced. You had never faced adventures quite like Victoria, never had even considered it, now you were though. Curse Victoria and her entrancement, though not literally, you held too much admiration for the woman to ever wish ill on her. 

”So, what can I do for you?” Diluc suddenly asked.

”Oh right!” You were left flustered. So wrapped up in your conversation, you had completely forgotten what you had come here for. Archons, what the hell.

“I had a question, but-”

You paused. 

Diluc’s eyebrows raised. “Yes?” He seemed to be hanging onto your every word. He was waiting for an answer for a long time. It seems he’d have to wait even longer...

“...I seemed to have forgotten.”

[🏷] TAGLIST (if you want to be removed from/added to this specific taglist let me know!)

@gladly-olus​ , @kyquu , @craptainlou , @mintydump , @chscklvr , @irisxiel , @minh0ree , @whatishappinesswhatislove , @rrintarou , @sorenthousand , @cvsmix , @nonniechan ,

3.7.21, rayofsunas

[jypbae7]

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

[jikookuntold]

Jungkook Being Open about Himself

TW: This is a heavy analysis and contains deep theories and some conspiracy theories. If you don’t feel comfortable about gender and sexual orientation discussions, this post is not for you. I’m not going to talk about any ship in this post, it’s all about Jungkook and the image this fandom made of him.

Enough talking let’s get the bread!

The Wrong Image

After spending almost three years on ARMY-Twitter and other apps like YouTube or Instagram, I came to the conclusion that the majority of this fandom has this image of a masculine, bad boy, cold-hearted heterosexual Jungkook in their minds, something we can even consider as toxic masculinity. But is it true? Is this what he has tried to show us all these years? We can’t deny the fact that he wants to look mature and he doesn’t like to be called a baby, he made this clear many times despite doing some aegyo for the sake of ARMY’s satisfaction but his masculine and feminine sides are another story.

Masculine or Feminine?

Wearing makeup or jewelry on stage for an artist, can’t be considered as a feminine attitude but when someone does this on daily basis and recommends forgetting about the gender stereotypes it mean they don’t care about gender and “Not Caring about Gender” is a feminine attitude. Jungkook buys his clothes from local gender-neutral brands, he likes makeup and he’s called himself pretty many times. He said the great style is wearing what you want regardless of gender.

In Feb 2021 Elle Korea wrote: “Most of Jungkook's favorite fragrance products have sweet & lovely scents regarded feminine.” He is a sensitive and emotional person and he cries very easily. There are so many discussions about feminine body-language signs which all do apply on him but I don’t discuss them here because they are mostly not deterministic. Anyways, can we all agree getting tattoos or being buff doesn’t make you masculine? Jeon Jungkook has embraced his feminine side and he is far from toxic masculine qualities inside and out.

Sexual Direction?

I’m not in a position to discuss someone’s sexual orientation when they haven’t talked about it themselves but it surprises me how the majority of this fandom is so sure about Jungkook being heterosexual. In my opinion, this mindset comes from the image of him being super-masculine and being associated with girls in the early years after debut. We all know he had one (or two?) girlfriends before the age of 17 and he actually was open about it. In American Hustle Life he talked about how at some point he felt dating and not dating that girl doesn’t make any difference for him and he believes all girls are the same.

We all know how this industry works and idols never open up about their relationships, especially at such young age but Jungkook wasn’t hesitant, despite being a shy and introverted person. I’m not claiming to know him but I know him enough to believe what he says is the truth. This man never lies, maybe he won’t disclose every aspect of his life but when he speaks up he is telling the truth and nothing else. He could deny or ignore those dating rumors of early debut years but he wasn’t afraid of confirming them and showing his real self.

While I’m speaking about American Hustle Life, I should refer to another thing related to the topic. (I personally believe this AHS had such a big impact on all the members’ growth and not just Jungkook) When Jungkook was chilling near the pool with Yoongi, he told him about a woman he saw there who had a big tattoo on his back and he said he wants to get a tattoo. Yoongi believed this act will disappoint ARMY but Jungkook didn’t agree and said: “If they love us, they won’t mind.” Jungkook wants to be himself and shows his real self to us and believes if our love for him is real we would accept him as the way he is.

In my opinion, somewhere around Jungkook's 17th birthday something changed in him. This change has started earlier but at this period (Danger Era), it became more detectable. I'm not saying that he wasn't like this before, on the contrary, he was always like this, he was born with it but fully acknowledging it and embracing it took time for him. None of us had known or accepted ourselves in our teenage years and we tried and pushed lots of things to find our true nature. I believe the same happened for Jungkook and it was way harder for him because of the situation he was in.

Anyways, in late 2014 and especially 2015, the changes in his attitudes and manners were too visible to stay unnoticed by ARMY (I have to declare skinship and fanservice for the cameras are not my point, In this post, I have tried to draw a line between his work as an idol and his life as a person and my emphasis is on the latter part). He started to suggest openly gay artists’ works in his tweets. He even did cover those songs and used them for his G.C.F videos. If you have read the lyrics of the songs he suggests, covers, or uses for his works, you’d notice that all the pronouns are gender-neutral or male (he). The most interesting thing was when he eliminated the word "girl" from the lyrics of Savage Love but didn't do anything with the f word. He has used LGBTQ+ symbols several times, He has read gay novels, He named his flower bouquet “Various types of love” Now think about it again; does it make sense to consider him as a heterosexual?

Rumors...

Most of you know about the incidents when BTS had their short break in the summer of 2019. Jungkook started to get tattoos and when he was on a trip, two pictures of him got leaked and rumors of Jungkook and a girl (I'm going to call her person B) went viral. I'm not going to analyze those pictures or the rumors because BigHit’s statement did seal the deal for me, I knew Jungkook wouldn't lie or hide anything about it. If he had dated that girl or anyone else it was his business and when he denied it, I was 100% sure he is telling the truth but apparently it wasn't the case for the others. The pictures weren’t showing anything intimate or controversial, but since it was a boy/girl interaction they made a huge deal of it (Remember in a heteronormative world, boys and girls can’t be just friends!) The rumors haven’t died down after almost two years and they are using this to keep their fantasies of heterosexual Jungkook alive.

As someone familiar with this industry for more than a decade, I know they can’t let any of the popular fantasies to die, no matter it’s the fantasy of gay shippers or straight shipper or Y/N’s, no one has to be disappointed. Fantasy of Jungkook being straight was dying down in the middle of 2019. But how did that happen? Of course, any ship moments or interaction between members never been taken seriously. It would be interesting if you know the situation became serious just a few days before the person B incident. That day, an insulting and homophobic private conversation from one of the most infamous fansites of Jungkook got leaked and it almost outed him as someone who isn’t in the hetero world.

When ARMY called out this fansite for her toxic behavior and insult towards Jungkook, she threatened them to ruin his life and we knew she could do that because she had ruined other idols’ lives before that. Just one week after that the person B incident happened and the news of Jungkook having a girlfriend went viral. I’m aware the whole situation could be a coincidence but the timing of the events and many other facts prove it was a conspiracy to frame Jungkook and ruin his image and beside that, many people benefited from it.

Person B acted as shady as she could in this situation but I'm not going to go there because this post has become long enough already. Firstly we thought she is a victim of this conspiracy and pitied her but her subsequent acts proved otherwise. She did benefit from these rumors much more than anyone expected and did everything to stay on the top news.

Enough talking of person B, let’s speak about the fansite lady. Her actions were terrible enough to get blacklisted by BigHit but surprisingly she didn't and after that, she took part in Japan fan-meetings, Melon, and Mama (or other programs I’m not aware of) until the COVID19 made everything canceled. Many people know she is more of a saesang than a fansite, and saesangs have a close community and they know each other very well. On the other side, we know many companies hire saesangs for their idols to find out about their private lives and have more control on them without being strict. And this is why I believe BigHit can be the mastermind behind all of this.  

Why am I so pessimistic about BigHit? Think about the statement they made to deny the rumors, I know this statement was made with Jungkook's permission but he didn't write it himself obviously and the wording wasn't the wisest. We heard months later from the guesthouse manager that Jungkook went there with his own manager but they didn't even mention it in the statement. Why? Let’s not forget the worst, when they made him apologize in the last episode of BV4. That was unnecessary either and brought back everything to the surface when it was about to die down. I know they support the members and they try to protect them in every way but that statement always makes me think of them as a shady and hypocritical company like any other company in Kpop. I know BigHit benefited from these rumors and I think BHxFansitexSaesang collab is a possible scenario.

What did Jungkook do after all of these incidents? Obviously, he had no choice other than to accept his fate but the fact is we failed him as fans. He loved and trusted us from the bottom of his heart, he showed his true self to us, he gave us lots of hints about himself but the moment he sat next to a girl, everyone forgot everything. We disappointed him and he came to the conclusion that no matter what he does, the fans will think what they want to think.

If you were patient enough to reach this far in this post I’m gonna salute you but you probably think I’m delusional and went too far in my theories (I had the TW at the beginning of the post and I had to get all this off my chest lol) but for the last thing I’m going to quote and analyze something Jungkook mentioned in JHope’s Vlive after the release of CNS.

“I never thought I would fall for a man”

This was his very first public appearance of Jungkook after the person B incident and managing to say these words in this situation was definitely meaningful and remarkably wise. What did he mean by this? Did he have to state he never thinks he can be gay at the exact time when the rumors of him being with a girl were breaking the internet? No, it doesn’t make sense at all. In fact, it was the exact opposite, he said that to make it more clear and chastise us for not getting him all these year. His face was very expressive while saying this and considering their conversation topic (watching JHope’s dance) I believe he had this statement ready for days and he left it to us to understand him or ignore him again.

The End.  

[musicallisto]

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

[spidersbane]

Hey , I was wondering if u still do HP ships (if yes , cud u pls do a male HP ship for me ? Thanks!) Well actually , I am a mix of Gryffindor and Slytherin , I have black hairs , brown eyes . I m 5'4.

Firstly , I m an extrovert . I love reading novels and I get attracted to unusual / taboo things a lot . I m very curious and eccentric . I am also quite rebellious and have frequent debates with my close ones . I stand up for the right . I m not much a big fan of rules (incase they are stupid , mostly they are..) . I can a bit shy (in front of boys sometimes) at first but once comfortable I can't stop talking . I am quite a practical person . Also , I am quite ambitious . I have many hobbies like dancing , reading , horseriding , researching , etc .

People usually tell me that I don't talk much . I m very honest and very loyal . I m very helpful and kind too . But I can be over - critical(of ones I care) and very suspicious (of everyone) . I can also vengeful . I may forgive my close ones but I'll never forget (I don't hold grudges tho) . I love excitement and adventure . I want someone who can take me on sudden late night camps . I also love brain stimulating situations . I am resourceful and my friends always come to me for advice. I don't have much problem in deciding . I can be insecure so I need someone to reassure me . I also tend to overthink a lot sometimes . I have a habit of googling everything that I want to know or if it's being talked about and I am clueless . I also have many ideas running through my mind constantly and I have trouble sleeping early at night. I don't like getting up early , but I dont hate it since it drags me back to my daily timetable . I can get annoyed or angry very easily. I tend to somewhat procrastinate about things I don't enjoy doing . But if I enjoy doing something I won't hesitate in hardworking . I m caring , protective of my loved ones and a good speaker (avg listener too) .I don't need someone who'll protect me , I feel I m capable but I need someone who'll be with me all the time . I also love it if they get jealous sometimes . I am also appreciated for my sense of humour. I tend to be the one who won't give attention to the ones who seek it . Also , my friends tell me that I come out to be quite unique . I am very independent and I don't commit easily or trust easily (I take my own sweet time) . My sun sign is Virgo if that helps 😅

Lol , I kept going with the flow . I hope it's not too much for u . But anyways , tysm for u time :)

hi sweet anon ! thank you for being so patient w me while i worked on this. i'm finally back into the groove of things and churning these out like nobody's business lol. but thanks for sending in a request, it's absolutely not too much info (bc i love learning about you guys!) and I hope you enjoy !

For Harry Potter (Marauders Era) - I ship you with Remus Lupin !

my softest boi Lupin, I adore him, and I have a suspicion that he'd adore you too !

so first, I love the idea of introvert/extrovert relationships, friendships, etc. and I think they make lovely pairs, so there's that going for y'all. second, Remus is incredibly intelligent and also needs someone who can keep up with him intellectually, plus, he's always looking for some new thing to be learning. so now, y'all just get to be learning new things together ! study dates !

on protectiveness and reassurance - Remus gets typecast as the wet-blanket friend, but I don't think this fits him. he cares deeply about the people he loves, and is willing to get into shenanigans w them. but it doesn't mean he coddles them. he's just there in a way that any friend should be. so with you, he wouldn't try to smother you, and in his own ways, he'll need his own reassurance! but as long as there are boundaries about what's reassurance and when it's constricting, then it'll balance nicely

you and Remus both vibe together on the fact that you're suspicious of ppl you don't know, and it can take you both a wile to potentially open up to each other. but once he realizes you can accept him for his condition, and that he can accept you for who you are, then it'll be a very secure relationship

also tell me you wouldn't love to take Remus dancing :)

For Harry Potter (Golden Era) - I ship you with George Weasley !

can we just start with rebelliousness and eccentric hobbies ? George is a little more reserved than Fred, but it doesn't diminish his part in pranks at all, and with another rebellious (and practical) mind added to the mix, it's a new trio to watch out for lol

from this, George LOVES excitement and adventure, and it's smth he absolutely thrives on, so he needs someone who can keep up with him and join in; and he'd love to learn about your hobbies, and try to get into them as a way for him to do smth new, but mostly as a way to try and connect w you !

this lil bit of contrast is nice, where you love learning about so many new things and want to be as informed as you can. we don't get to se George caring a whole lot about certain topics, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't give you his absolute attention if you started telling him about a new thing that you learned! and if he can't completely understand it, he's still happy you're out there learning about it anyways

there's like one potential issue tho - George is nothing short of an attention-seeker. although it may sound harsh, he knew that pranks w Fred and being pretty outlandish would get him some attention. but, it helps ppl see him. so between the both of you, it might take a little work, but if you could look past the bravado, you'd find a guy who just genuinely wants to be appreciated and totally seen for who he really is

overall, George might take some getting used to, and it might take some time to really learn how to be around each other as friends, then as partners, but with some open communication, it's totally doable

also George dancing, hello ?? cutest thing ever :)

[hamliet]

Hey there! I’d like to ask something, if you’re ok with that. In mdzs, a lot of people say that despite JC being so antagonistic towards WWX, he still loves him and misses him. I don’t see how, his actions in any version of the story say the exact opposite to me. Maybe one needs to look between the lines to see it, but I’m horrible at reading others, so if I may bother you and ask what your thoughts are on the subject?

Hey! You are always welcome to ask me questions about MDZS. Especially while we’re all trapped inside.

So I will say I do think Jiang Cheng does indeed love and miss Wei Wuxian. I also think the fandom has a tendency to wipe away Jiang Cheng’s extremely serious flaws (especially in comparison to, say, how they treat Jin Guangyao’s flaws in comparison). Jiang Cheng is very much a foil for Jin Guangyao and for Madame Yu, Wei Wuxian, and Jin Ling (as well as Su She, but that’s perhaps for another meta).

Jiang Cheng’s fundamental defense mechanism is projection. We know already that he is insecure–the way his father treated him is horrible. Madame Yu, in turn, was very clearly projecting her own insecurities onto her son:

Jiang Cheng was stuck between his father and his mother. After a moment of hesitation, he moved to his mother’s side. Holding his shoulders, Madam Yu pushed him forward for Jiang FengMian to see, “Sect Leader Jiang, it seems that some things I have to say. Look carefully—this, is your own son, the future head of Lotus Pier. Even if you frown upon him just because I was the one who bore him, his surname is still Jiang! … I don’t believe for one second that you haven’t heard of how the outside people gossips, that Sect Leader Jiang has still not moved on from a certain Sanren though so many years have passed, regarding the son of his old friend as a son of his own; they’re speculating if Wei Ying is your…”

She’s really asking: I’m here, so why don’t you care about me? Do you really prefer a dead Cangse Sanren to me? But the tragic irony is that the way in which she asks this question only pushes Jiang Fengmian away. And yet, she did love him, which Jiang Fengmian realizes when, in the end, he finds out Madame Yu had taught Zidian to obey his command as well as hers. Zidian is a symbol of her pride and heritage.

Let’s also look at MXTX’s description of Jiang Cheng’s ideal woman. While it’s not in the novel and is extra material, it’s a perfect example of projection:

naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely. 

Is he looking for a wife, or is he looking for Shijie to mother Jin Ling? Because he’s 100% describing Jiang Yanli.

Jiang Cheng does exactly what his mother did to him to Wei Wuxian. He projects his own insecurities, the very ones Madame Yu identified (great job mothering there), onto Wei Wuxian. Why does he hate Wei Wuxian? He hates Wei Wuxian for killing Shijie, when it was Shijie’s own choice to sacrifice herself, and Jiang Cheng then rendered her last sacrifice moot by killing his shixiong. So does Jiang Cheng hate Wei Wuxian, or does he hate himself for killing his sibling in a moment of rage?

It goes deeper, though. Because we see that Jiang Cheng’s fundamental issue is that he hates himself, because he is not as good at cultivation nor as strong as Wei Wuxian, and his father doesn’t love him as much as he loves Wei Wuxian. A child’s mind is going to connect that to “if I’m stronger, Dad will love me.” Jiang Cheng never grew out of this mindset. But what is strength to Jiang Cheng?

It’s protecting the people he loves. So Shijie’s death? He blames himself. One of Jiang Cheng’s most vulnerable moments is when he begs Wei Wuxian to turn away from Yiling and the Wens, because “I can’t protect you.” He wants to protect Wei Wuxian because he couldn’t protect his parents, yet he wants to protect himself more. It’s tragic. What Jin Guangyao said to Jiang Cheng in the temple is true, though of course, it’s not so simple as to be Jiang Cheng’s fault solely. But his insecurities did play a role and were indeed exploited by a cruel, calculating society:

“… Back then, the LanlingJin Sect, the QingheNie Sect, and the GusuLan Sect had already finished fighting over the biggest share. The rest could only get some small shrimps. You, on the other hand, had just rebuilt Lotus Pier and behind you was the YiLing Patriarch, Wei WuXian, the danger of whom was immeasurable. Do you think the other sects would like to see a young sect leader who was so advantaged? Luckily, you didn’t seem to be on good terms with your shixiong, and since everyone thought there was an opportunity, of course they’d add fuels to your fire if they could. No matter what, to weaken the YunmengJiang Sect was to strengthen themselves. Sect Leader Jiang, if only your attitude towards your shixiong was just a bit better, showing everyone that your bond was too strong to be broken for them to have a chance, or if you exhibited just a bit more tolerance after what happened, things wouldn’t have become what they were. Oh, speaking of it, you were also a main force of the siege at Burial Mound…”

Jin Guangyao isn’t wrong here, and unlike Jiang Cheng, he’s aware that society sucks but tries to join it anyways. Jiang Cheng grew up privileged despite his sad home life, and therefore never examined whether society was fair or not (as is reinforced by the early conversation Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian have about Jin Guangyao, in which Wei Wuxian expresses that he likes Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng says that, as the son of a whore, Jin Guangyao will only be able to climb so far, yet expresses no deeper concern about this). Jin Guangyao’s tragedy was trying to join society in an effort to prove himself to his father, and Jiang Cheng’s tragedy was not examining himself and his role in society in an effort to prove himself to his father as well, both fathers of whom would be better off ignored. Jiang Cheng did rebuild Lotus Pier, but Wei Wuxian learns that the local people are terrified of Jiang Cheng and hate him, while Jin Guangyao actually did protect the common people, yet Jiang Cheng still has a chance to redeem himself in the end and Jin Guangyao does not, which can be chalked up in great part due to privilege.

This isn’t to argue Jiang Cheng is worse than Jin Guangyao, because better/worse is moot in the world of MDZS. The point is that both Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao bring about the death of a brother by prioritizing their own wellbeing and proving themselves to the fathers whose approval it is impossible to win (because the problem is with them rather than with Jiang Cheng or Jin Guangyao themselves), would have/did kill a child on the basis of their parentage (Wen Yuan was rescued by Lan Wangji or he would absolutely have been killed, Jin Guangyao does kill A-Song–it doesn’t matter whether or not either of them did/would have done it personally; at the very least they set in motion events they knew would result in a child’s death), and yet both raised and genuinely loved Jin Ling (as Jin Ling himself concludes in the end).

But in regards to Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng’s insecurities make it impossible for him to communicate well with the people he loves. He warns Jin Ling not to come back unless he accomplishes something on Dafan Mountain, which almost gets Jin Ling killed trying to prove himself. (I wrote more about that in this meta here.)

After Wei Wuxian’s resurrection, Jiang Cheng proves that he doesn’t hate Wei Wuxian several times despite claiming he does. Firstly? When Jin Guangyao accuses Mo Xuanyu of being Wei Wuxian in the middle of a crowd, Jiang Cheng could easily turn him in  and be rid of him since Jiang Cheng already knows it. And yet, Jiang Cheng does not do so, even when called upon; instead, his indecision is noted. Secondly, he kept Chenqing with him all these years, when he very easily could have destroyed it (which is another parallel to Jin Guangyao, who kept Suibian, an ultimately useless sword); the flute, on the other hand, is a symbol of demonic cultivation and yet Jiang Cheng does not get rid of it. He went so far as to torture other demonic cultivators to death, many of whom are noted to have been innocent, and yet he kept demonic cultivational tools with him, because it was his brother’s–which also, yes, shows how he hates himself and kind of wants to punish himself, too.

And, of course, there’s the sacrifice that Jiang Cheng never reveals (at least not by the novel’s end). He sacrificed his own life to save Wei Wuxian from the Wens, was willing to give up what he always wanted–to lead Lotus Pier and thereby earn his father’s respect–to save Wei Wuxian’s life. Yet, in the end that led to Wei Wuxian sacrificing his golden core for Jiang Cheng, and in the end, Jiang Cheng can’t tell Wei Wuxian for the same reason Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell Jiang Cheng in his first life: it would sound like an excuse. So, again, Jiang Cheng’s pride is getting in the way–yet, at least this time, he is willing to sacrifice looking good and look worse for the sake of letting Wei Wuxian go.

However, I think there’s reason to hope, as I’ve said before. I did not interpret that ending to mean their relationship was over or could never be significantly close again. Wei Wuxian has let go of a lot of his pride and learned some hard lessons about self-sacrifice and protecting people, and the younger generation is making so much room for nuance and kindness and thereby challenging society. I personally assumed they’d have that conversation eventually, but we didn’t need to see it to assume it would happen.

[the-velveteen-victorian]

Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.

Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)

I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.

A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.

********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********

1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.

2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.

I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.

Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.

3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.

One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.

4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.

A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.

Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.

Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.

5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)

A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.

6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.

A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.

Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…

Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.

7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)

If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3

[lizz-revs]

Dandelion - Wishes brought to you -

A manage your stats game, with cut-scenes that feature your chosen romantic interest. You choose your activities and interactions, but not the cut-scenes and the cut-scenes don’t influence the further development of the relationship.

Story

The main character is a girl, who is a business major in a university. She is mentally unstable (I’d say almost depressive and close to a complete burn-out) and very unhappy with her current life. The reason for that is her strict mother, who never allowed her to do the things she wanted, but had a close observation regarding everything her daughter was doing and with whom she was interacting. The heroine tried to escape from her mother by choosing to live on her own, but her influence still prevails because the main character isn’t able to change her life (the business major was her mother’s order).

One day though she finds a basket in front of her door with five pets in it: Three rabbits and two cats. She is very happy to be able to adopt them and suddenly her life isn’t boring anymore because she has to take care of the animals. However, those animals aren’t ordinary and, when she begins to fall in love with one of them, all of the animals change back to human form and are in fact handsome guys. Now the heroine is sharing her house with five men and is able to have a romantic relationship with one of them. This relationship isn’t as easy to maintain as it seems and even more difficult it gets after the heroine realizes that these people haven’t come to her world only to be with her.

The characters

Heejung

She is a rather quiet girl, who is living by herself since about three years. At the beginning of the game, she is quite ordinary, but since you as the player can level up her stats, you can enhance her beauty, femininity and her art skills. With increased femininity, she gets better at chores and with increased beauty at make-up and fashion. The heroine slowly wants to change her life, but she is very scared. She is easily pressured and since she isn’t studying, what she wants, every time she studies she gets stressed and needs to take a break. Her self-esteem is pretty low as well, since she can’t really fight back and just accepts being criticised, while thinking that it was her fault. She is used to doing as others want her to do, so the first time she starts actually doing what she wants is after falling in love with one of the guys and realizing that there are people, who accept her as she is and want her to do, what makes her happy. After realizing this, she becomes more mature and is willing to make sacrifices for the person that she loves and wants to live a life that suits her.

The rabbits

Jihae

He is the silver rabbit and rather anti-social. His only communication partner is Jieun and he has a very low self-esteem. At the beginning he isn’t very talkative, but polite and somehow cold towards the heroine. He always calls her “my lady” and wants to be as least a bother to her as possible. In his free time he takes care of Jieun like a butler (from feeding him to carrying him around).

Jieun

He is the white rabbit with red eyes and is really cute. At the beginning, he is shy and you can only watch him as the heroine, but eventually he opens up to her and starts talking more. At first, he isn’t able to do anything without Jihae’s help and clings to him like someone would to a parent. This is rather weird because Jieun isn’t a child, but a teenage boy, and still isn’t able to feed himself or tie his ribbon himself. However, he is able to change his behaviour gradually.

Jiwoo

He is a very noisy and kind of obnoxious rabbit. I’d call him a great example for the tsundere-personality. He is much of an attention freak, but, if the heroine gives him the attention, he just starts harassing her. In addition, he thinks he is very knowledgeable in romance since he has read a huge amount of romance novels and watched some shows. Nevertheless, it’s more like there is no one less clueless regarding romance as him besides the heroine. This makes it rather funny, when he is the chosen candidate and doesn’t know, how to deal with it.

The cats

Jiyeon

At first Jiyeun seems very friendly and social. He is an orange cat, who adores oranges. After transforming to a human his love for oranges still prevails and he seems to be more or less like a cheerful kid, who doesn’t know Korean that well and often makes mistakes, when choosing appropriate words. Well, this isn’t actually quite his true personality as you can see in his route.

Jisoo

On the other hand, Jisoo is really unfriendly and as anti-social as he can be. He is more of a stray cat, who wanders around. He calls the heroine “Foodgiver”, which pretty much characterizes their relationship. Jisoo cares about his looks because he appears to be always kind of stylish. He had a difficult past and distrusts the heroine at first as he doesn’t think that she will choose him anyway. But, when she does choose him things get rather complicated as well because of his personality…

Gameplay

As I mentioned the gameplay is based on choosing activities. Every day the player can choose an activity, which levels the heroine’s stats. Regarding the activity, it is also important that the player doesn’t choose blindly, but minds the other characters. On the map are pictures of the pets that show their locations and while doing an activity the heroine may encounter one of them, if they are in the same room. Therefore, it’s useful to look up a guide about the characters and what they like to do in order to choose the right activity. You will need to interact with your chosen character because otherwise you won’t be able to get him to like you or get his route. Another important aspect is that the heroine has a stress- and a pressure-meter. If she doesn’t study, she gets more pressure, but if she studies her stress increases. If pressure or stress is maxed out, you will automatically get a bad end. Regarding the stats and the chosen character’s affection, you can look both up in “Status”.

At the weekend later in the game, you can also choose to go on Dates with one of the characters. It boosts their affection and you can collect their stamps to unlock pictures at the end of the game. For that, it is also important to boost the heroine’s eye sight.

 My Opinion

In my opinion, this game is really good.

The characters feel very much alive. They have a distinct personality and, since it is Cheritz, also a surprisingly dark side. The story feels natural, the relationships feel logical and aren’t rushed. Because there are always time skips between the scenes, you are able to take breaks and just boost some stats instead of reading the whole time. The gameplay is enjoyable and straightforward, although it gets rather tedious after a while and you need a lot of time to clear the routes.

I think, it’s still worth the time though because you get to read the cut-scenes, which are simply amazing. Every story and every character in this game moved me. I mean you can relate to every one of them and the heroine. They aren’t fixed on romance or anything, but they try to heal from their bad experiences and past. I think it’s really important that even, if this is a romance game, there isn’t only romance in the game. Personally, I hate it, when developers try to focus on romance and not the plot because it leads to irrational behaviour of the main character and to more or less a “damsel in distress” story. Meanwhile, the heroine in Dandelion is just scared. She doesn’t try to be saved or to be saved by love. She genuinely starts to care for one of the men and just wants to spend time with them. I think such a story moves a reader’s heart way more than a story about “I want to get a boyfriend”.

Another aspect I really like in this game is the music, especially the opening and ending sequences. Moreover, since I liked it so much, I even bought the OST…

Anyway, I don’t know, if I’m not biased about this game though, since I am a fan of Cheritz. However, I still think everyone should know about Cheritz AND about this game because otherwise you miss out a few of the best visual novels you could find. In addition to that reading Cheritz’s novels is a good change of pace after reading novels from Idea Factory. Both Idea Factory and Cheritz publish great novels, but Cheritz focusses more on creating characters, which seem alive to me and I like every one of them, while Idea Factory has great stories, but I still never liked all the characters the game has to offer.

So, I think Cheritz’s games are one of the classics you just have to read. 10/10

[imaginaryelle]

Wei Wuxian, Mutism and Non-Verbal Communication

I am making a fresh post because I’ve been having issues with asks and especially read mores in asks, and this post is definitely going to require that. So. (edit: this is now also available to read on AO3!)

@tamyourue​​​ asked:

For the prompt request thingy - I'm a Sign nerd, and I've read quite a few mute!lwj, which is not that surprising. But what about a mute!wwx? I think it would be interesting to explore that with the way his family and lwj would handle it, if he was either born this way or acquired a disability later in life. How would HE handle it, being such a lively and talkative person? I planned on writing a fic of the sort but you do awesome meta, and another person's pov would be really fascinating to me.

Thank very much for asking! This immediately grabbed my brain and yanked me face-first into headcanons and possibility permutations. I’m going to try to focus on something more meta-style since you mention that (and aw <3 thank you! I have lots of fun writing my meta so I’m glad you like it!), but if you write fic on this topic I would love to see it. I am 100% certain you know more about sign language than me (I know very little but this whole thing has rekindled my interest in learning, if you have suggestions for resources!) so please do correct me if I make some erroneous statements or assumptions here. Also, I feel like I should note here that I got a little carried away (this is ~7k folks) and some of the things here are probably ideas you’ve already thought about as general concepts of non-verbal communication. I’ve included them anyway because they helped me process all my other thoughts. As always, I welcome additional input on my meta.

Okay so first off, I did some research, because I love research. (Possibly this should go without saying, and I’m sure you yourself already know this, but just in case, for general context and because this is a public post: I do think it’s important to treat things like this—any form of disability or illness or othering—with respect for the real life people who deal with it every day. Let’s not romanticize these things, right? Or just use it to woobify or infantilize characters or write disability tragedy porn? And let’s do make sure we’re doing our research and consuming media (essays, blog posts, videos, etc) created by those people about their experience? Good? Good.) Some non-comprehensive sources I consulted:

This masterlist of resources (includes deaf, mute and blind character writing resources compiled from real life experiences—trigger warning on the “21 People Reveal” link: trauma, depression, rape mention)

This I Am Mute AMA on reddit

This British Psychological Society Research Digest on adults who experience selective mutism (in their own words)

Wikipedia’s Mutism page (I promise the link is there), which lists various conditions that can lead to someone not being able to speak

I also attempted to research a bit about the history of sign language in China, but most of what I found was either comparison to ASL (here’s a video on family terms) or the fact that there are two different sign languages: a literary sign language that reflects written Chinese, and a natural sign language. Also most of what I found was focused more on the Deaf community. The history of mute people in China turned up even fewer results, unfortunately, so if anyone knows good sources for that, let me know!

Jumping off all of that, things that matter for writing a Wei Wuxian who is mute: is Wei Wuxian the only mute person he knows? Are there other mute or deaf people around who use any kind of sign language? When did he become mute? How? Is it physical or psychological? Full-on cannot speak at all or selective based on environment? And is this more novel-verse, or more drama-based? (This meta is going to reference the drama more than the novel, primarily because we get to see body language and some relationships are more fleshed out, but I believe most points should work for both canons.) Questions to be answered on an individual fic basis, of course, but let’s consider some possibilities.

Character-wise, one of the biggest things here for me is that Wei Wuxian hates being ignored. It’s not exactly that he needs to be the center of attention at every single moment, but he’s a showman. Even if the protagonist of the story was someone else, he’d still be there, attracting attention and calling people out on unfairness and generally being that combination of nuisance and talented genius that we love. And he already lives in a world where he can be silenced and isolated—people drown him out, talk over him and dismiss him on a regular basis in canon, and of course there’s the Lan Clan silencing spell.

Multiple people (especially various Jin family members, but also Madam Yu and a few others) use social class and rumor and perceptions of power to shut him down throughout the story, even though he is entirely capable of speaking and often doesn’t keep quiet when it might be beneficial for him to do so. Being mute is only going to exaggerate that ability for others to disregard him, but he’s still going to be that dramatic, fiercely opinionated guy, even if he can’t communicate verbally. He tries to talk through the silencing spell practically every time it’s put on him as it is (and really, what is the Lan Clan going to do to him if he already can’t speak? That spell now becomes a totally useless punishment for him). He’s still going to disrupt Lan Qiren’s class and volunteer to show off and make noise and draw attention to himself. He might be ignored more easily, and consequently get frustrated more often, but he’s still going to do it, because being dutifully silent or nonreactive for more than a single conversation pretty much means just not being Wei Wuxian. So how does he communicate?

I do think it matters here, when he becomes mute and whether it’s selective or not. If he’s born unable to speak, or develops muteness in early childhood (say, after his parents die but before Jiang Fengmian takes him in), I think he’d develop his methods of communication in different ways than if it were to happen later. In the case of childhood mutism I think he’s more likely to use (or develop) actual sign language, and to depend on other people (such as his siblings) to speak aloud for him in some situations. I mostly base that on 1) the trust-building between him, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli in those early-life flashbacks 2) how much more often he talks to merchants than anyone else (more on that later) and 3) how much nonverbal communication he uses already (it’s a lot. He’s very expressive). If he becomes mute as a teen or adult, I think he’ll deal with a lot more like he deals with the loss of his golden core: deflection of worry, insistence on independence as much as possible, and lots of inventive solutions (but still lots of body language, of course).

Okay, with those trends in mind, here are some general possibilities (in no particular order) that mix real world tactics and mdzs setting specifics and can be applied to a variety of situations:

1. As mentioned above, he might use expressions, body language, generally understood gestures or actions. Wei Wuxian tends to be pretty physically expressive in canon already, so this is likely to be his first instinct when he reaches for communication tools. Let’s look at another silencing spell gif.

Wei Wuxian is extremely expressive every time this is used on him. He makes faces. He waves his arms. He stomps and grabs at people. Where other people hit with this technique frown and look confused and touch their lips or neck, Wei Wuxian complains. He pouts. He makes a production out of how much he hates it. His moods, in general, tend to involve his entire body. So I take that as pretty strong evidence that gestures, facial expressions and miming are going to play a pretty big role in his communication style. Here is a fun youtube video for CSL of the Tortoise and the Hare story, which I think has bearing on how much he could get away with just using his face and miming. Making faces and grabbing Lan Wangji’s wrist or sleeve isn’t going to change here, and he might in fact get even handsier, if that’s possible. As a cultivator, Wei Wuxian would have access to a level of physical adroitness that most people don’t, which could also tie in to how he uses his body to communicate. In general, these are things that are going to make it difficult for him to hide his identity after his resurrection if he’s mute beforehand, but they help a lot with conveying basic ideas so they’re definitely going to be involved somehow, no matter what else he does. Something of a contrast to stories about Lan Wangji and muteness, perhaps.

2. He might communicate through his siblings/other people. Jin Zixuan gets by with saying extremely little because he almost always has other people around who are more than willing to speak for him. Jiang Cheng, pre-Sunshot Campaign, does some of the same (he’s so surprised to be called on and have to speak for himself during that first victory banquet), and of course we sometimes see this play out between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in canon already: Wei Wuxian will voice things that Lan Wangji is feeling or agrees with, but is unwilling to actually say. So it’s conceivable that Wei Wuxian could get a lot of communication done by having his siblings or close friends (depending on where in the timeline the story takes place) speak for him, as he communicated with them via some other method (at its most basic just an understanding of his pov and what he would want to say, extending into body language, personal signs or sign language, notes, etc.). The best candidate for this is going to be Jiang Yanli, as we do see her stand up and speak for him in drama canon, when people start questioning whether their being alone together is appropriate. I think Jiang Cheng would do his best, but he’d also be inconsistent about it sometimes in situations where he didn’t think it was important or didn’t agree with Wei Wuxian, because he can be a moody dick when he wants to be and he’s not that great at talking himself. I forsee lots of brotherly shoulder punches and slaps upside the head. So many. More than usual. Jiang Fengmian might do a little, as might other Jiang Clan disciples (they certainly seem to like Wei Wuxian well enough to try).

As you might be able to tell, I think this method of communication is much more likely to be used if he’s mute while growing up. If he’s injured as an adult, or loses the ability to speak after he’s resurrected, he’s going to have to build all this context from scratch and it’s going to be much more difficult for this method to work smoothly. It could still work to a certain extent, but it probably won’t be as fluid. On the other hand, if Wei Wuxian was mute as a child, he’d likely be almost immediately recognizable to anyone who regularly interacted with him before his death, especially in the drama, where he has the same body. Jiang Cheng won’t have a moment of doubt when Zidian fails to banish Wei Wuxian’s invading spirit from Mo Xuanyu’s body, because he’ll have had that particular flick of two fingers or turn of a hand with accompanying scowl, etc., acted out in front of him every day for over a decade, and Wei Wuxian will have a much more difficult time hiding that, because it’s muscle memory as well as a form of communication. Which could be a very interesting plot development!

Another possible plot divergence is that if Jiang Yanli starts speaking for her brother at a younger age that might influence her to speak up more just in general, which could hugely affect the story. If she gets used to speaking for Wei Wuxian and herself (and even Jiang Cheng!) rather than letting Wei Wuxian step in as we often see him do, she might involve herself more actively in Sect politics. Which means that she’d likely be attending cultivation conferences more often. Which means that she could be in an incredibly powerful position when stuff starts going down with Wei Wuxian and the Wens. Jiang Cheng is young and stressed and insecure about his place. He doesn’t know how to say “yes, these people helped us, and they don’t deserve what you’re doing to them.” His instinct is to curl around what’s his and protect it, which is exactly what he was raised to do as the future Sect Leader of Lotus Pier. But Jiang Yanli cares about people because they’re people, in much the same way Wei Wuxian does (see: her treatment of Wen Ning during the wedding dress visit, as one example). If she’s at that conference and used to speaking out? She’s going to make a difference, because she has an excellent relationship with Jin Guangshan’s wife and his heir. Jin Zixuan is actively pursuing her at that point. She’s gentry, from a good family (unlike MianMian). She is right on the cusp of marrying into the Jin clan. If nothing else, she has enough influence that if she speaks out, Jiang Cheng will support her, and possibly others (such as Lan Xichen, sitting there looking uncomfortable but not saying anything as long as Wei Wuxian stands on his own). That could be a fun ripple effect to see played out.

3. He might communicate through music. This would be a fantastic place to use the Chinese literature technique of poetry allusions. Different songs or melodies might be associated with different lyrics, or plays, or poems, and so just a short musical phrase could convey a fairly complex (if sometimes more allegorical or symbolic) meaning. This particular method of communication might be most effective in conjunction with the Lans and Nie Huaisang just because they’d be more likely to make quick connections and respond to them without further explanation necessary, but in the right circumstances it could work for most cultivators, since they seem to pride themselves on their literacy. I’m still just barely dipping my toes into this stuff so I don’t have any concrete examples here, but I think it could be a lot of fun to incorporate more music into Wei Wuxian’s life before Chenqing, since he certainly learned to play the dizi somewhere before that whole coreless-in-a-death-trap adventure, and also I think travels with Lan Wangji and the juniors might be fun with some musical references peppered in. Which I might keep in mind even for fics where Wei Wuxian is not mute.

This next song compares Jin Zixun to all the fools of history and legend and finds him lacking.

4. Talismans! Wei Wuxian, being Wei Wuxian, seems to like to use talismans both to get attention and to convey meaning even when he doesn’t have any particular difficulty speaking in canon (I adore the butterfly talisman, okay, I will never be over it). And using talismans doesn’t necessarily mean conveying ideas in words, even though magical glowy writing can very cool.

[insert image of Wei Wuxian writing on his palm, clapping his hands together and then separating them reveal a glowy orange insult to Jin Zixuan’s ego held between them because he’s blunt like that sometimes]

Again, symbols and poetic allusions could be used. Whole landscapes, steaming bowls of soup, he could run wild with his artistic talents. Also he’d probably be able to figure out a sort of magical white-board situation with writing and erasing and re-writing script easily, though it would consume spiritual power of one type or another so it might be more difficult for him to pull off for a longer conversation, or after he’s lost his golden core (there’s another fun plot hook to play with: figuring out new ways to communicate as well as necromancy during the Sunshot Campaign). We do see him erase a talisman in the drama during the Yi City stuff, so that’s very nearly canon already. Basic writing would also be an option here (as we see Song Lan use) but I think the frustrations of needing ink and a brush or writing on the ground and everything would get to him pretty fast—Wei Wuxian is not a very patient person most of the time, so unless it’s actual letter-writing or a book of pre-set phrases he carries with him (probably a good idea for emergencies anyway) I don’t think that’s going to be his go-to.

Another talisman option is: let’s not forget that Wei Wuxian is a genius inventor! He could do so many things with cultivation. To pull from a real world technology example: Maybe he makes a talisman he can wrap around his throat that will convey the vibrations of his vocal chords (provided he has fully developed ones of course). Maybe he combines talismans and fireworks to get attention and write sparkly messages at the same time. To pull from things already in the canon: Maybe he uses Empathy for really important situations. Maybe he can literally steal other people’s voices momentarily, as he does control of bodies, or, post-Burial Mounds, maybe he can speak through the voices of spirits and fierce corpses. How freaking creepy would those be? One is like the reverse of the Lan Clan silencing spell: you can’t speak, but I can use your voice, potentially out of your own mouth. The other is just going to make traditional cultivators break out in hives: Wei Wuxian showing up to the war and every time he wants to speak he summons a fierce corpse or a ghost to scream his thoughts into annoying people’s faces.

Those last two aren’t going to win him any friends but oh wow do they look fun.

Imagine Wei Wuxian roasting Su She and exposing his whole plan in Su She’s own voice.

One last thing here that just occurred to me: Wei Wuxian has on at least one occasion in the drama used the paperman to talk to someone. He does it with Wen Qing, to ask if there’s any way she can arrange a break for Lan Wangji when he’s walking on a broken leg. Is that a telepathy thing? Or a voice thing? And would his ability to do it be affected by his relationship with spoken words? Food for thought.

5. Context or partner-based signs. These would be signs he makes up or develops in conjunction with friends and family, but which are based on shared experience and reference points rather than a full sign language. Could be pretty much anything as long as they mean something to his audience, but are going to be useful mostly for those cases where he’s having a one-on-one conversation or trying to get someone else to verbalize for him in a larger group. Counting on fingers, waving, summoning, the three-finger swear Wei Wuxian uses on that rooftop during the Sunshot Campaign etc. would be examples of generally socially known gestures so this is mostly just an extension of that. I would like to think that he would have personalized sign nick-names for people, probably related to puns or in-jokes. This is a fun place to play with context and relationship complexity, because different people are going to have different levels of fluency in “Wei Wuxian.” Perhaps that’s part of the wedge that drives itself between him and Jiang Cheng even: after months on end with the Wens, Wei Wuxian has mannerisms and signs Jiang Cheng doesn’t know, which just make him feel even more distant from his brother.

6. He might use an actual established sign language of some kind, probably one usually used in trade contexts (because there are many dialects and languages in Ancient China so trade sign could very easily be a thing) unless you build more of a social network (and more general social acceptance) for mute and deaf people into the world. Which could totally happen! But if you don’t tweak the world-building then sign language as a language beyond trade sign is going to be minimally useful to most individuals who would need it, because they’re mostly going to be communicating with people who don’t use it (as can often happen in the real world, of course). I think a general-use sign language or trade sign + personal signs could be a lot of fun, especially between close family and friends (how much would especially drama!Wen Ning love that added level of connection and communication?)

Look at them. Look at this ridiculousness.

But outside of that it’s probably not going to be something anyone but especially kind souls will actually use with him beyond actual monetary transactions. This is not a canon that’s generally kind to people who are marked as different. Most of the big cultivators probably wouldn’t even learn much trade sign, especially not the Jins and Wens, because they have servants to negotiate prices for them if necessary, but the Jiangs might learn both because they’re closer to their trade-port commoners and for Wei Wuxian’s sake. Anyone who travels alone would want to know some, at least. Lan Wangji might know a little and learn more specifically to communicate with Wei Wuxian? Could go a lot of directions.

7. Clapping, tapping things together, stomping, whistling, and maybe laughter, vocal crying or screaming, humming and whispers. These methods of communication will depend a lot on why a character is mute and whether it’s physically or psychologically-based. Clapping, tapping, stomping and whistling should be generally possible; the rest depend on vocal chord development and certain nerves being functional. Interestingly, this means that Wei Wuxian still has total control over simple fierce corpses and spirits even if his vocal chords don’t work or are damaged. Which is cool. Clapping/tapping/stomping would allow him to engage in morse/chinese telegraph/tapping code styles of communication too, if such a thing exists in Ancient Fantasy China (Why not? They already have chilies and potatoes and fly on swords). A whistle code for night hunting would just be a useful thing in general, for everyone. Limited speech might also be a thing. In some cases of selective mutism people can speak with certain people (a feeling of safety seems to be a big factor, though sometimes I saw reports of people saying they could speak just fine if it was on stage/part of a theatre production but not for day-to-day stuff too), or at low volumes. This might be more taxing than other forms of communication, or not, depending on the specific situation. It might lead to things like Wei Wuxian being able to talk to his family and possibly close friends like Lan Wangji, but not in large groups or to “outsiders,” which might in turn lead to more resentment on some people’s parts and more accusations that he’s just being rude or arrogant, etc.

8. Fan code. Because it should exist, why is Nie Huaisang the only person in this canon with a fan. Should be remedied, obviously.

Think of the things he could be saying if he had anyone to talk to this way!

9. The telepathy spell from fighting the Tortoise of Slaughter. This is a drama-exclusive thing, and I love it! So much! But. Telepathy is a very common workaround for characters who are unable to use verbal language and personally I think it’s often used to just totally erase that non-verbal communication or any of the difficulties actual mute people experience. So. It might be more interesting, and more respectful for real people’s lived experience, to introduce some further obstacles. What are the spell’s limits? Distance? Duration? Can it involve more than two people? Does it consume energy from all parties or only the person who initiates it? Who knows it? Is it a Lan Clan specialty? Is it only for highly ranked disciples? Did Lan Wangji invent it? Do the Lan juniors know this spell? If they do, would they use it? If yes to both those last two questions, that eliminates a lot of barriers for resurrected Wei Wuxian. Both Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi seem like they would willingly (with varying levels of sass of course) take on the task of relaying Wei Wuxian’s thoughts, at least sometimes. But again, it matters when Wei Wuxian becomes mute, because language and how you communicate shapes how you think. What if one of them or Lan Wangji uses the spell, and Wei Wuxian’s thoughts don’t come across as direct words? How does that impact their ability to communicate in this way?

Also, I invite you to picture: Wei Wuxian is back from the dead. He has been reunited with Lan Wangji. He can’t talk, verbally, but he can speak with Lan Wangji telepathically. This is a new development related to his resurrection. Lan Wangji is now faced with a dilemma, because he kind of depends on Wei Wuxian to do all the talking in a number of situations as the plot moves forward. How do they maneuver those situations now? The confrontation of the second Burial Mounds siege? The reveal of Jin Guangyao’s crimes? Also, depending on how the spell works and their communication style before Wei Wuxian died, it’s totally possible that he now just has Wei Wuxian chattering at him inside his head rather constantly, to make up for the fact that he suddenly can’t speak aloud. How does that affect their changing relationship as they go on adventures?

A possible example of this scenario.

Okay, time for some character implications. You know that thing Wei Wuxian does where he has to prove that he is at least as good and usually better than everyone else at whatever he can manage even though he’s an orphaned child of non-gentry parents? Yeah. That’s probably going to get cranked up all the way past 11 to like, 17 or something. A lot. Because if Wei Wuxian can’t verbally speak in a culture where oratory is such an ingrained part of daily life and cultivator culture, a lot of people are going to use that to assume he’s also stupid or unskilled. We see repeated examples of Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng being disregarded or manipulated through their inability to give speeches the way other people do, and the ability to speak well is mentioned as a distinct and admirable ability in reference to both Jin Guangyao and Ouyang Zizhen. It’s something cultivator politics pretty much requires, after a certain point: the ability to speak, clearly and with authority. Not being able to is going to tick Wei Wuxian off to no end. Frequently. And also (I believe) add even more fuel to his “I’m better than you” antics.

He’s still going to be this dramatic asshole, and he’s still going to be better than Jin Zixuan.

Speech doesn’t affect any of those gentlemanly skills he’s learned (provided we assume he still ahs the opportunity to learn them). It doesn’t affect his archery, or his swordsmanship, or his cultivational power. I don’t think it would affect horsemanship, but it might depend on how the horse was trained and what sounds Wei Wuxian is able to make. But either way, with the skills he does have I think it’s possible he would flaunt them even more, especially in front of people he thinks look down on him. He might also get into more physical fights, since he already has a tendency to do that as is when he’s offended enough (most obviously illustrated by his Cloud Recesses confrontation of Jin Zixuan). He might just walk out of more conversations, as we saw him do during the Sunshot Campaign, even before he loses his gold core. He might get even more unconventional in his ideas even more quickly, because he doesn’t fit in as well from the start and never will. The appeal of becoming a rogue cultivator or trying to seek out Baoshan Sanren on his own might be pretty strong. Lots of canon divergence and AU possibilities there.

As far as inter-character relationships go, if he’s mute from childhood I don’t think his relationships with his adopted family would change a whole lot. Madam Yu is going to throw his muteness in his and everyone else’s faces on a regular basis because it’s another handle she can grab onto. Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli might be more protective of him, but I think their personal dynamic with him would remain largely the same. Same with Jiang Fengmian. Jiang Yanli might speak up more often and Jiang Cheng might be forced to develop more patience and eloquence at a younger age, which could certainly ripple out into bigger things over time if you wanted to go that direction. Similarly, Lan Sizhui might have vague memories/ an increased ability to pick up the meaning behind “Mo Xuanyu’s” gestures and signs, which in turn could lead to his own identity being revealed sooner as well. It really depends on how deep you want to go, and how far you want to spin things.

Wei Wuxian’s relationships with the rest of the cultivation world, on the other hand, might be drastically different from a younger age because there’s always going to be that hint there that he’s lacking something, even more than he already gets with his birth status. I could absolutely see it being used in a very similar way to how mentions of Jin Guangyao’s parentage are used. In addition, Wei Wuxian’s going to have a harder time charming his way through situations, because the pacing of his conversations is going to be different. A lot of people are going to avoid him even before he turns to demonic cultivation because they don’t want to deal with learning new ways to communicate, which might contribute to his desire to show off more often and more drastically. (Some people of course are going to hate him even more because of this, and say things that involve phrases like “despite his shortcomings” but they hate him anyway. So how much that increase in irritation affects plot would depend on how far you wanted to take it.) Many relationships (especially more superficial ones) might have to be built a little bit slower, or a little more indirectly. A single first meeting will make less of an immediate positive impact unless he develops some specific strategies. Is he going to be remembered? Absolutely. But he’ll have to work harder to be remembered as “that charming, skilled Wei kid” instead of “that mute guy from Yunmeng Jiang.” It’s definitely a challenge.

This pun-and-flirting-based conversation, for example, would be very difficult to pull off.

With Lan Wangji specifically… I think it could go a lot of directions. I do like to think that one of the things that he finds attractive about Wei Wuxian is that Wei Wuxian makes it obvious he wants to be around, and be friends, but he accommodates Lan Wangji’s moods and actions without the need for very many verbal cues. He pays attention. All the time. He reacts to everything Lan Wangji does, whether Lan Wangji is talking or not, and he wants Lan Wangji’s attention in return. They actually have a lot of non-verbal communication going on already. They click, on a certain level, especially in combat situations, and can convey a lot of communication without very many words. So I don’t think that part would change much. Maybe more whistles and gestures and music, but it already involves a lot of touching. Nor would that aspect of Lan Wangji trying to figure Wei Wuxian out change a lot—the puzzle part might even be intensified, which could be fun to play with and lead them to be closer from an earlier time, especially in the novel setting. What might change is that Lan Wangi might start picking up more of Wei Wuxian’s ways of expressing himself, because another part of what I personally see in their relationship is that Wei Wuxian is often a catalyst for Lan Wangji realizing he can approach a problem from a totally different angle. If Wei Wuxian uses music to communicate as well as in cultivation, Lan Wangji might pick that up, or he might pick up certain gestures (signs can sometimes be more efficient than spoken words, especially if someone is used to them, and I think that would appeal to Lan Wangji’s economy of expression), or ways to use talismans (as we see him use one of Wei Wuxian’s talismans as a distraction in the drama). So yeah, if Wei Wuxian is mute when they first meet I think they would develop some slightly different lines of communication, but overall the shape of their relationship would remain largely the same. (Exploring those slightly different lines could be a lot of fun, even so :D)

A lot of the things I’ve written here are primarily based in the idea that Wei Wuxian is mute in childhood. If Wei Wuxian lost the ability to speak as a teen or adult, that would be pretty different. His frustration levels would be even higher than if he was dealing with it most of his life, especially since, as I noted above, I don’t think he would have as much of a chance to build a working knowledge of signs with very many people, if anyone at all. If his reaction to being trapped at Burial Mounds and becoming first a war hero and then a social pariah are any indication, he’d be dramatic and angry about it, and probably actively use it as a blind to disguise his lack of a golden core as much as possible. I think in any case where he became mute after growing up speaking, his chosen methods of communication would be a lot more direct and voice- or writing-based, whether through use of resentment-fueled voice-borrowing or talismans and glowy writing, or inventions like the vocal chord vibration thing. He’s going to be much more resistant to relying on other people if he can at all avoid it, and much more impatient about round-about methods of communication like music. He’d probably also employ a lot of exaggerated facial expressions and emphatic (and probably often rude) gestures. His adulthood is pretty stressful to begin with, and this is only going to make it moreso.

For character reactions in that situation—I think there would be a lot of concern from his siblings and Lan Wangji, and depending on when it happened there might be a lot of connections drawn between his inability to speak and his adoption of demonic cultivation. (I see four major points where he might become mute as a teen/adult before his death, and they’re all pretty close together: 1) during the Wen indoctrination camp, 2) when he wakes up from his coma after fighting the Tortoise of Slaughter 3) when Lotus Pier is invaded and destroyed, 4) When Wen Chao captures him and throws him into the Burial Mounds. Potential option #5: in a battle during the Sunshot Campaign.) On the one hand, in these situations Wei Wuxian already has established relationships based mostly in respect with a lot of people, so he might meet with more patience (but also more pity) for a while. On the other, people like Jin Guangshan are absolutely not above using something like this to shut him out of politics entirely.

But okay, among people he actually likes: I think Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji would put in the most effort for actually communicating with him and helping him find ways to cope, as we see them do in the drama with the golden core situation. They and Jiang Cheng might possibly also narrow in focus pretty hard on finding a cure, if possible, since that falls in line with their reactions to his giving up the sword (something to be careful about in writing, as the difference between “magical cure” and “recovery through speech therapy” can be pretty important on a sensitivity level).

In a case of selective mutism—I think only Jiang Yanli would react well at first.

I cry over their relationship so much.

At this point Jiang Cheng is well and truly into his “why are you making my life harder” phase so Wei Wuxian being able to speak with him in private but not in public might start as a relief and then quickly become annoying as fuck. It might take Lan Wangji a while to figure out it’s even happening, especially if he’s one of the people Wei Wuxian still speaks aloud with. He might just think for a while that Wei Wuxian is trying to be better about controlling his mouth in public settings. But once he did figure it out, he’d probably adjust pretty quickly because he can relate to it a bit—we see him speak in small groups or one on one way more often than in more public stage situations, even though he is generally fully capable of speaking. I do think there would still be an undercurrent of worry there though, especially since at that point in his life Wei Wuxian is pretty close to spiraling out of control at the drop of a hat.

This sort of thing might be a lot more common.

Post-resurrection, Wei Wuxian himself would probably be really, really confused to suddenly be alive again but unable to speak. I think he’d spend some time going “wtf??” and then shoving his way into situations with wild hand gestures and body language and facial expressions. Think about that first confrontation in Mo Village, where he’s acting “mad”? That sort of exaggeration, and deliberately provocative physical contact maybe. He might play really annoying noises on grass or his poorly-made flute to get people’s attention. Whistling is highly probable. There’d probably also be some related depression, too. All of these things are obviously possibilities for if he developed mutism earlier of course, but I think if it came with the resurrection he’d have a lot more questions about it, and focus a lot more on being able to make noise at first.

I will make everyone else aware of my personal annoyance in any way possible.

He might end up doing more instead of trying to lead the Lan juniors to the correct conclusions, because he’s going to have way fewer communication tools than he would under other circumstances. He’d be less able to immediately insult Jin Ling at their first meeting, and less recognizable to Jiang Cheng. And once he met up with Lan Wangji, I think Lan Wangji would worry a lot about his silence in this case, because it’s so unlike him and they don’t know why it’s happened (unless Mo Xuanyu was already known to be mute). Finding a cure or a way to practice and build up speech again would be pretty high in both their priorities, I think, and Lan Wangji would watch Wei Wuxian a bit more closely, to make sure he stayed safe (because if this has changed, what else has changed?).

That oversight could influence the plot a fair amount. It might mean that they don’t catch Nie Huaisang at the Tomb of Blades. It might mean that Wei Wuxian tries to run away more often, or more determinedly, because he feels like he’s being smothered. It might significantly impact their ability to communicate during the Yi City fights in the fog, unless they’ve developed or adopted a whistle or clapping code by then. Wei Wuxian picks up on A-Qing’s tapping quickly enough that he’d probably come up with something a little more sophisticated, given time. They might spend a lot more time in the evenings and while traveling working on ways to communicate. Writing. Music. Empathy-the-technique. Establishing gestures and tapping codes, designing new talismans, etc. but for a while there Wei Wuxian is going to be extremely dependent on Lan Wangji (and possibly sometimes Lan Sizhui) to interpret and speak for him, which is a major change in their relationship that could be really interesting to explore. Does Lan Wangji start speaking out more often? Or does he employ intimidation or position or the silencing spell to make others wait for Wei Wuxian to communicate in other ways? How does that effect Wei Wuxian’s hidden identity? Does this experience resolve their friendship-to-lovers plot faster, or does it provide just provide even more opportunities for miscommunication?

The possibilities for fic are very nearly endless, I think, but my personal favorite options would be either something with the voice stealing and fierce-corpse-yelling (the consequences would be huge but individual moments could be very satisfying) or a fic focused on Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian working together, building new communication tools and deepening their relationship through shared context, because I am a Wangxian sap at heart <3.

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Understanding BvS’s Lex Luthor: CSA and Repressed Homosexuality

(Re-posted with minor revisions after I moved accounts and accidentally deleted this post)

Lex’s motivations are quite explicit in BvS, he has a whole speech explaining why he is doing what he’s doing and what he says is consistently shown throughout his screentime. But I think there is a lot unspoken beneath the surface that most people wouldn’t think of, based on my observations I think that BvS’s Lex was molested by his father and that he’s sexually attracted to Clark, and that his issues with Superman partially stem from the duality of desiring Clark and being afraid of him. That may sound strange, especially the csa bit, but hear me out because there is quite a bit of evidence and it may give you a clearer perspective on the character.

NOTE: I just want to clarify that it is not at all my intention to equate homosexuality with CSA nor demonize CSA survivors, I’m simply observing this particular character who happens to be a villain. Lex being attracted to Clark doesn’t make him villainous, the way he deals with it because of trauma and internalized homophobia is the problem.

1.) Daddy’s Abominations?

“No man in the sky intervened when I was a boy to save me from daddy’s fists and abominations!”

This is quite self-explanatory, Lex just said that his father sexually abused him. The only other possible interpretation I could think of is a more general ‘my dad made me evil because he was evil’ but that’s a really weak explanation especially since the line is equated with the trauma of being beaten by his dad and the way he is very visibly triggered saying that line. When he finishes “abominations” he immediately flinches away from Superman and shakes his hand in front of his face as if desperately trying to erase what he just confessed.

2.) Lolita + Alice in Wonderland

“Plain Lo in the morning, Lola is slacks -“

“Late, late says the white rabbit”

Lolita and Alice in Wonderland...those are interesting choices of literature for a supervillain to quote. You’d think something more threatening and/or pretentious would be an obvious choice for a traditional mastermind-type supervillain rather than two obscure (not very masculine) classics that only have one thing in common: themes of sexual obsession and pedophilia.

Lolita is the story of a pedophile who uses his power as a step-father to groom and sexually abuse a child. Alice in Wonderland, while not having explicit pedophilic content, was written by a suspected pedophile and is obsessively focused on a child that there are photographs of the author kissing on the mouth. These are the two novels Lex relates to enough to quote them casually off the top of his head.

3.) The “it’s cherry” scene

So this is obviously a sexual innuendo but the question is, why this guy? This character is utterly unimportant on his own and this doesn’t affect anything plot-wise which means this action is entirely about characterizing Lex. What are they trying to communicate here? This guy represents a figure similar to Lex’s father, an older businessman who behaved as if he had authority over Lex, and Lex’s instinct to that is to assert dominance in a sexually suggestive manner. This establishes Lex as a character who uses sexuality to dominate and make others uncomfortable, and relates it to a man who who represents his father.

4.) Two Versions Of The Same Scene

Lex caressing Zod’s face directly parallels him caressing around Clark’s face, even the framing is identical. I think these are two versions of Lex confronting Superman, one with the actual Superman where he has to keep his distance and put on a callous front, and the other with a Kryptonian corpse he can project Superman onto. The scene with Zod I think shows how Lex truly feels about Clark. “You flew too close to the sun” he’s saying this and crying as he’s creating a monster to kill Clark which makes me think those words were not for Zod but the god he feels he has to kill. There’s no reason for Lex to cry for Zod, Lex has no relationship with him, it’s much more coherent that this scene is using Zod’s body as a substitute for what Lex can’t express to the real Superman.

EDIT: Upon rewatch I noticed a small moment where the Jolly Rancher Dude (I don’t think he has a name lol?) says with a smile “You want Zod’s body?” and Lex goes “Okay”, it’s a very playful interaction and it I think strengthens the connection between Zod’s body being an implied sex symbol of Superman.

4.5.) The Sexual Tension In The Rooftop Scene

Every moment of the rooftop scene (and all of this film) is so multilayered and intense, I could talk about it for hours but I want to talk a little more about the moment in the above gif.

Seconds before this, Lex was wagging his fingers inches for Superman’s glowing laser eyes but now when he knows Clark isn’t going to attack him, he won’t touch him? Lex is less afraid of having his fingers burned off than he is to touch Clark’s head knowing that he won’t do anything. Because Lex would be happy if Superman burned him, that would prove him right and give him an easy category to put Clark in but letting himself touch Clark in an ‘affectionate’ manner is terrifying.

A straight male villain that just wanted to use physical contact to assert dominance over the hero would have touched Clark here (and also would have no reason to caress Zod’s dead body) but Lex can’t even though he’s literally trembling with desire to and we know for a fact he’s not afraid of invading Clark’s personal space in an even more physically dangerous moment.

5.) The Dual Realities Of An Abused Child

“If God is all good then he cannot be all powerful.”

Now, I’m not an expert in psychology but I will do my best to articulate this. When someone, especially a child, is abused by someone they love it creates an extreme paradox in their mind. They love this person and they have to trust them but they also have to fear them, their brains are forced to compartmentalize when this person is a threat vs when they are a protector. In some cases, like Lex’s, this can lead to someone entirely thinking in absolutes and dualities.

It’s a consistent theme in Lex’s dialogue that he thinks in absolutes. The cornerstone of his ideology is people have to be “all good” or “all powerful” when really no one is either, there arguably is no such thing as either.

It’s also a theme that he has dual views of people in his life, the most prominent being his father and Superman. In one scene he’s reminiscing about wishing his dad would come back, in another he’s emotionally describing the abuse he inflicted. And Lex does the same with Clark as explained in point 4.

Lex even seems to have a dual view of himself. In the rooftop scene he points to himself as “the evil in the world” but his speech about Prometheus at the party is clearly meant to illustrate that he sees himself as a misunderstood savior of humanity (this is even confirmed in the bonus material).

6.) Internalized Homophobia

“I don’t hate the sinner, I hate the sin.”

Two things are important to me with this line. First is that it reinforces point 5 but also this is a very, very common phrase in homophobic rhetoric so for him to say this and gesture to Clark’s body as the “sin” has implications. And yes, yes, I know he meant that Clark’s powers are a sin but things can have double meanings and I sincerely doubt that anyone making a movie in the western world’s current political climate wouldn’t realize that phrase is strongly linked to homophobia.

To elaborate on how it reinforces 5: Lex is openly saying that he doesn’t hate Clark, he just hates his power, which brings us back to the idea of an abuse victim’s dual reality. It’s Clark’s power that is the threat to him but he can still love Clark, same way his father’s abuse was a threat but he can still love his father. Note: Lex calls Clark “my friend” and “Clark Joe” and similar affectionate names throughout their interactions which I think suggests that Lex sees Clark as partially a person.

7.) Conclusion

DCEU’s Lex Luthor was a fresh, contemporary take on the character so it was a jarring difference from the Lex we’ve seen in other recent mainstream media. I also think it was upsetting partially because it took away Lex as a male power fantasy; a buff, suave billionaire who’s hyper masculine and doesn’t let anything get to him including his canonical abuse. Now we’ve got this definitely charming and silver-tongued but effeminate and deeply traumatized Lex that I think is much, much more dynamic and compelling (and definitely fits this universe) but was uncomfortable for people that were attached to the charecter as a male power fantasy.

Nevertheless we need more villains like this. That can be both intimidating and vulnerable, that are human and offer a real ideological opposition to the hero. BvS could not have been the story it is without this Lex. BvS is a brilliant and nuanced film about how fear and trauma affects people’s worldviews, which is an important thing to explore when you have a Superhero that is the embodiment of hope. It’s important to show that not everyone can have hope so easily and to humanize those people.

Anyways this post is really long and I could literally talk for days about DCEU and this film especially so thanks for reading, please be respectful in the notes.

[bensboynton]

the bookshop on the corner b.h

this request was originally a blurb but then i wrote a few thousand words and it turned to a fic. so. oops?

WC: 3.3k

warnings: none besides typos!! only ONE curse word.

John Green once said, “As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”

And as a hopeless romantic, Y/N has wished since the original publication of the novel said quote appeared in (The Fault in Our Stars; one of her more modern favorites) that she could relate. In even the slightest!

Although, it was quite hard being a hopeless romantic who had absolutely zero men who were even slightly interested in her, zero social skills, and zero opportunity to fall in love with anybody. 

Until today. 

Y/N works at a bookshop in the corner of a quiet East Sussex street, in a town called Rye. The shop is squished between a small deli and a bland boutique that sells flowy shirts she swears she’s seen her grandmother wear on a few occasions. 

The store itself is quaint and small; an absolutely staggering number of seven whole bookshelves filled to the brim with words, a lounging area, and her desk where she also had an old cash register. Y/N often worked alone, as the owner had other businesses and placed almost all her trust in Y/N. The girl was completely okay with working alone. 

Her routine was always the same; wake up at 6 am, get ready while dancing to whatever music she’d been listening to recently (you’d be surprised by how fast her music taste changes: just yesterday she was listening to Miley Cyrus and now she’s listening to various punk bands she discovered on the internet). She’d then walk to the café that was exactly 95 steps away from the stoop of her apartment (give or take a few) and she’d spend around 20 minutes talking to the old woman who runs the place. 

After stalling at the coffee shop, she makes her way across the street to the book shop where she works with one other person; the owner of the shop. 

Y/N’s life is very monotone, and to other people, extremely boring. But not to her. 

Y/N’s entire life exists in a 5 block radius of East Sussex. She goes to the grocery store sometimes, but that’s about as far away she gets from her apartment and she’s completely okay with that. She eats takeout a lot, anyways.

As pathetic as that sounds, this is probably the happiest Y/N has been in her entire life. Besides when she adopted her cat. That was a very close second in her book. 

Y/N was completely satisfied with her life. She’d talk with the woman who owned the book store she lived in, would greet her mailman with a cheery smile every morning. She knew everybody and everybody knew her. She was friends--scratch that, acquaintances-- with everybody who was around her. And that’s how she liked it. 

In fifth grade, Y/N was bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to find a love like she saw in the movies her big sister watched on the TV all the time. While other kids her age were watching Finding Nemo, Y/N was watching Pretty Woman. 

Then one day, Dale Erdelac, otherwise known as Y/N’s crush, asked her to be his girlfriend during lunch. She stood there with her mouth full of sharp metal braces and her heart full of adrenaline and butterflies. She said yes all too quickly. 

Needless to say, Dale wasn’t serious. Y/N found out a few hours later that it wasn’t, in fact, a serious proposal. It was a dare from his snotty little friends. Y/N cried a lot more than she’d like to admit that day. 

It would be completely immature and nonsensical if the only reason Y/N’s love life was so disappointing was because of a dumb mouth-breather in fifth grade. It’s not, but that’s definitely part of it. 

Y/N has never truly been in love. 

Her mom tries to tell her she has, but she knows she hasn’t. She dated a guy in high school for two years just to pass the time. She told him “I love you” and he said it back, but she didn’t feel love. She didn’t feel the speeding up of her heartbeat when she saw him, or the warmth that spreads across your chest when they laugh like the pretty girls talk about in the movies. 

Her older sister, Peyton, tells her to move on a lot. “That fairytale love doesn’t exist,” she’d say, “it’s a creative outlet for fictional writers to display their nonsense dreams and desires. It can exist in your head, but never in real life.” 

That’s what she said every time. 

Y/N ignored her and kept on living her life in the small bubble of 5 blocks in Rye. 

She was happy. She told herself that. No, she knew she was happy. She was secure! What else could she want in life? 

And then he showed up. 

The tiny bookstore in the corner of the block didn’t get a lot of visitors (although that could be easily inferred due to the description of the little community there). Y/N pretty much knew the name and story of every single person who stepped foot into the shop. 

Until one day, she didn’t anymore. 

It was a cold January day; not the kind where the wind pierces your skin like daggers. It was the kind of cold that felt dry; like it was sucking the water out of your body through your skin and leaving behind a red numbness in its wake. 

A man walked in. He was tall and blonde, muscular and carried a chaotically calming energy. His eyes raked over the book store slowly, as if he was trying to imprint the old wooden rocking chairs and chipped bookshelves in his mind forever. 

It was like every move he made had a perfectly logical purpose. 

Y/N watched him intently from across the room, hidden by a pile of books she’d been meaning to put away for more than an hour now. She was so intrigued by him it made her stomach do a backflip. This was unusual for her. 

As soon as the man started looking her way, she looked down into the book sitting open on her lap, scrambling to pretend she was deep in thought over the passage she was reading. 

Her pupils glossed over the same paragraph three times, but she couldn’t comprehend a single word knowing he was in the same room as her. 

“Excuse me?”

Y/N’s body jolted slightly due to the sudden sound of his deep voice. She was the only one in the bookshop at the moment, as the owner had gone home for the day and it was her turn to close up. The store was never populated by more than six people at a time, and it would be especially dead considering New Year’s Eve was two days ago. 

“What can I help you with?” she spoke, mentally slapping herself for the way her voice sounded. It was pinched and sounded like a squeak. She cleared her throat desperately to return it to its normal sound. 

“I’m looking for a book.”

“What kind of book?”

“Well... that’s what I need your help with.” 

She smiled as an involuntary blush made its way to her already rosy cheeks, “I think I can help you.” 

She stood up and walked from behind the desk, beckoning the tall blonde man to go with her. The pair made their way to the bookshelves in awkward and palpable silence. The girl was panicking- she had no idea what to say. 

“I was wondering if you had any recommendations?” The Brit added to the nonexistent conversation. 

Y/N thought for a moment, “...well, I’m not sure what kind of person you are, but I recommend any classic literature to people who ask.” 

“Does the type of person I am happen to determine the type of books I like?”

“It’s the only thing that determines what type of books you like.”

The girl turned around, her fingers lightly dancing over the spines of the books as she walked. The tall man was on her heels, seemingly just as intrigued by her and she was with him. 

“Of course we have Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, To Kill A Mockingbird, Wuthering Heights, and of course, my favorite of all time, The Great Gatsby.” She was picking out the books from their places on the shelves that she had memorized over her six years of working here. She knew the placement of books and authors like the back of her hand.

The man gazed at the pile of books in her arms thoughtfully, before meeting her eyes. “I’ll take it.” 

“Which one?” 

“All of them.” 

She grinned at his eagerness. 

--

After ringing up his books and a slight burst of confidence, Y/N was able to discover the man’s name and his reason for suddenly buying four books two days after New Year’s Eve. 

Ben (a name she thought suited him particularly well) was starting a New Year’s Resolution; read one book a month. He confided in her his self-doubt on his ability, but with a small grin, she said she believed in him. His smile grew as he picked up the bag and left. 

Y/N could’ve cursed herself into oblivion for not getting his number. 

--

The girl walked across the street that next morning, balancing a coffee and a copy of the newest book that had arrived at the store. 

That was one of the best perks of her job, she thought. Access to the newest stories. While she pondered the last chapter she had read of her book, a blonde head of hair in the distance caught her eye. 

“Excuse me?” a very familiar voice spoke. Y/N’s cheeks almost immediately flushed at those two words. Deja Vu. 

“You’re back!” she spoke, almost as to question why. It’s not often someone new comes back twice, much less is standing at the door before she even gets there.

“I am,” he spoke breathily, scratching the back of his neck, “I wanted to come back to... well...” he trailed off, eyes dancing to the floor. 

Y/N waited patiently for him to say what he meant to (she knew that’s what she’d want if she was in his shoes).

“I needed to get your name, at least. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.” 

The girl bit the inside of her cheek to stop her mouth from stretching into a grin that was a mile long. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she stared at her shoes for a moment. 

She made direct eye contact with Ben’s hazel eyes and smiled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose slightly. 

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he repeated, his eyes going hazy as he thought about it.  

Ben followed her inside and sat down next to her desk quickly, almost as if he was afraid he’d run out of time. 

“I read The Great Gatsby yesterday... you said that one was your favorites, right?” 

Y/N nodded, taking a delicate sip from the paper cup of coffee still in her hand. 

“Right. Well. I have a few questions.” 

Y/N nodded vigorously. She could practically feel the twinkle in her eye, “I’m all ears.”

--

Y/N went home that day with a swarm of butterflies making a home in the pits of her stomach. Ben had spent the better part of four hours with her, discussing the book he read and many, many other things. 

When Ben left the shop that day, she had learned that his favorite color was clear (he thought it made him quirky) and he had a dog named Frankie. Y/N saw quite a few pictures of Frankie that day. She was a cat person, but she couldn’t tell if it was the dog or the way Ben’s eyes lit up when he talked about her that made her heart swell. 

She also learned that Ben hated reading, and that he was mildly confused as to why he seemed to enjoy the Great Gatsby so much. 

“It’s got to be because of you,” he mused, “I’ve never enjoyed reading a book until this one.” 

Y/N also learned that Ben was an incredibly smooth talker. 

He made her blush and giggle like a school-girl almost all day. It physically pained Y/N when she had to leave him alone to help a customer. She wished she could sit there and bask in him and all that he was. 

Y/N wasn’t positive if love at first sight existed before, but now she hadn’t been more positive of anything in her entire life. 

--

Y/N hadn’t had anyone new to talk to in years (she wishes that was an exaggeration). 

So you could definitely imagine the girl’s surprise to see a young British man with a shared admiration for the Great Gatsby at the book shop again before opening time. 

The day prior seemed to repeat itself. And then, every single day after that. 

For three months, Ben would come to the book store and wait outside for Y/N to come and open up. And Y/N spent three weeks barely getting any sleep and talking to her cat about how excited she was to see Ben the next day. 

Y/N and Ben got very close. 

Insanely close. 

So close to the point that Ben knew every single secret she had kept to herself. He knew the name of her first pet and childhood address (which she realized Ben could easily use to change the passwords on innumerable online shopping accounts). 

Ben knew about the one time she had an allergic reaction to a medicine she was on when she was younger, and he even knew about fucking Dale. That was a story Y/N kept to herself. But she told Ben. 

But this relationship was definitely not onesided. Y/N knew just about everything there was to know about Ben. 

She knew the names of his childhood best friends and his favorite flavor of ice cream. She knew about the one time he got arrested when he was a teenager because he was lighting off fireworks in the street at 3 am. She also knew that Ben was an actor that was currently working on a new film. But she wanted to know even more. 

Ben left every day at around 11:30. Y/N had no idea where he went or what he did, but he was never more than five minutes late before he stood up, gave her a big smile and left. 

Y/N had never been in love before but she knew with every fiber of her being, with every bone, muscle, and cell in her body that she was in love with Ben. 

And almost as soon as she realized this, there came some news. 

Earth-shattering, heart-wrenching news. 

He was leaving. 

“I have to go back to the states to finish this film in three days,” he muttered into the quiet air of the book store he had grown so familiar with, “and I won’t be back for at least two months.” 

Y/N could physically feel her heart drop in unison with the butterflies in her stomach. He was leaving, and there was nothing she could do to stop him. 

She had given him a sad smile and taken a thoughtful sip of the tea sitting on her desk. 

“Oh well. Guess I’ll see you in two months, right?” 

"Yeah,” Ben said with a grimace, “right.” 

--

The two of them spent those last few days talking quickly; trying to fit as many words into as little amount of time as possible. It felt like they were suffocating with how fast they were talking and how fast the conversation was moving. Her head would hurt at trying to process so many conversations and stories and little peccadilloes the pair were hurling at each other. 

It was like they were making up for the time the two of them knew they were going to lose. 

On Ben’s last day, Y/N told him of her fear of love and the lack thereof in her life. She told him of her strong desire to be able to relate to the John Green quote. He didn’t say much to that. 

She was so in love with him. And she didn’t think he was in love with her. 

His flight was at 1:00 that day. He left at noon instead of 11:30. Y/N felt her heartbeat increase as the seconds passed by for that last half hour, almost like she was genuinely frightened of him leaving. 

He said goodbye with the first hug the pair ever shared and a light kiss to the top of the head. Y/N’s face was comparable to a fire hydrant. 

Ben swore he would keep in contact, but with the differing time zones, Y/N knew deep down that wouldn’t happen. 

So, with a heavy heart, she caught up on some things around the shop she had been slacking on these past few weeks. 

She blinked away the tears in her eyes a few times, mentally shaming herself for being so upset this man she met three months earlier was leaving. She should’ve known. Or even better, she should’ve said something. 

The girl watched in agony as the clock hit 1:00 that afternoon, and felt a pang in her chest as she thought of him jetting far, far, away from her. 

He would never remember her. She was a quiet girl who worked in a quiet bookshop that was located in a quiet corner of an even quieter town. There was nothing she could do. 

She started sweeping lazily, letting the broom lightly drag across the floor. She didn’t even acknowledge the fact that she wasn’t sweeping anything up. 

She almost peed her pants, though, when a loud noise sounded throughout the otherwise empty bookshop and the door was thrown open the fastest it’s been in its entire life. So fast, in fact, that it fell off its hinges and onto the floor, simultaneously shattering the glass panes that made up the middle.

The girl stumbled backward in shock, her heart pumping not only because of the loud noise, but also because of the person who broke the door. 

Ben. 

The widest smile to ever adorn her pretty face was stretching across her lips. In an adrenaline filled moment, she was off the floor and in his arms. He was stiff and shocked at first, but almost immediately melted into her strangely warm embrace. 

“What are you doing? Your flight was supposed to leave 15 minutes ago!” Y/N exclaimed, the confusion finally finding its way to her intricate brain. 

“I-I couldn’t do it. Not without telling you something first.” 

Y/N’s heart was beating so hard she swore he could see it pounding out of her chest like it does in the cartoons. 

“There’s really no easy way to do this, but here goes nothing,” Ben spoke, clearing his throat, “Y/N, I know we haven’t known each other for that long but I really, really, really like y-” 

Before the beautiful, perfect man could finish his sentence, Y/N was pushing her lips against his in a mad frenzy to release a tension that had been palpable for months. 

Ben melted into the kiss faster than he melted into the hug, his lips moving against hers oh-so-perfectly. 

It felt like they were made to be together. 

It felt like Y/N had been searching for the final puzzle piece to her life for 27 years, and now here she was, standing in the middle of the bookshop on the corner with the glass door shattered on the floor, finally finishing her life-long puzzle. 

“I think I love you.”

“I think I love you too,” she whispered into the quiet that had again settled over the bookstore. 

Maybe Y/N didn’t fall in love while watching Ben read, as John Green said one of his characters did. But she did fall in love like she fell asleep. 

Slowly, then all at once. 

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 24)

Snowballing

Another explicit chapter, guys. Some bickering, some (copious) smut, and some fluff!

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

"This lady here, Arthur? She's one clever little mare," John gestured to me then clapped Arthur's shoulder as we all climbed off the wagon after an evening of fine work, all of us in high spirits. Arthur had been standing guard for the evening, but handed over to Javier for the night shift just as we arrived. He gave us each a quizzical look, and I shrugged as casually as I could.

"We did well, the girls made off with a few wallets, watches, and the like," I informed him. Dutch and Micah were strolling up to us, investigating the commotion of giggles and cheers. "Karen made a healthy profit at the poker table."

"Sure did. And this one?" John put a hand on top of my head in a way I was sure was meant to be well-natured. "Sold a guy a damn rock for three hundred dollars."

"Well, seventy five, plus a watch and a necklace. Both of which could be worthless, for all we know," I corrected and John let out a wheeze of a laugh. 

"Not half as worthless as what he made off with," he grinned and I dodged out from under his hand, smirking bashfully. 

"It was teamwork," I said, strolling away to distance myself from all the attention. I headed towards Dutch, pulling out the remaining cash after John's cut, peeling away most of it but keeping some for myself. I pushed it into his hand, along with the necklace and the watch. He stared at me in surprise, then glanced at Micah. "John played a good shitty businessman. Sore loser, too," I added, spinning back around to flash him a smirk before heading off into camp. 

"Hold on," Dutch called out to me. I turned to him, stomach dropping. "Good work. You're turning out to be a nice little addition to our family," he nodded, waving the cash at me. Relief filled me, as well as a sense of pride.

"Yeah, real nice," Micah added, tone low, eyes trailing up and down my form. 

"You're welcome, I guess," I chuckled awkwardly. I finally got away, plucked an apple from Pearson's wagon and bit into it. 

"You really are quite the con lady, huh, missy?" Micah appeared behind me, bottle of gin in his hand, a cocky swagger to his walk only slightly put off balance by the alcohol so evidently in his system.

"I suppose," I shrugged, chewing through the apple. 

"Clever girl. How'd you do it?" He asked, coming to lean up against the butchering table right next to me. 

"A little role-playing," I told him, tone light and casual. "It weren't nothing complicated, just made out like John was trying to buy it and the guy did the rest of the work himself."

"A rock," he snorted, bristles of his moustache shifting, curving up with a smirk.

"Yep. A rock, just picked it up off the ground."

"Three hundred dollars."

"If we're lucky."

"Wow," he exhaled, then took a swig of gin. "You and me. We should go out conning together."

"Mhm?" I hummed non-committally, distracting myself with my apple.

"Sure, with your looks and my brains, we could pull something off," he said, leaning in.

"I thought I was the clever one?" I snorted. He chuckled lowly, sneering just a little.

"Alright. With my looks and your brains," he rephrased, then snatched the apple from my hand, taking a bite out of the same place I had, before slotting it back between my fingers. I stared at him, face flat and the furthest thing from impressed. "I find your work ethic real attractive, you know that?"

"Is that right?" I mused flatly, and suddenly he was being pulled back by his arm. He grunted and hopped on one foot as he was dragged away, out of balance. Arthur made sure he was a comfortable distance from me before righting him on his feet and pressing a fresh apple into his palm.

"Apples are over here, jackass," he grumbled into his face before sauntering past him towards me.

"Fuck you, Morgan. She ain't right for a lily-livered boy like you, run along and draw some pretty flowers," Micah snipped, staggering a step forwards and hurling the apple at Arthur's back. It bounced off with a thud and rolled across the grass, landing by Micah's feet.

I saw Arthur's face wilt in annoyance, lip twitching. He plucked the half eaten apple from my hand – I sure as hell wasn't finishing it – and spun, launching the thing like a damn shot-put at Micah's head. The thing burst open on contact, showering the area with lumps of apple. I might've laughed at the visual, but Micah went for him, crying out like some sort of animal, arms flailing, gin dropping to the floor and soaking into the mud. He'd just gathered purchase on Arthur's shirt, but he was drunk, and was easily peeled off and pushed to the ground. I half expected Arthur to land a few punches, maybe a kick, but he didn't. He backed away, tutting and shaking his head.

"Sleep it off, you fool," and there was that angry tone again, deep and gritty, rocks grinding against concrete. It made a pulse surge through my body, landing right between my thighs. Wow, that was unexpected.

Micah groaned, rolling over and dragging himself up. He didn't seem to fancy making any more of a fool of himself, and skulked off without another word. Arthur turned to me, scanned my face, his own expression shifting to mild shame.

"I'm sorry, princess," he said to me very quietly.

"Follow me," I replied, turning and striding off. Silence for a few moments, followed by his dragging feet. Perhaps he thought I was angry? I let him think that, leading him out of camp, off parallel to the lake towards a dense patch of trees. It was dark, late in the evening, a lot of the camp was sleeping anyway but I wanted to get away from there.

I waited until we were well concealed then spun around, crashing against him and wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him hard. He did not seem to anticipate it, jerking and grunting, hands catching my waist. He settled soon enough, kissing me back with just as much heat, groaning and walking his hips forwards, pressing our bodies close. Our kiss was loud, breathy, fervid. I gripped onto the back of his shirt, practically hanging off of him as his hold on me tightened, effectively lifting me up. He made small humming sounds, like he was trying to communicate something, I wasn't smart enough to figure out what but he was prising me off of him far too soon.

"Hey, hey," he puffed, out of breath, "what're you doing?" He asked, but he didn't sound upset about it.

"I'm sorry, I had to. You– Christ, you do something to me when you talk like that," I admitted to him, forehead pressed to his, hands roaming up and down his back, fingers finding ridges of muscle.

"Like what?" He laughed, stroking up my sides, around to my back.

"Like you spoke to Micah," I added and he seemed to understand, hands stilling. He didn't say anything else, and I kissed him again, walking him back against a nearby tree. He let me continue for quite some time, not putting up a fight to my over-eager hands exploring his upper body, fingers slipping through the opening of his shirt and the union suit underneath just enough to drag across bare skin and chest hair.

"Mm– w-wait, hold on–" he stammered then, forcing our lips to part. "Where is this going, exactly?" He asked me, panting.

I stalled, breath leaving me like I'd been punched in the gut. I looked around, reminded of where we were. I wanted to do so much to him, a whole novel's worth of things, in fact. But not there, not like that. Though, I was not about to leave him hanging. 

I dipped my head under his chin, resting the top of it against his collar bone as my hands went to his belt buckle, unfastening it. Arthur's breath picked up, he let me undo his belt and lower it to the ground, guns and all. He also let me unfasten his jeans, my knuckles brushing the stiff bulge in the front and making his body tense. I bit down on my lip, keeping my gaze focused straight down as I slid a shaky hand inside, cupping him through his union suit. My body throbbed needily when I touched him, feeling the outline of his erection, the warmth of it, the way it moved under my hand – and that was a surprise – as it grew harder. 

I gave it a few experimental rubs, grinding my palm up and down, hearing Arthur's responsive moans, feeling his hips press forwards.

"Angel…" he breathed. His own hands moving to my front, brushing down over the buttons of my blouse before reaching my pants, unfastening them and pushing inside, into my drawers. His fingers met my core and I opened my mouth, an almost soundless moan escaping as I shifted my head to rest on his shoulder.

I pulled myself together long enough to pluck open the bottom buttons of his union suit, bravely sticking my hand inside, wrapping it around him and drawing his length out. Arthur hissed, hips bucking. 

"Tell me what to do," I breathed, earning a whine and a kiss to the side of my head. 

"J-jus' move your hand, yeah, like that… Christ almighty," he puffed, head knocking back against the tree trunk. 

I stroked my hand back and forth, feeling the skin shift in a way I hadn't been expecting, and held him looser as a result. 

"No, that's… that's right. You can hold tighter than that, I ain't that delicate," he told me, and I adjusted my grip, looking down as I stroked his foreskin back and forth over the head, hearing Arthur's groans pick up as I did. His hand had gone lax in my pants, but I didn't mind.

My fingers barely met my thumb where they wrapped around him, and I shamelessly looked down to watch my ministrations. It was dark, but I could still watch his hips drive forward, his cock disappearing and emerging from the ring of my hand with our movements. It made me shiver, and I was grateful when Arthur seemed to remember himself and began stroking me again, fingers sliding through my slickness before settling on the bud of pure bliss that had me groaning and twisting my face into his neck.

"You like this? You're so…" he trailed off, and I hummed against him. 

"I'm so what?" I asked. So bad? So good? I needed to know.

"Wet," he answered, surprising me. "You're real turned on," he added, his voice so deep and sensual. 

"Yes," I breathed, "of course I am."

"All for me?" He lilted, voice curling up, though it was small and timid, even.

"For you," I affirmed, pressing my lips to his neck, right at his pulse, feeling it race. 

Arthur mewled, a shaky, vulnerable sound, when I moved my hand faster. He did the same, rolling the nub under his first and second finger in quick tight circles, making my breath hitch and my peak draw in fast and powerful. I felt so good with my hand wrapped around him, listening to his sounds, out there among the trees where no one could hear us but each other. 

I lifted my head so I could kiss him, indulging in the sensation of his plush lips working with mine; a little sloppy and distracted but it felt so nice. I moaned, all high pitched and indecent and Arthur swallowed it up, returned it with one of his own. Much deeper. Much gruffer. So, incredibly sexy.

The head of his length grew slick, dampening my hand as I dragged it up and over, and I drew the slick back down. It made my strokes slide easier, and Arthur seemed to like the sensation an awful lot, going rigid and arching his back, hips rocking forwards to thrust into my hand, his own fingers going lax once again. The man seemed unable to multitask when it came to receiving pleasure, and I couldn't help but smile against his mouth in mild amusement at the fact. 

"Ohh, fu– you're gonna make me cum," he rasped, words jagged and raw. His hand gave the odd rub between my legs, like he was trying but struggling to focus on the task. I was far from upset about it, it was oddly endearing. His words were enough to send pleasure to my belly, anyway.

I tilted my head down, wanting to watch. Little hiccuppy sounds escaped him, his breath jerky and fast. I slid my free hand down his arm, covering his hand and pushing it more firmly against me so I could grind. He made a small, breathy apology, I shushed him gently and giggled. I leaned into him, raising up and down just a bit, rubbing myself against his hand indecently, something he seemed to enjoy a lot given his loud moan and his whispers of praise. He moved his hand down, two fingers slipping easily inside me, palm pressing against my clit; it gave me a lot more to work with and I gasped as I practically rode his hand. 

Arthur rumbled a sensuous chuckle, "mm, that's dirty," he hummed and I flushed.

I tried focusing my hand at the tip of his length, since judging by his reactions, he liked that part the best. The effect was immediate, there was a sharp inhale and his body stiffened. His sounds stopped and his mouth hung open, and there was a period of stillness before he released everything; muscles relaxing, drawn out moans flowing freely, sighs of my name, praise, thank yous, the works. His cock spurted in my hand, pumping in bursts, getting all over my knuckles before dropping onto the grassy floor below. My lips parted as I watched; it was so incredibly erotic, I was shocked by how much I enjoyed the show, how much I could indulge in his pleasure.

Arthur curled his fingers inside me, pressing firmly against a certain spot and prompting me to move more solidly against him, chasing my own release. Once he came back down to Earth, Arthur was far more attentive with his hand and helped me out, jerking at the elbow to rut his hand against me in time with my own motions. He was panting into my ear, whispering to me. 

"That's nice, beautiful. You know, you're giving me a hell of a lot to keep me up at night with all those sounds you making," it was muffled against my temple, and so, so dirty. "All I can think about is how you'll feel if I get to have you for real, you feel real nice on my fingers, squeezin' me like you are."

"Fuck, Arthur," I choked, turning my head and involuntarily biting into his shoulder; not hard, but enough to get a guttural reaction from him.

"You like me talking like this?" He asked me, and it was then I realised just how similar this gruff, deep tone of his was to the one he used when he was angry, the one he knew I liked. Though here, it was stirred in with a little sweetness, just for me.

The realisation that he was trying to turn me on, rile me up using his voice like that, knocked the breath from me. I came on his fingers, sobbing at the intensity of it, feeling my wetness on his hand as he moved it faster through my orgasm. 

"I take it you do," he chuckled, wringing the pleasure from me, easing me down from my peak with a gradual slow of his movements. 

When it was over there was a split second where I wanted more, I wanted to push him down to the ground and sink onto him, ride him until we were sighing and cumming all over again. It passed quickly, though, when I opened up my eyes to our wooded surroundings, and I realised my hand was still loosely wrapped around his now flaccid member. I wouldn't be riding anything, out there. I wanted a nice warm bed in a room to ourselves, then Arthur could do whatever the hell he wanted to me, and I'd be in heaven.

"Princess," he whispered to me, withdrawing his fingers and stroking them up and down my slit ever so gently, coaxing a whimper from me. "You alright?" He asked. 

I peeled my head off his shoulder and met his eyes. It was so dark, but I'd adjusted to it and could see his face easily. He cupped my cheek and kissed me once, chaste. 

I remembered he was waiting for a reply and quickly nodded. "Yes, better than alright," I told him. We stared at each other for a few long moments, a soft smile on our faces. 

Eventually we withdrew from each other, looking at our hands, covered in one another's mess and not quite knowing what to do about it. I wheezed a laugh before grabbing his arm and tugging him out of the woods and to the lake. We cleaned ourselves up there and adjusted our clothing, making ourselves presentable. 

"I don't wanna go back," Arthur told me after splashing cool water on his face. I looked at him. "I can't go back after that, sleep in separate bed rolls without at least a little time to… to just sit with you and soak it up."

"Me neither," I admitted. 

Arthur straightened up, taking my hand in his and leading me over to a boulder nearby, groaning as he sat down and tugged me with him. I sat, shifting onto one hip as we reclined against the rock. I hooked my leg over his and placed my head on his chest as his arms encircled me. We could see the camp across the water, just a little way around the bank. It was dark, nobody could see us. And even if they could, I wasn't sure Arthur or I even cared at that point.

"Every single day, I like you a bit more," Arthur told me after a moment of peace. "And every day, the amount it increases by gets bigger. I'm snowballing, hard. Scares me sometimes, just how fast it's happening, but… I don't mind at all."

I turned my head, resting my ear against him, hearing his heartbeat. Thud thud, thud thud. I opened up his shirt and union suit just enough to rest my hand against his bare chest, nails lightly scratching over the hair there. His words made my heart swell, I felt something completely new.

I left it too long before answering, my mind completely blank. I pushed myself to say something. "Don't take my silence as a bad thing. I have no idea what to say to that, all I know is it makes me happy to hear you say it," I whispered.

"I wish I could give you more than this. Constantly surrounded by everyone, having to sneak off to the woods to share a kiss or two. You deserve more," he told me, his fingers skipping up and down my arm, raising the hairs there and tickling ever so slightly.

"I don't deserve nothin', you say that like this ain't already the best thing to ever happen to me," I assured him. 

"You mean that?" He questioned, voice going up at the end.

"Arthur, I ain't ever been so happy," I confessed, hand roaming around under his clothes, fingertips brushing along his collarbone; mapping out his chest in my mind and committing everything about the moment to memory.

Arthur didn't say anything, opting to press a lingering kiss to the top of my head. I lifted my head so I could kiss him, the one we shared was sweet and tender, nothing in it but affection, no lust or neediness for anything more. When it broke, I went right back to resting on his chest, letting out a contented sigh. 

"So," he began after a period of quiet. "Tell me about this three hundred dollar rock."

A smile broke across my face, and I began to recount the story.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 049

Last time, Gohan rescued a Namekian child from Dodoria, and Krillin used the Solar Flare to cover their escape.   Dodoria doesn’t have a scouter, and he can’t sense ki energy like the good guys, so he basically has no way to track his enemies if they drop out of sight.  

I suppose it’s the overwhelming arrogance of Frieza’s group that’s their biggest weakness.    The scouters were a cool concept when they were first introduced.   They make Raditz look more science-fictiony, but by the time Zarbon and Dodoria are running around, it just seems really dumb.   I guess that’s because by this point, the good guys have refined their ki senes to the point where they’re superior to the scouters in every way.   So you end up with Dodoria uselessly tapping the button on his ear, and wondering if his readings are accurate, and then getting completely flustered when he no longer has the tech to rely upon.   Without one, he got completely suckered by Krillin and Gohan, who should be way out of their league.    But Dodoria can’t find them, and he just fell for the oldest trick in the book.    He’s stronger than Vegeta was on Earth, but he comes across like a complete loser.

Frustrated, Dodoria decides that the heroes couldn’t have gone far, so he fires a blast at the water below to make a huge explosion.   He assumes--stupidly-- that this would be enough to kill them.    I mean, it probably would, but he doesn’t even know if they’re in range, and even if they were in range, there’d be no way to tell, because their bodies would be vaporized.

I wasn’t planning to go on a rant about how dumb Dodoria is, but geez.    We’ve already established that these are no ordinary guys.   He has no idea how strong or weak they are.    Dodoria thinks they’re weaker because they ran away, but how does he know they aren’t luring him into a trap?   Krillin already surprised him with the Solar Flare, so how can he be sure whether his blast would kill them or not?   He’s taking an awful chance here, and he doesn’t even seem to realize it.   Even if Gohan and Krillin can’t harm him, how pissed will Frieza be if they show up later, after Dodoria reported them dead?  

Dodoria’s problem is that he’s so used to working with a scouter that he can’t adjust his tactics to working without one.    He’s used to opponents who can’t raise or lower their battle power, to the point that he never bothers to consider what it would mean to fight enemies who can.  Moori blasted the scouter right off his face, and then Gohan and Krillin sucker punched him.   He was stronger than all three of them put together, but it didn’t even occur to him to be on guard for any of that.    He’s used to the scouter warning him, and he’s so used to having it that he never imagined anyone would try to take it away from him.

Anyway, Dodoria heads back, and Dende thanks the boys for saving him.   Krillin gives all the credit to Gohan, since Krillin was too petrified to even consider it.   Gohan points out that Krillin helped when it counted, making up for Gohan’s reckless heroism.   I like that.   It would be easy to reduce Krillin to a fraidy-cat, or to reduce Gohan to a rash idealist, but instead they both work together to support each other.   That’s important.

Back at the cave, Bulma’s taking a bubble bath in the capsule house she set up, and her father informs her that Goku is en route to Namek.    That’s pretty amazing reception she’s getting, considering that she’s in a cave in another solar system.   

Speaking of Goku, he’s having a snack during his long journey through space.

I like to think he’s gonna make a banana-and-fish sandwich.   Good ol’ B&F, Goku style.  

But he’s got the ship’s artificial gravity turned up to twenty-times normal, so when he flops on the bed it wrecks his quarters.    Dr Brief stocked this place with a bookshelf and a giant TV.   Goku was only going to be gone for twelve days, and he planned to train the whole way.    The stero/cappucino machine made sense to me, but did Dr. Brief really think he was going to watch a bunch of old movies and read novels?

On Namek, Dodoria’s still sore about not having scouters, since it’ll complicate the Dragon Ball hunt.   Really, why should he complain?    They already have five of them, so even if it takes longer to get the last two, it could have been a lot worse?   Besides, what else was he going to do today?

Then he gets ambushed again, and this time it turns out to be Vegeta. 

Vegeta’s been monitoring their communications on their scouters, right up until the sound cut out when Moori destroyed them all.    Then he sensed Dodoria moving on his own, and decided to intercept him.     Dodoria notices that Vegeta still has a scouter--the last one on the planet, apparently-- and offers to let Vegeta go if he turns it over.   

So Vegeta drops it on the ground and invites Dodoria to take it from him.    Then he steps on it and destroys it.    Wait, Vegeta’s foot is really tiny, isn’t it?

Dodoria is shocked, since this means Vegeta is giving up his only advantage, until Vegeta explains that he met enemies on Earth who could sense battle powers without a scouter.     One of them was a Saiyan (Goku), which convinced him that he should be able to learn the same trick.

“Once you learn how to do it, it’s easy.    But then, for those like yourselves or Frieza, who only set their sights on power, it would be impossible.   Although up until now, I was the same way.”

This is an interesting line from Vegeta, and I noticed it wasn’t really duplicated in the dub.     The part where he says that if Goku can do something, he should be able to do it too, that line carried over, and it always stuck with me.   It’s a big reason why Vegeta has outlasted so many other characters in the franchise.   If Goku learns a new ability or faces a new rival, there’s absolutely no reason for Vegeta to stay out of the picture.   

But the part about Frieza and his men being incapable of such growth, that’s very important.   It defines the whole Frieza/Namek saga, and maybe all of Dragon Ball as a whole.   It’s not that the bad guys can’t learn to sense ki; they just never considered it was possible, and they never would have bothered to try.    For all their power, they’re close-minded, cut off from new ideas and the possibilities that come with them.    Guys like Cui and Dodoria honestly believed that Vegeta would never surpass them in strength, like it was a rule or something.   Now, the rules of the game have changed, and Dodoria can’t keep up.   His opening move in this confrontation was to threaten Vegeta, even though they both know he’s got the upper hand.

Dodoria accuses him of bringing Earthlings with him as some sort of alliance, but Vegeta has no idea what he’s talking about.    Dodoria nervously “offers” him a chance to run away, but Vegeta knows better.   This is just sad, really.  

I mean, Cui was genuinely surprised to find out that Vegeta had gotten stronger, but Dodoria monitored that battle on his scouter, so he knows Vegeta’s too much for him.  And yet, he keeps playing the same hand, like the universe is going to say “You know what?  You called our bluff, Dodoria.   Yeah, Vegeta’s not really that strong.    Sorry about that.”    No.    It doesn’t work that way.

So Vegeta grabs Dodoria and puts him in a jointlock very easily.   You know, I didn’t think Vegeta was this much stronger than Dodoria.  I’m pretty sure a big explanation for this is that Dodoria doesn’t have nearly a much skill.   He’s used to just mowing down his opposition with brute force, so when he takes on someone in his own weight class, with greater finesse, he gets overmatched immediately.    It explains ho Krillin and Gohan held him off for as long as they did. 

But Dodoria convinces Vegeta to let him go, in exchange for a secret about the Planet Vegeta.   This leads to a... well, it’s not exactly a flashback.   Really, it’s just random footage of Saiyans to accompany Dodoria’s revelation.

Is that guy Nappa?   He looks like an off-model bootleg version.

And here’s a shot of some great apes breaking stuff.   I’ve seen gifs of this, and I never could tell where they’re from.    For the record, it’s Episode 49 of DBZ.

The Saiyans were never strong enough to oppose Frieza individually, but if enough of them joined forces, they could cause Frieza some problems.   

On top of that, a number of Saiyans were beginning to show greater and greater potential.    The fact that Vegeta just ate Cui and Dodoria’s lunch is proof of that.    A year ago, that would have been impossible for Vegeta, and he’s the strongest of his species.

So Frieza destroyed Planet Vegeta, wiping out the entire Saiyan race, well before enough of them could become powerful enough to openly defy him. 

But Frieza thought Vegeta alone could still be useful, so he made sure Vegeta wasn’t on the planet when he destroyed it.   I assume the meteor story was invented solely to keep Vegeta in the dark.

Couple of things here.    First, I think this is the very first time the Japanese script mentions Vegeta being the Saiyan prince.  The Funimation dub was referring to “Prince Vegeta” as early as episode 11, but I’ve been keeping an eye out, waiting for the Japanese version to establish it, and this seems to be the first time.   Maybe I missed an earlier mention of it.

This is probably not a coincidence, as this whole episode seems to be laying the groundwork for Vegeta’s transition from villain to antihero.  Before, he was just the boss of a small gang of space pirates.     Now, Dodoria is describing him as a prince of a nearly-extinct warrior race.    His revolt against Frieza now begins to resemble a quest for revenge.   Yeah, Vegeta still plans to become an immortal space tyrant, essentially replacing Frieza’s evil with his own, but there’s still a sympathetic aspect to him now.  

Plus, he’s got the whole thing where he learned something from his time on Earth.   Vegeta’s nowhere near making friends with the Z-Fighters.  He just threatened to kill them in this episode, for example.   Still, he seems to recognize that losing that battle on Earth was more beneficial to him than any victory.    There’s at least a glimmer of respect for what the Earth represents, whereas he only sees Dodoria as desperate and pathetic.

Second, I always found it ironic that Frieza decided to keep just one Saiyan alive to serve in his organization.   Actually, it was three, but let’s face it, Raditz and Nappa were nothing to Frieza.    My point is that he was concerned about a mass uprising of Saiyans, and he was concerned about individual Saiyans growing stronger over time.   But he really only addressed one of those issues.    Vegeta may have been isolated after his home planet was destroyed, but he’s been getting stronger and stronger ever since. 

I think Frieza might have assumed that a single Saiyan would be more compliant than a group of them.    Again, complacency seems to be the issue with Frieza’s organization.   I get the impression that he conquered the Saiyans, much like he conquered other planets, and put them to work alongside his own forces, and just sort of assumed the dynamics wouldn’t change.   Like, I don’t know if Frieza conquered a planet full of Zarbons or not.    He may have only recruited Zarbon alone, because he was the strongest one.   The rest would be no threat to him.

But with the Saiyans, the whole population is super strong, and they yearn to get stronger.    After a few years, Frieza started to realize that they’d just get bigger and bigger until they became to big to handle.   This idea gets explored in the Bardock special, but I think it begs the question of why Frieza didn’t just destroy the Saiyans from the start.    I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s really lazy.   The idea of a whole planet full of warriors was too enticing to give up easily.   In the recent Dragon Ball Super: Broly movie, Frieza’s kind of desperate for soldiers, and there’s no reason to think that things were any different fifty years earlier.  The Saiyans must have seemed like a dream come true... at first.   

As for Dodoria, his entire plan is to shock Vegeta with his startling revelation, and then run away while he’s still processing it.    Instead, Vegeta isn’t bothered much at all.    He doesn’t care about his family or friends that Frieza killed.    He’s only mad at himself for not suspecting Frieza in the first place, and he’s pissed at Frieza & Co. for daring to think they could manipulate him like this.   Geets zaps him, and that’s the end of Dodoria.

The only thing Dodoria’s tip accomplished was to encourage Vegeta further.  Now he nows that Frieza is afraid of the Saiyans.   So no matter how much stronger Frieza is, there’s still a chance.    A Saiyan can beat Frieza.

Speaking of which...