#(and she knows it. and she feels it. but she cant stop it either.)

[angel---eater]

i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using

[pocket-stars]

okay i want to talk about the awful doctor i had

i am autistic, i’m normally just fine at verbalizing and vocalizing, but stress can make me nonverbal. sometimes stress makes me vocal stim, which is usually long aaaaaaaaa hhhhhuuuuuuhhhhh ehhhhh type sounds. these are usually quiet, just my way of telling people hey, im not comfortable, please help

so far, ive been fortunate to have doctors that were patient and understanding with me. i was allowed to have my headphones on when i went under anesthesia, and was promised they would put my headphones back on when i woke up

in the past when i went under anesthesia, i felt myself falling asleep, had a dream, and then woke up in the operating room where i had fallen asleep. today when i went under, all i remember was being in the pre op room, and then waking up in the recovery room. so obviously, that transition was very disorienting

what was worse, though, was that i was only partially conscious. i felt almost paralyzed, i couldn’t move my body. my eyes wouldn’t stay open for more than half a second at a time, so i couldn’t get a good feel for where i was. a nurse was talking to me, and i could hardly understand a single word she was saying to me. there were wires on me that weren’t before. and, there was pain in unexpected places- they had to put a bit of air in me for the cameras they were using, and that air had made its way up to my shoulders and under my ribs, and it hurt like a damn bitch. plus, my headphones hadnt been put back on yet, so the noise in the room was causijg additional pain.

so i was really disoriented, scared and confused and in excruciating pain. so uncontrollably, i started making my stressed out noises, and LOUD. i couldn’t control myself. things like this cant be controlled.

the nurse with me immediately began scolding me, as if yelling at someone whos scared will make them feel any better. she was angry, really angry, and was telling me to shut up, be quiet, theres other patients in here stop being a nuisance, she came to my ears to Shout At Me “CAN YOU HEAR ME??? SHUT UP”

so i started wailing, because she was just making me more scared. one of the nurses reminded her of my headphones and they put them on, which made me instantly more comfortable, and i got a lot quieter. i was still making stress noise though, just at a mostly normal speaking volume. i still couldn’t move or hardly see anything or process any sounds other than the same nurse still bitching at me to shut up.

now my memories aren’t great here because i was still affected by anesthesia and hardly awake, but i think they were moving me around to unhook me from stuff, which was making the air move around which hurt and so i got louder again. and the nurse was Pissed at me. she kept snapping at me to either talk to her or for the love of god shut up. rather than trying to comfort me or anything.

getting moved around made the air under my ribs press up against my lungs, and suddenly breathing more than the absolute shallowest breaths i could manage felt impossible. my nose had gotten stuffed up, so i could only breathe through my mouth, and i started hyperventilating and crying and screaming the first words i had been able to say for god knows how long: “i cant breathe, i cant breathe, help me i cant breathe” and that nurse came up to me and told me actually 👆you Can breathe cus you’re screaming. no regards to my panic or pain at all, she just continued scolding me and trying to get me to shut up. she told me to breathe throuhh my nose, and i tried, but it was too stuffy, and she got frustrated with me for not listening to her.

i don’t remember how they got me breathing okay again; part of me remembers them putting an oxygen tube up my nose but i don’t know if that was a dream or not. i just remember that eventually, i was able to breathe okay, and my nurse was still being rude. so i mumbled to her with my dry mouth and sore throat, “you have terrible bedside manners.” she left, and i continued uncontrollably making uncomfortable stressed noises, but i was quieter now. it was mostly just groaning at a regular volume. the nurse came back much later, gave me some ice for my dry mouth, and didn’t say another word to me.

that was my first time ever experiencing anything like that in the healthcare system, and im lucky it was only the one recovery nurse. but it still hurt my heart. what about other autistic adults who may be even louder, who may get physically aggressive when people are being rude and making them more stressed out? every other doctor ive had, if something starts to freak me out, they’re gentle and reassuring and patient and explain things to me.

im going to complain about this woman when my surgeon calls me later, so im writing all of this down so i dont forget. annoying or not, no person should ever be treated this way.

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

[ganondoodle]

(im maybe thinking a little too much about that totk rewritten project ..)

had a cool idea and wanna know what people would prefer; after you beat ganondorf once, marking the half way point of the game, would you rather:

get a long cutscene in which you see some of his memories, that shows why he ended up there and why he is the way he is, with you occasionally being able to walk around in them

get a few sudden flashes of memories, nothing detailed or clear but have 'miasma hearts' spawn across the surface and underground map, a tree like growth of miasma that holds an important memory from the past; they unlock in order of them happening as there are several stages of growth to them, you can find all before seeing the first one but you cant access the memory until the 'tree' has matured, they will grow more the closer you are to unlocking them; they slowly lead you back towards ganondorf and you need all of them to unlock the endboss

[spacedlexi]

trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but

its hard

[softshuji]

eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

[motionpicturesforcarrie]

the girl i used to be friends with used to gossip abt shit that was NO ONE’S business like private information other people shared with her when NO ONE asked… it always made me feel sick and even moreso looking back at it, like i never asked abt that she would just talk to ppl that she wasn’t even close friends with and not see anything bad!!! but anyway as much as i feel bad abt those people, its also been making me paranoid. like what if she spread a bunch of personal stuff that i told her abt or my bf or friends told her about. and theres just like random ppl i dont know that hate me now bc of how she framed me.

[yamikawaii]

whats fun is looking at the thread youre hanging on by and seeing where it's about to snap. whats even more fun is deliberately cutting through that thread because you know it'll just snap anyways so why bother clinging to it as if youll make it somehow

[roachemoji]

.

[faaun]

im actually becoming a littol bit annoyed by smn 😭

[nightfallsystem]

i am scared my mother will be mad if she knows im trying to physically transition but its my last hope

[rxttenfish]

redesign gorgons really are just the embodiment of "congratulations! you are so good at picking up on the social norms of all the people around you and imprinting on their habits, personalities, and quirks to make them a part of yourself! unfortunately,"

[minarcana]

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

billy steve and eddie would all be such cool ass pirates, but i require peer feedback:

what specific flavor of pirate would each of them be? what notch in the Aesthetic Pirate Trope story are they each fulfilling?

bc i have Ideas

[phagodyke]

i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐