#cant last much longer like this
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i am scared my mother will be mad if she knows im trying to physically transition but its my last hope
#like . its either this or i kill myself#cant last much longer like this#ive been trying to kill myself because of it for years#why dont i just stop being a coward and finally do it...#shes against minors transitioning which is stupid#mother i know you dont give a fuck about me#i wanna overdose but ill puke it all up immediately because its paracetamol but i wanna feel good again like the other time...#tw suicide#tw vent
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binding vow
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#done....collapses#up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d#the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse#as is Correct and Just#real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes#w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean#but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death#((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire#like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating#also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys#in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay#if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant#but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours
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this animatic is going to kill me. this has been my artistic experience for the past few days
big things coming
#m.txt#wip spam#<HAVENT SEEN THAT TAG IN A WHILE HUH?#i think theres a setting to alter how dark the onion skinning is and i need to adjust it because its so fucking hard to work with#but i simply cannot be fucked to find it. too much effort#i feel compelled to share this specific frame because everyones drawing fanart of this fucking line. theyre obsessed#and its not fair bc now it looks like i picked this scene to animatic because of this line. becaues everyones obsessed with it#but thats not why i picked it. i picked it because bill is a silly guy </3#gravity falls#ok theres enough tags that this wont show up in there now i think lol#i think this animatic is 1. longer 2. more complicated 3. more animated than the last one. yippee!!#cant really know for sure until its done though. at least on the longer front
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chat if i may speak
#marvel cinematic universe#mcu#xmen#x2 xmen united#xmen the last stand#xmen dofp#magneto#erik lehnsherr#snap sketches#i love the old people !!!!!!#highkey though old people are prob my fave subjects to draw ..#theres just so much line definition- i feel more confident drawing them and saying 'yeah that looks like them'#tho i also feel this way with people/characters who have really defined features and shapes ..... most curious !!!#anyways. i gave him extensions vjalkjlkaejAELJ#long-hair erik is important to me and i simply Had To See with ian mckellens face#at the same time something isnt right ... i cant explain it... im not gonna sit on this any longer tho this just a quick thing vjlkalk#when i inevitably draw older movie erik again ill prob go back to his short hair but i may be subjected to a treat. just this once#i dont wanna drive. totally unrelated. im going home for the weekend and i live so FAR from my dorm i hate it here (no i dont)#i just hate driving VJELAVJAE#whatever its the weekend which means more time for xmen brainrot#i just started S3 of 92 !!!!! in theory im halfway done with the series but S3 is also 26 episodes compared to the previous 13 vjeALVKEJ#OH WELL. im gonna go now i have to start driving at some point i GUESS#i just wanted to leave the people with a silly thing </3 ok bye bye#i have a silly comic planned with younger cherik so heres to hoping i do that !!! it's stupid but funny. i hope#ok bye bye now Truly
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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The thing where a korean fan will say something stupid and then international fans will jump on it viciously and immediately just be saying the most transparently xenophobic shit never fails to shock me, and I've seen it a lot of times now so it probably shouldn't shock me, and yet!
#its the way they immediately go to ALL KSTAY every single one of them#and im just like ?????????????????? so one girl making a questionable post now represents every single korean fan? seems fair#also theyre always like YOU PEOPLE which again. Think about how youre phrasing things jesus christ#but then theyll be like How dare you not obsessively stream them to keep them on melon for longer WE keep them on billboard blah blah#and im like. thats what youre taking issue with? not the airport mobbings or trucks demanding weird shit or whatever else- you choose /that/#lmao#also again. i have seen terrible behaviour from all corners of the planet so how is it fair to throw them under the bus but not the others#some american woman was lying and p much riling up a harrassment campaign last week but i dont see any All American Stay Are EVIL so.#also the only other time ive seen this is with Jstay and Cstay so lol Kinda interesting that... perhaps a pattern#like be for real a lot of international fans are jealous of the fanmeets fansigns and popup stores japan and korea get#but thats the company? like you cant blame the fans in korea or japan for getting these events? they are a korean group?#sure some korean fans can be zenophobic right back or entitled but you cant paint everyone with the same brush#very weird behaviour#also like other korean fans were jumping her so seeing all the Every kstay replies was crazy#girl theres kstays in here insulting her in ways youd never understand be quiet
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hey so this year has been particularly rough...
currently trying to raise funds to comfortably move into a new apartment...any help or spread of word is greatly appreciated
#its horribly inconvenient timing but my living situations is on its last legs and cant keep going like this for very much longer#for my financial/mental/physical health's sake#this has been on my twitter for a bit and i figure i should put it here too
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the successful aftermath of the first ever (improvised) top surgery, invented by master katara of the southern water tribe and performed on fire lord zuko (circa 104 ag)
#sokka is a prodigy inventor that specializes in engineering and tactics.#and katara is a prodigy that specializes in EVIL SURGERY and ANATOMY MURDER. she just doesnt know it yet.#and zuko is her NUMBER ONE ENABLER#its like how azula is a prodigy in firebending and zuko is a prodigy in breaking and entering#hes like I bet you anything we can use bloodbending for good things (trying to make her feel better about it)#and it leads to unethical medical practices (because they cant do anything legal and normal for fun together)#she didnt even come up with a plan for how she was gonna do it she free styled and it worked#sokka hates them both so much hes never leaving them unattended together for longer than 5 minutes ever again#atla#avatar the last airbender#katara#zuko#blood tw#alicias art
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man rodeoh hasnt added my not so good review and now im starting to wonder if theres some suspicious reason they dont have any reviews under 4 stars
#its an underwear brand i tried out awhile ago#they felt really cheap and thin and unstretchy when they arrived and within a year completely fell apart at the seams#like i ripped the waistband right off from just putting them on.#the croctches wore right out to nothing and im not even active! i hardly do anything!#and like maybe a year is too much to ask for clothing nowadays but idk i feel like they should last longer than that#i cant afford to replace all my underwear every year#also for tboy oriented underwear i was sorely disappointed that they didnt have pad functionality#idk man#rodeoh#maybe they just arent made for big fat guys idk#the inseam was awkwardly proportioned so it crumpled a lot under my belly but wasnt long enough to go over it#i tried to record a video of how easy it was to pull em apart but it just made me look really strong and also like the start of an OF#i need some validation that im not the only one that experienced this iim dying squirtle
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Saw all these beautiful women with long hair today and thought to myself "why do I want to do that" so now I'm debating if I want to chop all my hair off again
#on one hand. if i go back to the bowlcut then i cant just put it in a ponytail when its in my face#i have to actually cut it short consistently in order to keep it manageable.#but on the other hand. im already doing that with my bangs#and as much fun as i have braiding my hair its. its a little weird that all but 3 of the women in class wear their hair the same way#sigh i dont know. i like the idea of having long hair for my wedding#so that i can do some cute elaborate design but im nowhere close to getting married#like im only 20 and marriage is at the very least a 25 year old thing so. i have time#theoretically i have plenty of time to grow my hair out but the thing is will i ever want to#maybe what i really need to do is just buy a better wig so that i have one thats more customizable#bc my current wig is cute but i cant do french or dutch braids on it without revealing the mesh underneath#and all i really want is to walk around with cute braids but at what cost?!#ok but also lets think about it this way: this time last year my hair was just shy of my ear lobes#and now it tickles the tops of my shoulders but isnt quite shoulder level#lets say thats about 3 inches in a year. that means 9 inches in 3 years and 15 inches in 5 years#that means if i dont cut my hair now then it will have grown about 7 inches in total by the time i graduate#that would be longer than its ever been in my life and im already halfway there#sigh again. i guess i should stick with it just to see if i even like it that long#cuz how will i know if i dont try
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"And you guys saw our arena? Like, the arena in Florida is obviously grown so much during the season but playoff times is a whole new level. You know, I think—I mean for me, I had a feeling and I knew that I was probably on my way out. So after we won, I would just kind-of circling around looking at how crazy this atmosphere was. You know, it's obviously something I'll remember forever."
Oh so like im supposed to be normal about this... that monty absolutely knew it wasnt likely he was gonna stay so the second he won the cup he tried to take it all in the best he could like he was
#brandon montour#the melancholy in knowing this is the last time youll experience the best moment of your life in THIS arena#walking around the halls like youre a disney channel star saying goodbye to your set in the season finale#alternatively you cant imagine the joy that would fill you as you stay with your team until 3am celebrating#and the dread that plagues when you realise this is the last time youll have this that makes it the much harder to leave#on another episode of how many guys in that room knew they werent staying#man thanks for making me sad again#I FUCKING HATE IT HERE#I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS ANY LONGER#WHY WAS THIS SUCH A CASUAL ADMISSION YOU JUST MADE ME CRY AGAIN IM DISTRAUGHT
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/184c2548b37147669e529d585f049e07/ff037886934fbdae-bd/s540x810/d0098ccb0ef0460227875f02704075a66f1f8d39.jpg)
One day I'll run out of photos of aegon targaryen to paint, but not today evidently
#well technically i painted this last night#i cant tell if it sucks or not but i thought id post it anyway#aegon ii targaryen#been doing less fanart lately#art#my art#watercolor#gouache#its so much easier to paint them at this scale#i keep trying to paint bigger portraits but they take so much longer so i lose interest#also cause if i start another i never finish the old one. ive moved on#also just found out tom glynn carney was the kid from dunkirk??? id heard he was in it but i didnt know who#i watched that movie in history class and afterwards somebody was like 'harry styles was in it' and i was like “what”#they were all british guys with brown hair i have no idea which one he was lol#aegon the second#hotd#hotd aegon#house of the dragon#hotd fanart#im almost done with the dance section of fire and blood#ive got to return it to the library soon im out of renewels#ill probably post a pic of it before i do though cause i added a ton of paper tabs and sticky notes to mark stuff and take notes#but i didnt wanna write in it cause its a library book#not that it goes out very much
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia
#borbtalks#'borb u got a letter from vsp. why are you paying for vsp. i dont think u need it bc of xyz. oh you're getting mail from y insurance?#they're a good company. im also covered under them. are they cheaper than ur previous one? they must be. did u know medicare has a page#online where u can compare all the plans? well did you? ik you've been on medicare longer than me but idk if you knew :/#sooo do u have a valid drivers license? oh when did u get it renewed? when does it expire? we were looking at car insurance earlier...#oh btw when are they gonna reevaluate u for disability? do u know? when did they last reevaluate u? when do they reevaluate others?#ANYWAY. what if i brought over x's dog. the dog that stresses ur cats out so much that they puke everywhere and spend all day hiding :)#wdym it'll stress [cat] out. what if he. didn't get stressed? :)'#like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#cant even walk into the bathroom without her trying to talk to me. can't make dinner w/o her trying to talk to me#and of course im the bad guy in telling her not to stress the cat out#just by saying 'vet says he's not supposed to get stressed out. he's at a higher risk for blockage if he does#which will KILL him.'#same woman who sat next to me while i was the phone w/ the phone company. petting the cat and whispering 'oh borb abuses u doesn't he?#maybe ill just steal you away one day. keep u away from borb. oh yes borb treats u oh so horribly.'#and my dad. sitting on the other side of me. said absolutely nothing.#i get it. im the family's designated fuck up!! the designated brat !!!! and no one gives a shit if my feelings get hurt !!!!!!!#i swear. my mother could smack me and everyone would rush to her side and comfort her stinging hand
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One of my favourite parts of D&D is the complete self indulgence you can put into every character. My friend wanted to play a rebellious teenager raised by her cool older brother who she modelled herself after (ranger, hunter, big flirt.) and then I get to take that and make him a kind and casual unwilling leader figure and also a cult survivor who had to leave his sister to come back to save her later and ALSO an aroallo whore
#d&d#shark bait#mair saeth#ridigan saeth#i gotta draw him he's so fun#and also like. just how playing at the table you make so many decisions.#i was so scared to play this character#then my player starts acting like the bratty teenager she was the last time she saw him#and i remember that HE was ALSO a teenager and she probably GOT IT ALL FROM HIM#so then we just end up playing out a sibling dynamic where they're bitching and bullying each other one moment#then saying they love each other while trying to act cool like they dont care#and i LOVE THEM I LOVE MY PLAYERS SO MUCH#all the npcs they give me are such a treat#oh gifted child artificer who's hubris led her to invent the gun and go into hiding. i cant wait to play you.#like what a fucking TREAT for my player to say “here's this nerdy socially awkward lesbian my character is totally in love with#but never got to admit it and she thinks she killed her“ and i just get to DO WHAT I LIKE WITH HER FROM THERE HAKSJAJNDK#sorry i gotta stop making my tags longer than my posts hdfskfj
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I think Jason, as Robin, was gearing up to be the perfect successor for Batman.
Not a good or better Batman, to be clear. Just a continuation. A copy
Jason as Robin easily accepted the potential of the mantle, to him Robin becoming Batman was simply how things worked. And reading his comics makes it clear that Jason as a vigilante acts like Batman does. They do the same things. Jason's violence or anger is never that far from Batman's own actions. You've heard of the Garzonas case, but people rarely mention how just an issue before in the dc comics that Batman accidentally killed a man with diplomatic immunity by having him fall
#am i putting this to words right#im not tagging this out of fear im not#im thinking about the cases again#its WILD#that was september '88 issue of dc and felipe was the october '88 issue of batman#do you think the writers communicated at all. were they just fucking with eachother. was a sheer coincidence.#did they both pull killing a man with diplomatic immunity off the idea board#batman didn't face consequences he literally just moved on. and then told jason theres consequences to doing that#its such a series of events#i think bats saw himself in jason and hated it#sorry i keep using this as an example of why theyre similar is what immediately comes to mind#and people are more likely to know the garzonas case than like. when jason fought calender man#more people should know that tho#theres too much stress on jasons last issues and death where he was very much acting out of character. that was being set up#he was intentionally being written as out of character because something was wrong#see him in character#“youre talking about pre-crisis which isnt-” it is. canon is subjective in comics as jason was written longer in precrisis that doesn't jus#magically all fade away when they suddenly have him a new origin. we're talking years! with no break between!#sorry i saw a post saying you cant describe jason using precrisis canon#you have nothing remotely close to jasons 2 year robin run with only post. if you like the fact jason reads thats precrisis. etc etc. so on#LIKE#im not saying your personally cant#but you cant go out and call everyone who does it wrong#writers have used precrisis jay
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