#at the same time something isnt right ... i cant explain it... im not gonna sit on this any longer tho this just a quick thing vjlkalk

[xxplastic-cubexx]

chat if i may speak

[naokyunnn]

Disciplining a bitch who’s all over your man

18+ themes!! alcohol, drugs, violence and shi

you’re kinda used to this, night clubs with sanzu with the other bonten boys and just drinking and swaying to the music, its all the same but tonight was different.

this girl had been all around sanzu ever since you go talk to your other friends on the other side of the bar, and how did you know about this? you’ve been eyeing them both— while also catching up with your friends.

the girl have her hands on his thighs— her face dangerously close to sanzu, who is out of his mind, his head thrown back and panting a little— with the strong substance that he’s been taking plus the liquor this isnt a first time, that when he’s high he confessed that whenever he looks at other woman he see your face and so you promise to always be on his side whenever he’s out of it.

and tonight is your fault— its not like you still cant stop this, so you hurried to their side, leaving your friends— but right before you could reach them the girl already kissed sanzu— high as clouds, he thought it was you.

“my, my……who’s this doll here akashi….haruchiyo…�� controlling your anger, you smiled to her and sit on their table— she have this eyes, pretty wide in shock, oh how much you want her to cry

you’re well known as the bonten’s no.2 lover, everyone knows it.

and sanzu felt that bloodlust, he shot his eyes open and look at you— with the same expression like the girl

“what the— who the fuck are you-” he finally realized the situation, he wipe his lips aggressively— brows knitted together, his head back and forth to the both of the woman in front of him.

“strange, i thought you’re out of it— haruchiyo?” you smiled to him— he know this even tho his vision is funny and can’t almost process a thing, he knew he just fucked up. “i- i really am out of it, i thought it was you-” he respond, trying to be stable as possible because he’s that afraid to piss you off right now.

“that’s always your reason— got anymore new reason that i can believe? you’re funny” you shot back to him— letting your thoughts pour out of your mouth

“doll, sit properly will you? and listen—” you stopped midway, allowing her to do the things that you said to her to obey— you put your drink down and got closer to the girl. “what’s your name?” another question came out of your mouth

“m-misuri…..my name is misuri— maam…” she lowering her head down, probably embarrassed by the attention that she’s receiving— all of the people are looking at y’all direction— some even got their phones up.

“oh this girl is gonna cry” ran commented as he sips on his drink— sharing a gaze with takeomi who’s already standing up incase you got violent he’s there to stop. “i want a woman like her” mochi too commented “if the girly cried i’ll make money rain here” said koko— got everyone chuckling.

“misuri huh, misuri do you want haruchiyo?” you’re quick to grab her chin and make her look up “no— i- no i dont its okay, its my wrong i didnt know he had a girl” she explained— you, nodding taking her reason valid even though she lied— then you let go of your grip on her chin.

“okay— let me just tell you something” you said.

“that lips that you just kissed? those lips have been lapping on my pussy countless times— and if i see you ever again here you’ll regret it, go” shooing her away— she’s quick to excuse herself and now your attention is on sanzu.

“fuck— you know your power over me baby, im sorry okay? lets also leave—” he was about to kiss you put u slap his lips away, leaning over just to grab your bag “takeomi-san please drive me home” you smiled to the older man, he had no complaints about it so he just followed your way.

“man u fucked up big time, good luck to that” rindou teased earning a huff from sanzu obviously pissed on himself and to that girl who he thought was you “fuck off im leaving too, fuck this club” he grab his coat and work his way towards the exit— hoping that you and his brother are still on the way to the parking lot

sadly, you and takeomi already left that fast—“ahh she makes me crazy— its gonna be a long night for me” his head throb just by the thought of all the things you could do to him tonight, though he’s also excited about it i mean, he’s not afraid of a little pain plus he thinks you’re hot when mad.

if im not lazy i’ll make a part 2!!! (school is kraxy)

[shameboree]

hey kels i was scrolling through my dash and then i caught a glimpse of your new fallon drawing and i want you to know that i went absolutely buckwild and then i scrolled further to see the whole drawing and i'm pretty sure i squealed. kels ever since ive started following you and your art and fallon have slowly nestled yourself inside my brain its amazing how excited i get whenever u upload a new drawing. also ive noticed that i'm slowly but surely starting to sound more and more unhinged and wild like you. how the fuck do you have so much influence on me. 

ALSO i love the new fallon drawing!! you are so right blue gold and white are just her colours they fit her v well!! and i love how much texture you used throughout the whole drawing and her shoes are AWESOME!! also love the whole winter fairy-ish vibe <3

ALSO i was wondering if you could like sort of,, idk explain your drawing process on this drawing? like if you did the colouring first or the lineart and stuff bc i just love how it turned out and id love to try something similar!!

AW!!! i am so hype for my awful girl to be Enjoyed so much!! she is my favorite dressup doll i love to play barbies with her most of all heheh. also i am THRILLED that my Unhinged and Unwell nature have rubbed off on u. i know i am a Strong personality and it makes me V POLARIZING (i am either LOVED or LOATHED i havent met many ppl who are just like meh abt me. i am an Experience) and its always a DELIGHT when someone finds my feral animal traits endearing or positive and kind of picks up on them. i think because life is short that we should all be as bananas as we please at any point in time. PURE ID HERE BABY

AND TY TY!! my girl has a strong aesthetic and this piece kind of went a liiiiittle against some of that (its a lot of hard angles vs i normally give her a lot of ovals and rounded edges) but for the setting its appropriate bc im trying to give her a bit more of a """"harsh"""" or """"severe"""" vibe (like as harsh and severe as she can possibly look which isnt very). i LOVE to use texture brushes they are such an easy way to get out of drawing details myself because i am SO lazy!!

okay i “”answered”” this i GUESS technically because i typed words in response but its a whole lot of jack shit so like. here ya go. SORRY PAL. 

here are some more shoes as u can see i basically draw her in the same ones always except when i draw her in a plugsuit

OKAY THE DRAW IN QUESTION i kind of cheated on bc i literally just traced over one of my older draws i did for a very obscure au i made of who made me a princess (i am always doing such ridiculously niche shit i love to sit in my little sandbox and have no one else understand my barbie rps) BUT the process is the same as basically every draw i do like this. it is very simple so dont worry (or do, maybe)

i use 1-3 layers at a time and then immediately merge when i feel like im done and LIVE W MY MISTAKES if not!! anyway prepare to be massively underwhelmed heh

this is so funny i cant believe i literally traced my own drawing im a fuckin FRAUD im the laziest bitch i know. anyway. my sketches are way messier than this but it always starts out either scratch ass lines or color blocking w this bright ass magenta bc thats what feels right!!!!!!

HERES THE LAYERS I USED LOL i do all textures n shit as a clipping mask so actually i used 4 layers for this bc id set down one texture or pattern that was gonna overlap on a diff layer so i wouldnt have to work harder to erase and then BLINDLY MERGED to make things more difficult if actually i fucked up before that!!! work smarter not harder except when it is absolutely braindead to do otherwise is my motto

IF IM DOIN SMTH NICER like this then i usually make sure all my lines connect (this is also why i do a lot of angles and simple clear shapes when i draw) so i can set that layer as reference and USE THE FUCKING FILL TOOL BAYBEEEEE!!!!! this also makes it easier to fuck around with COLOR imho bc you can just rapidly swatch with zero efforts. i Love to take shortcuts. i Love to be lazy. i HIGHLY rec this, if i have colored smth that stays in the lines then its bc i connected the lineart and used the bucket fill underneath. if my lines dont connect sometimes ill make a temp line and erase after i filled. im dedicated. ALSO u can see here that my patterns layer is all overlapping and fucked up bc i didnt check and erase fully but i use p limited palettes in general so... IT DIDNT MATTER THIS TIME!!!!!!!!. 

anyway after all that i lock the lineart layer if i havent already and color some of the lines for some PIZAZZ. easy way to immediately fake effort i do love to do that

HERES AN ACTUALLY MESSY SKETCH:

 i do all of my fucking draws on the same canvas bc im a horrible little beast, so the only reason i didnt erase the sketch and use it for the colors layer was bc there were others on that layer already and i didnt wanna scoot them so i could cap the finished draw. i did NOT connect my lines for this one i colored like a toddler. who gives a shit we all die in the end anyway!!! 

YOU DIDNT ASK FOR THIS BUT LINELESS MY LOVE... i just color blocked for this one alas i do not have process caps, i will do that next time i draw i guess if anyone wants that!!? i typically only use a single layer for lineless- block out the shape, alpha lock, then color and carve from there. EASY PEASY!! ive shown it before but i spent all my formative draw years on v limited feature programs (mspaint, oekaki, TEGAKI MOST OF ALL) so i dont explore tools much and do what seems easiest and most intuitive to me... im sorry i dont have any sick tricks or real process i am but a feral little clown drawing in the DIRT. also here is the tegaki overlay i use whenever i am Blocked or fatigued w procreate layout. it makes me feel NOSTALGIC and INSPIRED so i do this instead of like, actually getting on tegs2

this ended up long as fuck and FOR WHAT?? its just 10 images and several paragraphs of “sorry im the laziest fucker ALIVE”

[oriigirii]

💞 MC is a Genshin Simp 💞

=====

{ AN: Omg! This is my first ask so thank you anon (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)/!! This is such a vibe too haha, I hope you like it! } Warnings: None [Maybe Refs and Chars you wont get if you dont play Genshin Impact] * Probably a bit OOC too *

Reader: Gender-Neutral [Default]

( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

========

< Genshin Impact was a game that took the human realm by storm, with its open-world gameplay, its competitive PvE and aesthatic settings, it was truly something that captured you the moment the beta was announced. Although, as with any Gacha games, you weren’t only attracted to the world and its setting.

No no.

The characters were truly the main eye candy of the game. You’d been worried that when you had been sucked into Devildom, you wouldn’t be able to access the game due to, yknow, realm differences, but luckily that wasn’t the case thanks to Levi, and hence why the moment it dropped, you had been spending your life savings simping for characters on every banner.

Yknow theres handsome bois in devildom too... Theyre just kinda waiting for you to put your game down for a moment and kinda notice em ～((Φ◇Φ)‡ >

------

ฅ⁽͑ ˚̀ ˙̭ ˚́ ⁾̉ฅ Lucifer

He usually doesn’t mind you playing games

Although, He would’ve preferred if you didn’t cause you kinda need to focus on your studies yknow?

But hey he’s not stopping you

Usually you would stay with him as he works, but he can’t seem to focus with you constantly begging beside him

Small little ‘please’ would be heard every now and then, and a sudden look of disappointment would show on your face.

He tried to ignore it, even giving little cues for you to quiet down, like clearing his throat

You didnt seem to pick up the hint though

He was just about to ask you what you were doing in the first place that has you praying beside him (which is hella rude) but your scream of happiness has him a little more irked and kinda taken back

“LUCIFER! I GOT HIM! LOOK LOOK I GOT HIM!”

You show him the screen showing your pull results

The character held a giant claymore with bright red hair

Before he can get another word in, you snatch your phone back and just sigh as if youd just had a heavenly (ironic) experience and mumble

“I seriously love him, Im so happy...”

Bro same though, Diluc pls come home

You were truly one of a kind, because youve just managed to break the Avatar of Pride’s... well.... Pride.

Did he just get cucked by a man in a video game?

Truly outrageous.

He seems to scoff and holds back a bit of an eye roll as he tries to focus back on his work

But boy oh boy, his salt is high

“If you are going to be causing a ruckus MC, May i suggest you doing it with Levi instead, I have no time for such games. I dont see why youre so caught up in such a character anyways, he looks quite basic.”

His words were sharp, and that was enough to shake you out of your fangirl/boy mode.

You were literally ready to fight the first born, a literal fucking fallen angel, for dissing Diluc like that

like

how dare

But then you notice how he seems to avoid your gaze and a small little red tint was on the tip of his ears.

Lucifer wouldve wanted to see you that happy with him, but no, a game character steals that spotlight.

Angey.

Instead of being intimidated by the sudden coldness, you giggle and finally close your phone and set it aside

You can continue celebrating and bragging about it later, for now, you wrap your arms around his arm and give him a small smooch on the cheek, which definitely makes him blush a tad bit

“Awww Luci dont be like that, Yknow I love you more”

Potential apocalypse has been diverted

But Lucifer does smile the smallest of smiles as he sighs, finding it silly to really get jealous over such a small thing and says

“I love you too, my dear... but you do have to make up for distracting me from my work...”

Well you kinda deserve it, so it wasnt long before both his work and your phone had been ditched

( After a while you do kinda see him quite similar to Diluc and it just makes you smile everytime you think about it, seems you have a thing for the strict cold men huh?)

===

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) Mammon

Why you simping for a fictional character when you already have him?!

He’s your first man!

Your homie!

“Yeah well hes my first 5* so can you blame me?”

S A D N E S S

But for real, this man is just so clingy

He has heard from Levi that you were playing a new game from the human world, and of course, he had wanted to see what it was about by watching you play.

But since it was quite grind-heavy gacha game, he grew a bit bored and asked you to come with him to hang out somewhere else, or even go to the casino and gamble his money away cause he just got goldie back

But no matter what he suggests, you were just so focused on your grinding.

He’d prefer a different kinda grinding right about now with how lonely he is, ya feel me?

But no, you still werent interested.

“Oi! Cmon MC, whats even so important about this?”

“I already told you Mammon, Im grinding for primogems from the event! Theyre gonna be gone soon and I just HAVE to get them! Ugh I swear to Diavolo, if I dont, Imma cry! I didnt get him on their first banner too... ugh!”

Wait no--

Cmon he doesnt want you to cry!

Mammon kinda stays silent for a bit as he watches you struggle to fight the monsters with your low level team, frustration growing on your face.

But as you finish, Mammon seems to snatch your phone

“Hey! whats the big deal Mammon?!”

“Shut up and show me where the store is geez”

Mammon’s demands kinda surprises you and you raise an eyebrow at him, but you do show where it was, and sit back for a while as Mammon just fiddles around with it. You werent sure what he was doing honestly, was he interested? Did you say anything that made him act this way? All you talked about the game was the gacha system so--

oh…

OH

“Mammon! Wait you dont have to---”

“There! I got you as much primo things, or whatever theyre called”

He already has tossed you your phone back and he crossed his arms, looking away as the red blush covers most of his cheeks.

You look at your phone and you honestly felt your heart speed up and stop at the same time at the amount of primos on your account, it was enough for a full 180 pull! If you dont get the limited character on the first 50-50, you have another shot!

You felt your own heart speed up and your face burn so hard, but you do mumble him a quick “But... But why though?”

“Cuz! If you start cryin’ Lucifer’s gonna beat my ass! Dont think I did it for you, you human! I just dont want him taking away Goldie again!”

“But I thought this was your gambling money, isnt it?”

“w-well!... I mean... Hmph.. Gachas kinda like gambling right?, I know Lucifers gonna hang me if he catches me in the casino again anyways, so I thought I might as well just do this... with you...or whatever...” Hes dying, help

But so are you!

Hes too fucking cute and you just glomp him and just hug him as tight as you can!!

Flusterred boi 100

But you do spend you afternoon on his lap, both of you rolling the full 180 in excitement, whether you get that boi/gal you simped for on the banner or not, you still were happy to spend some time with Mammon

He doesnt mind losing a bit of cash for you

but you do promise to pay him back (maybe with a few kissy)

But to be honest, Gacha probably will help him with his gambling addiction...

kinda...

He doesnt go to casinos anymore but he does whale with you now

Lucifer has such a mix feeling with these results.

But he still confiscates Goldie and your card on the end, yall need to chill.

====

ヽ(。_°)ノ Leviathan

He probably wasn’t even interested on the game at first

He already has enough games to play, and it just looks like another rip off of some other game he saw not too long ago with that elf looking guy

But when you came to him asking for his help to get the game, you bet your ass that he felt a switch click

Suddenly it was incredibly interesting!

You do share your interests to him almost immediately

By interests, of course i mean the peeps you simp for

The sexy ara ara in the library of mondstat, the pirate looking ass of the guards, the pirate looking ass’s brother thats a wine owner and still highkey reminds you of Lucifer, the demon slayer--- You were actually unsure if you should talk about Xiao but hey hes cool

You explain it all!

From their lore to their voice lines and whatever

But honestly what do you expect from the Avatar of Envy?

Of course hes gonna be a bit jealous! He cant compare to any of these characters! Hes not as witty as that eye patch man, hes not as sophisticated as that red head, hes not as flirty as that ara ara either!

As you go on, you notice that Levi was kinda... half listening....

It made you pout, but then, it made you worried

Uh-oh you know that look

its that, ‘im overthinking’ look

So to snap him out of it, you kinda grab his face as gently as you can

“Need Grimm for your thoughts?”

He flushes and he immediately looks away, but you usher him to look at you as you coo and ask him whats wrong

It takes a bit till he kinda explains to you how hes feeling

In your relationship, you both were practicing being more open with each other, hence why you were proud of Levi for saying it

but you did feel kinda sad and frowned as he finishes explaining

“You... feel jealous?”

“Ugh d-dont say it out loud normie....”

He covers his face with his arm and you just cant help but shake your head with a fond smile, but you do need to address this and comfort him.

“Levi... when you fanboy about Ruri chan, did you ever think she was better than me?”

Your question made him frown and look at you in absolute worry

Did you actually think that you were below Ruri chan?

Of course hes an absolute simp for Ruri but.. cmon

Now that he thinks about it, he does talk about her a lot doesnt he? oh no...

“MC O-Of course not! I love Ruri chan yes, but you... I... I Love... you more...” Levi exe do be dying

But you smile at his response and gently kisses his cheek

“I think thats sweet Levi... But thats how I am too... Youre still better than any of these characters, youre real and they arent, youre mine and I am yours~ Youre my personal 5 star!” You wink at him and Levi just dips

his heart couldnt handle the cuteness and he died, ladies and gentlemen

but for real he did pass out

Must be from all the blood on his head from the blush

But ah, he does get it, and after being showered with love from you, He kinda slowly got over his jealousy

its not immediate but with simple reassurances, you can manage to reel him in and have fun with you

He does end up enjoying the game cause he gets to spend time with you, and he gets to show off when events happen 

He also goes out of his way to memorize locations for materials for you, and when youre sick or busy, he pilots your account

true gamer

But ironically enough hed probably start simping for a character too and of course, you both start bonding over that, which just makes Levi absolutely happy

I wonder if hed simp for Barbara, she is an idol afterall like Ruri chan

Probably lowkey for now

Afterall she looks like a minor so-----

( I dunno i searched shes 16-18 lol )

But regardless, I can imagine you both just cosplaying each others fav characters too

Its a wack looking ship cosplay but yall just simp for each other cause of it, its pretty fun but the rest of the brothers just finds it hella weird

----

I only have energy for these 3 as always, Im sorry! But i promise Ill do the rest!! I hope you guys do enjoy, and Id love some feedback on the characters personalities cause I know they can be a bit Ooc, But feel free to send me an ask! Im pretty open lol 〜(￣△￣〜)

[blxetsi]

Hi! Can I please request modern au hcs for Armin?

tysm for requesting !!

modern armin arlert dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!armin arlert x gn!reader

- okay so

- i think in a college setting you and armin hit it off really well

- i think you guys wouldve just accidentally kept bumping into each other, whether it be around campus, at some coffee shop, in the library

- it gets so frequent you dont even know if its a coincidence at this point, yet you cant help but hope that you seem him whenever you go out

- after ALWAYS bumping into each other and apologizing before making small talk, armin makes the first move

- mf just says "are you following me ?" to which you reply "are YOU following me ?"

- that night ends in you two exchanging numbers 🤩

- you find out that hes a humanities major, and wants to be a psychologist some day

- you also find out he has a paid internship at a research facility near the university you attend

- hes super sweet but also super humble, so he tries not to keep the subject on himself for very long, just wanting to know more about you

- as you two get closer he gets more touchy (not in a weird way)

- he starts greeting you with hugs now, and likes to have a light grip on your wrist when hes leading you through crowded hallways of the school

- he introduced you to his bestfriends and roommates, mikasa and eren, and they were really accepting !! (they already could tell armin liked you even if he didnt know himself)

- you start developing feelings for him about two months after you exchanged numbers, and you honestly felt really weird

- because this beautiful boy whos so sweet and kind and intelligent is like,, wayyyy out of your league

- armin thinks the exact same thing

- he thinks youre so cool and fun to be around, you always have the best stories to tell and are so welcoming,, its HARD not to fall for someone like you !!

- finally he gets up the courage to ask if you can come to his apartment

- and there he confesses 😳💥‼️

- you sit there shocked for a couple seconds too long because now hes freaking out like "im so sorry i didnt wanna seem creepy i just wanted to tell you how i felt you can leave or i can walk you home- wait you probably wouldnt want that but-"

- you just kind of grab his shoulders and start shaking him. before you tell him you like him too.

- the apples of his cheeks turn pink before he smiles and gives you such a tight hug !!

- hes immediately planning a date with you for when youre both free

- takes you to the local aquarium 🤩 and kisses you in front of the moon jellies (u know those big tanks with the jellyfish that are like glow in the dark ?? and the whole hallway is pitch black except for the lights from the tank ?? yeah ❤️ he kissed you THERE and it was beautiful)

- has chapped lips 😐 sorry i dont make the rules

- has a habit of picking them when hes working or lost in thought

- doesnt mean you stop kissing him tho

- is the kind of guy that will genuinely get worried if you send an "sos" type message. gets out of his own class just to speedwalk (he isnt gonna break the rules and run in the halls 🙄) and come to your class just to see if youre okay

- looks at you like 😐 when you explain you just need him to get you an iced coffee from that shitty coffee place in the cafeteria

- does it anyway even though hes annoyed 😌✨

- will grumble about paying him back for the five dollars he just spent on you while you kiss him over and over again in thanks

- doesnt let you pay him back though smh 🙄

- loves to give back hugs

- will do it while youre working, or while youre doing the dishes

- if youre shorter than him he'll rest his head on your and just smell your hair

- if youre taller than him hes shoving his face inbetween your shoulder blades

- is such a lightweight drunk its not even funny

- none of his friends are tbh 🙄

- the first time you saw him drunk was when eren dragged you guys out to a party their friend was hosting (literally interrupted your cuddle time in armins bed to THROW OFF THE BLANKETS and say "you guys are coming with me 😁👍" and when you two said no he TURNED ON THE LIGHTS and ruined the vibe 😐 fucking asshole)

- anyways you two had to change back into your clothes at 9pm just to go to a shitty party that was gonna get busted by the cops anyways 😔💔

- you couldnt find him through the sea of people, and u got really worried until armin called you

- it was not armin on the other line 😁👍

- he said his name was reiner ?? and he said he was with armin bc he puked while playing beer pong

- the guy tells you where they are and you go to find them. theyre sitting on this couch in a backroom and theres only like,, five people in total there ??

- armin is SOBBING while reiner is trying to get him to drink water

- "reiner you dont get it,,, theyre so beautiful. i cant compete. i dont even think theyd wanna be with me. and you have to see them talk about their major. theyre so smart you dont understand." "okay buddy lets just finish this water okay ?"

- armin is leaning his shoulder on this GIANT of a man just going on about how much he loves you and how amazing he finds you. until you tap his shoulder. and then he realizes youve been listening this entire time. and then he starts crying because he doesnt want you to find him weird. and then you have to explain to him that you two are dating. where he doesnt believe you still.

- eren ends up giving you the keys to his car and saying "ill just call you when i need a ride back" and reiner CARRIES armin to the car 😭😭😭

- hes a real gentleman 😁👍

- that morning armin remembers EVERYTHING and is MORTIFIED

- calls reiner immediately like "did people see me puke ? oh god am i gonna be talked about ?"

- has very vivid dreams and remembers all of them ?? will literally tell you about a dream he had when he was five and WILL NOT forget a detail. its weird

- his family actually doesnt seem like they like you 😳 not because they dont theyre just very,, quiet people...... except for his grandfather

- doesnt even care who you are to armin, will pull you down on the couch with him to tell you about all his research and findings as an archeologist (before he retired)

- if youre ever feeling sad about anything, whether that be stress, family problems, or body image issues, armins taking you to his place 😁👍

- he'll cuddle you and whisper how much he loves you while you two are watching something on his laptop

- has acne scars on his shoulders. dont make fun of him for it pls

- loves getting back scratches though, the tingles make him feel really calm

- if you have like,, makeup brushes and stuff he likes it when you brush his face with them, no product or anything but the tingles he gets from it 🤤

- over time his parents warm up to you quiet a bit, and when his mom shows you baby photos and from him as a kid youre SHOCKED.

- he had this little bob cut from when he was ten to his teens 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- when you two are walking back home or wherever you cant help but go on about how cute he was and how healthy and pretty his hair looked (not that its not healthy or pretty now) and he just giggles before pulling you into his side and kissing your cheek while saying "okay baby, ill grow it out just for you then"

- also loves the petnames baby, angel, and love

- will gladly let you steal his sweaters. has a really nice knit one that his grandma made him before she died. that ones off limits.

- doesnt like to fight, but when he feels like hes in the right he wont hesitate to yell back when youre yelling at him

- just dont yell at him pls, it makes him sad

- it takes him a while (and by a while i mean like 30 minutes at most) before his texting you asking if you guys can talk about it

- its really easy for you two to make up, and immediately hes hugging you and just asking if you wanna do something with him

- also, cuts his own hair ?? and would cut yours if you asked. mikasa vouches for him "yeah he trims my hair all the time. why ?"

- every year on your anniversary hes taking you to the aquarium. and he always kisses you as softly as he did the very first time, in the dark hallway of the moon jellyfish tank ✨

a/n

THATS ITTT !!! thanks again for requesting !! i hope you all enjoyed. remember asks are open !! u dont have to request headcanons either !!! go crazy friends !!

[prongssmrrcury]

a very bleak christmas

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)

fluff, not much smut

this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh

"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"

"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.

"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.

"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"

"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.

"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.

"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.

"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.

"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.

"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.

sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.

"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.

"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.

"what do you mean how are things"

"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.

"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.

james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.

"are you ever going to tell him?"

"tell him what" sirius said bluntly

james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.

"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.

"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.

"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.

"guys- hes my best mate"

"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.

"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.

"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"

sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.

"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.

"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.

"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.

"oh he is" lily said

sirius blinked.

"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.

"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.

"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"

"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted

"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"

"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.

"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.

"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.

"sirius.." lily said lowly

"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.

"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.

"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.

"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.

"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.

"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.

"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.

"thank you" sirius said quietly

"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.

"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.

"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.

"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.

"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.

"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.

~

later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.

"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.

"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.

"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.

"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.

"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.

"where were you?" remus asked

"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.

"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.

"yea" sirius replied

"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.

"um, i was just doing homework"

"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.

"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.

"no" sirius said bluntly.

"sure?"

"yea"

"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.

"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.

"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.

"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.

"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.

"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.

"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.

"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.

"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.

"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.

"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.

"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.

"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand

"rem i dont know how-"

"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.

"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.

"then please tell me how you feel"

"how i feel about what?" sirius asked

"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.

"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.

"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"

"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.

"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.

"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.

"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"

"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.

"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.

soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.

an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.

"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.

"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.

"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.

"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.

"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.

"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.

"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.

"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.

"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.

"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.

remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.

"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.

"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.

"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.

"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.

"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"

"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"

"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once

"of course darling you can wear it whenever"

"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.

"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little

"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged

"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.

"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.

"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.

"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"

remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.

"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.

"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"

sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.

"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.

"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.

"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:

"dear sirius,

i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.

"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.

"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.

"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed

"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.

"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.

the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.

“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.

“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.

“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. “obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.

“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.

“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.

“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once

“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.

“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged

“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.

“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.

“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.

“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[transmascnepetaleijon]

so basically i go fucking insane over character playlists scream a little bit and roast gay peoples music taste. dont take it too seriously i was blinded with rage when i wrote this.

i am so fucking tired of these gay people with bland music taste i am so. fucking tired. there is no way i can find a character playlilst without stumbling into a kinnie playlist wich is fine its cool its alright but the fucking problem comes when all of the god fucking damned playlists have the same fucking music. all of them have the same 4 lemon demon songs and all the 5 same overused and overhyped mother mother songs i dont have the time. to sit down. and curate a special playlist for every single drawing i make. i dont have that. and i dont want to have to sit down and click on 4 different character playlists and have them all be the same. i dont fucking understand how you people live like this. i dont. it doesnt make sense. im tired of the lemon demon guy im going to strangle him. neil ciciera more like neil dead as fuck. and when i finally find a playlist with slightly different music and sigh in relief because thank the GODS hayloft by mother mother wasnt added to this one i scroll down two times and i see it. i fucking see it. right there. what the fuck. does buttercup by jack stauber. have to do with dave strider. what the FUCK does it have to do with dave strider im going fucking INSANE. IM LOSING MY GODDAMNED MIND. AND WHY IS TWO TRUCKS IN THIS??? IS IT BECAUSE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH **SEX**????? IS IT???? ITS ABOUT A FUCKING *****CAR CRASH****. A CAR. CRASH. WHAT DOES THAT. HAVE TO DO. WITH HIM. NO SERIOUSLY SIT DOWN AND EXPLAIN IT TO ME BECAUSE I JUST CANT FUCKING SEE IT. look. i understand that you like lemon demon, and cavetown, and you get your music recomendations from alt tik tok audios, but jesus fucking christ man. jesus f christ. and some songs in this make sense!! theyre ok!!! theyre right!!! but if you ever ask me "hey want to listen to my dave playlist?" and then proceed to put this shit on a car ride id rather throw myself out of the fucking window than listen to the most basic uncharacteristic music playlist ever known to man. im gonna fucking snap i swear to god. and this isnt even hate towards the songs no jack stauber is really good and enjoy his music, in fact, i think there are a number of songs that fit characters pretty well. same with lemon demon, the difference is just that i cant fucking stand lemon demon anymore because you bitches know no chill. new normal? egbertcore. all the way through. but two time is not davecore. im sorry. saying shit like egbertcore and davecore is giving me imense brain damage right now but i dont know how elese to put it so fuck it im going to sacrifice my phsychic wellbeing for you. look how nice of me. i dont even know how to make this playlist better. it just sucks that much ass. and you may say "oooh but dirt this is a kinnie playlist your making fun of their own interpretation of the character!!!" yes. yes i fucking am. because they have shit taste in music. the same taste in music twelve year old me had and i thought the hetalia axis powers theme was the pinnacle of music. and im not saying "go listen to some REEEAL music" im saying "please for the love of god let go of the lemon demon im beging you" because i am on my limit i cant fucking take this anymore i will implode if i ever see somone say two time is davecore again i cant fucking do this

but go off ig. judging the hell out of you but you do you.

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

[the-flying-urayuli]

alright so im watching inside for the millionth time rn so i decided to write down some thoughts on certain parts of the special

i can already tell this is gonna be personal, also please tag me in your own theories i quite like reading them

white womans instagram: the most beautiful fucking moment in this special, i think its about how we stereotype people harshly without knowing that they all have depth to them, and they have lives as well.

unpaid intern: quite obvious, bo says it himself that the song is taking a twist on old songs about working hard and the labour exploitation of people for corporal benefit. i think also interesting is the part afterwards with the reaction, i think that part is about how you look at your older work that you poured your heart into and just see its shit.

look whos inside again: bo burnham became famous after writing some songs on the internet while he was just a bored guy in his room, the covid pandemic gave him a reason to hide back inside, and never want to leave again

welcome to the internet: ah the internet, where people can become famous or forgotten in seconds. where everyone in the world is rapidly talking around you. you can get away with almost anything as long as it isnt a crime, hell you can get away with some, millions of guys show their dick to strangers each day. everyone you can think of is here, pedophiles and children right next to each other. you can say basically what ever you want and someone will support you. you can see horrific news right next to mums filimg their kids at a festival. misinformation spreads like wildfire and you can destroy a life with a paragraph. hell children see porn and gore here why not. not to mention the mass corporations, showing the internet off as a place where you will be adored by everyone, and that its always been for you. everything is happening, all of the time, the whole world is at your finger tips, but you can destroy it in the process. so basically its about how the internet is so vast and massive and everything is happening at once.

that funny feeling: this’ll be a long part cause i want to sorta look into all or most of the lines in this song, if you want more of them just go to the genius page for the song (https://genius.com/Bo-burnham-that-funny-feeling-lyrics) but this is just my personal interpretation

so on a basis, “the funny feeling” bo is describing is hard to word but its that feeling that “the world is melting apart and we could fix it, but we dont” or “we’ve fucked up everything”. thanks some random reddit user for explaining it to me but ill get into the lyrics

stunning 8k resolution meditation app: in honour of the revolution its half of at the gap (google app store: the revolution was a big event that changes and took the lives on many, and all we do to honour it was give a half off discount.

a gift shop at the gun range a mass shooting at the mall: so im not american but in america, gun violence is everywhere, it takes the lives of so many innocent people every year and every time something viscous happens politicians and the media just go “well ok”, and when confronted about the issue and how we could solve it they just say they cant or they shouldnt. i wanted to stay un political but look at this movie, a lot of it is political

reading pornhubs terms of service: porn and masturbation is something that brings you joy, but at a point it all just feels so numb, nothing brings you emotion anymore and all you can do is feel ashamed, so you sit there and just read the tos cause who even cares anymroe

obeying all the traffic laws in grand theft auto 5: gta is a game you play for thrill and to break shit, but instead youre just sitting there and calming driving along, cause like the other one, things and games you used to enjoy just dont feel the same anymore.

hey what can you say? we were overdue, but itll be over soon, you wait: imo the best line in the special, who cares anymore, we’ve all lived longer than we ever thought we would, but who cares we probably dont have much longer anyway. or its talking about optimistic nihilism where you go “hey we’re all gonna die anyway, lets stop freaking out about everything and just let it wash over us”

all eyes on me: it feels like that one peaceful moment you get in the mess, the eye of the storm. the feeling when you sit there on the floor of your room and look out the window and you just feel still. you stop overthinking everything and all the mess just melts away, just for a little while.

any way yeah peace bye

[winterrhayle]

ok, some of u have probably noticed by now that tegan has deactivated her account (@lethughandsimonkiss) and she sent me this to explain why: (everything in italics was written by tegan)

There are things more important than what I'm upset over. Tumblr really isn't a great place anyway. And when you just get buried beneath it, it doesn't help anything. There are so many things dying on it, i wont be surprised if Tumblr deletes itself in two years. The sharing of content is too much all in itself. I think you guys already know about that. I didn't even know what i was doing on tumblr, i was just there to have fun.

But the more time i spent on it, the more it seemed it didn't matter. I wanted to apart of the Renegades fandom. And the only i came apart of it was the reblogs right? People starting seeing what i did, and you accepted me. That was cool. I mean, yea i wanted to popular like the big blogs but i was never gonna get there. That was fine with me until i had to learn about how tumblr worked. That caused me stress. I started just wandering around tumblr, dead minded. Eventually that writers stand thing happened and it took a lot out of me. I didn't really participate but i did take the time to reflect on why i was even on tumblr.

I suppose its just some people i cant be in the same room with.

I cant really consider what is fair and what isnt. I mean i guess it sucks when something you work hard on basically gets shit on. Was it fair? Not really, no actually. Was it really something to delete your account over? No, it wasn't (keeping in mind this isn't really what i deleted it for) But when you really try to reach just to get shot down, you can't help but think about it right? I couldn't help it. Yes, it was stupid but i wasn't expecting it to blow up like that

. It just discouraged me from everything. I was trying so hard for something that was never gonna happen. Sure, i was holding a grudge. But the damage is done. And it sucks. I just want to be able to enjoy something without someone going all uwu on me. Its disappointing. I was disappointed in this more than angry( even if i seemed to come off as angry). I thought fandoms were supposed to be fun spaces, not something you dread over. I know i seem bitchy about this one thing, but it just sucks, ok? It made ALOT of questions run through my head nonstop. I want to be able to forget about it.

it's actually more things i just cant deal with. I could tell you more reasons but i dont wanna keep your time more than i already have. Tumblr has actually caused me more pain than comfort, even when i was just sitting there, watching y'all argue over generally nothing. Maybe some time, this or next week (if im lucky that is) i can make a new account and start fresh. Without grudges, no regrets, and no jealousy or whatever. Maybe my therapy will fix that. I know it seems dumb to mention therapy over fucking tumblr but my first session actually explained alot, (about me dreading, not being able to sleep, the questions) I guess deleting it was a first small step. And i will say goodbye (at least for this moment) with this : You can still support each other. Just enjoy each others presence. Encourage each other. Make their time as worthy as yours. Please. Its actually not that hard. It doesn't really contradict anything.

So if you wanna talk to me: insta: capsnhoodies, ao3:mangoesntangoes

I still post to insta( cuz i fuck around on my stories), and i like to post fics on ao3 cuz Tumblr eats them.

Thanks for everything anyway <3 Hope to get back to you all soon

she’d rly appreciate it if u signal boosted this so i’m gonna tag a bunch of ppl to spread it round

@honey-harper-official @furryevanderwade @cerenoya @thepurpledragon4444 @sanktaleksander @emybain @cinderswrench @scxundress @jacihayle @half-heaven @cindersnightmare @strawberry-seraph @novas-tunnel-of-anxiety @blackpercyjckson @girlfriendisthemoon @novas-egg-beater @creampuffqueen @its-liiinh-cinder-official @healing-winston-pratt @alecjamesartino @teawithhoneyharper @queen-of-self-love @ohmyskies @pjo-and-jollof-rice @ztomazhipsclato @bisexualnovaartino  @lavenderbloo @screennamealreadyused @peoplecallmeginger @idkchatie @emmabookworm08 @angstycatthatlikestea (sorry if i missed anyone)

[brelione]

The Surfer And The Siren

The Shell,The Phone and The Date

JJ had picked up the shell,Pope insisting that it had simply gotten caught in the propellers and had somehow escaped and landed on the dock.JJ knew it was bullshit,that it had to have been cause by the same thing that he had seen that morning.That thing had been you.

You wanted to stay at the dock in hopes of seeing him tomorrow morning but you had to get back to the cave to see Richard.You went up to the surface for a moment,taking in a little bit of air,looking over to John.B’s house.An interesting thing it was,messy,run down and always full of laughter.You grinned to yourself before going back under the water,getting back to your cave a long while before Richard.

JJ put on his hat,John.B patting his back and telling him to “Just go for it”.The blonde was standing outside with the pogues,getting ready to go inside and talk to Richard in hopes of getting a date with you.JJ nodded,opening the door,bell jingling and alerting Richard.He was calm tonight,not worried about you getting kidnapped by Ward or something like that. 

“Evening,Jesse.What can I do for you?”Richard asked,his voice raspy from his coughing.JJ bit his lip,playing with his fingers nervously. “Um...so (Y/N)....does she have a phone?”JJ asked,chewing the inside of his cheek as he waited for an answer.Richard chuckled at his nervousness. “You’ve got a crush,I see.I can give you a number and she’ll answer you when she can.She’s a busy girl.”Richard chuckled,grabbing his pen and notepad,hand shaking slightly as he wrote down his own phone number and handing it back to JJ.

JJ’s eyebrows furrowed,trying to figure out why it was so easy and if this was a trick of some sort.JJ thanked him quietly,leaving the store and holding up the paper slip. “I got the number.”He smiled,Kiara hitting his arm in excitement. “You got the number?”She asked.JJ nodded,putting the paper in his pocket while Pope just stood,completely shocked.

 “So what now?Are you going to call her?”He asked.JJ frowned,realising that he hadnt even thought that far ahead yet. “Not today but maybe tomorrow morning.”He answered,tucking the paper into his pocket where it would be safe.

Richard locked the door,heading out the back and getting into his old car,starting it up and beginning his journey to your cave.You would be pleased to hear that the Maybank boy would be able to talk to you now.Thats what he thought,at least.He didnt know that you had gotten JJ to bring that shell inside.

That wouldn't really do much for you.You’d be able to hear him and see him for a split second if you were lucky but you couldn't communicate through that.You lifted yourself onto your rock,letting out a loud sigh as bubbles fizzed in the water due to the crashing waves outside.You grunted,lifting yourself out of the deep pool of water and onto the sand,rolling across in a disgustingly ungraceful way to grab a poptart and a t shirt from the bags that Richard had given to you,realizing that you were shirtless.

You smirked to yourself when you saw a shiny,pearl like shell,the object dragging itself across the sand and into your hand.You kept thinking back to the conversation you had heard between JJ and his friends,smiling at the thought.

You hoped you’d see him next time you went on land,maybe even get to talk to him.You lifted the shell to your lips,closing your eyes. “JJ Maybank.”You whispered,lifting it to your ear to hear chuckling. “John.B,you're the stupidest person I know!”You heard him exclaim,followed by a small cough. “You just choked on a dorito so fuck you!”John.B shouted back before the sound got muffled by something,probably someone sitting on it or something getting thrown on top of it.

You watched an Iphone get dropped down the opening in the rocks,followed by Richard’s rope latter as the old man held onto it,climbing down. “Guess what.”He grinned,brushing the sand off of the phone.You raised an eyebrow,opening a sundae flavored pop tart. “The Maybank boy asked for your number,you dont have a number but I gave him mine so now you can take this,”He waved the phone in the air.

 “And you can get some blonde boy dick.”He exclaimed,putting it down on top of the dry string bag.You felt your face grow hot,biting into to poptart. “Shut the fuck up,Rich!What do I even say to a teenage boy?Its been like...a couple of decades since I made a new guy friend.What do people even talk about now?”You asked,sliding back into the water,getting off the sand that had gotten stuck between your scales.

He shrugged,sitting down and putting his feet in the water. “Maybank,he’s a real ladies man.He’s probably gonna have something to talk about.If you go on land with him next month you need to stay safe,away from cops and away from the Cameron’s.Dont tell him about yourself either,you already know that.”He grabbed for your poptart,breaking off the corner.You sighed,flicking your fins to make the ends touch. 

“So if I hang out with him next month you wont be mad?”You asked,pulling the wet cotton black shirt away from your skin,water drops dripping from it.He shook his head,taking the poptart wrapper from you and putting it into his pants pocket so he could throw it away when he got back to his house. “I wont be but Blue probably will.”He answered,eyes focusing on the bubbles at the surface.

You bit the inside of your cheek,tightening your hand around the shell before tossing it to the bottom of the pool. “The dryads missed you a lot.Word around the island says that a ton of little girls with green hair were running around the docks the other day.None of em’ speak english though,I think you’ve got to talk to them and remind them that this place isnt like it used to be.

Maybe go up to the river tomorrow to see them so I dont have too.”He pulled at the wrinkly skin of his wrists,kicking his feet back and forth under the water.You nodded,scratching at your eyebrow. “I mean,they’re trees.They cant really do much damage except stealing donuts and giggling for no god damn reason.”You shrugged,hoping you wouldnt have to go and talk to the dozens of tree children.

As you thought about it,flicking your fin back and forth under the unnaturally warm water the phone dinged.You gasped,lifting your hand up,the smart phone colliding with your palm.You let out an excited squeal,smacking Richard on the arm.

Hey :) Its JJ,the blonde guy from the store last night. 

“Is it him?”Richard asked,equally excited.You nodded,staring at the text. “Well what did he say?”Richard asked,falling into the water as he tried to see what the boy had said. “Oh my holy Jesus-he’s totally flirting with you right now!”He exclaimed,gripping the rock and pulling himself out of the water,shaking slightly as he did so.You began to type,Richard trying to see what you were saying. “What are you typing?”He asked impatiently.

Hey :) Richard said he gave you my number,you typed out,staring at it to make sure that it looked okay before sending it.

“She read it!”JJ exclaimed,watching as three floating dots came across the bottom of his screen. “Is she answering?”KIara asked,leaning across the couch to watch as you typed. “What do I say?”He asked,not wanting to fuck up.Pope became intrigued,looking at the screen. 

“Ask her how her day went.”Pope suggested,trying to read upside down as JJ typed. “No-that’s dry texting.Get into depth and ask her about her political views and what she wants to do with her life and what her zodiac sign is!”Kie argued,trying to take the phone from JJ. “What the fuck,Kie?I dont want to freak her out!”JJ exclaimed,checking how long it had been since you sent the text.

Two minutes. “Fuck,now she thinks im ignoring her.You know what?Im just gonna ask what shes doing.”JJ went to type,only to have John.B shout at him. “GIrls hate that!Ask her how she knows Richard!”John.B urged him to type quickly.JJ typed as fast as he could go without making any spelling mistakes,sending the text.

He watched nervously as he saw the ‘read’ receipt,waiting for you to answer him. “Family friend,living situation is kind of complicated ig.”He read out loud,biting his lip as he thought about what to say. “Relatable lmao I go between my friend’s houses all the time”He replied,hoping he hadnt gone too far into detail about his person life.

You bit at your tumb nail,Richard asking you what was happening but you shushed him. “Felt that.My parents decided to head out when I was like seven so that sucks.”You answered,leaning so that you were half in and half out of the water,your arms stretched outwards as you typed.

He was really fast at replying,agreeing that it sucked that your parents abandoned you and also explaining that his mother had done the same when he was six.You knew that you felt a connection to him for other reasons besides the fact that he looked exactly like your deceased lover,grinning slightly to yourself. “Twinsies.So hows your life going now?”You sent the message,cringing at the vocabulary.

That probably wouldve got you sent to an insane asylum if you had said that in the forties.You put the phone down for a moment,letting Richard read the messages as you swam to the bottom of your pool quickly,searching for the shiny shell that you had heard the blonde through earlier.You picked it up,kicking off the bottom with your fins and wiping the hair from your forehead when you resurfaced,attempting to dry your hands on the rocks.

You wiped a water drop from your nose with the back of your hand,whispering into the shell.Richard smiled,asking you to let him listen to it for a second.You let him,watching as he held the shell to his ear with one hand,the other hand going to cover his mouth. “What?What are they saying?”You asked,taking the shell back and trying to focus on listening. “He’s gonna ask you on a date!Get the phone-get the phone-get the phone!”He whispered loudly,too excited to grab it himself.

You used your arms to semi drag yourself out of the water,reaching for it. “Im getting the phone!Chill the fuck out!”You giggled,staring at the screen. “Is he typing?”RIchard asked,nearly slipping as he got out of the pool and sat in the sand,squinting and watching the screen. “Do you wanna maybe hang out tomorrow?”You gasped at the message,screaming to Richard.

 “He wants to hang out tomorrow!”You exclaimed,not knowing what to say. “Shit-telll him that you have work and that you cant hang out until….July 26th im pretty sure.”He answered,trying to recall when the next full moon would be.You sighed,pinching the bridge of your nose. “Thats a month from now.What would I be doing for a whole month straight?”You asked,trying to come up with a decent lie.

He bit the inside of his cheek,trying to think of a good answer. “Working and doing something confidential that you cant tell him about.Tell him that you’ll tell him about your job when he sees you so he’ll be more excited to see you.”Richard nodded to himself.

JJ frowned as your answer came onto the screen.By now Pope and John.B had fallen asleep,Kiara too interested in what was going on with you to sleep. “She says she has work too much and cant hang out until the 26th.”He grumbled.Kiara nearly shouted,instead taking his phone to make sure he had read it correctly.

She began to type,making JJ nervous. “Kie-Kie what are you doing!Dont send that without showing me!”He yelled,not caring if he woke up the boys.It was too late though,she already sent a text,smiling when she gave it back to him. Cool,I’ll see you then ig.Do you want to go to the beach or something? She had typed,pretending to be him.It wasnt that bad,in fact,he was glad that she had sent it cause he wouldnt have the balls to. “Yeah,okay.So like 8pm on the 26th?”Was your response,making him blush. “Sounds like a date.”He replied.

@hazel-maybank​  @milamaybank​ @drewswannabegirl​ @teamnick​ @unmotivatedwritings​  @danicarosaline​ @sexualparkour​  @asaks6082 @mac-daddy-210​ @prejudic3 @n1ghtsh4d3-67  @nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland  @yuxsh06   @ifilwtmfc @cherryobx @poguestarkey   @poguestyleskye @judayyyw  @sunwardsss @outerbongs  @copper-boom @nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland  @yuxsh06   @ifilwtmfc  @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67  @poguestyleskye @judayyyw  @sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @jj-fic-recs @homophobicclownmoviestan @jj-iz-bae @natalie-kate-98 @negativity4you​ @nxsmss @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee 

Comment with a smiley face if you’d like to be added to the taglist.

[cheswirls]

i had that surgery between posting abt tokrev and now n took a break from reading and so the first half of tenjiku arc is fuzzy BUT i did finish it today so heres an  update, ~190 chapters in

ive been vague b4 but this one will DEF have spoilers im talking openly abt so if you havent finished tenjiku arc dont read anymoreeee

i think i started last time abt the emma ch so to start off this one w the emma ch bc. damn. i think besides being absolutely heartbreaking this cemented kisaki as not necessary the enemy, but as someone who has done wrong. kisaki has been the main villain this entire time, but i mentioned this last time, its different being told someone has done something vs seeing it. besides him n hanma beating up chifuyu, everything kisaki has done hasnt had any proof to it. even when he says  something akin to ‘damn my plan is foiled’ its less admission when theres nothing to back it.

but emma changes that. now theres a homicide associated w kisaki. now theres a bad thing hes done right in front of the mc, and for all the viewers/readers to see. now hes equivocated w the death of emma. 

i think emmas death matters for two reasons, and one more than the other. the first is the impact it has on mikey. its shown a few times now what death will do to him, like w shinichirou and baji, but w emma it hits different. im gonna contrast her and baji on both points, not to take away from baji’s death, but to add to emmas.

if im not mistaken a majority of baji scenes were only shown after his death. i think it worked and the valhalla arc was  rly well structured, but what this left in turn was a sort of emptiness associated w baji dying. the readers didnt rly know him at all compared to some of the other toman captains, and it rly hadnt been shown yet wwhat his relationship w mikey was like. we see the effect it has in his rage towards kazu, and none of his grieving. even when at bajis grave, its chifuyu that gets a bigger focus than mikey. but w emma, it actively tears mikey up. he struggles to carry her to the hospital, hes visibly shaken when he tells takemichi shes grown cold, and hes absolutely dead inside when hina is crying at emmas corpse and drakon is yelling at him asking why he let it happen. it hits hard, and it shows, and it makes the impact that much harder, that she died in the past and theres no way tofix it. and the realization takemichi has right before, of ‘o yeah ive never seen grown emma come to think abt it’ then bam.

the second and much bigger point is the emotional impact is has on the reader. baji appears and is instantly a source of conflict. he outs himself from toman, he joins the enemy, he denounces chifuyu when questioned abt investigating kisaki. theres no reason to trust him n no reason to think he’ll turn back, and then only thing there is mikey saying he wants baji back.

emma had that amazing chapter not long before, and shes had a few focal points previously, like on her birthday, and on new years, etc. we’ve seen her as an individual first, then as mikey’s sister, and that makes a difference. seeing her even admitting izana was her brother rly hit different bc its emma, the emma that grew up w shin and mikey but had another life before that. that was the connection i kept making, even as izana explained he had more relation w shinichirou, bc it was mentioned by emma first, bc emma remembered him, after all those years. knowing izana was involved w her death made it hit harder. it hits harder in general bc its emma, someone whos been around since the beginning, and been explored more in depth. i felt sad when baji died, but i was destroyed and heartbroken when emma died.

which, going back, makes kisaki in turn absolutely despicable. deplorable. abhorrent. unforgivable. even more so when he shoots kaku, and then izana, thrice, and then izana dies. i still rly didnt. get? izanas motivations, but i started to feel for him thru mikey, when he realized it was izana shin meant when he asked abt a second older brother. kaku getting shot was unexpected and almost worse than emma in the moment, bc kisaki had a gun and even knives were kinda taboo weapons, guns were completely off the table, and he shot five times andinjured three people w every shot. im glad the tenjiku members that stayed behind told police abt kisaki bc the entire time he was running i was like um??? and even B4 that i was like hey no mikey you dont need to stay, yall jus nee to beat kisaki into submission n have him confess bc the gun is right there, the bullets are there, cmon now.

but then kisaki dies/????? the way its set up made me go crazy, thinkin someone did it purposely, but then the driver was a nobody, and then hes still alive after impact???? big surprise honestly. but then his arm n leg are emessed up, n he says he cant get up, n it took me a sec to realize he prolly lost coordination n not jus bc of one leg, like he prolly couldnt sit up at all, then he up n died rightthere. 

b4 thattho, was the confirmation. i completely always thought kisaki wasnt a timeleaper, i thought takemichi made atheory but  it was baseless, i didnt rly like it, and then the scene during the vs tenjiku when he says future stuff n kisakis like what?? are yiu talking abt??? BUT THEN then have their standoff in the same parking lot n kisaki says you are a timeleaper and i was like what? he can also??? but then he coudnt! he admitted, was like no in ever could, which means someone else is pulling strings if there is another timeleaper, andmy moneys on hanma, the only other one whos been around the whole time. maybe ill b surprised but i f its not him then theres not another one, imo.

kisaki dying caught me off guard. his whole ten year plan was absolutely nuts, ic ant believe he thought he could go up to hina n straight propose n she would say yes, like honestly would she even remember him at that point? regardless i knew from the cram school chapters that there was some connection there, but i didnt think hina dying was some jealousy-fueled hate revenge plot. wild. but now the “main” villain is dead so what goes from here? we willn see.

i am rly glad kaku made it out. tallying 3 deaths in the kanto incident was so confusing w emma being one of them but the reveal that kaku was alive was rly something. i hope more comes from him!! the setup between him n takemichi was rly rly nice!!!! i wanna see more

i am kinda sad abt coco, bc thesetup of takemichi protecting him from div5 was great, n inui is a permanant fixture in div1 now, so to see coco decide to split was kinda sad. hope he doesnt go down the wrong path. kinda expected to see more knowing how popular him n inui are?? but nontheless

and smiley and angry were so good!! souta and kawata are amazing and souta was not like what i was expecting at all, n now knowing that he cares a lot n is not rly a fighter but iss till in toman jus. rly speaks a lot abt mikeys judge of character n kawatas older brotherschtich that they would let him be vice of div4. seeing what kawata and mitsuya both did during tenjiku arc was rly nice. 

and then hina telling drakon andmikey!!! surprised they believed, but it rly will mak things move now. for ex the gun scene where hes abt to shoot kisaki, rly ready to end it, but then hina n mikey rush in. i rly like that knowing that they both know this takemici is from the future, bc they panic but their faith in him isnt lost ,y’know? like they see him desperate, n drakon has a great line abt takemichi’s desperation, theyre not seeing their friend abt toshoot someone n freaking, n they wont judge his sense of character off of that,instead theyre seeing the desperation of someone who wants things to change, and know they can talk him out of it, or if not that then at least ,like, its not going to change what they think abt him. iunno jus. nice little detail i loved while reading that.

[bagelbite]

my thoughts on far from home

literally amazing oh my god. it is up there in my “absolute favourites” for both marvel movies and just movies in general. im just gonna word vommit my thoughts and then probably spam with other people’s posts lol.

!!!THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!

- okay so the obvious: the cast. bruh i mean we all know that tom holland is incredible and everything, but i will say im a little bitter that everyone is acting like jake gyllenhaal is this “new” actor like hello he has be phenomenal for years like im glad hes getting the attention now because his performance of mysterio was literally god tier (he went completely feral with the role and it was amazing). also zendeya and jacob batalon are amazing but we weren’t surprised about that

- “you deal with the suit, i’ll deal with the music” its fine im not sobbing or anything

- THE HUMOR oh my gosh this movie is so funny like it perfectly captures the unmatched chaotic energy of a lovestruck-highschool-boy-that-is-also-a-superhero. like john watts does such a good job of shooting this movie so you never get to forget that peter is just a kid and he’s learning how to do everything and hes confused but trying his best

- it has all of these amazing action shots that just capture and demonstrate how capable peter is with his powers and athleticism and this movie actually shows the spidersense (or the peter tingle) in an AMAZING way like bruh i was sitting on the edge of my seat in those scenes

- i once again have to emphasize just how amazing jake gyllenhaal is in playing mysterio, as well as mysterio as a character. this is finally a marvel villian that isnt boring and forgettable, like bruh BRUH mysterio is amazing. and i love the fact that he is just a human. like he doesnt have any of these insane or threatening powers, hes just amazingly smart and borderline off his rocker. like he starts off and hes composed and thinks ahead for every possible option and he keeps himself in control, but slowly through out the movie you see him just go further and further off the edge to where he gets desperate and lashes out and doesnt care about the consequences. but then the mid credit scene reveals that even when hes dead and pushed to his end, he still had a plan to get back at peter.

- i love how in peters eyes, the other kid that was going after MJ (i forgot his name) was essentially as big a problem as literal global destruction like what homeboy

- even dead im the hero DONT TALK TO ME

- THE ENTIRE PART WHERE QUINTEN IS JUST TORMENTING PETER AND MAKING HIM QUESTION EVERYTHING BRUH like obviously that shit hurt (he literally had to watch mj “die”, saw his father-figure and mentor rise from the grave and come to attack him, as well as feeling completely helpless multiple times, thinking hes safe when fury shoots quinten but then it reveals that it was just an illusion to only further that he cant trust anything he sees)

- he literally got his by a train can this boy please get a break hes like sixteen

- omg im gonna cry thinking about the part when happy came and peter was so relieved and then the trauma of the hallucinations came back and he immediately put his guard back up and was ready to fight or run if it wasnt happy, but then he just completely breaks down when he realizes that hes safe

- HAPPY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED CHARACTERS IN THE MCU!!!!!! this man was there for tony’s entire journey and helped him every step of the way and he genuinely cared for tony as a friend and platonic companion, and he had to watch his best friend die. and then he watches the “adoptee son” of tony go through a very similar journey, but years sooner than tony ever had to deal with it. and he watches peter doubt himself in the same areas tony did, but now hes been through helping tony so he knows how to help peter too. idk man i love happy and i get mad when hes forgotten

- we arent even going to talk about all of the similarities between peter and tony like ow ow OW OW OW

- one question, the multiverse is fake right? bc quentin technically faked it right so that means it isnt real? i hope its not real tbh bc that would make stuff even messier than it already is

- tbh i didnt really like fury being talos in the end but idk we’ll see what they do

- THE MUSIC HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THAT YET BRUH THIS SOUNDTRACK IS INCREDIBLE

- okay i was shook at how much character depth they were able to give flash in literally like a few seconds. 1) when they were being picked up at the airport he was greated by a butler or bodyguard or something and he says “could mother not make it” and 2) he looked genuinely effected finding out that “spiderman watches my instagram?!”. both of these show you that he is truly just a kid that is ignored and left behind by his family and he is desperately seeking attention from anyone he can get it. and it doesnt excuse his aggressive behavior towards peter, but it does explain it

- again on the filming style and director choices, i loved how they filmed quentin’s big reveal plan like a “brooklyn 99 introduction” as i saw it so perfectly describe by @universe-exe

- PETER HAD HIS WHOLE IDENTITY EXPOSED which like lets be honest it was coming this boy can never keep his mask on but still it should have been on his own terms AND ALSO IT WAS DONE IN A WAY THAT FRAMES HIM AS BEING THIS MANIAC VILLIAN LIKE BRUH AND WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT MOVIE TO FIGURE OUT LIKE WHAT WHAT WHAT IM FREAKING OUT

- as much as i love how whump filled this movie is, i feel so bad for peter. he has only been a superhero for a handful of years and he has been through SO much like can this boy please just go to school and be a high schooler. like if this keeps up at this rate, he will literally be peter b parker from spiderverse in a matter of years

but yeah those are my thoughts and im hurt i love this movie so much like bruh im seeing it again tomorrow and i will be buying it as soon as possible i love it so much

[alegnna-fanfictions]

Durarara Fanfiction - I forgive  you, do you forgive me [Alternate Ending]

(Durarara!! Fanfiction (Shizuo X Izaya))

~~ It was a cold rainy night, Izaya was walking down the streets without an umbrella and went to a dark alley, mesmerizing the memories with the man he once called a monster.

IZAYA : "I dont know" those words, are the only words that my mouth can say now, and nothing else my mind is all messed up every time I remember his face I remember how much I Hate him, NO! I love him. My Mind and Heart doesn't Sync at all, I hate him, but at the same time I loved him. and now I made up my mind I don’t know what to do now, what to say, what to think. is it too late now to say sorry?

~~Izaya calls Shizuo on the phone............

Shizuo is at Tom's house, He heard his phone ringing and picked it up he answered the phone and said :

SHIZUO: hello! Who's this?

IZAYA: hello Shizu chan

SHIZUO: flea? How did you know my number, ok I'm hanging up.

IZAYA: no wait!

SHIZUO: what is it now! What do you want?

IZAYA: Shizuo I- I

SHIZUO: Izaya?

IZAYA: *crying and sobbing*

SHIZUO: ok, you're creeping me out I'm hanging up now, go and troll somewhere else.

IZAYA: GODDAMMIT SHIZUO JUST LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!!

SHIZUO: huh? hears Izaya crying hey Izaya are you-?

IZAYA: Shizuo, I cant hate you anymore? But why? Why does it have to be you?? Why?

SHIZUO: Izaya? Whats going on?

IZAYA: I'm sorry Shizuo, I'm sorry.....{{Phone hanged up}}

SHIZUO: hello? Izaya? FLEA!! GODDAMMIT!!

Shizuo immediately ran to the doorstep and Tom saw him leaving and followed him to his doorstep.

TOM: hey! Shizuo? Where are you going??

SHIZUO: I'm looking for the FLEA

TOM: huh? But Izaya is in Shinjuku how can you go there and besides its night and raining....

SHIZUO: I dont care whether he is in Shinjuku or Ikebukuro, Im off

TOM: uh- hah!!!

~~ Shizuo went looking for Izaya in a cold rain.....

SHIZUO: Izaya!! Flea!! Where are you!!

~~ after an hour

SHIZUO: Sighs~ why am I doing this? scratches his head Im going back-

Kasuka was running hurriedly and bumped to Shizuo

KASUKA: nii san you need to help Izaya!! Hurry!!

SHIZUO: kasuka? Wait? IZAYA? Where is he??

~~ as Kasuka pointed at the dark alley, Shizuo went there and look for Izaya

SHIZUO: (shocked) Izaya?!~~Izaya was lying on the ground wounded....

IZAYA: shi-shi-shizu cha.~~Izaya lose his consciousness....

SHIZUO: I-I-Izaya? IZAYAAAAA!!

~~ Shizuo Immediately ran to Izaya's side and carry him to the hospital the day After, Izaya woke up in the Hospital room, he saw Shizuo and Kasuka talking to the doctor outside the room with the door open.

DOCTOR: he will be fine now.

KASUKA: it is my fault, if only I didn’t let my guard down, those guys won't do this to Izaya

SHIZUO: no, it is not your fault, it is my fault.~~the doctor walks away leaving the two to have a private conversation

~~Izaya just watch the afar and listen to them

SHIZUO: it is my fault, if only I wasn't your brother if only, if only, IF ONLY I WASN'T A MONSTER!! THIS WONT HAPPEN TO YOU AND IZAYA!!

~~Izaya was shocked about Shizuo said, and he snapped

IZAYA: YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER!!

~~ Shizuo looked inside the room, and saw Izaya sitting on the bed looking down crying. Shizuo and Kasuka came running to Izaya when they also saw his wound bleeding on the right side of his body

SHIZUO: Kasuka call the doctor

~~Kasuka came out the room running to call the doctor Shizuo doesn't know what to do, he just stand there silently

IZAYA: Shi- Shi-Shizuo (crying) I'm sorry, I'm Really Sorry

SHIZUO: Izaya, whats wrong with you?? I hate you but acting like this, please stop it you’re acting like a whining woman

IZAYA: Im sorry Im Sorry Im sorry

~~ Izaya continuously say "sorry" to Shizuo ... At the Hospital rooftop, Shizuo was smoking remembering Izaya crying. he put off his smoking cigarette and went down to Izaya's room but no one is there, his heart ached when he noticed that the window was open and the curtains is being blown by the wind. he immediately ran to the window and look down,he thought that Izaya suicides, he was so nervous, but his nervousness became relieved when he heard a familiar voice at his back.

IZAYA: Shizuo?

~~Shizuo turn at his back and saw Izaya standing carrying an IV drip bag. he immediately turn his head and walk outside the room, the mixed feelings he feels cannot be explained. but not far from the room, he heard a crashing noise. Shizuo Immediately came back to the room running. Izaya was lying down the floor holding a piece of paper facing the door.

SHIZUO: what are you doing?

~~Izaya responded by waving the paper, Shizuo picked it up and read it. Shizuo's Expression turned mad.

SHIZUO: WHY DIDNT YOU GIVE ME THIS LETTER? WHAT IF IT IS TOO LATE!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY BROTHER!!!??? WE DON'T KNOW!!

~~Shizuo stomped his foot, and immediately goes out running fo find his kidnapped brother. Izaya sat on the floor and look at his stomach with a knife impaled on it, the wound began bleeding on his stomach. but he choose to hide it, and pulled the knife out of his stomach and wrapped the wound with a piece of cloth. Izaya, look outside the window and saw the man who just came by to deliver the letter and stabbed him running away. Izaya escaped the hospital to warn Shizuo.

~~Shizuo came to the building where the kidnappers take Kasuka. He entered the building without knowing whats the danger waiting for him Inside the building. as he stepped inside the building, the group of men with weapons came to face Shizuo, and kept him busy.

at the locker near the train station, Izaya, opened his locker and get an envelope inside it and went straight ahead to where Shizuo Is. Shizuo already defeated a half of the gang, but there is too many of them. After 20 minutes, Izaya came and Fought alongside Shizuo. they manage to defeat them, and went straight to the 4th floor. and there they saw Kasuka tied up in the pole, but I was unexpected to see that, Mairu and Kururi were also there. 

they Untie the three of them, but the gang blocked their way, so they dont have a another choice but to go at the roof top of the building. 

Shizuo: Dead End! 

Izaya thinked of an solution. but since shizuo had a super strength he can manage to jump off the bulding and can land on his foot without being injured or dying. so Izaya told Shizuo to carry Mairu, Kururi on his arms and Kasuka on his back. so they can be safe. Izaya: there!, keep them safe 

Mairu: how about you nii san? 

Izaya: I can Jump on my own Mairu, Kururi 

~~Izaya kissed Mairu and Kururi's forehead and smiled, then he looks at Shizuo, They heard the gang coming up the stairs. 

Izaya: on the count of three, (Izaya slipped the envelope to Mairu's pocket) One, Two- Shizuo: Three (Jumps off the building and landed on his foot) Safely, the 4 of them landed Uninjured 

Kasuka: where is Izaya? 

Kururi: where's nii san? 

~~the four of them turned and look back.

~~when they look back, they saw nothing, Izaya was nowhere to be found. Kasuka: he might be still up there. Kururi: maybe nii san have been caught? Shizuo: Damn Flea ~~the gang, saw the four of them and chase them, they ran and hid on the backside alley so that no one can see them. ~~meanwhile, Izaya, was captured by the gang and tied him up, they put a ducktape to his mouth and cover his eyes with a piece of cloth. Izaya only hears, their voices, but also he can feel the pain from his wounds. suddenly it became quiet when the boss came. BOSS: well, well what a surprise, isnt it the Info broker that I hate so much. It seems you didnt have enough patience, that you came to see me. ~~the boss sat down on a chair in the front of Izaya and one of the member came and bring him vodka. he sips a little and leans at Izaya. BOSS: you know, my plan was to capture Kasuka to lure Shizuo here and Kill that Man, and then, I'll capture your sisters and lure you here, and also kill you. it was unexpected that your sisters were at the same place where Kasuka is so we captured them together. but It was also unexpected that you and Shizuo were teaming up, arent you two are enemies?? (sighs~) ~~the boss finished his drink and stands up. he break the glass on the ground, then kicked Izaya's face. Izaya fell on the floor, where the shattered glass pieces is. he stomped on Izaya's head and told his men to torture him, then he left. the gang obeyed the boss said, and tortured Izaya.Izaya was being tortured, they used bats to strike him hard on different parts of his body and knifes to slash some parts on his body. after 2 hours, they got tired of it. guy1: I'm sick of this guy (kicks Izaya's back) guy2: yeah me too guy3: hey guys! all the gang looked at the 3rd guy, and they saw the him holding a box. and when they opened it, It was full of condom's, dildo's, vibrators, love lotions and whips. guy4: where did you get this dude? guy3: remember that porn star who need help from us, she didnt have enough money so, instead of having more debt, she gave this to us. guy1: I would like to use this to my girlfriend guy2: well too bad you dont have a girlfriend guy1: what did you say?! guy2: jerk guy3: hey hey hey, arent we just going to argue here, or were gonna play.the gang looked at Izaya smirking, and one of them started to remove Izaya's pants. but Izaya kicked his face and that guy get mad. he pulled a knife at his pocket and rip Izaya's pants Instead. they dragged Izaya into a cushion, and make him lay down facing his but to them. the first guy spreads his but then pour some love lotion into it. one by one, they inserted and tested a dildo into his ass, starting from the smallest up to the biggest dildo they get. Izaya was in pain, but at the same time, he was lustful. the 4th guy removed the ducktape to Izaya's mouth. Izaya Drool and Moan, after that the boss came in, seeing what they were doing to Izaya, he smirks. BOSS: well well well, how pathetic, the smart and evil guy I know was being lewd in the front of me, how shameful. the Boss left again after one of the member of the gang whispered something to him. Shizuo once again Infiltrated the building to save Izaya. but this time, the boss confronted him held Izaya as hostage. BOSS: well well well isnt it Shizuo Hei-wa-ji-ma. are you going to accept your faith now? (smiles) Shizuo: where is Izaya? BOSS: Izaya? (smirks) Izaya was playing with my minions. would you like to see how beautiful Izaya can be? Shizuo: you!!! BOSS: you know, I really thought that you would leave Izaya alone, but this is beyond my expectations. you really did come for him. the boss snapped his fingers and the guys take Izaya out, naked and lewd. they dropped Izaya on the floor and kicked him. Shizuo was shocked when he saw Izaya's condition on their hands, he tried to come closer to Izaya but, the Boss pointed a gun at Izaya so he stopped. Shizuo: what do you want? BOSS: what-do-i-want? hmmm~ (smiles) lets see, oh yes! I want you life, I want you to be vanish in Ikebukuro!! so as Izaya O-ri-ha-ra, so that I can rule Ikebukuro. Shizuo: Ikebukuro is not yours BOSS: eh?, it is not yours either, but you are called as the Ikebukuro's strongest. I'm so jealous. the boss grab Izaya by hair and pointed his gun at Izaya's head. BOSS: Ok, lets make a deal, Shizuo kun, I let you live, and I wont harm any of your friends in Ikebukuro, If you kill Izaya Orihara. and If you dont- one of the men came to the boss and give him a remote, then he backed off slowly after giving it. BOSS: you'll die, and Izaya will live. the boss pushed the green button and all the hidden machine guns appeared at the ceilings pointed at Shizuo. BOSS: make your choice, Heiwajima kun.

~~Shizuo has to make a decision, kill or die.

BOSS: I'll give you half an hour to make your decision Shizuo. and your time starts now!

~~the boss pointed the gun to the ceiling and pulled the trigger, the gun made a big noise. on the way back home, Celty heard the gun shot, she stopped "shooter" from running. Celty: a gun shot?

~~Celty opened her phone and saw Shinra's messages and read all of it. 

~~Celty rode Shooter again and went to the place where she thinks the gun shot came from.. 

>>>Meanwhile.... Shizuo was thinking deeply. he was tense...BOSS: this is going very boring......

>>>the boss stands up and gets his gun from his men and pointed it to Izaya

BOSS: how about this, in every 5 minutes you spend, Izaya is going to take a punishment (looks at his watch) oh look at the time, 5 minutes have passed.

>>>the boss, pointed his gun to Izaya's right arm and pulled the trigger, Izaya screams In pain....SHIZUO: Izaya!! Damn you, why did you do that to him!!!!

BOSS: hey hey hey, instead of shouting and being worried about him... how about came up of a decision already...

>>>Shizuo grit his teeth and said to himself that the boss is right, he think again but another 5 minutes have passed and Izaya's left arm was shot.. (Izaya continuously screams)

SHIZUO: stop it!! BOSS: have you come up of a decision yet?? SHIZUO: yes I-I-I haveBOSS: good, coz (kicked Izaya) I got bored about this guy screams, and you guys have no fun. so? what is your decisi-

>>> the boss stopped talking when all the windows in the room shattered and someone came in. 

>>> it was Celty, riding her shadow horse shooter

Men 1: its the headless rider Men 2: I thought She was gone now in Ikebukuro, since no one has news about her Men3: boss what now...

>>> the boss ordered his men to shoot at her but they cant land a bullet on her body because of her shadow. 

>>> he grabbed Izaya and pointed a gun at him with his trembling hands

BOSS: dont! come any c-c-closer SHIZUO: celty? celty help Izaya!!!

>>> but Celty didn’t listen to Shizuo, instead she goes to Shizuo and grabbed his hand

CELTY: were leaving, Shizuo SHIZUO: what? CELTY: no but's

>>> the boss had a chance to make his move and grabbed his remote then press the fire button, and all the machine guns aimed at Celty and Shizuo. but Celty covered Shizuo and her with her shadow and form a ball. 

>>> because of the bullets who landed on the floor, the floor cracked and the shadow ball fell along with the floor. >>> all machine guns stopped

BOSS: are they dead? ahahahahahahhaha they were dead!! (peaks through the hole on the ground) the legendary headless rider and the strongest man in Ikebukuro was dead, DEAD!!! whahahahahaha

MAN 2: no boss!! the ball was rolling!! MAN 3: they were getting away!! MAN 1: are we going to fire at them boss?? 

BOSS: ahahahahahaha (stopped laughing) NO, coz I still have the most skilled Info broker in Ikebukuro, (looks at Izaya) and If I kill you, I will gain fame!!

>>> the boss pointed the gun to Izaya and BANG! a sound of a gun shot fills the room, a cough of a man was heard after.

>>> blood splattered at Izaya's face.Man1: BOSS!>> the men came to help their boss who is wounded by a bullet at his back

BOSS: who dared to-

>>> Vorona was standing behind them all of the guns were pointed at her.

IZAYA: Vorona

VORONA: don't misjudge me, I'm only doing this because senpai.

>>>the men fired their guns at will but all the bullets were dodged by the blond assassin. 

--[[FLASHBACK]]--

SHIZUO: celty we have to save Izaya!

CELTY: you need to be saved first Shizuo, I know that we need to save him but I can't just save the both of you at the same time, specially when I promised him.

SHIZUO: promised? you promised what?

CELTY: I promised that you will be saved first instead of him if the two of you are in a life and death situation.

SHIZUO: what?!

CELTY: Izaya asked me to save you instead of him.

SHIZUO: why would he-

>>>Shizuo remembered Izaya's confession on the phone...CELTY: if you want to know you should ask hi-

SHIZUO: no need to, I might know now the reason. I just need to confirm it, I need to save him.

>>>Shizuo walks away, little did they know, Vorona heard their conversation and decided to help Izaya on her own for the sake of his senpai.

--[[FLASHBACK ENDS]]--

VORONA: stay right there, I just need to eliminate these people.

>>>Vorona opened fire at everyone and never missed a shot. She dodge and put bullets in their bodies. After the fight all the dead bodies lying down the floor with blood gushing out making a puddle of blood.

>>>Vorona looked at Izaya, she was mad at him, but she need to get Izaya out of the building.

>>> She grabbed Izaya's arm and drag him out of the building with her. After the came out, she took out a small remote and pushed a button. As she did it, there are explosions in the building triggered. Slowly the building collapsed.

VORONA: don't just stare at the collapsed building

>>>The woman took a key out of her pocket and rode her motorcycle, she started the motor and wait for Izaya to ride at the back.

>>> It took a while because of Izaya's injuries but he managed to ride it.

>>> At Shizuo's house, Shizuo was planning to go and rescue Izaya again. He grabbed his jacket and was about to open his door when it opened immediately and slammed into his face.

>>>But to Shizuo this kind of pain is just like a tickle but he's still pissed about it.

SHIZUO: who dares to-!

>>> His voice cut short when Vorona pushes Izaya to Shizuo.

>>> Shizuo was kinda confused at first but Vorona spoke first.

VORONA : I saved him, no need to thank me...

>>>The woman turns her back and walks away.

SHIZUO : thank you (he whispered)

>>>Izaya was completely passed out on Shizuo's arms. Shizuo carries the raven haired one to his bed and get some first aid kit. He opened the first aid kit and then he realized something.

SHIZUO :  I don't know how to treat wounds, sighs~ you're a troublesome flea. Naturally its Shinra that treats our wounds.

>>>Shizuo continues talking to himself as he wiped Izayas face with a wet towel.

SHIZUO : I wished you told me sooner,...I love you too Izaya. 

~~ After the incident...

"hows your wounds? Is it still hurting?" Shinra looked at Izaya who is in the wheelchair inside his office.

"I'm doing fine now, don't worry so much for me" Izaya said with a slight smile as he put things in the boxes.

Shinra is kinda curious what is he doing instead of resting so he asked him again "what are these boxes for?"

"Ah these?" Izaya answered "I'm gonna trow these away" he added

"Hah? But these are all your informative files and your disks, why are you throwing these away? Hey Izaya just to remind you, you're not dying" Shinra said sarcastically. 

Izaya just laughed at Shinra said and turned his wheelchair to the table and  took two keys then threw it to Shinra. Shinra catches the keys and said "what is this for?"

"Give the red one to Namie and the green one to my sisters" Izaya said without looking at Shinra."Why am I the one who's bringing this to your secretary and to your sisters?"

"Please Shinra do me a last favor" Shinra raised a brow but he sighed in the end and do as Izaya said.....

~~~~

A week later "All Passengers of flight 160 please proceed to gate 9" the announcer announced. Izaya was leaving, leaving the place where he spent most of his days, leaving the family he only had, leaving the people whose been around him for a long time and leaving the one that change him, the one that he loved the most.

Izaya entered the gates without looking back."Shizuo, in the next life never see me again, so that I won't fall in love with you ever again" he whispered as he sat at his seat.

"In the next life I would meet you again even though you ignore me I'll make you fall in love with me again"

Izaya looked at his left and saw Shizuo beside him."Shi-Shizu chan?" izaya confusedly said as he jumped out of his seat.

"Yeah its me flea, take a seat were about to take off" Shizuo grabbed Izaya's wrist gently and Izaya took his seat and looked away.

"Shocked that I was here?"

"Of course,"

"You really want to leave me that badly"

"I-I-"

Shizuo smiled "you can't leave me, coz you're mine, and you should take responsibility"

"Ha? What are you talking about?"

"I was just saying, I fell In love with a flea"There was a moment of silence between them and its been annoying Shizuo. But he remembered what Shinra said to him "Take initiative" 

Shizuo hold Izaya's hand and Izaya felt it, he looked at the blond and pulled his hand away. 

But Shizuo took again his hand and said "lets start a new beginning, Izaya" 

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 4

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: there will be ssmut, violence, torture, abuse and language. If you triggered by any of this i suggest you not read.

Feed back is always appreciated.

A few hours later it was completely dark. Sam laid in the back seat as best he could with his headphones in sound asleep. Dean had ac/dc playing on the radio and i started singing along to my favorite song. 'You shook me all night long.' Dean looked over at me and smiled at my off key singing. Instead of poking fun at me he joined in.

After the song ended he spoke, "i didnt think you were a classic rock kind of girl."

"What kind of music did you think i liked?"

He shrugged, "that rap crap. Ya know bass blaring kinda stuff."

I laughed, "i like all kinds of music but you cant beat the classics."

"Hell yeah!" He fist bumped into the air. I couldnt hellp but smile. His carefree side was something for sure. My heart raced just by looking at him. His lips looked so soft and i wanted to kiss them. My eyes traveled down his body, i remembered his abs and chest so toned. My eyes rested on his crotch, from the outline i saw earlier he had to be huge.

"Darlin' if you dont stop looking at me that way..." he said in a raspy voice.

I whipped my head around so fast it made me dizzy. I shrank as close to the door as i could, keeping my eyes fixed on my hands. "Im so sorry. Please....i didnt..."

His hand grabbed mine and he intertwined our fingers. "Dont be sorry. I love the way you look at me, but right now youre in no condition to do what im wanting to do."

I blushed at his words, but felt a tinge of horror in my heart. "Why would you want me? Im a nobody, im worthless." I whispered.

"(Y/N) look at me." I kept my eyes on our hands. "Look. At. Me" he said more forcefully this time. I slowly turned my head and lifted my eyes to meet his. "Do not ever, and i mean ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again. You are not worthless. You are somebody to me. Dont you ever second guess it again. Do you understand me?"

His eyes shown truth in his words. I have never had someone say that to me. I nodded in agreement but yet parkers words still sounded in my head.

'No man will ever want you after what ive done to you. You will disgust them. Just look at you, if i was any less of a man i would be disgusted. Youre fat and ugly. Your pussy isnt going to look or feel the same after this. No man will ever want to touch you again.'

"(Y/N)." Deans voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Our hands still twined together, i pulled away thinking parker was right. Dean was just being nice after what i went through. After i healed hed throw me to the curb just like everyone else did.

"You hungry? Im gonna fill up, theres a deli inside that makes subs. Want one?" Dean asked. I shook my head and turned towards the window before he could see the tears that slipped out from beneath my lashes.

He slowly got out of the car and finally i was in silence, except for sams light snoring. Dean is an amazing man, he could have any girl he wanted. He wont want a broken shell of a woman like me. I shouldve just let parker kill me. The world would be better off, dean and sam would be better off too. They wouldnt have to worry about taking care of me and have me be a burden to them.

Dean got back in the car a few minutes later holding three bags. "I figured since you liked pizza youd like this. They had pizza subs in there, i got you a drink too. I expect you to eat every bite. No arguments." He handed me the bag and i had to admit it smelled amazing. My stomach growled at the smell and he smiled and pointed to the bag.

I gave in and unwrapped it and took a bite. I havent had food this good since before i got with parker. I was lucky to have a can of cat food to eat even then i had to make it last a week, while parker on the other hand would fix himself whatever he wanted. He wanted me to lose weight.

The thoughts about me being over weight claimed my appetite and i put the sub back in the wrapper and placed it beside dean. "Thanks but im still full from earlier."

He pulled the car over on the side of the road, he turned to me quickly. "I know what youre thinking and dont do it. Eat it or i will force feed you right here right now."

Tears pooled in my eyes and he sighed, "look, im sorry im not trying to force you but you need to eat. If you dont youre not going to get better. Im just trying to take care of you." He grabbed my hand "(Y/N), what is keeping you from eating?"

I inhaled and the words just tumbled out. "Im fat, parker told me. I can see it myself. My stomach is to big, my thighs touch. Im ugly. I shouldnt eat so much. Parker only gave me a can of food a week."

Deans grip on the steering wheel tightend, i saw his knuckles turn white. "I swear that fucker is going to suffer for what hes done to you." I tried to pull my hand away but his grip tightend. "Dont pull away. I know its hard for you to realize this now but i am not parker. Youre beautiful and youre not fat. In my eyes youre the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. So no one elses opinion matters but mine."

I shook my head "dean youre just being nice because of everything that happened."

He rubbed his hand over his face in frustration, "no im not. Im telling you the truth. Now eat. We will sit here until you do." Just to prove his point he turned the key and the cars engine shut off. I sighed in defeat and started eating again.

He smiled seemingly pleased with himself. Soon we were back on the road. After i finished my sub i placed the wrapper in the bag and leaned my head over on the window. "Here." Dean said and i looked over towards him. He held his jacket out to me, i smiled "thank you." I waded it up and used it as a pillow. A pillow that smelled just like him. Soon enough i was asleep.

I woke up in a bed but this time it wasnt a hospital bed. It was softer and the covers were a bit scratchy but i was comfortable. The pillows smelled familiar, like dean. I looked around and only saw a dresser and a table with a lamp on it. I must be in his room at their house.

The door was open, i moved my leg to see if it still hurt. "Damn it!" The pain seared through my leg and i knew there was no way i could put weight on it. I sighed because i couldnt do anything for myself. I hated feeling helpless.

"You okay?" I heard deans rough voice from the doorway. I looked up and he was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. My god he looked good. I shook my head, "i hate this. I have to depend on you for everything. Im a burden to you and sam."

He walked over and kneeled beside the bed, "you are not a burden. I take care of you because i want to."

I smiled at his kind words. Ive been doing alot of smiling lately thanks to dean. Hes got such a wonderful soul and heart. He looks rough on the outside but hes really a very caring person.

"Thank you dean. I cant tell you how much i really appreciate what you and your brother done for me. I just wish i could help out in some way, but i cant do anything because of my leg." I placed my hand on his cheek and he actually leaned into my touch. I cant explain whats going on between my heart and dean but i liked it.

He looked up into my eyes with such adoration it hurt. What is it about him?

"I actually have a friend that can help you, if you want to." Dean said cautiously.

"How can they help me? Are they a doctor?"

He shook his head, "i know this is gonna sound strange. Cas...hes an angel. He can heal you in a matter of seconds and make everything go away."

I raised my eyebrow at him. He just waited patiently as i thought it over. Demons are real and i did pray that god gave me strength when i was with parker. So why cant angels be real? I looked into his eyes and nodded.

He let out a breath i didnt realize he was holding. He bent his head "cas, i need you."

I heard a big flutter of wings and there was a man standing in the doorway wearing a trenchcoat. Not the way i pictured an angel looking.

"Hello dean." Cas said in a raspy voice.

"Hey cas, this is (Y/N). She needs you to heal her." Dean said sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

Cas walked over to me, "hello (Y/N). My name is castiel. All i will have to do is place my hand on your head."

"Thats it?" I asked.

Cas nodded and then i nodded and i shut my eyes. I felt his hand on my forehead and a warm sensation filled me. A few seconds later i felt amazing. I opened my eyes and dean was smiling at me.

"You look even more beautiful than before." He said touching my cheek. I leaned into his touch just as he did mine earlier. I looked up at cas he was standing there awkwardly.

"Thank you cas." I said shyly and he nodded. With a flutter he was gone. I looked around the room but he wasnt there.

"He does that alot." Dean said. "Now would you like to get a shower?"

I closed my eyes at the thought, "oh yes that would be amazing." I moaned, i felt dean shift on the bed. He was turned to the side with his eyes closed.

I put my hand on his shoulder, "dean?" He took a deep breath and turned towards me. He smiled and stood up and held out his hand.

I took it and stood up, and it felt amazing to be able to stand up and move without hurting. I chuckled and moved my leg and bent it. Im sure i had the most ridiculous smile on my face, but i was geniuenly thankful for everything.

"Everything feel alright?"

"Everything feels great. Thank you so much." Before i could stop myself i stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

He flinched a little and looked down at me. "Im so sorry...i didnt..im sorry." I said faster than i wanted to. I tried to turn away but he grabbed my wrist and turned me back to face him. He crashed his lips into mine and growled. His fingers tangled in my hair and pulled lightly. I bit his lower lip and moaned into his mouth.

I ran my hand up his flannel shirt and went to unbutton it when he grabbed my hands and pulled away from me. "No, i cant."

I backed away casting my eyes down to the floor, fiddling with the drawstring on my borrowed sweat pants. "No, im sorry. It was stupid of me to even think..."

He opened his mouth to speak but i just shook my head, "its okay dean you dont have to explain. I get it. Can you please show me where i can freshen up? I dont have any clothes so if its not to much trouble can i borrow these again?"

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt. "You can wear anything of mine you want until we can get you some clothes."

I nodded and took the clothes from him. He walked me down the hallway to the bathroom and showed me where the towels and wash cloths were before shutting the door.

After a nice long hot shower i felt even better my hair wasnt all frizzy anymore, my black tresses were perfectly combed and straight. I hardly recognized myself in the mirror without the bruises and cuts.

I was in deans clothes and they were a little baggy on me but i was a curvy woman so it wasnt to bad. I walked out of the bathroom but had no idea where to go. The only place i actually knew was deans bedroom.

I walked down the hallway and passed more doors. They were all closed so i didnt dare to open them. After all this wasnt my house, i had no business snooping. I heard sam and dean talking on down the hall so i followed their voices.

I turned the corner into a big library of some sort. Sam sat at the table reading from a book dean sat in a arm chair across from him eating a sandwhich. He smiled at me and i couldnt help but giggle at his cheeks stuffed full with food. He was so cute.

"There she is. Feel better?" He said around the food in his mouth.

"Very much, thank you. Both of you." I said looking down. "I dont really know what to do around here. Ill try to be helpful while im here. I promise i will find a place soon and be out of your hair."

Sam looked up with a furrowed brow. "No one said you have to leave. Youre more than welcome here."

I nodded and smiled shyly at sam. He went back to whatever he was doing as i paced back and forth.

Dean walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "Hey, dont feel out of place here. If youre hungry get you something to eat. If youre bored sammy has plenty of books and we have netflix. I want you to make yourself at home."

Dean was tracing circles on my hand with his thumb, my breathing hitched and i could feel, something between us. Dean seemed to notice and let go of my hands.

"Sam, you got anything on where these demons are?" Dean asked sam.

Sam shrugged, "not a hundred percent sure at the moment. Parker is for sure the leader though. It seems like its a recruitment thing. Bobbys looking into it for us."

Dean throws his hands up, "now what?"

"We wait." Sam said impatiently.

@an-unhealthy-obsession