#(after months of intense procrastination and forgetfulness)

[huellitaa]

reset, recharge, rewind!! ⊹˚. ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 reasons we need recharge days

reduced likelihood of future mental health crises

improves your mental, physical, and overall health

to avoid burnouts

feel more empowered, capable, resilient and able to bounce back from hardships

boosts your productivity and overall executive function

more hours worked ≠ productivity !!!

the same as our physical bodies need rest and recovery by sleep, our mental states need rest and recovery too sometimes. the healthiest and most successful people are the ones who take the time to care for themselves first. you should always always always be your top priority, no matter what happens. <3

you cannot pour from an empty cup. you cannot burn if you've dwindled down the flame. you cannot be a pearl if there is no oyster.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 when is it time for a mental health day and to take the time to recharge?

when you feel yourself in a repeated pattern of irritability or negative emotions in your school or workplace

when you find yourself more unable to focus and distracted more easily

when you are seriously lacking sleep

when you find yourself falling back into old habits

reset days sound great in theory, but how exactly does one execute them in a way that leaves them feeling refreshed and recharged for the future?

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. what leaves you energised?

if you haven't already made one, i'd highly recommend making a list of things that make you happy, have a good day, energised, relaxed, refreshed, etc, and a list of things that do the opposite. this is then so you can figure out what does and doesn't make you happy, give you energy, and so on, and figure out what to indulge in and what to avoid to keep yourself not burnt out and working harder for longer instead of overworking yourself.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detox!

detoxing from everything is a perfect thing to do on a recharge day. whenever i detox i feel like a brand new girl and so clean and fresh, and i have a post on this here 🫶💗 even if you aren't feeling particularly down or if nothing has happened and you just decide to take a random recharge day to boost your energy, detoxing and pampering urself is always always always the way to go! <3

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. journal, obviously

as the no.1 girl journalling advocate of course i had to put this in here. i have a whole pinterest board full of these for when i need them and have specific prompts for specific emotions (should i make a post on this?) and it helps me so much. think of it like you're having an interview with yourself and a look into your own emotions so that you can get to know yourself and your circumstances better for future reference, too.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. errands

as much as i hate to admit and as hard as it is, compiling a list of all the things that have been on your mind and that you've been procrastinating and getting them done in a time period throughout the day when you feel comfortable can be very helpful for lifting the metaphorical and emotional weight off of your shoulders. knowing you have time to just relax for a little while and that you've gotten everything you need to do done already is a massive relief for me and the feeling of utter refreshment that comes with having a clean slate with nothing nagging at you in the back of your mind is priceless.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. detective work: analysis!

along with the journalling, if your recharge day was brought on by a series of negativity in your life, i think it especially helps to analyse the period of time leading up to said recharge day and think ab what made you feel like you need some time off to recharge. did anything happen, were there any events that could have triggered it, big or small, how you felt, and so on; write it all down or just lay and think about it quietly and think about how you can tackle it in future and come up with a way to deal with that. reset days are the perfect time to learn from ur mistakes and ensure that you can know what to do if and when they strike again in the future.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. self-respect

most importantly, please respect the fact that you are only human and need ur rest. it's not your fault for getting overwhelmed or needing to take a day to rest. as long as you are doing the best you can, you're going exactly the pace you need to, and you are at the exact place you need to be, whether it feels like it or not. not constantly working does not mean you have failed, does not mean that you are weak, or anything like that. please take care of yourself and have enough self-respect to honour your own needs and emotions. you're doing amazing bae 💗✨

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 journal prompts:

๋࣭♡ has there been any possible events or recent situations that may have caused a mental health spiral?

๋࣭♡ do any of these events link back to an event that affected you in the past?

๋๋♡ what are some things you dislike right now in your life?

๋࣭♡ how do they make you feel and why?

( also see: girly girl's guide to journalling and ultimate journalling index)

all my love 🫶💗🎀

[evangelust]

Endlessly fascinated by the ways HRT and transsexuality play with arousal, both mentally and physically. I haven’t done any kind of formative research on this, although it’s on my list of rabbit holes to go down eventually (hole joke lol). Just, bear in mind everything I’m saying is derived from personal and second-hand experience.

To begin with, it’s so fucking cool how hormones change the feeling of your orgasms. The testosterone orgasm is described as a very condensed, high-intensity physical release; the word “expulsion” comes to mind when trying to describe it. Conversely, the estrogen orgasm is famously more nuanced; the rising action determines the state of climax, which often manifests as a panoramic experience of pleasure felt in the whole body.

Before staring testosterone, I never had a particularly strong relationship with orgasms. It was never the big climatic event that it was made out to be, instead it was just the point when I felt like I’d had enough. Frankly, looking back, I’m not even sure I ever had an orgasm before hormones.

The first six months of HRT were really interesting because I could distinguish the new physical sensations from what I’d felt before. It was cool to see the in-between stages of that particular aspect of transition. Now, after two years on testosterone, I get the distinct physical finish that comes with it, but I haven’t lost all the nuance that comes with estrogen either.

That’s the other point I set out to make when I started writing this: hormones affect the way you experience arousal in all facets. My partner and I have joked about the “dick-horny vs girl-horny dichotomy,” names we made up to distinguish between physical and mental arousal. There’s so much room for depth and subtlety even in the most carnal, animal needs you have.

Coming back to my personal experience, as testosterone changed my physical experience, it also added to my mental arousal. The overwhelming physical need for sensation and release was something I never experienced until I’d started hormones. You don’t just forget what it’s like to be girl-horny though, and my desire for emotional and psychological play was only augmented by the new physical drive.

Reminding you once again that I’m aimlessly writing all this as a way to reflect on personal experience and procrastinate the food sovereignty op-ed I have due next week. That being said, I do actually wonder if there’s some merit to what I’ve been saying here. Is this the reason t4t sex is like that? Not every trans person is a freak, but even then, a community of people who experience sex and gender in all their complexity have surely put in the legwork to transcend the normative experience of arousal.

[byrachshop]

The ultimate guide to CRUSH your GOALS in 2023

2023 is coming our way faster than we thought. A few days ago it was October and we were all celebrating Halloween and then, as we blinked our eyes, Christmas was here and we were busy buying gifts and having dinner with friends and family. These last couple weeks of December always pass by so fast that we don’t even realize how close New Year’s Eve is. The next thing we know is that it is midnight and there are fireworks in the night sky.

Most of us like to write down some resolutions and things we want to change about ourselves to become our best version and to have the best year of our life - to be successful. However, after two or three weeks into January, we start getting lost, forget about our goals, lose motivation, and end up doing the same as the previous year, only to notice it when December comes again.

To overcome that, I’m bringing you this guide, explaining why such a thing happens, and how to crush all your goals and stick to new healthy habits this year.

Review Your 2022

It is a fact that we learn from our mistakes, so it isn’t an exception in this case.

Go back and think of who you were a year ago, on January 1st, and the goals you wanted to achieve through 2022. Reflect on your past goals and ambitions - did you accomplish all of them? If not, why?

It is important to remember that although we didn’t achieve all our goals and our year didn’t happen as planned, we still learned a lot and grew.

Resolutions for 2023

Knowing the highlights of 2022, you can wisely plan this new year. First, think about all the things you wanted to achieve last year, and write them down. Then, list other things you want to do this year - make sure they’re achievable since you want to work to get them and not do something impossible.

It’s also good to think about relationships and who doesn’t belong in our lives anymore. Don’t be afraid to cut people off when they’re not doing any good to you anymore, or when you don’t do any good to them.

SMART Goals

We don’t achieve our goals throughout the year because we don’t use smart goals. But, what are SMART goals, then?

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. What we mean by this is that you have to make sure you don’t grab a piece of paper and write "get healthier", "get good grades", or "get a lot of money", since they’re too generic.

Instead, you should take these generic goals and develop them into something like this:

To get healthier, I will walk 10k steps every day,  drink 2L of water, and go to the gym twice a week; I will lose 5kg by march.

Don’t go too heavy on yourself - you can increase the intensity as the year goes by.

New Habits

Sometimes bad habits hold us back from achieving our goals (for example, procrastinating, going to bed late, or scrolling endlessly on social media). Sit back, reflect on your past days, and point out which bad habits are in your routine. You will need to get rid of them. The best way to do it is by replacing it with a new healthy habit. For example, swipe the number of hours you spend on social media reading a book, practicing an instrument, or exercising. If you want to stop drinking soda, swipe it with water.

Make a list of new habits you want to include in your routine, then check them off every day and see how long you can keep the streak! Reward yourself after a certain amount of time (after a week, a month, you name it).

With these new habits implemented in your daily life, you’ll see your routine changing through the months. If you stick to these habits, you’ll feel a huge difference by the end of the year.

Motivation

Most of the time we end up not doing things because we lack motivation. It makes us procrastinate for hours and hours, searching for inspiration and trying to find just a little bit of motivation to get up and do what has to be done. That’s right, I’ve been there.

We always ask ourselves “how are they always so motivated?” The truth is, they are not! Motivation isn’t everything, and it won’t make us reach our goals - on the contrary: if we spend our precious time awaiting motivation to come to us, we will spend another year doing nothing. That’s why we create a system to reach our goals - we need to be consistent, even when we don’t feel like doing it. We have to get up and do our work, because who else will do it for us?

Vision Board

Last but not least, create a vision board.

Don’t throw just “cute pictures” on a board to create a good vision board. Instead, pick pictures that make you feel closer to your goals, that help you visualize them, and that is always there in front of you to remind you about the purpose of your day.

You can make a physical vision board or a digital one. To the physical, search for images, words, and phrases that remind you of your goals. Then print them and put them together on a board or in a notebook - but make sure it’s somewhere visible so that you can always reach for it and take a look.

If you rather do it digitally, it’s also quite simple. Instead of printing picture by picture, make a collage. The best way is to put them together in a document that fits your computer/tablet/phone screen. This way you can set it as wallpaper, and look at it multiple times throughout the day, even without thinking of it.

Conclusion

Let’s look at what has been said: before setting goals for 2023, think about 2022 and highlight good and bad moments. Revise the goals you have achieved, and those you didn’t, and try to understand the reason behind them. After that, let’s head to the next step, which is the actual goal-setting: write down your new year resolutions, keeping in mind the definition of SMART goals, so that they’re achievable. Among the new goals, set new habits you want to stick to and find bad habits in your routine you want to get rid of. The last step is to create a vision board and keep it close to you.

Last tip: Before concluding, I’d like to remind you to check your goals and resolutions throughout the year. I recommend taking a look at them every month, and then writing a journal entry by the end of each month and reflecting on what went well, and what went wrong. Always plan and set small monthly steps to achieve your final goals.

Now that you’re ready to set your goals and get started with 2023, grab now this bundle: 2023 Notion Planner + Crush Your Goals Workbook only for 9€. For the first 15 people, get 2€ off with the code decemberplanning.

I wish you a happy new year, and hope you can reach all your goals in 2023!

Happy planning.

[financialninja]

How To Stop Procrastination

Procrastination has been a source of frustration  impeding our goals and causing anxiety, stress, and self-loathing. However procrastination can be controlled with right techniques.you can eliminate this bad habit with a few techniques and methods.After you finish watching my video I want you to apply all techniques and methods  and practice it for at least 21days.

Procrastination is the habit of delaying urgent goals or tasks and instead doing less important ones first. When you put off your study sessions or important tasks to mindlessly scroll through Snapchat, Meta,YouTube or Instagram, you end up pushing them closer to the deadline. This habit doesn’t always affect difficult tasks. It becomes habituated into your life. So you become an intense procrastinator and regular tasks seem more difficult than they are.

If you find that you thrive on last-minute work and tend to avoid making decisions due to fear of failure or success, struggle with time management, lack commitment and concenration, set unrealistic goals, seek approval constantly, and make excuses, then it’s important to adopt the methods and techniques that I will discuss later  Practicing these methods diligently will help you avoid future regrets. Let’s discuss methods & techniques in detail

1.Plan Time and Task mangement

If you’ve procrastinated your way to this video, after watching it, take a moment to do a time audit of the rest of your day. Consider using the Eisenhower matrix to prioritize your tasks and focus on completing the most important ones. Then complete the rest of the tasks. Don’t touch your laptop or phone until you do this.

Eisenhower matrix for time management

If you find yourself addicted to your phone, try to avoid using apps to manage or schedule tasks. Instead, use the diary to organize tasks and a timer to focus on one task completely. Having time constraints can help you stay more focused on the task at hand, reducing procrastination. If your task is big, try breaking it into smaller, more manageable tasks. 

2.Forget perfectionism

Perfectionism often leads to procrastination. A perfectionist is less efficient than someone who is willing to do things imperfectly. It’s better to complete a task with some imperfections than to not do it at all. Perfectionists hold themselves to very high standards and are often never satisfied with their work. While you can’t completely eliminate your perfectionist nature, you can learn to control it. Remind yourself that it’s okay to do things imperfectly. Redirect your focus away from perfectionism, take a deep breath, and start the task without overthinking it.Don’t disregard the strategies, or you’ll end up with regrets. Time flies, and you’ll realize a month or year has passed. Remember you are responsible for your success & failure. Everything is in your hand.

Focus on goals

Your life doesn’t just happen,you make it happen. Take proactive action to set your goals. Your goals won’t become a reality until you take proactive action towards them.We procrastinators often don’t know how to set goals. So adopt SMART strategy.

SMART means S=Specific, M=Measurable, A=Achievable, R=Realistic, T=Time bound. Help yourself with this strategy.

Be specific

Measure and track your goals to reduce procrastination. You’ll get positive feelings as it will help you to continue further ahead.

Make your goals attainable. Don’t make goals too high to achieve otherwise you won’t be able to achieve them. Think about your goals.

Remember to keep your goals realistic in order to avoid negative feelings. Unrealistic goals can have a negative impact on your mind. A goal that is challenging but achievable is good for preventing procrastination. If a goal is unmeasurable, then it’s unrealistic. Keep this in mind when setting your goals.

Putting timeframe on your goals would help you to procrastinate less. Whether your goal is big or small you are bound to procrastinate more or less. So timeframe on goals offers a sense of urgency.

Improve organization and productivity with Pareto principle

The Pareto principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, states that roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes (the “vital few”). By focusing on this principle, you can gain a clear view of what is producing the best results. If you focus on the most productive 20% of activities, you can ensure that the most important goals are dealt with effectively, leading to successful goal achievement.

4. Avoid distractions and excuses

You are spending time browsing youtube, Snapchat, Instagram, instead of studying for an upcoming exam to find moments of pleasure. However, this behavior won’t benefit you in the long run. At the end of the day, you will feel regret for wasting your time. So Focus and stop daydreaming. Go to a quiet spot & turn off your mobile laptop and all electronic gadgets. Just do your work. Also, create a to-do list of all possible distractions. Use it at the start of your work.

5.Forgive yourself and your past

It’s common for us to compare our current situation to where we think we should be, but doing so often leads to negative feelings and guilt. Procrastination is a normal part of human behavior, and it’s important to forgive yourself for any time lost due to procrastination in the past. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on your future goals and the rewards that come with working towards them. When you catch yourself overthinking, try counting to five and then start taking action towards your goal immediately. To manage distracting thoughts while studying, jot them down on a sheet of paper and address them after your study session.

Practice all the above methods & techniques for at least 21 days regularly.

Without this having a positive nature, putting less pressure on yourself and knowing your limits can be helpful.

Thanks for reading

[gender-homework]

After realizing that my doctor was either intentionally delaying my transition or incompetent with helping trans folks. I’ve been feeling down - really discouraged about how much time I wasted waiting month after month for the approval to start T - and yes part of it was my own procrastination with calling the health insurance advocate to figure out surgeons who are covered under my plan

And I do feel bad that I’ve waited so long & waitlists are like 2+ years for top surgery

But also last night I saw myself as a man again. I was passing by the mirror & I saw a guy. And it was so euphoric. And I could easily imagine myself a year or two on T & it made me so emotional

But then I said something out loud to my wife or my dog & immediately it was gone. I know hearing my voice breaks that image in my own head. It’s always been a such a big source of dysphoria since before I understood why I hated my voice so much.

I just remembered the other day how often I would say- I hate my body. I hate it. I hate having a period I hate my boobs. I hate my girlish voice, I hate how small my hands are. Every single month I would cry and tell my wife how much I hated my body.

I also recently remembered when I was around 12-14 every summer- all summer long I wore a super tight Speedo one piece swimsuit under my clothes every single day because I liked how much it flattened my chest. I remember looking in the mirror & admiring how flat it was. (We lived on a lake) so I told my parents it was so I could swim at any moment.

Having this trauma filled, adhd no object permanence memory makes it hard. I forget all the time how these trans experiences and feelings have been with me my whole life. In a way it protects me. From feeling the intensity of my dysphoria but at the same time it makes me feel this - I don’t want to call it imposter syndrome - but it makes me think I can just live without transitioning. It’s too much paperwork and I can just continue on as I have been

But then when I’m washing dishes or in the shower or taking my dog for a walk I remember these moments & it hits me just how important it all is. And then I get frustrated at myself for continuing to procrastinate/ avoid getting it done.

[amourdivine]

𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑹𝑶 𝑵𝑶𝑻𝑬𝑺 › 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐒 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐓 ( 𝐈 )

these are my notes & observations about the twelve zodiac signs, from the standpoint of an astrology enthusiast & tarot reader. please do not take any of these to heart if they do not resonate! remember astrology is subjective & personal.do not copy, edit, translate or repost. you can read them for your big three (sun, moon & rising) or the sign which is dominant in your chart.

capricorn: likely to tire themselves out purposefully. it's not that they enjoy suffering, but natives of this sign can take their goals and aspirations to an extreme extent and neglect everything else along the way. the way capricorns experience burnout has a lot to do with their tendency to overestimate their earthy endurance, which often accumulates into tension long term and they may only realize the effects after months or even years of overextending their energy. they may also neglect the more emotional or spiritual side of themselves and focus on practicality, exhausting their physical resources and body in order to be productive. a good suggestion for capricorn is to take advantage of their organizational skills to separate some leisure time. (and turn your email notifications off!)

aries: similarly to their cardinal counterpart, capricorn, aries may also possess an extreme laser-focus, but it may be more scattered and a bit chaotic. they can be driven by their anger and their feisty disposition to achieve their goals, but often, if their motivations don't align with their true desires, they're bound to experience a great deal of burnout, especially mental. aries may also be reluctant to admitting they have a rough time finishing a certain project or being patient with themselves and the process. this can lead to them rushing several aspects of their work/life and cause a huge deal of stress if they aren't able to go with the flow. aries may benefit from meditation and self-soothing techniques, such as breathing practices.

pisces: its fluid and mutable nature, as well as its watery energy can make them so focused on their ideals in their mind that they may find difficult to execute their tasks. they can be highly critical of themselves and quite perfectionistic, which may even cause some procrastination. if they feel that their work or life doesn't measure up to their vivid imagination and expectations, they may fall into a lot of emotional stress and lack energy. these natives may also pick up random projects at wildly different times and lose interest in a few along the way. it's not that they can't be persistent - but they can change their mind so often that it can be hard to know when to start or stop a certain task. pisces can develop their practical skills and their rationality in order to remain organized. they may also benefit by grounding and being gentle with themselves.

scorpio: the intensity of scorpio's desires and depth may scare even themselves at certain points. they can become obsessive and if not careful, completely unafraid of burning out. even though they have a great ability for transforming and replenishing their energy in a powerful way, they can forget their own human weaknesses. the ruthlessness of their ambition can turn against them, especially if they feed into their insecurities and shadow aspects. when burnt out, they can become resentful, paranoid, impulsive or isolated. while they're admired for their accomplishments, they can forget to admire themselves. it's important for scorpio to care for their mental and emotional health, to fully embrace their human side and delegate tasks or projects. they can greatly benefit from venting and spending time with loved ones.

libra: libra's most common case of burnout seems to be social. as natural social butterflies and people-pleasers at times, if they're not aware of their boundaries and their time, they can become so engaged that they can experience compassion or social burnout, feeling like they've lost their spark by trying to maintain the peace and the balance in everything. they value their relationships so much that they can forget their own desires or decisions, even when it's well-intentioned. libras may feel that their existence is tied down to other people and overcommit to them. they may lose touch with their venusian nature, neglect their own bodies or stop caring for their appearance and personal hygiene altogether. by replenishing themselves with self-care rituals, good food and relaxing moments, they can easily return to their more balanced and diplomatic side without abandoning themselves entirely.

amourdivine. © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[neurodivergientqueerthoughts]

Introduction

Have you been wondering what ADHD is really like? This will not be biased towards one minority of people who have ADHD. It will be focused on the big picture.

This document will explain the seriousness of ADHD and everything that may come with it. Make sure to do more research into ADHD, as I am not an expert (although I, myself, have ADHD). In this, I go into detail about different aspects of ADHD and why it should not be taken lightly.

What is ADHD?

(Note: Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms. They can vary from person to person.)

Constant activity going on internally (Hyperactivity)

Hyperfixations

Hyperfocusing

Depression (Co-occurring)

Anxiety (Co-occurring)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Auditory Processing Disorder (Co-occurring)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Insomnia / Sleep issues

Inability to focus

Difficulty switching tasks

Inability to stick to one task

Mood swings

Difficulty regulating emotions

Choice paralysis

Problems with focusing

Poor impulse control

Trouble recalling things, such as commonly used words

Exhaustion levels

Imposter syndrome

Overwhelm

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload

Understimulation

Memory issues

Motivation issues

Time blindness

Poor sense of time

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (Co-occurring)

Extreme boredom

Going into Detail

Executive Dysfunction/ADHD Paralysis:

A feeling of constantly ‘waiting for something’, without knowing what or why.

Confusion as to how to start or do a task.

A feeling of being completely overwhelmed, even by mundane tasks, to a point of being unable to do the task or function.

A very good description of how this can feel is “a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything… you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re [sitting there] even though you don’t even want to be. It’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton… you’re both uncomfortable and unable to stop.”

This is not the same thing as procrastination or laziness. This occurs with tasks that the person is afraid to do, does not want to do, or even wants to do. Laziness means that a person does not feel like doing something, but they could if they wanted to. Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis can be described as something a person has been trying to do for [insert amount of time between minutes and months/years], but they physically cannot do the task and end up feeling like a failure because of that. It is debilitating.

Hyperfixation/Hyperfocus:

An extreme obsession over something. This can be creating something, finding out everything about something, or just something that creates extreme emotions in somebody.

This obsession can easily become unhealthy as the person may forget to take care of themselves due to it. However, these hyperfixations cause extreme joy or curiosity in the person.

Difficulty switching tasks:

“When you have ADHD, task switching can often be difficult. You might feel like you're stuck in a gear. It might be you're trying to start, and your gears just keep on grinding. Other times you may want to stop but the gear just stays in place because you're hyper-focusing on whatever you're doing.”

Inability to stick to one task:

People with ADHD often have issues with motivation, which leads to many unfinished projects.

If a task does not give a person with ADHD dopamine, they are often unable to complete the task (i.e. homework; chores).

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome:

Instead of having a regular circadian rhythm, with sleeping hours from 11 pm to 7 am, people have an irregular pattern of 2 am to about 10 am.

These times are flexible. However, this means that people with ADHD tend to have issues with falling asleep at a “normal time”.

Extreme boredom:

People with ADHD have issues with dopamine and serotonin.

There are moments when boredom can be painful. People with ADHD can be bored to tears due to extreme emotions and a lack of dopamine.

Time Processing:

If somebody has to leave at 8 am and they wake up at 5:30, they will think that they have two hours or less to get ready. Time seems to pass without a pattern or rhythm.

“Today is Monday, but tomorrow is Tuesday and I have class. After that is Wednesday: I’m having lunch with my mom. Then on Thursday, I have a night class which means it’s basically already Friday and this week is already over.”

Time Blindness:

Not knowing how much time has passed based on their ‘internal clock’; they don’t have one!

Being completely unaware of how much time something will take.

Memory issues:

With ADHD, memory can be greatly affected. Some things will be forgotten very quickly, and some things can be over-remembered.

Difficulty regulating emotions:

“Processing emotions starts in the brain. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.” -Thomas Brown, PhD

Brain imaging shows that delayed rewards don’t register for people with ADHD. They are more motivated by the instant gratification that strong emotions deliver.

As a result, a person with ADHD may struggle to deal rationally and realistically with events that are stressful, but not of grave concern.

Motivation issues:

People with ADHD have much lower levels of dopamine than those without ADHD. This causes the brain to constantly crave dopamine.

If a task is not providing the dopamine the brain wants, it will make a person with ADHD less motivated to complete the task, or even start it.

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload:

Information reaching the senses feels like an assault of competing stimuli.

Understimulation:

Outside stimuli are dulled, as if a shade has been pulled over the environment, muting sights, sounds, and touch. These people crave extra stimulation to feel alive.

Exhaustion levels:

Feeling fatigued and tired all the time can actually be related to ADHD. Due to low dopamine levels, people with ADHD can feel exhausted even after getting ample amounts of sleep.

Ironically, people can get bursts of energy from ADHD as well. This can be from hyperactivity or high amounts of dopamine.

Imposter Syndrome:

Feeling like a fraud and doubting your own abilities.

Somebody who is intelligent and who has ADHD can have imposter syndrome towards both. They are not related to each other, but the ways they are portrayed in media causes imposter syndrome.

Auditory Processing Disorder:

Things can take longer to process when somebody hears them than when they see/read them.

The amount or complexity of noise around somebody can affect how they hear things.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:

Extreme anxiety towards being criticized or rejected by others, despite their relationship with the person.

Extreme pain or emotional sensitivity is caused by a sense of ‘rejection’.

Hyperactivity:

This is not always visible, if at all. There is constant activity going on inside of a person’s head when they have ADHD.

This creates difficulty with sleep and relaxation.

If visible, it usually takes the form of fidgeting or stimming.

“Dealing” with ADHD

ADHD cannot be fixed, but some things can help people work with it. The coping mechanisms vary from person to person, and they aren’t always going to work. Getting diagnosed with ADHD is the best step to take before anything else, as trained professionals can help with ADHD symptoms.

It is important to understand that ADHD is a learning and doing disability. It affects every aspect of life, but it isn’t a bad thing! Many things with ADHD can be positive as well. Hyperfocusing can lead to a lot of productivity! Additionally, people with ADHD are known to be more creative and inventive (according to numerous studies). Empathy and compassion are higher in individuals with ADHD. People with ADHD even have a stronger moral compass!

[yeeiguess]

List of things I do that I can’t tell if they’re normal or if it’s ADHD/ADD/something else (very long, non-exhaustive list)

- If i take a pause in reading/watching something the emotional connection I get with it just disappear. I remeber i loved seeing it, but can’t feel it

- Can’t finish a movie unless I’m with something else. Can’t focus for that long ?

- Rarely finishes any series, actually

- Constantly tired

- Taking Vitamin C to give me a boost of energy doesn’t seem to work

- If I’m doing something boring or difficult I can’t concentrate. Anything distracts me

- I’ve been eating my nails and the skin around them forever. Not because I’m stressed, I just do it. Tried to stop but it didn’t last long

- Have to write down what I have to do in a day or I forget

- Forgets appointments, names etc unless I write them down

- Often forget what I was going to say, and if we’re in a conversation and the other person is talking even more. I don’t want to interrupt so I keep it in and then I forget because I can’t focus on two things at the same time

- Can’t tell if i take a normal time to fall asleep or if it’s long (between 45 minutes and an hour+ depending on how early I go to bed and how tired I am)

- Mimicking people’s movements if they do it repeatedly

- No notion of space or time. I can remember point A and point B but the road between the two, I can’t. Can’t tell you how long ago I did this or that, what I ate yesterday, which month I did X thing

- numbers are difficult. I need precise, step by step explaination of how to resolve math problems, most of it doesn’t make sense and I have a hard time remember which numbers comes after the other + how to say it (around 60-100 because french decided 70s and 90s needed to be Said and Written the dumbest way ever). When resolving simple things like 7+6 I do 7+7=14 / 14-1=6. I know 7+7=14 so I start from there. My mom does the same kind of things but she has dyslexia/dyslcalculia etc

- I’m always early and if it’s a place I don’t know I’m always scared I got to the wrong place or ay the wrong time and I need to check multiple time if the person I’m meeting isn’t here yet

- I don’t think it’s hyperfocusing but I spend a lot of time just imagining stories in my head with my favourite characters. I act them out when I’m alone, and sometimes stop what I’m doing just to think. I read a LOT of fanfics (but can’t read a book) and do a lot of fanart

- Doesn’t happen that often but object permanence being like nope (aka looking for something I just put down for an awefully long time. Mostly my glasses. Which sucks because I CAN’T SEE WITHOUT THEM)

- sometimes I get Intense Brain Fog and to read a sentence I need to read every word multiple times one after the other, out loud, until I can get an image of what it means. Sucks when it happens in philosophy class and I have two pages to read oops

- I’m slow. Like slow walker, slow to understand... it makes me feel stupid sometimes

- I can’t get up right after eating, I need some time before I can clean my things, out the dishes in the dishwasher etc... especially at night

- If there’s music, I dance. If I know the lyrics, I mouth them. Wherever I am, whatever the music is, at any given moment.

- When I’m tired I get hyper and excited and I’m terribly annoying but I just. Makes sound and move a lot until I’m REALLY exhausted and every movements is difficult

- Bouncy leg has been here for forever. Sometimes it’s BOTH legs and stopping is hard

- I’m a mess but I like symmetrical things and putting things on their correct places in stores. Can’t see the color of my desk tho

- I fucked up my sleep schedule in middle school and now if I got to bed too early I wake up tired af

- I’m impulsive af but also if I have a project to do I like to know every important step so I don’t mess up

- « I know I have to do that but I have no energy right now » procrastinator forever

- Literally just forgot what I thought of

- Okay no I got it- sometimes I get Thoughts that just don’t go away. Often it’s me repeating the way someone misgendered me, or my birthname i just heard and I have to mentally scream to cover the thought. It sucks

- If i have a phone call, a meeting, an appointment during the day. I can’t do anything but wait for it. No matter how long it’ll be until it’s time to go or see the person i start things and I get nervous so I stop and I just. Wait.

- I used to tell myself I didn’t exist, sometimes. It was a comforting thing, because not existing meant I couldn’t hurt, couldn’t hate myself or struggle with things like gender and names and dad. I haven’t done it in months tho !

Édit : i can’t understand why so many people reblog this without giving me any answer or any question or anything ?? What’s the- why do you reblog this

[schnitzelbutterfingers]

At The Crack Of Dawn- Ethan Ramsey x F!MC

A/N: hiya there! i’m so sorry for not posting ‘the forgotten one’ au series!! :( don’t you just love pROCrasTiNATiON and sCHOol? since open heart book 2 is over and open heart book 3 is coming who knows when, i now have some time to write some chapters of ‘the forgotten one’!! except school is a such a time taker. for now, let’s read our favorite couple having a nice morning after the events of ch. 20. as always, please forgive me for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. and as always, enjoy!! <3

A/N 2: i’m still kinda sad abt how mc didn’t have a premium dress, but i didn’t change anything though, lol :)

summary: Set after Ch. 20 of Open Heart Book 2. What could’ve happened after Ethan’s premium scene.

pairing(s): dr. ethan ramsey x f!mc (dr. abigail ‘abby’ chacko)

warning(s): some emotional stuff, but other than that, it’s just pure fluff :) <3

word count: 1210

________________________________________________________________

He woke up to warm yellow rays wafting through the window wall in his enormous and extensive bedroom. Dust particles were flying, suspended in the air. 

Beautiful.

Prepossessing.

Yet normal.

It’s too brilliant to look at, yet too brilliant to look abroad. 

Ethan has never felt this way in all his private life. Formerly, he used to disregard the sunrise and the sunset, complaining of how the intense light would inevitably get in his vision, making it unpleasant and intolerable. But now...

Looking thoughtfully at the lovely woman in his arms, he didn’t mind anymore. The summery amber beams danced harmlessly along her smooth skin. Her natural, cinnamon scent deep nut-brown hair was sprawled across her shoulders and his chest. Her chest was moving up and down with every steadying breath she takes. Her glowing cheeks were rosy, and his shapely hands naturally started to stroke along them. Her plump, salmon lips were pouted, instantly making him want nothing more than to rouse her up and kiss it. 

Beautiful.

Prepossessing.

Not normal, though. Never normal.

How can Abby be normal when his heart beats faster every damn time she is in his line of vision? How can Abby be normal when his ocean-blue eyes go jet-black when he sees her wearing anything? How can Abby be normal when he feels an enormous wave of pride rush through her every time she correctly diagnoses someone? 

It’s abnormal. It’s nothing like he ever felt. 

A relaxing sensation of peace assailed Ethan. He felt like he’s falling deeper and deeper into the brightness. It’s an eerie feeling, a combination of being jubilant and breezy. 

Like sleeping without dreaming.

Like he was abundantly satisfied. 

He was frozen in the moment, unable to move. All his overwhelming senses flew into one harmonious feeling.

Love. 

The word was foreign in his mouth, and he started reminiscing the last time he uttered that word, the last time he said this to someone. Someone he dearly appreciated. His mother. 

Ever since his mother left, he stopped believing in the word ‘love’. He thought of love as foolish, soulmates as ridiculous. Until now.

He started recollecting what happened last night. 

Her sleek black dress.

Her creamy legs.

Their pleasant sounds.

Against the window.

The ice cube.

The city lights.

After this, Abby really wanted to sleep in his clothes, and that was the first time he ever shared clothes with a woman. He has donated clothes many times, but last night? It was rare. It was unique. 

Ethan put his nightclothes on and for the first time in the many cruel months, they both slept peacefully under the white satin sheets, curled up in each other’s arms and legs tangled together. It was a peaceful night he will never forget in the countless years to come.

When Edenbrook reopened, or should he say Bloom Edenbrook, it was hope for the young resident and the mature diagnostician. A fond hope for them. 

He detected a movement underneath his arms, separating him from his thoughts. Abby. 

She started stirring, her eyes twitching. At once, espresso eyes met ocean. Abby gave him a lopsided smile, the one that made his stomach swoop. Abby curled tighter in his arms, trying to feel more of him in one move. He responded by doing the same thing. 

He next heeded her delicate voice. “Morning.” 

He looked down to see the young resident again smiling tenderly at him, her brown eyes filled with amusement. His skin hair started naturally standing up on its own. She has this damn power over him, and he has no idea how.

He responded back. “Good morning.”

They laid their in silence for a while until Ethan practically heard Abby’s head turning gears. He decided to ask.

“Abby? What is it?”

She looked back up at him, receiving a concerned gaze from him, and then she snuggled back a little more. The 22 year-old felt his gentle hand softly stroking her glossy hair.

“Hm? Oh, I was just thinking about last night.”

As much as he loved what happened last night, he knows that’s not what she was contemplating about.

“I call bull. So tell me, Abby, what is wrong?”

She sighed profoundly and responded back. “ I was wondering... if the hospital did close for good, what would we be?”

Suddenly, he stopped stroking. What would they be? Would she move back to Chicago to be with her brother and her mother? Would he move back to Providence? The terrible thought of never seeing her again? No. Never.

He replied back after some critical moments of tense silence. “I would’ve still stayed in Boston. What about you?”

Her answer comforted him, even if he genuinely wants her to become the best doctor she can be. Her voice was husky in emotions. “I would’ve stayed in Boston, too. I would’ve moved on to Mass General. It’s one of the top hospitals in the country. But I would never move to anywhere else, though. Leaving Boston? I can barely imagine that. This city’s my home now.”

And he couldn’t even imagine that, either. Her leaving his life is something he’ll never move on from. 

“...Ethan?” she halted him from his thoughts.

“I love you.”

Those three sacred words came from his mouth quickly as he promptly shut his mouth tight, cursing at himself for not announcing those words on a special day. He felt Abby tense beneath his arms, and he wondered if he screwed up. 

She.. doesn’t love me? Gosh, Ethan, you were so stupid! Now you made this moment more awkward. Good job.

Suddenly he felt her adjusting herself, and the next thing he knew, Abby was looking affectionately at him, her eyes covered in pink sheen. He took a closer look at them to realize they are not of sorrow. They are of unspeakable joy. 

“Ethan... I love you, too.” And she choked out a passionate sob, complex emotions getting the best of her. 

The former attending pulled her down to him, clamping his lips to hers with every strength he has, like if he looses his grip on her, she will leave. The second-year doctor responded, kissing him back strongly. He felt her arms enveloping her tightly over her as she roamed her hands on every piece of radiant skin she could find.

Last day, he was thinking about what will happen to the hospital, since Leland is taking over it. But today, his Rookie placed his burden in ease. She said she loved him, too. And he has never been more delighted. Not when his father bought him his first dog. Not when he was accepted to John Hopkins for med school. Not when he graduated as the top student in his class. Not when he won the Adeyemi Prize.

It’s this. This moment. And he can’t wait to spend more moments with her, like these.

They reluctantly broke the kiss when oxygen became a necessity. Abby was presently lying lazily on top of him. He began stroking her arms in a soothing manner, and she shut her eyes in bliss, sighing happily. 

Eagerly, she opened her fierce eyes, a mischievous smirk crossing her lips. 

“So... do you want me to teach you how to make pancakes?”

_____________________________________________________________

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[untamedunrestrained]

Moral of the Story

I was scrolling through the WangXian tag on Tumblr when I came across a post that I eventually scrolled past but it seems to have planted a germ of an idea that I just can’t shake loose and I tried and I tried and then I procrastinated some more for good measure but it didn’t work. So, here I am trying to present my thoughts with some degree of coherency.

The post that was the impetus for this post, talks about LWJ’s punishment after the events at Nightless City just before WWX’s death. That post raises the question of how LWJ could forgive his uncle and brother for a punishment that would have killed a lesser cultivator.

The moment I read the post I disagreed with it but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why but since I have been thinking about it for the past few days, I now know exactly why I disagreed with the post in the first place.

Before we proceed, I would like to make it clear that while what I’m about to say tracks across every canon of MDZS, I’m going to pick the details from the novel verse because it’s more detailed with regards to this particular aspect of the story, and also if you have only watched The Untamed/CQL and not read the novel (albeit only in its translated form) it might be easier to fall into the type of thinking that lead to the previous post in the first place.

Ideally, I should just link to the original post but since I found the post while I was scrolling through Tumblr’s tag for WangXian and initially tried to ignore it completely because I didn’t quite understand why that particular idea was troubling me, I don’t think it would be easy to find it again and since I’m disagreeing with the post I don’t want the author of the post to find this because even when we try to be rational our first response to being disagreed with is hurt or anger and I don’t want anyone to feel that way. These are just my thoughts and you might agree or disagree with them but I feel like I should put them out there since the idea will not leave me alone.

So, let’s get into it.

LWJ is given thirty-three discipline whips for each of the thirty-three GusuLan elders he gravely injured to protect WWX.

When WWX sees LWJ scars in the novel these are his thoughts-

Usually, with only one or two strikes of the discipline whip, it would already be enough of a punishment for the bearer to remember it for their whole life, never to make the same mistake ever again. The amount of scars on this person’s back accumulated thirty at the least. Just what sort of monstrous crime did he commit for him to be whipped so many times? If it really was a monstrous crime, why didn’t they kill him?

As we will later learn LWJ’s punishment is a little more detailed than just whipping he was also made to kneel in front of the “Wall of Discipline” following the whipping.

It’s a barbaric punishment and of course, the ones ordering it are his uncle and his brother who have both been established as characters who truly do love LWJ. So, why? Why is LWJ’s punishment so severe, well there are two reasons for that and I will discuss the lamer one first.

His punishment was severe because by this point we know that LWJ is probably one of the best cultivators of his generation if not the best (I could definitely argue for the latter, I mean this guy can fight Xue Yang wielding his sword with one hand and keep an entire horde of zombies at bay while playing his guqin with the other. And, did I mention this is happening at the same time, he literally managed to fight a horde of zombies and Xue Yang with two different cultivation methods being practised simultaneously and of course, he won but not only that there wasn’t a moment during this entire fight when that wasn’t the expected outcome). So, of course, if you want to really punish this guy the punishment has to be on par with his own physical and spiritual strength, it wouldn’t be much of a punishment he was able to do it without even breaking a sweat. I told you it was a bit lame.

Secondly and more importantly, the punishment should fit the crime. If the crime is particularly grievous, the punishment must be as well, it must be severe and in this particular story, depending on the individual’s spiritual strength a severe enough punishment might be different for different levels of cultivation. So, the real question is did LWJ deserve the punishment and the answer is an unequivocal YES.

LWJ grievously injured thirty-three GusuLan elders who were looking for him specifically so that they could find him before the other clans did because if the other clans did find him first they would kill him. After all, he saved WWX and kept him alive. The same WWX who at the Nightless City declared war on the combined might of the Cultivation World and then proceeded to kill thousands of Cultivators and then when they died he resurrected them to fight their very own comrades, that WWX.

Now, we might all argue he only fought the Cultivators because they killed all the Wen remnants and that only happened because he killed Jin ZiXuan who he technically didn’t kill but he definitely provided the opportunity and the weapon for his death because his ego couldn’t let Jin ZiXun go. At this point, we don’t know that there is another player in the mix but both these fights that ultimately take the lives of Jin ZiXuan and Jiang Yanli respectively were both started by WWX and even if we forget about the inciting event (Jin ZiXuan’s death), WWX still killed thousands of people from all clans. But, we only know these intricacies because the story is told from WWX’s perspective. LWJ doesn’t know this and neither do most of the people in the Cultivation World.

What they do know is that LWJ took WWX after he had killed thousands of cultivators and depleted the remaining Cultivators of their spiritual energy so thoroughly it took them three months to recover enough to mount a second attack. No matter how you spin it WWX is responsible for those deaths and LWJ is responsible for saving an outright murderer and then he further cemented his crimes by fighting thirty-three of his own elders and grievously injuring them in defence of said murderer when it seems like they largely made the journey to protect LWJ's life and his reputation and not with the primary purpose of killing WWX.

So, yes he deserves his punishment and as he himself believes this -

But he (LWJ) said… that he could not say with certainty whether what you (WWX) did was right or wrong, but no matter what, he was willing to be responsible for all of the consequences alongside you.

The reason LWJ could forgive LXC and LQR for his punishment is because he didn’t need to. He understood exactly why he was being punished. At the end of the day, LWJ didn’t actually protect WWX thinking that he might be right, he protected WWX because he was intensely and irrevocably in love with him and he is ready to stand by his love right or wrong.

While these are all very valid points the real reason that post caused this disquiet to appear in me was because it was trying to paint LXC and LQR’s actions in a bad light with the power of hindsight completely forgetting that their actions were relevant in the context they happened in which brought me spiralling back to the story as a whole.

The story firmly tries to tell you that what you see and what you observe might paint a very clear narrative in your eyes but there is always a possibility that the narrative we feel is so immutable can completely change its structure if we were just able to see it in a different light as is beautifully illuminated by this story.

The other thing that we don’t realise is that in this story we aren’t depicted by LWJ or WWX or JC or JL or LSZ or even NHS and JGY for the matter. We are the mob, we are Sect Leader Yao, we are the people who are told stories that paint people in a certain light and then we can’t see them in any other light. In our very upbringing, some prejudices are a staple and we still harbour them and these influence how we interact with the world and more specifically how we judge people and their actions. This story urges us to remember that while things might seem black and white maybe unearthing the reasons behind them might make the story more grey, so the next time you decide to paint a group of people or even a particular person as wholly bad no matter how egregious their actions may seem remember the moral of Mo Dao Zu Shi, remember that there might be more to the story than meets the eye and more importantly remember that something in the future might make a success of today look like a blight on history.

If I have to be more precise, I would say the moral of this story is to be open to the possibility that we might not know the whole story and we might be wrong even when we are a 100% convinced we aren’t.

[howtosingit]

Fic: my love, he keeps me warm

“Wait, don’t pull away just yet.” * The 126 gives TK and Carlos matching gifts for their one-year anniversary.

1.6K | Also on AO3

A/N: This is inspired by yesterday’s Tarlos selfie because everything related to these two makes me emotional these days.

- - - - - -

TK and Carlos’s one-year dating anniversary ends up being a surprisingly popular occasion, and not just for the two of them.

They’ve been planning their weekend getaway for weeks, each putting in time off of work and renting a lake cabin outside the city. TK cannot wait to get his boyfriend into bed the minute they arrive, with no plans to leave it until the weekend is over. He can already tell that it’s going to be incredible; he loves any time that he gets to spend with his best friend, but it’s always so much better when they don’t have to wear clothes. In his opinion, a person hasn’t lived until they’ve stumbled sleepily into the kitchen to find a butt-naked Carlos Reyes hovering over the stove, frying eggs and dancing to music. 

TK will never forget the first time that happened, the image of his boyfriend’s backside branded onto his brain for what is sure to be the rest of his life. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, and he’s really looking forward to recreating that image over and over again throughout the next 48 hours.

But, the really surprising gift is how big of a deal their anniversary is for the rest of the 126. 

His team plans a whole surprise party at the very end of their Friday shift, right before the getaway - complete with a big pot of Grace’s famous chili and a cake that says “CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE BOTH STILL SICKENINGLY ADORABLE ALL THE TIME!” in blue frosting. There’s music and laughter, and even a highly intense game of foosball between Mateo and Judd that ends with Mateo dancing on top of a table in victory. 

Carlos shows up an hour in, having just finished his own shift, and the screams and cheers that ring throughout the room as they greet one another with a hug and a quick kiss are enough to make them both blush all the way down to their toes. The police officer seems just as surprised as TK was by the unexpected event, and when Carlos spots the cake on the table, he laughs so hard that tears appear in his eyes. His smile is so stunning, so beautifully bashful, that TK just wants to wrap him in his arms and never, ever let him go.

Later, when Carlos finds himself wrapped up in a conversation with Paul, TK pulls his dad off to the side. “Why did they make such a big deal about this?” he asks, gesturing to the room and all of the people gathered for them. “It’s just a dating anniversary, I didn’t think people really cared about those.”

His dad just gives him a small smile, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. “Because they love you, TK,” he states simply, like the answer is obvious. “And they love Carlos. They’ve had front-row seats to the two of you getting your shit together and falling in love, and I think they just wanted you to know how happy they are for you.”

TK doesn’t say anything, blinking back uninvited tears. His dad pulls him closer, pressing a kiss into his hair. When it becomes clear that TK can’t respond, his dad moves away without another word, giving him time to collect himself before rejoining the party at Carlos’s side.

Things begin to wind down when the evening crew leaves to respond to a call, leaving just their small team, along with Carlos and Grace. TK knows that they should probably leave soon, or else he’ll be up late packing for the trip. Carlos, naturally, has been packed for two days; he’ll be gloating all weekend if TK loses any sleep because of his procrastination.

They’re sitting side-by-side on the couch, fingers linked, talking to Grace and Nancy about their “weekend plans” - the fake ones that they’ve created to share with other people -  when the rest of the crew approaches them, mischievous smiles on their faces. TK notices that Marjan and Paul’s hands are hidden behind their backs.

“Why do I suddenly feel unsafe?” Carlos asks, clearly having noticed the same concerning signs that TK did. 

“We got you guys something,” Paul says, his eyes almost twinkling. TK wonders if it’s too late for him and Carlos to escape from their own party without being noticed.

“You really didn’t have to do that,” he replies, sharing a look with Carlos. His boyfriend’s eyes are wide as saucers, his eyebrows rising further up his forehead the longer TK looks. 

“I think once you see the gifts,” Marjan pipes up, laughter clear in her voice, “you’ll see that we absolutely did have to do this.”

At the same time, Marjan and Paul pull identically-wrapped boxes from behind their backs, handing them over. TK and Carlos unlink their fingers to take them and, with one more look back towards the crew, they tear into them.

From the box, TK pulls out a soft, black hoodie. His mouth drops open when he sees what’s printed on the front: above an illustration of Carlos’s face are block letters that read “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY?” and below, “IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY, I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.” TK feels a smile pull at his lips as his face heats up, his mind immediately understanding the joke.

A month or so after they started dating, TK and Carlos developed a habit of seeking each other out when they were on calls together. Before they lived together, it was one of their few ways of seeing each other around their busy schedules. Even after TK moved in with Carlos, they made it a point not to leave a scene without at least saying a quick hello to one another. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the call, they don’t get a chance to speak at all, and those times always leave an uncomfortable itch under TK’s skin. It’s almost like his body can’t make sense of being near Carlos and not touching him at least once. 

His team quickly noticed how they would gravitate towards each other on calls and, after one instance when TK returned to the truck with a deliriously happy grin on his face, they had questioned him endlessly, wanting to know what was going on. “Carlos just wanted to tell me he loved me,” TK had shrugged nonchalantly, moving on to put his equipment back on the truck, not realizing his mistake in sharing that tiny detail.

Ever since, their friends have teased the two of them endlessly, telling TK to go collect his “I love you” from Carlos so that they can finally leave a scene, or reminding Carlos in passing that he should consider sharing his “I love yous” with other members of the team who also deserve positive affirmations. It’s gentle ribbing, and TK secretly loves it.

Which is why his brain is going insane over the gifted hoodie. “Oh my god,” he hears from next to him, and he turns to find Carlos with an identical black hoodie. The only difference is the image of TK’s face between the words instead of his own. TK bites his bottom lip to try to hide his smile, leaning in to press a kiss to Carlos’s fire-red cheek. 

“Okay, okay, put them on,” Marjan interrupts, and TK realizes that she’s pulled her phone out. He spots Judd filming them behind her, Grace at his side. “We have to get a picture.”

Carlos groans, but TK can see a brightness in his eyes and he knows that his boyfriend is a little touched by the gift. He understands completely, feeling the same emotions himself.

They both sit up on the couch, pulling the hoodies over their heads. TK is unsurprised to find it really soft and comfortably warm. He looks over to discover Carlos looking absolutely adorable in his own hoodie, and reaches for his hand to link their fingers together again, the need to touch him in some way too strong to ignore.

“Get closer, act like you like each other,” Paul jokes, reminding them of the task at hand. Carlos leans back again and TK presses into his side, smiling up at the camera. He hears multiple shutter sounds as Marjan takes dozens of pictures on her phone.

When he’s sure that she’s finished, TK moves to rise off of the couch, ready to start saying his goodbyes, but he’s stopped by Carlos’s tightened grip on his hand.

“Wait, don’t pull away just yet,” his boyfriend says. TK turns back to him, taking in the soft gaze on Carlos’s face, the way his smile stretches wide, laugh lines appearing at the corners of his mouth. He looks so warm and cuddly, and TK can’t help but to sink back into his side, their faces inches apart as Carlos wraps his arms around him.

“I love you, TK,” Carlos whispers, giving him a wink. TK huffs out a laugh, realizing that he’s staying true to their long-established habits, now documented on the hoodies they’re both wearing.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back, leaning in to press a kiss against Carlos’s inviting lips. It’s just a quick one, but it sends a wave of sudden heat from his ears down to his toes. A kiss from Carlos always feels like a sudden electrical surge coursing through all of his bones, lighting him up in ways that nothing else can.

“Ugh, you two are shameless,” Marjan scoffs from nearby, but TK ignores her and everyone else around them. Instead, he takes in the crinkles at the edge of his boyfriend’s brown eyes, the way his entire face is alight with love and affection as they stare openly at one another. Then, because he just can’t help it, he leans in for another kiss, this one deeper than the one before.

It consumes him completely, the warm feeling of being loved always and forever by Carlos Reyes.

[borealhauntings]

i'm not even finished with a:tla (i'm a third of the way through season 3), but honestly, i would be completely unsurprised if aang had adhd.

like,,,,,, you can't tell me that this kid doesn't hyperfixate on one topic for three months straight and talk about it for hours to anyone who will listen

you can't tell me he won't forget things immediately after someone tells him, ask them to repeat what they said, go "OHHH" and say he's got it halfway through, then come back ten minutes later and ask them to repeat themselves again

you can't tell me he doesn't get so absorbed in whatever he's doing that he just forgets that the rest of the world exists, then six hours later he comes out of his hyperfocus like "wow! that was a really productive 30 minutes!"

you can't tell me he has any gauge for the passage of time, and he doesn't procrastinate for days thinking he has all the time in the world, then at the last minute, he throws together whatever he can before time runs out

you can't tell me this kid doesn't stim whenever he's happy, and he didn't bite his lip and *flapflapflapflap* for hours after he got appa, or mastered airbending, or kissed katara for the first time

you can't tell me this kid has any emotional regulation, and isn't trying to hold back tears whenever he gets into an intense debate with someone who doesn't want to listen, even though he knows he doesn't need to cry, he just can't help it

you absolutely cannot tell me he doesn't have rsd, and didn't hate himself for months after waking up and learning that all the other air nomads were dead, and knowing that he could have prevented it if he hadn't run away

you can't tell me he didn't feel terrible after learning what "avatar day" really was, and didn't hate himself for that for weeks too, because even though he knew it wasn't him who did it, he must have done something awful in a past life if these people dedicated an entire festival to hating him

and you can't tell me he didn't accidentally block his chakras again dozens of times, thinking about what he's done wrong in the past—what he could have done better, what he messed up, or what he should have done instead

IN CONCLUSION:

aang has adhd and you cannot convince me otherwise

thank you for coming to my ted talk

:)

[twiceblackvelvet]

Pride

A/N; hello! this here stems from two different things. the first being that i did promise to make up for my decision to make haseul straight in my recent yves scenario. so, this is me re-aligning my spirit. but also, i know a lot of people here are members of the lgbt+ community, and whether you’ve attended pride or not, i figured this could be something comforting just to help you escape for a little bit which we all need to do sometimes. i hope you all enjoy. 

Pride month, or more specifically, the yearly pride parade throughout the city has always been something that you’ve desperately wanted to attend. However, going alone has always felt rather uncomfortable and prevented you from going and celebrating with those similar to you either in sexuality or identity. But, this year, you have one human-sized reason to attend finally. 

For weeks now, you’ve planned out the perfect outfit for the occasion. Well, several outfits were considered because where would any of us be without a little bit of procrastination and self-doubt? But eventually, you settled on something still on the casual side but enough to make it so you don’t look like someone just trying to find a store among the many people also going. Part of you wants to believe that you only spent so long deciding because you want to look good for yourself, but the truth is that you’ve seen some of the clothing choices people have made attending pride that it almost feels like a fashion event. 

The weather reports have all stated that the sun should be shining which you’re grateful for because you don’t want anything to get in the way of finally being able to see your girlfriend for the first time in three months. But also, wandering around the city in the rain doesn’t sound fun even if it does include rainbow flags everywhere and endless cliche kisses in the downpour. Without jinxing it, everything is seemingly working out perfectly which puts to rest some of your hesitations about attending. After all, not every single pride story has been one that is positive and prejudice still exists in some people’s minds. 

When the day finally arrives, there’s a mixture of feelings swirling around inside your head. Excited, nervous, ready to sing, and dance around like an idiot but mostly longing to just get there and see Haseul once again. All of it just rolled into one makes your stomach feel uneasy. Either way, you’re ready to get going and see all of the brightly colored decorations, clothing, and of course, her.

Stepping into the large bundle of people, all with joy written across their faces feels liberating. It’s like, you’re finally being seen for the first time in your life and you never wish to ever return to a place of being hidden ever again. Everyone around you moving along to the music playing over the speakers aboard one of the many floats and expressing themselves in their own ways. Everything about this just moment feels right. It feels important.

Whilst Haseul had previously attended pride before and told many stories about it, she too believes this one could end up being the best one yet since you’ll be there to experience it together. 

There are several bars that people along the way dive in and out of seeking relief from the beaming sun threatening to burn everyone to a crisp. A few people passing engage in conversations with you about where they’re from, how many events they’ve been to so far, and offering little anecdotes about their life. You do the same in return. As it turns out, making friends is a lot easier than you expected because everyone is on a high from the atmosphere. Some from other substances but you’d rather not dwell on that. Free-spirits may move however they wish, after all. 

As the crowd of people starts to shift closer to the end of the parade where a staging area had been set up for performers, your excitement continued to grow. The energy surrounding you indescribable could only get better from watching the entertainment provided. Your strides toward it become hurried but an arm around your waist stops you dead in your tracks.

“Well, look what I’ve found here.” 

Had it not been for your brain immediately kicking into gear and recognizing the voice, it’s very likely you could have turned around and punched your girlfriend in the face for this stunt. However, the months apart hasn’t made you forget what she sounds like just yet. You relax into her hold and decide to play along. 

“Mm, I don’t know secret admirer, what is it you’ve found?” 

It’s barely audible but you can hear her sigh against you at your unwillingness to greet her properly. 

“This has backfired on me, majorly. Come on, turn around.” 

“Say please.” 

She tugs at your arm instead and twists your body toward her. A wide smile covers her lips, eyes sparkling into your own. She’s somehow more beautiful than you remembered from the last time the two of you were able to see each other face to face. She leans in quickly to press her lips to your own and sighs once more, this time out of contentment from finally having you back with her. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” She offers you another quick peck before continuing. “I was just about to call you but I saw you walking up. You look incredible by the way.” Her eyes scan over your body quickly but then her eyes meet your own once more. If you could spend the rest of your life under Haseul’s gaze only, you definitely would. 

“I missed you too.” 

Music from the stage suddenly interrupts your reunion and Haseul takes that as an opportunity to drag you closer to the front of the crowd, though it’s almost impossible to weave through the number of people, she somehow manages to get you closer by a few meters before having to give up. 

The atmosphere surrounding you both is intoxicating. There’s not a single person around without a smile on their face and that level of happiness is contagious enough without having your own personal reason to grin currently clinging onto you for dear life as she dances away to herself wildly. Truth be told, seeing Haseul this free and in her element may just be the best version of her that you’ve ever seen thus far in your relationship. 

Whether it’s the spur of the moment, the overwhelmingly positive mood you’re in, or just a combination of the two, you can’t help but blurt out your thoughts all at once and likely way too fast for Haseul to even understand.

“I don’t want us to ever be apart again, you should move in with me.” 

However, your girlfriend seemingly has the world’s most impeccable hearing because you can tell by the stunned expression she managed to decipher what you said. She looks away from you for a second before grabbing one of your hands tightly and pulling you in closer.

“You know, during my first pride, I met this girl.” Haseul instantly notices the shift in your expression and laughs at your instinctive jealousy. “We didn’t know each other then, you have nothing to worry about. But, I was so happy that I made a friend that day, I thought we were going to end up dating, living together, and adopting seven cats together by the end of the day.” 

“I don’t understand.” You interject. 

“I want you to be sure about this. I don’t want to agree to move in with you if you’re simply on an adrenaline high” 

You want to tell her that you’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. You want to leave right now, pack up all of her items and move them into your apartment, and never look back. But, you can see how this could be seen as a choice made on a whim since even you aren’t sure why you decided now was the right time to ask her. 

“You’re right. But, I mean it. I want us to still be here together in fifty years’ time, hip replacements, and all if necessary.” 

She lightly jabs your arm at your joke mid-laughter.

“How about this? If by the end of today, when everyone has gone their own ways and we aren’t surrounded by,” She pauses to point out a couple eagerly making out together. “Well, that. If you still feel the same way, I’ll move in.” 

“Sure.” 

The two of you manage to find seats toward the side of the crowd that are free where you can watch the various singers, dancers, hosts perform and hype the already excited crowd up even more. It’s not very often that she’s comfortable enough to sing in front of you, but Haseul starts to lightly sing along to a few of the songs. You listen to her rather than joining in yourself. Her voice is quiet but you can make out her sweet tone among the noise surrounding you both. 

“You’re so perfect.” Once more, words just spill out of your mouth as you admire Haseul and the glow spreading across her face.

“If I knew you were going to be this cheesy, I wouldn’t have convinced you to come.” You scrunch up a napkin from the table beside you and aim it directly for her head, however, she swats it out of the way easily. “You’ve got to do better than that, babe.” She grins. 

“I’ll get you, just wait.” 

“You already have me, loser.” 

“Now who is being cheesy?” 

Haseul leans toward you and brushes the hair past your ear before whispering into it. 

“Me, but you love it.” She kisses you intensely, one of her hands snaking up to cup your cheek before returning to her seat. 

You breathlessly manage to let out a reply of “I do” as Haseul turns her attention back toward the closing segment of the performances. All of the artists gather together to wish everyone a happy pride. Loud squeals and whistles are the only response everyone around you offers, so you decide to do the same. You can see Haseul watching and laughing at you from the corner of your eye but she looks like the embodiment of the occasion, full of pride for you. 

It doesn’t take long for people to shuffle off to various locations together in groups. A few of them even ask you both if you’d like to join them in an after-party of sorts, however, you both politely decline. Someone should have warned you that once things begin to quieten down that high energy you felt previously also leaves just as fast as it started. 

Linking arms with Haseul, you walk around for a little while longer together merely enjoying being together. You think about the conversation earlier as well as everything you’ve been a witness to today. Beautiful displays of pure love around you both from people from all walks of life. There may never be a day in your life that gets better than this one, and yet, you still decide to put a ribbon around it forever in the shape of once again requesting she never stray far away from you ever again. 

“I still want it.” Your voice startles her and it’s clear she’s confused as her eyes squint slightly as she watches you, until finally, the penny drops. 

“I wasn’t sure you’d ask again.” She entwines your fingers together and grasps hold of you tightly. “I’d love nothing more.” 

You both decide to end the night watching the sun go down from a rooftop bar not far from your apartment. The cold breeze not enough to cool the warmth within your heart that Haseul not only provides but continues to grow with you every second of every day. All of the reservations you previously had managed to vanish and whilst it is because of more than just her, the trust you placed in her to go in the first place is what has made any of this possible. 

No matter what the future may hold for you both, you’ll never forget spending your very first pride event with the girl of your dreams. 

[pynches]

there’s no one else (i’d love to hold more)

a/n: for @thegirlwhocanbemoved, the “wait, are you jealous?” prompt. It may not be what you expected but i still hope you like it!

word count: 1999

no tw!

For as long as Ronan could remember, everything he dreamt was a reflection of himself, his feelings and emotions implemented in whatever he decided to give life to in his dreams. Often, these feelings and emotions were unconscious, something Ronan wasn’t aware of before he saw them play out in real life.

The first time Chainsaw landed on Adam’s shoulder, gently nipping at his fingers as Adam had reached up to ruffle her feathers Ronan knew he was in trouble.

Chainsaw had taken a liking to Adam from the start. She had been too shy, however, to interact with him. Instead, she stared intensely at Adam every chance she got, much like her creator, flying away whenever Adam happened to look in her general direction.

This went on for a while.

Then Ronan stopped hating himself.

Chainsaw became a lot more affectionate after Ronan stopped denying his feelings. Adam’s shoulder had become a permanent residence for the raven and Ronan couldn’t blame her, he would be touching Adam on any occasion too if he thought Adam would let him.

Adam didn’t seem to mind either, always petting Chainsaw or ruffling her feathers, blissfully unaware of the implications of this, how she was really a part of Ronan’s soul embedded into the body of a raven.

Chainsaw was all too happy with the attention, preening at Adam’s careful fingers and fond gaze, something Ronan had dreamed about having directed at himself for months.

“I think she likes you better than me,” he had said one night at St. Agnes, a loaded confession disguised by an off-handed comment.

Adam laughed at that, something soft and fleeting. Ronan wanted to catch the laugh and put it in a bottle to listen to when the loneliness he often felt was threatening to rip him apart.

“I wonder why,” Adam shot back, his tone sarcastic but not unkind. He scratched underneath Chainsaw’s chin, Ronan had to clench his hands into fists at the sight before he did or said something stupid. Something that would reveal too much of himself and set him up for the eventual rejection he would like to procrastinate until he was less vulnerable, if that time ever came.

Chainsaw watched him knowingly, he had always dreamt up his creatures too smart for their own good. It almost seemed as if she was smiling mockingly. “Look! I’ve got Adam’s hands on me, something you’ve always wanted but never been the recipient of.”

Ronan stuck out his tongue at the bird when Adam wasn’t watching and went back to laying on the floor with a sour expression, his headphones back on his ears to drown everything out.

Not that much later, Ronan felt a soft kick to his boot and opened his eyes to Adam staring at him, Chainsaw tucked against his chest.

“I’m going to bed,” Adam said softly once Ronan had removed his headphones with the customary eye roll. It took him only a few seconds to realise why Adam had reduced his voice to a whisper.

Ronan felt his mouth pull back into an involuntary sneer. “Why the fuck should I care, Parrish,” he said loudly, waking up Chainsaw who glared at him. He would have felt bad for her if there wasn’t a hot surge of something awful coursing through his body at the sight of her nestled against Adam’s body, all protected and warm while he was reduced to sleep on the floor with only his jacket as a sorry excuse for a pillow.

“Jesus, Lynch,” Adam said, his tone reprimanding, his eyes disbelieving. Ronan tried to shake it off like he often had in the past without issue. He had been on the receiving end of that exact expression more times than he could count, but it usually not Adam who was looking at him like that, talking to him like he was something else than just “Ronan”. Something to be ashamed of maybe.

Ronan shrugged, pretended he had brushed the comment off and went right back to closing his eyes, ignoring the happy squawks Chainsaw let out when he was allowed in Adam’s bed.

Ronan’s blood only boiled further until he was so close to saying something he sat up immediately. He shook out his jacket and put it on, ignoring the confusion on Adam’s tongue.

“Ronan-”

“You can babysit the bird tonight,” he said before he walked out of the door. He was down the stairs before Adam could even comprehend what had just happened, he was in his car before Adam looked down at Chainsaw who looked back with a guilty expression.

Nothing ever escaped Adam, especially not when Ronan was the subject of his watchful gaze.

Ronan knew this, he knew he would have to explain himself in the morning but with the wide expanse of the highway stretched in front of him, the deafening beat of some song he had randomly burned on one of his tapes drumming through the thoughts nagging in his brain, he really didn’t care.

He knew Adam, despite his best efforts to remain unknowable so when the next day rolled around and Adam kept glancing at him from his locker, Chainsaw still on perched on his shoulder, Ronan sighed and closed the door, stepping right into Adam’s face. “What?” he asked, though he knew exactly what Adam was going to ask next.

“What happened last night?” Adam asked as if they had rehearsed this.

Ronan kept to the script. “Nothing special.”

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the truth either.

Adam lifted one of his eyebrows with practised ease. “I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t give a shit about what you believe,” Ronan sneered back. This time it was more lie than truth. He watched as Adam looked around the hallway, catching some people glancing at them. They once had been notorious for fighting at any given moment but that changed over the months they had known each other. Now, when they happened to fight, it was treated as a new piece of gossip, happily spread between the bored boys of Aglionby.

“Meet me at St. Agnes tonight?” Adam asked. Ronan treated it as a command. He could never say no to Adam and somewhere deep within him, he knew Adam knew this but that was something he wasn’t ready to think about yet.

Ronan nodded and watched as Adam walked off, Chainsaw still on his shoulder, ignoring Ronan completely.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he did miss Chainsaw, the bird he had hand-fed through the early stages of her life and as much as he loved fighting, he hated fighting with her.

The evening couldn’t come early enough.

By now, Ronan had memorised Adam’s schedule to the minute. That didn’t prevent him from showing up late to St. Agnes. It was half an hour after Adam got off from work and Ronan had sought out every excuse to be this late. He marked it off as being busy but he knew the real reason.

He didn’t want to seem too eager and scare Adam off.

He knocked on his apartment door obnoxiously, impatiently waiting until Adam opened the door.

His hands were still a little dirty with leftover motor oil, his hair in disarray, no doubt from going through it with his hands when he was looking at one of the few exercises he didn’t understand and stressed about until he was practically tearing out his hair and biting through his pencils. In those moments, Ronan wanted to wrap him up and finally show him the softness Ronan kept inside at all times, show Adam the softness he deserved to feel.

Instead, he brushed past Adam into the small room, looking at him with a bored expression even though his heartbeat would have revealed it if Adam could hear it as much as Ronan could feel it.

“What do you want?” he asked, his words venom on his tongue.

Adam sighed as if he was already tired from the conversation, tired from Ronan. It set him off even more.

“To talk.”

Adam nodded his head to his mattress and sat down, staring up at Ronan until he sat down too.

“I don’t have anything to say,” Ronan tried but Adam pretended not to hear him. Instead, he looked at the sunset happening outside of the window that now had his attention. Ronan desperately wanted to get Adam’s eyes back on himself.

“You’ve never acted this way with Chainsaw,” Adam said, pricking through every layer Ronan had wrapped himself up with. “Something is wrong.”

“What do you care?” Ronan asked, hiding his desperation for Adam’s caring nature behind a disinterested tone, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket to match the attitude even though he did it for the added benefit of feeling the heat of Adam’s skin through the leather of his jacket.

“You’re my friend,” Adam said like it was something simple. Ronan wanted to tear himself apart.

“She’s attached to you,” Ronan mumbled, willing for Adam to understand him without having to say anything more.

He didn’t understand it and even if he did, he didn’t let anything on.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s always around you. Sitting on your shoulder and shit,” Ronan said. Adam understood it as it was, the only explanation he was willing to give.

“Wait a minute,” Adam said and Ronan knew this was the end. “Are you jealous.”

Ronan Lynch didn’t lie but that didn’t mean he had to tell the truth either.

They stayed silent for a few seconds, watching as the sun fully disappeared and left them in the darkness, unable to see anything but the shimmer of leftover light outside.

Everything was easier in the dark.

“Are you jealous of me or are you jealous of Chainsaw?”

Ronan swallowed hard.

Adam took his hand, tangling their fingers together. Slight tremors were going through the muscles of Adam’s hand, revealing his own nerves at this development.

It made Ronan feel a little better.

“I don’t like a bird better than I like you,” Adam offered with a small laugh, a way out, a way for Ronan to laugh along with him and forget this happened.

“Do you like me?” Ronan asked instead, letting the desperation he felt bleed through his words. It was the one chance he gave Adam to say something or he would try to get over him even though it felt like Adam had nestled himself in his heart much like Chainsaw had nestled himself against Adam’s chest the night before. Secure and unmovable.

He felt rough fingertips on his jaw and couldn’t suppress the goosebumps rising on his skin. He couldn’t see Adam come nearer but he felt his breath mingle with his own, his lips close enough if he had the courage to lean forward.

He didn’t have the courage.

Adam had.

The kiss was slow, soft, nothing like either of them but right enough it made something unfurl in his chest.

“Does that answer your question?” Adam asked, a whisper against his lips before he was pulled into another kiss.

It wasn’t until they were breathless and lying down on Adam’s shitty mattress, unable to hold themselves up anymore, only illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside table light Adam had quickly turned on, that Chainsaw joined them, bumping her head against Ronan’s hand apologetically.

Ronan smiled unguardedly at her, giving her some crumbed crackers from his pocket he had kept there just in case she came flying back to him.

“You’re still my favourite girl,” he told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Don’t tell the maggot.”

He felt Adam’s eyes on him but for once he felt unafraid and looked back like he had wanted to do since the moment they met.

Adam smiled at him, his lips stretching over his teeth, and Ronan forgot what he had been jealous about in the first place.

[razorblade180]

Rosebud part 14

Some days go by fast. Other days go by incredibly slow. For Ruby, it was the ladder. Deep in the woods of Anima she sat on the porch of Ren and Nora’s orphanage with kids around the age of ten circled around her in amazement as she told them stories of her adventures. Each one more amazing than the last until the Sun was setting on the crisp winter day. Funny, she’d never particularly loved the cold but lately it was so inviting. Most likely because she was in comfy sweatpants and being pregnant made her body feel like she was a furnace. The phrase bun in the oven never felt more real. Soon it would be over though. In fact, it would be considered a day over cooked right now.

Ruby:Ok, story time is officially over.

Children:Awwww!

Little girl:But I wanna hear more about the food fight!

Little boy:Yeah! Also how do you ride a locker. I wanna try!

Ruby:Hehehe, now, now, I gotta save stories for later. Plus I bet Ren is almost done with dinner. Don’t wanna miss that now do we?

Children:Okay….

They all slumped down with puppy eyes. Ruby wasn’t naive. She’s seen this tactic; she might as well be the inventor of it. Yet it was working on her!

Ruby:Tell you what, wanna hear the song I sing to my baby? It’s practically one of the few I can actually sing well.

Children:Yaaaaay!!!

Ruby:*clears throat* Dream of anything. I'll make it all come true. Everything you need is all I'll have for you. I'm forever, Always by your si-

The front door opened and Yang came walking out with baby Kovu in her arms. The little guy has gotten pretty big in just about a year. He was wearing a black onesie and enjoying being swayed.

Yang:Ren says dinner is ready for you little ankle biters. You have five minutes to get to the table if you want dessert.

Terror spread on the children’s faces before they ran inside.

Yang:Wash your hands!

Ruby:Look at that. You have one kid and now you know how to master them all.

Yang:I think you’re forgetting who helped raise you. If anything, you’re my first child Ruby. It’s actually very comforting seeing it like that.

Ruby:It’s also emotional and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make me cry. I’ll need all the energy I can muster when this little procrastinator decides to be born.

Yang:Like mother like daughter.

Ruby:Ah! I don’t remember giving you this bedside manner when you were blown up like a balloon. Kovu, your mom is being mean to your aunt.

Kovu does nothing but giggle and wiggles his ears.

Ruby:Fine, take her side.

Yang:He knows better than to upset his food supply. Soon you’ll be on straight solids mister and I can be free.

Kovu looks at Yang for a moment in silence. She’s a bit stunned that he might’ve understood that. Then Kovu starts tugging on her tank top and Yang’s eyes squint at him while Ruby chuckles.

Yang:I don’t think he likes that idea.

Ruby:He’s a simple boy. Boobs are his life.

Yang:Don’t lewd my son or I’ll make fun of….whatever gender your kid is. Why can’t you be a normal person and know ahead of time.

Ruby:I like the surprise. Nora knows but that’s because her and the nurse here have done basically everything. I’m surprised she hasn’t told Jaune.

Yang:He still on patrol with the others? He should really be right by your side.

Ruby:I wish he was but we agreed keeping these woods safe is top priority. Can’t afford to get careless; not this time.

Ruby rubbed her stomach slowly as she remembered a time very similar to this. Hard to believe it’s been three years. Even so, the ache still felt somewhat fresh. Yang reached out and rubbed her shoulder. A comforting smile eased Ruby’s worries and she returned the smile genuinely.

Yang:Now is the time to look forward. Wouldn’t want your anxiety to harm the baby. Aren’t you the one usually preaching about hope?

Ruby:Yeah, the curse of being a good leader strikes again. All my advice coming right back at ya.

Yang:Gotta bring it up all the good ones so you’ll remember it for your little one.

Ruby:My little one had to come out first! I’m tired of being pregnant Yang.

Yang:Yeah I went through something a little similar. Due date was coming soon and this little guy stopped being as active. I started eating ice so the cold stirred him up. Ghira even tried spooking me into labor. Oh! Let’s try that. Kovu, scare your cousin.

Ruby:You’re so ridiculous sometimes.

Yang crouches down to Ruby’s belly and holds Kovu to it. His tiny hand reaches out and starts tapping it.

The two sisters laugh at his attempt.

Ruby:Sorry Kovu. Good atte-

Yang:Ruby?

Ruby:Yang...go get the nurse and Nora.

Yang:*eyes widened* Really!?

xxxx

Out in the woods, Jaune makes his rounds around his designated area like the others. The only thing distracting him from the cold was the thought of his wife. This was all for her safety and peace of mind and for that reason alone, he’d put up with anything.

Jaune reached for his scroll and brought it up. He checked on his friends' aura levels. Still high; little to no fighting has happened then. That’s all he could ask for.

Jaune:Everyone okay?

Blake:Yep

Weiss:Naturally.

Qrow:All clear.

Raven:Not so much as a beowulf on my side.

Tai:Really? I’ve killed like five.

Raven:Stop worrying about everything and they might stop seeking you out.

Tai:Mmmm nope. I need the exercise anyways.

Jaune:You need any help?

Tai:I’m just fine. Don’t worry about me for one second.

Qrow:Says the worry wart. Besides, I think you have something coming your way kid. Can you see the sky?

Jaune jumps on a branch to see above the treeline. What he saw was plumes of black smoke and the sight of birds fleeing the scene. ”Someone’s killing grimm? In my area?” He said, confused. ”Who could be out here besides-”

His heart sank to his stomach and he gripped his tight. Without a moment of hesitation, Jaune darted towards the scene. “I’m checking it out now. Everyone be ready for the worst.”

“Roger!” They all said with conviction in their voice.

It didn’t take Jaune long to get where he was headed. Each step he took brought growls and the familiar sound of metal striking bone armor. ‘It’s not them, it can’t be them. We took every precaution.’ He kept telling himself as he slowed down and crouched into the shrubs. ‘Relax Jaune, don’t get impatient. Observe and go from there.’

He took a deep breath and parted the plants in front of him. There was a forest clearing. Dozens of Ursa laid fading away while a massive one stood on its hind legs and roared. Below him was a figure in a cloak. Jaune could only see his back but it was easy to see how worn out the person was.

The cloak was all covered in dirt and their shoulders rose and fell with an intensity that could only mean deep breathing. Still it looked like they remained calm. Their stance low and poised as their hands ready their cane to the side. Wait, Jaune recognized that cane.

The Ursa slammed its weight to the ground and a shockwave blew cloak back along with the person. Jaune popped up from his hiding spot. “Ozpin?” The figure turned around. Yep, it was him.

“Hello Mr. Arc. How-“ another roar interrupted the headmaster and the Ursa charged. Ozpin was caught off guard.

“Look out!” Jaune screamed as he cloaked himself in aura and rushed over there almost as fast as Ruby. He slammed his shield right into the Ursa’s head; making it stumble back. He kept up the momentum by spinning forward and chopping the head off in one swipe.

Ozpin:Nice form. Oh how far you’ve come.

Jaune:Oz, what are you doing out here?

Ozpin:I thought that was obvious. Killing grimm like the rest of you. She’s almost due, right?

Jaune:H...How did you know we were here in the first place? This was supposed to be tight lipped.

Ozpin:It is. The only one who was supposed to know I was here was Mrs. Rose herself but as you can see, things got a bit messy.

Ozpin took a knee and held his head down with his cane supporting him. If it wasn’t for the eye and white hair, He’d looked exactly like how Oscar did after training.

Jaune:How long have you been out here?

Ozpin:Not too long. About a month.

Jaune:A month!?

Ozpin:Yeah. That Ursa Major was number 257 by the way. All the office work is making me rusty.

Jaune:You know if the other’s saw you here then they might have some choice words with you right? I appreciate you being there for Ruby but your agreement-

Ozpin:I’m well aware. It’s why I’ve been trying to remain inconspicuous. This isn’t me trying to build good karma and I have no intention on asking anybody for anything. If anything this should be my way of thanking you all for your years of service and making sure you can continue living life the way you want. It’s the least I can offer. Besides some advice.

Jaune:I think I’m a little old to be your student.

Ozpin:Hardly. Humanity might as well be kids compared to my age. You’re never too old to learn regardless; you’ve all taught me many things for example. I’m grateful for that.

Jaune:....Fine, lay it on me professor.

He sat down in front of his old professor to humor him. Oz couldn’t help but smirk as he stood up like he was about to give a lecture.

Ozpin:This part of Anima is known for slow moving grimm that are spaced well enough apart that the success rate of a traveler running away is pretty high in comparison to other places. I imagine that is one of the reasons why the orphanage was built here.

Jaune:That’s right.

Ozpin:Not a bad idea. When I arrived, I killed thirty grimm at most in my first week. Next week they were more agitated and mobile. Makes sense; Mrs. Rose was here and so were you. Childbirth is an anxiety filled event that happens by nature. However, the grimm kept showing up by the dozens and I got very busy as you can see. Which means...

Jaune:More people showed up? I knew that. Practically everyone is here by now.

Ozpin:Yes but you have to think a bit bigger than that. More people showing up isn’t the problem. It’s everyone who showed up is on edge and attracting the grimm; you all are causing the dangers that you’re trying to prevent. No doubt you could handle them together but if it wasn’t for me then at least half of you would be needlessly exhausted. That would be a real problem if a grimm of frightening destruction showed up, or a rogue maiden out for blood.

Jaune felt his heart stop for a moment. Oz was right. He’d been so caught in his head that instead of being proactive like he thought he was being, he was actually just reacting to his own fears. The only reason the plan was working was because everyone was more than skillful to handle most problems.

Oz walked over to Jaune and got him on his feet. He put away his cane and rested his hand on Jaune’s shoulder.

Ozpin:Strength and diligence are very important but not the most important right now. You all have that in spades. I bet there’s a million things on everyone’s minds right now. All valid fears no doubt. Give them a chance to get it all off their chest. A leader protects the mind along with the body. Just you do as a husband, and just like you’ll do as a father. *smiles*

Jaune:You think that highly of me huh?

Ozpin:Well you are the one who has done the most growing. Then again, that’s only natural seeing how you were….let’s say a late bloomer.

Jaune:That was almost a complete compliment.

Ozpin:Hehe, my fault. You know, I never had a son but looking at former students like you and Ren really makes me feel like…

Oz’s words trailed off and he stopped speaking. Instead he stood right in front of Jaune and examined him thoroughly. Hair, clothes, frame. He’d really grown from his first day. Jaune looked a little embarrassed and confused as Ozpin nodded and smiled with what seemed to be pride. Then, he walked off. Jaune said thank you and got only a wave goodbye. Class was dismissed.

Jaune almost wanted to call out to him but stopped; his scroll ringing nonstop like an alarm. Everyone was messaging him. Yang most of all. ‘How have I not noticed this?’ He thought answering Yang’s call.

Jaune:Hey what’s-

….

Jaune:RIGHT NOW!?

xxxx

Yang:Yes right now! I know we had this system in place but I think you should be-

Ruby:AAAAAAAHHHH!

Yang:I think you should be here for the birth!!!

Jaune:I’m on my way! We all are.

Yang:What about-

Jaune:I’d Cinder wants to show up then that’s her death wish. We’ll handle her together.

He hung up before Yang could even respond. The girl sighed to calm herself before looking over at her sister. Ruby was sweating bullets on a hospital bed they have gotten earlier. The nurse was going back and forth with clean attire for the baby and making sure Ruby’s vitals were okay. She’d been healthy all through the pregnancy but better safe than sorry. Natural births could get tricky sometimes.

Nora had the honor of actually being the person delivering the baby. She’d done it more than anyone around and it was showing. Her face displayed laser focus on the task at hand and she was dressed in proper hospital attire except for her hair which was pulled back into a bun. Truly she was the rock Ruby needed right now.

Nora:You’re doing great Ruby! Keep it up!

Ruby:Agh, you...you’d think this would be easier the second time. Hehehe….

Yang:*grabs her hand* Jaune’s on his way. All of them are by the sound of it.

Ruby:That’s good...wouldn’t mind some more happy faces in here.

Nora:Then let's make them really happy by making them to the party. How about they see you with a beautiful baby in your arms? Ready?

Ruby:*tightens grip* To get back to a life of combat skirts? You bet.

Nora:*smiles* One...Two...THREE!

xxxx

‘Almost there. I can’t believe this is actually happening.’ Jaune thought as he sprinted through the forest. Jumping over tree roots and gaining speed along the way. The man didn’t miss a step.

The sounds of his boots going across the floor began to get drowned out by other footsteps. With each passing moment a friend came into his peripheral that joined him in the journey back to Ruby. Weiss was the first, followed by Blake, and then Tai.

Blake:You nervous?

Jaune:Hell yeah, but it’ll all work out. I have you guys. I don’t know how far I would’ve made it otherwise.

Weiss:Think nothing of it. This has always been a group effort.

Jaune:Not Just with this. I mean everything. School, adventures, regular life problems, you’ve helped so much in so many ways. I couldn’t ask for better friends and family.

Tai:That goes both ways you know? We’re thankful for you just as much as you are for us.

Weiss:We love you, you dunce. I can’t imagine anything we wouldn’t do for you or Ruby honestly.

Blake:And we know it’s mutual. Now and forever, we’ll watch each other’s backs.

Jaune:Thanks guys. *smiles*

Tai:Hey, where’s Qrow and Raven?

On que a bird flies right past them and gains some distance. “That’s totally cheating” Weiss pouts as she can feel the heels of her shoes getting a bit worn. The bird flies around a tree and transforms back into Raven. “Need some help you slow pokes?” She grabs her sword and opens a portal. The group smiles and happily jumps through it. They come out the other side in front of the orphanage with Qrow leaning against the door waiting.

Qrow:Good thing I looked so you all could just leap. What if I was inside the house when Raven made that portal?

Tai:Sounds about on brand really. The kids would’ve had a good laugh.

Jaune:Never mind all that. Is Ru-

“Waaaaahhh!”

A cry from inside was heard loud and strong. Jaune’s eyes widened. It could’ve any kid. From the small kids to Kovu, but somehow, he knew it wasn’t. The cry, it belonged to someone new.

Jaune said nothing and walked towards the door. Everyone fell in line behind him with cheerful smiles on their face. They gave him space. It was his moment more than theirs after all. Ren stood with a child in his arms when he noticed them coming in. He gave his best friend and leader a smile then pointed upstairs. Jaune nodded then went right towards them; the crying getting louder as he got closer until it reached its peak with him right outside a wooden door. His heart felt like it was about to fly out of his chest. Jaune grabbed the door knob but felt too anxious to turn it. A fire in his chest that didn’t frighten him, but made this moment surreal. Then, a voice cut through it all.

“Don’t worry, I got you. Nothing will ever harm you…”

Without anymore thinking, he walked in. From that moment on, the winter night felt incredibly warm. There she was. His closest friend. His wife. Holding their newborn child in her arms with such grace and gentleness that it took his breath away. Despite what Ruby would probably think, Jaune doesn’t think he’s ever seen her look this angelic. She hasn’t even noticed him yet. Her attention focused on soothing the baby with the same song she used all pregnancy; the same song for Dustin.

“I’m close by, I’ll stay here. Through all things I will be nea- Hmm?” Ruby finally felt the presence of multiple eyes and looked up. It was a pleasant surprise to see so many loved ones staring in awe from the door while. Then there was Jaune. Speechless in front of her bed with tears in his eyes. Ruby had already been crying for several minutes and smiled back at him. Though she hadn’t realized just how happy he was; why they were all thrilled. It wasn’t just the baby. It was Ruby herself. Jaune was looking at deep pools of silver that shined like the moon’s reflection on a still lake. For the first time in a long time, Ruby finally looked like herself again.

Jaune:H...Hey…

Ruby:Hey there stranger. Looks like you were right this time around. Come say hello to your daughter Carmine.

Jaune’s smile grew even bigger. He’d forgotten all about that silly wager from long ago. Slowly he walked to Ruby’s side and she held the little one up so he could see the new addition to their lives. What he saw was beautiful. Carmine had come out with already a full head of blonde hair that grew darker and red at the tips. Her cheeks were all rosy; he’d assume from crying but he hoped that maybe she had a natural blush.

Regardless, what really captured him was when she opened her eyes. Purity couldn’t describe them. They were eyes that stole his heart in an instant. Maybe it was because he was already so emotional. Or maybe, it was because it was because they were just as captivating as Ruby’s. An intense silver that showed him anything possible.

Jaune:Hey Carmine Arc Rose. Welcome, to the best family ever.

Part 13

[remember-the-fanfics]

How do all the gems react when Steven and connies kid is born?

Gems with S&C's kid birth Headcanons

• Even Garnet wasn't expecting this.

• Steven and Connie had been talk about for awhile until they both agreed they truly wanted a kid.

• They had decided to tell the Gems and all at once besides the Diamonds and Spinel. All their parents were included too

• The two made it seems like it was dinner party on the beach so no one expected a thing.

• Steven had gotten everyone's attention by getting Lion to roar.

• "Hey, Everyone! I hoped you enjoyed the food if you ate but Connie and I want to tell you all something." Said Steven with his cheerfulness giving into his nervousness.

• "I'm pregnant!" Said Connie. "With Steven's child!" She was trying to make it clearer to some Gems

• Most reactions to it was shock and happiness and Pearl questioning how could you exist.

• Steven had to explain to Lapis and Bismuth, the process of a pregnancy.

• "Wait so she has a tiny version of you and her, in her body for 9 months?!" Questioned Lapis.

• Then came to telling the Diamonds and Spinel. Steven had already explain to them how a child is made so that was something less her had to do.

• "Steven and Connie, it's so nice for you to drop by! We were just going to play a game, do you want to join?" Asked White Diamond.

• They had to say no for the know some of the games could be intense with the Diamonds.

• "Actually, we came here to tell you guys some good knews." Said Connie.

• "Oh? What might it be?" Asked Spinel as the four gems look at the two with curiosity.

• "So you know how I explained how kids are made?" Asked Steven.

• "Yes of course, it was... strange." Said Yellow Diamond.

• "Well, Connie and I are having our own baby." He finished.

• The Diamonds were so excited that there was going to be a tiny version of Steven around.

• Spinel was less excited for she didn't care but was happy for the two at least.

• When you were born was something. The Gems were nervous and Connie wasn't just gonna seat there and wait for you to come out.

• So Connie went on a mission with the worried Gems to get an artifact.

• And then you still being yourself decided to try and join the world as they just accidentally set off a trap.

• "Steven... I think my water just broke." Said Connie and Steven froze like a computer.

• "Steven?"

• The Gems was think smartly how to get out but hearing that you were coming, they just like all attacked a wall that Garnet deemed fine to distory.

• Forget the mission, forget the artifact. They had calls to make and get the hospital.

• Steven might have broken a few, alot, laws getting to the hospital.

• Connie was taken in and Steven followed, asking the Gems to wait in the waiting room until something happened.

• Then you were born.

• Steven had passed out by seeing to much blood.

• "You big baby." Said Amethyst as they carried him to Connie's hospital room.

• You were the most cutest human baby they have ever seen, beside Steven of course.

• Pearl was the first Gem to hold you after Steven and Connie's had a chance.

• You looked some much like-

• "I'll protect you, little star."

• You were precious to the Gems from the very start

• Lapis just thought that you were going to be a smaller version of Steven until she looked at you.

• You were just staring at her with your eyes. She realized that you were going to be internally different.

• Bismuth made a few baby toys and one wooden sword for when you are older.

• Peridot thought the sounds you made were weird until Steven explained that you couldn't speak yet, she would still have full fledge oneway conversation with you though.

• You grabbed Garnet finger and she about unfused by just the cuteness in your action.

• Amethyst got to hold you and she just loves you.

• "They are just to cute." She said as Steven wanted his kid back.

• "I guess they already have the Gems wrapped around their fingers." Said Connie.

• "I can't wait and see what's gonna happen when they are a teen." Said Steven, kissing Connie's forehead as she carried you.

• "What are you going to tell the Diamonds?" Asked Garnet, realizing that they should know.

• "Oh. OH." Said Steven also remembering. "I'll just go and tell them and hopefully they'll understand that-.

• The Diamonds knew what date you were suppose to arrive and being inpatient they came to Earth with Spinel and their Pearls.

• "Not again." Muttered Steven.

• They loved you too.

-

11/6/19

I was planning on finished this yesterday but I was procrastinating.

Send some ask about S&C's kid, they are like my favorite and I'm almost out of asks.